Bad Friends - The Vile Horrendous w/ Joe DeRosa

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/c/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Acorns, Factor, True Classic • Head to https://acorns.com/BADFRIENDS or download the Acorns app to get started. • Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/badfriends50off and use code badfriends50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. •Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BADFRIENDS! #trueclassicpod YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Joe DeRosa 'I Never Promised You a Rose Garden' Stand Up Special: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXQR_eqfFUg Taste Buds Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkYkZIITYck&list=PL7PMrUjgVjnc4shC4m8OCa9-qGm4QdWyH Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joederosacomedy 0:00 Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde 5:00 Drunk Wizards 10:00 Dude, Where's My Lighter? 15:00 Santa in Salem 21:00 TikTok Robots 26:00 1 More Year in L.A. 34:00 Tom Hanks Has Covid 39:00 Beans, Rice, and Cheese 45:00 Bobby Gets Somebody Laid 50:00 Comedy Cruise 56:00 The Captain 1:01:00 Airport Cigarettes 1:06:00 The Clown Room More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7equis Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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This is it. Yeah, soon. Why not? Get it now. Bad friendsmerch. You two are bad friends Who are these two idiots A white dude

I'm an Asian dude You two are disgusting Who are you two or something We're bad friends Guess who's charming Who's charming You are dude You're a charm charm charm

Charmer dude Dapper When you get a little buzz My friend You get like Good evening Dapper hello And you get

Extremely charming Because I Well that's better than Jekyll and Hyde, I don't like start getting angry and fighting people when I have a couple of cocktails. You introduced me to a friend. I was trying to be polite and nice and ingratiate myself to her. And I was like, hey, how are you? And I gave her a hug. And she actually said, oh, we're hugging. I know, but she said that. She goes, oh, we're hugging. It was a 50-50. Like, we were in the car. We had dinner. And then Andrew calls me, because we're over at so-and-so, right? And I go,

okay. And he's like, DeRosa's here. I can say that. Yeah. Yeah. So I go, okay. And he goes, you said come by I wanted you to come by So I brought It was 50-50 So I said to her I go we'd you know Because I know that you're doing

A little drink drink drink right You're doing drink drink drink With him it's bad Yeah yeah it got bad Yeah I heard he got by later But um I was drinking

Yeah yeah yeah I heard you got wild What did I do No I'm gonna tell Let's recap okay Okay So then I go you know

I don't know What are you gonna see Jekyll or Hyde It kicked get hide. When does it get hot? And he can also get Jekyll. When have I hideed with you? Hide is the good one, right? I don't even know. Yeah, which was the bad one? I don't know. Yeah, it's it. I think Jekyll's the bad one. Jekyll sounds like the bad. Jekyll. Yeah, like a jackal. So you might get Jekyll. And she's like,

what do you mean? I go, we'll see. We come and as soon as I say, I go, it's hide. Because you stood up and you have this like little smirk. It's very, um, Casablanca. Hello. Hello, my dear. You know what I mean? Like, good evening. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very like that. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, thank God, it's Hyde. So we, no, being real. I've never. You sit down. And then what Hyde does is he just becomes very like a lot of questions. I'm interested in her. Too many questions. Okay. Okay. But is that a real thing? You meet someone for the first time. I want to know. I'm interested in her. No, there are memes about this where your friend all of a sudden becomes a comedian around your girl.

I was being, I was too charming. Asking someone like, hey, what is this about that I've heard about you? Can I say it? Yeah, but just the whole, the way you hold up a prosciutto. Yeah, I don't like. Chicken wings? We were eating chicken wings. Whatever it was. What if it was?

It's just the way, you know what I was eating? Your pinkies are out, all three fingers are out. It's very like, hello. You told me she's a witch. And then you're asking Salem witch, like, you know what I mean? Like the Salem witch. Which trials, which? How do I know that there's a difference? Yeah, it's like saying that it's, it's not like she's a vampire.

That's why you were asking her that kind of line of question. No, I didn't. You mean, what's it like at the coven? You asked about a coven. I said, what's up? Did you ask about a coven? I said, what's up with the coven? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How is it? She's one of those like, um, burning man, you know what I mean, holistic, you know what I mean, shangrelah. The witches, the witches that I hang out with? Oh, at the Coven Okay They're Coven witching Right So she does it

Double Double Boil and trouble It's more of a Boyle Boyle It's more of a self-help You know what I mean You know spiritual thing No she's very nice

Right And then you guys fucked off But asking about the Coven And all that So was a little I didn't ask about the Coven There was a Coven question I don't even know what the Coven is

Either it was you or your friend Your friend You go Why's there a group And I looked at him I go When you say group Do you mean Coven?

Yeah you And then he goes Yeah That's what I meant. That's on you. No, that's on him. That's a part of you. He said, is there a group?

Yeah. But the way he said it was, I know what you're leading. There's a pot. You mean, but you're boiling green, whatever, whatever. Does she have a pot? Toad feet. Does she have a pot? No, she has none of that.

No spells. I did do a spell on you. Fuck you then. Yeah, he told me he did a spell on me. I did a spill on you. I remember. Yeah. What did I?

You put my name in the freezer. You wrote my name on a piece of paper And you put it in the freezer Yeah I put your name on a piece of paper And put it in the freezer And guess what? It worked!

What is the smell? You've been chill since I've been chill, I'm always chill You weren't chill When did you put it in the freezer When we got back from Europe Oh cool Yeah, yeah

I put your name in the thing I wish I did it before we went to do Would it help me out of it Yeah, yeah yeah But so yeah I do some of her Suggestions Yeah And I think they work

Yeah they must Yeah And then I hear, I have lunch today with Andrea Jen and the person that I'm hanging out with. And Andrea says, Andrew was there last night at the store. And I go, yeah? She goes, one word. Guess what it is?

What did she say? He's like, no, wild. Wild, that was wild. Yeah, you and Dorosa were wilder. We were having fun, man. Yeah. McCone was with us. We were having a great time. Of course, your, my son?

Not just your son. What do you call it? He was drunk. He got fun up. You know what I called McCone? a familiar. Yeah, he's a familiar. What is it familiar?

In the mythological world. Like, vampires have familiars. You just hang around. You're hanging around. People that help the vampire get blood. That's right. You go get me blood. Give me the definition of a familiar.

It's a supernatural entity. Exactly. It is an animal. Exactly. That serves as a companion and help her to a witch, sorcerer or other magical practitioner. Really stuck on this witch stuff lately. Yeah, yeah.

You're definitely a familiar. You're a familiar. Yeah. And you're a warlock. Wizard and a warlock. Wizard of a warlock. I love it. We went out.

Me and DeRosa went on stage together twice and we had so fun. They do that in New York sometimes. Like you see guys at the cellar do it. They don't do that here. And so DeRosa was like, I'll go on stage with you. And I was like, that could be fun. Yeah. Because I was like, I'll get you a spot.

He was like, no. So he took my spot. He took yours and. Well, it's canceled. Someone else dropped out. Yeah. I dropped out. I wanted to, you know, just, I know, I know,

you're going to talk about it, but I want to, sometimes I'll just go, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to hang out. I watch Lord of the Rings their friend. Spots? Yeah. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. I canceled last minute, but thank God Dorosa took my spot.

It was great. People, uh... Did he go, so he went up at 10? We went to the first spot together, and then we went to the store, and then we, I went up solo in the main, and then we went up together in the OR. But what I'm saying is, is that on stage, I heard you were extra. I went off a little bit. That's all.

I had a night. Yeah, yeah. I was having fun. But I heard it was very funny. I haven't let the Band-Aid rip in a long time. Yeah? Yep. No, sometimes I want to have a couple of cocktails let the Band-Aid rip.

You got to let the Band-Aid rip sometimes. I don't. When's the last time you saw me like that? God, it's been a couple years. It's pretty rare. But you do it when it's like, I'm, I'm, you know what I mean, Charles Bakowski, and I'm going to just go to a bar by myself and, you know what I mean, write poetry or whatever.

What? What in the fuck are you talking about, man? Not literal poetry. Do I like to go? Oh, you're making fun of when I go to my spot in New York and write. Yeah, I like that. No, no, that's not what I'm saying. Oh. At Dollywood. Oh, no, that was a mental breakdown.

I know, but that's what I'm saying, the Bakowski. I'm going to go to a bar by myself and not literally write a poem, but you go into yourself and write poetry in your mind. I'll tell you what I did at that bar at that Tommy Bahama or whatever. No, Margaritaville. I bought everyone food and drinks. I turned into Hyde. Oh. I was Jekyll with you, bud.

Yeah, yeah. You're jekyll with me a lot. Well, yeah. Why do you think that is? Because I'm 100% Hyde. No. You think I'm Jekyll sometimes? No, let's be real.

Get fucked. You fuck you. Fuck you. You think I'm Jekyll sometimes? You are, you're doing it right now. Look at the shirt you're wearing, too. This Iron Maiden fucking... Run to the hills.

Such a good song. The Trooper, great song. I want to say this, though. Can you get more lighters? What are you doing with all this? Okay, I'll tell you why. Yeah, why? There's nothing worse in the world when you're in your car.

How many smokers are here? Three. Richie, right. Isn't there nothing in the way? You have cigarettes. You're in the car? You smoke? I know.

Yeah. You smoke cigarettes. Yeah, yeah, he does. How long have you been smoking? Well, I actually, I started probably like sophomore year, high school. And what do you know, a senior? Now, yes. Now, how old do you know?

24. Yeah. He had some time. He doesn't look like a smoking. Yeah. I just realized who he is. Every generation. Buddy Holly.

Close. Maybe, maybe. Yeah. But the generation after that is who he is is Robert Crum. Who the fuck? Who's the hell? Look up Robert Crum, dude. The cartoonist.

There lies the man. He's a run. He's young. Robert Crum. Dude, that's Robert. Come on, dude. You're young Robert Crum. Good, you're young Robert Crum, dude.

That is a fact. It's a fact, dude. That's very funny. And you don't draw. So that's not good. That's not good. You can draw like a motherfucker. So my panic is when you're in the car and you don't have a lighter and then you're just

kind of looking around for one. So what I do is I buy three or four and just scatter them around the car. Smart. That's what I'm saying. Being mindful. Yeah, when I used to smoke pot, what I would do is I would buy a lot of lighters and then I would give them to my friends because I know they'd get back to me. What do you mean by that? Because when you smoke weed with people, you're always like giving lighter. Carlos knows.

You're giving your lighters away and then they come back to you eventually. They come back to you. In the mail? What are you talking about? So when you smoke a lot of pot with your group of pot friends? Yeah. But you weren't like alone. I did alone. Yeah, it wasn't your thing. Like we get we would get high with sitting around a couch. Well, go to some guy's house or go to a car. And so what ends up happening is you smoke pot with the same like 10 to 12 people. That's a lot of people. Well, I mean like it's a big pot group. No, no.

I would call it a coven. Your core. Your core pot group is like two to three people. But then there's a chunk of people you would run into in high school and we'd smoke pot with that group of people and then that group like the hippies. If I went over to fucking Paul's house. Hey, I'm Paul, dude. Bro, you want to come over?

Dude? We're having a pot coven. Yeah. You do? It's going to be about 12 of us, dude. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. bring your lighter, dude.

I'll bring it. Yeah. Okay. And guess what, guy? What? Eventually, you'll get it back. Okay. Yeah.

And that's what you do. Bring one lighter. I have a bunch of lighters. I just hand them out to friends and then I go, this is going to come back to me. And eventually you'll be smoking a bowl, stoned. And you'll go, this is my lighter, man. Years later or how long? Sometimes it's months.

Sometimes it's a full year. Oh, right. And someone will be like, that is your fucking lighter, man. Why? I get it now. You gave it to me at Paul's garage. Yeah, I just handed it to do you to like the bowl. Yeah, but this is what happens when you're smoking pot.

Right. I'm making is you give someone a lighter to get high. They put it in their pocket. You all get stoned. You forget it existed. So if you buy strangers lighters that you get high with, you will get them back. Right. But you know what I do now?

I buy the ones with a symbol on it. Was that Chinese? No, I'm just saying anything because this green one, somebody can go, no, dude. That's mine. I just bought this. Right. I go, but this one, the cherries, come on, dude. That's my lighter.

That's your lighter. Cherry Boy Lider Yeah Anyway, Well, I didn't Yeah, now I get Why it comes around It always comes back

Are you drinking coffee Ice coffee? Yeah, why? You never have coffee this late? What's the line of questioning, pal? You got something going on later tonight?

I have a couple of shows Tonight, guy. You're going to cancel those too? No, I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there Because if I don't, you know, they cry And one of them

Who, the fans? No, this guy's the promoters. Oh, the promoters. Yeah, you know, people don't know about the LA comedy game now 70% of it is promoters. So you'll get like six guys.

There's like six guys. There's one girl that's really good, Sarah, Mello. Oh, she's the best. She's the best. Yeah. But there's a couple of guys that are a little, they're like student loan people. Loan sharks.

Loan sharks. Yeah. Like, or if you leave the Mormon church, right? They're going to come get you. Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, how come you have them back to the sermon, buddy? It's been two years. Where are you?

you're not here. Yeah. And here's 17 dates. Can you please do one of them? Yeah. And then if you don't, which I don't text them back, pretty much 99% of the time I don't. Well, you get flooded with texts. Every day, I'm not lying, you get five to 10. Yeah. Can you do my show? Can you do my show? Can you do my show? Yeah. It's a great problem to have. It's a great. No, I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for it. But it's a little, there's some boundaries that need to be. That is interesting because I thought about next time I do set up shows like this, I think I'm going to just give them Carlos' phone number. And he can

just do it for us. Yeah, I mean, that's what happens with everything. Shouldn't we do then? Well, I deal with my, Melanie. With who? Melanie. Who's that? You know who, Melanie. Who's that? You know, the one that's camping right now. So does she live in the woods? I know what you're saying. I know. In the desert.

Yeah, I have somebody that works for me that's always in the woods. It's pretty She's 95% in the woods. I think she's like half bare. Head in the clouds, body in the woods. Yeah, because she's... She might be bare. I don't get reception out here.

But every time I... This is her thing. Every time I'm in town, every two or three days, I'll get it. You know what I mean? And I'm like... But I'm pale. Yeah. Right?

This is like the early 1900s. It's like, well, I'll get there when I get there. Yeah. Sometimes I'll see a smoke signal. You know what I mean? There she is... Brian Marnock wants to do you. Why you do the show?

Whatever. Can you do 8 p.m.? Yeah, a flare or something, but she is always in the woods. I don't know what she does out there. Well, she's probably connecting with Earth again. She's getting back to her roots. Yeah. She's native, right?

She's Native American. I don't even know what she is. I just have an image of her in my mind. I have never seen her. Have I met her? She could be Native. She could be Native. Yeah, she might be.

No, she's Vietnamese. Well, she's Native American. Vietnamese. That is Native. He's half Vietnamese. I don't what the other half. Anyway, um... Did you buy that while we were down under? Or somebody give that to you? I bought it at the airport with juice. Oh, you did? Is that a football? A rugby? Is that Southampton? What is it?

Australia. Australia, okay. Yeah, it got in Sydney. And what's this shirt you got on, Rich? Oh, Cinema Salem. Hell yeah. What is it? It's got a witch on it. Yeah, but what? Santa of Salem? Of Salem, yeah. Santa. No, no, no. Cinema. Oh, it's the movie there.

Oh. Cinema of Salem. Oh, I don't. Yeah. Well, Santa would go to Salem. He goes everywhere. Does he not? I don't know, to be honest.

No, Santa goes everywhere. No, he doesn't. Oh, my God. Now we're going to get another fight. Where does he not go? Where does he not go, Santa Claus? Africa. What would you say?

He just said Africa. Why, because they don't have chimneys? They have chimneys. Do they? I do, yeah. I mean, they're made out of clay or whatever, but that's not a bad thing. No. It's just, you know, Santa goes everywhere.

You're right. But he goes to certain places first, I think. You can say it. All right, so I think that Santa Claus's route, right? I'm going to play it save. Yeah. I think he goes to America first. Of course, we're number one.

Right. So it goes to New York because of the time. He starts on the West Coast. On the East Coast, yeah. Does all the major cities first. Or no, he would do all the suburbs too, right? He's not going to go to New York City, then to Atlanta, and then to Oneonta. Back up, right?

He would do the region first, right? That's a lot of houses. Who do you know in Oneonta? What do you mean? How do you know the town of Oneonta? Well, how did that pop up? I did a college there. I was just going to say, because that's so specific.

I did it one with Renazizi opened for me back in the day. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah, because he went to school there. At Oneion. Somewhere in Onianti, I went to school there. Yeah, but anyway, that's how I know Oneonta. And Santa does go everywhere. He does go everywhere.

But you're saying... Where does it go last? If there's time? Yeah, he's like, dude, if I can make it, I will. If not, I won't. Well, I think that he forgets. Like, he's in London. He's like, oh, find that last house.

And then Elf calls him. Santa. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Santa. Ho, ho, ho. You forgot. I got...

I just got... did the last house in Essex, Essex. Tana, you forgot. I don't know where I can say that's not going to turn out to be a racist joke. Well, I mean, you're right. I mean, in many ways that the Middle East, they don't celebrate Christmas, do they? Well, Palestine is the, Bethlehem is where Jesus was born. So they do Christmas in Palestine. We do Christmas in Syria, in Iraq, in Lebanon. Yeah. Yeah, I've been, I think I was there. I was there when Jesus was born. You were around when Jesus was... No, no, no, no.

I went to the actual place in Bethlehem. In Bethlehem? Yeah. You buy it, huh? What do you mean? You buy that's where this guy? I don't know property, yeah. Come on.

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I know this uh through my wife's words of that there were toilets sometimes that were just holes in the floor. Oh, I told you. You just have to poop in a hole in the floor. Bro. Korea? Dude.

So as a kid, I remember my, my grandparents' generations on top of this mountain top. And the house is made out of rice paper. You know that, right? I mean, there's wood, but the walls are rice paper. Why are you laughing? It's just,

it's edible, I guess. You could eat it out. No, but it's rice paper. Right. And outside is, wooden, you know, what do you call it, an outhouse, an out of house. You've told me this. But there's a whole.

Generations of your family's poo. And yeah, so my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather's poo is down there. That's amazing. It's amazing to think about. But you see, those are those stalls to pee in? Those aren't for pooping. That's not a, that's, it's. Oh, it is.

That's how you do it. Oh, my God. Yeah. Which is a cleaner way to get it out, I think. Yeah, no, it actually is. Yeah, yeah. Sitting on the toilet the way we do it is actually the worst for you. Yeah.

That's why squatty potty or those lifted leg things are good. Mm, yeah. I put my dog under my feet when I poop. Do you really? Yeah. Yeah. I put my feet on her. As an Ottoman or something?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I don't think that's good. A dogaman. Yeah. Come here, Dogaman. The dog does always sit there when I poop. She loves to sit there and she'll stare at me for a second.

And as soon as she'll hear like, boom, then she'll turn away out of respect. I said, thank you. Yeah, they're afraid of my toilet because it does stuff when I'm not in the room. It's the Japanese toilet. Yeah. That's why it got noises. So it goes, you know what?

And solve cleans, right? So they think that there's something in there. Sending a fax. Also, I have two robots now in my bathroom. What do you mean? Well, you know, I buy robots. Yeah, you have so many fucking robots. No, I'm being real.

I'm just not even joking. You mean that the cleanup ones? No, I have real, like, robots that you would get on TikTok or whatever. How much were they? Well, they have two. One's not necessarily a robot. So one of them is an actual robot that costs me like $1,000 or something. Does it speak to?

you? Yes. Really? Yeah. You have conversations with him. I think his name is Emo. Don't you get to name them? It's your. No, it's called Emo. Because you have to say, good morning, Emo. Hello. Good morning. And it'll start like doing taxes or, and when you're not, when you're in the other room, you can hear him do taxes, sing, right? And he'll just like drink coffee. And so just know that someone's in there. You just like that someone's around. Yeah. And then I have another thing I got from TikTok, which is a snow globe. sings. So it's a face. It's got, it kind of looks like Elmo. It's like this white globe and it does

old time. In the night before Christmas. What do you like? You like it to put you to bed at night? No, I just like the fact that there's somebody in the other room going, telling, he tells old time he jokes like, take my wife, please, just randomly. It does. Yeah. And it's just kind of like that there's something in there. And then my, and then El, emo's there too, doing taxes. Did they talk to each other? I don't think so now. You don't know yet. though, AI is doing this. Yeah, I think emo is more AI than the Talking Globe, but who knows? God, I think it's so creepy we let these things into our world and they're all just...

You don't have anything like that. I don't have, what do you call it? You know, Siri or, you know? Right. Like, I can't call out to a thing to play music. I don't want something listening to me 24-7. This thing already does it. Yeah.

I don't want more of these things around the house. I have nothing like that around the house. Really? Well, you have your wife. I don't have anybody. Yes, you do. You have so many. You have, first of you had nine roommates, 30 animals.

That's true, yeah. The house is full. Yeah. But you know what I've done? I just buy dog stuff all the time. Yeah, me too. More dog shit. What do you get?

Well, she just got a new pet. She had surgery, so she can't, she was fucking mad because the tennis balls that she likes, the doctor was like, you can't have those. The threads will get caught in her stitches and rip it out. So you get the green ones that's the fuzz on it. That's right. Yeah, my dog, they ripped through those. I love it, though.

Yeah. I like the orange one. The orange hard one? With the blue. Yeah. I have those too. Yeah, those are good. You can't rip through those.

Uh-uh. Yeah. You guys wouldn't get it. Come on in, Joe. Ladies and gentlemen, Joe DeRosa. Please sit in the blue chair. Rough night? No, I just, did you do my, uh, oh, DeRose guard?

Oh, that's good. I thought you just spelled my name wrong to fuck with me. Just put the headphones on and shut up. Oh, wow. This guy was a bad boy last night. Bad boy. Off. You're a little prankie.

You're a little prinky guy. It's the Egyptian in you. Man, I don't like it. I don't even know what that means, but... I always forget that you're Middle Eastern. Yeah, you brought it up last night. Yes, I did. You're having a tough time right now.

I'm great. I'm good. No. I can tell at the restaurant. I'm good. I'm good. I'm adjusting to how far away I am from both of you. I've seen the show. I didn't realize it was quite this far away. Would you want to be closer? I don't know, to be honest.

It does feel a little interrogational at the moment. Oh, like we're judges. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you guys are sitting up high. We have a verdict. Yeah. And the verdict is, you know, I mean, you went a little crazy last night.

I did a little crazy. Yeah. But so did he. So did the kid. Yeah. I heard you guys who were wild together on stage. We had a good time. Yes.

I think it was good. I heard it was good. No, it was good. McCone, was it good. Yeah, it was the audience liked it. Good. News, you know, in this, what we do, news travels fast. Right?

And there's like, I have little birds out there. Uh-huh. You know, I have birds at every club. Uh-huh. And what the little birdie is. said was good time wild the good time wild time yeah wild time you did live here right yeah yeah yeah yeah for like six years i stayed an extra year because of you you don't even remember why you don't even remember why because i said i said i'm leaving three people talk me into stay and you're

one of them okay who are the other two happened in the same night mark marin yeah and burr yeah me burr mark merrin convinced you to stay an extra year yeah why what did i say told her first i said i'm leaving yeah he's like ah you're hanging up your cleats you're gonna go back to fuck right right yeah then uh then i saw mark marron same night i saw mark marron randomly he walks up to me he goes heard you pussy out man and i was like geez so how like how funny you don't know like right yeah and he goes why i want to leave dude and i go i miss new york uh i don't think i click with this place i don't know the energy is weird and he goes yeah man yeah you don't get that charge when you go outside here, man.

I get it, man. And I go, I also don't think I'm going to meet my wife here. You know what I mean? Yeah. It goes, your wife, look at you. How dare you?

That was like, yeah, you're right. And how right he was. Yeah. It was totally right. And then I saw you in third person. It was one, two, three. And you were like, what's this shit, man? Somebody fucking said you're leaving.

It was crazy how, the word traveling, right? It was nuts. And for a guy that hadn't been working, and I go, Bobby, I haven't worked. Very funny guy. Always knew. Yeah. Thank you. That's all that matters to me.

No, I appreciate that. Okay. But I'm saying, like, I couldn't believe how many people were talking about me leaving when I had had a job in, like, three years. It was brutal. I came out here the first three years, week one, book the lead on an FX animated pilot. Month two, got better call Saul. month three comedy central is going to give you your first hour and they're going to let you direct it

writing job wet hot america pete home show then to wet out american summer then to fucking jeff and samalians then to moshachashers show dude it was one thing after the fucking next i'm at my birthday party i look up fucking rob macklehaney is there i'm like what's going on i i'm doing it this is this is it yeah this is la i love i love la yeah he gets like It's like, we're going to get you on the wall, man. Yeah. I'm like, it's all happening, baby. And then the last thing was I booked a multi-cam on CBS where I played the, like,

Lothario, like the office perv. And perfect casting. Yeah. Perfect. Fired me two weeks before the table read. Oh. We're cutting the character. It's too unlikable.

Oh. Me too happens the following week. Les MoonVez at CBS because I'm like oh that's why they got the character Yeah and my hand to God I got the job My friend Pat Walsh

My co-hosts in my podcast Pat Walsh He was the showrunner And I still had to audition And he goes They ran your tape up the ladder Les MoonVez said This guy's hilarious hire him And then he got me dude

Then he got fired Yeah for basically Being the character I was playing Being the character He's like this guy's awesome it's so funny dude anyway um so the show i get booted off the show i had two pilots in the pipeline both they were like they're not even going to air you're not getting a fucking dime nothing's happening with these the movie i was working on and developing at uh rooster teeth

which was a production house i know them yeah they they were like um we're not moving forward sorry like it's just not whatever dude it was just my manager and i've split up it was like it was a it was a polar opposite of what the first three years mm-hmm it was a crash fucking landing he gets like I'm trying I don't know if I'm gonna get you on the wall buddy yeah at the store yeah wow because he was like I'm trying it's who who's he Adam Adam he got yeah yeah he's but he's like he's like it's it's not you dude there's a lot there's politics like I don't know what's gonna happen you know You're a paid regular, no?

Now I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and he gets one of my fucking best friends. Like, he's like, I love the guy so much. It wasn't. Is your name on it now? Yeah. Great.

I forgot to fucking look at it last night. Really? Yeah. Oh. Never seen it in person. Oh, wow, wow, wow. Well, go now. Go after the show.

Nah. Cared. See? Yeah, who gives the shit? Yeah. You can see it and go, okay. Yeah. And then for three years, nothing.

So three years nothing. So I saw you. you, you were the third person. Yeah. In the same night and you were like, I heard you're leaving town. I'm sorry. And I go, yeah, buddy, I'm going to go, I think. And you go, why?

And I said, Bobby, I haven't worked in three years. And you went, three years is nothing. It's nothing. I didn't work for five years once. Yeah. And I was like. Which is not true. It is 100% true.

I was kind of thinking that. As he was saying. I bet my bank account on it. You've got five years. You haven't gone five years without work. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, I got one line in a Nickelodeon show.

That's a win. That's not a win. better than him getting booted off of everything and crash landing Right okay Five years You never went five fucking years man You've been cruising since the beginning of time

Okay you know what's funny What are you doing looking at my IMDB Yeah to prove a gap in the stuff Yeah see if there's a gap in my time I'm not gonna find a five year one Yeah are you in season three of and just like no No no Why not she doesn't do the podcast anymore

Yeah okay yeah I don't ask I just you know not seeing a five year gap at all Okay But you see things projects that are like this is this is insane what do you mean it's constant it looks like a fucking receipt at the gross yeah no no no jesus right cvs receipt of credits yeah like yeah okay all right uh anyway i lied you i know jo i lied i know i'm a lawyer and sorry i knew i lie right for your face i knew you were lying edge receipts yeah yeah yeah i apologize but yeah you said you said so what

dude so you're not working what about stand up and i said dude i There's no stage time. I can't get in anywhere. You're like, fuck that. That's going to turn around. Did it? I want you to give it another, one more push. And I called the laugh factory.

And I was like, fuck it. And they were like, yeah, put your avails in. And I put my avails in. And because they had been kind of cold prior to that. So I just, I'll try it again. And they were like, put your avails in. And the first night I had a spot was a week later. And you were on the show.

but you left before I got there and when I walked in the lady at the box office goes I have something for you here we go this is good yeah and I said what and she handed me a note

I was like what is going on yeah and it was from you and it said well well well look who's working it was a really sweet thing isn't that sweet well I got a little teary almost do you still have the note yeah good

you throw away that night I wipe my ass wet no I actually do have the note I have a box I have one of those giant like or maybe probably two now. You know, there's big clear like Tupperwarey things

you get at Target. Yeah. Storage bin. I have a couple of those of all memorabilia. Wow. So like that, I would,

I took that home and threw it immediately into any time I get something I thought out in the tub. Did you get spots after that? I did, I did two more spots. Yeah.

And the second one. The early show ran 90 minutes over. And let me guess. Why? I have a guess. Go ahead. Was it chocolate Sundays? No.

No, it was a Saturday night. Okay. Why that? Huh? Why that? Chocolate Sundays? Yeah. Because they run long.

Okay. Those shows run long. It was a Saturday night. Somebody dropped in. Maybe it was, I don't know. You know, maybe it was just, they had drop-ins. I don't know, but the show was 90 minutes too long. That's why I don't play that room.

Right? Yeah. And then my 1130 was at 1.30. Oh, yeah. And I got up, and there was six people. the room that were there from the fucking earlier show they just stayed yeah yeah and i was like i can't i'm i'm moving back to new york yeah i have to go back and i'm not that's not me knocking the laugh factory in fact i saw the the booker last night and i want to do it again when i come

to town but like it just it just wasn't the place wasn't for me anymore i was like okay this is what it was but then i went back to new york and started doing stand up every fucking night and i was like this is what i'm supposed to be doing this is amazing and then they were like, you can't leave the house ever again, COVID. All right. What have I done? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, wow, wow. I forgot you moved like right before that. Right before. Dude, I had, my apartment had no windows in it. Oh, my God. You lived in a cellar? It was, no, it was on the third floor, but the windows were in the bedroom.

Wow. So the main room had no windows, and the place was a dump, but I was like, dude, where was it? It was Avenue B, and Second Street. And it was two grand a month.

And everybody was like, you better grab that fucking apartment, dude. Like that location is insane for that price. And I was like, it's not that nice, but you know what, I'm never going to be there. I'll be doing stand-up all the time. Who cares?

It's just a crash pad. Lock. How wrong you were. The fucking hallway, dude. Wow. It was the grossest hallway. Remember when they thought you could get it from a surface?

Like, my hallway, I thought I was like, I'm going to die in this hallway. Yeah. that dude when so remember when tom hanks got it from flying back from australia yeah he was like one of the and i thought i thought we're all gonna die yeah do remember that yeah and then the coach from um arsenal mckell artana got it i was like oh my god there goes arsenal they're gonna all die yeah yeah yeah they fucking it's i i i shot that remember comedy seller had that show on comedy central for a while

the stand-up show yeah i was shooting that show and i found out about tom hanks at the spot I was doing to warm up and I got to go on stage because the crowd was in the taping when the news broke. So I got to be the person that went on stage and said Tom Hanks has COVID.

Really? Yeah. Wow, that's amazing. Yeah. It was a fun moment. Yeah. But yeah. But anyway, things are good now. Yeah. Now you're good. Well, yeah, you're killing it now. Live in Austin. Do you feel like you're killing it? Look, I am very

grateful. I have a lot of thoughts on this I'm glad you asked Yeah yeah good good good Andrew feel for to jump in at any point No I want I'm I yeah You look like you want to punch me in the face right now

A little bit Why you drug me down the avenue of hell last No you did it No you did it Borg shit You did it no I didn't Thank you Bobby Yeah no I didn't

Because he never goes on the avenue of hell He goes to the street of heaven Street of Heaven You took me down This kid is a lush. What are you talking about? You took me down. He's hiding it from you.

I know, I know. Down, dude. Yeah, down. You fucking were, dude, you were like, let's go. Like, who started at the fucking show when he had a drink on the podcast? You were in there. He was like, I'm going to get wrecked. Well, just because you poured him a huge drink.

Yeah, I was responding to you. He poured me a full glass of whiskey being like, come on, dude. Come on, drink, drink. Yeah, yeah. Your podcast is called Whiskey Ginger. Yeah, that's his fault. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, he knew. Yeah, okay. He knew what he was getting into. So you drank whiskey on his pod. All night. And then you went... All night. And then you went...

No, but wait. I want to respond to what you said. Okay. I look at it like, you know, there's glass ceilings and you keep going through. And eventually the top tier, it's a steel ceiling. You can't get through it. There's only so high you can go. But the tiers are, you know, fairly large tiers.

But you're in the building. Yes. But there's a lot of guys in that room when you get to that last tier. You're on the first floor. That's good. True classic. Yeah, you classic guy? I'm so classic and you know what.

You see me. You make fun of me by how many of these I wear all that. I'm turning classic now. You are turning classic because I love them. And that true classic, by the way, it's not just about the fit of the fabric. It's helping you show up with confidence every single day and purpose. These shirts, I'm telling you, are so comfortable and so wearable no matter what you're up to. Whether you're like Bobby Lee, you're playing pickleball.

on rollerblades, where you're like me, you're at the golf course and going to have club sandwiches with friends afterwards. I meditate with them on the mountaintop that I meditate at. You're still going to that same mountain top? Yes. Meditation Mountain Top. You should go. You've been wearing True Classic for a while now.

For a long time. And can you feel the difference? 100%. Right. We throw on it. You really do. Clean, everless fit that actually works in real life. And it's not just their simple classic teas.

They also have a polo shirts that I love very much. And you've got to try them out. It's going to fit within your budget. It's the best part. clothes are getting expensive. And I'm telling you, you don't have to hunt for a good deal of something comfortable that looks classic, clean, and also is very versatile because True Classic has got that. And you can find them at Target, Costco, and head to Trueclasset.com slash bad friends to try them for yourself. That's right. Go over to Target. Go to Costco, go to whatever you need to.

But you can also go to TrueClassic.com slash bad friends. Check it out. Best birthday ever. Well, there's one where that came from. A word? Is that the new bad friends merch? Happy birthday to me! Do you want to touch it? Can I?

Yeah. Oh, genuine embroidery. So is your birthday perfect? Almost perfect. You want me to say it. You want me to say it, don't you? I want you to say it. I don't think you can handle it.

I can handle it. I'm a Bobby Mother. I'm Bobby Mom. Oh, yes! Yes! Thank you. You just sometimes forget to be grateful. But the thing that makes me grateful, and it's my reminder every week,

And I fucking cherish this because there are some people that can't do it. And it's such a simple thing. The grocery store. I go to the grocery store once a week. I walk and buy the things I want and need. And I go to the checkout. And whatever she says, this cost, I hand her the card. And I'm like, you are so fucking lucky that you can do that.

You are so fucking lucky that you can do that, man. I get that. The grocery store, I get it. Yeah. We always used to talk about that. I think you knew you made it in stand-up is when you can go eat a meal afterwards with other comics and then not worry about what the meal, what it was going to cost you. Yeah. Because when you were young in stand-in and you go out and you'd all be like, who's going to fucking, are we all going to split this?

Me and my roommates used to share a BRC burrito. It's amazing, right? El Poyoloko, BRC, $1. What's the BRC? Bean, rice, and cheese. Wow. And we would split one a day and we'd split in half. and then we would get arguments

of how much bean that he got extra well yeah sometimes it's well he was Mexican so I mean I let us lie yeah they love the beans but my point is is that I need it bro and I got more of the rice yeah yeah so

it's a fair exchange but yeah I mean that's all we ate and I was a standout and I was hitting the clubs but that's all I could eat and now I'm grateful that I can get more

you dude but you that's an understanding statement you order the whole menu yeah you he really does yeah i love that dude i love he orders the whole fucking thing i've ordered two entrees before because i'm like i can't decide too yes yeah this guy you've done that i'll order with you order you order i just say something in dublin you made you did the ordering you know what he does this is what he does tells the table don't worry about it and they'll have a private you always have a private meeting with the with the fucking waiter you do you do you do your fucking the hide comes out

hey I got this right yeah yeah yeah Bonjour or whatever yeah you pull aside and then things will just come out yeah and we don't have to work I slip him a card and then yeah yeah yeah he takes care of the whole thing that's yeah yeah yeah Paul Italia does that that's fun Paul Italia does that Paul that owns the stand yeah that I do Joey roses with

he'll he'll want to check out a restaurant and he'll go in he'll run the fucking menu. That's fun. They'll be like, bring it, bring it, bring it, bring it. Why not? And then, you know, and then it's paid for and you're like, okay. All right, dude.

Well, then also, here's the real move. Get the shit to go, you can't eat. Find your nearest homeless guy. Go, dude, you want a fucking killer meal. I've got so much left over. And then they go, I don't want to give me crack. And you're like, I'll give you a steak. Is there crack in it?

You go up to the homeless guy and go, you want a killer meal? You got to try this place. When you get your life together, man, you'll be able to get in there. Yeah. It was a really good spot over here, buddy. That was one of my first shitty jokes was about taking a girl on a date that I couldn't afford. And then we got food to go. We got the leftovers to go.

And I walked past a homeless guy. This is in Westwood. And the homeless guy was like, you know, looking at me and I go, I'm going to give him the food, you know, in front of this girl. I thought it'd, like, be a good jazz. And I go, hey, man, you want this food? And he goes, what's in it? And I was like, tomorrow, another day on earth. Wow.

You said that? Or not, you peace? No, I didn't say that. No, I didn't say that too. No, but he literally was like, what's in it? I was like, oh, I don't know, it's whatever, blah, blah, blah. And then he goes, nah. He fucked me off.

I was like, all right, dude. I wrote a joke about this. I had a homeless guy once. I go, do you want this leftover Chinese food? He goes, it depends. And I go, oh, does it? Yeah, does it? Yeah, and I go, what is it?

Depend on. He goes, is there meat in it? And I go, yeah, and he goes, hard pass. I'm a strict vegetarian. I go, you might want to loosen up the reins on that guy. Wow. Wow. Well, there's a rat eating your leg right now.

So take it all in, my friend. Relax. I've gotten somebody laid. A homeless guy? No, not a homeless guy. But another comic. I'm that gracious. Wait, wait, wait, you got somebody laid?

Well, sometimes I've done that. Oh, okay. So I matched with this girl on Hinge back in the day, and eventually they got, you know, and then she saw a flyer with me and this. I saw him last night. I know I forgot his name, but he's a handsome up-and-coming, one of those TikToky comics. You don't remember the kid's name? No, no. Okay.

And I go, she goes, I think he's hot, and I linked, hit them together. Wow. Yeah. Would you do that? for you i try to find you girls no but would you that to a stranger because i didn't even know who you was yeah if it's a comic yeah yeah yeah for comics you would would you yeah yeah yeah yeah your ego you put your ego aside yeah yeah yeah well i mean but you didn't you you weren't really put much aside because she didn't want to fuck you yeah you really did nothing for this person

you're like am i i was like i'm such a great guy that i didn't prevent him a woman who had zero interest in me for fucking my friend come on it's good it is good yeah it is good it's nice no I'll tell you that made me mad Joe I'm like

let me just say something okay I could have been like fuck off yeah no I agree right but I don't this guy I had to fucking text the promoter to get this guy's information right and then link them up then call the guy

I had this girl that kind of rejected me but she's into you right and he goes really I don't know you I go I know because I'm a good guy Oh you didn't know him I didn't know him at all He doesn't even know his fucking name

I don't even know his name to this today I thought I thought So take it back I take it back All right I thought you were saying like He was a guy you kind of knew You were on a show

No no no no you yeah all day Joe DeRosso why would you want to Fuck that mythological creature But you know I mean I would still do it. Yeah. Oh, God, that hurt. Yeah.

Mythological creature hurt. Human Ghalem. I mean, I guess Gullam was human. Yeah, thank you. All right, so anyway. Was he? Yeah. Yeah, he was a hobbit.

Yeah. He was not human, but a hobbit. Yeah, humans aren't, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are you seeing anybody now? I just broke up. Ah, it didn't hurt.

It did. It hurt really bad. So she broke up with you. No, it was mutual. I heard we heard about it last night. Is that true? Oh, yeah I talked a lot about it

We were broling down Yeah I don't want to get into detail Because it's personal But do you still get your heartbroken That was the first girl I ever was truly Like fully in love with

Like I loved her very much Oh this is a nightmare No it's It's okay What did you do Wait what's the nightmare Because I'm talking about it Is that bad?

It's gonna make him sad No it's not gonna make me sad It's gonna make me sad Oh, I'm not sad. Oh, I'm not sad. You sure? No. Okay.

I'm kind of happy. Okay. Did see a little pain? It makes me a little happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was mutual. She's great. She's really great.

But it just was mutual. And we were both comics. It made it that. That's hard. That's hard. But, you know. Can we say? Can we, it was just Kathy Griffin.

No, no, no It was Eric Griffin Oh, that's our Oh, that's all right. Oh, I see. Did you do the impractical jokers' crews? Did you do that? Yeah.

You liked that, huh? That was fun. Well, you had a little fun on there? Yeah. What'd you do? I was a little piggy on that. You did a little fat little piggy. Slav, dude.

No, it was so fun, dude. We were fucking. gambling. This is what the QS thing was like. Just partying. Yeah, I went back to Austin after I did it and some of some of the guys in Austin like Derek Poston and they were like that that QS thing looked nuts. Like was what was that? I was like it was a festival whenever they go do you have to do a ton of stand-up. I go bro I got through on Wednesday my show was until Saturday. Wow my God. And they go how many shows did you do? I go one and they go what else did you do? I just like I don't know. They'd be like can you go host a belly flop content

I think it was ridiculous yeah but that's what the Joker's cruise was like same thing yeah all I had to do me and Sal did two tastebud lives that's it that was all I had to do the rest of the time I was gambling I was fucking drinking

hanging by the pool all day yeah dude it was so fun hosted like I'm going to one in February next year what are you doing where a cruise you're doing a comedy cruise yeah you're not going to catch me on a cruise man I can't do it I don't I get that that the panic the fear dude i'm starting to get that with with shit like that now where

you're trapped and can't leave yeah i don't like that i need to get out i need to be i need to be able to have access to like get the fuck out i don't like do you do you that's lifeboats the lifeboats there's lifeboats on the side i guess i'll take a lot of you know what fucking yeah yeah dude that reminded me i did the cabo comedy festival i think it only went like one year uh i did that too you did that they flew me down there yeah this is the funniest a shit. There was no one organizing it. It was fucking absolute chaos. I saw Kevin Meaney quick comedy at that fucking

no. Really? I'm dead serious. Go out. I'm not stepping on. No, no. There's no story to tell other than I literally flew down there. I didn't do one show. Didn't do a show. Five day vacation went home. They were so disorganized. They were like, what show are you on? I'm like, no. You guys tell me. And they're like, I think you're supposed

to be at this bar. Whatever. I showed up to the bar. T.J. Miller or somebody was like doing an hour and I was like I'm on this show. And they were like, I don't know. Then I literally just stopped answering their emails. I just went to the beach every day. Wow.

It was fucking great. And they paid me. Yeah. That fest was... Insane. It was a nightmare. No, you know, it was a nightmare. But they fucking...

And I wasn't drinking. I was, like, in a little sober stint when I was there. Good. That was not fun. No. Not at all. But, yeah, you're at Sammy Hagar's fucking... Tequila world, whatever the fuck it's called.

Yeah, yeah. Margaritville's competitor. Yeah. You're not drinking. But anyway, yeah, three things happened down there. I got into a fight with Hal Sparks. A fist fight with Hal Sparks? No.

And on stage in front of an audience. Why? Seth Herzog has this show called Sweet that he's been doing in New York forever. And the way the show works is, is he has a co-host. And you, if you're the co-host, you sit with Seth on the side of the stage. and you riff with the comics Sure And like in New York

It'll be like literally like Will Forte Or like Justin Long or Sam Rockway He gets all these really fun people And in Cabo he's like brother You've done sweet a million times Like just co-hosts with me It'll be fun So it's like I'd be great

So we're sitting there Of course we're in a nightmare fucking bar Where every you know It's not a good show to begin with Because of Cabo I mean And then um Hal Sparks went on And I guess he didn't know what the show was

and he was talking and I was like and I jumped in and said something he goes he goes I got it from here pal all right I don't need your fucking help uh oh right like that so dude I sit back I sit back and immediately it's like yeah you know I had a tiger dog yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah remember that clip of you and Theo where you're staring at him yeah yeah yeah it was like that yeah and I'm just like you fuck fucker yeah and um it's loading up the bullets. And I'm just seething. And then halfway through his set, he talked to me. And I go, and he goes, I'm talking, man. And I go, oh, I'm sorry. Do you want me to say something? I try to jump in earlier and you got really pissed off. Oh, here we go. And he goes, I didn't know you were so

sensitive, little sweetie. And I go, yeah. And I go, yeah, I didn't know you were a fucking show right away. No slow build. Just come as hard as you can. My hand to God, Bud Friedman was still alive. He was in the back of the room. Wow. He stood up and walked out. Wow, wow, wow, wow.

For people that don't, that's the guy who owned the improv. Yeah, I was like, well, there go the improvs. Yeah. And did it ever resolve? You ever run into him? I saw him the next day. Yeah.

And I saw him the next day in the lobby, and he lectured me for about 10 minutes. Bud did? No, no. How fucking sparks? Lecture. Wow. About what?

He's like, look, man, I'm sorry about last night, but you understand something like, they didn't tell me what the show was. And I'm like, okay. Like, cool, dude. And he was like, he's like, every show has, I just told this story the other night. It's so hard not to laugh.

He goes, every show. Wait, why I tell you what he said? He goes, every show has an id, an ego, and a super ego. Oh, my God. And you have to be familiar with, All three. Now, let me tell you why the show Setless does so.

That was, was that Prevenger's show? Yeah. Were you made up the jokes? No, yeah, setless. Yeah. He goes, let me tell you why Setless does so well. Every week, they reiterate the concept of that show to the audience. And that audience has seen it a million times because that is how you treat the id egos.

And I was like, I am going to blow my brains. Kathy Ladman standing over there. I've never met her. I was like, I'll be able to try to talk to Kathy. I got to get out of this. And then tell me who, quick comedy? And then I saw Florentine, and I was like right after that. And he's like, what's up, man?

And I go, you know, it's a fucking dick. Hal Sparks. And he goes, ah, yeah, what are you going to fucking do, man? I was so mad at the lecture. I was more mad at the lecture. Yeah, he's kind of sending. I've never seen him since. Oh, wow.

I mean, I wouldn't, I don't, I'm not, you know. Let's set up a. fight. Yeah, I love wars. Let's set up a war. Do you know him? Is he nice? I mean, I don't know anything. I know who he is. Yeah. Even if I, I've never even been in the same room as him. I think I've done a show with him once. I don't

really know though. Yeah, I don't know. I had met him at Montreal. And we went, we took a car. Remember sometimes at the Montreal Fest? They'd make you do some show that was like actually out of town. Yeah. And it was the worst because you were in a fucking car for 45 minutes.

with one other comic i did that with him once and we got along really well and he and that's the first time i met him right and i knew he was from the l word he was on that showtime show oh yeah that's right or no no he was yeah and um so i know who he was oh no yeah and uh and uh and uh you know we we had a great time and then like when we rode back he's like hey man you're really funny dude and like we talked i was like this guy's awesome so when i saw him the next time it was when he was on stage at Sweet. And I was like, oh, this is, I know how. Yeah.

We took that car. Oh, let's see, that makes it more even weirder. Yeah. Yeah, I'm actually just remembering that part of it now. What? Yeah, I was like, I should have told this part first. Yeah. If somebody says back in the, when I was growing up in this business, one weird thing, forever dead to me.

But you have little revengey things, too. Yeah, I don't know who. I don't know who. I know who. Say it. You have it with clubs. With play. Oh, certain clubs.

When you were younger, they didn't treat you that well. Yeah. And then you still carry that with you. I mean, don't we all do that? Oh, yeah. I fucking, yes. You do that. No.

Liar. I love yuck yucks. I just, I guess I, maybe. You do? Yeah. You do have them? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I was that one. I was that. I could name five. I was that one. Yeah. That will remain nameless. Governor's Long Island. That place can fucking burn to the grill.

I like computers. I don't fuck that whole thing. That guy made me feel like shit, man, when I was a kid. Wait, wait, which guy? This was a long time. I mean, because I'm just wondering if it's some random man. I might have got, I was getting New York Comedy Fest. So it was probably 2011 or something like that, 2010.

But he, whatever, man, there was a paper show. It was fucking awful. There was nobody there. And there was a bunch of, like, it's like out of a bad movie, like, Italian, like, sitting at a fucking table, talking the whole shit, talking through every comic, like just shitting on everybody. can happen on Long Island and he's saying shut up and I'm like dude take care of this and they don't take care of it and then I was like well I don't I don't want to do the show anymore there's not even

enough people in here for it was like 13 people I was like I'll get I'll you know I'll pay for you guys to not be here if you guys want to leave everybody can leave and they were you know oh no fucking barking at me and shit and then I just sat on the stool I literally sat and didn't say anything until people slowly got up and left and the guy was like that's the most unprofessional shit I'm taking those ticket prices out of your paycheck or whatever and I was like good and keep the fucking paycheck and right we'll never come back here i i had that with uh off the hook oh my that fucking captain brian yeah that douchebag that when you meet him he goes hey joe i'm the captain really really why don't you sail on my fucking dick you loser the worst fucking crowds i've

ever been in my he lied he said i ran up like a like an impossible bar bill yeah Like I had like four shots and a beer at the bar at the vet because you literally two of them before I went on stage because I was like, this is a fucking nightmare. I can't do this. And then I had to drink on stage and then I drink after whatever. And then I left because big surprise, I don't want to hang out at Captain Bryan's off the hook for my night in Florida. And I'm like, bro, your audiences suck.

They suck and they're stupid. They're stupid. It's not my fault He's like Yeah you had a bad show You know You never went down there I'm mad that

I was never booked No That's how mad I am I don't even know Captain Brian There was two of them right Yeah yeah I want to meet Captain Brian I don't know if it's two

Or he just moved it Yeah Yeah I did it one time Fucking Jim Jeffries This is Facebook was the only thing Facebook Messenger Remember this is a long time ago then Yeah

Yeah Yeah Fucking Jim Jeffries Who like I was friendly with But didn't know that well He messes messaged me on Facebook Messenger. And he was like,

mate, I know you suffer from depression. I know what club you're at this. Wow, wow, wow. And he goes, are you doing okay? It's a nightmare. Don't walk out into the ocean. Yeah, I go, it's a nightmare. I go, did you do well when you were here?

And he goes, fuck no. And he told a story to me that he walked the entire crowd outside so he could have a cigarette. Wow. Because he's like, it was a fucking joke. A drunk lady got on stage with me, the last show. and tried to wrestle the mic out of my hand and the staff did nothing.

I was screaming at the fucking staff. Yeah. And then this is my favorite part. At the end of the week and they go, would you sign your headshot? What are you going to do with it? Yeah. Put it up above the lobster.

It did have a seafood bar in the middle of the room where you're performing. Really? I'm not going to. You went to Captain Brian Sue. Yes, I told you I did it one time. Wow. Everybody does it one time.

Never even did it one time. That's how sad my fucking shit. But he had, he yeah i don't even know if he was there when i went down there maybe he was but i went down there and i walked in and immediately i was like fuck fuck people are eating dinner it's dinner it's terrible i got this feeling it was tough man do you do you're 45 or no i did the time i will say this dude that does mold you when you're young and you're like fuck it i'm gonna grind the fuck out yeah like it is something good about those things your relationship your experience was

obviously terrible but i like i think there's something about those rooms when i did when i was doing them, then I was like, well, this is just going to make me build an hour. That's also, though, when I was really in my, like, I wish I was Bill Hicks mode. Oh, yeah. So I went on stage and I was like, I'm doing the material and you're either going to get it or you, you know what I mean? I didn't break out of anything. I didn't do crowd work.

I could have now, I'd be like, all right, I'll figure this out. You don't know the trick? No, what's this trick? Make up your own rules. You make up your own rules. Just do whatever. What? Let me ask you this.

Okay. You know the trick? Get one of the biggest podcast. in history and then you don't know no no no this is before this is way before this is way before somebody i don't know who did this they made up a rule opener does 10 15 yeah feature does 30 yeah the headliner is 45 you mix it up mix it up yeah yeah open or does 45 yeah you're made who cares feature does 30 yeah he does 10 yeah mix it up you mix it up dude you always though you always didn't give a fuck are the first do you remember the first time we

met at the laugh factory in New York opening weekend oh my god that was the worst week yeah and Jamie was there oh my god he had you headlining that main room yeah yeah yeah and you okay what I do you 100% let your pubs on fire on stuff I know that that that was just like this kid's fucking wild yeah yeah yeah but then we were sitting in the lobby yeah yeah yeah remember there was like that lobby next to the service bar yeah with the booths yeah it was like basically their green room and Bobby just was like Lighten Sigs Light and Sigs

There's no doors It's wafting out to the customers Jamie runs over He's like Bobby Yo what the fuck are you doing screaming at him Bobby's like Jamie I'm so sorry I'm so sorry

Yeah I learned that from Dice Yeah then you go Then you go He lit a cigarette at the gate At the gate That's insane And he's like I can do And I go you can do whatever on

And then somebody goes, can you put that out? It just stomps it. And I learned that behavior. It's not me. I learned that behavior. It's learned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not him.

But then he would go away mad. And you'd be like, watch, this is going to be so funny. You would do it again. And you would run over and scare you. You'd like, Jamie, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Yes. If you'd walk away, you'd be like, this is so, you were cackling.

A cackling like a little mania. I remember I was looking at you like, what is, what are you doing? Yeah. well you know what I was doing well I do yeah but I was but do you know why because that week he made me go on the street and pass out ticket oh you're barking I was barking oh that sucks

I was already on Matt TV right and he goes buddy no one's coming get out there right and so this is like my first year or tour of Matt TV and he gives me a stack full of tickets and now during the day I have to just pass out tickets to tourists a fucking nightmare to headline

that sucks and then no one showed up anyway so I'm gonna smoke so you're gonna smoke I went to smoke in the club. The moral is you got to smoke. And that clubs are no longer there, right? No. No. It used to be a strip club.

Yeah. Then it became a laugh factory. Then it became a haunted house. Yeah, you said it was a laugh factory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean... Have you been upstairs? Have you seen his collection, by the way?

What are you talking about? Do you not... You've been up there to Jamie's... You know he collects clowns? Yeah. You've never seen this? No. Oh, the Hollywood one will fuck you up.

Upstairs is... Upstairs is... filled with clown. In his office, you mean? No, no, no, no. Did you know this? Or in the green room area. There's a corporate office.

There's a, there's a green room within a green room. Do you know that? Yeah. Yeah. And so I found it out maybe four months ago. I've been going there for 30 years. Yeah. Okay.

One day I was there. I was like, so where's Arsenio Hall and George Lopez? And he's like, buddy, they're in the green room within the green room. I go, come. I've never known about that. He goes, okay, you can come in. And I went in. And there's a whole different section where there's clowns and a whole wall of, I'm not kidding you, a framed, whole wall of Ralphie May's T-shirt.

It's just, Jake, get it. Big T-shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One shirt. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, but where is it, though? It's, I know that.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I just got invited. Let me ask you this. Is there, like, a secret door? It kind of is. Yeah, it's hidden. It's hidden. That's fucked up.

It's fucked up, yeah. Normally, what, you just hang out upstairs in that kind of like land area. The landing, right? But it's, no, there's a secret room. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You'll get in one day. Joe's one of my best friends.

He's one of my, like, sweetest comedy mates. I love him. He's one of the funniest people I know. And he has a special out right now. I never promise you a Rose Garden. It's fantastic. Please go watch it. Bobby loved it.

Bobby watched it this week. Oh, really? I have a Blu-ray. he's got it on blue right did you really watch it or no i've never seen any special all right yeah he's never seen anyone special ever he's never seen anybody else go up i've never seen this podcast i've never see anything yeah i don't watch anybody's i don't read comment i don't just do nothing i just do it and i go home yeah that's what i do it's true yeah um thank you for that i'm very proud it's so good i already know it's good yeah that's a great way to deflect oh that is funny oh really

fuckface how about this joe it's good i'm giving you how about this joe about this joe Right? Go ahead. You texted me, right? Yep. Guess you text me right back. Who? Right.

And guess what you asked for? What? Oh, would you post my special? Would you mind? And what did I do immediately? You posted it. Exactly. Yeah.

So what's the ungratitude about? It's not ungratitude. What's the hostility about? I was literally complimenting you that I don't need to see it. I know you're great is an awesome deflection that I'm going to use to get out of so many things. I mean, you might as well I'm dead serious Do you know how many fucking people

We know that have a goddamn TV show My special, my list, right that Yeah You gotta go, I always go Oh yeah dude Nice Yeah Meaning I watched four minutes of it

Right Just in case they asked me anything It's already good, I know it That's why I don't even go to my friends Who are director of screenings I don't watch it Yeah but that gives you anxiety You hate it's just in the

I just go in and out It's always not good I don't watch It's always not That stuff makes me nervous Yeah, yeah, yeah Like watching a thing Because you have to lie

It's a masterpiece Wow, what did you make? Yeah, I don't watch it I don't watch anything I'm in No, that's not disgusting That was, this was torture Because I directed it So I had to sit there

I had to sit there Going through the edit bit I was proud to have done it But it was That's tough Yeah I hate it It's so much easier to be like

Can you guys just show me a cut Yeah, just do it for me That's good Who said that? Who told us that? Swartson? Yeah, I don't know. Someone was like, I never have seen any of the, I tape it and then they put it together.

Do you have fun here or no? In L.A. or on the pod? This pod. I had a great time. I was actually kind of sad when it was done. I was having a nice time. I'm dead serious. We don't do Rogan hours.

We do bad friends hours. Yeah, I had a great time. We really should try to do a Rogan marathon type of show once. You think so? We should start at like 10 p.m. and see how late into the morning we can go. Would that be fun? Wouldn't that be just fun? We have guests coming in and out or not.

Yeah, people can pop by if they want. Yeah, you should. A marathon. You should. Sometimes guys will do 24 hour. That's fucking no way. Keith and the girl would do that once a year for, I think, a charity thing. Yeah, I'll do it for a charity thing.

But it was so fun, dude. I would literally. Let's do it. I would literally hit them up at 3 a.m. And I'd be like, hey, guys, just got back from the bar. Like, can I hop on? Come on, dude. Yeah.

And I would go on through Zoom and just sit there with them smoking sticks to like 6 in the morning. It was so fun. No. Okay. There's no way. Because it's hard enough because we talk so much. That's fine. No, just let's, fuck, let me talk.

You know, we talk a lot. We talk a lot. You know what I mean? And sometimes it's like, enough. Enough talking. Yeah. Get the living. Yeah, yeah.

I get it. Yeah. I get it. I get it. All right, sign out, Joe. Look in the, look there. Thank you guys for having me. That's not it.

Oh, sorry. Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend. a bad friend.