Bad Friends - Tim Dillon Breaks Down Diddy

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Starting point is 00:00:19 With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Hello? Andres? I'm here. Tito Bobby?

Starting point is 00:00:33 Andres? Tito Bobby? Hello? Andres, to Bobby, hello, to Andrew, Carlos, Macon. Rudy Rudy! Rudy! Come out wherever you are! Little pigs, little pigs, let me in! Not by the hair of my chin-a-chin-chin. Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in. Wait! Wait! I can't stop!

Starting point is 00:01:36 I can't stop! I can't stop! Wait! I can't stop! Wait! I can't stop! Hey, you're fancy! Oh, Rudy! I just wanted to let you know that we're live streaming October 24th at 6 p.m. on moment.com slash Bad Friends. It's gonna be awesome, guys. Hey!

Starting point is 00:02:08 Hey everybody, we're doing a Bad Friends live show. It's called Scary Times USA. Scary Time USA. And how do you watch it? Go to moment.co slash Bad Friends. It's Thursday, October 24th at 6pm. We're gonna have exclusive merch available for it. So Bad Friends, Scary Time USA. Hey dude, America dude. Yeah, livestream. October 24th at 6pm PST. We're gonna have exclusive merch available for it. So bad friends scary time USA

Starting point is 00:02:33 America dude. Yeah live over 24 that 6 p.m. PST. We're live streaming it. So join us moment.co slash bad friends We'll also be hosting an interactive VIP after party after the show and active patreon members can join the VIP after party for free every times USA Scary Times USA. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Who are you? White dude and Asian dude. Who are you? You two are disgusting. Who are you? You two are something.

Starting point is 00:02:52 We're bad friends. Yeah. Oh, see, in Japan, white eyes is scary. I mean, look at that. That's horror. They can't even come to America. Really? They get petrified.

Starting point is 00:03:05 They're scared of us? Yeah, yeah. If they go to Ohio, dude, they'll freak out. Oh, everybody's so scary. That's so funny. Look at that little boy, dude. A Japanese guy has nightmares of just being in like Canton, Ohio.

Starting point is 00:03:17 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wakes up downtown, he's like, no, no, no! Yeah, state fair. I don't like a state fair. So much of corn. Yeah. So much of corn. What was a state fed. So much of corn. Yeah. So much of corn.

Starting point is 00:03:27 What, was that Italian? So much of corn. So much of corn. So much of corn. Don't even get me started. Oh no. I'm telling you right now, don't even get me started. Hey, forget about it.

Starting point is 00:03:42 Oh no. Yeah, dude. He's back. Yeah, he's back. You know what? It's astonishing to me how fat I've gotten. You're not fat. Dude, the last couple of podcasts,

Starting point is 00:03:51 everybody's just talking about how fat I am. Yeah, you're fat. I know. But not bad fat. It's pretty bad, dude. No, no, it's fun fat. You're fun fat. There is a level of bad fat. There is like a line of when you're fat fat.

Starting point is 00:04:01 Well, I've had dates on like, I've gone to the beach with dates, you know what I mean? And when I take my shirt off, there is like that kind of like hesitation. That is a bad date spot. Why are you going to the beach? What do you mean? The beach is such a bad date spot.

Starting point is 00:04:13 Sand. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do picnics. Do it in a park. Okay, that's right. Go down to Echo Park. Yeah. I bring boba, I bring it all, buns. Boba buns? Yeah. I bring it all. I bring it all, buns. Boba buns? Yeah, I bring it all.

Starting point is 00:04:27 But- Tell me for real, how do you wash your laundry on hot or on tap? What temperature? Warm? I honestly don't know how any of it works. I just press regular and that's all I know about it. And then sometimes I don't even know how to like my dryer.

Starting point is 00:04:40 I don't even know how to do extension of the time. Do you dry everything? Yeah. Well, my blankets are so large that I have to hang them afterwards. I hang dry. You hang dry? I feel like, cause you're supposed to, it shrinks. Yeah, I have so many blankets.

Starting point is 00:04:56 I really do. You're a little blanket boy? I just have a lot of blankets, but I get them at parachute. What is that? It's a jump from a plane? No, no, it's a- Some sort of fancy bullshit. It's fancy blankets and sheets.

Starting point is 00:05:07 Free waffle cup and throw. Yeah, yeah. Look at that. How much is it? The expensive. Air, warm water. I don't get the bath, those are bathrobes. Go to the fucking blankets.

Starting point is 00:05:16 What's the point of a bathrobe? Yeah, I don't know what it is. What's the point? You can wrap in a towel and then you walk around in the towel until you're dry and then you put on some underwear. Yeah. I guess if you're old then you put on some underwear. Yeah. I guess if you're old and you're cold a lot.

Starting point is 00:05:27 Yeah. They're pretty reasonable, 329. Yeah, that doesn't seem crazy. I don't even know. Probably seems like, I've got the Jenna Jameson collection from Target. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:38 Is it good? Nothing sticks to those sheets. They're stares. You can't stain them. It's good, it's good. Cannot stain them. Dude, so Dave Navarro texted me the other day. What?

Starting point is 00:05:48 That's rad. Right, no, but it's- Not rad. Because you know what happened, right? What happened? With him and Perry Farrell. Oh, I saw Perry, he like pushed him on stage, he got into a fight.

Starting point is 00:05:58 So Dave Navarro, after getting into a fight, texts you. Yeah, but I don't know if it was for me. So check this out. Oh no, I'm being real. Check this out. What'd he say? He goes, um. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:06:09 So he texted me. Come in here. Come in here. Come here and sit down. Set him up in the blue chair. Sit down! Where would I sit? In the blue chair.

Starting point is 00:06:16 In the blue chair. Ladies and gentlemen. Tim Dill. Tim. The infamous. I'm putting myself on this chair. I swear to God. If what happens? If I gonna put myself on this chair. I swear to God. If what happens?

Starting point is 00:06:26 If I injure myself on this chair. Why, okay. Which is a very big possibility. Yeah. That's a you problem. You're gonna be fine. Well, we'll see. We're talking about Dave Navarro getting fighting.

Starting point is 00:06:34 So Dave, remember Dave Navarro? Yeah. What happened to him with Perry Farrell on stage? Have you seen this clip? Jane's Addiction? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, look it, he pushed him. This was like a week ago.

Starting point is 00:06:44 This is a week ago. He looks like he's juiced up. And look at this, he's pissed off. He's. Yeah, look at, he pushed him. This was like a week ago. This is a week ago. He looks like he's juiced up. Look at this, he's pissed off. He's pissed off, look at him. Stomping around. When Perry's like that, you gotta back away. Yeah, he looks amped. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:53 He's angry. He's like, he's like, James says, look at James says. Right, look at him. And then he starts to attack. Yeah. Coming down the mountain. Look at him.

Starting point is 00:07:04 He's just trying to amp him up. Let's go play your licks. He goes, what? What are you doing? Whoa, what is going on there, dude? Weird. All right, so then- Okay, anyway, so-

Starting point is 00:07:16 Dave Navarro texts you after this kerfuffle. So then, so three days later, so Thursday, he goes, did you just, did you just wake up from a dream I was in? Whoa, did you just, he goes, did you just wake up from a dream I was in? Whoa, did you? Yeah, ironically, yes. Wow. So this, and then, because it's obviously for a girl, right?

Starting point is 00:07:34 So then I go, what? I've been dreaming about you for years. Good, play the girl thing, good. Are you okay from that stage incident? And? Nothing. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, so it was a girl that he was trying to text, a name, Bobby. B-O-B- And? Nothing. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, so it was a girl that he was trying to text named Bobby.

Starting point is 00:07:48 B-O-B-B-I. Yeah, yeah. But she might've also cared about how he was. Yeah. What do you mean? Well, I mean, she could've asked that. Oh yeah, she could've. Absolutely.

Starting point is 00:07:58 But why didn't he respond? Cause he didn't get the answer he wanted. Yeah. Oh, should I do another answer? Absolutely not. Okay. That's the way to get a number block. All right. You do one more, you're gonna come up green. Oh really, wanted. Yeah. What's, oh, should I do another answer? Absolutely not. Okay. That's the way to get a number block.

Starting point is 00:08:06 You do one more, you're gonna come up green. Oh really, okay. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, the guest of the year. We've never potted together. Tim Dillon. Never. Ever.

Starting point is 00:08:15 No, really? No, because he canceled the Tiger Belly three times. You've canceled the meme multiple times. No, that's insane. You've canceled. That's fucking insane that you wouldn't even say that. Tim, everybody knows Bobby never canceled. Also, Tim, in this too.

Starting point is 00:08:31 I've canceled more. You canceled first. I canceled first and I've canceled more. You have canceled. Okay. I'm more wrong. Okay, but you know the game tag where you tag and then you run away, right? I didn't start the game tag. I, you did.

Starting point is 00:08:45 I fully take responsibility for canceling. Okay. And then let me ask you this. I don't, but I believe if I had not canceled first, true, you would have cancelled. That's what you believe. That is my belief. Okay. Okay. It's my belief.

Starting point is 00:08:57 It's a belief system. Yeah. You are the cancel king. You, you cancel con. We both can, by the way, the funniest thing ever is when me and Bobby are both on a lineup and neither one of us goes. All the time, the funniest thing ever is when me and Bobby are both on a lineup and neither one of us goes. All the time, happens all the time.

Starting point is 00:09:07 That is very funny. I get a call from a producer going, I had Tim and Bobby cancel, are you around? Oh, we never show up. A lot of times- We don't. Stuff happens. Yeah, well sometimes I call you, well, one time I called you and I go, are you going?

Starting point is 00:09:23 And you go, I'm not going either. Yeah. That one time. You both do that a lot. One time I sent him a COVID test, I sent him a photo of a COVID, of the COVID, by the way, years after COVID. Years, years, many years.

Starting point is 00:09:38 People had, young kids didn't even know what it was. I was sending him a picture of the COVID lines. But he didn't send the promoter that test, but I did. So he said that I had COVID to the guy, right? But then I actually sent him the test that he gave me to him. Right, brilliant. Saying that I have it, right? So it makes him look like he didn't have it.

Starting point is 00:09:59 Correct, yeah. Right. Good move, Bob. I mean, you know. Yeah. But the thing is, me and Bobby will lie and then get found out, and then we don't care that much. Well, it doesn't matter.

Starting point is 00:10:09 We don't care. We don't really care that much. So it's, you know, we're gonna go. No one's gonna get that mad. That's the problem. It doesn't matter. Well, we're being used. That's right.

Starting point is 00:10:17 We are. It feels like we're being used. It's like some guy that I've never said hi to me before is now, hey, can you do my show? Yeah, you'll put me on the flyer. Right. That's why. And they'll use your name to sell tickets. Right's now, hey, can you do my show? Yeah, you'll put me on the flyer. Right. That's why. And they'll use your name to sell tickets. Right.

Starting point is 00:10:28 So that I don't show up. Right. I don't like being- One promoter, and I'm not gonna say who. Can I guess? You can guess after I've said this. One promoter literally said, I can't pay anyone tonight

Starting point is 00:10:38 because my father has Alzheimer's. I swear to God. And then that person said, and that was the way, and I was like, okay, I guess. God. And then that person said, that was the way, and I was like, okay, I guess. God damn. Well, yeah. Have you canceled?

Starting point is 00:10:50 You cancel? There's times I have to cancel. Why? If I'm just like, if I just can't make it, if we're doing too many pods and all this bullshit, I'm never gonna make it. You'll cancel because you're tired. True.

Starting point is 00:11:04 Every now and then, Emily at the store will call me. She'll go, are you close? And I'm at Nobu Malbu and I have a tuna roll in my mouth. You're that far, you're that far. I go, oh, ah. Yeah, yeah. I'm right on Sunset. You're the most nightmarish person to follow.

Starting point is 00:11:20 That's not true. 100%. It's very nice of you, I've heard you say this before and I really appreciate you saying it. I've texted Emily that. That's very nice of you to say. heard you say this before and I really appreciate you saying that. I've texted Emily that. It's very nice of you to say. But I feel that way about you. I hate going up after you. When you're on, dude, it's unfollowable.

Starting point is 00:11:32 Well that's... Sometimes you're off. When you're off, I like it. But when you're on, dude, oh my god. When I'm off, I'm off. But if I'm on, it's good. But you're funnier when you're off. Because you get angry. By the way, I agree with you. I agree with you. But I love you. angry. By the way, I agree with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree with you. But I love you.

Starting point is 00:11:46 I feel like we have a similarity in that sense. Just energy-wise. Yes. Because sometimes we don't want to do it. What's going on? No, I'm listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do enjoy it.

Starting point is 00:11:56 What's going on, dude? Sometimes we don't want to do it. And we have shorts or sweatpants on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're on stage. And we're angry that the audience came. I know. And that's the best time.

Starting point is 00:12:03 You're moody girls. You're both a moody little girls. Also, he also contemplates things afterwards sometimes. Yes. So he'll go, maybe I should open my own club. Remember that one time? Yes, guys, that's what you call it, I'm having my mental illness.

Starting point is 00:12:15 Yeah, yeah, yeah. A full mental break. Yeah, cause he was trying new stuff and you know what I mean, it was, you know, I get you. The main room can be packed. Just wasn't working. There's a pressure, right? Tim's the only comic that's tri-coastal.

Starting point is 00:12:27 Tim moved to fucking, Tim moved to Austin for seven minutes, came back, moved back to New York, came back, went back to New York, bought a house again in New York, bought a house here, sold a house in Austin. Right, you had a Hamptons thing, right? Yeah, got one out there still.

Starting point is 00:12:41 Still? Well, we're opening the mothership Hamptons, which is coming up and it's very exciting. Gotta get out there. I'm trying to get Joe to do mothership Vegas. That would make more sense. Wouldn't we be all happy? That'd be great.

Starting point is 00:12:56 Mothership Vegas would be great. I'll move there. There's really no club where we can go, is there? In Vegas? I mean, there's millions of clubs, right? But it's like where I'm gonna feel like, I wanna go there twice or three times a year, is there? In Vegas? I mean, there's millions of clubs, right? But it's like where I'm gonna feel like, I wanna go there twice or three times a year, you know? Playboy, there's a thing-

Starting point is 00:13:11 Playboy comedy. There used to be this thing called Playboy comedy. And you'd wanna go because it was a simple gig. Maybe sometimes it's just one show a night, Friday, Saturday. Steve Byrne was doing it? It was Ahmed Ahmed. Oh yeah. And what's that, his partner, what's his, J.J.

Starting point is 00:13:28 J. Davis? J. Davis. J. Davis used to have it, yeah. I heard about this, I never was privy to this. Playboy Comedy Room in Vegas, but it closed down, right? Yeah, it was at the Palms, it was the best. Anyway, now there's, no, there's a bunch of clubs out there, but you're gonna go and you're probably gonna dip

Starting point is 00:13:42 into a theater is the problem. No. You'd wanna play a club there? You guys are theater guys, I'm a club guy. Yeah, right but you're gonna go and you're probably gonna dip into a theater is the problem. No. You'd wanna play a club there? You guys are theater guys, I'm a club guy. Yeah, right, you're a fucking theater. What are you talking about? You theater guy or club guy? I like them both.

Starting point is 00:13:51 Okay. Just depends on, you know. I like them both. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up with your nose right now, dude? I don't know, it's like I had like a thing. I'm having like a thing. What do you mean?

Starting point is 00:14:00 I'm having like an allergic reaction to something. It's like his nose, dude. I don't know what it is. Doesn't even look real. No, I know, it's like a red, I've had like an allergic reaction to something. Yeah. I don't know what it is. It doesn't even look real. No, I know. It's like a red, I've had like an allergic reaction to something. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:08 I don't know what it is. You gotta change your face wash, Tim. I know. I've been telling you that for years. What's that the glasses and the nose thing that you get at novelty shops? Yeah. It's like a modern version of that.

Starting point is 00:14:15 I know, it's crazy. I don't know what it is. I was on a medication and I had a reaction to it. Can you take your glasses off? Like antibiotics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, keep them on, keep them on.

Starting point is 00:14:25 See? Yeah. That's why I'm wearing them. Better with them on. Yeah. That's why I'm wearing them. So are you in town for a while? I love, first of all, you have the best parties.

Starting point is 00:14:34 The parties are decent. Yeah. Unbelievable. You go to those parties? Yeah, of course. Yeah, they're the best. Your parties are the best. Do I go to the parties? You're there for five seconds, then you leave.

Starting point is 00:14:42 I know, but I love just coming in and out, but. My godson met you and he's Chinese and loved you. It was a big night for him. Oh, that's what we were godson was the Chinese kid? Yeah. Wow, that was great. It was a little Chinese baby. Yeah, yeah, it was a beautiful Chinese kid.

Starting point is 00:14:53 That is the funniest part about Tim's parties. You'll see a TikTok star and a little Chinese baby all in the living room together. Caitlyn Jenner for no reason. Yeah, pops on by. How do you know her? You know, we're both patriots. We love the country.

Starting point is 00:15:07 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We love America. I like her. I'm fascinated by the fact that she's got an amazing American life. Yeah, yeah, she does. Amazing American life. There's very few countries you can do what she did.

Starting point is 00:15:19 Think about it. Well, explain it to us. Well, let's say we're from a European nation. Yeah. All right? Yeah. Let's kick, what, Cyprus? Is that one? It Well, let's say we're from a European nation. Yeah. All right? Yeah. Let's kick, what, Cyprus? Is that one?

Starting point is 00:15:29 It's probably more likely that we're from an Eastern European country. We're from an Eastern, like maybe like on the border of Russia and China, so we kind of look Asian maybe and some people look white. It's very difficult to be born a guy, become an Olympian, become the spokesman for Wheaties, marry a woman whose husband defended another athlete who murdered his wife, then have a bunch of stepdaughters, one of them does a sex tape,

Starting point is 00:15:53 they all become billionaires, the most famous people in the world. You then decide that actually you were a woman this entire time. You get surgery to become a woman and then decide that the only way to save America is to elect Donald Trump. Right.

Starting point is 00:16:08 Wow. That's a pretty fucking story. American life. And become a female of the year on Vanity Fair. Yeah. That's right. And then also kill someone somewhere in between. And then kill a woman in Malibu with your truck.

Starting point is 00:16:19 Right. Did she really do that? Yeah. She killed a lady. But is that real though? Unintentionally. Unintentionally. Unintentionally. It was an accident, there it is.

Starting point is 00:16:26 There it is. And when was that? In Malibu, it was a couple of years ago. I mean, right? And it was mid-transition, right? That's right. She was 2015. I'll tell you what, that sped up the transition.

Starting point is 00:16:36 She was unfocused. You gotta finish the job at that point. She was unfocused. Yeah. Yeah, didn't Brandy kill somebody too? Yeah, Brandy killed someone in a car accident. Yeah, and then she kind of disappeared after that, no? Because she didn't transition.

Starting point is 00:16:48 Oh, is that what it is? You get one. Yeah. I think you get one car accident, if there's a certain level of fame, you get to kill one person in a car. Yeah, that is true. Well, let's go through another guy.

Starting point is 00:16:59 Would you know anybody? I don't know. That's killed someone in a car. A celebrity. No. Well, yes, I do. What? Yes, I do. Who? Ferris Bueller. Yeah, that's in a car. A celebrity. No. Well, yes I do. What? Yes I do.

Starting point is 00:17:05 Who? Ferris Bueller. Yeah, that's who I was thinking of. Yeah, he was Molly Ringwald, right? In England. In England. When they were like 17. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:14 And then, and then. Laura Bush, George W. Bush's wife. Wow. Really? Killed someone in a car. Yeah. Another Bush. Ted Kennedy.

Starting point is 00:17:22 Ted Kennedy. Killed someone in a car. How about this? Another Bush, different family. The Anheuserilled someone. How about this? Another Bush, different family. The Anheuser-Busch son, Augie Bush maybe, killed a guy in college DUI. And the Sonny Bono got killed by a tree. That's right.

Starting point is 00:17:33 That's right. You remember that? If I was killed by like a really rich person, let me tell you how easy it would have been to get my parents to not press charges. Let me explain how easy it would have been to get my parents to not press charges. Let me explain how easy that would have been. It would have been a five minute conversation, okay? They would have sent, like not even their top people, they would have sent some very low level attorneys

Starting point is 00:17:57 to my parents' house in Long Island. My parents, they would have just said, listen, we can kind of, we can, you know. We can mitigate this. We can mitigate of, we can, you know. We can mitigate this. We can mitigate this, we can make it go away. And they would have said, we think you deserve like $44,000. And my mother and father would have lit up.

Starting point is 00:18:16 They would have said, can we do 50? And they would have said, absolutely. And they would have given them 50 grand and my mother and father would have dropped the case. 100%. Immediately. Wow, wow, wow. Especially because you were such a troublemaker

Starting point is 00:18:29 when you were a kid. Well, listen, I'm from them. They were troublemakers, but the problem is, in 1997, 50 Gs, it's real money. Real money. Pay off the house. It's real money. My parents were so immigrant,

Starting point is 00:18:41 they wouldn't even know the rules. Right. Like, oh, he died? Yeah, he died. Good. No rules. Right. Like, oh, he died? Yeah, he died. Good. No, not good. Oh no. Right?

Starting point is 00:18:49 There'd be an oh no. One oh no. Yeah, yeah. That's also what my parents would've said. My parents would've all said. Oh no. Right. Asian accents.

Starting point is 00:18:58 But they assume it was your fault. Oh yeah, and even if they offered them money, my parents wouldn't understand. They were like, well, 44,000, and my dad would be like, I don't have. Yeah, right, and even if they offered them money, my parents wouldn't understand. They were like, well, 44,000, and my dad would be like, I don't have. Yeah, right, right. I don't have a portable. They end up making their dad pay.

Starting point is 00:19:10 And they're like, well, then we'll see you later. Okay, bye. And then my dad would feel like he got one, you know what I mean? Yeah, he won. He won one. Oh, we had to pay 44, we didn't have to, you know. You're allowed to, yeah, so a certain level of fame, I guess. Who's at the cusp that got washed away then?

Starting point is 00:19:26 Who's killed someone that never returned? Who never made it back? I don't know. Who never made it back? Just kill or driving. Well, look at what is this gonna do to what's his name? To- Who?

Starting point is 00:19:38 Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin. He's fine, he went to court and he got acquitted. He did? Yeah, I think he was kind of on the back nine anyway. So he's done now? No, well- Yeah, he is. He's acquitted. He did? Yeah, he got acquitted. I think he was kind of on the back nine anyway. So he's done now? No, well. Yeah, he is.

Starting point is 00:19:47 He's probably done. He's done. He's done. No more court. But he's so famous. I know, but he didn't do anything. Yeah, he killed a lady. I know, but I mean.

Starting point is 00:19:58 I get it. You're on set, you're like, you think. You know why you're doing this. He's doing this because one day this accident could easily happen to him. Oh, really? You fucking around on a set, I could easily see this. I could do it with a machete, I think. You break all the're doing this. He's doing this because one day, this accident could easily happen to him. Oh really? You fucking around on a set, I could easily see this. I could do it with a machete, I think.

Starting point is 00:20:08 You break all the rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Bobby, please be careful with this. The thing about Alec Baldwin is afterwards, it just, he didn't, and I like him, and he's a great guy, I did his podcast, I think he didn't seem super remorseful. That was the problem.

Starting point is 00:20:23 I think he had to turn on the remorse a little more. Yeah. Like he was kind of agitated by the whole thing. Right. He was frustrated. He was kind of like, what is this? Yeah. That was his attitude.

Starting point is 00:20:35 He shot the woman in the head, and then his attitude was like, what's, hey. What the hell's going on here? On set, you think he did that? That and publicly in the media, they were like, you shot a woman and he goes, he was like, listen. You know, like that's, and that was the energy.

Starting point is 00:20:52 So. Right, right, right. I think the interview started with listen. I think he said, listen. No, he did. Accidents happen on set. Yeah. And they're putting that woman away, that armorer. Yeah, they, she's going to prison.

Starting point is 00:21:02 Good. Yeah, she's going to prison. The woman that supplied the gun. Ah. She goes to prison. Good. Yeah, she's going to prison. The woman that supplied the gun. She goes to prison. Does the movie come out ever? No. No chance. Rust.

Starting point is 00:21:11 Huh? They finished the movie. Yeah, but does it come out? It's gotta come out. I hope it comes out. I just got cast in Rust 2. What? I just got cast in Rust 2.

Starting point is 00:21:20 Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gotta come out. You should've made up artists in the head. Yeah. Yeah. It's coming out in 2024 at the end of the year. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:21:31 You think it'll do good numbers? Huge. Huge. I'd watch it. I'll watch it. I definitely want to see the scene. They left it in there, didn't they? Oh, that's the scene.

Starting point is 00:21:41 He shoots her in the scene, right? They should have a little thing. No, no, no, no, no. It was obviously. No, no, but wasn't he practicing a scene? He was, they were scene, right? They should have a little thing. No, no, no, no, no. It was obviously. No, no, but wasn't he practicing a scene? He was, they were doing it, they were doing it. Oh, they gotta leave that scene in. Yeah, that's what I mean.

Starting point is 00:21:51 Yeah, they gotta leave that scene. I thought you meant would they leave him. No. And I'm like, that's kind of a brilliant marketing, but kind of insensitive. What if they did that now? It's a little insensitive. No, but they do, they're doing a walkthrough of a scene.

Starting point is 00:22:01 By the way, please God, please do, when this gets released, please in very poor taste, do at the end, in memoriam, and then her face. Please do a very poor taste, just to prove that Hollywood is still Hollywood. At the end, do in memoriam, and then go, don't even say her name, what did she do again? What was she?

Starting point is 00:22:23 She was a- Cinematographer. She was the DP, right? Yeah. Yeah. So I saw Christopher Reeves. There's a new Christopher Reeves documentary coming out. And the kids, his kid children made it. And apparently it's really good.

Starting point is 00:22:35 Their story. But so there was a, what, their story. You're right. Yeah, but there was a, it's like a footage of him at the Academy Awards like a year later. And he comes out on the stage and the audience are just, they're trying to be emotional and be supportive, but there's also some people like in a horror.

Starting point is 00:22:52 Why? Like I saw Brad Pitt kind of go. I'll tell you why. Why? Brad Pitt's going, I've been on a horse. Yeah. What if that happened to me? That's it, yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:02 Brad Pitt's like, oh boy. The audience was just kind of like, like this. That is kind of wild. That picture, zoom into that photo. That kind of looks like a Madame Tussauds. Yeah. You sure that's real? That seriously looks like a Madame Tussauds.

Starting point is 00:23:15 It is. Oh, so put on like football gear or something. I mean, cause the- Football gear? You want them to come out dressed like a Dallas Cowboys? No, but what I'm saying is the, cause the body is withered got it. Yeah, so put on some I get it like baggy Rap I mean he's just like you know me talk about Bobby Lee the costume. Yeah Auto-blow AI ultra y'all I brought home an auto- auto blow and I haven't left the house in eight days

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Starting point is 00:27:49 So just, if that was custom to do, I'm putting some padding. Yeah. I would just put some padding in. He's Superman. Bulk him up. Yeah, bulk him up. Well, it would be kind of tight

Starting point is 00:27:58 if he did have a Superman shirt underneath the suit. That would have been the crest. Right. That'd be the move. So who, wait, they're making, so his kids are making a doc about him right now. Yeah. And when does this come out?

Starting point is 00:28:08 Soon. Look at the hands. Okay, anyway. Was he ever unparalyzed? No. What do you mean? Not so super, huh? Like did he ever, did it ever get better?

Starting point is 00:28:16 No, he got worse and worse. Oh, I think so, sadly, no. No, it was a real- Awful, it's awful. Awful spinal cord injuries. And it was from a horse? Yeah, I don't know why you asked that. Well, no, I don't remember.

Starting point is 00:28:28 A horsey did it. No, I don't think they call it a horsey. No, not after you've ruined someone's ability to walk. You think the horsey got in trouble? I think that horse is glue now, sadly. That horse is gone. It lives with Whitney Cummings. Whitney has it.

Starting point is 00:28:43 Whitney's got it. Whitney would show it to you. She'd go, this is Christopher Reeve's horse. She'd go, this is the horse that killed Christopher Reeve. And they were gonna kill it, but I decided it should come here and watch me do makeup tutorials on Instagram Live. Yeah, cause she has knickknacks. That's right.

Starting point is 00:28:59 On the shelves and stuff. She has them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's interesting, yeah. She would have the thing that killed an American, that hurt an American here. That would be, she would take pride in to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's interesting, yeah. She would have the thing that killed an American, that hurt an American here. That would be, she would take pride in it. Yeah, like the body of Bubbles, like Michael Jackson's.

Starting point is 00:29:12 Right. She definitely has Bubbles stuffed, this monkey in a room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This was Bubbles pacifier, do you know that? Born in 1983, this was such a polarizing thing when he would walk around with this monkey. He's from Austin.

Starting point is 00:29:26 Bubbles? Yeah. Oh, wow. You can see him at the mothership this weekend on Kill Tone and Bubbles will be there. How long did Bubbles live? Give it up for the great Bubbles. Huh?

Starting point is 00:29:39 He's alive still. Yeah, you better believe it, he's chilling. No, is Bubbles literally still alive? Wow. He's 40 years old. Wow. No, 40, it says, he's chilling. No, is Bubbles literally still alive? Wow. He's 40 years old. Wow. No, 40. It said 1983 he was born. He's at the center for great apes.

Starting point is 00:29:50 That was the craziest Google, Bubbles now. Yeah. I knew Google would happen. Despite the fact that he is very photogenic, Bubbles is difficult to photograph because he does not like the camera. Often will turn his back when he sees a camera. Well, Bubbles knows the camera's the one

Starting point is 00:30:05 that causes all the problems. That's exactly right. That's where the pain begins. Bubbles knows. Yeah. I mean, Bubbles could have gone chimp crazy like the documentary. You watched it?

Starting point is 00:30:15 You see it? Chimp crazy? I haven't seen it yet. Fantastic. It's fantastic, yeah. And it's about a chimp who loses it. It's about a group of people who are in the- Chimp industry.

Starting point is 00:30:26 Chimp industry. And it focuses what you would think was supposed to be on an original lady, but it ends up being about this woman right here. And her involvement in the chimp trade. What is the chimp industry? Oh, dude. What do you mean? What are you thinking, Tim?

Starting point is 00:30:40 Exotic animals? Yeah, you're him. In the state of Missouri, there is no exotic animal ban law. So in Missouri, you can buy, sell, and trade exotic animals that are on the band list in most places. But did you notice in the documentary, she has the little ones too. She's got them all. Spider monkey- But still, they're deep. The coveted thing is chimp. They can have 50 of the little guys, but they're dreaming, like the coveted thing is chimp. Right.

Starting point is 00:31:05 They can have 50 of the little guys, right? But they're like dreaming of chimp. Right. Chimp, the biggest one you can have? No. Gorilla. You can get a gorilla? No, you can't, but I'm sure that's the biggest one.

Starting point is 00:31:14 That's the hope. No, I think they can, seriously, I think they can have any, you can dream. You can't have a gorilla. There's no way you can have a gorilla. Look at that. What's the largest exotic animal you can purchase in America?

Starting point is 00:31:25 On the documentary, they show you one of these exotic animal auctions. People buy the wildest fucking shit. You know, have you ever seen those sheiks that have like- Of course, white tigers. White tigers in their fucking kitchen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a house in Beverly Hills,

Starting point is 00:31:40 supposedly there was a guy who had a couple of tigers in the backyard. Some incredible. Pretty fucking cool. But in the documentary though, they show past incidences, like famous incidences with chimpanzees. And you notice when the,

Starting point is 00:31:55 cause they never leave the house and they're in a cage. They're supposed to be around the chimps. And then one of them, right, for like a year would just be sitting there like, Rocking. Back and forth, right? What do you do at that point? You gotta shoot it.

Starting point is 00:32:08 No, no, no. Gotta shoot it. No, you don't, I'm a champ. It's gonna kill you. Am I doing a good job? Yeah, that looks like you. But why would you have a champ and just have it sit in the cage and do that?

Starting point is 00:32:22 It's kind of disturbing. Well, psychologically, what they kind of, what they break down in this is- That's not even impressive. No. If I went to your house and I saw an animal doing this. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, that's not really that cool.

Starting point is 00:32:36 No, I gotta get my Uber. You have a Fetland Monkey. They talk about in the thing, they talk about the psychology of these women who fall in love. They think that they value them more than their own children because she says it in there. She goes, a baby only needs you for so long.

Starting point is 00:32:51 The chimp- That's what it is. The chimp needs you for life. It's a baby that's a baby forever. Forever. They have the needs of a baby. That's what it is. And they never grow, even when they're 40,

Starting point is 00:33:02 they don't grow out of those like instinct needs of you. But you they're 40, they don't grow out of those, those like instinct needs of you, but you don't, you don't, if they don't get to play with other monkeys at some point, that's it. Yeah, that's it. That's it. So these are women who want to have a baby forever. So they get a chimp and they have babies of their own, but after like three or four years, they're like,

Starting point is 00:33:20 Well, the kids even say there's kids interviewed in the documentary. They're like, she doesn't fucking love us. Oh, there's no way any of these women are good mothers. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. There's no way like, their kids are like, she was an amazing mom and also had this chimp. There's no way.

Starting point is 00:33:34 There's something broken. Something broken, yeah, something broke, something broke. Yeah, they talk about the kid, they interview some of the kids and you know, they have to, unfortunately on camera, passively go, no, yeah, no, she did a good job raising us. She just loves, she loves her chimps. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:48 I mean, you can see the sadness in the through line. It's- Right. The documentary is fantastic. Does any of the chimps act out violently? Oh yeah. Okay. I mean- They show you some footage on there.

Starting point is 00:33:59 It's wild. There's one that I had to pause and walk away and go, that's, I can't do this. Well, you'll remember when we were kids, famously one of the women went on Oprah, because her face- This is what happens. Her face was taken, removed. She went on, look at the picture of the chimp attack woman, Oprah. Yeah, that's the one. Is that her?

Starting point is 00:34:15 Yeah. Yeah. She went on Oprah and she had to wear a veil. Tim, you would love this for you and your show. I got to be honest, not only would I love her for the show, but I don't think she looks that bad. No, she doesn't, it's not bad. She actually doesn't look that bad. By the way, there are people in LA walking around that look exactly like that.

Starting point is 00:34:32 In Beverly Hills. I've lived here long enough where that doesn't shock me at all, the old gypsy woman with one eye, that shocks no one. That shocks no one. Yeah, I've seen that too, I guess. Look at her up on a chimp woman on Oprah. She had to wear a veil and then Oprah,

Starting point is 00:34:49 that's the funniest clip, they use it in the movie. Oprah goes, can we lift up the veil? Oh yeah, yeah. Can we lift up the veil? That's bad. That's pretty bad. That's a rough one. Yeah, yeah, it's tough.

Starting point is 00:34:59 Now, wait a minute, is that Oprah? Which one, who's that? That's Oprah, Tim. What the fuck? Yeah, that's Oprah. No, I don't mean is that Oprah. It's before the money. By the way, that's that? That's Oprah, Tim. What the fuck? That's Oprah. I don't mean is that money. It's before the money. Oprah.

Starting point is 00:35:07 By the way, that's almost no thought being put into that video. All she should think about is the veil. I know. It makes it more ominous almost. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's scary.

Starting point is 00:35:18 This looks like the Batman villain. Well, this is a perfect, like, this is an Islam, like go with that. Go with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's time to start thinking about it. Yeah. You think just where I actually- Convert. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's time to start thinking about it. Yeah. You think just where I-

Starting point is 00:35:25 Convert, oh for sure. Just convert to Muslim? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Convert immediately. That's actually smart. The documentary though, it does something. It's so powerful the way it tells this story because I'm not giving anything away,

Starting point is 00:35:36 but the guy who's making it can't- There it is. The guy who's making it can't really make it. They have to like go incognito while they're making it. Why? It's brilliant. Because he's a known figure. Because he directed Tiger King.

Starting point is 00:35:49 Oh. Right, so there, and then when he asked the lady, can I do it? And there's like, I don't want to work with you. Nobody in the Chimp community likes this guy because he's exposed the exotic animal community. So they hired, he hired an actor to act as the director. It's fascinating.

Starting point is 00:36:01 It's fascinating. It's amazing. They did such a great job. It's a great job. Yeah, I want to see characters like this on your show. And that's a perfect transition because I do want to talk about it. Tim's got a new show on Netflix.

Starting point is 00:36:10 Yeah, we're excited about it. We're trying to get people like this who don't have faces. Yeah, what is it? Well, this is your country. Oh, this is the talk show. Yeah, it's a talk show. We're trying to bring back

Starting point is 00:36:20 like a Jerry Springer type concept. You know, this was my senior ditch day in high school. We went to Jerry Springer. That's awesome. Was it in Connecticut? No, in Chicago. He was out of Chicago. He was out of Chicago.

Starting point is 00:36:29 That's awesome. We did a senior ditch day and went down there. And it was, dude, I loved Jerry Springer so much in high school, cause it was, it was a perfect world of comedy. It was pure comedy. Yeah. And it's comedy on purpose where like,

Starting point is 00:36:42 people are taking it serious, but you're like, do you not understand that this is- No, I think it's funny. It's like, it's comedy on purpose where like people are taking it serious, but you're like, do you not understand that this is no I think it's funny It's like it's also ends at those shows end up being weirdly a better satire of America than the Daily Show 100% because like this is what we got. These are the voters. These are the people this is who's out there These are all real people. There's no scripts or not actors. They came on we did like 20-25 minutes with each group We edited it down Because like you got get, you know,

Starting point is 00:37:05 like there's a lot of people that aren't accustomed to being on TV. We'll just drone on for hours about something. So you gotta edit it down to like, but it's amazing. I mean, these people- Can we show the trailer? Absolutely. Before you do, can I ask you a favor?

Starting point is 00:37:17 Sure. Can I please, you know how in, what's his name? Just breathe, that's okay. I'm very emotional about it. Yeah, what's going name? Just breathe, that's okay. I'm very emotional about it. Yeah, what's going on? I just wanna be like a handler. Come, be a handler. Like I bring guests on stage, I don't say much.

Starting point is 00:37:33 Yes. Like Steve. You've Steve Wilkos. Yeah, Steve Wilkos, that's what I wanna be. But he was security. Yeah, but I'll be security. Making him security is so fucking fun. We want security, the idea would be security that runs away.

Starting point is 00:37:45 I just want cowards. I just want cowards. I just want cowards. I gotta be your main security. Ding ding ding. We want people running away. You never introduced me. You never introduced me. By the way, nothing is better than if a melee brawl starts

Starting point is 00:37:54 and me and you run away out of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be the greatest moment ever. Please. Please. Just run away. You don't even have to pay me. Let me do it, please.

Starting point is 00:38:03 Oh, absolutely. Okay, cool, thank you. All right, let's see it. I do want to watch it again. It's fantastic. You're here to confess to your girlfriend that you used to do porn. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:14 The music. Hello, pigs. I think we can all agree that we're the rotting corpse of an empire and we live in hell. Your husband brought you here today because he wants to confess something. Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on. Let's talk to the food poison drug addicted sex criminals who live here.

Starting point is 00:38:33 You play Minecraft Fortnite. I've never met a more manable person. How do you think she's going to react when you tell her? What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second. No. Are you insane?

Starting point is 00:39:07 Should we pop it up? We pop it up. Should we pop it up? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa out the BBL. USA, USA, USA, USA. My name is Tim Dillon and regrettably, this is your country. Wow. We had some homeless people, like, thinking the audience, because we shot it in Van Nuys, and we just, people, like, came out of tents and got in the audience. Central cast, right? It was great, yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:32 That's so fucking cool. You've done one episode. We've done one. We're putting it out, and we're super excited. We didn't know what was going to, it was a weird thing, because they wanted us to do something like political, and I was like, it's boring. It's just boring going to a political convention. Nobody's going to ever, it's boring. It's just boring going to political convention.

Starting point is 00:39:45 Nobody's gonna ever do it better than Triumph. Nobody's gonna ever do The Daily Show better than Jon Stewart. No one's gonna, like everybody, you know what I said? Maybe we'll bring back something people haven't seen in a while and it'll just be silly. And like our dream, we have dream ones that we couldn't get, but like our dream segments are like,

Starting point is 00:40:03 my husband said he was at January 6th, but he was just cheating on me. Yeah. My sugar daddy's going to cut off my Ozant pick and I'm scared of what I'll eat. Things like that. Like we have dream ones where like, we want to put things out into the universe

Starting point is 00:40:17 and get these people. Yeah. But I didn't see any violence. There's no real violence because the people there, there is arguments and there is anger. But violence is harder to get to. And a lot of the Jerry violence, I think some of it was staged.

Starting point is 00:40:35 There was a lot of it was staged. And none of this is staged. So the reality is it's like, our hope is that if we get more episodes, there is violence naturally. We hope for violence. There needs to be violence. The hope is that we're gonna get violence. But we have, we're now, we learned a lot doing it.

Starting point is 00:40:49 We made some mistakes and then corrected them so that we had two shoots, we figured it all out. And then like, we're gonna try to get, you know, if we keep doing it, like we'd love to get some people that really are gonna attack each other. 100%. While me and you run out of this. Jerry Springer did turn into this fake fight show, which I think was kind of partially the demise of the show

Starting point is 00:41:10 because it organically was so wild. It's gotta be organic. Somebody's gotta really wanna fight. Yeah. I don't want, somebody's gotta wanna fight, but there are like, we have a guy confessing he lost a lot of money to his wife with crypto. We have people like, you know,

Starting point is 00:41:24 we have all kinds of stuff going on that's interesting. Guy saying I used to be wife with crypto. We have people like, you know, we have all kinds of stuff going on. It's interesting guys saying I used to be a porn star, chick like, and these are all real things, but like nobody slapped anybody else, but you know, knock on wood that could happen. Yeah. I really hope it does. That's the hope.

Starting point is 00:41:37 My name is Yoshi Toto for this. Yeah. Yeah. He's still working on the character. I'm working on the character dude. I'm going to look. No, it's me and you run out of the studio during a large fight. And then there's a kind of older female security guard

Starting point is 00:41:47 who is tasked with handling everything. Do you have this woman cast? No, but it would be hilarious. A female, like an older female security guard trying to get a handle on everything. Me and Bobby sprint out of the studio. Sprint, sprint. Run out.

Starting point is 00:42:00 Let her deal with it. Yeah. That's not your problem. I can't wait. I hope this is a hit. I hope it is too. When's it come out? October 1st. October 1st.

Starting point is 00:42:07 October 1st. This is out on Netflix. You gotta go watch it. Yeah. We hope it, it should be fun. There's no chance it won't be successful. I told you. It's fantastic. Well, I'm glad we did this and not,

Starting point is 00:42:17 cause they were like, go to the convention and talk to people. And I go, why? Yeah. There's 20 people doing that. Yeah. And then they were really cool. Netflix was awesome. We said, we'd like to do this. And they go, why? Yeah. Ah. 20 people doing that. Yeah. And then they were really cool. Netflix was awesome.

Starting point is 00:42:27 We said, we'd like to do this. And they said, okay, cool. And left us alone. Wow. Cause if you go to the convention and do the chat things, that's already on YouTube. There's like a dozen of those videos right now. Everybody's doing that.

Starting point is 00:42:35 You'll never beat YouTube. It's fast. It's already out. It's already out. And it's gonna, what's the point? Yeah. There's nothing to be learned anymore about people's like opinions about politics. The only. There's nothing to be learned anymore about people's opinions about politics.

Starting point is 00:42:48 The only thing that's left to be learned is like, how are people living? What are people doing? That's the more interesting element than like why you like Trump or why you like Kamala. It's like, how do you earn money? How does your family dynamic work? Like, who do you hate and why?

Starting point is 00:43:05 Would you take this to another state and move it? I mean, shoot it in different places? I would shoot it wherever, absolutely. I think it'd be interesting to like shoot, shoot episodes in different spots. I know that's more expensive. No, no, I agree with you. Cause then you really get a gist of like the, you know,

Starting point is 00:43:17 shoot it in Nevada, then you're in Washington. We flew these people in. Oh, you did? Yeah. From all over. From all over. Okay, right on. Because, you know, but we would, I, you know, it depends on where they'd want to shoot it,

Starting point is 00:43:27 but I would shoot it wherever. Let's take these people that got flown in. What's the, what was the general spot that a lot of them came from? We talking Florida? I'm trying to think. There was Colorado. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:43:38 There was Florida. Gotta be Florida. How do you submit to be on the show? Well, we do as a casting call. We're like, are you this person? And do you want to reveal a thing? Do you want to do whatever? People do it.

Starting point is 00:43:49 People are like, why would anyone go on? And I go, anyone will do anything. Yeah, people want to do everything. I love all this idea. People are like, why would anyone go on a show like that? You go, anyone will do anything. What are you talking about? Are you crazy?

Starting point is 00:43:59 Yeah, yeah. There's no value to dignity anymore in this country. There's no economic value to it. And there's no emotional value. Like you don't even sound good anymore. If you tell someone you passed up on something, and you go, I'm not gonna go make a fool out of myself. No matter what it is, people go, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:44:15 No matter what it is. It used to be like 20 years ago, you'd tell a guy at a bar, they want me to go make my family into a laughing stock, and I'm not doing that. And the guy'd go, good for you. Now the same guy bar, they want me to go make my family into a laughing stock and I'm not doing that. And the guy'd go, good for you. Now the same guy goes, I don't know. I would have maybe done that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:32 There's not much left. There's no meat on the bone. Right. So it's like, maybe something would have worked out. It may have worked out, right? What did you think you learned in the course of the show? What's the collective thought after seeing all these people do all this shit?

Starting point is 00:44:44 What's like the one thing you took away from it? I think it's- Genuinely. You know, genuinely, what I took away was number one, how hard it is to do these types of shows. Yeah. Because it's, you don't have a script, you can't just re-edit, like go back and say,

Starting point is 00:44:58 let's do it again. Like, that's not the way it works. Right. If somebody's gonna say something to someone else, they say it one time. You're doing it in front of a live audience. Right. So I had to learn how to be a talk show host

Starting point is 00:45:09 and because my podcast, I do it by myself. I just talk. Right. So for me, it was like listening to people and then, and I would lose track of time, so I'd near PCN and they'd be like, all right, you've done 10 minutes with them. Like, you know, like, and I'd go, oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:45:23 Bring out the gas. Cause there's always somebody we're bringing out. And a lot of the times the people in the chairs don't know. So I'm like, you know, somebody's been listening backstage and then we bring somebody else out. So it's like, it was learning how to do all of that and then meet like appreciating Springer, Jenny Jones, Ricky Lake, Donahue, Maury,

Starting point is 00:45:41 all those people who did shit like that, Sally Jesse, appreciating it and going, oh, that was not as easy as it looked. Right, it's not. I mean, you have to be a host and you have to be kind of this, you're almost manipulating them as you're telling the story with them.

Starting point is 00:46:00 And those shows did it every single day all year. We had one shot. We had two live shows, Saturday and Sunday, and we edited them. We shot 11 of these segments. We kept five. Yeah. So it took a minute, but as we get better at it,

Starting point is 00:46:15 we would be able to, like, we would know, now I know more about like, okay, I understand why that segment was. Some people say they have a problem with each other and then get on stage, they really don't. Of course, yeah. They really don't. We would find that out when we did Bad Friends Live stuff. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:28 We'd find out people would bail on a thing that we thought they were really committed to. We had a woman who's a QAnon mom and all the producers were like, she's a nut, wait till you hear what she says, she's crazy. And then I brought her on stage and go, what's your craziest opinion?

Starting point is 00:46:42 She goes, I like Trump. I go, all right. Anything else? Wow. I'm like, are there tunnels underground? Like, give me something. It's like I'm pro Second Amendment. I like Trump. And the L.A. producers were so crazy that they thought that was like the most

Starting point is 00:46:57 confident. You know what I mean? They're like, wait till you hear what she says. And she's like, I just think Biden's too old. And they're like, see? What a fucking nut job. And I'm like, oh no, this isn't. But we did find some people that were, it was really good and there was some magic on it that happened where you're just in awe of it.

Starting point is 00:47:15 Some shit went down where you do just stand back and go, what the fuck is happening? And it's kind of wild. The reason why this has legs is because there's two other comics that I can think of that had this, a daytime show. You know who they are? Well, I don't remember.

Starting point is 00:47:31 No, I mean probably- Kirk Fox? Oh yeah, Kirk did, he did a thing. And Greg Barrett. Greg Barrett. But the problem with those shows is that they try to be molded into a talk, like they're playing a role,

Starting point is 00:47:42 but you're yourself here. That's right, yeah. That's why this is, I think- Well, he's in on the joke. Yeah, that's what it is. These guys were trying to like, wow, well, tell us, they were just playing some role.

Starting point is 00:47:53 But we're basically like Netflix, we were talking to them and we go, we wanna satirize America. And then the idea was like, well, let's talk to political figures and everything. And I'm like, but this is not America. No. So the Republican and Democrat conventions are not everything. And I'm like, but this is not America. No. So the Republican and Democrat conventions are not America.

Starting point is 00:48:08 And I thought about it and I was like, and me and my collaborator, Brian Frangy, really smart, good writer, we were like, and I worked with him on stuff, but he produced, co-produced this, we came up with the idea of basically going like, why don't we just do like a talk show like we grew up with, but with modern problems.

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Starting point is 00:54:47 They're panning on it. I don't know why, but I'll tell you right now, I had suggestions. They were not followed by the director. OK, OK. By Joaquin? Yeah, yeah. By Gaga? Uh-huh.

Starting point is 00:55:03 So the reality was I was a security guard. I had two or three lines. Yep. I felt underutilized. Yeah. I said I will direct it. I said I will direct it. I will assistant direct it.

Starting point is 00:55:15 I don't know who that guy was. Yeah, yeah. He did something with Ben Affleck. I don't care. Yeah. I would have done any of that. I would have done it. I would have done cinematography, which I didn't...

Starting point is 00:55:23 I wasn't hugely clear on what exactly it entailed, but I knew that like I had a lot more to give that movie than it accepted from me. Now, if it's a stunning success, I'm proud to be a part of it. But if it does fail, it is because they didn't utilize me in a proper way. But if it's a success, I am proud to be a part of it.

Starting point is 00:55:45 But what was it like? It fails. What was it like? Cause I know your scene, Joaquin was in the scene, right? He was in the scene. Right, so what was that like? I didn't learn the lines.

Starting point is 00:55:57 Because they always lie. The agent lies and they go, they want you to be you and be funny. And they lie. Right. They don't want that. Andrew's a great actor and he does like the work of it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:07 I showed up and I'm like, I'm going- I'm okay too, you know? Both of you, both of you. But he was the one, he's white. But what I was saying is- Thank you. I showed up and I was like, you know, I didn't, you didn't get the script ahead of time

Starting point is 00:56:21 because they didn't want you to leak it. Oh, I hate when they do that. So they give you lines in the morning and I like read them real quick and I guess I should have drilled them a little more, but they kept changing them. And you know, I was a bit nervous and it's Joaquin, you've never done a scene

Starting point is 00:56:34 in any movie in my life before. This is the first scene in any movie I've ever done in my whole entire life. That's with Joaquin Phoenix. With Joaquin Phoenix and Brendan Gleason. Holy shit. Wow. Genius.

Starting point is 00:56:46 Genius. Okay? So I'm like scared. Yeah. Truly, truly terrified. Like I'm not even kidding. Like I'm nervous in my trailer. I call my agent.

Starting point is 00:56:55 I don't even think I should be in this. Yeah. He goes, no, no, no. I love it. It's all fine. It's good. Okay, cause I'm out of my element. This is not what I do.

Starting point is 00:57:02 Yeah. But I'm, listen, I like acting. I like challenges and whatever, but it's a tough one to start with. There's a lot of blocking in the scene. There's a book that I have to move across the table. There's lines, but as I'm doing the lines, you don't have to look.

Starting point is 00:57:17 Like the director would come up to me and he goes, listen, here's the scene. You say your first line. After you say your first line, you move your book, the book, you put your hands on the book. Don't block the title of the book. Don't block the cover. Move it 70% across the desk.

Starting point is 00:57:30 80%, it's at a frame. Do you get that? And I go, yes. And he'd go, then you're gonna look and Brendan, you're gonna look at Brendan, but you're gonna wait for him to say his line. After that, Joaquin's gonna pick up the phone. At that point, you wait one beat, you say half of your line, okay?

Starting point is 00:57:48 Joaquin's gonna look at you. He gives you a look, acknowledges that you're there, and then you finish your second line, okay? I don't know what, and he would say this to me. He'd go, what the fuck is the problem here? Because he was being very like, and I get it, I respect him, he's a great director, and I like being yelled at, and it was deserved.

Starting point is 00:58:03 But Joaquin was like, he's doing fine. Jo I like being yelled at and it was deserved. But Joaquin was like, he's doing fine. Joaquin would turn around to the director and go, he's okay, and I'm like, I don't know, I'm doing fine. But they would yell, so then there was like 80 people around you, we're on the Universal lot, all the cameras. Okay, and then they would go, action. And I would go, I mean, I would fuck it up every which way. One time, one time I was so nervous, I didn't even say the line.

Starting point is 00:58:26 I just moved the book. I just moved the book and looked away. And the director starts going, why the fuck are you looking away? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. He goes, just say the goddamn line. Does that make you even more nervous?

Starting point is 00:58:40 Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, I can't imagine. This was one of the worst experiences of my entire life, except it was good at the end, I guess. I don't know. Did you sing? What? Did you sing?

Starting point is 00:58:52 No, it's a musical. I should have sang. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't even speak. So then he would come up to me. Sing, he can't get through a fucking line in a book shift. So he'd go like this, but it was hard. I'm telling you.

Starting point is 00:59:02 I know it was, but it's just his questioning. No, it just made me so mad. But I get it. I apologize. I apologize. No, but I should have sang. But the point is I was there and then I would do it again. And then he would come up to me and go, okay.

Starting point is 00:59:13 He'd go, he goes, listen, he goes, the line is actually this. And I said, and I'm not saying that. He goes, no, you've never said that. You've never said the line. Because you've actually never said this line. And I said, he goes, no, you've never said that. You've never said the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you've actually never said this line. And I said, he goes, so he goes, just forget it.

Starting point is 00:59:29 He goes, just say, he goes, this, just say close enough to it, you know? Yeah. And then eventually I got it and I did it, but it was very hard. It's like hard to do. And I felt bad because again, I'm not an expert and I felt bad.

Starting point is 00:59:43 It's your first one. What are the chances the scene does not make it? I didn't think it was gonna be in it. Okay. But is it, do you know? It's in it. That's great. That's great.

Starting point is 00:59:53 Do we see a photo of you on the internet at all? I don't think, I think maybe there's one little photo. Oh really? I haven't seen the scene because it's not a pivotal scene, I don't think. Where is it? Yeah, that's, yeah. It's with security guards.

Starting point is 01:00:08 Yeah, it's with security guards. But I didn't know if they were gonna put it in, but they put it in, because Todd said he got it at the end. He said it was good at the end. Zoom in, is that him? I don't know where I am, where am I? There's Timmy D.

Starting point is 01:00:20 There's Timmy. There's Timmy D. Timmy D. And maybe, and you know what, I look like I'm doing acting there. Yeah, that looks so. I actually look like I'm doing it. If I saw that photo, I was like,

Starting point is 01:00:29 oh, that guy's a good actor. No, and you know what, maybe, literally maybe I shouldn't have said anything because maybe my scene is great. I bet you it is. I bet it is. Here's the problem. It's shot so beautifully.

Starting point is 01:00:39 We internalize it. Because the things that we're feeling and thinking, right, no one else feels your things. That's right. But because it happens to us, right? It becomes a big thing. I think I, just because I wasn't saying the line or doing the blocking doesn't mean I was doing a bad job.

Starting point is 01:00:53 Exactly. No. I was, I mean, I was feeling, because I was feeling it out and that's what actors do. Yeah. I'm like becoming the, you know, thing. How was this guy in the middle that's kind of Ricky Gervais looking?

Starting point is 01:01:08 Was he good? Yeah, he was really, they're all really, here's the thing. I mean, Gleason's phenomenal. They're all really good. All these actors in this film were excellent. And it's hard to be an actor, cause I was talking to them and like, they just got out of COVID and they hadn't booked anything.

Starting point is 01:01:22 And a lot of them were like, this is their big thing. One guy went out and got COVID and they had to get rid of him. Wow. Jesus. And this was like his thing, it was his time. I have a story that's kind of like this. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it.

Starting point is 01:01:37 I said forget it, forget it. I'm interested. No, forget it, forget it, forget it. I'm not even gonna do it now. What is it? What's the fucking look for? That was rude. I was waiting for you to tell your story.

Starting point is 01:01:45 No, you're like, how dare you interrupt this magical thing we got going on? Well, no, I mean, he has given us some really great juicy shit, but no, let's hear the thing. No, I don't wanna know, because it's not even that good now. It's not even that good now. Let's go back to the phone.

Starting point is 01:01:56 No, we're not gonna carry on. Thanksgiving was good. I saw Thanksgiving, you were great in that. Thanksgiving was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanksgiving was really good, but this is- Tell your story. I'm not, Thanksgiving was good. What movie was it that you had? Forget it, it's okay. No, no, yeah, yeah. Thanksgiving was really good. But this is- Tell your story. I'm not, Thanksgiving was good.

Starting point is 01:02:06 What movie was it that you had- Forget it, it's okay. No, no, don't let it- Yeah, yeah, don't pick that. When you did a bad acting job, what movie? It was pretty bad. Well, cause that's what I'm, yeah. Yeah, so anyway, you know, that's all.

Starting point is 01:02:18 Come on, tell your story, for real. Well, cut it out then, because I don't think it's gonna hit now. What, tell it. It will hit. Can we do the segue again then? Yes, let's don't think it's going to hit now. What? Tell it. If you're, if this, can we do the segue again then? Yes, let's do it. Let's do the segue.

Starting point is 01:02:28 Well, you got, do you remember what you were talking about? Anyway, yeah, so this and that, yeah. Did you ever have any experience? No, I'm doing it. All right. I get to do it. I didn't know. I'm very good at segues.

Starting point is 01:02:37 I know you're very good. Oh, wow. So yeah, Gleason. Wow. Well, I have a story kind of like this. What is that? What happened? That was so good. Yeah, thanks. And story kind of like this. What is that? What happened? That was so good.

Starting point is 01:02:45 Yeah, thanks. And I wish that happened before. No. Don't you wish it? Have you ever had an experience that's similar to mine? It's over, Kim! What is the experience? What happened?

Starting point is 01:02:55 Well, I was in the movie, The Dictator. Yeah, we remember, great film. Beautiful, playing Kim Jong-un. No, I wasn't playing Kim Jong-un, dude. No? No, no, no. No, I'm serious. That's what I'm saying. Already now? Yeah. This is what's gonna happen. That's not Kim Jong-un. No? No, I'm serious. That's what I'm saying. Already now?

Starting point is 01:03:05 Yeah. This is what's going to happen. That's not Kim Jong-un. Yeah. That's me. That's not Kim Jong-un. That's me, dude. All right?

Starting point is 01:03:13 So I have this, right? So I have a couple of scenes in this movie. Okay. And I have, you know, that's my wife in the movie. Dude, I'm handsome. You look really good. I look so good. You really do.

Starting point is 01:03:21 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's a scene where I'm walking out of a really good. I look so good. You really do. Yeah. So there's a scene where I'm walking out of a bathroom with Ed Norton. Yeah. And I just blew Ed Norton in the bathroom. Okay. Right?

Starting point is 01:03:33 And so Larry Charles and Sasha are on set and they're like, all right, Bobby, you're going to walk out first, right? You're going to hit the mark, right? Turn around, right? And then he's going to come from behind you. And this whole thing, I have to memorize this whole thing, right? Just like yours. That's why I'm saying this story, right? Hard. So's going to come behind you. And this whole thing, I have to memorize this whole thing, right? Just like yours.

Starting point is 01:03:46 That's why I'm saying this story, right? Hard. So I'm like kind of panicking. I'm doing the best I can. I'm going, okay, hit the marker, turn left, see the line, this and that. And he's going to walk this way, right? So me and Ed go to the bathroom and he goes,

Starting point is 01:03:57 Ed Norton goes, nah, we're not doing it that way. I go, well, he goes, I'm going to go out first. And I go, what? Yeah, and so, you know, I know he said to say that, I think it go out first. And I go, what? Yeah, so I know he said to say that, I think it's better if I say this, then you turn around and you do that, and he changed, is the whole fucking thing, and now in my mind I'm like, oh fuck, whose idea do I do?

Starting point is 01:04:18 Do I do Ed Norton's or Larry the director's? In your head you're like, the director, even though he's a star. Right? So that I said something, this is the smartest thing I've ever done. I went, you know what, dude? I love that.

Starting point is 01:04:32 That's fucking great. Let's do it Larry's way first and the second tape will do it your way. And he kind of thought about it and he goes, all right, man. He'll hate you forever now. Why? Yeah, you don't'll hate you forever now. Why? Yeah, you don't step on Ed Nord.

Starting point is 01:04:48 Wait. Fight club? What? You're gonna step on fight club? Are you fucking out of your fucking mind right now? Shouldn't have done it. It was incredibly disrespectful to Ed Nord. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Starting point is 01:05:00 Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Are you fucking joking me right now? Yeah, fucker. Yes, relax. All right. Jesus Christ, you're getting so caught up. Yeah, that scene.

Starting point is 01:05:13 He's handsome. Yeah, he's very handsome. That is really, but it's an interesting note that he told you he wanted to go out first. You think that has to do with, is that star shit? Yes. It could have been. Is that star shit?

Starting point is 01:05:24 He's also an actor's actor, right? I know, but that's also some star shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, Tom Cruise will say that often, that people, it'll be written a certain way, and he'll often be like, mm, I don't know, I want to be in the front of the line. Joaquin would do stuff like that on set

Starting point is 01:05:36 because, you know, he'd go, I'd like it to go there, I'd think this way. And he's a genius. Yeah, yeah. The guy's like, probably our greatest living actor is top five, he's in there. I mean him, it's gotta be- Daniel Day-Lewis, let's go through the list.

Starting point is 01:05:49 Daniel Day-Lewis, right? Joaquin Phoenix. Joaquin. Right? Kevin James. Kevin James, we bought a zoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. Kevin James for sure.

Starting point is 01:05:59 What would happen if someone bought a zoo? Yeah, Kevin James for sure. Yes. Who's the- You know, it's good, Kevin James for sure. Ready? Governor Yes. Who's the- You know, it's good Kevin James story. Ready? Governor's Comedy Club in Long Island. I'm headlining.

Starting point is 01:06:08 My first time. The owner of Governor's, great guy, love him, Jimmy, comes back to me, Italian guy, swag, comes back, he goes, listen, he goes, Kevin James is doing his new TV show on Long Island. I go, great, we love him, that's great. He goes, so he's coming tonight, he's doing 20 minutes on all your headlining shows

Starting point is 01:06:25 right before you go up. So there's gonna be the feature, Kevin James for 20 minutes and then you. Great. Okay. Now, listen, if you're, so Kevin James goes up and they bring him up and they go, ladies and gentlemen, you know, every now and then we get a drop

Starting point is 01:06:43 and you know how it goes. The king of Queens. Oh, he's already famous. Ladies and gentlemen, you know, every now and then we get a drop and you know how it goes. Yeah. The King of Queens. Oh, he's already famous. Oh, he's bringing, he's coming back to TV. He's massive. Oh, OK, OK. I thought this was Young and Kevin James.

Starting point is 01:06:54 No, no, no, no, no. Before he made his second TV show. Huge. Kevin James comes out, OK? He gets an applause break in Long Island that I would only describe as like it's unreal. It's like it's just it's John Lennon coming back to alive. It's one of those things. It's like it's like like crazy.

Starting point is 01:07:19 And it's several minutes of clapping and standing before he does his first joke. He then kills for 20 minutes with like new stuff, with just stuff he thought of, like whatever, murdering. Then he leaves, then the host comes back on and goes, now please welcome, by the way, no introduction, goes, now please welcome Tim Dillon. I walk out on stage, people in the back are so drunk, they think it's still Kevin James.

Starting point is 01:07:43 Wow. They're far away, they're in the back, and they're drunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're just looking at shapes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're going, and then literally I start to talk, and people audibly start yelling, that's not Kevin James. Wow. They think like they switched out Kevin James

Starting point is 01:07:59 in the middle of his set. Yeah, yeah. They're drunk now. They go, what happened? Who's this? Yeah, yeah. What's this? Is it Kevin James? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:07 This is something. Do you have a story like that? But he's a really nice guy. No, I don't. Do you have a story like that? No, never. What? No, I know.

Starting point is 01:08:14 I never had a- I do. A mid bump. I do have a story like that. What do you have? See, I don't like this, what you're doing, dude. What am I doing? Get excited about my stories too, you know?

Starting point is 01:08:23 Oh my God, Tim. I'm excited. Tim, wait till you hear this story. Do you have a story like that? Yeah, but forget it. I mean, I get bumped to the comedy store more than anybody on earth. And I've said this before to Bill,

Starting point is 01:08:32 I think Burr specifically, it comes in and he's like, who's in Maine? And then like Santino's on the X, he goes, me. He bumps me every time. Wow. Without fail. I think I said that to you, I was like, it's magical.

Starting point is 01:08:45 I think he loves bumping my ass. He doesn't go long, so that's good. No, I think it's just, he knows me so he doesn't care. Like, who do you, have you been bumped at the Comedy Store? I think we all got bumped by Leslie Jones. Leslie Jones. Oh, that's right. She's bumped me a thousand. How did you feel about that?

Starting point is 01:09:00 I didn't love it, but it's okay. I just said, I'll just leave. Yeah, we just leave. I'll just get in but it's okay. I just said, I'll just leave. Yeah, we just leave. I'll just get in my car and leave. I leave. Yeah, I just leave. Yeah, sometimes we don't even show up. That's right.

Starting point is 01:09:11 A lot of times we're being bumped and we don't even know, because we're at our house. We're gone. Yeah, that's true. That's true. But do you think that's bad karma on our part? No. Like calling in.

Starting point is 01:09:21 No, no. It's fine. It is? I used to get bumped at the lab factory back in the day. Nothing means anything. Dane used to love bumping. Oh, he loves it I used to get bumped at the lab factory back then. Nothing means anything. By Dane, Dane used to love bumping. Oh, he loves it. And he would bump into an hour back then.

Starting point is 01:09:29 That's when he would bump, you know, and I'd sit in the back, 30, 40, 50, and then by that time, they're gone, you're gone. And then the next couple of times I go back and I would tell Jamie, I'd say, oh, I'm not gonna be, buddy, why will you live? He gonna be quick. I was like, no, no, no, I'm already home.

Starting point is 01:09:45 I'm already home, fuck that. Sometimes I would text a comic I knew that was there and was like, is he still on? Maybe he's cooking, baby. That's what he'd say back. He's cooking. I haven't been in the Laugh Factory since I broke his foot. Yeah, why?

Starting point is 01:09:57 Yeah, well. You know I broke his foot. Danes? No, Jamie Masada's. Oh my God. I broke his fucking foot. How? I was like, I did a good spot, this is years ago, and I was in that front area, you know?

Starting point is 01:10:08 Yeah. And you know, he always hangs out there, sitting on those stools. And I walk up to it and I'm jumping up and down like a fucking orangutan dude. I'm like, I killed it, I killed it. And I stomped on his foot. He screamed, he goes, oh, buddy! Buddy! Right?

Starting point is 01:10:24 And then two days later he goes, I went to the hospital, you broke my foot. And I haven't really been in there since. I feel so bad. You know what's so fun? He's like a fun little toy to play with because he's tiny. No one likes my stories.

Starting point is 01:10:33 And I used to bully him into money because at one point they were not paying anybody right. And so I was like, give me money right now, give me money. And I'd be joking with him, but he'd pull out money as a bit, I'd see him go, okay, I'll give you $100 buddy for food. You want $100, but he'd pull out money as like a bid. I'd see him go, okay, I'll give you $100, buddy, for food. You want $100? And he'd pull out money and I would steal money from him.

Starting point is 01:10:49 And I did it a lot. Like I would do this a lot. I feel like I did it way too much. And I would just grab his money and he'd be like, buddy, come on, come on. But I was like, no, you're fucking, the club never paid. It's Robinhood. They never pay.

Starting point is 01:11:00 Do you play there? I've never seen you at the Laugh Actor. I go occasionally and I'll do, there's a few shows there that I've done that's fun. And it's always fun when I go, but I just, I don't know, I'm usually the improv in the store. Store, yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:10 Store and the improv. What's your favorite though? What? What's your favorite? Store. I think, you know, but I'm starting to love the improv a lot. I would say overall the store, but I gotta be honest with you,

Starting point is 01:11:22 the improv, especially recently, I feel like is amazing. I do love it. I love it too. And I'm actually starting to like the ice house. Yeah. Even though- After you and I had a real wild experience.

Starting point is 01:11:32 We had a wild experience and I just didn't do well and I handled it maturely. I went to like salt and straw and just climbed in the thing. Like, you know, with all the ice creams, I just climbed in and I said, just leave me here overnight. But yeah, he called me and goes, just come back. I'm like, I fuck. I go, Tim, you gotta come back.

Starting point is 01:11:49 Yeah, cause it's the second show. I was like, I hated them. We can't not do the second show again. I'm not doing it. But I came back, I did come back. You did. I did come back. They have changed too.

Starting point is 01:11:57 Yeah, and it's better now. It's really good. Yeah, yeah. Because when I first went there, they treated me so poorly. Oh. Right. Like they didn't know who I was.

Starting point is 01:12:06 They don't. They're like, go around. They did the same thing. I go, no, I've been coming for three years. This is where you come through. Go around. You have to walk around and I had to show my ID. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:16 Right, and then come in and I'm like, where's the green room? I go, only commas go in the green room. I go, I'm on the show. Like that kind of vibe. Yeah. But then when I fucking talk shit and then they call. Then they call. The best thing is watching someone go to the mothership who doesn't know.

Starting point is 01:12:28 Like someone who just rolls in who's not known and they roll in with like a crew of people and it's like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, there's security. Like this is a legit place. Now obviously. You mean a comic that comes in with a group of people? Yeah, like a person who just doesn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's just not knowing.

Starting point is 01:12:45 Right. There's just not knowing. Yeah. You know, and it's like, it's just funny to watch someone who's like, hey, this is my buddy or whatever. And then, yeah, and then there's like, there's like, you know, like Navy SEALs looking at them. Just, it's just an energy, it's an energy, you know?

Starting point is 01:13:00 A bunch of guys kind of standing there, standing there like, this, who's this? I go, this is my buddy, he's just gonna hang out. And they go, huh? They just look, there's a bunch of guys kind of standing there, standing there like, this, who's this? Like, oh, this is my buddy, he's just gonna hang out. And they go, huh? They just look, there's a feeling of it. And I always liked to watch that happen. I was with that night, with Rogan, we went to Black Keys. That's when I realized, oh, he's the mayor of town.

Starting point is 01:13:17 Come on. He's the mayor of that town. Of Austin? I mean, he's absolutely. Yeah, bulletproof fucking SUVs, security, the whole fucking thing. Absolutely. Yeah, that Black East concert was weird. It did feel like we were, the CIA was protecting us.

Starting point is 01:13:31 Right. Like I felt like we were being like watched and protect like guys with radios and shit were talking to each other the whole time. Yeah. Can I tell them my story now? Yeah, please. It was like a little too late, but.

Starting point is 01:13:41 Give it. All right. So anyway. It was like a little too late, but. Give it. All right. So anyway. What is it? I did a movie.

Starting point is 01:13:52 What's the movie that you did? With Henry Lau. With who? Henry Lau. Yeah. He's a Korean pop star. I love him. What happened with Henry Lau?

Starting point is 01:14:00 Oh, it was crazy, dude. Tell me. Yeah. Anyway, I did a movie with Henry Lau. That movie. Final Recipe? Yeah, there you go. I did a movie with Michelle Yowes in it.

Starting point is 01:14:11 And he's a, right, so that, that event. So that event was like... It looks like a K-pop guy and his manager. That's what I mean, so this is what happened. It's like, look at these- It's all K-pop guy and his manager. That's what I mean. So this is what happened. It's like, look at these- It's all K-pop stars, right? And they go, ladies and gentlemen, Henry Lau. Right, introduce me first.

Starting point is 01:14:32 No, no, no. Right? So the place goes insane, but in the mayhem of the sound, they had said my name, but no one heard it. Right? I believe, right? So I now look like, see now,

Starting point is 01:14:44 I wish he didn't do the, I look like. Right. I believe. Right. And so I now look like now I wish you didn't do the I look like his manager. You do. I know. But the thing is that was the joke. Oh, I'm so sorry. You know. Yeah. So now I can't go.

Starting point is 01:14:52 Hey, now everyone thinks I'm his manager. But run it back. Yeah, try it. Just try it now. Yeah, try it now. We'll cut it. It's good. Try it now.

Starting point is 01:15:02 Okay, try it now. Yeah, go. Anyway, so, you know, we're at this Puck A pop Henry Laugh comes out the audience is right and and in the midst of this gigantic sound They said my name now. No one knows what now they think I'm his manager. Oh my god. Yeah That's fucking crazy fucking funny, it's crazy the way it all works. Yeah. You know?

Starting point is 01:15:29 You know? Yeah. Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah. You think Diddy is gonna be okay? He's in trouble. Yeah, he's gonna be fine. He's in big trouble.

Starting point is 01:15:39 I think he'll come back. He'll bounce. I think he'll be okay. He'll bounce back. It happens. Yeah, well, he's cooked, my friend. Happens to the ditter. Son, he's cooked, son.

Starting point is 01:15:48 I mean, Eminem's lyric is phenomenal. Did you hear that? Which one, what'd he say? He goes, look up Eminem's lyric about him. It's actually, cause I don't want to misquote it. He goes, like I'm a R-A-P-E-R, got so many essays, huh? Essay? And he goes, he didn't just leave out the,

Starting point is 01:16:03 he didn't just leave out an R, a P, Diddy. My God. My God. Listen to that. How long ago was that? I'm an R-A-P-E-R, got so many essays, huh? Essay? He didn't just leave out the letter P, Diddy?

Starting point is 01:16:17 Jesus Christ. Wow. Eminem. That's killer. That is. Did he just recently write that? But if Diddy is innocent, we're all gonna feel stupid, including him.

Starting point is 01:16:27 Yeah, take it back, Eminem. To be honest with you. Take it back. We'll feel bad. Well, everyone will feel stupid, like all of us. Is there a shot that he can get out with good lawyers? No. Why?

Starting point is 01:16:40 Yeah, I mean, OJ did. Cochran's not around. When I was in, all we believed in was high profile defense attorneys. We grew up with them. I watched, we watched him, OJ didn't even, when I was a kid. Cocker is not around. When I was, all we believed in was high profile defense attorneys. We grew up with them. I watched, we watched them get OJ out. We watched them get all these people out. Like we got excited.

Starting point is 01:16:51 They all had names like, like, like Irv, Irv Fishman. Irv Fishman. Or Ben Brathman. And they would come in there and they would just fucking kill. And his DA would get up and she'd be like, they found the gun. And he'd be like, you shut up bitch.

Starting point is 01:17:05 And he'd have a $4,000 suit. Yeah. And he'd have a Rolex and he'd have a bunch of rings. And he'd go, look at this bitch. Like that's what he'd say. He'd go, look at this bitch. And be some like frizzle haired, the state represented. And as kids, we were like, the best thing about our country

Starting point is 01:17:21 is that if you're rich and you kill someone, you get one of these guys who are the coolest people in the world. Johnny Cochran, what's the other guy's name? Bob Shapiro. Bob Shapiro. Oh dude, these people are fucking awesome. Is Dershowitz one? Alan Dershowitz?

Starting point is 01:17:37 Well, yeah, and he went down with them. He went down with the other. He was a good one. He was, yeah. He went down. The Dersh. Look at him, the Dersh. The Dersh dog.

Starting point is 01:17:44 Look at him. They got his ass. They got him. The Dersh. Look at him, the Dersh. The Dersh dog. Look at him. They got his ass. They got him. The Dersh dog. But he's still out there. He's debating CNN. Like he's on Piers Morgan all the time debating.

Starting point is 01:17:51 Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Man, they really, they made him look so bad though. That's, that's, the Dersh dog got taken down. Well, what happened to him? Cause he's, he was, he wasn't even for, what's his name? Flight logs. Yeah. He was defending all the flight for, what's his name? Flight logs.

Starting point is 01:18:05 Yeah, he was defending all the flight logs and all that bullshit. Well, he was trying to, he was like advancing the argument that Epstein had a nature conservatory. Yeah. And his whole thing's been a big misunderstanding. Right, the guy just had a green thumb. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:18:19 Who you mean, green thumb Epstein? How many times did he go to the island? Look at that. Him and Larry David. This is my ninth time. Had a fight in a grocery the island? Look at that. Him and Larry David got in a fight in a grocery store in Martha's Vineyard. Him and Larry David did? Yeah, Larry David was like yelling at him.

Starting point is 01:18:30 Mr. Dershowitz was like, I think, obviously coming out for like Epstein and Trump and all this stuff. And Larry David and him got into it. That's fucking rad. Look at that. This is the world we live in, and what do we learn today truly

Starting point is 01:18:43 that if you're rich enough and you kill someone, you can get away with it if you got a Dersh shank around. It depends if you got an Irv to come in with a nice suit. Yeah. We learned the title of this episode should be Somewhere in the Middle. The truth is Somewhere in the Middle. The truth lies somewhere in the middle.

Starting point is 01:19:00 The truth lies somewhere in the middle. Because that's the way it is. That's what it is. That's the way life is. That's the it is. That's the way life is. That's the truth. And that's what I think that we should remember with Diddy. The truth lies somewhere in the middle. Well, that's what we should all,

Starting point is 01:19:13 and that's by the way, I wouldn't even try to say innocence if I was his lawyer. That's where I'd go. I'd go, I wouldn't even go like anything because that's never gonna happen, right? So I get up there, I go, listen, is it as bad as they say? No.

Starting point is 01:19:26 Was it great? Not great. You're a great, no, I'm telling you. You're a great defense. I would have been a great defense attorney. I would have said, listen, none of this is great. I'm not here to tell you that this was great. What I'm here to tell you is that

Starting point is 01:19:42 I'm a jury, I'm a jury. It's not nearly as bad as what they're saying. And like many things in life, and I would say to you, pay attention. I'd say, please pay attention. I would say when I'm looking at the sky, you're thinking contemplated. OK, all right. I would take a while to learn that and trust that. OK, all right.

Starting point is 01:19:59 Let's start. Oh, you want to start over? We're jury. Here we are. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm here representing Mr. Combs, and I'm going to tell you this. Am I going to stand up here and tell you that this was great? No, I'm not going to say it was great. No. But was it as bad as all these people are saying?

Starting point is 01:20:17 No. Like many things in life, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. That's life. People have parties. Things get out of hand. No, it takes a lot of people to bake, I don't know what the exact term is, but the point is that- The cake. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:20:41 Can't speak on the joke. Oh, can't? I'm sorry. No, but I would actually- My bad. My bad. I got to guys, I would actually kind of like that. I like a kind of a cake, Jerry. Yeah, speak on the joke. Oh, can't? Oh, I'm sorry. No, but I would actually. My bad. I would actually kind of like that. Yeah, yeah. I like a kind of a give and take cherry. I kind of want a crowd work cherry, like a give and take. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:20:51 But I would say, before you go into deliberation. Cakes. Before you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, now it sounds like it's just being disrespectful to me. He's yelling cake at this guy.

Starting point is 01:21:01 It just sounds like you're being rude. I bet this guy likes cake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. It sounds like you're being a little rude bet this guy likes cake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like you're being a little rude. Okay. But I'm not gonna motion for you to be discussed. What I'm gonna say is this, when you are deliberating,

Starting point is 01:21:10 I want you to remember that this is a person. This is a person with children. This is a person with children and a career. And this is a person who is more than the sum of his worst acts, okay? Wow. He's more than the sum of his worst acts, okay? Wow. He's more than the sum of his worst acts. Let's deliberate.

Starting point is 01:21:30 Let's deliberate. What do you think? Not guilty. No, he's guilty. Yeah, yeah, he's definitely guilty. But he'll be guilty. He'll be guilty. I can be sweet so easily.

Starting point is 01:21:37 Yeah, you would be such a bad jury. Guilty, oh no, guilty. No, you're not guilty. What is it called, a hang jury? A hang jury. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be because of you every time. What's great about the defense attorneys

Starting point is 01:21:47 is when they lose, they go on CNN. CNN's like, what happened? And the defense attorney goes, he's a rapist. Oh, right, right, right. He's a terrible person. Lay it right out. It's like, what did you want me to do? I was making money.

Starting point is 01:21:59 Yeah. Wow. That was very intriguing, I'm telling. That's how I would do it. I would also go into, if I may, into like, we've all been at parties. Right. We've acted a fool.

Starting point is 01:22:11 Uh-huh. No? That's your defense? No, I'm just, I'm just like, you know what I mean? No, I think he's not gonna hire you. I'm at the firm. We've all been to parties? Imagine the kid in the room of a law firm

Starting point is 01:22:21 pitching ideas over how to. Yeah, that's what I would pitch you. Like, you're the main lawyer, right? It's Dylan and, you know what I mean, Jewish guy. That's what the fucking firm is called. That's the name of the firm, Dylan and Jewish guy. Smart. Well, cause it rotates.

Starting point is 01:22:34 It rotates, yeah, yeah. Who knows, you know what I mean? Who knows, who's coming in? So I'm working on Dylan and Jewish guy, and I'm like, well, we could talk about, like, people get drunk at parties, and they make mistakes too, no? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:44 Well, I'm gonna say, what about people who went to the parties at a completely great time? Right. Exactly. Bring them out? Yeah, yeah. I bet we bring out a bunch of people that went to the parties and weren't assaulted. Interview Big Sean. Bring him in here. How about that? How about me ask, me and me ask this question. I'm like, what is assault?

Starting point is 01:22:57 Well, also what is human trafficking? What is it? That's very good. I'm gonna write that down. What is the whole point? What is it? What are you even saying? Okay, okay. What is that?

Starting point is 01:23:03 Okay, okay. I feel like you're hired at the firm. Dude, I'm working with Dylan and fucking Jewish guy. Yeah'm gonna write that down. What is the whole point? What are you even saying? What is that? Okay, okay. I feel like you're hired at the firm. Dude, I'm dealing with a fucking Jewish guy. Yeah, I'm dealing with a Jewish guy. Dude. That would be a great law firm, by the way. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:13 You would be like, yeah, I'll take that. But what you really gotta do, what they really actually have to do is go and go, the people coming out against him right now are all hoping for compensation. Where have they been? Where have they been? This has been happening for decades

Starting point is 01:23:24 and nobody's said anything. That's how they pitch. So good. Yeah? Where have they been? This has been happening for decades and nobody's said anything. That's how they pick. So good. Yeah. Oh, they, oh, they just, oh, like all these people in Scientology, oh, they just figured it all out. Lee Remini, you rat. They're all rats. And I go, oh, you all figured it out now? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:37 You're all liars. Oh, they were all, they're trying to get money from this client of mine. Wow. Who is a Christian man. Yeah. Very good. The Christian lean is always good. Always. Christian lean's good.

Starting point is 01:23:46 Would you rather be a prosecutor or a defense attorney? I would rather be a prosecutor. I feel like I'm a prosecutor. I think you are a prosecutor. Yeah, I'm a prosecutor. What am I? You're a defense attorney for sure. I think, well, here's what I think is interesting.

Starting point is 01:23:59 Your mumble, bumble, scramble eggs. You're a defense attorney. You come in all sloppily late. You do something brilliant. Like there was a guy, like you do, it was this cra, this woman, Dana Goldblatt, she was an attorney. I was a juror on a murder trial.

Starting point is 01:24:11 Murder trial. Murder, torture, and rape, literally. Holy shit. And we convicted him. He was, he did the wrong, he killed his baby mom and all that. That's her, Dana Goldblatt? Yeah, so she was an attorney.

Starting point is 01:24:22 Now, what, is that her? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's gotta be it, look. So she defended this guy, and she would wear these wacky outfits like Miss Frizzle on the Magic School bus. Yeah, and you would end up staring at this bitch's outfits all day and not listening to the thing. Oh wow. So like I think you could do a fun gag where you're like the prosecutors up there doing something and you're doing something very distracting. Yeah, even some of my language I wouldn't even talk. I would say something like, hey-o. This is like a new Mike Hussein Vinny. I would go to the jury and go, hey-o.

Starting point is 01:24:50 You hear me? Yes! Because they're going, did he say hello or hey? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, and that's the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's who cares who raped who? No, I get it.

Starting point is 01:24:58 And I would see something witty like, I just had some kombucha. Yeah. Right, like for breakfast. And dance, like you would dance. Tasties and kombucha. And you bring in your kava. Yeah, yeah? Like for breakfast. And dance, like you would dance. Tansy's and kombucha. You bring in your cava.

Starting point is 01:25:06 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotta like dance a little too. Right, I would do, yeah. Where did they say he hit her? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, you got me, dude. I'd be a very good defensive player. You'd be a great, yeah.

Starting point is 01:25:17 Dylan, Jewish guy, Lee. By the way, can you imagine if you were going, like if you were charged with murder and you looked at the two people defending you And it was me and Bob I have my sunglasses on and a red nose. What is going on with these? Yeah, I just like yeah Kombucha, baby dancing in with your kava baby. Yeah Well, what do you want to plug?

Starting point is 01:25:46 Dates? No, I don't care. No, I mean, they're on the website. Come see me. Come see him live, but also. One of the funniest guys on planet Earth. Thank you very much. I really believe that.

Starting point is 01:25:54 If you want to watch it on Netflix, it's October 1st. Thank you guys for having me. I'm glad we finally did this. Thank you. And a gift Tim Dillon. Oh, thank you for being a bad friend. Tim Dillon, everybody. Woo!

Starting point is 01:26:03 That was so fun. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Tim Dillon, oh thank you for being a bad friend. Tim Dillon everybody. That was so fun. Woo, yeah. Woo, yeah. Woo, yeah. Woo, yeah.

Bad Friends - Tim Dillon Breaks Down Diddy

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