Bad Friends - Tortilla Face

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

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Our studio smells like poop. And we walk in. Well, twice I walked in because I had to go to the bathroom. Yeah, but the poop, the smell was before that. Before I smell the poo, then I smelled my own poo came back, more poo. More poo. Yeah, it's worse than the poo that I had. The real poo.

Well, there's a pipe that broke. There's a pipe. And then you guys gaslighted it as saying that, oh, there's no smell. No smell. Yeah. Oh, this is, okay. Well. They had a meeting before and they go, tell them we don't smell enough.

What is going on? Is there a leak? Something broke. You can't. None of you can smell that. I can smell it from here. Dude, I said it three times Yeah, good

We have the same senses You guys are gas lighting up Yeah You did smell something It's not famous thing, dude This is wood No, you all got I can close my eyes

I know the senses You got a note's job off Okay This is wood Yeah, yeah This is glass This is glass Yeah, yeah

This is ceramic Yeah, that's a wall I can see All my senses are working And I smell poo Smelling poop in there typically means You're inhaling

Volatile Hydrogen sulfide So Oh my God We're inhaling This is our studio is hydrogen sulfide. We got to get out of here, dude. Aero particles, apparently.

Honestly, we do need to get out of this. We got to get out of the studio. That's the final. That's what it is. Microscopic fecal particles, arrow particles. I think you have phantom odors, though. No, brother.

Maybe it's the odor that Lindsay Graham left. Oh, man. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends.

All my villains are dying. I know. Yeah, yeah. Mitch McCullough is in the hospital. That's my penguin. The Riddler died. That's my Lindsey Graham. My MCU is fucking fucked.

There's a theory that they, that Mitch McConnell is dead. And they killed Lindsey Graham to cover up more time. No, but they posted a real photo with him and China, lady. AI. Do you see the photo, though? It looks AI to me. Yeah, yeah. Doesn't it look AI-ish?

That's AI. Yeah. Look at that. That's not even a real. in the room together. There's no way. Those are two separate photographs that they mesh together.

It's pretty good AI, though. Who's the guy in the back under all the blankets? Oh, that's true. Who's holding up the pillows? Yeah, that is true. Stop it. That's crazy.

It's crazy. He's alive, though. That's what they say. I don't think he thinks, I don't think he knows he's alive, but he's alive. As of now, as of now, he's alive.

If this show does anything. Yeah. If this show does anything. And it comes in three in a row. Oh, yeah. It comes in three in a row. It comes in three in a row. I don't know.

maybe the man on top. That's all I can say, the man on top. Wait a minute. You know what? What? Not that I want. Yeah. You know what I did the other day, by the way?

Yeah. You know what I did? I saw like a podcast clip about somebody. Joel McHale was talking about some of his craziest guests on who's a Dan Patrick show. And he brought up Danny Badaucci being one of the worst guests on the soup. I thought he passed away. Didn't you think he wasn't alive? I don't even know who that is.

Yeah, you bring up Danny Bada duch. Oh. Oh, I love him. What was he on? Partridge family? What was it? Zoom in. Yeah, Partridge.

Partridge family. I thought he passed away. God, 1974. He's still alive. That's me. Yeah, Redheads? You guys survived for a very long time. I don't know, dude.

Do we? Yeah. Yeah. Like wildfire or something. Don't say anything fancy. You don't deserve anything right now. He was taking shots at me. I bit my lip and he goes,

Luna does that all the time. And we tell her, he eat the food, not your mouth or the tongue. I bit my lip. To get residuals from Partridge? Google that. Gotta be. Probably.

I don't think so, dude. Oh, yeah. What do you mean? They still play. That's got to be an international show. Yeah. He does still receive residuals. Royalties are usually small, like 11 cents, he says, all the time.

If it's over a dollar, it's $3. Oh, my God. From the 70s. Wow. Wow. Sometimes I look at my, do you ever look at that, the app? Do you ever look at the app? Is this residuals?

There's sag after you can look at your app and you can see what your residuals are. Watch us. Let me tell you what's coming. Okay. I'm excited for this, actually. Is this real? Residuals. Yeah, I want to see if I'm, well, that's for you.

Residual. I don't have a thing. $30. Friendsgiving. Oh, it's from a bunch of it. So it's five things that once all Warner Brothers. This is what we're, this is what we're, you never tracked that? No, my thing is to be like, you owe $8.

Yeah. Yeah, I owe. Yeah. You owe $14.95 to Matt TV. for you. There's no way I'm getting checks. Well, they're not going to you. Yeah, they're going to someone.

Someone's got that. Somebody's got it. 58 bucks coming in. Yeah. Wait, Mad TV definitely still giving you residuals. I don't think so. There's no way. Mad TV is syndicated for sure all over the world.

They're playing somewhere in a hut in Indonesia. Yeah, yeah. They're cracking up at Mrs. Chang. There is no way. Yes, it says. It says yes. What? Mad TV cast members and crew still receive residual checks from their contracts.

Oh, you probably didn't have in your contract. contract. I didn't probably have it. Yeah. That's a minute. They have Christoph Flanagan as, as, as, her photo is always the one. Why is that, do you think? That was the one that was when I farted in the mouth, remember? Remember? You farted in her mouth and she cried? It's famous Bobby story. Yeah. I mean, it does make sense. If you farted in it's anybody's mouth, they would cry. I know at the time, though. My instinct said no, but I did it. Isn't that funny that when we were kids, you could do that to your best friend and that was like a, that's what it was. It was like a fun for club, but she cried. I told. I told. I told. I told you, I used to put a, I used to- It's club behavior. It's club. Yeah, yeah, it's on the club. Locker room, yeah. Basement sleepover stuff.

My best friend, Sean, I told him on here, right? Yeah. He's claustrophobic. I used to put a blanket over him and hold him down. That's like the meanest thing in the world. And he would cry. Stop! Stop!

So when we were in Sacramento. So mean. Troy, remember Troy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my buddy Troy works for the casino. So Troy reminded me a story of this guy, Eric Purvis. And when I was a kid, I spent the night.

at their room, and it was a slumber party with a bunch of kids. Sleepover, yeah. Sleepover, right? And they drew penises on my face of like, penises. Yeah. And I just said that.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They drew things on my face. They drew penises on your face. And you know what I mean? And you know what I mean? Whatever, you know. When I did sleepovers, they drew up penises on my penis.

Yeah. Very weird. I want to get a tattoo of a bigger penis on my penis. Do you think that'll work? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, have I said that talk before?

No. Okay. Anyway, so I remember I got up and I cried and I walked home. How far was the walk you think? It was like a seven-mile walk. With a dirt road. With dicks all over your face? Yeah, with dicks all over my face.

I remember Eric's mom drove to find me and I was crying and she picked me back up and drove me home. It's too sensitive. Did she help you get the dicks off of your face? I think I had my dad did it. Did you say if you gay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does this mean you gay? Your dad thought that they were dick and you're gay.

That's like a star on your sleeve that they did for Jews. They did that for you. They drew cocked on you if you were gay. Yeah. It was all over my face and I just, I remember why did I make a big deal out of it? Because it's embarrassing. It was embarrassing. It's not fun when someone draws a dick on your face.

It's fun if everyone's doing it to everyone, but if everyone teamed up on you. They teamed up on me and it's like I also, I don't like getting woken up abruptly. You do not. I don't. It puts me in a bad mood. Or you fall out of a bunk. Yeah, and you go to the hospital. Yeah, I'll just, what do you mean?

When you fell out of the bed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I fell out and I broke my face on the Burke Chrysler tour bus. Yep. Yeah, stuff like that. That's crazy. The fact that that happened on his bus, of course, it's going to happen on his bus. Yeah.

Where else didn't happen on our bus? I know. Well, because I got to choose where to sleep. That's exactly right. Yeah, I want bottom bunk. You want, you need bottom. I need bottom. I'm a little guy.

Right? And then it's like, no, man, they bully me. Well, that's what we're going to do at some point in a couple years. I said we're going to do one more world tour, bus tour, world tour. Oh, no. We are. Oh, yeah. We got to go back out and do one more for the kids.

Oh, yeah. One more. Remember when we did the KSI show? We did his make me laugh show. Yeah. It's, um, and they got a, what? Tough. It was tough for me because it's like, nothing makes me laugh if it's not you.

Actually funny. It's hard. It's hard. It's not. it's so hard to make somebody laugh. But I went up there and I went up on stage and I just do a funny dance. Killed. And it got everyone to laugh.

It's not hard. It's not hard. No, but here's where you're wrong. It's because everybody thinks they can be funny. You make a noise. You know what I mean? That's funny. You know what I mean?

And that's all you have to do to get anyone to laugh. But they had this. I mean, one woman pretended to be poo. Yeah, you liked her. No, I love the poo girl. She was great. That was thought out. The weird one that probably isn't going to end up.

in the episode was an older woman came up and did a southern story about going to a motel with her husband and she had a cane and she threw it. And then I got worried. I said, do you need the cane? And she did need the cane. She needed it.

But it was very strange. And then the girl after her stole the cane. Stole the cane from her. Yeah. Yeah. And she came up with the cane, which, and I wanted her to get the money. She did get the money.

I know because I forced it. You made sure she got the money. Because she's an open mic or I've seen her at open mics. But anyway, they do that. They make sure that. the right people get the money because they want to make sure they, they go, we don't want to give away, they want to give away money. Yeah. They want to give it to people. But it was hard. People didn't have a plan. You got to have a plan. They just came out like, hey, what's going on?

One guy set up a piece of bread. Yeah. And it fell. And it fell. And they laughed. They laughed. I didn't laugh. No, I said they laughed. Yeah, yeah. Any breadwork, I'm not. I'm out. Yeah. That's not true. Yeah, breadwork I don't do it. That's not true because you said French roll would have made you laugh. Yeah, I said croissant. If it would have made you laugh. Yeah, if we were in France, yeah, that would have made me laugh. But it was like, it was things like that were happening. It just reminded me that we're old.

Maybe we don't have our finger on the pulse of comedy now. No, my finger's on this pulse making sure my cholesterol laugh. I'm old. We're old people now. Yeah, we don't get it. But bread, I guess, is a thing on the internet. See, bread can be funny concept of Gen Z. Surreal random meme reference to money income getting that bread.

Didn't get any of that. And then the tortilla thing. But that was funny. You hit you hit he he he hit a guy in the face with the tortilla and then he hit him back But he he hit Bobby so hard he fell I fell up back It was so I like blacked out for a second He hit you hard you were worried yeah I thought like you were gonna like break your back or something First of all you're supposed to hit him with the tortilla

He used his hand and I got hit some of his fingers were in my face That her you got assaulted yeah I got assaulted It was like five minutes in too It was wild yeah it was wild What I would have done is like you auditioned them first Here's what you would have done. You would have gone on stage and told jokes. That's how you're funny.

That's not our world. Trying to make people laugh. Like stand-up? Yeah, we're stand-ups. I know, but I can still do it. That's different, though. That's clowning. That's actually clowning.

I can clown around, you know, and do it, but they just weren't funny people. Would you be willing? Yes. Already, already, yes. Because I want to do it. Let's do it. I want to go to clown school. I actually would do a semester at clown school.

I'm not kidding. Would you go to France with me and do a semester or clown school? I would do a semester, yeah. Because after I talked to Zach Zucker about it, I was like, this is incredible. I would love to just go. It's like, you know how people go take a college course because they want to learn something? Not from you, fancy. You guys would be good.

Oh, I'll be the best clown. By the way, he gets a kid's show out of this. No, but here's another thing I want to do with you. Hero neighbor. Won't you be my neighbor? Yeah, yeah. I would put You know that you've seen

those Chinese people wearing the squeaky ducks on their feet and then they whip at each other with a harmonica? So funny. I want to do that. It's the one of the funniest

with mouse traps on the floor. I love stuff like that. What is that even cold? This, I, no, that's not. Yeah, it's, they whip, they whip each other. Do you guys with ducks on their feet, just click on that.

It's just so funny that they do that. Yeah, I think it's a fun game. They beat each other with ducks on their feet. Yeah, This, this. Yeah, look at... Escapolu.

So this guy's blindfolded, and they have to walk, and he swings at him. Yeah. Pause this. This is just in this guy's bedroom, by the way. I know. He got his friends over. It was like, come put ducks on your feet. Yeah.

This is what we need to do. I want to do this. This is fun. This is funny. Some people use bullwips, like white dudes. That's crazy. It's crazy, where they get really hurt. Yeah, we're not going to do that.

But maybe a bell. or something. Yeah. Last night we had a crack. We had Thai food last night. But I make fun of my wife every time she gets Tomka soup. Why?

It's beautiful. Lemongrass is not it for me. I love lemon grass. It smells like wet feet grass. It smells like the studio. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is. Tomcahawk, it's lemon grass soup with mushroom.

It's, I cannot stand it. And to me. It's so refreshing to me. It just feels like they don't even like making it. Like they get the order and they're like, Tomca? All right. Like they have to get it out.

They like making fun stuff. This is this is like soup slop. It's also like the taste. It's like when did fire become a flavor? It's crazy. You know what I mean? Burn. It burned.

It's an element. Right? It's like, oh, this sandwich is windy or whatever. Like, why would you, you know, like it should not be a flavor. No, fire doesn't need to be. Yeah, fire. Yeah, earthy muscles. That's never good.

What are you eating? A storm. A storm, yeah, yeah, yeah. Meeting a little storm. See, I can't do it. Where it's like so hot, like how is this... Do you like hot shit? Yeah, but not like that.

Not like where it's so hot you can't taste anything. Yeah. Because I told you, I took my buddies, one of his good friends over to, in Thai town, to Jit Lada. I don't know. You don't know Jit Lada. Yeah, you say these things. I'm not fancy. No, Jit Lada is one of the most famous old school Jit Lada.

Jonathan Gold ranked it as like one of the best Thai food in L. at the time, rest in peace, Jonathan. Go, Jitlada's the best. Oh, I want to go there. Oh, you know Jitlotta. You passed it 100 times. Yeah, I've seen that before. Is that on La Brea?

No, it's on, it's on Hollywood Boulevard. In Taitown. So good. We took a Swedish kid here. Whatever, Swedish, Danish, something up there. What does it have it? That happened, just a kid.

Those kids don't eat spice. Swedish kids. Okay. And eat Nordics. He goes, she's like, how spicy? And he's like, hot. And they were like, okay, how hot? Like, they see whites.

They know better. And they go, you don't. do what we do. See, if it's 10, what you do is a two or three. If it's 10 from them, I get three max. Max. You don't go over five. There's no way.

Five is too much. We're what, I'm white. Yeah. We can't do that. This guy got their spice and he did the game where he's like, no, it's good. And we're like, that's not too hot. And he was like, it's fine. Four seconds.

Dripping in sweat. Yeah. He's like convulsing and he's like, I don't know if I can finish. And you're like, yeah, no shit. Yeah. You just bet that. Wait, wait, that Swedish got an Asian accent? Yes.

It turns him Asian. Uh-oh. He ate such hot food. Yeah, yeah. He became Thai. Wow. Anyway, Thai food. Gotta be my new number one lately.

I don't know what it is. I keep eating good Thai. Yeah, Thai's my, it's never been my thing. Wow, really? Yeah, Indian is my thing. I love Indian. You ever go to El Merch?

Come on. Yes or no? Of course. El Merch is so good. Yeah. Don't give it away on this show. Why? I'm able to go.

No. The non? We shouldn't say the name. I don't want people. No, no, Elmerch. I want to give them a plug. That's how good they are. No, it is good, but then it's not, now, now people are going to.

You don't go there every day. I'm there every day. Yeah, yeah. Elmerch is so good. It's phenomenal. They have, I don't know about you with samosas. What do you mean? I love somers.

I know, but I'm only a vegetable samosa guy. No, no, no, no. Oh, yeah, yes, yeah. No, you don't ever get meat? No, I only get vegetable samosas with the potato and the peas in there. It's so clean and fried. It's delicious. gnawn. I love garlic.

What's like garlic on you? Garlic non is my favorite. Garlic, okay. It's my favorite. Good. And then you always get two curries of something, you know? Have to get at least two curry. Yeah, a chicken one and a, what do you do?

I do a veggie curry and then a, and then. A veggie always. Yeah, veggie always. Always. And then. I'm just making our listeners hungry is all this really. Yeah, but it's a really good. I love Indian food.

Well, welcome back to the show, McCone. We're starting. When I give you money? What do you spend it on? I would spend it on. I would bowling with some friends. Good. I spent it on when I got drinks with my aunts.

Now, did you pick up the tab? Because you never offered the tab ever. You picked up the tab. I threw a couple hundreds down on it. Whoa, player. Wow. Wow, at the bowling alley? By the way, $100 of Minnesota at a bowling alley that's like, you go bowl for a month.

Yeah. Amazing. They're like how many games you want to own the bowling alley? Do you hook up with any Minnesota ladies? You know he did. No, I was just with my family. He's being quite. You know he did.

He took someone to the cabin. Yeah. Now, my girlfriend wants me to take me to a wedding in Wisconsin in the woods. Should you go? I know, I'm scared. Whenever a white girl says, let's go to the woods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And invites a minority to the woods.

You know that's bad. Yeah. Have you seen Get Out? That didn't work out too well for him. That's your girlfriend and that's you. Yeah. It's sinking in. It's slowly sinking in.

And then in the movie, so I enter a white man? Yeah. Yeah. You do. Hello, neighbor. Is that they just Yeah You transform into a nerdy white guy

Wow Bradley Whitford Yeah phenomenal legend Guy's so good He's so good I mean West Wing and it goes on and on Yeah Studio 60 Yeah studio 60 yeah

Not as good What's the ones What's the show with the whites And the hoods and the That's why I took you two in the south No What's the one that works like modern But it's like oppressive

Hands and mail. Handmail. Hands a male. I saw that. Hands mail. He's in that. Yeah, yeah, hands of mail. That show was so good.

It was so good. That show. But the best show on television is Widows Bay. I never seen it. It is. My friend Katie Tiphold and Colton Dunn produce it. It's so good. I know Colton Dunn.

He's great. He's great. So it's, dude. Wait, this is his show? He wrote this? He produces on it, yeah. He's the man. He's in it. No. Neither of them are in it. No, they're writers. He's an actor. Yeah, but he does. But he's, you know, Colton wrote for Key and Peel. Yeah. I mean, he's a great, right. He was a mad TV writer. He got a, he did a role that I was maybe going to be up for in Superstore when he's in a wheelchair. Yeah. And they literally, I went in for the audition. They were like, you're in a wheelchair. And I was like, oh, why? Why? And they were like, what do you mean? Just you're in the character's in a wheelchair. Wow. I was like, no, no, I just, I didn't. I just, I didn't. I I didn't know that going in. They didn't tell me that until I was in the room.

What? Did you do it? Well, yeah. I was like, yeah. I know. It's so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to go high so they can give you notes. You got to go lower it down, lower it down. You know what I mean? They have to tell you to tone it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You didn't get it? Yeah, yeah. I didn't get it. Hi, it's Piano Colley, and I am a real-life wheelchair user. I want to pop in to let y'all know Andrew Santino is my best friend and you should be yours too don't be bothered by what you just said

I'm not so you shouldn't be either yeah we got it okay where's my fucking money oh there you go I'll edit this I'm gonna count it Acorn so many people are focused on where their money is today

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As listeners of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace. When you go to Talkspace.com and enter promo code, Space 80. That's Space 80, S-P-A-C-E-E-0 to match with therapist today, go to talkspace.com and enter that promo code. Space 80. Went out a couple times with a gay Asian guy. Oh, you did. Yeah, I'm like, hello. Everybody.

Yeah, I did that. Imagine my performance is so bad. They're like, we got to have a black guy in the wheelchair. I literally auditioned it, and they were like, it's too much. We can't do this guy. This guy's too much. We went too far. Yeah, but Widows Bay is...

I went back for a callback. I broke my neck. I jumped off a building. Yeah, it's called Myzer technique. I love it. method. But Widows Bay is the funniest and pretty scary show. It's great.

What's it on Apple? It's on Apple. Jeez, man. These guys keep making great TV and we're not a part of any of them. God, I bought your fucking phone. Cast me. Look, it's done there, Katie. And then we know the other guy.

Pretty great. Hero. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know who that is. He was the showrunner for Atlanta. That's, what's his name?

No. Did I fuck up his name? That's not the same guy. It is. Is it? Yeah. Can you look it up? I don't know.

It doesn't. Oh, yeah, Hero Mirai. Hero Mirai did. Yeah, Hero Morai. That's right. He doesn't look like that. He's getting older. Maybe they used the wrong picture, wrong Asian.

That happens a lot. Yeah. That's so funny. I got an Amber alert yesterday last night. Yeah. And then I was driving on the highway, and they also had it on the highway on one of the signs. Enough.

You're not going to get them. Have you ever got an ebony alert? What's an ebony alert? It's real. It's when a black person goes missing. Yeah, my phone goes, God damn! Dude, I was waiting. I was like, who's going to do it?

It's right there. It's in California. It's new. It's so hard on the phone when you're watching a movie at the theater. God damn, all the time. Oh, you're already talking so much. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, yeah. But, well, so yeah, I get Amber alerts as well. Yeah. It's always crazy. It's in a van. If it's Ebony alert, it should be Ivory alert then. If it's Ebony and Ivory, why wouldn't we do that? Why is it Amber?

Because it was a girl that got kidnapped named Amber. Yeah, it's probably... Can I be honest with everybody in our audiences? Yeah. If you're naming your kid Amber, she's going to get kidnapped. Yeah. Also, can I just another suggestion? Please.

Right? Don't kidnap white girls. Because they care so much. They care a lot. They care so much. Don't kidnap white girls. That's a lesson out there, right? It's a lesson out there.

Don't do it. Yeah. I just don't like when you get the Amber Ler on your phone and it goes, ah! Yeah. You're like, okay, I can't. I'm not going to go. I'm not going.

What am I going to go look for the Kia Soul? I'm going to go look for a brown Kia Soul with license plate XQ485. You can turn them off on the government alert section. How fucked up and dark is that? You can turn it off. I have. That's a little we care about people. We go, I don't want to.

No, mine's on. I want to keep it on. Because what if I'm at the 7-11? Now, this is the beginning of the movie. You wouldn't do anything if you saw Amber. Are you out of your mind? Amher, she's gone. But if Amber's gone.

This is the beginning of a good movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're at 7-11. I'm at 7-11. I look over, I get an Amber, I look over, look out for a white bus. You know what I mean? With Floris and Green.

You mean like a van? Yeah, yeah. A white van? Bus. Oh, school bus? No, a bus, like that, a school bus. Right, well, Florac Green hubcaps. These guys are bad criminal.

Yeah, yeah, right. What do they steal her in? A big white, the Chinese tourist bus. Yes. It's a tourist bus. It's a tourist bus. The tourist bus. And it's filled with Chinese people going to Hollywood Boulevard.

Exactly. Right. And it says, you know what I mean? Look for a Puerto Rican kid named, you know what I mean? Raul. Tata. Last scene on a bus filled with Chinese tourists going to Griffith Park. And then I go, would I, who do you call?

The cops. No. They're busy. And then you got to call and go, I think I see the white bus. You call the cops an emergency dock answers. Hey, man. We'll suck. Hey, man.

girl got kidnapped. You got the job? Yeah, yeah. I thought you failed. Yeah, they needed someone bad, Tino. We're like, who do you call the cops? And then they leave and then what happens? They try to track them. And then I got to stay there. Then now you're implicated. This is what I'm saying. This is the beginning of a movie. Now you're in. The cops don't show up so you keep following them. And then you have to pretend like you're a part of their crew. No, because I have a white bus too. Right? There's another white bus. It just so happens. Yeah, I have a white bus. Okay, I got it. You're a tour guide and you're giving a Chinese tour. Why a Chinese tour?

That's who takes those. No. You mean like a Hollywood tour? Yes. Yeah. And they're kidnapped the girl. They're not Chinese. They're like, oh, this is where more gonna freedom and a live.

They do? I've been on that tour. That's exactly what it sounds like. Okay. The whole time. Yeah. And they come with a little flag and they go, follow, follow. Okay.

We've all seen this tour. All right. So I'm a guy. There's two tour buses. Identical. Identical. We're both Chinese guys? No.

Oh, dude. The kidnappers are just guys that kidnapped a girl. But they have a tour bus. They have the yours. same bus. The same kind of bus. Yeah, exactly. And you're giving a tour. Actually, the same bus is the one bus. You're just the driver.

Right. They kidnap a girl and take her on your tour bus. Oh, I see. And I call on my own. Right. Speed. It's speed. It's the same. It's just doing speed. Oh, there's a bomb on it. Oh, there's a bomb. There's a bomb. You have an adult child and a bomb. Do I have an accent in it?

A hundred percent. Oh, hello. Yeah. Police. L.A. Police. I'm going to help you. I have a bomb on my tour bus. Okay. Where are you? We were going to Marlon Browna house. Oh, you got a head.

Yeah, go to Marlon Brown house. Okay. Yeah. And then, you know, there's a guy in the back. Mm-hmm. And he goes, I saw Ambler first. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Is it a girl with you? What? Is a little girl on the bus? Yes. Well, I got two. I got Amberla and Ebony Alert. Yeah. So both of them are on bus.

Okay. Yeah. Well, bring them to the police station now. No, but there's a bomb. Well, why is there a bomb in the bus? Please call Keanu Reeve. Okay, I'll call Keanu Reeves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I think he can solve.

What about Sandra Bill? Do you want me to call her? No, no, no, not her. Okay, this is not a bolt speed situation. Okay, this is a... You dig? Yeah, it's a funny movie. It's a funny movie, right.

Amber Alert. I've never heard of an Ebony Alert. You made that up by it. I really didn't. Yes, you did. No. How come we've never gotten one? Is it only for black people's phones?

Because you had the right. Yeah, exactly. Cricket wireless. It comes with Crickett wire. It comes with it as a package. By the way, they only, Ebony Alerts only go to phones that go green. It's only, it's not I message.

It's only, you can only get it if you have an Android. This is insane. It's insane. Emergency notification system, California, design aid to swift recovery, missing black youth and women. I've only seen Amber. I've never seen Ebon.

Who's the download it? It's not an app. Just do all races then. Yeah, I don't know why. We're doing the argument of Fox News. Yeah, Korean Alert. Oh, that's funny. He is.

He's on Fox. Kimchi Alert. Can I tell you something? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Kimchi Alert's so good. For kimchi thieves? Yeah.

Oh, just, okay. Kimchi Alert. So good. The California Ebony Alert program on an effect January 1st, 2024. Oh, it just started. All right. We're brand new.

We're brand new. By the way, I'm going to Europe in, what, eight days? I had no idea you got to get a visa to go to UK now. You got to pay 20 bucks just to like apply to go to the, as a tourist. Yeah, we did it last year for the London. Those are not our dogs anymore. I thought they were our boys. Well, Australia, do I have to do it?

100% Australia you do. Yeah, but you're working. I'm going as a tourist and you still have to get one. Wow. I thought that was wild. I was like, man, they really don't like us anymore, huh? Yeah. You got to apply right there to the ETA.

They do the same thing coming here. I know, but we didn't used to do that. Yeah, but for the world. World Cup, how many, I mean, was it difficult for people to come here? No, you just pay 20 bucks. Tourists pay 20 bucks. But I'm sure they don't know, everyone in. I think they do.

I don't know. Have you seen some of those games? It looks like everybody got in. Yeah, yeah. Holy shit, dude. It's a Trump thing, I think. 2025. Oh, it just started.

January of last year. So we did it when we went there last year. Oh, yeah. Didn't know that. Yeah. It's making so much. Even the park, I mean, it's like everything's being charged. It's fucking crazy.

That pisses me off. Yeah, I know. We already talked about it. I know, I know, but it pisses me off. It goes back to my, like, we've got to sell air. You know what I mean? But it's like, we got to get in. Bottle and sell bad air.

Yeah. It's bad air. It's just Bobby's farts in a can. Yeah. We'll just get the room here. Let's bottle of the room. There's something wrong. I feel that's just, it's far throwing me off because I feel like I'm getting sick right now.

I hate that you guys don't even smell anything. It makes me question your living situation. Yeah. Maybe you guys all have broken pipes. Yeah. What is this? It's air from. Taylor Swift's Eres tour?

Yeah, it's from a one of her concerts. $50. Yeah. No, buy it now. Go ahead. If you want it, go ahead and buy. I know you want to. Yeah.

It's an air one. There is new air one water at the bar that's $12. It's just iced water. We'll get some next shoot. It's just water that comes from their tap and it's there. It's just $12 for tap water? Yeah, it's like a new thing. That's unbelievable.

We got to get it something. What a game that they're playing over there. What a game that they get to play, huh? Add to water. Yeah. That's wild. So stupid. It's genius, though.

People are doing it. Who care? I'm going to sell my thumb in. your DNA no you know my thought you know the glue thumbs I make oh the glue thumb I think yeah yeah oh your fingerprints you mean oh yeah that's I wouldn't tell that your D that's it can use that for what murder for unlawful sure whatever everything yeah okay but that be interesting because I'm not in Atlanta wherever the murders are right and they use it they got to go down the list of how you're not there how are you able to not be here that's pretty impressive

Like, I'm sure they can track that I'm not where they're killing, right? But if your fingerprints are there. I know, but I'm saying, I sell glue thumbs. Yeah, but they ping his thumb. They ping your phone, so they'll know you're not there. I'm not there. How could he have been there? What if now this is for you covering up future murders.

You're sending out all these, so now you have an alibi. Oh, my God. There's another movie there. Yeah. The Kimchi Alert Thief. Yeah. He's on the go. He's just kidnapping at Will, leaving his thumbprints all over the country.

Wow. The other day was 7-Eleven day. Did anybody go get a free 7-Eleven slushy? No? No. You know I did. Would you get? There's only one slushy there.

Blueberry? Cherry Coke. Cherry-coke. My favorite. Yeah. Cherry Coke's the best. They don't like giving it to you. You know that.

You go in there, you go, I want the free slushy, and they're like, fine. Guess what about Coke? What's wrong? Prices are rising. Coca-Cola prices are on the rise? Guess why? It has something to do with the straightover moves. What is it?

No, don't Google it. Don't Google it. Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Yes. Why would? Is there a little bit of oil and Coke? It would make it better.

Yeah. Why would, why would Coke rise because of the straight-arm moves, do you think? Because during war times you share a Coke. I've seen the commercial. Did your house just get bombed? Get a Coke. There's a polar bear there too. This is really bad.

Can I tell you? Yeah, what is it? Aluminum. Oh, the cans. Aluminum, dude. Oh, that makes perfect sense. I don't even know how I know that. Well, you saw it on a TikTok this morning on the shitter.

Yeah. I know you. Aluminum prices are surging multi-year highs to the accommodation of geopolitical supply shocks, structural production limits and growing demand. Middle East tensions are causing... So what does it say? Aluminum, one of the world's largest smelters,

aluminum barren and alba previously cut output roughly 10, 19%. So we're overpaying for Coke. Thanks a lot, Hermuz. Thank you, Hermose. Yeah. who's the blame there you think nobody it's just like it's a forever war I feel like everything is a forever war though

what do you mean name a war that actually finished we didn't finish Vietnam wasn't it's still going on brother no it ended they won they did win didn't they win 100% yeah well we surrender we stopped we left we left which that's an American way of being like

you didn't beat me I went home yeah it's like well you were losing it's like no yeah the worst that was the worst we're still suffering from that in terms of people, the military still suffering from that. It was the worst. It was the worst.

It was the worst war. It was a bad fuck up. But guess what? It wasn't even a war. Conflict. Did you know that? Yeah, we did. What was the last war that U.S. were in?

It was on bad friends. World War II. World War II. We were we talked about it? Yeah. Okay. Sorry, my bad. It's fine.

Let's talk about not war. Okay. But can I just say one last thing, though, about war? Of course. Okay. So I was, I rewatched Godzilla minus one. Have you seen it? Of course.

Terrible movie. I've only seen plus one. I only go positive with Godzilla. And what you realize is that the guy, the main lead in it, his character bailed out of kamikaze. Oh, right. We talked about that.

He decided not to go through it. And then when you really think about that, you're like, why would I root for this guy? The shame. Yes. Yeah, because they were disowned by the government. Yeah. It's relatable.

What? It's probably relatable to not want to, a kamikaze. I almost bought you a gift yesterday. What is it? I couldn't get the gift because of circumstances, but I found a shop in Little Tokyo.

I went to Little Tokyo yesterday, and I found a shop that. Did people, huh? Somebody be from out of town? We had family in town. And they wanted to go there. Yeah, we wanted to.

It's a good place to. It's awesome. Yeah. Well, first of all. You get recognized a lot? Through the furry masks? Yeah, I did. They wear furries all,

you know, have you been to Little Tokyo? Yeah. There's kids dressed up with furry masks on. People anime dressed up. It's actually fucking awesome. This is like It's like Comic Con constantly in Little Tokyo

It is It's great So I went around to some of the shops I wanted to take them to Philippe's French dip And then we walked down Oh, that's a great place And then we went walk down from there And I said

My wife was like, you know Little Tokyo's right there And the girls wanted to go see it And I was like, this is definitely worth it And they were It's mesmerizing Good food But there was a figurine that I almost bought for you But the circumstances, I'll tell you later

But I am going to buy it for you And it's a one-of-a-kind Godzilla and it'd be perfect in this studio and I saw it, I immediately was like Oh, he's gonna love that Yeah My girlfriend was like My bracelet broke

I go, all right, buy another one No, I want it fixed I go where do you go To the jewelry district downtown Well, careful What Yeah, but you don't realize That the jewelry district

Is right next to the- I love that you can't say jewelry It's my favorite thing in the world Wait what? Say it again? Jewelry There it is Jewelie

Jewelry. It's like English wasn't your language. No, what is it? Jewelry. Jewelry. Jewelry District. Jewelry District. Jewelry. Yeah, do it fast.

Jewelry District. And I go, I go, there's no parking. Right? And if I were going to park my car on any street, it's going to get taken. It's going to get ransacked. Broken into. Yeah. It's like, I said, we kind of got in our first kind of.

I'm not doing it. Yeah. It's crazy how. It's literally. right next to it. Your first fight was like 15 months since your relationship. It's going well. Yeah. We don't really fight. They don't fight. It wasn't even a fight. I was just like, can we just not? I mean, I can just get you another, you know, piece of jewelry. This is why McCone doesn't mind driving that piece of shit that he drives because he,

McCone could leave the doors open, the keys in it running and people are like, I'm not taking that fight. You can't imagine. We should get a forensic scientist to come in to find out how many materials have been spilled on his seats. Bodily fluids, food. Oh, your car. seats. It's un-fucking... I bet you I would win. No chance. Oh yeah, 100%. Go outside. I got stuff that you would like, why was that even in the car? His car is a biohazard. Yeah. The state came by in a half of that suit. I have anti-fungle cream all over my car right now. That's what he drives, an antifungal cream. Yeah, yeah. Honda, a Honda anti-fungle cream. Because my foot it's once and I went all over the place. His car has your seats are, I don't want to sit in it. I get afraid to go in there. Well, was it like that before you bought the car? Of course not. No, but I've had. He's got it for like seven years. But he destroys it.

You're like me. Yeah. We don't care about it. Brother, he's way worse. I love it, dude. Way worse than you. Are you a hoarder? Yeah, I can see it.

It's gross. It's gross. His place is insane. You've never been to his house. Is it horty? There's just, there's shit everywhere. There's shit everywhere. This smell.

It doesn't, it does not. It does. You know why? It doesn't smell? Why? He has a lot of candles. I do. For if women come over.

He's very smart with that. Incense. Incense. I see. Carlos. Carlos keeps it clean, tight, clean, tidy. Your place is clean? There's no mess at his house.

Yes, I have a dog, so it's, I don't want it to be. You also have a Bible. I do have the Bible. You have the Quran as well? No, I have the drug Bible. He's referencing from Coachella. Yeah. Throw it away.

Yeah. I haven't done anything since Coachella. Oh, you're just holding onto it for a rainy day. Hell yeah. You look like an exorcist priest. Yeah, you could perform exorcisms. Yeah, like not. They're like street, like, but if you see the exorcism, right,

Exorcist. It's to go through Rome, but mine don't go through Rome. No, you don't go through the room. You're just the guy that knows, right? And you smoke, and you're a little dirty. You're living in, like, a tiny place. Yeah, I do. With a neon red Bible on your wall.

I do Hail Mary. I was going to say a neon sign outside of his window and it glows in his room. Yeah, that's cool. And everything's black. Yeah. Like John Doe from seven. Yes. Yes.

That's exactly right. There's a hand in it in a glass jar. I would love to devote my life to, like, just exercising Dean. from people. Yeah, dude. I think you'd be able to do it. We got to exercise some out of you soon. Yeah, yeah. I did fail Latin. No, you would suck the demons in you. That's your thing. Oh, I think you have a great capacity for demons. I definitely. I think you do. I think that you could just dig. Go to the vessel. Yeah, yeah. His reserve tank is big for demons. Yes, I think so. Yeah. You're like the thing that captures ghosts and ghost busters, but they don't have to ever clean it out. Yeah, I don't like getting rid of like addictions or bad things. I just manage them. so bad yeah you manage them brother you can manage demons oh yeah I mean I currently do

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What do you mean you failed Latin? Why would you take Latin? My dad made me take Latin in 2001. Why? Because it was offered at my school. I wish you would have studied that. No, I did. Your whole life would have to use.

Spanish. It's a romantic language. You'd take Sanskrit instead. You can't fucking use Latin. No, it was terrible. 9-11 happened during it. That's why. Wow.

Yeah. You were summoning some old. Yeah, it was crazy. Like, Grigari. in chance or whatever? I said the wrong thing in some Middle Easterners all of a sudden show up on a plane. We must kill the infidel. Because of you, they crashed.

It was a curse. You look like a conspiracy theorist to me. Bob, that's projecting. You know things. You do right now a lot. Yeah. Give me a make believe a conspiracy theory. Give us any of them. Yeah. No, something that you've completely made up. But let me just see. Lindsay Graham didn't die of natural causes. What happened?

There was a bath house. rave party late at night in Kyiv. You know what's so funny? You know that he knows this is Russian. Yeah. He was Russians. And this like really good looking hockey player guy was like, he did rivalry.

Yes. They were filming. It was one of the actors. But to get Lindsay's attention, he whispered things about Disney movies. Whoa. He loves Disney World. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He was like Aladdin. Yeah. He knows about Aladdin. Yeah. Well, we all know about Aladdin. So he did some deep divey

Aladdin was one of the 9-11 pilots I can show you the world Trade Centers Wow Wow You did the theme music For this movie we're going to make That's amazing

We just crack the code We just cracked the code I can show you the world trade centers Shining shimmer Let's go to the lyrics Let's find out if there's 9-11 I don't know No there might be

I can show you the world I can tell you Tumbling? Horing planes, tumbling towers? Oh, no. Dude, do we just find out that this was... I can show you the world. Trits oners.

Shining, shimmering, splendid. They were. Yeah. You tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide? I can open your eyes to the fire. Take you wonder by wonder. One by one. Wonder.

Two wonders of the world. Over sideways and under. And under, which is the third building. It went sideways, right? Wow. Oh, the third, okay. And what happens when that happens? A whole new world.

A new fantastic point of view. Point of view, because there's nothing to look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one to tell us. Bidlato was right. Or say we're only dreaming. A whole new world. Dazzling place I never knew.

Well, we figured it out. Yeah. We cracked your code, Aladdin. Undescribable feeling. Yeah, it's got to be. I imagine. Yeah. Every turn of surprise.

It sure was. It sure was. That's crazy, dude. Well, we cracked the code. and I'm a little upset that we cracked it that easy I'm not every conspiracy theorist by the way online I'm so sorry is sunk flat earth you mean

conspiracy theorists one of my favorite games Donkey Kong unbelievable and that old man in the chair cranky Kong yeah Donkey Kong was probably one of the Beyond Super Mario brothers it was one of the games that I wanted to conquer the most

I wanted to beat all the levels of Donkey Kong The new one is so good from last year What is it on? What system? Switch to. So you'd memorize when to jump and timing. 100%. That's what it is. Donkey Kong, I was obsessed.

It's a bonanza. You can rip apart the levels, so you like, destroy everything. You can destroy everything? Yeah, it's kind of tight. I never, I know it was never good at Pac-Man. Pac-Man, it's a panic. It is. It's anxiety.

Yeah. It's like, oh, oh, you're like, stuck in the corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does it say on our sign? Baff reins? Buff reins. By friends. Oh, be friends.

By friends. Hey, by friends. Hey. How'd do that guy from my friends? I get that a lot. Where's Bobby? Yeah. I don't fucking know.

What did that guy do at the shoot? He goes, my friend loves you. That's like one of the funniest insult. It's like such a funny guy. Hey, but my buddy loves you. Can I get a photo? My buddy loves you. I'm like, okay.

Oh, yeah, I hate it. And they're like, I don't care about you at all, but my buddy loves you. Or sometimes you're at a place and they go, let me send a photo to my buddy because he loves you. But then just send a photo of me then. Take a picture.

Yeah, because I know it's because of you that you want the photo. Yeah, it's true. You know, I, yeah. You think they're being true? You think they're being, why would they not just say it's them? Ego. They want a big dog.

Yeah. I'm getting a lot of like dinner interruptions too. Maybe it's a sign of getting more famous. Shut the fuck up. Like you haven't reached any, like you're not at a peak yet. you're getting recognized. I mean, that is what it is.

Obviously, you're getting recognized more. I'm not, it's like, I don't even go, what? What? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? Fine, you're not famous. Whatever. Who cares?

It's relative. Everything's relative. Yeah, it's like, what the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? You just said I'm getting a lot of dinner interruptions. Like you're, like you're fucking Frank Sinatra. No, I'm not.

Getting a lot of dinner interruptions. I can't just get out and smoke. and eat with a broad out at night. I did it my way. No, I get like a... I did it a mind. Yeah. I'll get this.

Hey, man, my friend dared me, you know what I mean? To take a photo with you. Is it right? I know I'm interrupting dinner. And I'm like, all right. And I'll do it. You won't do it. If I'm at dinner with you...

No, anybody. If I'm at dinner with my wife, I would say, please don't interrupt dinner with my family. If you're on a date with your girlfriend, I think it'd be cool to not interrupt the date with your girlfriend. But if it's with, like, people and friends, yeah, I don't give a shit. But it's like, you're with your significant other.

It's kind of like, I like them. There's a male with my one. But if I'm with you and I, yeah, we'll take fucking phone. I don't give a shit. No, I do it every time. Yeah, I do it. But it's hard for your girlfriend then because then they have to stand there. And then it just feels weird.

But if it's just friends, I don't see. She takes the picture. No, I think she likes the fact that I'm so generous with my thing. Uh, no. I think it just interrupts an intimate moment that you might be having. I do have a little smirk when I do it. Maybe it's a little cocky thing.

Yeah, of course. It's you. It's your, can I take a photo? I'm like, excuse me. I did it my way. I always stand it. I do it my way. I always stand to a pose.

Chang Sinatra over here. Yeah. You really are. I'm changing Sinatra. You're Chang Sinatra. Yeah. But yeah, I do, I do. Maybe I do ham it up.

What? Yeah, you go to Dananas. Yeah, you go to the spots where it's going to happen too. I do. You. If you go to those. In the door.

Yeah. There's this one Italian restaurant. I think it's like in. Hey, thanks for taking care of me. Yeah. Oh, Chang Sinatra's here. There's this one restaurant where you make reservations. It's over like way on the West Coast, not like on the west side?

West side. I mean, West Coast. It is the West Coast. It is West Coast. And there is, they're known to have paparazzi there. Elefonte. I think that that is it. Elefonte.

Yeah. Yeah. That's like, paparazzi. Yeah. It's like what the Ivy used to be or whatever. Like where they, you know they're going to be. And so I, I've never gotten like snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, right? And it ended up in TMZ or whatever, right?

But in this particular situation, I was on a day. There's a way before the girlfriend I have now. And she's like, yeah, I can't live this lifestyle. I go, this never happened. It happened, though. Yeah. I laughed so hard, dude. One time we were walking.

That was it. Oh, wow. Yeah, look how fat I was. Is that the restaurant? Yeah. It looks like you ate the whole fucking place. I tried. everything.

Yeah. Dude, I look terrible. What does it say? It says, Bobby, Bobby Holmeney Lee steps out for dinner

with a female companion. On a rainy night in alley. That was it. What year was that? Two years ago. You're fucking wet and fat. That's tough. Dude, I was so fat back then.

Look at how good looking you look now. You little skinny. Look at us now. You and I now. Wow. Look at how sexy. Sexy boys. Yeah, yeah.

Dude, one time I was leaving Nobu Malibu, and they were taking pictures as like a celebrity. And it was like, I don't know who was coming out. I couldn't see. And it was like, And I was like, what the fuck?

What's going on over there? And the guy, a photographer, I can see, like, turns and looks at me. He goes, hey, what's up? And I was like, hello. And then right back to taking pictures of whoever. Oh, were you humiliated? No, I was just like, I'm not, whoever it is is famous. I was like, the camera guy was like, he's like, oh, hey man, what's that?

Whoever, somebody real, a photo that could make them money. Yeah, but you can be actually, you can like talk to them and be like and negotiate. Into what? Into like, I'll get off a plane at the LA. and some guy with a camera will come. How do you think of a new controversy that happened in it? Oh, TMZ is that. Yeah, and I always go, hey, man, hey, dude, come on, I know it.

We know each other for a long time. Because, yeah, I go, I'm so tired now. Because I get it, but I get it. And then I'll, that just won't. You know, there's a way to negotiate. It's funny they try to catch people off guard. Eric Andre handles is the best. He's always just like mean or weird to them.

He's always weird. And it works. Every time it works. Like what? Let me, let me show him a clip. Do a clip of him. It's amazing. Like Eric Andre, T.

Z. He's like, he just bullies them back. Unless now he's being nice because he's promoting a movie. That's what it looks like it would be. Yeah, of course. Now, there was one of him getting a car and he just kept acting weirder questions back to the guy. Like the guy was like, Eric, what do you think about this? A controversial thing. He's like, do you like gelato or ice cream more to the cameraman? That's so good. Yeah, just bounce it back to him. Yeah. Then it's like a moot point. That's it. That's just them leaving. That's good. Good clip, dude.

What the fuck? It's Eric. It's Eric. Andre just walk into a car. He rolled up celebrity. What are you getting angry for? What are you getting angry for? Sorry, I shouldn't have been told you and Mr. Andre. Whoa, dude. You know what?

He was famous, Eric. What about this? Not say anything. I do like this. Carlos, let loose. If something's building up, let it rip. I did immediately. Yeah.

No, but I mean, what else is going on that I feel like something's drumming up a little bit? No, I'm pretty open with you, Andrew. I know you are, but is anything rumble-bumb-bumbling right now? Between us? I think we're good. Yeah, yeah. You got me an ice coffee. I owe you money for that.

Yeah, you do. Yeah, okay. That might be it. He wants that. Is that the money? I'm not rumbling about money. It's fine. What's the anger about then?

You know what it was? I snapped at you because you were insinuating that I was bad at my job when I made a mistake. I did hear that. When? I heard just now seconds ago. Yeah. It can make you insecure when your boss like makes fun of you in front of your fucking co-workers. I know, but we asked for a video of Eric Andre responding with

You know what I mean? Pretty hard to find a video of Eric Andre and the paparazzi considering he's not even remotely close to like Timothy Chamoulet. Like, have more famous friends. Okay, so can I ask you this then? Okay. Ask me anything. All right.

I shouldn't, I shouldn't have said anything. No, you know what? I shouldn't have said, dude. Or you should have found good footage. Again, it would have taken me more than five seconds considering. We could edit the fuck out of this thing. You know, I mean, we could give it. No, no, no.

Australia is going to be so fun. If I had taken more than 10 seconds, she would have been like, where's the fuck? Oh, whoa, wow. Wow. Here's another thing that Jules does that drives me crazy about my animals. What?

Is so Esther Provinsky. Yeah. The other day, oh, I wanted to bring this up. The other day, I woke up Saturday morning to hearing children play in my backyard. I know. What a terrible, it's like birds is worse. I mean, as bad.

But it was children playing in my backyard. So like joy was going on and it was, there's pure joy going on. Yeah. I walk in and there's three babies in my backyard in my pool. Esther's kids. Two of Esther's kids and Kalila's kid.

Okay. Everybody you know has a key to his house. Yeah, everyone knows. Literally. Everyone can come in. They're, the fucking, the key maker was like, I can't keep copying this key. Yeah.

There's 30 of them out there. And I was, so I was, I got them. my swim trunks and me my girlfriend came out right i'm swimming you know i mean there's a swimming teacher there too they fucking hired a full like like a full on swimming what do you own the ymc a yeah what's going on at your house and i sat there and out loud i said there's just too much joy here yeah it's it's it's it's it's pleasant right right but if it's if i had the responsibility of the kids i don't think i would be as joyful because there's a lot of hey hey hey do do do do do

Hey, like don't go there. You're not a hey, hey, hey, da, da, that guy. You would just let them do whatever the fuck they want. Yeah, eat the dog poop. Yeah. Like the kids pick up stuff. Let them do it. Yeah.

And it's like, but the responsibility to do that, I just, it would be stressful. It's heavy. It's heavy. But sometimes if you let the kid eat the dog poop, then they turn out like McCone. They figure it out. Yeah, they figure it out. Yeah. You know, sometimes they figure it out.

Yeah. I bet you fancy's childhood was very, very like, don't, don't, don't do, don't do, don't. It was. Look at them. Wasn't it? You got yelled. that a lot. A lot. Yeah. Macone was, well, maybe if you want to eat the dog poop and explore, that's okay. If it's going to, if it's going to open up your mind, that's good. Yeah.

He was babyed like that. You know that. Yeah. You see his parents and that's what treated him like a king. Like a soft pork bitch. Okay, dude. Sorry. Why are you killing? I love. I love you, man. Here's, but what I, here's one thing that I missed though in life is Esther's kid went to Dave, you know, Dave King. Yeah. Her dad, his husband, his dad, Yeah, and the kid goes, Daddy hold you me. Right? And he says, I'll hold you. Chinese, little baby.

No, no, no, no. It's a baby. Daddy hold me. That's better. That was a white baby. That was a white baby. Yeah. You betcha.

That's a white baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he grabbed the baby and, you know, he's teaching the baby to swim. And I'm like, this is so cute. Maybe I'm missing out in a whole. Yeah. No world. You are, but you'd have way less small.

Aladdin. Yeah, you and I didn't have kids, and that is a thing that we miss. Yeah, but it's a, I just feel like it'll, it's too much of a responsibility for me. Maybe, I don't know, I think you'd be a great dad, so I don't think it would matter.

I think you would learn, I think you'd be so much fun, it would, you would just be a different guy. You'd be a different Bob. Daddy, there's a, there's a ghost in my room. And you're like, oh, God. Well, I don't bring it in my room. Yeah, yeah.

And then you got to check underneath the bed. I think that's fun. That's cute. And then you make up a game. game. Yeah, yeah. You killed the ghost. You took care of it. Oh, yeah. I got the ghost out. I went and got him. Yeah, there's a boogeyman. And then I have my wife, you know what I mean, go check and then I'm the boogeyman. Girlfriend. I dress up in the thing. Yeah, see? Yeah. So then it becomes stronger. Isn't that fun though? It's fun. See, that's good time. Like, did your wife

ever come in there and say, hey, I need you for something and you're in middle of cutting. Sometimes, but not. What would she ask for? Help of any kind. Yeah. Like what? Hey, we have a child. They need help with literally anything. Yeah. Like what? Like get the baby to sleep Why can't she do that? Exactly, that's what I say Wow Yeah, yeah

You do that Exactly That's that Latin lover She might loves Yeah I would do like You gotta drop You know what I mean

You gotta drop, you know what I mean Timmy off a baseball practice At 7 in the morning You're not doing that I am doing that You would hire someone to do it No I would do it But then I would be like

But you're picking them up You would Because I'm gonna sleep When I get back home You wouldn't do that You just pay someone to do it Pay who? There's drivers.

What do you mean? Yeah, Carlos. I'm not taking care of your fucking kids. I'll give you money. I don't need money that bad. That is so funny. He just shut it down. Dude,

you're so rude? I don't want to... You're being so rude right now. Pick up my kid, Timmy! That's insane. Fuck Timmy. Whoa! What about you, McCone?

I'd pick him up. Yeah. In his little bacteria car. No, no, no, I'd get you a new car. You'd have to. Tim would die in that car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll make him stronger.

It was smell like this. Timmy will be trapped underneath like a box of old merch and a Chick-fil-A bag. Yeah. How did the kid die? Under bad friends, hoodies? And then if you watch the baseball game,

your Timmy is a baseball game. Yeah, go to a T-ball game? You got to cheer. You have to cheer. But you're not really cheering. Only when they look at you. Oh, yeah. I'm watching. Daddy's watching.

What if we're being honest? Yeah, we did. That is a little thing. We still could, we could adopt. You and I, we could adopt a kid. You know, how about we adopt a kid and we time share it. Like it's a condo.

No. You have it. How much it is? Can you adopt? I'm Googling it already with my quick skills. Okay. God, he's on one today. Which color do you want?

40 to $70,000 to adopt. That's how much it costs to get a kid? Foster care is the most affordable route, often zero to $2,000. Private domestic infant and international adoption typically run $40,000 to $70,000. Now, that's how much is to get the kid transfer to your house. Unless you adopt from a foster care, which is zero to $2,000. Oh, that would do that. Foster care.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but those are rampant with scams usually. Yeah, but if I go to a legitimate... What are you talking? But you might get... What if you get like a 30-year-old thought? You get Brad. Oh, like that movie, imposter you ever see that movie?

Yeah, it's... That documentary. That girl was incredible. Oh, another one just came out about a girl that kept going back to high school. Did you see that? Never been kissed? No, no. It's a...

It was a news article. It's not a movie yet. A girl kept going back to high school and lying in different cities and stuff like that. And she was like 26 years old. senior in high school. Imposter was worse. You know that documentary? I know, I know. I'm just saying, but this is a real story that just happened as well. Yes, okay. People still trying to pull this shit off is wild. It's wild. What is it? A girl keeps, uh, she kept going back. They just kept what she looks like. Well, I want to see what she looks like. A K-classman, 28-year-old woman who

was arrested for enrolling in a Bronx high school opposing a 16-year-old student. 28 years old and pretended to be 16. And she did it multiple times in different districts. That's her. I would buy it 16 That girl's not 16 years old Yeah That's crazy 28 years old

Here's the saddest part She didn't do it for any Like nefarious reasons She's just like sad and lonely And missed her childhood That's so fucked up And dark It's not like

Why would you want to go to the worst place imaginable High school was the darkest She was probably bullied And she wants So was I I don't want to go back No, she wants to make up for the years that didn't work for her probably. It's sad.

Yeah. By the way, that's another movie. What? Bobby goes back to high school to make up for all the times you were bullied and everything. Now you're the cool king. Now the guy becomes a famous podcaster and comedian, goes back to high school and is the king again. Like 22 and a half jump straight. Back to school was incredible.

That was so he could get a degree. Did that joke again? 22 and a half jumps straight. Yeah, that's really good. They did 21 and a half. Yeah. They did it They did already

They did it Back to school It's a call He goes back to college Right Yeah Okay With his son

Oh but with the sun Yeah They put a hot tub in his dorm room Yeah That's a funny Dangerfield's the man He's the man He's the man

Oh that's right That's right I forget he's like The cool art guy That was before he like Really slid off into the Yeah Into the midst

What a comeback story Ramos Tell the story About Caddy Shack on day one That the DP Set up a shot and he had got to set and they were like,

all right, let's go. And Ramos was like, let's, I think we should be shooting this way. And the DP was like, what? Yeah. He's like,

what about over there? He's like, because everything is right there. And he turned and he was like, yeah, we can shoot that that way too. That's totally fine. Yeah. Like they were so fucked up and out of it.

They were just every day. They partied all day every day. And then they had storms in Florida while they were filming. So they would just coop up in a hotel and just do drugs all day, all night. And they're like, we got a film in a day or two.

That's crazy. And also they would get real money. Yeah, dude. And half of it would be spent on cocaine. Drugs. That's awesome. We miss those days. Let's make that kind of movie.

Yeah, dude. I'll relapse. We would naturally just... I'm going to relapse to do a movie. I know, a drug movie. No, you're not. Yeah, let's do it. Fine.

Yeah? Let's remake Jaws with cocaine. Yeah. That's a big fish! And I'm just chewing on shrimp. Cocaine shrimp Just grinding in my teeth The boat never leaves the port

We just do blow on the boat For like five days straight Never leave Meanwhile he's killed a thousand tourists Yeah And hence the beginning of the movie The Amber Alert The Kimchi Alert begins

The Kimchi Alert, yeah All right Thank you for being a bad friend