Bad Friends - Transatlantic Goo

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody! We're on tour in the fall! We added some dates. It's gonna be great. September 14th. Rod Rochester. You're at Rochester, New York. 15th. We're in North Carolina. We set 16th. Two shows. Monhol. Monhol, Pennsylvania. We sold out the first one. The second one is added.

Starting point is 00:00:15 In Monhol. Then October 6th, where are we? Boston, Massachusetts. Boston, Massachusetts. Then October 21st, we go to... Washington DC. Go see... Go see Biden. And then we go to Go see you go see Biden and then we October 28th we go to Denver Colorado and then November 24th Milwaukee, Minnesota Milwaukee, Wisconsin November 25th Chicago we go Milwaukee and then Chicago

Starting point is 00:00:35 November 20th Minneapolis, Minnesota November 30th is Minneapolis, Minnesota December 1st Madison, Wisconsin or dates to come go to badfriends pod.com bad friends Madison, Wisconsin, four dates to com. Go to BadFriendsPod.com. BadFriendsPod.com. Also, and thanks to you guys, I'm going on my own tour. That's tour, two shows in the biggest cities in America. Irvine on July 12th and Baker's Realtown July 15th. Where can I get the tickets? Tell them. My website, JetskyJohnson. ring ring ring ring high couldn't be at university high is fancy be can I do the podcast from the school yeah sure fancy what you need I needed to look as awkward as possible without any of the

Starting point is 00:01:19 normal or cutermond of podcast no no headphones, I want them to be sitting as if it's a live 60 minutes of special. Oh good you two are something. We're bad friends. Welcome to another Mums' down moment. What are you for? I don't even know though. I have to find out what are you. Welcome. Listen, listen.

Starting point is 00:01:54 I have a question. Yeah, please. So, you know, whatever. I didn't grow up around trees. Mm-hmm. A lot of woods, right? So, let me ask you a question, dude. All right. You know, you watch a movie when somebody gets like knocked out and then they end up you know

Starting point is 00:02:07 Warehouse or in the middle of the woods they're tied what is the first thing they say when they wake up? Hello, why do they ask that? Hello, yeah, they go hello They think we talk about that already we did yes I'll pull up this out on hello You want to start again? Yeah, let me start. Go ahead start again. Are you like me when you listen to a song like Lionel Ritchie or Adele and they say hello and they say hello. Do you say hello back? I always do Hello, I was the hello. Hello. Anyway, that's all I want to I want to start off that way and we've never talked about that before

Starting point is 00:02:45 Yeah, and you know what Lionel Nurtie man Lionel Murtri. Yeah, what do you do? His face is out of control. Why it's just so Lionel Richie. Yes, all right. It's uniquely here It's just like so and also he's that he's got the fucking cosmetics to surgery So now he's looking like a black Benedict Cumber patch Comfort patch. Yeah Why does Benedict Cumberpatch. Cumberpatch? Yeah. Why does Benedict Cumberpatch look like he had facial plastic surgery all the time? He did. He was so tragic accident when he was seven years old.

Starting point is 00:03:12 Dr. Strange, he did. Yeah. He was in the car accident. Yeah. You remember? I do. Here we are in Quinnipiac University, home of men's NCAA Division I hockey championships this year.

Starting point is 00:03:23 They beat Minnesota. They sure did beat Minnesota. The long time most winning as hockey's championship are of course Michigan. I don't like the sport. I don't care about the college sport. Of course Denver and Michigan hold the the reigning nine titles a piece, I believe. And Quinnipiac University men's NCAA division one hockey champs of this year. And they've hosted us at their college thanks to fancy B thank you for having us. We are on the midst of a wooded area that we drove through today in Connecticut.

Starting point is 00:03:55 It's called the sleeping giant hill woods sleeping giant state park. You think your people live in the forest? No, but if you were lost in the forest, I'd be like, if I should- You saw naked Bobby Lee there, pick around a fucking oak tree. Yeah, you'd be like, You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna keep it up all. Right, you'd be like,

Starting point is 00:04:11 fuck, he lives here. Yeah. I'm gonna keep it up all. Is that the language you speak? Yeah, I got, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Somebody said that we seem like we have our own language. Do you think we can communicate without using English? Let's try.

Starting point is 00:04:22 Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ready? Ready? I'm gonna, so we're an elevator. I got I need to know the environment. Yeah I had job interview. I'm interviewing you Yeah, and I'm and I'll tell you what the factory. It's a factory. Yeah for what felt oh felt factory before Muppets and stuff. Oh, okay. Yeah, you know me for puppets and stuff puppets and Muppets. Yeah, but we're in an island off of the off of Thailand off the coast of Tunisia. Gunk. Oh, Gunk Island. Yeah, Gunk Island. Got it. Right. I was interviewed. I replaced the end with another O. Right. That's how crafty I am. I like it.

Starting point is 00:05:01 But if you put the O in the place with an of N it'll sound something different. What is it? Exactly. So different felt factory ready. Mm-hmm. See Banka and spay them on pimpino Pimpino? Papino Papino? Ja, ja, ja, ja. Er seg gallet, vare for.

Starting point is 00:05:29 Sager seg for deg, gallet! Ha ha ha ha ha! Bare ja, var man? Slå. Slå. Slå. Slå. Ja.

Starting point is 00:05:38 Bunger, bunger! Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah finger them up its and then you act in a hole. And then when I brought it to you, what were you thinking? And you were like, who's that? And you're like, I don't know. And I also think, I don't know who I am in this sketch. Either I was never gonna do that. I was in it. But I did a swipe. So what was the swipe about?

Starting point is 00:06:17 I would swipe off or her on Tinder. I don't know which way it's like. Exactly, right. You would say no to her. I said no, denied. She looks hard, hard-worded, and she looks very slow. And we made fun of your breasts.

Starting point is 00:06:28 And my breasts are fine. Oh, that's not, I didn't, that's not why I went. I thought you were saying they're really fun. Yeah, that's what I mean. No, I thought this meant like jacket, like jacket, jacket. Oh, no, it was boobs. What it was. Yeah, what it was?

Starting point is 00:06:40 In our language, you see their boobs or poncho. Yeah, yeah, poncho, poncho, poncho. Oh, that's what it was. Yeah, yeah, poncho poncho poncho. Oh, that's what I Yeah, I'm sure you went to poncho. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so let me ask. Yeah, did he get the job? He owns a factory You just gave it to me like that. I will see you. Oh, I don't see you. Oh, I was like no, he's better He's got to have it. Yeah, and you and I right we died We tied it makes sense who dies first

Starting point is 00:07:01 We died. We died it. That makes sense. Who dies first? She dies for it. Dude, in any scenario, she dies first. I jumped to catch a bullet, but it goes through me and kills him anyway. Yeah, we'll go right through you. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:13 No, you go into the gym a lot lately, so you might be tough. That muscle might be thick. I just started going to the gym, but thank you. Let me see your muscle. Show me your arm. My arm, listen. Look at that thing. Something in there.

Starting point is 00:07:23 Jacked. We're all going to the gym. I think you should join. You said you were going to start doing it. I love to. Let me ask you another question. I asked you a question. I love to. I love to.

Starting point is 00:07:31 I love to. I love to. Let me ask you something. If we were in a war, right, I got shot. And the bullet went through my body and hit you. Would you die too? Or would the bullet be not as potent? I think you have enough padding to slow it down.

Starting point is 00:07:43 Oh, yeah. Okay. I think if it went through me. Just say that. I know I said padding. I think you have enough padding to slow it down. Oh yeah. Okay. I think if it went through me, just say fat. I know, I said padding. I think you went through me of kill you immediately. If it went through me. Right. But you've got way more cushion for the push.

Starting point is 00:07:52 Would you be, you would live and I would die? If the bullet went through you and hit me. No, I'd live through you. Oh, if it went through me, I'd die. And it hit me. You'd, I would die and you'd be severely impaired. Right. I feel like it would bounce off my body though.

Starting point is 00:08:05 No. You're gonna go right through that thing. Okay. It's soft. Right. Like it looks like it's a tough exterior, but then you can get through it real easy. It's like Play-Doh. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:14 Would you rather get shot or have to double that machete? Oh, shot. Immediately. Kill me immediately. machete. You want to get stabbed slowly? I want to. I want to.

Starting point is 00:08:24 I want to. I want to show my acting chops. You're not gonna be acting. You're gonna be, that's gonna be reeling. Yeah, it's method acting. Well, that's deep. Yeah. So you're gonna slowly die. Yeah. I probably need a couple of takes. I would need a couple of takes.

Starting point is 00:08:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just thought about that. Yeah. It sliced me again, I would say. I do it again because I was in the moment. Go ahead. I'm bleeding now already. I'm bleeding now. I'm bleeding is. I just thought about that. Yeah. It sliced me again, I would say. I do it again because I was in the moment.

Starting point is 00:08:48 Go ahead. I'm bleeding now already. I have to fart. Hold on. Let me mac you, man. No. I have x-farts today. I know.

Starting point is 00:08:57 That's a good defense though if you're getting hacked up. That's farting? Yeah. Yeah. Like squids put out that black. Yeah. That's your ex. I do I do Korean far yellow fog

Starting point is 00:09:07 yellow fog just Wow And all the pretty look at this person going for a run and the and the hidden forest and look at those shorts He's worried good luck though you go out there you go out there to where the sleeping giant is dude Let me just say something right now you white people you guys really do live this life. I just saw it What do you mean, taking a run? No, yeah, but he doesn't give a fuck. I'm going to wear these shorts. I'm free. I'm going to wear the woods. It is. Yeah. I was going to say it. It's a lady. Yeah, it's a lady.

Starting point is 00:09:36 She's hot. What do you mean? Why people live this life? What's this life taking a run? No, you don't run. It does just that. Look at the trees. Right. It's your frallicking. That's not even fucking what running that's frallicking You never frallic. No, we don't do that man. What what do you yes you do? What do you mean? You think Asians don't go for a run? We're on a rickshaw. We frolic. No, we run skip. No, we don't skip you never skip do it as a as a fucking Rickshaw runner. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna try to get as fast as you can to your destination so I can make more money. More tips. Yeah, if I get fast, I'd probably the Shanghai Hyatt, right?

Starting point is 00:10:15 I'm staying at the Hyatt. Oh yeah, four seasons. Thank you, Shanghai Four Seasons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll go, hey, buddy, get on. And I'll go, hey, man. You did a great job. I was 20. Yeah, and I, get on. And I'll go, hey man. You did a great job. I was 20.

Starting point is 00:10:26 Yeah, and I'll get you to. You'd get me to my desk. Yeah, yeah. I think you'd do a great job, but I do think you could live this life. I know you say that, but you could live this life. With the white people? I think you do, you've grown up amongst whites.

Starting point is 00:10:38 You act like you're someone. I'm white adjacent. I'm white adjacent. No, I think you're white in. You're in white. You're not dude, I feel white. You're off white. Your Virgil Abel is off white. Because you know I'm're white in. You're in white. You know, dude, I feel white. You're off white. Your Virgil Abel is off white.

Starting point is 00:10:46 Because you know, I'm your egg white. You're egg white. No, no, he's the yolk. I'm the yolk. Yeah, I'm the yolk. I'm the yolk. I'm the yolk. In the breakfast sandwich of bad friends,

Starting point is 00:10:58 I'm the egg white. He's the yolk. You're the English muffin. I'm the muffin. You're the muffin for sure. But I'm the fattening part. That's right. Oh, yeah. That's why you're the yolk. you're the English muffin. I'm the muffin. You're the muffin for sure. But I'm the fattening part. That's right.

Starting point is 00:11:07 Oh, yeah. That's why you're the yolk. I get it. You're all the cholesterol. That's flavor, baby. Yeah. Well, you're the English muffin. You're dry.

Starting point is 00:11:15 Yeah, but I hold everything together. You as yes you do. And you have many crevasses. You have really nuts and crannies. Give us your best British accent right now. Oh, okay, okay. Oh my god. That's so bad.

Starting point is 00:11:23 Yeah, I have. Do it again. What you mean? You my God, that's so bad. Yeah, yeah. Do it again. What you mean, you didn't like it the first time? It's so fucking bad. So bad. I like it.

Starting point is 00:11:34 Tell me your best British accent, like your grocery store list. Like you're reading me off your grocery store. Oh, Roy, let's say what we got here. Need some patitis. Patitis. Let her do it. Let her do it. Us, my regals. Why don't you pick that word? Well, Roy, let's say what we got here need some... Patitelles. Patitelles. Let her do it. Let her do it. Us, my regals.

Starting point is 00:11:48 Why don't you pick that word? Asparagus. You said asparagus. Asparagus. Asparagus. We don't sell that here. Asparagus. Yeah, you're the store manager.

Starting point is 00:11:56 Bonesure. I want to do a big one. Yeah, they do. They do. It's a layer, a layer. Are you looking for asparagus? Yes. You have asparagus here. Asparagus is a internal disease, right? No, no, no, kids are learning from us. They're listening to this being like,

Starting point is 00:12:26 this can't be good. This is not what we should be knowing. Let me ask you this. I think that sounded really good. The English come over here, right? And then through time, we came up with our own accent. What the fuck happened? How come we don't talk like this now?

Starting point is 00:12:38 Well, you know, transatlantic became an accent when they were crossing over the ocean because so many people blending their accents together. and then what happened is when you moved to different Second transatlantic so they're they're binary to Non non-binary Like if you ever seen the oceans are getting involved while the Pacific Ocean does I call it ocean a lake. They're like maybe I Can be whatever I want they want oh Ocean to be a river is out there saying it can now I don't like it. It's just a body. It's too far a body of it's too far for me

Starting point is 00:13:12 What's next you're gonna take away river rights? Yeah, but if you know if I'm like looking at the ocean I'm going Pacific you're you're you're an ocean like I'm a puddle Then in my mind I'd be like I don't think think you are, man. Yeah, but I am. I'm the Pacific Ocean and I'll be whatever I want to be. Okay. Okay, I'm not even water anymore. How about that? I'm land. You have to be like that.

Starting point is 00:13:32 And land is water. Whoa, that's intense. So nothing makes sense anymore. Correct. Nothing means anything. So transatlantic. Transatlantic. Do you know what the transatlantic accent was?

Starting point is 00:13:42 Do you know what I'm referring to? No. When you hear what the Transatlantic accent was? Do you know what I'm referring to? No. When you hit this very like a stew, debonet type of talk, when everyone went up, that was a Transatlantic accent. There was like a during the course of people coming over, accents were merged and forged together. So it's kind of sound like a TV talk a little bit.

Starting point is 00:14:00 Old timey Hollywood. Yeah, exactly right. Yeah, Transatlantic had very much of this, a very astute and had to have Trans-Atlantic. Nobody sounded like that in England. Oh, I trust you. I talk like this now. Get your pay, that.

Starting point is 00:14:13 Pay the head. But then that stuff all dissipated and people started to move away. Duke, come up. Duke, come up. Duke, come up. I sure will watch you. Show me your dukes or put them up.

Starting point is 00:14:21 It's not Duke, come up. I say Duke, come up. Duke, come up. I see. I say duke them up. Duke them up. I say duke them up. I say duke them up. Put out some Billy Halle then. So here, you land on Ellis Island, right? Where's the first place you're moving to?

Starting point is 00:14:32 Ellis Island. Well, you can't move here, man. This is the port. So you got to pick a place. Okay. I'll move to Maine. Maine? What part of Maine? Port Smith. Port Smith, Maine. Is there a Port Smith, Maine. Maine? What part of Maine?

Starting point is 00:14:45 Port Smith. Port Smith, Maine. Is it our Port Smith, Maine? There sure is. Is it really? So you came all the way here from China, yeah? Yes I have. And what's your trade?

Starting point is 00:14:56 My trade? Yeah. Dynamite. So you just have, you make dynamite. Well, at first, my friend. At first, my friend. I was gonna work on the railroad. That's it. I have a movie. This is it Transatlantic Chinese guy

Starting point is 00:15:13 So I decided I'm gonna work to births me and I'll tell you my buddy friend do come up And I'm gonna work in the lobster trade. Oh smart and clams and muscles and other crustaceans And I'm gonna work in it lots to trade. Oh, smart. And clams and puzzles and other crustaceans. Sounds like you got your whole life patterned up. Does anybody want a paper? Why are you trying to fight everyone? You try to leave.

Starting point is 00:15:35 Do come up. Do come up. That's so angry. I know Chinese. Yeah. Is your publication? I was used to work on the railroad. Is your publication called Do Come Up?

Starting point is 00:15:43 Yes. Do come up papers, you see? And I, you know, you know you from where I come from right we do Hiya, hiya. No, I'm now transatlantic. I do it. Duke him up That would be a cool fucking ramen Ramen what let's start a ramen company called guckum up What do you mean? I would buy ramen that's called Gookamup. He's hungry? Yeah, he's hungry.

Starting point is 00:16:08 That's not so hard. That's all I have to say. Breakfast and lunch right now. He changed his dynamite business. I like the show, French. The trends in Latin. I like the sky. I like the sky.

Starting point is 00:16:16 Welcome to America, kid. Yes. Thank you. What's my new name? I'm Chang. No, not anymore. I know, but I was Chang. What is my name?

Starting point is 00:16:24 Now your name's Jimmy. See? Jimmy. You're my name. Post Chang. Post Chang. No, not anymore. I know, but I was Chang. What is my name? Now your name's Jimmy. It's Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy. Post Chang, your post Chang. What's my last name? Your name is Post Chang. Post Chang.

Starting point is 00:16:32 Jimmy Post Chang. Jimmy, do come up post Chang. You know the legend of Jimmy, do come up post Chang. One of the greatest boxers slash crustaceans sellers of all time. Hello. But you know what sucks about us back in the day. You know, I mean, we were in San Francisco Asians, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:49 And probably New York and stuff, right? Because, you know, the Chinatown and stuff like that. But there was no cross, like, do you think back in the day in the 40s or the 30s, I'd be able to get white girls? No. Yeah. White girls had no rights. No.

Starting point is 00:17:03 What? You still don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I have a little more. White girls had no rights. No, what? You still don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I have a little more. White girls got no rights. The girls got no rights. Why do you talk about talking about people that could have voted? You can get Mary one easy.

Starting point is 00:17:14 No, but he's saying could he hook up with white girl? They're not gonna hook up. No, you'd have to marry one and be a child. No, I don't think you would even marry. I think they would look right through me. Not if you're Jimmy, do you have a post-chain? Jimmy, do you have a post-chain? Oh, I'm Jimmy, do you have a right through me. Not if you're Jimmy Jimmy do come up post-change. Oh, she I'm Jimmy do come up post-change. Everybody knows you Oh, nice and seaboard. It was a higher high sexiest Chinese men of all time. Very successful shellfish business

Starting point is 00:17:35 Oh, yeah, I've heard of you. Are you Jimmy do come up post-change? Yes, I've heard of some crustacean business I have the crustacean business. Would you like to eat my white muffin? Does it taste like muscles? Hahaha. Hair story. Hair story is best known for its hero product. New wash, the first of its kind, custom formula, that cleans conditions, detangles, and resource hair

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Starting point is 00:21:08 cosas más, adivina menos y vende más con Intuitimale Sim, la marca número 1 en Imile y Marketing y Automatización, empieza hoy mismo en MailSimple.com, vas a vender a tus públicos de marcas competidoras en número de globales de clientes en 2020 y no 2022. Oye, y si este fin de vamos a las piezas de mi poepio? ¿Qué dices? Pero si tu pueblo está en Mordor. Nada, está don Mirándolo, tenemos chopá. Primero cojamos un tren a Zaragoza. Después cojamos un bus a esta calatallón. No te li es.

Starting point is 00:21:34 Este verano viaja de puerta, puerta y sin complicaciones con BlablaCara. Siempre encontrarás una cercana, incluso a última hora. Deras el batupróximo viaje, ya. BlablaCara, blablaCara. Yo es, exá. Yo tengo que decir, no lo hago. Yo tengo que decir, primero. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back.

Starting point is 00:21:47 I'll be back. So exhausted. So exhausted. Can you believe? Can you believe? I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years.

Starting point is 00:21:55 I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years.

Starting point is 00:22:03 I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years. I've spent all of the years I explained Fancy can you make a it's animated It's more than a canvas rock. Yeah, right? I can do that one of the years That I spent I spent lifting weights Yeah, that's good Jimmy do come up post-train Jimmy do come up post-train Anyway, so I always think about like, you know,

Starting point is 00:22:26 this is the only time where my people could be here in the last three or 40 years. What do you mean be here in Connecticut? No, in America. You've been in America. I know, I'm just saying. For a long time. But in the early, you know, in the 1800s or early 1990s,

Starting point is 00:22:40 the century I wouldn't be able to be here. I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have the life that I have. No, I couldn't do stand up. Do you not know about the one of the most famous cowboys of all time? No, John Wayne. John Wayne. John Wayne.

Starting point is 00:22:53 John Wayne. I've never heard of him. Tell me, Steve, come up with. He was a famous bank robber. Whoa. Yeah. That's interesting. Tell me more about John Wayne.

Starting point is 00:23:02 John Wayne hands to the sky. And he would go rob banks. He literally took trains with us to Western and red rob banks. He was a famous. This is a real guy Really famous John made a play with him John Wayne. Yeah, yeah, let me see if I could play yeah, yeah stick him up Hands to the sky listen here Wang what you've been through these parts before you think you're gonna get away with this Oh, you trick me. I Don't have a gun. Oh, you never pingo. Oh, John.

Starting point is 00:23:28 I got you. John. I'm a comedian too. Oh yeah, yeah. He was a comedian. He made the bank tellers laugh. That's how we got their minds. I've never seen you do an A's in A's in A's in A's in A's.

Starting point is 00:23:36 And you never know. I would love to hear it. I know. Well, dude, have you seen this video that's circulated about the howling? Or they call it the, they call it the, what is it called? It's circulated about the howling or the they call it the they call it the What is it called? It's called like the I watch it the other night about there's a bunch of sailors that they say What the ones with the officer with the eggs? No, no, no, I was kick him out. I was No, no, no, there's a bunch. I'm kidding. We kick him out. I'm kidding

Starting point is 00:24:05 No, no, there's a bunch of sailors that there's a there's a theory You have to look it up a McCone about Getting called into the sea about mermaids. They have a sirens. Yeah, I love Do you know about the sirens of the sea? Yeah, I play video games and But have you heard it? There's a video that's circulating the internet now of a guy, of a fisherman out in the sea and the sirens sound so... But they can do that in post. I don't know. No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:24:31 I'm on the boat, I'm not gonna do that. This is shot on like a fucking Samsung Galaxy. Oh, well that's real. And he just heard the sound? He's recording and he's like, listen to this and he's showing that there's tracers in the water and he's like, what is tracing with us? And his buddy is like, nobody knows.

Starting point is 00:24:45 And then they're hearing the sirens and they start talking about it. And then all the thread below it is about how the sirens was this old myth that mermaids would call sailors to jump in it, but this used to happen a lot. People would kind of lose their orientation. And they would jump into the sea, pirates and sailors and stuff because of the sirens of these, of these maidens from the sea,

Starting point is 00:25:05 it made me really believe in mermaids. I genuinely think it's real. Could I ask you a little? Seriously, do you not believe in mermaids? I don't, I actually know. No, I'm not saying, listen to me though. I'm not saying mermaid in the traditional sense where you see like half woman with that fish body below.

Starting point is 00:25:20 You believe in aliens, but we have no idea what they look like. So why wouldn't you believe in like a merging humanistic form that lives under the sea? Because I don't live in space, so I don't know about the aliens. Do you believe in them? Do you believe in them? Yeah, but because theoretically there's billions of fucking planets out there. Some of those planets probably can support life.

Starting point is 00:25:39 But the depth of the ocean, the depth of the ocean, we have no idea. We have no clue. We know, we know less about the ocean, we have no idea. We have no clue. We know, we know less about the ocean than we know about space. Ah, all right. I mean, it's like, do you believe in centaurs? Do I believe that they could have existed at one point? Absolutely.

Starting point is 00:25:57 Really? Some dude that looks like Jason Momoa from The Waste Off. Do you think everyone has looked like you since the beginning of time? I hope not. We mean either. I know. So we've changed shape and form. Do I also a deep cut when it comes to humans? You're a pretty shallow cut.

Starting point is 00:26:13 What? When it comes to humanistic form. I mean, you're kind of like, no, I'm like an in original. Yeah, you're like the beginning stages. Then they carve it up into something more beautiful. No, that's not what like I'm a slap a fucking concrete. I know. Yeah, concrete Or like the beginning no Which yeah, like you're like Look at that little clay ball trying to get up in the chair when aliens come down here They're gonna look at me and they go wow they did it

Starting point is 00:26:36 Well, they finally fucked it up Well the other way while wow they make one of these two We have some on our planet. Yeah, yeah, we play with them. And they live in the bottom of the RO. So wait, the mermaid in space is you. I'm a space mermaid. Fuck at it. To them, you're a mermaid. Yeah, I like that. You really do believe in mermaid. So be 100% what would your siren? Can I hear your siren call? I don't believe in them so I shouldn't have you are a mermaid of space. What's your siren call in space? Second I would I would steer to Second, but in some people at the end wait is she saying suck. What is she saying at the end? Some people at the end wait is she saying suck. What is she saying at the end suck suck it? Yeah, there's no sound in space There is sound there is sound

Starting point is 00:27:29 If he's on a planet, okay on Mars checks out checks out. Yeah, do imagine though if we take a space Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Bobby, we have to go towards that side. You don't even know what that sounds like. Whoa! Whoa! Eat it.

Starting point is 00:27:48 Yeah, wow! I absolutely believe in mermaids. Wow. I believe in something else there's other lifeforms underneath the ocean that we have no idea about. I don't know what it looks like. I believe in Minotors. Sure.

Starting point is 00:28:01 We saw one. We know one. Who? Oh! Don't you know what you're talking about? Cut, cut, cut. Cut, cut, cut. You do it, suck. Sure, we saw one we know one who You do you you don't think that in one time I wish you could just say whatever we want in life We can I know I know I said we can't I wish we could do I wish in our society We could just do a podcast where there's no cutting no consequences I know no consequences nothing with Nothing. We could just be free and say whatever you want. This is not about as free as we can get.

Starting point is 00:28:27 No, we're not. Because we are cutting a lot out. I want to be able to say anything I want. Yeah, but then you get there's consequences. I don't want consequences. Why should there be consequences with the things that you say? Because what do you mean? Because you're broadcasting this to hundreds of thousands of people.

Starting point is 00:28:44 Yeah. So grow up. Grow up. No, it's common. Here's the deal. We say as much as we can in a free form without trying to make people feel bad. Yes. Cause you don't want to hurt people. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:56 Yeah. I know, but you're right. Cause people have said things about you that you don't like. And me and Dan, I understand that, but still they should have every right to do. And I don't think I should be able to ruin their life because they said it but sometimes it's fun to want to ruin their lives like fatties I want to talk about fatties man people that are chubby whatever well do you think you're allowed to talk about something you can fall in the category but because you're a little chunky right

Starting point is 00:29:17 now don't you think you fall in the category yeah yeah well you can I can wait on a little bit stop sucking in your stomach. No, I've gained weight. I can't feel it. Let it go. See? There it is. I've gained weight. I've gained so much weight.

Starting point is 00:29:31 Can I tip you off as maybe why? Cookies? You ordered four sandwiches. Four sandwiches. Oh, that's right. That were this big. Yeah, yeah. He ordered four sandwiches and you didn't even finish them.

Starting point is 00:29:39 I gave him a cone because, by the way, he eats once a month. And you left all of them in the table in the fridge. With one bite. With one bite. Yeah. It's so wasteful. So what? No, that's no no good.

Starting point is 00:29:50 It's just yes. That's what a pants are saying. It's so wasteful. Yeah. That's what a pants say when you put them up. Because like, that's something. You know, you know, like the sea creatures out there. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:02 Like my little mermaid. The little mermaid. Yeah. You know, there are like islands made out of plastics that we, human beings, they're out there? Yeah. Like my little mermaid? Yeah. You know there are like islands made out of plastics that we human beings. They're out there. We're cleaning them up. I don't want them to. You want them to dilute the ocean more?

Starting point is 00:30:12 No, it's not polluting because they float plastic. Yeah. And you know, ducks and seagulls, they can relax on them. Okay, so check it out. Everybody at home, please start throwing plastic bottles back into the ocean. I agree with this. I think we should I think we should see if look at this colors Look at that pink straw that's jabbed into that fucking duct. I also with a plastic melts it creates beautiful colors in the Yeah, when the plastic melts it's good for the fish. It's so good

Starting point is 00:30:37 You know anyway, that's just my two. Well, tell me what you want to talk about fat people then because you're fat now So go ahead. No, I don't you but you're not you, I don't think I have a broader point I want to say. Well give it to me. I am giving it to you now. I just saying that like, you know, how free would it be if we could just say exactly what we want and how we feel about certain things. But is it how you really feel or you know it's a joke so you're saying it's a joke, but still it's like I want to be able to go there, you know, but you can't.

Starting point is 00:31:03 Go ahead. How do you feel about fat people? I can't. How do you feel about? I can't fat people. How do you feel about? I hate him. Oh, here we go. Oh, my love, oh, my love. No, see, you just said you wanted to be free. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:14 So then be free. No, when I'm sick, yeah, you're right. But you know, my brother, this is my point. You don't actually want to say it. You're right. Because if you did, you'd be like, I want to but I want the freedom to have that as an option though. It is. It is right.

Starting point is 00:31:27 Of course you can. There is consequences. You can go, you can go around town saying whatever you want, something may happen because of it. Yeah. Well, that's the whole point. So we pick and choose what we're okay with maybe saying. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:41 But I think that words and actions are two different things. Yeah, but one can lead to the other. That is true. They're not mutually exclusive, but I think that words and actions are two different things. Yeah, but one can lead to the other. That is true. They're not mutually exclusive, but they can. You're right. You go to it. Go to an all black neighborhood, yell the N word, see if anything happens. I would never do that. It's not funny. I know. That's my point. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. What are you talking about? In a comedic way, if we could talk about certain things, I mean, like for instance, the whole transatlantic thing we did. Yeah, it was fun.

Starting point is 00:32:06 I know, but in many ways, we might not even have been a little bit of an air of that. What are you talking about? Or when I did Asian accent. Yeah. No, that one we're keeping in. I know, we are. But also what you're talking about, the transatlantic joke

Starting point is 00:32:17 was a broader joke. Yeah. That is, you put that dip back in your mouth? Yeah. Good. Double dip. Double dip and dog. That is way past the that dip back in your mouth? Good. Double dip. Double dip and dog. That is way past the three second rule.

Starting point is 00:32:29 I understand that. But I'm just, First of all, can we talk about that real quick? What? Did scientists measure that fucking three seconds? Why did they? They did. Germs only move at a certain speed.

Starting point is 00:32:38 That's right. Right, so in three seconds, there's a 56 they found out. They did a bunch of research to find out. Germs are slow. Germs are very terms are very French flying the floor. Let's all terms have an extra chrome. I think a dad started that because he was tired of his kids wasting food. Yeah, it's like a three-second you can still eat it. Okay, germs have an extra chromosome. They're a little slow. Oh, they do. They're

Starting point is 00:32:58 a little. No, no, that they're a little slow. They're downy. Little bit. Okay. Did they have a little... What? There's Down syndrome germs. Are there germs that have like spinal bifida? They kind of, you know what I mean? That's why they call it Downy soap because it like, it balances out the germs. That's what I'm saying is like, are there dwarf germs? There are.

Starting point is 00:33:24 Smaller than regular. Smaller than I can see can see right and the other germs make fun of them. They do they pick on. Yeah, come on Tommy. Yeah, catch up. Well, just a second. Just the right. Right. So what I'm saying, you know, what's the longest something to be on the floor before you need it?

Starting point is 00:33:41 I need things after like a couple hours actually. Got around the floor. Yeah. The floor floor? Like a potato chip? Yeah. Oh see potato chip I'm okay with because it's fried and coated. Not gravy.

Starting point is 00:33:52 I wouldn't scoop up. I'm not a floor. Of course not. But I want to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 00:34:00 Let's go over the list of things that falls on a dirty kitchen floor that you would pick pick back up and eat. Potato chip I'm totally. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with potato chips. What about a piece of fruit, like a strawberry? I was just thinking that, no.

Starting point is 00:34:09 No, no, it's too wet. What about a hard, like an apple has a hard outside? Apple's not wet on the outside. Oh yeah, 100%. Oh, like a full apple. Yeah, full apple. That cut. Yeah, no.

Starting point is 00:34:20 Oh, there's watermelon then. Yeah, because you go wash it. Oh no, sliced watermelon. No, just a whole watermelon. Ah, and I watermelon. I can't know of course water. That's fine. It sits outside That's what I'm saying. Yeah, so what about something that's a little bit like a like a Like a peach because a peach is soft and a little more fun if you could wash it No, you can't wash it. No, you that's the whole point. Yeah, in this fucking center. No, you can't watch it That's the whole point of this. No washing, a peach.

Starting point is 00:34:46 Yeah. You're eating it. Yeah. Okay. And for some reason, I would eat a rib. Like, like cooked ribs? Like a rib? That is the most, that's the worst.

Starting point is 00:34:57 It's covered in a glue. I think you'd one side of it or something. The sauce is like, the sauce is like, I know, but if it's like on a side, I could eat the side that's not on the floor. All right, check it out. Slice a pizza falls face side up, right? So just the crust hits, you're still gonna eat it.

Starting point is 00:35:10 Hell yeah. Ooh, that's interesting. Pizza is always good. Yeah, because the crust is hard. Yeah, and it's burnt. Oh, I would eat it. You would. How many hours though?

Starting point is 00:35:18 Six. No. Four. An hour. An hour max? Yeah. What happens after one hour? Oh, that's so good. You spurt. An hour max. What happens after one hour? That's so weird.

Starting point is 00:35:25 You spurt catches up. That's the way it turns out, man. Finally gets there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, what about like, what about a liquid that spills? No. No liquid at all. If they had clear patches, breast milk, I might taste it.

Starting point is 00:35:42 That's right. Now it's preserved in a sarcophagus. Oh, okay. Imagine they open the sarcophagus, she's holding just a bottle of breast milk. Oh, yay! They preserved it. Yeah, take a sip.

Starting point is 00:35:53 It's history. Yeah. Would you, um, let me just ask you another question then. Which one? Abe Lincoln's boogers, you know, they used to collect his boogers. Who did? Abe's wife, Mabe. I'd have to try it.

Starting point is 00:36:05 Mabe and Abe. Mabe and Abe. Because I've had like modern day boogers, but I've never had one. So the last time you ate a booger for real, a day, two days. It's hours. I'll be honest with you.

Starting point is 00:36:17 Did you eat a booger today? In the car. If it has the red brightness to it, I sometimes eat it. Blood. Yeah. If there's a little bit of blood on it, you get that flavor. Yeah, I mean.

Starting point is 00:36:27 Yikes. Have you ever eaten a booger? Yeah. I've never eaten a booger. Never in your life? No, because that's so not true. That's such a life. My hand to God.

Starting point is 00:36:35 I've done much more. You don't believe in God, I'm gonna give a five. I've done embarrassing stuff. Even when you were a kid, that's not true. Never, because I saw the kids at Diddy Boogers and they grossed me out. They had me too, but sometimes it happens. You've been worse than us. I've never known. You've been worse.

Starting point is 00:36:45 I'm not scared. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Stop diverting. You have one time tasted your poop. Look me in the face. I swear I got to have it. Say swear on everything. I swear on everything. That you've never tasted your poop. I've never eaten poop. That's ridiculous. Tasted.

Starting point is 00:37:12 Not even on accident. There's no flavor. I know that. I know your point is this. I know you've tried. Have you tried your own spunk? Can I ask you about that? Can we go back to Cleopatra?

Starting point is 00:37:20 No. Have you tried your own spunk? What's a spunk? Your own giz? Yes, everyone has no I've never had never never never one time in your life never knowing no curious Nope none. Yeah, no. I see it. I smell it. I know it. You got to do that tonight though The burger and your jizz you have to but hasten both you got to be doing it

Starting point is 00:37:38 You feel like it's cannibalism You're eating your kids you're in your own feet. So it's not good metabolism You're eating your kids. You're eating your own feet. So it's not good Can I ask you something? Hmm. You're a scientist. God bless right you discover the tomb of Cleopatra. Here she is right mummified Right, yeah, as a scientist you go. I want to see what's on the inside. Right you unravel there, right? I know yeah everything's petrified except for the badge It's perfectly intact. That's who you become the mummy It got it awakens

Starting point is 00:38:10 Then Brendan Fraser has to come back and kill her What a mummy's all like the Brendan Fraser as the whale comes back I've always wanted to be a what Indiana Jones did what anthropologist archaeologist that's why let him have it Let him have it the way he wants an archaeologist. I think you should be an anthropologist I'd be cool being archaeologist you would raid things No, but I've always wanted to like go to a like a dirt field with those little brushes You imagine you have the patience to do that. That's insane. You have to go to school first Room my fucking dreams.

Starting point is 00:38:46 No, but let me ask you a real question. Yeah. You know you'd have to, you, of course, I go to school, man. That's not that. You sit out there for hours and hours and hours. You have the patience to do that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:56 Hunched over in the dirt. Yeah, if there's, if I can find like an exotic coin. Yeah, but it's hours and most days you find nothing. I know, but if I can find one, but let's say you don days you find nothing. I know but if I can find one But let's say you don't you spend your whole life if it do I get like you know back like in Jurassic Park It's not they give you like the city funds it they find like an I think I think the nonprofit millionaire Most bonds my fucking research mostly these are just about in the middle of a fucking random field and just do that all day Yeah, I'm gonna buy like some nonprofit. We're not making a lot of money. You can't? You're a foundation is sponsoring you.

Starting point is 00:39:26 You're making a little bit of money to survive. Yeah, but that's better than like working at Denny's. Says who? You're right. The Grand Slam. You don't want to slap those on the table, is that so? That's right. That's right. No, but if you could discover like,

Starting point is 00:39:37 you know what I want to discover? What baby? Find that little knife that stabbed Jesus in the gut. Not if he got nails. He got nails to a cross. No, but there was a, didn't somebody stab him on the side? I knew they read different stories in the gut. Nive, he got nailed. He got nailed to a cross. No, but there was a, didn't somebody stab him on the side? I knew they read different stories

Starting point is 00:39:48 in Korean churches. They did, they did, right? He still give a Judith. Yeah, but he didn't kill him. I didn't kill him. I know, but if you could discover that knife, and then you have Jesus blood on the tip of the knife. Would you look at,

Starting point is 00:39:59 no, it'll, no, clone it. Yeah, like Jurassic Park. Like Jurassic Park. Jesus Park. Can I have a bunch of Jesus, Jesus Park. Jesus Jesus Jesus. Jesus Park. Yeah They too I would make hundreds of them. Yeah, it's not a knife inside of lambs What the holy lands yeah?

Starting point is 00:40:24 It's not a knife inside a lens. What the holy lance. Yeah, that's Spirit Jesus It's called the holy lance. Yeah, and they've cloned him and he found it lance. I think it's still missing Not Lance. I think it was saying holy lands. It is a holy land. Yeah, but the so the holy lance did they ever find that thing? Spirit destiny is also called. Yeah, it's fear destiny. They never find it. It's still missing. Dude, let's find it never find it still missing it still miss dude. Let's find it sound suspect today What still missing? Didn't happen really He was never shanked I Think Jesus made everything bigger than it was like walk on water. He skipped across a pond

Starting point is 00:40:57 Shoot is probably just bumped into yeah, oh Just the farmers market Jesus relax. Wait, who's the X-Men that did split the ocean? Wolverine. Oh wait, sorry. I got my stupidest part. He's the guy from the biblical times. Yeah, there's an X-Men that split the ocean. I got Moses.

Starting point is 00:41:13 Moses is part of the sea. That's a guy. He's not an X-Men. Was he? Who else could split the ocean apart like that? Moses. X-Men. He's like a-

Starting point is 00:41:24 That's interesting. Moses was Jewish, right? Or Aquaman. Yeah. Was he Jewish? Moses. Yeah. And he split the scene and he goes, oh, too high. The water was so high. All right. Can I ask you another scene about the Bible? Yeah. I've been thinking about that. Yeah. You know how Jesus turned water into wine? Why did he do that? Because let me ask you something? He's God, right? So he could fucking turn water into any beverage even beverage that weren't even vented like a pinia colada Imagine if you turn to water to pinia colada and they're like what is this? But I think one of them so much easier to communicate

Starting point is 00:41:57 Well, why he's like, you know grapes wine and everyone's like okay, but it'd be sorry to be like pinia colada You know, yeah the flavor of coconut that you get. That's so cool. This is from the future. It would be funny, I would have named brands in the Bible. Yeah, that's a sugar-free red bowl. Whoa, I'm not tired. What sugar?

Starting point is 00:42:18 Don't worry, it's free of it. Yeah. I mean, you could do any beverage. Yeah. He should have turned it into I don't know I you know that's a really good question about it, dude And why did Jesus if he was also powerful exactly? How come he didn't just heal everybody right? Holy lepers. What about him? Yeah, he let those go. Yeah, I

Starting point is 00:42:47 Imagine if like those like Jesus please. I'm I'm dying right will you help me yeah like a Freddie Mercury guy Think mustache. Yeah, I imagine yeah, that's what Jesus looks like no, I'm just saying if you could cure a hibb They do say Jesus is a frequent at bathhouses, so but don't he could only heal the people that believed in him and his dad Yeah, you had to believe in both what if you just believe in more. I don't think you can It's like a package deal. There's three of them. I holy goes Jesus and God. They're the same. Yeah, all three of them You got to believe in no, but the holy ghost is Jesus when he's dead Whoa, that Jesus is holy ghost wait. I didn't get that far yet. That's at the end the book Yeah, we finish it Bring a book he dies

Starting point is 00:43:25 Morgan and Morgan and Andrew if you were in a car accident in the book. Yeah. Read a finishing. Pretty good. It's a pretty good book. He dies. No, I mean. Sorry. Morgan and Morgan. And if you were in a car accident, who would you call? Morgan and Morgan, of course. Of course, right? A lot of people, you know, you want injury attorneys to be trustworthy.

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Starting point is 00:46:38 Johnny Walker, patrofina a esta podcast, solo para mayores de 18 años, disfruta de un consumo responsable. It wasn't unusual for people of a certain era to drink spirits in the morning for breakfast. Yeah. Because water was poisoned. Yeah. Water was filthy. I mean, it was polluted. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:47:15 So they would just, you know, you would make alcohol and it's easier to drink. Say for the drink. You know who would be the worst follower of Jesus? Who? It's a birth crusher. You'd have fucking gallons of water. Come on, Jesus. Every time Jesus would make something, he finishes. He's like, water, come on.

Starting point is 00:47:29 Berk, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't you think? Water, do water in the Tito's backpack. Come on, Jesus. Jesus, secret time, secret time, secret time. Yeah. I don't know much about the Bible. I was not raised with a religion,

Starting point is 00:47:44 so I don't know much about it. I don't know much either. I just know what I've heard. Pull a point, you know. Yeah, it don't know much about the Bible. I was not raised with a religion. So I don't know much about it I don't know much either. I just know what I've heard of the point you know, yeah That's a show. That's the what did you say? It doesn't show this guy. You know, he's a Catholic. Yeah Who's the guy the Joe not not Joe no was arc. I was just thinking Jonas Brothers In the rainbow. No, there was one guy right the book of Job. Yeah, Job. Is that his name? Yeah, Job is a job or job? Job okay, but spelled the same. Yeah, remember the transatlantic accent that came from so job job job It's not job. It's job. Oh, yeah, so Job. Let me tell about job right tell me all about him

Starting point is 00:48:19 I don't know much about that's one of my I'm just through memory God took a lot away from him. Is that that guy? Job, yeah, God took from him. He killed his wife. He killed his wife and kids, right? Kids, yeah. And all that, right? And then, and Job was like, yes!

Starting point is 00:48:34 Yeah, yes. But he was like so dedicated to God that at the end, God goes, here's more women. Yeah, he gave him all the chicks. God told me to do it, see? Oh, yeah, I'm sorry sweet hot. This is God's will Which would you be like yeah, that's nice, but what happened to Cynthia? You my son Billy

Starting point is 00:48:53 They're all replaceable. Yeah, I hope you I'll hope you man. They're in heaven now. They're happy Imagine if you get the heaven and God speaks with the transit and I guess hey, we waiting for you. Yeah Are you Duke? I'm up I remember you. Hey, we've been waiting for you. Yeah. Are you a duke of months? I remember you. Hey, God. Anyway, welcome to the Pearly Gates. What are some other Bible stories? Well, you know about, you know, you know, you know, you're about. Well, what about like, um, what?

Starting point is 00:49:18 Noah's Ark went up fly now because he's got two of every animal, but he wouldn't have to get, um get trans animals too. Can I say that? Because they're, you can't write the thing that we know is our cause this one no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I got two of every animal. Too much too many genders. Yeah, he couldn't do it.

Starting point is 00:49:42 He need a double decker. Yeah. Well, he, they're all was double decker, bro. A need a double-decker. Yeah. Well, he didn't. What was a double-decker, bro? A triple-decker. Here's another thought that I have, though, right? Let me ask you something. So Noah brings all these animals, right?

Starting point is 00:49:55 A pair. But then, no two Chinese guys? A Chinese couple? No. It's just white people, then. What do you mean? I mean, think about that, right? It was just him on a boat with animals. I know white guy some of us is family, but fuck the black people and the Chinese and the Mexicans

Starting point is 00:50:10 They weren't they had to start over there wasn't Chinese and Mexicans there There was no Chinese and Mexicans in the Bible back in them there dude. You're you're talking about this isn't the fucking Middle East It's in the fucking Middle East so if I were the Chinese being the Middle East. That's my really so there are certain fucking animals that or Pandas you think pandas are the Middle East, but they had two of those they didn't They did two of all They did say two of every animal. Yeah, they said two of our So we know it's a lie Slough from Papa New Guinea, but do think about that no because it's all fucking bullshit

Starting point is 00:50:48 No, it's real dude. No, I had a fucking boat with animals is fucking insane and where the fuck the unicorns go Exactly, yeah, it was bullshit. Oh, maybe they didn't make it on that's what we don't happen today Oh, they didn't make it up, but everybody else made it on yeah, no more crickets made it on Crickets made it on. Crickets made it on. Yeah. Yeah. Centars, Minotaur and Burmese, they didn't make it on. Why didn't they make it on?

Starting point is 00:51:11 Well, Burmese can swim. Yeah, but they couldn't, they didn't want to take a break. They didn't want to hang on to the dock. Exactly. I guess. Let me tell you. There's no fucking way that guy had every animal. That's impossible.

Starting point is 00:51:22 There he is again. That's a woman. So yeah, you're right. So what? But here's what's up dude. My point is is this okay. Law what is it? Look at him. What is it? It's something alligators and long neckies. Do Humpty Back Camels and some chimpanzees. So uh, Bo both of them, you know, It's all you think. Goes good Lord, but you know, And I say, no, Dinosaur. That's the Noah's Ark.

Starting point is 00:51:49 Do you know that song? I love it in Spanish. What is in Spanish? I was in the same rhythm. Yeah. It's the same song. Two alligators and long niggies. Some Humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees.

Starting point is 00:52:00 Some cat-sum-back Campbell's and some chimpanzees Some cats and rats and elephants and sure as no more Yeah, don't don't have got no dinosaur some shit like that Yeah, cuz they were pretend like he fucking forgot the dinosaurs. Yeah, it's no, it's not real scam You're right scam. I just thought about it big bang baby big bang guy over here right you're big bang Big bang boom I'm a dinosaur guy Yeah big bang. Yeah, we believe that they took them out. I'm a dinosaur. Are you dinosaur guy? Jesus created the dinosaur Not true not true take a walk. Yeah, can I tell you something? I don't believe in any of it

Starting point is 00:52:42 Yeah, me you do believe in dinosaurs all 100% something I don't believe in any of it. Yeah, me you do believe in dinosaurs all 100% Some people do believe that people buried the bones to Disprove Christianity like Satan. That's not that's a theory right? Yeah, when all on the world and fucking planted Dinosaur bones to confuse everyone you imagine Satan Satan was getting frustrated when people are but he's like not don't bury it there Everyone you imagine Satan was getting frustrated when people are but he's like not don't bury it there Just bury the skull there that's not gonna make sense Yeah, like that's it you're going to hell. So you're being so demanding We're trying our best. I know same to dick. Is he a ticker? I'm trying my best Satan. I'm sorry. Yeah, does Satan have a son? Yeah?

Starting point is 00:53:22 Yeah, Jesus is right here. Oh, no Isn't Damian Satan's son? Yes, Damian. Damian. Damian is that Omen? No, you never saw that do Omen's the best movie. So Damian is the son of Satan Yeah, the Damian is we're gonna watch it tonight. Omen is so far scary. I think Omen's so scary It is scarier than her You wouldn't find it scarier now. I do recently like six months ago a really? Yeah, I went. Are they still scary the first two pretty scary? Yeah, I feel like now with technology when I see older scary movies. Yeah, but here's a scary part Uh-huh in the Omen movies

Starting point is 00:53:59 They will go back to like some sort of ancient Star-Site or archaeology stasite and they dig it through this tomb and they see a painting of Damien in there. No. Yeah. Pretty scary shit now. Yeah, but okay, but think about it like this. Whenever we saw like hyroglyphics and paintings and stuff like that from a long time ago,

Starting point is 00:54:19 so many times, yeah, why are they doing this? They didn't know how to draw arms yet. Oh really? They couldn't put them down on their own side. They just always did them up. Yeah. What it makes me laugh is like, you think about how intoxicated we're some of these people when they were doing this.

Starting point is 00:54:36 What do you mean? When they were making some of these like crazy drawings, like you go back like natives, like a lot of native stuff like that, they're on fucking, they're on peyote or mushroom or ayahuasca. So a lot of these visions was it because of the intoxics? Yeah, because I've seen some of my notes during some of my visit. That's what I'm saying. When I tripped and I'm like, this could go in a wall somewhere. Yeah, but it don't make no sense.

Starting point is 00:55:00 Also, there's similar in many caves. There wasn't like a fosky out heroin guy that did his own thing. They're head of it. But there's probably some caveman was like no, no, that's not good. That's good. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, well, huh, well, yeah. The poppy seed guy. The poppy seed guy. Got the heroin back then must've been so good. I think it's probably better today.

Starting point is 00:55:21 Yeah, but if you could figure that out back then. If you're the first guy to do it. Yeah, you see what what what what what a poppy seed. Yeah, but if you could figure that out back then. If you're the first guy to do it. Yeah, you see what a poppy seed field. How do they figure that out? They look at it. How do they turn it into heroin? There's probably one guy that smoked everything. Like an oak tree. I don't know. My throat hurts. They try all of it. They try everything.

Starting point is 00:55:41 And he got fucking lit up on that shit. A poppy seed. And then imagine the first guy that was like We should put it in my blood Put it right inside of my blood like Nathalia that's I don't want to smoke it I don't want to eat it throw it in my fucking blood. Wow I'm sure someone tried to stab themselves in the heart with it one time. Wow for sure. Oh my god The first heroin the first heroin. Or imagine the first time

Starting point is 00:56:05 they got the first guy that snipped cocaine because I bet they would eat it a taste it touch it because he yeah Who we didn't the powder for that guy must have been fucking genius. Yeah, we're like yeah You imagine you know how like you know when you first start masturbating when you're a kid and you're not really talking to your friends Yet about it, you know like everyone's kind of keeping his secret. No, no I'm saying and then you slowly start to speak to each other about it, you know, like everyone's kind of keeping his secret. No, no, I'm saying, and then you slowly start to speak to each other about it, right? But when you first do it, it's kind of like, you don't talk. So imagine, imagine the first couple of guys that were all doing cocaine, and then they all get together. And one guy's like, so how's it been?

Starting point is 00:56:34 He's like, dude, it's been amazing. And my nose is a little bit, and then one guy's been sticking it in his ass. And he's like, wait, you guys are in your nose? What do you put it? He's like, right? I just, I haven't read it in my ass. I just go in my ass. I think you guys are in your nose. Yeah, it goes to your brain. Yeah, but your ass holds, yeah, I guess I'll try the nose.

Starting point is 00:56:50 You know when you and your friends start jerking off and you start to kind of clue each other into shit when you're like, you never talked about it with your friends? Here's the thing about masturbating as a kid. Am I saying something? I never thought he was embarrassed. I was like, I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do it. You don't start you never talked about it with your friends Here's the thing about masturbating as a kid And I say something I Never thought it was embarrassing, but all the kids would like I would I'm rescuing to my friend fucking Craig

Starting point is 00:57:14 Yeah, I masturbate it feels and he's like what do you do that? I don't masturbate I get real girls I go yeah, but it feels good. Yeah, I never felt like, like, what, what, why, do you guys notice that when kids didn't admit it, guy kids? Well, there was always a couple of guys in my group that were like, no, I don't really do that. And it's like, really? Yeah, it feels so good. I can't stop.

Starting point is 00:57:32 Yeah, I know. I was, I said, it would be, it would be, it would be, yeah. At one point, I was like three, four times a day. Yeah. When you're 15 and you're just like, you cannot stop. You cannot stop.

Starting point is 00:57:42 You guys don't ever have that feeling, do you? Like, do young girls need, like, is there, were there ever a day when you're flicking the bean like two, three times a day? Yeah. No, I think, like, I think what I did a lot of women do is like you're masturbating before you know it's masturbating. Because you're rubbing up against stuff.

Starting point is 00:57:56 Yeah. Like, I think it would like fruit, fruit of vegetables in there. No. No. Oh, they're rubbing stuff. Like pillows, you'd rub them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would stick hot dogs, I don't know what. Yeah, that's a know what a cucumber on a gun fuck, but that's why God made you a guy

Starting point is 00:58:09 You'd eat it afterwards too. They feel he feels you out and he's like this guy's gonna shove too much shit You're supposed to yeah make him a guy I think like lamp fixtures in there like everything. I would try everything Where was that where where did you often jerk up was always in your room at night? Or was it bathtub bathtub? Still me to you still today. I love it love in the shower. You know what I do. Yeah, I get on my knees It would the faucet comes down. Yeah You get on your knees and masturbate to God I'm like this right for the faucets going down and with the water coming down every try that

Starting point is 00:58:41 Have the water pour on your penis? I like it. Strong water. Ow. Ow. No, no, no, no. Luke warm. And then sometimes I do freehand. Where's the water head? I do freehand in the water hits my head. Are you sure you don't have a vagina this time?

Starting point is 00:58:55 I'm going to die. And then sometimes I can come that way. Where is the water hitting right on the head? Oh my foot. Yeah, my fucking dick, man. Don't make it sound like I'm weird. You're having fucking rushing water of a spout. Just hit you on the penis. What do you think it's gonna fucking hit man? It doesn't feel good. You've tried it man. You're fucking the water. So you're fucking water. Yeah man. That's nuts. It's not nuts. It might not sometimes do.

Starting point is 00:59:19 I do not. No you never tried that. No no one has. You guys have never done that. You've fucked a water spout Right fucking the fucking Jacuzzi, have you done that? Put my Take my take out stick out on the fucking Jacuzzi so strong though. And I just do this like this. Does it water get in the tip? Yeah, man, that's how you do it. No, no thank you. That also, both of those sound like things women do. Yeah, exactly.

Starting point is 00:59:53 Right. You put your little clad up against them. See, when I share things, man, sometimes, man, I want some support, man. Do you, sir? I support you. I don't vulnerable, man. No, but you can't watch support, and then also ask if that's what we do. We don't do that, but I support you a vulnerable man? No, but you can't you can't want support and then also asked if if that's what we do

Starting point is 01:00:06 We don't do that, but I support you for doing it, but it's fucking strange share things about myself, man I could fucking really kill man. That's not true. You're fine. I support that's all I support I Supported was great what you just told us. Yeah, do you use a vibrator? I'm serious. What do you mean by that? Do you use a vibrator? I've used things that vibrate. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:32 All right. Now we can move on. That's fucking strange man. How much of you like the East Coast now? You know, I'll be honest with you. It's blowing my mind. It's beautiful over here. Yeah, because I didn't know much about it. You thought Jersey was people. Last night, he said, I never played Jersey. I thought it was just guys like the Jersey Shore. The only thing

Starting point is 01:00:55 you knew about Jersey is through sopranos and Jersey Shore. So I'm like, this is not my audience. Well, that exists. Yeah, but my point is, so I every gig that I would get offered in Jersey, I would say I don't play in there. Cause you thought Tony's friends or any of those East Coast places. Main. I've never been to Maine. Have you? No, but Maine is not we're not going to Maine. Oh, but they have people there, right? Like a 30. Okay. There's like 40 people. Bob Marley created a fucking career up there. Bob Marley's the king of up there. Yeah, yeah, Bob Marley people I don't know we're talking about the standup comedian. Yeah, but you know, you know, this tour has been great because you know, I've been exploring places that I thought you know, you think things are one way, but they're not. Yeah, like the South. We loved the South.

Starting point is 01:01:39 Yeah, they accepted me. How much fun do we have in Nashville? I loved it so fun. That was a fun night And so you know this whole thing. Raleigh, you love you loved Raleigh. Love Raleigh So you know, I've been having a really good experience, man You know, and um it's kind of built myself a steam up a little bit Are you about to say thank you to me Yeah, go on. I want to thank you, man Because of big fatigues. No, without me, we wouldn't be doing this because you didn't want to tour some of those cities. And I said, you

Starting point is 01:02:10 should. You'll love it. I was going to even back further. Go back. I'm big fatigues. Thanks, man. When you asked me to do this podcast, I was like, we're doing a lottery. Thank you, man. Is that the face you make when you rub your lid on the faucet? Yeah. Stop, you know what? You could be sweet and be honest. You can't get vulnerable. No, because you're making a face. You do that same face, you do Steve does the exact same face.

Starting point is 01:02:39 My brother? Yeah, same one. Yeah, because we don't feel anything. I know you need to learn to feel. Feelings important. I have to feel nothing right now. Nothing. Why feel hungry? Yeah, definitely. We were we right. Yeah, my stomach's crumbling.

Starting point is 01:02:54 Let me say that. What is it? Beef jerky. That's his nickname on campus. It comes beef jerky. This campus, no offense to Quinnipiac whatsoever. We appreciate you having us. This looks like a place. It looks boring. It looks beautiful, but it looks boring.

Starting point is 01:03:15 I don't know what you would do it out out here in the woods. You're a study. This was a university. Oh, fuck you. Fancy shit. Shut the fuck up, man. Loser.

Starting point is 01:03:24 Loser. Loser. You're a study. DC's at you and they better study. He says that because he's, you know, by the way, he's gigging the check from them. You probably got paid for us to come here and do this. Right. They've got their symbol up.

Starting point is 01:03:35 You know what, you're a fucking liar. Ah, there's not going to be no kids here. And there was 35 kids starting to show. Fucking lie, dude. I don't like it. OK. I know how many times I don't lie, dude. I don't like it. Okay. I don't how many times I don't fucking tell you, I don't like it.

Starting point is 01:03:48 Okay? Because the thing is that we do stand up, right? So we have to do, you know, there's a certain rhythm and a way to do a language that is for live. I don't want to do that for podcasting. It's so different. Yeah, because it's like a lot of this will cut out You know, I want to be able to just kind of say things without waiting for a laugh. That's why I don't like doing it with an audience

Starting point is 01:04:12 But we do want to do you fucking get it man. We thank fancy for putting this together very good. Thank you Thank you for Quinten Piac and thank you for being a fast friend. Yeah! Great. Woo! Well, you know we're gonna give it a go. Also, that's the fastest thing here. What? I'm gonna say whatever I want to say. You're having a really good time. There it is, dude.

Starting point is 01:04:36 I wanna talk about what we've done about trance. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I feel hot. Yeah. Right there, right there. Where? What yeah, where where what does it say congress Just out religion yeah, you can't stop religion in words. It's that sort of a Hogwarts vibe to it kind of like that That's pretty cool. You guys go to school here. Yeah, you like it? How's your Quidditch team? Are you guys good? Yeah?

Starting point is 01:05:00 What's your records? What's the Ravenclaw? Raise your hand if you're Ravenclaw. Let's go down and listen pick these in one house Here Slither and slither and he's She's a hufflepuff Hufflepuff I don't you believe you didn't make it didn't make it. Yeah, you know He's got kicked out of all of them. The one with stairs. I know about that. The one with stairs. That's what you just saw. That's what you saw. That's what you saw. That's what you saw.

Starting point is 01:05:33 That's what you saw. That's what you saw. That's what you saw. That's what you saw. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go fart on them if you need to. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go do it. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go fart on them if you need to. Go fart on them if you need to. Go do it. Go fart on them if you need to. Go fart on them if you need to. Go fart on them Oh my god You can't fight right now. Not by me, please What do you watch man you know? A lot of fantasies Side by you know Yes, they say five. You know me? Nothing. No, you're full of shit. You're much, but I can't. Anyway, let's go duck hunter. Or were we doing like sci-fi or the giraffin? We'll just any kind of move. What are we doing?

Starting point is 01:06:19 I'm not. That's not the right thing. We're actually starting to talk about sci-fi. Welcome to another episode of Bad Friends. I'm your go to the lot of Bad Friends. That's the name? Yeah, I'm Bobby. I'm one of the people on the show. I'm going to add to Santino. He's also one another person on the show.

Starting point is 01:06:55 We got this little one right here. It feels great. And we'll talk about the future of and the state of our country. What are we talking about? How's it going? I don't think trickle down economics works. You know what I mean? I think that, I mean the rich hoard the money and it doesn't trickle down. What do you guys think? I was thinking.

Starting point is 01:07:18 You are the rich, Bobby. You know, you are the 1%. Yeah, you're right. Particularly to these kids. You know, it's funny, whatever I eat eggs. Tell them to give everyone a hundred dollars. Give everybody a hundred dollars. I'll give everyone a hundred dollars.

Starting point is 01:07:33 But whatever I eat eggs, hardwood eggs, for days, my fart smell, so rancid. Do you think maybe it's time to stop eating hardwood eggs? But it's so good for my body, I think. Sure body I think. Sure, it doesn't seem like it is. I think I think logically it seems like eggs are good for you But I don't think they're good for you personally. Yeah, or maybe it's bad for some people. But how have my Farts been are the intense? Yeah, I have. Pungent, right? The windows in the car rolled themselves down on the way here. We didn't even touch them. Yeah, and then a beautiful drive through Connecticut. Beautiful. Connecticut's a great state. It's very pretty.

Starting point is 01:08:09 Raise your hand if you're from Connecticut. What part of Connecticut are you from? Stanford. Beautiful. We want to put. Yeah, Stanford's not too far away. Why didn't you go to that college? No, no, that's different. Stanford. Stanford. Yeah, universal. Stamford is in Northern California. Stamford.

Starting point is 01:08:28 Oh, I don't know. This is Stam, Luger. Is there a college there? No. Okay. Is it on? No. Is it on?

Starting point is 01:08:36 Youcon. Oh, youcon. University of Connecticut. It's a good one, right? We'll be right back. I don't know anything about it. About Connecticut? It's up for a football team.

Starting point is 01:08:47 Does Quinnipiac have one? Yeah. I don't know. Did you guys have a football? No. What teams do you have? We're out. Talking.

Starting point is 01:08:55 You just won the hockey championship? You don't get to throw that out there like that. They might because I don't even hear that even. No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. This is going to go in the trash. We're not going to use it. It's never going to work.

Starting point is 01:09:08 What hockey championship? What class are you guys? You won the division one. NCAA national championship. NCAA national championship. You beat out Minnesota. You beat out Michigan. That was you did.

Starting point is 01:09:21 You beat out all those guys. What do you know anything to do with that? You did the place. Yeah. All right. The place. again you beat out all those guys who did you guys beat in the national championship you beat Minnesota you beat Michigan beat all these guys for the national championship this is a D1 school I can't believe it I actually don't believe it I don't want to believe it either I don't believe it. I actually don't believe it. I don't want to believe it either. I don't believe it either, but I do like it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know if you ever heard of the White House. Did you go?

Starting point is 01:09:58 I've been to the White House. Why have you gone to the White House, lady? I love DC. It's my favorite city. Oh, you didn't go in, it's my favorite city. Oh, you didn't go in it, you got near it. Yeah. Well, you didn't go to the White House, you went near the White House. You got to read the politics?

Starting point is 01:10:11 I do. Like what? Like local communication, conservatory, where? No, that's why she said she was slithering. You could tell, she's up to no good. So you want to work in the bowels of hell of the United States. Yes. You believe in our government. I trust our government.

Starting point is 01:10:26 You trust our government? Trust it. My God. Can I ask you a personal question? The future is wide. What would be a writer-loved P.W.O.? I'm a registered Democrat. You are.

Starting point is 01:10:37 Yes. Yeah, but that's what Trump said. I know. So there's not a lot of truth in it. Do you ever see the show last week? I've been told I should watch it. One of the best in the world. The first four seasons are masterpieces.

Starting point is 01:10:48 What would your endgame be in politics? Like the dream dream job would be like White House press secretary, like the New Gen Sompi. You'd want to be a press secretary. You'd want to handle probing questions. Are you have a clean background, a clean record? Mostly. Where are you from?

Starting point is 01:11:04 That's what you say. What part of Massachusetts? Central South near Worcester. Yeah, outside of Worcester. What does mom and dad do? My dad, I was actually raised by stay at home dad. And my mom's a breadwinner. What does she do?

Starting point is 01:11:15 You're a dad of cock. It's your... It's your... It's your... It's your... It's your sales? It's a good question. Because if your dad ever was cocked and you know they'll find that if you go to be a press secretary.

Starting point is 01:11:26 I don't know if you know her. Her dad was a cock. They'll let you up. That guy will let you up. You could be an ankle model. Thank you. I don't know. Like socks and stuff.

Starting point is 01:11:36 What? I don't know. So you want to be the White House press secretary? Good luck. Good luck. I hope you get everything that you've ever wanted. I'm gonna go get some of that.

Bad Friends - Transatlantic Goo

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