Bad Friends - Twinkies with Dad ft. Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Watch The Machine in theaters this week: https://www.fandango.com/the-machine-2023-231135/movie-overview Tour Tickets: https://badfriendspod.com Thank you to our Sponsors: Displate, Manscaped & Adam & Eve • GET 20% off 1 - 2 displates or 30$ off of 3 dispalates or more at https://displate.com/badfriends code: BADFRIENDS  • Get 20% and free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com code: BADFRIENDS • Get 50% off any article at https://www.adameve.com code: BADFRIENDS YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 A Special Cocktail for The Machine 8:03 Bert's Favorite Asian 13:39 Tom Segura Breaks Bert's Heart on the Biggest Night of His Life 20:10 The Work Machine & the Sleep Machine 24:03 Secret Sexy Times  27:04 Bobby's Push-Ups & Bert's Archery 34:20 Bobby Can't Do Analogies 41:49 The Scene Mark Hamill Didn't Want to Shoot 45:03 Twinkie Trauma and Proud Dad 50:51 Mateo Lane Makes a Special Appearance   More Bert Kreischer Bertcast Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/c/bertkreischer Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bertkreischer Twitter: https://twitter.com/bertkreischer Tickets: https://www.bertbertbert.com More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends. You are these two idiots You two are disgusting Friends I'm actually you're in the blue one in the blue one take a seat matching Wow Wow You're in the blue one in the blue one take a seat. Wow Wow Ladies and gentlemen, it's the machine Burdy allowing myself to have the best day of my life you're having the best day of your life because you deserve it baby boy You know what buddy buddy? I'll get emotional. Don't get emotional. Don't cry

Already you You deserve you deserve the best day my life the best day my life you want to put your cans on or no Wow, don't well, you know what bird in celebration of your movie Bobby and I wanted to we figured you needed a drink I know you brought bud light. Please tell me. You want a drink? Yes, I do We figured you needed something to drink. Yeah, we'll do an anal jug Cuz I'm in a little anoscopy There we go some ice ice for you there. Yeah What do you want? What do you want with it? Just a little bit of vodka a little bit of vodka? Oh?

And what do you want? What do you want with it? Just a little bit of vodka? A little bit of vodka. Oh, oh Vodka I don't know Now do you want what do you want with it though? I've got ginger beer. I have a little bit of story you want lemon lime soda lemon lime soda be awesome You want ginger beer at all or no So just a little bit I like Korean p just a little bit. Yeah, look In Korea, that's how we do it. I gotta tell you Bert while this is making for you We had the best time last night. It's genuine. I'm genuine when I said this. I hugged you tight. It's such a great funny movie.

It's so good for comedy. We're so proud of you. We're so happy for the machine, baby. Thank you. We're happy for the machine. Thank you. It was so good seeing all my friends. Bobby, where were you?

I was there. You were there. We're good. It was so good. And when I was in the theater, I was going, I go, this, not only, this is, this movie is a franchise. Yeah, how did you feel about it? I felt like moved. I was in the theater, I was going, I go, this, not only, this is, this movie is a franchise. Yeah, how did you feel about it? I felt like moved, I was crying,

and then I got to the reddit. Where were you sitting? Where were you sitting? Yeah, where were you sitting? In the box. Yeah, with the grandparents. Yeah, that was fucking great. It's so good, don't say it.

And the after party, the dancing. Where was the after party at? The W.O.T.L.T.L.D. Of course, was I not there? You were there. I wasn't there. I thought it was Roy Choi. I wasn't there. I came to my head. I came to Roy Choi and Hogan said Bobby is her. I went, asked him. I went, I couldn't find parking. He couldn't. That's a lie. I swear to God. No, I swear to God.

No, I swear to use the king of this. No, no, no, but you know what, Bert? I'll be honest. I'll be genuine. He texted me and goes, I'm on my way. I was panicking. And I said, dude, do you want me to pick you up? And he goes, I'm on my way. Oh, it's pedicking. And I said, dude, do you want me to pick you up? And he goes, I'm taking a nap. It was, it was four o'clock. I go, okay, okay. That's what I said. Okay. I love you. And then I hung up. And then he texted me. We sat in the seats. And then he goes, I'm here.

And I said, great. Where? And he goes looking for parking. I pin dropped him the three parking garages on Galey. On, yeah. This guy goes, I I can't find it I'm going home. Varyl. Yeah, but can I say this though? What? And this is going to make you feel so good, okay? Please. Um, when I was at the comedy store that night and I felt guilty. Please. He comes in privately. Yeah. And he looks at me privately, maybe honestly. I go, he. That movie was so fucking good. It's good for comedy.

Dude, it was so good. And he did it secretly without people listening. So I was like, you know what? Because he never gives compliments. Man, what the fuck are you talking? Yes, I do. Don't do that. What?

I give compliments. But you save them. You don't like throw them out like jelly beans. Then it makes it worth it. Then they really never. I don't know why jelly beans, but what I'm saying is, you know how. You don't like throw them out like jelly beans. But then it makes it worth it. Then they really matter. Yeah, I don't know why jelly beans, but what I'm saying is, you know how people can avoid you in jelly beans for free.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Brother Reagan. Yeah, brother Reagan did it, right? So my point is that he said it privately. Yeah. And he goes, this is good for comedy. This is good for everybody. And I went to myself, wow, it must be really good.

And this is going to blow up. And you're going to be a different level. Congratulations. Thank you. It's beautiful. Thank you, buddy. It must be really good and this is gonna blow up and you're gonna be a different level graduations Thank you, buddy. I appreciate this cocktail I Started drinking the second I woke up this morning God bless, dude. You deserve it You deserve I've you know what man? I had a night last night And I and I and my wife has a saying Earn your Mondays, right? Can I say it? How she says it? Earn your Monday's

Occasionally she got to raise it. I'm fucking pretty hammered earn your Monday. Earn your Monday's Burn your Monday and I am sure she earned her Monday she earned her Monday that fucking that movie was good I don't care what you say train wreck was a good movie and she earned her money and I went and and and and and and it's true it's like you do all the hard work to get through the weekend as Comics we know what that feels like and then on Monday when you get on the airplane you get a little break right yeah and I love that feeling and and I I woke up this morning and I it's not Monday yet. We haven't got numbers in. Who knows? I mean, when this airs, it will be, but I was like, fuck it. I don't give a fuck.

I earned my Monday. You did. I earned it. You did. I busted my ass. I almost lost my arm for it. And Andrew, Bobby, I wish you could have been there. Andrew, your compliment to me yesterday was so heartfelt.

The fucking beautiful thing about this goddamn comedy community is I got compliments from dudes, I really respect. Like, you know, you know how we are, like we really respect. Yeah. And it, I had one of the best nights of my entire life. I had one of the best nights of my entire life. I had maybe the best night of my entire life. The red carpet was next to me.

So much fun. Dude, you, dude, I threw axes. We did putt putt. We did flip cock. I'm talking cock. So hard to get this in my throat. Come on, baby. Sucks, suck, suck, a little less a little less asbestos. It's a

I'm sitting here. I'm a simple by light as I sip on this. Yeah, there's MSG in it because I want to do it. This chair is deflating. Does anyone notice I'm gonna be sitting on the floor? It's gonna be shorter shorter. What did you do to our chair? You found it far too. It's a brand new chair. We just bought this chair. You fucking are. You fucking are. No, the brand new chair. We just bought this. You just bought this. This is falling apart. It's falling apart. This is it. This is possible.

Dude, you're earning your Monday right now. I'm earning my fucking Monday. Go in the pink one then. Oh yeah, the pink one. Let's see if he breaks out. That's what it is. It's not that I'm fucking fat and fat. And you're gonna pour a bucket.

Get goddamn chairs from Ashley's furniture. Yeah. That's from her sister, that's Joanne. Joanne? Scoot over to the pink one, we'll get you on the pink one. No, you know what? Stay, stay, stay, stay. This is fun. Yeah, this, let it happen.

Are you comfortable like that? I'm not bad. All right, go. I'm not bad. Can I say something about your wife? Yes. I have never met somebody so like mindful and generous. Eileen, is that her name? Eileen. Eileen. Yes. I've never met somebody so like mindful and generous. Elaine is our name.

I lean. I lean. I lean. Yeah. I lean. It's Liam. Okay. Dude, it's I lean on that. You're combining Ila and Leant. Oh, you're taking all of my fits and turning them into one. You know, the time you, uh, the Russian mafia farted on your Shin during oral sex She sends me over the years, but she loves she loves you. She sent me Gifts she's always calling me she texted me today as we're driving here and she goes

If Bobby wants to do any fully loaded days this open stuff offers to open I want to do well You don't you lying You don't you don't and look I know Andrew are you doing fully loaded 100% I am you know how that works I send you an offer and then you said yep, and then you know Bobby works I never got that offer. I never got that offer I never got that offer call him out. Oh, I'm the out of the out Bobby you are the fucking I'm the best Finally You are the fucking I'm the best You're my favorite you're my favorite. I can't say something

I'm your favorite the neighborhood gook. Hey slow down. Oh, sorry. I got two. I'm slow. All right Do it slow now go? I'm your favorite friendly neighborhood gook. There it is And you have to can we say that or not? Yeah, you can definitely say all right, I want to say this okay that Here's what happens. Oh, I know what happens. You don't have to tell me. No, but no, because I have to tell. I feel like I do have to tell you.

Go ahead, I want to hear your version. There's no version. There's the truth and not the truth. Okay, I want to know what your mirror is. We're not doing this fucking Q and on bullshit. What? You know how things get rumored and like this conspiracy is the period of it? This is not key. Oh fucking captain, read it over here. Yeah, what's going on? I'm captain, read it right now.

Okay. All right. That's a funny. Capito Nure dito. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no's Edinburgh, Jewish. Yeah, he might be my agent. He's my agent. Yeah, yeah, and they go, you got this offer, but you know what I mean, this and this and they somehow talk me out of it. Yeah, I know.

Right. And I'm like, and I, I should stick up for myself. When you say they talk you out of it, do you mean they asked you want to do this? And you said, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't. Number one, you had that yacht party. I wanted to do the yacht party. It's called a cruise. Yeah, it's a cruise. And it's sold out. It's sold out in 24 hours. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don? And he said, And immediately he said, no. No, listen, I'll tell you how someone says no. Tim Dylan, shout out to Tim Dylan.

Yeah. He said, yes, we signed it on and then he goes, I can't do it, but he called me and said, hey man, I'm not gonna be able to do it. And you're like, okay, I got it. That's nice. Yeah, Bobby says, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How come I'm not included?

How come I wanna go to barbecues at your house? And then all of a sudden you send me off and then it's like Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then And then less reliable than Tim Dylan whoa Andrew Schultz and the people that work with you live for us and Andrew's thing too. I said and he Schultz an offer You know, he said he texted me immediately. I'm after respectfully decline I'm not available for those fine. I'm not available for those, I'm fine. Move your whatever.

Yeah, what does Bobby do? He goes, I wanna do it, I wanna do it. I still do. It's a place of my- That's the thing that you don't fucking fully understand. My daughters, my daughters, want you on it. My wife wants everyone, love you Bobby. Everybody wanted you on it.

You're not loving yourself as well as this. Yeah. What it is is this, okay?'re not loving yourself as what's inside. Yeah. What it is is this, okay? This and that. Put your arms inside. Why? Don't be so big. Okay.

You're trying to threaten. Don't threaten. Okay. Okay. Go through our steps. Okay. I'm now sitting on the ground. Just going very clear.

I'm taking my flip-flops off because I'm going to Chris Cross applesauce in a second. I'm going to be genuine. I say this. We are going to bill you for that chair. That's a brand new chair. I'll give you a 13 bucks. We're still sending the bill. Step up, you're fucking. Bobby, go ahead. For the yacht though, the yacht is that they're like,

it's all crews, Bobby. We're not going to eat fucking yacht. Let him keep saying yacht because it's never going to leave his brain. Yeah, yeah. I know what crews mean. He doesn't fully love it. The only thing that's happening now, that's all the cruise I have. Yeah. And you know, cruising for dick at night, most time. Oh, yeah, I do that.

That's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're both not good. No, yeah, Tom or that. No, Tom's great. So he's great. And I love him. This is so sad.

What? Just look at me for a second. It's so sad. I think you should switch the chairs. Nope. Okay. I'm owning it. I'm owning it. It's so fucking funny People were like my my people are like what you're gonna do you put a fucking hole in this on purpose to make it look I got some bad fuck you punks. No, hold down to this something like that

Yeah, it's hard to understand. All right, go ahead They're like you know, you just got sober. Do you want to be on a yacht cruise? Yeah for 30 days or whatever and I go 30 days is not 30 We're not going to South America It's just the fucking islands out of Miami. It's three days three days. That's all it is It's not 30 fucking days three days Well 30 fucking days three days Well Sounds like you need to make a call to your agent live on the show and say yes anyway, anyway, really good movie He tells me I didn't do anything I showed up I was there early

I took Give me a hug give my, in my ear told me, for real legit, gave me my flowers. I was like, dude, you killed it. This was awesome. Yeah. I had, I had, I'm in legit. I was so happy with who showed up. I would love for you to be in there. But like the people that showed up boy, bustle with the boys, right? bustle with the boys came and they flew from Nashville. They don't even live here. Yeah, Leon. Leon flew them out and gave them 24 hours notice. Santa Mattox said, yo, a particular for you at Nashville Airport, they both flew out.

Uh, how did great, Christie Matt came out? Uh, Adrian Achechek came out. Mm-hmm. Tommy, dude, can I tell you the move of the year? Give me the fuck on the move. So, Tom, uh Tom doesn't reply. Hey man, are you gonna make it to the premiere? Please tell me when we make it to the premiere.

No reply. I then call him and he's like, hey man, I can't fucking make it. And I go, actually, I'm actually bothered by it. Like I'm bothered. I go, you're my best friend. We have a podcast together. And we have a movie set up over at Legendary. Fan astronauts, you guys need to make it.

That's a great deal. No one replies, no one replies. Tom hits me up. Also, I'll read the Tom ones. Your glasses are on that chair. I saw him hunting for it. You see he did the thing that my dad does where he puts it right here and he touches the ghost glasses.

Yeah, he thinks that way. He said, I have a publicist texting me this morning. I have a signing for my book book which is going into paperback. Oh yeah. When it does make the move from hard paper. Yeah, that's a big deal. Very big deal. And he goes, I forgot I had this and then he writes back just you know like a couple hours later he goes, you're not responding to this and it's making me feel like this whole thing is getting weird and I go, sorry I didn't open not responding to this. And it's making me feel like this whole thing is getting weird. And I go, sorry, I didn't open it.

I did, I lied. I said, sorry, I didn't open it. No worries, I sorry about no worries. And he goes, I can't get out of it. I'm coordinating with my publisher and it's Barnes and Noble, so it's kind of a big deal. It's coming out in paper deck.

And I went- Aren't they closing down? Yeah. Didn't they close down? I'm the fool in this story. Because I'm listening to Barnes and Noble. He's a close I have a VHS signing a blockbuster and fries and I think I got a good It's electron and I think straight guys can get AIDS and he's like all the things that we thought back then

Yeah, and so he goes and I said I got you no worries and he goes Hey man congrats on your big day. I'm so sorry I couldn't make it. Very excited to see you in this movie. And in movie theaters, have a great weekend. I love you. Have fun. And I just wrote, thanks Tommy. I wish you could be here.

I understand. I love you. And then this show's up. It showed up. I know that because you told me these showed up. I did. It was. And I cried.

He cried. Real hard. Oh, so it was all a ruse. Yeah, that's what they call it. The kids call it a ruse. Yeah, it was all a deception. Yep. Shut up.

Shut up. Yeah, and it and I got me good. I fell apart hard. I was good. Oh, so he was going to come all along. Yeah, apparently, and I told him, I said, I don't know why you did that. You could have just said you were coming

and then I was just out of great day also. But really, I didn't know why you did that. You could have just said you were coming and then I was just out of great day also. But you really didn't know either. And I told Rogan, Tom's cheating on Christine. I was like, someone's going on, man. Like he was acting so fucking weird. Cause it's just off. It's out of character, out of integrity from him. And so I was talking to Rogan the other night

and he was like, how's everything going? You know, Rogan sometimes can get that inside vibe from you. I go, something's going on with Tommy. He goes, what's going on? I said, I don't know man, I can't track it, but he's not coming to my premiere in Rogan's like, whoa, he's not coming to your premiere and I was like, dude, and then you know how like,

sometimes you sell your buddies under the bus. I was like, he was in Europe for 40 days Like 10 shows like what's going on? Yeah, and he's like wait, what do you think's going on? I go these cheat on Christina's got a wife over there now Yeah, and then he's like Swedish why and then he's like and I go he's looking good He's in gray shape. He's wearing Gucci everywhere. He's got Rolexes porches. He smells like I would swoop in on Christina That happened really yeah, because I know that she she's dated Asians before Rolexes, porches. He smells like I would swoop in on a Christina that happened. Really? Yeah, because I know that she's dated Asians before. Two?

Two Asians. So she has that fucking little fucking thing. She likes little stuff. She's like the yellow one. I think they were like, no offense, but I think they were like, they were like, what do you say? Centrified Asians.

What do you mean? I think they were like regular like, like more accessible Asians. No, no, no, no. No, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, you're like, you're like, I'm the rice guy, I carry the rice in the queue. No, no, no, no, no, Bobby, Bobby, you're like, I'm the rice guy, I carry the rice in the field. No, no, no, no, no, you're like more like food truck Asian. Yeah, they were like, they were more like,

they were more like a chef. No, they were like corner office Asian. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm more like Roy Choi, like I have my own like, you know, me, he owns a food truck. Yeah, he owns a food truck, that's what he's saying. You are Roy Choi. Yeah, you are Roy Choi.

No, that's what I'm saying. I agree with you. Like I have one called, cookin' a cupcakes. Soy boy, you're soy boy. Soy boy, it's a food truck. Yeah, yeah, you are right. Yeah, you are right. No, that's what I'm saying I agree with everyone coke coke cut cupcakes. So boy, you're so yeah, so boy coke on a cupcake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah No, no, I agree. I agree. I agree with you. Okay, here's the deal. She's not gonna fuck you man It's definitely not your fishing. She's not gonna fuck you if if Tom cheated on her and she was single no I could think I could swoop in do Absolutely not She did on her and she was single. No, I could think I could swoop in. Do you like a little bird? No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. No, no, no, no, no.

I would argue she's upgraded so much to like, I mean, no, I bet she's not even. Her sons are bigger than you. That has nothing size has nothing to do with it. It has almost everything to do. And the aura, and the aura. No, one of them seven. No.

What? She's seven. He's bigger than you. And he's like, you're drunk like that. They can't have their new dad be bigger than you. And he's like, drunk like that. They can't have their new dad be smaller than them. Right. That's not how it works. And they live in Austin, you shop in the house and they're like, don't make the bed, but it's okay.

Well, let me ask you something. Does Danny DeVito have a shop? Yeah. No, not with Christine. No, no, no, no, no. Yes he does. Listen, listen, listen. This is great.

This is a great pivot. What would Christina fuck after Tom? Yeah, so wait, now here's the deal. Okay, remember she's in the fat guys, that's who she married, a fat guy. And then he lost the weight, yeah. And it's, he's unrelated now. And for my son,

I mean, there we go, we're gonna be real or not. Yeah, and we go to do live shows and they bring back fat Tom. Bring back fat Tom. Yeah. Who would be the next pick? Who's kind of a chunky monkey that she'd get into? Oh, she would fuck the shit I'm talking about. She would go out with Starras before me. He's so hot, dude.

Way before you. That's so hot. Okay, this is the way thing then. I think that's her thing. Yeah, yeah. She chubby chaser. Yeah, like Leanne, right? If Leanne married again, you I don't I don't you might be in her real house Yeah, your wife. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for the end. I could go go go like a bird. I Swirp in you would love you little Asian birds. I go inside the nest a bird. I swore to be. She would love you. Little Asian birds. I go inside the nest. Wank, Wank, leave. And you don't like to have sex a lot. You like to play video games.

No, I like the fuck. No, fuck machine. Well, hold on. That's not the story I read on red. I still like to fuck. I'm a fuck machine. No, no, no. You don't think I'm a fuck machine? You're not really a fuck machine. You're like, you know, you're like a electrical. I'm like more than what you're a hound. You're a hunk. You're a hunk. You're a hunk. Okay, okay, hold on. Let's define ourselves. I would say I argue that people say that I work too much, right? So I'm a work machine. Andrew, you are kind of a work machine. I'm a little work. Yes. A little workhorse. Bobby, if you name yourself one type of machine, is it fucking machine? Or is it sleep machine? I'm a sleep machine.

Yeah. Probably a sleep machine. I was sleep machine. That happens to fuck. You know what machine you want? You know what machine you want? You're the ice cream maker McDonald's, because it's always broken.

It works sometimes. Once in a great way. That's gonna, that's gonna, but when you get to happen, it's delicious. It's delicious. I know, but it never fucking works. Right.

It never works. And you know what? know, but it never fucking works. Right. It never works. And you know what? Everyone comes by and goes, how come that thing is still out of operation? It's 51 years old. How is it not fixed by now? And they go, we don't know we've tried over the years. It's just in sleep mode and we can't wake it up.

Because if we do, it shakes and sputters and... Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we gotta let it rest. Okay. You have to let it rest. Display! Oh my god, I love this plate so much. I haven't have to let it rest. Display! Oh my god, I love this plate so much. I haven't hanging all over my house.

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¡No te liés! Este verano viaja de puerta a puerta y sin complicaciones con BlablaCara Siempre encontrarás una cercana incluso a última hora De reservar tu próximo viaje, ya BlablaC con BlablaCara. Siempre encontrarás una cercana incluso a última hora, ver a ser va tu próximo viaje, ya. BlablaCara, BlablaCara. Esta mañana me ha llegado y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared,

y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la pared, y me ha llegado a la You guys fuck today you fucked this morning. God bless. I love fucking nice to really nice. Yeah, it was really nice Good make-out session before we just started making out again like making out like full blown making out and it's so I'll see your time, but I'll but I'll share it We fucked in my car the other night. Wow. Where were the problem? No, some big Mercedes We came home from the comedy store We went to dinner at Satellar Ranch What at midnight you did and and Leanne saw

It's still never listen to this. So I'm a share of it. Yeah, so Leanne saw two people to what guy and a girl walk into the women's bathroom together and She came out and we got in the car and I was a little buzzed and she was like Can you believe they fucking in there? They they going into fuck in that crazy. Can you can you believe that? No, is this miss Pat your wife? It is yeah, I was there last thing. I know she was She was miss Pat and and not Bobby and so I said I said you used to be like that. I just randomly said you used to be like that Oh boy, we pull into our house. She pulls under the car port so I like can't see around or us out of a room And she grabs my deck wall and I'm like whoa and she just starts making out with me like making out like we're making out making out and then takes all of her clothes off in our fucking

under our car port. And dude, I got, I got, I got three times I remember fuckingly in, right? Three times. So like, when I die on my deathbed, the three times, one was on a jet ski and a cove, totally naked when we were very young Was it still rumbling? Yeah, it was worried about alligators and snakes and then done What y'all doing down there. Hey boy. Hey boy. How am I gonna? Leave it in leave it in her boy one time was in my truck where I slam my thumb in the car and I finished anyway right and then this time was in my Mercedes and it was. What are we talking,

Fancy, Backseat? Fancy, Fancy reclined it all the way back. I'm, by the way, my assistant and my social media manager are gonna have a hard time driving home with me in that car. Yeah, now they are. Now they are. I've seen your testicle. Yeah, you've seen me naked.

Yeah, a couple times. Yeah, but I saw it and I got I was a wonder I Was I still am mesmerized by big balls. Have you seen my shoulders reject we saw last night? I benched to I once benched 285 the other day 285 for real and how old are you right now 50? There's not a lot of 50 year olds. I can do that Yeah, what do you think you can bench be genuine be real? Yeah, like the bar is it. Well the bar is 45 you think you get the bar. Oh, I'm gonna jump in the answers No, I'm gonna jump in an answer this forum. Yeah, yeah, my daughter has a heart I'm the bar and I'm betting Bobby will too It's it's you guys have no idea dude. All right Yeah, shame my point is this. Okay. I was on a wrestling team dude 30 fucking years ago. Stop doing that

You're living in the past dude. I better get throw football over the mountains. It's over. It's over People think that I can't even move you don't fucking Check this out getting in front of us right now and do what and do a push-up Do a couple do do a bunch. Let's see and do a push up. Do a couple. Do a bunch. Let's see. And I weighed 25.

You're gonna be okay. Let's see, let's see. I can't ride. Yeah, you weigh 25. I wanna see. This one? I would do it. Yeah, do it facing us.

Let's go. All the way down and hold it. Come on back. One. That's actually impressive right there. Two. Keep going. Three.

Let's get to 10. Four. Five. He's speeding up because he's getting nervous. Six. Two, keep going. Three, let's get to 10. Four. Five. He's speeding up because he's getting the nervous sixth all the way down. Seven. All the way down. Eight.

Come on. Nine. Ten, and we'll run another breath. The whole podcast will be you. Look at this. It's so great. Dizzy, he's gonna pass out. That's the best.

He's gonna hit his fucking head. You know what? Yeah, you can do the bar. You can do the bar. You can definitely do the bar. Now breathe into the mic. Let me hear your breathing. I haven't done it so long.

I can't even know if I had it, but I still got it. You still got it. You still got it. You know what I mean? So that's in your face. Yeah, this is it. Yeah, yeah. That's right.

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. Thank you. Be a t-shirt. So that's in your face. Yeah, and also I can do a lot of things. You don't, you don't, you don't even know. Name them. Log it. The log thing. Oh, you can log. You can log? No, no, the log, we're on the log and we're trying.

Log rolling? Yeah, and we're on the link. And it's somebody who, I can do that good. And I've never done it, but I know I can do it well. Oh, yeah, I believe it. Yeah, I've done it. It's really hard. It's so hard to do. It's so fucking right Legolas you think you can shoot both I would take you up

I'm pretty sure I could hit not the center with the actual circle that all right All right, I'm pitching it. Hey guys. Do you like the show bad friends? Well get ready to subscribe to the new show called better than me and it's Bobby Lee going out to find out if he's better than other people who has also never done it. That's good. I like this. I like this.

We send you out in the world. When you're on tour, you go out and you you both shoot a bohunt, boat, whatever, against another random dude. Yeah, who doesn't do it? It doesn't do it. Yeah, yeah. I like it. We bring an expert in. in, he goes in and he talks you both through it, he shows it to you and then you can beat.

I love it. Can I ask a question? Name them all. By the way, I've done everything you're talking about, I've done. I was called my travel channel job. Everything you've done, I've done. By the way, I'm superior at bow hunting.

Superior. Superior. You're an axe guy. You're not better than Rogan. Can you pull it up, Rogan? of superior at bow hunting. Superior. Superior. Superior. You're an ax guy. You're not better than Rogan. Can you pull it up, Rogan? So you do archery regularly? Yeah.

And then there's people who regularly do it. And you guys have a certain comfort with the whole, like the equipment and how. But if you were to grab all your friends who don't shoot regularly, like they don't practice regularly, and you go try to do this, I'm 100% certain that of that group, he would do the best. Of people that don't practice, or if you were just like, this is how you shoot it, because he has really impressive, I'm telling you, hand-eye coordination. Like, he has really good, like anything like shooting a,

throwing a dart, throwing a ball, throwing a baseball. All that stuff is what he actually excels in. I've seen him play pool. He could play in your eye. I didn't know that. Yeah, not for the time being. Yeah, if he wasn't such a drunk, he'd probably be an amazing athlete.

He's a professional athlete. By the way, that part. He's a Christ. You couldn't fucking edit it. You still be drunk and be a great athlete. So many great athletes were drunks or r-drunks. So I think you're still on par, baby. I can't feel my arms. Why?

Yeah, that's funny. I don't feel great. Yeah, you don't feel good. I'm sitting on a brick. You want to switch to the comfy chair? Nope. OK, good. Okay, hold it. Can we get him some more Bud Light?

Do we have more Bud Light? Hey, let's talk about, let's talk about Kent and people that are listening to this to go out to the movie theaters this weekend. No, honestly, people need to go. People do need to go to the theater and watch it. And Bobby should go himself, and you know what? I want you to buy a ticket this weekend and go watch it.

Would you do that? Say, I'll do that. What do you mean? I already bought it. Yeah, where? What theater? No, he did the little that? Say I'll do that. What do you mean? I already bought it. Yeah, where? What theater? Arc like. No, he did the little moderate and I like this close. Arc like close down. Nice try. Good job, Bobby. Nice try. They're opening for the machine. Just for the machine. Yeah. All right. I'm gonna close it. Of real? Yeah. It's amazing. We're doing a theater run tonight where we

go to the sold out theaters and we surprise everyone. You're all that's great. Oh, that's fucking amazing. Yeah. But here's what I. Oh, that's fucking amazing. But here's what I want to say about it, okay? Like I said, he gave you the compliment, right? But based on the trailer, right? I went, even when I saw the trailer, I was like, this is gonna do something because you don't see comedy movies anymore.

Like, we'll fare all these guys. They can't put them out anymore. I think this is the new wave. I think you're gonna revolutionize it for us. Pave the wave. And maybe Brad Batt friends will do a movie one day. But he has a fear of fucking- From your mouth to God's ears.

So I say this all the time. I said this when I introduced the movie yesterday. Just if we know we can provide ticket sales in theaters and in arenas and in comedy clubs. We know that we can. We know there are people that like our comedy. We know that in podcasting that people like our comedy, we need those people to support us in theaters

because movie theaters are dying. Don't let them die because that is, here's where the real money's made. It's when you make the studios money, that's when they fucking double down. And so if this movie does good numbers and makes money, I guarantee you, there's a buddy comedy with you two.

I guarantee you next summer, in the lineup, it's sold, because you guys will roll into Lionsgate or Sony or wherever the fuck it is, and be like, you know, we have a, and they're gonna look at your numbers on your podcast and go, Bert can do that. Let's get them. Let's isolate his fans. Let's bring their fans in. And then you guys will show up. Obviously everyone does something. We'll show up to this, but it has to start, it has to start somewhere. And I, and I'm hoping it starts this weekend that people

get out of their house, go to the movie theaters and enjoy a movie theater. This movie, Andrew, correct me if I'm wrong. It should be seen on a big screen. Yeah, it's a big tree. You can't watch it. I mean, you could watch it at home, but it's I it's one of those things where it's like You want to see like like John Wick shit. It's like sure watch out your house. I guess but also definitely watching the theater This has so much action dude, dude. Which part did you like the most about the action scenes in what in his movie? Oh my god the act of the fucking when they came down the mountain the mountain scene Yeah, well Right the Gandalf was in it the Gandalf the Grey was in it was

So close you remember who was hanging on the rope coming down the mountain Rosario, Rosario, Dosa And then there was a fucking who shoot in the bow who was it? He was who was he shooting at fucking the spoiler alert Who was it? He was. Who was he shooting at? You were shooting at fucking the- Spoiler alert, dude. Spoiler alert.

Steven Segal. Steven Segal was down there. Yeah, and then the little man came back. The little guy from- From- Mini me. Yeah, no, the guy that died. Vertroid.

Vertroid came back. Yeah, he came back. The ghost of Vertroid. Just for this movie. Yeah, he was on your shoulder. No, you need to see this in this stuff. You're going to watch this. It was amazing, man.

And people are going to go see it. I know people are gonna see it's gonna get out of the fucking house That's my thing is like if you if we if we let me think it okay Movie theaters are like hand jobs Mm-hmm here it is if you ignore them then you never get them again, but they're really good Let's see if I can think about it Let's see if I can think about it. Yeah, right? Yeah, right? The thing is, there are certain things you just overlook.

And then if you overlook them, then you never get them. And you're like, well, fuck, I kind of missed that a little bit. Right. Movie theaters. Movie theaters. Let's go back to the hand job. Let's go back. Let's go around. Let's keep going around.

Yes, I'm going down. Is that a good one the other day? My dog was chasing the squirrel. Okay. And you were... And I was watching him chase the squirrel. And it's like his favorite thing to do. And did the squirrel give it their dog a hand job? No, no, these little hands and then he caught the squirrel. Okay, and it was

not what he thought it would be. And I said, my dog chasing squirrels like anal sex. It sounds like a good time. Yeah, but then when it actually happens, it's way more. A lot of blood. A lot of blood. And it's not what the squirrel died. And then Mac looks at me like I thought he a good time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but there's a lot of cleanup that you're not gonna do, but you're both winning Yeah, I mean they get paid we have a good time. Yeah, go around the horn Bobby movie theaters are like well I'm gonna ask you about 69 Bobby movie theaters are like it's like a bowl of white rice. Oh, of course right If you don't eat it right Someone else will

Yes Right? Someone else will. Yes. Movie theater. I think it was 69 real quick. Yeah. Yeah. When you're on the bottom, definitely listening. When you're on the bottom, right?

Yeah. Do you grab their cheeks like this? Or do you just, no, when you're on the bottom, he's not on the top of something. You think I'm gonna crush her? He's a scratcher. You think he has gonna let me throw it fucker?

Yeah. Oh. 2160s have it bounce. I'm gonna crush you. I'm gonna crush you. I'm gonna crush you. You think we are gonna let me throw fucker? Yeah. Oh. Do you want me to do it in 60s, have it balanced? Yeah, but you can't. Of course you grab the butt. Oh, you do. What do you do?

Your hands are just out wide. I always question. So I kind of almost like try to do it, but I'm like, no, I give up. No, you have to rub the butt. In fact, you can put a digit in it. Do you spread it? Yeah.

I don't know. Movie theaters are like having sex with black people. Okay. Here we go. When they're there, it's a little louder. Okay. What do movie theaters like, Bob? You got to do it.

Yeah, come on. Movie theaters. I'm not good with like these analogy. Yeah, Bob, you just stop doing that and say the thing. Start it and it moves forward. You know what, you're like, you're like, that information and you yes and it's right. You started, I'll finish it.

Okay, movie theaters are like a katana sword. Jesus Christ, Bobby. Right. If you don't, if you don't use it, the samurai will die. Perfect. Is that right? Movie theaters, the samurai will die. Perfect. Is that right? Movie theaters are like dingle berries. Right.

If movies are like dingle berries, right? If you don't remove it, right, it's gonna smell. No, no, no. Movie theaters are like grandparents. You forget how much you love them until they're not there. That's right. Let's do a vampire one.

Movie theaters are like vampires. Right. If you don't watch it at night until they're not there. That's right. Let's do a vampire one. Who would you think there's like vampires? Right. If you don't watch it at night, you're not gonna get bit. By the, yeah, okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. I like vampires.

Yeah. Who would you think there's like virgins? Right. If you don't have sex with them, they'll never have sex. Hmm. Right. That's what you, if you go to the movie theater and you don't go, then it never happened and they'll never have sex. Hmm. Right. That's what I mean. If you go to the movie theater and you don't go, then it never

happened and they'll die. So you have the version will die. Right. They're pussy will die. Movie theaters are like, movie theaters are like girlfriends from high school. OK. You forget how much fun they are until you're inside them

again. There it is. Right. That's a good one. That's the best one. I understand that. You do one now. But the way it gives you drafts, go.

Moving theaters are like giraffes. Yeah, here we go. They're terrified of light. They're a great place to be with Lightning Strike. Yeah, yes, yes. Wow. He did a fun. You want to be an extra draft during a lightning storm?

They get hit first. Well, they'll get smoked. Yeah, really? Yeah, I grew up in Florida. They get it. We Florida. We have a lot of lightning. We were not allowed to have drafts in our shoes Wow Oh There's no I can't feel on this I can't feel on this yeah, you're a trophy of on it. Yeah, dude I can't feel on this I can't do on this yeah, you're sure to your bottom yeah, dude Right man, I grew up with two drafts. I bought two online. You can buy if you buy one you get one free now for Africa man saves on shipping calls good to draft calm But bad friends listeners now listening please if you support Berk your basic is supporting our movie

Well, that's that's the's what we're trying to say. Listen, the way Hollywood works is you, you only get the things you like if you make people money. That's how it works. And as creatives, our sense of humor has not been appreciated totally. Like I think the industry has kind of shied away

from our sense of humor, which makes you laugh right now. What's made the horrible jokes we've all just made on this podcast, that is not what's happening in Hollywood. Hollywood is a more awoke agenda, which I'm not being this political guy. I'm just telling you that's where it is. They'd rather make a movie with everyone else,

and not us, and not us us maybe me and you Andrew. It probably seems to get cast a lot these days as the indigenous guy. Anyway, you can't even make that joke in Hollywood. You can't make that joke in Hollywood. They can't even laugh at it, right? So if you support just comedies, go see Sebastian's. It's out this week. Go see his passions.

See mine. Just support comedy and movie theaters, and then all the sudden Hollywood, all they care about is fucking money. Yeah, that's all they care. It's all they care about. It's the truth. I'm in business with a lot of them right now, but if they, if you make them money, then they go, how do I make more money? And then I'll tell you the first thing they do, and we all have seen this a million times, We saw it with touring companies. We saw it with promoters They pill for the podcasters. Yeah, and which is a good thing if you're a fan is the first thing they do is they grab you to Buddy comedy. What do you guys want to do and it's sold tomorrow and you guys get to make whatever the fuck you make

Bob a Tom and I are signed up for fat astronauts It's great. It's We're in is he gonna get fat again? Yeah, that's got a he's got to get fat. I love it. I love it more than anything We know without the strokes hitting it back in the New York scene, right? There would be no yayay as Interpol right yeah, and these bands because it was look at look at look at grunge grunge music hit Nirvana hits and then they sign Everyone everyone and then no sound started without Nirvana no sound garden. Yeah, no Pearl Jam no Pearl Jam right and and and that that's the way the industry works Yeah, so if you support this we have another a couple weeks three weeks in movie theaters I don't know how long we're in movie theaters. Yeah, but I know where if you're listed this on Monday

I know we're there this weekend with their Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday This is on Monday. I know we're there this weekend with their Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday go see this movie movie theaters And then let us fucking own movie theaters our sense of humor this shit you like let us own it Let us own it dude. I went hard you saw the movie. Oh my god. I went hard. I there was there were times see your time Harker see your time. There was a time Mark Hamill was not cool with the scene And he was like they don't want to do it. It's not funny. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm, just trust me, just trust, trust me on this. And it's hard, man, these studios, these actors, they're sensitive people, they're real people. And they're like, I don't want to be associated with the way our brains fucking think. Right. Because it's not our brains think fucking sideways.

Yeah. And it's the best thing in the world. It's so fucking good. It's best thing in the world. When you cast Mark Hamill, because I'd be so nervous, I'm such a huge fan of his, I'm a Star Wars guy, you know, were you intimidated at all?

Were you hardcore? Yeah, yeah. It's Luke's car. Because you're trying to act cool, like, because you want to be, you know. No, my biggest concern was, because we took a private jet to Serbia together. Yeah.

And my biggest concern was him watching me drink. So I put baby bottles of Jackson in my pockets so that I could sneak him in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like, I don't want him to see me drink like a fucking lunatic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a 17 hour flight to Serbia.

And I go, and we're in a really tight capsule. It's like, he's watching me. And so I put baby bottles of Jackson my pocket. I took out the bowls. Does he have a little drinker? He's man, he's sober. Sober's a judge. I think he's pizza.

Yeah, yeah. What? Adam and Eve. I'll take it right now, because I'm a single guy, Andrew. Yeah, you are, and I, you know, when I pledge with myself with my hand, sometimes it's not good enough.

Let me see your hand. Yeah, it doesn't look good enough. It doesn't look good enough. No, I'm a hand. But I got some stuff from Adam and I, you know, when I pledge with myself with my hands, sometimes it's not good enough. Let me see your hand. Yeah, it doesn't look good enough. It doesn't look good enough, right? But I got some stuff from Adam and Eve, and I've been using it at home, right? And it's been so good. Well, we talked about it on the last episode. I said my favorite thing is my ding-dong ring.

I love it so much, it's silicone, and it rubs. And Adam and Eve sent me a whole bunch of them to say, thank you, and I wanna say thank you, because I want better sex. You know what, and your partner wants it too. Why not have fun? And there's a ton of toys available. And the best way to get started is go to

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ENDS at Adam and Eve dot com this is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast So so be sure to use the code bad friends to get your discount 100% 100% free shipping to get fast with rush processing code bad friends Just go to Adam and Eve dot com select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire Bobby, what do you eat like what's your average day of food look like? It's bad. Do you want this? I brought this Yeah, it's really bad fucking Twinkies are banana. Do you want Twinkies? I don't know if you want one But I'm for you here. I got a fucking Twinkie more than I want to dick in my ass All eat like I'm gonna do Twinkies

Have a place in my heart when I saw it. I thought I thought I'm gonna give him a little gift I brought you a bucket of vodka and I thought I want to give him a little Twinkie So let, I thought to you, I thought, I'm gonna give them a little gift. I brought you a bucket of vodka, and I thought I wanna give them a little twinking. So let me, I wanna share something. I wanna share something. When I was in first grade, I had a separation anxiety. I couldn't be away from my parents. And I had to look at life,

oh man, we might be finding my trauma right now. I had to look at life as secret victories, secret treats, right? Can I get through the first two periods and then get to snack and then I get a twinkie? Can I get to lunch and then I get a twinkie? And then if I can get to lunch, I get through the rest of the day. I swear to God, we're figuring out my trauma. This is it. The twink- you got a little snack if you made it through a certain amount of time. Yeah, that's how my- you got snack and then I had a twinkie and then I could sit back and just have a twinkie and then my- and my parents always packed twinkies, my dad always

packed put twinkies in my lunchbox. And then I was like, cool man, I get to like a little bit of reprise from this whole fucking chaos of missing your parents and not knowing anybody. I got a moment where I could like be myself and like open up my lunchbox and have a twinkie. Take a bite and let me see how you feel. And I'll come again, we get deeper right now. Okay, go.

And if I felt strong, if I got through the day, I saved my twinkie to give it to my dad. Oh my God. When he picked me up, I go like, I go, hey, I need my twinkie. Like it to my dad when he picked me up. I go like I Go hey, I need my Twinkie like like I got through it And my dad would be like oh thanks buddy, and then we share my Twinkie in a car ride home I don't normally treat myself to treat life treats like this. I'm trying to be a little healthier But I'm really looking forward to this banana with vanilla cream in it. This one's for your dad We had a moment last night your dad was there my dad cried dude. It was beautiful

His parents at least all pretty came up to me and said that movie is fantastic my dad was sobbing crying And he goes buddy a hundred estimate what you do is a great moment and this is the Swingies for my dad Nothing like shove and something phallic in your mouth and say this one's for my dad and that nice My mom hit a moment when she went on stage That was incredible so my mom, you know was in Phoenix, but oh my god, let him sit in it. This one's for papa It's so good. It always delivers. It's the best. It's the best. The fact that they teased us, they were gonna take it away. Remember that when they were like,

Mike go away and they were like, just fucking way, yeah. We're gonna keep it. Like the Mexican pizzas? Yeah, they were fucking with us. That's fucking good. They were just so fucking good. That is, that delivers every time.

Every time. Twinkies don't miss. Every time it's like a pop chart. Ooh, they deliver a Dorito. They deliver it every time. Very seldom. Hey, man, shout out to these corporations that make foods that give us cancer because they deliver every

time. Every time. Very seldomly, you jump into a bag of lays or a bag of combos and go, oh, these are off. No, right? Yeah. They're always on. They're on. They're always on. And you know what's good about these foods? You're never going to have a bonding moment over broccoli. It's never going to happen. Never. You need a little bit of cancer to go, Dad, this is for you and me. And those chemicals in it that make you that's bad, that makes it bad. I mean, the other one, man. Thank you for those

chemicals. Because it made it, it makes it taste better. It tastes much better. So the cancer is, I'm never going to, I don't know when this was made or shelved or put in a fucking bag. Yeah. And it's so goddamn moist. The Lord came inside this thing. And it's so fucking good. It's so fucking good. What about the Jesus Jesus inside of there, baby?

Dude, beer doesn't do what these guys do. Beer, you're getting beer and you're like, what? This is tastes off wine It can be corked. Yeah. Yeah, I have bad wine all the time, but a twinkie does not miss Never miss It's like I'm pretending sex. It's always good. Yeah Twinkie twinkies like what? What do I mean?

You just had Twinkies like opera type sex. It's always good Twinkies are like what oh Twinkies are like shooting heroin movie theaters Movie theaters. I mean Twinkies are like movie theaters. Yeah, they were gonna go away. Yeah, I'm not good at these man I never saw the riddle I don't know what riddles mean. I don't know how to do I don't know how to do puns just try anything. Yeah, I don't even know So what tell me again? Twinkie is like fresh and guy. Yeah, yeah, Twinkies are the case guy That group in America. They're yellow on the outside white on the inside. There it is There it is. That's perfect a dinger

Fucking big bird comes in with a dinger. What the dinger means, that good? You hit a home run. You hit a home run. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what Tinker Twink is on. You know Bobby? Yeah, oh fuck.

I think a lot of people sleep on exactly how funny you fucking are. I think they go, like guys like me and you, we get rid of off of these guys that are just crazy on podcasts. We say, well, shit, whatever, whatever it is, you're fucking funny. So funny. I forgot how sometimes people forget how fucking funny you are. You're like a two year old forgot. People.

I've got. Bobby. We've got until right now. Do we have more Twiggy's? Yeah. All I do is show up and do the best I can. I go home. That's not true.

What do you mean? You kind of phone it a lot. More than not. More than not. Mother fucker finally. Two. Two. You brought him two?

There needs to be way more than two. Give one to Andrew. Hi Mateo. Mateo's here. He's gonna shut the fuck up. Hi Mateo. Mateo's so funny. Mateo's the fucking.

There you go. Load him up. Mateo, you want too's the fucking there you go load him up Mateo you want a beer? No, I don't want to what do you it's like three o'clock in the afternoon? I'm sitting here and have a beer with you. Should I go sit over there and have a beer with him? I'm a beer a day's movie just fucking my movie just premiered Mateo and have a look at how jack T is by the way This is no team. I'm just a jacked your as jacked as him. I'm not as ripped as him, but I'm just a jack. He's ripped as... He's always at the gym and you're always like,

I don't understand. You're like lifting trucks. Can I show you? I don't know where my phone is. I'm Paris, I just, she was a DJ the other night at a party, was that? DJ. Hottest fuck, hardcore, I fucked me, hardcore, I fucked me,

and I put that on the fucking record. She got a baby right now, right? She had stuff to baby Paris She had a baby. I didn't have a baby. I didn't see you fuckers You're questioning my social fucking knowledge. I know what's going on She's a baby or the serious hell yeah, she look pretty good I don't think she and she hardcore I fuck me just like what are we talking how long was it like this like let's do it right now Okay, you know I'm ready. I'm gonna walk out with my posse, right?

You're me, ready? That looks more confused. Yeah. I was sureless. I was sureless. I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna be confused. I just as an eye-fucking.

This is eye-fucking. I'm Paris and you're you. Ready? You're staring at Paris and I walk in. Oh that's fine. Oh I didn walk in Oh, I didn't get that I got hey, what's that fuck I do in on the I fucking yeah, let's pop it. Yeah, let's pop it. Let's open them up open them up. Oh My god, so your Paris your Paris I'm at a club. All right, I do this

It's really I feel lost I'm being lying. I lying. It's good. You thought was good. No, I fuck me. I fuck me. I Fuck you. I fuck you. I fuck you. I fuck you. I fuck you. You fuck me. I fuck me I fuck me I fuck you I fuck you I fuck you I fuck you you fuck me. Yeah, I fuck you Fuck you you would fuck me you want me to fuck you. No, do I fucking I fuck I fuck me Who's look at me and I'm gonna catch eyes with Bobby. Okay, okay Why are you laughing? Yeah, because I I just Is too real yeah, you really wanted to be real breakdown do it. I fuck Bobby. Yeah, Bobby Bobby's other Oh, I'm do me do wait

I think of the I let's fuck look so look he's he's obsessed with you your famous celebrity He's staring at you you walk in and you see him and then you I fuck him. I'm at a bar. I'm Not at a bar. Well, I want to be drinking. Well, okay, be drinking drink drink drink. Bring your sobriety. Yeah, I'm pretty laps Okay, and I'm Paris Hilton. Yeah, yeah, I'm re-lapsing. I'm re-lapsing. I'm re-lapsing. Fucking sexy as fuck for the record. Okay, good. All right, good. I'm shooting a little bit of it. My god No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no go, bit. My god. No, no, no, no. It's hard not to look at it with a kitty.

I don't know how to have like, no, I'm dancing, I'm dancing. Okay, okay. Everybody dance, now, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. What do you see? Where does that at you do it? That's how you do it?

You're disgusting. You're disgusting. What do you, that was honest. Well, that was honest. No, that was that was me acting. Yeah So that's how you do it. No, I don't know. I haven't been out to a club in forever real It's just like on Instagram. All right Real crazy on Instagram. Yeah, that must be fun as fucking shit Can I I saw something on the net that I've you heard a foreign accent syndrome

We're the lady got the stroke and talk like an Asian. Yeah, I love it Is that real I had it one time a hell out my what oh shit? Yeah, it's a thing I guess It might be I just think it's like a wave for someone to be racist It might be I just think it's like a wave someone to be racist Really 24 hours a day. It's why ladies like what white people are always like what else can we do to just be racist? Although it is extremely rare. It is a real medical condition. Well, yeah, there's seven billion people on earth I'm sure at least one person. Well, then that's the one that lady's the one, you know, she's an idiot. I kind of want to hit my head Like I talk like yeah, but it's never like a European sound like an American. It's always some weirdly.

There's always Asian. It's always Asian. Hold on. There's Americans that sound like British people. I know that. I see that one. That one makes a lot more sense. But the white woman that's on the Asian woman, what is that?

You know what that maybe that's fucking history, baby. The center of fuck civilization, maybe is Asia. And that's she regressed back to the beginning. Oh my god. That's what it is. And many shows us he's a genius. See that? Do you see that? It's the cradle of civilization. You have a stroke and you turn back to Mesopotamia. Yeah, but that's what our movies about. Yes. Oh my god. But have you guys ever heard the theory that like a lot of people think that like, native people in America, were descendants from Asia and they crossed the Bering Street.

And that's way of need. But they think that it could have happened the other way around that the beginning of civilization probably happened in America with native and they came across and then they got Alcheng Chong. No, I think it's easy. Everyone started in Africa. Oh, okay.

But also my, so you're offending his people. You're offending my people, but go, yeah. But actually, that's what's interesting is like, so my mom just did her 23rd year of me. My mom is Italian in Mexican. So if you're Mexican like indigenous to Mexico, it says my mom's 2% Korean because it goes all the way back. So it says East Asian, part Korean,

and then it says Native Americans. I don't know what that's like Aztec, Maya, I don't know what that means. You know, one of them Spanish Portuguese. We all have something about us. Well, not everyone. Anyone. I'm perfect. Yeah, we're exactly what you mean. You don't think we're just white. Just white. Yeah. You do 23 me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What did I say? Nothing. It said 100% white area and white I don't know I did the allergy test Mine to mine said that I don't like cilantro and I don't it tastes like soap Wait, is it you don't allow me wait it's It's a genetic

Your one says you didn't like it. I know what I don't like Extra vagina no You also just had an extra vagina. No, but you don't get it fucked in the ass like. I was like, I'm not that bad. This app really knows me. Yeah. Oh, fucking bitch. So it tastes like soap to you.

So you can't eat guacamole with cilantro in it. If I could taste it, it's like I'm eating pine salt. I hate cilantro. Wait, oh, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Let's run through the list. Run through the list. Garlic, I can't have enough of it.

Love garlic. Love garlic. But by the way, a lot of Italians, it's run through the list. Run through the list. Garlic, I can't have enough of it. Love garlic. Love garlic. But by the way, a lot of Italians, it's a misconception that you're not cooked with that much garlic. It's really not that common in dishes in Italy. I put so much garlic and stuff. You know when they sell the bag of garlic in the end, there's all the nine different pods. I put it all in.

That's the way to do it. Yeah, I like it. I like That's the way to do it. Yeah, I like it. I love garlic. Okay. Do we carbs? Yeah, of course. I just had pasta for lunch. For real?

Yeah, but he just too much. I would tell you, me and Chelsea Hamlet worked a little dumps. What, Chelsea? No, Chelsea. Yeah. I did a herpoc, I'm not sure what she was. Unbelievable. I love her.

I. She's the best. There's a couple of those couple bitches in this in this business. We were like, we're like, you watch them get flack. We you'd love them and you respect them. Sarah and Chelsea. Yeah. Yeah.

Sarah and Chelsea for me are like just bad bitches where you're like, you understand like it's weird because there are bad bitches in this in this business that maybe I'm pretty drunk. I should stop talking. No, you're not saying anything wrong. Try it. There's a, there's a couple of ones that you go, you watch them get flacking like a foggle, right?

There's a couple, but not them in the weird. Yeah. Well, like I like when Chelsea, I think she's authentic. I don't get the sense that she's putting anything on. So you have to respect some of being offensive who they are Yeah, but she's always been that she hasn't changed that much Chelsea She's always treated me the same like shit, but anyway She's always been kind of like you know me very direct with me, you know

And I respect that, you know and you're saying Sarah Silverman to do amazing Sarah so nice She's the mother fucker. So far. Like I fucking, I'm a rider die for her. Like, she's been cool when she didn't have to be cool. She was always nice. And I don't know, Charles guy. We have tax on which I see. Chelsea or whatever. But and she's always very sweet. I think that was mostly through Joe Joe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But um, uh, yeah, but um Sarah is the mother fucker like she is funny as fucking shit talk to bottom Jesus is magic is one of the best vessels out there out there and she's I'm this is and I don't like doing this because it Kind of pulls away from how great they are as comics Gorgeous gorgeous.orgeous. Beautiful. Parties. Fun. Like those, those are the things that you go, that I shouldn't be part of the conversation.

But man, she's gorgeous. When, number one, number one, okay, seven men had that when she used to have those parties at her old, that old condo on the rooftop. Did you ever go to one of those? She used to have a party. She would have a party. She had a couple parties on her rooftop condo. And there were huge play glass windows. And I showed up. I don't know. I was late. I was doing a spot at the

store and I don't I know her, but not like that well, but like we're cool. And I showed up late. And I was texting to see who is there. So I wasn't uncomfortably walking around a party when you're like, who am I going to run it? You know, who's here? And someone runs up to me at another comic and he goes, he goes, dude, where have you been? I was like, I mean, I was doing a spot. I thought like I mean I was doing a spot I thought like the party just kicked off he's like dude somebody already found the pool and a dude rent through a play guys window it's fucking awesome and I was like really he's like dude they're always like this something's always going on at her fucking rooftop party sounds like an 80s movie it

was fun as shit dude it was fucking great she rented out the whole room can't buy me love the whole roof was I'll tell you I'll tell you who I'm, if we're gonna get deep in the weeds on this, we're already in the weeds. We're deep down. Fuck, Janine Garofalo. Yeah. That's so funny. I've been on a Janine Garofalo kick this past week.

Bro, for WTF and everything, I fucking love Janine Garofalo. I love her. That is, so when I started comedy, when I watched Chris Rocks bring the pain. That one of the best specials of all time. And I was like, I want to get it comedy, right? But I own, that's all I'd really see. I wasn't like a comedy nerd. I didn't like, I watched Comedy Central, but they all kind of sucked in my opinion at the time. When I was this 90s. So Keith Robinson if you're watching.

Yeah. He's a great artist. And so I love Keith. I love you. He is actually who I'm dating. I should be honest and so I Go I'm gonna get ready. I've already bought my ticket to move to New York. I'm moving to New York. I reach out to a dude named David Wayne He's a director. I'd met him in Greece. Yeah, and He gave me his phone number in Greece. I reach out to my moving to New York and I sit down and I watch HBO and and it's Janine Graflo Doing her HBO so she's got a notebook out and she's doing like weird non-sequitors of like of like The one joke I remember that just kind of changed the way I thought about comedy in that moment was The other day I was in my pickup truck outside my apartment making up making out with my boyfriend and I thought

I'm fucking 30. What the fuck am I doing? And it just to me, I was like, oh, so they don't need to be set up punch. It can be an idea or a thought. And I sat there and I was like, oh, that's badass. And I fucking, I like chunky ginene, a little more. You know?

Like she's beautiful now. She's really skinny. She looks great. A little secret time. So cool moment I have in this business. I do like a CISO special or something. Congratulations. Thank you.

I was really hoping we'd blow my career up. I think CISO was also hoping that it would blow anyone's career up. It's me, Jean DGraphlow, John Doerr. Love John Doerr. John Doerr. That's a lot of remember. And a lot of other people. Jeanine goes on and does 25 minutes of stream of conscious, all brand new material, nothing that she's ever written. And it is fucking gold. She's talking about FDR like fucking shit, but you're like, huh? Like you're in the back watching someone think.

Watching someone think. Looking at your notes, like, oh, no one's gonna want to hear my selling sunset bit after we're talking about it. Yes, yes. But we are, by the way. Oh, to go to the east. Of course. Of course. And I go on after her. I bomb, I bomb, I bomb. I bomb. I bomb. I bomb. I'm really bad. I get off the CISO room has like a room

where it's all CISO executives. I was crazy to say out loud now. CISO executives. I go back to the where the make hair make up was in this gene. Is she sitting like Chris Cross applesauce in the corner and I go, Hey, what are you doing? I don't know her at all. She goes abombed. Like just she's just a comic. She's not Chris Crosshapes sauce in the corner and I go, hey, what are you doing? I don't know her at all She goes abombed like just she's just a comic. Mm-hmm. She's not Jimmy and Grafthala the movie star She's not Jimmy and Grafthala the fucking personality the fucking she was abombed. I said we all bombed She was on embarrassed. I said, huh? I'm in the mind you. This is before any success. I've ever had this business and I go

No, embarrassed. She goes, go, I'm a barista. She goes, yeah, I'm a barista. I made a fool of myself and I went, you're Ginny Graftlow. She was like, I know, I don't want to go into the green room. I go, Ginny, as a comic, I watch what you did. You're a genius, you're brilliant. Everything you do is amazing. I'm telling you, walking in that room and it makes that green room

into a special place. Yeah. Please walk in with me. Like it would be an honor. And she was like, was it bad? And I'm like, I go, you didn't see my set. We walked into that sea suit, sea so fucking green room and the room lit up. Jenny Graffler, holy fuck. Dude, she's, she's the motherfucker. I'm pretty drunk. I should leave. No. You're good, baby. You're good. I can say this. Let's tie this bow up. Jitting Graffle, holy fuck. Do she's, she's the motherfucker. I'm pretty drunk. I should leave. No, you're good, baby. You're good. I can say this.

Well, let me say this. Let's tie this bow up. Tie this bow up. I'm going to say this. Have you, you haven't seen my movie? No, I haven't seen it. It wasn't there. Oh, yeah, we only put it like this.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait So interesting my movie premiered on the same night Star Wars did 45 years ago That's right and my dad in the movie is played by George Lucas Mark I love my channel for all of our friends at home all of our bad friends if you really want to be a bad friend Please do us a favor go see the machine now

It would mean a lot to us and to the community, but I love you so good to see you I love you so much. I love you. I love you so much. It's so good to see you. I love everyone in this room. It's so good to be a part of a community where we're all friends. I always support each other and we just want to say each other blow up. So, thank you.

Go buy a ticket. Go buy a ticket. And, Bert, say thank you for being a bad friend into that camera. Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you. Oh, man. Woo! Woo!

Woo! Woo. Woo! Yeah! Woo! You did pull a hole, man. You're fucking nuts. You fuck you. Yeah! Yeah! Woo!

Yeah! Woo! Yeah! Woo! Yeah