Bad Friends - Urban Bobby & The Gucci Gang

Episode Date: August 30, 2021

New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com   Thank you to our Sponsors: https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https://doordash.com code: badfriends2021 & https://upstart.com/badfriend & https://joinhoney.com/badfriends YouTubeAudio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com  0:00 Welcome to Bad Friends ft. Doc Willis  4:26 Who is Taller Bobby or Doc?  5:48 Bobby apologizes to Doc for his practical jokes 11:11 Doc's Resentment Towards Bobby  14:25 Bobby's Hypothetical Intimate Scenarios with Doc  20:03 Andrew Arrives to meet Urban Bobby  24:44 What Kevin Hart said about Bobby  27:00 Black Holes  33:18 Doc's past life with the Gucci Gang   36:50 Doc's History at the Comedy Store  50:36 Bobby in Brooklyn  53:26 Doc does some voice acting  57:08 Doc's problem with Ahmed Ahmed and the parking fiasco  1:01:41 Bobby's therapeutic journey to let go of fear and resentment  1:05:55 Doc's Traumatic Past 1:19:15 Puerto Rican Themed Funerals More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the bad friends podcast with Bobby Lee and my boy Andrew Santino Damn, that's good Bad friends, so if everyone's a list are you doing your recording? We're recording So he's from a different land, you know that Yeah, so Andrew is shooting Dave right now. He's gonna be a little late Jules is in Hawaii surfing or something with Kalyla So she couldn't make it so we asked my man right here doc to fill in Jules But now Andrew's not here, so we're just gonna start without him to see what happens

I've always been able to tell that you struggled to get the pussy. No, no, I never struggled. That's the problem with you Yeah, yeah, you you have this you live in Bobby's world right in Bobby's world, whatever he believes that was real just like now Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, good. You looked at me and you was like doc you a nerd Yeah, yeah, like if you send that to anybody else who knew me, they'll be like yeah, where you who are you talking to? I okay stop. All right. I'm just I want to get to know you better. That's all you do All right. I want to get to you know, that's why we're here. I want to get to know you better So um you get a lot of pussy then. Nah, I get what I get Yeah, yeah, which is what like

I Do you do here's here's my my be honest? I'm telling you. I've never seen you with a girl, but it don't matter what you see What if you live in your world wouldn't your world run you think that you have all this stuff? Yeah, but it's all in your head. So that's what you So you get see you you just put it this way. Yeah, I get women. It's not it's not hard It's never and that's the thing about california. I never even understood when dudes say they don't get women How's that possible? How do you not get women coming like it's easy out here all day? Yeah, you see

You don't know what you got famous, right? What you just start getting them till you start getting famous Say that again slowly you didn't start getting women until you got like famous Right there dude. There's rude what you're saying. Well, you know, I got a little rude in me Yeah, yeah, yeah, so what you're saying to me is that Before I could get a name for myself. I couldn't get any girls. Right. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, that's 100% That's the only thing you gotta read I said that's so perfect. Even the audience was like that. Let me challenge you on that then. Okay. Let's do it How long have I known you?

Shoot since I probably for something about 2001 so when I first started going to the comments, right? So 20 years 20 years Yeah, right. Yeah, not one time Not one time. Okay. Have I seen you with a woman? Oh, wow 20 years, but working at the store. You've only seen me at the store working. We're not arguing You're getting emotional. Here's your problem. Don't tell me what I have problems. Yeah, go ahead. Tell me what my problem is Okay, one problem. You crazy That's one right there. Yeah And like I said, you live in this little bubble. Yeah, and for some reason. Yeah, you actually believe the shit that you have in your head

And it's not real. I'll tell you why I'll tell you why though. Okay You know, I I find you cute as a button Yeah, and when I when I tell you that right, how do you feel? Like nothing like, okay. Yeah, like I literally like want to like Like grab you and stick you in my pocket and walk around. I I think that you are just cute as a button and number two I always thought that like how tall are you by three? There's no way What? How tall are you? Who's taller to your eye?

That's a good question. I never even pay attention. Okay, let's do this. America. We about to show y'all Yeah You're five foot. No, don't do that What do you mean? What do you mean? Hold on. Hold on. Let me get situated. That's frustrating right there. Why? Why? Why? Because uh, you can't take away. No, because I we already measured myself. Who did? We're here at bad friends. We already did the measurements No, no, no Hey, come here. We can do it again. We can do it again. Do it again. No, no, no, we're not doing it again

Five two. That's what I'm talking about. All right. So you're five five two You're not five two because I'm five three. So I'm five four. Yes If that's all I wanted maybe five three and a half at the most you're not I'm an inch taller than you for sure. I just I just did it. I just think you uh, your shoulders is big I don't know if anyone's ever said that I've had big shoulders like Michael Phelps I mean, yeah, you got little traps. You know what I'm saying? He's been a wrestler. So you know Yeah, so that this feels good. This feels good. So, um, you're five two

I'll just say five two I'm five three. Well, let's just do let's go one inch lower. Okay. Okay, and um, I have to apologize for a couple things All right, let's hear it. All right in our history. Yeah Yeah, you don't need some guidance. I followed you to come out. Yeah. I've been waiting. Number one. Go ahead. I remember When Gary Coleman died I I saw you at the comedy store and I walked up to you. You were with a bunch of friends and stuff Right and I I said to you I thought you had died Yeah

And I could see how do you have a memory? I do because I remember seeing your face Right and you got a laugh in front of your friends. Yeah, but you had a face and never apologize for that Right. So I don't think I was hurt by it. I don't think you were you not? I'm comedians. So if I didn't sit back and giggle a little bit, but a little I'll say this. Yeah. Yeah, I'll say this Somewhere there was a baby that died somewhere when you say that that was You know what I don't know I'm just trying to express myself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No baby died man. Yeah. Yeah. My bad. My bad american. No baby died

Yeah, yeah, um number two my second apology Is you opened for me Okay, did you not host it for you? I never opened that's opening I thought the feature was open. No, they're both opening. Oh, okay. Yeah. What do you think the host is opening for the feature? No, they start the host was like the warm-up dude No, no, no, no you you you open right? And I made you do some things

on stage You don't remember. Uh-huh. Like I said When you go up on stage, you have to say yabba-dabba-doo. Oh, yeah 10 times and not tell the audience why you're saying it So man, now y'all know what the the comic this is the equivalent to fret hazing. This is just Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's funny. So then you'd have to go up. Yeah. Yeah, and see yabba-dabba-doo. Yeah in between jokes And not explain to the audience while you said it. All right. That was the first. Yeah, that was like the first thing Damn, yeah, I forgot all about you man. I forgot everything else. I told you to do another thing

where I go just randomly when you're opening You have to just and without explaining yourself you have to do a little hopscotch Right like, you know, like do you want hopscotch, right? And you have to do it across the stage And not tell the audience why you did that. Man, it's man, you know, it's funny because it's for me Yeah, I know, but it's for my entertainment because Between you and Steve Byrd and another day like that They the crazy things that go on in these shows. Yeah, it's just so much fun and you forget about all of that I forgot like especially you you don't like

Yeah, I did I ever do this to you where I Like what they would say your name and I would block the door so you wouldn't go up on stage No, you didn't do that. Yeah, I used to do that too. Yeah And like the opening was like, let me up. I gotta just wait a minute You know what I mean? So there's like no one on stage. They already said your name It always gave me a lot of pleasure, but is that bullying you think? Yeah, that's all you are though. You just you think I'm a bully. Yeah Do you you really think I'm a bully? Yeah, that's all you are

It makes you feel good in your heart I'll tell you why I was bullied so hard Not only growing up, but in comedy that it's like when I finally could do it, you know, I didn't You know, I didn't snip the behavior. You know, I mean I kept it going Right within myself. So it's like, yes, I did some bullying things Do I regret it? I do. I'm sorry But it's not that man. Get out. It's not that type of bullying It's not something that you got to be sitting up here grieving about like, nah, it's it's it's fun and games. It's practical jokes

That's not bullying. I'll say practical jokes. So that's what you are. You kind of Okay, that's what that's what I have a third apology. Bobby Lee is a goddamn prankster. I'm a prankster. Yeah I have a third apology. Okay. What's the third? Did I Did I yeah You know, did I do what did I hug you for too long? Man, I don't know if you want to consider that Every time I would see dog you hug everybody too goddamn long. That was your fucking thing

I know but you you know why because I think you knew that it embarrassed me and it fucking like irritated me And you would do it and I would just try to laugh it off. You know what go fucking barbie. That's how long How long do you think I would hug you for? Like that if you would count the seconds longer than a big red commercial. Yeah, like a minute. Yeah hot So it's so fun to do to hug people for like a minute or two a minute or two minutes. It's And then after about 45 seconds, I could feel you Trying to get out. It's like I do underhooks. Yeah, you do the underhook. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, and I do electric god damn wrestling techniques in school. Yeah. Yeah, you fucking this guy

This guy has something else, man. Yeah So now those are the three things that I wanted to apologize and I do accept my apology uh Let me think about it Yeah, no, you know what Bobby, I'm gonna let that go. I'm gonna go ahead and forgive you now. Let me ask you this then What's that? Um Are there things that You're you have resentments toward you. Do you have resentments toward me?

And I want I'd like to hear them resentment towards you. Yes. So we can resolve anything Is there anything hidden that I'm not aware of or privy to that you The only thing that I've ever here we go I'm trying to think like the only thing that I ever but this is something that I I did it's not even like anger. It's just it was more of like disappointment. Oh, you know what I'm saying This is gonna get and it's like, you know, because it's the comedy story. So when you're a comic you like I want to get out and do as much time. So I was always thought that For some reason I had this belief that I said, man, Bobby gonna start taking me out more

I'm gonna do more I'm gonna do more show blah blah blah and it never happened like that and I was like fuck So it was like, oh shit. I but I did that with a lot of people. It's not just you I just like well, maybe this person well, maybe this person so it was like I'll be brutally honest with you. Yeah, okay It's um How do I say this? The growth that I saw you as an opener. I I mean you're hilarious There's just something about you up there that like I've always felt that too. I've always said that about you. Okay Did I not? Yeah, yeah, you always said yeah, I feel like you're being don't don't be defensive. I'm not gonna hurt you

But what happens is number one, um, I don't I didn't think that you could do the 30 minutes Okay at the time, right, right and number two, um Um, I just prefer female openers You know, I used a lot of female features like jade And You used uh, I got the faheem anwar is like faheem. You used uh Yeah one time

Sean uh Kerrigan you used. I don't even know who's Sean Kerrigan. Hey, what the fuck is Sean Kerrigan? If you don't remember you just yeah, yeah, I don't know who Sean Kerrigan is. Well, could them probably the names that you use the most consistent That I know. No, I'll tell you who I use the most nick yousuf Yeah, definitely use nick a lot. I use nick a lot. Okay, and it was because his style. Here's the problem with you and me too We're both little And cute Right and we jump around like little jelly beans for me though. That's what I got the old sexiness

You know, I'm you really don't right there. Hey doc doc doc. You are a hater man. You always be a hater doc Hey, man, I'll bet you your boys back there You literally don't you're not sexy. No, no, you are a hater. That's why I'm not a hater. That's a fucking fact. Okay. Okay. Well, all right All right, but I think you're great You make it like I'm supposed to actually keep them Yeah, yeah, so, um So you were you know, you you were just too close to what I did I think Okay, that's another thing, you know, um

But is that it? That's all the resentment. Yeah, I don't know because I don't uh You do you ain't what have you done to me to make me because there's a type of dude Are you and let me ask you a question if you make me angry about something that I got a reason I wouldn't even talk to you That's how I am. Oh, yeah, just you are. He's goofy. Yes, but uh, you know, if you and I I got charged with a crime And you and I were cellmates, right and we got life in prison. Okay And my feeling is this

My feeling is this is is that five years with goodbye And I'm like I'd be like Man, I'm not gay, but just listen. Listen. Listen. All right. I'm not gay, but I'm sorry. Fuck man, and My best friend is doc this crime together. So we best friends could be so I know we did the crime together and we're also like we're the same size Okay, because you know, I don't want to be like, you know, big tea big tea, you know, big tea is down the down the row Right. He's six five. He's a big, you know, okay

Gorilla dick and then I'm like, you know doc has a chimp dick I So it's like, you know So I might so that would think like I think I want to you know, I I think we could be good, you know Lovers or whatever. So then I'd be like No, let's say like at night we're sleeping, right?

And we're in bump bed beds. I'll probably be in the top because I'm older Right. I'm a headliner too Yeah, you're the bottom. So I slipped down a pole, you know, whatever the thing is and I You're laying your I bet you do you sleep on your stomach? No Have you ever sleep on your stomach? No

Do you sleep on your side? Yeah, good. Perfect. Okay. Here we go. Perfect. So you're sleeping on your side, right? Yeah, yeah, and I and I crawl up behind you, right? Okay. I'm naked Sure. I think I already know where the story is going now and I start doing like tiny little kiss taps On your neck Okay. Yeah. Yeah, you know, man. Okay. What would you do? You know, I probably whoop your ass in the stale You did the guard gonna have to come because you're gonna get you're not you're not putting yourself in in the scenario

You're you're in the scenario. No, you're no, yeah Five years five years were no five years five years. We've been in there Five fucking 10 years. Let's make a 10. It don't matter if it's 30. You know Oh, we were so good at deserted island deserted island. No fucking. That's it. We'd be just two dudes looking out at the goddamn sea You wouldn't touch me once nothing Before what? All right. All right. I ain't even fucking That's terrible. What a jerk. I hope to God. I hope to God. I hope to God. I'm out of humanitarian. I get out. I'm out of humanitarian.

This guy. I hope to God. I'm never I'm never on a deserted island. Yeah Well, I hope not either. I want to be on there with you if I'm gonna be sleeping on my side and have to worry about Is there any scenario? I mean, it's all right. How about this then? In memory now, I'm like You're still homophobic. It's not even homophobic. It's just what you like that. We're in Africa in Africa. We're in Africa, right? And we're out of safari. Okay. Okay. And we're not holding hands or anything. We're just friends. Just friends. Yeah, you're right Bobby and duck, you know, you know, good dude and um I'll say you hear this

You know Right, it's a snake. It's a good snake, right? For some reason my penis is out You know, it's hot. There's a snake. There's a snake. There's a snake is out. Okay. Yeah, two snakes are out. Two snakes are out. Okay, snakes Not snakes in the plane, but And all of a sudden the snake Bites my dick Right Someone's got to suck the venom out. Would you suck the venom out?

Yeah, man. I just wait. No, no, no. Would you suck the venom? I'm trying to give you the good answer, man Without breaking your goddamn heart. I'm trying to you let me die. I definitely be thinking about your mom You would let me die. Yeah, that's so I'm gonna go ahead and let me tell you something right now. Right. Okay. What's that if a snake snake snake bit you on the penis, right? Mm-hmm. I would suck the venom out, right? And just to make you feel better. I'd probably let you come in my mouth Wow I mean But even if you assume that I'm be hard that that that right there is just

That right there is disrespectful. Yeah, you're making assumptions. I'm making assumptions. Yeah, you're like I'm just automatically going to get excited off a blowjob About you probably use your teeth and everything All right, let's let it go. Let's let it go. Okay. It's getting weird. Okay. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Pick as clown or weird and weirdness. It's just we Yeah, you know, let's suppose We both die. I die first though. Yeah, right When I die, I tell god I go let me be the doorman of the pearly gates Right. I'm good at checking ideas and god's like go ahead You're dead now and you're waiting in line to get into heaven

Mm-hmm, right and then I you know You mean yo, you want to get it You want to get it so because it's an elevator that goes down to hell You want to get it? Right? Would you do it there? I'm gonna tell you that you don't even have that Before I even get up to the line. I'm gonna go on here to start walking to the elevator Right to go to hell. I ain't even gonna get to you. I'm gonna be like, ah damn, barbie is the gatekeeper I'm fucking going straight to the goddamn elevator. That's fair enough. Okay. We'll get Andrews here. Move. Move out of the way. Fucking asshole. That's what you're on.

I gave him three scenarios What's up doc? How long was the last time you guys see each other? It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. Try a town in a detail in a building. Oh, man.

I'm almost saying the eight man. Oh shit, this is what you guys are gonna do? Well, no, this is proof. This has always been proof of the culture that I have that you don't have. What? Oh, this is great. We talked about this before. No, but this is great. Black people, this is wonderful. Black people don't, they think you're funny, but they don't, it's not the same with me.

They love me. You don't even know how to do this. Do it. Do it. No, no, no, no, we're not doing shit. So let me ask you something. Let me ask you something, right? What's that for? Do you get that from me?

Do you think that you're closer to Andrew? Because Andrew is more in touch of Black culture or understands the people better? I don't even feel like it's about closings. I just feel like he's just exactly what the fuck he said. You have no clue. That's all it. I mean, we've discussed this before. What do you got here?

It's true. This is really interesting. This is really interesting. This is an intervention for you. So it is, so for the last 20 years, right, that we've been fucking with each other, right? You've always felt that about me. That you was, yeah. There's a disconnect between me and your culture.

I don't know nothing about Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why you gotta make this shit? The statement is wrong. That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what's so ridiculous. Reframe it for me.

It's like... The way you're saying it. That's it. See it in your way, in an urban way. Why don't... See, that's what I'm talking about. All right. That's it right there.

I think that's it. That's exactly what we wanted. You just said urban. That's exactly what we're talking about. That's why I told you. Black people... Yo, God, what's up? That's not it either.

That's not it. Urban Bobby's not it. Let me hear Urban Bobby. What's up, dog? Shit. That's not it. It's perfect. Raise the roof, dog.

Raise the roof. Raise the roof. Raise the roof. Raise it. Come on, now. That was good. That was pretty good. That was good.

There you go. Yeah, that was pretty good. Better help. You know what's really helped me during the pandemic was better help because I did a lot of therapy through better help. Me too. It really changed my life.

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or go to anchor.fm to get started. Door dash. Subject to change. Terms apply. So I'm so insulted. Number one. Doc, I miss you, man. This is so good to see you, bro.

Shut the fuck up and connect things. I know, but it's irritating. You know who I was just shooting a scene with today? Who did I work with today? Who? Kevin Hart. Did you really? Kevin Hart.

Blackness confirmed. Kevin even said it. He goes, and I said, you know who I'm doing a podcast with? Because he made a joke. We made a joke. Do you know what Korean hearts are? No, but tell me what they remember me. No, look, this is Korean hearts.

You've seen this before. This is a Korean heart. They remember me. Does Kevin? Yeah. I said, because we made a joke about Korean hearts. One of the girls on the show, she said this, and he said, that's funny.

And she goes, you don't know. I said, one of my best friends is Korean. She goes, you have a really? You hang out with Koreans? I said, yeah, from here, I'm going to work with one of my Korean best friends. And she goes, who? I go, Bobby Lee.

And I turn to Kev. I said, comedian, do you know Bobby Lee? He's a comedian. What do you think he said? I don't know. No. You know each other. I know, but what did he say?

I don't know what he said, because I wasn't there. He said, damn, motherfucker, they get naked. That's what he said. Damn, motherfucker, they get naked. That's what he said. I fucking get a movie with them. I didn't fucking get naked on the movie. One time.

Did you get a movie? You didn't get naked once. Not one time, really? I'm going to get naked on a fucking $150 million fucking movie. Maybe. No. Maybe.

No. Was it part of the role? No. There was nothing in it. I was wearing armor. Did he really didn't say that? He didn't even speak. What did he say?

No, he said, I don't know who the fuck did it. That worked. No, he said, I love Bobby Lee. He goes, oh, he goes, I love Bobby Lee. I love. I love. He said, I love Bobby Lee. He was great.

Anyway, Doc, how has this been? Was this abusive? Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. It's typical Bobby, though. Why? Why?

I'm so comfortable with this guy. I was like, ah, breeze. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's easy with him. Yeah, it's easy. Let me tell you something about it. I'll tell you the reason why you're on this podcast. Because Jules wasn't going to be here, right?

And I literally, this is not a joke, OK? I was watching a documentary about black holes. No, I'll be real. Jules, Jules, I'll be real. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish. You got to finish.

I know it's uncomfortable. You got to speak. But no, no, no. It's not uncomfortable because black hole is something me and him, this guy, would say. OK. This guy. Yeah.

So what happened with black holes? So, you know, Stephen Hawking's in it, right? And there's also a bunch of scientists trying to take a photo of a black hole, which is black hole, which is like 25,000 light years away. You know what I mean? It's very difficult to take a photo. So what they do is they aligned all these satellites

from all around the world to take a photo of the same image. Right. And maybe they can take all the information, create, right? So they finally, you know, they finally found, they finally have an image of what a black hole looks like. And when it showed it, I don't know why, but it reminded me if Doc's asshole was on fire. I laughed.

I go, that looks like Doc's asshole on fire, right? And then when this came up, I go, I've got to get black hole. I got to get black hole in there. You said it so fast. When I said, where's Rudy? You go, black hole's coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it just kind of, I don't know why the connection there,

but there's just something fiery about it. You don't remember? There's something you would say to me. I know. I want to get in that little tiny black hole. That's dancing your fucking. Oh, right, right, right, right. You try to sexually assault Doc?

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just joking, buddy. Yeah, exactly. What do you know where it is? It's not sexual assault when both people are online on this. For sure.

For sure. If he's part of the party, it's fine. Right. Doc, what's been going on? I want to talk to you a minute. Did you guys talk a little bit about what's going on? Let me just, let me just, maybe your representative. Well, let me just tell you what's going on.

Apparently, he's getting a lot of pussy. Why would you say that? Let me ask you this. How long have you known Doc? How many years? At least. You came to the store about 08? Yeah, yeah, it's got to be that long.

Yeah. So what's that, 12 years? I don't even know. I've known him for 20. So. Yeah, we know. OK, so out of all the times that you've saw him, did you ever see him with a woman?

What do you mean? I knew he'd hang out with a girl. Yes, I did, actually. Yeah, multiple times. Where? I saw Doc out to dinner one time. I saw him at a really nice steakhouse. He was out to dinner with two females, two tall bitches.

All right, well, that confirms his point of view. And he had on a pimp suit, he had on a three-pimp suit. Oh, no, no, no, no, yeah, there it is. Yeah, there it is, there it is, yeah, there it is. He did. Drive to the Bentley? But I said to Doc, the one thing I did say to him, he was in this booth with these two beautiful,

tall, like model bitches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he had his arms around both of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said, how tall are these girls? Yeah. Because Doc is not a tall guy. Yeah, yeah.

And then I come up to him, I go, what's going on? 5'3, 5'3. And then he goes like this to me, he goes, like this, like, I don't want to blow up a spot. Right. So when the girls leave, he goes, why don't you girls go out, I'll meet you outside. And then he hopped out of the booth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when he got, you know, then it was like this, out of the table. And he said, don't blow up my shirt. Are you 5'3, Doc? That's funny, because when I stood up. Did you, on this show? On this show, and I'm an inch taller than him, right?

I know, but check it out. Did you flatten the head? No, check it out, I'm an inch taller than him. He says he's 5'3, when you think, you think I'm 5'2, right? 5'2, you are. So he's 5'4? No. First of all, that would be 5'1.

You're bad at math. Yeah, 5'1, I mean. Yeah, 5'1, he's 5'1. Okay, fine, fine. I'm not 5'1. But you know what he's got? I've been measured, bro. Okay, but you know what?

Like, it's not. He may be short, but he's got a pipe. You don't think he's got, you don't think he's got a pipe bigger than yours? I have no question it's bigger than mine. That's what I'm saying. So that's why he doesn't care that he's short. If he doesn't have bigger penis than me, he should kill himself.

That's why his ego isn't in question. When you say you're short, he doesn't care, because he's packing. I don't care. You get sensitive about it because it's a thing. Round belly, small penis, tiny guy. That gets in your own brain. It doesn't.

God doesn't give a shit. I don't give a shit. Well, then why? You think I give a shit about what I look like? Why are you insulting it that he doesn't get women? Why do you think he doesn't get women? I'm not insulting him. Because Bobby.

Oh, here we go. Bobby told me I was a nerd, Andrew. He's a fucking nerd. That's what I've been trying to tell him. And he just won't take it. You're a fucking nerd. You're a fucking nerd. Yeah.

I'm a nerd. But I'm not ashamed of it. He's not a nerd. He looks like one, though, no. Why? What is it? Tell me what it is that makes him a nerd. I went to a Renaissance fair once.

I went to a Renaissance fair once, right? No. I'm not even kidding. I saw a little black man. NLP. Yeah, NLP. NLPB. Yeah.

On a horse. On a pony? It was probably a pony. Not a full-size horse. No, it was a full-size horse. But yeah. It was a pony. And he had one of those like miniature, like, you know.

A little javelin? A little javelin? A little. A joust stick. Joust stick? Yeah. It was one of those things. But it was a toothpick.

Yeah, yeah. Right? And I go, doc? And he turned around and it was like, same glasses, same hairdo. Hold up. You told me this story. Is this real?

Because I thought you told me you've seen somebody that looked just like me. That's what I said. Yeah, I'm not lying. Oh, fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So once I go, they're the same type. Oh, you think that's the same kind of guy?

Yeah, this is the same kind of guy, right? Like, Urkley. Urkley? Yeah, Urkley. Yeah, a little Urkley. Yeah. Right? So I'm like, you know, there's, you know,

there are black Urkles out there. But Urkles is black. That's true. Urkles was black. There'd be white Urkles out there. There's white Urkles. All kinds of Urkles out there. There are.

There are probably billions of Asian Urkles. There's so many Asian Urkles. Yeah, so many, right? But. Urkel. Urkel. Yeah, Urkel. Urkel.

Yeah. So, um. You thought that was his? So when I saw him, I, when I saw the guy at the Renaissance Fair, I go, oh, there's, you know, I just made a, I put him on one box. Right. And, um, and I walked up to him the next time,

you know, after I got back from the Renaissance Fair and I go, are you a nerd? And he got so offended. He got upset about it? Yeah, because here's another thing. But you asked him, you didn't call him a nerd. No, I asked him gently. Like, are you a dork?

I whispered in his ear, I go. You don't have any nerdish qualities. I don't know where he's, that's what I'm trying to tell you. He doesn't have any dork shit. Bobby's world. Yeah, Bobby's world. He's not a nerd, dude. Would you say Jordan peels a nerd?

Yes. Compared to me. Yeah, 100%. That's not even a competition. Okay. Yeah. All right. But Jordan would probably say he's nerdy.

But here's another fascinating thing that we didn't even talk about that I know about Doc. What? It's just, and I don't know why, it just makes me laugh and don't be offended by it. Well. All right. Don't be offended by it.

It makes me laugh and I giggled the first time you told me because I visualized it and it just, it just made me giggle. Okay. Okay. His doc used to be a gang member. I just tickled your face, you know what I mean? So I don't know why that just makes,

but it's joy in my heart. What gang, what gang was it? The mashed potato gang. I don't know. He's back in the Detroit with the Gucci boys. The Gucci boys? The Gucci boys? Yeah.

I love that shit. Was he the runner? I mean, what happens? Give me a lollipop. Well, the bit that you hear me talk about me being a cold holder the first time we fought, that was actually happening. Oh, the cold holder.

Yeah, I was cold holder in the beginning. Yeah. But then after a while it broke. So did you have to kill someone? Did you have to do something? Hey, man, that's a podcast. No, I am not an even, never. So Doc, right, was a cold holder.

Yeah, cold holder. What does that mean? Cold hanger. He would put his arms up like this and they'd put their coats on. No, they just started throwing their coats at me. When they got ready to fight. When they're ready to fight, you just threw the coats.

And then they just started fighting. I was holding everybody's jacket. It would be funny, though, if you just stood there like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cold coats. Yeah. So when did you move up? Like you have jackets on your face.

So it's cold holder, then what's the next rank? What's the next level? It wasn't even like, I don't think, it wasn't like I was a designated cold holder. It was just automatically, they just threw it to me. Because you were small. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? But then it was like, there was other small guys.

But they just, for some reason, just hold my jacket. Hold my jacket. It was just out of nowhere. I was like, what the fuck? I thought I was going to be fighting. What is wrong? Because I think they sense a nerdy quality here. No.

Fuck it, Bowen, you know. No, I think at that time. It's what they sensed. They might not have seen him. They might have just thrown their jacket when he was down there and the coach just fell. So dick. Yeah, yeah.

Doc, you know what I really want to know about the gang shit? Yeah. You don't have to expose your personal shit. But do people get beat in? Yeah. Like, OK. I didn't. You didn't get beat in?

No. Did you watch, did you beat someone in? No. But you watch people get beat in? Yep. Is that the worst shit to see or the most fun? It's fun because it's within. So they're not really trying to kill them or nothing.

Right. They just want to see how tough they can handle it. Could you imagine getting the shit beat out of you by your best friends? Man, you talk about black guys and everything. They beat your ass. And for like two minutes straight, three minutes straight, and then they're cool with you.

But our gang was kind of, the trade games are a little bit different. What do you mean? They more, it's more about money and crack, especially back then. Yeah. Jumping you in was just like, only a few, only seeing it like maybe once happen.

Did you sell rock? Yeah. Crack, heroin, weed. I was out there. I thought you used to sell weed. I didn't know you sold rock. No, I sold everything. God damn.

Did you make good money? Yeah. What was the most money you made today, selling rock? I'll tell you the fastest I made on the corner. And this is the corner of about 10 or 15 of us. I made $500 an hour. $500 an hour? Selling crack?

Yeah. What the fuck are we doing in Hollywood? That was the 80s. The 80s was cranky. Man, comedy's for some reason. I feel like it was the corner where the Toys R Us was. For some reason, the Toys R Us. Well, the steal was selling crack.

Yeah, yeah. People coming out to build a bear. Y'all want to buy some crack? Was your voice as deep when you were a child? Yeah, kind of. You probably always sounded like that. You know how powerful, for people that don't understand, and let's give a moment of respect,

how influential Doc is to our home. The comedy store, Doc was. Can I go first though? No, because I started it. That's true. Doc forever will have embedded in the culture of the store, whether you like it or not, will always have the respect because you were a figurehead of that place.

And you couldn't go around that club and not talk about you being a part of it for the history of the club. Because for real, like that, everyone knows that. What's up, Drew? Everyone knows. Everyone's got their Doc impression. Mine was always like, what's up, Drew?

And he was always happy to see me. And for you was, hey, Bobby, down. But you really did forever of the people that will be cemented there. Oh, yeah. Whether you like it or not, you were such a figurehead there. You're always embedded in the culture of the club. 100%.

And the people, they would go, what's up, Doc? So that's. It meant a lot. But it was real. No, what I was going to say is there are certain people there like Jeff, Jeff Scott. Rest in peace. He died?

He did. I'm kidding. He got shot. No, he didn't. Like 13 times. No, he didn't. He got shot. That's how he died.

Jeff Scott didn't get shot. What happened? They just, he died from a heart attack. Oh, yeah. I thought he got shot. Another guy died that way. Who? Some customer.

I do. I was there when that guy got shot. Yeah, all 2015. I was there when that guy got shot on the patio. Yeah, I was there. Well, I went there that night. I was off that night. I was there that night.

I was in the back, in the fucking back by the hallway when that guy got shot. You know what happened to him? That guy got out of his car. He went up to his chest and shot him. He got back in his car. Did you see the body? What do you mean?

I saw, I heard the gunshots. We ran back by the hollow ground. Then by the time I came out and cops and amateurs were there, he was there on the ground. That's so crazy. It was fucking gross. It was right on the front patio. Was there blood everywhere?

I mean, not as much as you thought. Isn't that weird? I thought it was going to be more blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was enough. Was it, was it, what's so funny? I don't know, I'm just laughing. It was so funny.

It was, it was nasty. It was wild though. Was it a white guy? No, it was a black guy. OK. Yeah, he, why would you make that face? Here's what it was. Here's what it was.

A lot of white guys getting shot from fucking gang, gang related shootings. The guy was actually visiting the Hondas. He had nothing to do with the store. So he came five minutes after he left the Hondas to come over there cause tripping Tuesday show ended. He just came over there to have a drink on the patio. He was having a drink, yeah.

And then five minutes later, a guy ran across the street and shot him up. And so what it is, is the guy. But he didn't shoot anybody else, which I thought of you. Well, that guy was from New York. Right. And it was a New York hit on him. But I'm saying, give the guy props.

Did they catch the guy? Spray into a crowd. Back in New York, it was, it started like a big war. And they caught the guys and they arrested some guys. Not here in LA. And it's not in LA. Oh, that's the whole history that happened afterwards. He got away in LA.

I know. He got back to New York. And then there was some sort of war in New York. It started a gang. This was like a gang hit. That's why they didn't shoot into the crowd. He got out of his, he went right up to his chest and shot him in point blank.

My God. Drug dealing hit. It's wild. So it is pretty wild. It wasn't, it's not like the crypto blood. It was like drug and, you know what I'm saying? Like they actually like a hit for it. That was a hit.

He was, he did something he shouldn't have done. Can I go back to my compliment or not? Please. OK, go ahead. So I really want to hear this, Bobby. I want to say that you, not only were you like a part of the store, like you were part of the building, right?

I also saw you develop. Like in the beginning when I saw you, you weren't that good. Right. Right. And then nobody was that good. It took him a little longer, I think. OK. Would you agree with that?

Yeah. That's because I wasn't hitting the mics like I should. It's fine. I'm not, you know what I mean? It's not a bad thing. Right. All right. So, but eventually you started, I feel like you started finding

your voice, right? And I remember one time you were on stage and you were killing, right? And I just thought to myself, I wish I was in prison with the guy. Always go back to the old bunk bed, huh? Upstart. Oh, credit debt. Hey man, if you're carrying a big credit balance every month,

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No, but I honestly like, and when you left, to me, it's like, number one, you never got passed there, right? Yeah. You did get passed? No, no, no. I never got passed. Yeah. I think that's the crime.

Yeah. I think that's the crime and I think that's what made you leave, right? Yeah, 100%. Yeah. I watched your last set. Well, also, but be honest with you. I never became a hot guy as a stand-up period anyway.

So the main reason why I wanted to leave, I said, let me just see what I can just push myself, because it's something I'm not doing for me to have to do. I don't have to depend on the story. Look at all the people that come through there that never got passed. Louie wasn't passed by her. Louie's OK. I know, I know.

So it's like. Seinfeld, right? I had to be honest with myself. So I left based on that, but I was more, I left more so because I just was disappointed in Paulie and them and what happened. Right. You know, because Adam, everybody think I was mad at Adam.

I'm like, no, Adam ain't got nothing to do with why I left. I just left because of all that I had went through there. I said, I'm gone. So that was me. How many years, you were there for how many years? 12, man. 11 and a half. So what are you doing?

Are you doing stand-up now? Yeah, I still do. I hit mics and I do little shows here. I got two little shows tomorrow. Where? Right here at the Comedy Chateau. I'm doing a little five-minute spot over there and then I'm doing a little show with Kathy Lewis and Riverside.

Oh, cool. Still the grind? Still grinding. He's still grinding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's hitting it. Yeah. I think we need to help you a little more.

Hey, man, I just really want to do stand-up, man. I get it. I get it. Well, let's do this, but you know, Bobby's taken from you so much. What can he give to you? What do you mean? What do you mean?

You've just taken so many people. I've helped him so much. Well, to help him more than? Did you ever open for him? Andrew, he's open for me. Why? He wouldn't open for me. I've never asked him.

Yeah, he's never asked me. You didn't ask me. I've never asked anybody else to do it. I asked you to do it. Everybody wants to ask me. So, I mean, I feel like I've done more than you have. Maybe. 100%, 100%.

But it's just different with Doc and I. No. Yeah, it is. In fact, you're here not because of him. Well, you're not a store guy. You're here because of me. But you're a store guy. He's a store guy, but you're a red-born and raised store guy.

So, you have a method that you was taught and that was inherently given to you to miss. You worked at the club. We're two as the guys like him. Most, 90% of the guys that come that's just regulars like him, they never take me home. He's not organic store. With deception of like, I'm an organic store.

I'm real. That's what you're saying, right? I'm real store. I mean, you know, yeah. He's not real store. I'm going to put it that way. He's like, of course, I'm a fucking real store. No, you're not.

He's important, right? Am I not real store? He's definitely. Who's more real? Who's more real, Andrew, or I, and be honest? Real store? What the fuck is? What is an innocuous, bullshit thing?

No, because it's a fake question. Real store? What the fuck does that mean? They're both got passed by Missy, so you're both real. Then you know gun and well. You mean real store or born and raised? Okay, born and raised, then yeah. Yeah, because you used to work there.

No, it's not beyond that. Yeah, you worked there, you fucking scumbag. That's the only reason why you're... It's the only reason because you were... You slummed the phones and I didn't do that. No, that's the only difference. I put in the same fucking work that you did. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Shut the fuck up. You don't get to throw around bullshit. Why are you getting so angry? Because I get to defend myself. I don't know. Let me finish my point, fuck. Fuck you. Can I finish my point?

Fuck you, Bobby. Can I finish my point? All right, my point is this, right? Go ahead. You're like, I'll tell you what you're like. You're like Spade. See? Spade?

Yeah, you got good and you got a name, then you got into the store that way. I got good at the store. Where I started at the store and I grew... Did I start at the fucking store? He watched me start at the store. Are you out of your mind? I was there when me and fucking Delia saw you

for the first time in the O.R. I started at the store. Yeah. And we looked at each other. So I didn't get good and come to the store. Stop arguing. I'm not arguing with you. I'm just throwing facts down, man.

Relax. Relax. All right. And then remember me and Delia looked at each other and we saw you perform. And we told you the story before. I remember. Right?

And you killed. Yeah. Who kills like that if they're not developed already? Think. I developed at the club. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. You were good already.

He saw me. How many not? You saw me at the club pool in the late night spot. You weren't doing stand-up. Bobby, you weren't there for the late night spots. When I was getting late nighters. There. Listen, listen.

You weren't fucking there. He was there. Listen. Let Doc say it. But I was going to ask you. You didn't do comedy before that? At the club? Yeah.

I was doing other shit. But the store is where I went every fucking night. But I mean, I would go do a show in fucking Santa Monica, back the old West Side Theater. Oh, so you weren't in the clubs? All over. No, man. Oh, so the store?

OK. The first club that passed me was the improv. But back then, it wasn't the same. You weren't getting the spot there. You would get passed, and then they'd give you a spot once a fucking month. Yeah, yeah. So you weren't there.

With the club, I could go every night. Fine. Fine. Thank you. All right. It's like, you're like a guy. I am a fucking guy. I know you're like a guy.

Like, if I was born in this country, and you moved here when you were 10. Immigrant. Not an immigrant, but you're still American kind of. You're going to tell me to go back to my country? Go back to the fucking improv, dude. Go back to the improv, because we don't need you there. Oh, I appreciate it.

All right. You're not real. Who are you talking to? You didn't even go to the store anymore. Well, really, I was there last time. Going tonight and tomorrow. See, something is talking. It's you.

It's not mine. My phone's off. It's got to be you. It's not me. It's Bobby or it's downstairs. It's Bobby. It's Bobby. He can fucking hear it.

What? What? Open your phone up and find out what's going on. You're probably on a call still. We can hear it. It's not me. You're out of your fucking mind, dude. The boys can hear it.

Can't you, boys? We just heard it. Did you like, did you? I stopped my phone. Grab my phone. There's nothing on here. Here. You're so stupid.

It's like you're losing an argument. No, I'm not losing. No. You present. You see what he does? It's called gaslight. Yeah, it's called gaslight. It's his favorite thing to fucking do.

But I'm just saying that, you know, I just want to settle this right now. Okay. You're a store guy through and through. 100%. I'm more store. Let's move on. I mean, fine.

It's a fact. I mean, I'm funny you're there. But yeah, you're good. Yeah, you do well. Okay, that's fine. Please don't. You do do well. Yeah, we are.

How do you say it, man? Andrew and, I mean, Doc. Shots fired on us. Bro, bro. No, you're funny. You're so much funnier than I am. I know. And you kill better.

I know. And you're a better comic. I know. Okay. Better actor, everything better, you fuck better, everything's better. But you're an original store guy. Yeah. That's what you got.

Yeah. Well, you got it. Yeah, I did get it. And you're just a visitor. A faker. I'm a faker? Yeah, you're not real. Do you want to start?

No, no, no, no. So that's what I thought. The demon is coming out. These claws will fucking start gripping. So anyway, let's move past. I'm happy that you're back, by the way. I miss you. I miss you so much.

Go suck your day. Where was he in? We called you. We called you while you were gone. Where? Where were you? I was in New York. He went to New York.

I call him all the fucking time to see how he is. New York is the greatest, man. Love New York. I love going to fucking New York. I miss going. I feel like I don't get opportunities to go anymore. And also now, New York is so much hotter than LA comedy-wise that I feel like they're alive over there.

We feel like we're in this weird coma. Like we're just getting out of it. Well, New York has always been the method. Yeah. I know. But even post-COVID, I'm saying it's alive as fuck. I went to the cellar. It's bumping. It's not like that at the store.

What do you mean? Did you go to the cellar? No. But what I do feel, though, because I'm staying in Brooklyn. No D on the end. Just Brooklyn. Brooklyn. Yeah.

No, it's Brooklyn. No, it's not Brooklyn. I was in Brooklyn, which is what I said twice. I don't know where you get the D. Maybe it's my phone. Does anybody else hear a D? I heard a D. Yeah. OK.

I said it wrong. Brooklyn. Brooklyn? Yeah. And I'm walking about in town, right? Yeah. In Brooklyn. Correct.

Right. And there's a lot of bad friends, fans. A big time. Right. And they're like, what are you doing here? We never thought. Some guy goes, I just never thought I'd ever see you here. You're shooting on the stages.

That's why, right? In Brooklyn? No, I was shooting on the stages, but the hotel is in right in the middle of white. Wait, why? The stages are in Manhattan? It's in Brooklyn. No, that's what I'm saying.

You're shooting the stages in Brooklyn. That's why they put you over there. And you're walking the streets all day, just meeting bad friends people? Yeah, it was amazing. Who's who? What do you mean who? You fucking.

He said that fan? Yeah. Yeah, that fan. That fan was there. What are you talking about? That fan. I thought that's what you said. I couldn't even understand.

He's just like Rudy. I know. That's why I picked him. I thought you said that. Bad friends fan. The show. Oh, bad friends. Oh, my bad.

I thought you said that fan. You said that doc doc doc doc doc doc doc doc doc doc doc doc. I said if you play back the recording, I said bad friends. I don't know where you get that fan from. My bad. That's what it sound like to me. I was over here like that fan got that many fans in New York. That's what I thought.

Let me back this up. Yeah. Fuck. Have you been getting a lot of ass lately? Is that what I missed? Did I miss a lot of you like? This is what it is. Yeah.

I've been trying to find how to get this goddamn comedy going. So that's where I've been. Yeah. Trying to do that and work in a regular part-time job with Amazon. It's all I've been doing. What are you doing with Amazon? Just doing some shopping. It's like, you know, they give me an iPhone, people shop,

and then I go and shop for the food for them and bags, and then they send them off. That's it. That's easy. Yeah, it's easy job. You do it at the warehouse or is it at a store? Both. It's well, one of them, it's not a warehouse per se.

It's more of a just like a big shopping center. We're just us in there. No customers or nothing, and we just shop. Do you put in headphones? You don't have to talk to anybody? They don't let us no more. They don't. Why?

Because safety regulations. You don't do your thing. Doc, do you have an Instagram? Yeah. What is it? Doc Willis comedy. Can you believe this guy asked me? I don't even follow it.

Do you follow it? Do you have a podcast? No. Why wouldn't you have a podcast with a voice like that? That's just man. Listen to this smoothness of that voice. It's so smooth. Will you introduce this show real quick?

Will you go, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Bad Friends podcast featuring Andrew Santino, Bobby Lee, and me, Doc Willis. Say that real smooth. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Bad Friends... Take two. Take two. Go ahead.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Bad Friends podcast with Bobby Lee and my boy, Andrew Santino. Get it. Damn, that's good. Would you say this with me? But slow down. You know how we put my boy in front of me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just don't like it. Yeah. Do this. Go deeper, Bobby. Not soon. No, because I'm throwing a football. Oh, the football. Oh, go deeper, Bobby.

No, slow it down, though. Go deeper, Bobby. Good. Go. It's hard to say. Some reason. Oh, so slower. Yeah.

Do I gotta do this for this guy, man? Yeah, you do. All right, you know what? For you. It's my show. Go deeper, Bobby. Doc. You see my face, though.

But now imagine, Doc, now imagine, Bobby is... Bobby is... Bobby's... You're locked in a room, Doc. You're locked and he's got a smash on the door. Locked in a room. No, and then you say, go harder, Bobby,

because he's gotta smash the room as much as the door. Say that one. Yeah. Let me do it, because I'm envisioning. He's gotta go harder, Bobby. Slow it down, though. Slow it down. Deeper voice.

Go harder, Bobby. I like that. I like that a lot. Yeah. Give me another one. And then it's like, imagine now... Just imagine that you guys are... You're making...

You're hardboiling it. You're hardboiling the eggs. Hardboiled eggs, you know? And you gotta take them off before they get too hard, otherwise, you know what I mean? It gets bad. So, say, ooh, take it out, Bobby. Ooh, take it out, Bobby.

Yeah. Real slow, twice. Yeah. No, no, no, this is for the... This is for the... This is for the... ...case we animate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is okay. Yeah. This is... This is acting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is so good. This is acting. Yeah.

Ooh, take them out, Bobby. Take it out. It's just one egg. It's just one egg. Yeah, it's one egg. So, he's only boiling one egg. Boiling one egg. He says not that hungry.

He's not making a salad. Yeah, no. Just... Okay. This is... ooh, take it out, Bobby. Perfect. That's perfect. I got one.

All right. You got another one? Yeah, come into your house. I'm coming to your house. It's the final. I'm coming. I knock on your door, right? Just say slowly, come inside, Bobby.

Let him in the house. No, come inside, Bobby. Come inside. Come inside, Bobby. That sounds real inviting. It sounds, you know... It sounds warm and welcome. Hey.

Warm and welcome. Feels good, yeah. Okay, good. I don't know why I feel like this. So fucked up and... Yeah, yeah. You know, we love you. We're just kidding.

You know, I really... You know, I fuck with you, but, you know, that's what it is. That's what our relationship is. I want to ask you a real question. When you did leave, when you did leave the store. Yeah. What did you say to Adam? Did you say goodbye to anybody?

Like, did you... I said goodbye to everybody, because everybody knew I was leaving. And they actually threw me like a... I know. Going away. But I'm saying, did you... I know that, but I mean, did you do something...

Did you privately go up to people and say some shit or no? Did you ever... No, no, really? Did you ever go up to anybody and have your final goodbyes like a fuck you to anybody that you didn't like? No. No? But let me ask you this.

Because it wasn't... Are there guys that you didn't like? Nobody worked for all that. Are there guys you didn't like? There were guys that you couldn't... For sure guys you didn't like. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't even say...

Yeah, that I did... Yeah, it's definitely guys I didn't like, but it's not. They ain't worth my energy. They ain't worth my time, I don't be... Who was the biggest asshole to you in the lot? In the lot. I made, I made, I think. Oh my God.

It's like, I can't even... It's like, it's a given, it's a given. Can I tell y'all what happened? That's why I love this guy. I love this guy. All right, so whatever with him was... You know how I parked the cars in... This was back when they used to be crazy on the lot, right?

Right. Jam packed. Okay, just to let people know, right? The parking lot probably legally fits seven cars. Yeah, six or seven cars, man. They fit 20 to 30 cars. I'm not exaggerating. To the point where there's a Hyatt next door, Andes, right?

A hotel. A hotel, and there's a gigantic driveway that goes up. A driving driveway, yeah. We make some sort of deal where we could park our cars along that railing. Just on the rail. All the way up, right? To the house. Yeah, and we've had, I've had, I've seen Chris Rock's Carbito.

I mean, crazy shit, right? So it's a clusterfuck to say the least. I've done it before. And I did it one night, and I don't know if it was Asian or whatever. They just said, you can't do it again. You do, yeah. Your sheer disregard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For your own car. Because you know how I drive. Oh, yeah. I don't think they're going to do it. Hey, you're just a bad driver. I know, you know. So tell me what he do. So he says, I get my car.

Then I get his car, and I pull it out, move all the cars. You know how you got to do this goddamn Tetris in the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I move it, get it. And then he's not ready to go. So I fucking had to get other people out. I had to maneuver again to move people back and put this shit back. And then he came out again 30 minutes later and was like,

I got to go. And I go, fuck. And I do it again. Yeah. And then he leaves again. This one, this one, this one. I go, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then he comes back out. I move all the cars to then I move all the cars on the rim. This time it's like 1130. It's jam packed. This is when everybody's there. Yeah, that's like. So I move all the cars on the rim and I had to put three cars on Sunset. So I had to block the driveway of the Hyatt for people to go in and coming out.

Oh my God. So in the car I was in, I had to come out to the second lane on the other side of that and block that whole lane. Damn. Our man pulls up. My God. And he starts talking to Chris Delea from the truck for like five minutes. This motherfucker.

Then he and then the police come and they honked the siren at me. Hey, move your car. You're blocking. I go, man, this guy. So I put a fuck. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I pull back in.

He's still talking. Yeah. Then he's like, okay, Doc, I want to go. I go, you want to fucking go now? I don't say, okay. So I pull back out and block the traffic again. Now mind you, the cars are still blocking the driveway of all the cars trying to get out. Right.

Like, they're stuck now. Now I got a line there. Everybody's honking at me. And they're like, who was this little black Gary Cope? You know what I'm saying? He's fucking doing. Right? So I pull back out.

He pulls up and then he stops and starts talking to Neil Brennan. Now by this time, the cops see what's going on. Yeah. They yell from the siren to him. Hey, no, no. Actually, I get out the car and I start yelling at him. Yeah. I'm here.

What the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say, why don't you look at this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is crazy. And then he pulls up. Yeah. And he says, hey, Doc, you know, you should have a little bit more zen about us and zen.

Are you fuck? Do you see this shit? Yeah. Like, man, he was like, you know, that's a little bit too much. And then the cop yells from the speakerphone, hey, move your car. You have all the traffic back up. He's like, oh, OK, officer. All right.

I'm like, oh, you want to listen to the officer now? Yeah. You don't want to listen to the man. Shit. That was like. God. And then the next day he came in, we got into an argument about it. Oh, you got into a fight about it?

And then he, and then, like, it was something I had to do later on. And I wanted to contact him about something. And he fucking blocked me on Facebook and deleted me. Oh, my God. Fuck. So I was just like. That was it for you? Yeah, that was like, fuck.

But I think we had made up after that. But it was just like, that was like the worst I've ever. The most bullshit you dealt with? Yeah. I don't know, man, that just triggered me, that story. Did it? A little bit, yeah. Because of the past?

Yeah. It brings up a lot. It triggered me. Bobby is so maniacal. He plans someone's demise. And when he watches them fall, he sits in his underwear in his little room in his little fingers. Yes, you love that shit.

You love watching your enemies get fucked. Listen, listen. I'm in real deep therapy right now. Just hear me out, OK? And I'm addressing all that stuff, right? Is it today? Did you go today? Yesterday, I did.

How was it? It was good. But my point is that there's issues that I look at. I ask, why do I do certain things? Why do I behave in the way I behave? It's like a lot of it's just fear, really. Well, fear of what?

Rejections. And I also have, I avoid things because I fear trauma, right? And it's like, I'll just give you an example. The two jobs that I'm doing right now, which is the reservation dogs and sex in the city, are two jobs that in the beginning, I turned down because of fear. Fear that you couldn't come couldn't?

Just I just, you know, one of them was a doctor. It's like, do I even know how to do that? To be a doctor. Yeah. And the other one was something else. Do I know how to do that? And it turns out that I can. You know what I mean?

I do. And, you know, but it's like, but before I would just not do things because of fear. Because things, you know, so that's something that, you know. That you're working through. Yeah. And it's also, I do have this thing where I get slighted by people. And I, um.

By who? By people. Enemies? Yeah. Who's slighting you? It's not a slight, it's like, like one time, I want to name the person, but two years ago, before the pandemic, I was in the OR and the guy,

I was Martin Lawrence, I was literally next. Yeah. And he goes, but Bobby Lee. And as I'm walking, some other person walked in front of me and went up on stage. I got to go. She goes, I got it. She goes, I got to go.

I'm going up now. In my head, I'm like, and this person never apologized. Right. So I hold onto those little things, but now I let them go. You're learning to let them go. Yes. You still have a few in your belly. There's some you'll never let go.

No, I, no, I, no, I really will let it go. You will? Even something happened to me recently that I'm letting go. You want to say it? What is it? No. Who did it? You know what it is, man.

Oh, fine. I'm letting go. Do you hold onto shit? Do you go to therapy? No. You don't go to therapy? I should have. My mother told me I should have when I was younger.

Why do you think, why do you think you want it? You don't want to do it? You think it's not cool? Is it just like a thing you don't want to do? Well, at the time, what if you want to be honest with you? Yeah. Yeah. There was this street shit that you used to

can't talk to a therapist about. Right. What? There's street shit you can't talk to a therapist about. What? Isn't there a confidentiality? Hell, fuck. No, what the fuck?

Bro? No. You ever, you ever go, if you ever, there's a, there's an Italian mafia guy named Michael Francis, you know what I'm talking about? And so he did a podcast with Vlad all the time. Yeah. And he said on there he was talking about whether

Sopranos was true and he said that, he said, you kidding me? He said, if a mafia member went to a therapist, he'll end up in a trunk a week later. That's how it is. Street guys can't go to a therapist. You just don't, if, if, if you've done things as teenager on the street while enough, so you can't go to a therapist and be like, yeah, you know, this happened.

It's, it's like one of those things where you just go, okay, well, you know what? We're going to let this one go. Yeah, they can't. They can't. They have to tell the cops if they hear anything illegal. If you do anything illegal at all, they're going to snitch. They don't have your back like that.

That's not your buddy. So you, you're saying that you have certain things that you did in your past that were illegal that could get in trouble now? No. I don't, I, I doubt that. I don't think he's ever. You can't kill anybody with a squirt gun. That's what he does.

Many baseball bats. No, you know, and then like, well, here's one thing that I just couldn't talk to her about was when I was selling crack. My father was on crack. So I used to sell crack to my father. Oh, so like that's a wonderful price. Give him a little family discount. Yeah, I used to hook him up.

You know what I'm saying? But here's what happened, right? Did that, did you ever feel guilty selling crack to your old man? After he died. But at first, no. When he was a lot. No, he was, he was smoke his whole chicken way. Right.

Right. And you should. So. And he never gave you money. So when he, yeah. So when he was bad for me, it was like. Child support. Yeah, not even child support.

It was more like kids would be like, hey, when you get the new shoes from, I would be like, yeah, my daddy bought me these. You know what I'm saying? I didn't have to tell him that he bought crack. It's like, you know what I'm saying? So like, but. How much have you talked about that on stage?

I may have talked about it once. Twice maybe. So you're telling me you're not gonna, no, it's a great area. It's real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So crack to your old man. But did he die from crack?

No, no, no. How did he die? Suicide. Oh, fuck. The unit fucking is cool though, Bobby. It's been a long time. All the time. It's so fucking laughable.

Why is it so funny? I don't know. What did he do? How did he kill himself? I found him in the basement. In the middle of the server team. You found him. Yeah, I thought you knew this.

I didn't know. I didn't know. You found him. Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck. You found him. No, man, yeah. Did he shoot himself in the foot?

Me and my mother. No, we hung himself. He hung himself. He hung himself. You hung himself. And so, so. Don't. What?

Don't. What, I wasn't gonna do anything. Don't, I know. I'm just asking. Go ahead. All right. Don't. What?

Okay. I don't even know. I wish I knew what you thought I was gonna do because I want to do it. I know. But I don't I don't think you I don't I'm not locked into what you're you know, was your dad as tall as you or taller He was tall. He was tall there. I just got the bad end of the stick My mama was tall in me. She's Bob Bobby. How high were the ceilings in the basement?

Regular regular With a chair you were thinking it you were You know hard it would have been for him to get him down Just gotta go to the garage You need it you for real you need to talk about that shit. That's so real so you walk in you walk in you saw him, you know Tell us how it happened. Yeah Chicago. What year Detroit Detroit, I mean Detroit 1991 1991, right? So y'all go ahead of this all right hell no, but anyway he He was supposed to bring my mother cuz they had separate yeah, cuz I move she moved me out

So that I can get myself together and then she moved and then so he tried to get himself together, but he never did Mm-hmm, so He was supposed to take her some clothes the rest of her things and he never showed up She called me He had actually called me Before her and he's tells me that he's gonna kill himself. I mean he told you. Yeah Yeah, he went through the whole thing and we talked about it and told me and I said well You don't have to do it blah blah blah and I said, you know, you know, you can fight this

He's like nah, I can't And then he told me he left me some instructions to take care of my mother and my grandmother and he was like So then My mother called me she's like he's supposed to bring these clothes he never came Can you go and get the clothes and I go shit? So I forgot That I actually talked to him earlier like completely forgot so he said I'm gonna kill myself and you're like yeah Yeah, I got stuff to do. Oh, no, no, no, no, let me be let me he was supposed to break it was four days later

Oh, I was like the same yeah. No, no, no, no four days later. That's what it was But did you really believe he was did he meant it when he said that or no? Yeah, cuz He tried to kill himself before that shit and me and my mother caught found him on the ground Did you did you what same thing try to hang? No, this time he had drunk a bottle of iodine Yeah, yeah almost but he didn't so wait a minute. So hold on one second. So then he told you that day Yeah, did you go call anybody or talk to anybody or do you not say a word? like I didn't say anything because you told nobody yeah because I didn't even

like It didn't even register after I got off the phone with him that he was gonna actually go and try to attempt it I for you know, I'm 17. You thought it wasn't that you thought He'll be alright. Yeah, he's just having a bad day. You know, right? So the four days later and four days later. She called me. He's supposed to bring the clothes Oh, can you go get the clothes? Yeah, I get in the car. I go over there Do you have a feeling on the way there that something's wrong or no? Yeah, you knew yeah, you're like so when I got there I was like, oh shit and cuz I didn't tell her like oh shit. I did talk. No, cuz she asked my cars my car

She asked me she said did you talk to him? It was a wind-up, you had to pull it all the way back before you got in. Okay, doc, go! He's like Hold it down. Yeah. All right. Now are you done? All right, so you go. So We go what happened? Oh, so When she told me that and she asked me did you talk to him and I go yeah, I'll talk to him Friday But that's it. So she's like we'll go back to know so I go over there like I say

And when I got to the front door and I got ready to open the door one of my friends from from she won a street Dude's ran up to me. He's like, hey man. You say your pops been in this house, man He said we haven't seen him since Friday. He said, you know, you're pop You should let the dog out something wrong. Let's kick the door in and I said nah, man No, no wait, I was about to open the door. I said damn. I forgot my goddamn key And then he was like kick the door in man. I'm telling you man. He ain't been out. He in there something wrong Yeah, and I was like nah man chill out. Let me let me go get my key and I'll be back. You went back home Yeah, I went back home to get my key. You went and got a sandwich

So, yeah, man, I'm hungry. I would break the door down. I mean, it's not because I still didn't think nothing really Didn't know I felt it but I'm saying I was more like Man, chill. Don't I think you're probably yeah, you're probably fighting the feelings. Yeah, I was like damn I said, okay. How far is your house from there? No, you're talking 30 minutes Yeah, like I'm on the east. That's on the west side of Detroit. I was on the east side. So it's a pretty big distance so I go home Get the key and then it kicks in and I'm like, holy shit. Let me go get my mom

So I drive up to the job and I was like, hey You got to come with me and she's like what and then I'm like, are you got to come with me? I said something wrong like that and she goes are you you okay? And then she goes in tell a boss whatever and then we leave so we get there and As soon as we open the door and we walk in No, no, we walk when I walk when we before we open the door the dog runs into the window And he's got full wall on his mouth and he's barking like a hell of aggressive He never looked like this and I go what the fuck hasn't eaten and drank anything. Yeah. Yeah, exactly

So I'm like fuck and I'm like calm down. And when he sees me So then uh I go in that's his real name too Lee. Yeah, I believe you So we go in And she says you go upstairs and see if you up there and then I'm gonna check down here You said that living room. She said so I go upstairs and this guy Goss all has all the doors to the rooms closed upstairs bathroom door every door closed and I'm like fuck So I'm like, all right. Fuck it. We went one of these room. I guess I'm gonna find I kick open my old bedroom door

He's not in there. I kick open the bathroom bedroom door. Then it was another door down the hallway I kicked that door open then a day master bedroom. I was like shit So I waited and then I pushed the door. I kicked it open when I kicked it up push it open Yeah, and then I looked in and all the sheets were pulled off the bed And in the middle of the bed there was a life insurance So I looked on me. That's what the fuck is this because he worked for four or two So I looked at the life insurance and I was like, what is it? And I said, okay, whatever and I go down the stairs You didn't if the sheets are pulled off the bed there's a life insurance thing on the bed

I didn't think nothing about it, bro. I'm telling you just like that's fucking just willy-nilly This dude is leaving so many fucking breadcrumbs and dog is like So then you go what to the basement. Yeah, don't know so then I go down to the liver room And my mother's in the liver room and she's like he's not in here And I said, okay. She said he not in the kitchen. You know, no way around here At any point are you yelling out pop dad? Are you guys yelling through the house? No, we never call for no Yeah, yeah, and then so hmm. I say The hell no cuz for me, I told you I was already feeling eerie and shit. I was like man. Oh fuck good

I'm like you know already just like damn like this might be so she says to me Something about the dog in the basement and a dog kept grabbing my pants and pulling me towards the basement It run back grab my pants and I kept slapping. I'm like stop playing leave around there. Lee. Yeah, please stop playing You know, so yeah, you know, that's good listening. Yeah, my friend. Anyway, so We She she says what a dog. She said what a dog is probably hungry. Go downstairs and get his pelvis in the basement I go, oh shit. I said you didn't go in the basement and she goes what I go

You didn't go in the fucking basement. I said listen call the police right now. And then she goes What you're you're what's wrong with you? And I said no call a police. It's a boy come here and go in his basement And I was like nah, you need to so You knew course you knew I knew then life insurance because I said The dog going it's in here whenever he smoked craze He always smoked in the basement, right? So that was like the first place. She should have checked I'm like he fucking probably was in the basement because he smoked crack in the basement. He would ever smoke crack upstairs. I Don't know. I've just only came home. He we surprised him. He

Was just a couple of times he didn't hear us come in or whatever and go in the big my god damn you Get back to the day. Okay now, okay So there's this door We open the door and there's a stench come on Oh my god, what does that smell like crack? It's dead body for me. Yeah, and crack And it's the summer too. So it's been out there for about four days. Oh summer time crap. Yeah So, man Damn, dude, so you walk down the stairs. So she's I'm behind her. I stopped

Like five stairs before her. I'm like, I'm not going down the stairs like a haunted house And she was like get down here and come down here. It ain't what are you talking about like that? She's not thinking nothing. I said, I was alright. So I start coming down and she gets down to the bottom I'm coming down. I'm about a couple stairs Behind her. Yeah, and she goes see look. That's all this Do the one on the ground you smelling blah blah blah and then I look down I say, oh, I guess you're right And then she looks up and she says what are you like she's about to ask him What he's doing the question and then I would turn and I got ready to look at him and she screamed and

And then she pushed me it was like so for me right now to this day I still don't have that image of what was over here. The only image I have now is just her face So when she when I looked like this over here tourism, she screamed and pushed me So it was like a boom boom. So it wasn't enough for me to grasp a hundred percent and just why grass but not enough to Where it it fucked with me, but it wasn't as bad that I I feel like it was so you never looked at the body Not at no She went back in the house and everything and touch them and every goddamn I like shit So you never said after that you never saw it again. No, I'm going now until you went to the funeral. Yep

You had to open well, he was so swollen. You couldn't have a Oh my god, so we didn't even get to have it all. Oh, there's a comedy podcast, but Man, how do we make some jokes? Yeah, you can make some jokes Well, we did throw a couple in there And you couldn't have a few couldn't have a funeral now can black people love funerals. No, we don't I've seen some really good like I've seen some where they prop up the body at his favorite video game table That's some weird shit that they do now. I'm like Some black fienders they go all the fuck out with Latino black fienders they now they if they have a favorite thing that they like to do

They put them in that position and decorate like and perhaps up Yo, can you bring this up? I don't want to see this. No, it's not gonna creep you out I mean, it's just it's not I don't want to see a guy playing wars over. He's dead And they're standing around him like yo Where to God that's crazy. I swear to God. It's the wildest shit. Look at that Wait go up go up go up. There's an Elvis one. There's an Elvis one. Is that Elvis a dead guy? No, no, no, okay up to the right. You see that dead people lifelike poses. That's it dead people lifelike poses right there That's a woman. They propped up there. That's an unbelievable click on that article. That'll tell you

That's on like, you know, she needs she loved her wine. So we proper bushlight Hold look at that drink and go down and see if there's a saying Wait, wait, she said look at like look at this. No, that's insane. Look at this dude Let me zoom it in the body of Mickey Esterling in New York's New Orleans socialite sits on a bench surrounded by flowers Look at they proper up. Oh my I think that's a good idea. You want to be like this? Yeah, scroll down a little bit Look at this one Look at how crazy that is. No, no, but do why don't pass the photo that stay Lynette Carmona right the wife of late boxer Christopher Riviera hugs the boxer that with the guy to the left is a boxer

He's dead. Yeah, he's there. No, he's alive that guy's going. I'm getting I'm getting in the next hug. Oh, that's really a guy Oh That's insane stands next to his body propped up in a fake boxing ring during San Juan in San Juan, Puerto Rico Dude, this is a thing. Go down. Go down. This is amazing He that that's just look go down a little bit the body of David Morales Colón was placed on his motorcycle and peculiar view In peculiar viewing ceremony. There's family request. There's shot in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Apparently it's a lot of Puerto Ricans that are doing A lot of Latinos do that. All of that's do Puerto Ricans. I think that's that I know of Puerto Rico. Go down. This is amazing. Oh I wish there was more. There's none more do Puerto Rican themed funerals. Apparently the Puerto Ricans got this shit on lock

Show this to John doc doc. Do you know doc? Look at that doc Do you know what that is? That's Steve and Bobby's mom or my father my dad died right in that right now my dad died right now He's dead. He takes this photo right now right this moment. No, no, no, not today Trust me we've said before okay, this fucking in this guy. He has a sentence. I mean that you took that picture Bobby Yes, look at this guy Green Lantern That's amazing

I'm telling you to put the Puerto Ricans made that look at that. Yeah gambling gambling is homie with his homie. Whatever they like That's what the theme. Oh my this Puerto Rican themed black dudes and Puerto Rican dudes. That's who does it look at the milk crate And what is that one? What is that the guy way? No, no, that's a sketch. Oh, that's a sketch No, that's just a regular picture that standing him up boy Yeah, how old is that kid Puerto Rican gangster propped up playing dominoes at his own funeral? No, that's a real guy There's no way that's guys it says Sam on Puerto Rico the dead man is sitting with his eyes open at his own funeral That motorcycle clip is bad

Look at this guy. Yeah, yeah, he was a drummer Look at they put it outside. Isn't that weird? That's outside the funeral. Yeah, what would you do? What would you want your body to do? I don't know what I want in yeah this in this podcast studio. Just Mike yeah, I Would you see put me in like diapers? Yeah, put me in a gigantic panda. Uh-huh. I have a lasso I'm on the pad. You know me riding the panda. Yeah, I just I could see that I could see you hanging you hanging from like a bamboo tree work like you're talking I die at the same time Would you be mad at that we're dead already? Well, what does it matter? What does it matter? Oh, yeah, and we're just like

like 69 Yeah, I have my hands on like this. I'm going to that The thing though, what about my wishes? Oh, that's what you want doc. How do you want to be totally as far away from this guy? How do you want to be propped? What would your if I had a pro down that would be Just make you tall Dunkin yeah, they make you dunkin just fucking but just hanging from the hoop now. Here's something. Yeah, Bobby in it under my nuts Oh How funny

Doc on the hoop and he just hanging from the hoop All right, let's have Doc sign off. All right, so thank you for that that camera that one in the corner and say Thank you for being a bad friend slow and smooth. We might put some funky-ass music beneath it Thank you for being a bad friend. No, no come on draw that shit out like it. Thank you for being a bad Friend, you know, draw it the fuck out. Thank you for being a bad friend Damn, I love that so good. Oh