Bad Friends - We Are Betas

Starting point is 00:00:00 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo. White dude and Asian dude. Woo. You two are disgusting. Woo. You two are something.

Starting point is 00:00:10 We're bad friends. You know, when you're on the road and I'm on the road. Yeah. Separately. Yeah. There is a sadness that occurs in my heart. Big time, I call you. I know, you call me from the stage.

Starting point is 00:00:21 And I said I really miss you bad. I know. But I had so much fun in Phoenix and they were chanting for you. Yeah, and how did Jessie do? Not good. I know. No, she did great.

Starting point is 00:00:31 Oh, I mean, she's great. I mean, she did so good. I just agree with you. She did so good. Cause you're an honest guy, you know. We had a great host. It was great, Jackie. We had so much fun, man.

Starting point is 00:00:40 Phoenix was incredible. It's a nice club. It's a great club. Then I go to Nashville, dude. This weekend? Yee-hoo! Yee-oop! I got nothing.

Starting point is 00:00:48 I got nothing until September. But my point being is that I do miss you. What's going on in September? Aren't you doing the thing with Segura? I'm doing Segura and Chrysler. Oh, wow. I'm doing that Fatta Palooza thing. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:03 Welcome back to Fatta Palooza. How much can you eat, drink, andza thing. Yeah. Welcome back to Fata Palooza. How much can you eat, drink and fart out? Yeah, but you know, I want to say that, you know, I believe that things happen for a reason and you run into people for a reason. Do you agree or no? Yeah, and like things are kismet or meat cutes, like a meat cute.

Starting point is 00:01:20 Meat cute. You think we met on a meat cute? Oh yeah. Yeah, I do. Yeah. What's so funny? I don't even want a meat cute. I've we met on a Meat Cute? Oh yeah. Yeah I do. Yeah. What's so funny? I don't even want to Meat Cute, I've never heard of that. Meat cute?

Starting point is 00:01:29 Meat cute. Meat cute. Meat cute. I have an uncle named Meat Cute. Yeah, Meat Cute. He does nails. He does nails, yeah. Meat cute.

Starting point is 00:01:36 You want jail? I don't know, I think that, I know, I think that, you know, it was just inevitable that we would meet, but in terms of like being partners for this project was meet-kut. It was meet-kut. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:50 And anyway, so yesterday- Universal energies. Universal energies. So Sunday, I was, Mark Normand told me to come down and do his podcast at the store. Hey, come on down, buddy. Yeah, and I came down, Whitney was on, so a bunch of people, I met Joe List for the first time.

Starting point is 00:02:05 Oh yeah. Yeah. He's the best. Funny guy. All those dudes are great. Super funny. I did good. Hey man, come down. And I just kind of walked off stage, you know how I do.

Starting point is 00:02:12 Yeah, you leave. Yeah, yeah. You know, like Elvis. Bobby has left the building. You think it's like Elvis? Whatever. You think you're like Elvis? Cause you cut your hair short now, you're kind of,

Starting point is 00:02:22 there it is. I am. You're a hunk of burning love No, I don't mean I don't have his looks, but I think I have his energy, you know Do you do no, you do yeah, do I have Elvis's energy No, okay Chinese Elvis the Chinese anyway, we've done it but I was leaving leaving. I was leaving and then I hear, hey dude. I hear, hey dude. Is that Chinese, Elvis?

Starting point is 00:02:48 No. Who's that? Yeah, it's an Israeli kid. He goes, hey dude. Hey dude. I go, what? And I see this like, at first I thought it was like a sick Robert Smith from the Cure. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:01 Yeah. Just a little pale face. Pale face. Yeah. And I go, it was sunny too. So it was during the cure. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just a little pale face. Pale face. Yeah, yeah. And I go, it was sunny too, so it was during the day. And then I looked at him and he go, and then I recognized him and I go, I've seen him online, you know.

Starting point is 00:03:14 Yeah. And he goes, I'm a big fan of you dude, or whatever. And I go. Is he deaf? No, no, no, that's how he sounds. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. And then we had a little conversation on the patio,

Starting point is 00:03:24 we exchanged numbers, and now he's here. You gave him your real number. I did. And here he is. Yeah. Say hi, bud. Hey, it's time, now I talk. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:33 What's wrong with you? What's going on? What's going on? Yeah, I love you so much. Dude, you're so good. And there's something about you, can I say something about you, dude? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:43 There's a sadness about you and an anger. I was thinking more hate and anger, more than sad. I'm not a sad guy. You're not a sad guy? No. Oh, you're happy. Happy but angry. We had an interesting conversation though,

Starting point is 00:03:53 you and I, Matan, did we not? Very interesting. Yeah, was I nice? Nice guy. I'm a nice guy. Small. What do you mean? Cause I thought you were gonna be a little bit bigger.

Starting point is 00:04:04 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay. But is it like unnaturally small? What do you mean? Oh, like it's not natural how small you are. Am I dwarf like? Not that being a dwarf, being a dwarf is natural.

Starting point is 00:04:21 I think you're a little bit taller. Just a little bit taller than a dwarf. You wouldn't categorize me. If you were a doctor, you wouldn't be like, I. Right above the line. Great. That means, you know what, that means I can get on the rides. Kenny?

Starting point is 00:04:38 I have a lot of you guys at Universal. Yeah. They made a whole team park for you guys. What's you guys mean? Oh, you know what I mean. No, no, no, I don't know what you mean. What do you, what do you guys mean? Oh you know what I mean but I No no no I don't know what you mean Matan I know you're a kid Alright so I want to be gentle with you

Starting point is 00:04:54 Look at me right now Look at me right now Don't do that Matan Are you talking about Harry Potter town? Oh no Harry Potter town? Oh, no Harry Potter. Oh, Little Tokyo? No, the little minions.

Starting point is 00:05:08 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Let me ask you, cause they're yellow? Now he's doing your material. I know.

Starting point is 00:05:17 I know. Oh, he does that, he says that joke before. He says that joke before. Yeah, I said it before. So. Matan, where are you from? Oh, I'm from Los Angeles. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:27 Oh yeah. We're talking the Valley, right baby? Oh yeah, I was born in Encino. And now you live in Tarzana? No, now I live in Encino. Okay, good. Yeah, so still in Encino. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:37 You're a senior in high schools coming up? Yeah, right now I'm the 11th grader. I don't know which one that one's called. That's a junior. That's a junior. Yeah. But you're homeschooled. No, I went to school, but now I'm the 11th grader. I don't know which one that one's called. That's a junior. A junior, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're homeschooled. No, I went to school, but now I'm just doing online

Starting point is 00:05:48 because I had to leave. Why? Some problems with the teachers, just problems. You had problems or they had problems? I was, well, it was mutual, I guess. Yeah, it does seem mutual, yeah. There's no way that's a one-way street. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:02 But you know what? Who needs school? No, I mean, his podcast is, I mean, it's popping a little bit. I've seen it, yeah, it's very popular. Yeah, it's popping a little bit, you know? You're very aggressive on your podcast. You yell at people.

Starting point is 00:06:12 No, I'm not aggressive. You go fat, you go fat fuck. Oh, that was the producer, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He died actually on the stairs. He what? We fell down the stairs after that. You did?

Starting point is 00:06:24 We sat in the thing, it was, we had a funeral for him. You killing it, bud. Killing it, kid. You met Dan Schneider? Oh, almost. I had one of his clients on. Wow. Wow.

Starting point is 00:06:34 So that's pretty good. Yeah. Maybe by transference, you picked up some of that. Yeah. How do you feel about the liver king? The liver king? Yeah. I think he's alpha.

Starting point is 00:06:44 Yeah, he is alpha. He's alpha. Yeah. I think he's alpha. Yeah, he is alpha. He's alpha. Yeah. It was- High testosterone, real man. Oh, are you- He's a real man. I know what you are.

Starting point is 00:06:51 What? You're not alpha. No, I'm alpha. I'm a real man. No, no you're not. How much do you weigh? Like maybe close to 130 is my guess. That's a real man right there.

Starting point is 00:07:02 That's a real man, because he's pure- Pure man. Pure brain and muscles. How old are you's a real man right there. That's a real man, cause it's pure. Pure man. Pure brain and muscle. How old are you? I'm 17 right now. I just turned 17. Whoa! Yeah, congrats.

Starting point is 00:07:11 Woo! Woo! What are your dreams, your goals, your hopes? Real quick, I got you guys a gift. All right, go, go, go. Yeah, give me the gift. Go give me the gift. How exciting.

Starting point is 00:07:22 This guy's, oh wow. Wow. Is that an M4, is that an M's, oh wow. Wow. Is that an M4, is that an M4, 4, M4, 4, 6, 8? Vacuum. Yeah, that's a model. I got you a gift as well. Oh shit, thank you. Oh, this is my specific gift.

Starting point is 00:07:37 Oh yeah. Okay, cool. Whoa. Whoa, who's that signed by? That's signed by me, but it's a poster of the Beatles. Yeah, wow. That's a great signature. I it's a poster of the Beatles. Yeah, wow. That's a great signature. I've always wanted one of these.

Starting point is 00:07:49 We just, you know the 7-Eleven by the Baskin Robbins? Yeah. Yeah. So I bought that there, it was 10. It was $10. $10, and the Sharp was $2. Yeah, how much was this? I don't even, I don't think I paid for that.

Starting point is 00:08:04 Does it work? I believe it makes a funny noise when you turn it on. You don how much was this? I don't even, I don't think I paid for that. Does it work? I believe it makes a funny noise when you turn it on. You don't think it works? Plug it in and turn it on. No, it works, but it's like half broken. Well, let's hear it. Let's see if it works. It's funny to watch McCone.

Starting point is 00:08:16 Did you sign it though? No, I signed the bill. I'd prefer you to sign the vacuum as well. You want me to sign the vacuum? Yeah, please. I can do it after, but just don't sell it because it's gonna, unless you can give me some of the money. Now, where did you get it?

Starting point is 00:08:28 Is this something that runs in the family? Are you guys cleaners? No, that's one of the, you know how sometimes people, yeah. Oh, it sounds great. Dude, it works. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it's good.

Starting point is 00:08:37 Thank you so much. You're welcome. That's very nice. Happy birthday. Yeah. Okay, but you know, honestly, I thought it was broken. I was kind of a little mad about it, but if, since it works, what a great gift.

Starting point is 00:08:46 A vacuum that works? Thank you. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Yeah, wow. Pull your hair back like you just did again and hold it like that. Look, now look at Bob. No, pull, hold it, hold your hands on your head.

Starting point is 00:08:57 Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Hold your hair back. We're not doing that. Pull your hair back and hold it tight like that. No, I love it. What do you see?

Starting point is 00:09:04 Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway What do you see? Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway? Yeah. I see Anne Hathaway. Beautiful. Yeah, beautiful. Who is Anne Hathaway? Little Isla Fisher in there.

Starting point is 00:09:11 Little Isla Fisher. Yeah, gorgeous. I mean, dude, let me, Mataan, I mean, I don't know, is this against, because he's 17. I'm just saying that if you transitioned. Oh no. No. Oh, because if you say it three times, it'll happen.

Starting point is 00:09:24 You can't do that. Oh. Oh, cause if you say it three times, it'll happen. You can't do that. Oh. We've already said it twice. Yeah. If you transition. No, that's too, be careful. Cause you might have to. It would go pretty well for you, I think.

Starting point is 00:09:34 If you what? Oh no, no. You have good jawline. No, no, I'm not one of those. You are a pretty girl. Yeah. You are a pretty girl. You would be a pretty girl.

Starting point is 00:09:42 You're a pretty boy, but you're a pretty girl. I don't want to talk about it because every time I get into that conversation, people get mad for what I'm saying. Why? Yeah, we're not going to talk about it. Why don't we talk about it? Yeah, talk about what?

Starting point is 00:09:50 What, that you'd be a pretty girl? Yeah, you're a pretty girl. You would be. Look at your little chin. Look at your little cheeks. Look at his cute cheeks. Yeah. You have cute cheeks. Can I?

Starting point is 00:09:59 The shit. Oh, I know. Oh, the Jewish thing? I know who you look like. Oh. What? Joan of Arc. Oh, the Jewish thing? I know who you look like. Oh, what? Joan of Arc. Oh, little Joan.

Starting point is 00:10:08 Little Joan. Little Joan of Arc. She was Jewish, wasn't she? That's the guy in the Bible? Yeah. Yeah. Jonah's Ark. Look at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's. There you are.

Starting point is 00:10:17 There you are. Oh, that really does look similar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty close. Yeah, that's pretty good. She was a warrior. Well, now you know what you are for Halloween, bud. Yeah, but she's not a real man.

Starting point is 00:10:27 That's why she has a lot of hate in her heart. Oh, you said you have hate in your heart. Yeah, but if you have hate in your heart, but it's the wrong hate, you're not a real man. So what's the real hate? Oh, just hating. I'm not. Never mind. No, no, no, no, no.

Starting point is 00:10:40 No, don't never mind it. Look at me. I'm a time. Look at me. But on everything's fine. I love you. Yeah. Yeah? No, he can't say that.

Starting point is 00:10:53 Well, I'm not gonna say that. What kind of alpha are you? Oh. Like a pushup alpha? Are you the guy that goes to the gym? No, no, I don't go to the gym, but just not like a strong alpha. That's a different one.

Starting point is 00:11:01 You can do double, but. I know what. What? You're like Lex Lut one. You can do double, but. I know what. What? You're like Lex Luthor. Lex Luthor? Yeah. No, I want to be like Ben Shapiro. Right.

Starting point is 00:11:11 Right. Okay. I don't know if he would be considered alpha. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. You don't think so? No. I don't think, but maybe.

Starting point is 00:11:19 Oh. I think you're more like Alex Jones. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you look like that guy. I went on there a couple times. I know. I know. We saw. Yeah, you look like that guy. I went on there a couple times. I know. I know. We saw, that's incredible.

Starting point is 00:11:27 It's incredible. I was 12. But what I want to- How do people feel in high school about Bobby Lee? Like high school people think he's funny? I never heard him. Right. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:37 There's not much conversation. Yeah. Okay. But didn't you, hi. Didn't you, didn't you go, you came up. Oh no, I know you. Oh, okay. That's because I'm like in despair.

Starting point is 00:11:51 I only knew you after high school. Right. Oh, outside of high school. Yeah, well, no, no, not outside of high school. I'm saying I knew you since I left. Oh, since you left. Okay, okay. How long has that been?

Starting point is 00:12:01 About a year, a little over a year. Good. Good, good. So anyway, what I wanted to ask you, what I'm gonna tell you is that we went through a list of things and at the end of our conversation, we, we surmise, stop. This is manipulated. No, no, we surmise that you were a full blown liberal.

Starting point is 00:12:18 Oh no. Oh shit. Does that hurt your feelings? Because it's nasty. It is true, 100% sure. We can go over it. No, we don't have to go over it's nasty. It is true, 100% sure. We can go over, we can go. No, we don't have to go over it right now. I'm just letting you know that we've, I did a list

Starting point is 00:12:29 and you don't subscribe to any Republican. Oh, yes I do. Like what? I'm pro-gun. No, you're not. I'm anti-abortion. You're not pro-gun. You're not anti-abortion.

Starting point is 00:12:39 Oh, I am. You didn't say that! No, because I. You didn't say that something, dude. Let me tell you, he didn't say that Sunday. How about- I'll tell you what he said. How about gay marriage?

Starting point is 00:12:48 No. Yup. No. Where's your brother? Well, listen, he doesn't go on camera, but- It doesn't matter. Anyway, he can defend, I don't know. Just don't, just let him defend himself.

Starting point is 00:12:59 Because listen, because we were at that place and all I could tell that it was just a lot of other people like that, unfortunately. So I didn't want to hurt any feelings. that it was just a lot of other people like that, unfortunately So I didn't want to hurt any feelings. So I was just trying to comedy store. Yeah No, you mean but we were outside the LPG queue fucking Mecca Yeah, we're talking about so other principle like what kind of makes you more Republican you think but what do you eat for breakfast? To a waffle and a chocolate milk. Sounds pretty liberal to me, bud. No. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:13:29 A Republican would eat eggs and steak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Yeah, cause I'm- That's dinner. That's dinner time. Dinner? What do you mean? Dinner? Republicans don't eat dinner, dude. We're out there plotting and scheming. Oh, you're a Republican?

Starting point is 00:13:41 Come on, man. Come on, bud. You know what I mean? Bud, come on. Because I know you're liberal. You told me. This is a Republican show. This is a hardcore Republican show. on, man. Come on, bud. You know what I mean? Bud, come on. Because I know you're a liberal. You told me. This is a Republican show. This is a hardcore Republican show.

Starting point is 00:13:48 Yeah. That's why you fit in great. Yeah. Should the government increase or decrease military spending? What do you think? All the way up. Increase it.

Starting point is 00:13:56 I want it to go to like five trillion a year. We're there. All right. Should the U.S. remain in the United Nations? No. No. Okay. Why? Should foreign? Wait, wait, why? Oh, we're United Nations? No. No, okay. Why? Should foreign-

Starting point is 00:14:06 Wait, wait, why? Oh, we're doing a liberal test? Yeah, yeah, look at me right now, why? Why what? Why do we get out of the, why should we get out of the US? Because that one is made so- Like a real liberal,

Starting point is 00:14:16 he doesn't know what the fuck it even says. Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up, guys. Can we get that over with? Should we remain in the United Nations? Why? Why? Why, no. Because the United Nations made for the peace and all that,

Starting point is 00:14:25 but if we leave, then we can start to maneuver on other countries. That's right. Whoa. Should foreign terrorism suspects be given constitutional rights? No. No, lock them up, throw away the key.

Starting point is 00:14:33 Kill them right away, kill them right away. Straight away. Are you fan of Guantanamo? Which one is that? Yeah, yeah. It's over there by Encino. Oh, you see the Encino? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:43 It goes Tarzana, Encino, Guantanamo. Yeah. Should we? Maybe I've been over there on accident. Maybe I passed by on theino? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It goes Tarzana, Encino, Guantanamo. Yeah. Should we? Maybe I've been over there on accident. Maybe I passed by on the way. Yeah, there's a really good coffee being there. Oh, it is so good. Yeah, it's like the first one, I think.

Starting point is 00:14:52 How many white BMWs are in your driveway right now? Oh no, I'm not Armenian, but there's a lot of clear parts. Great question, dude. Thank you. Dude, great question, dude. Should welfare recipients be tested for drugs? Oh yeah. Yeah, why do you want to find out that they're on drugs?

Starting point is 00:15:07 Because I want to go, I wanted to tell me I'm a Republican. Right. Right. That's good. Okay. You're like a middle Eastern Trump. Should the technology of our financial system transition to a decentralized protocol that's not owned or controlled by any corporation

Starting point is 00:15:20 similar to the internet? Don't understand, I understand. That's smart, yeah, I figured that one. Oh, skip after that. Should the US raise taxes on the rich? No, I want it to the internet. Don't understand, understand. That's my, yeah, I figured that one. We'll skip after that. Should the US raise taxes on the rich? No, I want it to go down. Way down. Only for the rich though.

Starting point is 00:15:31 No, but the rich, they work for their money, that's why. Wow. That's right. Wow, wow, wow. When I have a lot of money, I don't wanna be taxed. Should the government continue to fund Planned Parenthood? No. No, right. You wanna shut it down. I wanna put them in jail.

Starting point is 00:15:44 Right, oh, oh God. What's your stance on. I want to put them in jail. All right. Oh, oh God. What's your stance on abortion? We already know that you're pro-life. I already said it earlier. Okay, can I stop for a second, okay? May I stop for a second? Sunday, he said, I go, game errors.

Starting point is 00:15:58 He goes, yeah. Oh, that's a lie. That's not true. Look at me right now, dude. Didn't happen. Matan, look at me right now. So one of you guys is lying. It seems like that.

Starting point is 00:16:06 Number two, I go, I asked you about the border. And I said I want to go to the border. You go, I like Mexicans. He goes, I like Mexicans. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. I said I want to. You said I like Mexicans.

Starting point is 00:16:16 Did you not say you like Mexicans? I said we needed more white babies. Okay, no, you did it. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. No, you did. No, you didn't, right? I mean, he does have a point.

Starting point is 00:16:24 I asked you about guns, right? I said I want automatic. No, you go, you know. I said I want automatic. didn't, no, you didn't, right? I mean, he does have a point. I asked you about guns, right? I said I want automatic. No, you go, you know. I said I want automatic. This is what he said, can I just may talk now? I love you, dude, thanks for coming. Look at me. You're making me angry because you're trying on my name.

Starting point is 00:16:35 This is what he said, okay, he goes, well, you know, a lot of these school shootings are with, you know what I mean, AK-47, so we should get rid of those. Oh, you wanna know what my, not to interrupt you, but I have a solution for that. Without taking away the guns. What? Do you think a school shooter is able to,

Starting point is 00:16:51 with the gun, whatever, it doesn't matter what gun. Let's say he has an automatic, it doesn't even matter. Do you think he can take down one guard, like police dog? Listen. But can he do it? Wait, wait, stop. Can he shoot a dog? I didn't even understand.

Starting point is 00:17:04 One of those school guys versus one trained dog, can he take them down, yes or no? Well, with a gun, yeah. Okay, what about five? Yeah. 10? You said you guys are five. You're getting a little closer now, right?

Starting point is 00:17:15 Yeah, 10 is getting a little shaky. Okay, what about 100? 100, no chance. Okay, so what if we do 100 of those dogs per classroom, per school? 100 dogs per classroom, per school. So you're talking about, what are we talking? Each in a classroom in a school,

Starting point is 00:17:28 you're talking 40 classrooms? Yeah, it's somewhere like that. Let's double down. How about some lions? Well, they're not, I don't think there's enough of that. They're not trained or legal. He's proposing something legal. Oh, that's not my bad.

Starting point is 00:17:40 That does make- That's guard dogs for each student in the school. And then- This is the problem, dude. Feeding those dogs costs a lot of mean. That's guard dogs for each student in the school. And then every- This is the problem, dude. Yeah. Feeding those dogs is- No, you know what- Costs a lot of money.

Starting point is 00:17:47 That's their issue, but what we need to do, they're gonna know to attack when there's a loud noise. They're gonna just start going crazy and get whoever they can get. So they're just gonna eat the kids as well? No, no, just whoever. So you're gonna lose some of the kids. It's possible.

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Starting point is 00:20:41 forget where you came from if you know what I mean, baby. Happy Father's Day from Anscaped. Okay. I thought you were gay. Oh. Oh yeah. And you were like. But look, I picked the blue chair, not the pink. Smart. That's smart. He asked me that, that other Asian guy asked me.

Starting point is 00:20:57 He said, do you want to sit in the blue chair? The pink, I said blue, cause I was. Does your family play chess in the fucking park in Griffith Park, where like. What Asian? What other Asian? What Asian? That guy? You're asking-

Starting point is 00:21:08 That guy's Mexican. You think that guy's Asian? Yeah, that guy's Mexican. That guy's Mexican. No, he's not. Yeah, he's from Mexico City. I don't believe that. Well, he's been my friend for 30 years.

Starting point is 00:21:18 Hola. That didn't sound real. Well, no, he's a gay Mexican. They always- Oh! Yeah, a little sound. I know, that's double down for you. Ask him to move a little back.

Starting point is 00:21:26 He's like, he's uncomfortable. You move back to Mexico. But that would be preferable, but fortunately. What do you think Juan? Juan. No, no. Okay, that's fine, John. I mean, the amount of weed that he must have smoked today.

Starting point is 00:21:43 Yeah, do you smoke a lot of weed? A little. Yeah, a you smoke a lot of weed? A little. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a little, a lottle. Okay, well, fine. Guy, you do what you do. We're just a fan of yours. They don't have water at home school? Yeah, do you know how to work that?

Starting point is 00:22:05 Yeah, I got it open. It just took me a second. Okay. Well, take a drink out of it. Oh no. No, we'd love to see you drink. But I don't, what if you guys put something in it because you just said something funny. You just cracked the seal.

Starting point is 00:22:16 You just saw the seal crack open. I just want to make sure you're not a narc. Okay, I'll take a sip. Take a sip. Take a sip. Don't hide it. Don't hide it. Don't hide it. Tastes really good.

Starting point is 00:22:30 Did he have a sip? Yeah, I think I got a little. It looked like he had it. Oh yeah, look, I really took a sip. Yeah, that's a good bit, dude. You have painted nails? Yeah, and you saw that Sunday and you complimented Sunday.

Starting point is 00:22:44 You are, you're- No, no, you complimented, Sunday. You're you're not a compliment Go fuck yourself. Hey kid go fuck yourself You know look at the YouTube go back to my YouTube and go down look I want to show you that I'm not kidding around about that. That's that's horrible About what's horrible painted nails. I kicked somebody out of my podcast for that But he was a little more feminine than you. That's why mm-hmm You go down a little bit

Starting point is 00:23:06 Yeah, there is look the one with the fire. Mm-hmm. Here, go down a little bit. Yeah, there he is. Look, the one with the fire. Uh-huh. You see? Yeah. I got him out. Why? Because he painted his nails. Okay.

Starting point is 00:23:15 And what is that? That's... Oh, he was painting his nails while he was shooting? No, I just realized in the middle of the podcast he painted his nails and I told him to leave. Okay. Yeah, because it's feminine? Because it's beta. Yeah, it's because it's beta. Yeah, so I'm done watch I'm doing it Are you getting rid of it? No, I'm paying it and what would you say? Oh if I saw this no do let's act Oh hypothetical Do you see me painting my nails actually? No, it's a fucking bit. Okay, let me try

Starting point is 00:23:42 Do all right do do do do do do do do do This is a fucking bit. Okay, let me try. All right. Do-dee-doo. Do-dee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo. Doo-doo. Doo-doo. Doo-doo. Doo-dee-doo. Doo-dee-doo. Doo-dee-doo. You're calling the cops?

Starting point is 00:23:53 Yeah. I was trying to get to the numbers. It's not illegal anymore, man. It's not illegal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not anymore. No, what would you, I want you to yell at me. No, I wouldn't confront you myself.

Starting point is 00:24:02 I would take a picture of you or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I will have somebody find you later that day. Whoa. I would take a picture of you or something. Yeah, yeah. And then I will have somebody find you later that day. Whoa. Can we do a version of this? Whoa. Can we do a version of this where you do yell? What would you have somebody find him and do? Like have his nail pit and polish it over

Starting point is 00:24:15 and take it off? No, just say hello. Touch him a little bit. Just like, not a happy touch. Just say hello to him. Just make sure everything's okay with him. Yeah. Yeah. God, man, those Israeli soldiers are wild. They're wild. I know they're wild.

Starting point is 00:24:28 Oh no, don't associate me with that stuff. Oh, that's right, sorry about that. Oh, not so what you said, Sunday, but anyway. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you, you. What did I say on Sunday about that? You love Israel. No!

Starting point is 00:24:39 Yeah, yeah, hold on, hold on, hold on. That's not what I said. That's not what I said. Yeah, you, you. You told me. You did. No, you told me you love Israel. I said I did. I did not say that. I said I., you, you! You told me. You did. No, you told me, you love Israel, I said that. I did not say that.

Starting point is 00:24:46 I said, I said, no. I told you that I. Haram, Haram! I said, hey, listen. Haram, bachadu! I said I'm not. Am I speaking something? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:55 I'm speaking in tongue right now. Karam, bachadu! You're telling me that I'm not kosher. You kosher. You're telling me I'm not. You are not. I'm not, I'm haram? Haram.

Starting point is 00:25:04 Oh, so I'm saying you're bad, I'm bad. You're bad. Well, you don't even know, I realize what you're saying. Was haram a real word? Yeah, in Arabic. Fuck yeah, see? Yeah, good. I speak in tongues, bro.

Starting point is 00:25:13 You're good with Arabic, you've always been good. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Forbidden, forbidden. Haram means it's forbidden or unlawful. Yeah, it's very bad. I'm trying to transfer my speaking tongues, but he's not doing it. Ha, ha, ha, ha,'s not doing it. Ha-bi-bi.

Starting point is 00:25:27 Very good. Bibi. Ha-bi-bi. Ha-bi-bi means my love. Ha-bi-bi means my love? No, but listen, I'm no longer Israeli. I'm a born again Armenian, just so you know. God bless.

Starting point is 00:25:38 You were telling me Sunday about like, you're saving yourself until you get married? Oh yeah. Yeah, that's nice. That'll be a while. Old school. It'll be a while, you think's nice. That'll be a while. Old school. Yeah. It'll be a while you think? Huh?

Starting point is 00:25:47 It'll be a while huh? It's possible, yeah. So you've never had a girlfriend? No. Okay. Have you ever had girls that are friends? No, no, no really. I try to stay away from them. Right, well that would make it tougher

Starting point is 00:25:59 to have a girlfriend then too. Yeah. Oh another thing you were saying. What's your ideal of a perfect date if you're gonna take girl out on a date? A romantic date? No, no, no. The non-romantic one. Just a perfect date if you're gonna take a girl on a date? A romantic date? No, no, no. Just a purely platonic date with a woman. A platonic date?

Starting point is 00:26:09 With a woman, yeah. I wouldn't do it platonic date. Right, so give me the romantic one. I don't know, I never thought about it. Okay, here, Matan. Oh, like Buffalo Wild Wings? Matan, take this out, all right? I know you don't like to play in a scenario.

Starting point is 00:26:24 Yeah, I don't like it. But we're gonna do it right now. Okay. Okay? So I'm just curious to see how you would pick up on a girl. So let's suppose you're at the Glendale Mall. Oh. Galeria. You love it there, right? Well, a lot of my people, new people are over there.

Starting point is 00:26:37 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Right? And so I'm over at the Sephora. You see me, I'm gonna just play it, this is the scenario. And I'm like, I'm getting makeup, right? And you think, and you want to be- Are you a man or a woman?

Starting point is 00:26:49 I'm a woman, dude, I'm a beautiful woman, dude. Look at him. Hi. See? Hi. What are you doing? So- He gets nervous. So I want you to act and I'll see what you would say, okay?

Starting point is 00:27:01 Are you ready? Beautiful woman. Beautiful woman. Okay, so not Bobbie Lee. No, I'm Lucy Liu. Oh no, I wouldn't go up. Sandra Oh. These just sound like Asian people, I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:27:12 Oh, you don't like Asians? All right, man. Olivia Munn. Yeah, it's a white. She's halfie. I don't know, just give it, it doesn't matter. I won't go. Margot Robbie, look, it's Margot Robbie.

Starting point is 00:27:21 Whatever, sure, all right. I'm Margot Robbie. Is that how she sounds? Yeah, I don't know. Pretty accurate. Pretty accurate, right? So, ayyy, this is- go ahead, see what you would say. Oh, I'm trying to- what am I doing? You're trying to ask me out on a fucking date, man. I don't wanna ask Bobby Leawra.

Starting point is 00:27:38 No, you're- no! I am Margot Robbie in this scene. Oh, so there's Margot Robbie there? I am. So why are you the Margot Robbie? Because I'm Margot Robbie in this scene. Oh, so there's Margot Robbie there? I am. So why are you the Margot Robbie? Because I'm acting. But why not him or the other Asian guy? No, no, because they're not on the show. Matan, just do it.

Starting point is 00:27:54 Oh, just interact with your hypothetical? Yeah, yeah, hypothetical. Hmm, this is not, I'm Margot Robbie. But what am I trying to do? Ask me on a date. Do I know that it's a celebrity or no? Yeah, you know who she is. Also, but, okay, let me think,

Starting point is 00:28:10 cause then I'm gonna approach it differently. Okay, good, good. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Just, just. Instinct. Hello, what's your name? It's a good start.

Starting point is 00:28:18 Very good start. You can't laugh at this, I'm trying to. I'm Margot, I'm Margot Robbie. Oh, the celebrity? Wow, wow, what the fuck? That was crazy. What are you doing, sir? I Think maybe he had a muscle twitch. Yeah. Yeah, sir. What was that? Why are you coming your face? What's wrong with well, he's embarrassed about how he just had yeah

Starting point is 00:28:40 Okay, I'll see you Okay, I mean that's what love feels like a little bit. Okay, okay. I mean. That's what love feels like, bud. No, you missed the point of what I did. You wouldn't be talking anymore. Elbow. Oh, I'll let you, let's get over again. I didn't know, all right?

Starting point is 00:28:53 Okay. Hello, what's your name? Margot. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:29:00 Whoa, dude. Well, yeah, maybe. Shh. Oh, wow. What are you doing, dragging your legs? Yeah. What? He's gonna cry, it's emotional.

Starting point is 00:29:09 Are you crying? Yeah, I felt really bad. All right. Water break, water break. Yeah, put some more of that water on your jacket. You know, maybe you and I should talk for a bit. Let him. Yeah, well, let's have him plug something,

Starting point is 00:29:21 then we can, he's here to plug something, right? No. Oh, I'm doing a promo. Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm sponsored on this podcast. Do your promo. Yeah. Do it.

Starting point is 00:29:31 I'm not understand, I don't have a sponsor though. I think you do. I have a sponsor shoot? No, listen. You just broke the table. How the fuck do you mean? Did I really? Yeah, it's been broken.

Starting point is 00:29:42 Yeah, how the fuck? Are you making money off of YouTube? No, it's been broken. Yeah, how the fuck? Are you making money off of YouTube? No, I sell a course. I guess that would be my promo. You can buy my course. I'm gonna teach you a lot of stuff. How to get girls, make money. Okay.

Starting point is 00:29:55 Teach you all different stuff. Okay, good. Yeah. Well, those who can't. You can make a lot of money with my course. Oh, you can. But you don't make a lot of money, but other people can.

Starting point is 00:30:07 If they go to your course. Really, it's only me. You're the only one? Yeah. That's signing up for your own course? No, I'm the only, they're not making money. They're not making money. Okay, so you make all the money from them.

Starting point is 00:30:19 No, because- How much does it cost to join the course? Because I'm telling them, you can't hear the mic, right? No, we can't hear it. We can't hear it. But I'm telling them that if they join the course, they're gonna make money and then the course tells them that they need to start a course with my affiliate link.

Starting point is 00:30:32 Right. Yeah. How much? Oh, that's a genius. To join, it costs like a hundred. Hundred dollars? Oh, anybody can join my course for a hundred dollars. But also, can I just say something? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:44 They can't hear me, okay? Okay. They can't hear you? No, they can't hear me for $100. But also, but also can I just say something? Yeah. They can't hear me, okay? Okay. They can't hear you? No, they can't hear me. All right. So what I'm saying is, just, you know, Sunday when we're talking, you're liberal, right? No, I'm not liberal.

Starting point is 00:30:53 Anyway, so anyway, I'm just kidding. So what I'm gonna say is that, you know, so you tell them to teach a course, but you get 10% of what they do, right? So it's a pyramid. Oh no, well yeah, actually. Yeah, yeah, actually, that's the way to make money.

Starting point is 00:31:06 Oh no, but not a pyramid. I let them start other courses. I know, but you're- Of the mic. I know, okay. But what I'm saying is that you still, when they're teaching other courses, you just get a percentage of their course. Not 10%, more than that.

Starting point is 00:31:21 Well 25%, whatever it is. 20, whatever, what am I? Oh okay, 30%, 30%. That's fair, not 80, it is. 20, whatever, what am I? Okay, 30%, 30%. That's fair. Not 80, that's insane. But that's what I'm charging them. Okay, go back, take your mic off now, so we're ever gonna hear you.

Starting point is 00:31:33 Okay. I think I'm gonna get out of here. Why? I was just thinking about tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's going on tomorrow? I wanna know about the course. Oh, you wanna know about my course? I wanna know about the course.

Starting point is 00:31:42 What about it? That's smart. Yeah. As a salesman, that's smart. You make me dig to find out. I like that. Try selling you the course? Yeah, sell me the course.

Starting point is 00:31:53 How much money do you make? I make $22,000 a year. $22,000 a year? Yeah. Are we interacting with you or you as just a random person? Either way, man, take the ball and run with it. I make $22,000 a year.

Starting point is 00:32:04 Oh, that's not a lot of money. How are you affording rent? Well, I mean, I'm barely getting by, but my wife makes a pretty fair amount of money, and she does- Also, the wife is making more money than you, you're a beta. And if you don't wanna be a beta,

Starting point is 00:32:16 then I'm gonna help you, but if you wanna continue with the wife- Excuse me, I'm his wife. Yeah, that's really true. I'm not gonna speak to her. I'm not gonna speak to her. Well, don't put your hand in front of my face, okay? Thank you. I'm not gonna speak to her. I'm not gonna speak to her. Don't put your hand in front of my face, okay? Thank you.

Starting point is 00:32:26 I'm not listening to women about business. All right. Whoa. Wow, wow, wow. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Take your fucking, I'm a fucking judge. Hold on, hey, babe. I'm a judge.

Starting point is 00:32:35 Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe. Congratulations. Babe, babe. Will you stop doing that too? Well, it's kinda helping. So listen, how do we get? Look at this, how do we get? How do I make enough money to leave this fucking bitch? Sorry.

Starting point is 00:32:49 But you need to join my course. How do I make enough money to leave this fucking bitch? I'm gonna teach you multiple different ways. I'm gonna teach you crypto trading. We already do crypto trading. Hey, you fucking kid, moron. We do, where'd you go? Baby.

Starting point is 00:33:04 Where'd he go? Where did he go? Baby love. Yeah, he's gone. He's gone. Okay. That's why you're not- Oh, there he is.

Starting point is 00:33:11 That's why you're not making any money to crypto because your wife is involved. So I gotta get her out of my life. Is she telling you which ones to buy and sell? She always has, yeah. That's why you're losing because it's a woman doesn't know when it's gonna go up and down. Demand, the man knows.

Starting point is 00:33:24 Only men can know that kind of stuff. Only alpha men. And you're right now a beta, so you would lose money anyways, but. Okay, can I just say something right now? I can still see you with your hand in front. I can see you. Okay, I'm gonna just let you know.

Starting point is 00:33:35 So anyway, I own our house, right, honey? Oh. Honey, do I own our house? Yeah, she does. Yo, our house is $12.5 million in Beverly Hills, okay? And this guy makes 20,000 a month? Yeah, right? No, no, no, no. But, our house is $12.5 million in Beverly Hills, okay? And this guy makes $20,000 a month? Yeah. But he's got a great dick. And I like the fuck his dick.

Starting point is 00:33:51 Thank you, baby. Yeah, you're welcome. What do you think about that? So I just want to say this. You live at home with your parents. No, I live in a mansion. No, you don't. I live in a mansion.

Starting point is 00:33:59 You live at home with your parents with your brother. No, $12.6 million mansion in Beverly Hills. Oh, it's bigger than mine? By the point there. What's the address? Beverly Hills. Oh, it's bigger than mine? By the point. What's the address? The address? Yeah, what's the address? Yeah, what's the address?

Starting point is 00:34:10 Well, you go there every day, you must know. Beverly Hills. Oh, that's the address. Oh, well, I'm not gonna give you my address, the specific, I don't want it. Well, what if we just wanna send you like a card in the mail? Yeah, but I don't want a woman involved with the mail.

Starting point is 00:34:22 That's gonna end really bad. Yeah, women shouldn't touch mail. I've said that for years. That's insane. No, I've said't want a woman involved with the mail. That's gonna end really bad. Yeah, women shouldn't touch mail. I've said that for years. That's insane. No, I've said that. What you're saying is insane. What I'm saying is insane? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:31 No, it's because I'm writing. Do you love your mother? Yeah, but she doesn't get involved with business. Do you love your mother? Yeah. You respect her? Yeah. Respect women.

Starting point is 00:34:40 If they're not the place. She doesn't get involved with the business in the house. Right. What about outside the house? What do you mean? She's not gonna go outside the house to do business. Is she allowed outside of the house? Well, that's not up to me.

Starting point is 00:34:55 Who's it up to? Well, no, that's up, no, no, no, no. Not up to God? God? God? No, because she's in jail right now, but regardless. God isn't fucking jail? No, no, my mother is in jail right now.

Starting point is 00:35:06 What did she do? Really? Yeah. What did she do? So that would be up to the police. What did she do? What she do? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:13 I don't think I can say it, am I allowed? Yeah, you are. Because it was a really nasty felony. Why don't you take a look at one of your attorneys up there. They might tell you if you're allowed to say it. Yeah, you're good, man. There you go. Oh, they're allowed?

Starting point is 00:35:24 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're good. Okay, well, she was gonna give me a car. And she tried to say it. Yeah, you're good, man. There you go. They're allowed? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're good. Okay, well, she was gonna give me a car. And she tried to steal it. No, I mentioned it earlier. I had my body gonna give me a car so I can learn to drive. Unfortunately, they got her. Grand Theft Auto.

Starting point is 00:35:35 No, no, no, no, Grand Theft Auto. That's what they claim, but she didn't do it. Yeah, I know. How did she get the car then? Well, she was in it for a little, and then they, I mean, by going she get the car then? Well, she was in it for a little and then they, I mean, by going like 105 on the freeway, that's why I didn't want her to drive in the first place.

Starting point is 00:35:51 How big is the bed that you sleep in? Is it a twin? I bet you it's a single. It's not, it's not a king, it's a single? Single, yeah. Really, like one of those race car beds. Who tucks your sheets? Do your mom tuck your sheets at night?

Starting point is 00:36:01 She's in jail. No, she's not. She's not, because you talked to how much you love your mother. Yeah, I think you love your mommy. Yeah, yeah, and I love your father. I think you love your mommy and your papa. You do.

Starting point is 00:36:11 And I bet your money, she does your laundry and she makes your bed. She used to, but now it's jail. And when you come home, every night. Every night. You're describing a woman's role in the household. See, you were doing it subconsciously, I caught you there. You said you love your mother, she does the laundry and the dishes and tucks you in the bed. So you just described what a woman's role in the household. See, you were doing it subconsciously, I caught you there. You said you love your mother, she does the laundry

Starting point is 00:36:25 and the dishes and tucks you in the bed. So you just described what a woman's supposed to do. He just got me, dude. He got you good. Oh, fuck. You're deep down are able to become alpha, but you- Oh, I'm not alpha? Right now, if you-

Starting point is 00:36:38 What would you describe me as? Beta. Beta. You think I'm a bitch? Yeah, basically. Yeah. It, beta. You think I'm a bitch? Yeah, basically. Yeah. It's unfortunate you had potential. You ever had a 17 year old call you a little bitch? I'll be honest with you, no, and it fucking.

Starting point is 00:36:55 It hurt? It makes me so angry. It makes me so, I fucking, this isn't. No, it doesn't do anything. Yeah, I think we figured that out. Yeah, yeah. You're not drinking. No, I took a sip.

Starting point is 00:37:04 He's taking, and I'm watching. Hey, hey dude, you're a bitch too. Whoa, whoa, whoa,'t do anything. Yeah, I think we figured that out. Yeah, yeah. You're not drinking. Yeah, yeah. No, I took a sip. He's still, he's still, and I'm watching. Hey, hey dude, you're a bitch too. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But that doesn't mean anything. Yeah, that's true. Why, because I'm a beta saying it? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:37:13 Okay. An alpha calls you a bitch, then it hurts, huh? Oh, if well, they won't do it. Why is that? Because they know not to say to a different alpha. Alpha can't do that to another alpha. They have mutual respect for alpha. Listen kid, in a physical confrontation between you and I.

Starting point is 00:37:28 Do you think you'd be me in a fight? Yeah. That's just, that's false. You're false. Don't these guys all know Krav Maga? Oh yeah, they do. No, what's, no, no, that one is for those fucking Israeli people, but there's a new one I'm learning.

Starting point is 00:37:42 What's it called? I forget, that's how I'm trying to think. Jiu-jitsu? No, not Jiu-jitsu. Really funny. Thanks. Dude, Jiu-jitsu's funny, dude. Thanks, man. Yeah. Anyway, okay.

Starting point is 00:37:59 You want to wrestle? Bobby was a fucking state wrestler. I don't want to touch him. What's your favorite meal? A raw piece of cow. A piss of cow? Raw piece, like a raw slab of the meat. A raw cut of steak.

Starting point is 00:38:16 Yeah. Yeah. Like a carpaccio situation, was thinly sliced? No, no. Tartar. No, just one like this, like that one. Like a T-bone steak. Yeah, this is a guy that's never probably eating a steak.

Starting point is 00:38:29 When you describe steaks like this, Yeah. It's like somebody's. It's a square. Yeah, yeah. You get a square of fucking cow meat and you eat that. Yeah, because it doesn't, they cut it so it can cook correctly, but if it's raw,

Starting point is 00:38:40 it doesn't matter. Mm-hmm. So it's a perfect square. Oh yeah, well they cut it to look nice. What cut of the meat? You know what, I know what you eat. Let me guess. Peanut butter for sure.

Starting point is 00:38:50 No, I'm allergic. I'm done. Really? Whoa, only what beta would be allergic to peanut butter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a beta move. So are you allergic or not? Are you beta or not?

Starting point is 00:38:58 Whoa. Well for one, better than- Get him some of that peanut butter, make him eat it in front of us to prove it. Right now, there's peanut butter over there. Make him fucking eat it. I wanna prove that you're're in love. I bet you love macaroni and cheese It's not bad Okay, go over there and go get one and then you like jelly. There's cashews over there go get a thing

Starting point is 00:39:15 I like peanut butter sandwich. Yeah, what what is the macaroni have to do with that? I know I'm just a separate thing so you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and probably cheesy macaroni. You love it. Ooh, you like cheesy Mac. I don't like the way he did that. Yeah, yeah. Come here. Are you allergic to peanuts? You're allergic to nuts? No, I can only eat some.

Starting point is 00:39:32 This is to prove if you're an alpha. If you're a fucking- No, but that's a cashew. Same thing, dude. Yeah, yeah. Open up. Oh, an alpha would have caught it. That's nervous.

Starting point is 00:39:41 That makes me nervous. Come on. You try to throw it over there. No? Okay, put it in your mouth. You want me to eat it? You have to oh You know, I don't realize no you should be a magician or magic you're good at sleight of hand Yeah, like I didn't know where that cashew went Yeah, what see dude Oh Shin Lim? Oh. Shin Lim, move over. What the fuck? That's magic, dude.

Starting point is 00:40:06 Show me the peanut. Show me the cashew. And then make it disappear. Go. Move over, Shin Lim. Move over. Wow. Move over, Shin Lim.

Starting point is 00:40:14 It's Shindler. Yeah. It's Shindler. Yeah. So let's plug your podcast. My podcast? Yeah. Okay. Yeah It's Schindler Yeah, so let's really let's plug your podcast my podcast yeah, okay

Starting point is 00:40:32 Do you want me to do it or you to do it? I think you should do it. Yeah, I don't know Okay, please your guys not even subscribed on the TV no, but there you go subscribed on the TV. No. But, oh, there you go. Unsubscribe. Yeah, so please guys. Unscribe, unscribe, please. I guess the people watching, I do my own thing.

Starting point is 00:40:49 Look, our last guest, I don't know when this will release, he was a homeless guy on crack. That was the last guest. So yeah, hopefully in future I can get some better guests and please take a look at it. It's gonna be a great party. Before you go though, can I ask you a little question? Because he has, we were talking about Sunday, You said you had interest in doing stand-up

Starting point is 00:41:07 Yeah, I've never done it because they don't let me I'm 17 I know because you I met him at the comedy story was just kind of wandering around there Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, it was just kind of hovering around. Hey, I was gonna try to get in That's why yeah. Yeah, you remember that not my brother. You remember the other guy had with me. Yeah, he went in the kitchen I Swear, I he literally he went in the and guy had with me? Yeah. He went in the kitchen. I swear, he literally, he went in the kitchen. And what did he do? He reported back whether or not

Starting point is 00:41:28 we could get inside through the kitchen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you can do it through there. It doesn't work? It doesn't work. He said there was an entrance through there. There's no entrance through there? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:38 You'd have to go through the manager's office. I don't know, I don't know. I never went in. Anyway, so you're thinking about doing it? Yeah. Okay, good. When are you gonna start? I don't know, I wanted to call the people I want to see if any of them give us a bit Right now. Oh, you want me to do stand up? Yeah. Oh shit you that's on the spot though. Hmm Is there a topic or what is it? I'm just bringing you out. Hey guys, welcome to Chuckle Chuckles, huh? Love this fuck. Yeah

Starting point is 00:42:04 Dude you're in a mood today. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, you're in a mood today. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're tired. I'm not tired. Okay. Hey, welcome to Chuckle Junkies. I'm Alfie Smith. Hey, Alf.

Starting point is 00:42:13 Hey, everybody. Love this. Ba-da-boom, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. What's up, woo! Anyway. That's a good comment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey.

Starting point is 00:42:19 Oh, he's got a claw hand. Yeah. Ding, ding, ding, ding. What do you think? And they compete. I would leave. They're competing. You're backstage, you're got a claw hand. Yeah. Ding, ding, ding, ding. What do you think? And they compete. I would leave. They're competing.

Starting point is 00:42:27 You're backstage waiting to go on. I got to warm up the crowd, dude. Oh, so I'm not, I don't hear this? Yeah, you're backstage, you're going, oh my god, can I follow this? You're nervous. You're nervous. You're like, this guy's crushing.

Starting point is 00:42:40 Oh, no. Right? Oh, OK. Anyway, yeah, what is up with printing the trays down on the airplane? What is that about? Yeah, what is it about? It's like, hey, if it crashes, we're all gonna die anyway.

Starting point is 00:42:50 Right. You know? And then it's like the emergency. I can do it. Yeah. Anyway, look at the tiger. Arrrr. Anyway, next comment coming to the stage.

Starting point is 00:43:01 Wow, he's from Glendale. Yeah. Yeah, he's Armenian, I think. Matan, give him a round of applause, everybody. Hey, guys, what's going on? Hey, let's do some crowd work. Hey, sir, what's your name? Is that your I don't know. I'm going to imagine I'm talking to them.

Starting point is 00:43:19 Hey, you're white, but your girlfriend is black. What's up with that? Hey, take a look at him. Let's do some crowd work. That guy's Asian, out. Hey, I think we've had enough crowd work. Let's make some jokes. Hey, all right, let's do some crowd work.

Starting point is 00:43:36 What's up with your girlfriend, man? Yeah. Is that still the same black girlfriend, black guy? Yeah, yeah. I'm targeting him a little. I get that. Oh, yeah, it's great, it's great. I love when you target. Yeah. Hey, well, yeah guy. Yeah, yeah. I'm targeting him a little. I get that. Oh yeah, that's great, that's great. I love when you target.

Starting point is 00:43:45 Yeah. Hey, well, yeah, that's, we don't allow that type of interracial in here. Just like that guy over there. So you might need to leave the, what was the place called? Chuckle Chuckle. Chuckle Chuckle.

Starting point is 00:43:58 You might need to leave the building. So Asian guy's gone and the white girl with the black guy's gone too. Yeah, they just left. No, no, white man with the black girl and Asians out. Less likely, but yeah, I get it. Okay. That one's not as likely?

Starting point is 00:44:10 Yeah. I know what you're saying, but yeah. I love it. We're in the crowd too, man. Yeah, we're like, yeah. Okay, let me think, let me. Hey, you suck. Hey, let me think, I'm coming up with something.

Starting point is 00:44:23 Yeah, this guy fucking sucks. Hey, hold on. I'm coming up with something yeah, this guy fucking sucks I'm trying yeah, hey man. We want our fucking money. Tell a joke fucker. Where's long now? Yeah? Yeah, all right here. We go so Oh, I you I have a crazy story guys want to hear my crazy story. Yeah It was 1990 better than the racism no no It was 1990 better than the racism no no Don't call me racist, but listen. This is my this is the story. It's unbelievable. Sorry. It's 1993 I mean class in college or whatever and I don't want to go to class But the teacher says please you have to or I can't teach the class

Starting point is 00:44:59 What are you laughing at? Yeah Remember the story. Oh, he's gonna be sad. He's sad. Stop for the top, stop for the top. You want me to restart it? This happens to all the best comments. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:45:10 We do that. All right, so sorry about that. I forgot the story. So I'm in Spanish class. The teacher said, hey, make sure to come to class, but I don't want to go. And anyways, let's skip a little forward. It results in me taking Russian classes.

Starting point is 00:45:22 Do Russian one, Russian two, Russian three. Now it's Russian four, we're going to Russia, okay? We get off the train and this is back when Russia was owned by the mob, it's run by the mob. So the teacher says, hey, so these are your two security guards here. I forget the names, one of them would like I go or something, right? So then they said, don't get near them, they don't want to talk to you. And then after we're at like the hotel or something and I leave my room, they said, don't get near them. They don't wanna talk to you. And then after we're at like the hotel or something, and I leave my room, they said, don't get near them. But I knocked on the door and then he opened it and he said something in Russian.

Starting point is 00:45:52 And I didn't know what to do. I'm getting nervous. I go, I'm the machine. Right? And then he liked it and he let me in. Okay. And so we started drinking with him and he tells all the Russian people,

Starting point is 00:46:02 he tells them, I'm the machine. Right? So I'm drinking vodka with my he tells all the Russian people, he tells them I'm the machine. So I'm drinking vodka with my friends, the new Russian friends. And then from there, I don't know, I'm trying to think, he told everybody to leave me alone. So I'm the one running it with them. I'm hanging out with the two mobster guys who's running Russia now. And then on our way to Moscow,

Starting point is 00:46:21 I'm sitting in the back, the two Russians come and get me. They say, sit in the first class with us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the crowd works better. No, no, this story gets better. I love this story. Okay, oh, sorry, my bad, my bad.

Starting point is 00:46:32 Let him tell, this is a great story. I've heard this before. No, you haven't. It's brand new. No, I thought you've told me this story before. Oh, I said this story? Yeah. Probably a lot of times.

Starting point is 00:46:42 Yeah, a bunch. I'm just gonna keep telling it. What happens on the train? Oh, on the train, the teacher comes to the front and then my friend Igor, he spits fucking vodka in our eyes. Whoa. Isn't that crazy? Why would he do that?

Starting point is 00:46:55 It's unbelievable and guess what? And then after we rob- It is pretty unbelievable. It's not believable at all. At all. But it's real. Okay, so then what happened? It's a good story. Yeah. So then I'm thinking we robbed a little train cart. At all? But it's real. Okay, so then what happened? It's a real story.

Starting point is 00:47:05 Yeah. So then I'm thinking we robbed a little train cart. You're wanting to rob the train. Well, no, they told me, hey, take some vodka, take some money. And then I realized I'm the only one, I'm stealing from it. Wow.

Starting point is 00:47:16 Wow. Right? What ends up happening? That's what the problem is. Anyway, so then the teacher, here's the best part. So then the teacher- Let's laugh. No, no, it's gonna get better Okay, so then the teacher says I called the police on you guys and then we steal all the rest of the stuff at night

Starting point is 00:47:32 And then and then hey, hey, hold on. Okay. Hey, hey, I'm gonna I'm at a comedy club Don't tell me when to laugh. I'm listening to the cuff on you Alright, see you get spit on. Oh, so do that kind of stuff Sorry, I thought was a comic I paid good money to be in here spit on my face. Well, then go outside. All right, sorry Yeah, okay. So anyways Okay. So anyways the the train stops the police are outside. So I get out of the truck. I'm in the train Charade a trog trog. Yes. What no trick trog is the front of the train called a trog Yeah, well, no, truck. Is the front of the train called a truck?

Starting point is 00:48:04 Truck. Truck. Truck. There's a truck on the train? Truck. Oh, a truck. Yeah. Oh, the middle car. No. Hey, hey guy.

Starting point is 00:48:12 I don't think you got- What the fuck is this? Let him tell the joke. Oh yeah, I just, I just, I didn't. It's a truck. Everyone knows it's a truck. Oh, a truck. After we walk out of the truck, I mean the train.

Starting point is 00:48:21 Yeah, the truck. Right. Okay, so then the police are there. And then the police, they're taking statements from the teacher and all the students. Right, and then we party with the police because my Igor told them I'm the machine. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:48:39 You know, most comics won't clap after their own shit, but I fucking love that. That's a great story. Yeah. That's a great story. Yeah, that's a great story. Was that in Burt's movie? Who's that? What do you mean? What's with the machine mean?

Starting point is 00:48:54 I don't get it. Don't look at me like I'm, what's going on? You're the odd man out here. I know, well explain. I'm the machine, what's that? You got it? Trogs. Okay, Trogs. What's about Trogs? I was waiting for you to'm the machine, what's that? Ah. You got it? Trogs. Okay.

Starting point is 00:49:07 Yeah, yeah. Trogs. It's about Trogs. I was waiting for you to get the Trogs part. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was probably the sickest part. Yeah. Do you believe in God?

Starting point is 00:49:15 Yeah, I do. You do? Yeah. I was gonna say because I know you have history with that. History with my relationship with God? My personal relationship with God? Your history with that conversation. We believe in God.

Starting point is 00:49:26 That's good to know. Yeah. Do you believe in God? Oh yeah. What do you think he thinks about you? Oh, I think he loves me. I've been getting close with him recently. Are you a Jesus guy?

Starting point is 00:49:36 Yeah, me and George Enkel. You love Jesus. Yeah. What's your favorite thing that Jesus did? Oh, my favorite story is the book of Job. Oh, tell explain, I don't know. That's my favorite. Honestly, I've heard about Job, I heard it's a great book.

Starting point is 00:49:50 It's a great book. Right, you know, Genesis was great. You know what I mean? But I tried to get it on audio, but you can't find it anywhere. I don't know anything about Job, so just in a nutshell. I think it proves God is real. In a nutshell, explain to me the story of Job.

Starting point is 00:50:02 Okay, so God and Satan, they're talking, and then Satan tells you. Like on a phone? No, in heaven. Yeah, on a phone. Oh, so sometimes Satan goes up there. I think he used to be an angel or something. I'm getting more knowledgeable on it.

Starting point is 00:50:15 Satan, Satan was an angel. Oh yeah, I know that, but I don't think during Job, they were still hanging up in heaven. Regardless, they were speaking somewhere. Well, I'm sure they were like in line somewhere together and they ran into each other. Yeah, they were talking. That must happen. There's a Starbucks, what are you talking about? There's a Pete's Coffee. Oh, I'm sure they were like in line somewhere together and they ran into each other. Yeah, they were talking. That must happen.

Starting point is 00:50:25 There's a Starbucks? What are you talking about? There's a Pete's Coffee. Oh, Pete's Coffee, okay. Okay, so at the Pete's Coffee, Satan and God are in line. Well, regardless, yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 00:50:35 So then Satan told them- You know they have a Journey's up there in heaven? Shoes? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, I thought that was fucking- That's pretty vans. They just added it, yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:44 Yeah, and those funny socks. I love colorful socks. Funny socks. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, I thought that was fucking wild. That's pretty Vans. They just added it, yeah. Yeah, and those funny socks. I love color of her socks. Funniest socks. Yeah, God. What can't Stance do? Exactly. These guys just make the best. Stance?

Starting point is 00:50:53 Are you kidding me? What can they not do? Probably make shoes. Yeah, they don't make shoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably a big market they should have a lot of fun. But every mall I go to, I always stop by the Hot Topic

Starting point is 00:51:06 and I always go by the Journey's. So I go to the- Because they're all different. And he ends pretzels. Gotta get me a hot pretzel. What kind do you have? The one with the shit all over it. Cheese, you mean?

Starting point is 00:51:16 Well, yeah. Honestly, you sound like you don't know what's there. Well, it's not cheese, is it? They have a jalapenoeno with some cheese on it. Oh, that one. Yeah, that's a great one. I like that one. And what kind of sauce do you get? The bog sauce.

Starting point is 00:51:29 The bog sauce is so good, dude. Do they even make the fucking bog sauce? Because sometimes it's a Harry Potter theme, so they have a bog. Yeah, they have a bog sauce. And what else do you go? In the mall? Yeah. I'll go to fucking-

Starting point is 00:51:41 Have you ever been shopping with Andrew in New York? He knows all the good spots. I doubt I do. When we walk down, we are like, let's come in here and you're always right. You know where you catch me the most? In lids. Fuck yeah, dude.

Starting point is 00:51:54 I can't stand love. I love it. Let me tell you something. You know what I'm talking about lids. How much does a lids hat cost? We'll get right back to you, Matin. Yeah. The book of Job. Yeah, we're going to get to the book of Job. How much does a lids hat cost? We'll get right back to you, Matin. Yeah, the book of Job. Yeah, we're gonna get to the book of Job.

Starting point is 00:52:08 How much is that hat? How much is that lids hat? That's so affordable. $30, $40, right? So affordable. Okay. You're telling me they sell enough fucking hats to have a store in the mall?

Starting point is 00:52:19 Lids is 100% upfront. Hats? Right. How many fucking hats are people buying every day? Lids? Is selling that many fucking hats? What's going on back there? This sounds like, it looks like a pizza party place,

Starting point is 00:52:33 if you know what I'm saying. Yeah. Who owns lids? It's that, it's Ruben. Michael Ruben, CEO of Fanatics. Ruben created an apparel and logistics company, Global Sports Incorporated. Let's look deeper into Ruben.

Starting point is 00:52:44 Let's look deeper into Ruben. Let's look deeper into Ruben. Look at his hair. He doesn't have any. He doesn't have any. And that says a lot. He's never wearing a hat either. Okay, go to his Wikipedia. Business man, they say.

Starting point is 00:52:54 Scroll in, get in tighter. Now scroll down. Career, let's see, anything conspiratorial? Keep going. Keep going. Personal life philanthropy? This will be a front. This is good.

Starting point is 00:53:08 Make a wish. The all in challenge sounds like bullshit. Raise more than 60 million. Okay, good, let's go down media appearance. Let's go back to job maybe. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Yeah, there is personal. Go down to personal.

Starting point is 00:53:19 Stop, stop, stop. Ruben is divorced from local dance teacher Megan Specter. Now Megan, not Megan. He hosts a white party in the Hamptons, Independence Day, Jay-Z, Beyonce, Beaver, Brady, Kim Kardashian. You've been to that party? No, dude, this is an infamous Illuminati party.

Starting point is 00:53:39 It's called the white party? The white party. It's out in the Hamptons. This is a famous thing. This is Illuminati Central. Dude. And I'm not even joking. Would you go if you were invited? To the White Party? The White Party. It's out in the Hamptons. This is a famous thing. This is Illuminati Central. Dude. And I'm not even joking. Would you go if you were invited?

Starting point is 00:53:47 To the White Party? Yeah. Well, I think I would get. Yeah. I mean, I would. Could that be your number? Your guest? Yeah, we'd have to do some serious makeup.

Starting point is 00:53:57 Oh. Look at that. Look at that. That's a White Party. Oh, they all wear white. She's Mexican, Jennifer Lopez now? Whoa. They invite black people though. Oh, they do? Well, now's Mexican, Jennifer Lopez now. Whoa. They invite black people though.

Starting point is 00:54:06 Oh, they do? Well now after, after nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Whoa. After, after, after COVID they had to. No, dude, this is a real party this guy throws in the Hamptons and it's Illuminati Central they say. And this is the guy that owns lids.

Starting point is 00:54:21 Yes? Mm-hmm. Yes? Wow. And there's Robert Kraft. Yes? What else do there's Robert Kraft, yes? Mm-hmm. Wow. What else do we need to know? White, white, jizz, jizz party, party time, time to buy a hat.

Starting point is 00:54:33 Someone's going to fucking prison, Kevin Hart and James Corden. Wow. Two guys that we know. Uh-huh. I know about those guys. They do not buy hats. They never bought a hat. So what am I saying? Not one guy there is a hat on this guy owns fucking lids

Starting point is 00:54:48 They're wearing masks and stuff. I don't get invited to things like that. I know we're gonna get you something though Yeah, all right. Tell me about the I want to go to eyes wide shut party with us mask together. Thank you. That was awesome Where's job? Oh, so yet to really recap of the book of Job, it's that God and Satan, they made a bet, and then he said that Satan said Job is only such a devout follower of God because he's wealthy, he has everything happy. So God wants to show Satan that he's wrong, so he burned down his farm, he killed all of his animals.

Starting point is 00:55:19 Because God is all about love. Oh, no, well, listen to the story. You're trying to make some judgment here. I'm not making any judgment. I know God is about love, no? But this story will prove it's real, so give me a minute. Oh, no, well, listen to the story. You're trying to make some judgment here. I'm not making any judgment. I know God is about love, no? But this story will prove to be real, so give me a minute. Okay, go ahead.

Starting point is 00:55:29 So anyways, he burns down his farm. He kills the animals. He kills his family. All right, so I'm Job. Let's just put myself in Job's position, all right? My wife that I love, and my children, and my cow, and I have a llama too.

Starting point is 00:55:44 You always have, yeah why llama? I love llamas. And I have two meerkats named Joe and Saul. Saul. Yeah? So my meerkats, llama, dogs, everything dead. My wife, my two kids. All the money's gone.

Starting point is 00:55:56 So I'm like, okay, God. God. What the fuck God? No, he said thank you. Thank you for killing everything. Thank you God. That's what he said thank you. Thank you For killing everything. Thank you God. All right, what he said, okay? And up is that the end of job that proves God is real I? Get it I get it How can you deny it after hearing that yeah, but he fucked hard

Starting point is 00:56:21 You spit on me whoa You spit on me. You spit on me. Whoa. I do it better. Yeah. Po on you. Po on you. Yeah, well, that was okay.

Starting point is 00:56:32 Yeah, it was very good. That was better than I expected. For a Korean, our lips don't do that. Yeah, I know. That's why I'm surprised. Right, John? Yeah, yeah. He knows.

Starting point is 00:56:40 And he's also Asian. I mean, I've been thinking about that this whole time. I know. Yeah. So let me, Let me see, show me your turn the other way. Do you have both ears pierced? Yeah. Oh.

Starting point is 00:56:55 Unfortunately, they did that to me. That's an alpha thing, buddy. No, I want to get it out. They did it to me when I was a baby. You have tattoos? No. Okay. No tattoos? No. Okay. No tattoos? No. Not alpha.

Starting point is 00:57:09 You think tattoos are alpha? Look at this guy. He has tattoos? Yeah, yeah. And then that's why I'm not gonna get any. Okay. Cause he has them? Because I don't wanna have any similarities

Starting point is 00:57:19 with somebody like that. I get that. You love me, you said. No, I did not. Yeah, you did. Sunday, you said I was a big fan. Yeah and then Sunday you said that you you hated lip- I just did that with my mind. Dude you keep fucking with Bobby and that you keep talking. You wanna fuck around? That's not good. Hey dude. Hey dude. He can make the whole wall fall. You wanna fuck around or what?

Starting point is 00:57:38 Not anymore that was I just. Hey look at me right now dude dude Tonight you'll oh what the fuck that was another speed That's like black magic but for Asians So what do you call it? Yellow magic. Yes, right. Yeah, raw magic. Yeah. Yeah Whoa, that's how that I take offense why I take I yellow magic is fine He said yellow man the second time he did no look at me. I can still see you. You're still there all right He's just no no I think I'm sorry John it sounded like he's John magic back me up dude It's a mark. Yeah, no you said you did it with an accent now. What the fuck dude. I'm trying to go

Starting point is 00:58:23 Yeah, yo, yo, no no he's a yellow magic again again. Now what the fuck, dude? You go, yayo, yayo. No, no, he said yellow magic. Say it again, say it again. I'm trying to make it so you understand what I'm saying. I say, you're a magic. I'm trying to, I admit what I did. I want you to understand me. When you go to Italy and you go, scusi, you're saying excuse me, but he's doing it with a-

Starting point is 00:58:39 I see what he's doing. He's being polite. Being sweet. Okay, you're being sweet. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have a lot of Asian friends, it seems like. Fortunately. You don't?

Starting point is 00:58:49 Yeah, no, fortunately. You're fortunately. I would say fortune around Asian friends. Delicate thing, the trigger word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we love our cookies. No, but you guys, that was Panda Express. You can't take credit for that.

Starting point is 00:59:01 Yeah, they did start it. You guys take the fucking credit for the orange chicken. They fuck you, man. What are you talking about? You think you own the orange chicken? It's not real, that it. You guys take the fucking credit for the orange chicken. They fuck you, man. What are you talking about? You think you own the orange chicken? It's not real. That one's my pen. I never said we claim orange chicken.

Starting point is 00:59:09 Did I say that out loud? No, I can feel in your blood. No, I didn't ever talk about orange chicken. I don't like orange chicken. What color chicken did you guys start? Chef Andy Ko. Yeah, he started it. Yup, see, Panda Express.

Starting point is 00:59:21 The Hunan province. But let me say something to you. Have you had Korean chicken? No. Yeah. Yeah. Not on plan to. Yeah, yeah you will.

Starting point is 00:59:31 No I won't. I'll guess why, I'll tell you why. Why? Because after this, we have each other's numbers. Okay. I feel like, I feel like there's gonna be- Is that like a threat? No, I feel like there's gonna be some dinners

Starting point is 00:59:42 you and I are gonna have. Oh. Oh yeah. You know that. And I'm gonna be your mentor. Yeah, you know that. We talked about it. I'm gonna help you. Oh, he's overwhelmed.

Starting point is 00:59:54 No, I'm good. No, you're not. Matan, I really like you. I think you're a good kid. Okay. Okay, and I think that there's something about you that's very interesting, and I just wanna be around wherever it grows, I think that there's something about you that's very interesting and I just want to be around wherever it grows, I want to be there.

Starting point is 01:00:08 Wherever it grows it goes. Thank you, Rayville. Thank you, Mataan. Thank you, Mataan. Thank you, Mataan. Thank you, Mataan. Thank you, Mataan. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:24 Thank you. Thank you, Mutan. Thank you, Mutan. Thank you, Mutan. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Mutan. Thank you, Mutan. Thank you, Mutan. Thank you, Mutan. Thank you, Mutan. Thank you, Mutan. Thank you, Mutan.

Starting point is 01:00:34 Thank you, Mutan. Thank you, Mutan. Thank you, Mutan. Hey, oh, there he is. I don't know what else. All right. Oh, that's it? Yeah, that's it.

Starting point is 01:00:45 Thank you, Matan. Thank you, Matan. Oh, you're back. You're back. Nope. What? Oh, Matan. Oh, Matan.

Starting point is 01:00:59 Thank you, Matan. Thank you, Matan. Thank you, Matan. Thank you, Matan. Thanks, buddy. Thank you. Thank you. No, I don't know thank you, thank you. Thanks, buddy. Thank you, thank you. No, I don't know how to get it out.

Starting point is 01:01:07 Yeah, yeah. If you take that, I'll break your legs, you know? With the South Koreans are dealing with burnout and loneliness by getting pet rocks. I told you they would find a solution. But you realize now, you know, because rocks, they have flat faces. Right?

Starting point is 01:01:23 So it's like, of course. Let me tell you something, you can't skip a Korean guy, but you can skip a rock. That's so true. Kuah Young, 33, told Sohn she didn't have anyone to talk to about the burnout she experienced over starting a new office job in Seoul. Didn't want to worry your friends and family.

Starting point is 01:01:38 Felt that getting a pet animal like a cat or dog would have been too much responsibility. So got a pet rock, named it Bang Bang E. Bang Bang E. Bang Bang E. It's a vibe about the Korean word for jumping and happiness according to the journal. She says, talks to the rock about her day, carries out in her pocket when she goes out

Starting point is 01:01:51 for the walks to the gym. Yeah. I mean, it feels like it's a good solution. Yeah. And it's cheap. Yeah, I'm gonna wait until I get to get those robots going. Yeah. Oh, what the- There's a new AI robot that looks pretty real, the girl. I forgot her name, but no, not in a sexual way.

Starting point is 01:02:08 I don't like your look, dude. They're always in a sexual way. Well, they have some sexual undertone. Yeah, there's, I'll get a black guy then Rob Robo. That would still be sexual. No, it won't be sexual. I'm a reason that's way more sexual.

Starting point is 01:02:19 Yeah, but without, I wouldn't, I won't. A big, beautiful black man. I won't pay for the genital part. That comes with it. I know.- A big beautiful black man. I won't pay for the genital part. That comes with it. I know. Can you detach it? No. I wanna put a little Asian one in there.

Starting point is 01:02:29 It's too threatening, but I do wanna get an AI. Welcome home, baby. We can't get you AI, but we have another gift for you. Come here, Macon, give him a gift. What is it? We got a gift for you, my friend. I got you this gift. Oh my God.

Starting point is 01:02:43 Oh wow. I got you this gift. It my God. Oh wow. God. I got you this gift. It's open, I don't know what it is, but it's kind of open. Is that gonna make me mad or no? No. That's just extra wrapping.

Starting point is 01:02:53 No, it's open cause you used it. Oh my God. No, I accidentally bought two copies, so I want- Did you see it? Yeah, dude, that shit's fucked. Very good. Good or no? Very good. Yeah, but fuck.

Starting point is 01:03:03 I watched half of it at like, I watched it in two parts. Yeah, yeah. And like, it is a- Happiness, really dark movie. Bobby wanted it for so long, you can't find it anywhere, it's banned. Yeah, I'm not bad, I just can't.

Starting point is 01:03:14 I just never got proper distribution because it was rated NC-17 and it's just really hard to market. Yeah. And if you watch it, you understand why. Who's in it, anybody famous? Philip Seymour Hoffman, Molly Shannon, John Lovitz. Yeah, we talked about it on the show.

Starting point is 01:03:26 Well, congratulations on that. Yeah, yeah, thank you so much, dude. How does that feel? Good? Dude, this is like one of the best, I mean, I don't have a DVD player. Well, look at this, now you- No, do you have a video game?

Starting point is 01:03:33 You have an Xbox. PS5. I can watch it on my- Yeah, it's a Blu-ray. On my Xbox, I can? Yeah. Yes, and PS5. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:03:40 Hey, now you don't have to get a pet rock. Look at that. Yeah, I still wanna get it. You still should get it. I'm thinking of a pet rock. Look at that. Yeah, I still can get it. You still should get it. I'm still gonna get a pet rock. I know what this is. What? This is insane.

Starting point is 01:03:50 This is insane. I wanna see it. Oh yeah, Bobby. You guys were eating in Tucson. If this doesn't encompass Tucson, Yeah. As a whole, a cockroach was crawling on Bobby outside while you guys were eating food.

Starting point is 01:04:09 Dude, that night was a nightmare. I'll tell you why. Tucson closes at 5 p.m. Yeah, there was nowhere to eat, so we had to go to a hot dog vendor. So gross. Right. And then these two ladies right there, aside from the cockroaches They got three photos

Starting point is 01:04:27 What do you mean? You're a little bit more brutal than that, man. You hate me? You're the man, man. This is my job. No, I did it on purpose. I got it all with my hair. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Bobby, that's a meat cute. That's a meat cute. Yeah, remember when you had that cockroach on you outside in Tucson? I just fell for you. Would you date her? Is she your type? She looks fucking cool.

Starting point is 01:05:14 Yeah, she would, yeah. The tats, I like the tats. Oh, so that jacket I can never wear again. Do you know why? Well. Four times people go, it's not. You going to work? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:05:22 It looks like I'm a chef somewhere. I said that to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also physically, physically. Physically what? It's not flattering, physically. I mean, it makes you look bulbous as shit. Turn the volume off, but go back to the front.

Starting point is 01:05:38 I told you that when you wore it, I said you're prettier than that coat. What did you say that earlier? I did, so like that shot right there, like look at that. Well, it's the hot dog stuff on me. I, but, but, but this kind of thing- It has relish on me. I know such like a chef, it feels like it retains shit.

Starting point is 01:05:52 You know what I mean? Like that's supposed to- All right, I'm never gonna wear it again. All right. I'm never gonna wear it again. Was that an expensive piece of clothing? It was, yeah. I can imagine it was.

Starting point is 01:06:00 Yeah, yeah. Cause it's gotta be handmade in Japan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it in San Fran once. All right, I'll never wear it again. Yeah, I don't like it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's gotta be handmade in Japan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it in San Fran once. All right, I'll never wear it again. Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah. And no one ever says that's a gray jacket or whatever.

Starting point is 01:06:10 No, no one did say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that it? You know what? There's this. Oh my God, we didn't even talk about this. Yeah, so let me tell you, where is that at? It's off the 101.

Starting point is 01:06:19 It's at Sunset. No. Did we find out the artist that did this? Yes. This is fucking amazing. It's Yes. This is fucking amazing. It's amazing. It's fucking amazing. This dude is the shit.

Starting point is 01:06:27 I love you. I retweeted it and I said, we love LA, man. This was like such a, and honestly, dude. Yeah. This is, I'm not saying keep doing this all over LA. But I am. But please do. Yeah, please do.

Starting point is 01:06:41 Yeah. That's so dope. Same sucky bat. Oh, I love sucky. I love sucky. I love sucky. I mean, COVID joke is just laid all over that with sucky bat. But wait, so put the fucking,

Starting point is 01:06:52 we'll put his name up there, sucky bat. Shout out to that cat. I know this is, we shouldn't probably be promoting graffiti, but I love it. Yeah. I mean, fucking street art is great. Sucky bat. I thought that was in the Middle East.

Starting point is 01:07:05 Promoting our DuVice show. Yeah. I thought that was in the Middle East. Promoting our Dubai social. Yeah, well we could, we would help. If anybody wants to fly to Dubai and tag the walls down there. Yeah. If you do graffiti down there, at UAE. Oh, you're done. You get time in, I mean like time in prison, real time.

Starting point is 01:07:18 Wow, wow, wow, wow. Real time. Yeah. We're excited to go to Dubai. I can't wait. According to law, UAE, any damages of disfigured public property is considered a crime, includes graffiti.

Starting point is 01:07:27 Yeah, how much time? I just want to test it though, no? I'm telling you, you're there alone. I'm not bailing you out. You bail me out. How about if I spit gum? No, that's in Singapore, right? Yeah, but can I do it in there?

Starting point is 01:07:41 I don't even think, they're not allowed to have gum in Dubai. No gum. Wow. It's a no gum country. How about a Mentos? No, I think that- And a Cop's Feet.

Starting point is 01:07:48 Whoa, I think they just have tic tacs. Oh, they do? Yeah. I'll go. Yeah. There's only, because we were playing there and there's all these rules, so I'm gonna- No, there's not a lot.

Starting point is 01:07:59 No nudity, no talking bad about UAE. That's it? That's all you have to do. Can't show any part of your naked body. I'm not going to. If you do- I'm not going to. Please. I won't.

Starting point is 01:08:11 Please. I'm not gonna! Sounds like you're gonna. I am! I know. No, I'm not. I'm not gonna do it. Know that and then we can't be defamatory about UAE.

Starting point is 01:08:18 You can't be like, fuck. I don't even know what it, any of- I know, you don't even know what that stands for. I can't do that. No, you can do that. Save that for the casinos. Thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Bad Friends - We Are Betas

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