Bad Friends - We Are Garbage w/ ARG

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/c/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Mountain Dew, Draft Kings, TalkSpace, Acorns & Quince • Mountain Dew: Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. • Draft Kings*: New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BADFRIENDS, spend five bucks to get $150 in rewards within 14 days - includes all markets. • TalkSpace: As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off of your first month with Talkspace when you go to https://Talkspace.com and enter promo code SPACE80. • Acorns: Sign up now and join over 14 million people already investing with Acorns. New customers get a $20 bonus investment just for signing up. Head to https://acorns.com/badfriends to claim your $20 bonus today. Limited time offer. Terms and conditions apply. See https://acorns.com/terms for details. • Quince: Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to https://quince.com/badfriends to get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Bug Eyes & Lord of Wisdom 8:30 The Butt Sniffer Is Back 12:00 We're Profound / IQ Test 20:30 Oyster Coma & Infinite Buffet 27:30 Bobby Got Caught 31:00 50th Birthday Blues 37:45 "The Look" 44:00 Tongue Twisters & Idiot Olympics 52:45 Average Day of Drinking 57:00 Rehab Farm 1:02:45 Casting Calls & Catchphrases 1:09:20 Background Actor Energy More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@7equis Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ *Gambling Problem? Call one eight hundred GAMBLER, one eight hundred MY RESET. Connecticut: call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven, visit CCPG dot org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Bet with DraftKings Sportsbook to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days OR Trade with DraftKings Predictions to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Event contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offer void in New York. Non-withdrawable Rewards issued as Fifty dollar click-to-claims every seven days for fourteen days. Terms at d k n g dot c o slash offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two or something. We're bad friends. We have Kevin and H. Foley from RU Garbage. Give them a run of applause.

Hey, what's going on? Bad friendzers. What's up? You've both have come up. Cleaner. Oh, thank you. Cleaner clothing. The garbage men are here.

Yeah, the bar. Yeah, you guys have risen. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Before the fall. You know what I mean? No, no, there was no fault.

I mean, you're acting like Harrison Ford lately? Me? Yeah, you. Why do you say that? Sliking your hair. I don't know what you're doing, Ted, you know what I mean? He looks good. He's licking his hair all the time.

Why are you jealous? He looks good. His hair looks fantastic. Yeah. He looks smart. You don't can't dress like a fashion designer. Whoa. Knives are out early.

Knives are out. What do you mean by that, Chachi? Boom. Happy days? Yeah, lit him off, dude. Yeah. I only do 70s references. Okay.

Dino, my! This is one of the worst roads battles I've ever seen. Anyway, you know, because you look handsome. Thank you. He looks great. Thank you. What a friend. Thank you.

That's what friends do. Thank you. Yeah, you support him. You also look great. You look fantastic. That's what I wasn't even. I know, but you're my friend. What are you looking at?

Does Andrew not give you compliments like that and talk you up? Listen, we're here to fix you too. I don't want to give him. We're going to do. Because we've been through it in a bad place. Yeah. We're in a very bad place. Yep. Yeah. Because the audience doesn't know, but we're here for a bad friend's intervention.

Bam, bum, bum. Now let's talk it out. What is your love language to Andrew? What do you do? What does he do for me? Yes. What do you do for him? Well, he doesn't like physical touch because that always leads to violence. Kevin also doesn't like physical touch. Yeah. I think I think. Yeah, but even if like a tap on the bat could turn into an arm bar. See, you're lucky. I don't do that. Yeah. I just say please. You can't do it. I have a sister. Be careful. you're weak Whoa Okay Personal attacks

All right You bug-eyed fool Whoa whoa whoa I'm sorry That's not talking about People's eyes struck Yeah I don't know

I mean Just be careful of Dude for Asians I'm bug-eyed No for some Asians Hey you have white eyes Sometimes Yeah yeah

You white eyes There it is Whoa Whoa they're coming Man My accountant is fantastic That's what we love

We love accounts Yeah yeah You know white people That's our thing Oh wait That was a white guy Yeah Yeah

It's so funny I thought was expecting your eyes to come out with those glasses when you took them off. I just want to tell the audience. What, like, like a Muppet. Oh, like a Muppet, yeah. We have two stars, two stars in our presence now from the hit show Tires on Netflix. We have Bobby Lee, the Haley.

Two of the best. Taka, baby. These guys stole scenes on that show in a way where no one else could have done those roles. Could have anyone have something? No, I did not watch it. Why are you talking? I'm not interested in one. I stole a lot of sandwiches from craft services.

Yeah. Yeah. Great craft service. Remembering that hot dog of that one? That was the cold hot dog. Yeah. That was the best hot dog. Wait,

Kraft was good on the show. Oh, the best. Top notch. Yeah. They had these cold hot dogs. There's something about a cold gray hot dog. What is it? And you haven't eaten all day.

It's cold outside. And they hand you this. I've never done that, but I understand what you're talking about. What do you mean? He hasn't not eaten all day. You crazy? Okay, okay.

But they hand you with... Can I finish? Please. I'm sorry about the bug-eyed thing, man. I'm thinking about walking, if I'm being honest with it. I'm going to have my agents come in here. CAA's going to have his place upside down. He knows he's got bug eyes and dark circles under his eyes and a big forehead.

Wow. Yeah, okay. Proof disposition. A lot of shots going on. Yeah, but we have connections to hair if you want it. What's that? Yeah, look at his new hair. Oh, yeah.

Is that new hair? It looks old as shit, if I'm being honest. What's that? Kentucky bluegrass? Where'd you go? What the fuck? She got lost in the fescue. Hey, where's my golfers at?

Yeah. All right. We got him some hair, We were able to get him some hair. Whoa. See, that's where he was at. It's before and after. That's before and after.

I kind of like it before if I'm being honest. I don't know how much money you spent, but I like the before. It was free. I didn't know you used to be Christopher Lloyd. Holy shit. Run, Marty! Do you look like a fly? Like a hairless fly.

You know how they see hairless bears? It looks great, man. You look awesome. That's a hairless fly, dude. Do you go to Turkey? No, Beverly Hills. Oh. The Turkey of L.A.

The Turkey of L.A. Nice. Yeah. What is turkey? Has any been to Turkey? I don't know. Is it Istanbul? Istanbul.

I still go by Constantinople. I'm old school. Yeah. This guy's a historian. I love that. I'm a Mesopotamian, man. Ooh. Mm.

You know about Zoroastriism? Yeah. What's the tell me about it? I like it fried. Just a little bit of tomato. I like two pickles. Bon, right? But I like the

Zoroastriism. Very big. What is it? Is that like astrology? It's one of the oldest organized monotheistic religions originating in ancient Persia, modern day Iran.

I'm out. Oh, yeah, that's like goat busters too. Fuck that. No, no, no, no, no. I'm Zoroastriism. Really? Yeah. What is it?

What is it do? What is, what are you're about it? What does that look like? Well, there was, all I know about Zoroastriism, all I know, I'm going to tell you, is there is a comedy club owner. Okay. And I show up and I go into my hotel room and he walks me to my hotel room.

The owner? Yes. Ah, that's right. I've never seen that before. Have you ever seen that before? Well, he owns the hotel as well. Yeah, he probably did. Him just checking the room. And there's a woman in my room. Right. And he goes, buddy, I've got you a woman. And I go, I don't want. What? Also, she wasn't even, I wasn't even attracted to this woman. Okay. You know what I mean? I like how that's the weird thing. Not that there's a stranger in my room. I'm not even attracted to that woman. No, no, no. Yeah, you ended up in the

extra. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But the whole weekend he was like, I like, I'm Zoroasterism. And he, he, tell him about the beliefs of that, I don't know much about it. Tell it to the cops, pal.

Yeah. Yeah. Was this guy Iranian? He looked Brown. Okay. Yes. What? The answer's yes, probably.

Yeah, so he was. Describing it to the police. What did he look like? He looked like he was a Zoro, Zoroastrian. You guys know what? You guys know the Lord of Wisdom, right? You guys know that.

Zoroastrianism. Yeah. The Lord of Wisdom, and life involves a constant moral choice between Asha, truth, order, and righteousness, or... Random ladies in a hotel room. Falsehood and chaos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a constant moral choice, so he loves chaos.

I am pure Asha. You know that, right? What's... Truth order and righteousness. Right? Am I... I'm Asha 100%. You got a lot of drudge in you, pal.

No, no, no, no, no. A lot of falsehood and chaos. No, I'm Asha, for sure. Truth, order for real, and righteousness. Obviously. Righteousness is my thing. I know. I always think that about you. Yeah.

What do you think? I think you're Mr. Druch. I should call you Druge from now on. Okay, so I'm falsehood and chaos. Yeah. Maybe can I get everyone in the booth nods simultaneously? It's almost, I mean, it was that.

Could I have Ashad Brude? It's also, it's the prime directive is good thoughts, good words, good deeds. Your show is called bad friends. Yeah, that's a little tough. Oh, fuck. I don't have it then. No. I don't have the core beliefs.

What ended up happened in this story with this woman in your room? I was just, I was just to give you an example. example of the one example. Do you have sex with her, Bobby? No. You said, please leave? I swear to God. Who?

I swear to Zoro asked. I swear to God. Aramazda. Swear to Amora Mazda. The Lord of Wisdom. Down below. Who's the prophet right there? The founder?

Who's the prophet? The prophet Zarathasuriel. Yeah. You got to swear to they. Yeah, yeah. Zara Thustra. Let's move on. He was for 500 years?

Yeah, dude. I never the numbers go backwards back then what explained to me what you're They should have just started at zero and went up doesn't matter when who was what yeah I mean DC doesn't sound like a good Catholic to me pal why did they change it from fucking BC to BCE it was before Christ and after death I thought it meant but the real danger is this guy what what is it the butt sniffer is back who's that who is that a dog or something glendale he's back the butt sniffer oh that I know the guy you're talking about this man yeah

No kidding. Kalees Crotter, 39-year-old registered sex offender dubbed the butt sniffer arrested in Glendale in suspicion of violating his parole after allegedly targeting shoppers and local business.

And this is what he does. Sniffing away. So he'll be... Sniffing away downtown. He's at a dollar tree store. Okay? He just made a good joke. Yeah.

I'm sorry I didn't hear it. Yeah, well then sit the fuck back down. I'm trying to explain to you what he does. Oh, let's see. Let's show us the butt sniffing. No, I want to see it, Bobby. And pull your pants up. God damn.

What's wrong with these kids? anyway. That's your boy. Pretending to get something on a bottom shelf because he sees a woman. And I'll sniff a butt. Sniff a butt. Hmm. Yeah. And do they get, are they catching him in the act or is it like? Yeah, they're catching him on video.

Video of it right there. I know, but I'm saying. Okay. Look at them. Sorry. Look at that face, dude. It's a bad friend's vibe. Yeah, yeah. Now what aisle is that in.

That's what I really. Yeah, yeah. Where is he sniffing? Is that in? Self help? No. Oh, self help. That's a good one.

Alleged serial backside sniffer admits to violating parole, will serve four months in county jail. A heat wave coming through Los Angeles tomorrow morning. I mean, unbelievable. On KTLA. You know, there is no room in our society for butt sniffing.

However, funny. I'm not, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know about it. It's still an arm. Armour sniffing. Yeah. Is that what you're into? That's what he is. Armpit.

Bobby's in arm. Really? You like armpit sniffing? I'm a badge guy. These guys look like your neighbors that are like looking through the window. They are, yeah. I've been in order of blue. lizard from one of you guys.

I've been Vaj all day. You've been Vaj all day? No, I like to smell Vaj all day. Yeah, I'm with you on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, no, no, not strangers. Like my girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. We found, uh, that's great. We found it. Oh, you didn't know that? I didn't know, yeah. Yeah. That's since the last time I talked. Oh, really? Yeah, I have one now. It's awesome. Congratulations. Thank you, bud. Yeah. Congratulations, buddy. Wish all the happiness in the world. Bobby's the only guy I can compliment or like wish well. And I, I go, wait, am I now fighting? No, he doesn't know.

He doesn't like sincerity. Yeah, I do. You don't. It bugs you out. All right, let's get to the... Why are you guys beefing? No, no, no, let's get to the foundation of what's going on right here.

Okay. Okay. All right. I need to know. Okay. What is going on? Okay. Do we have strife?

You and I? Yeah. Are you... It's pure. That's what I'm talking about. Our friendship is pure. It's based on purity. I've never done nothing but talk you up.

Every time I see you, dude, you give me a good smile. I love you, bud. You bug your eyes out. That's just for you. My eyes are normal. I know. My eyes are normal. I see Bobby, I get so excited.

My eyes fall out of my head. So I guess right here, we're good. We're great. I think some of the fucking current that you're giving me here, bud. What did I give you? You look at me with a sneer. I've been sneering. I know.

Have you noticed there's always like a little, this is a, he sits there like this. Well, being the you in our relationship. Yeah, I'm a little biased. From the outside, I can see some things. You're walking. You stormed in when we were recording Whiskey Ginger. Yep. And I did a Japanese voice?

You get up here. Did I do a Japanese voice? And aren't you Korean? Yeah. I know. I'm sort of mind boggling them. They're allowed to now. Yeah.

Yeah. There's no beef between Korea and Japan, right? It's China and Japan. No, brother, it's all. All of them. China and Japan do not like each of all of them. You do? Except for that crab rangoon, huh?

Am I right? Oh. Oh, boy, go? I got to tell you, there's beef within all of them. But he does, yeah, he busts in, he does a Japanese accent? Yeah. Is that, now, as the you of this situation, does that, how does that, does that ruffle your feathers a little bit?

Used to it so much. He's a wild card. Yeah, he's a wild card. And you got to know the wild card's going to be wild. Uh-huh. What Bobby has you can't be taught. Pure raw. I don't want to talk about myself today because it's about you.

Why? What is it, my wedding day? No, no, no, it's about you too. And your glorious rise. Oh. These two young men have a new special that they put out, and they did it in the best way, by the way. It's called American Garbage.

It's out on their YouTube channel right now. It's incredible. They filmed it at Side Splitters down in Tampa. They get some of the best questions, because their fans give them, like you could, they have a bank of great questions to describe whether or not your garbage. Has Bobby been tested about his level of garbage?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had John, right? Yeah, all way back in the day. Way back in the day, yeah. What was the number? Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it gotta be much garbage.

Yeah. Oh, I'm full of garbage. But in a good way. Yeah. lovable. Your, I'm Oscar the Grouch. A lot of P-FASC.

Yeah. And straws. Yeah. And that's the kind of, you know, garbage. Light. Very high palate, though. You like so. I'm sophisticated in anyways.

Yeah. Oh, dude. He likes salvaged denim and fashion. Yeah. Weird glasses. Those expensive, they look expensive. They're so ugly, they look expensive. I love, I love being ripped on.

Do more. Do my face. No. Yeah. Moon. Now you're scaring me. Oh, good. No, no, no, no. Yeah, we're all. Yeah, we're a steady- like it slammed into a wall that's all flat, you know. What? Let's go! I love it, I love it. I love it.

Bobby, take it easy. No, no, no, no too much. Relax. We're friends. All right. Sorry. I apologize. Good friend. Show these guys the brain scan, I sent you. Of Bobby? Yeah, this is incredible. They found a brain scan of Bobby. Dr. Scanned a 40-year-old man found nearly 90% of his brain gone. Skull was filled with fluid, and yet he had a job, wife, kids, and live completely normal life. That's awesome. Isn't that incredible? That's sick. I might have that. Yeah. I wouldn't want to know. Just let me, because then you're worried about it. 75 IQ and this man held a good job, family kids. Wait, this might be fully. Is he good? Yeah, he's fine. He's

alive. He's cruising. Just no brain. Probably doesn't worry about stuff. Doesn't think about the past, the future. What's, 75, what is that scale for IQ? I know it's low, but I'm saying like what is the legally Downs like I don't you can say it Shmishmarted what's the line I think the legal line is around 60 something Probably 68 I think the real question is where to go His brain? We should find his brain That's also true

Where's his brain's out there somewhere Somewhere his brain is just chilling Maybe at a cracker barrel Having a hash So this says 50 to 70 is Intellectual Disability 35 to 50 is moderate severe is 235 and anything below 20 is profound.

Fully, you are profound. You are profound. You are profound. You would think profound would be like super smart. You have to say that at that level. Well, at that level, you got to make him think they're like a superhero. You're like, whoa, you're profound. I got, dang it.

Mr. Profound. I had my IQ test in college. It was 115. God bless. That's really good. Yeah. That's a really good lie, too. I don't think mine's high either.

A, 115 sounds right. Do you think so? No way. No. Have your IQ tested? Yeah. What are you? 1,45.

You're 145? 145. Whoa. No, that's not true. Yeah. I know. Have you tested? No, no.

I got to be sub hundred for sure. I got to be just kissing 96 or something like that. No, no, you know a lot. No, not enough. Average IQ in the United States is 98. See, I told you, I'm probably right around 96 to 98. Just below average, maybe. This is a below average room, I would have.

Oh, for sure. Do me. Do me. I'm going to go with profound. my friend. No. That's comedy. No chance.

No chance. Oh my God, I'm profound. You know what the problem with these tests are? Racism. Racism. Thank you. Thank you, Folli. Obviously.

Yeah. No, you know, it is really fucked up, though. I was never going to standardize testing, so I probably would fail this miserably. What is the question? I don't think, are there, isn't it more like logic-based questions? It is logic, too. Is it multiple choice? I never understood what standardized testament.

What does that mean? This guy, everyone takes it. Everyone takes it. Everyone takes it. It's my profound best friend. It's not 115, man. You're not even American. He is now.

He just got, yeah, he is. Hey! Here you go. Opaic is to transparent as labyrinth is to. Straightforward. Holy, holy, opaque. Straightforward is right. It's straightforward.

Why not? A man looks photograph says, Brothers sisters, I have none, but that man's father is my father's son whose photograph is the man. I know this. This is the question? No, this is the internet.

This is all. I was going to say, this is one of those stupid things like the... It says mock IQ. Yeah, this is something you said when you were a kid. This is mocking us. Brother and sisters, I have none, but that man's father is my friend said...

Let's do one more. Let's do one more. If five machines take five minutes to make five widgets, how long would it take 100 machines to make 100 widgets? Uncrustibles. That's where you're bringing If that's not one of the answers I don't know what it is.

I'm starving. A hundred minutes. Fuck! Yeah, five minutes. Yeah, yeah. Quiz complete. That's here you scored 40% not good.

So I think we might be profound. Yeah, I think we're profound. Fuck this. This is all. What is this? This is all AI. It's on too. Yeah.

That one question was like the one A man. A train leaves the station. No. A man catches his wife. Fuck that down. No.

Banging a question. midget. That test is a hole. I can beat that. A man and his son, a surgeon and his son are in a bad car accident. The surgeon dies instantly.

I'll stop you right here. The surgeon is his mother. Because we don't think women with their timing brains is his mother. Yeah, that's right. That's what's like that question. Yes, it is. No, it's not.

All right, fine. If a plane crashes on the border between Canada and America, where do they bury the survivors. There's no survivors. You don't bury survivors. What the fuck's wrong with you guys? Just trying to get Bobby, your dummy. Rub it in his face.

Stupid place. Give him another one. Thank you, McCone. That's the answer. Okay, I'll give you another one. I'm not doing this anymore. This is what I imagine you and Ian are doing at night in the basement together. Just giving each other.

Ritust busters with the cats. Glenn and Samson. Hi, Glennie and San Hank. Is wristless still here? Wait, what happened to Bobby? Yeah. Who are you? Oh, this is my American friend, my white American.

How you doing, buddy? There he is. Good to see you. He's a cowboy. I'm from Corpus Christi. Very nice. Yeah, my name is Delingo Delingo. That's an odd American name.

This guy, he's good with names. He's not good with names. Dalingo delingo. I'm delingo delingo. How can I help you, man? You want some pancakes? We got also horse trots. What are horse trots?

I different bands. It's hash brown, some gravy, right? and we infused it with some pepperonchinis. Pepper on chine. Yeah, that's right. For the good old west. You can't help but let your selective palate shine for it. Pepper and chini.

Yeah, no place where the guy talking like that is infusing anything. When's last year we had caviar, Bobby? Recently I bet. He served it to us, remember? He did. Caviar cones. It is so bad. Caviar cones are so fucking good.

So there's nothing in there. Caviar. You like the idea of the caviar. It doesn't taste good. Oh my God, creme fresh, a potato chip and caviar. You're naming all the things that are good without the caviar. Crem fresh on a panache is great. It's phenomenal.

Chip, you could have stopped a chip. Chip. Chip was good. We all like Doritos dickhead. Yeah, yeah. Have you had uni today? No, I haven't had uni in a while. You know, I'll balance with uni.

It's before 7 p.m. He doesn't have it till after 7 p.m. I won't eat it again. Why? Get you sick? I got sick from uni once. Oh, that'll get you. Yeah.

And the yellowness of it, if I even see it, I, I have gag reflexes. I'm not doing oysters anymore after the Gibson's guy. Oh, yeah. Mel Gibson? No, a guy ate oysters at Gibson. Did we talk about this? We talked about it on whiskey.

You're not supposed to eat oysters. No, a guy ate oysters at Gibson's going to a coma. Yeah, you shouldn't eat oysters in any month. Brain injury. That's where that guy's brain went. Yeah, that was the guy. Suffer brain injury. Mountain Dew!

Mountain Dew is an American classic. It's so good. It's so good. It's been tasting great since 48. It's a bold taste, you know, and love. It was founded by two brothers. from the foothills of Tennessee. You better believe it in 1948.

They put it together proud American roots and you know it, you love it. Mountain Dew is something we don't need to tell you about. It's delicious. You know the color, you know the taste. It's unique. It's like nothing else that you've ever seen or tasted. It is an American original.

I remember the first time I tasted a Mountain Dew was actually in the South and I drank a dew and I stared at the cows and I thought, this is America. I love it. This is what my forefathers wanted. I love it, dude.

Oh yeah. I can envision myself on a lake. I see you right now on a lake. Right. You're very hot. Yeah, with a, I have my girlfriend with me. And she's there. And we're in a canoe.

And you're in a little baby canoe. Right. Opening up a little thing of Mountain Dew. A little package of Mountain Dew. Right. It's Christmas. Glag, glug, glag, glag, glag. That's America.

And that's freedom. You want to be like Bobby Lee and sit in a lake with your girlfriend and a pack of mountain dew and a little canoe. Then you got to get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original tasting great since 48. Look for Mountain Dew and stores near you. Draft Kings! Draft Kings Sports app is now live in all 50 states.

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Bob and I've been talking about therapy for a long time on this show, and that's because we do believe in it and we use it. I've been using it for many, many, many years, and so has Bob. And it gets you through those tough times in your life. No matter what it is, man, taking control of your mental health is a big, big thing, and we do support it very much. And you do have the time, even if you think you don't. From the comfort of your home, your house, your couch, your car, wherever you are, Talkspace makes it very easy to start. I think it saves lives. I do believe so. I really do. And I, you know, without therapy, I just, I would be lost. Well, thank you, Talkspace for making it easier to get the help that you need. Talkspace makes getting the help you need easy,

accessible, and affordable. Plus, most insured members have a zero dollar co-pay. As a listener to the podcast, you're going to get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace. and enter the promo code space 80. That's space, S-P-A-C-E-E-0. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com and enter promo code space 80. Where's Gibson's? Chicago. That's a great place, though.

Gibson's? Yeah, I mean, I was just there three weeks ago. This hit was, my dad made a joke about it. Chicago, great place to get oysters. Yeah. What does that even mean? I hate that. You're going to get seafood in fucking Detroit.

What are you from Lake Michigan? You ever had seafood in Vegas? No, I haven't. It's great. They fly it in the same day. I haven't. Dude, you can get you. But they don't do that in Detroit.

Yes, they do. They do? UPS. I can get you oysters today. UPS? I'm not sending them fucking U.S. You're not supposed to have oysters in any month that doesn't end an R. Shut the fuck.

I'm telling you right now. Okay, so give me. August. Bobby, you and I sat down to have a dozen oysters. I ate seven oysters. You ate seven oysters. You ate five. how many oysters are left?

Check this out. You and him sit down and a dozen oysters. You ate a dozen oysters. He has to order and more oysters. Wait, wait, you have seven and I have five?

That's 12. Very good. Yeah. Good job. What are you doing? He's still doing the IQ test. Yeah, you're trying to fucking... You're very smart.

You're freaking me out right now, dude. Why? Because maybe I am dumb. No. We're all... I'm stupid. Yeah. That's actually right.

Yeah. That's right. You're not. dumb. I'm stupid. Stupid is fun. Because you're actually very smart. He is. He just doesn't. It's like he refuses to access the information he has. That's interesting. No, I just let you idiots all

do it. See? Sucker you all. That's what a stupid guy says. Right. And then when you're telling you, I made it do it. And he'd do it. Have you seen this dude online that's going around to every Chinese buffet eating? Yeah. Until he gets sick? Yeah. I said I was sorry. And he hasn't gotten sick yet. Really? It's still working.

and he's eating literally everything this guy. It's powerful. Mullet man, that's him. Shout out to this guy. He's impressive. He'll just go and eat everything on the menu. He goes to China King buffet and this one, this one's pretty good. So funny, that could be anywhere.

You know what? It's everywhere. I know, that's what I'm saying. It's like it's in every town. I mean, his stomach microbiomes are probably off the charts. Look at that hillbilly. This guy's the man. Looks like he was raising a mountain dewbottle.

He for sure listens to Are You Garbage? Shout out to you, buddy. Shout out to that guy. What is the sickness he's looking for? He wants to get food poisoning. Diaryia. See if you can get food poisoning. Have you had it before?

Food poisoning? Yeah. Yeah. I got a little. We both got it right now. What are you talking? But you've never gotten psychosporah, though. What's that?

The diarrhea thing. Oh. It's gone now. I think we got rid of it. They do that shit every couple of years. Diary? Don't eat the romaine lettuce. That'll get you.

It's the same shit all the time. Cyclosporri is a microscopic parasite. And widespread multistate. Foodborne illness, people got pretty sick off of this one. I'm not a big lettuce guy. We're not a big lettuce. That's always some dirtbag. He says, see, they say watch the hamburger, but it's the lettuce.

Yeah. What's not? My mom. That's a correct vote. Is that you saying that? Some dirtbag will tell you that. I mean, he might be right. What are the nutritional facts about lettuce?

There aren't any. It's like water. Iceberg. Yeah, so why we eat it. Spinach. Good. It's good. You know, it can kick rock.

Cale. Cale sucks. Talk about ruining a Caesar salad. Yeah. Cale is bullshit. More croutons. Cale is delicious. Just eat bread. Fuckface. Oh. I like this. Bobby. Real Bobby's coming out. Get those. No, dear. You're killing it. You know what? You have a girlfriend now. Do you talk about her or no? Yeah, I have a girlfriend. Yeah. And she's cool. She's cool. Yeah. Would you meet her on the set? I met her at the, at chain show. At chain show. Yeah. That's awesome. When she was sitting next to you, she stood up and Bobby did something. Sniff her butt. Very sweet. What did I do? What I do? I don't remember. He stared at her ass.

He stared. And I'm not talking about a glancing. Did you give a compliment at the very least? Later on. To you, did he say, hey, your girlfriend is nice. Yeah. Yeah. You did capture me.

Huh? You caught me. Yeah. That's all right. I'm sorry. Yeah, look, Bobby. I didn't think I was going to get caught. You got caught.

Yeah, I didn't sniff it. No. That's illegal. It is very illegal. It depends on what state you're in. Can you look? Sometimes you get caught. I think binoculars were an odd choice.

but yeah. Like if I, like if I, you caught me. Murder you on site. Murder you on site. Really? Look at your wife. It's his wife. Murder you on site.

You're allowed. You would murder me on site. Murder you on site. You're not a polite glance. I'm like, oh, it's, I'm looking this way. He was hawking at your girlfriend's butt is what he was like really staring at. Well, he was sitting there and he went. And she stood up.

No, I didn't. And Bobby just went like this. His eyes came out. Oh. It's okay It's very respectful Yeah But that's a compliment

I know you appreciate beautiful women You appreciate beautiful women You like a You like a compliment I apologize for that I didn't think I was gonna You were looking at my ass I think you're weird

Yeah I'm never looked at you in a sexual way Really? Never I have I never say never I have one time Really? One time I did yeah

When we were at that house filming with you guys I thought what if we snuck away to a room I think about them sexually a lot When I'm trying that to come How you know? You ever have that

Like when you're Nothing on that No, it was rude United Front I don't find you attractive at all either Hey hey hey hey be nice Smoke breath

Bug eyes Smoke friends Smoke breath is good What did you get wristless What guy Luke Yeah Luke get him Yeah Penn State University

Okay He started he worked his way Up the ranks with us Yeah Kids a scholar He has no socks on He's a smart sharp kid Okay

Where's the Birkin socks Yeah Smarter you are And he stuck And he did a hand check Like this I don't know what this is He pink is a white

No. Okay. But his side of the story is you had cigarettes in your hand and you gave him. Yes, only two fingers are free. So I think he just. Oh, right. Okay. And he grabbed whatever limbs that were free.

I think here comes Zany Hollywood star. To be respectful. Bobby Lee. Yeah. He's giving me a two finger handshake. I don't know what to do. I understand now. It's hard to shake that hand.

Yeah, because I had this. Yeah, you always occupied. Your hands are full. Right. Some blue chew. And I went, nice to meet you, man. What are you walking on a blue chew for? It's a great product, by the way.

I know, I love it. Blue Choo. I love Bluetooth. What a great product. I'll tell you why. Because this stuff gives you the desire. And I like desire. Bobby, we're spokesman and I'm also a client.

Yeah. You're not. You don't need it. Nah, I'll get harder right now. Yeah. Oh, cool. Damn. Zoom in.

Zoom in. Zoom out. Just to prove a point. Just to prove a point. Oh, yeah. Show your body who's boss, yeah. Yeah. No, not my body.

I'm the oldest amongst all of us, right? Oh, yeah, by far. Grand wisdom. Yes, grand wisdom. What are you, 53? 55. Okay, I'm 50. I'm still older.

Yeah. I just got you. Five years. Did you do something big for your 50th? Oh, this is so funny. What? You know, I'm a good guy. We're good friends.

Yeah. Got a good support system around. Sure. I was going through it at the time. Yeah, you know. What'd you do for him? Wait, you know, we go, hey man, what do you want to do? Well, like, we were going to fucking, we're going to take him out to dinner,

the man at a tavern somewhere nice that he likes and that I don't want to fucking do any dinner. Like he comes home like dad. Oh, fucking surprise, po, fun. You know, all right, well, like, what do you want to do, man? Like, you know, you let us know. So we convince us he will, like, we'll get stakes. We'll get some of the guys together, some of the boys, some of our pals. Sticks.

Sticks. The guys. Eight, eight guys. We'll go to, where we go? Sparks. No, with the Keens. Keens. Is it good?

Yeah, it's good. He, I guess it, look at me right now. He wasn't drinking. The food's great. The vibe just wasn't great. I was going through it. He had started not drinking, so everybody's like, I don't know if we should drink. And I go, he kept going, if you drink and drink, get a drink.

Don't get a drink. Yeah, they were pussyfooting around. I didn't. I said, you know what? He's going to everybody to drink. So I go, I'll do a man at. Sure. You know what I mean?

Come to me. I jumped on the grenade first. I said, I know all the rest of the kids. They're not going to want to order because mom and dad. It was the only dinner any of us have ever been to where everybody only had one drink. And that pissed me off. Why? Because they weren't drinking because of me.

No, that's nice. No, it's not. You want people. I like that. Yeah, fucking, yeah. And I was early. Being a sober guy, I want my girlfriend who's not, you know what I mean, drink. You want people around you to live their lives.

When we go out as a crew, people do do their own thing no matter what. It is kind of like, I understand what you're saying. You'd rather have people live how they're supposed to normally live and not tiptoe around you. And I get it. I also wasn't the funnest guy ever that now. I was kind of going through it. You were coming off. We were like, oh, let's do it.

No, no, no. You're still on one. To toast, but he's like, I'll say a few words. And it was like, funny. It was like your mom just died. You're all rats. And you never loved me. Yeah.

What town is this in? New Jersey? New York City. New York City. Keyn's steakhouse here. A big city. Manhattan. Midtown.

This was an odd time. You know, the relationships weren't great. It was one of those things like the tables next to us were having like a blast. And we were like, there was nine professional comedians sitting around in silence. Nobody checked their coats either. We were all sitting in with winter coats hanging over our chair. He sucked. He sucked.

You're big, check your coat guy. I check the coat. Stop putting on the chair. I have a good time. What is it? No, why not check the coat? Money? People don't want to want to.

pay for the I don't know what did they were just fucking sticks in the mud. I was there to fucking party every good time. There was no chicks there, nothing. It was brutal. They all ran home to their wives and girlfriends. I wanted to hang out.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Young guy. Yeah. 50. Young guy. Yeah. On the town.

I get it. Good mood. One hang. I'm a good guy. I have fun. Dude, it would be like, I'd be like, I did two drinks. And I was like, well, like, I'm not also. fucking getting after it if no one out like every like a couple people did one i think they got somebody

got three people got a bottle of wine they split so it was like everybody really had like one glass of wine and then like somebody had like you know is like i'll do a rum and coke and then they're like i'll just switch to water hanging out of a guy's like get another rum and go yeah he's like screaming chastising you want to see someone go down for your birthday you want to no i just wanted everybody to stop acting like every like i had ruined everything and everything was all fucked up but you But you did ruin it. I did. With your energy.

No, no, not that night. I mean, the energy ruined. The months. Yeah, yeah. I bring positive. I bring positive, right? Oh, yes. Look at me right now.

Fun guy. The fun fun fun. Fun. Dude, look, watch me. Enter. Yeah. This is Fun Bobby, ladies and gentlemen. Take it from the top.

Fun, ladies and gentlemen, you know serious Bobby. You know wacky Bobby. We have fun Bobby. You have her long jeans Bobby. Whoa. Hey. Fresh off his shift. Hot Topic, it's Bobby Lee.

A new Pacific Sunware model. Thank you, man. Here you go. Yay. Open it. Oh, what is it? You're supposed to do it the improv. Oh, sorry. You're supposed to tell me what it is.

Yeah. Happy birthday, Andrew. Open it. Oh, my God. Thank you. What is it? It's money. Congratulations.

Thank you. You know, that's what he gave me last time for my birthday? Yeah. What? Cash. How much? Can I guess? Let's guess.

Hold on. Not a lot. No, I don't remember what it was. I don't both do well. I mean, if it's a lot, you remember. No, it wasn't a lot of money. A thousand dollars. No, the job.

Shopping for him is fucking impossible. Oh, Bobby. You gotta go to France and go to a fucking pudding service. Oh. And get the increment sand from the fucking din. And then he doesn't even really appreciate it. I know exactly what you mean. Weight.

You know what I mean? And titanium. And then you're like, that's $10,000. And he already has it. And he already has it. And he is? , no. Does he say thank you?

Or does he act like, oh, oh, thanks, man. He throws it in a pile And then the last time I called Your wife and I go You gotta help me And she goes I've run out of ideas Yeah

And so I don't want anything I'm right there with you big guy I don't need anything Yeah I don't want that stupid dinner And I had to go You know what I want? Dude what the fuck man

Your friends do something fucking special Fuck that They're all drinking in front of me No no You do your friends Take their time To celebrate your fucking birthday Is how you act

Jesus I feel like I'm on the Edmund Fitzgerald in this thing. Yeah, the chair's not too thrilled either. See, this is what I'm dealing with. We have to bury that chair after the podcast. Do what?

We don't bury that chair. Oh, no, it's that. We're going to die. We've had many bigger people in that chair. Is that weird to say? Yeah, I'm still working my way up in the industry. I understand.

What does that mean? I'm not a big star. Sorry, Bobby. I'm a character actor and a co-host of a podcast. I'm the same Oh, headliner on the right. Huh? Well, I'm a character actor, too.

We're the same boat. But I'm telling you, bring positivity into the light. Dinner sucked. Fucked you want for me. And by the way, Keynes, that's not surfing turf, by the way. I was the smallest lobster I'd ever seen in my life. It's like I was eating crayfish. Braffish, whatever.

No, cray's good. You like crayfish? Crayfish is good. Do you like crayfish? He can't win with this guy. No, see. You can't get with this guy. You're talking about presents.

I bought him a nice bass guitar for Christmas one year. He didn't even touch it. I buy him a pizza oven. He brings it down to his house in the suburbs and fucking has other people over, makes pizza for them. That gives it away some dickhead. I don't even know or like.

Who's got a hot wife and she wants me, Bobby. He won't admit it, but she does. This is all made up. No, it's not. Skinner shows. Throw me the fuck me eyes. Let me see what those look like. I still have.

No, she was throwing them at me. I know. Let me see what they look like. Oh, when I hit you back? Yeah, go ahead. Whoa. Yeah. Holy shit. So, shit.

So we got to. Fuck you. And fuck you, Keans. I'm just kidding. I love you guys. Yeah, they're listening. This is mine. What?

Hey. Looks like you're trying to get something off your lip. You got a piece of lunch meat on your lip, Bobby. You having a turkey sandwich earlier? Ooh. What's your sexy face, Mr. Stikino? I bet it's potent. It's good.

No, that's not it I'm a girl, I'm at a club And I look at you Okay Oh my god This club is so bad I mean, so boring I want a light of that

What? Oh my Oh shit My sphinct are closed so quickly dude That's big dick energy right there When your sphincter closed you know it's good Yeah, no entry Hi

Hi What's your name? Marcus. Hi, Marco. Why is that so good? It's so good. It's so dead on. I'm gonna chill up my spine good.

That's crazy. I drive you tend to be deaf when I go to the club. I don't know why. It's really loud in here. Yeah. Tell me about it. Also, that shouldn't make sense. You shouldn't be able to.

I know, he can't hear. That's a bit. He's sarcastic. Oh, he's a bit of a firecrack. He's kind of funny. You want to put a fire. Yeah. You want to come to my house

and watch some music? Fuck. Oh my God, cut that. No, no, we keep that in. Bobby, that's terrible. What is that? It's not the same thing.

It's not politically correct. I know that one. All right. Somehow mine was fine and that is not. Yeah, yeah, I read. And then you and I both cross the line. Yeah, yeah, I reach. We're no good without a script.

You guys are real actor. Thank you. That's right. Too real. Well, you're a real actor. Not like you guys, man. Yeah. I don't get gray hot.

cold hot dogs or whatever you said it was how the craft services on beef uh i mean you know i don't i can't go near it real on really anything body is oh i you like a pig no no it just because i get rid of because then i just keep eating so if i yeah if i only eat a meal you're good i can't you can't graze dude i deliberately i'm like i can't go over there because i'll just eat fucking everything i'll eat every snack and bullshit knick-knack that they put out so i just go eat breakfast eat lunch, that's it. Don't go over there. I'll go get a fridge cigarette.

I'll go get a Diet Coke and then a... So for breakfast, you know, they always go, you show up, right? Frid's a little fridge. And they go, hey, breakfast is up, what do you want? What do you get? Oh, for breakfast? I don't eat in the morning. I'll get like an oatmeal.

Hey, come on. No, not there, I don't. Not when I'm working. You don't eat at all in the morning? Uh-uh. Why not? I just start pickings throughout the day. Yeah.

You smoke a lot. Yeah, smoke a lot. We smoke a lot. We smoke a lot. You guys had a lot. You guys had a lot of smoke breaks together. Oh, my God. Outside, yeah.

Yeah, smoke a lot of cigarettes. Well, that's nice, right? Wasn't that bonding? It's great. Who else smoked on that show? You guys might have been the only two guys that smoke. John Nunn, prop guy, good friend of ours. Got up to the Nunner.

It's also great for that. You know what's great about that show? Any castmate smoke? No one else smokes, I don't think. No one's really smokes that much anymore. I know. Well, Marijuana has now exceeded cigarettes, I think. Sigs are out.

Wow. Some of the young kids are smoking again because it's like. His generation. McCone's 26. I saw you. We went out to the bar with him for his birthday, and a lot of his friends were smoking. I was surprised to see it again.

You're not vaping, I'm vaping now. Now, the older dorks vapeaked to them. They're like, I'm not going to be like my weird brother who vape. According to data from... I'm trying to quit smoking. National Survey of Drug Use Health. 21.4 million Americans use marijuana daily, Niro daily, compared to 19 million smokers.

So, yeah, marijuana surpassed. 19 million people are smoking? That's a lot of heaters. That's a lot of heaters. 21 million smoke pot every day, though. That's fucking hippies. Get a hair. Yeah. Draft Dodgers.

Join the core. 44 million Americans use marijuana regularly. 36 million Americans smoked cigarettes. Wow. Wow. Yeah, it's surpassed. That's kind of wild to think about it. I think it's cool.

I think it's good. Sure. I mean, unless you live in Texas where you can't do anything. They just ban marijuana. Well, because of the alcohol. What's that all about? I think they banned it across the board, right?

Doesn't Texas? Anything with like THC? They got like THC. I think they just... What do they do? I don't think Austin... You tighten up that pressure cooker. Texas implemented a...

State ban Delta 8, THC Delta 10 TACC flour. Oh, all synthetics. That Delta 8's fucking trouble. What is still legal? Let's read that. Not all hemp products are illegal under the new rules. You can still buy certain items that they meet state guidelines. Delta 9 TAC products containing 0.3% or less of Delta 9 THC by dry weight remain legal. Edibles and drinks, tinsures are still a lot if they stay under the legal TACC limit.

So they're putting a limit on it. Great reader, by the way. Yeah, well. You go to the best in the business. I went to school for it. You did? No. No.

No. But no. What is your degree in it? Actually, I actually, it is actually. Communications? Journalism? Broadcast journalism. Really?

Can you put out a complex line? Whoa. Three lines and see if we can read it fast. Did you want to be a news anchor? No, I just wanted to learn the entertainment industry from a different, I just want, I was communication. So it was like, well, I got to learn something about how the business works. This guy's a brilliant businessman.

Yeah. He's a brilliant man. I just wanted to learn how to do. Kevin's really smart too. And just being, we should be lucky because we're dumb. I kiss his ass every day. We need people like this to survive. People like you and I.

Free loaders. There you go. Bottom blood. Read that. Yeah. Grifters. Go ahead. I'm a grifter.

Who's reading it? Grifter. Go ahead. Go ahead. I got to put my glasses on. I have to go first? Yeah. Why do I have to go first?

So Chinese. All right. So here we go. Do it in English, Bobby. Okay. Betty Bopper bought a bit of butter, but the butter Betty bought was bitter. So she bought a better butter to make the bitter better. That was really good.

That is very good for a tongue. He doubled the line there. It's okay. You give it a go. The same one? Yeah. Betty bought her a bit of butter, but the butter, Betty bought was bitter. Oh.

So she bought a better butter to make the bitter butter better. I did it with style. You did it with, you slowed it down. Yeah, I took dramatic pausing. Yeah, it was actually. And I didn't go fast. No, it's not. Welcome back to the Idiot Olympics today.

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No, we don't do tongue. We can't do tongue twisters. Let's keep doing dumb stuff so we can narrate it. Like a broadcaster. Yeah, yeah. I got 50 on my idiot. My horse, I got a couple of bucks on my horse. We should compete on something.

Actually, idiot Olympics would be fucking. Yeah, I think you and I should compete. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What would you compete with? A dichathlon. Just the simplest of questions. Are you smarter than a fifth grader?

Even worse. Are you smart than the first grader? Yeah, yeah. He's pretty, Folli is pretty sharp. We've done a lot of- We've already done this before. He's got like, that's not need to do this. I have seen Follies.

I've seen your brain open up. I think people underestimate you. When I got hit with that bat? Yeah. It was bad. Leaking bad, dude. Now I'm pretty stupid. No, you're not.

You can't be stupid because it's like, you memorize your lines so quickly, you know it, and you're a great actor, and you can't be dumb and act, I don't think. You can't be dumb and this funny either. Like his mind operates. Thanks, thank you very much. That looks great. Thank you, brother. No, it does it.

No, it does it. How do you guys do it? Do you split time on stage and who decides who goes one? We do a straight stand-up show The live shows are awesome, actually We do a straight stand-up show We bring two openers You bring Tommy Cassidy

We bring Colin Chamberlain, We bring Sam Rubinoff with this Nice tight crew We do a host feature And then Kevin and I each do about a half an hour And then we come back on stage together When we play RU Garbage at the crowd Who goes, do you guys switch?

You go first one night? No, it's me than him Because he introduces like the RU garbage You guys want to play a lot He's the big boom And Kevin goes back and curates the question That was a big point of contention we were on tour fighting over who goes one. Really? Why?

Who wanted to go first? Was it to close out? Neither of us wanted to close. It was a big, big, he never wanted to close. That's an old school thing. I like that. I respect that. He never wants to go second.

He always wants to go first. He's out of his fucking mind. But that's like two dads fighting over the check. I like that. That's true. You? That's better, but that's better than like, no, I'm cool. No, I like it.

Is denim your thing? Yeah. What gives you that impression? Pop to bottom, you're a denim dog. He's the denim dog. Yeah. Low key. I belong in this.

This is every, this is like, I'm going to, I don't know. Bobby, low key, you are his biggest fashion, uh, inspiration. He rips a lot of your style off. He's big a, he gets big and a salvage denim after you. He, we, he has your bag. I'm big, your cross bag. I stole it. What bag?

The topo. Topo cross body. Oh, yeah, cross body. Yeah, yeah. You have that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, thief. And off camera.

Oh, you told me to. Oh, I did. Welcome. When we did your show in fucking Austin, we did bad friends in the live pod in Austin. You had, I was like, oh, that's awesome. You're like, go to the store. I got it today.

They have them. And I was like, I'm stealing. Awesome, dude. Yeah. Congratulations. You're an inspiration. I'm an inspiration to you. Yeah.

You're a trendsetter. You are. You've probably a lot of expensive jeans. He's an influencer. Influencer, yes. Yeah. Yeah. And when I do videos, I take a glass,

and I always did this. There you go. ESMR. You know what I mean? I just got this, um, Cappuccino, and you know how they do that? Yeah, get ready with me. Get ready for me. My girl.

Get ready for me. That's the drag queen version. Get ready for me while I, I go on an adventure with me. My girl taps. Let's go. Does she, what does your girl do? She taps, she taps the glass with her nails. It's hot.

I love it. I tried to force that. How did you find that? That was like five times. Cut that, please. How'd you meet this girl? Uh, DMs. She slid in.

She slid in. Yeah? She slid in. What was the line? What sunk? Nothing. It was just like friendly. It was just,

uh, she was so hot I didn't think there was any way that she was hitting on me. Come on, man. I'm being dead serious. So you got a nice ass. That's what you said to her when you met her. I said,

this is Bobby. Yeah. What does she do? Uh, she produces a comedy show in Cleveland. She lives, she lives in Cleveland. So you do the long distancing?

I mean, it's an hour of flight. It's nothing. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's still a trip, right? yeah,

it's just like, it's just like, it's a long, It would take me to get home on the sunrise. It's a fun plane ride. It really is. When you go to her. Yeah, we just took a, we just took a six-hour one, and I was, this was the longest

plane ride, I think I've been on not drinking, and it fucking suck. What, L.A. or, or, oh, my God. I'm usually, I was usually good for about, no lie, Kevin, 12 to 15 double Bloody Mary's on a lot. That's the fuck. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary?

Oh, yeah. That's a starter drink, and then you switch to something else. for me, baby. You continue with Bloody Mary. He finishes it with Bloody Mary. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you'll have 15 Bloody Mary's.

Yeah. And I'll watch, I'll watch a movie. For a long time, it was everything everywhere all of want. Are you pissing blood? No, no, dude, he won't get up. That's a great movie. For a seven-hour flight, Hulk crush all that, and then just sleep or hunkered that. Because I'm in, we sit next to each other.

I'm a, I'm an aisle guy. You're a sloth. Dude, it's crazy. You're a fucking unforgivable sloth. And I would eat villagers when I land. He's like a cat. camel. Wow.

Love a bloody mare. That's pretty impressive. Yeah. That's always your drink of choice, Bloodies, huh? No, not all the time. I always drank a lot of different stuff, which I know is against the code of drinking.

It would just be great. You'd be like, oh, I'll get a beer. And you'd be like, I'm going to, you want another beer? And he'd be like, no, let me get a fucking Harvey Wallbanger. And you're like, all right. And then like the next time was like,

let me get a margarito on a rocks with a twist of a soul. Let's say we were having a night out. We were going to dinner and then we were going to drink afterwards. Start out to meet. Let me, little, wait. Okay. Right? Start at the meal with a couple. Good job interrupting, man.

Dirty Martin. Oh, great. Yeah. Always fuck up a story. Like, make sure you wedge in right when he starts to go. These two are toast. Yes. Just when he starts to hum on a good story, just fucking slither in there and fucking just crack it. Just fuck it up. That's good. I apologize. Go ahead. It's live podcasting. There's going to be mistakes.

Wait, this is live? You know what I mean? Yeah. We're live stream. Go ahead. Start off. dinner, two or three dirty Tito's martini's, filthy dirty. Crush those. Wait, wait, what does filthy mean? Because I, you know, I don't know. Olive juice. Olive juice. Okay. So two, three.

Two or three of those, right? That sounds about right. And then, you know, if we were getting oysters, I'd get a glass of white wine to saw Vienne Blanc have some fucking oysters, right? Like a gentleman. Right. And then, um, either a beer, a glass of red wine. Afterwards, start with the margaritas. Um, have a Zamboca afterwards with a double-upro. After dinner. Apertief. Yeah. Yeah. And then if I was, you know,

do do do, do, do, calling, you know. What's that? Get the bag. Nokia? Is that Nokia full phone? Yeah, well. Yeah, yeah.

It could be. It could be. You can't play snake on it. Yeah, then start the market for you. I remember snake. Yeah. I spent eight hours playing snake once.

Wow. Silver Lake apartment. This is one night of describing of what you're drinking. Yeah. If I drink that, I would get wet brain. That's like that to me was like kind of.

Get. That wasn't that crazy. that's like the bar where it would be like four or five six different like we'd be there like crushing beers whatever and it's like it would always be a new let me try a wonky donkey yeah like that's a little fun I just never I don't like whiskeys and stuff like that we start doing shots no brown no like no no dark liquor no no no rum no whiskey no in the wee hours of the morning when I was trying to chase away the crash I'd put down like a you know bottle of makers or something like that oh my god a whole bottle of the head Yeah, once or twice I did that just to put me to sleep. Damn. I'm like a couple of Tylenol P.m. or something like that. And then you wake up, how do you feel?

What? Million bucks. Ready to start the day. That's when he wakes up. I get a phone call. I'm not feeling. Something's going around. I don't think I'll be able to make.

Remember I was saying my throat was scratchy yesterday? I go get a COVID test. Oh, so he cancels podcast. Kevin wakes up. No, no. Polly goes right to the gym, right to the gym. Right to the gym. I sweat it all out.

Hot yoga. Wow. That's incredible. That's how I like to drink. And then after a show, you get done. You're all jacked up. I would do like two or three double tequila and sodas and just fucking like pound the two of them. Just to level out.

Just to get across the river is what we call it. And what do you find? What? Across the river. Sadness, darkness. Oh, it's a dark place. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It's not like the Delaware. It's a different thing. It's like an underworld. Yeah. Gray. Mm-hmm. Creatures in the course. It wasn't the best hang,

especially in the late stages of it. Yeah, but you're good now. You said, how many months? March. March 6 was the last time I did blow. Okay, good. We're talking about drinking, though. Are we?

Why is blow all of us in the fucking story? Well, I mean, do you ever wear shoes without socks? I mean, most of the time, these two things are hand in hand, you know? Unless I'm on vacation. Yeah. And then, you're getting, you're really getting. But you drink now.

No. Oh, okay. Not, no. Do you smoke weed? No. Okay, nothing. Nothing. Meetings, anything like that?

Sober. Sober means nothing. Yeah, meetings went to rehab, all that stuff. When? Do you went to a meeting today? Yeah, I went to a meeting today. Farmers Market. Good program, baby.

Got a sponsor. He's work. You know, as much as I should own him, every time, we've had a lot of conversations about it, and every time I've asked him something, he is, you know, the first, like, kind of conversation, I was like, hey, man, you know, this is, you got to do something. He enrolled in rehab that night.

Wow. Anytime there's been a bump in the road, he's. Join the football team there. Did you really at the rehab? I enrolled. I admit it myself. You did. Yeah.

I mean, because I've been to many rehabs. I never went to a sleepaway rehab. Oh, it was outpatient. It's not patient. Yeah. IOPP. Fettie Ford Hazleton and Tribeca. Fantastic.

You've never seen his names on the wall on a couple of them. Big trophy him doing the Hizman. Yeah. I can't get into my high school hall fame, but I'm rehab, yeah. Yeah. That is true. Yeah. They're going to let you in someday.

I don't think so. Probably not. Have you been the real nice ones? Real nice rehabs? Yeah. I went to one that turned into a cat, like a rehab farm. What? So they make money, insurance companies make money by just processing as many people.

Get them in. Earn and turn, it's like a chilies. Right. So four years ago, I remember being in line. Private equity. We're a callback. Okay. Or a foreshadowed.

To another podcast. Yeah. I was wearing... Are you done? Yes. We'll talk about interruption, dude. He's our guest. Uh-oh.

I'm going to invite a guest, Bobby. Yeah. For now. And you've insulted me, and now I'm leaving. Okay. Go. You're supposed to be fucking flying the plane, brother. They're passengers.

I'm flying it now. I had 19 margaritas. So I went to... Captain, we've run out of tomato juice. some man drank 147 Bloody Marys. All right, take the marineros from the meatball.

Pin it out with some water. It'll be all right. I love Bloody Mary mix. But being in line with kids, like high school kids waiting to get a pill, like 15 pills, and then you take it,

you drink water, and you're sitting there in a room, and someone's doing a speech about something. I hated it. Yeah. We used to do a show at one in New York on the Upper East Side.

A detox center. A detox center. So these guys are like, four days in, whatever. It was six o'clock on a Friday, so it didn't interfere with spots. And I paid, they get paid $100 or $200. So when you're like hustle. Go right to my Coke dealer. You're like, right to him.

You're like, I need the fucking cat. That's irony. This is great. Dude, you sat in a living room. They sat on couches. Like strong out. Pueeking. And you're, you got to do 20.

Two comments. You had to each do 20. Talk about not one to close that show. Yeah, you want to get the fuck out of there. a bunch of comics or just you guys? It'd be two common. It'd be two different comments. Like, you didn't know.

No, Mike, no nothing. Like, standing here, doing standing. Holy shit. Each had to do, so like 20 minutes of that is, is the pay. Hours of, it? It's like 100 bucks. $200.

Cash right there. Why would you? Why would you? You were broke or poor? This was back in the day. I'm not doing it. Back in the day, it was like seven years ago. You think I'm going to go to a rehab center and perform for Foley?

That'd be crazy. Yeah. You suck. I like the fat guy. Yeah. But when I was the last rehab, there was a comedy night. And I asked, can I skip that?

Yeah. Because what happens is they get all the people in the rehab and they go into a room and they play Sebastian special. Oh, they play. I thought they bring you somebody. No, no. We're watching specials and everyone's laughing for carrot top. Yeah, these are all people that are my friends.

Andrew Santino's, Lulu Lurias. Yeah, I cannot do this. Yeah. Yeah, of course, dude. That's crazy. They were walking to a bar and they've got a comedy night that you've ever seen that. walking it's got a comedy night somewhere.

Like, I've been out of town with my wife. We walk into like a bar restaurant. A cafe or something. Comedy night in the back. And they're like, oh, and then just so you know. And I'm already fucking out the door on the other. I was like, we cannot, no, cannot be here for a comedy night. You don't pop in and go up?

Brother. Give me a thrill. No, fucking. Big star. No, brother, when you're off, you're off. When you're off, when you're off, I got to, I just turn off. I can't do the, yeah. I'm like, I don't want to be near it.

It's something about it is like it gives me the, like, it almost like makes me feel uncomfortable that I see it. And I'm like, I got to go. I can't do. Does it remind you of the struggle back in the day? It's also just like, I don't, they don't, they don't want to see me there. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they kind of do.

I think they do. I think, what are you doing? Are you going up? And then I'm like, no, I'm just having dinner. And they're like, well, what I'm, and then it's weird. I'm like, I kind of get that. Yeah, I kind of understand. I'm just eating dinner while you're working.

It was kind of, you know, we, we started in Philly and then, like, whatever, 12 years ago, moved to New York and kind of climb the the ranks there a little bit. And we went recently for content We filmed us going to an open mic with brand new jokes So like we and dude How was that? I mean it was fucking great It was brutal but to see these kids

Like we haven't been in a room like that like they're like you're like You're still fucking it still exists that level of That's good I love to hear that Guys up there you got the crazy The absolute insane person you got the guy who's doing too many money You got this it's they all existed I almost started naming them as you said that, like all the guys in my mind. It was really cool to see.

I love those days. I mean, I just, if I see, if I go into that now, because my anxiety goes to my neck feels like I'm going to close up. We were having panic attacks out. Yeah. You just walk up, dude, it's upstairs, second floor of a bar, maybe seven people. That Diet Coke with not a lot of ice in it. It's flat. Oh, my God.

You got to get it. Three cubes at the top floating. Yeah. That should be a crime. Yes. The worst feeling is this. That should be a crime. That should be against a crime.

Not enough. Vice. What the fuck do we do? There's 10 comics before you. You know they all suck. There's a little bit of an audience. And in your mind, you're like, hurry up, I want to get up there because I know. I want to bomb.

Yeah, let me get. I got something really tell. First joke out of the gate. Tanks. And you're like, all right. Oh, I know, I know. Let's hunker down here, get some good cracks. What else do I want to talk about?

Oh, bro, that one. There used to be a comic at the comedy store back in the day. I won't say. He used to say that all the time. And that was a part of his act. Anyway, tell me about your family. You're going on the road, right?

Tires, TV star. He's living in Ian's house now. Right. Shout out to Cousinian Finance. I love Ian. The best. The best. That guy's a fucking machine.

Is he single right now? I'm not sure. I think so, yeah. Man, when he is, he's unbelievable, that guy. He does well. He has a tight body on him. He does? Yeah.

Good looking guy. He pulls some. cards that you go, good God. Yeah, it does. Pretty unbelievable. You got Foley. Very easily. Easy pull.

What? I can pull you. That's a big steak dinner. You got to take... Call my name real fast. Andrew. Yeah, you see, you see. Slipping out of the seat.

See how cute you got real fast. How about me? Like a slipping slog. Do me, do me. Call Bobby. See if you turned down. Bobby. Did you get to murder me?

I've done... You were like... That was real slow. Yeah. The show go. enters. It was like an old Japanese film. My heartbeats in this time. Way too slow. No, dude. I'm doing fistful of dollars.

Sunny Chiba. Oh, yeah. Everything's right here. Oh, okay. Cineophile. Let's do it again. Do it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're watching the screen and it's just this. Ready? I imagine. All right, ready? Excuse me, can you pass me the gojan sauce? Why does that have to be gojong sauce? Why wouldn't it be? Okay. Ready? Goce chung. It's called gochajang. I love it. God bless you. I love it. All right, for real.

Okay. I'm a girl at a bar. Yeah. Okay. For real, I'm a girl in a bar. Go ahead. Excuse me, can you pass me the ketchup? What kind of girl eats ketchup at a bar?

That's a big... Really? No, no sex. No. Okay, I don't know how to do it. That's... Do it normal like you would. Okay, be real.

Okay, right? Right. And I'm really trying to get you. Okay, right. Right. Excuse me. Are you Bobby Lee? that's pretty good

that was a true Bobby you had your smile yeah yeah I'm trying to do it the cute thing when somebody goes somebody goes hey Bobby he goes what's up bud and he like rubs their hair he does

punches their tits or he'll jugger look at this fucking belly of jelly he'll do that to her charming guy he does that to people he's very charming they love it I'm saying broads no anybody loves it

chicks dude everyone loves it when he does that if I even fucking remotely did something like that. Yeah, we're cold people. My Christ, dude. If I was like, hey, a belly, belly, you would break someone's fucking soul. I think Santino thinks I'm a fat piece of shit. He does it. He could smack someone on the tits. And they're like, Bobby smack my fucking tits. They love it. They lose their mind. So I auditioned for this horror movie once back in the late 90s. Get out. It wasn't get out. No. And nobody wanted it be in his body. I did the audition. I did the audition

Okay Come on, I was good Really good Like shooting clay pigeons over here Shit Shit, man Go ahead Bobby So anyway

Can you say what movie it was I don't even remember Did he I was so Hollywood of you Yeah Were you audition Do you remember every audition Every single one

I do Okay I don't And then I go and watch the show If I don't get cast on it Yeah that guy sucks Yeah You know what McCone does He helps him

me the auditions, helps with auditions, and then sends me when they actually do the production and they hire the person, he'll show me the production of whoever got the part. He did great. You got to watch tape. Drive them. You got to watch tape. Negative reinforcement. How do you think you prepare for the defense if you can't watch tape? Yeah. You got to know what's happening. So I do this audition and I can tell the director likes me. And I know this because after the audition, he goes, stick around. Oh. Let's talk. It's always a good sign. It's a good sign. It's a good And he's like, what are you about, man? You know, I liked your thing, you know?

What are you about? You know how they say that? You're like, I don't think I should tell you. Yeah. And it would only frighten you. It's like 10, 15 minutes of us talking. And then at one point, we both laugh. And in the midst of this laugh, I go fatty, and I poked his belly.

That would have killed for me. I'd love it. Yeah, yeah. And as soon as I touched it, my fucking mind and my body went, I don't think that was good. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes,

okay, you can leave. Yep. Thank you. Oh, fuck. Yeah, and I turned around. James Cameron,

by the way. Yeah, and I walked out of that room going, what is you just do? That's hard, dude. It looks like I'm going to Hawaii. Yeah,

because you're trying to be funny, you know what I mean, and it didn't work because this is what I would do with another comedian necessarily doesn't transfer to directors. I saw a guy doing a bit when he left an audition

and he was like leaving me and being like, Like fucking around on the way out And it was a plate glass window In one of those offices And he fucking yon-na-na-na-na-ha. Oh, wow. In the faces, they were like, sheer concern.

I was like, holy fuck, he didn't get it. This guy's good. He didn't get it. He was like, he's not going to get it. No way. We all sat there and we were like, ugh. Fuck, dude.

I thought they might give it to him just out of like, just for his heart. I mean, he took it like a champ. He smoked his face. Then it was like, whoa. It didn't happen. Oh, yeah.

He went, he'd go, whoops, whoops, whoops. And then he found the door, I was like, holy fuck, man. So let me know when the callback is. You guys want me to stick around for a little bit longer? No, brother, get out of you. Every time I drive by 200 South, I get PTSD from that too. We had a commercial space for audition. Every time I go back there, I think about those auditions where you're leaving

and you try to say something clever and do something on the way out. All right, guys, I guess I'll see you on set. Oh, you said that? Whoa. You said that? No. Oh, God. Thank God.

No, I'm saying you hear people do shit like that. Yeah, let me know when the fitting is. Oh, my God. You hear people say that stuff. You really, commercial fittings. Commercial, you hear them a lot because a lot of the commercial actors, they do it every single day and they do like three a day. So they're so used to like the energetic jazz. They do that shit all the time.

And I dreaded it. But I would hear guys say stuff and they would laugh and love it. And I was like, fuck, I don't have that machine part in me to do the. I always am like, okay, thanks, bye. I'm like a wet little rag. I hate auditions. Wow, they're tough. I don't like, and I've said this before,

I might get a lot of shit for saying it. Oh, yeah, do it then. Do it. But when background actors try to showcase their talent in between takes. Yeah, you hate that. I don't know why. I don't like it. I'm not a big on set guy, so what does that look like?

It's just like, all right, caught. And then you'll see a guy go and start dancing. Go do do do do do do do do do to do. Does you? Yeah. Did you ever do extra work? No, that was me. I hate it myself.

Bobby's playing a corpse. He's up doing the moonwalk. Yeah. But they showcase their singing abilities or they try to be funny. I don't like it. I saw the coolest thing. Pete Fairley did one of the coolest things

I've ever seen in my life. We were shooting that Ricky Stinicki movie and he's pointing at one of the actresses. He's pointing at her and he says when he says we got to go, you say, well, I'll take him. Okay? But it's to a crowd of people in a kitchen.

So everyone kind of nods. They're like very intently listening to his direction. He goes, okay, we're good, good. Then when the scene goes, a background actor says the actress's line, thinking he was pointing at him. And the rest of the background actors started laughing to break the scene. And the amount of embarrassment on this young man, you watched his eyes. I mean, like I feel like he was like, God, make me a bird so I can fly far, far, far away from here.

Like he wanted to just fucking shoot into the sky and fairly takes it. He's like, okay, okay, enough. and then he takes me and goes, sorry, man, maybe you thought that was for you. That's her line for this. And he's like, I know,

I'm so sorry. I fucked it. Like, he got nervous. Uh-huh. Then he gave him a line anyway. Let's go. And I was like,

that's the coolest thing. That's the coolest of everything. In my fucking life. Amazing. So then all the other background actors that thought, look at you, fuckheads.

Like his mistake, he did it innocently, but then he gave him the line. And I remember looking at the other background actors because I'm staring that way. Yeah. And as he gets the line like, well,

we can go to the hospital. and all the other background actors are like, fuck. Like, you got them. Did nobody else try to do it? No, fuck no, no. They knew. That's it. That's the one done.

They laughed. Yeah. They laughed when they put in the kid, you know. They put in the kid after the time was up. The game was over. It was a minute left. You know, you take him up the bench. You let him shoot a brain throwing.

They laughed at him. They laughed at him. And then he got a, he fucking hit the buzzer. Get the buzzer, Peter, dog. Huge. Fairly's the man. So you go in on the road. Going on the road.

We got the special. Special's out now. Special's out now. American garbage. American garbage. Go check it out because you guys are our boys for life. Thank you, bud. Two of the greatest comedians today.

I love the greatest comedians today. Truly love you guys. Also, I will say, I remember when I first did the pod, I thought I was a little nervous for it. You're not nervous for pods, but yours is good where you kind of feel like you've got to be real settled in and ready to go. We thought you didn't like us. Really?

Yeah. Because I said, fuck you guys when I left? Yeah. Well, I don't even think so. That's how I say goodbye. No, why, why? I don't even know. You were a huge get for us.

Yeah. No. We didn't know you. I was in shorts. You pulled up in a fucking crazy car. Middle of summer. Oh, yeah, I pulled up in a, uh, you were a billionaire. You were a big in a house.

1942, model T. Yeah. 1942 model T. I had to hand crank it to get down there over that hill to West Hollywood. It had the eyelashes on it. Yeah. Driving for lift at the time, which I found weird. Well, I mean, you know, it's in the, you know, I think you have to do your service as much

as you're doing for yourself. if you had to do for others. That was one of our first away games where we did it out of the studio. Right, you didn't we go in that little fucking... We came to L.A. to get you. That was awesome. Bobby, we put on a bus to New York.

It took me eight days to get there. Well, speaking of which... We are... McCone is going to take the bus. I have the bus schedule for you, by the way. He did send it to me, so I got to tell you. Awesome. I think we're in a good place with McCone.

Let's have these guys actually pick. Los Angeles to Lordsburg, New Mexico is 12 hours and 40 minutes. And then Lordsburg, New Mexico to Curville, Texas another 12 hours. Curville, Texas to Lafayette, Louisiana, 10 and 10 hours. Lafayette, Louisiana to Atlanta, Georgia, another 12 hours and 20 minutes. So you leave on the 22nd, arrive on the 25th.

Are you ready to buckle up and buy that ticket? That sounds very fun. That's crazy. You're lots. It's like train hopping. Boys, please go watch American Garbage right now. It's on YouTube. Go watch Are You Garbage Their Show.

Go see them live. Thank you, God bless. Keep on the train. You're doing great. You guys are the man. Thank you. Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Are you garbage? Thank you. That's great.