Bad Friends - We Are Suing Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 9, 2025

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: GoldBelly, Shopify, Rocket Money & BLUECHEW • Goldbelly: Get free shipping and 20% off your first order at https://GOLDBELLY.com with code BADFRIENDS • Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to http://www.RocketMoney.com/BADFRIENDS today. • Shopify: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://www.shopify.com/badfriends • BlueChew: Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code BADFRIENDS -- just pay $5 for shipping 0:00 Horrible, Terrible, Bad Thoughts 4:00 Bobby's Opener 10:00 Eccentric King 15:00 Karate Ghost 23:00 Where's My Role, Tom Segura? 28:00 Nightly Routine 33:00 Black Graduation 40:00 Most Polite He's Ever Been 46:00 Funeral Photoshoot 53:00 AA Meetings 1:02:00 King Charles the Dog YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ads Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? Woo-hoo! White dude and Asian dude. Woo-hoo! You two are disgusting. Woo-hoo! Are you two or something?

We're bad friends. Yeah. What are you doing with the drink? Give it to the king. God. Give the king his drink. Drink, dude. Give the...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Get him a side table to put that on. Oh, so, hey, hey, before you do that. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before you do that. Clear off that table. Bow! Bow to Tom, hey, before you do that. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before you do that. Clear off that table. Bow. Bow to Tom.

Take it all off right now. Bow to Tom. Bow to him. Bow to Tom first. Bow to him, say, my liege, I am so. My liege. Say, I am so proud to have met you in person, my liege. Yeah.

I'm so proud to have met you in person. It's just from my homeland, sucky sucky. Sucky sucky? Okay, now go, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, let him put drinks on your back until Carlos can clear off the table. Yeah, yeah. Use him as a table. Yeah, use him as a table.

Yeah, good boy. I don't hear anything, no. God damn it! Oh, damn it, man. I think he might have. Oh, there we go. Yeah, you just had to. Yeah, yeah.

Did you just, did you do that with your- We can bring it down a little. Okay, thank you. I was on the way. Is it high? It's pretty high. I'm sorry. You can bring it down a little.

Sorry, sir. Thank you. I was like, I got you deaf. What? Wow. Whoa. What, what, what? I just got it. I'm deaf, I think.

You're trying to insult our guest? Fancy span your dad. Yeah, dude. Number one, we're family. That's number one. Number two, he's the king. Number three, right? Number three.

Andrew's what? Cut of deaf. Watch your the death. Number two, number three. Right? Number three. Andrew's what? Cut of death. Watch your tone, bud. You want to get shit back? You want ice? You want me to send ice? I have a passport now. Wow.

I'll bring fire, dude. Oh, dude. How long? It is funny. He is a citizen. That sounds like he just got. Did you just get the passport? Yeah, two years ago.

Oh, OK. OK. It sounded like it arrived last week. No, I just have a passport now. No, he did. He took a citizenship test and he's an American citizen. We're proud of him. Yeah.

Way to go, man. So- USA. I'm not clapping. USA. Tom, let's introduce our guest. Ladies and gentlemen, our guest today is one of the most powerful, poignant-

It's too much. It's a lot? It's Tom Segura. No, powerful, poignant. It's too much. It's a lot? It's Tom Segura. No, take out poignant. Poignant. And powerful. He is powerful and poignant. Okay.

And he has a show out right now on Netflix called Bad Thoughts, which we are going to sue for as a Bad Friends company, man. It's right there, right? Are there other words you could have used? Yeah. Than bad? There were about 300.

Awful. That we can say. Awful thoughts. It could have used? Yeah. Than bad? There were about 300. Awful. That we can say. Awful thoughts. It could have been. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Atrocious thoughts. Yep.

Yeah. Alliteration would have been good, like terrible thoughts. Tyrannical Rex. Well thought. Tyrannosaurus Rex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Synonyms for bad, you could have used. Yeah, zoom in, zoom in.

Substandard. Yeah. Unacceptable would have been good. Unacceptable thoughts. Second rate. Oh, yeah. Dreadful. Yeah, dread in, zoom in. Substandard. Unacceptable would have been good. Unacceptable thoughts. Second rate. Oh yeah. Dreadful. Yeah, dreadful thoughts.

Not up to par thoughts. Unlucky thoughts. Grim thoughts. Have you thought about what you're gonna name your special? No, I haven't, Tom. It's one of the worst times you can have. I know, I can't think of it. I just did mine.

I know, I know your title's great. I can't say it yet, but I'm excited. I know your title's great. There's this thing too, when you're naming, and they pointed this out to me, because we were submitting just dozens of them. Yeah. Every title sounds fake until it's like official.

Right. When you're throwing them around, you're like, that sounds like a made up, that doesn't sound real. Well, ChachiBT says, Bobby's comedy spells should be called Tiger Dad, Unfiltered Kimchi, The Slep King, Pork Chop Samurai,

I'm diagnosed. That's the only one I wanna, Trauma Llama is so good. Trauma Llama is good. I feel like if you do go with Still Bobby, you gotta do one of these poses. It's still Bobby. How about this? It's still Bobby.

It's still Bobby. Yeah. No, does your title, I was thinking about this, because you guys are the pros. Correct. And you guys are better than me. That's right. Yeah.

As people, you're talking about. What? As people, you mean? People draw better. No, no, no, mediums. As people, as comics, as friends, as actors, as writers, as performers, as everything, really. Yeah, you know.

Take it away. Okay, now go. Now go. Yeah. You're so good. Anyway, what I was gonna say, does your title have anything to do with your jokes or your theme or can it just be random?

It can be random. All right, well, why can't I just do the Slep King? You can. Yeah, yeah. Trauma Llama is more fun. Yeah, but I don't have jokes about llamas. I certainly think you could write one. Let's do one right now.

Go ahead. Okay. What did the llama say to his twin brother llama? What did he say? Meh. You can open it. You can open it. You know, because you're open.

Pretty good, right? That's dead on. What, go ahead. Well, the opener's your table setter for the hour, so that's a good way to start the hour. Let people know what kind of show they're gonna do. Really? Sure, yeah.

Well, listen, you're a better friend than me, right, and you're a better actor and all that stuff. Correct. Like he said, right? But what I'm saying to you is that, are you being real right now? Yeah. You think that joke I just wrote

should be my opening joke? For the special, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you might maybe workshop it a little. Do. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for coming, man, my first special. Woo!

San Diego! Woo! Woo! Hey! Hey, what's up? Trouble Lava! What? Thanks for bringing it up, guy.

You all right? What did the one lava say to the squid lava brother? What did he say? What? Nah. Woo! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Everybody's laughing. Losing it, dude. I'm losing it? My favorite thing you said is it's the table setting for the entire special, and it made me think immediately, I know that's a turn of phrase, but how Bobby has literally never set a table his entire life.

I went to educate school. No, you didn life. It's, I went to etiquette school. No, you didn't. There's a paper in Poway, I have a clipping of it, of me going to etiquette school. They took a photo of me. Why did they take a photo of you going to etiquette school? Because I didn't know what a fork was. How old were you?

12 or something. And so I was like, yeah, it was like that. And I picked up a fork. What? No, that's not me. I was picking up a fork, like looking at it like, this is it was like that. And I picked up a fork. What? No, that's not me. I was picking up a fork, like looking at it like, this is a fork, you know what I mean? And I was like.

Dude, you went to etiquette class for how long? Be honest. For like a year. We also learned dancing, ballroom dancing. Shut up. Yeah, yeah. You know what's so funny is that you have none of that is in you.

Or like, when I'm, you know I love you, and I've introduced you to different people in my life, and all of them are like, where's this fucking alien from? Like within minutes. They're like, this is the least. No, no, fuck off, Tom. I think it's your projection,

because I'm gonna say something. No, no, no. I'll tell you why. We were in Toronto backstage, and he said the same exact, privately. He goes, where are you from? You're so weird. Yeah.

And I think that's his own projection. I think I'm normal. Wait, why are you saying, he's not projecting. That's hilarious. Yeah, what would he be projecting? Because he's weird. No, I don't think so, dude. You don't think that's weird?

I think he's about as low, he's about as low weird on the weird scale as you are the highest of the weird. What's weird about me low, he's about as low weird on the weird scale as you are the highest of the weird. What's weird about me though? What's weird? That you're Peruvian, maybe you look like a white guy. Okay, that's kind of weird, sure. I would say that it was interesting, not weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's more interesting than weird. Yeah, yeah. That's like, oh, you're Peruvian, Peruvian. That's interesting, I didn't know that. The only guy that lost weight that looks worse. Wow, dude. Okay.

You see what he's doing? You look great. And by the way, he tried to go to battle with Shane Gillis, didn't end well, so. Yeah, it didn't end well, yeah, yeah. Why, you know, here's another thing that you're weird. Yeah. You surprise me.

That's weird? Yeah, because it's like, you're dynamic, but you hide your talents. What are you fucking talking about? I don't know, I'm just... Yeah, it's not working. Yeah, because it's like you're dynamic, but you know you hide your talents What are you fucking talking about? I don't know. Yeah, it's not working. Yeah. He's not weird look Carlos He's fucking weird man. We know what weird is we have it all over look at the fucking window of weirdos He said alien you are quite alien so I walk into like a dinner like Dude, but here's the thing you You take this, you always get defensive, like it's a critique.

But what I'm saying is that it's a celebration. When people meet you, we've toured together, you came and did an episode of Bad Thoughts with me. I have another thing. I have another thing. Let him finish. Okay, go ahead. So in both scenarios, you know

Like I go like oh here. This is my friend Bobby's great comic and everyone, you know, it's like oh cool Always if not within the first 20 minutes within the first few hours people pull me aside They're like, you know Dude story my fucking life it's gotta be right, story of my fucking life. It's gotta be, right? Every day of my life. And why does he react this way though? He pretends this is an act.

It's a, he does this cause he wants, this is him ramping up. You know how like somebody ramps up? He's ramping up silently. Look at him. Go ahead and say what you want to say back. He's not critiquing you. He's just giving you the real world.

Okay. Okay. People used to call me eccentric. Eccentric. Whatever it is. Yeah, that's the one. And... Expresso. Yeah, and espresso, eccentric.

Can you get me espresso? Okay, no. I'm an egocentric. That's what you should call your special eccentric espresso. All right. What did they drama save to the twin brother? You're on fire today. They go. So women usually go, you're eccentric and I googled it and I don't think that I'm any of that. You are eccentric. We've looked

it up on this show. Yeah, but yeah. So, um. Unconventional and slightly strange. But that's about society. You're like, society tells you how to behave one way. Right. Not everybody is weird about you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Here's the deal.

You are eccentric. We love, that's what we like about you. It's the most fun thing. But I honestly, can I just say, oh, can I just, I honestly think that I'm normal. For you, you are. When I wake up, I go, oh, normal. You know what I mean?

Like, no, I don't do that. You were about to. No, I don't do that. No, no, no. I go, ooh! Good morning! No, I go, oh, morning. Yeah.

Yeah, like that, right? Okay, can I give you an example? Okay. Here's the deal. I handle it like this. If I said to my mom and dad in Chicago, if I said, Tom Segura's coming over for dinner tonight,

they'd go, oh wow, awesome. Oh my God. Oh, you're gonna. And then if I say, when I said, Bobby, mom, dad, Bobby's coming up for dinner, my mom goes, really? No. No.

What does he mean? Okay. That's a fact, they were there. Bobby's coming up for dinner. My mom goes, really? What is he? Okay. That's a fact. They were there. All right. When I went to your fucking Thanksgiving fucking dinner, right? Yeah. Wasn't I polite? You were. And I do my fucking you were putting on. You were putting on. You were putting on. I'm a normal dude. How much of an actor was he fucking putting on? was unbelievable you were watching football with his dad It's such bullshit. That's what I do my normal life. There's such a liar you've watched football before no no But like but it's like all the Kansas City Chiefs are playing the Philadelphia, Philadelphia. Yeah Right yeah, you know because I think you change the name no they did yeah Philadelphia, whatever they are Yeah, it's so close. Yeah, they did. They changed it. Philadelphia, Philadelphia. Guy Hocks, whatever they are. The Skyhawks. So, yeah. It's so close. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it's Eagles. Hey! There we go. You got it. Okay, name some football teams. You wanna guess? Pittsburgh. Steelers.

Very good. Very good. Detroit. Lions. Chicago. Gotta know that. Bears. Arizona.

That's a tricky one. Cardinals. Oh, that's good. Wow. Wow. You know them all. So that's my point. I'm, I act like this in show business areas. Good for you.

Right? So like, you know, I met Chuck Lorre the other day. Hmm. You know what I mean? Bragg. Big Bragg. Big Bragg. Was it a general?

Like was it a- No, we were just hanging out. Where? Oh, we were just hanging out. Where? Oh, we were just hanging out, me and Chuck Lorre. And I act weird around him, cause I'm like, use me as an asset, come on. Five and a half guys or whatever, you know what I mean? And so it's like, I can see myself,

like my brother does it. My brother acts weird in front of you. He's, that's not who he is. You're right. I've seen both sides of your brother Yeah, so it's like I think that I kind of like it accentuates certain things you you play it up, right? Yeah, that's normal though. Thank you so much. Okay. I have a quam with you. Tell me okay, okay So this fool right? No, I you know, I don't I'll bring it up privately Right? You know what, I'll bring it up privately.

No, do it now. You might as well do it now. That look was fucking, you have a look now, dad. Now? Yeah, yeah, your look now is improved, dramatically. What do you mean? He can look at me with an eye, or both eyes, if you may, and you can go, just in one eye, shut the fuck up.

Oh yeah. Yeah. But I wasn't doing that. He didn't do that though. I didn't do that. Tell me what the- I'm curious as to what your qualm is. Okay.

Oh, check this out, dude, this is so funny. What? Here's, I'm Bobby. Making it up. No, I'm not making it up. I'm not making it up. I'm making it up right now in my head. Making it up, I'm making it up. No, I'm not making it up. I'm making it up right now in my head. Making it up, I'm making it up.

I'm fucking making it up right now in my head. Go. I'm not gonna say it. Oh, come on, bro. Come on, dude, don't do this, just do it. What's your qualm? Please. What the, so the qualm was that you called me.

Yeah. Hey, I'm doing a project, right? And I go, and you called me FaceTime. So then I went to your bad thoughts thing, and I went to the director, and I'm like, of the project that you're doing, and I go, I'm in it, right? He's like, we'll see.

Yeah. I don't understand. Hold on one second, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna give this story the light. Is this, is that it? I don't understand. Hold on one second, I'm just gonna give this story the light. Is this, is that it? Wait, you went to the premiere, that's what you're saying? And you were worried you weren't in it?

You're in the fucking show. No, it was a different project. Oh, what? The movie. The movie, okay. You call me a movie and then when I went to it and talked to the director, he made it seem like I wasn't in it.

Maybe you're not. What did he say? He goes, maybe he was joking, like we're gonna have the audition or something, but you know what I mean? Yeah. Interesting. Were you good in the movie, do you think?

We haven't done it yet. So what the fuck are you talking about? He's talking about that there's a movie coming up that your offer's coming this week for. Yeah. And. Yeah. And. And he's like.

Oh wow. You know, I believe that. Yeah, he'll turn it down, but. He might. You know how he does. He might. You know what I mean? He just might.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know what? We can't all do Parade Ghost. You're in Karate Ghost? Dude, this guy. What's Karate Ghost? My favorite thing about Bobby, sometimes Bobby's like,

don't do the Asian accent anymore, man. I'm trying to get away from that kind of shit. And I'm like, okay, fine. What'd you do this week? He's like, I shot Karate Ghost. What is that, Deadline? Yeah. It's not Dead He's like I shot karate ghost What is that deadline? Yeah Belushi Bobby Lee And who else Tim Ross and Colton gobo. Those are fake names. Those are AI

Well that dude right there is in the new karate kid movie. I know buddy. I'm just teasing. Okay, wait So have you is this I shot it already and Steve Howie's in it too. Is it just your voice? No, no, I'm literally in it. But, woo, wax on. Stop it. Bro, what the fuck? It's a good movie, it's gonna be big. I'm just not.

How was it? How was it? Steve Howie's in it by the way, here's how I know Steve Howie's in it. What? Steve Howie called me. I was at the gym and he called me to say, "'Hey man, did Bobby change his number?'

"'I can't get through to him at all.'" I was like, you got the right number, buddy. Yeah, yeah, I texted him back though. You did, finally. We called him, yeah, I called him, yeah, yeah. Set in a town ruled by an absurd karate law, the film watches a lonely teen form an unlikely bond with the ghost of his late father's favorite action hero.

Is that right? Yeah. And then you're the fake- his late father's favorite action hero. Is that right? Yeah. And then you're the fake- No, I play a sensei. I do a thick Asian accent. I do a thick Asian accent. I was gonna say, how's your English? In it.

Is it the kind we all wanna hear? The- Yeah. You- All right. But it's based on a popular comic book, right? In the video game? Yeah. Oh, cool.

He said, so here's the deal, okay? I fucking. Look at you in that IMDB photo. That's great, man. Down there. This guy's killing it, man. Yeah, that one. Yeah.

That was from a long time ago. 96. 1996. That's when VH1 was still on the air. Yeah, yeah. So handsome. Okay, anyway, this is what happened, Tom. Kick punch. I had to find a way to get to that. I had to find a way to get to that. I had to find a way to get to that. I had to find a long time ago. 1996. That's when VH1 was still on the air. Yeah. Yeah, so handsome. Okay. Anyway, this is what happened Tom. Kick punch.

Tell me you had what? Dude, I feel so defenseless. I mean I'm being bullied by both of you. Do you deserve this? I do I think. You do. I do. Go ahead. I apologize. That's fine. Okay. I didn? I do, I think. You do. I do. Go ahead. I apologize. That's fine. Okay. I didn't show up to a meeting. You?

Yeah. Was it at noon or something? You're like, this is gonna be cool. 10 AM in the morning. 10, 10 30, Carlos and I were on the phone with Ireland. We were zooming with Ireland, doing morning press. And they were like, where's Bobby? Is Bobby, is Bobby gonna be coming with ya?

I was like, well, he's not at my house. We have two separate homes, so I don't know where. And they're like, really? Can you get a hold of Bobby? And I was like, I can't. We can't get a hold of Bobby. Yeah, how mad were you? We had this plan for weeks.

How mad were you? I said, you're right, Irishman, we have had this plan for weeks. Yeah, I can't believe Bobby's not on the call. I was like, I can't either. You know what, dude, he never does stuff like this. And the Irishman goes, oh, that's so disappointing. I thought we'd get you can't either you know what dude He never does stuff like this and the Irishman goes ah that's so disappointing I thought we'd get you together and you'd be goofing together, and I said me too me too, bud me, too I know how many times I have to fucking apologize for it

Karate ghost can we not talk about karate ghost? You didn't even tell me by the way well about what well you I you had asked me and and You know about about you and bad thoughts, and you're like, is it funny, is it good? And I was like, yeah. And then I was like, thank you so much for doing it. Did you watch it? You know he didn't watch it.

You didn't watch it? No fucking chance. You didn't watch yourself? No. Oh. No, okay. Well, so what happened was this, okay? What happened was?

I'll tell you what happened. So Gilbert from Tiger Belly. Correct. I made him watch it. So he saw the whole show. So you paid another guy to watch your scene for you. And? And then before, cause you know what I mean,

and he goes, your sketches is not as strong, you know what I mean, as the other sketches. Is it your fault? I know, just listen to what I'm saying, Tom, I don't want you to roll it around, all right? So what I'm saying is that, and so I'm like, oh, but I have to say, I've gotten a lot of taxes, how great I was in it.

You're so funny in it. So my point is that, thank you so much. Okay, you were really great in it, honestly. Thank you. Why didn't you want to watch it? Andrew, do you watch everything you're in? No, but I watch everything you're in. I know, and I watch Nickiy Neistatlickly.

Did you? Nicky Stinnicky. Yeah, what's it about? It's about golf, maybe. That's right. Very good, say less. Anyway, so I don't watch things that I'm in. Me neither.

Right, but sometimes I force myself to, you know what I mean? I'm trapped into it. You're gonna be happy with yourself in this one day when you see it. You're very funny in it. Also, if it was shown at the premiere, I would've been forced to watch it, but it's like, but based on the other sketches

on the show, let me say this, okay? I was talking to my date about it, and I go, number one, I've never seen anything like it. Okay, number two, it's shot like a film. Number three, it's crazy funny. So what I'm saying is that thank you for putting me in it. Yeah, yeah. I think it's prestigious.

I think it's prestigious. And I want to say that, congratulations. Okay, thanks buddy. Jesus fucking Christ. Gold Belly. Listen up to me. No, you listen to me. You listen to me. All right.

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Andrew Promise. Yeah, you know when he chases, this is a funny, I bet you, I wonder if your guys do this. Like after the show's done, you know, we're done, we're wrapping up, we're saying goodbye, and then they'll follow you to your car to ask you one thing not in front of everybody else. Yeah, he's like, Andrew, Andrew?

And he chased me to the parking lot. I go, what's up, man? He's like, I was just wondering. And as he's doing this, I'm getting into my car. I'm already gone. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm leaving. You know what I mean?

It's like a kid being like, when will you be back, dad? I'm like, I'm not coming back, buddy. Your mom has you now. And he goes, maybe, do you think you will be in the movie? Maybe? What did I say? I said yes. Of course I will.

Yeah, but you're not. This is a movie you're making? Yeah, there's no way. Yeah, there's no fucking way, dude. He went to film school or whatever. Total fucking bullshit. We had a real director here two weeks ago. Yeah, we had David Mammon sitting in this chair.

We had David Mammon. We're gonna work with this fucking guy? We are, we're gonna do your movie and I can't wait to do it. I'm excited to do it. Andrew, I hope you consider the movie that we're- I, I don't know, man. You know what?

What? I am very excited to even, we don't have the, you have to tell me, no one's told me anything. No, it's coming this week. Oh, it is? I swear to you, it's coming this week. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Are you being fucking, no, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, right? And I don't like your mischievous smile. Why? Okay, are you saying to me this? Yeah, tell me. And I'll be open. Yes. And I'll accept it.

Okay. What you're telling me, Mr. Segura, is that you're gonna offer him a part in your movie, okay? Yes. Through his agency? Yes. Right.

Are my agents gonna call me? You're gonna audition for it. I... To be honest, because we're friends. I love you so much. I love you too. We did Indian seances in Canada, right? We've gone through so much together.

Yeah. What are you asking? Ultimately, what are you asking? You want me to get an offer? Oh, you want to get an offer for the movie? Right? We've gone through so much together. Yeah. Okay. What are you asking? Ultimately, what are you asking? Am I going to get an offer? Oh, you want to get an offer for the movie? Yeah, because you're getting one. We don't know that. He just said it.

We don't know that. Okay. Hypothetically, would I get one? Not hypothetically, am I getting one? I don't know yet. I... I... Why are you giving me that thought? It's not like that. It's not like that. You don't understand, man. I Cuz I Don't like that it's not like that you don't understand. You know there's a lot of it's not me going

Him yes him no, it's not like that. Oh, you I don't think I you think I know how movies work Well, then why are you look at my IMDB guy? Let's check out his IMDb. Oh here. We go now You're gonna fucking shame me. What's your problem? He's probably you're probably gonna get something you never know Now you're gonna fucking shame me. What's your problem? He's probably you're probably gonna get something you never know Okay, let's see the same DBL no Look at that stack yet stacked so many what else do you need? Goddamn look at that right there kicking old-school chilly chill. I mean it never ends. What's your favorite thing? That's on? Do you have one favorite? He's gotta fix the mic he put on. Bad thoughts. Oh stop.

Hello. Listen, I'm being real. Let's be real for a second. I know how the biz works. Do ya? He's a great actor. And I understand why you would. And I'll catch you on the flip side.

On the flip side? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll catch you on the flip side. On the flip side? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll catch you on the flip side. But it's not like, it's definitely not like. Yeah, but you know. I'm gonna tell you, can I cut this off and change this? Change the subject. I wanna say something. Okay, let's get real.

We are a little heartbroken. We do miss you. It's a little annoying that everyone left us. Can we be honest and tell our friends that everybody left us? We're miss you. It's a little annoying that everyone left us. Can we be honest and tell our friends that everybody left us? We're here alone on this little island. Also, it's kind of. I'm gonna die out there.

Oh, yeah, he's trying to curse it. Well, he was telling me that in 2020. Right? He's like, you don't feel the fucking wave coming back here right now? I go, no. I did say that, huh? Oh, you did.

You know what? I think we're jealous. It's not jealous, we miss our friends. I miss. It's like when half the community moves, you know what I mean? It's like Game of Thrones. Yeah.

It was so fun, by the way, to be in the store the other night when we ran into each other in the store. That was such a fun night. That was a fun night. Felt like the old days I heard. The old days, you know what I mean? I remember when Rogan was there, you,

all these guys, you know what I mean? Seth? Seth Rogan, yeah, yeah. And all those guys. God, you're so quick today. Thanks, man. God, you're so good. Now you turn it up.

Good sleep? Yeah, did you? Not really. I can tell. Why? Because your demeanor. Oh, my demeanor's off? You're slower today, you sound sl really. I can tell. Why? Because your demeanor. Oh, my demeanor's off? You're slower today, you sound slurry.

Really? It's early for you. Yeah, it's early for me. Wait, how, this is early? Very early. Oh yeah. Too early. What's a normal wake up time?

I know we've talked about it, but I don't remember. Yeah. Horish. No. When I have nothing, yeah. When I have nothing to do, um, right? So when I have nothing to do. Dude, how funny is that?

How funny is that for you to fucking say that to me in front of my fucking face, when I have nothing to do? We have so much going on, and it's so funny. What he's saying is, when Andrew has all the stuff to do, and I don't do any of it, I get to fucking sleep till five. It's amazing. That's insane, bro.

He sleeps till 4 p.m. And then we shoot at six or seven p.m., usually. I don't have children. Neither do I. We have a job. Oh, that's right, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, so to get up at four,

what time did you go to sleep, though? Well, last night, for instance, if I may. Yeah. You know what I mean? You may. All right, so I'm playing, I was playing Oblivion, but watching House of the Dragon at the same time. Oh, double down. Yeah, I was doubling down on you.

I love it. But with Oblivion, I can just wander. Right, you don't need to really be in the game. I pick up mushrooms, you know what I mean? You're foraging and stuff. Well I'm an alchemist in the game. So I like making potions and stuff. You know what I mean? You're quite the alchemist in the real world as well, Mike.

Yeah, and then taking Grand Soul Gems, tricking them into Black Soul Gems. You know what I mean? But you are slurring, is that from a thing? I haven't slept good last night. Okay, it's not like a neurological condition or something. Are you being fucking real right now? You think I'm slurring? Well, you said, I'm feeling a bit of a mushroom. Yeah, you did slur.

Okay. He is right. Well, I'll be more clear then. Okay, okay. All right, so I'm gonna say, this is making me dumb. Let me finish, let me finish, okay? So then, then the birds tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. Chirp. Chirp.

Very good. Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, right? Sounds like I'm teaching you English. Yeah, you're right. I literally had one hour of sleep last night. Wait a minute. Yeah. So, what?

Wait, you're playing the game, the movie's on. TV show! TV show, and then what? It's five, six a.m. later? Five, six a.m. Okay. And then I go, Bath times.

He takes a bath, he loves morning baths. So I have buckets in the bathtub and also my tree tea oil. Tea tree. Whatever. We're gonna figure it all out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Tea tree. Tea tree oil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had one hour of sleep. So I'm like really tired right now. Okay, I understand. Were you going on a date last night though? No, no date.

Don't lie. Swear to God. Wait, so the bath is over around seven, eight a.m.? Then do you get? It's called a Korean ritual. Okay. Okay. Do you get body scrubbed too? You get scrubbed?

So I have two scrubbers. One for my feet, and one for my whole body. What are the buckets for in the tub? Because when you do, Yeah. Towel. Right? Then I take the bucket, fill it with warm water,

and I pour it over my bath. And then I take the bucket, fill it with warm water, and I pour it over my bath. Because when you do, right? Then I take the bucket, fill it with warm water, and I pour it over my back. Oh wow, you're super Korean. Yeah, yeah. Then I lay there, listen to music, and then by the time, then it's 10. Then it's 10? Yeah, then it's, now it's 10, man. Now it's 11, right?

That's when I'm on the call with Ireland. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly, and then what happens is I hear my dogs in the backyard because my bedroom, you have a pool and a really nice backyard. I mean, you don't have to flex that hard. He does, dude.

Oh, I took a shot. Yeah, we know. And now I'm like, oh my God, the dogs are in wrong fucked right? They're hungry They have to eat and piss and so then I double-check my fucking phone to see the alarm is on Mm-hmm. It was it was on. Yeah. Yeah And then I went to sleep Okay, so what's up? What's up, brah? What do you got a problem with that brah? That's about 1130 or up? You got a problem with that, brah? So that's about 11.30 or so.

No, that's a normal day. You're not a weird guy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But normally, like for instance, the karate ghost week. Yeah.

Well, your filming is a different thing. So if I have a 5 a.m. call time, I'm there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was gonna say, how hard is it for you to pivot when you're working in a production and you- I don't sleep. You just don't. I just show up like fucking no sleep.

So you show up and then- But then if I have two days in a row, then that night I'll sleep at seven. Right, you'll just pass out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he knows the lines. Yeah, he's a pro. I do, I know my lines.

He'll show up knowing the lines, that is a fact. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll show up knowing the lines and he shows up on time. You know what, you know what I'm getting better at though? Memorizing lines when I'm there It's giving you more incentive to not memorize lines No, no what I'm just saying I still memorize them, but there was one day where I was like I was so tired

I'll just do it in the morning right right it was a lot of pages. Oh shit, and I could just do it quickly What what you're really solidifying your offer from the new movie Well, yeah, that's just I just get panicked if you're like well, you're the lead you're number one on the call sheet for that Yeah, yeah, so you have a lot of lines. That's true and that horror movie did really good. Yeah I think that not the best number was that movie called Would the one that I had a role in yeah, you were like the VHS clerk. Oh countdown countdown. Yeah, bring it up I want to see a photo. I love that movie called? The one that I had a role in? Yeah, you were like the VHS clerk. Oh, Countdown. Countdown, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bring it up, I wanna see a photo. I love that movie. Yeah. When I saw Cigur- Because I watch every horror movie. He's typing his name with the countdown. Actually, the scene for me is- There he is.

No, but the scene with the- Look at the acting. Next to it? Yeah, in the cell phone store. That goes like, even like hood clips We play it because people love a customer service guy being like hey fuck off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love I love honestly I loved your smooth it scenes in that movie. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. But yeah, that is on hood clips 100% That's world stars favorite shit. They're like, hey, and then people comment like, well she deserves it, she was talking shit. Bitch deserve that shit.

Get up on my motherfucking man's face. Yeah man. Yeah. Uh. Too much? You did it. I know, but we're doing it in context, you know what I mean?

Oh. What? No, that's good. All right, okay. You know my favorite thing to watch? By the way, it's graduation season, and black graduation is the greatest thing in the world. Have you watched black high school graduation? Oh yeah. They're losing their most fun I've ever seen. Yeah, I love everything to watch. By the way, it's graduation season and black graduation is the greatest thing in the world. Have you watched black high school graduation?

They're losing their most fun I've ever seen. That one where it was like all women just fucking absolute. Going fucking off. Chaos. Give me videos, go to YouTube and just do black graduation celebration. Oh, it's wild. And then sometimes it goes from these incredible like dance

You know like celebratory things to just an all-out riot. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a fistfight. Yeah, it's amazing Yeah, amazing you would he call that huh? Joy. Yeah joy and happiness Look at this Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's so cool. Bro, I fucking love this. That is so cool. I fucking love this so much. Damn.

Oh my God. It's so good. It's so good. This is it. My grandma. All right. That's anyway. And then a white person has to ruin it with salt. Here's some turmeric.

That kid's moves were so unreal. So fucking good. So good. But I'm saying though, how has this not been, how is this now, is this like new to us? I know. Well, you guys are, white people are stiff and they don't know joy. You don't think white people are stiff. And they don't know joy. You don't think white people know joy?

Right. At a level maybe. You think Asian graduations are buck like that? Are you out of your fucking mind? What do you mean? You think an Asian graduation celebration would be fucking wild? Asian graduation.

Okay look up, look up the, oh hold on. Head down. Carlos, Carlos, look at me. They go directly to the fuck after that. Carlos look at me. Look up the graduation where people can wear whatever they want in Japan. Go ahead. I'm gonna prove you wrong. For once in my life.

What is it? Hello Kitty shit all over the fucking place? No, no, no, just listen. So people can- With anything in your graduation. At Kyoto University, graduation isn't just about formal robes. It's a celebration of individuality. Instead of sticking to the usual capsules, students at this renowned Japanese university have the bosses. You guys are so repressed as a culture that you're like,

you have to dress up like weird fantasy creatures in order to like feel something. No, it's expression. No, because they're not allowed to express any other time of day. They have to be head down on the train, quiet. Okay, is this a, look at Tom. And they also wear masks that you can't even actually express yourself in.

Right, it's not even them. Like mascot helmet. Yeah, but with the helmet on and off, it's the same thing, their faces are the same. This is repression. Yeah, yeah. This is heavy repression. Is this oppression?

What is that? It's a ninja. Oh. Yeah, yeah. This is heavy repression. Is this a present? What is that? It's a ninja. Oh my God, dude. That's expression. What's your little sarcastic bomb? That's expression. Oh, that's Nagasaki? Was it a joke or was it?

That felt like Hiroshima. Oh, that was more Hiroshima. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Nagasaki? Was it a joke or was it? That felt like Hiroshima. Oh that was more Hiroshima. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was definitely Hiroshima. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cloud was a bit wild. Don't try to play like you're,

Asians are stiff as fucking whites. Black people's celebration is individual to them. You don't get to fucking, you don't get to be on that side of the fence. Tom, were you for once, because you've been, it's been the duo. Yeah. Against Papa.

That's bullshit. Yeah. So what I'm saying is this for once. Yeah. Is that a form of expression? Is that a form of expression? Yes. Yeah, I mean, it's very repressed expression,

but yes, it is an expression. This does not happen at Korean graduate. This is Japan. You don't get to do that. Okay. We're just, we're talking about I feel like if a Korean kid smiles at graduation, Yeah.

It's just, hey! Hey! No! All right. Don't smile. Now give me a wild white fucking graduation celebration. Shooting guns at each other. Yeah.

She's like, hey, I'm gonna wear my blue. Yeah. No, my case was black people celebrate like no one else. You can't lump Asians into there. Yeah. I'm just, you guys don't do it like. We're in the mid. If blacks are tens, we're fives.

You're zero. You're above whites. Okay, okay. Yes, that is. That's all I wanted to do. But you're not near them. Are they? Yeah, they're above whites. For their celebrating?

I would say for their oddity, their culture of oddity, their weirdos. Oh, right. Yeah, their weirdos. Yeah, you're the fucking king of the weirdos right here. Yeah. Pfft. You know, I just got it.

It's your American lens. You're fucking American. Okay, so what I'm saying to you- You're from San Diego. That's about the whitest place on planet Earth. You have to wear a new pair of glasses. I got Lasik. No, no, I'm just saying, you have to look at life

with a different lens. Go on. With a different perspective. Well, teach me. What I'm saying is that, culturally, we're Americans, right? I dabble in Asian, though? I dabble in Asian though. I dabble in Asian as well.

Do you dabble in Asian? Oh yeah. You know, the way I walk and the way I behave, maybe it's a cultural thing that I'm from Asia. It's a Bobby Lee thing. And you perceive it as to be weird. You're one of one. When I'm just one of a billion.

Nobody's like you. No, I don't think so. No, nobody's like you, dude. Okay. I have met other Asians, none of them are like you. None of them are like you. Jimmy Oh Yang, nothing like you. Well, I was molested.

Well, that's white. That's white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, you are like us. That's our thing. Now, you need to go back to etiquette school for being honest. Yeah, you do. Really? I think you should yeah, yeah. See, you are like us. That's our thing.

And you need to go back to etiquette school, if we're being honest. Yeah, you do. Really? I think you should probably do a little course. Where are you gonna go now? I'm not gonna hack you. I'm walking into a dinner.

Oh, he's walking into a dinner. Anybody order Chinese? Hey, buddy. Hello, sir. How you doing? Excuse me Wow, what do you think it looked good? Thank you. That was really respectful Yeah, very and like like your Thanksgiving thing Mike Mike's Thanksgiving dinner with my parents. Yeah, what a lovely time So he was super polite there dude. It was so fucking. My mom literally goes it was so good that everyone came over I was like, no, it was nice and she was like and Bobby so, you know, he's so sweet and I was like

You have no fucking idea dude. It was such an act. It was such a fucking act He had that glimmer in his eye. Like when he said goodbye, he turned to me and he was like, okay bye And then you're me he turned him as it went like this Yeah Like when he said goodbye, he turned to me and he was like, okay, bye. And then you're me, he turned to me and went like this. Like fucking devil. Yeah, dude. You did. What about my prayer? Oh, dude, he said.

Dude, Tom, I did a Thanksgiving prayer at the table. Oh my God. How great was that? It was, you know, it was him. Are you still married to that lady? Yeah. She's the best. I saw her in the-

You gotta get out of that, dude. I know the best. Yeah. I saw her in the- You gotta get out of that, dude. I know. Dude. You gotta get out of that, dude. No, she's still there. Kids aside. But you've won the lottery in a way.

Yeah, you have a fucking rad wife. She's awesome. But just not just that, it's like if I was doing a comic, or you know what I mean, or married to one, it's rare to find a super funny one. And ones that last. I know this is cornball shit, but honestly, I'm always, it is funny.

You two, the only other comic couples that's married, and obviously you've been married much longer, Moshe and Natasha. Yeah. And. Oh, you're talking about comics. Comics that are married. Yeah.

Mark Norman and his. Mark Norman and his wife, yeah, that's right. Comics. But that's also new, they've been married for way longer Andy and Rosebud Baker Comics that's new newer newer. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there's the other Fun game fuck. This is too many more people than I thought. Yeah, isn't Hannah

Hannah Berner and her husband. Yeah. Yeah, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Yeah, yeah. Isn't Hannah? Hannah Berner? Oh, Hannah Berner and her husband. Yeah, yeah. Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Yeah, both good standups. Yeah, yeah. What I'm saying- What are these lists? Persons? AI things. Yeah, it's wrong.

But the proof is- The point is, it's incredible that you two have stayed together. Yeah. This long, being both comedians and both reserving your career and no one had to stop. But all those examples is that they all are both funny.

Yeah. I mean, I've never seen like a really great comic day bury an open mic-er. You know what I mean? That wouldn't work. I don't think it would work. Bad friends. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. You might. OK, anyway, um. Ha ha ha. You might have a harem. So it does, yeah. You guys are together. And that's great. What does that celebrate that? Christina's great. She's awesome.

We fucking. We love her. And she's a good actress. She was great in Baton. Good actress. Yeah, yeah. Great mom. Great fucking, yeah, she's the best, man.

But honestly, be real with us. Yeah. You don't miss a thing. Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying that you don't miss a thing. I mean, I'm not saying that you don't miss a thing. I mean, I'm not saying that you don't miss a thing. I mean, I'm not saying that you don't miss a thing. I mean, I'm not saying that you don't miss a thing. I mean, I'm not saying that you don't miss a thing. I mean, I'm not saying that you don't miss a thing. I mean, I'm actress. She was great in Battlegrounds. Good actress. Yeah, yeah.

Great mom, great fucking, yeah, she's the best, man. But honestly, be real with us. Yeah. You don't miss us at all? I miss you guys crazy. Do you really? Can I tell you this too? This is also totally sincere.

Man, this show is so fucking funny. This fucking dumb show? This dumb show. This is the only, one of the only things that like, you know, we all are scrolling all the time. I watch every clip from your guys' show. Ah, Tommy, come on. No, I'm serious.

You know what? I would share the same sentiment, but I can't watch Burt. No. I'll watch you, I can't watch Burt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't even see fucking Burt anymore. I'm joking around Burt. Oh yeah, Burt's the best.

I can't even see Burt anymore. Because of his appearance? Yeah, I can't be near him. No, we never see him fucking anymore. He's the only guy that stayed in LA. And how often do you see Bert, for real? Not much. I went over to his house.

We had a little get together. You came, but then outside of that, he's never here. But do you really miss him? You miss your friends? I do a lot. We do a lot, actually. It kinda sucks. Remember I did a little dance

when you were sitting back there? Yeah. So he's in the, sitting in the back bucket booth. I can't hear a word you just said. Yeah, he's in the back, like the little chairs in the back. Oh, he's in the buckets, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What didn't you understand?

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Visit your GTA Volvo retailer or go to volvocars.ca for full details. Crank it up, man. Let's go. All right. So anyway, I was sitting in the back. Yeah. And I walked in, I did a little dance in front of you. You did. Because I was so happy to see you. Yeah, it really was, it was fun memories, man. Being there was super fun.

The store is not the same, but it's okay. Things change, they come and they go. Are you going up at the mothership a lot or no? Well, I've been on tour so much that I'm not one of those people when you get off of a week of grinding, you get home, you're like, I gotta get back on stage right away. I don't do that.

Bobby. Yeah. You're that. You'll always just get up. You'll just go, go, go. You'll just do it again. That's good. That's good.

I still go. I went two weeks ago. Yeah. So it just depends on the time. But this summer, I'm not gonna tour. So if I'm- What's on the docket But this summer I'm not gonna tour. So if I'm. What's on the docket for the summer? A little vacay?

A little vacay and then we shoot something. Can we guess where he's gonna vacation? Let's guess. Oh, Bora Bora. No. I don't know where that is. Something more elevated. That's in Tahiti.

That is, okay, elevated. Well, I'm gonna say this about him. We did a show in Vegas. We went to that, Jose Anders, was it his name? Jose Andres. Andres. Hey, hey, fucking hometown guy. Yeah, yeah.

And I go, I thought to myself, oh, this is how he eats. What do you mean this is how he eats? High level. Huh? High level. High level food? High level everything. How much did you order?

I don't remember. It was a, you ordered for everybody. Yeah, we had a feast. It was a feast. It was the greatest steak I've ever had. Ever. I think so because it was the way, because they gave us a plaque.

You know, sometimes when you like a Japanese wagyu, you just says it on the menu. This dude came up with an authentic, like a stamp from some Asian dude. He stamped the wagyu. No, the Asian dude, it was a gold, you know like Game of Thrones where you would like, you know what I mean?

Put like wax to hold it together or whatever. And it was like signed by some Japanese dude. You know what I mean? Put like, you know, wax to hold it together or whatever. And it was like signed by some Japanese dude. You know what I remember about this dinner too? It was a big dinner. It was probably like 15 of us or something. All right. And we had a security guy like assigned to us for this weekend.

Yeah. And he was like, he came over to me. I thought he was gonna tell me like something related. He goes, is it cool if my uncle comes by? And I go, what? He goes, just to meet you. And I go, are you working right now? And he was like.

What'd you say? I said, of course. And then we're having dinner and then the security guy, and then there's just some guy. Just Unc? Yeah, and then he goes. Unc showed up. He goes, could you just come over here? Oh, you want to get up from eating?

Oh, that's awesome. I got up from the table and I was like, what's up, man? He goes, hey. I go, hey. And he goes, yeah, I live here. I go, cool, I'm having dinner. Wow. Did he sit down with us?

No, he did not sit down. Okay, good. He's been funny as shit if he sat down. Oh my God. Can I get a plate? You're like, I guess, dude, guess dude. He showed me like photos of some shit he's working on. This is at the restaurant at like during dinner. I love this guy. What's... I like when people are bold like that. I fucking think that's funny as shit. You think so? I think it's funny. It would bother you. It was very funny. I think it would bother you. I'd laugh about it but we talk shit about it. I know. It's both. Yeah. Yeah you talk but it's also hilarious. Yes. What

circumstance would you not take a photo with somebody? Did I funeral obviously funeral? Yeah, that's my I look my best suit Fucking so I'll take a photo. I don't have that thing dude. Like I've been around Friends of ours who I'm like, oh my god when they go when they're like no not now like all that shit I've never done that never I mean I haven't either. I mean, I've done it for other people, if that makes sense. Ah, yeah. You know, like one time I was at a dinner with Rogan

and I see a guy, like, there's like a plant in the restaurant and he's like, and I go, hey man, what are you doing? And he's just like, I go, he's having dinner. Like, so I did it for him. Right. I would never do it for me. I can come up with some scenarios where you wouldn't do it.

Well, okay, if my kids were. When you're skydiving. I was just gonna say, if you're with your family. If you're skydiving, you won't do it? Bungie jumping. If you were in like a war, you know what I mean? Like you're a Russian and then you're fighting Ukraine. That'd be it.

And the Russian guy goes. Photo? Yeah, yeah. Hey the Russian guy goes. Photo? Yeah, yeah. Hey, can I get the photo? Not right now. No, honestly, only, only, I think I told the story on here. I was sitting down, we just got off a long flight, my wife and I were sitting down to have dinner,

and this guy barges up to the table and doesn't even acknowledge my wife, stares right at me, like basically bumps into her way. He's like, yo, dude, I'm a fucking huge trend, let me get a photo. And that line of questioning also, let me get a photo. Like, what dude? I was like, dude, I go, brother, I'm at dinner with my wife,

you need to fucking chill the fuck out, like you were being a little too, and he went and sat down and then the server comes over with a bucket of ice and a bottle of champagne. And I was like, no, no, no, we didn't, we're not drinking, we're not ordering any booze. And she's like, no, no, this is from a gentleman in the restaurant.

I was like, oh fuck, I don't, we hate champagne. Yeah, yeah. Like we don't, I don't like champagne. I don't like champagne either. I fucking hate it. And I was, and she's like, it's one of this, you know, and the guy's like, oh, it's a really nice bottle. I was like, okay, don't open it.

And they're like, don't open it. I was like, just put it in the thing. And I go, who's the guy? And then they lead me around the side. It's the guy. It's the same guy. And I walked it up to him and I go, hey man. And then he goes, dude, I just wanted to apologize.

I'm so sorry, I took care of your meal. That was so fucking rude. Oh, that's really nice. And I was like, buddy, you're the man. I go, I don't drink champagne, do you have it? To take it, he had like three girls with him. I was like, do your thing, thank you. And then I said, let's take a photo.

But that turned out the right way. Sure. But it was cool move on him. He was like, I paid for your meal. I was like, oh, that's fucking. That's nice. But at the beginning, I was very like, dude, get the fuck out of here.

Do you shut people down? Never, but there's some annoying circumstances. If somebody did that, if you're at dinner with a girl and somebody barged and ignored them, you'd be mad. You'd be like, dude, that's fucking crazy rude. I had a guy come up to me from behind, and I feel arms wrapped around me on the side like this. He's like, come on, man, like that?

Without even asking? He just snuck in and like, let's, you know what I mean? I was like, what are you doing? Yeah, that's weird. I'll always take a photo. But if I'm with my wife at dinner, I'm like, dude, that's fucking dinner, man. But also the kind of person that just is chill about,

is like thinks that that's chill, you're like, are you okay? Yeah. I'm at dinner, we're eating food. That's the worst time to approach someone, hands down. Yeah, well just any other time. Shitting also would be. I actually would, I would fucking. I did have one time at a urinal, It's time to approach someone, hands down. Yeah, well just any other time. Shitting also would be nice.

I actually would, I would fucking. I did have one time at a urinal, the guy next to me goes like, no shit, and I go, hey, and he goes, nice to meet you, and he sticks his hand up, and I go, I'll wait. Yeah, that's so crazy. So we're done. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where would you not take a photo? You, anywhere. Me specifically? Yeah, you. Like I said, funeral, I wouldn't do it if I was like AA meeting. Can't do it, you can't. AA meetings, bro. Did you get asked to take pictures at AA?

Bro, one time I was at an AA meeting and it was a big one, it was in Louisville, Kentucky. Those are big. Yeah. No. I didn't even know what the fuck that means. It was a speaker meeting. Fuck, ground zero. Right, right, that's where bourbon is made.

Yeah, yeah, you're talking about two, 300 people there. Damn. Shit. And so in A meetings they always go, is there anything from out of town? Right, but that was my mistake. Would you please introduce yourself? I go, hi, I'm Bobby. I'm from Los Angeles.

I've been sober for whatever the time it was. You know, 12 years, whatever. And I sat back down. Then after the meeting, there was a line. Yeah. To take a photo with me. And I just went, I can't do this. Yeah.

I just, it's just, it's because. It's an invasion of your privacy. But not only that, it's just like, you know, I go to regular meetings, you know what I mean? Sometimes I go to celebrity ones, but like, you know. He does, dude, he loves celebrity meetings. Yeah. Who's gonna be there? No!

Who else is getting cleared? I wanna ask you a question, and obviously I'm not asking you to reveal actual details, but in a broader sense, have you ever been to a celebrity meeting where a celebrity reveals something? Oh yeah. And it's just like, your dopamine rush is just like, wow.

Oh yeah, I've heard some crazy shits from gigantic people. Really? Fuck. I go to this meeting, I'm gonna tell you what night. Yeah, yeah. But it's an all-men's meeting. Thursday. What?

Thursday. No, it's not Thursday. No, it's Tuesday. Yeah, but it's an all-men's meeting Thursday. Yeah, what Thursday? No, it's not Thursday. No, it's Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah, and it's it's invite only and it's all legendary rock stars Okay, and I got in it when I back way back in the day when I was on mad TV when I got sober then You have to get recommended. It's like Raya. Somebody has to recommend No, somebody has to go up to the guy and go can this guy come right? You know me right and I've been turned down by celebrity me. You know that no, I swear to go up to the guy and go, can this guy come? Right. You know what I mean? Right. And I'd been turned down by celebrity media, you know that?

No. I swear to God. What, did they check your star meter? Why the fuck would they? No, no, no, I, well, um, when I first got sober this time, Yeah, when you were kicking the habit. 2022.

Yeah, kicking the habit. My therapist goes, you should contact this person because he has a really good meaning. So I called this guy and I go- Paul Rubens. And I go, can I, I just got sober again. Can I go to your meeting and go, you're not big enough. No.

Yeah. You said that for real? But honestly, I do know who the guy was. Yeah, I wasn't big enough. You're not big enough. I'm not big enough. But he hasn't seen bad thoughts. Maybe you call him again.

That's also true. But I went to this, so this Monday night and it's like, it's so intimidating. But I went to this Monday night and it's like, it's so intimidating. Yeah, because I've cried in that meeting. Is the person who said, That's good. I have.

Is the person who said you're not big enough a huge name though? Yeah. Oh, they are too. Yeah. And they're like, sorry man. Yeah, it's just, you can't, you know. Maybe do a Marvel film.

I should get sober just to see if I could get into better. I would relapse then. Fucking love that. If you call me and go, hey, he let me in the meeting, I would be like. How funny would that be

if I got into more important meetings than you? Dude, you gotta do it. I'm gonna do it, dude. I'm gonna do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird, but I like to go to the regular ones like the plumbers and all that stuff because it's like, I wanna feel normal. Yeah, It's weird, but I like to go to the regular ones, like the plumbers and all that stuff, because I want to feel normal. Yeah, but also like you're also the no way that's no.

What I'm saying, let me rephrase it. Don't you want to be the big shot at the no, no, no. He does. He does. Cut that out. Shut up. Put that out. Stop it. They're all like, we're just regular guys. And you're like, me too. You know, because with with alcoholism, right,

it's just like you wanna have commonality with people. Yeah. And a connection, right? And I wanna bond people through alcoholism. Do you share a lot? Are you a shareholder? I do. You do?

Yeah and- Dude, he loves to share. Yeah. He gets up there, he kills. You know what I don't like? When it's like, so there's two types, there's three types of meetings, okay? Okay.

Speaker meeting, right? And then there's like a circle where everyone shares, but the worst kind, and I went to one Tuesday like this, where it was like, anyone can share it, but you have to raise your hand. Ugh. Right, so I can't, me, me, I can't do it. No. Right?

And so when somebody doesn't raise their hand, they'll pick somebody. So sometimes they'll go, pick me, pick me, pick me. You know what I mean? But I can't raise my hand. Because you feel like it's too desperate? Yeah, I just want to, yeah, because it's like, you know, and I'm always-

Because you're an attention whore. No, I'm not! No, we're standups. I am, I am. Yeah, I just want to, yeah, because it's like, you know, and I'm always- Because you're an attention whore. No, I'm not! No, we're standups. Oh, yeah, I am, I am. Yeah, we are, you are. Yeah, I am. You're an attention, look at how you just reacted to that. You're an attention whore. Yeah.

And those things are, I mean, that's- So you'll speak, but not if you have to raise your hand. So in what circumstance do you- So some meetings are- He wants them, he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to be like pick me. Yes some meetings are like this where the secretary come out this is a we point to you do you don't raise your hand those are ones I like you like yeah yeah. Can you share something with us that you've shared at one of those? Really? Sure. Because if I say it, it's gonna cringe.

No, we won't. I promise. We're your friends. Well, I'll give you an example. I'll say something like, you know, Socrates once said, a life not self-examined is not a life worth living. And so what I love about AA is like it's internal. You know what I mean?

And it's like, it's about looking in the mirror and looking inside yourself. And so, you know, I do the steps, you know? I think it's very important, you know? The weight lifted from eight and nine, you know what I mean, is absolutely incredible. You know what I mean? And I think it's very very, that kind of thing.

Thank you, Robert. That, like that, and then everybody. Well, no, but sometimes they'll have a music and they'll play you off. They'll play you off, like the Emmys? That's incredible. Like they know when you, they, you're done? Yeah, yeah.

Wow. You're like talking about, yeah, it was Melissa, who let the dogs out? Who, who, who, who? Really, who? Yeah, and you're like, okay, I'm done. Yeah, yeah. I think, okay, I'm done. Yeah, yeah.

I think that's pretty incredible that you give them that schtick. I have so many different schticks I can use. You know what I mean? When are you actually being real? When there's a hot girl there. No, dude. How many times have you scooped one up?

A million. No. Eight? It's gonna be so. One. One. Throughout my whole life, Sarah. Yeah, Sarah, that's right.

Yeah, I shouldn't have blown her an enemy, but yeah, that was the only one. I don't go there to like hook up. Is it, it's against the code? They call it the 13 step. What is that? It's these, it's so gross. It's like these old timers,

people with time, men and women, they see a newcomer and they go in. And it's like- That's the 13th step. Yeah, it's not in the steps, but it's like- Oh, I know, it's a hypothetical. You're taking advantage of people's vulnerability and desperation because you don't get sober

unless you lost a lot. You know what I mean? No. No, if you lost a lot, you get... Did I say that wrong? I have no idea. You have to be a very low point in your life. The worst... I mean people that are newcomers have lost a lot. Right. You know what I mean? And they've, you know... Well it's a great place to be a predator is what you're saying, right? What I'm saying is that some people, not probably 1%, right, they'll go in and, not predator, but they'll like, you know, hey, let me take you after the meeting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take you to lunch, take you to dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me pick you up for meetings when their intention is this girl's hot. Yeah, yeah. And it's unfathomable and I think it's fucking wrong. Wow, you're a really good person. It's just that, it's just, here's the thing,

and let's be real for a second, okay? The whole point of it is to get out of yourself. Right, so when there's a newcomer, like if I'm sitting there in a meeting and a newcomer goes, I'm a newcomer, I'll always reach my hand out and go, hey man, welcome. If you need anything, let me know.

Nice. I think you're being a jerk. I said that's nice. Yeah, when you need anything, let me know. It's nice. I think you're being a jerk. I said that's nice. Yeah, when you do this though. Well, I'm listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, let's move on from that. No, I said that's nice.

I was being nice. I was being generous. What, what, Tom? You'll also welcome like an attractive woman, right? You'll welcome them? If you need anything. Yeah. No, you know, I, no, but anyway, you inspired me.

You've inspired all of us, Tom. Yeah. And the biggest bummer of all is, we don't get to see you more. I know, dude. But the only way we can see you is by watching Netflix, Bad Thoughts, available right now on Netflix, streaming. Name some of the other people that are in this fucking thing.

So, Shay Wiggum's in it. Boom. Who's also in the new Mission Impossible. Phenomenal. That impossible phenomenal time for us dude When I saw him can he finish? Dan Stevens dance even credible actor yes true Daniela Panetta phenomenal. She's phenomenal Who Roberto Lee Bobby Lee Roberto? Roberto Lee oh my god Rob Eiler Kirk Fox

Roberto Lee. Oh my God, Rob Eiler, Kirk Fox. Kirk Fox, Kirk Dog. He's fantastic in it, Marlon Bahr, Christina Pazitzky. Think of how fun. Alan Rachel. Yeah, Rachel Bloom. Rachel Bloom. Alan Barnholz.

That's right. Eichstad. Eichstad? Yeah, yeah, I did a scene with him. I love Alan. Joseph Rogan. Yep. None other than Joseph Rogan.

What did Joe do in it? He plays a gay, like a regular gay. Yeah, very fit. That's so great. And sickler, sick dog. Oh yeah, sickle cell. The boy. Sickle cell's in it?

Yeah. Wow. Did you ever try to convince him to move down to Austin? Sickle? We've talked about it. You know, everybody at some point has talked about it. And then even now people go like, I gotta get out of this, they'll say it now. I guess maybe post fires and shit, people start talked about it. And then even now people go like, I gotta get out of this city. They'll say it now.

I guess maybe post fires and shit, people start talking about it more. But yeah, I don't know. We should get a place down there. No. It'll be fun. Why? I still love it here though.

I have to say that. I do love it. You love LA. I love LA. I love your house. The one that burned down? Yeah, I mean before, I mean, burned down after you left, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You went to that house? Yeah. His entire family was in that house when it burned down? Yeah, I mean, before, I mean, burned down after you left, right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You went to that house? Yeah. His entire family was in that house when it burned. Really? Extremely insensitive, dude. Can we talk about, I tried to bring up the last episode, but then we made a joke out of it,

but I'm being real, okay? Be real. Have you heard of King Charles? Not the dog, it's a dog, right? I remember the last time we tried to bring it up. Why do you keep trying to push this on us? Because I want a dog, right? Remember the last time we tried to bring it up? Why do you keep trying to push this on us? Because I want you to, so can I tell you who we are?

My opinion. My guess is that the girl you're dating has a King Charles. No, it's not about King Charles the dog, it's a dog name. God, that's an adorable dog. No, King Charles the alpha dog. What is this? That guy. What about him? Oh yeah, this video's great. Yeah is this? That guy.

What about him? Oh yeah, this video's great. Yeah, it's so great. So what, I'm seeing that, I'm just. I'm just trying to ingest. So basically in China. You haven't seen this video, is that what it is? I have never seen it.

Yeah, right in China, right, there's like dogs. Oh, I know when the video ends then. No, it's not like that. It's a sanctuary. So there's a dog sanctuary, right? And there's hundreds of dogs there, right? Am I boring you? No, it just, I mean, so many jokes are running through.

It's unbelievable. I mean, you're like literally, I'm like loading a gun. I know. You're like in China, there's a hundred dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kept as a sanctuary. I'm like, this is a buffet, but go ahead. It's okay.

All right. So what I'm saying is that, but there's one dog, his name is King Charles and he's the alpha dog, but he's not the biggest. Right. He's super small. Right. And the way the dogs behave in front of him. So this video in itself is, King Charles is not in it, right?

A bunch of dogs are fighting. Right. Right. King Charles, but it's in the subtle details. Yes. Right? Exactly. So play again.

See, the dogs are going crazy. They're all fighting. Right? Right, they're all fighting. Right, yelling at each other. Here comes King Charles. That one, see the push pause? That's in there.

Rewind it a little bit. One dog bowed to him. Exactly. So what dog to his left bows, the other one gets up and leaves. That's the most Chinese shit I've ever seen. They bowed to him. Yeah. So what dog to his left bows, the other one gets up and leaves. That's the most Chinese shit I've ever seen. They bowed. They taught that dog how to bow.

It's fucking amazing. This brown dog leaves. All right, go. Yeah, the brown dog's like, fuck. I'm out of here. Look at that. The rest of them. Whoa.

The other one goes into the gate. It's like, I'm out. I'm out? Yep. Yeah. He slowly. Everyone leaves. Everyone leaves. Yeah? Yeah. He slowly leaves. Everyone leaves.

Everyone leaves. Yeah. Yeah. And I've been obsessed with this guy. This is how you see yourself, smaller, but commanding. Oh wow. Is that a real observation you think though? Is that relevant to you?

That you feel like this, this is the dog you identify with. You're like, I'm not as big as the other dogs, but I should be respected the way that they- Let me tell you the dog that he is in this video. Start the video over, okay? I'll tell you who Bobby is. Okay.

Okay, all these dogs are fighting. Pause. You see the dog sleeping? Yes. That is fucking you. That is fucking you. And that dog gets up and goes, oops. Fuck this. Fuck this. That's me, dude? 100%. That's you. That's literally you. There's

no argument about it. Look at that. Watch him fuck off. Look at that. Fuck off. He's gone. Yeah. Or that's you, buddy. Well, who? That's you on the ground. That's me after you bailed on an interview. I'm me after you didn't you bail on? I'm the King Charles and you bailed on another fucking gig Okay, and then look at this and you try to make excuses and I put my foot on your throat But it does give you a life. It gives me a perspective of like, you know mean sizes and everything You're yeah. Nice. You're in yeah, and The other day I was at the improv.

There was a gigantic door guy, he's like 6'3". He's standing out front and I walked up to him and like his breasts, you know what I mean? My head is at his breasts. Yeah. I just walked up to him and kissed his breast. I walked away. Just King Charles shit, dude.

How did he react? Didn't like it at all. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. He's that bottom dog. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. shit, dude. How did he react? Didn't like it at all. Yeah. Yeah. He's that bottom dog. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You kissed that man's tit?

Just like that. What did he say? He laughed. Yeah. Of course, when Bobby Lee kisses you in the breast, dude. It's funny. It's funny, dude. It is fucking funny.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know how you get away with that. What do you mean? I don't know how you do that. Imagine Tommy and I kiss somebody's tit. It wouldn't go that well. Is that the weird thing you're talking about? Yeah, dude, if we're gonna go full circle,

that's what we were talking about at the beginning. Most guys don't kiss other guys' tits. The only thing you should leave with here today is just knowing how not normal you are. I'm not normal. But in a good way. In a good way, it's so endearing. I want you to impart some words of wisdom

for our good friend Tom Seger before he leaves, because you are an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-being individual. And people come here looking for advice about the world and life, and comedy and career. I see, I see. Okay, so, oh, I see, I see, I see. Okay.

Hold on. Let him get see, I see. Okay. Hold on. Let him get in his too. Okay. I'll make up a proverb. Please. Well, don't say make it up, just pretend like it's a, you know what I mean? No, but that's how special I am.

You say it then. Okay, you're right. I apologize. A man who says this. Is that a word? That sounds like a proverb to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heery heery, a man who promises gold to a fellow man

and negates on that gold is a man who should be boiled in water. America wa oiki. Who should be boiled in water? America is delicious Is it delicious? Is it delicious? I'm hungry I'm hungry I'm hungry

I'm hungry I'm hungry Hello, I'm Tomwa, Tom desu. Dozo iroshiku. Do you really know the language? Yes, he's speaking Japanese. Holy fuck, dude. Forget what I said then. Forget what I said. Ladies and gentlemen, do yourself a big favor on behalf of the Bad Friends family.

Please go watch Bad Thoughts right now on Netflix. Please do. Our best buddy, Tom Segura, we miss and love, and we know he's doing right by us down there. I'll tell you why you should watch it. Because you're in it. Yes. And also I won a second season so we can continue my story. Oh interesting that you think you'd go back. I know probably not. It's on him not on you. I know. Okay. I'd love to have you back. I'd love to have you back. I'm not gonna do it. Arigato. Arigato.

Arigato arimasu. Can you look in the camera and say thank you for being a bad friend? But say thank you for being a bad friend in Japanese. Warui tomodachi de teite kurete arigato. Wow. That was so good. Woo.

Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo.

Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo, yeah Woo, yeah Woo, yeah