Bad Friends - We Hate Dolphins

Episode Date: April 24, 2023

Tour Tickets: https://badfriendspod.com Thank you to our Sponsors: Doordash, Bespokepost and Morgan & Morgan • Get up to 50% off up to $10 at https://www.doordash.com code: FRIEND23 • GET 20% off 1st box of awesome at https://www.bespokepost.com code: BADFRIENDS • Find more about Morgan & Morgan at https://www.forthepeople.com/badfriends or #529 - from your cell  YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 A Message from the Road 0:37 The Monies and the Time Bobby Almost Lit a Church on Fire 7:01 Bobby and Andrew Pull a Buffalo Bill on Juicy  14:12 What Tom Cruise, Will Farrell and Anthony Davis have in Common 19:45 The Fear of Buying Spoons 26:26 The Best Ways to Drop Acid 33:418 Playing Tag at 50 42:10 Bobby Knows How to Do Water 50:40 Juicy's Inspirational Speech   1:02:02 We Hate Dolphins More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Fancy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, Bad Friends! We're gonna be in Durham. Then we're gonna be in Charlotte, and then we're doing our Texas run. Yeah. Which is San Antonio. Houston. Houston, Texas. Dallas, baby.

And Dallas, Texas, my friends. Come out and see us. Once we're done with Texas, we're going to the Pacific Northwest for Seattle and Portland in Spokane. Yeah. Then we go to Arizona, baby. Phoenix, go get those tickets right now at BadFriendsPod.com. Right now. Bad Friends Pod.

BadFriendsPod.com right now. BadCom. We'll see you out on the road. You two are Bad Friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Who are you two or something?

We're Bad Friends. You've heard of the Mooneys, though, no? What's the Mooneys? Yeah. What? What are the Mooneys? I don't know what the Mooneys are. Tell us what they are.

The Honeymooners. The Honeymooners isn't... That's stupid. You're an idiot. You're a moron. Aren't they called the Mooneys? No, you don't know what the Mooneys are? No.

The show The Honeymooners, I know what the Honeymooners is. No, no. It's a good show. But you don't want a favorite one? The black one. The Jefferson's? No, the Honeymooners with Cedric. Cedric the Entertainer has a...

They did the black Honeymooners. No, they did it. I swear to God, they did. Wait, when? Years ago. That's my favorite one. With Mike Epps? Yeah.

Mike Epps, Cedric, and who else is on... Who are the girls? I don't know. Gabrielle Union. Gabrielle Union, wow. Yeah. Oh, we're watching this on the bus. We have to watch this on the bus.

We have to buy this on DVD and get it on the bus. Yeah. I saw it already. I saw it in 3D. What? Yeah. Yeah. To the moon, Alice.

Yeah. Her name was... It was an avatar. I stayed in theater all day. That's it. Yeah. Just Honeymooners. No, but the Mooneys is a Korean Christian cult.

Let me see the Mooneys. The Korean Christian cult. The Mooneys. The leader has a crown on that's made out of bullets. I'm in. I'm in. Moon is the man. Look at this guy.

Look at this guy. A crown of bullets. There's no bullets there. Bobby, what are you talking about? Was this a fever dream? It looks like a Burger King crown. Yeah, he does. Oh, that's what...

Oh, that's what it is. Can you imagine if he got all this confidence while he was working at a Burger King? I can rule the people. And they're like, listen here, Moon, you just rule the grill, okay? You're not ruling anybody. Yeah, that hat looks like it's made out of paper. Yeah, it does. It's a paper crown.

Yeah. Boy, oh boy, is that a metaphor. Huh, for religion. Paper crown. Yeah, but anyway, they were huge in America as well. And that's... Did you know any Mooners? No, but I tried to burn down the Korean church.

Oh. Hell yeah, dude. Can I tell you about that? That's always a good thing to say to a microphone. Me and my cousin Andy, right, went... This is, you know, it's just gonna sound like a lie, but it's not. Okay. And we went...

So we went to this Korean church growing up, and they... One day, my uncle caught me and Andy opening up the trunk of my mom's car. My dad had a gas, you know, spare gas in there. I was having it and a lighter, and we're gonna burn down half of the fucking church. Why would you do that? We hated it. Well, nobody in it, though. I think so, yeah.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I think so, yeah. We were kids. It's at the same time where I beat my grandmother with the stick. Oh, yeah, kid stuff. Yeah. Burn the church, beat the old lady, kid stuff.

Well, she was paralyzed from neck down, so she didn't feel anything. She didn't feel anything. That's right. I mean, what kind of stuff did you guys get into as kids? I guess now that I think about it, we got in trouble for spray paint. We got caught for, like, graffiti. Yeah. But that wasn't burning down a church.

Well, we didn't actually do it. I think we were scared, but we had it. I don't know. You thought about it. You went through the action of getting the gasoline, though. Yeah. That's a big step. Well, it's not as bad as, like, you know, shooting up a place.

That's true. That's true. Hey, look at me. Right. That's right. I just look at the bright side of things. That's a bright side. What did you do?

You weren't a bad kid. No, I would have friends, like Bobby, that it'd be, like, so scared. They'd be like, come on, we'll just burn the church down. Right. And I'd be like, please, don't make me do it. But here's why. Well, here's why it's not that bad. It's your own.

It's your own religion. You weren't going to burn like it wasn't a hate crime because it's your own. It's like you wanted to burn down the thing that you were connected to because you were mad about it. But not just that. I was mad at the, at the idea that, you know, Korean parents view their children as trophies. Right. So, you know, you would hear, like, at a party.

My, my daughter Sue, she gets straight A, she go Harvard. Right. She's getting harbored by somebody. No, she's going to harbored. Harbored. She's going to harbored. Harbored. Harbored.

Iran. Harbored. Oh, harbored. Yeah. I'm just saying the way they said it. I'm so sorry. I thought you were saying harbored. I'll do it again and I'll try to make it more.

Go ahead. My, my daughter Sue, she gets straight A. She's going to harbored. Does that feel better? That sounds great. Exactly. Yeah. And then my dad would be like, they would. Imagine the conversation.

My daughter, she's going to go to Dartmouth. It's like a movie, but they like didn't have enough money. Yeah. We only have enough money for Harvard. So they, what they show each other off and the kids are trophies. And my parents never. Do you want a consolation prize? What?

Do you want a consolation prize? Yeah. No, I mean, I think some Korean people thought I was dead. Because you didn't get to know. I was never talked about. What about Steve? He, cause he got straight A's. He did.

Oh yeah. My brother was, my brother had Bible passages on his wall. My brother's room. I swear to God, look like John Doe's room in seven. Yeah. Like a red cross. Big red wall. Just like, it was weird.

He was fully. He was fully in Christian Christianity. And then what happens is my brother lost state. My brother was ranked like four in the nation. Wow. As a wrestler. Wow. And he went to state and I remember he just dropped the ball.

And I remember him. It just, he had, there was so much expectation and pressure and he couldn't do it. I would, I mean, he was a great wrestler. And I could, that day I remember seeing a switch in his eye and they just became a pothead. Good switch. Yeah. It's a pretty good switch.

Yeah. I remember being late. Like when we had a curfew, you know, time out. You remember being late? Well, it was bad because my mom was like, be home at this time. And I think it became like a habit. Like I just kept. How late?

Like hours. Like I would just disregard any rules. Oh, you're a bad, bad girl. Lindsay night, midnight you come home. No, maybe like seven or eight, but I was in like fourth grade, third or fourth grade. Who are you? What were you doing in third grade? Staying out till nine p.m.

Riding my bike with my friend. Oh, hell yeah. We weren't doing nothing bad, but I remember when I stopped because I came home and my mom and sister set up the Christmas tree without me. Oh, was that the, that was the payback? That's how I would get punished. It was like with guilt. Yeah.

Did your parents ever give you the talk like what to do if like a van pulls up? Ready? Two van guys. Hey, what's going on? Hey, can you help us with this couch? Like lifting it. She's like nine. Yeah.

What are you going to do with this couch? She's going to lift it and put it in the bag. You want some candy? That's the original one. You never saw the silence of the lamp. All right, let's start over. Hey, you want some candy? Yeah.

We know your dad. You want some candy? It's no sugar. Is this 2023? No, I don't know. Oh, the candy's vegan. It's vegan. Yeah.

Eddie, you want it? But you know my dad? I know your dad. Yeah, Cliff. That's not his name. That's his nickname. It is? Yeah.

Oh, you guys must know him better than me. Yeah. Anyway, they come in the van. All right. All right. All right. All right. You would have done that?

No. Yeah, yeah. No, but I remember one time we had this lake by my house and I was hanging out with my friend there, Miranda. She was bad influence. And we were probably breaking their curfew. And this guy was fishing in the lake, which now that I look back is weird because I grew up in Tempe, Arizona.

There's no fish. There's no fish in the Tempe town lake. No. The suburban lakes. Yeah, it's disgusting. But he gave me a frozen fish. What? And I brought it home to my mom.

She was like, we're not eating that. Oh, really? You can't raise your kids in Phoenix. You just can't. You can't. I mean, lovely that you turned out so wonderful, but man, we either turn out completely right-wing or Doug Stanhope. Yeah, or her.

Or that. She's like, you're like our Doug Stanhope. What's a female? You're like Debbie Stanhope. You're like Debbie Stanhope. I remember when we moved from the suburbs, I mean from the city to the suburbs, and I'll never forget, they were like finishing up a plate, like a window that was above our front door, like a little window above our front door, you know?

And the kids. I'm trying to visualize. Slow down. Yeah. Say it again. There was a window above our front door, right? That like. Oh, I see.

So it's like, let me look. I'm looking at the door. Yeah. And then I look up. Yeah, there's a what? There's a little like, is it like? It's big. It's a good size window.

And for birds to peep? For birds to look in the house. And a couple of kids in the neighborhood threw a big rock through it and shattered it before we moved in, like before we were even out there. And then we went to visit the house because the contractor was like kids broken and did a bunch of damage to the house. And I remember, I remember being inside the living room and being so mad because I was like, I do this stuff.

You don't do this to me. Ah. Like I was a little asshole. I was like, oh, this is like the universe paying me back for being a little troublemaker. And I was like, ah, I'm going to find out who did this. I'm going to kill those kids. Yeah. I'm not kidding.

I was so mad because I was like, they broke into my mom and dad's new house because this was our first house. Like we would lived in an apartment until then. Oh, in the city? In the city. Yeah. And then I was like, they fucked up my mom's first house. Like.

Oh, she bought it? Well, my mom and my stepdad did. But I was like, this is the first time she lived in a home. Did you invest? Yeah. Yeah, I invested. I think I put in like. I need to know the details.

30 or 40. Yeah. Dollars. And I remember trying to find out who did it, and then I found out who did it in the neighborhood. Let me guess. Yeah. I guess his name starts with a B. Oh, Bartholomew.

That's right. Right. That's the name. Right. Bartholomew. Bartholomew J. Simpson. Yeah. Good.

He did it. And then the guys that I found out that did that. I became friends with. Of course. Of course you did. Of course you did. They were the kids I got caught graffiti with. Yeah.

And as soon as I found out, I was like, you guys threw a rock through my mom's window. And they were like, yeah, we're just fucking around. I was like, cool. Yeah. I wanted to be friends with them. I was such a puss. I thought I was going to like fight these kids, but then I was like, I kind of like their vibe.

Yeah. And they were like skateboarding and they were smoking and I was like, I got to hang out with these guys. Were you angry kid or no? I mean, I think I always harbored a little bit of like a little bit of anger. I mean, the fact that like it was single mom for a while, then she met my stepdad who was great. Did you like him at first or no?

Yeah, I loved him. He was the man in the beginning. Yeah. I thought he was so cool. He played basketball. I love basketball. You know what I mean? He was like, he was a cool dude and was so cool to my mom.

So I loved him immediately because my dad wasn't around. So I was kind of, I probably was upset. A therapist would tell you I'm upset from my dad not being around, but I was also bummed because when we moved to the suburbs, it was a weird thing. It was like a, it's just like shocked your core where you're like, I don't like this. I don't know anybody. I would sit around. I hated that.

I just didn't know you, it's hard to go out and make friends when you're a little kid, when you're the new kid and doesn't know, I didn't know anything about. I didn't like it. Yeah. I just didn't get it. It's funny. There's a documentary called, it was a book too, it was called Meet Me in the Bathroom. We've talked about it.

I talked about it with JF last night. Have you ever heard of it? Meet Me in the Bathroom. Meet Me in the Bathroom, no. It's about the late nineties, early 2000s music scene in New York. Okay. Right. There's jazz, Interpol, TV on the radio, all these bands from Brooklyn and Manhattan.

And back then it's like, they were just like all like, just creative and crazy and on subways. You know what I mean? And just, you know, just acting young and going young and fun. And I just, I always knew that like when I grew up in the suburbs, I go, this is not the environment for me. Well, yeah. No. Because when I look at those kids, I'm like, no, that's what I would, you know, I'll be

doing that. Yeah. I've been living in the city for 18, living in the city. Just expression and like, you know what I mean? Like with like-minded people. Yeah. I was with like Christians and, you know what I mean? And like weirdos.

I don't know. Christians are great, by the way. I love them. But. Korean Christians though. Moons. Moons. Moons are tough.

Yeah. No, but I just remember feeling like, just bummed out and I just didn't like it. And then my freshman year at high school, my, this kid James Tickle was the first kid that I became friends with because he skated and he was good and he had a ramp in his, he had a little, little quarter pipe in his basement. Yeah. A little mini. No, he had a mini in his basement.

And we- And you did it? We don't go down there and skate. Oh, your skater? Yeah, it was. Yeah, when I was young. Wow. Did you like Bones Brigade and all that stuff?

I did. I was like, I loved, I think like my favorite teams for the longest time. I always thought, I always thought girl was awesome. Girls are great. Yeah. You know, like the girl chocolate crew. Yay. I like those two a lot.

I'm more Baker zero. Yeah. You like that. Yeah. I like Toy Machine. I like Templeton. I like those guys. I just, honestly, I've never knew you knew anything about skateboarding.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a, you know, a commonality we have. That is. Tommy Guerrero once was in the OR, I mean, Eric, Kevin Christie. We went bananas. Yeah. Cause he was a big skate fan.

Yeah. Yeah. We went bananas. Like it was like Tom Cruise walking in or whatever. That's your Tom Cruise. He's my Tom Cruise. Yeah. Do you like his teeth?

Tom Cruise? Yeah. Does he have new teeth? His teeth. He's shooting a movie in space right now, by the way. His teeth just bother me. I don't know what it is. Are they too long?

He fixed them. He fixed them? Yeah. Have you, don't remember when he was a kid? Oh, like 1981. You know when you join Scientology, they give you new teeth. They do? Yeah.

They give you new teeth. That was his, that, that, that, that image on the left is fake. That's a, I'm doctored. His teeth are doctored for that role. Is that what his teeth look like? Oh, okay. Yeah. He had human.

No, he had normal teeth. I think he just got braces. They look like my teeth. Let me see. Your teeth look great. You have great teeth. I got to get good at teeth, dude. I like your teeth.

I have so many chips and chunks, and my teeth are so messed up. I like it, though. Why didn't you get them fixed? I, I kind of don't give a fuck. Yeah. Like, have you ever seen, huh? Yeah, yeah. It's like a vampire.

Yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen, look at, look at Will Ferrell's teeth. You want to see fun teeth. His bottom teeth, I always notice, because you know your bottom teeth start to grow together? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

I love that, dude. Rocky Mountain High. Is that the Appalachians? Whoa, dude. I've always noticed that he didn't do anything to the bottom teeth, so mine are going to get that way. Well, at least, you know what, dude? At least, at least bleach them.

No, I think, I didn't let him go. Who cares? Yeah. Let me ask you something. It's so funny. He's so, he's so cool and funny that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Um, no, but, but I do think I do want to get him done.

I do want to get something done. I've gone a few times. I need to get him like, I need to get certain ones fixed out, because I have chips in all my teeth over the years. I think the chips look good though. Yeah. They're like a character trait. I know, but they look spat on camera.

I've net, whoa. Who is that? Anthony Davis. Anthony Davis. Yeah. Before, when he was a rookie. Yeah. He got him fixed though, right?

Of course, yeah. That's nuts, but his eyebrow remains. Yes. You got to keep the, you got to keep the unibrow. Oh yeah. Branding. There's something about unibrow that for some reason, it's like when you're a kid, you make fun of it.

And then you see it with an adult and you're like, I kind of like it. I don't know why. Interesting. The Frida Kahlo of it all. I like it. It's something cool. It's like such his face. Yeah.

It looks cool. I used to shave between my eyebrows with a razor. Really? When I was a kid, mine would grow in pretty heavily. Yeah. Yeah. And which is funny because it doesn't grow in at all anymore. Like I pluck it sometimes, you know, like, but rarely.

Yeah. Like in high school and my, my, the puberty was like at full mass and I was growing tons of facial hair. I would have to shave, I would use a razor to shave in between my unibrow because I didn't know about plucking. I was embarrassed to ask my mom or dad about it. So I would get a face razor and my mom was like, why do you want new face razor? You don't even shave, you don't even shave your face.

I'm like, yes, I do. I trim it up. Really? Yeah. I used to shave between my eyebrows. Yeah, those are those things when you're a kid, like no one tells you, so you're not going to ask anybody. Yeah.

You're so self-conscious. It's like, I was like, mom, can I get cavarice's? You know what I mean? And then no cavarice, you know, and the one day they just, we were at Nordstrom's. And she bought it. And I was, yeah, because I just begged and begged and I wore them for a year and I just never wore them again. Nordstrom was nice.

Your mom took you to Nordstrom's. Yeah. Breakdancing pants. Oh yeah. Did you buy those? No. I did. Yeah, yeah.

I did, but I had to use Adidas track pants. Just. We didn't have it like you, dog. Yeah. We didn't go to fucking Nordstrom's. We went to, we went to like Marshall's. Yeah. Marshall's was like.

That's good. No, it's not. That's terrible. Or we'd go to like, what was the other one? JC Penney. No, what was, there was one more, like with a K, like Cole, not Cole's, but there was another one. I feel like there was one more that I can't remember the name of.

We'd go to Nordstrom's sometime, but my mom would go to Nordstrom's when I know she needed something nice. And if she went to Bloomingdale's downtown Chicago, I was like, that's, she's, I mean, that's like, would she buy in a Ferrari? In my mind, I was like Bloomingdale when she had the little brown bag. Yeah. I was like, whoa, my mom bought something real nice from the store. Did you do before school started, you know, at the end of summer, did you go school shopping

for clothes? Yeah, we did. My parents would do that. We did, but I would use, but see, I didn't go to department stores much because I didn't like the, I wanted to go to like a skate store or I would go to, I'd go to like one store and buy all the stuff. I wasn't good at, I'm still to this day. I told you that story.

I went to, I went to the, I took out money because I was like, I need jeans. This is like two years ago. And I was like, you got to buy new jeans, dude. You just got to go get new jeans. And I took out a thousand dollars cash or something like that. I don't remember how much I had. I took out a bunch of cash and I was like, you got to just go get a couple pieces of clothing.

And I walked into the store and I saw someone that I knew personally. And I turned around and left, I immediately got in my car and went home. I don't like shopping. Why? It just gives me a lot of anxiety. So you don't go to, you don't like going to the dressing room or whatever and do tries things on. That makes me so sad.

And then come out from the mirror. I always do like posts. I really do. I do like this. This is one. You know, I do this. I think cause I kind of like, I have this like, I hate myself a little bit when I shop because I don't want to look, I don't like, you know, if I'm, I don't like the way of

my body feels that day. So I'm like a chick. I just get in the mirror and be like, fuck these fucking clothes, fuck this shit, bullshit. And I'll just leave. I'll get mad about it. You're like an old school dad though. I just have insecurities about clothes. I don't like it.

I never liked. So I don't like going to shop and it's not my thing. It doesn't. I do not like to go to a store and be like, I want this and this and this. Why'd you get the hat? What the fuck happened? What do you mean? This is just a t-shirt from Kiff.

I ordered it on the internet. Oh, you did? Yeah. And this hat was also bought online. Oh, wow. That's interesting to me. I can't go into a store. I don't like shopping.

It bothers me so much. I don't know what it is, but it gives me like an uneasy feeling in my chest. That's with all like if you buy spoons. Yeah. Spoons freak me out. You go in there, spoons drive me nuts. What size am I getting? What shape?

Too big? Too small? I don't know if these are going to be fit in the slot. I'm being 100% serious. Are you being real? This stuff like that drives me crazy. Oh, I love shopping for spoons. Well, you're a spoon man.

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Yeah. I love it. Yeah. And that's not that big of a deal. I actually just door dashed last week. I did door dash grocery delivery and I got myself some veggies because I had the meat, but I didn't have no veggies and I was like, I don't want to go to the vegetable aisle. I just get on door dash grocery delivery and they bring it to you.

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Enter the code BADFRIENDS at checkout. That's boxofawesome.com and enter the code BADFRIENDS at checkout. Boxofawesome.com, enter the code BADFRIENDS today, the only way I like shopping is for somebody else. I'm not playing, I'm not, I know that sounds like, aw, but no, really, like if I have to buy her something, love it because then it's like, I don't feel guilty about the money because it's not for me. And then also it's like, I get to know that someone else is going to enjoy it.

You know what I mean? For me, it's my worry of the money. Why am I spending this money? Because I've always had that because of my fucking parents. And then I'm like, I don't need it. It's an insecurity I've always had. I don't know why. But if I had to buy you like a $5,000 gift, I wouldn't even think twice about it.

I literally would be like, okay, I'll buy it for Bob. Because I just, I've always had that weird thing in my mind where I'm like, you don't deserve that. You don't need that. But if it's for someone else, I wouldn't even think twice about it. Yeah. You know that game you play in Christmas where like everyone buys one thing, you put in the big, in the middle of the room.

White elephant? Yeah, white elephant. Yeah. And they would say, well, you know, it's only $100 minimum. Oh, yeah. Right? I always buy a thousand. Do you know why?

Because I want somebody to go like, who got me this fucking computer? Yeah. Right? And I'm like, I don't know who would buy a MacBook Pro with two terabytes with a new M2 chip? You know, you are invited to this year's White Elephant. Yeah. Yeah.

I love it. And then you walk out of there with a new set of spoons from them. Yeah. No thanks. No thank you. Do you, are you like that with stuff, with shopping and stuff? I love shopping. You love it.

What do you love? I like clothes. And they, and like, especially clothes to wear on stage. But I feel like you like vintage stuff, right? Don't you like throwback shit? Thrift shopping is cool. Yeah, thrift shopping, yeah. And like independent, like, I like going on Melrose because they're smaller.

Melrose is all independent, right? Yeah. That's all from stuff downtown. So it's like cool stuff. It's not like, you know, a bunch of mass produced, like of the same shirt. Oh. Yeah. Like no one's going to have the thing that you're wearing.

Yeah. Almost like thrift store. You like thrift stores? Yeah. Me too. Like the person we pick's outfit for the day. Oh, that's fun. There's a game that people do on TikTok.

Have you seen this? Where a boyfriend and a girlfriend for the date for the night, well, they'll go to Salvation Army or they'll go to a thrift store and they'll go to like the pants and the shirts and the something and the something, and then they'll close their eyes and they run their hands down the line of their size, like in the large or whatever. And they close their eyes and the other person says, stop. And then they have to wear that shirt for the night. And then they have to wear those pants.

Oh, that's fun. We should have played that game. Okay, let's do that. So we'll have to do that for one of the cities. We also have to do this. We have to go to a small mall in the Midwest and go to some weird photography studio. Yeah. And they take photos and like go dress like from the 80s.

100%. We have to do that. I'm so down. On a day off. Well, no, I think we should everybody does old school. Let's dress like we're from the future. Let's wear a shirt that doesn't exist. But no, we go to the thrift store and pick out stuff that we think is going to be in

the future. I'm down. Let's do that. I miss malls so much. Me too. Did you guys hang out in malls when you were a kid or no? Yeah. When the Chandler fashion.

Ooh, that fashion mall. When that opened up. It was packed. Yeah. Yeah. We had UTC. You know what UTC is? You ever see affairs?

No. Do you ever see? What's Sean Penn? Oh, Fast Times. Fast Times at Richmond High. It was based on that mall. We had that in San Diego. UTC.

Yeah. That's like the mall. There was the mall. It's in La Jolla. And then we had North County Fair. Whoa. It was the best. Back up.

And now we used to drop acid. You know when people drop acid? They go, let's go into the nature. Not me. I want to go to the mall. Oh my God. That's like a nightmare for me. That's crazy.

Yeah. I like it. It's like everything's Hellraiser. Everything is. Yeah. The spike guy with the thing. Yeah. The bastard.

Welcome to Pacific Sunwear. Can I help you? Yeah. Spencer's gifts went off. Yeah. You're a nature guy then. When I do drugs. Like 100%.

Who listen to genetics? Put me to the sea. Put me by the water. Put me by like mountain ranges. I don't want to be near a bunch of humans when I'm on drugs. Oh, fucking way, dude. I like it. I want to ingest the earth because I'm taking the earth in my body.

I want to see the earth and feel it while I'm tripping. Actually, one time though, me and my buddy Tyler got high shit on mushrooms and went to a haunted house because we were like, let's see how fucked up we could get. And we were in line for this haunted house and we started tripping balls and the whole time like I almost wanted to hold his hand. I was freaking the fuck out. Just in line to get in this because it was a haunted house in the middle of like cornfields in like rural Illinois.

It was so dope. They turned like an old farmhouse into it. They do this all the time because Illinois is once you get way, way out, you go two hours out, it's fucking nothingness, you know? So we drove out there and we ate the mushrooms on the way and tried to time it perfectly, which we did. And by the time we got there, we're waiting in line and I was having a full fucking panic attack because I heard the noises coming from inside and then also people's conversations.

It was like flowing over me through me. So it sounded like a lot of like the screams were behind me in line while I was waiting. I don't like it. And these two chicks were in line with us and had it been, you know, someone in the same similar age range, they seem maybe a little older than us. And they were like, are you guys scared? And my entire was like, we're on shrooms. This chick was like, oh, cool.

Walk with us. We're scared. And at first I was like, I don't want to be near other people. I don't want to be near other people. But she like held on to us like the girls would grab on to us while we were walking into the house and it like, like centered the fuck out of me. And for some reason I felt like I was so tripping. I was like, I'm her protector.

I have to be strong right now. You became a knight. A knight. A high knight. So I was ripped out of my head and I was holding her close and I was trying like every time something would jump out, I would like flinch a little bit and then get real tight and be like, get out of here. Really?

Yeah. So ripped. And then after the at the end of it, I thought, OK, we made it through this thing, like we made it through the haunted house. I was like, these chicks are going to want to hang out with us and they're like, later. And they just got in their car and fucked off. And then we had to wait until we calmed down to be able to drive home because I was still lit up.

So we had to like go to like the snack shop nearby and just sit and eat. Is that a store? Huh? Is that an actual restaurant? No, it was like a little like a little like a little cafe was next to it for like hot chocolate and all that snack shop. Snack shop. Snack shop.

Yeah. No, it was called Snatch Shop. Yeah. Yeah. And you had to hit the clip to get it. Oh, I love it. And we just sat there and watched people coming out of the haunted house for like an hour so we could like cool our high down before we drove home because I was ripped.

He was like, can you drive? I'm like, no, dude, no, no, things are moving. Yeah. I couldn't do it. We've got to go to Hell House. What is Hell House? You know Hell House, right? No.

You know Hell House? It's a haunted house. I love haunted houses. In Texas, run by Christians. Say no more. You go to a room and it's like a woman like getting an abortion and then a demon in back of them, like someone will play the devil and at the end of the fucking haunted house, you go into a room and they try to convert you.

There was a documentary called Hell House. Is this just church? What do you mean? This is just church. Yeah. But it's like there's murder and there's scenes going on. This is real. Yeah.

It's real. Texas. What? It's in Cedar Hill, Texas. Yeah. Sugar Hill. Yeah. Cedar Hill.

Cedar Hill. Yeah, but it's not in October. They only do it in October. They only do it in October? It's a haunted house for Halloween. For church. Yeah. For church and people go and it's like.

Well, I guess it's worth the trip. So we'll have to... Oh, it's outside of Dallas. Yeah. Oh, we got to go. Yeah. We'll be right there. They still do it?

It says... I mean, I think it's Halloween only because it said permanently closed. Dude, there should be around the year haunted house. Don't we think there should be haunted houses year round? There should be at least one. I mean, fucking Halloween Town and Burbank stays open all year. Yeah. We could just wander around a Walmart.

That's a haunted house. But if we had a haunted house, if we had a haunted house, we'd kill one person a year so we have that fear. Oh, yes. Right? If you kill one person a year, if we had a haunted house, people would be like, dude, we could die. Oh, yeah.

You know what I mean? Ramon Feliz's died. We're all from San Diego in this scenario? Yeah. Well, we could die. The one from San Diego, though. Ramon Feliz fucking got decapitated, dude. Yeah, I did.

But this is fucking awesome because I've been on the 50 times through this and I've never fucking died, dude. Never died? Yeah, dude. Yeah, I did. So, you know. Why does everybody from San Diego sound like that? Why does everybody sound like that?

Oh, hey, what's up? Because it's cool. Oh, fucking. What's up, dude? That's my college roommate. Yeah. Who's from San Diego? Fucking Santino, dude.

Fucking, you fucking, you just get, you get a kiss daddy light, we could fucking get lit up, dude. Yeah. That's exactly what he sounded like. Yeah. Or you go to a beach. In San Diego, you can't go in the water because the locals go fuck you up. Yeah.

My brother and I had boogie boards once and we're at Wyndon Sea server did locals only. You're like, I am local. No, you're from where are you from, man? Powayton. That's not local. You have to be on that street. Whoa. That's how they fight.

Oh, they would fuck you up. That's awesome. No, it's not. What do you mean? That's awesome. Because they don't own it. Yes, they do. Maybe.

Yeah, they do. Locals only, dog. Yeah. If you lived in that part, you would absolutely be like, locals only bitch. You would 100% be the guy that fought people that came into the local zone. I don't know, man. Yeah, we all said yes. Everyone nodded off.

You're absolutely that guy. You're 100% that guy. That's true because when I grew up in England, we had an oak tree. No one was allowed at the oak tree. The people would look at the oak tree and they meant locals only did. Some kid would come up and be like, I'm from Playa and you're like, get the fuck out of here. He's there in Playa, bro.

Right? Like, I was very territorial over that tree. What did you guys have in high school that was like, like we had the enchanted forest was like a little forest like deep behind the high school where people would like do drugs or get into fights or hook up and all that stuff. Did you guys have like a forest or a meetup spot like that? No. You didn't?

I had no friends. Oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah. Did you have a spot? I was so, it's such a nerdy answer, but it was just like the arts building. Oh, no, I know Denny's, Denny's. Oh, Denny's. Right.

Ours was Taco Bell. Really? Yeah. Everyone has like a restaurant. Well, we would go to Grandma's. Grandma's was an old restaurant, like an old diner. 24. Yeah.

Oh my God. Yeah. Oh, we did a burrito express. The B Express. Yeah. My friend Jensen, 16 years old, we were at. Did you take it about Jensen Karp? No, Jensen.

Because you said Jensen, the other Jensen Roo. He was one of my best ones. Okay. And Roof, he great talented guy. Is he dead? No, he's alive. Where is he at? L.A.

They'll call him up. Because he's mad at me. Why? He's been mad at me for years. What did you do? Because I won't call him back. Interesting. The reason why I won't call him back is because when I, the last time I hooked up with him,

he still plays that game and I don't like it. Don't say hooked up with him. Yeah, that was weird. That's not the right verbage. The last time I hung out with him. Oh. Yeah. Guys don't usually say hook up with other guys.

We fucked. Oh. Be more clear about it. No. He does this thing where like he'll touch me and run away. How old is this man? Like he did that three years ago. How old is the man now?

My age. And he just touches you and leaves? He giggles and then I have to touch him back. He's playing tag. It's like whoever gets the last touch wins. Yeah. So we're just running around a restaurant. Yeah.

And it's like, I remember the last time we did, I was like, I can't do this anymore. Does he have Asperger's? No. He's talented. 47 years old running around a restaurant. Right. I go, you can't use, you can't use a table. Separate us.

We're arguing that way. You know what I mean? And I just realized, I can't, we did that as kids. We still play the fucking game. Why not though? We talked the other day about wanting to be more kiddy. Like you want to be like a kid and have fun and stop being so, you know, adult. So let's do it.

Well, maybe if it's more violent, I would do it. Like tag with guns. No. You're it. No, but like a punch the ass or something. All right. Yeah. Yeah.

I like that. Anyway, when I was 16, Jensen, we were at the Denny's, local Denny's and he saw a girl there, Andrea. Yeah. And he goes, she's hot. And I go, well, introduce anyone. I'm going to introduce himself. They're still married in this day.

No way. Yeah, it's beautiful. That's gorgeous. Yeah. So he has Asperger's though for real. No. Yeah, he does. He has Asperger.

He likes. What? What's Asperger's? It's a burger made out of ass. Yeah. It's a form of autism. It's on the spectrum. Oh, you know, I've heard of it.

Yeah. I saw the show. I grew up with, like, still do bullshit, like, brings up stories from when you were 14. Remember fucking Andrew, dude? And he fucking got his nutsack fucking tied up in that fucking branch. First of all, I love that story. Yeah. Remember that day you did that, dude?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What do you mean? When I connect with people that I grew up with, we'd talk about the times we had together when we were younger. That's what everybody does when you get older. That's not unusual. There's one story that they always go, remember you drank pee to me?

Well, that's because your stories are hard to hear. What do you mean? Well, because you have a lot of stories where it's like that. Like, remember, you know, remember when we all put stuff in your butt that one night? And you cried all the way home. No, it was jellyfish. Jellyfish. You know, I was in Hawaii at 16, and I had jellyfish markings on my body.

Yeah. Right? And they go, you pee. You have to let other people pee on you. Well, I didn't know. I drank it. Like, they weren't specific. You have to put it on the skin.

Yeah. Yeah. But I went behind a tree. I went to watch and I took a sip of it. And I came back and I saw everyone putting it on their body. They go, you have to put it on your body. Do you drink your own pee or somebody else's? Mine.

Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then they're like, ah, you're an idiot. You drank the pee. And I'm like, you got to be specific. You do, though. That's actually their fault. Yeah.

Like, you know, it's been gay, for instance. Right. On the Bengay things, it doesn't say you don't put it on your genitals. They should put that on there. Do you put it on your genitals? Have you tried it? No. It hurts so bad.

It doesn't seem like it belongs there. I know, but I tried it. Because isn't Bengay for your butt? No, Bengay's for muscles. Yeah. What's the name for your butt? Preparation H. Preparation H.

That one's for hemorrhoids. So wait. Dude, we got to play a game where you and I put Bengay on our penises. Why would I do that? It's such a fun game. It's funny. Okay. Oh, then you're putting it on your pussy.

Yeah, you think it's so ha ha. Yeah, you're getting involved. Yeah, yeah. I'm down to do it. Everyone has to put it on each other then. Put it on yourself. God damn it. Yeah.

So anyway, I don't like old stories. Well, I don't understand. It's a connection to your youth and to your history. But guys, sometimes guys do it every time they see you. Remember, dude? Your stories are funny and embarrassing, so they're funny to talk about. Let's move on. I understand.

I drink the pee, you know? What's so funny? Dude, it's so funny that you didn't ask anybody. You just drank the pee. I got jellyfish. It's just pee. That's all that urine, dude. Your own urine.

Really? Yeah. I'm not doing it in front of you. I went behind a tree. You know what? Honestly, I'm on your team on this one. Thank you so much. Here's why.

Why? Because if you're like jellyfish and you're like, well, pee, it's got to be pee. In your mind, you wouldn't go, well, I should piss on myself. Right. How do you do that? Right.

You would never think that you're going to pee. Well, they gave me a cup. Oh, well, then that was probably a tell. That you should drink it. That you drink it. Yeah. I see where your brain went. Yeah, and I pee and I'm like,

You think two things. Here we go. I was like, yeah. You get a solo cup and someone says, Pete, you either think, we're playing a weird game of beer pong. Yeah. Or I'm going to drink my own piss.

Yeah. So I get it. Can I ask you another question about pee? Yeah. I'm being real. And then we'll move on. Can we move on from it? I'm saying we'll.

Maybe I shouldn't even ask the question. Let's get this one out of the way. Okay. Yeah. Why? Why are you so uncomfortable about it? No, no, no. I just think a pee pee poo poo we can get.

We'll have to get through at some point. Oh, we only talked about it for two minutes. Yeah. Okay. You know what? I'm going to save it for later. No, I want it right now. Okay.

Really? Yeah. Because when you pee, it's all the same. Sorry. Like when you pee every time, it's like yellow and warm. That's right. Right. Yeah.

But you drink all kinds of liquids. It's interesting. Is it not? That it comes out like that. One way. Right. Yeah, yeah. Well, the darker the pee, the worse it is.

It means you're more dehydrated. No, I heard that there's more vitamins in your system. And it depends. It depends. Then it could be a brighter yellow. Oh, I see. But you're not. If your personal, Bobby Lee, not humans.

If your pee is coming out really dark yellow. Yeah. Bad news. Okay. Yeah. Tell me if that happens. What is that? Every time?

It's dark. Okay. And murky. You know what it reminds me of? The water on Yoda's planet. Deck up a system. Deck up a system. Let's look up the water on Yoda's planet.

That's what it looks like. Yeah. Bobby, drink that water. Yeah. Yeah. Drink some water. How much water do you drink during the day? Honestly.

Sometimes never. During the day, sometimes you'd never have a sip of H2O. Let's start. Let's do that. Let's start doing that. Yeah. What does it do though? It keeps you alive.

Okay. Yeah. It's the literal. It's so funny, man. It's the only thing you need. I'm learning. Fancy. I think a daily fluid's about 13 cups and 9 cups for healthy men and women.

13 cups is repulsive. That's so much water. 13 cups of water? You seem to be drinking it all day. You're supposed to be drinking it all day long. Yeah. But you can live without it. How long can you live without water?

It's only like three days? Three or four days? Three days. And then your muscles atrophy and they drain themselves and then you die. Yeah. Three days. The body needs a lot of water to carry out essential functions. So three days, dude.

Okay. When was that time? You learned something new every day. Yeah. Something I think you'd know by now at 51. But sometimes. I haven't gotten around to it. But I got to tell you, if you lasted this long without drinking water, like there was

a guy on one of those My Strange Addiction River who only drank Coke and never drank water. But isn't that a form of water? Water is in there. Yeah. Yeah. But it's not a healthy amount. Yeah.

You know, there's a person that only drank Coke and... So if I was on some sort of deserted fucking planet and I only had Diet Coke. Deserted Island or planet? Planet. Diet Coke in outer space? There's a vendor. God bless. Yeah, yeah.

There's one of those machines. Yeah. There's just a Diet Coke machine that's just getting filled up. Also, there needs to be a coin machine next to it. Can you imagine aliens are like, we have to give them Diet Coke? But like if you're... And there's oxygen on this planet, but it's deserted. Could you not survive off of that as a liquid or no?

No. Well, okay. Let's see. Growing body of the engine suggests that diet soda consumption correlates with an increased risk of a wide range of medical conditions, heart conditions, heart attack, high blood pressure, metabolic issues, including diabetes, obesity, brain conditions, dementia and stroke. Good. Okay.

I would love a Diet Coke right now, by the way. Yeah. Okay. You're good. I'm never gonna drink it again. No, this is just in moderation. It just means if you drink it all the time, Carlos is drinking it right now. Let's move on from Poompi.

Yeah. Let's move on from Poompi. This is no Poompi. Poompi. Poompi. How long do you think you could last on the deserted island? I keep watching that Nature show. How long do you really think you could last genuinely on a deserted island?

A deserted island or a forest? No, that's actually a very good question. Yeah. What kind of island is it? How about this? On a deserted part of the world, right, where there is things to forage, like there are berries, there's food. Because if you go to Canada and some of their islands are like big trees, it's very foresty.

Sure. They're way up north. Okay. So how long would I survive? Yeah. With the knowledge I have now? Right now. Yeah.

Two weeks. Yeah. That's really long. That's a long time. Well, I know how to do water. Do? How? What do you mean how?

What do you mean I know how to do water? I know how to make water. How do you make water? Well, you go to a river, right, and then you dig a little hole next to the river. The soil filters out all the bad stuff, and you drink the water from the hole that you made. Oh. What?

I didn't know that. That's true. It's partially true. It doesn't mean it's not going to be. It doesn't mean bacteria can't get through. It'll be cleaner, then, if it's... Yeah, but I don't know how to make a fire, do you? Well, I mean, I know hypothetically how to make a fire.

Yeah, I do, too, hypothetically, but if I have no tools, I'm on an island, right? I don't know what a flint looks like. Well, I mean, you could get anything that creates a spark. Yeah, but it's up north. It's very damp. Yeah, I know. It's very difficult. So it's like, for me, I'd be like, no, I would have to do that, and I would try to

eat like acorns. Well, that you definitely can't eat. Why? It's a nut. I know, but how are you going to get the acorn before they fall to the ground? You're not going to climb a tree. They fall from the tree, like apples do. But acorns, you're not going to eat acorns?

Toxic to humans. Oh, fuck. Well, then forget that. Forget the acorns. One day. Berries. I would eat berries, yeah. Berries.

That's better. But you wouldn't kill an animal. I would try. Like a weekend. Yeah. But even professionals have a hard time doing that. They do. Yeah.

I agree. So probably two weeks. You know what I would do? I'd know how to get an animal, by the way, in the wild. I would get on all fours and spread my butt cheeks, yeah, and I'd try to, and I would do noises to try to get it. And I'm like, I'm coming up to it, right, and then what do you do, stab from behind? Imagine you think that you're going to catch an animal by doing a mating call, and it comes

up and starts having sex with you, but you love it so much that you can't kill it needed. Or you know what you do? You let them enter, and you clench your butt holes, so they're stuck. Yeah, yeah. And they're trying to get away, and I don't know how what I would have to do. Well, you'd have to use it. Well, you'd have to use the jiu-jitsu technique, for sure. All right.

This armbar, the bear. I'll call with Eddie. What's his name? Who? Joe Rogan's got Eddie. Eddie Bravo? Eddie Bravo. Yeah.

Do I have a cell phone? Mm-hmm. I have one cell phone? The bear has a phone. Yeah. Oh, the bear does? Yeah. It slips out of his pocket.

Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Do they have pouches? Like kangaroos? Yeah, sure. Yeah. All right. So I grab it.

Eddie. I think I would call Eddie before the Coast Guard. You got to call him first. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So here's the deal. This is the situation I'm in.

Mm-hmm. And now you've asked me for many, many years to take your class. I apologize for that. My bad. Now help me. Now help me. Yeah. So I have a black bear.

Right? Ha-ha-ha. Inserted inside my anus. An African-American bear. Yeah. Oh, that's my bad. Yeah. Careful.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have an African-American bear. Right? And it's like, African-American bears' lives matter. That would say that just for the optics of it. Well, you should. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they do.

Right? He's about to come. Mm-hmm. Right? But I've clenched it. Because you know, Eddie, I have a very tight ball. I know that, bro. You know that, right?

And so what do I do? Do I try to grab his head and do a roll? You know what I mean? I mean, what's your suggestion? I think let him finish and then take him out for a meal. Oh, I see. Yeah. How long would you last in a wilderness situation?

I'm not sure because I don't know a lot of survival techniques. But I think I have a high threshold for pain. You do? And I could become one with nature pretty easy. All right. Let's test the threshold. Can we fight you? Yeah.

I think we should do a bus fight. You want to do bus boxing? I'll do bus boxing. But you guys, it's got to be like each person can call it at any time in the trip. Yeah. So you just yell bus fight. Bus fight. Bus fight.

Could be two, three in the morning. Bus fight. You got to wake you up. And you got to fight. Yeah, we'll fuck you up, man. I'd love to see you two fight. I know. He does fight me all the time.

He does fight me all the time. I would fuck you up, man. I really want to see you guys fight. Never hurt her. I'd get both of you on it once. I don't think you could. I'd fuck both of you guys up so bad it'd be insane. At the same time?

100%. There's no fucking way. I would beat the fucking shit out of you guys. He'd get his nine iron. No weapons on. Bare-handed? These are my fucking weapons. Yeah.

Dude, you against me and you. Doesn't matter. Whatever you guys try to concoct, I'll fucking kill you both. You have no idea, dude, about my legs. You little roly-poly. I'll eat you alive. No, I have, dude, I have. A couple of fucking these sandwiches to your fucking stupid little face.

You're gone, dude. You're fucking out. Out cold. I have HRS. That's right. Herpes? No. Hated.

Sprint. All right, so I'll fuck with it. Let me tell you, the part isn't hidden. You have RS. Yeah. You see, it's just RS. You have just RS. It's not hidden.

Not even a little bit. RS, that's fine. It's not hidden. No, because you would focus on her. I would sneak up behind you and put you in a rear naked chokehold. The naked part you love the most. I don't like that it's called that. You're not naked when you do it.

Yeah. Do what? The rear naked choke. Just call it a rear chokehold. Yeah. Why doesn't he be called naked? I know this episode is going to come out much later. Did you watch the fights yesterday?

No. This speech was fucking awesome. He grabbed the mic from Rogan. And look, I'm not a big UFC guy. I don't really watch it. But on TikTok, this speech was like going viral. He's giving himself props for being the shit. But also...

He didn't think Jesus. Yeah, he did. Oh, he did? He said, I'm blessed to be able to do this again and again and again. A blessing is saying I'm thanking the universe for something. He's appreciating the world. But the way he's saying it, he's saying, look at what I did. But take from this that you can do something.

Yeah. But you have to fucking do it. You gotta stop saying, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I thought that was so great. I watched that like four or five times this morning in bed being like, what a great fucking message. Because he's not saying, become a fighter. He's not saying, he's saying, get out of your own fucking way.

Do the thing so you can feel this feeling of joy and happiness at least once in your life. Yeah, it's great inspiration. It's, for me, I'm dumb kind of. Yes. What? I'm agreeing. Like that fast? What?

Say it again. Say it again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm done. Yes, you are. Yes, you are, buddy.

I really, you know, I'm lazy. You know that. Yeah. Yeah. I procrastinate. Yes. Yeah. The only thing that I've done right in my whole entire life.

This podcast. This podcast. But it, but this, um, it stand up, you know, walking through the fear of going on stage and doing that repeatedly is the only thing that I did right. And it gave me such a big and beautiful life. Right. So it's like, I mean, I just love that speech. It's the same thing.

Right. You know, we, we have that one thing where it's like, I'm going to try this scary thing. And, um, that's all I've done. And it worked. It worked. Oh, it's working. It continues to work. And, you know, anyone out there, it's like, I know it's scary.

No, it is. You know what I mean? And it's like, oh, we'll, we'll need this amount of people make it or whatever. You can't think that way. Just do whatever you think you need to do. You have to do it. You have to do it. Yeah.

Right. Juice. That's how I felt after Vancouver. That is how you felt that moment of happiness. Yeah. And you're going to feel it again and again and again. Let's go to Juicy's Corner real fast. And, uh, Juicy, welcome back to Juicy's Corner.

We want to throw it to juice because she wants to tell us something pretty important. Whenever you're ready, juice, you go ahead. Thank you for being a bad friend. No. Not yet. We're not done. We're not done. I don't know where you're talking.

Don't get that shortcut. Huh? Shortcut. Yeah, she's trying to get out of it, huh? I don't know where you're talking. Well, no, it's that, I know what you're, he's talking about. It's that inspiring. Cause when we're in Vancouver backstage, you gave me that five minute inspirational

talk about life and about, you know what I mean, connections. Do your, let's hear your style bender talk. Yeah. I want to see yours. Cause the fans at home want to know how did you get from 10K to 100K? They think, how did she do it? Let's give her a different sport. What sport would it be?

Rugby. Sure. Yeah. You're a professional rugby player. Yes, you are. For the, you know, um, Los Feliz chip nukes. The chip nukes have been pretty good the last couple of years. Yeah.

You used to have seasoned tickets. Yeah. Didn't you? To the chip nukes? I always sold them on Sea Geek though. Oh, okay. So your rugby team, chip nuk captain, right? And you're in the men's league.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Controversial. You just won the fucking, what? Controversial. Yeah. I love it.

You just won the East LA Provisional Championship. Two teams in it. You and Echo Park. Yeah, you and Echo Park. But you still beat them. Right. And there's like eight people in this, you know, audience. But they're like, they love it.

What sport is it? Rugby. Rugby. Eight people in the crowd. Two of them are blind. So I'm the, I'm the Rogan, you know what I mean? Guy. Yeah, you are.

You grab the mic. You know what I mean? Yeah. Hey, let me just take this real quick. Will you give it back? I got the mic now. Shut up. Hey, listen, I can't believe where I am at Los Feliz.

I just won the rugby championship. And I just want you guys to know that if you work hard and you meet somebody more famous than you in the rugby division, they will build your following 10 times and they will give you a platform to shine. And if you just practice your rugby skills and you get that platform, you're going to make it. It's rugby not golf. What's a golf?

No, this is a rub. That's a rub. People do that when they, when rugby, when you score, everyone goes. Yeah. It's part of the celebration. Is it cricket? No, it's just a part of the celebration. It's like saying, yes.

Oh, that's what it is. I think I would know. You would know. Don't ever question her again, dude. I'm sorry, man. Don't ever question her again. Morgan and Morgan. You guys, I was just in a car accident a couple of months ago.

Luckily, I wasn't her. Yeah. But if I was her, I would have called Morgan and Morgan. Do you know why? They're the best in the world. That's right. In 2020, there was over 5 million car crashes. That's so many.

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Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash badfriends or dial Poundlaw. Pound529 from your cell phone. That's for F-O-R, thepeople.com slash badfriends. Or Poundlaw, Pound529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement. I will not go downtown LA anymore.

Fuck it. Fuck it. I'm tired of people being like, it's getting better. No, it's not. The last time I was fucking down there, we were downtown and the riots were going on, the protests and the riots, you know? And I pull into a parking lot. I'm going to do a comedy show.

And I pull into a parking lot and some black woman's like, waving her arms at me. And I'm like, oh, am I not? Am I in the wrong? She's dancing. She was just dancing. No one. And she's like this.

She's like going like this. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? And raise the roof. That's what she's doing. And I rolled down the window and I was like, oh, are we not supposed to park in this lot? Because I was going to a show. And she goes, no, man, you got no business being down here.

You better get the fuck out of here now. And I was like, for real? She's like, don't you know what the fuck is going on? I was like, I'm going to perform at a show. And she's like, get the fuck up out of here. And I was like, OK, I took the advice. And you left? Yeah, I didn't do the show.

And you called the guy? Yeah, I said I'm not doing the show. I'm not doing the fucking show. Wow. Because she was probably giving me a warning shot. Like, dude, they'll probably fuck up your car. No, they'll probably. You'll get out of that car.

They're going to kick your fucking windows in. They'll go, oh, we saw some white redheaded, you know, some fucking lollipop headass motherfucker get out of this car. And they would have busted up my shit because it was the wrong time, wrong place. So I was like, fuck this. We're going home. You do have that huge Confederate flag in your window, too.

I took it down. It's on the hood. It's on the window. Oh. Old faithful. What do you want me to do, dude? What'd you do with the Robert Elyse little thing in front of your car?

The statue. The little statue? Yeah. It's a bobblehead. It's on my front. It's on my dashboard. And in my horn, it doesn't honk. It goes, yeah.

But you still have the speakers and you're doing the turn diaries from it? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I love your car. Black people beware.

Beware. Beware. Yeah. No. Yeah. I have the speakers on the roof. It's great. But yeah, that was probably a dead giveaway for her

to get me out of there. It was actually very nice. I was very thankful. I was like, OK, thanks. If there is a civil war, if there is a civil war, you think we'll win again? I'm going to Canada. I'll tell you that.

Really? I'm not fighting in that bullshit. I'm not going to fight. I watch. You can't watch. They're going to make you join. They're going to make you pick up a gun and join. The civil war?

If we have another civil war in America, they're going to make you fight. Everyone's going to have to fight. What would be my position? Sniper. Yeah. Probably a ninja. Oh, oh, oh.

You sure the gun? Yeah. Wow. So I would have to fight. You 100% would have to fight. Can I be in the back, though? Like the last wave? No, they put you in first.

Yeah. Me and the minorities. Shortest up front. No, it goes by height. It's not skin color. Oh, really? Well, because it's like it's needs to stagger. We're pawns.

Yeah, because here's 100%. And also, the tall guys need to see the enemy. And you would need to see them, too. You need to be in front of the tall men. Yeah. So you're up there, bud. But I would run like this. You know what I'm doing?

There's a guy in front of me. And my head's stuck. And he's my shield. What are you holding on to? The back of his shirt. Yeah, but I think you just hold his butt cheeks. Let's go, Tony. Hold his butt cheeks.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's just no way. And then once in a while, come on. Let's go. All right. And he's like, ooh. Yeah. What would you do in the Civil War?

What side are you going to be on? First of all. Well, the side I'm going to be on. I'm going to be on. I'm going to be on. I'm going to be on. I'm going to be on. I'm going to be on.

Yeah. All right. What would you do in the Civil War? What side are you going to be on? First of all. Well, the side I'm going to be on. You know, they're going to make me fight. Yeah.

You're going to have to fight because women are equal. Yeah. They are now. Yeah. You guys asked for all this. I cannot wait till that breaks out. Yeah. And women are like, do you guys want us to sew again

and do that stuff? Yeah. You're like, no, no. You want to be equal to you got to pick up a get. Yeah, who else is it Brad Williams you Brad Williams? Yeah, and we're just like we would lose. Yeah. Yeah, so I said I'm going to Canada Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah going to Vancouver, dude. I'm going back Come on man, wait up Man, wait up. No way

But you know if we had a civil war though, it's like we have new members What are you talking about? Yeah, what do you mean? Well, I mean, you know, do I think MS-13 would fight for us gang members? Yeah, no, no that you think they're more What leaning what what do you mean what what what well finish what they're leaning what you think they're leaning right? You think the south will get them? No. No. No, first of all, I won't be divided north and south East west it'll be west. It's east west. I knew that was the new one Us was New York. Yeah. Oh for fuck. We're fucked. It's Chicago East or West East there East. Yeah, who do we get? Boise a fucking week. I think we get Boise. I think we get Albuquerque. Oh, Mexicans

Yeah, but they're going they'll go back Would stick around. Yeah, who else do we have is Austin South or I mean East or West? Texas is not going to be included. They're gonna be their own little thing. Oh It's a four. They're building a wall right now around Texas to the United States Not just Mexico. They're building it all the way. Wow, cuz they don't want to be with us at all Wow, they fucking fuck us. They don't like us. But imagine if there was a north southeast west war like a four-way civil war bracket Like I think we would lose the West Coast. I don't know. We got a shitload of people. We have a lot of people Oh, that's true, but we have they're all like, you know me techies and stuff

Liberal software. Yeah, but but but we will get a lot of tech war. We'll win tech war, right? Fuck. Yeah, dude We'll shut their shit down. Mm-hmm. Shut down your shut down your machines. We have nanobots No, do we not have nanos and Twitter? No, we don't Elon lives in Texas now. Yeah, Twitter is theirs Oh, yeah, Twitter's theirs. Oh, fuck Twitter, by the way, every time I go on it now, it sucks It's all a bunch of promoted ads. I don't even see people that I follow anymore I've opened it up a few times the last couple days and I shut it down immediately because I'm like I don't follow any of these people I'm just getting pushed promoted ads promoted accounts. I don't literally don't see who I I don't see anybody anymore So fuck Twitter fuck Twitter. I'm out of it. Well, I haven't been on Twitter. It's still stolen. Yeah

The amount of people that say they bought a MacBook from your fake account, I know scares me I know I think those people get to vote Yeah, you look you drive a car and have a job and a family you bought a MacBook from a comedian You didn't see that. That was obviously a hacked account. Yeah, that scares me. That scares. I want a piece of it I mean, it is my account. Well, you did. I mean you saw I think you saw like 95 MacBooks. I You should get a piece I just reach out to the guy somehow and just like look dude. You fuck me over. Can I have it back? Yeah, you should deserve it back. Yeah, you haven't had it in how many months of almost a year Crazy, I'm not even kidding or maybe he can you can get every other post. Yeah. Oh like share it

I don't be like what TIG does doesn't TIG do that with her Twitter. She gives her Twitter up to other people. I love her. I can't believe that never backfire I thought for sure that would be it be hackable then because she would give it up to so many people Yeah, I thought some hacker would be able to like loop in and steal it. That's all right But it's never been a problem, but she just gives it out. You know this, right? No She gives her Twitter account to people to do like a residency for like a month or what still Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I have no idea but she used to for years She did it for years and years. Would you give me your Twitter account? I'm so fucking lutely not you turn into a Mac store Tonight mayor. Yeah, what part of hate group are you a part of?

Hmm I Don't like when people show their beliefs so outwardly. All right, let's say let's start a hate group against people that show their beliefs outwardly What what kind of hate group could we three start for real? Let's start a hate group of our own What do we hate collectively like an animal? What animal do you hate? Let's choose an animal that people love and we hate it. Yes. Okay. Well, what what what do people love that we dolphins? Dude, fuck them. I'm not kidding. Yeah, hate him. Hate him hate him Yeah, cut it out. What's that mean cut it out? Stop geeky geeky in. Yeah. Yeah, we get it. Yeah, and then We get it

We get it dude. Yeah, you don't need a parade. I was petting this dolphin one time in Mexico and he like popped his head up, you know, and and literally like like You know, you're they put him on the thing and yeah, I'm rubbing him softly and he pops his head up And he goes you show me where the poppers are It was So crazy Crossing the line man. It was I was like, I'm not gonna give a dolphin drugs Yeah nuts dude because do you ever see the documentary The Cove? Yeah, we talked about it. I love it

But you know, we should go against dolphins Is there a fuck dolphins group because we want to start because you don't like dolphins either. Do you juice? No, I fucking hate him fucking Dude, I don't want to see any dolphins Yeah, you know what the worst thing too is if you meet a girl and they have a dolphin tattoo It's a fucking red flag red flag red flag red flag that and a like a clover leaf You know how you guys do it. What are you talking about a four-leaf clover? Yeah, what's wrong with those a tattoo of it? Doesn't scare me as much as dolphins, but there's not a what if a woman had a tattoo what kind of tattoo would turn you off

What kind of tattoo would turn me off? Well, I'm not I'm not huge into face tattoos Hmm cuz I don't know if that's a good I like your face, right? I don't know if I want to see tons of that but prove me wrong Maybe I maybe I will later in life to meet someone we met that girl that had a bad friend sat you on her leg Yeah, but that's rad. That's amazing. It's not her leg. That's not her face. Yeah, but she also colored yours in and mine's completely empty with no color That's right. Why? Because yellow was expensive. Oh, I see. Orange is like the cheapest color. Oh, I see. I see. I see. No What tattoo would turn me off for real? Yeah, actually, that's not you know, I take it back

I go back because there I've have seen some face tattoos that are like neck that bleed up that are sexy as shit Yeah, I just don't like like a word on your face. Oh, I don't like that like the word like I've seen those people It's like Someone has an eyebrow who's famous someone has like above their eyebrow says something and it's like yeah undisputed or something I'm like why on your face? Yeah, a word. Yeah, art would be tight You know like like you know when like indigenous people or natives have face tattoos that but but it's art But it's symbolic that looks sexy and cool. Yeah, that looks cool. I just don't want a word on my face like that Yeah, what does this say always tired?

What does post Malone say? Yeah, always tired. Yeah, I don't I why why though? It's a very silly choice and God bless so much confidence to see the cross makes sense. I don't mind the crowd the word is Always tired as a that's a big what does that say? Oh, that's his address 673 East Apple Drive. That's not bad one on this above like below an eye and one on the forehead That's not bad. You know imagine this guy cannot walk into a PC store Wow, because I'll like get out Like imagine if he finally wants to switch to an Android And they're like I'm sorry man not with that fucking bullshit

Yeah, but it's so funny when we were younger and you met any hot chick They could have anything on their body the most offensive thing. Yeah, you still try to smash Well, right well also because when we were younger times were like tattoos were a little bit more It was a little bit rare and the idea that like people these days Everybody has tattoos and they have them all over right when we were kids Not a lot of people who had this many tattoos. Oh my god And when you saw people with a bunch you were like whoa, that's so fucking rad They were like the rebels of the time now. It's like no you'll be scared. Well, there

Yeah, in the early 80s if I was walking on the street and some guy had any tattoo. I'm like, oh my god fight Yeah, we'll fight. No, it's like, you know, this is um escape from New York I'm snake Plisken You are snake. Yeah, love that movie. Do you have tattoos? I forget you told me no, I don't have any we're gonna get one on the road That's right. We have to get the bad friends tattoo because you're a hundred thousand followers I was thinking of getting like a cartoon juice box right on my neck and the straw goes out to my mouth. Cool. Good idea You're gonna love that You're gonna love that forever. I want to make sure you guys supported it

Can I tell you the funniest version of that that you could actually get that no one will see have a juice box on your butt cheek And make the straw go into your ass And no one will ever see that that's so funny. That's so funny. That's so good But you also mean no one will ever see it Well, no one will ever see it Unless you want them to see it I'm saying like no one's gonna know you have that unless you show them You know what I'm gonna get then you have to paint the inside of your butthole like grape juice though

You have to do like you have to you have to stain your body already is Have you thought about any tattoo I've thought about it a thousand times I have one I'm gonna do what on the road Let's do it. I'm gonna get a tattoo of a penis on my penis of a bigger penis So dumb what what if you do black dick? What if you do blackface black cock? Oh What if you just did a black dick and And it changed the way you felt about yourself and you had a bigger dick immediately. I mean it would swell up for sure Or you could even lie. Oh, this is Gary Coleman's penis Yeah, this is this is Webster's penis. All right, let's get a tattoo on the road then but you will you'll get one

Yeah, but on the ankle or something. No ankle. What am I a teenage boy and the ankle? I mean, it's like no, I would get it some I'd probably get you're not gonna want it because it's a nightmare when you act You act a lot you have to go in an hour early. It's a fucking nightmare. I just get on your wrist That's what I want to do on my wrist. I think on my wrist No, no one will see right here much because your hands are like oh, that's okay, and then makeup to cover this up We'll take three seconds. Yeah, that's true. So what would I get? What would you get? It's your body? I just want to write I want to I want like one polarizing word. Oh Shit, you know

One polar right, you know, I know which one we'll say it on the count three Well, don't do this. Yeah. All right, one two three freedom. I Knew you're gonna. I knew you bailed what I knew you're gonna betray. That's why I said freedom. All right Hey, we're on the road on the road right now right now right now this week. We're going to Virginia No, we're nor folk Virginia come on out and see us at the Chrysler Hall No association to Chrysler the car company by the way Yeah, a lot of people been asking about that Maybe it is actually nor folk Virginia and then the next day

We're gonna be in Durham home of the Durham Bulls baby in North Carolina and one more North Carolina They shot bull Durham there. They shot bull down there. Yeah, they shot him down Then we go to Charlotte, North Carolina after that So we go Norfolk Durham, North Carolina Charlotte, North Carolina and then in the month of May And Antonio, Texas, baby San Antonio. We go to Texas, baby We're gonna San Antonio two shows Houston then Irving, which is Dallas people look where's it's in Dallas It's between Fort Worth and Dallas and Dallas. It's Irving come see us And then we head back to the west coast at that second weekend of May

So for now though, Norfolk, Virginia, North Carolina Durham and Charlotte, please come say hi Come say hi to us in Texas. We love you and you know we want to thank you for being a bad friend You