Bad Friends - What Happened In Vegas w/ Dax Flame

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Starting point is 00:00:31 We'll have, let's start off weak. Okay. Let's start off very weak. Can I say something? Oh, God. You wanna open the show? Oh, yeah. No, I just wanna ask you a question. Okay, I love questions. Yeah, go ahead.

Starting point is 00:00:42 Yeah, I didn't know you weren't on the same list as OJ Simpson. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, I didn't know you weren't on the same list as OJ Simpson. You made a list this past weekend. You and OJ Simpson share. I know, but we can't talk about it legally, they told me. What do you mean? Well, we started a week. Okay.

Starting point is 00:00:59 All right, so. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and Asian dude. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo-hoo. White dude and Asian dude. Woo-hoo. You two are disgusting. Woo-hoo.

Starting point is 00:01:09 Are you two or something? We're bad friends. I'm sorry. Yeah. Let's move on to something else. Oh, so it's bullsh-t. It brings up so much bullsh-t. Oh, just bring up all my trauma.

Starting point is 00:01:22 Yeah, let's talk about how my dad beat me again. God. Well, let's talk about- Let's talk about what? Who's in the studio today. It's John, Stone John. Stony John. Stony John, and he's here, Joint John, John the Joint Man. He's here because Carlos and McCone both got the flu in Vegas.

Starting point is 00:01:39 And when Asians get high, their eyes are completely closed. It's unbelievable. How do you drive? How do you do that? Oh my God, a stoned Asian driving? You drive better? Oh. A stoned Asian driving?

Starting point is 00:01:50 No thanks. Yeah. That's a pass for me. Yeah, I love stony Asians. You drive better? But dude, have you ever seen a meth Asian? They clip the kind of bonsai trees. Oh my God, better than Mr. Miyagi.

Starting point is 00:02:06 Way better. Really? Yeah, you don't know that? That fact? No, I'm not around a lot of meth agents. Yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, imagine if you had meth back in the samurai days. Wow.

Starting point is 00:02:15 One samurai just going crazy. He'd make a sword in like five minutes. You know it used to take them forever to like- Five minutes, yeah. Five to- Yeah. A sword? Yeah. He's hard!

Starting point is 00:02:25 Yeah. He would cut himself, right? It would turn into a scab and then he would just pull it out and eat it. Because meth people- Okay. Meth people, they eat- Meth people. Also, can I say something about- was there a meth back then?

Starting point is 00:02:34 I don't know. When was crystal meth invented? Well, I mean, look, we had to have some form of this- There has been some form. Floating around, right? Yeah. Well, there's methamphet form. Floating around, right? Yeah. Well, there's methamphetamine has probably been around for a long time.

Starting point is 00:02:47 That chemical makeup of methamphetamine. It's all science, isn't it? It's all science. Yeah, yeah. You know, if I had a time machine, I would take fentanyl. Hmm. No, just hear me out. Loads of it.

Starting point is 00:03:00 What era are you going back to? 17th century. You're gonna go back to the 17th century with fentanyl? What is that? Is that far? Is that far? That's us. What do you mean, how far? When is it? I mean, America was still around, right?

Starting point is 00:03:12 No, that wasn't. Declaration of Independence. That's 1800, right? No, 1776. 1776. I got... 1776. What? Wait, wait, wait.

Starting point is 00:03:21 An Asian Korean guy with a bag of fentanyl. But what century? What century is 1776? From a Thai magazine. What? What century is 1776? The 17th century. Did you go? No, it's not.

Starting point is 00:03:30 Is it the 20th century? 18th century. It's just one more up. 20th century, 19th century. It's the 18th, you already said it. 18th. 18th century. Oh, the 1876, 18th century.

Starting point is 00:03:38 Am I bad? In 1776, you're going back to the bag. You said 1776. That's 17th century, no? No. Okay, my bad. Zero to 99 is what? History. History. 18th century, am I bad? In 7076 you're going back to the back. You said 1776, that's 17th century, no? No.

Starting point is 00:03:46 Okay, my bad. Zero to 99 is what? History, man. That's not history, that's math. Anyway, I show up, whatever, I, I, Hey, don't. No, shut up! Time machines have a button.

Starting point is 00:03:58 Boop, boop, boop, boop. Yeah, so I go, one, seven, seven, six, right? I'm sorry, your fingers are too fat for the machine. No, and I go, go get the, you know what I mean, flux capacitor, right, to Marty. Marty runs up, okay boss, okay boss, right? Stick it in there, get the electricity, is it raining yet?

Starting point is 00:04:19 Right, it's gotta rain, right? It's gotta rain. Right, I gotta bring it to 89, right? Put the fennel in in the fennel is in now, I'm 1776 and I'm in Bakersfield doesn't exist. I know but I'm there. Well, it's okay. It's you and natives then exactly. I get them hooked first. Oh Dude, you're doing what we did last time

Starting point is 00:04:41 No, doing it again, but I'll hook it might get in trouble for saying this history really does repeat itself It does. Yeah, no. Just doing it again. But I'll hook, am I gonna get in trouble for saying this? History really does repeat itself. It does. Yeah. I'm not giving them smallpox. Something way worse. Yeah, yeah. Fentanyl. Oh, that's true.

Starting point is 00:04:54 No, I should go East Coast. Boston, Boston. Okay, stay in, okay, Boston, the tea party. The tea party. Dude, tea and fentanyl? We don't even know what that combo does. Mm-hmm. That's a great combo. They should be a fucking little shop in France that shows, that has fentanyl and tea.

Starting point is 00:05:11 Anyway, my point is- Do you like tea with your fentanyl? Have green tea with your fentanyl? And then you would make a killing because they've never heard of opiates. Yeah, but money is worthless then. It's worth less then. Yeah, but you get like gold teeth. Oh, you could get gold.

Starting point is 00:05:24 They trade, right? Gold teeth, a wooden leg. money is worthless then, it's worth less then. Yeah, but you get like gold teeth. Oh, you could get gold. They trade, right? Gold teeth, a wooden leg. Uh-huh. I'll tell you, you want some fat? No, give me your gold tooth, wooden leg, and one of those feathery pens. You can get those anywhere.

Starting point is 00:05:36 I know, but from- If you went to a bank back then, did their pens attached to chains have feathers on them still? That'd be so funny if you stole one of the feathery pens. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sir, that's not your feathery pen. That'd be stole one of the feathery pens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sir, that's not your feathery pen. That'd be interesting.

Starting point is 00:05:47 That belongs to the bank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I thought about? I would go back in time with heavy artillery, like real guns, real guns. Before they had it. Back to the gold rush days and just rob everybody. They had guns then.

Starting point is 00:06:00 Yeah, not like, we have, fuck it, I could have an AR-15. I could have a bazooka. Yeah. Give us your gold! Give us your gold! Shoo, boom, load it. All right. Think about it, dude.

Starting point is 00:06:15 Dude. If we could go back and rob anything or anywhere, I mean, obviously you'd wanna rob Fort Knox, right? That's the ultimate goal. Do you know what that is? Of course I know what Fort Knox is. What century is that one in? We still have it. That's right. What is it? It's where they put the money. That's where they put the gold bars. And we know that's not true. It's not true. But that's

Starting point is 00:06:33 in folklore. That's where they keep alien bodies, in my opinion. I think Fort Knox is filled with top secret shit we're not supposed to get to. Yeah. Because everyone thinks it's in area 51. No, thank you. I think it's- Studio 76. Studio City? Studio 76? Studio 54? No, Studio 54. Studio 54.

Starting point is 00:06:49 Oh, is it Studio 54 where they have the fucking aliens? Yeah. No, is it? What is it? No, what is it? Area 51. Area 51. Oh, I always, oh my God.

Starting point is 00:07:02 I've used Studio 54 in reference to aliens before in conversations. I know, yeah. Thinking it's the same thing. And people have been looking, I remember people going, what are you talking about? I'm telling you, it's in Arizona. They go to New York.

Starting point is 00:07:16 They should have opened up a Studio 51 in Area 51. A coked out nightclub to see aliens. Dude, look at this guy's arms. You know, I saw the other day on TikTok too, by the way, someone was dissecting how we think dinosaurs look a certain way. And she was like, I'm a biologist. And she was like, this doesn't even make sense. The way that they've thought dinosaurs look or the way we draw them, it's basically skin

Starting point is 00:07:44 on bone. She's like, that's not, you them, it's basically skin on bone. She's like, there's tons of cartilage and fat and all sorts of stuff and muscle. She was like, a dinosaur is basically the shape of the bone structure with a little bit of outlining. She goes, but look at your nose. If you remove your nose from your face, it's a fucking hole. So this is just all cartilage, but they didn't account for like random pieces of things sticking off of the dinosaur. So she's like, they didn't look anything like that.

Starting point is 00:08:09 Oh, what you're saying is like- We've just guessed what we think that she- They have big noses? What did you just say? Do they have big noses? There's Jewish dinosaurs? There was. There was.

Starting point is 00:08:24 You know we'll be extinct someday. And how do they hold the money? Little hands. Can we get in trouble? You can. Yeah, we get cut out? Yes. No.

Starting point is 00:08:41 Stacey's Jewish. Do you approve? Are you Jewish, Stacey? I am. You approve? She approves. Okay, good. She approves, see? Yeah. It's all in good fun.

Starting point is 00:08:48 It's all in good fun, yeah. Look, if there was Asian dinosaurs, let's do that then, if you wanna go down the line. Oh, what do you mean? Aurora. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Pfft, yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:56 Pfft, yeah. Pfft, yeah. By the way, an Asian, just Asian-eyed dinosaur is so funny to me. Right. That's such a funny. And their nails are immaculate. Yeah, so nice.

Starting point is 00:09:06 Local rule. The Vietnamese did this all for me. When they swipe the prey and they're in their hands, they're like, wow, beautiful nails. Wow. Asian dinosaurs. We lost a couple of our employees over the weekend in Vegas getting too sick.

Starting point is 00:09:23 These guys stayed all night. You should see, we got them pass us to the chain smokers. McCone was up next to the stage. He was wearing a mechanics uniform, by the way. They let him into a nightclub. He was wearing a mechanics onesie, like a one zip up. McCone was. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:37 I didn't even know that. And Carlos was a good boy. I didn't know that was even a chain smoker thing. The chain smokers in Vegas, you did know we were going to see the chain smokers. We literally said it 50 times. Nope. Everyone in the room has proof. I was in my hotel room.

Starting point is 00:09:49 No, dude, you were in the room with Shay Matash and what's the other gentleman's name that you brought? Oh my God, that was a not, okay, so I'm gonna just say something I apologize for. May I apologize for something? Fucking please. So, first of all of all Vegas great show In fact, I mean, I don't think the MGM liked me but we can't wait to go back to the MGM

Starting point is 00:10:13 You can't you can't why I can't wait. Yeah. Yeah, you have to wait. I have to wait so um So, you know afterwards it's our last US show. We may do more in the future. 59 Cities is what I think they tallied up. 59 Cities. It's crazy. Great show.

Starting point is 00:10:32 Afterwards, everyone came out. I had some friends from Vegas. Shama Tash, who's a comedian who I used to room with in LA 30 years ago. She came by. She was rad. So nice. Yeah, she opens for Carrot Top. She's a great impressionist.

Starting point is 00:10:44 My point being is is this okay? You have your family there. We have also you know who I love the fucking watchmakers family Christine I talked to her for like 20 minutes. Well, she's not a watchmaker. She sells them just call her a watchmaker It makes it makes it better watchmaker watchmaker Watch I feel like she has one of those little things and she's in there. Well, they definitely have one of those things. Okay, okay. What are those little things like that? You know what they're called? What? Drop clops.

Starting point is 00:11:11 Those are the other drop clop? Yeah. Anyway, families, kids running around, beautiful, right? Yeah. But then a week before, Paulie like, dude, my friend wants to go. Paulie hit you up?

Starting point is 00:11:23 Yeah. And I go, all right, who's your friend? I can't, no right, beautiful woman. So I go, I'll get her backstage, right? No, you got her backstage. I got her backstage. So as soon as I, she's a nice lady. She was very nice.

Starting point is 00:11:39 Very nice lady, but she did something where she was like, I'm gonna get a hear from, I'm gonna, I know she has my number, I'm gonna hear from her. Well, let's hear it now. She was just like, who does this? Cocaine anyone? Well, that's actually really polite. Oh, that's true. But off of your finger?

Starting point is 00:11:57 Finger nail or finger? Was there a fingernail or finger? It was almost, her finger was so sweaty, it was like blotched on. Oh, wow. Like it surrounded her pinky, the cocaine. If she waits a couple of minutes, it was like blotched on. Oh, wow. It surrounded her pinky. If she waits a couple of minutes, she's like, crack. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:08 And people are like, oh, no, thanks. Like, I've never, I don't know. Have you been offered cocaine before? Yeah, what the fuck? I've never been offered cocaine because maybe I'm sober. You're sober. Oh, that's right. I mean, I don't do cocaine.

Starting point is 00:12:20 Everyone who knows me knows that, but I wouldn't, I've been offered it still from people. When's the last time you did cocaine? I've never done cocaine. Do you not know this? My father went to prison because he had a cocaine addiction. One time you, I mean, you have to be curious. I've never done cocaine.

Starting point is 00:12:35 Well, my dad liked this stuff, maybe I don't like it. I met him, he's a great guy. You did, when did you, oh, in Chicago. Chicago, great guy. No, no, he loved cocaine. He loved it. You've never done anything white in your nose. Except for women. Oh, uh, in my nose. Yeah. In my nose. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:51 I don't think I've ever snorted anything. I think I mean, I've eaten stuff. I mean, pills and all that bullsh-. Would you, you never smoke crack? That's not snorting. I don't think I've smoked crack. No, I'm thinking about it, do you think I? Want those I'll tell you what I did one time like a fucking moron what you know the hookahs You know smoke and hookah. Yeah, they put like the charcoal thing on there one time. I smoked some of that Like the dumbest I was like 17 years old. I think I smoke. I think I smoked the charcoal nugget So bad, we don't know how to use it. Well. I'm not a desert, dude Nugget. That was so bad.

Starting point is 00:13:22 We didn't know how to use it. What do I, I'm not a desert dude. So I, I just want to say I had to try to get her out of there. It was very polite of her to offer cocaine. I do think if you're at a party and you have cocaine, you should offer it. You do? You're supposed to.

Starting point is 00:13:35 It's a party, it's a party drug. Yeah. It's not a solo drug. I think, but you know, being a sober guy, I just can't hook up with cokey coke people. Heroin feels like a solo drug. Oh, so she would said, if she went, Anybody wanna tie you off?

Starting point is 00:13:48 I've never, that would be crazy. That'd be out of pocket. Would you hold the rope if she was like, would you hold this? If she was hot, like super hot. Hold the rope. And you're always gonna get some action. Hold the line!

Starting point is 00:13:57 I'd hold the rope. I don't think you should hook up with anybody who is currently using, no, clearly. To me. You're saying that to me. Yes, who else am I talking to? Why not? What? Why don't I think you should go with someone who's currently using drugs? No, why not? It's detrimental to you and the program. Well, people drink around me. I don't

Starting point is 00:14:14 care. People barely drink around you. In fact, we don't drink around you much. I don't almost ever drink around you. You should, because it doesn't affect me. Yeah, but I do it out of respect, because I don't, and I also don't need to enough to do it in front of you I don't care dude. I dated a girl a month ago. She goes can I smoke weed in your car? Yeah, I don't know I don't give a fuck. No, you should not. Yeah. Yeah, you're hot go smoke My friend Joey. No, don't smoke. I'm sober Funny if you pulled over made her smoke weed outside then get back in Get out then get in.

Starting point is 00:14:45 I don't think you should date with people that are using drugs actively. Okay. It's just my opinion, I might be wrong. What would the program say? The program does that, there's nothing in the program that says that. Is there something in the program

Starting point is 00:14:55 that says in the first year or so to not date someone in the program? Isn't that a whole thing? In the program, well, it's not in the book, but it's kind of like one of those, they say do not get in a relationship within the's kind of like one of those, they say, do not get in a relationship within the first year of sobriety. Any relationship.

Starting point is 00:15:09 Well, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? So it's like you wait 12 months. And then you can dabble. You can dabble. And like if I was a, if I had a Sponsy who's sober, new, sober, and I said, he goes, can I date? I go, yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:25 And then at 12 months, I would probably go, but no one in the program probably. That's a healthy thing, I think. No, you see a lot of it work, but it's like the worst is when you're dating somebody and you fall in love in the program, and the next thing you know, you find that they relapsed. Wow. Right?

Starting point is 00:15:42 What do you do? You relapse? No, you- Party time? No, you, it's hard, man. You have to first, because it's a disease, so you can't just go, I'm out. You gotta go, can we figure this out?

Starting point is 00:15:55 Do you need to go somewhere? You wanna help them. Because I can't live, you know what I mean, like this. I can't, because then you become an enabler, and then just send a completely different program. So it's like, I think you would do like a little intervention, because then you become an enabler. And then it's a completely different program. So it's like, I think you would do like a little intervention and then- I think a lot of people I've known in my life

Starting point is 00:16:09 who have gone through that have had that predicament where they have to, they're put in a position where someone that they're in love with, or friends with, or family that they're using and they used to use, and then they have to walk them slowly back to not using. But then you compromise your own safety and security. But that is a cool thing to do. But it's also very dangerous for you. to not using, but then you compromise your own safety and security.

Starting point is 00:16:25 That is a cool thing to do. But it's also very dangerous for you. Air Go, I don't think you should be dating anybody who's currently using. Air Go? Air Go? You shouldn't. I'm making a good point, you're on it. Air Go?

Starting point is 00:16:42 Air Go, it's a new Air Bud movie. It's with- No, what is it? I've literally never heard of that. You'll have to see in the Matrix. Ergo. Ergo. Okay.

Starting point is 00:16:51 What does it mean though? Do you know what ergo means? Yeah. Therefore. It means therefore. It's like it'd be- Fuck man. And to wrap, and to summarize. Wow.

Starting point is 00:16:59 I know. I was an English minor. You were, yeah. You're good with words. No, I'm literally, honestly, dude, I really got stuck on Airgo. I saw your face. Yeah, once you said that, it put me into a completely different panic. I think you thought it was from Star Trek, Deep Space Mountain.

Starting point is 00:17:20 Yeah, I was thinking, where have I heard that before? But then like in the context of what you said, I'm trying to figure out why that. You're like, what episode did Ergo pop in? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, I'm Ergo. Yeah, exactly. Okay, well you learn something new every day.

Starting point is 00:17:34 Hospitality. You know what that is, I feel like. Two weeks I found out. You just learned what hospitality means? It has to do with hospitals, you know what I mean? No, it doesn't have to do with hospitals. I know, I know that now, I know that now. But I never bothered to memorize the word hospitality

Starting point is 00:17:51 because of the fact that like I- At 52 years old? Okay, how about- So when I say the phrase, HOSPO, what do you think I was talking about? Like whenever I- It's like ergo, I just kind of let it go. You let it go?

Starting point is 00:18:04 Yeah, yeah. All these years? It's like if someone says, uh, baseballio. You know what I mean? Like, I was being bas- baseballio, right? And in your mind you're like, I have something to do with baseball so I'm not going to memorize that. But it's not at all. I know. To be baseballio, means to be rude to someone below you.

Starting point is 00:18:20 Right! I know that now. Do not baseballio someone like that. I will not baseballio you, you know what I mean? Okay, good. But like hospitality was one of those where I just, you know, because the word hospital's in it. Oh, I'm not a nurse. I don't need to memorize that word. But then once I figure it out, right, I'm like,

Starting point is 00:18:34 oh, it's a part of, you know what I mean? Wheelhouse of words now I can use. It's so funny that he goes on a date with a nurse and he's like, so you work in hospitality. I know, that's what I would. Kind of, not really, but kind of. It's so funny that he goes on a date with a nurse and he's like, so you work in hospitality? And she's- I know, that's what I would- Kind of, not really, but kind of.

Starting point is 00:18:49 I know, that's what I, honestly, that's what I would- But a nurse does work in hospitality in a way, right? Like Andres is his wife, works kind of, and by the way, I ran into them having lunch. Cutest shit on earth. Who? Him and his wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His wife is fucking beautiful.

Starting point is 00:19:07 She's beautiful. Smart and sweet and cool, and she fucks that guy. Yeah, I know. It shocks my soul. Yeah. When I see her, it almost makes me mad. Well, actually, it makes me believe in God, because something else has to be going on. Well, no, I think here's what it is.

Starting point is 00:19:23 I don't know much about their relationship, but this is what happened. Your wife, beautiful woman. You know, he asked her to be in his movie in Spain too, by the way. I know. He won't let it go. Okay, yeah, we're not doing it, but my point is this.

Starting point is 00:19:33 Your wife, let me just guess, through her years, she dated hot dudes. Let me finish. I'm sure she had. Are you projecting? Whoa. He's starting a war. Be careful, buddy.

Starting point is 00:19:51 Let me ask you something. Do you want me in your movie? I didn't say anything. What did you say? No, no, no. My wife dated hot dudes, yeah? Okay. And these hot dudes fucked her over.

Starting point is 00:20:06 I mean, she went on their messages, you know what I mean, there's fucking messages from motherfuckers. A lot of pro athletes. Right, right, right, right. You know what I mean, there's a lot going on. Her heart's broken year after year. Probably 80 dudes.

Starting point is 00:20:17 Yeah. You know what I mean, over the years. The Clippers a couple years ago. Broken, broken. The entire, the entire Clipper team. The Clipper team, right? And the Clipper girls. Right. And then sheipper girls. Right.

Starting point is 00:20:25 And then she goes to therapy or something and the therapist said, well, why don't you just go low? Go real low. Yeah, go real low. She's like, how low? And they go, did you see the new J.J. Abrams, Star Wars? What's so funny? Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 00:20:41 You know what I mean? And she's like, I guess I ran it. And she said, no, no, I'm just gonna tell you, there is an animal in there called the porg. And they're these flying birds and Chewbacca eats one. Yeah. Right? There are so many humans with that body

Starting point is 00:20:54 and scientifically they don't get, you know what I mean? They don't fuck people over. Right, so you mean you can't marry a porg. Marry a porg. That she did. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? The TV-

Starting point is 00:21:06 What are you doing, dude? I'm doing a show right now. I'm looking for it. The TV's off anyway. The TV's off. You guys are- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, is that what happened?

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Starting point is 00:24:47 Order up for Rebelsis. I'll tell you, speaking of going low. Yeah. Today I saw a basset hound. Must have been, how old was that basset hound, do we think? What do we say? Maybe 15? How old do they live? I don't even know. But it was so old, but he kept his balls in the basset hound because you know how they're low to the ground. They're long, but low. His balls were literally dragging on the- Like Joey Diaz.

Starting point is 00:25:09 Yeah. Yeah. They were dragging. Yeah, cock sucker. Barf, barf, cock sucker. They were dragging on the ground. I'm not even kidding. They swayed back and forth.

Starting point is 00:25:19 Wow. And they were hitting the concrete. You like that? I thought it was cool. I think it's pretty cool. I think it's cool that he kept the balls of the dog because I will say this, one of the biggest regrets in my life, I'm not kidding, is that we nipped up our dog. I wish that she could have puppies and I'm bummed that we did.

Starting point is 00:25:38 I wish we let her have puppies. You can reverse it. No, you can't. You can do it with men. It's not the same- Oh, that's not a vasectomy. Male dog. It's not a vasectomy. Oh, it's a woman. No, you can't. You can do it with men. It's not the same. Oh, that's not a vasectomy. A male dog. It's not a vasectomy.

Starting point is 00:25:47 Oh, it's a woman. Yeah, man. Okay, my bad. You know it's a woman. A little tiny strong black woman. Yeah, a black woman. That's right. In my house, I have a little tiny hairy strong black woman.

Starting point is 00:25:57 So she can't have babies? Mm-mm. That's what I say when I ask her. I say, Cubby, can you have babies? She goes, mm-mm, not after what you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you can reverse it, what do you do? You better get away from me with that shit.

Starting point is 00:26:11 That's what she said. You go to a dog park and just go, go, go, go. No. Here's some beautiful like little dress. I put her in a little dress. Yeah, yeah. I give her a little bit of smell good perfume. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:21 And she walks on little doggy heels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I set her up. We find someone, we find another dog that's applicable. Yeah. No, I wish we did be able to get her puppies. It kind of bums me out. I like to this day, I'm like,

Starting point is 00:26:33 why did we fucking do that? Well, let me say something. Well, I didn't want her to get her doggy period. I got one thing better than you. What's for you, I mean. I mean. You get so Chinese in these moments. Ergo. Ergo.

Starting point is 00:26:43 Ergo. Ergo. Ergo. Hospitality. Hospitality. Guess what, guy? What? Don't do this. Well, speed it up. I will. Clone. You know, the clone, how much does a clone cost? Because we talked about this.

Starting point is 00:26:51 You can do it now. I can clone my dog for like what? How much is it? 15 grand? 15 grand now. Wow. Clone, dude. Should we do it?

Starting point is 00:26:58 I mean, I honestly, let's do an experiment to see if it works. To clone one of our dogs? Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Should we do it? I mean, I honestly, let's do an experiment to see if it works. To clone one of our dogs? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:10 I would a hundred percent be into it. What do you guys think? Let's clone a dog. It costs $50,000. Five zero? Dude, what happened to your voice, Barry White? What the fuck? It costs $50,000.

Starting point is 00:27:22 Why is your voice like that? I just had a flood in my throat. Clear your throat right now. All right, now say how much it costs. $50,000. Yeah. Will you say it like an Asian guy though, please? $50,000.

Starting point is 00:27:36 They wouldn't say dollars, would they? What would they say? Dollar. Yeah. Dollar. $50,000. Thank you. $50 grand. That's still- That's a lot of fucking money, dude.

Starting point is 00:27:45 50 grand? That's a fucking car. I know, but this is what I would do. What, and 35 grand, it says, for cats. This is what we're gonna do. We do one, this is a couple months down the road, we do one special night at the Irvine Improv. We do two shows on a Sunday, you and I.

Starting point is 00:28:04 And it's charity all for our dogs? To clone one dog. Okay. I think we can make it up then. I mean. And then we clone it. So we have people donate during the show, not the ticket sales, but donate.

Starting point is 00:28:16 No, the ticket sales goes toward it. Okay, so we asked the club for all the ticket sales because it's gonna go towards the dog. The dog, the cloning of a dog. Good idea. Yeah. I think it's a great idea. Are you being sarcastic? Because sometimes I feel like you're not.

Starting point is 00:28:26 I am, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much so. Very much not. No, very much so. Very much don't do. Ergo, fuck you. Hospitality, fuck you.

Starting point is 00:28:34 Okay. Even if you didn't get it out, it still is funny. Hospitality, fuck you. So anyway, yeah, so we were talking about something before all this rant. But let me say this, I tried to make Matchmaker the other night at the Comedy Store. You go from top to bottom, my mind is. I'm brilliant. You are brilliant.

Starting point is 00:28:52 Thanks. I tried to play Matchmaker at the Comedy Store the other night, and dude, I thought it was good. Wasn't it? Didn't it seem like it was going good? So I had cash in my pocket. I offered them all the cash in my pocket. What's Matchmaker?

Starting point is 00:29:03 What's hospitality? What's Matchmaker? Yeah, hospitality? What's matchmaker? Matchmaker, you're trying to match two people together. God bless. Yeah. Who though? Give me that information. In the audience.

Starting point is 00:29:13 I'm getting there. Oh, so you're in. Anyone listening? They get it already. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. Two people in the front row of the store and he was like a young, handsome kid. She was a good looking chick. And I just

Starting point is 00:29:27 looked at him, he was wearing like a weird shirt. And then I said, who is this to you? And then he's like, we don't know each other. They sat us together, we're single. So I was like, well, let's, I mean, let's make love, let's look, find love tonight. Was she attractive? They both were. Fantastic. He was in the military. Good. That face was really funny. No, I just- You went both were. Fantastic. He was in the military. Good.

Starting point is 00:29:46 That face was really funny. No, I just- You went like this. Good. No, don't get it wrong and you're reading it wrong. Am I? Well then play the tape back. No, play the tape back and you'll see this.

Starting point is 00:29:56 What branch? That's what that face was. That's not what you saw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say it again. He was in the military. What branch? I get it. Curious.

Starting point is 00:30:05 Marine. Could be a Navy site. Marine Corps. Beautiful. Yeah. And I said to her, I said, where do you live? She's in Orange County. He lives in San Diego.

Starting point is 00:30:13 I said, this is right near each other. Yeah. Right. And I said, I'll give you the money in my pocket to go on a date. Didn't I say this? I had a bunch of money in my pocket. I was ready to do it. And I said, I'm going to do this if you're really genuinely going to go on a date.

Starting point is 00:30:23 And she went like this. And then they sat next to each other for the rest of the show. But then you read him wrong. No, no, no, no, no. He was into it. She didn't seem like she wasn't. I know you're not. Can I just go on quickly? Our friend is not on camera and she's thumbsing me up

Starting point is 00:30:46 Yeah, so Stacy could just ask one question. Go ahead. Was he hot? He had a great body great good enough, but he was handsome he wasn't hot He was a handsome kid and she was good-looking by the way. They were in the same league. Oh, you know body leagues They were both. Yeah, you know, they both were in the league of my own Yeah with you there is crying Yeah, you kind of look like Rosie O'Donnell now that I fuck you well don't lead me to water you're don't I'm gonna drink it What's that lot? to water if you don't want me to drink it. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. You're the kid from Sandlot.

Starting point is 00:31:25 Which one? The fat one. Oh, fuck you. We're red hair, same kind of weird. He's a lawyer now, I think. He's married to my ex-girlfriend. Oh, that's right. Jasmine.

Starting point is 00:31:33 Patrick Renna, right? Yeah. He's killing it. No, that's you, that looks just like you. Okay. I'm Madonna. If we did this again, that'd be you and I'd be Madonna. Oh, if you're, okay.

Starting point is 00:31:43 Yeah. Oh, they should do an an oceans 11, but like reverse and do that with that movie and then all men We they did oceans 11. It was all men nobody did a women version of that. Yeah, they did oceans What was it 13 or something eight oceans eight? Yeah Yeah, but they do all mail a remake a 2024 remake of a league of its, but like switch it to men. Okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:07 Make a different period. 1700s. 1734, whatever we said. You know what you could play? Put some fentanyl in there. In a new movie? Yeah. You could play Shohei Otani's little illegal

Starting point is 00:32:22 gambling friend that just got in trouble. Shohei Otani plays the Dodgers. He got in trouble. His buddy got in trouble for gambling with his money. You could play him in the movie. If they ever make a movie about that, I hope you do. And do we have any big Asian friends that are like six four? Who could play Shohei?

Starting point is 00:32:36 Who do we know that's like a tall Asian? Oh, I know. Who? Yao Ming. Not our friend, our friend. I know Yao Ming. You don't fucking know Yao Ming. Look at this, that friend. I know Yao Ming. You don't fucking know Yao Ming. You do not, look at this, that's him and his buddy got in trouble.

Starting point is 00:32:49 That's you 100% on the right. That is fucking. That's not me, dude. Yeah, it is. That's you if you were in Japan. That is literally what you would look like if you were Japanese. How did he get in trouble? He was gambling a fuckload of his money.

Starting point is 00:33:01 What was the total? It was like 45 million. Wait, he was gambling the baseball player's money? Shohei's money. Yeah. Wow. Now here's the real- Was Shohei drunk?

Starting point is 00:33:12 No, no, no. Go ahead. I don't care. Yeah. Here's the real story. Who knows whether or not Shohei knew if he was gambling or if he was gambling with him and then this guy took the fall. Wow.

Starting point is 00:33:22 Oh, I see. Roughly $160,000 per bet. That's so- That's insane. You know who was going off the rail? You know who was betting like crazy? What? Did I talk about this already with at Vegas?

Starting point is 00:33:34 Brian Baumgartner from The Office who played Kevin. Him and a bunch of guys were at the high roller table. He can gamble. That motherfucker had stacks and stacks and stacks and stacks of chips. He can play. Multiple hands, doing the quick thing. It was impressive to watch. And then I saw that and then they were like, hey, come sit down. And I was like, I'll go find the $20 table. I wouldn't, I'm not going to. What the fuck? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:00 $3,000. Like dude, guys around them were betting three to $5,000 a hand. No! Did he make that much money on the office? Yeah, Blake Griffin goes, those residuals must've been real. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, he must've. I mean, if he was a show runner, I think maybe, but it's like, that's a lot of fucking money, dude.

Starting point is 00:34:19 Yeah, five grand a hand is wow. But also, maybe that's his shit, gambling might be his thing. But if he's good at it and he can make a profit, then okay, well then that's his thing. He was killing it, I guess. If I go 250, 300, I'm out. I go to bed. $300?

Starting point is 00:34:33 Yeah. I saw you win one time, you won $100 on a slot, and that made your whole weekend. I know. I'm out. You know what I mean? You're going to lose in the longest run. We could get a Jolly Ranch or or whatever go to sleep, you know So you saw him yeah, he played in the golf tournament that we play he nice great guy. Yeah. Yeah great guy. Yeah great guy great gambler

Starting point is 00:34:59 Everybody was nice. I've met a couple of people from that show. I've never met Steve Carell. Have you? I've never been I've been introduced to him one time to say hello, but you know what I mean? One of those like, hey, Steve, this is- I've never even seen him in the flesh. That's because he's- I've never seen Will Ferrell in the flesh. I've seen him in the flesh. I used to coach kids' soccer and his kids would come to the soccer. I remember you talking about that.

Starting point is 00:35:17 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he would come and I was so- On my little squad was Ryan Philippe's kid with, what's her name? What's kid with, what's her name? What's wrong with me? Yeah. Reese Witherspoon. Wow. Their kid used to be in that too.

Starting point is 00:35:30 So you see Ryan, go ahead, Mr. Philippe. No, I didn't say a fucking word. Oh, you were quiet. I stared at my shoes. I know, I've been there. I just didn't want that, because I was a young nobody actor and I didn't want to be like,

Starting point is 00:35:40 hey, I'm trying to be in that. I didn't want to be in there, especially because he's hot as fuck. What do you know about soccer though? They're fucking children Kick it run go go. No, there's like tactics Not when there's a your defensive midfielder. They're five what they're five They throw the ball right back help out there'll be an attack, but then you fall back left Yeah, what what do you do theie. You don't know shit! The goalie would be.

Starting point is 00:36:05 Sorry, why am I yelling? The goalie would be eating. She would just be sitting. Put down the sandwich! No, let her eat the sandwich. All right, oh women, girls. Mixed, it was boys and girls. That doesn't make no sense.

Starting point is 00:36:16 What the fuck are you talking about? That makes no sense. Have you ever seen kids play sports? Five year old kids, they throw them all together. They let them go, I used to be a lifeguard. It was just kids in the pool. Did a few of them die? That's why I don't have kids.

Starting point is 00:36:28 Yeah, big fucking deal. That's why I don't have kids. That's not why. It's because you like anal. I told you you can't make kids in the pooper. I've told you that like a hundred times. You have too much sex with girls in the butt. I've never had...

Starting point is 00:36:40 Ergo. You don't have kids. Ergo. Okay. Wow, you're using it in a sentence. See? Thank you so, keep doing it. Do it three more times throughout the rest of the podcast

Starting point is 00:36:49 and then I'll learn. It's a beautiful thing. But what I'm saying is that how. Oh. Oh, I thought they were saying hi. No, no, no. What I'm asking you is, if I have a child, okay? You know what?

Starting point is 00:37:05 I'm gonna be the best dad imaginable. Okay. Will you quit doing that? What? I didn't know what that means. Like you're praying that he's gonna be alive. What is this? I just have an itch.

Starting point is 00:37:15 I'm itching my, I hope he's not a fucking. It's a nervous tick. Okay. If I have a child and my, and my son goes, and my son goes, my son goes, Papa. I go, don't call me that.

Starting point is 00:37:29 Already, why? Already weird. Why are you being mean to the kid? He's just saying Papa. I want Poppy. I'm the kid. Papa? Yes, Gil Troy. Why did you name me Gil Troy?

Starting point is 00:37:41 Well, I don't know. Shane Gillis, half, right? And Troy Duffy, he's a director. Shane Gillis, half, right? And Troy Duffy, he's a director. Love. Yeah. And where's mama? Mama?

Starting point is 00:37:51 She's in Hawaii, let's be leaving it at that. She's somewhere in Hawaii, let's leave it at that, son. Yeah, Giltroy. Are you ever gonna get me another mama? No, yes. Because some of the whores you bring over are gross is not a whore and they are Carlos and they offer me Herrera is a pain and I'm seven Carlos offers you cocaine That's all you I could never have him as a babysitter. Okay, but I would look at you guilt

Starting point is 00:38:17 Troy and say ask me if you want to play soccer. Can I if you guys play soccer Papa? Papi, but Papa's fine puppy Okay, may I play soccer? Son let me tell you something yes He's simple like yeah, he's such a sweetheart No, he's too sweet make up a little bit more fucked up. No be nice to him. It's good Oh, it's your it's my kid my kid wouldn't go. Yes All right ready. Yeah, yeah, I'll be your kid ready all right papa Yeah, guilt right. I'm playing soccer this weekend. Okay, you you may I know I may

Starting point is 00:38:52 You have to take me son relax calm down. No shut up. I want fruit roll-ups I want sliced up fruit, and you know what I want yeah, Swedish fish only the red one, okay First of all look at the cabinet look at the storage cabinet in the kitchen, right? We got every flavor of fish fry, fish, right? All the things you mentioned, they're there. Roll ups, all of it. You know what, Papa? What, Gil?

Starting point is 00:39:14 No hospitality in this home. Yeah, you don't even know that, worry, we're not doctors. Ergo, fuck you, Dad. Yeah, we're not in Star Trek. All right, so you're right, maybe I shouldn't have one no not after that experience. Holy shit You know what you could have your son. You are my little son. No, let me do it Hey, buddy Yeah, what's going on it burns

Starting point is 00:39:41 What burns little guy? My heart. Your heart burns, what does it burn? And in the left lung area. Oh wow, that's pretty specific. Yeah, and it's like a pinching. Oh it hurts? Are you having a heart attack?

Starting point is 00:39:56 Oh, you just had some gas. Yeah, I got you daddy. Oh, you're funny. Right? You're funny. I'm good. And then I go in the other room. Yeah. To my wife.

Starting point is 00:40:06 We gotta return that. That Chinese kid be adopted. We gotta get rid of that guy. It's not working out. He feels like he's Bobby's kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Bluechew.

Starting point is 00:40:17 Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I'm an old man. Well, you are really old. But I still want a boink. If you want a boinker, you know what you've got to eat. But it doesn't work as good anymore. Here, open your mouth. Boink, boink.

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Starting point is 00:40:53 Oh, can I also, I'll tell you another thing that I know. Discrete packaging. Oh yeah, nobody knows what you're getting when they ship it to you and they shouldn't. It could be, you know, those balls that, you know, the metal balls you put on a desk. Chinese balls. Chinese stress balls. Yeah, those, whatever. And if you want your Chinese stress balls to be less stressed out, you got to use Blue

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Starting point is 00:41:53 Yeah, they play multi-unis. Here's what I'm hung up on. Okay. So it's like my son would know, right? My son is raised knowing the arsenal code. Gunner code. Yeah, the Gooner code, okay. He would know about the Emirates, he would know about Arteta,

Starting point is 00:42:08 he would know about the players, formations. What are, what, first of all, Arsenal is like Barcelona, we're tiki-tac. Tiki-tac football. Pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass. What does this have to do with kids playing with other kids? What I'm saying is my son, if he's gonna play anything, he's, we're to bring him to, he's got to be good.

Starting point is 00:42:27 But at five years old, he's just going to be thrown on the field. He's not going to be a prodigy. Because let me say something. Bacayo Saka was from the Arsenal Youth Academy. He was 11 when they found him. But he started at five. At five, you can see. He was a miracle.

Starting point is 00:42:41 You're a miracle. All right? I'm sorry. Thank you. You're welcome. I mean, that was a miracle. You're a miracle. All right. I'm sorry. Thank you. You're welcome I mean, that's a cop but my say my fight but like I want my kid to be the best at whatever he does But you don't want him to play soccer with other people. I Would call around also DNA has something to do with that too. Yeah, it's got to come from you. God. It's it's you know You know, it's it's funny It's funny, you know by you saying DNA is basically saying you're fat, Papi.

Starting point is 00:43:06 No. That's what you're saying. You're a fat sloth-like, lazy creature, you know what I mean, who barely, you don't even walk, you slither. Holy shit, something's in my mind. You slither. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:43:21 Yeah, you slither like a snail, you fucking abomination. And let me say something I come from Everyone listen here now good stock Real good stock. My dad was very athletic. My brother's athletic Was ranked number three in the four in the nation as a wrestler My brother was in high school Google that no don't look Google it. I just made that up Don't do this. Well, don't do that. Don't do facts.

Starting point is 00:43:46 Don't do not facts. We're a comedy. I make shit up all the time. Yeah, but you're taking the stances if you're being serious. That's true. All right, so what I'm saying is that I want my kid just to... I would call around LA County, and go, what's the best young male soccer league? And you'd get him in that A1.

Starting point is 00:44:02 And I would see if he was... If he doesn't have the skills or the ability, then I would go like, oh, let's just go to the local place. What if your dad, let's say, let's say your kid says to you, Papa? Gilroy? I don't want to play soccer. Okay, well, what do you want to do?

Starting point is 00:44:24 I want to be a cheerleader. I want to be a male cheerleader. Okay, Gilroy? Yeah? We're doing room for a second. Okay. Okay. And then what I, and then I'm on my couch and I.

Starting point is 00:44:38 I put my hands up, the planet. And I'm like. I'm a person in the way. This motherfucker, I swear to fucking God. I'm a person in the way. Okay, fuck, anyway. Knock, knock, to fucking God. Okay fuck it. Knock knock knock knock. Hey Papa.

Starting point is 00:44:47 Can I come in Gilroy? Come on in. Alright. Oh my God, what's all with the glitter? You want some? Ow! My eyes again! Anyway.

Starting point is 00:44:56 Anyway, there's so many unicorns in this room. Look at all the pictures of the boys on my wall. Those are all cheerleader boys Okay, you want to be a cheerleader mm-hmm, okay, oh I'll make some phone calls. Thanks Papa and they call Justin Martindale. I don't know where to go I Would call a gay friend that I don't know I don't know who had to go I would call fortune Fiemster Yeah, yeah fortune. You know anything about cheerleading? No. She's like, hell no. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:45:26 It was a no. Yeah. What would you, like, what if... Daddy? Yes, yes, son. Yes, Marcus. Thank you for naming me Marcus. You got it, kiddo.

Starting point is 00:45:34 What do you want, Marcus? I'm not done talking. Why do you always interrupt me? Marcus, speed it up. Daddy, I just want to be able to express myself and get it out. What do you want to do? Anyway, tell me. I want to

Starting point is 00:45:45 be able to express myself and get it out what do you want to do anyway daddy yeah mark yes you know I just I really like killing small things like I go in the forest I see a little squirrel I take scissors I chop his head off while it's alive because I can see it wiggle in my hand. You know what I mean? And then I just like squeeze it and I drink the blood and I love it so much. And I like to get the bubble, the bones.

Starting point is 00:46:12 I like the bones of these little creatures, Daddy. And I like to make little skeletoid creatures out of them myself rather than destroy them myself. You know? I love it. Hail Satan, Daddy, hail Satan. Ha ha ha. Go to your room.

Starting point is 00:46:28 Okay, daddy. You mean my coven? Go to your coven. I'll go to my coven, all right? And I'm gonna go inside my little fucking. And then you go to your room, and then I go lay in bed with my wife, your mom. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:42 And I turn to the green. Oh, you're gonna go lay in bed with the shit again? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, you. Chk. Oh. What would you do? She's reading a book.

Starting point is 00:46:51 Yeah, yeah. I turned her and I say, I think we got a winner on that. Really? Wow. Because sometimes you can't control it. I've seen it on TikTok. You can't control what your kids do?

Starting point is 00:47:04 Yeah, you can't control, no matter how good you are as a person, no matter what values and ethics that you relate to them, right? Sometimes God gives you cray cray. Sometimes God makes a serial killer. Right. Someone had, it had to come from something. Well, speaking of which, we have somebody here who will introduce our guest here one second We just had our guests walk in the room

Starting point is 00:47:27 Put on your headphones if you want to head to headphones you can have them do you want headphones or no? They're right there on that Yeah, usually yeah, okay introduce yourself to our audience if you don't mind. I'm Dex flame and I'm a youtuber and and I'm happy to be here. And yeah, I think you guys are, you're very funny and you're very funny. And I think you'll have awesome chemistry and thanks for inviting me.

Starting point is 00:47:53 I love this guy. Dax. I fucking love you. I've never had. I saw you on the internet and I was like, I got, we have to have that guy on the show. Okay, cool. Where are you from?

Starting point is 00:48:02 Texas. What part? A suburb of Dallas. Do you you from? Texas. What part? Yeah a suburb of Dallas do you miss Texas? No, okay. Is everything bigger? Yeah, so let me can I ask you something are you seeing somebody no, so you you're an actor too, right? Yes, I haven't acted in anything for a bit Well, actually I my friend makes movies on YouTube and stuff Joel Haver and so I've been in those But haven't done any Hollywood movies for a bit. Well, actually my friend makes movies on YouTube and stuff, Joel Haver, and so I've been in those, but haven't done any Hollywood movies for a bit. I was in Project X, which

Starting point is 00:48:28 was filmed right down the street from here a long time ago. So I was passing that as I came up. I don't want to talk to- Did that give you trauma? No. No. That wasn't a bad experience for you. You say like you went by it, like it was a negative thing. It was a good thing, right? Oh, I went by- Where they shot it.

Starting point is 00:48:43 Yeah. But it didn't make you feel something. Did it make you feel something? No. Nothing at all. Were you the star of the movie? I'm the cameraman. So it's like a found footage movie. Oh, right, right. So yeah, I'm like the guy who's filming everything. So you see me some, some people say that I'm

Starting point is 00:49:00 like- Oh, there you are. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, you were young then. Yeah, that was when I was 18. 18. You came out here from Texas to act, yeah? Yes.

Starting point is 00:49:09 You always wanted to be an actor your whole life. No. No, what was the impetus? Doing YouTube videos. Yeah, doing YouTube videos. That made you go, I wanna be an actor. Yes. And then you did that, then you did 21 Jump Street and 22.

Starting point is 00:49:22 Yes, yes. How was that? Awesome. Does anybody on those movies that you didn't like, that you did 21 Jump Street and 22. Yes, yes. How was that? Awesome. Does anybody on those movies that you didn't like, that you didn't get along with? Not one person on there you didn't get along with. But what happens, you do 21, 22, right? You do, you know what I mean, the X, right?

Starting point is 00:49:37 And then you, did you stop going on audition? Did you not wanna do it anymore? Or like what? It just, it slowed down. It slowed down for a while. And then I just didn't get any more movies And so then I was working at an ice cream shop in a sushi place for a bit Yeah, then have just been doing YouTube since the pandemic. Yeah, and then now I've been doing some like tick-tock and Instagram reels, too I I kind of stopped talking about those movies online. Oh my god. Oh, no

Starting point is 00:50:04 Just on my own tick- movies online. Oh my God. Oh no, just on my own TikTok. Oh, I see. Yeah. Okay. The rumor is you called Channing Tatum a bitch. That's not true. Or, no. That's not true. No.

Starting point is 00:50:20 I don't know who spread that around, but man. Yeah. That's a bad rumor. Well, you call tanning a bitch? Channing Tatum. Channing Channing? A bitch ass hoe. You call a bitch ass hoe?

Starting point is 00:50:33 No, he didn't do any of the, any of the things. Good, good, good, good. What was the ice cream shop you worked at? It was called Ample Hills, they're closed down. Ample Hill, if I walked in there, like, and I came up to you at the, you were the register guy? Yes, I would scoop and then ring people. Okay, Let's just let's play that I come in. Okay. Oh cool

Starting point is 00:50:49 I'm sure would you like any samples? I'm not up at the counter yet, but Hi, I'm the ice cream store. Yes. Oh cool. Hey We went 21 jumps yeah nice to meet you Nice to meet you. Wow, you're working at an ice cream store. This is crazy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:10 What's wrong? Nothing. Okay. Anyway. Hi, are you going to order a car? Yeah, I know there's a line. Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Starting point is 00:51:18 I'm so sorry. I just would like to order. Is there a way I can get maybe a selfie with you? Yeah, of course. But let's order. What do you recommend? Oh my God, it's ice cream. Fucking get something. a selfie with you. Yeah, of course, but let's order. What do you recommend? Oh my god It's ice cream fucking get something

Starting point is 00:51:29 Ma'am, I've never been at this ice cream store, and I don't know I don't want to just get vanilla And he's also a fucking celebrity so you just heard he's in a project triple x movie or something gross Just take the photo get the ice cream anyway. What flavor do you recommend? I'm sorry this lady behind me I'll recommend these Karen's ooey gooey butter cake. And you know what? I'll give y'all both a free scoop. That was my nickname in high school. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Going home. No you want to hang out smoke some weed. I don't smoke, but sure I'll hang out with you You know my work yeah, yeah, yeah cool. I said what time you get off

Starting point is 00:52:16 Seven it's fucking three. I'll wait okay four hours. Can I order please go ahead bitch God God? Hi I want to try one of everything Yeah, go ahead, bitch. God. God. Hi. Hello. I want to try one of everything. So I'm curious, because I'm fascinated by you. We saw you on the internet. We were all talking about you. Carlos was saying how much he loves you. You did have a run of film, and this is like a real thing in Hollywood.

Starting point is 00:52:45 Do you think work slowed down because you didn't really wanna keep going as much, or did it just kind of the organic? I definitely wanted to. You did? Yeah. Well, I want it to happen, so we need to work with him. Oh, I wanna work with him.

Starting point is 00:53:01 I wanna work with you on something, because I think you're fucking great. Good actor. Nice. Nice guy. I just don work with you on something. Cool. Because I think you're fucking great. Good actor. Nice. Nice guy. I just don't like the way that the thing happens all the time because for us, we've all had, you know, it goes up and down and up and down, but it's fascinating how like you've done

Starting point is 00:53:16 much larger movies than either of us have done. That's true, 100%. 21 Jump Street is fucking massive. Now, did you see residuals that were good from that for a long time? Yeah, that's what I lived off of until I was working at the ice cream shop. Mm. Wow. Does it hurt though?

Starting point is 00:53:30 But like in your mind you're like, I was in movies and I'm at, I mean, I don't know. Oh. Does that go through your mind or? Well, first I did a food delivery job and then I was kind of like, I was kind of feeling like, okay, yeah, I used to be in movies and now I'm doing a food delivery job. Does that mean anything?

Starting point is 00:53:49 And then once I was working at the ice cream shop, I no longer had that mindset. Yeah, that went right by you. And then I had an awesome assistant manager there, Stacy. Shout out to Stacy. Where are the ice cream place? And good coworkers. Oh wow.

Starting point is 00:54:07 I love your soul. I love your soul. And then one day it just closed and you were bummed probably, huh? No, I hated it. I hated the shop. Oh. Wait, wait, wait.

Starting point is 00:54:16 That makes sense. Wait, wait, wait. You loved everyone you worked with. Yes. You loved the customers. Yes. Yeah. I couldn't get a promotion. I had a lot of frustration by the time. Yes. Yeah, you love them. I didn't get a promotion

Starting point is 00:54:25 I had a lot of frustration by the time it closed. They're cutting my hours Sorry to Ample Hills if that's still a place like it because they started in New York. Don't stop be don't say don't be sorry to them Yeah, they fuck say what you feel about Ample Hills. They're very delicious I have very delicious ice cream check it out, but go go glad let's go at corporate. Go ahead. But I didn't enjoy working there. And get your own fuck fuck you. Go go go. Yeah, yeah. No I.

Starting point is 00:54:51 Hit it out. I hated it. Yeah. And. Get into it. Get into it. Dig in. I'm the CEO.

Starting point is 00:54:59 Hello. My name is Bill Gilbert. Gilroy. Bill Anthem. Yeah. Oh he just screwed you. Yeah. He just said it. Do it again to him. Hit him hard. Screw you. Ohrey. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he just screwed you? Yeah, yeah. He just said it. Do it again to him.

Starting point is 00:55:07 Hit him hard. Screw you. Oh, wow. You screwed me? I employed you. And by the way, 21 jumpsuit sucks. You're going to let him say that stuff to you? I'm Stacey.

Starting point is 00:55:17 You little punk. I'm Stacey. I'm a CEO. Don't ever talk to me like that. What are you going to do about it? You little punk. Your ice, your shop went out of business. You were a bad business person in LA

Starting point is 00:55:28 Maybe you're succeeding in New York, but you failed here. Oh Look at this fucking guy fuck you little white punk Little bitch punk you're never gonna work again. What do you get? What else you got to say? No, nothing gonna work again what do you get what else you got to say no nothing wow you gotta fight okay okay you got a fucking fight man screw you I hate you and ooh let's see you're a mongoloid dude in the middle of a fight to say let's see is maybe the funniest thing I know you know what nice fuck you you're a nice guy see thank you yeah yeah you're such a sweet soul what do you do on your to say let's see is maybe the funniest thing on our. I know. You're too nice. Fuck you. You're a nice guy.

Starting point is 00:56:05 Let's see. Thank you. You are such a sweet soul. What do you do on your channel? On YouTube, I am trying to figure out what to do. So I've just been trying to make new show ideas and on TikTok, I've been doing lots of giveaways. I actually tried standup comedy for the first time.

Starting point is 00:56:24 You did standup up for the second time I did one other open mic before This is great. Just push push pause on this one John John so high he's just moving it while we're fucking chatting All right, so here we go. We gotta get our old guys. Here we go. Okay, you introduce them. You're the host of a comic club Hey, that's my time this next comic Unbelievable such a funny dude. You've seen him in such movies as 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street, Project X, so fucking funny, Texas Zone, Dax Flame. Hello, thanks for having me. So do you want me to do some jokes? Let's see.

Starting point is 00:57:00 Woo! This is the, these are the jokes I did at the comedy place. That's it, we're doing it. We're the audience. We're the audience. Thanks for having me. I hope you're doing great. So, do you ever have a social interaction you wish you went, that you wish went differently?

Starting point is 00:57:24 So for example, the other day I was in line at a grocery store and a guy said I could go ahead. Basically I was in this line, the guy said go ahead and I said something to him that he didn't realize that was a joke. So I was like, okay, that just happened. And then if I had a genie, if I had a genie, all my wishes would have been used on things like that long ago.

Starting point is 00:57:49 Speaking of genies, how do those lamps work? Is there like a giant room in there? Is it just asleep until it's rubbed or whatever? This is good. This is so good and then my ex-girlfriend okay my ex-girlfriend used to get headaches a lot not my fault I promise and that the whenever she would get them she would get really mad at me because I'd be like let's see oh I say don't worry it's only your head and she'd be like no I really have a Let's see. Oh, I'd say, don't worry, it's only in your head. And she'd be like, no, I really have a headache. And I'd be like, no, literally it's just in your head.

Starting point is 00:58:31 Uh. That's that. And then, um, I had this joke kind of. Let's not give away all the gold. Okay. I want, because we are going to have you on a show. Yeah, we're going to have you. You got to come on a show with us.

Starting point is 00:58:43 You got to come on a show. On a stand up show? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Can I experiment with Mr. Flame here real quick? Yeah, we're gonna have you. You gotta come on a show with us. You gotta come on a show. On a stand up show? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Can I experiment with Mr. Flame here real quick? Yeah, yeah. May I? All right.

Starting point is 00:58:50 So this is what we're gonna do. It's like, we're gonna do stand up on the spot. Okay. So I'm gonna give you a topic. You're just gonna riff. Don't even think about it. Okay. You just riff about it, right?

Starting point is 00:58:59 My mind goes blank when I try to do that, but I will try. You know what? In improv, it's only yes. There's no no. That's right. You know that, right? All right. So here we go. Beef brisket. Go ahead. Beef brisket is one of those popular things about barbecue dishes. And I'm from Texas, so people like to eat that.

Starting point is 00:59:17 But I never liked barbecue. So. It's good. Um. It's good, it's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, really good, really good. We're, we're, what do you do? I'm a, I'm a financial analyst. What do you think about that? Okay, um, I don't know. But my wife, my wife works in a, she works at a cemetery, right babe?

Starting point is 00:59:52 I do. She does embalming. She does embalming. What do you think about that? There's got to be a lot of funny stories. Mr. Comedian. Delores Cemetery. My grandfather's buried there.

Starting point is 01:00:01 What's the funniest thing you've seen there? What's the funniest thing you've seen at a cemetery? Flips it on the audience. Everything I've seen at the cemetery is way funnier than your act. I'll tell you that right now. Ooh, says the crowd. You suck.

Starting point is 01:00:13 Whoa! Whoa, burn! How do you own a heckler? Ooh. Are you asking us or? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Okay.

Starting point is 01:00:22 How many followers do you have? Half a million. Yeah, 500. Oh. Okay. How many followers do you have? Half a million. Yeah, 500,000 now, because the past two months have been really good. I hope it keeps fucking growing. I hope it grows too, yeah. I really like you, man. I don't know what-

Starting point is 01:00:34 There's something about your eyes. You catch me good. Oh, well, thank you. No, I mean, not a good thing. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, it's not a good thing. What do you mean, it's a great thing. No, there's something going on with your,

Starting point is 01:00:41 I'm sorry, can I, may I say this myself? Yes. There's a sadness. Okay. No, I'm so sorry, may I go here or no? You can do whatever you want, but I like our guest. No, I like you, dude, let me just say this

Starting point is 01:00:54 before I even say what I'm gonna say. I like you a lot, Dax, and I think that you're a talented guy and I'm just happy to be a pleasure as all mine. Okay, so then. Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, pleasure to be mine. Okay, so that. Well, it's a pleasure to meet you. A pleasure to be here. Okay. Dax, how old are you?

Starting point is 01:01:08 32. What's your biological name? What's your birth name? Well, most people don't know my first name. And I've always just been reluctant to say it because what if people find my address or whatever. But people know my middle name, which is Madison. Oh, I like Madison. Thanks.

Starting point is 01:01:26 But your eyes. Oh, yes. May go back to the eyes. Yeah. I mean, God, I want to know your first name. So I mean, too. I think maybe we'll guess. If we get it, would you say, could I show you my ID and then you don't? Yeah, we won't reveal it on the show. Yeah. We would never do that. That's fucking awesome. Yeah. Do you know you don't have a wallet? Just throw it to me. There's no camera cameras will not know there's no

Starting point is 01:01:46 Well, those guys won't do anything bad, you know, okay, we should buy him a wallet. Maybe we get him a wallet We got your wallet. Oh, wow. What that's not what I thought. Let me see. That's interesting. That's wild What are you? Yeah, I mean it's like it's almost like a puzzle so Is your what's your middle name? James Young. Young? Yeah, yeah. Cool.

Starting point is 01:02:11 What's where? How did you get this name? I think it's his last name might have been like a great grandpa or something. I'm not sure. Are you Italian? I don't know. Well, I took a DNA test. What did it say then?

Starting point is 01:02:22 A lot of things. Yeah. Okay. Are you black? No. Okay. Are you black? No. Korean, are you Korean? No. No Asian? No.

Starting point is 01:02:31 Jewish? That was on there, yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Are you proud of that? Yeah. Well, happy Passover. Happy Passover.

Starting point is 01:02:37 I know one I know celebrates, I mean, like friends do, but like no one, I didn't grow up with any celebrating of that or anything. So you're against Jewish holidays? No, no No, I just don't have never done that. You don't like them. You don't know participate. No, no, it's your heritage I think they're awesome. You sure? Yes. Okay. What's your favorite one? Passover, that's your favorite one and you didn't celebrate even though it's your favorite. No, or Hanukkah. Yeah, the Hanukkah is better. I even though it's your favorite. No, or Hanukkah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:03 The Hanukkah's better. I don't know, actually. So you don't, you're making a mockery of it. It sounds like you're mocking it. Unintentionally, if so. If I am, I'm sorry. It's fine. Well, she's Jewish.

Starting point is 01:03:15 I would apologize to her if anything, yeah. Is that offensive, what I said? Yeah. Oh, sorry. I mean, I feel like you're making a mockery. I mean, you spit on her dreidel. It's verbally spitting on the dreidel, is what you did. I see, I feel like you're making a mockery. I mean, you spit on her dreidel. It's verbally spitting on the dreidel is what you did. I see, I see. Do you think all people are equal?

Starting point is 01:03:33 Yeah. I don't feel, I don't buy that when you said that. It's insane. Yeah. Let me throw you this back. Here, let me see. Ready? Let's do a little.

Starting point is 01:03:46 Nobody thought that was gonna happen, by the way. Nobody in here thought we were going to make that work, and we fucking did. We connect on a different level. Thank you. Let's get into your dating life. So when's the last time you've been with somebody? That's a little forward. Oh, okay. Let me rephrase that. Yeah, please. He's new. I'm so sorry. You're right.

Starting point is 01:04:01 You're a new friend of ours. Oh, you know what? Excuse me. And you know what? Let me say this. I'm so sorry. When you're in this room, you're a bad friend family. You're a friend of ours, really. I'm sorry. You're a new friend. Oh, you know what? Excuse me, and you don't let me say this I'm so sorry when you're in this room. You're a bad friend family. We you're a friend of ours really Yeah, we don't want to just relax and also if you want anything cut out. We'll cut it out Okay, so feel free seriously anything we don't we're not a gotcha podcast. Okay, so if you came up to us and says hey guys I don't like that. I don't want that part in there like the Jewish part for instance Yeah, you know then we would cut it out. Do you want us to cut that out? Was that uncomfortable?

Starting point is 01:04:25 If you think it was bad. Do you think it's bad? I didn't, I don't know. Don't look at the Jew. Yeah, don't look at the Jew. Cut that out. That's even worse. Don't cut that out.

Starting point is 01:04:36 Okay, just cause she said it was bad. All right, so when's the last time you had a girlfriend? No. I've had one girlfriend. In your whole life. And whenever I did that standup joke about my ex-girlfriend, that was a hypothetical. I'm gonna say this to our fans.

Starting point is 01:04:48 If there is a nice woman here in Los Angeles who's interested in our boy, please set up the pod because we'd love to set you up on a date. I think I really like your energy. I think you're smart and you're sweet and you're cool. And for some reason, something in my world wants to know you, help you, work with you. I don't know what it is, but I like you a lot. You know him and I have some projects.

Starting point is 01:05:11 Okay, awesome. Are you excited about them? Hmm. Not really. No, not for all of them, no. This one is great. Cool, yeah. This one's fun.

Starting point is 01:05:20 But you know, we will keep an open mind and have you in our thoughts. No, I'll put you, we'll put you in something. That's what I meant to say. Okay. Well, you're saying it like a CEO. Well, I'm saying it like, you know what I mean, we'll put a pin in you.

Starting point is 01:05:31 Oh, like a studio executive. Like a studio executive. We'll put a pin in you. Did you ever get close for a role and you didn't get it that you really wanted? Yes. What was it? We're the Millers.

Starting point is 01:05:39 Oh, to be that kid, huh? Yes, and then this Ryan Gosling movie, his directorial debut, and then. You Gosling movie, his directorial debut. And then- You got close on both of these. And the watch. I was the runner-up for all of those. Oh, fuck.

Starting point is 01:05:51 Yeah. That's the story of our lives, huh? Yeah. Runner-up. Yes. Yeah. Are you going out on auditions now? No.

Starting point is 01:05:59 No. Do you have someone that's going to send you out or no? Not. I don't. I haven't gotten an audition offer in like four years or so. Why? I need to fix, I want to fix this.

Starting point is 01:06:12 I don't believe in this. I want to fix, I want to fix. I need to fix, I need to fix you. I need to fix what is broken with you. I need to fix what is broken with you. I need to fix what is broken with you. I need to fix what is broken with you What do you think that was good? Thank you You want to get involved in the song?

Starting point is 01:06:32 I know I need to fix I need to fix what is broken with you I need to fix I need to fix what is broken with you. I need to fit what is wrong with you Yes, it was in melodically. I need to fix I need to fix what is wrong with you? Melodically I need to fix I need to fix what is broken with you Very good, dude, very good. I mean a musical thing could be Something that we could now. Let me I know I have an inkling. You don't like to hug Like if I came up and gave you a hug, you wouldn't like it No, yeah, no. Why?

Starting point is 01:07:06 Well, it's fine, actually. Yeah, it's fine, but maybe like- I'm telling you, I'm going to give you a hug when you leave. That's fine. Well, in the- Yeah, well, can I also, in the Italian culture, right, when you meet somebody for the first time, it's got to be a 10-second hug or it doesn't mean anything. Okay.

Starting point is 01:07:22 We're supposed to kiss on the cheeks if I'm being honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, to be honest with you. It's a big part of it. In Korea, we kiss on the lips. Sometimes I'm being honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, to be honest with you. It's a big part of it. In Korea, we kiss on the lips. Sometimes with tongue, but that's, you know, depending. To a stranger? Yeah. Yeah, on 100%.

Starting point is 01:07:30 South Korean kisses on the mouth, North Korean does tongue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're lucky he's from South. Yeah, if you have a tongue, they chop it off. If you kiss the wrong way. You know anything about North Korea? Just not much.

Starting point is 01:07:45 It's a fair answer. It is a fair answer. Are you on the apps? Which ones? Dating apps? Yeah, Hinge. Hinge. Is it working? I don't use it enough.

Starting point is 01:07:57 Like I don't message or swipe. But I have- That's how it works, you know. Yeah, you have to do that to get- Like when you turn on the car, you have to put the engine on. Have you been banned from any of the apps? Have you been banned from a dating app? No.

Starting point is 01:08:07 He has. Why did you get banned? Three of them. Why? Lied about his age. Why? Lied about his age. How old am I, to actually think?

Starting point is 01:08:21 45. 40? 45. 45, okay. 50. Yeah, two. 40? 45. 45. Okay. Hey. 50. Yeah, 52.

Starting point is 01:08:29 52. Okay, awesome. How tall do you think he is? Because he lied and said he was like 36. I watched something yesterday where you said 5'3 1⁄2. That's right. One of your episodes. That is right.

Starting point is 01:08:41 Okay. So before you came here, you kind of looked at familiarize with yeah Yeah, had you ever seen the show prior not the show, but I have seen y'all clips. Yeah. Yes He did you know of us outside of this show? Yeah, my friend Lisa Nova. Well, I haven't talked to her in a long time I love her. Yeah, I know I know Lisa very well. I knew her from back in the day. Wow. I have you guys she's she's I knew her from back in the day. Wow, she disappeared a month. Yeah, I haven't kept in touch. She's in New York.

Starting point is 01:09:07 But I ran into her once. She made mucho, mucho money. Yeah. And left. She was a YouTuber, right? She started Maker, and then sold it to Disney for like 500, 600 million dollars or whatever. That's good, that's a lot of money.

Starting point is 01:09:18 It's a lot of money. True. When you ran into her, you think maybe. Lisa Donovan. Yes. Yes. So yeah, I had seen. You were familiar with me. You don't know who I am. ran into her you think maybe Lisa Donovan yes yes yeah so uh so yeah I had seen I had seen you're familiar with me you don't know who I am yes I do

Starting point is 01:09:29 know who you are give me a couple of things you've done this is weird fine we can cut it out if it's weird but I want him to answer me what's that Ricky Stineke yeah yeah yeah would say it again he said Santini I love it Ricky Santini, yeah. Ricky Santini. Yeah, yeah. I'll have it. Give me something else.

Starting point is 01:09:48 But then, like just lots of awesome clips. Yeah. Well, sorry. I love you. You know what? You just endeared yourself to me. Do y'all have a rivalry?

Starting point is 01:10:03 No, we don't. It's great. Bobby's created a fake fantasy. Bobby's riding off of Mad TV for a long time. It's an awesome credit. It was, yeah. God bless you. I knew there was something about you, dude. And you and I, dude, we're back in it, aren't we?

Starting point is 01:10:20 We're on that wagon. Okay. And we're going to the sunset, dude. It's amazing. I'd like to think, and you can say that I'm Okay. And we're going to the sunset, dude. It's amazing. I'd like to think, and you can say that I'm wrong. Great credit, right? Yeah. Is it good?

Starting point is 01:10:30 I think so, yeah, yeah. Do you like MadTV? No. Okay. I was more of like an SNL guy. SNL is great. Significantly better quality than MadTV. When did MadTV's not on?

Starting point is 01:10:45 That's right, no, yeah, one of them is still on. Yeah, what you just did there now, because you wanted to combat him, because I knew how you felt. But what you did is you went, you know what? I'm gonna defuse the situation, I'm gonna go this way. And I like what you did. But at the end of the day, I know how you feel.

Starting point is 01:11:00 Okay, thank you. And thank you so much, Dax, for being here. And I'm gonna say something. I'm gonna do something for you, man. Something deep, provocative, maybe some pussy. We'll see. Oh. You're gonna give him some pussy?

Starting point is 01:11:12 We're gonna help him. Okay. What? What if he doesn't want it? If he don't want it, it's fine. What about a hug, one of your hugs? One of his good hugs. No.

Starting point is 01:11:23 I might be wrong, but I think maybe you could be a reoccurring guest on this show. I'll come back anytime. Do you drive here? Yes. Okay, good. You have a bike?

Starting point is 01:11:35 I do. Do you bike often? Not anymore for some reason. So you rode a bike here? No. Okay. Have you ever fallen off the bike? I do have a scar on my chest

Starting point is 01:11:44 from biking into the back of a car You know, I would like to hear that story. Yeah, I would like to I know before we move but can I also well I don't want to talk about your I'd like to hear that story It's pretty much just that I just The car was parked and no one was in it and There was a gas tank on the back that popped open to it was leaking gas But I just went down to the beach and asked a lifeguard for something to put on my how old were you? 17 or 18 here. You went here in Southern, California, and you did this to the lifeguard

Starting point is 01:12:16 Well, I just told him that I had it. Well, no, it just you did this. So how did you lose focus and hit a car? Well, I didn't lose focus. I think my foot slipped or my hand slipped. And then by the time I got it back, I slammed on the brakes and then skidded and I was going too fast or something. You know, so I just wanna say something. You ever watch porn with dudes like this?

Starting point is 01:12:41 You're saying about his penis size is big? Gigantic. Yeah. It's gotta be. Yeah, and guys that have a little bit of... The same body structure, everything about it. Yeah, the vibe. Vibe. Do you like trains? I like being on them. Okay. They are very peaceful to go. They're nice. Yeah. Amtrak to me. But you're not gonna go to a train station to look at them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You look like you like trains. That was interesting.

Starting point is 01:13:10 That's so good. Well, because I feel like he has interesting hobbies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that? Was that a crazy question? I have another... Do you like marbles? No.

Starting point is 01:13:18 I feel like you have marbles in your pocket right now. No, I like... I do like going on trains, but I have nothing to say about marbles. Do you know why you like trains so much? Yeah, they're very peaceful. Yeah, they fucking are, aren't they? The last time I was on one, it hit someone also.

Starting point is 01:13:34 Like speaking of- Yeah. It hit a person. It got delayed. I didn't see anything, but it got delayed. And there was a jumper. Well, I looked at an article the next day or two later, and they, yeah, it just said that

Starting point is 01:13:46 someone got hit in the arm, and I think they were fine. Oh, they were alive. Usually somebody jumps. Okay. My mom used to take the train every day when we moved from Chicago to the suburbs, and maybe once a month someone would jump in front of the train, so it would delay her work day. Okay. Real frustrating when someone takes their own life and inconveniences everybody else's.

Starting point is 01:14:04 Kill yourself on your own time. Or, yeah, don't. What? I agree with you, don't kill yourself. True, true. But also, if you're gonna do it, don't make it hard on other people. True.

Starting point is 01:14:16 Do you know what I mean? What's your favorite meal to eat? What's your death row meal? You ever play that, you know, when someone says you're on death row, what's your last? Oh, this is a good question. Maybe, well, smoothies are like the thing I have most,

Starting point is 01:14:28 but in terms of like, if there's no money limit, then I'll get like good. It's your last meal, bro. Sushi or steak. Sushi or steak. Sushi. You do both? Yeah, both. What kind of meat are we talking?

Starting point is 01:14:40 What kind of steak? I've usually just get sirloin. Well, I was vegetarian for a while, and now I've just been eating everything again. Now you're back on the beef. I bet you, what's the best steakhouse you've been to? Damon's, I think it's called? Is that the-

Starting point is 01:14:56 You talking about the one in- Glendale? In Glendale? Yeah. That's a really good one. That's the one I told you about. Yeah, yeah. It's like the tiki theme?

Starting point is 01:15:04 Yes. Oh my God, I love that place. It's a good place. I love you. Oh, you're off. You're a foodie, huh? Then Damon's is so fucking cool. I've told you to go there. I'm gonna go you're a foodie Yeah, I guess I don't really know many steak places. No, but do you like you you you do like to go out and eat at fun places Yes No, but do you like you you you do like to go out and eat at fun places? Yes But it but the restriction you said the smoothie thing is it that's a is that a health thing or a financial thing? I just love smoothies right? Hey guy. Yeah, we do too. I saw what's up. What's up, dude? We do them pretty often. What kind is it? It's called none of your fucking business

Starting point is 01:15:40 No, it's a fair question. It's called chocolate. I didn't know that's why I said chocolate lover. Yeah, we like it's chocolate and peanut butter I would like to go to we spot with you. Okay Would you would you know that is I would not get naked. No Something told me that that way. Wait, stop I'm very offended by that by the way. Why because it's like You looked at me and you go I will will not get naked, but it's almost as if you said, I will not get naked with you. No, with anyone.

Starting point is 01:16:10 Specifically. With anyone. So. Except for someone you're interested in romantically. True. This is the border that he's drawn to. I know, but what I'm saying is that we're not, the Wee spot is, it's, there's a communal place where men and women congregate, okay?

Starting point is 01:16:25 Hospitality. Ergo. Ergo, right? And then, but in the, we have to first get naked and put on the wee stall of clothing so you wouldn't get naked with me. You're putting on clothes. I would go into like a bathroom stall if that's possible. Yeah, that seems pretty fair.

Starting point is 01:16:43 Oh, that's insane. Did you ever play sports as a young lad? But I wouldn't be offended if you wanted to undress. Would you look at my penis? No. Even though I said look. If you go, hey, Dax, look. Accident.

Starting point is 01:16:56 If I know what you're doing, then no. Yeah. You're giving him the keys to the castle. You're letting him know what's going on. You may come in. Yeah. The moat, whatever it is. going on. You may come in. Yeah. The moat, whatever it is. Come on in.

Starting point is 01:17:06 Come on in. Do you ever chew tobacco? Mm-hmm. I've tried smoking a cigarette. How was that? Interesting, I guess. Do you have any interest in chewing tobacco? Wanna try some?

Starting point is 01:17:17 I don't think I'm interested in that. Smart. Have you tried it? Chewing tobacco, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've tried everything. You've tried everything once. Except for guys.

Starting point is 01:17:29 That's the thing I think I've- Okay, that's fine. I mean, I was a kid, but let's not bring that up again. It's weird. Well, I mean- You bring it up more than once in an episode. Well, you've tried guys, and I haven't, and you said everything once.

Starting point is 01:17:39 It's making our guests feel uncomfortable, because obviously he doesn't like it. No, I don't feel uncomfortable. First of all, this guy said he was a Democrat. He's open for all this stuff. Yeah, yeah. You're cool with gay marriage. Yes, yes, I don't feel uncomfortable. First of all, this guy said he was a Democrat. He's open for all this stuff. Yeah, yeah. You're cool with gay marriage.

Starting point is 01:17:47 Yes, yes, I think that's great. Open borders, right? Yes. Yeah, good. Free healthcare for everybody? Mm-hmm. And what's the last thing we always say? Trans women and sports, and men sports.

Starting point is 01:17:58 There it is. Yes. Yep. Very good. I want to know what you don't like. What are things that bother Dax? Traffic Hmm yeah, that's it

Starting point is 01:18:15 Oh that much a lot of construction on the apartment unit next to mine for the past like two weeks Hmm, and it's like just waking up to like banging and grinding and stuff. Yeah, you live in Hollywood No Two miles east of Hollywood. That's what in your mind when you've seen hearing that No, no, let's be honest we're all pals here Right right in your mind like I take a fucking machete. You know, what do you think? No, I don't think that. Okay, what do you think then?

Starting point is 01:18:53 This sucks. Yeah, this sucks. It is right, that sucks. You don't have revenge fantasies? Am I the only guy in this building that has revenge fantasies? Yes. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 01:19:05 Yeah? Yeah, the way he asked. Yeah. John, no, he's Korean ape. Back me up. Revenge fantasies? Sometimes I picture myself going back to my bullies and beating them up.

Starting point is 01:19:15 Yeah, dude, that's what I'm saying. And I picture, I have fantasies like that. You don't have fantasies. People that harmed you, you know what I mean? Like, I should have done this. You know what I mean? I should take a bear trap and chop their fucking leg off. Did anybody bully you?

Starting point is 01:19:28 As a young person? Anytime, Sean. Oh sure, there's like internet hate comments, but I'm just immune to them at this point. There was recently, this isn't bullying, but like two days ago, I was getting out of my car and someone like honked at me. Well, I got out of my car and then I went back in

Starting point is 01:19:46 to scoot forward to give them more space to park. That's nice. And they honked at me as I was getting back in. That was annoying. That was not bullying, though. No. No. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:20:00 No. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, think about it. I want a day with you. Yeah, days. I want days with you.

Starting point is 01:20:18 Okay. Can we do this? I think we should do a camping thing. Would you go camping with us? Yeah. Have you ever camped? No. And have you ever lived off the land?

Starting point is 01:20:34 Lived off the land? Like in what? Like forging for berries, killing something and eating it at night? I can teach you about that stuff. Okay. Like fish? Have you ever gone fishing? Yes. But have you ever done it without a rod? Do it naturally? With a spear? I can teach you about that stuff. Okay. Like fish, have you ever gone fishing? Yes. But have you ever done it without a rod,

Starting point is 01:20:46 do it naturally with a spear? I can teach you about that too. Y'all are big campers. Well, we do it- Every weekend. Every weekend, yeah, pretty much. Without fail. Huh?

Starting point is 01:20:55 Where? Well, Big Bear last weekend, that was fun. And then sometimes we'll just go to Riverside and just camp right in downtown Riverside. Yeah, yeah, sometimes we'll do that. I can hand trap squirrels now with my eyes closed to be honest with you. You should see what this guy does to squirrels. It's unbelievable.

Starting point is 01:21:08 Yeah, yeah. He can follow a squirrel just like in sonar, like a dolphin. Yeah. Just the sound. Yeah. Oh, dude. Yep. 450 kilometers away due west up the tree. That's the thing. When he squirrel hunts, he does turn Canadian, but for the most part. Yeah. And I can also just, I can get on my hands and knees and I can tap with my finger, right? And I communicate with earthworms.

Starting point is 01:21:32 Is that pretty cool? That is awesome. Yeah. Did you all get into it together? Well, when we were in the war, Desert Storm, we were young. I was in the army, he was in the Marines. And I was a tracker. I tracked them tracked them those bastards those fucking dirty bastards, man They're disgusting disgusting

Starting point is 01:21:51 They're the real enemy. They're the real enemy did worms worms You not see what they're doing to this fucking planet. You see dune. Yes. Yeah, they're gonna rip us to pieces It's pieces man. We're done. Yeah, we're done for and if you think that that's not what's really going on, that's the government finally telling us the truth. The truth. And it's like tap, tap, tap, tap. You know what I mean? I'm saying please, please don't.

Starting point is 01:22:11 I just bought this house. Do not... Because when they come out of the earth, it destroys buildings. You know what I mean? My point is this. So what else? We go camping. So our fun trip though, when we went to the rainforest in Brazil. Oh my God, that was so fun.

Starting point is 01:22:25 Oh my God. We spent a month in the rainforest in Brazil and we observed the birds of paradise. Wow. Mating rituals. Do you know much about it? We lived with a tribe half of the time. Yep. And then every weekend y'all go camping? Pretty much. Yeah. If we can do. If we can do. And we, do. And we do it alone style.

Starting point is 01:22:45 Oh, I've seen that show. Yeah, so we do it with really nothing. Okay, awesome. Yeah, yeah, so we're going to go out there with maybe no tent. We can build our own lodge. I'll say this again. You're inside these walls. You're a bad friend for life.

Starting point is 01:23:01 You're a friend of ours. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Don't be scared of us. Okay. No, because in here we want to protect you. There's nothing about this place that wants to- You must have to pee real bad right now, huh? No, I did think about that and not, no, luckily. You know, I want to share something with you last night. Last night I made a mistake. So

Starting point is 01:23:20 let you know that blue thing, that vibrator I have, that wrapper on my cheek, the vibrating thing. Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo, yeah. Woo, yeah.

Bad Friends - What Happened In Vegas w/ Dax Flame

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