Bad Friends - Yellow Cave of Wonders

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

Click for Bad Friends Clips! bit.ly/BadFriendsClips Thank you to our sponsors: https://www.manscaped.com code: badfriends & https://www.joinhoney.com/badfriends Subscribe to our YouTube: http://bit.ly.../BadFriendsYouTube Bad Friends is a comedy podcast with hosts Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino. More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Anchor if you haven't heard about anchor It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please It's free. Awesome. That's cool These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my god That's cool the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many many many many many more You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership
Starting point is 00:00:35 It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob? Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started Hey Do you want to see some bad friends click on the link below click on the link below to subscribe to the bad friends clips page So you can watch the condensed clips page of me and Bob Fuck You think my head is fucking Bobby Have you ever seen your head
Starting point is 00:01:12 Portion to my body Gigante I'm just happy that you're watching the show. Yeah, that just shows that you really watch the episode No, no, no, listen, I have to because people keep sending me the links. They keep sending me the clips Why cuz I didn't talk any shit about you griff. Oh About the the vitamin I think mac and cheese is vitamin You're so dumb dude, I'm dumb. Yeah. Yeah, I'm dumb. You're a lipless fuck I'm a lipless shave your fuck. Look at how tiny your little bullshit lips are you fucking ramen lips?
Starting point is 00:01:51 God fuck you bad. He was making you like fuck the upper lip. Did you get did you have sex this morning? Why cuz you're in a good mood. I feel great Yeah, you don't load somehow whether you jerked off to fortnight or something, but you did something I don't know. Did you think in your eyebrows? Did you thin your fucking eyebrows? Look at that. Look at that. That looks like someone took a crop shear through those fucking things Do can you grow them out or is that as long as they get? You want to go toe-to-toe? I want to go in front of you, man Yes, you are you can't yes, you are you said did I thicken my eyebrows? I came in here with a positivity man
Starting point is 00:02:27 Positivity you attacked me twice in a row and is that positive? I would just you're starting a fire. You don't have a upper lip. Who doesn't have a fucking upper lip? You you don't have a fucking upper lip. Look at your lip. Sorry Andreas. Hey, Andreas Yeah Yeah, how are you feeling today? Dude? Are you feeling good? I feel great. You know why? Tell me baby boy because I've been playing video games and it really makes me feel good I've been playing stardew valley. Oh stardew valley I know how much you love stardew valley love stardew valley so much and I started with a new farm and It's just in sync right now, baby
Starting point is 00:03:02 But I lost books too many lost books I have the new Ability to chop trees down and get hardwood That's a nice asset and I also have the thing where you get to go the crap pots And it doesn't have junk stuff in it. It has like lobsters and all the good stuff So I have that ability and I have truffle oil going and Duck mayonnaise and it's real good. Oh, this sounds so cool. Yeah. Yeah, it's great It's a great game because you're constantly
Starting point is 00:03:31 You have to think ahead through the seasons, you know and go of course I need to get ancient fruit going which is ironic because you don't do that in your real life at all What do you mean? You don't think ahead about stuff in your real life. My whole life is thought ahead. Is it? Yeah, bro We really think do you even know where I'm at in life? Do you know where you're at in life? I'm doing fucking good with no education. I know you felt you fell face first in the luck. You're basically Kramer You're cream fuck you your Kramer to me. I look in the mirror. You're Kramer You fell face first into luck. You shouldn't this shouldn't what you are Timothy McVeigh. Love Personal murder personal hero murder. Yeah, so keep running your fucking mouth and see what happens. All right
Starting point is 00:04:13 Yeah, that's the kind of person you are in your heart. You went you had a nice Italian-Irish Chicago family that steered you this way, but your heart could have gone either way. No, no No, no, my heart was the right way lasted two or more three more times. You would have been McVeigh, bro I don't remember the first couple of times. Yeah, it didn't happen as far as I'm concerned. Yeah Yeah, you know why you were a kid. That's why so were you know I was molested so much No way. I was a free for all you were ugly when I met you I was a free for all as a kid. How many times you get molested for real 12 times no way. Yeah, what do you mean? No way? Fuck you. I was prove it. I'll show you the scars
Starting point is 00:04:53 You only got molested twice. No, I have 12 times. Oh, boy 1212 times 12 to 15 So why I was a cute kid that's not why they molested you why do you think it was you're easy to manipulate They could trick you so easily and get molested. Yeah You were just simple. You're a simple man. You've been eating a lot, huh? Your face as actually your face has gotten a little chunker. I like it. I Do I do I like your face before you being serious No, honestly, because do you really think I look a little bit a little chunkier. I like it that way
Starting point is 00:05:29 That's cuter. Wait really do I seriously? Yeah, you really do your face. I fucking shaved I should look I should look when I saw your face or like what the fuck is going on with his face? Maybe it's the corona Scare or whatever. I've been eating a lot. Yeah, I mean so much. It's it's really it's nice It's filling out. It's filling out. Yeah, because before you're doing like this Hollywood like I'm gonna make it kind of a vibe And now you've covered your face has given up It's cool Because I'm hungry all that I'm sitting around the house all the time. Hey, fuck you man. You're great. You've gained some weight You know what I've been doing and ask fucking kalayla
Starting point is 00:06:05 Every night one hour of Peloton and I brought I busted out the weights, bro Are you seriously lifting weights? Oh, yeah, and you know by the end of this fucking thing I'm gonna look like fucking same. You're gonna look the exact same. No, I'm fuck you. You're gonna look the same I'm gonna look like jet Lee's thicker jet It's gonna jumbo jet Lee. You're gonna be jumbo jet Lee Let's make a monetary bet that you're not gonna let's make a monetary bet that you're not gonna You're not gonna change. You're you're gonna be the same weight. You I'll give you a pound and a half You know, it's rude that you say I love it. No, just keep talking that way because I love challenges
Starting point is 00:06:40 I love naysayers and I love negative people. Well, here's the thing nay-nay. I say nay I Came in here. I honestly think that you you've changed a little bit through this through this Um, screw us doing the show together. No, since the show You've now and since this quarantine and since the corona coronavirus. Yeah that you've become Little paranoid. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, probably it you know It could do it could have something to do with the over 20,000 people that have died It could have something to do with the fact that it's affecting people of all ages around the entire world
Starting point is 00:07:15 It's an international pandemic. It could be due with the fact that people are losing their jobs But could we do the fact that shelves are being emptied out of groceries or could be due to the fact that people are fighting over toilet paper? It could be due to the fact that why the fuck aren't you panicking? Of course. I'm freaking out. I'm doing my due diligence What is your due diligence Bob? I haven't left the fucking house except for this thing for here Yeah, right number number two. I wasn't even gonna come same. Yeah, I know yeah We didn't we didn't want to do it. We don't want to do it, but we're 5.75 feet away. I measured Okay, yes, and number three. I have to make an apology by the way A couple of months ago. I'm not a month ago. Maybe three weeks ago two weeks ago. I don't know what day it is
Starting point is 00:07:54 I I was on my brother's vlog and I said that way Lee the fucking The fighter the straw straw weight champion of the UFC. Yeah, I called a coronavirus You called the fighter coronavirus. Yes. Yikes Fuck you because it was before Trump said Calling it a Chinese virus and all that kind of stuff right before it was a thing So why did you why did you call the fighter a coronavirus? Because I thought it was funny At the time I thought it was funny. Yeah, and then I go
Starting point is 00:08:27 So I want to apologize to way Lee and I wanted and I want to apologize to You know all the Qingchang's out there that you that might be offended. Here's the thing though I'm Qingchang to number two you are you Americans like there was this Asian kid that was in a Walmart Whatever and he coughed and a bunch of white people started, you know screaming at him going, you know, I mean you Chinese, you know You guys started you know started. I want to say this first of all, why is an Asian kid in Walmart? Well, you think she'd be a Costco. What do you mean? Mm-hmm? Why could he's cheap? No Walmart is ours. That's that's for whites Where we buy guns and tires
Starting point is 00:09:07 You can only claim that if you if only China if Chinese things are being made and sold at fucking Walmart Everything is Chinese things. Well, then there's a Chinese thing Chinese thing Chinese thing Chinese thing Chinese thing Chinese thing Okay, I say this. Yeah, if your liver was made in China, you'd be Chinese My liver is mine It's still Chinese though. You would be Chinese You that's like the stuff that's inside the Walmart if it's Chinese is Chinese So if it's in Chinese then then I'm Chinese because I buy it and purchase it. You can't just say something So you got on a blog. No, no, I want to see about the Walmart. Yeah, so I
Starting point is 00:09:41 I I want to claim this. I've been in an American longer than you have I've been an American longer than you have when did you get your citizenship? I was born here So I'm older, but don't they make you apply still Right and so um, yeah The racism out there when it comes to this this fucking fire. It is real. It's real. Yeah, and it's and it's gross and Um, you know, I don't know anything. Just I don't know anything about Asia. I Don't wait. No, just hear me out. I don't wake up and you know, it's like when I wake up. Yeah, I don't think to myself I'm Asian. Well, no
Starting point is 00:10:22 I'm Korean, you know, I don't it doesn't even enter my thoughts. It doesn't even strike your mind when I wake up. I go Oh, you're hongo, right or you know, I mean, honky. Yeah, my left foot itches because I have a foot thing Right or like I have other issues, but when you leave the house, I never think about it So do you never get in a situation where you where somebody makes you feel like? Oh, I I'm Asian That's only one. Yeah, that's what I go out into the world and people say shit. Like, you know, yeah You know what if an old white man goes? Yeah, I If I'll be at Starbucks. I fought in the Korean war. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we talked about that. Yeah Yeah, that makes you then you go. Oh, God. Oh, why would you? Oh, yeah, I'm Asian, right?
Starting point is 00:11:05 But that's the only time so I don't feel Asian I feel and I'm like an American but you have no connected you but you have connectivity to your Asian heritage Don't you like in one way I meditate, but so do you yeah, but but do you but do you have? Like do you have anything family tradition wise that that is that's Korean that you take? Oh, yeah I buy my feet I walk on people's back and I do the gong and I and I have also stars and The ninja outfit. What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't say any of that shit I mean fuck. Are you talking about family traditions? Do you have what do you mean food that your mother cooked for you? That was yeah, yeah, I go to Panda Express. Is that then? Okay?
Starting point is 00:11:44 You're doing this not me. Yeah. Yeah, I go to Panda Express. I go to P.F. Changs. Is that what it is? Both of those places are Chinese No So you have no there's no traditional things. There's no I do things that are like I Guess physically Korean like, you know older Korean men Walk around the malls with their hands behind their back. I love I do that now. Yeah, that's it's okay So you do some Korean stuff, but that's not it's not a cultural thing. I think it's just a it's definitely a cultural thing That's literally what it is. You just said it old Korean men do it. Yeah for no other reason than it's cultural That's what they do. Yeah
Starting point is 00:12:22 So your kid that's your connective tissue to your Korean heritage you smoke and you squat when you smoke and you yell at cars Yeah, I've seen he outside of the studio. Yeah Well you do Italian things You're so expressive with your hand. I do more Irish stuff than Italian stuff. Good. No, no, you know Yeah, you do stuff look it's been a panic moment, but the one thing that saved us is Has been friends texting friends funny stuff. I've gotten so much funny shit I want to bring up. You know this man. We talk you and I talked about this man, Bob I love this man. We talked about this guy and we said he was
Starting point is 00:13:03 Probably one of our favorite My it was my favorite meme to get it was my favorite little like Mm-hmm thing to get I should say Just look at this. This is a collection of photos. We might have to blur this Do you think we have to blur this would you you don't even blur before well? Well people will see this this Gentlemen, well, why the tits? Well, so so this is a modification of the original photo The original photo he has a big black penis. Yeah, yeah many people recognize this man Here's this is him with the cry in Jordan meme, which I think is just really funny very funny
Starting point is 00:13:35 Yeah, this is the original picture is his face with this. His name is meat. He passed away dude rest in peace You know he passed away. No when you told I honestly when you told me that the other day because I remember I called you and I said We should do research about this because this guy, you know me is should be happy about his new outward the internet You can find nothing. I'm so I swear to God We don't know his real name a PR person reached out to the to the porno company that owns the rights to this photo Yeah, it's an old porn star. Yeah, and they they really they will not release his legal name because they say it's not their Responsibility the family might not want that out. So they just meet is meet is his formal porn name But he's so talented so talented. I mean here's enough. This one's great
Starting point is 00:14:13 This one is great. You know, I mean, that's really good. Yeah, there's some really good ones going around yet This is a phenomenal video. I don't know if you've seen this I don't think anybody actually has a choice. It's a bold package. It's a big package I Mean so many I mean, I've gotten non-stop from so many friends a little bit of Bob Ross love He's gotten there. That's great. This one's phenomenal the old workers on the beam He's kind of like you know what he's like. He's kind of like Van Gogh, yeah, yeah, because Van Gogh did all his work without people really knowing about him
Starting point is 00:14:52 It's only when he died. Yeah, when people started appreciating his work. That's true So it's got a van Gogh kind of a vibe to it. He's got a he's got a very mysterious way about him that I think is Is why he's it's so like we've seen big black dicks before you and I have seen a lot of them But this one there's something special about this guy. It's well, it's very special because Um, the head right sometimes when you see a dick, right the head is bigger than the shaft aspect of it Yeah, yeah, they call that true. It's called shrooming right shrooming much like mine. Although mine is The side of the size of one of the veins on his It's one of the broken veins. Yeah, one of the broken veins is the size of my dick, but hit but his yeah
Starting point is 00:15:42 What's interesting is he's got the sleeve still on right? He's still got the sleeve. He's not circumcised and the sleeve Still encompasses such a large mass. Yeah, you can't even tell yeah Sometimes they look the sleeves people who have sleeves at home. It looks like you know ant eaters. They kind of look Yeah, remember Ren from Ren and Stimpy who's Yeah, remember that Ren from Ren and Stimpy sometimes he looks like Like like Ren and Stimpy has he has a mouth that looks like a the sleeve of a penis or a or a bad vagina Yeah, look at like this. Look at his mouth right like this. Look at that. Yeah
Starting point is 00:16:17 It looks like a weird vagina or a sleep. Oh, this is the image. That's the one. That's what you were looking for Yeah, yeah, that kind of looks like this. It looks like a it looks like an ant eater penis or the or a bad lippy vagina Yeah, it's also like when you when you're I guess having anal sex with another man I'm not I'm not I've only done it twice, but I'll fill you in go ahead. Yeah You probably the worry is you're gonna rip you gonna rip You know me the actual muscle around the anal, you know, the muscle the anal muscle, right? You're gonna tear that With me it's like he might puncture your stomach along. Yeah, I honestly think that he's probably punctured Many men. Well, they don't know how he died. There's a lot of speculation on the internet of what killed him if
Starting point is 00:17:00 Maybe I would like to think that he died because all that blood was going to his cock not as hard Couldn't go back. I don't think I could go back. Yeah, but I think I think getting that meme has been a golden nugget of my day Because yeah, you're right. I have been panicking. I came in I was panicking we I put up some new some new Do you like the fish paper? I love it new fish paper and the whole time I was freaking out Yeah, I just want to talk about the days Day-to-day, I want to talk about day-to-day. I honestly and Before we started this podcast, I was like, I don't even know what to talk about because it's like
Starting point is 00:17:39 I'm a fucking zombie man. I know you wake up. You don't know what day it is You don't you know, it doesn't matter when you wake up. You don't care. I don't care. I haven't cared. It's really strange this morning I woke up at 9 a.m. But yesterday I woke up at 3 p.m. You slept till 3 p.m. Yeah But you didn't go to bed till what time just 7 8 a.m. Right. That's what I was watching that tiger fucking. Oh, so good. I love that tiger doc a man. I'm Joe exotic Oh, no, I was watching a nationally geographic tiger doc. Oh Yeah, I mean you're Joe exotic. I am Joe exotic. Yeah, I Want to be that other guy Magwan or whatever the guy with a bag on yeah, you want to well his real name is doc Anteel
Starting point is 00:18:21 Is that really doc Anteel? Yeah, you want to be doc Anteel and and the reason being is because well first of all I'm not gay same not I mean Yeah, who knows This is who Bob wants to be yeah doc Anteel I don't want to be any of these people, but by the way, I don't want to be any But if I had to choose because he had a harem of women he had a hair. Oh, yeah, he's also um, I Feel like he took like
Starting point is 00:18:49 He took, you know Number one. I want to talk about How you can manipulate women With fucking tigers tigers. Yeah, because you know white trash they go hey, honey You know, I mean, I want to I've always wanted to take a photo with a fucking cub. Yeah, what the cub it gets to a certain age You know me. It's no longer like it's like Hollywood. Yeah, it's a female girl like girls in Hollywood It's like Vegas at 21. It's over. Yeah Vegas. You know the pool girls at Vegas Oh, yeah, buddy lived in Vegas used to say that all the time one of his friends was a pool girl and she's like at 18
Starting point is 00:19:26 You're a fucking commodity. Yeah by 22 23 so funny You're burnt. There was a you know that hotel the standard at the one in Hollywood. Oh, yeah Yeah, and they used to have those they used to have this like gigantic like Window display where models oh would sleep. She would like yeah. Yeah, I remember that right, but I knew a girl That was an actress, but she that's one of the gigs she had did you get paid good money? I don't I never asked her that but at one time I wrote something so she's laying there, right? Right and against the window. I go you're never gonna And I remember her reading it and just being so angry
Starting point is 00:20:06 You're never gonna make it you have to imagine I'm in the front desk like I'm at the hotel This is what it looks like. Yeah, right behind my head. Yes Is a woman a human in a Kate in a cage in a literal glass cage and I'm taking your hi Well, what room and what room number and this woman is sitting there reading a book or they're on their laptop or they're on their phone Yeah, and she gets paid to just be in a case nine hours feminism, baby Yeah, yeah, it's so sad to see like in LA to see actresses On the internet trying to be funny and stuff right now, but not only that just come
Starting point is 00:20:39 I remember just remember time where you would see girls at you're at the store You'd meet them and then three four years later. It's just like they work at the store now No, they had to get it. I know that this one girl that she was like I'm an actress that's in that and four years when she got hooked on drugs. She came back She looked like a homeless bag lady. Jesus. What did she and she was actually successful as an actress at one point She never made it. Oh, yeah, but you see a lot of that man Well, dude, I would say you see a lot more people that get a little bit of the thing and then they piss away their money Get into drugs and then you see them years later and you're like, oh my god. How did you fall so hard?
Starting point is 00:21:13 Oh my god, I have this is the craziest thing. So When I audition for Matt TV, she's real. I can't tell because this girl came back. Just don't say her name I know I'm not gonna. Okay So I remember it was me It was not 48 49. Fuck you. I Don't know No There was this group so we're so when you're audition, obviously
Starting point is 00:21:40 We have to tell people when you're auditioning and then you get to the final audition. There were six of us It's called a test a test. Yeah, but the day before the test there was like a producer session And I was walking out of the producer session with this girl that I knew from the comedy store She was a comic but also a sketch person and actors. I want to know so I'll tell you later. Okay, and I at the time we got paid $4,500 a week. Oh, okay. That was our deal, right? So when you if you get the show you get $4,500 guaranteed. Yeah, and this girl was like nah, man Now I need 10 grand
Starting point is 00:22:19 Well as we're walking in the fucking parking lot and she's never done anything never done anything and I looked at her Go, no, I you know me back then. Yeah, I was not there. I think you should I was a really Asian. I was yeah, what? I ask you to me. No I was like, I think you should take it. Yeah, yeah, $4,500. Yeah a week. Yeah, nah We should be getting 10 grand. It's a TV show, man Right, so she knew something right so She doesn't get she she bailed out. She didn't test wow and then 12 years later, I Was at a restaurant. All right, and I'm ordering a meal and
Starting point is 00:22:58 I look up and it's her. She's waiting. Wow And instead of saying, oh my god, it's good to see you. She said I should have taken it No, it's stuck with her. Oh my god All those years yeah, and I go yeah Yeah, the BLT and a side Caesar salad and a Diet Coke, please. Yes, you should have and our soups are gonna come out soon, right? Oh my god, how fuck it's so sad, but that happens dude cuz she was too cocky, huh? She thought she was bigger than the thing, you know, sometimes, you know people think they're bigger than the thing I guess what guess what the thing doesn't give a fuck about you. Yeah, who was that Trenton, New Jersey answer it. Let's answer it
Starting point is 00:23:42 Put it up to the mic Hello, I'll be come back to bed. Come back to bed me and all the boys want you to come lay down with us During our we're only gonna be 16 for a little while. I will call you right back. Love you. I'll call you after my party in a couple hours Okay, come back to bed Bob That was the love boat Is that who that was? Are you doing the love boat the TV show? You want to know what that is?
Starting point is 00:24:11 Yes It's it's an AA meeting that I go to No, that's not fun. I thought that was a job. No, it's called the love boat. It's called the lifeboat. Oh And you know, I have a disease called alcoholism and I need to treat it. I know shut the fuck up for a second I need to treat it by going to meetings and getting contact with other members of AA and if you ever mock me again I'll rip your fucking eyes. Shut up. Shut up. Support me That was a Hollywood job. I thought that was a Hollywood show called life love boat. There was a show called the love boat Yeah, I'm not gonna play that what what's that gopher or whatever his name is
Starting point is 00:24:49 So you're not known to do shows that went away and they're coming back Are you not known to do television shows that went away that came back And you did a game show that's just like another game show that already existed Stop pretending God you do you do some revamped stuff That's okay. Have you No Have you ever done revamped stuff? I've never done a show that existed once that they brought back. All right First of all, I don't even know bad shows just in general, but so have you mixologies great
Starting point is 00:25:28 Great work, okay. I have it on blu-ray. Okay, great work. Okay. Oh wait make fun of me now I'm not gonna all right. I respect all your work We go ahead. No, I like it all I can't wait to see you in this Rob Gunkowski game show And by the way people have been googling shout out to lifeboat by the way and shout out to Shout out to people that are in AA and that need help I'm a product of it. I highly believe in it Are you being real? You know, I'm a circuit of addiction. What do you mean? You know that? Yeah? Yeah, I really do believe in it in fact I Think it's such a
Starting point is 00:26:06 You know, there's a lot of people that don't like Rehab and that don't agree with meetings and they go their own way and all that bullshit. Yeah, I think it's such a great proven reinforcement That when people that I know that are addicts that don't choose to do it It's a bummer and there's nothing I can say to change their mind. I know touch your face Oh, yeah, fuck fuck burn your face put your face over the candle here here here here Give me the spray spray this on your face. Well, I let me do it. No, it's It's natural too If you're listening to this podcast right now, I want you to take a second and look down
Starting point is 00:26:44 Let me see what was the last time you shaved your junk Andrew two weeks ago. It's been a while Oh, I know it's been two weeks Let's take a second to thank our sponsor Manscape for holding you accountable to get rid of the funk and And shave your junk shave your junk dude Manscapes the only man brand dedicated to below the belt waist grooming and hygiene Bob and Bob uses it I use is it literally use it. I use it every other day. No, you shave that often Yeah, it's like a fucking Cambodian jungle back there Yeah, Manscaped is forever changing the grooming game with their perfect package 3.0 essential kit Yeah, it's a perfect tools for your family jewels
Starting point is 00:27:21 It comes with new and improved lawnmower 3.0, which is waterproof and cordless body trimmer that I use it also has a light on it So you can get in the crevices of your nut sack. I got a bumpy sack get a bumpy sack. No, it's perfect I gotta I do it in the shower and it's all wavy. It's like a baby's bottom. Really? Yeah, I got a smooth sack this third-generation trimmer features a cutting-edge ceramic blade to prevent manscaped accidents Millions of balls are about to be nick-free. Thanks to manscaped advanced skin safe technology And I swear to God a buddy texted me was like, hey, does that manscape thing work for real as that you do on your show? And I do I said dude. I'm not kidding. I said a little use it Yeah, I said I'm a fair photo of my nuts because I said I
Starting point is 00:28:00 Cut my nuts one time and I vowed to never buzz down there again And and then I tried this I was like, all right, I'll try this let's see if this stuff works and genuinely My it's the nicest it's ever felt. It's so smooth and that you can get right up to the skin Doesn't doesn't hurt at all. No nicks. No scrapes. No bleedouts into the shower Our subscribers are gonna get a new replacement blade refill for your lawnmower trimmer delivered to your door every three months Making sure your trimmer always stays fresh and clean for a limited time. You get not one but two free gifts That's insane, dude. It's a perfect package for your package. You can get 20% off and free shipping with the code Bad friends when you go to manscape.com do yourself a favor always use the right tools for the job
Starting point is 00:28:40 Get 20% off and free shipping with bad friends at manscape.com 20% off free shipping a manscape time use the code They're friends for your partner your body and your nuts. Well, thank you their friends Yeah, here I know wait timeout. Let me ask you one thing. I'm being serious Do you do you think that this pandemic has causing? addicts to slip up No, because I
Starting point is 00:29:03 This morning I woke up the reason why I woke up at nine is because I did a a zoom a meeting and It works great But I'm saying do you think there's some people out there that this is really think about like think about this I'm just putting life in perspective. There's a guy Who makes an hourly wage? He works hard. He's an alcoholic. He's working struggling. He's recovering and he lost his job now we can't work and Times are tough
Starting point is 00:29:34 No, because if I'm gonna I'm gonna be I would tell you personally I'm telling this would crack me But I'm gonna tell you you don't understand what it feels like To actually not being a dry drunk. Mm-hmm. Somebody that refuses to Use spiritual elements Because that's what 12-step groups are where there's a spiritual element right a higher power It's not even just that there is just a feeling that you have right and once that's in your bones and your blood, right? You're gonna you're gonna know that, you know, this is all Meant to be I'm at the right. I'm in the right place
Starting point is 00:30:13 I'm gonna live in the moment and you're gonna do all the necessary things to Keep that condition alive inside you. Do you think because you think getting clean made you a better comic? I Don't honestly that was you know, people have asked me that and it's like regardless if it did or didn't my life is more Important than doing stand-up. So in a weird way the addiction Helped you really find your purpose in life. I Know that I can't live You know with drugs and alcohol in my system it I just I just not made up, you know, I
Starting point is 00:30:55 unraveled really quickly. Yeah, and I just can see What I can do is I can look down the road when I'm using drugs and alcohol I can look down the road and see where this is gonna lead me and that Destination in my head is enough for me to go. I can stop now. Yeah a step was very real and good Yeah, I really liked it because you're struggling to crack you call me on the phone What do you mean? You sound like you're losing your mind over there with
Starting point is 00:31:27 the The broad that you live with you talk to her too. I do I Text her a lot because I want to make sure that everything is good. She has panic. She didn't want us to come do the show No, you know why? You know a couple of people have called me and said I don't know about that George and I go I don't know where he's been. What do you mean because he's in the farms? Yeah, George honestly, why are people calling me and not to trust you a lot of people are saying that they shouldn't who the heck's Calling you. I don't want to name names of people put people on the fucking. No, we're not a blow people spot. Yeah
Starting point is 00:32:00 No, I want to know who I know but you are you leaving the house for walks with who? My cousin Making it up. What a huge pause. Yeah, you're making it up What do you mean? You don't you don't take this thing fucking seriously not even a little bit look at me Have I ever worn one of these things before show for show for show We had people I asked people to send us in with their what their food rations were we got some good videos This is Jeremy Roger. He sent this in Andrew. Hey Bobby. This is Jeremy from Syracuse New York originally from Puerto Rico. I'm just a spic living in New York
Starting point is 00:32:38 You know, it is my pantry and being real quiet because my roommates are out there This is my secret stash right here and some vinegar chips Fucking twizzlers Chips ahoy cheese. It's yeah. Yeah, this is my quarantine Pantry right now. I run out and I'm gonna have to go to the store and Probably die We'll see how far this last is probably last 15 minutes because I'm about to get real high right now, so The peace guys, thank you, but shout out to Jeremy. That's his collection. Yeah, Adam Bullock. I said send in what's in your fridge
Starting point is 00:33:16 What are you eating? Hey bad friends today? We got some pickle juice Know some wieners no homo a nice towel some Korean cheese so spice Eggies some soup some human dog food some human cat food some maple syrup I drink this straight. We got some liquid eggs We got a cap and we got you know the baddest butter and then in the freezer. We got some cheese mozzarella That's the way you know my favorite part about this. Yeah, this motherfucker has a towel in his fridge. Look at that a Yeah, a towel. Yeah, why there's something in the towel. Look at it. I don't know. He just literally said it's a human
Starting point is 00:34:01 What he says though here? Yeah, a nice towel a nice towel Yeah I don't think so saying I have a fucking light bulb. I have a light bulb in here. I've got a couple of screws I've a tire iron. Yeah, here's Ruben Rocha's Yo, what's up bad friends? I got stocked old milk. Oh milk Some yogurts that are probably old We got ships for days so many chips and a lot of salsas and That's all we've been doing that's what's up. That's what's up. I love your your podcast. We love you too dog
Starting point is 00:34:38 You too, bro. This is the people some people have some good rations. Look at how many do by the way How Mexican is this dude? Look at all this. Look at that. All right, but I have that that's Tahin I have that that's I ain't that's nine types of hot sauce right there Yeah, and then more hot sauce and Mexican sauce down there. Yeah, man. I love it, dude What do you have in your house? Just honestly, yeah, what what have we been eating? Yeah Talente gelato ice cream every single day. No really breakfast lunch and dinner. Yeah, I make Kaleila order me Lou Matt not Lou Melnati. So we've done this my favorite pizza from Chicago. So we're getting I just ate seven in a row
Starting point is 00:35:19 Every meal eight seven in a row. I love how at the beginning of this podcast We talked about losing weight. No, but I would do milk pillow time for an hour. Oh, yeah That'll make up for it. Yeah, and then I do you know one of those pizzas has like 6,000 calories Mm-hmm, and the thing is and then here's another thing that they offered another thing that offers 12 pack Chicago hot dogs. Oh, I made her order that and yeah, and then we oh last night We got I made her or made her order, you know put Portillo's Bakery port Porto's Porto's Porto's Bakery, but they can send you stuff. That's not that you can bake it at home Yeah, so we got 15 boxes of like chuckle chip cookies and
Starting point is 00:35:56 Meat meat pies and all these stunk things. Look at this eating all that now What's a deep dish did you have from Lou Melnati? I get the pack I get that on Friday pack Okay, so I get two cheese two sausage and two and two on pepperonis all right, so there's six seventy there seven thirty there Wow, you're really good. So Yeah, wait a minute seven hundred and thirty calories for what though for the whole thing one slice for the whole thing One slice it doesn't matter. I don't give a fuck
Starting point is 00:36:29 It doesn't matter seven hundred calories in one slice. How many slices are you eating? I eat the whole fucking thing I'm not kidding you. I'll eat the whole fucking thing. Will you seriously? Yeah You eat the whole fucking you can eat like four steepest slices of pizza. It's I cut them into six, but yeah Oh my god, not in one sitting out in in like a 30 minute period. That's like Five thousand calories, but then I'll do an hour on the Peloton. I guess that makes up for it Yeah, how many calories you think you burn on the Peloton? It only says 150. That's like that's like one bite of cheese I know that's like one bite of a corner of a piece like I ride But I ride yeah, and for an hour and then at the bottom it'll say you only burned 150 calories
Starting point is 00:37:15 It doesn't make any sense Maybe it's because your output is not that high. It's not like you're you are you are you doing the class? I refuse no so you just ride on it. I do free ride Okay, that's not good, but I'll watch like you should do the class You know what I love doing is I'll take my fucking. I you know, I love disaster movies. Yes. Did you know that about? Yes I love deep impact of the core. We all love this volcano volcano. Yeah, I love The other day after tomorrow. I love the I'm so well I'll watch it Did you like the rock that one that he did like the earthquake one?
Starting point is 00:37:48 Who did the rock the rock did one about an earthquake in Los Angeles? Oh, I like that one that one was good I was pretty good. Okay. Good. I like that. Yeah, what do you put it on the screen and watch it? So I'll watch it But then I'll look down after I'm done like halfway during a movie and I'll say 150 Calories, so are you just are you sitting are you sitting down riding? Do you stand up and ride and do that thing or no? I never power ride. Why did you get a palatine Calila did? Yeah, it's for her. Yeah, does she use it all the time? Yeah, but she does the classes and she'll do the weights. That's awesome. Let's go. Let's do it Let's make it happen. All right, and I'll watch her on it and I'll I'll just stare at her watch it
Starting point is 00:38:23 And it's my turn and then casual But at least something and I've been doing weights so you're gonna see my body transform Honestly, I swear to God. I'll pay for a trainer. I will pay for a trainer to see you get jacked So you could be like Kumail Nanjiani and I saw him That's what motivated me jack to fuck up. Yeah, he got in jet. He got an unbelievable shape. Yeah I don't think he likes me that much. Why? Because one time um, I did that show. This is not happening on comedy central. Yeah. Yeah That's the one we talked about with Tom. Yeah. Yeah, and then he after he was done
Starting point is 00:39:00 He got off stage and I didn't know him at all, but he knew I was there to do it. I was after him And I go, hey man, that was great And he didn't say anything to me Really? Yeah, the same thing happened twice with Taylor Tomlinson You said that's great. No one time she was at the Laugh Factory And she got off stage and I go, wow, you're really good and she just looked at me and walked away Shut up. Yeah, she did that twice and then when she become up and then when she became a paid regular at the store Uh-huh. She started saying hi, but that's all I can get out of her
Starting point is 00:39:37 Maybe she's just not a social person. Yeah, we've never I've never said hi to her. We don't know each other I know, but she's so good. I've never we don't know each other even it doesn't matter It's like when you see somebody that good, you know, she's good. I've never even seen her stand up. She's very good She's a good writer a very good performer and she's you know beyond her years So what when I saw her at the Laugh Factory once I just said, um You did a great job and then nothing maybe she doesn't respect you as a comedian That's what I said. That's what I started asking that question around town. You thought maybe she doesn't respect you as a comedian Yeah, so I went to people that knew her
Starting point is 00:40:15 I don't think she respects me. I swear to God I did this. I went to Derek and Asan, you know, they live together Yeah, yeah, yeah, and because they knew her from San Diego and I said She likes me and they go well, I don't know if this is true or not, but they said She's a little weary of dudes from the comedy store Well, this is before she became a paid regular why I don't know why because I think that because we beat and rape and pillage in the Basement of the comedy show. No, I think the comedy store comics Imagine being somebody that's not a regular. Yeah, and then going there. I can I can only assume We were all people that weren't regulars both and then went there and became regulars
Starting point is 00:40:56 I know but do you remember it being hard? It was impossible. That's what I'm saying big fucking deal Everything is hard and stand-up stand-ups a nightmare. I still was I still didn't like not respect regulars Yeah, I don't know what the reason was. Yeah, maybe I think it's she doesn't like you. She probably doesn't I want to ask her so bad. Yeah, I can there's a lot of go up to her and be like Hey, I'm gonna quit the podcast of Bobby because I fucking hate him. What do you think about him? But then a lot of it's in your head right almost all of it is in your head I know it's probably in my head and then here's a here's how I know it's in my head for years I thought
Starting point is 00:41:32 What's this Indian guy's name come on in Gianni know the other one? Well, there's there's I mean, there's more than what? Aziz, sorry. Yeah for years. I would say out loud Aziz is Pakistani, right? Isn't he from Pakistan? Is he I don't know for years. I would say around town. I would literally say that that guy hates me Yeah, just not knowing if he does or if he doesn't yeah, I would just say it. Do you like him? I love him He's so talented. No, I mean as a guy. Do you know him as a guy? I didn't really know him so how would you because I would remember like it was in social situations
Starting point is 00:42:05 I would say hi. Yeah, maybe he didn't see the high or whatever sure I don't think these people like you but then here's what one day he came up to me goes. Hey, you're really funny, man You know, I loved you on WTF. I think he said and he was super sweet to me That's nice. Yeah, and then in my head. I was just like oh, it was all in my head It is why is that because comedy comedy is based on people who are insecure already? And so we're now more insecure. It's everybody in comedy. You're insecure littered Well, like what are you insecure about everything? That's why I yell at you all the time Yeah, like what I sometimes I make fun of you and I know sensitive spots so many I know I mean everybody has
Starting point is 00:42:44 I know but and then you get really angry of course. Yeah, isn't that part of it all? What are my sensitive spots? Do you think when I'm asking you so it's okay to say? Um, ask me I mean, tell me what you think I would be insecure about your weight your height Your penis. No, you show that a lot your weight your height. No, those are things of you. I'm being real I'm telling you you should be but I'm not No, what do you what are you insecure about? I know that the one thing that you're the most insecure about true No jokes all jokes aside Is is stand-up? Yep. It's like the biggest most insecure. It's like the biggest so I'm so insecure about I know
Starting point is 00:43:23 I know it's but we don't talk about it and we don't talk about the idea of You know fans constantly ask why you don't put out a special mm-hmm people at the comic store talk about it mm-hmm Comics that your friends with go they ask me You know Bob why I've had why doesn't Bob put out a thousand people a day and The thing is for me is that I need somebody to ask me to do one Yes, and no yes, you could also make a bigger move to to watch I want I need somebody to ask me, okay So I'm sorry you could go a little out of your way. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let me defend myself. Okay, all right I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. Is is that?
Starting point is 00:44:06 And I've listened I feel insecure about gloating Yeah about bragging about your just not accomplishments, but just the amount of time I've been doing it what I've done is what I'm saying what you've done eight years on a sketch show Yeah, national TV being a fat Korean dude on SNL. I'm mad TV. Oh and mad TV. Yeah. Yeah, that's a sketch show Yeah, yeah, all right, so eight years on that. Yeah, right. Um, I've got been in a bunch of movies you've done a ton of stuff, right? I Mean a regular in all the clubs. I sell out everywhere. I go as a stand-up. Yeah, my podcasts that I do Tiger belly and this bad friends are popular. Yeah. Yeah, I just think that somebody should call me and go
Starting point is 00:44:55 Hey, you want to do something? What do you think is what do you think is holding you back? Nothing, so why do you think no one's calling you that suck? No, that's not it But in my head, that's what I think this is a perfect. This is such a great microcosm of what's going on Watch what I'm gonna tie in right now. I love it. This is what I want like a fucking like a psychologist This is what I need in the same way You assumed a C. Sensori Taylor Tomlinson
Starting point is 00:45:25 XYZ continue on whomever didn't like you or didn't respect you is the same way you feel about these places that you think Why don't they ask me so instead of you going Taylor? Hey, do we have a weird? Is it a weird thing with you because I want to let you know that I don't have a weird thing with you If there's something about me, I wish you would tell me and then she would go. No, I didn't I didn't think that way I I thought we were good in the same way is Having my agent or my manager go. Hey Netflix. Hey Amazon. Hey HBO You know Bobby wants to do a special but he thinks you guys don't want to do one with him wait really?
Starting point is 00:46:03 Does he think that because we we just didn't think he really wanted to do one. We don't know These are the same things taking place in your life Okay, you don't ask no, no, you won't know and this is exactly why I wanted to even bring it out. Okay, let's start a war What do you mean? I'm gonna say that I didn't say anything negative. Can I say something right? Yes But what you don't understand is I'm Diabolical and crafty and if they say no, you're gonna blow up the building. No, that's what I want to say What I'm saying is is that? But this is how I've always been yeah, whether you like it or not. Oh, I like it, right and
Starting point is 00:46:41 It gives me motivation Because if I don't have an enemy Honestly, I have enemies. Who's your enemy now? I'm not gonna say it. Please. I can't say it because we'll have to bleep it out We'll do bleep it. We bleep last week and it was fun. I I'm not gonna say it because I don't want George to keep bleeping shit. Yeah, but it's fun if you say it No, but I have people out there
Starting point is 00:47:06 Yeah, right that I perceive as people that are against me and it motivates me to write it motivates me to go do more To stand up even if it's not true. Yes, you fabricated and you know, I'm a gate enemies in my mind to motivate me And I don't I don't think that that's healthy. No, right? Not even I think it's healthy, but it is I think the truth But do you think that you don't well, okay? This is self-sabotage What do you mean? This is you saying essentially you're okay with self-sabotage It's not I'm not sabotaging anything. Yes, you know at the end of the day. I'm gonna win But you're sad because I want to win you're slowing down the process instead of just going to why don't you go directly to Netflix or Amazon or Whomever and go hey, I want to do a special because I'm not ready yet. How much what I gotta get I need about another 15 minutes
Starting point is 00:47:55 I'm good What? You do you have hour and you probably have two three hours. I need a 15 better minutes Let's write it right now. No, I'm not gonna write a fucking 15 minutes with you right now Let's write it right now. No, I'm gonna write 15 fucking minutes right now. Hey, so, uh, so I'm Korean We all shop online a lot a lot, you know, you can make online shopping even better Yes, you can with honey honey is the free online shopping tool that saves you money online It automatically finds the best promo codes and applies them to your cart, which is incredible no matter what you're shopping for
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Starting point is 00:49:49 No, what no, and this is what I because I hadn't seen you in a while and we did that show Brian Callum's Show at the laugh actor. I was sitting there and I wanted you to fail Because you just went on and crushed. I did pretty good and you did kill I went on right after you Yeah, and I sat there and you did something you there was a moment in your set There was a minute where you I forgot what it was, but you were being real and you had a message Right. Yeah, and like oh you were making a point. Yes a lot of stand-ups You know, we just want to go for the kill But you're revolving to the point now in your stand-up where you're saying
Starting point is 00:50:27 Messages and having your point of view rather than and I really like that. Thank you. It's very nice Delia went up after I appreciate you saying something nice. It was a really good deal. They go up after me and The reception was not as good Yeah, what a crazy show you me meet you Christa Lea Brian Callan Wait Bill Burr Burr. Yeah, Bill Burr. I can't believe we forgot Bill Burr Well, he's well, you know Bill is a What you know what it you know what a love of a bill and
Starting point is 00:51:03 I'm gonna say something positive. Okay, we best comic in the country in the world one of the best to me Yeah, to me too. I love watching it. He doesn't I learned from him You know, he's so good up there worst comic in the country is who go ahead. I can't say it but um but When I saw Bill playing with his daughter Oh, I saw Bill and we were at a thing and I saw him playing with his daughter and he was out there for hours Playing with his daughter and I was just like, oh, he's a good dad, too. Yeah, it made me like my heart warm. Good comic Good dad. Yeah, you'd be a shitty dad, huh?
Starting point is 00:51:40 I don't know I babysit you every fucking Yeah, you're my child you people don't realize you're my child why because they don't know oh dude speaking of our mutual child I did promise Your favorite king black that we'd call him Wait, wait, wait before you do though. He did say Eric Riffin said before you do well y'all do me a favor We all call me on the show. I said, of course. We'll call you in a show. He said well Well, he was he fucking he was harassing me. Wait, why I'm just rigid the thing Before you call him. I'm gonna put this out. Well, no, let's cut. Let's talk to him about I don't know before you call
Starting point is 00:52:17 Do you just let me do this? Okay. All right, so he goes um, he Texted me like three or four times and we texted last night. I didn't I didn't respond respond Right, so his last text to me was really you have to talk shit about me so bad all the time Geez, he said y'all ready to Skype right and then yeah, and then I go I lied And I said I have personal shit going on right now, man. I can't talk right now relax. Oh Oh, right. Well, he's gonna hear this Yeah, that's fine now because this will come out next week. I don't deal with it next week Yeah, I don't know if I can deal with it now. Yeah
Starting point is 00:52:56 You're gonna call him. Yeah, I want to call him because we had to keep the lion that I had personal shit But I can't let's inflate it. Let's inflate it. Let's make the lie even more prevalent What is the lie you think? Well, let's make it up right now. Yeah before with it. My cousin has it. No, no, no something um There was a scare my mom It's got to be something about Kaleila or your mom or your brother for it to be real to him No, cuz he's best friends with my brother my brother and I am talking. Oh, they can't be okay So can't be my mama Lila then no it has to be my what something about Kaleila Kaleila's friend
Starting point is 00:53:29 Okay, here's the deal. Yeah, this really happened. Okay, so when I was in Denver Kaleila's friend Hung out in the green room with us. Yeah, and then the next day I flew out and she has a week later She now has it. No. Yeah, Bob. What what if you have it? I don't have it. It's been 11 days. Okay, but let's say Kaleila think she has it There was a scare that she thought she has it. Okay Call him right now Are we turned on okay? I Mean he's the one that was like y'all ready Skype he said it to me
Starting point is 00:54:16 Hello Hello, hello What's up, baby boy? Oh Oh Here we go again We said what's up, baby boy? What's up? What's the problem, Griff? What are you doing? You're washing your toilet. Yeah Oh
Starting point is 00:54:47 Should stay fresh at all times in this time Oh No, were you really so when you texted me were you mad that I didn't text you back right away? Bobby you never take it back right away. Okay, so angry about We angry we talk about I saw your freaking podcast. Well, are you doing a talk shit about me? What did he say? Oh What am I talking about? Oh, I'm probably good. This is your words. I'm probably gonna get in trouble for this But I
Starting point is 00:55:24 If I got it, I'm gonna die. What do you think you're gonna die? You know me? Yeah, go on But didn't that happen didn't that happen? You said you said to me you said that I'm gonna be fine Is it first of all? I did not say that I'm trying to look positive Listen, I'm not the little fuck that smoke and eats like a crazy person. Okay. That's you All right. So, yes, I see why you're worried. Don't bring me down I thought it offensive that you thought that if I died from it that you wouldn't die as well Yeah
Starting point is 00:56:00 No, I'm not not at all. I'm healthier than you think don't let the look don't let the size fool you All right. Well, then, okay So griff griff what you're saying is you think Bobby would die before you. Oh Yeah, oh, yeah, for sure Bobby would go like in a second. You know what I mean? Why he would just like You know, it's just I I think that corona would live stronger in his hefty head. You know what I'm saying? so It would like this fuck Fuck
Starting point is 00:56:37 Is big you think my head is fucking Bobby Have you ever seen your head It's proportion to my body is gigantic Why because I'm yellow well, that would be a mustard bottle inside of I'm just happy that you're watching the show. Yeah, that just shows that you really watch the episode No, no, no, listen, I have to because people keep sending me the links. They keep sending me the clips Why cuz I didn't talk any shit about you griff. Oh Oh, oh, oh about the bottom. I think mac and cheese is vitamin
Starting point is 00:57:38 You know what you know what we say this to your face we all say this to each other's face Yeah, cuz we love each other The reason why we talk about you is because we love you fucking love you Yeah, just like Hitler talked about the Jews. Yeah, pretty similar Hey, what are you? What are you making? What are you making for dinner right now? Are you cooking? Are you having you having your lady cook? Actually, I've been doing a lot of cooking. No, I know he's doing a cooking show. Do you know this? He's been doing a cooking show online. Yeah, he's been doing a cooking show. I just cook online live on Instagram
Starting point is 00:58:35 Cuz I'm bored. Sounds like a good show to me I got this paleo shit from this place called sunbasket, and then they They're not a But it's like those pre-made you make it yourself. Yeah, send you everything you need. There's a lot of companies like yeah Yeah, yeah, just one of you spray my face again And then yeah, it's like 20 minutes 20 30 minutes to take the cook and it's pretty great meals for two And it's like $11 Barely, I'm just freaked out by your voice, but I said sis what I said is you know what Bobby your butthole is probably ground
Starting point is 00:59:18 zero Yeah, yeah, griff griff that yellow cave of wonder Will you send us a will you send us a video we could put up on episode of you cooking something Please okay, yeah Now I need you to fuck to call me on skype later today. We do tomorrow Wait, what do you mean? Oh because you want to video chat it? Yeah, we video chat and I put it I put it on my okay my my little podcast That's not good enough for you guys apparently. That's not true. We both watch your show. We watch it here
Starting point is 01:00:03 That's not true in fact Bobby Bobby Bobby and I sat the other night We sat and just watched a couple episodes straight of riffing with Griffin. Yeah, I Don't even look you guys. Wow. You guys are better liars than this. No I'm telling you some of my favorite episodes on there of me. There's one of me that I like you're gonna come Like you're gonna call me the alcohol. Yo, you just watched your guys this episode. Yeah Yeah, who's that who's that guy this is riffing with Griffin. We're talking to riffing here we go. What's up, everybody? Hey, is that song cleared or are we gonna get clipped by YouTube? Is that your music? Yeah, that's my you made it up from scratch, right? I came and I did it on the singing mic
Starting point is 01:01:05 Yeah, no you didn't you go look at your episode you didn't do it on the singing mic. You're actually being raped. What did I do? You were like this it's no black You don't know if you've done his show I haven't been on this set before Eric Yes, you have because you were talking shit about the brick Yeah, and then you did a wait wait wait wait by the way then you did a whole separate Patreon What do you say about your place what do you say about your place I was But you know what honestly though during this whole epidemic that we're going through and pandemic and I've been thinking about
Starting point is 01:02:05 Who my friends and family are and you're in my you literally I'm not kidding you you're in my top five Five okay of the people I love the most I really do love you Don't get sentimental on me now. He's a shit. Yeah. Yeah, he means it I believe him But if Andrew like number seven, I'm just curious I think Andrew now is in my top ten as well We have to go now because I have to talk about something else. Hey griff Getting offended and getting sensitive
Starting point is 01:02:46 Hey plug a plug plug your show right quick do like a radio drop like the old-school days go Oh my god, make sure you watch Ripper would That's all good. I love him. Yeah, I fucking love him so much. Talk about who just texted you. All right, so here's This is very sensitive But I have to call him back, you know fact I Don't think I should call him online Live but no, why not tell him. Can I call you live on my show? Ask? Can I call you live on my show? Well while you're talking while you're sending that text tell tell everyone who you're talking about I'm talking about Carlos Mincia
Starting point is 01:03:29 Yeah, and what happened? I don't know if people know this but for the first six years of My stand-up career as an open-micer. I used to open for Carlos Mincia. Yeah, I probably did over 500 shows with them when I was young. I went all over the country. Oh and You know, I used to open for him and Paul Lee shore Mm-hmm. So when it comes to those two people specifically I get a little sensitive because um, you know, um, I Know things about them that other people don't know obviously, you know so, um, you know, I've been talking about him on Tiger belly and some other things and um
Starting point is 01:04:16 He's been in comedy jail for a long time two decades 15 years Okay, two decades minus five Yeah, and And his his argument, you know, his argument has always been Um him defending his position about stealing jokes about what bits. Mm-hmm. All right And my argument has always been that even if you did it a two or three time or whatever it might be I don't know exactly the number, right? I Don't know what the no, I don't know why you're smiling. I'm not smiling. You're smiling. I'm smiling. I don't know what the number is
Starting point is 01:04:55 Yeah, I don't know what specifically the number is. I'm being very genuine. I don't care I mean, I don't know because I don't thank you. Thank you. Um, I just don't I have a regardless of what the number is is that You should just do a blanket statement Right I'm sorry. Yeah, right because there have been the times where I had seen him write a right a bunch of bits on his own Workouts work shit out. Right. You're saying he didn't steal everything. Yeah I think that the thing is is that people people think even today, right? Even if when he's on stage, they think that everything that he's saying he's stealing which is impossible because he doesn't do open mics and
Starting point is 01:05:34 You know, I mean, he doesn't you know go He I don't think he sees enough people Do live stand-up right for him to steal? Yeah, and I think he's very sensitive about it now, right? So, um, he's a little bit more paranoid about what bits he puts out there But still everything that he does now is under the lens of he's stealing everything Which I don't think is the case, but the problem is is that by him defending specific bits from the past Right gets him in trouble because you know
Starting point is 01:06:11 Instead of defending the bits that you claim that you wrote just let it all go Do a blanket statement that I used to steal. I'm so fucking sorry. I will make amends for that and to move on I think is The best way to go and that's what the conversation was outside. What did he say? When you said you should say it hurts his heart to say sorry To say sorry to all of it to admit that he was stealing. I Think that he admits to stealing some But not all and I just think that what hurts. I don't understand. It hurts to say it
Starting point is 01:06:47 Because there are bits that people are accusing him of stealing that he didn't steal right in his opinion Oh, okay. I get it now and um, and I think that You mean that's pretty much the conversation that I have with them listen I but he's not gonna say sorry is what he's saying No, I think that he is now at a point where he is gonna say sorry He's gonna go on Rogan and do it. I think I don't think that Rogan would have him It'd be crazy if he did though, huh? Yeah, it'd be great if you went on there and was like I think that it would be
Starting point is 01:07:16 Open to doing it as well. I should I mean, I don't know if Joe would ever do that But man would it be amazing to watch for people that don't know what we're talking about college man See and Joe Rogan got an argument at the comedy store 15 some odd years ago about stealing jokes and they had the clip went viral this before viral was a real thing by the way They're kind of was like on the precipice of the internet first virus in fact it what was scary about it Is is that I got caught in the middle of it. Yeah, you were you're in the video on the patio I was on the video in patio and everyone knows that I was his opener So it's like when that happened
Starting point is 01:07:46 I was getting a lot of messages myself saying that you're thief too or you piece of shit You never you've never stolen ever ever because everything you've done is so bad that you I love it. No, of course you're doing but Um, no, dude, you of course, but the point is you got roped into a weird thing and I was caught And so what I had to do back then was I had to literally cut ties. I Had to cut ties with Carl. Well, let's finish what happened for people that don't know I'm sure most people know But what happened was is the comedy stores chose
Starting point is 01:08:21 Carlos over Rogan Rogan was in so many words, you know, I don't know He I don't know if he was banned, but he didn't come back around It was almost like yeah, the store leaned towards Carlos and that divided the store a little bit. That was a real That time I was an open micro back then and young, you know, and I that was a real Fucking difficult time because yeah, like, you know, I I was friends with Joe Joe Joe again as well I was you know with buff eyes as well. I loved them and and you know, I had to
Starting point is 01:08:53 Cut ties with somebody that helped me out a lot and I hadn't I've only seen him Since then maybe a hand five times. Yeah, I never had him on Tiger Belly Ever because of the fact that George I didn't ever want to bring it up, but he just said I want to hash it out So we'll have him on Tiger Belly and and talk about it and talk about it Jesus Christ, you know Ken Jung and Joe Mikhail started a podcast. You think that this is what I'm talking about. Did they really? Yeah, did they really? Yeah Wow, this is what they're gonna be talking about or they're gonna be talking about stuff that we should be talking about like what like television and the nature of you know
Starting point is 01:09:35 G-rated pass Yeah, yeah, they're not gonna say no their podcast isn't gonna say what our podcast says They're doing the white and the Asian thing. That's that's pisses me off though. They're copying us hard Yeah, but we went first. We were first. Well, tell them can we call him and tell him call Ken and tell him that he's copying us No, I'll tell you why I can't call him. Why? Why can't I look at I want to say this. Yeah, number one I Honestly in my heart. All right. I Love the guy. Sure. Yeah, we know you know that right? Yes. I know went on tour with him. Yep
Starting point is 01:10:11 He was my doctor and went to his wedding. Yeah, I know you would you guys are friends. Yeah, we're friends But when I asked him to do Tiger Belly my podcast He's he wanted me to talk to his publicist first To go through the questions. Oh because he wanted to know what you were gonna say. Yeah, so yeah, because he's in the Hollywood thing Dude, yeah, so that's a Hollywood thing. So for me, he doesn't want you to say some I don't want to call him because he probably won't pick up and then also he'll be like wait a minute wait a minute guys You know, and I don't want good. Let's trap him. Let's call him out on a shit No, no, we're not calling out on the fact when I fucking stole our not he didn't steal
Starting point is 01:10:46 He just happens to be Korean the other hat what Joe Macon Joe McHale John McCain he happened John McCain and and Yeah He just happens to be a Korean guy and a white guy. Yeah, okay same stole it Stolen they stole it from us. Yeah, but they're starting one. I wonder if it'll beat us. No way We're gonna do everything in our power to make sure But if it does what will happen, I'm gonna try to kill one of those guys I'm gonna make a big one. Would you really been would you really be angry if they topped us?
Starting point is 01:11:17 Yeah, there's a few people on the charts that I'm mad about that they top us. There's a few people that that would make me mad Yeah, okay, who who's on the charts that make you angry Jenna Fisher and Can I just say that makes me so Mad it makes me so mad that they're number two and three in comedy. I know but Jenna comedy I know I love comedy. I love Jenna. So what I don't dislike her either great I don't dislike. She's a wonderful person. I don't dislike these people. I was on a sitcom with her for two years Coming up together. I'm mad cancelled I'm mad that it that it's that it beats us on the charts. That's just pure jealousy. Yeah, but they're just more talented
Starting point is 01:11:56 No, they're not and they're not comedians. This is a comedy podcast and we're better and they're more talented than us You think that show is better than the show. Yeah, it has to be they're doing better No, it's because they're they have way bigger names than we do because they both run the fucking losers Yes, yeah, our names are losing. Yeah, and yes, and fine. Yeah, so can I say this to back our shit up for being losers? Right, I'm pretty fucking good. We're doing okay. Yeah for being loose. Yeah Yeah, and I think that's what makes Ken and John and Ken and John McCain beat us and John I'll be bummed. Yeah, but I'll get it. They're bigger than us and they will Maybe they will and then we'll just be angry. Maybe we beat Conan Conan's bigger than us
Starting point is 01:12:39 Yeah, but Conan has other things going on I think that you know we have other things going on as well, but this is a pretty big deal. Look, it's not a competition I don't care, but I It means a lot to me It means a lot to me. I don't like that. They beat us on the comedy charts. Mm-hmm And we and wait wait don't tell me is up there every single week And I've never heard anybody that listens to that who there's a show called wait wait Don't tell me and PR and PR. You know what that is. No, they're literally the num
Starting point is 01:13:07 They're the number two comedy podcast every single week. Okay, good And there must be more talented and better than that doesn't that's not what that means That's not what that means even that's what it means So so okay So everyone that's above you is is more talented and and better than you. Yeah, but everyone beneath me is less Ah, I like that. Yeah, and that's what feels good. Look this wait wait. Don't tell me is up here. Let's see where Hold on Yeah, there it is. Hold on. I said I passed it. Okay, so this is wait wait. Don't tell me I
Starting point is 01:13:41 Just want to play a chunk of it. Let's see if it's much fun. It's comedy by the way, and they ranked number It's gonna make me feels insecure and why why because what if they're insanely good? Well, if they're better than us, they're better than what how long we gonna listen for two seconds All right, this is let's listen. They had Stephen Colbert at home along with panelist Mazya brownie Paula Poundstone and somebody else That's a great crew of people support for this podcast and the following method garbage Hate it already Support readies bad gay I'm just fucking around. Okay. Here we go. There's come from hulu fucking around with hulu plus live
Starting point is 01:14:17 The here is your host robot jacuzzi filled with hand sanitizer somewhere in Chicago leaders say go Thank you, Bill and thanks to everyone listening at home this week. We are going old school The older members of our audience might remember that for the first seven years of this show We did it in a studio the very okay studio where I now sit in fact here stop right now. Sorry. I fell asleep down There beginning of that. Hey What we're doing now is mean And if somebody else were to do that to our first of all, I'm punching up. I'm punching up. They're better than us They're better than us. They're more successful. They're more successful. They're better. That's all I'm jealous
Starting point is 01:15:01 All right, I'm allowed to be jealous and punch up for edit as a joke at NPR, but the 30. I'm sure that guy's a great host I'm sure the show is 30,000 podcasts that are neat are underneath us We're better than that That's the most yeah, no, I don't dislike that guy. I don't know those guys. I just I'm jealous. I'm jealous that they they chart every week It's unbelievable, you know what I found in You know what I found that I had to do in the last 10 years of my Community career is to get involved with groups of people that I don't think Have the same cachet as
Starting point is 01:15:37 Other people that I know, you know, but you you you learn to collaborate and you learn to support and you learn to figure out That some things might not be my cup of tea But you know, it does it's not necessarily means it's bad No, of course not just because it's not what you like doesn't mean it's bad. No, there's a lot of music out there that people love That I can't stand but doesn't mean it's bad music Yeah, it's just not for me, but that's not a comment about that show I'm just commenting in the fact that I'm jealous that these shows are better than us every week They rank better than us. I'm sure Jen is a nice girl. I'm sure Angela's a nice girl, but you know, I'm just being jealous
Starting point is 01:16:11 I'm just being honest about things though that they would never talk about. I think that's like why Angela Angela calls Angela calls Jenna Fisher ching chong like every single episode. They do like fake Asian accents to begin the show That's how they start their show I'm dead serious. That's how they start the show. Yeah, they do that. That's impossible. Their intro music is Yes, it is and she was a reporting alive a pramachana. She does this whole bit. You've never heard that show. No, that's what she does Wow. Yeah, she's still great I'm very talented. I agree. No, I do love Jenna. No, of course, dude. It's like this is I'm just I'm just joking around Do you want to have that me one? Why?
Starting point is 01:16:52 Because I'm on the show. Yeah, we were shooting and it was on her coverage and I was behind the camera I know you were fucking around. I know I just started playing Candy Crush or whatever. You're fucking around I was fucking around what you don't do that. No, I don't what you know, you when it's on somebody else's coverage I don't fuck with the actor. I wasn't fucking with her. I was just I'm not playing Candy Crush. I was saying the lines, but on your phone. That's so disrespectful. She was I was just Saying the lines so she can't even look at you in the eyes and you can look at my head My head's there dog It's basically you just putting up you should just put up a picture of you while you can look down and play the game
Starting point is 01:17:29 Yeah, I didn't have one of those. Why don't you just got a stand-in if you don't like reading lines so much No, it was just that one particular. I had a cat. It wasn't Candy Crush It was again. I had to finish the level. Stardew Valley. No, it's not Stardew Valley. You can't play it on your phone Stardew Valley is a very complex game. Please don't make fun of it. I'm not making fun of it. You're 50. Go ahead. What did she do? What did she do? She just went she just kind of called me out. Are you fucking kidding me? She's right. I know she is. Yeah Are you fucking kidding? Why would you I started blushing? Yeah, and then I guess if you had a couple of beers or something Yeah
Starting point is 01:18:03 You started blushing and then I I think I walked away Because I don't like you're embarrassed. I think I was embarrassed. You don't like confrontation. That's why I hate it Yeah, but in that realm, it's very embarrassing when you get checked down I got checked on Melissa Leo yelled at me like a like me and me and Griff like fucking chilled I mean dude like children like what it was embarrassing as fuck What'd she say? Well, we were on the other side me out magical and Griffin run the other side the completely other side of the room She couldn't have heard us didn't even know we're in the background of her shot
Starting point is 01:18:32 I'm talking no shit 30 40 feet away And we're supposed to be chumming it up in the in the hallway That's literally what we're supposed to be doing in the background of the scene So we are we're just kind of quietly being like well Yeah, I mean if we start we start or late tomorrow, we're gonna we're supposed to be talking. Mm-hmm. She stops Runs behind that runs by I mean runs behind the crew sprints and it's like quiet be quiet I mean like we're children Well, and what did you do, you know, you know what I did we all went like this
Starting point is 01:19:04 So embarrassed Embarrassing you feel like an idiot. We were also not doing anything wrong It I think it just we were get it got in her head when she looked over and saw us Yeah, she kind of wanted it out of sight out of mind type of shit in the background Yeah, she lit us dude. She lit us up a bunch. Oh, you know what? I was on a commercial once and the director I Couldn't get this line out It's a stupid commercial and the director goes. All right, everyone former circle So like you're talking about a crew of a hundred people whatever. Yeah, they formed this gigantic circle you get in the middle
Starting point is 01:19:39 You me. Yeah, so I'm in the middle circle. I'm kidding you. I'm not kidding you. This happened Everyone point your finger. Everyone points their fingers repeat after me. You're the worst actor in LA. Yeah, and they all did that truth and my face just failure Sweat, why would the director do that? Because he's a he's a bad guy. Didn't he tell me this story. What's that guy's name? I can't tell you the name And oh, we did it on two weeks ago. You had said that he was the inspiration for our said that story
Starting point is 01:20:13 Yeah, you said he was an inspiration for we are gonna cut it. Yes, you know You had said he was the inspiration for for some guy in the Eagle Mortensen. Yes, that's right We already said that and I mean no if you go from I'm so sorry. I said that's actually cut it out No, I'm now I'm blushing don't know I already wrote I already wrote it down. He knows good, but but also I do so many fucking podcasts. It's like I can't even that's why I told you you need to stop I can't even but you need to stop you need to do our podcast and your podcast and that's I know But it's just so long so much talking but it's but no more. It's ours and yours and that's it No more
Starting point is 01:20:48 You can't do any more podcasts. I'm putting a fucking a break on it But do you ever but do you ever repeat stories on podcasts? I'm sure I mean, I how could you know? I mean, how could you you know what I mean like I? There's been so many times where I've Said a story that I think I said that I don't you ever done that on stage when you do a second show and it's like the second night Of the second show and you go did I tell that the earlier show? I've done that before yeah, I do that about jokes all the time I go it'll be the second show on a Saturday, so you've done three shows yeah
Starting point is 01:21:19 And I'll get in my head in the middle of a joke and go did I tell this joke in the first show? Or did I did it on this show already or was it last night that I did it? Have you ever done this? I've done that told the joke and not get that big of a laugh and then say did I tell that joke already? I've never done it because I said that before and they go yes, right? No, oh, they don't you never I never have But the left wasn't big enough for me to go that was fresh. Yeah, yeah, yeah in my head I'm like I must I'm gonna hold it. Yeah, I've done I've done a thing where I've told a joke I Told a joke at the beginning of the set and then because I rearranged my set all the time at the latter half of the set I do a piece of that joke mm-hmm that led me into another joke that I didn't do before
Starting point is 01:22:03 And I heard and I hear myself do it yeah, and I feel so embarrassed I did it in La Jolla last year, and if I felt so embarrassed they don't that's they don't know You're doing an hour. They don't fucking know they don't know yeah No, thank God, but but have you ever done this where you're the show? I don't I hasn't happened for a while, but like I had this one show where I'm like I'm eating it. This is hard. It was a second show Friday night, so I'm gonna cut this bit I'm gonna get to them. I'm gonna condense The setup so that the punches are closer together. You know, I mean yeah, and I got off stage and the manager goes
Starting point is 01:22:37 You just did 12 minutes And you cut out 40 minutes of show Did you go back? Shut up. You just walked out. They didn't pay me for that show. Yeah, they shouldn't that's insane You know, that's not even a regular comedy store. I know it was that hard that audience You know, you know comics that don't really like you, but like they just you can feel that they Do it because it's part of the thing I know I can name so many of them. No, but it's not even that comics
Starting point is 01:23:05 It's group of groups of comics a hundred percent, right? I know I know I know there was a there is a Snotty mm-hmm. Like you know me snotty Ivy League II. Yeah, you mean brainy. Yeah group of comics out there Like the Harvard kids. Yeah that look down at us, but they say hi especially at certain chirps Like the comedy store and like the clubs because the clubs is our terrain. Yeah, it's a we that's our house It's our house. You're in a mirror my house. You know, you mean the snot snot, right? Mm-hmm are dangling down
Starting point is 01:23:41 Yeah, they're dipping our our level because this is where the audiences are now and that's the cool place to be It's because for many years it was Largo and some of these other places Did you ever play Largo one time and I never did it again. I Met the guy that runs Largo. Yeah at Jones on third hat when he was having lunch with someone. I know yeah And the guy said, you know, I understand you know, and he said no I don't think we've ever met I said hi nice to meet you and he said, you know, he is I said no I don't know that is and he goes are you serious? He said Andrew's a great stand-up How do you guys not know each other and the guy goes I never I don't know and I go I don't know him
Starting point is 01:24:15 I don't know who you are And he literally goes he literally goes he runs Largo I said, oh, okay, and he goes we'd love to get you in there and I was like, oh, that's great I mean, I don't I don't know did no diss on him. I just that's that was never my world I don't you know what I mean. Yeah, it's it's like. Oh, I don't know. Well, it's not even that. It's not on my world It's just that I don't even know how to get in there. I don't know where to go I don't even know when I asked me. I don't even know if there's a door to get in. I don't know how you do it If you see but it's like you see Apatow
Starting point is 01:24:46 Gallifianakis, yeah, yeah, so many dope people go there Yeah, all these dope fuck silverman because they get to do all both Yeah, but then I'll see the post and see all these like and they're with like Joe Walsh and like you're not allowed there And I'm and I go, oh, that's the group. I'm not allowed in that club Here's the difference between that and that place and like the comments to me God and this isn't dissing brings up. It brings up so many resentment that place to me is It's it's cool in the way when you show up to somebody's house and they have an old record player And you're like
Starting point is 01:25:18 Everyone has a fucking record, but then they put on a good record and you're like, no, it is pretty fucking cool Yeah, it's pretty cool like it's it's a little on the nose But it is very cool and the comedy store is like when you show up to someone's house and it's a disgusting house And they're smoking in the garage and they've broken a lot of windows and the couch is fucking gross and people are fucking on the couch Yeah, and the mom is home and she's partying and her tit is out Yeah, that's the comedy store. It's like the greatest high school party of all time Yeah, it's just like it feels more raw and disgusting and on purpose an accident accidentally on purpose You know like everything is working, but it's there is over there feels very coordinated
Starting point is 01:25:56 Yeah, but there's something about the store though that I love it's You know stand-up comedy has always been a working-class Type of performance. Yeah, right. It's like the Catskills people would go You know I mean yeah in New York you see Marvel's Mrs. Maisel, right? It's just you know, it's just it's worse. We're basically strippers Yeah, we are we do stand-up in bars where there's drinking. It's been going on since the 60s There's something really and that's why the comedy store is great because they never changed the decor of it Yeah, so it feels and looks like it always has been yeah never
Starting point is 01:26:37 Yeah, and there's so much history there. It's not that necessarily that it's a dingy kind of a gross place It's more it can be it's more dead wood Yeah, you know and I Prefer that over You know a fancy place. Well when things are more polished I feel I Feel like they're they know that you don't belong, you know like you they can feel it you can feel it Yeah, you know, but but it's so funny when an alternative comic says gives me a compliment. It means so much more
Starting point is 01:27:08 Really? Yeah, I remember well years ago Paul of Tomkins and Patton Oswald Both I was with them and they said complimentary things about me as a comedian. Yeah, and I just I just was like I was so Giddy, it's like if a club comic said it, I'd be like whatever it wouldn't matter It wouldn't matter. Yeah, but but because Patton did you felt good? You know, I paid Patton to do that to say something nice to you. No, you didn't that was a live cameo I paid him to do a live cameo deal. Pan's a great guy. I don't know him either. No, I don't know any of those I really know none of those people. They don't know I exist. I don't know them. It's very they know you exist No, I'm telling you I'm telling you they do I promise you they don't oh
Starting point is 01:27:44 So if I went up to fucking Patton Oswald and said, you know, you know, they'd go no, I don't know who that guy I've never heard of him That's so fucking crazy the things you've done. That's insane. It's because I don't I don't I don't make an effort to go over there You I don't reach out to that side when I first saw you though, and I would have to say this I thought to myself. Oh That guy and I'll never be friends with that guy why when I initially saw you why because I mean I just don't take this one way and I'm not gonna you Well, I'm not gonna say it that we'll say it cuz I want to take it the wrong way. All right It's honestly when you if just look at it my my point of view. Okay, I don't know you right? We've never met
Starting point is 01:28:26 We've never met. I don't know anything about your personality. I just can hear you talk Mm-hmm. How you interact with people and you're just general energy. Yeah, it's like negativey negative then why are you going up? negative It's like How is it negative? It's like it's like when I first go aggressive Bobby Slayton. Yeah I was a big fan of Bobby Slayton, and then once I got to meet him. He's super sweet, right?
Starting point is 01:28:56 But initially for years. I thought oh, I'm never gonna be able to because he's just got it. He's but then once You know me I got see look at that face. You're doing no once I got in there, right? Then I'm like oh, there's small aspects of softness and I think what it is is I'm I'm aggressive. I am aggressive. I'm heavy. Yeah, I come in heavy to start. Yeah, but that's cuz that's who I am I'm I'm big you're authentically you when I first saw you. You know what I thought I Honest because I was being honest so I'm not no no joke. I said that's that crazy guy That gets naked all the time at the comedy store. That's literally what I thought to myself
Starting point is 01:29:35 That's that crazy guy that gets naked at the comedy store When do you get naked all the time when all the time no No, don't look Google it. Don't Google it. Yeah, because you're gonna find I could Google you and find some thing Andrew Santino Naked naked just naked. Okay images No, we got a blur that well, yeah, you got a blur right there cuz that's boobs Well, that's that's on set of a show that I had my penis. Let me see it. That's me on set of I'm dying up here There we go. You are naked. No, that's
Starting point is 01:30:17 I don't give a fuck you're naked. It's on a TV show. I'll show you now to Google me then that's on a TV show anything Okay, okay. All right, you won't find anything and this won't be on the TV show You look if it's performing too, it doesn't matter. Oh my god I won't find it the first eight pictures are of you on stage Warming the same thing as a TV show. No, yes Performing this is on Tom Green show performing This is not at a radio station performing performing Bobby Lee naked on stage performing
Starting point is 01:30:51 This is you at your house performing not performing, but I love how you say I don't get naked look at how many naked photos come up It's almost insane. It's almost absurd how many come on There's you There's not that's just a white guy. That's a guy. It's a gay male. It says on stage. Mm-hmm That's not you that one right there. What with the girl. What was that? I Don't know. Oh, that's with my arm with shell with someone from Chelsea lately. That's my ex-girlfriend Oh, well, then why'd you have me bring that up? That's weird. That was weird that you did that. Why is that up there? Well, it's just on the internet. I'm just saying so much nudity. Yeah
Starting point is 01:31:26 Then it's the same as yours. It's all performance. It's not that you when you say when people go Mine was this your this okay. This was unexpected that look at Tom's greens Tom Green's face This is the difference mine was for a scene on a show that they asked me to be naked for you did this voluntarily Tom Green look at Tom Green has no fucking idea No fucking idea you were gonna get naked Not even and that to surprise that my bum is on your lips guy is fucking mind-blowing The guy who's to wake up his parents and beat the shit out of them. Look at the shock on his face mind-blowing
Starting point is 01:32:04 You're a nudist. I'm not saying it's it's wrong. I'm saying you're a nudist whether you like it or not You're a nudist. You're an exhibitionist. You enjoy being nude Okay, I So I said there's the guy who gets naked at the commie store. Okay, also that's fair also turn it off. He's very funny Turn it off. Look at me Turn it off. The viewers need to see that I Said I said that guy's very fucking fun I think you made me laugh before we became friends. Hey, do you want it?
Starting point is 01:32:35 Do you want to have can we have a segment and I can bring up Andres or Rosendey to do his stand-up? Yes? What do you call him again? Fancy being her fancy be baby Yeah, oh shit hey, baby boy You look great Look at that sweater that sweater such a cute sweater. I like this wait model Will you model that sweater for us for a second? Put your hand put your hands on your hips. Oh, nice. Wow Does your eight-year-old need a new sweater this season
Starting point is 01:33:14 It's so great. That's what are you more? That's what it's wonderful. It's like all the colors that got rejected by by all the skittles Bill Cosby wouldn't even wear that sweater All right, here we go. Get ready. You ready everybody. My name is rich McGivans. Welcome to the lol Lol cafe here in Nashville, Tennessee, and we got a guy coming up here. It's his first time. He's from Spain His name is Andreas give him a round of applause Hey, thank you guys
Starting point is 01:33:53 So glad to be here So you guys know that Pornhub is giving away its premium subscription for free this season due to the pandemic a Point free thanks for hub, but I already came Okay 346 people in South Korea turned to religion during looking for answers during this corona virus crisis and pack a little tiny church They all got infected. So what did it learn that the virus is also Christian? More more more
Starting point is 01:34:35 Okay, there we go. The media is going crazy after a Trump aid call the coronavirus the cool look But why for now on I want all my diseases to have kick ass names like this Sumo area the karate bola Gidget Sartre taekwondo syndrome and of course the mma Oh, did you say taekwondo syndrome? Andreas canceled so fun So during this time of economic Struggle most people don't know the difference between a recession and a depression. So I'm gonna break it down for you guys a recession is a business cycle where there is a general decline in economic activity a
Starting point is 01:35:27 Depression is what pussy ass losers like Santino go through sometimes for the year Fired Wow You little you you're a little bitch dude. I'm gonna beat the shit. Let him finish. Okay finish. Sorry. Go ahead Okay, so all all many my family lose their hair early, you know, I started losing my hair In my head before I had Hair in my balls. So recently my my wife told me to go and think the problem So I went to a doctor and she told me that I have to put a phone every night in my hair and take a pill every day
Starting point is 01:36:16 Only some minor side effects. She told me like oh nothing to worry about you You know, you'll get your hair back, but you lose your sexual appetite as long as you Take the pill. So I asked him like, you know, how long do I have to take the pills? He told me for as long as you want my hair So as you guys might Was that a monologue was that a one-man play what it is John Leguizamo directing this There's a carrot Okay, I'm continues to call
Starting point is 01:36:59 Covid-19 the Chinese virus I wouldn't ask what he was, you know, so I don't mean about what the virus originated He said oh, I like my viruses like I like my violin domestic This is good and there's keep going I love it Okay, I can't see Bob's face, but I imagine that he's encouraging me from there. Dude. He's dying laughing Um Okay, a lot of fun Because last week he made a fun of cats and cat people
Starting point is 01:37:38 Do you know that living with cats may cause that this is called talk to plus Moses? It makes you guys lose your sense of humor All right, we're not gonna laugh now Andre sell the joke sell it here we go Okay, I don't know what I don't work Don't laugh don't laugh I Don't work strippers in Portland. Have you started a new food delivery service called Buber Eats? Well, they deliver the food to your door have make it Fantastic. I haven't been breastfed since I was 10
Starting point is 01:38:18 Okay, my last one promise. I love you guys alone The stock market is a yo-yo in up and down to the new stimulus package Coincidentally the stimulus package is how I call my penis and let me tell you everybody's gonna get it. Yeah Throwback You know, that's called a callback. We call that a callback on this. Thank you so much Why don't you give us a sign off say something vulgar in Spanish to sign us off go ahead? I didn't understand what you say, but it was pretty good. It was really good. Yeah. Yeah Well before we go Bob, I want to spray you down one more time before you go home. No, no on your close your eyes
Starting point is 01:38:57 There you go, it's all natural you feel good lavender look in the camera and let him know thank you for being Thank you for being a bad friend

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