Bandsplain - 24 Question Party People: Marisa Dabice of Mannequin Pussy

Episode Date: March 5, 2024

Marisa Dabice of Mannequin Pussy joins us this week to talk about the band’s excellent new record, “I Got Heaven.” Topics vary from the glory days of MTV, pig jokes, "the work," fourth-wave feminism, and a demonstration of the omnipresent “Pop Punk Voice.” All that and more, this week on 24 Question Party People. Host: Yasi Salek Guests: Marisa Dabice Producer: Jesse Miller-Gordon Audio Producer: Chris Sutton, Aleya Zenieris Additional Production Supervision: Justin Sayles Theme Song: Hether Fortune Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

24 question party people. You guys, what a treat. Today I'm here with Missy DeBis of Manicin Pussy, also known as my twin. Hello. I know. It's wild. It is, sometimes I wonder if we're making too much of it

because I feel like we think it more than other people. But I'm genuinely startled when I'm looking through Instagram stories and you post a selfie and I'm like, when did I take that phone? And I'm like, oh no, that's not me. I've had the same experience with you. Yeah. about that too, where I'll see a photo of you, and I'm like, is that, no, no, no, it's not. Or I think you're my sister actually as well. Yeah. I'm really flattered. It's a great one.

You know that in my alternate universe life, I am a powerful front woman of a cool band. Or in your alternate universe, you are not a podcaster. In my alternate universe, I'd like to think I'm doing exactly the same thing. Yeah, that's right. I mean, it's like, but no matter the dimension, the timeline. Yeah. I don't think anyone who's like the cool front person of a cool rock band. It's like, I wish I was anything else, especially not a podcaster. And that is totally okay. We need to talk briefly

before we get into the questions about this fucking new album. Are you joking with this? I listened to the car. I guess it was yesterday because you sent him to me yesterday and it was full moon. It still.

I cried. You cried? Yeah. I specifically cried during It's it called loud bark? Loud bark. That's the second song in the record. That's like pretty soon to start.

Yeah. It really got me. Like, I don't know. I want to, I just, I really wanted, I was dying to talk to you after I listened to it because it's a like you're fucking speaking in my language, babe. This guitar tone, this like mid to late 90s guitar vibes that I'm experiencing, it speaks to my soul. But then against the like, okay, let me start. one. I felt this like, I don't know, like, I read the, I read you said in an interview, probably before I listened to it, that you have gotten, you thought that you would get less angry as you got older, but actually you've gotten more angry. And then I was kind of listening to it through that lens because there's anger there, right? There's also so much beauty. And the anger, I was like, oh, anger is traditionally a masculine trait, right? Like, archetypically. Yeah. But this anger is totally feminine. It's like, because it has, like, like an element of chaos to it, and I think chaos is feminine.

So this is like, and a nuance to it that I think masculine anger lacks, does this resonate? It does, I mean, because chaos is also a part of creation. Totally. And that's creation is also very inherently feminine. Yeah. Yeah, I just love it. This is the whole time, because I listened to it a couple of times, that specific song, Loud Bark. And I was like, man, this is like if that dumb speech in the Barbie movie was good.

Do you know what I mean? Like, it's giving that, but like really smart and complicated and like what it actually is to be a woman, which isn't so like cookie cutter, like girl boss pussy hat feminist. You know, it's like, yeah, it's like I'm all these things. The fucking like I want to be this, I want to walk alone at night without. What's the lyric? I want to walk around at night while being ignored. While being ignored, man. I'm going to chills because like that's it, right?

Like, it's like, you want to be all of these things. Like, you want to be looked at, but you want to be ignored. You want to feel safe, but you want to feel powerful. Like, I don't know. That song really got me. It's a complicated thing to realize you want so many things at once and that you are so many things at once. And then, I mean, Wow Bark is very, I feel like it's, I think it's one of the best songs on the record. And we intentionally made it not a single, you know, because like I don't, I think it's disappointing when you listen.

into a record and that first single, like, that was it. Yeah, right. You're like, there's nothing else that kind of captures or, like, inspires you to feel something. Yeah. And, you know, I think when you're crafting a record and you're thinking about all the, you know, like, kind of the bullshit marketing part of it that goes into it of, like, how do we represent it?

What are those singles? It's like, there still has to be something to be explored, like, as an album as a whole. And so loud bark was that kind of, I'm so excited to play it live. for the first time and just to have, I don't know, I'm just so proud of it in terms of, like, what can happen when an artist is allowed time to develop and to mature with their own work? Like, you don't just mature in yourself, but then if you're doing the work and you are maturing, that's going to spill into your, the work. Yeah, that's going to spill into the work.

Yeah, no, 100%. Yeah, I was thinking about it, because you guys been a band for 14 years. Like, when I first met you, I, I'm quote. Wikipedia. Is that wrong? It said 2010. Yeah, I think that's wrong. But... Wikipedia, man. It led me astray. I mean, I would say from 2014, that was definitely like when I first started playing, or 2010 is like when I first started playing guitar. Okay. So that actually, it does feel like a good marker. So that's when you bloomed as an artist. That's when I feel like I decided

I want to explore this. Like, I've always wanted to learn how to play guitar. I've always wanted to be in a band. So that was maybe, yeah, 14 years ago, it was like the planting the seed. But then when, when was Manning and Pussy like a real band? I think Manning and Pussy was a real band when we made our first record. It was such a just like a cathartic performance art kind of thing. Yeah. I was like, I just want a space where I can scream as loud as I possibly can without anyone telling me to be quiet and go from there. Because there was so many things going on in my life by the time I got to the age of 24. And so many things I had emotionally tried to hide from every, like how you started this was saying, they tell you you're going to get less angry as you grow older. Yeah. But I don't think

that's true. I really don't think that's true. You maybe get a little bit, you can be disheartened. Right. And you can feel a little, you can feel a little bit more powerful. powerless as you grow up within these systems that have been... You can, like, lose the will to fight against it. Absolutely. Yeah. But I don't think the anger goes away. I don't think so either.

I think it, for me anyways, it bottles up for longer and then comes out in bigger bursts than always kind of being like, just a general simmering all the time, which I felt when I was younger. It was just kind of like a constant, you know, undertone of rage. And now I feel like I have to, like, seek out letting it out. Like I'll just be in the car one day and I'll like, to your point of screaming, have to like put on, that's right. Sometimes I put on that better than Azra song that I really like desperately wanting. Just scream my little head off in the car, let it out.

I didn't, I don't think I knew how to control my anger in my 20s. Yeah. It was just something that would overwhelm me and I had no control over my emotions. Totally. But now I feel like I'm sitting in a place where I know how to harness the anger and the rage. Yeah. And just the things I see that happen not only to myself, but to be. people I love and to strangers and the things I can't change but so desperately want to.

Like I want to change everything about this country. If I, if it was up to me, you were president. Yeah, I would, everyone's got to go. You know? You're all dead. That's a lot of here. Yeah, like fired, retired. All of them. But, um, no one's really listening. It feels like. But yeah, I mean, anger's. it can exhaust you if you're not careful as to how to... Yeah. I think the learning to control it is an interesting thing because I can even hear that in the album. There's like, part of the thing I really enjoyed in the album was there's a lot of restraint.

And that's kind of what makes the bursts of sort of like rage-filled singing feel stronger. You know, especially set against that like textually beautiful music. Like, it's such a nice combination. You know what it reminded me a little bit of it? I don't know if this resonates with you is what is the whole album? Celebrity Skin. Oh.

Remember when it's almost like Courtney went from like all anger all the time to like a more beautiful sheenie anger? I see that. I definitely see that. Yeah. But it was still, it's still her

and it was still like you felt it viscerally but it had this like kind of new dimension to it. You also realize that anger doesn't doesn't have to always be represented through screaming. Right. There's different ways to showcase

the range of your own rage. Yeah. And then it also, it's like it acts a little bit more as like an exclamation point. Yeah. When you've... It's like more powerful. Yeah. And it's a little scarier too.

I think like in loud bark, it's like a little scarier that someone's kind of sat back, has a really calm delivery about something that's really bottling up inside of them. And then just like, I'm not angry. I'm disappointed. Yeah, exactly. You're not. And when they're like, I'm like, oh my God. Yeah, that's way scarier. Yeah, that's, okay, okay. Okay, just a few more. Okay, okay, okay. Why is it so good? That's bear, right? Yeah, that's bear. That's bear and me. That's our hardcore duet. I love it.

I've been wanting to do more like, as we call them, like, hardcore duets. Yeah. Where there's like there's two voices, there's two personalities. Yeah. It feels like a conversation happening a bit where I, in, you know, it's like one of those things where in retrospect of something, you can see maybe something that would have inspired it. I think I was really inspired by that Kendrick Lamar's song that's like the argument between the two people that was on his last record. I can't remember the name of it right now. I'm so bad at remembering song titles, but there's an argument that's happening between him and someone else on that song.

And for me, I just love this sound of Bear's voice. I think he's so powerful. And he also, I mean, because we're all in this emotional thing together, he also needs a place to like excavate an emotion and his experiences and have a place to put that into words. And when we first started writing that song, we were in the practice base. And I had the idea of it and just like that very kind of valley girl affectation. Like, okay, okay, okay. Like, I'm like, I'm pretending to listen to someone, but I'm not. And I just kept saying that over and over. And then Kaelin started playing the drums. So we started with like a top line vocal melody and then her drums.

And then Maxine and Bear were filling the space in between with. bass and guitar. And we've never written a song like that of just starting from those like top bottom places. And then the more that it came out, I was like, to me, this is really obvious that Bear's voice should be on this. And I should be the one who's kind of like the ad lib hype. Right, right. Like the response of the call, I guess. Exactly. Yeah. And I wanted to inhabit this, the character almost where Bear is spilling his fucking heart out about things that have happened to him as though he like finally had the courage to say it to someone. And in, but also again, that's kind of the same way that we do treat men when they're being vulnerable.

Yeah, vulnerable or sincere, yeah, totally. It can be very easy sometimes to like dismiss it. Yeah. Or to not take it seriously or something. And I mean, that's not how I would ever treat bear in real life, you know, in the way that he and I actually are as friends. But for him to do that and then on the other end, just this like dumb bitch voice, like, wait, What did you say? What did you say to me? Okay. Yeah. But not, but not like really listening, even though he's finally there to say it. It's very effective. Also, it's just like a bop. It is, right? Yeah, that's just a mob. Hardcore bot. Hardcore bop. Yeah. I loved it. Quickly. Tell me about the pig. The pig. Yeah. Let's talk about the pig. Do you love pigs? Like in what sense? As animals, as creatures, maybe as food? All of the above. I know that's contradictory. but I do think they're smart and beautiful cute beings

and I also love a salami or a bacon. We had a lot of jokes about, like, in the tour van. How it all kind of started was we had all these like masturbation jokes that we would make to each other in the van about pulling pork and crank and hog. Like that's like a very old school description. Yeah, exactly. The slang of the 70s. And there was like some tour in particular where like,

the band tour group chat was like all these memes about like if you if you look it up there's a lot of really wonderful means to be unearthed on pulling pork and crank and hog sounds not suitable for work we have no HR in a band you know we're just like it's okay we're just saying whatever we want to each other all the time and you know then we're like oh wait did that hurt you yeah with it's uh you know you have to be very aware but how did it get from memes about Slavin the Hog or whatever to like, let's make art about this that's beautiful that goes on the cover.

When we, so this is just like, that was just like how we talk to each other in these certain ways. And we can be very like perverse and make jokes about, you know, just about that in general. And then when we got to the first day of recording with John Congleton,

yeah, he, uh, he, one of the first things he said to us was like, all right, my little slam piggy's like, let's go. And then we just like, immediately started cracking up because that's exactly how we talked to each other. You were like, it's perfect. And he didn't, like, he didn't know that.

He's never been with us in a green room before, like, listening to the way that we talked to each other. And we just immediately loved it. And then from there, we started calling him Hogfather. And we were his little piglets, just all making a record together. And then that started. And then that started just, like, transpiring into, I just started thinking about pigs and farm animals. and because this relationship, or because this album had a lot to do with just, I don't know, thinking about the way that relationships make us feel and things like that.

I started thinking about how violent of a relationship exists between human being and animal. And just, like, it was specifically also pig and human being. Right. You didn't go like full heavy petting zoo, no facts, but it's just like a different. Yeah, not like that. But just in the, but really revering the, like, what an animal does for us as human beings is that they like sustain us and they nourish us and they're part of our world in this way and we share our world with them. And yet there's this like violent relationship that exists between our species. And I wanted the album cover to be intentionally vague and kind of up to the interpretation of someone of is this person leading this animal to.

to the slaughter or to safety. Like what kind of person are you? Are you someone who inspires that sort of feeling with safety or swatter? Are you vegan? I'm not. I was vegan for three years and then I decided I'd rather be a hedonist.

Yeah, how yeah, much. And I'm very into like conscious. Sure, of course. Carnivorism. You know, grass fed. You know, grass finnish. I'm spending a lot of money on that pastur-a-shed. Yeah.

And, you know, it's like I don't, I'm a hedonist who like doesn't indulge. Yeah. No, same, honestly. It's like mostly theoretical or in the past. Yeah, exactly. I'm having my like boring smoothies and stuff. You kind of just touched on it, but the last thing I want to talk about with the record is like it's very horny. It's very sexual. It's like both angry, violent and sexual and beautiful. Please forgive. But the lyric that comes to mind is not yours. It's one, Gavin Rosdale, there is no sex and violence. But I was like, I think there is sex and violence. You know what I mean? Like there is. is a certain mixture of sexuality and violence that isn't necessarily always bad. Well, I think definitely coming from like a more feminine experience, there's always the possibility of violence in our sexual explorations where like you don't really ever know

if you're actually safe with someone. Yeah. I guess I'm like, I guess I'm not talking about it. It's so hard to talk about it. This is really not the Barbie speech. But there is like a good kind of violence. violence. This is kind of what I'm trying to get out, right? Like, there is a sort of like, element of danger that is when unrealized it's fun. Does that make sense? It does to me.

Like, there's, but it, oh, my ass getting canceled on this podcast. You guys, I'm just really nervous out. For what? About Barbie? For what if that's? They finally take me down for after like 70,000 hours of podcasts where I've said, God knows what. They're like, no, you've taken it. in too far. Slandering Barbie. This is, I miss you, I've told you this, but this is our first video podcast, and I'm just so, like, used to, like, hunching over my laptop, like a literal gargoyle, like, in my sweatpants, and I'm just like, am I being weird? Is my hand living?

I'm actually starting to think that you, because I'm becoming aware, like, camera, camera, people, person, person. Hunched over, like, just like, basketball, football. Well, my personal collection of sports memorabilia is behind us. I wanted it to reflect my personality. It's gorgeous, as you know. And multifaceted. Thank you.

I have a lot, many layers. Should we get into the 24 questions? I'd love to. We'd love to. Yeah. Number one, Missy. Yes. Missy de Bisse.

What is your astrological sign? I'm a Virgo. You know your whole chart. Let's hear it. I was like, there's no way I could just give you a crumb. No, no, no. We have the whole thing. I need like the mercury.

I need the venous. Let's see, what do I remember? So I am a Virgo, but I'm on the cusp of Virgo Libra. Yeah. Which, if you didn't know, every single cusp has its own name. Is that why you said the cusp of beauty when you were, oh, wow. So the name of my cusp is the cusp of beauty. Oh, I didn't know that.

Because I'm on the cusp too, but I don't know the name. What is it? I don't know. I'd have to look it up for you. That's fine. That's why the laptop you could have been like, this is mine. It died, okay? We'll never know.

But for anyone listening out there, If you are a cuspi, your cusp has a name. Cusp of beauty, that's so nice. It's pretty wonderful. Like, I have, and it's strange because I actually have a lot of friends who also are on that same cusp with me. And I've told them about that cusp and I'm like, if you're ever having a bad day, just read about the cusp of beauty because it's all like, you are a beautiful person inside and out. You're like, you're creative and caring and all these things. You're like, that's really nice.

I needed to hear that right now. Thank you. Print it out. Put it on your. So that's my son sign. Yeah. I'm a Leo Moon, which I think makes a lot of sense for there's been a lot of front people in history who are also Leo moons. Perfect placement for a front person.

Yeah, I think so too. Sagittarius Rising. Interesting. Yes. Adventurous, wild, freedom-loving. I was so obsessed with my own freedom and going my own way. I'm a Venus in Libra. Oh, exalted.

So an amazing place for the Venus sign, but also, you know, I get definitely. That's why you've been in 14 relationships. Exactly. That's why you, was it in the, we'll talk about it too. I'm obsessed. My new ASMR is the Talk House podcast with you and Carly from Wednesday. You both have the most like beautiful, musical, calming voices. And I was just like, I could listen to you guys talk all day long.

And I'm a huge Wednesday fan as well. So I was just like, I love this so much. I love Carly. I love Wednesday. I'm so happy that we came into each other's world. Like a thing where I could just tap in every day. and there's like a new hour of you guys talking. Like I would pay money for that.

Like I would like pay only fans of just the two of you chit-chatting about like saunas. I too am a sauna girl. I have one at my house if you want to come on. Oh my God, yes, I do. Inferred though. It's not the right. That's great. Yeah.

I'll hit Carly up about that. But yes, that's also like. Is that where you talked about being in a, I don't know if that was where you said that you, maybe it was a print interview, but you basically said that you had been on and on, on and on in relationships for like over a decade. It goes on and on and on. And then you were one day just like, I don't want to be someone's girlfriend anyway. I don't mean someone's property.

Yeah, that basically happened two years ago. Yeah. Where I was like, I'm so fucking tired of this. Like, I feel like I'm constantly trying to contort myself to, I don't know, like the expectations of what someone else needs me to be. You spend so much time away from people when you're in the touring lifestyle as well. And you just, I don't. know. I don't think I've met someone yet. I've sacrificed a lot for to be in a lot of relationships. And I've kind of like allowed someone else to choose me. Yeah. Rather than I think being as,

exactly. And Libras are very like fair and placating. You know, it's like kind of the Venus and Libra is that it's why they're in relationship so much. Very easy for them to maintain the harmony of a relationship by like doing self-sacrifice. Yeah. And I'm so in love with it. I think. I think love and sex and beauty are just some of the most miraculous things that we have. I love them. Yeah. But then when you get to a certain age and point and you're like, oh, I've been someone's girlfriend for my entire adult life. And I need to figure out my own shit.

Do that self-healing. Do that self-work. Make a record. Yeah. And like really focus on it without any of the entanglement. This is the first record you made as a free woman, a single. woman, unshackled. Yes. Amazing. You can honestly hear it. Yeah, I think so too. There's definitely kind of like a wildness to it. But like I think creative work requires you to sit in your

solitude. And it's hard to sit in your solitude while there's someone who needs your attention. Yeah, totally. But I think both work. Like there's a wildness and freedom here that's so inspiring. But I think in your other albums, there's a tension of pushing against something, which also is awesome. Like, you know, I love those albums. So they just serve different functions. Yeah. I see that. Yeah.

So Venus and Libra. Let's see. What else do I got? I'm a Mercury Libra as well. Mars and Virgo. Not exalted Mercury and Libra. I don't think. I think that's a detriment.

Oh, okay. I'm not totally sure. For my communication styles? I think maybe because it's like an indecisive people-pleasy thing, it's not great for direct and clear communication. I do think I'm really good at nuance. I'm really good at seeing Also Virgo Something from like a lot of different perspectives and sides

And like taking my time to Decide something And decide like how I feel about something And then I can't really remember a lot of the Chick-C Jupiter and Aries You got most of them But you're Mars Mars is in Virgo as well

Oh interesting And then yeah The vast majority of my chart is like 50% fire It's like 50% fire or 60% fire or something Yeah Mine's like all earth and fire I have like nothing basically nothing else I have zero water in my chart.

Water is what, Scorpio. Scorpio Pisces and... I don't think I have any either. Yeah, I don't have any. Whoops. Whoops. I have no... I can't relate to you.

Took me a long time knowing how to cry. Although I cry quite a bit, but it's not as a result of water. My venus is in areas. Oh, I like that. It's one of the worst places for Venus to be. Because it's like the anger. the warring sign. And it's also in the 12th house, which is the absolute world. It's the house of death and loss and destruction. And I'm just like, oh, cool. That's cool. That's why I'm like this.

But you know who else has their moon and Venus and Ares like myself? One Miss Rihanna. So, Oh. She's doing great. It can't be that bad. No. If me and Rihanna have it. Can't be that bad. No, I would be excited to share anything with Rihanna. Same. Literally. Anything. Yeah. Number two, Missy. It is, I think, roughly 2.30 p.m. Yeah. What did you eat today?

Not enough. I've been so busy already today. I had a little coffee cake, crumb muffin. What? Starbucks. That's it. No, no, no, not Starbucks. I don't go there.

Oh, sure. It's the... I did tweet. Alfred's... Oh, sure, Alfred Coffee. Yeah. After coffee, I went there this morning to get a little... Or actually right before.

I was like, I need a snack. You hadn't eaten yet. To sustain me. I'm also like, I'm not someone who gets very hungry until like mid-afternoon. You're a late sleeper too. Yeah. I'm like a, yeah, exactly. I don't usually like wake up until about 10. If I can help it. If I'm in charge my own schedule. Yeah. I don't know how to do that. I wake up at 6 o'clock every day without an alarm. That's amazing. It just like is, you know what I mean? Like it doesn't, I don't think it really makes a difference. Like, you probably are awake as many hours as I'm awake because I also go to bed at nine. Yeah. I'm usually falling asleep around like two or three. Yeah. This is what I'm like, I would love to be a front person of a cool rock band. Like all our shows would be at 4 p.m. because I'm like,

I need to be in bed by 9. I mean, that's how I feel though now is like doing like the tour that we're doing. I was like, I only want to do a two band bill. Yeah. Bring back hardcore matinees, babe. What happened to those? Hardcore bands used to play at 5 p.m. was the best. It's so nice to have a show that's not going that late. But, you know, but anyway, yeah. I haven't really eaten that much today. Okay. Well, the Reddit got mad at me because they say I am too chastising of guests for their nutritional choices. Meanwhile, I'm only here to help and I only do it out of love and care for you. And I just want to point out that it would be great, especially as a woman, that you get more protein. No problem. Because I care about you. That's all. That's all, everyone. Don't get mad. I'm not going back on that Reddit because I relapsed the other day and I went on it and I'm at zero days and I'm not proud of myself. But we're back clean and sober off the subreddit. Maybe that's what the set is going to need, actually.

It's been 20 days since Yassi went onto the Reddit sub for 24 questions. Such a good idea. Yeah. What they think is none of my business, and I need to remember that. I don't know what happened. I hadn't been on in so long. It had been like a year. And then I just like, must have been.

Got curious? I think I must have Googled something that I was trying to figure something out about an episode that I had done in the past. And the sub came up, and I was like, well, that's right. there's a sub for this it's just for bands playing but they also do okay if you if you get curious and you want to self-harm you can go in after this episode and see what they have to say uh what they think of you don't want to know don't care don't care exactly none of my fucking business babe good go tell it to a wall you're still listening yeah um number three and has it i'm antagonistic

today my fire is firing missy yes did you listen to music today and if so what was it i did I listened to music on the drive here. I listened to Kim Petrus's Slop Pop Miami. Oh my God. It is so fucking good. It's so good. It is so good. I love Kim Petrus.

Are you a pop music early? Yeah, I love pop music. I love it. Actually, but because I was then like looking for parking, Slop Pop Miami-Miani ended and I was like, I'm going to around have hearts songs to scream at the sun while I'm looking for parking. So I went from Kim Petrus to have heart. To like regulate your vibe.

Yeah, I think so. Because like that was kind of like, I was like, oh, I'm like too horny now. I can't come in here with that. Let's get the rage going now. But I mean, I just like, I love Kim Petrus. I love pop. I have so much fun listening to her records. And like, I just like laugh out loud because she's definitely, something I love about when people are being really serious is that it can also be so funny.

You know, where it's like she definitely means. everything she's saying, but she's also, I think, probably very self-aware of the humor of it. Yeah, yeah. Is that it's just, it's just so over-the-top

horny. Yeah, like, that it is exactly that. It's just like, it's camp. I love it. And it's so much fun to listen to. Would you, are you ever, like,

interested or tempted into making some pop music? Yeah, I mean, I have made some pop music before under your own name. Rosie Thorne with Maxine, like our little pop side project. Wait, I'm feeling like,

a terrible mannequin pussy stand that I don't know this. Yeah. I have a little bit of... I got some pop music I work on. You do have an incredible voice. Could you always sing? Did you like always know that you could sing? No, no, no, no.

I tried off her a school play when I was younger and they were like, fuck no. Absolutely not. You're not getting it. This happened to me too and I didn't realize until doing the work, which involved some like meditating to unlock childhood memories, that this was like a core trauma for me. I didn't even remembered it.

But like a second grade that I didn't get the, the part in the school play that was like, well, then you shouldn't be seen ever. You should be embarrassed during your song. Yeah. Happened to you too. Okay, that's inspiring. I can recall actually the very out-of-body experience I had auditioning. Yeah.

And knowing I was tanking it. Like there wasn't a thought in my head that I nailed it. What was it for? Like a musical? It was for a musical. But I don't remember which one. But I know that I auditioned with a song from, because you know, you had to pick some theater song or Broadway song or whatever. And I picked Anything Goes. And I was just so nervous and I sang so high outside of my register. But, you know, I think what's really nice about rock music is that it allows people to figure out their own voice rather than trying to imitate what good singing sounds like. Yeah. Because there's a style for that. I think that's really true, although, again, not to have the Barbie movie feminism reenter my body for this statement.

But I do always come back to thinking that nine times out of ten when someone's allowed to discover their own voice that is not traditionally good in rock music, it's a man. A thousand percent. You know what I mean? You're still held to a standard of perfection when you're a woman, especially a woman at rock. They want you to be able to not only front a rock band, but then you could be a contestant on American Idol. Like Neil Young out here, just Neil Young, babe, and they're like, yes. And then like, but you're a woman, no. That's like, I mean, I'm sure that we both agree on this.

That's what I think makes music so exciting is when someone just so uniquely and purely has their own voice. They're not trying to imitate anyone. They're not trying to do what anyone else did. They're just, they're using their own voice and emotion to get out what it is they need to get out. But I think actually a lot of, I think a lot of men in rock are actually more. I'll fucking say it. Yeah, name names bitch. They're all trying to imitate each other all the time.

Pop punk? Are you fucking kidding me? Every, every, not just pop punk. You know what's blown in my mind? Once in a while, me aged decrepit grandma in the old fuck's home will like tap into what the kids are listening to. Like sometimes I really like it, right? Like kind of like more rap hyperpop. I don't know what you would call it. but they all sing whatever the genre is, new music, everyone sings in the pop punk voice. It's the most pervasive. It's like the Led Zeppelin of that generation.

Like, they all sound like that. It's crazy to me. I really don't understand it personally. I grew up listening to Pop Punk. Sure, sure, right? Yeah. But it's wild to me, and this is something we've talked about as a band, too. Pop Punk has lasted longer than hair metal. No, I know. I was thinking. that today where I was like whoever, because, you know, I've talked about this a lot in the show, but Blinkwain 82 was like my first favorite band that I found on my own that wasn't like on MTV or like big and, you know, like that I could go to shows, whatever. And if you had told me, like they would be like amongst the 10 biggest rock bands that it lasted the law. Like,

they are the who at this point, which is psychotic. It's good they don't deserve it. It's not what I'm saying. No, I love them. It's just like it really indebted. Dored. I think part of it is because of the internet. I think once the internet became pervasive, time stopped. Yeah. So nothing got big again. You know, like what got big after that? I have a theory a little bit about this where... A pop, I guess, but I think that, and this is very generally speaking, I think that some men that I've met in music. Hashtag, not all men. Yeah. That's an important hashtag. Some men want to be. artists because they're idol fuckers because they just want so they want attention and they want a hot

girlfriend and they want that's why i want to be a rock star you know like those sorts of things but i think a lot of women get into music because they have no idea what the fuck to do with all this like anger and rage inside of them whereas like men want to be cool and sound like everyone else again not every time not all the time but just generally speaking when when when I can't differentiate anymore between the actual voices of some of these pop punk bands. I have a good impression I do of a guy in a pop punk band, which is they all sound like this to me. And this is the line I'm actually pretty proud of because I think it's very pop punk. I feel embarrassed now, but if I tell you to cut it, I'll just tell you.

Yes, I need it so bad. like, I want to tell you everything I've ever thought, but I'm too scared. I'm too scared. That's what they all sound like to me. It's so perfect. You're going to get signed right now by Vagrant Records. Right now, they're going to call. I would write a song for any of them. You know, I love writing songs. So like, I'll write the song about how you want to tell this girl everything you've ever thought, but you're too scared. And that's like my, that was really good. Thank you. But I don't get it. Like I love. I love. the music, but I don't understand the imitation sometimes. If it's, if it's between that or like every man singer doing Eddie Vedder, which happened for like 10 years, you know, like they got a

nickel back, we got it better than other. We got, you know, so many, that was the voice. So it's like, it's just what kind of happened. It's not always the case. There's always like people who do their own, they only use a hashtag, not all men. But it really is interesting. Something works. And I also think like with this younger generation, it's just like what they grew up. up on in over and over and over again. Like, we just had a phase, I think, and then moved on to something else. Yeah. Like, I just think that is what, seeing like a group, I think I went to some party, rare occasion

where I left my house. And the whole crowd was like in their 20s, right? Grandma, in the wheelchair in the corner. And the DJ put on maybe misery business and the way they lost their minds. And I was like, how do you even know this? Is this like, is this like when we hear like don't stop believe in by journey? Do you know what I mean? Is it like classic rock to them?

When we hear like don't speak. Oh, okay. Well, I, but don't speak was real time for me. Like I like, oh, you mean insurance? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, they weren't. They weren't. To me, though, that's what's so magical about music is that it is this. Beautiful enduring power. Even though it is, you know, you can, you put out a record and that's the year. it came out. Yeah. At any point in someone's life, they could find it.

They could find it 10 years from now, and those emotions are still the same because at our core, we're just all these, like, wounded human beings who are looking for something that expresses the way that we feel inside. And that's what's so amazing about music is that it doesn't matter when someone discovers your band. It could mean the world to them at any time. I would vote for you for president. I'm just saying.

All right. Somehow we're only on question number four. What did you eat today question? No, no, no, we were on Did You Listen to Music Today? How did we get here from Did You? Okay, okay, okay. What is the first song that made a meaningful impact on you as a young child, young Missy? I...

We're in Connecticut. We're in the living room. We're in the car. There are a few that come to mind, but one memory that really sticks out is driving with my mom. my mom my mom's so cool and she would always have like college radio station playing because she was like college radio stations are just better than other radio stations they have more taste and she's absolutely right and um lou reeds take a walk on the walled side came on and it was the first time i had ever heard that song and my mom was like singing along and i was like what is this song mom she's like oh this

Blue Reed. And we just, like, it was still playing as we got back home. And then we kind of sat there in the car together and, like, let the song finish. How old were you? I was probably, like, 12 or 13, maybe. Because you're, like, four or five years older than me, right? Yeah. Okay, yeah. So your, your mom is not Gen X. She's, like, a little bit older than that is. She's still Boomer. She's still Boomer. Yeah. And, yeah, I also, like, kind of remembered it as this, one of these new this like a new experience of like agreeing with my mom that something was cool.

You know, they like she loves something that I also was like, I also really love this. And yeah, we really, you know, it kind of opened up this portal that there was, my mom could show me cool things

and she would have the answer for, you know, this was before smartphones. I couldn't Shazam it. And I was like, what is a song that's unlike anything I've ever heard before? Well,

your mom, your grandfather, that's how your mom said, right, it had a record store. Yeah. So she must have been just exposed to so much cool music growing up. Oh, yeah. That side of the family was so artistic in terms of their like artistic and entrepreneurs and really interested in music and culture and film and literature. And so my mom grew up in a very kind of musical environment as well. And yeah, I think that's got to be where she kind of got it from. She's just so in love with music.

I can't believe you're such a hater, though, that you said, I did listen to a couple podcasts and you're on and I do my research. Shout out to our friend Jeremy from Tuchet Morae, who used podcasts. John Mayer. Is that you ready to say? John May is good. Okay. How dare. Room for Squares is a great album.

The classic. But when I was... Say what you need to say. Fourteen. And my mom was like, I love this. I think I had gotten to a place where I was like, no. Sure. Like a little bit, I had become, like, a bit contrary.

as to like what everyone around me liked. Whereas like if everyone around me loves Jack Johnson and Dave Matthews band and John Mayer, I'm going to say, fuck all of you guys, this music sucks. Like, I'm into the stooges. I'm cooler than you. Yeah. But growing up, you know, you understand that if you don't like something, it simply means it's just not your taste. Exactly.

It's not a condemnation of anyone else. And also, Dave Matthews Van fucking rocks. Fucking, that shit fucks, babe. You know? John Mayor, like, I can see why all these things are so popular because they're really just, they're just good. Do you want to hear of funny John Mayer's story? Yes. I was many years ago at the Chaw Launch here in beautiful Silver Lake, California.

And this is when I was partying. I was quite drunk. And he walked in with John Hamm, and we were like, that Johns are here. John's are here, babe. And me, incredibly drunk. decides to go throw my arm around his shoulder. How? Isn't he like seven feet tall? Yeah, I don't know how. I just like...

And I was like, say what you needed to say, John. And you would think he would have laughed. How charming, precocious. No, he did not like it. He really hated it. He was upset. But the staff of the Chachot was very happy because they were not happy that he was there. Because much like you at 14, they were like, this guy needs to get the fuck out of our cool hipster bar. Like, why is he even here? So that's my very short and brief interaction with John. listening to Don't Mary. I'm very sorry. I apologize. I was not trying to offend you as simply.

I was truly a fan. Yeah, you were excited. I was excited. You and my mom have that in common. We can talk about that. All right. Number five, Missy. What is the first album you bought with your own money or shoplifted with your own two hands? Okay, I realize I've been lying about this because I haven't asked this before. I know. I know what you told Jeremy, so you lied to Jeremy. Jeremy, I'm so sorry. I lied to you. She saved the real answer from me, ma'am. Yeah, I was like, there's got to be a a place where I can give the authentic truth. The first album I bought with my own money was the Buffy the Vampire Swear Season 1 soundtrack.

Can you tell me what was on there? Because I'm not familiar. Yes. Oh my God. It's so good. Like the Sundays are on there. Guided by Voices is on there. Incredible.

Allison Carlson Union Station is on there. It's so eclectic. It's so good. Music supervision of this show. I don't know who the music supervisor was for those first couple seasons. But they, I don't know. Do we give music? Supervisors' Awards? They should. They absolutely should. Yeah. If they don't, I mean, it's like,

I'm sure they do. I think they're called Cleos, actually. Yeah. They exist. Thank God. Apologies to the music supervisor community that we didn't know about the award. But that soundtrack was so illuminating because, you know, I mean, what's so great about soundtracks is that they are like, there are these curated mixtapes that show you so many different bands and tastes and styles and genres and it wasn't all just, you know, one kind of artist. And it would also be oftentimes kind of like what you're saying because, like, the Sundays were not contemporary at that time.

Like, they were kind of probably over as a band. But they had the most gorgeous cover of wild horses. Yes, it was on the radio. But like to get to have that discovery, you know, like how else, sometimes how else would you have found that? And having it on a soundtrack happened to be a million times. We used to be a proper country. Yeah, that's how I discovered.

I mean, like that guided by voices on Teenage FBI is on there. And it's still one of my favorite songs because it felt like I was discovering it on my own. Yeah. And it's just via Buffy. Yeah, exactly. And fuck, it was just so watching that TV show.

You know, like when you watch a TV show back, the music only ever kind of lasts like 15 seconds. Yeah. So even if you hear something really exciting, but, you know, kind of knowing what I know now about the bronze. and how real, like, they invited real bands to be playing in those scenes and to be playing their music and stuff. It was such a big thing back then.

Like, for me, it was my so-called life because I'm a little bit younger than you, but, like, they... Older. I'm sorry. Freudian, wishful thing. I'm a little older. Older. Hot. But, yeah, like, they would, they don't, I don't know if they don't do it anymore.

I don't watch whatever young people watch on television. for you. I don't know what goes on there. It's one of my business. But this has nothing to do with me. But, you know, yeah, they would have a band come play or, like, the OC or like all these things. And it was like, it was a big deal for those bands. And it was a big deal for you watching. I was like, Buffalo, Tom. What is this? This is so cool. I'm 11, 12 years old. I would not have found this on my own. Absolutely. I don't know how I would have found guided by voices. You would have eventually, but it might have taken like five or six more, college, you know. Exactly. Probably like around that time. But.

But someone tell me why. I do the things I don't want to do. It's hard to pick a favorite guided by voice a song because there's

I'm a game of pricks girlie maybe. I just love that one. There's so many good ones. We'll have to revisit. Yeah,

there's so many great albums. And just so many album, period, most albums ever. But I think you put out two this year. I don't know if there's another

Buffy the Vampire Slayer soundtrack out there. I'm a little curious now. They only did season one, you think? I'm not sure. But I'd like that's the... If only had a lap of

looking at. up, we'll simply never know. Yeah, you can kind of add in like pop a video style. Like, this is the question. In the edit, we'll come back and the voice of God will come over like, readers, there was another one that came on. All right, number six, Missy, did anyone in your childhood ever tell you you're never going to make it in art or whatever or something like that?

And if so, who was it? When did you say it back? Besides the person that told you you're not good enough to be in the school play? And they were right. I definitely was not good enough to be in the school play. I don't think so. nothing like that really ever happened. I think also maybe I wasn't I wasn't like a maybe as aware of my own interest in the arts until you went to college. I did, yes. And then you had an office job, you said. I did, yes. In New York City, in the big apple. What kind of office work were you doing? I was so curious.

I was working for a nonprofit organization. Okay. That's nice though. Yeah. So there wasn't really an opportunity. Like your parents weren't like, oh, she. She's veering too close to the edge. What about when you were like, I'm quitting this nonprofit to move to Philadelphia and play shows in basements? You know, I have to say... A punk houses. I'm moving...

Mom and dad, I'm moving to a punk house. This is maybe one of the gifts of being a teenage cancer survivor. Oh, sure. They're like, do whatever you want, do whatever you want. Just don't ever ask us for rent money. Do whatever you want,

but you are responsible. responsible for your own life. Great parenting. And like that is, that's the way to do it, you know? Like if your child wants to go take a different path, like they are going to, like, from the moment you leave the nest, like, you are self-responsible. You are responsible for yourself. You do have to figure out a way to, like, survive and make it through the world.

But my, I think when that happened and I was 15, all the rules kind of got thrown out as to it. And I still had, like, obligations I felt to fulfill for them. Right. And I did that. And then like once that was done, it was like I suddenly had the space to step back and be like, well, what do I want? What am I actually interested in? What do I? Like, what gets me excited about being alive? And I think at that time, too, I was so horrifically depressed that the idea of being excited to be alive seemed like this far away fantasy. Even after surviving, even after like potentially having it all taken away. Yeah. We'll get a little bit because there's like actually a question. You're like, I'm familiar with the questions. Spoiler, Yassi gives you the questions ahead of time. Also, you could simply just listen to any of the other episodes. You could know that. Not a secret. Exactly.

But no, there is one thing, though, that happened when I was in middle school that is sort of this but not really this, which is that I desperately wanted to, like, you had to do band. And I really wanted to do percussion. Like, I wanted to play drums. and the leader of the band was like, no, you can't play drums, you should play flute. And I was like, fuck the flute.

Flute? I don't want to play the fucking flute. I want to do percussion. And the band leader was like... You stopped when you're like, you gave him the Barbie movie speech. Yeah. I actually don't remember what the speeches at this point.

I don't honestly either. Something about... Didn't make as big of an impact on me as maybe, perhaps. But, you know, we're a little beyond 101 feminism. We... Yeah, I was just like, no, I don't want to play the fucking flute. I want to do drums. And he was like, no, there's already enough people playing drums.

Get to band practice for the first time. There's 20 people in the percussion section. Guess how many are young girls? One. So that slot was already filled. They already had the trophy girl. Right, right. And guess how many boys were playing flute?

Zero. Zero. Yeah. And I, I, fellas, is it gay to play the music? I was playing the flute gay. And I just like, I hated it so much. And that was kind of like my first awakening as, was I told I can't do this because I'm a girl? Yeah.

I didn't. That's when the feminist entered your body for the first time. Yeah, I never had really experienced that. And I was so angry that I was being made to play flute and I didn't want to that I just was purposely bad. I definitely had always had an attitude problem that I've learned how to like temper and make palatable when I need to. But this was the first time where I was like, if you're going to make me.

me play this flute, I'm going to make your life a living. Exactly. I'm like, oh, that flute seems hard anyways. Like, I don't know. And also I was very small and like it wasn't very comfortable for me to play and my little tiny arms. And then they made me play. And then the band leader was eventually like, okay, you're really bad at flute.

And I was like, yeah, no shit. I don't want to play it. Yeah. And I was like, so can I play percussion now? Like drums? And he was like, no, I think clarinet. And so he kind of. They gave you even worse instrument.

Yeah. And I. No offense to that again, the clarid. Yeah, the current can be beautiful being played through the right lips, but not mine. And I had no interest in doing that. And I just felt like I was just so angry that I was interested in something and was being denied that interest. Totally. So that's the answer to the question. This is the first time that someone told you. No, you basically, not that you're not having to make him, but you can't do this. Yeah, you can't do this. And me wondering why. You proved him wrong in the end. But you just send him. My favorite part of this question is when I think of an elaborate revenge. And I feel like you. you could perhaps sneak into the bandroom with multiple copies of the Rolling Stone with your guys' feature in it and just plaster all the walls with it. He's probably retired now. Go to his house.

Yeah. Go to his home. Yeah. I don't play drums, but I do think eventually I will. But you do rock. Yeah, I rock. That's good enough. Okay.

Number seven, Missy. When was the last time you lied? I mean, besides on Jeremy's podcast about your first. I think that might be it. I think it's to Jeremy on his podcast. To seem cool that you got the Sum 41 album, which was probably very shortly after. Well, maybe, no, it was definitely a few years later, actually. I'm going to apologize to Jeremy.

I don't know. I'm really not a big liar. Yeah, I can see that about you. That has actually gotten me in maybe more trouble than being a big liar. It's because, especially with that sad rising, I've been very blunt in my life in a, I'm just being honest. And then actually that honesty can really hurt people and that there's a way to deliver something even if it's true that has a little bit more care and caution and respect for the other person's feelings that I think took me a really long time to learn. Right.

I can't just say whatever I want as bluntly as I want to. Yeah. And hide under the honesty of it. Right. I have to actually think about the person who's receiving my feeling. and the way that I can best express it to them. Yeah. So that's on growth.

That's on growth. Does this ever come into play in your career? Like, being too honest. I mean, in a sense that is a bit what the whole career is, is like intense honesty. Yeah. And being immensely truthful about all these different experiences and relationships and kind of like self-work and all that. but I am trying to think of a good lie that I might have told

but yeah I don't it feels like a cop out to be like I don't lie but I don't see the point sometimes and I've also never like lied about liking something I will no yeah so I sometimes will you'll never know

I'll never know you guys have to figure it on your own I mostly I try not to like overtly be like, I love this if I don't because that feels gross. But I also like, I don't see the benefit or utility in shitting on things. Like I just, and I know that sounds like a little Pollyanna, but I'm just like, you have one wild and precious life and X amount of space to speak. And I don't really need to take up my like public facing speaking to shit on someone else's something, you know?

I feel the same line. In private. Who cares? You know, like, that's a little private conversation. We all have a group chat. It's not going to hurt anyone. Yeah. We can be honest about how we really feel about something.

What does it? And because what someone says about a form of art is never going to sway how I feel about it. And so when I see people shooting on things like online or whatever, it only makes me think poorly of them. It just makes me like, it kind of gives me the ick, you know? It's like, what have you made bitch? Literally, it's always what have you made bitch. It's always like shown, it's always do nothing motherfuckers who are like on here and be like, well, I'm telling you know, cool. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of the, it's the world in which we live in.

You know, everyone's kind of like looking for a little bit of attention some in some way. Well, you'd be getting some art, babe, you know? Make your own art. It feels great to make something. But I've said this before. I think false flattery is a death of art. Yeah. So what we're talking about, I'm not, I'm not talking about like they're not needing to be criticism.

Because that's a completely different thing. That is like an elevated intellectual form of engaging with art that I think is important and kind of like necessary to contextualize it and to like have like an open dialogue that moves things forward. I'm just like on people who get on Twitter. I'm like, this shit sucks. That's why. Yeah. Yeah. You know what?

Maybe later in this chat I'll have like a lie that springs into my head. But yeah, I can't think of anything. So you're a pure and beautiful person. Number eight, Missy, what character in a book or film do you relate to the most and why? This was so hard. I know, I apologize. Because I do have, the more I thought about it, there were a few answers that started to kind of percolate. Like one that feels like very vulnerable and maybe like a little bit too raw.

And then another that just feels so true. And the one that feels so true is Cat from Ten Things I Hate a Beard. about you. Which is that Julia Seisles? Okay, yeah, yeah. She's an angry woman. I loved that movie so much to the point of just absolute obsession where I think I watched it for the first time when I was 10.

Which Shakespeare is that one based off of? I always forget. Is it Othella? 12th night? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes. Is it 12th night? I can't remember.

Othello was the other one. Yes. Oh, or whatever. I'm sorry if I'm getting around on my computer. Sorry, Keith. You guys think I know everything on top of my head? You're wrong. I don't.

Yeah. It is only so much I can fit. But I do remember watching that as a 10-year-old. And for the very first time, identifying with a female character in something. Where I was never the type of young girl who like, you know, and again, I don't, anything that I say for me is not an indictment of the way that any. anyone else lives. This is just true for me. Like, I would bet I was never the young girl who was like imagining her wedding or like imagining being a wife. Or yeah, that's not, that was not the way that I saw myself. I always kind of felt a little bit more tomboyish and I'm not like other girls.

Selfish shirt. Yeah. I don't picture my wife. We didn't, we didn't have the language back then. But definitely I felt like maybe not like fitting in in that same way just because my interests were different. And then when I saw a cat in that movie, seeming so self-assured, knowing what she wanted, not being swayed by what anyone else thought of her, loving rock music. All she wanted was a guitar. And to learn how she wanted to be in a band. And that, I think, really kind of lit something that that radicalized you as like, that looks cool. That's exactly how I feel. And like, I want to I want to create something. Like, I don't want to do the things that other people are telling me I need to do in order to be a successful human being.

Right. I want to chase what actually makes me excited. Yeah. And I just have, that movie is so important. And I've actually noticed on TikTok. It's coming back kind of. It's coming back. And people are discovering it.

And I've also had the absolute pleasure of meeting one of the writers of it, Kiwi Smith. Oh, wow. Shout out to Kiwi Smith. I love you, Kiwi. She did a great job with that film. She did an amazing job with that film and creating a character that I think really inspired a whole generation of women to be like, if I could choose, what would I choose? How would it, like, what's the type of person I want to be? Can I play guitar?

This is not totally related, but semi-related. It's just something that's been bopping around my mind that I want to be. wanted to ask you about. I just had this like really like and it's so going to be like I just don't get it because I'm old and this is probably how like the generations always feel looking at the next generation. But like I was just thinking, I think I was listening to a hole and I was like fuck you know when I was 12, 13 14 this was a pop star like Corny Love was a pop star like on TV in magazines, like, available to everybody as an option of a woman in a pop star position. But, you know, playing guitar and rage and messy and all the things you guys have all heard

me talk. And just because we don't have the same kind of monoculture now, it just, like, kind of broke my heart where I was like, without hunting, right, without getting indie and like a little bit lower, like, not lower, but you know what I mean, a little bit harder to find. And it's just, and this is, again, no shade to these artists, but like, it's just Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodriguez. And great artists, immensely talented. I personally love their music. But presenting a way more sanitized, perfect version of being a woman. And this is essentially what is the easiest thing to access for, like, young, younger girls.

And it really made me sad. Really just bummed me out. I was like, and I'm sure they're fine. I'm sure they're finding what they need to because they have way more avenues than I did when I was told. We didn't have TikTok, Instagram, fucking look up whatever you want, Shazam, Spotify. You know, like, you did have to dig. So, you know, we couldn't. But, like, and maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe they're, like, already, like, in their, like, you know, you tell me. But it just really bummed me out. I think something definitely was lost culturally a bit when, like, MTV. became a reality TV show station instead of a music television program. People say the Bonaculture is bad, but I think it was in some ways good. It had a lot of benefits. It still introduced me to so much. You know, like in one of these other questions where you're like, what's a song that I still,

but I can also remember what it felt like to see Maps by the IAAs on TV for the first time and how mind-blowing was. Oh, my God. Actually, you know a VMA performance? still like makes me kind of cry if I watch it is the tattoo performance of they're not going to get us where all like the hundreds of girls are like stripping down

and like they all start kissing, excuse me I think I cried as like a kid watching that because it was just to me it was so beautiful I'd never seen anything like it and it was like a very powerful even though they were fake lesbians for like you know

Cosplay, yeah. Yeah, they were, they were, they were gay for the pay. Yeah. It meant so much to just see something different. Yeah, but the like visibility was the same, you know, whether or not it was authentic. Yeah, but like, exactly, like, it didn't maybe matter at that time. Yeah. That they were, you know, doing whatever they were doing.

But MTV, there was a time where it was still so subversive and controversial. And yes, it was mainstream. Yes, it was kind of monoculture. Yes, they were kind of leading a monopoly as to like what was allowed to be cool enough to be on MTV. But you still had an opportunity to be like watching TRL where Britney Spears would go right into corn.

Yeah, totally. And I think a lot of that influenced my own just deep love of genreless music where like I'm not someone who identifies really, strongly with a genre and I think that's very obvious in our music. I think because of that kind of cultural upbringing where I was being introduced to so many different types of music. Yeah. You know, obviously there were still MTV were the gatekeepers of that, but there was a, they were also pushing a lot of really extraordinary artists. And now, I do think now it's almost like

more likely that even with all of the options that people will fall into more of the same over and over and over again because they're left to their own devices. And that's how the algorithm works. It just serves you more of the same. So it's like to get that broad range of things, you have to use your mind to want to seek it out, which is not normal behavior. Or we would have to have something again like an MTV that's like serving it to you, you know? Once you get a taste of the alternative though, like the moment that you get a little like pilled in the direction that takes you away from the mainstream, I think if you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, real music lover, you get really excited

by the possibility of what's out there that you don't know. Yeah, then you just rob a hole. Okay, the girls are all right then. Yeah, I think the girls are definitely all right. Everyone's going to be okay. I'm like up at night. My God, number nine. Let's see. What was your biggest sliding doors moment?

You have obviously seen the film. As in if you had made another choice, you wouldn't be here right now. Okay, this is wild because I have been thinking about this, and I really tried to think about a moment in my life where if I didn't listen to myself, a completely different timeline would have kind of opened up. And it goes back to being 15.

I was sitting in German class. And my friend who sat next to me every day was sitting to my right. And I think he was, I think he was stoned in class because he would get high a lot. before school. And he was just like, he started just like staring at my face in a really uncomfortable way. And I, we kind of like made eye contact. And he was just like, Marissa, your face looks really weird. And so I was like, fuck you.

Yeah. Okay. How dare, you know, like, it's the worst thing you could tell an insecure young girl is that her face is weird. No, I did not. And I was just like, fuck. Fuck you. Yeah. My face doesn't look weird. And he's like, no, your face looks weird. Like, he's like, your nose looks different than it used to. And you have this like weird red mark around your nose. Oh. And he was just like being honest and trying to help you. Yeah. He just, he noticed something. Yeah. And his like stoned stupor.

Wow. And my God, I don't know. But that I had not noticed about myself. Yeah. And he said it and it just kind of sent off this like alarm bell a little bit. Yeah. Because at that time, too, like, I'd been getting sick all the time. I had no energy. I was, like, losing weight. I just really, something was up, but I couldn't figure out. And I wasn't verbalizing it to anyone. I wasn't telling my parents, like, oh, I feel weird or whatever. And so I went to the bathroom at school. And I just, like, looked at myself in a new way trying to see what he was seeing. And I saw this red mark on my face. And when I went home that day, I showed it to my mom. And I showed it to my mom. and she was like, yeah, she's like, oh, this is weird. And that's how I found out I had cancer. Oh, my God. That's insane. Because then we went to the doctor. What was the red mark?

Like, well, it was an express. A tumor had grown. It was an actual tumor under your. It was a tumor in my face that was like the size like this big or something. That had grown here in my face. And I didn't, when they like did the biopsy of it and then they figured out. that it was cancer, they were just like, and I told them, I was like, yeah, like, we're really only here because my friend was stoned. Yeah, legalized marijuana, but first of all. First of all.

And he saved my life because they were like, if you had not caught this, like it would have spread to your brain and you would have died. Oh my God. Which is, that's psychotic. It's, it's still, like when I think about the series of events that happened that led me to figure it out. Yeah. is like such divine intervention. Because I so easily could have just told him to go fuck himself when he told him I looked weird and never thought anything about it.

And then I wouldn't get to have this like beautiful, amazing life that I've been able to have. And even though like that period ended up being like, you know, five, seven years of darkness and depression because I think when you're young and you go through a really traumatic event, you don't feel like you can relate to anyone. You don't have the emotional vocabulary to speak about it.

You just don't. perspective. Like part of getting past things is having a lot of perspective behind you. When you're that young, you don't have that. And everything feels like the worst thing that's ever happened because it is. Because it is. Yeah, exactly. And it was just so devastating to me. But I listened to him. And I tried to see myself through, yeah, through his eyes. And Ben was able to see what he saw and was like, yeah, my nose is fucking weird and pushed over. And like there's something like there's something here. And then yeah, if, yeah. Are you got a touch? No, and I've been thinking about him a lot, ably, lately, and I, like, I really want to find him because I don't know that he knows that he saved my life.

And I want to tell him. I'm coming with a camcorder. I need to, like, capture the moment. I mean, he had talking about me about this. Wow, that's incredible. Damn, I wouldn't just follow up question, even though I know we're taking the longest ever to make this podcast. Did that sort of, like, for the rest of your life, help you to trust your intuition? because you had that one most insane experience

where your intuition literally saved your life. Yeah, I think so. I think there's something that kind of like clicks on when you start to realize the way that your own body responds to information. Yeah. And like your body will try to warn you of things that aren't right. And then on the other side of that, your body will tell you that you're on the right path.

Yeah. When you kind of see, like when you're paying attention to science and synchronicities. Yeah. when you're paying attention to how your body actually feels about things, that's how you start to understand yourself. And that's how you start to learn how to trust yourself, that, like, you're on the correct path for yourself. Or, alternatively, you're not on the right path.

You're not surrounded by the right people. You're not in positive energy. You know, like, I really am someone who, like, really believes in that kind of current of energetic exchange and all that and being really. self-aware because being self-aware can ultimately lead you to recognize something that you really need to fix. Yeah, all the time. And it's even like, it's really wild because I think, you know, when you see people that you're like, wow, they're like really psychic or whatever. And it's like, everyone has that in them. It's just, it's a level of how much you can tap into it.

And I, I remember hearing this podcast about how like the main thing is like, I guess the part of our brain that deals with fear or over. Emotions. Oh, my God. If it's not the amygdala, just forget that I said that. Gray's Anatomy is not fully registered in here, even though I watched all 19 seasons. In the line of the emotions, fear always jumps the line. Because your program, that that's the most important one because you need to get away from danger.

Yeah. Survival. Survival. So even if it's not real danger, it'll always trump your other emotions. And I always think about how intuition is quiet. like when you like know something is yes or no, it's almost always not urgent or loud. It's just like a solid quietness, which is why it's so hard to tap into because there's all the other stuff will jump ahead of it, anxiety, fear, that's loud, you know.

Missy question number 10. Can you believe we're only halfway through? Not even. Actually, we're not even halfway through. What characteristic are you most drawn to in other people? I, it sounds a little basic. Definitely, I think it is basic, but anyone who can make me laugh is like, I don't think I'm difficult to make laugh. But then not that many people can. So maybe you just have like a really specific sense of humor. I think so. Yeah.

And so like when someone can really, anyone who delights my mind, like gets my mind-thorning where like conversation doesn't feel laborious. Yeah. It feels like an actual. change of intellect and creativity and humor. Yeah, you've been stimulated. Yeah. It's like really, that's what it is. Like, anyone who just, like, stimulates me intellectually.

And I just, like, I'm immediately like, I want to talk to you more. Because it's like what I'm always seeking out is just someone who I can talk to. I know I feel the same, which is why I made a job on a bit. Full job. Just years of report cards that said talks too much. And guess what bitch? That's my job now. All right. Number 11, Missy, now that you've been spending a long time in Tinseltown, who is the last person you met that you were star-struck by?

Okay, I don't... I don't buy into celebrity. Yeah, I don't... I don't buy into that. I think because at the end of the day, you're like, this is just like a real person. Leave them alone. Yeah. Whatever. Bear gets very starstruck. Bear is such a little fame horror and he gets so excited to see a celebrity he has no shame to be like, yo, let's get a pick. Whereas I'm not that way. But actually, you know what? I was about to lie to you to say like, I've never been starstruck. Carano. See, everyone has a

everyone has someone, you know. We played a show opening for the Yayas years ago. And we all had the really an idea to like take acid before we played. Oh yeah. And so I was on and I was like in another dimension but firmly in the one we were and I saw her backstage and I was just so I that was the only I think time in my life where I've been starstruck. Did you act normal? I didn't even approach her. Like I talked to like Nick Sinner about like strat, like stratocaster. It's like how the is like the best car and guitar and how he's like one of my favorite guitarist. I was that was fine. And And then I saw Karen and I just like, I couldn't, I could not just go over there and say hello. I couldn't ask for a picture.

I just, I just didn't. I just, yeah. I love that. Well, I mean, look, I firmly believe that I'm with you, listen. And then maybe the other time I actually, I maybe like blabbed too much or like long. I met Kyle Mooney at a party a few years ago and I love him. And it was back when I was like drinking, so I think I was drunk. and we did have like a conversation that lasted like at least 30 minutes.

And I'm like, what did we talk about? I don't know. I'm so upset that I don't remember what we talked about. But I know I think like part of it, I was just like so excited to meet him because I love. Yeah. I just like, I love comedians. Yeah, those are good. Those are like those are good solid ones.

Yeah. Yeah. Karen O, Kyle Mooney. That's the two genitors really. The rest of celebrity can go to hell. Yeah. Just kidding. I truly.

only get star-struck by the most bizarre. Like, I'll be in a room, not to brag, I'll be in a room with, like, several eyeless celebrities. And I'm like, okay. I mean, it's whatever. It's always, like, funny to see them because they're like, in the kindest way possible, zoo animals, you know,

or you're like, oh, my God. But then I'll see, like, a person that was on one of my character-driven dramas on TNT in, like, 2008 that I used to watch at a coffee shop or whatever. And I won't approach them. Sometimes I will. But I'll just be like, oh, my God, it's agent so-and-so. like, you know, leverage or whatever I used to watch.

That's the shit that really... Yeah, you know, also like... Greece is my girls. I live in Philadelphia right now, so it's like I don't... Not slab heavy. See a lot of celebs out there. But now that I'm spending more and more time in L.A., and I'll, you know, probably make the move out here or I am, whatever, I'm like, I know that it's going to be a thing.

Yeah. We'll revisit this question. Yeah, exactly. I'll let you know if... anyone else pops up and I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe it's them. But shout out to Karen now. Number 12, missing. When was the last time you slid into anyone's DMs?

You said non-sexual. It's not sexually or non-sexual? It's either one. Most people won't admit to sexually sliding someone's DM. I am not a DM slider. Slider. Historically. But I did, you know, I think I slid into the DMs of the band Slow Pulp.

Oh, they're so good. Because I heard, I just, I love that record so much. And recently I've been in a place where if I really love something, I just want to tell the person that like, thank you for making this thing that I've been revisiting so much. So I slid into their DMs and just to tell them how much I love them. And I know that they're on anti, which is like a subsidiary sister label. Yeah, it's like a sister label for epitaph. So like we're all kind of like within the same building and all that. tell them that I love their record. And then they were like, we're such big fans of mannequin pussy.

And I was like, oh, that's amazing. That's what DMs are for. That's what, that's what an exchange of that. That's the only really acceptable form of DMing someone who you don't know is to give them gushing praise. Yeah, I feel the same way. Like it's, it would be. Otherwise, babe, keep it to yourself. You have a correction. Don't need it. Yeah. Don't need to know. You have a critique. That's cool. Keep it to yourself. Tell it to a wall. Don't want to know about it. Yeah. You want to send a dick pick? Absolutely not. One guy. did send me a video of himself playing crash-in to me by Dave Matthews, been on the coast to guitar, and I did actually deeply appreciate that. Yeah, that's hot. That was cool.

Yeah. Very, very romantic. It was sweet. When I get those sorts of DMs, I do like to just, like, take a screenshot of them. Sure. Never accept them. I do not open a right back. I'm so sorry.

But just, no, I'm reading. I'm sitting. I saw it. I saw it. I saw how this made you feel. And I guess thanks, but no thanks. But I'll take nothing. No, you guys please keep sending me gushingly praising DMs.

They keep me going. I love them. The blood that keeps me out. Number 13. Missy. What is the horniest song ever, in your personal opinion? That's not a mannequin pussy song. Fuck, I didn't think about this one enough.

Horny a song ever. You know, what's the... I think it would probably be on... Okay, well, actually, crash by Dave Matthews, is... It's in the canon, baby. It's up there. It's definitely up there. Take up your skirt and show the world to me.

Oof. So good. Did anyone say it's like that song's not about sex? Yeah, but I don't think he's telling the truth. Yeah, that seems like you should get him on this show. It's my dream of dreams. David Matthews, if you're listening, please come on the program. We didn't talk about him every episode.

And I think he probably is drafting a restraining order, but if he is not, I would love to happen on the program. Yeah, I think he'll be here pretty soon. That seems like an obvious, yes. Especially now that you have the set. That's right. Now, I have a football, babe. Why wouldn't you come? He's going to love this. We can go a hoop.

Okay, so that song, but Radiohead and Rainbows, there's a lot of tracks on that that are... It does a horny album. Very much. Yeah, so intensely lustful. The one, you know, that's like House of Cards. You know what the album is? It's like breakup sex. because it's also like very melancholy.

Yeah, it's like, it's absolutely an album that you could cry to, masturbate to, have sex to make out to. If you wanted to make an afternoon of that. Yeah, yeah, you could get a lot done in the span of like the 40 minutes or however long that album is. But House of Cards to me is just so sexy. And like horniness and sexy are the. these, they're not the same color, but they're a similar shade. Sure. There's a little bit of, you know, overlap there between it.

And, yeah, I don't want to be your friend. I just want to be your lover is such a hotline. I think, you know, perhaps we've all felt that before. I think so. Yeah. We're not going to get into that on this program for public consumption. But we can talk about that later. We can talk about off the record.

Number 15. No, number 14, Missy. What's the biggest money you've ever turned down? Manikin Pussy is a principled band. We... Okay, I think in retrospect, it's not that much money. It's not a crazy... It wasn't a life-changing amount of money.

But I think we got offered $20,000 to open for a band at Red Rocks. That you hate. Was it fish? We have... No, I would take that gig. We have, we're all very aligned. Something I believe so much for bands is that you all have to be on the same page as to where you want to go. Yeah.

Like, you know. With your career. Yeah. Like, you know how people have, you know, they make their vision boards. They make their mood boards or whatever. Bands. Bands. If you're just starting out, I'm addressing camera for this.

Talk to your bandmates about. what you want to do and what you want to create and what your goals are. Because I believe that if four people are all like, we want to open, we want to do a support tour for the first time, or we want to go to Europe for the first time, or whatever it is, all, the combination of your energies makes them more likely. Okay. Right. So on our kind of like band vision board, it was, has been playing at Red Rocks. And so then that came true. We had an offer to open for someone at Red Rocks. I might be wrong that it was like 20 grand or something, but the band was too embarrassing. Yeah, I was like, no, no. Like, I'm not, I'm not going to open for this band because that's, that's not the world

I want to be in. And the other corner of your vision board was that band with a big red an extra? No, I don't put the negatives on there, you know? We're not doing that. But yeah, I was like, No, I don't want to do this. And then I think I saw actually like some some friends of ours. Took the gig. Took the gig. Yeah. Do you guys ever talk about it? No.

I didn't, I didn't feel like it was nice to be like, oh. Like someone has a boyfriend. You're like, well, he asked me out first, but I said no. Yeah, exactly. Like, oh, I saw you got this cool thing. Like, I turned it down so you're welcome. That's my sloppy sign. Yeah.

Which actually is how I have band beef out of one because of something similar of that, of like, someone pretending as though they had an opportunity. that only because they turned it down and became mine. Right. Even though they were completely mistaken as to the truth of it. And now you hate them from. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't feel that way about, I'm like, I'm like not someone who has beef.

I'm so boringly. I think people don't agree with this. And it does go counter to my woo-woo meditation practice. Love is love. But I do think to have a healthy libidinal energy in the world. You have to have one enemy. And it doesn't matter if they know that they're your enemy. And you don't have to actually do anything to harm them.

Yeah. It's just to light a little fire in you. Yeah, I would never wish for anyone's downfall. Or to like bring out your shadow so you can engage with it. There's always people that are going to make you feel like, oh, fuck that person. And then you get to be like, well, why do I feel that way? And like kind of like, do the work on it. I don't trust the energy of people who seem to have too many enemies.

Oh, no. That's something's absolutely deeply wrong with you. Yeah, I think that's like a major... Like, you're the common denominator here. Exactly. Like, that is a major red flag when people are like, oh, I have this enemy and this enemy and this enemy in music. I don't know why I have this many falling outs and you're like, don't you? Yeah, exactly.

At a certain point, what is the... Exactly what you said. It's the through line here. It's you. It's you. So, you know. I think they should give you a master class about how to be in a band if anyone's listening talking to camera. I think I could teach one.

I agree. I do. But yeah, we turn that down. So Red Rocks will have to wait. You'll get there. Yeah, I think so. With a less embarrassing band or as the adliner. All open.

When I finally learned how to play guitar at the age of 42 years old. I loved you on the, I think it was a podcast with Carly. You're like, you were at Bloomard 2, right? Like, you didn't start playing guitar until like senior year into high school or something. And I was 23. And I was like, 23. Bitch, what are you talking about? It feels that way, though.

Yeah, no, I get it. Well, wait till I finally. storm the world with my album at 45 years old. The world is not ready. Your best work is always ahead of you. Exactly. It's not true of many bands. And I'm unfortunately, I hate to report that because I've seen it firsthand with my job. Like, I see always the point where there is a point where the best work is absolutely behind you, babe. And I can map it. And unfortunately, I do map it. That's my job. But I'm sorry to you guys. I'm sorry to those men. Okay. Number 15. Missy, what is the best live music concert you've ever seen?

gig show. So recently did I experience this. Because I really have seen some incredible performances over the last couple years. Seeing 9-inch nails was revolutionary for me. Like that was such an incredible experience. But that's not my answer to this question. Back in October of 2003, we were just finishing up a tour and we were here in L.A. before we were going back to Philly and we got tickets to see Death Cap Recuity and the Postal Service. Let's fucking go. And at the Hollywood Bowl, which I'd never been to. And we ended that tour and I was like shell of myself territory.

Like just no energy, feeling really like kind of emotionally tattered, great tour, but just exhausted. And so it was the night of the show, and I was talking to Bear, and I was just like, I don't think I'm going to go. Like, I'm just like, I'm not up for it. I just like, I don't want to be around people. I feel like my batteries below zero. I can't do it. And Bear was just like, hmm, it's like, I don't usually say this, but what would teenage you do? And that really struck something in me because of how deeply I loved.

those records when I was a teenager. And he was fucking right. And so I was like, okay, you know what? I don't want to be around people, but whatever. Like, let's go to the show and let's experience it. And I feel like the first note that started playing because Death Cab started the night. They sure did. There's a tear in the fabric.

Sobing. Isn't that the first one? I was just immediately sobbing, like uncontrollable. like uncontrollably. And I think it was because I had all this pent-up emotional exhaustion in me that like wasn't kind of getting sorted out of my body. Yeah. And it had been so long since I had been to a show as an attendee experiencing what live music is supposed to do, which is that if you go in there exhausted as hell, you actually are. being so energized by the collective experience. And I felt, I was so happy that, like, Bear

wasn't just like, okay, yeah, do whatever you want, homie. Like, he really, he was like, you're going to really regret this if you don't do it. And he was absolutely right because, you know, it was Death Cab and Postal Service playing these iconic records track by track. And, like, how often do you get to hear that, too? You know, like, when you go to see a concert, it's not, no. They're not playing the album start to finish. So it was. So it was, was just this beautiful experience. And then by the time Postal Service came on, it was like Bearer, me and Kailene were like jumping around and screaming at the top of our lungs singing and just so energized by it. So I went in there at zero. And I felt like my meter was like spilling over

by the time I left it. And it had been so long since I, yeah, I just experienced like, oh, this is live music. This is why people go to live shows. Because at a certain point, you know, when you're, it becomes your job, you have a really different experience. It's like, you watch a band and you're kind of, you're looking like, oh, that's how they do this. Right. Oh, this is how they perform. With your colleagues. Exactly.

You have a much more analytical approach because you're curious about the production and the lights and the whatever. But I, like, turned off that part of my brain completely and just kind of felt, you know, in touch with like my teenage self or like my early 20s self for how. much I love those records. And it was, it was one of the best shows I've ever seen. Yeah. I couldn't agree more of that show. This is the New Year was the first song I got it wrong. But yeah, that was, I'm glad you went. I think that was like one of the most magical shows I've ever been to. Seeing Jenny Lewis come out too, I was a massive, I mean, I still am like a massive, Ryok Kylie fan. Yeah. It was great. Fuck, I love her. Yeah. I cried. I took The whole night. Shout out to friend of the pod, Ben Gibber. Thank you're watching. We appreciate you. I love you, Ben.

Number 16. We're flying through it. We're flying through it. Yeah, we're throwing ourselves through this now. When in your life were the most fucked up wasted hammered trashed? From 15 to 19. It's so funny. Some people answer it this way, but that's not the question. But this is. the truth. But it's not, it's not a time period. The question is about like one singular like There's not. There's not. You're just like, there's not. There's not. There's not. There's 15 to 19. There were a few pockets. You were like, bitch, I survive cancer. We're getting fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. Fair. Honestly fair. Yeah. As you should. I smoked my first cigarette, like the night after I found out. I was like, I was like, the night after I found out. I was like, bitch. I was like, this shit can't take me out. I am living. I'm going to smoke a clove cigarette. This is why teenagers should not be in charge of themselves, but okay. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But also when you... A clove cigarette.

Absolutely 15 hours. Yeah. When you are that age, what does life experience look like? It's getting fucked up. And so from about 15 to 19, I was really enjoying getting fucked up on drugs and alcohol. And then realizing was probably having a pretty bad effect. And then I kind of like lessened a little bit from 20 to 24. And then I think I had another kind of period like 25 to 27.

That was like... I took a quick four years off game right back. It hit kind of hard. Yeah. And then maybe then again from like 30 to 32 that I was just like I'm really enjoying getting fucked up. Yeah. I mean, it's hard in a touring band. like if it's something you enjoy to not partake because it's so available every night.

It's so available. Yeah. And then you're literally in a bar every night. Yeah, you're just, you're surrounded by it. People want to buy you drinks. People want to give you drinks, people, whatever. And then, like, I'm someone who, I love the like once a year acid or mushrooms reset. Yeah.

I do it more than once a year, but yeah. Like, you know. Like once a quarter type of girl. Oh, yeah. Q1, Q2, Q2, 3, Q4. That's nice. I like that. Maybe I should try that. But yeah, alcohol I really lost my taste for over the last couple years. I mean, I love the taste of wine. I'm like a full old person now, but I can't drink more than like one glass without having like severe consequences.

Yeah. I already know. I'm like, oh, did I, you have two glasses and wine at dinner? Tomorrow's a wash, babe. It's over for you. There's a certain point too where you're like, I need to wake up at 100% every day. Exactly. Especially for just... That Google Doc is not going to fucking fill in itself. Not only just... No matter like where, what circumstance you're waking up to you. Like if you have to be... When you were talking about the years that you were the most fucked up, I was like having flashbacks to my own 20s.

And I viscerally felt the anxiety of being hung over. Like I felt it in my body, the like idea of waking up feeling that way. And I was like, mm-mm. I hate it. Hard pass. I just hate it. It's not worth it. I don't enjoy it anymore. So I don't really drink anymore. Yeah. Occasionally. I might have a beverage. Occasionally. I'll put on my big girl pants like once a year if there's like an event that I'm like, tomorrow is this X out of the calendar? Let's be real. Two days. I'm hungover for two days because I'm old. And I'll still can't even drink hard alcohol. I'll still only drink wine and like maybe smoke a few sigs and I'm down for the count for two days. But I'm like, okay, once a year I can do that. If there's like a really fun party or some, you know, some, you know, I'll do mushrooms. Have some fun. I'll have a... But yeah, high school me was definitely the worst, I think, because...

College me was really bad, too. Yeah, college also not so great. But there's something about the high schoolness of it all where everyone was... But they're not anymore. Isn't it interesting? Like, it's... Yeah, they don't drink anymore. They don't drink anymore. Kids don't drink. They're like, I think it's worse, though. I think maybe if they do anything, they do pills and stuff, which is kind of dangerous. Oh, that's worse. That's a much more dangerous. It's all dangerous, though. I mean, I had many nights of just throwing up.

How did I not die? The way I was, like, getting on the back of pickup trucks of, like, 25-year-old men when I was, like, 15. Like, being ferried around to different weird house parties, like, ingesting weird subs. How? I was like, not kidnapped. It was just crazy thinking about the things that we did. It was before also, like, fentanyl was a thing. Yes, thank God.

Yeah. Before fentanyl was a thing, but also before iPhones were a thing. It's just like so much, there was no... I was taking mad risk with my body. Mad risks with my body. And now I'm not into that. I saw an amazing meme or whatever. It was like a tweet or something where the guy was like,

I feel bad for kids. They're always online. Like, do you see this? And he was like, we were out in the streets, like playing in the grass, like smoking sigs, doing drugs, stealing hood ornaments. I think I drank gasoline once. And I was like, that's kind of literally what it was. We were just out in the street.

Yeah, it was getting blackout drunk at like 16 stealing street signs. Literally. I stole hood ornaments. We did that. We thought that was so funny. Those statute of limitations has passed on that, so don't come from. Okay. Number 17 and 18, we're almost at the end. Number 17 and 18, tandem questions. What do you love the most about being famous and what do you hate the most about being famous and don't say you're not famous? Yeah, I won't fight you on that. Calibrate it for the level of fame that you know that you have. Yeah. Yeah, I'm very self-aware. But I did like two days ago when I got, to L.A., I went out to eat lunch with a friend.

Do you recognize? And I got recognized. It was also like, I was about to like take a bite of my salad and this young person came up to me. He was like, are you in manic and pussy? And I was just like, ah, here we go. You start getting recognized in the big cities and you're like, oh, maybe we're on to something. I kind of like it. Okay, here's what I like. Here's what I like about it. I think there's something remarkable, especially under capitalism, where if you are able to make a living out of your own talents and creativity, that feels incredible, that feels like you actually have some sort of control over your own life.

Right. Whereas, like you got out of that office job and you got to do the thing that lights you up. Yeah. Yeah. Like for an actual living. Actually waking up every day and feeling like I work for myself. but I also work within a collective and everything that's happening for us is because we have dedicated so much of developing our talents and creativity. That feels really amazing.

What about sincere, beautiful? What about what do you hate? I am starting to suspect that it makes dating harder. Bitch, don't even get it. It's funny. I was thinking that when you were saying like, how so many men get into being in bands or whatever because they want to, like, idle fuck, but also because they want girls and stuff. There's a reason that women don't do it for those reasons, because they don't get that. Like, that doesn't work that way for women. It doesn't really, generally speaking, it does not work either way.

The tender egos, babe, of hashtag not all men. Yeah. Is a whole thing. It takes quite a man to live. a bit in the shadow of his significant other. It takes a really self-assured person to be like... But it's like, is it a shadow or is it like... It's not a shadow.

Like, being a secure person, I mean, like, that's what she does is what I do. And then it doesn't have anything to fucking do with anything else. Like, we have different kinds of jobs. It doesn't matter. Yeah. I think that women from a really young age are conditioned to make sacrifices for other people. Yeah. Women are conditioned to play a lot of different roles for other people.

Not at all in the same way that men are conditioned to, that men... Barbie speech. Yeah, this is my Barbie speech. Yeah, like, men are just not encouraged to play all those roles for someone. They, like, the way that kind of a lot of traditional relationships are set up is that the woman is sacrificing something so that she can take care of things that help the man. to succeed further in his career. That's obviously not always the case, but just generally speaking,

who is expected to stay at home? Who is expected to... Yeah, and like traditional gender roles, for sure. Yeah, which are being challenged more, but how much? And, you know, I think it's really tough. It's, I've seen how difficult it is for people I've dated to understand what it means

in terms of just like how much I go away. Yeah. And then I think the insecurity starts brewing. Which I think is challenging for anyone. Any gendered person in a touring band to be in a relationship. Yeah. It's really difficult. Yeah.

But I think generally speaking, like women are a bit more patient and understanding and are now willing to wait. Waiting at home and pining away. I mean, we won't get into the crisis of masculinity. And I actually think that they have the emasherly. masculatization or whatever, then causes these problems where they don't have the self-possession to just be like, that's fine,

because they are so emasculated, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I wonder, I mean, in terms of, like, what don't I like like about that level of fame is that even at this level of, like, being in a band, I'm starting to see how difficult it is for people to kind of accept that... That's why you have to be in a power couple,

a hardcore power couple. That's exactly what I need. And so, but then also like finding someone who's on my level. Let's go. Yeah, if you guys are out there and if you're on a slide into my DMs. Or a slash rocking band and you feel, you know, drawn to this. Yeah. DM me.

I can filter you. Do you have missed you directly? The other thing I don't like is it's strange to meet people for the first time who know a lot about you. Yeah, yeah. before you are able to tell them those things yourself. We've tried having a podcast where you talk about yourself for hours and hours and hours at a time. You'll be like, yeah, I guess I did say that. I've been on a date before where someone has like pulled out something I said in an interview and I immediately was like,

don't do that. Why would you bring that up? Don't do that. That's so weird. It's so creepy. Sure, like maybe people are Googling. Like, I don't know, but I don't want to know that you did that. Don't tell me.

Yeah, do it like a normal person privately. Keep it private. Yeah. I don't. People will be like, oh, you said this thing. And I'll be like, first of all, I black out every time I report something. So I don't know what you're talking about. I don't remember.

Sure. Okay. If you say I said it, I said it. Who cares? I don't talk about that. But yeah, it's great. Number 19, babe. Who are you jealous of?

Who am I jealous of? I'm really like I'm not a very jealous person. Nobody ever makes you jealous. I feel like jealousy provides information. in a way that is like, oh, maybe there's an unrealized part of myself that wants to do something that I didn't realize. And seeing this person embody it sparks that in me because I am learning that I want to do that or be that or whatever. I think when I was younger and a little bit less evolved and self-aware, jealousy definitely manifested as something where I felt insecure that maybe I wasn't yet like working hard enough or I wasn't dedicating enough of myself to something. And so like sometimes seeing, you know, other bands get a lot of like recognition or attention for something that maybe wasn't my personal taste.

I would sometimes be like, oh, this is, you know, I might feel jealous that like that hadn't come to me. But I think it was really just this root of like, you know, bitch you've been doing this for like three years. What do you expect to happen? You know, I think there's something to be said for how. much of your time you really dedicate to something and like in like really seeing it through the again like I know you say like there's definitely bands of they already made their best work and like that's it but having time to develop your talents and grow sure is a good antidote to jealousy because you realize that you're you know you're you're in it in your own way and I think if I was a more

jealous person it would be difficult to be as close to some of the people who I'm really close to in my life who are like much more successful. I don't, like... You don't internalize that. No, like, it's really, like, I've had friendships end where I didn't understand, like, why they were ending, and only later did they tell me that they were jealous of me. And I was just like, damn, like, that's not my idea of what I want friendship to be. Right.

Like, we could have just had a conversation and we could have, like, worked out that, like, maybe there's, like, things that you want out of life and, like, I can help you or like we can talk about like what would make you happy because that's all it is. It's like you have an unhappiness in your life and there's a way to make yourself happy that way. And that jealous feeling is just informing you of a place that you're a little bit unhappy. Yeah. And I think the really exciting thing is like when you really love someone. Oh yeah.

You're just like, fuck yeah. You're just like, fuck yeah. You're just like, fuck yes. I always believed in you. I always saw your talent before anyone else did and like, fuck yes. And that's the way that I want to live and have my friendships and relationships in my life where we are just celebrating each other and holding each other sometimes when we need to. All right. Number 20. When was the last time you cried? I am not a big cryer in my personal life. Thank you childhood trauma. Really learn to stuff it down emotions for a long time until I was like, oh no, I actually.

I have so many. But the last week I've been so weepy in a way where I'm finding myself like I'm on the edge of tears a lot and then really crying. I recently, right before I flew out here, my sister came over because I was on the phone with her and I just started like breaking down in tears. And I think it was a bit that I has a combination of so many things where I do feel a little overwhelmed. I feel like that anticipation that happens, like right before an album comes out. You don't know how people are going to respond to it. You don't know, like, you've just, you've been in it for so long that you kind of can't. It's been like your private world for so long and now it's about to be public.

By the time this comes out, it will be out. Yeah. It'll be so public. It'll be so out there. And then also the anticipation of like what goes into making a record is like you not only put so much of yourself into it, then you are expected to also share so much about it as well and then perform it so much. So like I have my entire year booked through the end of December. And so I started feeling this like overwhelming emotional state of like, am I strong enough for this? Like am I ready

for this? And can I put my body through this and like still feel healthy and mentally well and emotionally stable? Because touring is just so hard on the body. And I think I've been starting to feel fearful of like what it does too. And then, you know, what I was crying to my sister about too is just like knowing that I'm going to miss so much this year of just so many different things where I have a bunch of really good friends who are getting married. I'm not going to be there for it. I'm going to miss a couple milestone birthdays for people who I really love. like I am pretty certain that my two remaining grandparents are probably going to pass away this year. And I'm not, I just know I'm not going to be around.

And I'm not going to be able to be there from my family. And it's just like I've just started to feel really emotional or emotional about all the things I know I'm going to miss because I've chosen. I've chosen darkness. Yeah, I've chosen, I chose art. I chose this life that just kind of throws you on the road for months at a time. And then you just, you kind of sit in a place where you're like, I hope all the people who I love remember me when I come home. And, you know, they do because we've all been practicing this for a long time and we've been practicing those relationships. But yeah, I just like, I love the people in my life so much and I miss them so much when I'm out there. And I think, and then in another way, it's also. I so confidently chose solitude over the past couple years that now I think loneliness is starting to catch up with me a little bit. Right. And then at that exact moment, you have to kind of leave and be on the road.

Exactly. Like I finally was like, oh, I'd really like to go out with some people. I'd really like to explore what it would be like to be close to someone again. I feel like ready for that. I feel, you know, lonesome. Well, your hardcore boyfriend is coming, babe. At the exact time I'm like... We put the call out, so...

Just keep an eye on your DM. Just listen. Tour or no tour. We got him. He's coming. Okay, number 21. This is usually what is your biggest regret, but I changed it to

what is your relationship with the Dave Matthews band? I used to pretend I hated them when I was a teen growing up in Connecticut because everyone loved them. Also, one of the worst concert experiences I ever went to, sorry, Dave, was being... I can't judge him for the crowd.

His crowd is atrocious. I love them now. I'm one of them and I'm part of that and I'm a dad who dances, but I hear you at 16, it's probably not the vibe. At 16, it was so many drunken frat boys. Sure. And that was not my vibe at all. But now. But now I love Dave Matthews.

And I would say the entire band loves Dave Matthews. That's what I like to fucking hear. There is a point on tour where we're like, are we about to do? a Dave hour. And then we just like put on Dave Matthew's band for a couple hours in the van. You hear it here for his mannequin pussy loves Dave Matthew's band. Yeah, we do. I stand by it. All right. Missy, number 22, what song would you like to hear just before you die? Um, you know, a song I love so much. There's so many because I just love music so much. But the Flying Burritos, the Flying Burrito Brothers song, Hot Burrito number one, I think it's just one of the most beautiful songs of all time.

hear Grand Parsons' voice as I enter the abyss would be lovely. That's beautiful. He died on my birthday. Did he? Yeah. Maybe you were reincarnated on the exact year? No, he's much. I was like, wait a minute, you're, I'm trying to keep trying to make you old.

All right. Number 23, Missy, what do you think about me? Oh, I love you. You know what? This question grows more and more embarrassing every time I ask it. I think you are one of the most. almost like quintessentially California people I've ever met

in a way where I really see California in your like your spirit and your attitude and your way of speaking and like I love California especially someone from the East Coast like to me it's this kind of exotic culture that exists and I love to see it embodied

in someone I also love the way that you just love music so much you know you have your finger on the pulse because I feel like we met finger on the pulse of 90s alternative rock bands Like at junior high, we played like a DIY show there years ago. That's right. You know, and in a lot of ways where I would be like before anyone should have cared or took notice.

I was absolutely the oldest person at that show. You were interested and you were engaged and I feel like you also kind of believed in us earlier than most people. And so that I always like really appreciated that. Plus, we are doppelgangers. And we look alike. How could you not? So it's like we probably share some sort of ancestral link. It's true.

I agree. Thank you for the nice things. And thank you for enjoying my. a Valley Girl accent that gives you some exotic joy. I love it. I love you too and I think you're amazing. You're very talented and I would love to be better friends with you. Perfect. Okay. Last question. Number 24, what do you want to plug? My new record. I got heaven. I got one thing here right now and it's I got heaven. And it's a new record that's out on Epitaph Records. March 1st, but it's not March 1st. It's after March 1st right now. It sure. It's worth the future. Yeah. Stream it now. It's really good.

Missy, thank you so much for taking a time coming care. Thank you, Yossi. I'm very excited to be your first video guest. It's been absolutely lovely.