Bandsplain - 24 Question Party People: Mary Timony

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

Singer-songwriter and guitar powerhouse Mary Timony has been making gorgeous music for decades, both in bands like Autoclave, Helium, Ex Hex, and Wild Flag and as a solo act. Her latest solo effort, 'Untame the Tiger,' releases next month. Mary drops by the show to discuss her father’s late-in-life discovery of Leonard Cohen, unlocking aspects of herself through profound grief, and the joy of creating a community with fellow musicians. All of that and more on this week’s '24 Question Party People.' Host: Yasi SalekGuest: Mary TimonyProducer: Jesse Miller-GordonAssociate Producer: Chris SuttonAdditional Production Supervision: Justin SaylesTheme Song: Hether Fortune Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What's up, guys, it's your boy Johnny Bananas, and I'll be covering all the treachery, deceit, backstabbing, and murder from season two of the Traders U.S. on my podcast, death taxes, and bananas. I'll be joined all season by my fellow castmates to swap stories, provide all the behind-the-scenes antics, and sorted details from filming. So, Sally Fourth, and join me for Season 2 of the Traders every Saturday on the Ringer reality TV podcast feed. party people four question party people hello and welcome to 24 question party people I am your host Yossi Salik

this is a show where I invite an interesting person on for a little talk I ask the same 23 questions every time more or less plus one wild card the guest is allowed to skip one question sometimes the questions change a little because honestly my first instinct

here was to apologize to for taking the week off last week. But you know what? I'm not going to do that. Okay. I just, I feel like it's kind of crazy how little space we give ourselves to get through hard things. Um, I'm we, we, I'm, I'm we. And on top of that, how much we, again, I'm just trying on myself, try to minimize those hard things, right? Like, I can't tell you. how many times in the past week or two, I've said something along the lines of, I know it was just a dog about losing Lou as if, A, I have to explain to people that I understand the difference

between losing a parent and losing a pet. Like, I shouldn't even have to say that. Like, I'm a, I am a human being that understands things. And B, as if relativism in any way makes an impact on emotions, like as if like your non-rational emotions could give a fuck about the calculus you're doing in your mind that's like, whoa, bo, bu, pa. I don't think there's like a taxonomy or like a hierarchy of grief. I just don't believe that. I think you feel things deeply regardless and playing relativism in your mind doesn't make anything any better. If you have a nice hierarchy, of grief, that's great, good for you. You sound like a really cool person. But for me, you know what? My dog died and I had to spend an entire week laying down and looking at

TikTok because I really basically couldn't do anything else. I could go to the gym. I could come home and sit in my car and not be able to get out for an hour. I could sometimes shower, sometimes not so much. And then I would lay down and let TikTok Calgon take me away. Makeup tutorials, skincare, get ready with me, is how to manifest your dream life, astrology. The dumb bitch, Algo was really dumb bitching. But you know what? All the things that they say about grief are true. It's not linear. It makes you insanely tired. I've been sleeping 10 to 11 hours a night. my aura ring is popping. But there's also a few things I had not been aware of.

One is that like, okay, the first week, it's all you can talk about. And that's okay, right? It's fresh. Your friends and the people at the gym and the person at Starbucks and the hostess at Houston's, they all understand that you bring it up constantly because it's, you know, it's fresh. It's okay. But then the second week, I suddenly felt so ashamed. Like I was suddenly the most fucking annoying.

burdensome person in the world. I'm fucking on about this shit again. It's all I can talk about. I'm just dead dog girl now and nobody wants to hear it. This was my own brain poison for the record. Everybody in my life has been nothing but kind and supportive and honestly gone really above and beyond with like sending flowers and texts and calls and dropping by food and just being so amazing. But my brain has told me to shut the fuck a bar, I bitch. It's time to get over it. Or at the very least, it's time to keep that broken record shit to yourself, bitch. I had to go to like a work function that I had agreed to prior to losing Lou. And I had to be social.

And even though I told myself, okay, just go. You won't talk about it. Just don't talk about it. Just be normal and say you're fine. People ask how you are. I lasted like three minutes before I told just an absolute fucking stranger that my dog had died. It was like Tourette's. I can't help it.

I don't know if I want to help it. I mean, everyone processes differently, but I talk about things. Another thing I didn't know was that this part is very cool, that grief, like, quietly opens a back door in your psyche, and then suddenly years of unfelt, buried, smaller, mostly sometimes quite large, other griefs are like, what, bitch? There's a party in there? Let's fucking go. And they all fly through the door and they fucking knock you the fuck out. I was not really prepared for that. And that part has been a real fucking journey. But you know what? Also, I felt so fucking grateful a lot, a lot. I mean, not just for

like the fucking incredible kindness of people in my life. And you guys sending me these nice message on the internet, the guy that sent me the dog, his dog that had passed away that looked exactly like Lou, that made me cry. Thank you. I'm also just grateful for the experience I got to have with Lou, even though it was so short. I'm grateful that I got to be her person for a little while and that also I got to be the person that held her and gave her a home. I wasn't going to cry, you guys. Again, let me live. I gave her a home and I got to give her a home and I got to give her beef liver cubes and love before she left the world. I'm grateful that she didn't have to die in her shelter. And I would spend all that fucking money over again every single time if I had to.

Money is big anyway. We all know that. I'm also really grateful for the opportunity I got to like kind of grapple with my own faith. You know what I mean? Like to feel really angry and to have all this self-pity, and then still ultimately find my way back to the place where I feel the most comfort, which is the place where I believe that I'm not in control, and I don't have to understand why things happen. I just have to hold my trust as close as I held loop, and my trust is all I have, you know? And it does get stronger, right? It gets stronger when I get to have a conversation, like this one that I got to have with the incredible Mary Timothy, fucking iconic,

who's a new album that's coming out was made during one of the hardest times of her life, sandwiched between the death of one parent and the death of the other. Like, imagine, and I didn't even know that when I booked this interview. Like, it just was what the thing was, and that fucking strengthens your trust. I was worried, like, come back to work and like, here she go, talking about grief and dead dog. But I was so honestly lucky to get to talk about grief with Mary, who was so open and so honest and just so beautiful about talking about it.

It was such a gift. That's right. Ernest fucking went all the way to camp on this bitch today, okay? Anyway, thanks for listening. Here is my top. with Mary Timney. 24-4-1-1-4-1. Guys, today on the program we have,

this is massive, Mary Timony, did I say that properly? Mm-hmm. You got it. It is, what a, first of all, musical name you have. I have to ask you,

on Wikipedia, it says your middle name is Bonanza. Please tell me that's true. Oh, my God. I kind of wish it was. It's so good. I was like, I want to,

believe. I love that. Okay, maybe I'll change it. I think so. I think you should. It's really good. Okay. I'll consider that. No, it's my grandma is Bozana. It's like a check name. So, but it does look exactly like Bonanza. You're right. Amazing. Amazing. I have been perhaps not seeing things properly. So I'll have to recheck my work on that one. No, it's actually, someone else has pointed out to me previously in my life. Okay, so it wasn't just me steeped in. No, no, no. It's, I haven't heard it in a long time, but you're not the only person. My mind switched the letters and saw bonanza.

I think you have a good point. It's still very beautiful. It's very cool. Thank you. Thank you. Very timiny. You've got a great name too. Oh, thank you so much.

Very pretty. I like it. You know, you get. you get comfortable with your name after a time. You're just kind of used to it. Well, you know, for the people listening, I must tell them. You're an absolute legend. But in case you, for whatever reason, don't know, A, you should not be listening to this program.

Go do some research and come back. But I'll give you a TLDR. Mary Tiffany, part of many projects, starting with the iconic autoclave that I learned my friend from my gym class is a huge fan. She was like, yeah, I randomly, she was like, yeah, for some reason, when I, was a teenager, that album came into my possession. She was like, I wasn't cool enough to have it, but I got it and I became like deeply obsessed with it. And I was like, oh, that's so cool. That is really cool. Wow. That's a rare. Yeah. Yeah, a little rare gem. Obviously helium, which I'm a massive fan. Then you took a brief 10-year, just as a short 10-year

journey to make some solo albums. Back to groups. Yes. Yeah, you're right. Yep. You got it. Yeah. Pow-wow. I did do groups then. Yeah. Okay, soft power, wild flag, X-X, hammered holes with Alec Mackey. You're right. And now we're back to solo album. We are. In 15 years, Untamed the Tiger.

Yes, it is true. What made you want, I mean, before we get into the 24 questions, what made you want to go back to making a solo album after all that time? Everything shut down. It was a pandemic, right? Sure, sure. My parents both, like, suddenly got, well, my dad got suddenly got really sick, dementia. So I was like, caretaking my dad. Oh, thanks.

It was just a crazy time in my life. Like, everything shifted. And to get through it, or not to get through it, but it's just, like, everything changed really drastically. So music, I would say, was one thing that really helped me through that time. So I just was sort of writing songs because I was in that phase of like, I guess it's time to make or some kind of record. I didn't really know, you know? And the kind of songs I was writing just seemed to be those types of songs. They just sounded like a certain way that probably, yeah.

So it just sort of happened. I wasn't that conscious of it. It was more like, okay, well, this stuff definitely sounds like solo music. Are you the kind of person who turns to music in times of need and crisis to just to sort of like put your stuff somewhere? You know what it is? It's more like the act of doing it. It's the most, it's the one thing, I was thinking about this yesterday. It's the one thing that I know how to do that makes me feel better. It's not even just being creative. It's just being around. other musicians or having a structure to my day. You know, it's like that's the thing that makes me feel the most normal. Because if I don't do it, I feel very not like a normal person.

You know, like I get depressed. Yeah, it's like a king, it's like a kingdom that you are, you have a dominion over. Like you have a, you have a dexterity with that must feel really good to like come back to and have the community and also like, I know how to do this. Yeah, there's lots of different parts. I mean, that's actually the most fun as being around other musicians. And like right now, I'm out playing a show here in L.A. with my friend Joe Wong tomorrow.

And there are 20 people in the band. They're like the best, best musicians ever. And just putting me in the best mood because I get to meet all these really great musicians and play with them. So really enjoy that. Joe Wong did the music for Russian Doll. Yes. Yes. Yep.

Very good. I really liked that. Yeah, he's amazing. He's so amazing. So yeah, it's been such a fun trip. But any aspect of it will always, it's not even then I'm just like, oh, I have to get my emotions. It's more just like, well, life doesn't make any sense, though.

I might as well, like, figure out how to play this song. Right. Whether, you know, it doesn't have to be like me writing a great song. It's just like, even if I'm learning how to play something off of YouTube, it's something to do with my time. Okay, that sums that up. Yeah. Life doesn't make sense.

Yeah. have to say, I told you this off, off mic, however we say it. But like, I was a little apprehensive to do this. I took a week off. The listeners of the podcast know that my dog died recently and I've been having a really hard time with it. And not to presume to be like delusional enough, of course, to compare a dog passing away to your parents passing away. No, they're our family. I understand my cat passed away, you know, I get it. It's like, you're baby. It's just, yeah, it's gutting. I mean, grief is, I don't, I don't know if grief has like a taxonomy or a hierarchy. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. I don't know. But just reading about

the story behind your album and listening to it. And I did feel, I don't know, like, A, I felt this like real, like, beautiful, universal thing that like both the episodes that I've done sense have somehow been sort of anchored in grief as a through line, which is, I don't know, feels like special in a way. And there was just something, I mean, there's something about this album that's so, it's like kind of hypnotic in a way that I find really comforting. I don't know if that's something you set out to do or just ended up being that way. But yeah, I listen to it a lot. That's interesting. Thank you so much. Oh my God, I really appreciate it. I wonder if that has to do the way it was mixed, because we got really, really, really OCD about the mix and just mixed for like six months or something. So I think that's maybe why it sounds.

Jay Robbins. Jay Robbins did engineering or mixing. I can't remember. Sorry. I did do some tracking with him in Baltimore. I did tracking out here in L.A. with my friend Joe Wong. And then also. with my friend Dennis in my house. A lot of it was done in my house. Like my parts are all done in my house. But anyway, no, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I know this is a really awesome album. Like, I was really affected by the guest that's obviously Domino's is a little jam and the guest really got me. And the whole thing, it's very tight. It's very, I mean, you're obviously guitar hero extraordinaire. But it doesn't, you know, like, I think you have this like really, this gift of like it doesn't draw attention to itself in a way. that like, you know, guitar center guy

just like Johnny. Yeah. Ink Vey or whatever. Yeah. No, I know. I just like, I thank you so much. I don't know.

I just like playing like stuff that sounds good. I don't know. It's not show off. Thank you. This is also very random, but I just because I finally have the opportunity to tell you, I listened to that song that you did with Stephen Merritt, all dressed up in dreams,

like a freak-ish. Like so often, a lot. I listen to that song. He's such a genius. I know. He really is incredible songwriter. Great combo, the two of you. Okay. Yeah. Why don't we get into the, I don't we get into the 24 questions. Okay. Okay. Number one, Mary Timony. Yes. What is your sign? I am a Libra and I think my rising is Capricorn. Oh, interesting. Rising is the... other main one. Is that the other main ones? There's two other main ones. Rising and moon. I think it's rising is Capricorn. I don't know what my moon is.

Interesting. The Capricorn rising would make sense as Capricorns are industrious. They are prolific. They like work. Yeah. So, I mean, in music being work, you know, and it makes a lot of sense. Do you relate, I mean, Libras are Venusian. ruled by Venus, so lovers of beauty can be very, either very into justice or very indecisive

because they are wanting to make the right decision, so they can sometimes get paralyzed by weighing the options. That's definitely me. It took me like three years to make this record. It kept like throwing stuff out. and doing it over. So yes, that's me. Especially probably with art, I would assume, with Libras,

because they are so motivated by art and beauty. And then also the indecisiveness comes in together to like, well, this song doesn't sound right. Something has to change here. I don't know what it is. Let's go back this way. Right. But also, you know, really romantic and artistic and charming. Libras are awesome. I'm a tourist. I'm also ruled by Venus. So I feel like Torres and Libra get along. Taurus. And then what are your other two main ones? My rising is also Taurus. Wow. Yeah. So I have strong sit on the couch energy. Yeah, strong not leave the house energy.

Yeah. But then I have an Aries moon, which makes me mentally ill. No. Wait, what about Aries? What's, yeah. Aries is the child of the Zodiac, like the baby. It's very impulsive. ruled by Mars, so very fiery, sort of like, doesn't think through decisions.

And it's not, you know, when you're just lost and you get too into things and I understand why people join cults, me, it's astrology. And now I just like know too much about it. But different planets and different signs are at home in different places. And Aries is not at home in the moon. Like, it's not a good combination because it's, Aries is very fiery and the moon is like, you know, that's not the vibe of the moon. So that also creates a bit of like a friction. It's okay.

Rihanna is also an Aries moon. So I'm in good company. Yeah, that's cool. She's doing just fine. She's doing great. I didn't realize until recently that like astrology was like just another science until like. Totally. Oh, 100%.

It's 1500 or something. Like the reason why. it's so developed is because it was just another science. And then look at what they took away from us. I know. That is so interesting that suddenly this whole branch of knowledge and learning was just people just decided it was all bullshit, which I really don't. Of course, it's not. I mean, anything that was developed for thousands of years in different cultures, like, my God. Yeah. I mean, look, anything that you can use as a tool of self-reflection, I think has value, you know? So it's like, I mean, yeah, you don't have to like, you know, run your life by your horoscope or whatever,

but I don't think anyone's suggesting that. It's not an exact thing. It's just a, it's a different way of using our understanding of stuff in the world and our lives and what's happening. And yeah. A hundred percent. Anyway, so I'm fully on board. I'm glad you're, I'm glad you're down. Mary Timmy. Love to hear it. All right. Number two, it's 10.18 a.m. on the West Coast. Yes. Mary Timony. What did, what have you eaten today? I woke up. I'm in a thing with my buddies here in this Airbnb and we've collected some snacks that are in the kitchen. And I walked by and I had a tangerine. Then I stole, I felt kind of bad because I stole some of my roommates granola. but I apologized.

It was good. It was like a collective situation. You just dry granola. Thank you for reassuring me that. Just ate it out of the bag. You just raw dog the dry granola. I did. All right.

Well, what about you? I mean, if I can drop you some milk. I have the same thing every day, which is a smoothie that I have at around 10 a.m. to get my protein. I use my goat protein powder and my raw milk, blueberries, colostrum. What's colostrum? Colostrum is the first substance that comes out of an animal who is nursing before the milk comes out.

What? Whoa. And it is the most nutrient dense. This is not people, colostrum. People ask me this all the time. And I'm like, no, I do not have access to, I don't think that's FDA approved. This is from cows, and it's powdered. But it is known to be very, it's kind of a new thing, and I'm very susceptible to health trends, and I will jump on board.

Do I also put fish tank cleaner in it? That's right, I do. This is a very, that's right, it's called methylium blue. It's a new, very new health trend that is sort of scam. But so far I'm alive. So I think it's working okay. Wait, what? Fish tank cleaner? So it's like a chemical that's used to clean fish tank? Like, what are you doing? Are you okay? Well, as my dad likes to point out, everything is a chemical. Even, I mean, natural things are chemicals. Everything is a chemical. That's what. So methylene blue pre-existed it being used as a fish tank cleaner. It also dyes everything blue. So I think that was one of the original, you know, uses for it. You know, the jury's out. It's only been a couple of weeks, but it gives me a lot of energy. I also have a beef tallow cream that has methylame blue in it that I got my skin because there's been some studies that methylene blue reverse ages the skin. Okay. I need to listen to that.

It's honestly great. If you don't have a problem with putting beef tallow on your face, which it smells great because they put essential oils in it. It doesn't smell like cow or anything. It's very driving. Wow. All right. I'm on board. All right. I'll send you, I'll send you the link, Mary Timony. You can get down with the... I got a lot of things out of this podcast. You know what? We try to be informative and fun on here. Okay. Number three, Mary Timney. Have you listened to music today? And if so, what was it? I did. I went on a walk this morning. And I was listening to my friend's mix. He's making a record. So he sent me mixes. I was listen to that. And then I had actually, I realized I had all these songs saved on my, I do use

Spotify, by the way. On my Spotify, most like songs that I did not know how they got there. And I, I, a couple of nights. They do that for you. Well, a couple of nights ago, we were listening to, we had, you know, we were sitting around after we got back from practice here, that's his Airbnb, listening to music. And, and I had a few drinks, and apparently I was, like, saving a bunch of songs that my friends recommended. As we do. So, that was kind of fun. Nice.

I got to hear some things that I didn't really remember hearing the night. Like, what is this? Past me, gave my future self a little present for the, to check out in the future. I know. Oh, the other funny thing about that was we were listening on my phone and I did like a screen sharing thing was that because we were at this Airbnb. They're so stare. So I did a screen sharing thing with the television. So we were like going through listening to stuff on my phone and we could see it until.

Yeah. So then things started winding down and I went to like get ready for bed and stuff. I was like checking out what's going on, you know, on Instagram and checking my email. Everyone can watch it on TV though reading your emails. Then I realized, yeah, my friend who's sleeping on the couch is like sit right in front of the television, the entire thing was being broadcast on television. Well, I no longer take my phone to bed, but if someone was to be able to watch what I was looking at on my phone, I would die of shame. Yeah, I just realized, wow, yeah, I got to really watch out. That's my absolute nightmare. That's the

worst thing that could ever happen to me is the public display of what I look at my phone on my phone all day. Like the stuff I Google, no one needs to know about them. It's between me and God. Definitely. When your friend sends you the album mixes to listen to, is it like with the understanding that you'll give feedback? Yeah. Yeah.

How does that feel for you? Do you feel pressure? You know, it would really depend on, I think I know what you're saying and I probably would feel that in like almost any other area of my life. Because I have obsessed about mixing so much. Yeah. I actually really kind of love doing that. Yeah.

No, that makes so much sense because you're able to like really like give it like a professional ear and point things out or, you know, be like, oh, hey, I would do something a little different here or whatever. Yeah. And it's kind of fun because you don't have to be that technically skill. Like I've spent so much time doing it. I'm not like a totally technically skilled and recording engineer. So, you know what I mean? So, but it's more just like an artistic opinion.

And I've listened so much to, you know, my music or whatever, trying to figure out what's wrong with it. So it's good. Nothing. It's perfect. It's kind of a fun thing. I really do enjoy that. Although, someone were asking me in my opinion about something else, it would be, I would understand. Yeah.

I would feel weird. The way you are not a professional recording engineer, I literally know nothing. I'm like, I don't know what, I couldn't even tell you what instrument that is that I'm trying to point out to you. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, this here. And he's like, that's a viola. And I'm like, I don't know what the viola. I hear you. You know, sometimes that's actually what you want, though, when you're, you want to know what someone feels on a late person. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Or just like, how does this make you feel? Yeah. Okay. Number four, what is the first song that made a meaningful impact on you as a child. Okay, so there are a couple of them. One of them was

Country Road by John Denver, which I remember hearing because a bunch of my friends in nursery school, I think, or kindergarten. Kindergarten, I must have been like five. We're singing it. And everyone loved the song and they sang it all the time at school. That's really cute. That's really cute. Yeah, so that's my answer. Were you joining in? Were you into singing it with the other kids? Did you always like singing? Oh, boy.

I guess I did. I always, yeah, I was never good at it, but I always really was obsessed with singing. You're pretty good at it. No, it's one thing that I, anyway, one that I really work on, trying to get better at it. So yeah,

Century Roots. What about you? I've never actually thought about this. That's funny. I think it was probably a Madonna song because my mom was deeply obsessed with Madonna when I was very young. And I think she told me she was like,

you really loved Lucky Star. Oh, it's so good. You must be my Lucky Star. Yeah, because, I mean, pop music is very accessible for children. I mean, as part of its magic is that it is so accessible.

Right. Yeah, I remember being very deep. Also, like, as a young girl, the whole package was very appealing to me because she was so feminine and cool and had these cool outfits and, like, the lace and the like a virgin. And, like, so I think that's probably what it was. It was just Madonna. Yeah, that stuff is amazing. Yeah. I love it.

I can understand. Yeah. Okay. Number five, Mary Timney. What is the first album you bought with your own money or shoplifted with your own two hands? I don't know. I'm not calling you a thief. I'm just saying some of us

we're prone to shoplifting. Some of us. I have shoplifted twice in my life, actually. But it was not a record. Consciously. Well, actually, no. Yeah, only twice. I'm doing okay, right?

I do a lot of other bad things, but that, I mean, I did do it twice. I'll still do it. Sometimes I'll just to feel alive. That's for you. Like a little self-chip. checkout moment. Nothing big. I'll just be like, I don't need

lip balm, that's okay. You're like, I need this and I don't, I need a discount. I just want to see if I can do it. I don't mind. It's awesome. Yeah. I like that. Okay, so I have some, something weird is that my mother did

not allow us to buy records when I was growing up because it was just, it was in a very unclear rule because my dad had some records. Like he had like five records. And we had a stereo. but my mom said no record, you're not allowed to buy records. Were your parents religious?

No, not really. I don't know what her deal was. I still can't figure it out. Yeah. But we kind of like broke the rules and did buy some records. But it was like a weird nebulous thing where I was like, I guess I'm not supposed to do that. She led us buy cassette tapes, though. Okay.

Okay. But I did break the rules a few times. Like, when I was in, like, eighth grade, I just got into, like, I was like, oh, I don't know. I'd seen on, like, some video show, like, the Thompson Twins and, like, Culture Club. So I was like, oh, New Wave. Wow, New Wave is cool. So I bought Eurhythmic 7-inch, and I bought Howard John 7-inch. But I figured because they were smaller, it was okay.

Right, it didn't count. That's on a record. That's a something that's a baby. Yeah. Exactly. So I slid that in. And then my brother had like a kiss record. It was just weird.

It was weird. It was like, I'm not supposed to be doing this, but I am. So I had some kiss. I had more cassettes. And did you have like a Walkman? No.

No, because I don't, here's something funny. I don't know when Walkmans. I had, I had one of those tape players that's like, you know, the ones where you record. You press the button down.

Yeah. Yeah. Like the long. flat ones. Yeah, huge. And then I got a Walkman in high school. Yeah, that was huge. That was huge moment for me.

Life changing. Yeah. 24-1-1-1-4-1. Okay, number six, Mary Timony. I like how you're using both of my names. I really enjoy using people's full names, especially yours is, like I said, it really flows off the tongue. It's just such a lovely combination of syllables.

Thank you. You're welcome. You could add the bonanza in there. She felt like it. That's incorrect. She's not your name. I butchered the reading. In my grief, I'm unable to read properly.

Okay. Did anyone in your child ever tell you, Mary Timony, you're never going to make it. Give up now. You can't make music or some iteration of that like they do in the movies. And if so, who was it? And what did you say back? Oh, my God.

I can't imagine. your mom was very, was very like, you should be a musician given that she wouldn't allow you to buy record albums. No. Yeah, that's why this goes a little bit. You know, I have a little bit of damage there. Yeah. You get to skip one question. If it makes you feel better, my parents also told me that I couldn't do all of the things that I wanted to do.

Really? Yeah, they wanted me to be a business woman. Yes. Or a. I'm like, yes. No, I'm sorry. No, I relate. No, I have a master's in business.

I have a master's degree. Yeah, because that's how much, that's how long and how much they wanted me to do and how much I was like, okay. Holy shit. So you want business degree in college and masters? No, I got, I like kind of like tried to negotiate my way into like a communication degree because what I really wanted to be was a writer. But then I like kind of like, this was like my whole life was like sort of having to like manipulate and negotiate my parents to like my point of view by like nefarious ends. So I was like, like, I could be marketing, which is business,

even though I had no fucking intention. I don't know marketing. I even know what that was. But I was like, that's business. And so we kind of got to like a middle-round, really, I probably wanted to go to art school or something like, you know, or like not even go to school. I moved to New York and, you know, whatever, be in a band. But now I haven't

right. From a top five program. Yeah, yeah, you're doing it now. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes it just takes a while. to fucking figure out life.

You don't have to answer that question. Yeah, no, I can't. I'll tell. No, I'm totally like, yeah, I didn't. I've got a very complicated relationship to that question because on one hand, my mom was wonderful and really encouraged me to take all these art and music classes when I was a little kid.

But as soon as it became like, yeah, same thing. they both were like just assumed I would want to, you know, work for some company or become a lawyer. They really wanted me to be a lawyer and my brother. They were just like, who are, you know, who are our children are insane? Like they want to be artists. I mean, I get it because they're just afraid of, you know, trying to protect. Exactly. Like, ultimately, they just loved us, right?

Like they just, it was their way of protecting and. wanting us. No, absolutely. They just wanted the best. And it turns out when I got older and my parents got older and especially into their later years, I realized where all this negativity came from and that they were blocked artists. My mom was a blocked artist. And I just never put two and two together as much because it felt directed towards me. But yeah, she was, um, She went to school for acting. She was a dancer and had a really traumatic time. And, you know, when she was trying to act, it was the 50s.

She was a little town in South Dakota. She had like a really traumatic experience where she got assaulted on the road because she did tour for a little while. So, yeah. So, of course, you're going to be like. So she's extra wanted to protect you. Totally. Every time I would tell her I was going on tour, she'd be like, what?

Yeah. You're doing what? Because that's what she thought would happen to me, you know? So it makes sense. It's a huge thing, right, when you hit the age where you're able to, like, see your parents as people instead of just your parents, you know? And that kind of like shifts everything where you're like, oh, this was not about me. This was about you and your life. For sure.

And their parents and their parents and their parents was handed down and on and on and on. you know, this like generational stuff. It's really freeing. Yes. To sort of like, yeah, to be able to have that compassion. Yeah, I would say around 30. I finally was like, oh, okay. I get it.

Oh, you were ahead of me. I was more like 38, but that's okay. No, I mean, I'm still, but I'm still undoing everything. I'm still undoing everything. You know, it's like I'm fucking work. I work so hard to try to get in there inside of my brain, like undo certain things. self-hatred and stuff. Maybe we're lucky to be able to do that, you know?

Because the alternative is being unhappy. Like a blank slate. Yeah, or just happy all the time with, which makes happiness meaningless, you know, because it has no shadow side. So it's just how boring, you know, how flat, how dull. Do you think anybody is happy all the time?

I don't know. No. Yeah. I think lobotomized people, which I often dream about that happening for me sometimes. No, lately my fantasy is, this is a fantasy I used to have a long time ago and I thought it wouldn't return, but it has returned in which I would just like to be briefly institutionalized. A long time. Like, let's say two weeks to a month, a beautiful seaside sort of establishment where like you don't have to make any decisions all day.

Like it's just like, okay, good morning. Breakfast time. Okay, put on your grippy socks. We're going to go have art therapy. Oh, yeah. just have to sit in a rocking chair and stare at the ocean. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, it's like they said women for hysteria.

I need to go there. I really, I like absolutely deeply need to go there. And they don't have those anymore, I don't think. I guess you could if you, I think if you pay like a million dollars, you could find a place like that, maybe. Maybe I'll make a go fund me for my institutionalization. Oh my God. I know there's a lot of bad things going on in the world that need your resources. but I also need to go to a seaside institution.

So just think about it, you guys. Think about if that would be something. I would definitely contribute a little bit. Oh my God. Thank you so much. Thank you. I really, I think it would fix me or at the very least. Thank you.

Yeah, just a brief break from whatever it is, circus that's happening up here. Yes, for sure. It's unpleasant. Okay. Well, just not that, you know, you've made peace with it. But like, you know, you did rank number 95 on the 250 guitarists of all time from Rolling Stone, which is absolutely nothing to sneeze at is all I'm saying. Thanks.

You did very good. Yeah, that was nice. That was a really nice thing that happened this year. You're kind of a badass legend. No big deal. Thank you. Okay. Number seven, Mary Timony.

When was the last time you lied? Oh my God. When your roommate was like, did you eat, did you eat my grown up? No, I did. When did I lie last? Okay, so I went to see, I don't think he'll listen to this. Anyway, it was a person that he's like a virtue of so like incredible musician. For some reason, right when I met him after the show, the thing that came out of my mouth

immediately was like, I really like the songs you wrote. Oh, I mean, what else are you going to say? I didn't mean it. I could have said anything else. But yeah, so that's really hard. That's a hard one. But it was a weird thing because I didn't need to say that because I could have said almost anything else that I liked.

You know what I mean? I do that all the time because your brain is telling you don't say, don't say you didn't like the thing. Don't say. And then so your brain is like, okay, I know what I'll say that I really. liked the thing. It just flies out. And then you're like, well, I've said it now. But you know, who cares? That's a kindness. It doesn't matter. You're not a critic. You know, like, no one needs to know your exact real feelings on it. Like, it's fine. No, it's true. Yeah. It's much better to

not say your real feelings sometimes, you know. Like, even if you listen to these podcasts before you came on here and that you found them extremely annoying, I would rather, you'd rather, you You came on and said they were good. Exactly. I know what you're saying. Well, now I'll never know Mary Timony because you're an admitted liar. Because Mary Timony is a liar. I actually really enjoyed the episodes that I listened to.

I have to tell you, you're hilarious. Oh, thank you. That's very nice of you to say. If I believe it, we'll say I don't know. I was doing that. Before we got on the podcast, in your mind, you were like, don't say you hated it. Don't say you hated the podcast.

It's okay. As my king, David Matthews one said, if you love this, thank you so much and you're right. And if you don't like it, I'm very sorry. Oh. Wait, Dave Matthews?

That's right. Okay. Correct. The Dave Matthews band. Okay. So that's, yeah, I agree with that. Yeah. If you like it, you're right.

You're right and thank you. And if you don't like it, I'm very sorry. And that's all there is to say about it. That is all there is to say. Moving along. What do I care? Exactly. Right. Okay.

Number eight, Mary Timony, what character in a book or film do you relate to the most and why? I know this one is hard. It is so hard. Yeah. The only thing I can think of is like, you know, party down, the show, party down. Do I ever? What a fantastic.

It's so fucking good. I would say definitely. the caterers, just in terms of, yeah. Just in general, just all of them? Wait, we need to unpack this a little bit. Okay, okay. Just in terms of like, the hustle, the hustle, never making any money, having a shitty job. I've just been, you know, yeah, I mean, you know, now I don't relate as much anymore because I

teach guitar and I got a little different jobs, but like I did do, I was a temp in an office for, I was like, I may die hard, like, I'll just be a fucking musician, artist person, even if I'm, like, starving. And also never good at business. I was never good at business, so I would just, like, make really weird decisions that were, like, really bad business decisions. So it was always, like, super broke. Anyway, I relate to that lifestyle for sure. Like, I will be doing this, yeah, even if I'm not making any money. I would, it's not like I'm making a ton of money either.

but I relate to the caterers and that show. That's all I'm saying. I'll take it. You know what? You're doing what you love against all odds. Against, you know, the support. There's, you know, sometimes I talk to people on here. They're like, yeah, my parents, they were so cool.

They, like, played these cool records for me, and they took me shows, and they bought me guitar, and I was like, what is that like? What are you talking about? I know. It's incredible. And I teach guitar and I have, I've been doing, I don't do it quite as much these days. Yeah, you taught snail mail famously, Lindsay Dorda. Right, right, yes.

But I did, when I was not playing in bands as much, I was doing it more because I just decided like, it was too hard to be in band. I just wanted to try teaching for a while. But I got to know a lot of families and kids and I was like in people's houses and stuff. So I saw so many, it was really interesting. I saw so many different relationships between kids with music and their parents and how their parents are involved. And I also have, you know, I'm at the age now where a lot of my friends have grown up kids and stuff. But it's just interesting to see different people's relationship with their parents. And I don't know, it just makes me realize we're all kind of the same and we're all like totally different.

But yeah, so some people grow up with a really supportive, emotionally supportive parents. And it's like foreign to all of us who do. It's like, wow, that can happen? That can happen? As I tell my friends who are like, but I do this with my kids, I'm like, guess what, bitch? They're going to get fucked up anyways because that is being alive. No matter what you do, there's going to be something. Yeah.

Absolutely. It's just different ways. Actually, I think it's really cool to have unsupportive parents because it's punk. And we still did what we wanted. We did and it gives you, it definitely gives you so much strength because you have to figure it out for yourself and you have to figure out how to,

I mean, my parents absolutely loved me. Like, you know, but you do have to figure out how to love yourself in ways that you weren't shown. Yeah, and that takes a lot of work and it takes a lot of consistent effort. and you don't have to. You could be miserable for your whole life,

but I don't know, man, I'm trying to figure it out. It's like it's an ongoing thing. I've been in therapy for a year, you know, different there, so many different kinds of therapy. I'm on 11 years with the same therapist. Oh, nice. I know, we're basically married, a common law married. I love my parents.

I'll be like, what, you go talk about us? And I was like, yeah. I sure do. I'm not every week, but of course I talk about you. Get in there. Okay. well, let's get to the next question. Party Down Gators. Number nine, Mary Timony. What was your biggest sliding doors moment? As in, if you had made another choice, maybe you wouldn't be here

right now. Sliding doors is a fantastic Gwenith Paltrow or Match in Cochbony, if you don't know. Oh, is it? I have not seen that. I'm not a big fan. It's a great movie. Oh, I'm trying to think. Okay, so one time when I was like 20, I was walking across the street. and talking to my friend and like I sort of looked away and then suddenly I felt this huge force

and basically a really fast little sports car had just raced down the street it seemed like it was going like it was just like wham! It ran over my foot and if I had been like this much closer I would have been totally

I don't know if I'd be here. It was insane. That's a huge one. Literally, like, and it ran over my foot. Wow. Yeah, I could have died very easily. Yeah. Did you break your, is your foot broken?

No, my foot was okay. It hurt really bad, but literally the tire ran over my foot and just missed my knee by like this much. Isn't that crazy? It was such a weird moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa. Well, I'm really glad you're here with us. Somebody in front.

Yeah, I don't really remember more details, but yeah, no, I'm glad that I could have been the end. me right there. Yeah. Wow. Everyone's always like, oh, well, I didn't sign to the so-and-so label. And you're like, I literally almost was erased from this earth by a sports car. So, yeah, everything that happened after that. Yeah, thank God. Yeah, it happens a lot, I'm sure, you know. Did it make you like reflective?

Like, I mean, you were 20. So were you like, because I feel like when you're 20, you feel like you're going to live forever no matter what. Yeah, I still felt immortal after that. Yeah, no, I was still a 20-year-old. I just remember when like, dude, that was crazy. And my adrenaline was going and I was like, oh yeah, I could have died. But then I wasn't like, if that happened now, I think I would be more traumatized by it. I would like join a church.

I'm like, well, time to go. I love you, God. Time to devote my life to Jesus Christ. All right. Number 10, Mary Timony. What characteristic are you most drawn to in other people? Okay, that's hard because there's... I know, I'm sorry. There's so many that...

Yeah, yeah, it's really hard. It depends on, like, what the Nidemic is and, like, how you know them. And there's so many... I'm being a Libra right now. Yeah, you're like, I can't decide. I can't decide because there's so many. I mean, I could shoot some off. What about just like, yeah, shoot a couple off?

I think it's like what you value the most in another person. Yeah. Well, I'm, okay. So there's like all kinds of relationships you have with people. So I love kindness. But the thing that I'm like really attracted to and interested in, in friends that I meet is just like, you know, someone is really smart, someone who's really talented,

those sorts of things. I'm really interested in people's creativity, you know, what they have to offer or their view on the world. I don't know. People are interesting. Yeah. What is it about those things that like interests you? Is it like being able to like hear them talk about something that gives you like a different perspective on something that you hadn't heard before or just that like someone who's really talented is sort of like awe inspiring? Like what exactly is it about it that like appeals to you? I think both of those things. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting.

interesting. You learn that people have different perspective on things and learn from them and be inspired by them, all those things, yeah. But it's not like I'm going around looking for that all the time in people. You know what I mean? Like in general and everyday life,

I just like, you know, people that are empathetic and kind and funny is good, funny is great. People that are vulnerable, vulnerable. Yeah. I love that. That's a great one. That's how you bond with people.

And, you know, it's hard to be vulnerable around, I find, yeah, for myself. As my therapist once said, which I've never forgotten, that vulnerability is the currency that buys you intimacy. Oh, wow. That's a good one. Like you can't, you really can't have intimacy if you're not willing to be vulnerable. Yep. That's so true. But it's so hard.

So hard. It's so hard. Because especially when you're similar to. who's like insecure because you feel like you're the only one with all you know who's flawed and yeah super hard or that they're like like I'm going through this right now I talked about it the last episode but like you know I was like well ask for help if you're having a hard time and I was like what do you mean not for help how say what kind of help what if they say no like this is I don't I don't like this I don't want to do this and I hate it

So I don't want to. Ask you for help is hard. Yeah. And then especially like, I mean, again, you've just gone through this or not, I don't know, just, but like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like, a really profound way. There's something so interesting that I'm noticing about, like, obviously people say grief

is not linear and all that stuff. The other thing is that, like, I don't know if this was your experience, but like, it's like the first week you feel like, wow, everyone really cares. They're so sweet. They're, like, checking in. And the second week, I feel annoying now. I'm like, oh, this bitch, she's still talking about her fucking dead dog. Still, it's been a week.

This is just my perception. No one has said this to me. My friends are all lovely people. Like, but it's just, I've started to feel like a burden or like I'm this like one note thing that only talks about, you know. That sucks to feel like that. It sucks to feel like that. It's not true. But it's just like, it's probably tied into like, like, it's probably tied into like.

like not wanting to feel like that anymore and wanting to feel different, but you can't. You know, I don't know if you had any experience with feeling bad and then not wanting to be. Bad about being in grief. Yeah. You know, my stuff with my parents was so challenging. And I know like a lot of people my age go through this where it's like your parents are dying. And it's challenging. But I mean, I think I've felt, hmm.

what happens is you do start feeling isolated because you're going through a thing that other people in your life are not going through and you're very conscious of that I think you know like and that's makes you feel isolated yeah and yeah I totally know what you're saying um it's not really like none of us really want to talk about grief or talk about death so that it's like all shoved under the rug and then when it happens to you because it happens to all of us because we're human, then it's like such a shock because in our culture we don't really talk about it that much. Yeah. And it's really crazy. I feel like, again, dog different than, but I'm just like the way that people are expected to just like be normal like a week later. Like they're like, okay, like let's say you had a job.

They're like, okay, take a week off and then come like your parent died. Like, it's just, you're partnered. Like, and people are just supposed to like... You know, I really do think that happens with pets that people do not have a lot of empathy when your pet dies sometimes. I don't know why. Maybe they don't get it if they haven't had that relationship. Yeah, yeah. So I do know what you're saying that it's, and that feels like kind of brutal.

Also, I think like people don't know what to say, which I totally get because I also don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't want to say to myself, you know. Right. That's huge. And I found that too when I was, yes, when I was like going through some of my parents, I'm, yeah. It was intense. It was intense. My dad had dementia. My mom had cancer at the same time. It was like super intense. Mary, that's so hard. And to top it off at the beginning of all that, my boyfriend of 12 years had an affair and left. Mary, can you just give me his address? I just want to talk to him. I just want to have a quick chat.

Yeah, thanks. I should have a quick, just a small talk with that. He sucks. He sucks. He sucks so bad. Fuck that guy. He left and then my dad, it was fucking insane. My dad got, okay, do you want the rundown of what happened? Yes.

I mean, if you want, I don't want to, I don't want to cry. No, it was fucking insane. Okay, so he took off. My dad immediately got cancer, had an operation, and then never came back. He had got just immediately got like frontal lobe dementia. Oh, so he didn't. He didn't go into that having dementia. It happened through the surgery and the cancer.

When you're 87. Right, right. Yeah, and you have anesthesia. You can, that can happen. So it's okay. It's totally okay. But it was a lot for me. Were you already living at home or like living near home?

I lived like a mile from them. So I could be over there in a second, which I did all the time. So that and then we had to figure out how to deal that. and he was very dramatic in his dementia, like, you know, as people are. I'll be like that too for sure. I'm already really dramatic, so. Yes, no. But there was all kinds of stuff going on. Like he decided, he didn't decide because he was sick. He got up in the middle of the night at 3 am. in his pajamas without a wallet or shoes or anything, got in the car. And it's horrible. He drove and purposely got in an accident.

Oh, my God. So, and then I got this call from my mom at 4 a.m. Are you never going to believe this? The police just called your dad's in the hospital. So I go out there, and this is while X-Hex was like, actually while X-Hex was wrapping stuff up. Anyway, so, anyway, so I got to the hospital at 4 a.m. And my dad, I can't believe I'm, we're talking about this. If you want us to, we can cut it out later.

It's totally fine. It feels good to talk about. Okay. my dad was like yeah he got in an accident so it was like covered in blood and it was really fucked up so traumatizing so all kinds of things like that were happening to me um and he just you know what dementia is crazy seems like all kinds of crazy behavior like violent behavior and stuff um he did like chill out um and after about a year he was fine and i had so many lovely oh my god he just became this wonderful person actually like he got really and one day he just said mary

who is, like this is kind of thing that would happen all the time. He was like, Mary, Mary, who is the most famous poet of Canada? And I was... Why Canada? That's so random. I don't know. I thought it. I picked up my phone. Yeah.

I picked up my phone. I was like Googling like famous Canadian poets. And then I was like, Dad, is it this person? He's like, nope, nope, no, no. Text my tennis friend and ask them. So I texted this randomness, and I said, my dad wants to know who's the most famous poet. And she was like, huh, I think maybe Leonard Cohen. Oh, my God.

Great, great answer. I know. I said, dad, Leonard Cohen. And he's like, yes, Leonard Cohen, Leonard Cohen. I love Leonard Cohen. He didn't know anything about Leonard Cohen before. He never liked music before he got sick. Wow.

Isn't that crazy? That's so interesting. It just all hit him. And so I bought him box set of Leonard Cohen's CDs and he became obsessed with Leonard Cohen. I love that. It's really touching. It was so fucking cool. We would like dance to Leonard Cohen.

He was obsessed with this one song called Dance Me to End of Days. Yeah, yeah. And he would sing it every day. We printed him out the lyrics. He would like scream, sing it along. They literally would like listen over and over and over to that one song. But it was beautiful. So he got super into Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan.

And then, yeah, he just opened up into this whole thing. He got really into, he always was into poetry. But we would say this is his favorite poem. Anyway, I'm going to start crying. Yeah. You're reminding me like how it's like, what are like textured experience it is? Like it's not just. it's not just the scary parts and the bad parts.

Then there's also this thing that emerges that's so beautiful and tender and human. And the fact that you got to experience that with your parent is like so special. Oh my God. I do feel really, really so grateful that I got that time with him and my mom. It just felt like a really important part of my life the last five years bonding with them in ways that I never had before. you know, and getting so much closer. And it was wonderful. Yeah, I'm so grateful for that.

Even though, yeah, it was hard because of the illness and they sucked for them and sucked for me. But I would, I'm just so grateful. I got that time with them was really beautiful. Do you feel like now that you have a little bit of time and perspective that like, like it was almost like this all happened at once as some sort of like big experience that then is now starting you on like, a brand new chapter, you know, like. Yeah, I really do.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah, I'm in like, totally. It's been good. It's like, allowed me since they're gone now because my mom, actually, my dad passed away right when I started to record my mom passed away right as I was finishing it. So it was like bookended. But yeah, the last year has been really like, I've just had an intense intertouching time, like coming to terms with, like, certain things in my psychology that were not working

for me. And then I'm finally able to let go of. And I'm working, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, just really taking myself more seriously as a musician, like actually doing the work and like trying to get better as a singer, which I was, it's all wrapped up. I mean, I can go on and on about this stuff. But, like, I just so much self-doubt that it was all wrapped up in me physically. I'm like literally constantly hunched over because I'm like always not wanting to take up enough space and stuff, which I think a lot of happens to a lot of women, you know? 100%. It's like cultural.

We're taught to like make ourselves small and less important and stuff. So and I really think that manifests physically in our bodies sometimes. Totally. Yeah. Like I feel like my whole like voice chakra was like so tight and shut down because I just, anyway. So that's what I'm doing. I'm doing a big inner jerk quest for the past year. No, I love that.

I mean, I just like, the sheer amount of strength that it took to go through what you went through and to like show up for everything and show up for your parents in the wake of your own extremely traumatic loss of a relationship. Like, and then having the strength to like let go of your parents, which I mean, like, so huge. And then it makes so much sense that like you're saying now you're working on letting go of other things because like you let go of some of the hardest things in the world. So it's like it's almost like your psyche is like, yeah, we can let go of anything now, bitch. Let's fucking go. Like I can do this. You're making me cry. I'm absolutely definitely crying. This is people are going like, wow, we used to like this podcast now. Every week this cries and it's not really fun anymore. I got to say. Yeah, no, thank you so much. it's so hard to let go of people that you love, as you know, you know. Like having this little creature who's your child is like so innocent and so pure. And that's what we all are.

Like that's another thing that I've really realized in the last few years is like, how? Oh my God. Because my mom was like at this really beautiful retirement community. We got her in this really nice place and like a love that people. She had a great time there. actually. But I just started realizing like we're all, we're all these innocent creatures, you know? Totally. We're all just trying to do our best and we go,

you know, trying to figure this shit out. We all just come here and we're like, I have to like figure out how to live in the world and then we leave and it's so fast. We're lucky if it lasts, you know, 85 years. Sometimes creatures come in the world and they just last for six months or whatever, like your dog. Yeah. It's wild. It's also like really hard to let go of the imagined future, you know?

Oh, yes. I find that that's been one of the hardest parts for me is to be like, oh, I had this idea, you know, that's, I had this like really strong idea and it's gone, you know? And it's so hard to like, I'm sure it's like a lot of other stuff. And I feel like grief is really crazy because like you'll think it's one thing, but then it just opened the back door. And it's like, hey guys, all the other grief you've ever had in your life that you haven't dealt with. Come on and bitch. Doors open. And then it all floods in, you know. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Because I'm like, this is a lot for, you know, not to diminish the thing that happened, but it's like. It's opening up other. Yeah. Because sometimes we don't let ourselves. There's a lot of grief, I think, and appointment we experienced throughout our lives that like we don't experience fully because we're like, who cares? Don't, it's not a big deal. Or you don't want to because it hurts too bad. So your mind's like, no, no, put that in a box. We'll get to that someday later. And then someday comes and it's like opening the Pandora's box and it all flies out, you know. Oh, that makes a lot of sense.

Right. Okay. I totally get that. I absolutely agree that. Letting go of a future that you thought you had and you were really looking forward to it, it fucking sucks. It sucks so bad. It's like the most painful, I think. Yeah. Of anything. I mean, yeah, that sucks. I mean, that's what I experienced with my loss of my relationship. Totally. Yeah, I was going to say that's probably like. Right, right, right, right. But it's weird. Yeah, it's a weird one. I hadn't held that before, but it's like, it's very strange. I really believe, and I have to. to believe this, and, you know, people can believe whatever they want, is that, like, it's not my plan. It's a universal plan or you want to say God or whatever. Right. And you don't

have to understand it because it's not for me to understand. Like, the consciousness of the universe is way bigger than my consciousness can, can accept or understand. And so, like, if I can just, all I have to do is accept that, like, this is a part of it. It's for me. and I won't be able to see that right now, maybe ever. Sometimes I think we get really lucky and in life we see it within our lifetime, you know, like a year later, five years later, like you're like, oh, oh, yeah. That's why that thing that really disappointed me happened. It was so that I could do this other thing.

And sometimes I think you never know. It's sometimes it's just it is what it is. That's a really good point. It's easier to see looking back for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we've gotten, we've strayed far from. Yeah, we got.

We figured out some stuff, I think. We've solved, we've solved grief. And now we can go back to the 24 questions. 24. Okay, Mary Timney, who is the last person you met that you were starstruck by while you were hobnobbing in Hollywood? I was a little starstruck. on the call with you today. Oh my God.

Stop it. I've been listening to your podcast and you're hilarious. Oh my God. That's too kind. I was really nervous, to be honest. That's crazy. All right. So you don't like that answer.

So I'm going to think of something else. Okay. Well, I've been laying this band, which is so fucking exciting this week. And there's some really heavy hitters in the band. Are you allowed to name names? Am I allowed to name? Well, gosh. Yeah, sure.

Well, some of, you know, my friends are absolutely incredible musicians, and, like, we're playing with these incredible drummers like Matt Cameron from... Oh, yes, from Soundgarden. And he's amazing and so lovely, and that was pretty cool. Wow. To be playing with him, he's amazing. So, wait, wait, wait. I don't know why I always have to think of, like, five answers to your questions.

Please, no, I want to... This one I want to, because like in my mind, you're absolutely like part of the 90s alternative rock music cinematic universe that is like populates my mind all the time. It's like all I care about. Like Lou Barlow came on here and I asked him. Yeah. I think a question about like when he was the most wasted. And he told me the most insane story about like going to the Chateau Marmont with Evan Dando. And I was like high from the story.

I was like, these are like, these are like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck to me. Like this is how much I care. these people. And to hear this story, I was like, pump it into my veins. No, that's amazing. Punt intended. But yeah. So I'm like Matt Cameron from Soundgarden, do go. I mean, Jay Robbins to me. Like I, I think one day, like a couple months ago, I tweeted. I was like, I understand that all the new bands are doing shoegaze and I love that for them. Could somebody do jawbox again? Because I love jawbox. Yeah. He's awesome too. I have to say. And I mean, I'm from D.C. So I saw them and he's lovely. We recorded at his studio in Baltimore.

He's an amazing engineer. I have to say like the drum sounds that he gets in that studio are incredible. And he's just a lovely guy. Albini Who is what he said. Wait what? I said Steve Albany Who? Oh, yeah. I'm thinking of drum sounds.

Actually, there's a really amazing moment in the Jawbreaker documentary where they interview Steve Albini. And he's like, oh, wait, sorry. I'm thinking of jawbox. He, like, completely confuses the Cheaman. Incredible. Okay, give me two more Starstructs and we'll move on. Two more. Oh, my God, dude.

Okay. Two more Starstruck. Oh, God, oh, God. Okay. One time my friend Joe interviewed the zombies, Colin Blenstone, and Red Argent, and I am fucking super fan. And so I got to, you know, shake Colin Blenstone's hand as a big deal for me. I was shaking.

That's huge. I was totally shaking. And it was a very bad moment, though. So cool. Wait, what else? Do you need another one? No. I mean, selfishly, yes, but no, I don't need it.

Okay, I'm trying to think. There's probably ones that you're like, this is not star-strucking to me, but they would be to me. Yeah? I don't know. That's the last one I can think of when I was actually, I was actually like shaking because it was nervous. Yeah.

That's really good. Okay. Let's go to number 12, since we have to get through this. Almost the last time you slid into someone's DMs. What does that mean? It's kind of like, okay. It's starting to be old, but you mean like when you DM someone because you think they're cute?

It doesn't have to be. More just like you DM someone that you, that doesn't know you yet. Like it could be for, it could be for anything. Someone like doesn't follow you. So you're just like, hey, I love your band. Do you want to collaborate? Or it can be like, you're hot. Most people don't admit to that on here.

I think I might have to skip it because I... That's all I fine. You're not a DM slider. A damn slider. Usually like they don't write me back and I'm humiliated and I'm trying to protect my... I'm trying not to be vulnerable right now. Give me their address and I will... Carrie Brownstein said it was J. Smith Cameron.

She asked J. Smith Cameron to be in their Slater Kinney video. Oh. See, that's how famous people network. I try to, you know, I've been trying to. to I, well, anyway, no, I don't know. I'm kind of embarrassed so I can't tell you. Totally, okay. We can, you, you've been, you've been very forthcoming so far. Okay, okay, okay. That's one thing I'm not. Well, it's so dumb because I kind of don't have an answer, but I kind of do, I don't know. Never mind. Let's skip that. Okay. Okay. Number 13, Mary

Timney, Timney, what is the horniest song ever in your personal opinion? Horniest? Okay. Correct. Oh. I think. what's it called? The genuine song. Oh, right at my pony. Yeah. It's pretty horny. It's a really good one.

That's a really good one. Honestly, I don't know when the last time you listeners turned that bad boy on, but it's really good though. Yeah. Oh my God, it's so good. But it'll still make you a little uncombs, a little blush. Yeah, just a little bit. Yeah.

Super fun to hear at the bar. I don't go to bars anymore because I'm old, but when I used to, I was like, oh, yeah. Enjoy that one. This is great. Um, okay, number 14, what is the biggest money you've ever turned down? Okay, so hasn't happened a lot. Um, I did have a weird experience once in my 20s, uh, when like a guy who really liked helium offered to give me a lot of money. Hell yeah.

You know, just because he liked the band. Yes. Would you have said, yeah. That's correct. I don't know. It was really like a weird decision. It was like 10. thousand dollars? I would have abesely said yes, yes. You would have? You know what? I think so,

but I don't know if I, when I was 20, I would have. Now I definitely would because I'm like, actually men should pay me full stop. And if you want to, great. I mean, I won't do anything for it, you know, like, but if you want to just give me the money, who am I to say no? He didn't want like feet photos or anything. He literally just wanted to like deposit the money in your account and wish you well. There are people. There's, I interviewed a woman a long time ago who was a Fendom, which is a financial dominatrix. What?

That's what I meant to be. Yes, there's a subsect. Well, this man was trying to get you in on it, babe. There, there was a whole subsect of men whose kink is purely financial and they no. Absolutely just get off on pain. I'm paying your bills. I know, we just have to find them. Where are they?

If you guys are listening, if you're listening to this podcast, please contact Mary Timney. Slide into Mary Timney's DMs. Mine as well, because I need to go to the seaside institution and it's very expensive and we will happily accept your money.

You need to find them for your GoFundMe site. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, for my, I would like to know them. So you said no. You were like, I just didn't know what the strings were.

I didn't know what strings there were attached to it. What do you think Ian Mackay would have said if he knew? to me advice or someone was he was said absolutely not yeah that's not very feminist of you ian macaa i don't know um i don't know it just felt weird i was like i get it i'm gonna ever owe him something and i just whether that was true or not i did know him i had gotten to know him through email um and i didn't i didn't know him well but um he was just trying to be nice He was just trying to be nice.

I don't know, but I really don't know. And that's why I said no. Maybe he's still out there and maybe the offer still stands. Perhaps. Yes. We'll see. Okay. Number 15.

What's the best live music concert that you've ever seen? Okay. Well, speaking of Ian Mackay, I would definitely have to say, well, I grew up in D.C. So I was at Fugazi's very first show. Oh, my God. Yeah. And I must have been in 10th grade or 11th grade maybe in this church basement. And I just remember being like, well, this band is cool.

Like it was just, I mean, because I saw a lot of the punk bands that were in D.C. at the time. And it just had a special thing happening, obviously. And then I would, you know, just go to see them literally every time they played. I would go see them until I moved to Boston. So 80, whatever it was when they started. seven or something to and then when I was at home so in early 90s but those shows were

like nothing I've ever experienced and I don't never know nothing that I'll ever see again it just was like I mean they obviously they got bigger and bigger but it was just great and like the crowd would be on the state they have like people would be like you know staying behind them on stage just jumping you know like moving around. I was like, I remember seeing them once and like sweat dripped on my head from the ceiling.

Like there's so much, so many kids. Yeah, the humidity of the sweat. Yeah, the humidity. I mean, that's a very weird detail, I know. But, um, no, but it really like paints a picture. Really paints a picture. Yeah, yeah. And just live, they're just so fucking good. And Ian, you know, is just the charisma is like intense. And the whole thing about that music at that time, it wasn't entertainment. Like, it was a religious experience. experience is really what it was. It's almost like... It was like a collective experience with the audience.

Yes. The audience was participating in it. And Brendan is just, a lot of it has to do with Brendan, really. The drummer is just so fucking good. And the band's so good. Anyway, so those shows were like just unreal. I don't know. It's just a cool vibe.

I've pointed this out, but every person who has seen Fugazi, who has asked this question on here says Fugazi. So the only people who I feel like who have not answered Fugazi, they just haven't seen them. Isn't that interesting? I think, don't, producer Jesse could answer by, but I think like the last like four guests I've had have answered Fugazi. Isn't that cool? That's crazy. Yeah. I just like clearly like profoundly left leaves a mark. Yeah. I never got to see them. So crazy. I don't. I missed. I just, I privately listened to 13 songs in my bedroom at 11 years old, but by that time it was... Oh. Actually, they must have...

They must have still been a band because it was 93, but I don't think I had knowledge or access at 11 years old to go see Fugazi, but yeah, I never actually... Right. Yeah, no. We were little. Okay. Okay. Number 16, Mary Timney. When in your life were you the most fucked up wasted hammered trashed? Oh, my God. You're like, I also went to the Shotdown-Mormand with Evandando. When was I the most wasted? Oh, my God.

You know, like a gorgeous lampshade on the head type story if you have one. Oh, I do have some wasted stories. Do you want a wasted story? Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, the first X-Hex, I can't believe, went into this. Okay.

The first X-Hex record was. was the point in my life when I had never really partied much on tour before. I've always been like, you know, indie rock bands that were like, you know, we're not drinking that much in my 20s or 30s. When I was 40, something happened.

Can't relate, but yeah. No, what happened was when I turned 40, suddenly I was like, oh, I think you know what it was? It was like actually when I started playing in Wild Flagg. I put two and two together. and we'd always get free to, you know, tequila in the dressing room. And anyway, so with that band, somehow it finally hit me like, oh, alcohol really relaxes you.

So then I just started drinking more in my 40s, which is not proud of. But anyway, so when X-Hex went on the tour for the first record we did, we were just out of control that record cycle, like just partying like an insane amount. We were drinking all this for net and so gross. I know, so gross. But so there are a lot of stories from those tours. One involves, I won't name any names of the other bands because I don't want to make any one. But there was an instance where actually this night I was not drinking that much,

but there was cocaine being done under a pool table right next to the merch stand. That's right. There was a situation in the back stage. area when I was actually, this doesn't count because I'm not vulnerable because of course I'm telling you the story where other people were more wasted than me. I'll take it. It's still fun. But I could, yeah, okay. I was definitely drinking. But it was time to load out and I was like, what's going on? Like, I walked in backstage and there was a situation happening where there were two people without clothes on exchanging their underwear. Like trading underwear? Trading underwear.

They were meant. So it's like it wasn't like, you know what I mean? I don't know what I mean. I don't know I'm curious how this negotiate, like what? They're like, you know, what would be so fucking sick, bro? If we trade underwear. Fellas, is it gay to trade underwear with your homey?

Obsessed. Dying to know what band this was. But you know what? Use your imagination. People are going to go setlist. On FM, track the XX. I can tell you when we get off. Yeah.

O-T-R. Yeah, okay. That's a good one. That's a great one. Okay. Number 17 and number 18 are tandem questions. Okay. What do you love the most about being famous and what do you hate the most about being famous? And do not say you're not famous? Fame has many levels. Okay. And listen, to a guy when you were 20, you were famous enough for him to give you $10,000 just for existing. And you have many fans throughout your number. What did I say? I don't remember. on the real and star top guitarists of all time. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, let me think about this.

What do I like the most and what do I like the least? I don't know. I mean, I love like being able to make records and the fact that some people have liked some stuff is great and it's a fucking privilege to get to play it for people and have, if anybody cares, it's huge to me. That's really nice. So that is the best part.

The worst part about it, I don't know, it's a little bit of a hustle with money and trying to make it work. And it's hard to make a good record. I've done a lot that I'm not happy with and wish I could go back. It's not easy to make a good record. It's much easier to make an okay record, you know.

It just takes more work to make it good because you have to maybe tell someone that you didn't like what they played or, you know what I mean? I have to be assertive. And there's like things that skills I didn't have as a younger person. And it takes a lot of effort to try to do something well, I think. I'm getting a little bit better as I get older, trying. Well, you're in your new era, Mary Tiffany's. It's all different now. Yeah.

I mean, the new album sounds monously exquisite. It sounds perfect to me. Thank you. Yeah, I've worked real hard on it. I feel good about it. Thank you. That's all I gotta say.

I'm no music critic, but I think it's... Thank you, Carol. I appreciate it. Okay, number 19 is the wild card. Oh, okay. Do you have a nemesis in the 90s alternative rock community? Even an enemy?

Yes. Oh, wow. I don't think I can tell you You don't even you know what Even just knowing that you have one is enough for me I do you can tell me ODR Okay Yes

Yes I love this I don't know Do I have an enemy? Yeah okay okay fine I think it's healthy to have like one enemy In your mind It doesn't even matter if it's real

Yeah I think there's something There's something motivating about that What do I know? I'm riffing I don't know. Maybe it's better to be Zen Buddhist and not care what anyone else is doing ever. But like, we're not that. We're human beings. And sometimes we hate a bitch. Can't help it. I promise you there's people who hate me, you know, so. No. Yes, for sure. And that's okay. God bless them. Okay. Number 20. We're almost done. Mary Timothy. Okay. Number 20. When was the last time you cried today? It was right now. Well, you were kind of making cry earlier.

It was during this podcast. That's right. Yeah. That's kind of an easy one. Okay. Yeah. Number 21. Okay. Usually this question is what is your greatest regret, but often I like to change it. And I change it to what is your relationship to the Dave Matthews band? Oh, you were a super fan. I'm such a super fan. Huge. Are you really? Yes, really. Like sincerely, earnestly, 100% he was a super fan.

Well, here's my relationship in a sense. My cousin used to live down the street from him in Charlottesville. So that was kind of cool. Yeah. And it seems around a lot in town and stuff. I love that. So that's one way I'm related. Related to Dave Matthew. Well, I don't know if you saw Mary Tamantney, but I made, I say a joke, but I honestly believe it.

Because last week, or was that this week, I can't remember. I think it was last week. Dinosaur Jr. played in Seattle and who joined them on stage. That's right. David Matthews. No way. And do you know how many messages? I got people were like, this is you, you. And I was like, my dead dog did that for me from heaven.

My dad dog went to heaven and I was like, you know what Yossi needs is for David Matthews to go on stage with Dinosaur Jr. It might have been true. I think so. It was very meaningful for me. Because no one else on God's good earth had ever thought the two thoughts together, Dinosaur Jr. and Dave Matthews, but me all the time. Wow. I think your dog gave that to you. You're saying you don't, you don't listen to the music per se. To Dave Matthews. I haven't that much. But if you tell me some tracks, I will listen.

Not that you care about it. I do. Number 41. This is, no, I live for this. Number 41 is an exquisite song. Okay. The Stone. There's so many good ones, but those two are great ones.

Kurt Vile promised me he would learn number 41 and cover it. He also has no relationship with the name Matthews band, but he is a lovely man. And I'm here to get everyone on board. Okay. Now, wait, so the stone? The stone is really good. And number 41 is my favorite. That's the name of the song.

That's right. Number 41. Okay. Okay. All right. I'm going to check them out. Thank you, Mary Timmy. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I mean, you don't need me to, you know, do that to feel good about them. But I'm very curious. No. I genuinely think that I think there's such a great, I think they're such a great band. I think Dave Matthews is such a wonderful person.

I've never heard one bad thing about him. And I really enjoy the shows. There's a freedom. There's a vibe. Yeah. It's just great. That's fucking a gift. Incredible musicians.

Jazz training musicians. You know, just a real. Okay. Maybe when you got to, oh my God, my next thing that I need my dead dog to do, Mary Timony joins Dave Matthews. band on stage for shredding guitar solo. Putting that out in the universe.

That's amazing. Number 22. Mary Timney, what song would you like to hear just before you die? Oh, my God. Just a light. It's a light softball type question. Just like before I die. Well, we've been, we're in that zone.

We're in that zone, babe. We're in the grief zone. We've been talking about death. You just experienced death firsthand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're primed. You're ready to, you're ready to think about this. I'd probably choose, like, one rainy wish by Hendricks or something. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See, you handle this like a pro. Two people have gotten angry at me. I think, was it, Jesse, was it, was this the question that Evan Dando got like super mad out of nowhere? Wow, that's incredible. I was like, I can't believe you would ask me that. And I was like, oh my God. I mean, you don't have to answer. Okay. Last two questions, Mary Timney. Oh my God. I know. We made it. Number 23. What do you think about me? I think you're lovely and hilarious. Thank you. You're wonderful. Thank you very much, Mary Timney. Love to just throw that in near the end. It's amazing. Sometimes it doesn't go as planned, but you know what? That's me putting, that's me being vulnerable, putting myself out there. Yeah, seriously. That's great. I love it. All right. Last question. Number 24, Mary Timney. What do you want to pull? That's me. That's me being vulnerable. I'm putting myself out there. Yeah, seriously. That's great. I love it. All right. Last question. Number 24, Mary Timney, what do you want to plug? What do I want to plug? That's right. That's why you're here. Oh, I haven't. That's true. Oh, yeah, that's true. Oh, I have any record coming out called Untameda Tiger.

It's out on February 23rd, I think. And there's a video out already in two singles. Is that right? Yeah, there's a couple of videos. ones for Dominoes, ones for the guests, and I have a single coming out on next week, actually, called Summer. Right, when this summer's such a good song.

Summer the guests and Domino's are my three favorite songs off the record, so gorgeous. Thank you. Thank you so much. It's so good. Mary Timney, thank you for joining me on this program. Thank you for having me. Thanks for listening to 24-question party people, and thanks to my guest, Mary Timney.

Mary's beautiful new record, Untamed the Tiger, is out everywhere February 23rd. Visit Mary Timney Music.com for upcoming tour dates. This episode is produced by Jesse Miller Gordon and Chris Sutton with help from Justin Sales. Our gorgeous theme song was composed by Heather Fortune. Special thanks to Patrick Tilly, Sean Fennessey, Rob Harvilla, and yeah, my god blue. Come back every Tuesday for a new episode of 24-question party people on Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts. 24 question party people.