Barbell Shrugged - Building a Badass — A War Zone Saved My Life — 3

Episode Date: September 14, 2018

After seeing a flash into my chosen path, I decided to follow my mother’s footsteps into a war zone, Operation Iraqi Freedom. I took a job as a contractor in Iraq at 22 years old and jumped in blind, having no idea the consequences of my actions, good or bad.   Iraq turned out to be my “university” and taught me how to be relentless. Once in Iraq I had an epiphany during my first mortar attack and took action. Through the four years of my contracting service, I explored new parts of who I was, and who I wanted to become, the Badass you know today.   Stay Relentless, - Christmas Abbott ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Show notes: http://www.shruggedcollective.com/bab_warzone ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ► Subscribe to Shrugged Collective's Channel Here http://bit.ly/BarbellShruggedSubscribe 📲 🎧 Listen to the audio version on the Apple Podcast App or Stitcher for Android Here- http://bit.ly/BarbellShruggedApple http://bit.ly/BarbellShruggedStitcher Shrugged Collective is a network of fitness, health and performance shows that help people achieve their physical and mental health goals.  Usually in the gym, but outside as well. In 2012 they posted their first Barbell Shrugged podcast and have been putting out weekly free videos and podcasts ever since. Along the way we've created successful online coaching programs including The Shrugged Strength Challenge, The Muscle Gain Challenge, FLIGHT, Barbell Shredded, and Barbell Bikini. We're also dedicated to helping affiliate gym owners grow their businesses and better serve their members by providing owners tools and resources like the Barbell Business Podcast. Find Shrugged Collective and their flagship show Barbell Shrugged here: SUBSCRIBE ON ITUNES ► http://bit.ly/ShruggedCollectiveiTunes WEBSITE ► https://www.ShruggedCollective.com INSTAGRAM ► https://instagram.com/shruggedcollective FACEBOOK ► https://facebook.com/barbellshruggedpodcast TWITTER ► http://twitter.com/barbellshrugged

Hi everybody and welcome back. This is Christmas Abbott and building a badass. In this episode, I get to actually talk about one of the most exciting and challenging decisions and experiences of my life to date. Of course, I believe that, I don't know, giving birth pretty darn soon might be able to rival this experience. However, it's this experience that gave me so much of who I am today. And I know that this is a collection of experiences in my life and the great eight, as I've been calling it, of life that has helped define who I am. But really, this one, as I indicated last podcast, going into Iraq, has been my life university.

And through this experience, I learned so much about who I am, who I want to be, and how to make that happen. Um, there are so many things that happened in Iraq. A small summary is an epiphany of life. I quit smoking and I found CrossFit. I found organization and structure and the chaos inside my head. And, um, I really, really kind of not discovered, but I built my self-worth and this, this experience and the story that I'm about to share with you, it's, it, there's nothing else in my life that has rivaled it. And I know that having my son soon will, but on a completely different level and experience. And really I, I I'm talking like,

I know what's going to happen soon with having giving birth to a human being. Like I have a human being inside of me. That's wild. Um, but with this, you know, there were so many amazing tangible lessons that I walked away from Iraq from, uh, with in hand that are a core of who I am today. Like it is defined me. It has broke me in a way, but really gave me the fuel to continue to go forward and really dig into that relentless pursuit of my dreams. Where before these other stories, you know, the baseball and the drugs, they were really kind of wonderful and influential. But Iraq was the change. That was the change that I needed in my life in order to be able to continue to go forward and be my most potential. People ask, what's your biggest fear Christmas? Um, and before my child coming into this world, um, and it still is, is not living to my full potential. And Iraq allowed

me the, to discover and utilize the tools of what that actually looked like. And that's rad. So leaving off from the last story a little bit is you know I I let you guys know um that I was so lost I didn't have any self-worth I didn't understand the lifestyle that I was knowingly indulging in you know and allowing the my circumstances to dictate my life. And I wasn't taking charge of my life. I was just letting it happen to me. So in this weird twisted sub, you know, subconscious way, I knew that I needed a radical change. And fun fact is that I was actually rejected by the military when I was 18 because of health issues. I had childhood asthma. I had crazy severe allergies. And this was pre 9-11 where, you know, they wouldn't

just let anybody in. And they also didn't tell you about waivers. So I actually tried to go into the military as a military police. I wanted to go into the Marines. Listen, guys, everybody out there, I love all the military, okay? Thank you all of our service people for what you do. And, you know, I wanted to be on your team. I tried really hard. And I knew even at 18 that I needed more discipline and structure in my life. And I wanted to serve my country like my grandfathers had done. And, um, you know, no offense Marines, you missed out

on a good one here. Okay. So, um, I wasn't allowed to get into the military. I'm sure I could have done, signed some waivers later on in life, but but by then I already kind of found my stride. But I found a different way to serve, and that was direct logistics through being a contractor. So let me back up a little bit, and thank you for staying with my scattered brain. Again, it's like tennis balls in a dryer. It's chaos every day. It's just how

many tennis balls are in that dryer. And rewind just a little bit. So I left off where I was working in a restaurant. I was using, I was drinking every day. I was using whatever drugs I can get my hands on, but consistently a bit of meth. And I knew that I was developing an issue. And even though I was okay with the consequences of my actions, it didn't mean that I actually liked myself for it. And my mother kept suggesting that I take this job in Iraq and she would call home. We talked once a week, uh, and she would call and she would just tell me how, how wild her experience was, you know, and she would never say that she was having fun. She would never say that she wasn't

having fun. She would just always talk about how different it was and how fascinating she found the culture, the experience. And specifically, you know, my mother was, she's, she, you know, she's like me when she locks onto something, she gets it done. And she decided that she wanted this job and she got the job and she went over with the first wave of civilians with the military. So after the invasion of Iraq, they hired civilian contractors to come in. My mother went into Baghdad Central and to help rebuild the city and the community. But our job, her job at the time was to give logistics support to the military and the state department. So when she went into country there, they were, she went in with the wave to set up camp.

So when I went in, camp was set up. I'm not going to say that, you know, my experience was easier or better because of it, but it was different. And she went in and I remember her telling me that they slept on cots inside the palace of Saddam Hussein. And it was in the same city as the first palace that we bombed, which actually I was very fortunate to take a tour of when I was in Baghdad. And she would call and with these stories, even week to week, of the local people that she met. Because they were responsible for hiring local helpers and the local staff and the soldiers that she got to talk to. And, you know, she never talked about having to run to the bunker or the dangers of it. And not because she was trying to sugarcoat anything.

She just didn't want us to worry excessively. We saw what was going on in the news and she give her version of it. And both of them were very skewed perspectives, but in their own way, correct. So she would call and she would tell me about her experience and she would always just say, joy, I just think that this would be a wonderful experience for you. And it would help you pay for school and it would help you travel the world. And it would just give you a different

perspective. You just have no idea what you're missing. And so I want to be clear that she wasn't selling this as a vacation. She wasn't, she wasn't like doing anything other than painting a picture of opportunity for me. And within that opportunity was the potential for radical change in myself. So during this kind of the beginning of a self-realization, right? Self-accountability is what I talked about last time is I wasn't quite ready to acknowledge how much help I needed or how bad I was off in the moment of just being a victim of my circumstances and letting drugs rule my life and whatever happened to me happened to me. It wasn't my fault. I had no control over that. So I kind of, you know, in, in a weird way, I'd had enough, but I wasn't ready for a change because I knew deep down subconsciously that I had to have a very different change in my environment

for this to actually stick because I left my lifestyle in a weird way. I enjoyed partying. I was good at it. I'm still actually very good at it. Um, but in a very different way, let's, you know, let's be honest. I don't do, um, 95% of the things that I used to, which is very good for me now. And I decided one day that I was going to take this job. I was going to get a job and work in Iraq. And I remember telling my friend about it. And I was like, hey, Rahim, I'm going to take this job.

And he was like, what the fuck, Christmas? I mean, his response was that. And I was like, yeah, you know, my mom told me about it and I just kicked the microphone real life people. And, uh, and my mom told me about it and he was like, why, why would you do that? They're bombing it. You know, it's so dangerous. And I paused for a minute and I was like, Rahim, I live in Richmond, Virginia. I am waking up and doing very bad drugs. I am walking into active crack houses and thinking like, how is it much different. And I'm not saying that like Iraq is like that situation, but let's look at it. Like I'm putting myself in harm's way, at least in Iraq. One, you can't do the drugs. Two, I'm surrounded by soldiers. Three, I have a purpose, you know, and I don't, I didn't know it at that time. And four, I'm getting paid and I'm going to be real transparent with you guys right now. That was a, that was a good motivator. Um, and so I just, I was actually surprised at his reluctancy to support me in my

decision. And that was also kind of one of the first times that I had had pushback on something that I wanted to do. And somebody thought that they knew better for me. And I was like, well, uh, thanks Rahim. I appreciate your concern, but I'm going to do this anyway. And I don't think you can see the value that I see in it right now. And I truly didn't see the whole value that I would soon discover. And I just, you know, I was just like, thanks Rahim. Gonna do it anyway. Fuck you very much. So, so we actually stayed friends for quite some time after that. That wasn't a deal breaker at all, but I got offended. I got pissed off and it actually made me more determined. I was like, Hmm, let me show him along with a slew of other

people that just thought I was crazy for wanting to go do this. And from the time that I decided, it took me about six months to get hired. Now, this is kind of a preliminary, relentless life approach that I did where every week, once I decided, I would talk to my mom. She helped me construct my resume. And I mean, at this time, I had worked for a construction company. I'd worked for a property management company. And I slung a lot of beers. So I actually had some pretty good structure of how to file admin support. No highbrow stuff, but enough to get me an office job, which I thought I was going to be able to get.

Nope. So for six months, every single week, I would submit my resume to any new job that came up on the docket. And this was in 2003 that I was applying. So they were getting surges of people like 100 people at a time every week to go over and to to establish um camps in iraq all through iraq and give logistical support to the military so i was like man this is gonna be shoo-in easy peasy no it was not and after a couple months two three months you're like is this ever gonna? And eventually it did because I just didn't relent. I did not stop. And I don't know if they got tired of seeing my name. I don't know if they got tired of, you know, having my mom poke them a little bit. She did what she could, but really she had no say. Um, and I'm just not quite sure, but the day that I was just determined and I had a system and I was like, this system is going to

work eventually. I'm getting hired. There was no plan B. There never was. I never really have a plan B. So the day that I found out was pretty devastating. Um, that morning, it was like the day after my birthday, my best friend, my ride or die, Beth and I had gone out and properly celebrated my 22nd birthday. Um, I don't really remember what happened, but I knew that I had to work the next morning, uh, around 10. It was excruciatingly early. And I was going down the stairs of my cute little apartment. And I received a phone call from my father. And he told me, without really any small talk, he was like, your mother and I are getting divorced. And he has a real Southern accent too. But I don't impersonate his as well as I do my mother's. So I'm not going to try. And you know, my, my world stopped. My parents had been married

for 26 years. I, they were friends. They were cordial. They had a good working relationship. I didn't see it coming. And I remember I dropped my phone. My mailman was there. Beth was there. She collected me. We went to her house and watched the sweetest thing movie. And she just took care of me. And, um, you know, that was pretty devastating. So I, this was like before caller ID was on your cell phone. And also like texting was when you had to press the number a couple of times to get to the letter. And it was like one letter at a time and you had to press it like three times to get that one letter. And so writing a whole word was equal to, to like a really intense thumb workout. Um, so, you know, everybody still called everybody. There was no email, um,

frenzy or anything. It was calling just cell phones. And later on that afternoon, I got a phone call out and I'm like, who's calling me? Cause I just wasn't into talking. Like if you wanted to come over, you come over. I answered the phone and they're like, can we speak to Miss Christmas Abbott? And I was never rude on the phone. And I'm just like, yeah, who's this? Because I was just pissed, you know, I wasn't in my right self. And they're like, well, this is so-and-so from KBR calling about the job of a laundry

attendant. And we would like to start you next week. And she just unloaded, like not even like, Hey, how you doing? We have a job offer for you. Would you like to hear it? It was just like, Hey, and water hose to the face, like basically, um, just, I mean, it was like drinking out of a fire hydrant of information and I'm in shock for my parents' divorce information. And I'm just like going back and forth and I'm looking at Beth going, what the fuck is happening in my life right now? What is happening?

And I said, you know, I said, I don't understand what, who are you and what are you doing? And once I realized that it was actually the job offer, the job that I've been obsessing about for so long and harassing, it was wild. It was wild. So I said, okay, wait a minute. Let me grab a pen and paper because I have no idea what you just said. And they're like, can you come next week? And I was like, I have some things that I need to get in order. I had to pack up my apartment. I mean, I didn't have much money to my name, so I had to work a couple shifts so I could have some money when I went to processing and figure life out. And I didn't have a plan.

I didn't have a plan. So that day really was wild because one of the worst news delivered in my life was followed with one of the greatest opportunities of my life. And I think that a lot of people may have said no because they would have been in that short-term mindset of grief or anger or whatever you're feeling when you find out your parents are getting divorced as an adult. I don't know if it's easier as a kid or as an adult, but it was still impacting. I could have easily disregarded the call.

I could have told her to screw off. But I listened and I accepted there on the spot. I said, send me the contract. Yes. And in a way, and I advocate this now, I'm like, look, when your life goes upside down, that's the best opportunity to implement change. And I think that that's a beautiful thing. And we're always so terrified of change because it's different.

It's hard. It's difficult. It's scary. It's unknown. And as human beings, we don't do well with change. We don't do well with unknowns and something that is out of our control and change usually is relinquishing some of that control. So maybe it was perfect timing that she called that same day. Um, and I said yes. And I jumped into it because I needed to

jump into something where I was really going to jump more drugs so now I'm I'm all packed for Iraq you know I go down to Houston I get processed I land in Baghdad 2004. And this for me is such a just bizarre situation. One, I had never been out of the country. So two, I didn't really pay attention into my processing classes. So when we got there, and you know, this is kind of like an experience of um imagine the first time you were told about crossfit you didn't see it you didn't know about it but somebody's telling you about they're like oh my gosh it's this high intensity constantly very functional movement workout and like you do something different you have no idea what they're saying until you try it right so it's like book knowledge versus street knowledge, whatever you want to call it. And I had no idea what I was getting into. We land in Iraq, we're like

nose diving in this C-130 military plane. I'm wearing a 30 pound vest. I'm wearing, I'm literally like 95 pounds at this point. Like I'm almost 100, you know, three digits, almost 100 pounds. And I have a 30-pound vest on. And I have this freaking helmet. And, I mean, it's ridiculous. I'm sitting on the back of the C-130. And if you're, you know, military guys, you know what I'm talking about. Civilians, you know, we're sitting in cargo nets.

It is not comfortable, not comfortable. So I had a, a commercial flight to Kuwait and from Kuwait, we had a military flight into Iraq. So it's nose diving into Baghdad, corkscrewing down. And I'm like, well, this is it. This is, this is it. This is how we all die. We're all looking at each other. We're freaking out, and we land. I was like, that was unreal. We have to do that every time. I was not prepared for that. Then talk about not prepared.

I get on the bus, so we get processed in. We're at the airport. We have to do this short stint from the airport to the international zone, which was then called the green zone. And I was sitting on the bus at the airport. We were sitting on the bus for about two hours, two hours. And remember, I'm still smoking at this time. And I'm smoking a lot because I'm nervous and trying to not use drugs.

And so I go and ask the bus driver, I'm like, Hey, what's, uh, what's happening? And he had obviously already made the announcement, but I obviously was not listening. And I was like, what's going on? And he's like, Oh, there is an IED on the road. So we have to wait till they clear it. And I was like, like oh I had no idea what he was talking about I don't know what an IED was and for those of you that don't know what an IED is that's okay an IED is an improvised explosive device also commonly known as car bombs or road bombs basically it's just a concoction of a homemade bomb tucked away somewhere, either under trash or inside a dead animal or in a little nook under a rock that when you drive by, something

triggers it or somebody's watching and they trigger and they blow up a car or caravan or truck and causes major damage and mayhem. So there was an IED in the road and I had no idea. And I was like, cool. Um, do you mind if I get off the bus and smoke a cigarette? No, this wasn't like your school bus. This isn't like a city bus. This is an armored vehicle. Okay. This is made to take IEDs and survive and take fire and not, you know, the, not have the bullets penetrate this vehicle. And I'm asking to get off the bus so I can smoke a damn cigarette because we've been sitting here for two hours and this was just not okay with me. So I wanted to give you the true idea of what little Christmas at 22 years old was actually getting into.

Like, I was not prepared. And it's because of my own fault that I was not prepared. So, he didn't let me get off the bus and smoke. Thank you, Mr. Bus Driver. I don't remember your name, but I appreciate your concern for my health, even if I had none for myself. So, all right. So we finally get into Baghdad and I'm still oblivious because I didn't actually have the balls to ask them what an IED was. I figured that I should have known that and I should have.

And so, you know, I come in and there's barracks, but my mom had been recently transferred to another camp. So she wasn't actually in the camp with me. But I was fortunate enough to be able to hijack her room. And so, like, when I say hijack her room, I'm not talking about, like, a room. I'm talking about, like, I don't know, maybe it's 12 feet by 5 feet, maybe. I'm not sure. It was, maybe that's even bigger than what I thought it's like half of a single wide trailer it's big enough to fit a single bed like a kid's bed in there

um a kid's wardrobe and then um and then that's it that's it so not big at all uh so I was really fortunate and this was you know I actually lived in the barracks and tents and other areas but I was coming into a very prestigious living situation thanks mom so I'm there we're working literally the way that this agreement was set up is that you work seven days a week, 12-hour days, so from 6 to 7 actually, because I got an hour for lunch, and that didn't count towards my time worked. And you get no days off for four months, and then you get 10 days paid leave. Most of us took two weeks. So we'd have a couple of days unpaid and you come back. And that was the cycle. Like you literally worked every day for four months at a time. And some people would take longer leaves.

You could take whatever, but it was a no joke. You, if you showed up late a few times, you got sent home. There was, if you were sick, you had to go to the medical center and get a slip. This was like elementary school. The accountability was ruthless and appreciated, I might add. You know, because there were some people that would leave the, the camp zone and not come back because they were kidnapped, captured, whatever, whole bunch of really nasty stuff. So I'm, I'm in country, I'm getting into my job. Like I'm kind of dealing with my parents going

through a divorce. I'm dealing with, you know, not really doing drugs anymore, but still smoking. And as a civilian contractor at this time, we were allowed to drink. So I found friends quickly that liked to, we brought our own bottle to the club and yeah, Baghdad had a club, Al Rashid. We threw down. But as long as you showed up the next day at work and you were okay to function, then they didn't really care at the time. So a couple weeks in, about two and a half weeks, we had the first incoming. Now this is where shit got real. We had some, you know, ducking covers where, you know, the alarm goes off. You go to the bunker with your PPE gear, your vest and helmet,

and, you know, you take cover, especially if you're in a soft container, like not a hard building. And I remember they like to bomb us in the early mornings before we wake up and late at night. It was just easier for them to hide, easier for them to get away with it. And so your sleep would always get disturbed. So this first bombing that I ever, or mortar round, or incoming as I'll call it, I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to react. I did call it. I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to react. I did everything wrong.

So there's a couple of things that I learned immediately in coming in country. Um, the sound of a launch of a mortar coming in. So that morning I was sleeping and it was about, um, it must've been 4am or something like that. Cause I would be at work at 6. So I'd get up around 5, 15 or something, 5 if I wanted to go eat. And you hear this thud, like this little thud. And it's kind of like noises in your home. You're familiar with the noises that your home makes. But if there's one tiny quiet noise that's not normal or that you've never heard before the your spidey senses come up you know you're like oh wide awake what's going on let me grab my gun and clear the house so um so that's kind of what this experience was I heard this noise that I hadn't heard before. And I instantly like bright eyed bushy tail eyes open.

And then I heard a whistle. So you hear this little and I didn't do anything. I literally didn't do anything. I laid in bed because I didn't know what was going on. And that thud was the launch of the mortar round. And the whistle was it coming into camp. Now, the trailer that I was staying in was only a couple hundred feet from where it landed. And then you hear this whistle. And depending on the whistle will determine how close it is to you. And then it was a huge boom.

So that was the impact and it shook the trailer. And then you hear the shrapnel explode. And you hear it ripping through these 10 trailers that we were in. And, you know, the rule is that like when you hear anything, when you identify that we're having incoming, you roll onto the ground, you want to get as low as possible, because when it hits and explodes, it goes up and out, and then you put on your vest and your PPE gear, and when it's okay, you take cover, and the sirens started going off. The alarms started going off. The boy, the big boys take cover, take cover. And, um, what did I do? Once I heard all of the chaos

happening, uh, even after I realized that something was wrong, I leaped out of bed. I leaped out of bed, stood up, looked around like I was on a surfboard. I was like looking around. My walkie-talkie is going off and the big voice is telling me to take cover. And the walkie-talkie is like getting accountability because we were supposed to check in. And I had no idea what I was doing. And I look around and this is the moment of my epiphany. Literally standing in the middle of my mom's trailer and a couple things. One, always, always, always sleep with clothes on in a war zone. Like that's a true lesson. Okay. I

thought that was hot shit because I had my own room and not many other people did. And I like to sleep naked. So I could not run to the bunker. I mean, I could have, but I was naked and, you know, putting on your vest was important, but, um, I really had no idea what I was doing. So that is a good rule. If you're in a war zone right now, hey, sleep with clothes on. Two, um, I was in a war zone. It had not really sunk in until that moment. I was there, like I was committed and it was challenging. And I was like, holy shit, how many ways am I gonna set myself up to die? Like, that was my thought. I was like, holy shit, I'm going to kill myself here. And not in the kill myself, like I'm going to commit suicide way, but like kill myself because

I've put myself into so many compromising positions and situations that it happens. Here I am. Short summary of this is that I'm in a war zone, smoking, blackout drunk occasionally, and completely ill-prepared for if something happens. What else do I need to do to set myself up for failure? Like I had done it all and it was going to happen on a long enough or short enough timeline. And I hate to say this, but like, if we had an invasion, which was very potential, like we were always on high alert for being invaded for camps by insurgents, meaning that the insurgents would come in and overrun the camp, which happened multiple times in Iraq. I was going to get left. I couldn't I couldn't take care of myself. Like, why are you going to bring a burden? Somebody that's going to not help the

situation, but hinder it. So for me, that was a huge moment of like, what have I put myself into and how can I adjust so I can be prepared? And then the biggest aha moment, you know, those aha moments where you just get it, the light turns on and you're just like, holy shit. How did I not see that before? You know, I just, I love it when I see people have their aha moment. Cause I'm like their life just changed. And my, one of my biggest aha moments was this moment. And I realized that one, I was in a situation that on a long enough timeline, I was going to end up killing myself because of my decisions. That was my responsibility. Two, I wanted something better for myself. That was it. I wanted something better for myself,

even though I didn't necessarily, I didn't think I deserved better. I didn't know how to have better. I didn't know what that looked like. I didn't know what to do, but I wanted something better in that moment. Um, and that's powerful. And like, I still hold onto that. I still hold onto that in a way that I don't know what I'm doing half the time, literally like, you know, all of this, these accomplishments, getting into NASCAR, I didn't know what I was doing. Um, writing a book, no idea what I was doing, you know, having a baby, certainly have no idea what I'm doing. But the, the underlining thread of all of this is that I want something better. And that's why I was willing to try different things. That's why, you know, when I, when I found out that I was

pregnant and not in a committed serious relationship, I didn't care because I want something better for my son. And it doesn't have to be a perfect situation to be a lesson that you hold dear. So like I said, I didn't know how to or where to start. So basically after that moment, I had my epiphany, which made time feel like it stood still for a minute, more than a minute, like a decade. I put on my clothes and shoes. got on the floor I radioed in not after like opening the door and looking around like where's what's happening I saw people running around like it was chaos we had a pretty pretty darn close and luckily it hit a parking lot in

front of the laundry room which hey I worked at and shrapnel went through some of the laundry room, which, Hey, I worked at and shrapnel went through some of the trailers, but nobody was seriously injured at that time. And, um, so I put on clothes, went to work. We got the all clear after I went to work or before I went to work. And, you know, I just, I decided that I was going to start asking questions, doing more. I didn't know how. And in that moment I was like, okay, I'm going to quit smoking. That's what I know that's in my control. Uh, now, uh, quitting smoking was difficult. And people were like, Oh, Christmas is year 22. It's not really addiction. Oh my gosh. It's fine. Like, bitch, I was, I played with cigarettes when I was nine. I started smoking regularly when I was 13 consistently, like every day, 13 years old.

So don't tell me that it wasn't an addiction. It was. And I took three months to prepare to quit smoking. And I want to tell you guys about this because one, it's one of the most proud things that I've ever done for myself. Like in the, in the idea of like improvements, you know, you can eat well. Great. Do you have to eat perfect? No. But smoking is like welcoming cancer. It is just saying I'm willingly killing myself right now with every cigarette. Um, so I quit smoking and it took me three months. I gathered the courage. I told people I prepared, I read about it. I got candy cause I quit cold Turkey. And I was like, look, Hey guys, everybody, please, I'm quitting smoking. Please be nice to me. I'm going to be really rude to you and mean,

but like, don't take it personally. Give me a forgiveness, you know, forgiven or forgive me and, um, let me do this. So I actually had a friend that stepped up and he was like, Hey, if you're quitting smoking, I'll do it too. And I was like, great. Listen guys, sometimes that's not such a good idea. Like you want a partner, but we ended up like getting into crazy fights because like two people smoking and that type of stress is wild but he was very very kind and thank you Mike I'm about to tell the story about running my first mile with you and it was just nice to have a an accountability buddy which if you've read my badass body or badass life that's what I talk about is having an accountability buddy and it really did help um we had to let each other know that we were not responsible for what we said during withdrawals.

Okay. It's like anger. It's a real thing. Okay. So I did quit smoking and then I was just so proud of myself. That was the first time that I ever did anything really, really positive and good with myself since childhood, you know, since I had completely lost my self-esteem and self-worth. So it kind of like started this frenzy and I was like, wow, well, what do I do now?

Well, you know, you start eating grilled chicken. Still don't really care for it this day. I had no idea what I was doing, but I did start looking into nutrition, which is where my, my love for nutrition started. And then I ran my very first mile as an adult. Oh my God. This shit is funny. Um, you know, when you're changing your life and you're like, I don't know where to start. You know, I quit smoking, started eating well. And then what do you do after that? Well, you start exercising, but I didn't play high school or collegiate sports. So I didn't know how to do what to do. And my friend was like, Hey, we'll just run on the trip. We'll run, run a mile. Like a mile is no big deal. It's like walking around the block. Cool. I can run a mile. I'm 22

and a mile is like nothing. Well, when you're 22 and you've done as many drugs and smoked as much as I did and drank as much as I did, running a mile is like a fucking marathon. Okay. So my friend was like, Hey, let's go run a mile. Now I I will tell you that in 2004 in Iraq, you don't run outside. You just don't do it. We had drive-bys in Iraq. I mean, it was just like you just never put your guard down. So you run inside on a treadmill. And these aren't those really awesome treadmills at the CrossFit Games now that you actually have to work for. These are the ones that like you can put it on

level three with no incline and it moves and all you have to do your work literally is to just pick up your knees and that's it and breathe and don't fall off. That was the responsibility of this treadmill and we get on there and he's beside me and Mike is beside me and I'm, I'm here and I'm like, man, okay, I'm, I'm feeling confident. I'm feeling good. Like I'm going to start running. I'm going to start exercising. Let me put this up. I put it on like three or five and then halfway through he finishes cause he was a collegiate athlete. And you know what? Fuck you for this, Mike. I hope you're listening to this. And I'm like, oh, this sucks. I'm done. I'm literally, you know, maybe not even a half a mile in. I'm like, this sucks. I'm done. And I

tried to quit. Swallow that one. I tried to quit. He was like, no, stay on it. He just slowed it down a little bit. And full disclosure, I wasn't running fast to begin with. Okay. It would have been like a brisk walk now, but it was a lot for me. And he, he just stayed with me, cheered me on. And I finally finished. It was literally like probably a 13 minute mile. Uh, you could have walked, I mean, you can walk a mile in 15 minutes leisurely. And I'm done. And I'm huffing and puffing. And I'm looking at him like he has just murdered my soul.

And he was solely responsible for how I felt in that moment, which is not true. That is not true. And then the next day, I just like, I got off the treadmill. I was angry at him. I couldn't talk to him anymore. And I was like, fuck got off the treadmill. I was angry at him. I couldn't talk to him anymore. And I was like, fuck fitness. This shit is dumb. People are dumb that want to, you know, this hurt. And the next day and over the next week, I actually couldn't even walk. I had, you know, like when you deadlift too much and all the erectors are tight and you just kind of like waddle around and you have the invisible lat syndrome. You can't bend your legs because everything hurts.

I literally was in this bad of shape from one mile. And that's honestly like when I realized, I was like, oh man, when and if something does go down, I am so screwed. I am so screwed. So I just didn't understand the passion for fitness. So I was like, you know, fit people are crazy and psychotic and sadistic. And I don't want any of that. So I went back to my grilled chicken. And in Iraq, you have a couple options. You either go to the gym, which I was like, fuck that. That's dumb. I don't want none of that. You play poker. Not really interested in losing my money.

Because let's face it, I'm just not a good poker player. I'm too expressive. And then three, you drink. So out of the three options, really, the lesser of all the evils was to work out. Now I was not interested in a treadmill for years. I still don't like them. I still have like this weird tinge about them, but I, I got okay with running. And, and, um, so I was like, okay, I guess I got to do something. And one of my girlfriends at the time introduced me to the elliptical. Like, okay, laugh at all you want. The elliptical saved my athletic career. Like, it really, truly, it was just amazing. At this time, I made a commitment to myself,

which I didn't do with running that mile. So I had some sort of structured accountability at this point now where I was going to do the elliptical because the elliptical, I could control the intensity. I could control the time limit and really, you know, just kind of like go through the motions. And for me, this was as much as like walking around the block. Like that's the effort that I put into it. So I committed three times a week for a month and I would go get on the elliptical about 20 minutes. And that was it. That was my workout routine. That was my very first workout routine. And how I get on the elliptical. And this is where I discovered, um,

a couple of things. One, I liked the elliptical because I could leisurely go at my own pace for 20 minutes. And, or if I wanted to, um, impress one of these cute soldiers walking by, I'll get on there and pump real fast and pretend like I was, you know, you guys do this all the time in your class with your coaches. The coach walks, you know, like the coach walks up to you and you're doing your CrossFit workout or whatever workout it is. And then you're like, you're a rich froney. You know, you're taking home the games. You're going hard as a mother. Like you're fraying in a workout and just unleashing. And they're like, you're just spit is coming out of your mouth.

Like everything. I didn't let that happen to me. Of course, at this time, I had not found my inner rebel yet with working out. But, you know, you go hard. That's external motivation. When a coach or somebody outside of you or some sort of external motivation whether it's a caption or a quote or a person or a goal externally to influence you it's very effective but it's short-lived because as soon as that cute boy would walk by or your coach would get out of eyesight, you would huddle over and you'd be like, fuck the games.

I'm not going. And like, you know, the soldiers were cute, but not that damn cute. So that's external motivation. Now, internal motivation is a little bit harder to tap into, but it's much more potent. So for a little while, I would have these like bursts of a minute where I would just get in there and show off my goods. And then I would go home and I was doing my thing. Well, by the third, the end of the third week, this is like where I kind of get really giddy. By the end of the third week, I had stuck to a program, a schedule, and I didn't see any major body changes,

but I had more energy. I was sleeping better. Like I could feel, physically feel my body changing, but I didn't see any significant changes. But the biggest thing for me was that I was happier. Like I actually was proud of myself for, you know, what at the time seemed like no reason. And I was finding self-worth. I was starting to scratch the top surface of, um, my legacy, who I really wanted to be, the conduit of my message, and to be able to discover how relentless and badass I can be and living to my true potential. That was incredible. So I noticed a change and I was so excited because I just felt good. And in that moment, I wanted more. I wanted more of all of it.

So I started doing push-ups in my room and sit-ups because I didn't want to do that in front of people because I would get embarrassed. The elliptical was okay. Like that was kind of cool. I could cruise there. But like for somebody to watch me do a sit-up or a push-up, an attempted push-up, I might add. I wasn't ready for that yet, and that's okay. But I discovered that I just wanted something more, and I was proud of myself for the first time. You know, quitting smoking was one thing, but to find something that fed me in a positive way consistently, that was fucking rad. Fucking rad. So that spawned and ignited my internal motivation. My internal

motivation was to see what I was capable of. I never pressed that before. I never been challenged with living to my full potential. And that's, that was where the start of living to my full potential was spawned because then I just, I ate all of the exercises up. I started doing bodybuilding with running isolation, and then I would do this and that. And I was on a consistent streak for about six months of traditional bodybuilding training with the elliptical. Oh, I didn't give them a fellow and, and, uh, running, which surprisingly, like I would run to the gym. I didn't actually get on a treadmill. We weren't on good terms yet. And then I would run after the gym, you know, I had this really great program and I had been training well, eating well, living well, ironically, in the most dangerous place in the world, in an active war zone, dodging mortars and incoming. And I was finding myself.

I was finding my passion and my spark and my love. So fast forward six months, this soldier, and I am so pissed. I do not remember his name, but he was so awesome. He was very supportive. Um, didn't hit on me and my workout partner, which I appreciated because all the guys would come in there and just try and like, you know, spot my reps. And I was like, we, we, Rebecca would talk and I'd just train. I was like, I'm, I'm here for a reason. And it's not you boo boo. So I, this guy saw how seriously I took my workouts and he was like, Hey, you have to watch this video. And I was like, no, I don't want to watch workouts online. Like that's the dumbest shit I've ever seen or heard of. And this was like,

remember this is at this time, it was 2005. Cause listen, you got to remember there's a couple months of me getting into country, trying to quit smoking. And then I tried to run. And then I finally found fitness. And then six months from there, I'd been in country for almost a year. So it was, um, 2005 at this point. And this guy comes up to me he's just like so i mean cool dude great great training partner forces me to watch this video and i'm telling you it was i did not want to watch this thing and i sit down and i watch these three girls are doing these crazy squats this thing on these rings that i had no idea what they were they were muscle-ups but i didn't know and i was like what the hell is were muscle-ups, but I didn't know.

And I was like, what the hell is a muscle-up? Um, I was thinking it was like some sort of shot. Uh, and, um, these cleans, which I had hadn't done either because everything that I had done was on a machine or just body weight. And these girls finish and this girl finishes and she starts crying hysterically at the end. And I was mesmerized for a couple of reasons. One, this girl is my size and she's throwing around weight like a boss. I was like, holy shit, whatever they're doing, I want to do because it looks amazing. Two, it made her cry.

And in the video, she's not crying solely because of the difficulty. Like she had a couple failed reps. She pushes through. And she's not crying because of the difficulty. She's crying because you push yourself beyond your potential, beyond what is your limit. And that is, you know, like threshold training. And you reach a whole new level that the only way that your body can express itself

is through tears. And I think there's just something really beautiful about that. There's like a just magical moment. And this is when I want to tell you, um, be careful what you wish for. Cause at that moment, I watched that video and I was like, man, I really want to do a workout that is so good. It makes me cry. Well, I got exactly what I wished for not too long after this. And I have since gotten exactly what I wished for multiple times a year since. And not only have I cried in multiple workouts, I've peed myself and sometimes almost passed out. But I've never died. So I'm glad that that's not on the list. So fast forward, I was like, Oh my gosh, what is this? He's like, it's CrossFit. And I was like, what the hell is CrossFit? He's like this. And I was like, but what is this? And he like,

we actually got into a very interesting, humorous argument about what it was. And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. He's like, it's CrossFit. I was like, I don't know what that is. He's like, it's this. And I was like, but what is this? You know, it's, it was, it was one of those moments. I was, I was real pretty in that moment. My brain was not working. And I said, well, whatever it is, I want to do it. So I started doing CrossFit by myself on my own in this gym, um, for, for quite a while until I, um I found some friends. And listen, doing CrossFit by yourself, not a bad thing unless it's 2005 and there's nobody to coach you and you don't really have much internet access and you don't have techniques and you've never done a deadlift before in your life. And you're trying to do Diane by yourself and your handstand pushups are just like

you flopping against the wall and falling down and trying not to hit somebody next to you I mean I was a shit show I was a shit show and it was really I mean I really wish that we had videos then um you had to have actual a camcorder then you didn't have it on your phone because that would have gone on some sort of bloopers. What's that social media? What's the one that has the bloopers where it's just CrossFit gone bad? That's what I was. I was CrossFit gone bad. So fast forward a little bit.

I know. This is getting to a point, guys. Fast forward a little bit. I had been doing CrossFit on my own for at least for about six months or so maybe even almost a year and uh it's just a bad idea I think that you know accountability is really great it's a bad idea when you're starting out let's let me clarify it is great if you have the discipline to do CrossFit by yourself which I did for years afterwards um for the games but starting, have some sort of coach,

go get the fundamentals at your local box or a well reputable coach to make sure that you're doing the movements properly because there is safety laced into the movement technique. You have bad technique, you're opening the door for injury. And then people are like, oh my gosh, will CrossFit hurt me? I'm like, no, you hurt yourself because you refuse to either get proper training or to evaluate your own movement. So accountability, people, be accountable for yourself. So I, um, was very bad at CrossFit, but I tried hard. I was a can-do. And then I moved back to Baghdad. I hopped around a couple different places. And Al-Asad, Kirkuk, Mosul.

Mosul in early 2005, where we were getting bombed like every day. And from start to finish, I was there just shy of four full years with breaks in between. Obviously, like a little week here, two weeks there. And once I got to camp, I heard this one guy did CrossFit. And he had just gotten back from getting his level one. And now listen, this is now 2007. And that was fucking unheard of. He went and got to talk to coach he got his level one

he was an all-knowing crossfit god chas i love you um and side note is if you uh read learning to breathe fire that book is talking about all the original fire breathers and I was fortunate enough to be considered one of them and this is the story that kept putting that book so I walked up to Chaz in the defect and that's the chow hall where you go eat and this was pretty bold because I was one of very few women in Iraq it was very difficult because I was you know you, you just, you have to be really on your game, um, and not let your personality shine or you get in trouble and you get fired and kind of things. There's a lot of conflict there, but I'm not going to go on there.

So I walked through to Chaz in, uh, during, I can't remember if it was lunch or breakfast. And I was like, Hey, I heard that you do CrossFit. I do CrossFit. Can we CrossFit together? Because until that point, it was just me. And guess what? Playing by yourself is no fun after a while. And I wanted to have a CrossFit buddy. I wanted to have, you know, fun and play like adult recess. So, so I was like, Hey, can I, um, can I play with you? And, and he was like, uh, maybe I was like, Oh my God, what a dick. Like, okay. So they didn't invite me because it was him and Ray and a couple other people occasionally, but him and Ray were the staples and they didn't invite me for a while. So I didn't care. I was still going to do CrossFit. I remember, um, just making a shit show of myself in the gym,

just can do attitude. And then, uh, he was like, Hey, you want to come do a lot with us? And I was like, Oh my God. Yes. Yes. And I showed up and it was something like Chaz would coach us because he was level one certified. So that was just awesome. And basically we would do whatever he asked us to do. And during this time, even though I had been training consistently for a while and I had been building my own strength and everything, I still was very, very young in any sort of exercise regimen, right? And so I would try my best and figure it out from there. And they had a philosophy as if you could do it once, you can do it for the whole workout. Now, let me remind you at this time, or let you know at this time on CrossFit.com, which is what we followed, they didn't have a

male weight, a female weight. They didn't have scaling options. This is so old school that they would have one weight and one distance or one row. I don't even think they had rowing in it yet. Actually, they didn't. One thing and then that was it. That's what you were expected to do. And you did it and it took you however long and that was that. We didn't understand about scaling and understanding the stimulus of the workout. And they sure as hell weren't going to make it easier for me. So they would set it up and say, for example, if it was actually Kelly, box jumps, wall balls, 400 meter run, five rounds. Um, that's the right

one. Right. And it's a 24 inch box, but they allowed me to use 20 and it took me 30 minutes to jump on at one time. Like that was a defying act for me. And I remember that moment. I was just so excited. And I'm like, awesome, you get to do the whole workout with this box. So their philosophy was if you could pick up a heavy deadlift, you know, I couldn't even deadlift 100 pounds, then you could do it for the entire workout. You can do it once, you can do it for all of them. It reminds me of that scene from Dodgeball. Like you can dodge a wrench, but you can dodge a ball. For some reason, like that's what pops up in my head when I remember Chaz being like, hey, if you can do it once, you can do all of them.

And I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to die. So what would take them 20 minutes to do a workout? Took me 40 plus. I mean, it was so dumb, so dumb. I peed myself, I cried and I got a little bit of rhabdo in my elbows in a very short time of working out with these guys. And they would wreck me. They would never let me, they never let me give up. But at that time I like that was just not even ever an option again. And they would stay there by my side until I finished. They never just walked away, did their own thing. They were there with me.

They were in it with me. And what I thought was like this amazing bonding moment was actually an experiment for them. Later on, I'm talking about years later, years later, I got interviewed for this book. They interviewed Chaz and Ray, and I'm so excited. So I read this book and then I'm reading and it's in the interview. Chaz is talking about how I had asked to come and hang out and work out and they didn't want me to hang out. Uh, so they made it extremely difficult for, you know, the workouts for me and they thought I was going to quit. And I just kept showing up the next day and I never complained. I never was like, well, I don't want to do this. I can't do that because I had friends.

I mean, I had CrossFit friends. It was my first CrossFit friends. And there was no way that I was going to be that little bitch, you know? So I kept coming back. It was like a stray dog being fed steak, you know? I was like, give me some more of that CrossFit. I finally have somebody to work out with. And so that kind of built me up because they weren't going easy on me at all. And they, honestly, in the book, it says that they were just going to see how long it took to break me. Spiritually, physically, whatever. They were just like, I was their guinea pig. And they laughed about it. So jokes on them. Because fast forward a couple years, I was training for the games. And they came to visit. Uh, jokes on them because fast forward a couple of years, I was training for the games and,

uh, they came to visit and once a year, specifically Chaz and I would get together, drink tequila and do a workout. And this is the first time that we had really seen each other since the, um, since being in Iraq together. And I just opened my box and I was training for the game. So I like was okay. But I also, these were like my CrossFit coaches, you know, and we're doing a workout and I'm looking over and they start falling the fuck apart. And I'm like, what's going on? I'm really confused. And I beat them, like not just beat them. I whooped them. I laughed them and they look up and they're like, Christmas. I was like, yeah, you guys. Okay. And I kind of like wanted to start talking shit.

And I was like, are you guys okay? They're like, we're real proud of you. And I was like, Oh my God. That like, that was a moment where I knew, um, that I had really done something special. And so rewind a little bit. Working out with these guys taught me so much. You know, one, you never leave your teammate. And I love team training. I love team competition. You know, individual is cool, but team is where I just thrive. And there's this beautiful complexity about it and this connection between people about it that you don't get by yourself. And, you know, they talk, so you never leave a teammate behind. You always finish what you start, whatever it is, and you do it with integrity. And these things really got deep-seated in me, and it's that application and those core values that I apply to not only my CrossFit and training, but my life, my relationships, my business. It's important to understand what

your core values are. It's important to understand what will make you thrive, whether it's teamwork or individual. And they just, they taught me a lot of integrity, not just with the workout, but with myself and, um, personal relationships. So what I love, and that was in the end, you know, shortly after I came home from Iraq in December, 2007. So I went over, um, I was there four, five, six, seven, just like a month shy of four full years. And, you know, I loved it because it taught me so much that I just shared with you. But also some of the scariest things of my life have been the most rewarding. You know, running into bunkers with no shoes, wondering why the hell I was there would dissipate so quickly. As soon as I was able to take a soldier, a coffee that was working a

checkpoint, which was the most dangerous of, of the situation there, you know, like they were just exposed to all of the dangers. And sometimes they just needed a little smile and a reminder of home, a smile and a warm coffee or a hot chocolate. And so with that, I was able to serve my country in a direct way and help my fellow soldiers and military in a direct way. That was rewarding for me, but hopefully, fingers crossed, even more beneficial to them. So I was able to kind of live that

passion that I wanted earlier in life that I refused to serve my country. I was able to find discipline and structure with my work. If you didn't turn it in on time or correct, a couple of those, you'd get sent home. There there was no excuse you were there to do a job and if you couldn't do that job you were the you weren't there any longer um you know relentless pursuit of something that you love I loved CrossFit couldn't find a friend to do it so I did it myself and I found friends that wanted to break me and I kept coming back, you know, that develops your character. And I always advocate a couple of things. One, these guys taught me not to fall down after your workout.

You know, I know that it's really popular in CrossFit to like wail around afterwards and hit the ground and just like surrender, what I call surrender to the workout. I never did that. They taught me that when you finish your workout, that is yours. You own it and you walk it off. And the reason you walk it off is because you need to be prepared for the next thing coming. That is the way life works. You're going to get sucker punched. You're going to have your whole life fall the fuck apart. And then it will happen right again immediately after. And if you sit there and fall down and let life happen to you, it's going to take an extreme more from you to get back on track. So we'd finish the workout.

I'd walk it off. I'd call it my lioness, you know, and I would be prepared for the next thing because I never said, are we done? I would always wait for them to say, okay, we're done because that wasn't my call. And for me, that's just how life is. You don't get to call the shots. You get to dictate how you respond to it and how strong you're willing to forge yourself. But life happens. And the more you're willing to endure and be prepared for the next step, the easier it is to get through it, even if it's super fucking tough. So, um, Iraq was my university. It was everything that I needed. And I, there's no other experience in my life that could have given me that in its entirely entirety, um, than what it did. Um, you know, I think about

the lesson here that I want you guys to take with you. And there's so many, there's so many, I could actually do like so many podcasts on just Iraq. Um, my epiphany was, is that I wanted something better for myself and it was my responsibility to build that. And when I built something better for myself, I did it with integrity. I did it with teamwork. I did it with accountability and humility. You know, those are so important in my day today. So I hope you enjoyed taking a little tour of my Iraq experience. And next week, I'm going to reflect on that little moment of me beating my two coaches in a workout and training for the games.

And how I went from never being an athlete to literally that is my profession. And, um, and you know, I was not a competitor until my baby monster was born. And I want to tell you about the birth of my baby monster. And that's not my baby baby. I'm talking about my competitive baby. So I'm excited to share that with you. Thank you for listening. This is Christmas Abbott.