Barbell Shrugged - Relationships With High Performers and Turning Childhood Struggles Into Your Super Power with Gabby Reece, Anders Varner, Doug Larson, and Jen Widerstrom — Barbell Shrugged #383

Episode Date: March 20, 2019

Gabby Reece (@gabbyreece) the Co Creator of XPT, world renowned athlete, New York Times bestselling author, wife, mother.  At 6’ 3” the former professional beach volleyball player and Nike's first female spokeswoman, Gabrielle Reece, is the true definition of both athleticism and feminine beauty. Gabby’s commanding presence, passion for healthy living, and fitness expertise makes her a popular leader in the world of health and wellness. Gabrielle Reece has recently been named host of NBC’s upcoming transformation competition series “STRONG”airing in April of 2016. From executive producer Dave Broome (“The Biggest Loser”) and Oscar-nominated iconic film star Sylvester Stallone, the 10-episode series “STRONG” matches everyday women with the world’s most elite trainers to help realize their natural greatness and conquer obstacles that were once unfathomable.   In this episode we talk with Gabby about what it’s like being married to Laird, the challenges of raising a family,  the current transition Gabby is going through, why getting hit by a lightning bolt is a necessary part of life, the universal struggles of relationships, how the glitches and bumps of childhood become our super power in adult life, the number one obstacle kids are facing,  the hormonal response of immersing yourself in cold water, and much more. Enjoy! - Anders and Doug   Episode Breakdown   ⚡️0-10: What it’s like raising a family with Laird and the current transition Gabby is going through ⚡️11-20: What you don’t learn about when you’re young and what you have to go through to make a relationship work ⚡️21-30: Being responsible for you and why getting hit by a lightning bolt is a necessary part of life ⚡️31-40: The liberating feeling of just being human and not pretending to make others feel good ⚡️ 41-50: The universal struggles of relationships and why the dynamics of a relationship needs tending to ⚡️51-60: Be willing to be wrong, the number one obstacle kids are facing, and the new culture of technology ⚡️61-70: The broken school system and how the glitches and bumps of childhood become our super power in adult life ⚡️71-80: XPT, how ice can be an incredible tool to de-stress, and Gabby bragging about Anders ⚡️81-90: Hardwork is a distraction, how filling time with information is a way to push out the hard parts of life, and the need to sit in your pain ⚡️91-100: What excites Jen about coaching, how the pool pushes you to a new level, and the new thing Anders has added to his training ⚡️101-110: The benefits of detoxing, pairing ice and heat, and the hormonal response of immersing yourself in cold water ⚡️111-121:  Creating alignment in life, recognizing others, and why your life will be better if you’re kind to other people   ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Show notes at: http://www.shruggedcollective.com/bbs-reece ----------------------------------------------------------------------- @PerfectKeto - perfectketo.com/shrugged for 20% off @joovv - joovv.com/shrugged - SHRUGGED  for free swag @organifi - www.organifi.com/shrugged to save 20%   ► Subscribe to Barbell Shrugged's Channel Here ► Subscribe to Shrugged Collective's Channel Here http://bit.ly/BarbellShruggedSubscribe 📲 🎧 Listen to the audio version on the Apple Podcast App or Stitcher for Android Here- http://bit.ly/BarbellShruggedApple http://bit.ly/BarbellShruggedStitcher Shrugged Collective is a network of fitness, health and performance shows that help people achieve their physical and mental health goals.  Usually in the gym, but outside as well. In 2012 they posted their first Barbell Shrugged podcast and have been putting out weekly free videos and podcasts ever since. Along the way we've created successful online coaching programs including The Shrugged Strength Challenge, The Muscle Gain Challenge, FLIGHT, Barbell Shredded, and Barbell Bikini. We're also dedicated to helping affiliate gym owners grow their businesses and better serve their members by providing owners tools and resources like the Barbell Business Podcast. Find Shrugged Collective and their flagship show Barbell Shrugged here: SUBSCRIBE ON ITUNES ► http://bit.ly/ShruggedCollectiveiTunes WEBSITE ► https://www.ShruggedCollective.com INSTAGRAM ► https://instagram.com/shruggedcollective FACEBOOK ► https://facebook.com/barbellshruggedpodcast TWITTER ► http://twitter.com/barbellshrugged

Truck family, we are in Boston, Massachusetts right now. I am literally staring at Fenway Park. Whoop hooked us up with the coolest hotel of all time in Fenway. Just did a killer interview with them. We've been on the road this week just smashing it. We left Tony Gentilcore's, just got back from MBSC, Mike Boyle Strength and Conditioning with Kevin Carr. It's been an awesome road trip.

We are headed to Solace, New York right now. We're going to be kicking it with Kenny Santucci Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. So if you are in the New York area, make sure you get to Solace to come and hang out with us. We have Gabby Reese on the show. Most of the time we're talking pure strength and conditioning. Every once in a while we like to kick it with Gabby Reese and talk about relationships, personal development, and maybe some raising kids in there. Gabby's a super high-performing human being. I've been up to her house, her and Laird's house in Malibu, done the XPT training, and she is one of the badass coaches. She's probably one of the most badass coaches I've ever been around just her presence makes you super legit pushing people pushing me which we talk

about in some underwater training and just really helping me kind of unleash some some inner athlete working from some very cool pool workouts that very lucky to have been a part of I I want to thank our sponsors over at Perfect Keto. Make sure you get over there. I'm digging nut butters. I'm eating them all the time. I took them on the road with me this week. Macadamia, the cashew nuts, some MCT oils, love it.

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I'm going to be speaking at their speaker summit. Shrugged is actually sponsoring a day of speakers. You need to be a part of it. If you're a part-time trainer, if you've got a corporate job and you're doing the training and you're coaching at night or in the morning and it's your part-time gig, I have a super cool talk that I'm doing where you're going to learn a whole lot about just what it takes to become a full-time coach, kind of chasing your dreams, chasing your passion, and there is like a real outlet for coaching in your life. So get over to thegranitegames.com, the Speaker Summit.

I'm going to be speaking on Friday. There's a live Q&A, and it's going to be super cool. I really enjoy working with the people over at the Granite Games. They're just like top-notch humans. They always treat us very well, and anything they're doing, I want to be a part of. So thank you to them. Please get over there and register for the summit. I'm going to be speaking on Friday, like I said, and it's going to be awesome. So look forward to having you over there. Part-time trainers, go do it now. That's it. Let's get into the show. Gabby Reese, this was a super fun conversation we had down at Guadalupalooza. Jen Widerstrom is in the house. And Jen Widerstrom, if you know Jen Widerstrom, she makes your life better every time she shows up. Enjoy the show.

Thank you. You're welcome. I'm a big believer in riding out where I'd like to be just so I have this place that I feel like I'm going and family and all these things, and one of the core principles of the family that my wife and I have talked about is the idea of freedom from everything and choosing our matrix that we'd like to live in. And unfortunately, SoCal's been so awesome. It's been amazing, right? It's not about the bad.

It's about what's next. Can we choose the matrix that we'd live in for the next decade to raise a family or the next two decades? What does that look like? Yeah. And at some point, like I just want to get back into nature. It's been a long time. I think that's a skill set that if your children can also have that is going to be more of a commodity than you realize.

Let's take this slightly closer to the mic. Okay. You know what I mean? Like if your kid understands like how to build something or dig a hole and also knows how to have that time for creativity and those things that we don't get because of our distractions of our devices. Yeah. I mean, listen, if you want to get into the science of it, it's pretty astounding.

We're rolling, so let's go. Yeah, I mean, just your if you want to get into the science of it, it's pretty astounding. We're rolling, so let's go. Yeah, I mean, just your overall happiness. Yeah. Your sense of, you know, the notion of just because it's normal doesn't make it good. Yeah. Like, oh, it's normal. It's like, yeah, but it's still not necessarily good. Well, I left home when I was 14, and I've never really thought about family or my childhood

or how I'd like to raise a family or any of that stuff at all for 21 years. Why would you? Yeah. It means nothing, right? And then all of a sudden you have a child. You're like, okay, now I have to design a life that I would like her to live in. And then I think, well, when did I have the most fun? That was when I was in my backyard playing home run derby.

How am I going to do that? Well, I had enough land when i grew up to build a baseball field in my backyard yeah and i mean listen if you can do it great yeah there's other things you have to do if you can't yeah but if you sort of said hey i got a window of time and i can do it yeah great yeah and it's uh it's cool like selling the gym selling another business uh being in a place where a lot of you're able to get out of that survival mode of life and actually choose what you would like to do. And we made a really cool choice, I think.

And it's so funny telling people because you're leaving SoCal. No, congratulations. Oh, yeah. You've escaped. If someone said to me, I'm moving there, I'd say, great, because that's also a different time in your life agree right like when you're expanding in this different way that's exactly what there's no better place yeah that's i joke about all the time it's like well why'd you get there well i was a lost boy and that's where lost boys go they go to pacific beach it's filled with

lost boys and lost girls and lost boys and lost girls find each other yeah and i maybe i'm less lost now but it's like now you have this like okay this is my wife this is my kid i'd like to have another one of these like how do we design this thing um so it's very cool yeah it's interesting kind of concept you talked about like introducing it to your kids earlier on because i always i think because i'm a coach i always think about the physical side and I call it physical literacy my parents started as young gymnastics like walking the beam carrying your carpet square jump on the square so we got familiar with our bodies and movement and kinesthetic space without even knowing it and so therefore I think I had easier access to those

things as I got older and same with creativity I think if you're in an environment or outdoors, you actually, because you're more comfortable seeking that environment. Because, like, for me, like my mom, so I was telling you, she's this ancient history teacher, incredibly smart and special, but she's, like, rarely left the country. I'm like, Mom, you know more about Greek and Roman mythology than anyone I know. But since she never traveled ever, ever in her life until she met my father, she actually kind of has a fear of travel.

So I think if it's brought to your kids at a younger age, whether it's movement or creativity or outdoors. It's always easier. It's easier. Yeah, it's just that more intuitive language, I think. When you and Laird set up life and have two kids. Like, what, three? Jesus. Wait, is one older?

Yeah, we have a grown daughter. Laird came with a four-month-old who's now 23. Gotcha. How old are the other two? 15 and 11. Those are the ones that hang around the house still. Yeah, those are the ones, you know. Are they paying rent or what's going on?

No, not yet. Get to work. They know everything. I don't know why they're not paying rent. Did you guys go through that process of, like, how do we, I mean, just with the lifestyle you guys have and, like, I mean, even the intensity of his lifestyle, it's not the safest job in the world. Was there a lot of those conversations going on?

You know, I think, first of all to to be with laird in a relationship and to be in a partnership with laird is to understand that that's gonna be a part of laird that that's it's not even uh like this is what i do this is really a part of who he is and so i think we always intuitively knew we were going to live in two different places in the beginning of our kids lives they would be homeschooled. But, like, right now I'm right at a crossroads myself. So I have a 15-year-old who's decided, oh, I think I like sports, and I think I want to dedicate all my time to tennis. So I want to move into, like, a tennis house.

And then my 11-year-old, who's very bright and a little bit obnoxious, those things go together, by the way. Oh, you have an opinion, yeah you're sharing it all the time oh it's unbelievable right yeah and i know intuitively i'm like oh i know she knows i'm barely smart enough to parent her is is i think she needs different challenges so i want i grew up in the caribbean so i wanted my kids to be tethered to island life, to, you know, aunties and uncles, to nature, to mountains, to ocean, to being dirty and all these things. Yeah. But now I have to adapt.

We were talking about adapting earlier. And now as a parent, I'm looking at the landscape and going, what was working is now not. We've got to adjust. And, you know, Laird always jokes. He goes, you know, I'll go back and forth. You can come for a couple months. And, when i go to california i'll probably complain and that's okay um but we'll just work it out because it's such precious windows of time for kids and their development that this is what we need to do right now so can i ask you relationship

advice i try not to give too much advice but you can ask me anything because we're talking about children like i don't even have a boyfriend yet, so let's just back up. Oh, perfect. Let's go. Last night you had one. You told me about it. No, we're not together yet. I'm working on it.

I've had a couple dates with a really great guy, and he suggested I should keep talking to him. Don't blow it for her by saying it. He's going to hear this and know it's him. Okay. Or not. Maybe it's not you. Yeah, if you're's going to hear this and know it's him. Okay. Or not. Maybe it's not you. Yeah, it's not. If you're listening, it's not you.

It's not you. So the question is, I think there's a common theme, like find your yin and yang. So if someone's this way, I'm this way. And the opposite people interpret that as if I'm kind of a powerhouse or a strong person or an alpha, I have to marry the non-alpha. Right. And you both are unicorns, right? You're this wildly fantastic beast, and he's this wildly fantastic beast, and yet you coexist.

How have you managed to allow each other? Because that's what I foresee as goal for me. I don't want to submissive, and I also don't want to be cracking whips. I want a partner. So how have you found that you guys allow each other to be these untethered people that also create this congruency of love and relationship and everything? Well, I always say it's like sort of two circles, like if people draw two circles and the majority of the circles are separate and there's sort of this middle part that intersects, yeah yeah yeah and so i think um there's well

first of all i would like to say i've been with laird 23 years so i've had a lot of lessons that's like 50 and laird years that's a long time no but you have to realize oh big joke of the day good word that guy was a belly laugh no but it's just you know so i, you know, so we've had a lot of lessons. And I'm sure there's more to come. So I wouldn't suggest that we really know anything. But you do find a rhythm. Like if you don't break up or divorce, then you're like, oh, okay, I've sort of got that lesson, right? And I would say we probably had two times in our relationship with that.

But, you know, Laird told me early on, and maybe that's why I chose him. One, because he's hyper-masculine. And I knew sort of, yes, in the world I would like to be alpha and do all these things but in my home I sort of thought I would like to explore sort of this other energy sure feminine and even listen when you have a family and I've said this many times there's a level of service you're serving your children you're serving your partner and by the way my husband doing it differently is also serving me and serving the family. But it can't be I'm making you.

That really has to be your choice. And a guy like Laird made it very clear. His mother passed away, unfortunately, after a couple of years we were together. And he's like, I had a mother and she passed away. And so I think there's something really important because girls can become bossy in moms. Even if we don't have kids we mom everybody yeah that joke was inappropriate at dinner i can't but are you drinking too much it's like all that right and it's an impulse it makes sense but it's probably not great for like your sex life and

your romance life later it's like nobody you know what i mean like after i've brow beaten you i probably am now and that's gonna be like take me you know what i mean so i think also you have to be really clear what you're looking for yeah um but, like with Laird, I always said I didn't necessarily want a nice guy. I knew I wanted a good guy and that is very different. And I have a, believe it, I mean, really, believe it or not, Laird is one of the most loving, kind, great husbands. I wake up every morning and all my ingredients for my coffee are sitting in my cup. And I just wake up and hit the button. Like, this is a very conscientious person participating. And having said that, I always say this is somebody who expects me to hit the mark.

Yep. Like, I better show up in every way. And also, he's made it very clear. He really likes it if I make him dinner. It makes him really happy. And he knows I like to cook. And he wants to be intimate on a regular basis. Yeah.

And pretty much after that, as long as I sort of communicate respectfully, I would say I'm not nicer to anyone than I am to Laird. Were you guys good initially about laying out those expectations? They sound like little things, like I make him dinner. Like it's kind of obvious maybe. Yeah, no. But if it's really that important and it's kind of obvious like do you some people might think they don't have to say it but then it causes problems if they don't say it i think it's

always good to communicate but he's really brilliant thank you so much for care for this beautiful meal thank you for caring for our family and he says that on a regular basis and that's a pretty strong message of thank you know i like it and. And then I'm like, oh, I'm motivated to not only do it again, I'm motivated to even up myself. Like, we make dinner a big deal at our house, but he's smart at, you know, being, listen, nobody wants to be taken for granted. And even if we've done it 500 times and someone's said thank you 400 times, you still as the other person in that moment, even though it's what you want to do really appreciate hey thank you and i think we lose that and also i say probably also why the relationship works is where there's kind of some reverence and so it's kind of actually we're both circling each other because i sort of know i wouldn't really mess with Laird, and I think deep down he knows I have lines and boundaries. So we sort of, without saying anything, keep each other in check.

How do you explain the boundaries without creating conflict? Or too much conflict, I'll say. Well, okay, I'll give you an example. This is a long-term relationship example. So I've been with Laird a long time. Sometimes he's like corralling the girls. And my girls, believe me, they're not compliant. They're very strong girls. They're stubborn. They're bright. Of course that's as they should be, but they're very hard

to parent at times. And they're wonderful. However, he'll be like, Oh, get this and do this. And then occasionally that tone gets turned my way. And I simply will say, wife, not one of your daughters. And I don't, I'm like, partner, that's it. Like, I don't make it a whole big deal. But also I've learned from men how to communicate matter of factly without attaching a bunch of stuff, but also to do it right away. Because mostly we have to get worked up to finally say something. And then we're hysterical.

And that's actually not the language that you speak anyway. You understand, hey, when X happens, it makes me feel Y why can you not do that and you guys go yeah but if i just go on and on and on you don't blow up you don't even really know what i'm talking about so i don't actually help solve the thing and you know a girl can say well it's not fair and they should and it's like okay yes but if we live in the real, the real world is most men want to be helpful, but it needs to be explained. Versus like if Jen and I were roommates, friends, she would intuitively know stuff where if we live together, you know, Andrew's like, hey, can you just grab that basket for me and bring it over here? He'd go, great, sure. Instead of being like, well, he should know. Exactly.

He doesn't know. Exactly. The brain doesn't work that way. So it's also learning as a female i believe and people you know in this day and age you have to be careful about like male and female but i think women have a lot of power and that we can really help a situation if we understand because i think we have different levels of how what we're seeing and for how long in the distance we Where guys, it's not quite the same. Yeah, so we can like help it or we can blow it up. Kind of.

And we can help navigate going like, okay. And I think for us to think, oh, he should be like me and he should be as conscientious as me and all this stuff. Not really. But if you know the intention of the person is like, I would do anything for you and I'll help you at any time. But guess what? You need to tell me.

Well, that's what you said. Not a nice guy. I want a good guy. And you know he's a good guy, so you know the intentions behind his behavior, even if he's missing something. Do you have any – like you said, like you know the things he expects of you, dinner and hitting the mark. Do you have any for him that he knows he has to hit?

Well, it's easy with him because he just does it naturally. Yeah. What I want to say is if the bullet's coming, I want Laird to jump in front. If the toilet explodes, you're on. If our dog gets attacked by another dog, which has happened, you know, deal with it. If one of our kids, it's like Laird just steps in. It's always sort of the stuff that...

He's great in chaos, it sounds like. Very good in chaos. And also, I hate to say it, and for husbands or boyfriends out there, I think, especially when you have a strong woman, if you make your partner feel desired and, like, treasured on some level, I think that that gives her the power to go off into the world and do whatever. And also, she'll nag you less for your time and attention. So when I do am around Laird, he's very present, and he talks to me. And then I'm like, good, I'll see you. Do your thing.

Versus if someone's always distracted, you're never really sure how they feel. You don't know if you're not on short footing. I think it makes us act badly. Women, like where are you and what are you doing and all this stuff. So I think a lot of things can be avoided. But my thing is if you're in the relationship and you say you want to be in the relationship, then do the things. Like if I come, I'll try to make your life better i'm here to make it better and um and hopefully you do the same dude you mentioned a couple times where you almost yeah divorce it's

okay coming into the i'm not scared never like a fun what are what are i guess getting through that yeah is there like a real I clearly there's some real conversations happening oh yeah it was brutal yeah I but what is that process and since it's happened twice I mean what do you learn from those big experiences of sure well the first time was the real one because it took it was over like a period of time we had like another bump but because we had experience and had been together longer it was like a very short period of time and it was like, okay, we're gonna navigate through this the first time was is You don't have the skill set. Yeah, they don't teach us anything when we're young. They don't talk to us about conflict conflict resolution Communication. Yeah, they don't teach you any of that. So I always thought well when you love somebody you don't say anything

And then after five years, I was like, I think I resent you very much for all of your behavior. I think I'm going to leave. You know what I mean? And then Laird's like, well, let's talk about this. You know what I mean? Or whatever. And so I think it's unfortunately you have to kind of go through certain things so you learn. And also some really interesting things happen when you do have conflict.

When your partner says, hey, I'm uncomfortable and I'm hurt. My feelings are hurt. And this situation has really hurt me, but I'm still going to be here and look out for you. That also brings relationships to other levels because you're like, no, this person genuinely in a genuine way, even when I show my ugly cards, is like, okay, I really love you. Me and my wife have this thing where we believe that all negative emotion comes from unmet needs. So there's talking about your feelings. Here's how I feel.

I feel bad. I feel sad. I feel angry, whatever it is. But then it always has to flow into, and I feel that way because I have this need that's not being fulfilled. How can we get that need filled? Yes. And then if you can figure out how to fill the need and the principle of the need, I have a lack of, I want more companionship or more excitement in my life or whatever it is. Like the methods to fill that unmet need are vast.

You can brainstorm a million different ways to fill the unmet need of excitement. Like what million different ways you could have excitement in your life. Right. And maybe she doesn't like one way that I would feel excitement. So we don't do that way. Your perception of excitement is different than what mine would be. So my need is still not being fulfilled.

Plus, then you have to circle up to the next level, which is, is this really an us thing or is this really a you thing? Meaning, am I unfulfilled? Am I... Because moms go through this i think more than dads where all of a sudden you're like i you know my identity was this very sort of important person in my mind and i was a working independent person and now i'm a mom and i'm feeling left

behind and i'm feeling like if i make another snack i'm gonna you know shoot myself and then all of a sudden you're like to your partner like, oh, da, da, da, da, da. And you realize that, yes, your partner can be a sounding board, but it's really an I question. It's not an us question. And I think that's important too. Yeah, when you guys started having kids and creating a family, I mean, right now I have a six-month-old and my wife is at home for the last five days. And I'm sure Laird's out chasing waves. Yeah, of course i'm in

miami with yep everyone around this table plus all of these people and i'm literally talking to if you could give me all of the power in the world i would choose to be right here at this moment and she's back home and we have no furniture we have no tv we have no anything and she's got a six month old attached to her right now how there's there's this what emotions kind of play into that and how did you deal with that because man we i as much as like i want to say like go do what you want to do you can't not and you don't and you really don't want to when you have a six month old baby most women are hardwired and i don't care if really don't want to when you have a six-month-old baby most women are hardwired and i don't care if you're a stone cold killer that like the minute you you're like i got to get out of this house even if it's for five minutes you get in the thing you leave and you're

like i got to get home yeah because it's nature yeah yeah so you've got to honor that for this time the baby's young yeah all i can say is this if you as a partner can remind her because what she's doing is a hundred times harder than what you're doing or any of these people out here competing yeah because there's no applaud there's no and you sort of are unsure about what's happening if you i don't understand no and you as a partner have to make her still feel like the woman not the mom and not the wife because there's nothing worse than especially after you have a kid and then okay maybe you're a year older all of a sudden now you're just a mom and a wife if you can still feel like hey the person i really love and that i'm attracted to and they

still desire to be with me in that way i think it creates a like some kind of interesting lane that it's just her, the person. Right? Because right now her identity is so intertwined with your baby. Yeah. And it's completely natural. And it will make her so powerful when she comes through it. But it's just knowing how to partner that. Which I, you know, Laird used to say to me, half jokingly,

but see what's brilliant about him, he's not apologetic. So I learned to roll with it quickly is if I could give milk, I'd be worthy. And then he'd be out the door and go surfing. And what am I supposed to do? Be here with me while I have to nurse? No, bye. Go. And I'm not going to resent you.

I think that's the key. That's an interesting piece because, okay, I'll be up at night with you. And, like, go to bed. I don't want to listen to you. No. Okay? Yeah. Okay. Well, if I go to sleep, you just slept through it. You're like, I don't up at night with you. And, like, go to bed. I don't want to listen to you. No. Okay? Yeah. Okay, well, if I go to sleep, you just slept through it.

You're like, I don't know what to do. No. Should I be half awake? Yeah, yeah. Could I stay in the middle somewhere? Yeah, can I say my boots feel tender? Is that managing expectations for what the roles look like or what the person should or should not do? It's like, yo, go surf, and maybe if the baby's up at night, then, yeah, Anders, get up.

Or I got to go take a shower maybe if the baby's up at night then yeah andrew's get up or i gotta go take a shower hold the baby whatever yeah it's you know listen the thing is and this is what we always we still talk about when we talk about training or anything biology biology biology and we can get as far away from it as we think we want to and i will say this i believe wholeheartedly men and women are completely equal but we are not the same yeah yeah maybe there's intersections and groups where they overlap where there's certain women who are stronger than certain men and i get all that and it's so for me not about that but it's understanding people go well it's not fair or it should be the same how can it be the same if i have a cycle every month and i get pregnant and i birth birth, and I produce milk.

How can it be the same? It's the craziest thing I've ever done. We talked about this a day ago. It's like we are given the coding to be great at what we're going to be supposed to do. So men will never understand the capacity of what a woman's body does or how it feels or anything. But I also don't think women will fully understand what it takes to do what a man does. Right. Because it's literally built for different stuff.

Well, that's why Laird always says that men have to go out and do all this puffery stuff because he's like, because I can't birth. He said he thinks intuitively the sense of accomplishment, however hard it is, that if a woman decides to have a child, that she's accomplished something naturally in nature. It's like almost like a box that you get to check if you have that trigger. Yeah. And by the way, I'm not saying every woman should feel like she wants to have kids.

Yeah. I'm just saying if you do that, you're like, okay, check. That has clearly been done. Yeah. And for guys, it's like, i'm gonna i'm gonna go out there and i gotta be the ceo and i gotta do it so what box do they get to check yeah so he's like you don't understand also you guys get something that's so very defined i think he says that to humor me right but i don't know but it's i i the whole process sometimes i just step back and i i look at him like that thing that baby yeah has

literally from two things combining from one cell into a 17 pound ball of cells is literally been feeding off of you for a year and a half now and i'm'm just like, I don't get it. I will never understand that. Like, that is so mind-boggling to me. And plus all the changes and all the things, and I'm like, I need you to know that, like, I will do whatever the hell you want. You got to tell me, though, because I don't get it. Like, I don't know where I'm at in this thing.

Like, you're going through, it's like the lens in which I view the world in a way has changed dramatically. But I still have to go be warrior guy. Like, I got to go to Miami and do this thing. I have to go fight the battles that I've, and the stories that I've created in my head. And she has this, like, thing that is a part of her that is going to go out into the world.

Yeah. Well, wait for that transition, too, when all of a sudden you're like, wait a second, you're separate from me and you have separate thoughts and feelings and even desires for yourself than I have for you. That's a whole other graduation. Well, one thing that I would love to hear about just because you have. But wait, wait, we never talked about Jen's not boyfriend, boyfriend.

Oh, yeah. What's up? Now we're back. Now we're back. No, you're just affirming a lot of the ways I've intuitively been going. I want to come as a whole person, and you hear that said so many times, but I'm responsible for Jen, not for any other person, not a family member, not a guy to make me whole.

And I think I've been alone. I've been single for a while, or if I've had a relationship, it's very short because I'm like, it's not it. But I think that the problem has not been with the guy. The problem has been with me. Right. I have an expectation on how you're supposed to make me feel. And you're not making me feel that way. Yeah.

So you're not the guy. Well, and also, I'm going to say this and, you know, I do think you should get hit by a lightning bolt, though. Don't you think? I think you should meet most times if you your partner and something it's like you should spark something you can get if you have it somehow that type of opportunity now when i met laird i wasn't like love at first sight but then when i spent time with him and then i understood him more as a person i i couldn't help myself oh and that's the whole thing i couldn't help myself. Ah. And that's the whole thing.

I couldn't help myself. So it wasn't like, oh, well, I'm going to decide and maybe I'll be more attracted. Like, I love when girls are like, well, I can learn to be attracted. I'm like, oh, come on. No. Forget it. Forget it. So I do think chemistry, those unexplained things like smell and skin and all these things. But like you said, biology.

This is a real thing. Like, we're still like, hello. Like if somebody, you don't see somebody, you kind of go, whoa. And I don't mean you see them just physically because I don't respond to people that way. I've seen lots of handsome and beautiful people. But when you talk to someone and you go, whoa, about who they are. Yeah. And you're like, I'm excited.

I'm scared. I'm all these things at once. It's great. A second ago, you said, you know, you've got to get hit by lightning. And that's, you know, a lot of people associate, you know, the first, like, year, year and a half of dating is kind of like that phase where, like, the honeymoon phase, like, the sparks are flying, et cetera, and then now you've been together 20 years.

Like, how do you keep that going 20 years later? Well, okay, that's a great question. My kids always laugh because if I see Laird unexpectedly, like I'm somewhere in Hawaii and he's at somehow we run into each other weirdly like at the store or the gas station, I get, I'm excited. I'm like, oh my god, there's Laird.

Oh shit, that's cute. Yes, but it's also because Laird hasn't conformed to some idea of what I thought he should be. Laird is because Laird hasn't conformed to some idea of what I thought he should be. Laird is just Laird. He's Laird. And Laird works really hard to be the best Laird he can be and best person.

And he's learning and changing and growing. And so I'm trying to be responsible for that on my side. And believe me, it's not like every day I'm like, oh, this is amazing. I'm like, who are these people in my house? And it's like, oh, it's my family. What are you doing here? Oh, yeah. Does it help that you guys really have your own separate lives?

You got all the things that you're doing that have nothing to do with Laird and vice versa? Yeah, but our lives overlap a lot, I'll tell you. Because we don't go to offices, so sometimes it's like, there you are again. And we make a concerted effort and because we can to actually not be apart that much um so listen it's it is it's work and and the other thing is how do you then as you're aging and as an aging couple stay attracted and you know i always say like is there a ticket number like after you've had sex like some couples it's like 20 times some couples like 300 some it's like 10 000 like is there a magic number

where you're like oh yeah why'd you break up i think we were just done having sex with like you're out of punches yeah i think sex is an interesting thing though because it's it's it's like a practice of it of like i find yep if you do it more, the thing gets way better. It's easier. The more you get into it where, I mean, six-month-old baby, it's not like we're just out hammering it down right now. But, like, now it's like, oh, man, where did, like, are you okay? Are you all right?

Am I hurting you? Did I do, i'm sorry where for the first i mean whatever it's like man let's fucking roll let's do this thing because it's just the more practice and the more yeah but rhythm was a great word yeah get out of the rhythm we get back into it it's like training i hate to say oh people i love when people are like well i just don't feel like it i'm like okay but you're in a marriage and you've asked your partner only to have sex with you. And by the way, if you're a female, then you might be married to a male, and there isn't some kind of memo out there that I believe men are interested in sex.

I've seen that one. Have you seen that one? It's gone. It's been going around. It's viral. And they're like, I'm tired. I don't feel like it. I'm like, yeah, but you don't feel like emptying the dishwasher

or getting your kid at school, but we do it. And I know that sounds a little too pragmatic, but what happens is then you start getting into it, and then it's nice for always. You know, what's that joke about sex? It's like pizza. When it's, you know, it's good, it's really great. And when it's not good, it's still pretty good.

It's still good, you know. Pizza's never bad. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, I like it. And then all of a sudden your guy's way cooler and chill. It's an easy, easy, easy play. And it doesn't really take that long. No, no, no.

Speaking of sex and dating someone like Laird, I would imagine over the years other women have thrown themselves in Laird's direction. How do you deal with that? I don't. Laird is like, Anders knows, Laird is like the least flirtatious. He just wants to be in his own world. He's just like, yeah, he directs that energy towards me. And by the way, if I see women, I'm like, you're very smart.

I would flirt with Laird too. No, I'm with you. I get it. Talk to him. Get a high five. He's great. If he gets a hall pass, I'm taking one too, so get after it. Oh, that seems so complicated.

Oh, I want to know Gabby's hall pass. Oh, interesting. I guess it would have to be the Huntsman, right? What's his name? Oh. No, I don't have a hall pass, but it would be Hemsworth, right? Hemsworth. The big one, though, not the other one.

No, no, no, you want Chris. I don't know, though. I don't want to be with a guy prettier than me, though. It's tough to be prettier than you. Oh, though. Not the other one. No, no, no. You want Chris. I don't know, though. I don't want to be with a guy prettier than me, though. It's tough to be prettier than you. Oh, no. Last I checked, it's still your body in bronze in Beverly Hills, honey. Oh, my God. How did you know that?

Because I know you, sister. Girl, I take laughs on that thing when I need motivation. That's so funny. No, I think, you know, listen, Laird, I think if Laird ever was going to be in a different place, he would just let me know. And that's a great place to work from. Because then I'm like, we call it the need-to-know basis. There's something very, very cool about you and Laird together

because you've all been operating at such a high level and, like, in the extremes. And you've had to have the most intense conversations to keep the thing rolling at the same speed that it always rolls at and we were talking a little bit, do you guys have like ways to keep this thing in check of, hey let's slow it down and like how

do we, how about you just be Gabby and I'll just be Laird instead of Gabby and Laird. Oh yeah, no, we don't you know, I don't know first of all I would like to say one thing, though. In all of these sort of quips and things, I want you to know that each day we're still trying to figure it all out. Oh, yeah.

Please know that. But I think actually we're both intense people. Yeah. And in a way, you know, that's okay. And we go to bed, but like Laird goes to bed at 830. So in a way, there's so many spaces for calmness. But I think internally, each of us, and we express it very differently, it's like we're here, we're looking, we're sensitive, I notice.

It's like it's just the way you're wired. But it's not all day long.'re looking we're sensitive i notice it's like you're you're it's just the way you're wired um but it's not all day long we're not competitive with one another we're not doing any of that i think it's also as a in raising kids you're very public about a lot of this stuff i mean we're talking about it here your kids could tune in be like oh wow mom and dad were gonna get divorced two times that's so crazy how was was that conversation in your household with the kids? And it seems like the conversation is very real and very open. Is it with them as well about where you guys are at and how the family functions? Yeah.

Well, I think here's what I know. We don't – okay, I've learned this. This is interesting. Like if Jen and i are very dear friends and maybe we'll be i think we come sometimes you meet people you're just friends crossing my fingers right now i think that was earlier this morning another hour or so we're good bff well you just have chemistry right i can say that with people all people she likes the way you smell where does skin touching but Blood on it. But it's

been brought to my attention that if there's things like with my like Jen and I, there's things that occur that they're our secrets so they're actually not my secrets to tell. So with my children there's things that have

happened. I have a 15 year old 11 where there's sort of the skimmy top stuff that I'm allowed to talk about but there's other things that have happened I have a 15 year old 11 where there's sort of the skimmy top stuff that I'm allowed to talk about but there's other things that are actually their secrets that I sort of say well that you would do it at Thanksgiving with your brother let's say you knew something about your brother but you're like

that's not my secret to share so that's what I've learned I know what's fair play and I know what's safe and I know what's, what doesn't hurt my family. But also part of me is living a way that I don't really have anything to hide. I'm a flawed human being and I'm on the quest of trying to navigate it. And so is Laird. And then there's something painfully liberating about that. Because also if you even go in a small public life in which we have if you i call it painting yourself in the corner if everything's so

nice and measured all the time now you're stuck in the corner where if you go hey i'm messy sometimes i do really cool shit sometimes i get it right sometimes i get it wrong then people let you yeah and you can say whatever and they go oh cool instead of oh my god i didn't know it's like really yeah so i i think both of us coming from sports not coming from pretend we don't we're not actors we're not put up on that weird pedestal and also we're not uber well known so it's easier it's not like everything you say and whatever yeah so i think it's almost better to go like i always call it the charles barkley i mean, Charles Barkley has said the most outrageous stuff his entire career. And people go, that's just CB.

Yeah. Oh, so it's permissible because that's who he is. Well, you just sort of say, yes, this is, oh, yes, we've had issues. Not like, oh, my goodness, you've had issues in your marriage. It's like, yeah, of course, cohabitating on any level is weird. So I think that we learned early want i don't want to pretend so much but certain things are sacred and most of them have to do with my girls yeah one of the things that is really cool about you guys and all the things that you've done is the number

of transitions that you've had to kind of go through from volleyball to modeling to coaching and playing so many different roles in your life um i would love to know one how you've gotten better at transitions especially massive transitions that are very public and then having to rebuild yourself um and then as a follow-up like teaching your daughters at a very sensitive age in their life of body image and modeling and being able to be at kind of the height of something like that and then getting there and realizing like on the other side of it, what is that? Because they're going through such an interesting stage.

You know, I have to say one thing I'm very happy about is, and it's not obviously me, my daughters have a lot of great examples of robust people and women around them. And something about they don't really hear you, they're only watching you. So if I'm being a good example and I'm not spending too long criticizing myself in the mirror or talking about, you know, this flaw and that wrinkle, that's getting in their makeup. But they're not. They inevitably, as they transition from girls to young women, that is a weird and bumpy time. Yeah. My 15-year-old is a beautiful girl, but she's a big girl, right?

So if you take her to the store, nothing fits. And I'm like, oh, I so understand that. Like, I have a size 12 foot and a 37 inch inseam, and it's just like clothes aren't made for you. Yeah. And you know what? That's okay. Yeah. You can handle that. So I think it's just about being a good example and as far as transitioning, I think

because I, and Laird is the same way. Like, if you think about Laird, like, creating all these weird new ways to ride waves he just has a passion and so he follows that and he trusts himself he trusts himself better than any person I'm much more like checking and doubting myself for him he's like oh yes this makes more sense this will be faster and everyone else they'll be like oh what are you doing and riding and that's so stupid and you're a kook. And he's like, okay, yeah, whatever.

But it's faster. Yeah. Right? So he's so clear. For me, it was just about not, and I was talking to Sam about this today. Especially, I mean, all people, but especially women. If we cannot be, actually, I think it's all humans. I'm not my job.

I'm still me. So even if I'm kicking ass, it's like, yeah, that's great, but it's all humans. I'm not my job. I'm still me. So even if I'm kicking ass, it's like, yeah, that's great, but that's not me. And so as long as we stay connected to the notion of I'm me and I do these things, not, well, I'm crushing it here. So now I'm more valuable or I'm important or more special or more pretty. It's like, I'm'm me this is going very well or not going very well i'm not less valuable because my career is in a lull or it's up or it's down and so it's for me if i could get people to understand like transition because you want to and don't be afraid to let go of that identity because then you get better at it you do get better at it and all of a sudden the power that it gives you to

go yeah i understand why i'm doing this because i want to because i believe in it because i think i can do a good job at it and not because i'll get more attention more money and more power and and if you do it for those reasons then at least be clear about that right but it's not sustainable that's the thing. Number one, being number one. So number one beauty, the youngest one, the most beautiful, number one champion athlete, the number one most powerful CEO,

it is unsustainable. So why? Yeah. I think one of the things that I work on are recognizing that we're constantly in a state of transition and without, we did a show yesterday and we've talked about it a ton this weekend it's almost been like a theme of the weekend of like you get to a place you're doing this thing that you love

so much and shit we get to the other side now it's something we don't want to do and now we have to rebuild and grow into the new version and having the space and creating who we'd like to be. Did that confidence from athletics for you, was that always there of I can do this? No. I still bite my nails. Are you crazy?

Yeah. I was going to say, I actually don't think, I actually think we change less than we grow. We shift, but we are still us. Transformation is not change. Transformation, I think, is the revealing and letting down all the things we think we've had to be. And I know I personally have identified myself in whatever role was in front of me. Biggest loser, whatever.

Okay, you were hosting Strong for a while. You know, it's like you become that person. Well, I know I became that person. And when it went away, where is my value? So we tether ourselves to the job, to the guy, to the thing. Yep. In this, you know, tumultuous, not just life, but especially industry, if you're going where everything is going, you've got nothing. So I think the reality is I could be out of work or in work,

but Jen is still Jen, and I think the reality is I could be out of work or in work, but Jen is still Jen. And I think that's the lesson. You said it earlier about really connecting to our individual self, really being there, and that can be our anchor. And you can't expect your partner to do it for you or your kids to validate you. You know what I mean? It really has to source from here because that's not going to be consistent,

whether it's number one or something else. But also, then you're on the timing of the world around you. So that means by that standard, I'm nothing until my next show comes. I'm nothing until my biggest paycheck. I'm nothing until my next thing. All the conversations we've had this weekend have been so awesome because I feel like all of us, in being in this industry, as long as we've all been in it, we've had these, like, super high moments.

And then all of a sudden, right on the other side of it, it's like, and the rebirth is coming. And you've had so many of them. And Laird's had a ton of them. And, I mean, I can't remember what documentary just came out that. Oh, Laird's one? Oh, Take Every Wave. Yeah, Take Every Wave.

We were talking about the depression of like, I invented this thing and it's so amazing and now everyone hates me because of it. Yeah, but he doesn't care. No, but that's the thing. I think that, and maybe even if you could answer in a way from conversations you've had about him having

to reinvent himself or him being himself even though at the time it's just a kick in the teeth every single day to get moving forward. But you know, what's more fascinating to me, like we bring up Laird a lot. I'm just fascinated and impressed with you.

You were the original person. I wanted to answer the question. I don't mind talking about it. Laird is literally a science experiment. People don't realize what's going on. I think that your career is even more. But she chose not to become that way. That's what's cool.

You remained your own self, your own heart, your own being. Yeah. That's what's so amazing to me because I think as women we are service oriented. I still am. Believe me, I had an epiphany like three or four years ago. I was like, oh, wait a second. Part of my destiny is also to be here to help Laird. Meaning, you know, he has things maybe he can put out there that would be positive.

And if it was left up to him, he'd be at his barn and wouldn't schedule anything. Right. And I say that in a good way. Like you would hope that we would have with any relationship, like in one way, you know, Jen will come in my path and teach me something and elevate me. Right. But I think I knew very clearly that if I didn't have my own voice and my own self-expression, even if it was quiet, um, I was going to be really mad. Yeah. And I was going to be mad at Laird. And if Laird got more successful, I was going to be more mad because also what you have to realize, and this is especially if you're leaving wives home with new babies. Laird's calling you right now. It's okay.

Screen it. Who's that guy? Send the voicemail. That's another thing. Unless it's an emergency, I only answer Laird's phone call when I can give him all my attention. I never have talked to him. He doesn't like that. But it's an injury.

You know what I mean? If I'm like, okay. if it's like if I'm oh yeah distracted but my point is is that the other thing is is that when you have a partner that all of a sudden is on an up and maybe you're in a flat place or a plateau sure sometimes you could equate their success as something that also takes them away from you instead of celebrating their victories because it's actually separate from you and be a part of that victory. But that is a really interesting, delicate thing because Laird and I have gone through that where I've been up and he's been flatter and he's been up and I've been flatter. Or like I had kids and like 10 years I sort of disappeared. And it's like, oh, no, this is a separate path. Like you're crushing it right now.

I'm stoked for you. I'm going to celebrate you. I'm not going to make you feel weird or guilty that you've got to go do your thing. And I'm going to try to keep figuring my stuff out. Yeah. You know? What's cool about that stuff is it's so universal. It's so easy to recognize in all relationships, I think, that, like, even if you love that person the most,

there's, like, 1% of jealousy or, like, 1% of resentment. And you're like even if you love that person the most there's like one percent of jealousy or like one percent of resentment and you're like ah they're a reflection of they're in your home so they're reflecting sometimes all the stuff that you're grumpy about what you're feeling or how about this how about you're a lady and you're a ceo and your husband has said you know what doll hour for hour your time right now is more valuable i'll stay home with the kids then they go to events or functions and people turn their shoulder on him to only talk to the boss lady. Dude, I have a friend

that that is his dream. That's what I'm saying. I literally have a buddy and he's like, my wife crushes it and I cannot wait to be soccer dad. And I'm like, really? And he's just like, dude, I got a ski house. I got soccer dad. He's like really lady's just like dude i got a ski house i got soccer dad yeah he's like i'm playing tennis with the old ladies at the tennis club that's a very secure

i was gonna say he's just gotta be sure he knows because you don't want your boss lady who's working day and night and then going to these things and now placating her partner to try to make sure he feels okay. Because it's so delicate. And it's delicate the other way. When the husband goes out and gets the paycheck and everyone goes, hey, Bob, good job. How you doing, Bob? And then the wife's like, oh, the little lady at home with the kids.

And after a while, you're like, so it isn't also the individual. Sometimes it's the dynamic that can irritate. And so you just have to be mindful and go, hey, let's tend the garden. Let's tend the dynamic and make sure we don't take it out on each other. Because it's very easy to do. So easy to do. I think the research shows that if the wife's status increases a great deal and the guy plateaus, that's a very likely scenario to get divorced.

I mean, I literally, I mean, I've been on TV for a while. I had a guy, and we were at like a, he was a pretty good CrossFitter. And people would always ask him for his picture. And so people were going up to him and saying, yo, can you take a picture of me and Jen? Oh, yeah. And the first one, he was like, oh, that was really cool. Yeah. By like 15, he was like bad mood, didn't want to go to dinner anymore.

He's like, no, I don't feel good. I go, are you good? what happened? the flower and the farmer oh shit man and you just got to be willing to flow wait what was that? the flower and the farmer

like sometimes like let's say the last five years Laird's career has been he's much more visible than I am and right now I'm much I'm more often the farmer and he's the flower when we go places

so he's cultivating it and he becomes the flower well yeah and when we go places and he becomes the flower. Well, yeah. And or we go places and people will make come. I just go, give me your phone. Cause I know. Oh, totally. You'll take the picture of Berlin because that goes back though to doing what am I doing? Why am I doing it? Am I happy? Do I need you to know me or understand who I am in order for me to feel good and just keep reinforcing that over and over and over especially if you dibble dabble in anything that's public because you'll lose your you you're out of your mind if you if you don't if you don't look at it so I think it's you know

and like I said there's gonna come a time your kids get bigger and your wife's gonna take on some project and you're gonna be the farmer yeah I know and you're going to be like go honey go and you're the flower yeah and and that and and sometimes it can be within one day that's the thing it flows right so i actually find a lot of what i think about now because she's in this state and we together as a unit have decided we're going to be moving across the country to develop this kingdom and now because she is so occupied i actually look at this of like okay how do we position this so that when she's able to breathe where are we at because it's going to be i don't know how long it's going to be but one day she's going to wake up and i'll be like whoa hold on a second are you 25 again like yeah where's this energy coming from? Hold the phone.

We're back. But be ready for when it gets there. Because I don't know when it's coming, but how do we get it so that it's not just in this, like, lockdown motherhood state, but when it happens, we can just roll right into that next stage of whatever it is for her. And that will be her thing to navigate and your thing to be going like, go kick ass. I got it.

Yeah. You know? And I think that that's really important. It's like when you have a friendship and if your friend's going through a really hard time or something, you go, you know, it's like mom's like, hey, I'll pick your kids up. Yeah. And I'll pick them up more than you pick up my kids because right now that's

what it's going to take. Yeah. You know? See, what an honest peek behind the curtain you give me hope are you kidding of course you know i think it is also hard in this confusing time of like strong women and scared men and and you know i just always remind people that i i find and because i'm married to a excellent human being who happens to be male, is that there's way more good guys than not.

And I would hope that men and strong men, masculine men, don't feel weird or shamed being men because it's great qualities. When you started talking, I was like, I want to say this. And it's for both of you, I guess.

But, like, the masculine thing is weird these days. Like, being male and now everyone is in this, like, zone of, like, oh, we have to become so sensitive to everything. And there's a piece of it that is, like, very much demasculated. Being a man. And like, actually like the alpha-ness that I feel like we're supposed to possess, like the conquering,

like we're supposed to be doing that, that warrior piece. And the general culture, I feel like has regressed in that so much where it's almost like that's a bad thing. Right. But I think it'll swing back. I think the pendulum will swing back.

I think what, what, what the nuance hasn't started in the conversation, which is also what are the other traits of masculinity that are so coveted? Like, um, you know, like my word is my honor.

I will. Oh, you're in need. I will. You have a flat tire. I will help you. And you know what? Oh,

you look like you need some help. You want me to carry that for you? Like, I think there's some things that men do that's part of being masculine. And quite frankly, even things like, okay, that's great. We've talked about it. What do you want to do? Right? Like sometimes girls would be like, oh, we can do this and do that. And guys are like, great. What's the plan? And I think having these, this balance, I mean, that's what the ultimate yin and yang is right is how do we keep having that balance and so i think because maybe certain parts of the system were out of whack the pendulum is going to swing back and that's why i always tell my girlfriends that have sons make sure they don't feel bad about being boys yeah and being like like boy boys. Yeah. Especially if they're building out.

Laird is way more sensitive than I am. Way more. And I actually. We are like. Well, what is the notion? Sometimes I just want to be like. To be a warrior, one must be compassionate, right? So what is it?

I'm very sensitive for that. Natural born heroes is like. That's actually more true, I think. Where women, Laird always says like, oh, you know, if, everything came down, I'd still have to take care of my kids. So I actually can't be, like, staying it too long. Because I have to, where guys, I think they feel it deeper, but also they're willing to go, I'll go sacrifice myself. Because they can. I can't.

I got to be there for my kids. So I think it'll swing back. But, you know, listen, masculinity is a beautiful, in its real essence, is a really beautiful trait. And for you, do you find this like as you're dating guys, you're like, just be a man. Like, stop, because you're a very alpha female. What does that mean?

An expectation of what being manly has to be? Like, I think there's been a sensitivity, and rightly so, around how men treat women in situations and what does that look like. But being masculine doesn't mean mistreatment, right? We all know boundaries of behavior and what's over the line, what's sexual harassment, what's not. And so when everything with Me Too started happening, everyone's like, so how do I even talk to women?

What do I do? I go, be a good person. Pretty standard. Be a good person. But what about dating? I always thought it was going to be interesting, like, okay, we're on our fourth date and we've already kissed, and now he's going to say, are you sober?

Can you, will you sign something? Okay, I'm going to take my left hand and put it on your right shoulder are you okay with that so there's gonna take there's like bumping weird because of that it's taking the masculine i want a man to take me of course be like we're good are we allowed to say that i'm like pulling a little too hard i know i see i feel that way too no you need it and we want that and so it's like but you know what you know what somebody said is that if a woman has two men that she let's say she's seeing if she likes one more than the other she's more offended by what the one she doesn't like does than the one she likes oh my god so it's just like i listen women are complicated gorgeous creatures okay so let's just i remember being told something like

that in college by the way like you have to get them to get them to sign something to say that you could kiss them. I think it goes back, though, to, like, love and power, love and strength, and not confusing, like, masculinity isn't misogyny. Thank you. It's like, okay, for women, too, we should bring our femininity because the world needs it. I think for us, we should stay loving and kind and sweet. And because right behind it we are tough i already i

mean we know that but i also think um we should encourage men to stay loving and masculine there's a and it'll find its way there's a some somebody i know in denver i've been working with her she said um softening is strength without fear yeah and i was like i think we just got to soften a little bit allow well not just vulnerability but just a softening consideration of more you still be a dude i'm still gonna be a like half my head is shaved let's be clear like i'm i've got my own masculine energy but i still want the the man to being masculine to me is embracing every cell and who you are it's not muscles it's not abs it's not how much you're lifting. It's confidence and

being intelligent and being willing to be wrong but fighting when you think you're right. I want someone that has something to say and that is powerful with who they are. All the other stuff is just bullshit. I don't know. I just think we'll probably adjust

because I think the technology has made things very confusing. I think we're all shaking it out think the technology has made things very confusing. So I think we're all shaking it out as a culture. How do you do that with your daughters? Oh, it's brutal. I was like, what do you do? It's impossible. I'm failing miserably. It's only going to be worse in 14 years when I have to deal with it.

You will because it's going to be all the virtual stuff. I don't think, not to speak for you, but I don't think you're failing because everybody's simultaneously failing, which means nobody's failing. It's just a really rough situation. Yeah, but I just want to say that up front.'s simultaneously failing, which means nobody's failing. It's just a really rough situation. Yeah, but I just want to say that up front. I am not. I have nothing figured out.

Like I have friends that are like, oh, I put this stop on that and trigger this and do that. I don't do any of that. I'm like, please get off your device. Okay, have you done this? Laird wants to smash everything, and I'm just trying to figure out how to get them to navigate it because it's going to be a part of their life. But I can tell you the number one obstacle number one is the device

number one and if you have being on it but not the apps on it just no all of it the social media the this the that and my kids would probably be in the middle to the left side of it but it's a it's brutal and I and it's constant and i have not figured one bit of it out that's why i keep trying you should be terrified i mean push it out as long as you can so there's new studies that say you should not have i mean it'll be different when your baby's older but a 15 year old is the youngest age that they should have social media i already failed there okay then um because of the the development the sense of self and things like that yeah so there's just all kinds of things i

don't know i really don't know i mentioned this on a on a separate show we did this weekend i saw jonathan height who's a social psychologist who's showing research on on specifically for for women as opposed to men from you know 10 to 12 and from 12 to 14. 189% up on self-harming. Oh, suicide. 189%. He's amazing. Totally. He's amazing.

When do we ever have a measurable, visible, you have four likes, so you're not liked, you know what I mean? But your classmate in high school has a thousand. God, that's, I mean, high school is hard enough as it is. And the bullying that goes on. And now you don't just have to be bullied in your own school. You get it inter-digitally all the time. I think the fact that we still haven't, I mean, because it is an addiction,

we're sort of looking at technology like, oh, it's technology. But we still haven't ultimately really gotten to the essence that like, no, this is an addiction. It's an addiction for me. And I have more control of it than my children who are forming. But we say to them, you can't drink alcohol until you're 21. You can't drive a car until you're 16. You can't do this. But you can have a device, a little iPad at whatever age. And kids get them at, what, two years old.

Oh, yeah. And they're intuitive, right? Yeah, my father did not open an iPhone. There's so many weird, yeah. I think there's so many weird. My kids will swipe a paper book. They know. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen that. They're so yearly. Yeah. Holy shit. Well, I think I was nine years old. My dad sat me down. He's like, here's the birds and the bees.

This is the way this thing rolls. Oh, yeah. And now you're going to learn that weird thing about sex from a weird place that is an endless rabbit hole of whatever. So this goes back to you being the best example you can be because that's your fighting chance, right? Like that's your fighting, fighting chance, trying to help them develop. Somebody will say, oh, you know, I got my parents' genetics. You know, like if they're fighting their weight or something. I'm like, well, actually, you know, you inherited their lifestyle, right?

You don't, it's not really. It's more than just DNA. It is, right? So, okay, height maybe, but if they, you know, contend with weight or something like that, and it's like, well, no, it's the lifestyle. So how do we say, okay, I have to talk about it. We've got to keep addressing it. We've got to try to put systems in place, rules and things like that.

But ultimately, you have to fight very hard yourself to be, like, if my kids walk up, if I'm working, I say, can you just one second? I'm going to finish this email. So I've identified. And then when they come up to me, I'll take my phone and place it down and okay what is it and look at them in the eye because you know it's a version of when they talk about a little kid that's like hey mom mom mom mom and the mom ignores them instead of like hey son um i'm going to finish this and i'm going to answer you fast forward 10 years the kid's a teenager up with the

stairs and the mom's like hey you know son son son son it's like it's like it all gets built in and all the communications in the example but i am still failing miserable i mean it is like it it's a thing that we when they say you don't understand we don't understand we did not grow up with it. We did not hardwire that way. I feel so lucky. You are. I'm an 82 baby. We're the last people that remember living before the thing. There's something. Remember you stretched out the corded phone? Oh, it was awesome. And you went around and you're like.

Busy signals. Busy signals. I didn't. Busy signals. Busy signals. I didn't create this, like, have this thought originally, but I say it all the time of the first time I called a girl's house, it was, like, sweaty.

Yes. And you're like, please don't be the dad when he answers. You're like, uh, uh, is Michelle there? You're like, uh. And now I'll just text her. It's so simple. You don't even have to do that ever. And then someone else in the house picks up.

It's like beep, boop, boop, beep, boop. And I'm like, Dad, Dad, hello? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the best. Dad, I'm on the phone. Yeah, I'm on. He's like, well, you need to get. And then he's like, are you done with your homework? Dad, I'm currently being cool and you're ruining it.

Not many boys called my house. That's so genius. So I was like, dang it, Dad. Yeah, there was a sweetness to that. I apologize. I was going to say with the technology piece, back to thinking about the unmet needs. Like everything we do is to meet a need.

And the unmet need for men, I have three little boys at the moment, three boys under four years old. I think about what did I do? For men, I have three little boys at the moment, three boys under four years old. Whoa. Dude. I think about what, you know. Your wife's a saint. What did I do growing up? What do I want to do right now? It's like, okay, well, sports and women, right?

So I played real life sports and I tried to date women and all that. And then now technology is available. And what do guys do with technology? It's like video games and porn. Yeah. Different sports. Yeah. It's the same. They're kind of accomplishing the same thing. It's different video games and porn. Yeah. Those are the sports. Yes. It's the same.

They're kind of accomplishing the same thing. It's different methods to, to not quite all the way in the same way, meet the same needs, but it's easier. Yeah. It's easier. It's gratification.

And it's rewired. It's rewiring young men's brains, by the way, so that when they're actually able to be with a real live woman, a lot of them can't even get erections because they've watched so much porn. Right. Like there's tons of articles about how it's rewiring their hardware. The only advantage, yes, of having daughters, buddy, is pornography for sons.

It is a devastator. Yeah. It's heavy. And it's everywhere. It's not even like, oh, it was my daddy had Dirty Magazine. Oh, yeah, Playboy. Playboy. I found those.

Yeah, but there's nothing. I mean, you know, now it's like the whole deal. Playboy, I found those. Now it's like the whole deal. You've got all the access. I don't know, it just shifts the entire human interaction. Even like effort, like Gunnar Peterson, effort is sexy.

Whether it's in the gym, talking to someone, making someone feel welcome, offering service. When it makes you feel good. I can't remember the stand-up, but they're talking about the improvement of the NBA because of social media and DMs. So gone are the days, you know, when you're at the bars. Just landed. Yeah, you're in the bars.

You're out. You're drinking. You're trying to get girls to come to your table and bring them home or whatever. Now you just see who's written you. You take a selfie. They come to the hotel by 9 p.m. They're gone by 10. They get a full night's sleep.

No booze in their system. Stats are up. Yeah, they literally. And I was like, oh, my God. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's just. That's funny.

But come on. Yeah. So you don't have to work. You don't have to try. No. And I do think. And I have a friend who's 30, and he reminds me, because we are in this experiment, that I think it will have to shift. We'll have to navigate this and figure this out better.

We're right at the top of it, if you think about it. Yeah. I mean, 2007-8 is Facebook and Instagram and all these social medias, right? So I think, hopefully, people, there's going to be bigger, these bigger conversations. And we are, I mean, I'm trying to stay hopeful on it because I sometimes get down and out about it. And he's like, no, it's so new that they're going to figure out a way.

And unfortunately, I say, yeah, but you use it for good. Like, okay, get information, connect with people, all these things. Most people are not going to do that, right? They're going you use it for good. Like, okay, get information, connect with people, all these things. Most people are not going to do that. No, right. They're going to use it. So that's why when we talk about like a place like this, why is it really important to be healthy so that you eat, you even have a fighting chance to try to make choices that in the end will give you a sense of, is it peace? Is it joy? Is it something? Because if you're tired or you're eating food that makes you feel wonky or lazy, then you just go down that other rabbit hole

of those other choices. And so when people talk to me about like, oh, like being healthy, I'm like, no, being healthy is just to have a fighting chance to try to perform as a person. Just try to be like a decent contributing person. Not like, do you check out how fit I am?

I mean, yeah, that's great. And I like to, you know. The basic buy-in. Well, that's what makes me kind of honestly so excited about XPT and what you guys are doing with that program because I'm. Can we talk about that after the break? Yeah. Because we've gone the first hour here.

Okay. And crushing it. And I'm going to brag on you after. I'll do it on air, though. I don't think it's going to be a brag, though. No, it's a public brag. Can you get that on socials, too, when she brags about me? Okay.

I will. I'll give you a lead. All right. Bye. Shrug family, talking about all the things I bring with me on the road. Well, one of them that's a super necessity is bio-optimizers, mass zymes, all the digestive enzymes that I could possibly handle. Food options, not always the best when we're out here traveling, living in hotels, trying to find good places to eat.

Mass zymes, though, I love getting the digestive enzymes from these guys. It's top of the line, best digestive enzyme on the market. We interviewed these guys back in Venice a couple months ago and have really enjoyed working with them. I love the Masszyme product, the HCL. You can get over to biooptimizers.com forward slash shrug. You're going to save 20%. They've got some very cool deals. If you have a gluten intolerance, the Gluten Guardian works phenomenal. So you can go and smash all the bread you could ever want in your life. Get all the pastas. Even though it's not that healthy, you can do it.

Biooptimizers.com forward slash shrug. Use the coupon code shrug. You're going to save 20%. And then our good friends over at Juve. If you listened to the Bledsoe show last Friday, we had Juve on the network, and they are really leading the charge in red light therapy, reducing inflammation, increasing recovery. And you can go over. They're giving away a whole bunch of free swag. Go to juve.com, and they are giving you a bunch of free stuff. But use the coupon code SHRUugged and get your red light on.

The red light thing is super crazy. I never really thought about using red light therapy to help with recovery, reduce inflammation, general health. But once these guys came in, once you start listening to them talk, stuff makes a lot of sense, backed by science. And I think that everybody needs to at least experiment and understand kind of how red lights can really help with inflammation, recovery, a lot of pieces that go into long-term health. So get over to Juve, use the coupon code SHRUG for giving you a whole bunch of free swag. And we are going to get back to our girl, Gabby Reese.

Like, oh,d saved my life. How about, yeah, how about Hunter's up at the house. He's like, the fire's right there. Go. He's got the hose. Leave. Unsuccessfully put out the fire. Hunter's one guy, though, I didn't swim underneath him when we were doing pool training.

I was like, I'm not swimming under Hunter with a dumbbell. What do you mean by that? He was above me swimming with a dumbbell. Some guys, like, Laird will be above me with like a 50-pound dumbbell, and I'll do drills underneath. Oh, and you'll trust him not to drop it. Yeah, like if he's four or five feet and I'm like 14. When Hunter came like by the third time, I go, I'm not swimming under Hunter.

And I know he's a talented athlete, but I'm not swimming under Hunter. Manny's a lot of fun, though. Laird's like, I saw Hunter. I mean, he's like roaming around during the fire. I was like, oh, yeah. He's roaming. He's a man that doesn't lose. So he wasn't going to lose that fire.

No, I know. Beast mode. I have a question for you. As much as we have to talk about the fitnesses in a second, but I would love to talk about education. And you mentioned your daughters, all of your kids, or maybe just. Yeah, no, the younger two. The older one. They were homeschooled. Yeah, no, the younger two. The older one.

They were homeschooled. Yeah, now they're going to be. One, the middle stays homeschooled, but now she's moving to sort of work on her tennis more full time. Yeah. And the youngest is getting enrolled in school for the first time because she needs this. She needs a lot of. No, no, she's over structured. She needs.

Oh, she needs some play. Play and different colors of, like, okay, join this club and play this sport. She's a busy kid, and she's very self-directed, so she needs more challenge. What are you... I find this conversation to be very interesting. We don't have to spend a ton of time on it, but in thinking about the education process, I was really bad at school. Yeah.

Well, boys aren't meant really to sit down and be quiet and sit at a desk to learn. Before you go, have you heard about what they're doing in Switzerland, how every hour they get 10 or 15 minutes of play time? So on the hour they go out, they run, they burn up, they come in, and their scores on the education side are way they run they burn up they come in and their scores uh on the education side are yes way up and i'm like oh of course yeah how could we well that's the thing i'm terrified of that's the thing that i'm like for your daughter yeah like

legitimately terrified of is that they don't do things like that anymore in school and i was so bad at it and i can look at that little monster right now. And I know that she is not going to like, I can already like, she just moves a lot. And like, but you're her dad. So you can help her. So that's great.

You can, you can say, Hey, listen, if you and your wife can figure out, like I'm guaranteed where you're moving, there's going to be a group that you guys could all collectively do homeschooling. And you know,

that might change. But the good news is, is when you have a kid that you can recognize stuff and be like oh like so relate to that you know like most i think this is true i mean girls are better at it but imagine with boys you'd be like here's nails here's some wood we're gonna do a math project and you're gonna build something they go perfect you know sit down be quiet you know eat eat cereal sugar before you go to school, and then eat junk at lunch, and then learn and sit down and be quiet. It's unfair.

By the way, when they're restless, we give you medication. Oh, yeah. Were you good at school? I was a pretty shy kid. You were? Were you really? Very shy. Stop.

I didn't even smile with my teeth. I was so nervous. Stop. I had speech issues for years. Really? Yeah. I couldn't say my ahs teeth. I was so nervous. Stop. I had speech issues for like years. Really? Yeah. I couldn't say my ahs. Sorry.

Oh, yeah. Gabby Weiss. See? You transcended that. Look at that. Isn't that the funniest thing, though? And that's that reminder when we have kids. It's like somehow those little glitches and bumps, man, those are the things that give us power.

Oh, yeah. And conversely, whatever is hard to parent will be their magic. Yeah. You know, it's like, oh, the kid's stubborn or they're relentless. It's like, yeah, and it will pay off. That's another piece of the thing because I feel like that whole system is designed to keep you in a straight line so that you're not playing and coloring outside those lines because that's when you get in trouble and they have to bring you back in but have faith in

your teachers you know i had great teachers growing up i mean it's my seventh grade science teacher mr reschke i uh he taught me how to like shake hands and i was in the back of the room then i got to the front i started with like a 78 to a 96 in the the class. Trust your... You've got good teachers out there. And remember, as parents, this is what I say about all things with your kids, especially if you're really trying and participating. The way your neighbor and your dear friend does it with their child might be incredibly different

than the way that you and your wife choose to do it with your children. And that's okay. You just have to trust that. And by the way, if you're doing something for a while and you go, oh, is this still working? Oh, yes, it is. Okay.

Oh, maybe it's not. Let's adjust and change. But I think it's that for me. I never give anyone advice about parenting. All I say is you have to trust what feels right for you and your partner because it's your child. And by the way, what's going to work for one of your kids will be exactly the opposite for the other and and and you may not even recognize

that in the beginning and be like oh we were doing that wrong for a year or two and that's okay too they'll survive yeah yeah but it's just it's really important i think to trust yourself because there's a million ways to do it right yeah right on let's talk to fitnesses this is your very first time you're ever at a crossfit specific competition yeah i did have somebody asked me if i ever crossfitted i go do you see how long my levers are it would take you nine minutes to do one let me yeah yeah i'll be right there and my back will be broken yeah but she would smoke wobbles whatever what are your kind of just some general thoughts about, like, being at a, they call it a fitness festival like this,

but seeing all these people in this very cultish kind of looking thing that the whole world decided to come get warm for a weekend and come to Miami. You know, well, a couple things. The obviousness is the fitness level, and you've never seen more powerful women in your life. Yeah. And the other thing that it sort of screams to me is it shows desperately how intuitive it is

for us to want to be a part of something. Totally. And so that's what I see when I see this, and I think it's just a reminder of when people go, oh, man, this is my thing. This is my people. This is my tribe. And the fact that they're doing it around something that is ultimately healthy and positive, it's like the world's most physical book club you've ever seen in your life.

And, yeah, it's what I loved about playing team sports. It's, you know, what people that gathered, that's what they're doing. So they're connecting around CrossFit. And the fact that it's, you know, different generations, different cultures, different genders is really cool. But I've seen a lot of powerful people here. And a massive part of our audience is in this CrossFit space. And you guys have a booth here. What has been a little bit of the experience when people are coming over

and kind of being introduced into the XPT world and this breathwork side of things, the ice baths, and just the conversations you're having over there? Because I've been to your house a couple times. We've done some amazing training. I've had a blast doing it, being introduced into the hour-long breathwork sessions with laird cold baths the saunas the underwater training like what are some of the conversations over there when people are being introduced to this maybe for the first time or just things you're hearing in just general conversation i think you have really well-informed, well-trained people, so movement isn't sort of their conversation that you need to have with them.

I think it's always the reminder about the breath and really how simple it is to incorporate it into your everyday life to perform better, whether it's at a sport or CrossFit or in traffic, at the office, things like that. So what is funny is XPT on its own usually feels like something that everybody thinks is so intense. And then you come here and it's like, oh, how sweet, XPT. It's like, oh, let's get in heat. Nice. But you still saw some big bad people that did not like the ice.

Yeah. So that's always interesting. And I appreciate always that people are willing to try new things. But for us, it's like you can see them. You go, wow, this person is so informed, and yet they're still not breathing correctly. And that's why it just feels important. It's such a fundamental thing and something so easy for these guys to incorporate that it's a lot of fun. And then the heat and the ice.

You know, if you talk about Chinese medicine, they're always talking about warmth. And so warmth, I think, is a really important part of recovery. You know, like Dr. Rhonda Patrick has done tons of studies on saunas and, you know, all-cause mortality going down and Alzheimer's and all these things. So for me, I always say, you know, there's a lot of places people can get in the heat and it would just help them so much. And then the ice is just this other element that it's harder to put into your everyday life, but it's sort of an interesting teacher. Like, like you heard PJ saying, like the fact that they then can go, oh, exactly. I'm going to use the breath to deal with the ice. Well, the ice just represents stress. And yes, you have hormonal

benefits, testosterone boost, all these things, but really it's just a moment to go. I'm really uncomfortable. I can, I have a tool to downregulate and deal with it. And at this point in my life, this stuff becomes more interesting than how much weight you can put over your head. And I think that's interesting too, and I know that's badass. But what's badass about that is what you had to do to do that, not that you're doing it, if that makes sense. Okay, so Anders, I do want to brag on you right now. Let's do it.

Sam's not here. He's got all weekend for that to happen, so go for it. No, I'm serious. Nothing makes me happier than Jen when she talks about me. We were talking about this earlier, is that I do end up coaching, for whatever reason, a lot of people. Because you're a savage. When you look up at the pool, you go, oh, Gabby's up there.

She's disappointed. I've got to do better. I never look disappointed. It's never do better. I never look disappointed. It's never that personal. Is it? No, but you demand respect. You are. You've got gold medals.

You're badass. You are you. There's a reason people are drawn to coaches like you. Yes, but I need to coach or be a certain way that that gives me the respect, not for any other reason. So anyway, you came to the house. You hadn't really done pool training. And you have a go-get-it attitude, right?

Yeah. And it's amazing, and it's very effective. And in the pool, there's sort of a place for that, but it's very small windows. It's something very different. And a few times you were doing and i gave you some pretty long tasks to complete and what people don't understand oh it's not just for time it's usually distance with no air and things like that and in the beginning you went at it in your go get it and you were not able to complete the tasks yeah

and then i just suggested i made a few suggestions that you translate into physical action. And I was so impressed at how quickly you changed gears. Cause I knew that you were going to a gear you, you didn't go to that often. Um, and that you sort of said, okay, I'm willing to move out of what feels really natural to me. That has brought me a lot of success to try this and you accomplish the task and you and you and like i said how quickly you adapted so i i remember that very clearly and i was really impressed and i know this sounds bad but sometimes in those moments you really understand more about the person's character than let's say who arrived and you did the task quickly right initially i learned more about you and actually had greater respect for you because of the shift

that you made and and so i just wanted to say that because i i really uh i was like oh okay that guy well going to your house actually changed significant amount of what i do training and um i actually go to the pool all the time now and do a lot of breath hold training. We actually had Henshaw. Do you know Chris Henshaw? I don't know. I mean, I know who he is.

Yeah, we should definitely connect you guys because they're doing some really, really cool stuff, and it's very in line with what you guys are doing, so much so that I joined YMCA specifically because they had a pool. Amazing. And I can't really bring weight into those pools. I know. They kind of frown on you a little bit.

And then I've been talking to a lifeguard in a hot tub, and I was like, I don't know anything about swimming. Like, what's good? Like, what should I do? Yeah. She was just kind of like, well, pool's 25. Like, see how long it takes you to swim 500. And I was like, I wonder if

I can hold my breath for 25 yards. It's a pretty good distance. It is, yeah. And then 20 of those laps later, and I was like, cool. I just did 500 underwater. And rest intervals in between, and we're talking to Hentaw, and he's got Rich Froning, who's like the top,

and Tia, and Matt Frazier, and everyone else. And he's like, so he designed a like the top and Tia and Matt Frazier and everyone else. And he's like, so he designed a workout. Can you go 25 yards underwater? And can you do it 20 times as fast as possible? I was like, 1730. I know exactly what that is. And I was just like, oh, wow, like these people are implementing a ton of what you guys are doing and um man it literally has changed so much because it's

forces you to be very mindful in the middle of doing something that's very hard and the only way to do that is to be very calm while you're trying to do it and through i wish there was just ice baths everywhere but yeah um the thing that changed a lot when we were doing that coaching session is just like you actually told me to stop doing what we were doing that coaching session is just like, you actually told me to stop doing what we were doing and go get in the ice and go get in the heat, which you wouldn't think changed things. But what it does is it calms everything down. It forces you to focus and get centered. So you're not trying to steamroll through workouts,

but you're becoming aware of where you are in space and what you're doing and listening to your brain and realizing, like, I can control so much of the situation. So I have taken so much of it and actually started to implement it into my own training. That makes me really happy. I have some new stuff to show you, but Laird developed sort of this paddle, twisting paddle for shallow water. That's very interesting. And I'll throw one more idea at you, which is to do now the drills on an exhale.

That's exactly what Henshaw told me to do. Yeah. So start to then, if you want to compound the situation. Now I have to put you guys in touch. Is do everything. You know, Laird years ago used to be on the bike and stuff and be like, I'm going to hold my breath as long as I can. I'm like, I don't know what you're doing.

But little do we know he's right. And he'll, he'll run us through drills on the occasion. Um, I usually try, we tried actually not to overstep each other too much, but let's say he'll have a couple, we have a couple, some friends that are athletes, they'll come and he'll go just jump in the drill with them. And it's literally like, okay, inhale, exhale, go. Okay. One, go. And it's like, it compounds it so quickly on the exhale, because you're already under stress when the task begins. So how do you manage that? Yeah. So again, what was the shift that he made? So what was it? So for me, it was very clear. See, it's also the more defined, it's like a more baked cake. You know, he has this raw you know like he'd

come up and he'd rip his mask off and all the stuff and i was like okay so anders even if i'm completely out of air when i come up i just come up i'm not like a whole grasping for air that's just not what really is happening and there's a there's a composure component that you want you're out of air like you just because if you're if you're able to come up and do all this dramatic stuff, you're not out of air. You actually have more air. When you're out of air. So it's like perceived capacity, how you're perceiving the stress.

Because he was responding to the stress of being out of air, and he was anticipating in his mind and in his emotions, I'm out of air, I'm out of air, versus, okay, I'm out of air, but I have a little bit more. Okay, I'm out of air. Okay, you know what? I'm finished. And come up. Because that's a different approach, right?

So he heard me, and I had given him a pretty lengthy task to do underwater, and he hadn't been training there very long. And then he switched gears and went to a different side of his personality and maybe a place that wasn't his go-to his default he went to he just sort of said okay I'm gonna listen and I'm gonna attempt to do this I mean it gets down to like we talked about how open your eyes are your eyes even have to get narrow when you were doing these tasks because to notice to look around burns oxygen it's it's crazy like when you said this a few minutes ago it's how did you

say it was you have to use a part of yourself that you have not traditionally been using to be successful so isn't it funny our defaults even if they're they've worked out for us in the past may be not be the application of what you need for what's in front of you what a great microcosm for life for a relationship for anything it's like time i what do i really know be present assess and come from a different like place or pace in order to be present for that task well think of yourself like walking around with your tool belt. You know, we were talking about that. And, like, you go, yo, I am so badass with my hammer and my saw. But on a fine job like washing windows or, you know, something else, you're going to need another tool.

And I'll tell you, besides the pool training, parenting was the thing, the real situation that taught me about I would like to try to get as many tools in my tool belt as I can so that I can have the right tool at the right time. And it's scary. Listen, it's very, very scary, especially when you've had a level of success with tools. Like I've muscled everything in my whole life, sheer determination and hard work. Okay, I'm just going to work and work and grind and work and work. And then you realize, oh, yeah, no, that has almost nothing to do with what we're talking about right

now yeah and you're like what and hard work that sounds exactly like me i'm like i got it yeah you guys are totally off base you're fucking bananas i got it one hard work you know what it is it's a distraction oh oh busyness like when people talk about like oh meditate you're like yeah eat me meditate because it's like you know what i mean because there you are with your thoughts and your feelings so i think that this is what's important well what's funny and i always i get when i can't do something i get self-deprecating they're giggling about something we'll figure that is uh i was mouthing that's me to Andrews. Oh, that's me. About not liking to meditate? Yeah, yeah. There I am with my thoughts.

I want to get back to work. You're very calm, though. It made sense when I met you. I was like, oh, no wonder they're together. Yeah, right? Yeah. I was like, perfect. I just pass out when I meditate.

Dude, you're killing it, dude. Pass out. I had the best nap ever. Yeah, filling time and air and space with information or tasks or work is, I think, and I could be wrong, I think it's an avoidance. And we use these distractions from like, well, where am I at right now? Where's my relationship at? How am I feeling? How am I doing?

You know, like, and I think that the more we can do that and sit in that sort of uncomfortable place, the better we get at it. Yeah. Yeah. Some of the best learning I did, I took some trips up my calendar, spent some Saturday nights by myself with my bulldog. Oh. Oh, I cried. Oh, my God. I have no friends.

What am I doing? Shouldn't I fill this time with more things? Oh, and people and and i was like and you could and what was interesting what came up i'm like i'm gonna you know i'm gonna have a nice glass of wine that'll be fun it's it's something for me i go yeah stop time stop and drop jen yeah now you're coping with booze right so i started looking and then i was social media i'm like that's gotta fucking go away now i can't't. What is going on? Why can't I sit here? Yeah.

So it was really fascinating to me to sit in the pain and realize why it's there. Like, what's the reason behind the reason behind the thing? Yeah. Ooh. Well, in nature, I think that's what's so powerful and important about nature, which even means go taking a walk in the park, is to be in nature. The stillness. I was watching this documentary and some African teacher was talking about that nature um the stillness i was watching this documentary and some african teacher was

talking about that nature is the um silent witness of instinct and i think oh my gosh the silent time check on that so we can go back to that no but i'm saying like think about that like how how can we go into that part of ourselves also and, and just check in there occasionally. And I think that nature really provides a pretty profound environment. Well, the way it's supposed to, right. Right.

We're supposed to go like, Oh, the trees making noise. Well, don't you feel like that's like part of why you moved to Denver? Yeah. Well, I just go,

I moved on accident for something else and man, it saved my life. Really? Yeah. That's amazing. So it wasn't by accident. Exactly. It never is, right?

It never is. Yeah. So I find myself in a new cadence and a new sense of self. I feel like the Jenny on my phone, right? The three-year-old on my phone from when I left Chicago, you know, 11, 10 years ago. And I'm pushing less. I'm allowing more. I'm even trying to talk slower.

You know what I mean? Just everything, I'm practicing in small ways. Anyway, yeah. But you get into the mountains and you get into the trees, and I think that, I mean, I'm chasing that specifically right now in my life. And I'm very aware of the fact that, like, I want to go walk in nature. I want to go, like, when I don't like wearing shoes, but I end up walking on concrete all the time where I'm at.

And I want to go run around in the grass and do those things like that. I miss there's a piece of me right now that is, like, going back to that thing. What's actually fascinating is when I first got there, I was right downtown, and then I bought my house kind of a little north of the city. So I've got like a little dog run for Hank, and I got a tree in my front yard. It was very exciting. My father was pleased. You know, I have all this stuff.

And my mother brought me these bulbs that were called August lilies that my grandpa Fritz on my father's side brought from Sweden in his pocket that she planted. And now that she brought it to plant at my house and I'm like, oh, look at outdoors. Look at this stuff. And I'm already feeling called for more. I'm like, I'm not close enough to a mountain. Yeah. So it's ironic that the more I put it in my space, the more I'm responding by being quiet enough to listen to my response or my instinct around it. I thought, man, this is nature.

I'm in Denver with grass and a tree, and now it's not enough. Yeah, but at least it's the starting. Right. And the other thing is it takes effort. I have that with Laird where I live by the ocean in both places and he is goes to the nature very quickly and I have to make an effort it's all right at my fingertips I'm talking about the most dramatic nature in the world and I'm like you've got to get off the checklist turn off the computer and actually go do that and I'm guilty of that all the time because I'm trying to get stuff done

sure and so I think that that's the other thing just for us to realize that it does take effort to go out in nature but the feeling that you get is so powerful but it's not like sitting on your device and it just comes at you you have to go be a part of it i think regarding the technology and devices and whatnot the water is really special because if you're in the water there's basically no opportunity to get distracted by technology i say with andrews all the time like with with my three and a half year old my two-year-old like going swimming with them is phenomenal for them because i can't be distracted i'm usually holding them yeah my two-year-old holding my three and my three and a half year old kind of swam on his own now yeah but we're always eye level in the pool which i think is really important yeah i can't interesting

i can't not give them 100 of my attention because they'll drown, as you said. And then, like I said, there's no opportunity to get a phone call, to check social media, to check my emails, to do any of that stuff. And so it's this very short window of time for an hour or whatever it is where it's completely 100% undivided attention, which I think is really psychologically healthy for my kids. Yeah, because they go, my dad, I'm important. And then it's very important well it's kind of cool with xbt when you look at it that way you've brought in natural earth elements yeah to be a part of a place where in that case you're 100 dialed with your sons but in xbt i'm 100 dialed with myself yeah it's and i and what i think is neat and you said in

your talk today gabby that it really is this culture, this community. You have team, the sense of belonging. It was the first thing you said about Guadalupalooza this weekend. Like, clearly, we all feel this desire to be a part of something great and bigger than ourselves. So you almost bring nature to within the person, and perhaps that's why it stacks up so nicely. Well, I think it's this.

Laird and I both have had the opportunity through sports to have access to all the most incredible. I mean, listen, Paul Cech was giving Laird ghee in his coffee 16 years ago. And I would be standing up in the gym going, oh, these animals. Like, I've got to deal with them. Like, they're getting jacked up on caffeine. One louder than the next, right? Because Laird's loud, they're getting jacked up on caffeine. That Paul Cech guy. One louder than the next, right? Because Laird's loud and Paul is so jacked up, you know? And my point is.

Have you ever met Paul Cech? No. He's the best. No, this is like a one of a kind. And he's ahead of everybody by 20 years. And why now he's talking about energy and chi and all this stuff. Because what happens is you do it long enough, right? You talk about food and calories and kale and lifting and that training and this training.

And then you start to realize that, that yes it is about all of that but it is about these other things that it that we just have to reinforce and protect within our ourselves yeah our family our friends and even if we could contribute it to their culture a little bit of like hey we've got we have to take care of ourselves but we have to stay together yeah you know if you read any books about like competition all stuff it's actually completely unnatural cooperation is all about survival so how do we you know help each other totally love each other it doesn't mean i agree with everything you say and i want to live within your four walls it It just means that culture and community. So my hope with XPT, and again, Laird was really the impetus, which was we were doing this at our house and it was like, oh, this, this would be easy to

share with other people and figure out how to get them to do it where they live, whatever that is. Because again, you can perform and you can be fast and strong and all these things. But if you don't have some of the other ideas, it's almost like not what's the point. Right. But that's where, I mean, that's where. It's a fast car with no motor, you know. That's where my brain starts to go. I mean, clearly, you look at any kind of true recovery and what you're offering with XPT.

I mean, I think more than anything, we're more malnourished in air than any other thing on the planet. Okay. So, but I, or I struggle because I really see general, like general demographic, main population needing support. It's not just for the super athlete or someone that's trying to improve their. These guys are like, you know, nine tenths down the field already. Right. Like it's not not it's them or even a professional athlete i see like people in life that can do better and what's hard

as a fitness professional i'm trying to show and let people experience the value around the behavior so they know to start protecting it i said to you when we are in commercial break right gabby and i are at a place where we know how we feel. We've built some strength mentally, physically. And I want to trade that for nothing. Not for anybody. Not for any job. I'm protecting the way I feel and my health. And a lot of people that are struggling, whether they're overweight or not,

because there's a lot of people that are not overweight that are very unhealthy yeah and Trying to get them to understand that they could do these small things That is you know you've said in one breathing session. I will feel the difference I will feel it and I'm going to XPT training in Hawaii, and I'm scared shitless But I'm sure I want to I know You're scared of and the good news is my pool that I have, just so you know there, access, it's not deep. Okay, cool. Only 15. 20, 30 feet.

No, no, no. Shallow. Shallow. No, I promise you it's not deep. It's just the ice. I am. I am. I am.

I do not like being. You're from Chicago. You'll be fine. I know. But hold on a second. All you have to think about, it's just cold. No, man. To me, it's a control thing.

If I'm having resistance, what's really there? Is it cold water? Yeah. You guys are here from Chicago. You'll be fine. I can make myself fine. I can absolutely convince myself into that. I'm going there for the real work.

Why am I trying to control every environment? Because I'm trying to control every outcome. And when I do that, I really don't get to live outside my idea of what my life's supposed to be and allow anyone to come in it and prove me wrong and actually show me something better. So I'm going. That's interesting. You know, like I'm like, I don't have any answers at this point. And I've been telling myself that I did to prove that I was right to be in control.

So I want people to have access to this feeling. So they're not because they don't they don't know what we feel like. They don't know what's waiting for them. So if I can have them experience it and they can start to protect it and be excited about it, then it becomes part of their life. And that's what excites me about it all. Sorry, T. Engine. You just choked up, Anders.

He's choked up. I think one of the – Yeah, I get it. It's an emotional conversation. The thing about that I – He was doing deep breath work. Clearly the ice is cold and the heat is hot.

The pool training was the thing for me that I really had a lot, because you think the physical piece of it, like I get the ice. Gotta calm down. I get the heat. It actually is pretty nice. It's okay, yeah, it's great. But the pool piece for me, because I've always

been, how much can I lift? There's a number. That's interesting, yeah. I know how to get that bar over my head. I know how to fight through reps. I know how to use my body and push past where I'm supposed to be and rely on past experiences to be this, for lack of a better term, meathead. I know how to be that guy.

That's a great term. I got you. Yeah. I know how to, if you want me to do 20 reps right now like i got you and it might not be 100 pretty but i know how to check in and fight through that when you're in the pool and you have to walk on your hands and it's a slow process you're carrying a 45 pound dumbbell and each step is slow because the water's not allowing you to move fast and then it's like I thought I was going to be there

faster and I'm not and it's slow and now I have to really calm my body down I have to really check in like I'm not going to die that was the piece that was really transformational and why I've taken this stuff with me because I got so much out of the fact

and I'll even hopefully add a piece to it not just in the water but in all of my training now I probably work out with my eyes closed a good 60 70 percent of the time like I don't just deadlift anymore now it's like I try to close my eyes pull my hat down so no one knows that my eyes are closed and they're not scared for my life you're super weird and then i try to change movements all the time just to like i have to figure out a way to do this differently and if i close my eyes it's no longer about like what does this look like yeah how does it feel that's right and when i'm on a rower, close your eyes. And now you're not rowing by what's on the screen. You're rowing by how does the chain feel or how loud is the erg.

And playing games of can I do 50 strokes with my eyes closed and get the same score that I got when I had my eyes open. I like that. But this is freedom, though. This is like a different kind of freedom where you're going, hey, I trust myself to go inside and ask how it feels versus what's it telling me and how does it look. There's a freedom in that that's pretty powerful. Yeah, and I'm in a wave right now where I don't really want to be a part of a gym or train with people because I'm experiencing a lot of different things because I just have to go and like have a different conversation about what working out is

or like where I'm training like 22 years later I can't just do another deadlift where the idea is that I have to put more weight on the bar because I'm never I don't ever really want to put more on the bar so how do I continue to yeah get bigger strong not even bigger and stronger but how do i continue to develop as an athlete or as a human and a capacity that i need to be strong that's a fact yeah i need to be in shape that's a fact i need to have conditioning it's a fact but how do i change it can i run a hill sprint in a straight line with my eyes closed for 200 yards yeah like that's a really weird question because now i i have to trust that i'm gonna go straight and not run into a tree that is over there like hit by a car or like

whatever it is but i because of the underwater training i think it gave me the freedom to like i don't have to go steamroll through this thing and where the only outcome is more or faster, and now the outcome is feel, staying calm, and the ability to, like, be okay questioning, like, do I have to do something like that? Like, it doesn't, I don't, you created a rule for what a deadlift is, but if I do it on one leg and my eyes are closed and the bars got bad weight on each side or not even weight like what happens i don't know let's go figure it out this is living with laird

this is just how he functions i knew it he knew it he no meaning meaning yeah well why why not yeah you know the question of like what else is possible and why not because we do it this way why can't we do it this way and not being restricted by well that's just how we do it yeah why was it the best way to do it is it the most efficient maybe it is at this time in your life but maybe it's not on this new part of your life and i think what happens is we get vantage points so we train and then we get strong and then we climb up a mountain and our view becomes different. Yeah. And so we don't have the same view at the base of the mountain and maybe at the base of the mountain, we needed to do it that way. And then you go up a little higher and you

go, okay, that worked to get me here. What's it look like? How am I going to adjust? And I think that, so I think it makes perfect sense if you have an 18 year old that's like i'm crossfitting and this is how i'm doing it yeah but then hopefully when you're 30 you ask different questions and when you're 40 you ask new questions yeah um and and also creating that room and space for other people to be at that place that you were at yeah because they need to well i also think that the whole thing transfers over to every aspect of life in that in business number one you steamroll your way

through everything, right? My way or the highway. There's no finesse game to business number one. It's solely ego-driven, right? And then you realize, like, six years later whoa! We've got to back this thing down a little bit. I've got to figure this thing out and be able to weave this path a little bit smoother.

Hopefully. I love how you generalize that to everybody instead of saying that's how it was for you. That's how it was for me, for sure. See. Quick question. Hold the phone. You can call me out. Hold on.

You have the ego in you. Oh, totally. He's a silent killer. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. I got a fucking enormous ego, yeah. You have the ego in you. Oh, totally. He's a silent killer this part right now. Yeah, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. I got a fucking enormous ego, unfortunately.

No, but we have to have enough ego to believe we can do it. Yeah. That's very true. If you don't have a little bit of an ego, you're not going to take action. Yes. It just can't be the thing that if it hurts you, you go, oh, this is inserting. I'm not trying to put you down. Oh, no.

Not at all. I just know you have it in you. Oh, yeah. He's a ninja. I can see it. But what fascinating me is you said, Laird said, well, why not all. I just know you have it in you. Oh, yeah. He's a ninja. I can see it. But what fascinated me is you said, Laird said, well, why not? Why not that way? And you can say that, but I had no consideration of myself.

It's like, why not that way, but why not me? Why can't I be inventive? Why can't I be the one that attempts that? I think a lot of people separate themselves from being the one that is allowed to do that. Yeah. Like Laird Hamilton, of course he does that. But if it dawns on you. Right. If it naturally is coming to you, you've got to do that. Yeah. Like, it's Laird Hamilton. Of course he does that. But if it dawns on you. Right.

Like, if it naturally is, like, coming to you, you've got to honor that. If it keeps coming up, you'd be like, you know what?

I've got to honor that. Yeah, I agree. And I hope people listening take that seriously. If it comes up, honor it. Why not?

You try it. Whatever it is, you're going to get something out of it. It's good intel. I have a technical, tactical question about saunas. So,

Anders and I are about to have our very own saunas at our homes. Awesome. I very own saunas at our homes and awesome uh i feel like saunas are are pretty easily accessible any globo gym is going to have a sauna in it ice baths are a little harder to come by certainly certainly possible to put a little bit of effort into it but saunas are just right there they're already hot if you if you go to a commercial gym etc you know what what kind of protocols do you guys use with saunas what's effective what's not effective what are the benefits so okay so sauna um there's

there's obviously you know you have steam we all we do dry heat so infrared if if you said to me hey what's the probably the ultimate i would say the infrared um especially if that's what you're doing we couple it with ice uh but we have a barrel sauna that's like just straight hot, 220 degrees, hot, get it done, 12 to 15 minutes. You get in the ice three minutes and back in and back into the sauna and things like that. So the sauna alone, the heat shock proteins, your recovery, they talk about all of like all cause mortality goes down.

I don't know if it's like 35% for men, if they can get into a hot box, ha ha. A sauna. Hey, dream come true. Yeah. I'm sorry. It comes out and I'm like,

even a hot, like, like comfortably warm. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. let's like, yeah,

blisters are real. And, uh, and so, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, Alzheimer's for men goes down down and so you have all these benefits so larry for example did a protocol that's you know lower so for an infrared you could do it 165 for an hour they have for a week you do it every day there's a lot of studies that show there's some incredible health benefits your testosterone goes. All kinds of things happen. But typically, I think the king is infrared. So it's not as hot, but I think it's deeper, right? I think you're doing a deeper detox. And now all the new infrareds have LED lights

and kind of all these great things. So I think that that, and people will sit in there and for 15, 20 minutes, they may not even sweat. And then boom, the last 10 minutes, it's like everything's coming out yeah so for me if you could if you did one better than none that's the thing people go i only have 20 minutes great get in heat it up while you're finishing whatever task get in and the other thing is when you're in there wipe your skin off take everything off with a towel of sorts they said that's a really good way to get all the toxins and everything that you are getting out.

And then if you're going to couple it with heat and ice, it's typically 15 minutes in the heat. And if you can do three minutes, but the truth of the matter is they say that you have hormonal responses after 30 seconds. Truth be told. Of the ice? Correct. Yeah. Does it have to be ice cold? If I went from a very hot sauna to a regular pool? It truth be told. Of the ice? Correct. Yeah. Does it have to be ice cold? If I went from a very hot sauna to a regular pool?

It would be okay. Okay. Yeah. I think a cold shower is good, and a cold pool is even better because you're submerged. There's something about being submerged in the water. There's a piece of the neck that gets really weird. Well, because they talk about cryo, and if someone said, well, I can get to cryo, cryo is great. Do I think weighted cold water is better?

I do. Okay. So it's dealing with that. And then the other thing, I know this is silly, minerals. If you're doing lots of sauna and infrared, you've got to get some mineral supplementation in your water. Because you will be dehydrated. Just the way it is so you've got to compensate with real minerals though not some electrolyte drink loaded with

sugar but you know they have mineral drops and things like that um so that's that becomes very important especially if you start to string you know this is a consistent part of your life you're talking like zinc magnesium that type of type of thing? And they have drops. And even like, I'm not going to pimp Laird's stuff, but all of Laird's coconut hydrate products have. No, let's pimp it. Well, no, I'm just saying they have Aquaman, which is a mineral, 72 minerals in that.

But salt, Himalayan salt. We don't have to get crazy. Just make sure that you're hydrated. The other thing is I would encourage people, because they're all so busy, if you can do it before bed, you rest better. You just sleep better. Yeah.

That's fantastic. That's maybe the only time I'm probably going to do it. Yeah, I was going to say, once my kids are asleep. And also, if you can do it, let's say you have a brutal workout, if you could do it sort of, you know, after the workout, not necessarily right after, but at least sort of within hours of that. I think it increases the recovery like crazy. Cool.

Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, we're getting on. I'm really excited about it. I think you should be excited. Well, it's like a treat. You see people, though, they have those big meat freezers, and they fill them with water.

All right. So they use them that way. So if you don't have access to ice, there is a way to get some really cold water that way. That's what Galvin has in his house. Yeah. Andy, that's why we haven't visited you. CC Way Scott's doing it that way as well. Yeah, so I think that's a nice solution.

But listen, it's a treat to have that. But there's reasons that cultures have been doing this. I always laugh. I'm like, okay, we can go forward, but we have to go back to get some of the basic stuff that people have been doing this i always laugh i'm like okay we can go forward but we have to go back to get some of the basic stuff that people have been you know russians and scandinavian countries sauna traditions every second i remember actually someone like way back in the day some of the crossfit athletes that were like beat uh miko salo out of like sweden norway wherever he's from and they were like i sauna all the time oh yeah it was like when we were in sweden they had they had a uh, spa, whatever you want to call it,

like over the water. It's snowing outside. Oh, yeah. We had big saunas. We could fit 40 people in the sauna, big saunas. And then you would just do that, walk right down the stairs. Christmas was with us when we did this. Wow.

You walk right downstairs. You jump in the bay, basically. It's connected to the ocean. And then you go right back up into the sauna, and you go back and forth. It's like a part of Swedish culture. And that's it. And so I think I've noticed a real difference. Boom.

Oh, God, they're high-fiving over third-generation Swedish. They're so Swedish. Hey, man. These two that have been living in SoCal, it's been really tough for you guys. I know. I don't know how you do it. Good thing my genetics are so strong to hold up in this 70-degree weather every day.

Swedish people have a lot of vitality. But it is an interesting thing where it's like I've noticed for the whatever seven years we've been doing it a huge difference. And Laird is diligent at the end of each day. And the more rigorous his performance is, if he's out for five or six six hours the more diligent he is about making sure he gets in the sauna and that's the time he doesn't want to i mean it's really the fountain of youth you talked you know we've talked in length um you were at your at your presentation today about aging like literally everyone's filling their face with stuff and i you know what what's the way what do you scrub your skin with? It's like. No, breathe.

Oh, breathe. And if you can get a system heat and eat some real food. Yeah, I mean, you would never guess. Have you noticed living in Denver? Sorry. You just made me really. That's like a married couple move right there, buddy. It's been a big weekend. I'm just saying, talk about longevity, inside, outside health.

Wow. Have you noticed the breathing in Denver being better? Like the air? I don't know. It's really dry. I mean, you're in a desert of my high up. I was going to say it's hard because it's dry. Oh, my face started turning to stone.

I started getting rosacea. I cannot sleep without a humidifier on. Yeah. That's very healthy. Oh, man. And so that was good. But I'm not training capacity-wise. I know why people train there.

I don't know the difference of there versus anywhere else because I'm not competing or anything. Yeah. But the air feels good. It smells nice. Yep. Pressure. It's January right now. So for people that live in colder climates, could they easily just go for a jog with shorts and no shirt on

and then go right back to their house and get into a hot bath? Is that kind of the opposite? I don't know about that kind of training because you're sweating and you're working and you're, you know, in the cold. Right. I think the more that we – I think I would prefer someone who lives in a cold place to do cold showers because then also you get better at thermoregulating that's the other thing i would say to people too is if you really wanted to dial in and just a little more if you're

using the heat when you come out try to get yourself to cool yourself down before and before you go in so if you're not doing if you're not doing ice or don't use a shower say get your body to cool itself down and conversely when you go into the ice don't go straight back into the heat wait outside the ice so that you can body learns to you know warm itself up because thermoregulation is i think it's probably the most caloric activity burning activity we do each day yeah keeping ourself in a temperature so you make yourself more efficient at doing that which means that you handle all these other conditions. Do you feel there's an emotional, psychological component to this where if depression is thinking about the past and wanting it to be different, insisting on a better past, and the future is you or anxiety is looking at the future and hoping something's going to happen or worrying something that is probably irrational is going to happen to you.

You're lost in thought. You get depressed. You ruminate over it. And now you're unhappy. And then being in the ice, you're very fully in the moment when you're in the ice. You're not thinking about your bills when you're in the ice. You're just thinking about I'm in the ice. How cold it is, yeah.

Right. I think that's a really important question because I think the ice is definitely a mood elevator for sure. I think you do have a physiological and hormonal response but to your point there's something about I'm here and I'm in this moment but coupled with you are having positive hormonal responses because some of the theory is is that because you're in such a threatening environment and when your body goes oh we're not going to get out then then we're going to get everything lined up. So there is some, you know, thinking that it also can help elevate some of those.

But absolutely, because when are we in those situations, right? Only when you're in flow. Totally, right. And it's so hard to find those opportunities to get into flow. Right. So hard. It is. It's so hard to find those opportunities to get into flow. Yeah, right. So hard. It is. It's so hard.

Especially with, you know, living. Like the way we live, work, details coming at us, family details. And that's why I always say even with how monotonous life is, what I've tried to learn as a person and as a parent and stuff is to actually see the art in the mundane or the monotonous so it's like oh here we are like cutting up some fruit for one of my kids again but it's like okay maybe there's an art to this and so i think what happens is through the training through the ice you start to look at things and say okay there's an art in here and I'm going to try to find it.

Because otherwise you'll die. I call it death by domestication. To like, oh, you know, one more snack and one more maid bed and one more load of whites or whatever. It's like, okay, no, the art of it. Is there art? How about pride? Pride in doing it. Pride in providing.

Pride in taking the time. The investment to your girls, the investment to your husband. I don't know. Even though we mess it all up in a day or it's all dirty in a day. Well, that's it. You know, you make dinner for 45 minutes, an hour, and then they all wolf it down at 4. Yeah. But that's the thing is, like, you do things. Totally.

Bunch of animals. You do things. Chew your food. Nope. It's gone no artfully for yourself because i think and i think you it's a way of honoring yourself weirdly and nobody goes good job and that's not the point the point is is i'm going to honor myself because it's like i tell my girls if you build a code that you want to live by no matter where you are you live by that code so if anders i meet him and we're in some ticket

counter at the airport and he's rude my code is first I'm not going to be rude now if he goes on and on I have other codes sure but the point is is like honoring yourself all the time in your code and not adjust to like oh who's around me or what they're doing or what they're saying. It doesn't matter. What's your code? Was it you that I heard in an interview talking about saying hello first? Yes, with Tim Ferriss. Yeah, don't think for a second that I didn't hear that and I was like, I am going to steal that. And I try to live my life by that every time. People want to say hello.

Do you ever notice that? And how about demanding like the no how are you yeah oh yeah the barista how many times a day does a barista take an order and just stare at the top of someone's head i know and if you just were like hey no how are you yeah i throw in a sir and a ma'am even if they're 20 because they're working respect some girls like i'm a ma'am and i go you're here working and you're a ma'am i always call women miss I'm a ma'am, and I go, you're here working, and you're a ma'am. I always call women miss as opposed to ma'am. That's nice. Is that nice?

It's really nice. Because what it is is it's what everybody loves about namaste. It's like, I see you. I recognize you. I honor you in this millisecond. It takes no effort. And, hey, by the way, thanks for getting my coffee. I think it also creates so much just alignment in general happiness.

It's coming good at you. Because the person around you is now sharing a happy moment with you versus just another mundane moment. Yeah, well, just because you're working doesn't mean you're working for me. You know, I literally got upgraded at my hotel because I checked in and I was just hi. How are you? You know, I asked her how she was she was oh, um, like startled by the question. She was like, I guess I'm okay Thanks for asking I go, of course. She was what good luck this weekend. I'm not competing So we talked a little bit and then she goes Do you want a king bed? Yeah, or I'm like, well, you never know. I might have a sleepover

And then she kind of laughed because then we have a sleepover. Like I kind of made a joke. Things happen. And then she kind of laughed because then we have something in common. Oh, she's single as well. I'm single as well. I'm like, you never know. She's like, I'll give you a great view then. You know, and it was all because I just saw her and I was grateful for her help. Yeah.

And most people just come like, you're beneath. Give me my room. I need more. No, I need four. I said four keys or whatever. And it's like, it's not hard to be nice and people think it's weak it's free but it's also scary what we have to realize is for a lot of people it's scary to be first or to be vulnerable and then you realize no i'm so i'm feeling so comfortable and so sure about myself that i'm going to be nice and if you choose other

then depending on how far it goes we'll go go another place. But I tell my youngest daughter, because she is not the most empathetic person yet in her life, your life will be better if you're kind to people. My other kids, I could be like, you know, it makes them feel good and it's the right thing to do. With my youngest, I'm like, your life will be better. You got to picture a different way. Because when you say to somebody hi and they go hi it's like it's you know what do they say if you run into you know one person then they're an asshole but if you're under three you're the asshole yeah it's uh if everybody you run into that day is an asshole chances are you're the asshole yeah so i just think for me and i and i

and it it was a hard thing for me to do because of my height i was very uncomfortable when i was younger and then i realized i could lean into almost anyone and they would respond because I'm six, three. And it would just be like, I was like, Oh, I have the power to make it happen.

Yeah. But we all have the power. Yeah. If anybody hasn't watched, whether you're male or female, um, the Ruth Gingsberg, uh,

I just watched the documentary. She's 80 pounds. She is such a savage. And she talks very little. And that's the whole thing. It's not about the avatar. What are you doing? What do you want to put out?

Yeah. And I think that's a really good documentary. It's so good. And it's a perfect reminder of, first of all, honor who you really are. Yep. She honored herself. No chit-chat, whatever. And there's so many ways to be a badass and contribute. And even to bring it more full circle of what we were talking about at the beginning,

her husband looked at her and said, you are special. Go be you, and I'll do the rest of it. It's amazing. Go do that thing that you were meant to be. When the kid, she had a two-year-old. Her husband was sick and dying. Oh, how's that? Doing his homework and stuff?

Yeah, and getting homework from his classmates. It's amazing. From law school. And yet she didn't surrender her own progress. It was really beautiful. It's a great, great. Yeah, it's called RGB. Yep. Gabby. All right, you guys. Gabby. That was really beautiful. It's a great, great. Yeah. It's called RGB. Yep.

Yep. Gabby. All right, you guys. Gabby. Gabby. It was really a treat. Every time I get to hang out with you, I feel like I have just, I'm a better human. You have these experiences and so put them together so well.

And every time I get to sit down and do this i'm just so appreciative thank you for being here i appreciate you all inviting me here and um i just think listen i think recognizing uh the honor of like the people in your life and the things that you get to do in your life makes it uh easy to go i'm gonna take care take care of it. I think we're all stewards of a certain space. And so I think it's just about how do I do that really well? And then you'll get moved to a different space. And you can honor being the steward of that space. Well, thank you for bringing hope into my space today.

Oh, you're going to have so much action in your life. Come on. You know what it is? Action's easy. You've got the king-size bed. I'm talking about to have so much action in your life. Action's easy. I'm talking about lightning action. You'll get your lightning action. I promise. And good luck with your move and with

your new adventure. Good for you. Where can people find you and XPT? XPTlife.com I'm on my Instagram at Gabby Reese. Reese is R-E-C-E but I don't need to be found so much. If you're inspired, then great. When does this episode drop, would you say?

When do you want it to? I mean, immediately because I have committed to going to Kauai with Gabby, Laird, the Starets. We're all going to be there in training doing it, and that's going to happen February 6th, 7th, and 8th. And there are still, I think, a few spots left. I was talking to PJ. Oh, yeah.

So we're getting tight. This coming Wednesday is booked, but probably the Wednesday after. Yeah, it'll be tight. It'll be tight. Maybe I can put it on Saturday. Saturday works. If you can do it Saturday. And I think, wasn't there a code?

I think I used code JEN500. You get 500 off your chip. Wow, Jen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or use code SHRU JEN500. Get 500 off your chip. Wow, Jen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or use code SHRUG500. Get 500 off your chip.

No, that won't work. That won't work. JEN500 works. Go with that one. Awesome. All right. Thank you. Love it.

Where can people find you? Go quick. Weterstrong.com, but just Jen Weterstrom on all my accounts. Whatever. You'll find me. Doug Larson. You bet. Gabby, thank you so much. Doug, you're a ninja. Thank you. Go quick. WheaterStrong.com, but just Jen WheaterStrom on all my accounts. Whatever. You'll find me. Doug Larson. You bet. Gabby, thank you so much. Doug, you're a ninja. Thank you. I see it.

You can find me on Instagram, Douglas E. Larson. Also, I have my own site, DougLarsonFitness.com. Barber Shrugged every Wednesday. Use it Saturdays. Go for it, dude. I'm Anders Varner at Anders Varner. Get in the Shrug Collective at Shrug Collective. Six days a week podcast. iTunes, YouTube. Like, subscribe, leave a nice comment we'll see you next week that's a rap friends gabby reese what a killer she is like the embodiment of all things

badass woman um i'm so grateful that i have the opportunity to hang out with her have these cool conversations and just really talk about life with somebody that's truly living it at the highest level. Our friends over at Juve, make sure you get over to juve.com and use the coupon code SHRUGGED. They're giving away a bunch of free swag, bio-optimizers. Get the mass enzymes, the HCL, Gluten Guardian, all these pieces that are really going to help with your digestion. If you've ever had any digestion issues, protease, the enzymes in there that really helping you digest the meat, get the amino acids into your, into your muscles. So you can start building muscle without shoving pounds of meat into your

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