Barbell Shrugged - You Don't Know How To Talk: Using Better Speaking And Language To Increase Your Business — Real Chalk #96

Episode Date: October 8, 2019

This weeks episode is all about how using words can make or break almost any thought or relationship. In business, this is massive, but in life -- this is paramount. It isn't everyday that we actually take the time to actually learn how to use words to persuade people mentally in a conversation. I mean, it's crazy how much more affective we can be once we harness this skill.    Today's guest, Mark England, is not only a pro at this stuff, but he's so known for his talents that he was asked to give a TedX talk (which is considered one of the greatest honors in the field.) I'm pretty positive that by the end of this show, you're going to start thinking a little more before you talk. Might want to take some notes for this one :) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Show notes: http://www.shruggedcollective.com/rc-england ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ► Subscribe to Shrugged Collective's Channel Here http://bit.ly/BarbellShruggedSubscribe 📲 🎧 Listen to the audio version on the Apple Podcast App or Stitcher for Android Here- http://bit.ly/BarbellShruggedApple http://bit.ly/BarbellShruggedStitcher Shrugged Collective is a network of fitness, health and performance shows that help people achieve their physical and mental health goals.  Usually in the gym, but outside as well. In 2012 they posted their first Barbell Shrugged podcast and have been putting out weekly free videos and podcasts ever since. Along the way we've created successful online coaching programs including The Shrugged Strength Challenge, The Muscle Gain Challenge, FLIGHT, Barbell Shredded, and Barbell Bikini. We're also dedicated to helping affiliate gym owners grow their businesses and better serve their members by providing owners tools and resources like the Barbell Business Podcast. Find Shrugged Collective and their flagship show Barbell Shrugged here: SUBSCRIBE ON ITUNES ► http://bit.ly/ShruggedCollectiveiTunes WEBSITE ► https://www.ShruggedCollective.com INSTAGRAM ► https://instagram.com/shruggedcollective FACEBOOK ► https://facebook.com/ barbellshruggedpodcast TWITTER ► http://twitter.com/barbellshrugged

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Tuesday and we're back. This time we are with Mr. Mark England, who is the creator of a course called Procabulary, but not even just the fact that he made a course, he's just really, really good at speaking. And not only just speaking, but he has a way of creating words that just resonate with people,

it gets your point across better, it can make or break your business, it can make or break relationships business. It can make or break relationships. And I never really thought about the language that comes out of my mouth in terms of people being able to receive it and just be able to process it on different levels. Honestly, it really is a big deal. And after talking to him about it, I was like, damn, there's a couple things that I really didn't realize.

So this show is actually probably one of my favorite shows I've done, just because it is something that we don't really talk about all that much. Like, no one ever is like, you know what, you don't really talk all that well in terms of how you talk to your employees, or how you talk to your significant other, or whatever. There are cue, there are keywords, I should say, that do kind of like set people off. And if you've ever been in a relationship for, you know, at least even a couple months with a girl, you know that she gets pissed about certain things and you're like, you always do this or you always do that.

And you're like, man, I don't always do it. That's like kind of what they say back, right? So there is different ways to make that sound a little better and make you a little bit better of a person. And we're going to go over that in this episode. So super excited for you guys to hear Mark England, who's also been on TEDx, which is 21 million subscribers on YouTube. One of the most prestigious stages to stand on and speak. So he's been there.

So this guy is for real. Before we get into the show, I just do want to go over a couple things. So he's been there. So this guy is for real. Before we get into the show, I just do want to go over a couple things. I created a new challenge. It's going to be called the Earn Your Carbs Challenge. It is the official way that I have been eating over the last couple of years. It's like the Carb Cycle Challenge that's already been doing very, very well. But now this one, I've figured out a way to write it down so it works for everybody. And I'm really, really excited for this one. It's going to go down in about a month.

So you guys can keep checking jimryan.com. That's G-Y-M-R-Y-A-N.com. And the current carb cycle challenge is now going to just be called a carb cycle community. So instead of being part of a challenge, you guys will buy the guide. You'll still be part of the Facebook group. You still get e-books and month subscriptions to Chalk Online and different discount codes and all these different things. It'll be a lower price point, and it'll still be on the website, and it'll still be an active program you guys can do. So I'm really excited about that. I'll still be in the group doing live Q&As in the Facebook group. It's going to be awesome.

It's just not going to be a challenge, which a lot of people don't really like the term challenge anyway. And then as far as all my other books are concerned, I just put up a new nine-week CrossFit program. I have 18 weeks of sweat programming, which is the conditioning program that I use in the gym. It's been kind of setting the world on fire a little bit. It's a different type of conditioning program that kind of does a lot of the stuff we do in CrossFit. It's got a longer time domain. We don't use any of the high complex movements or like high skill movements. So it's a class that someone can go straight into and learn the movements right away. Or let's say it's a friend of yours that you want to work out with you. They can learn all the movements right away

and they're good to go. Also for everybody who doesn't know about the Chalk Online app, every single day on there I have a new workout that only requires a set of dumbbells, a pull-up bar, and a jump rope. It's called the Daily D and it's on the app as well. So you get CrossFit, you get sweat, and you get the Daily D every single day and you guys are on that Chalk Online app. You can put your scores in with everybody around the world and feel all cool, and we have a Facebook group for that as well. But yeah, lots of stuff going on in my world, and you can always see it all on jimryan.com, or you can follow me on Instagram, ryanfish, R-Y-A-N-F-I-S-C-H.

Click that link in my bio, and it has links to all my stuff as well, even like all my favorite podcasts. And now on Shrugged Collective, they also have a different section where you can split up your favorite podcasters on the collective. So if you just like my podcast, for instance, there actually is an area now where you can just see mine and you don't have to go and search through all the other podcasts like you do on iTunes. So without any further ado, let's get into the show. Let's do the damn thing. And the next time I talk to you, I will be in Sweden making these intros.

See you guys later. All right, Chalk Nation, we're still out here in Lake Tahoe. I'm going to be sitting down right now. Not going to be sitting down. Currently sitting down with Mr. Mark England. What's up, man? Co-founder of Procabulary and Enlifted. Yes.

The Procabulary thing is pretty interesting. I listened to the TEDx that you were on. Cool. And if you guys don't know what TEDx is, they only have, I don't know, 21 million followers on YouTube, so they're relatively kind of cool. They're actually very, very cool.

It's actually a big honor to even be on that. So that's amazing for you. Stoked for you on that. Thank you. And basically what that's all about is language, right? Yes. That's what it's about. That's what vocabulary is about.

That's what Enlift is about. Okay. So with language, what do you feel like most people are doing wrong? What are some of the common things that people say that they should be changing and saying in a different way? Got it. So instead of the specifics right off the bat, let's go with the middle road of the conversation. Ryan, that people use unconsciously to cause themselves a lot of problems, to limit them. They limit themselves from seeing themselves as capable and they talk themselves out of opportunity and they focus on worst case scenarios. They create massive amounts of indecision and all kinds of blame.

And if taken far enough, bitterness and poison with a subset. The subset of the English language is called conflict language. And that's what we've done with Procabulary is through thousands of conversations and a lot of conversations between my business partner and myself. We've distilled this down to give people a way to understand the storytelling mechanism that we're all involved in every day from the time we wake up to the time we go to bed. So most people's language works against them. That's another way of saying this. We show people how to use their language to work for them. The elevator pitch for Procabulary is that it is a productivity tool that helps people focus on what matters to them. So they increase their productivity, their confidence, their momentum, and over time, influence how they see themselves,

also known as identity, also known as mindset. What made you want to get into something like that out of absolute need brother so i dreamed a little dream in college i was a kickboxer and mma guy back in the late 90s and you hurt you hurt your knee and then things changed i saw that on the tedx man they changed real fast i moved over to thailand and the plan was to stay over there for a year polish up my skills come back and go pro because that's's what all my training partners were doing. And I was the mediocre athlete in a group full of killers. And that weighed on me. So I'm like, okay, I'm going to make some big moves.

Anyway, go over there. And the dream quickly turned into a nightmare. I had my second knee surgery over there. The doctor said verbatim, man. He said, your career as a fighter is over. You could become a very good swimmer. And I remember looking at him thinking, dude, you have no idea who you're talking to. And I, and part of me believed him. So I framed myself. I saw myself as done. Joe Rogan says that a fighter lives and dies in his own mind. And at that moment, I died. I later resurrected myself, but that's also part of the conversation. I moved over to Thailand with my girlfriend who was rad, super cool, super fun, super funny, adventurous, and super good looking man, best looking girl at school, like a total catch.

Yep. looking man best looking girl at school like a total catch yep and when when i got hurt and i got the pacifier ripped out of my mouth because the the fight game being a fighter it was a band aid for all my insecurities and fears and i was addicted to the hard style workouts and the whole thing that gets ripped out from under me man and i fucking laughing. I didn't laugh for an entire year. I couldn't get my face into position to enjoy anything about my life or, and laugh with her. And so when I recognized this was happening, I was like, dude, that's, it's a matter of time till this is over. And I looked down that path and I saw a very bitter, unhappy, and lonely. And underneath all that, a very scared old man. That was the option.

That's the path I was on. I said, anything but that. I'll take anything but that. Yeah. And I got the opportunity. Somebody gave me a book on traditional Chinese medicine. It made some sense. There was a fasting resort down on Koh Samui.

There's an island in the Gulf of Thailand. I was like, I'll go down there. I'll pay to not eat for seven days. I'll do two five-gallon buckets of coffee water up my ass twice a day, clean out my digestive tract, get a little bit of clarity. If that would help me out at all, even an ounce, I'll go do that. Did you do it? I did.

And I repped that because I got a little bit better. Better meaning I felt because I was participating in helping myself, as in fixing myself. I was just wondering if I should do that because I have the same story as you. I was a big competitive CrossFitter, and then I eventually got enough MRIs. Now you can actually see my knee. I have this big bump here. It's like bone calcifying, and on the other side I don't have that.

And basically I went to my last doctor who was like the man he like sees like kobe bryant everybody like where i live in california and the doctor was like you have one of the worst knees i've ever seen like he looked straight at me and he's like do you make more money competing or owning your gym and i was like well that's an easy answer but like i have more fun competing right and he's like he's like well i'm gonna tell you right now you're either gonna or owning your gym? And I was like, well, that's an easy answer, but I have more fun competing. Right. And he's like, well, I'm going to tell you right now, you're either going to play with your kids

when you get older by stopping now or you're going to keep going and you're not going to play with your kids. How does that make you feel? He really wanted to scare me. That's what the doctor said. He said, and I was like, whoa.

Yeah. He said, I've seen one other person with a knee like yours. And he goes, he's 55 and he can walk. And he said it just like that with the inflection, which meant he was surprised that the guy could walk. And so I got that knee.

Oh, thanks, dude. And so I'm picturing myself as Peg Leg Jones over here in about 15 years. And I believed him because I was in a lot of fucking pain. And so anyway, I went and I was living in Bangkok at the time. I was teaching elementary school PE very fun job by the way and

so you went to the China thing now you're back to Bangkok I was in traditional Chinese medicine that's what the book was about oh okay sorry no good so I was in Thailand

the whole time 10 years total 5 in Bangkok as a teacher and I kept going down to this spa and things kept clicking in place that's where the fasting thing was that's where the fasting thing was and then I did the second half down there as a teacher. And I kept going down to this spa and things kept clicking in place. That's where the fasting thing was?

That's where the fasting thing was. And then I did the second half down there as a counselor, helping people work through their stories. And that's when I started to connect more and more dots about how our words are influencing us for better and for worse, including how we breathe, which is why you are not one of the main reasons you and I are sitting here together talking is because of the show we did barbell shrug two and a half years ago and, and, uh, connecting dots, taking notes and doing a lot of reps. And, um, yeah, so fast forward, um, 2016, I'm sitting in a bungalow. My business partner and I, we partnered up because I did my own thing for about eight years. And I showed my business partner now in Procabulary and in Lifted.

He's the guy that produces the online courses. So you started both of them at the same time? We co-founded Procabulary in 2014, and we co-founded in and lifted in 2018 with Mike Bledsoe. Okay. And so I showed him what I was doing. I'd known the guy for a long time. Showed him what I was doing with people in sessions. Okay.

And in presentations. And he comes from a very prestigious sales training background. And he looked at this. He said, this has got teeth, man. And we need to make some changes. Turn this into a real business. I said, great, let's do this. Shook hands.

There we go. 2016, we're in Thailand again on a work trip. we showed very clearly and could demonstrate 100% of the time that there is an absolute connection between what we think and say and how well we breathe. And yogis, they like to breathe well. It's a whole part of their thing. First thing's first. Take a deep breath.

Take a deep breath and stretch yourself. So you can be more clear and focused with your thoughts. Okay? Simple math. Yep. And so I'd done a couple of CrossFit classes, and I'm like, I like these cats, man. They're cool. They work out together.

Okay? They're tribal. They'll go for shit. They've got work ethics. They don't have the headphones in at any time. 24-hour fitness. Everybody's working their own thing. Camaraderie. Camaraderie.

I'm like, this is cool. I have something to say to these people about their language. Because guess what? If they want to work out better and they want to get their gains and hit their PRs, then how they breathe is a part of this conversation. So I emailed five friends, three box owners, two competitors. I said, who's got the best podcast in CrossFit? Everybody came back and said, Barbell Shrugged.

And one guy came back and said, oh, by the way, would you like an introduction? He knows you. Because he'd heard me on a podcast. And I said, yeah, I would like an introduction. Yeah. Get introduced to Mike. Two emails later later we're on for january 20th uh 2017 in los angeles at paradiso crossfit we did two podcasts that day

been there a few times paradiso yeah yeah that's where i did the on-ramp and i was like they're still there they're still there they're rocking man last time i walked past their gym it was absolutely packed out the frame i think they were having a party, but, man, David Paradiso is a cool guy. He was always cool to me. And so back up a second, hot second. I said, okay, cool. I messaged Mike, how many people do you have on the shrug team? He came back and said 17.

I said, great. Gave him 17 courses and helped him get through it. And it's a 21-day, 21-lesson course. Helped them get through it in 30 days together. And what I was expecting is that, because it's a good course, it helps people. I was expecting we'd get on the show, and at the end they go, we talk about language, talk about some vocabulary stuff. And at the end, they go, yeah, it's a cool course, good course, check it out.

That's not what happened. What did happen is they wouldn't shut the fuck up about how much they got out of it and how much smoother their conversations and meetings were going and how the emails, their email correspondences were shortening and clarifying and productivity was going up and the drama level was getting turned down and people were being more focused and fires were getting put out before they even get started because people know how to check that shit in their head before it comes out of their mouth and on and on and on. And when that show dropped, brother, sales spiked and we got introduced to the fitness

scene. People started emailing us for help in their personal fitness, help in their gyms, and also help in their professional lives outside of the gyms. We landed some corporate contracts through that because we train groups. We do half of our business in corporate and half in fitness. Well, I was just saying the other day, because we're in a podcast house here right now, for those of you who can't see, and everybody asked me, who are you podcasting with tomorrow? And I dropped some names. and when I said your name, the guy that owns Active Life was like,

oh, I use his vocabulary thing for all of my employees. I make them all go through it. And I was like, oh, I never even heard of this thing. I was excited to talk to you about it today because I still haven't even looked it up. I just know that there's a lot of people who do actually really use it and only have good things to say.

It's practical. And yes, it things to say. It's practical. And yes, it is very practical. It's simple to understand. And the reality is that everybody that we come in contact with as far as we bump into every day, everybody's thinking and speaking. And I come from an education background. I went through the public school systems, Ryan, and also on the other side, I have a master's in international education. I didn't have one class, course, or conversation on either sides of that fence

about how our language is influencing our feelings and emotions. So the four things that we look at, as far as, so when we plug in language, and when I say language, I mean internal dialogue and external dialogue. What I think, that's the internal, and the external is what I say and what I write, what I dialogue. What I think, that's the internal, and the external is

what I say and what I write, what I text, what I email, how those words, how I put the words together and the letters together, how that influences my feelings and emotions, one, my imagination, two, my physiology, three, and my breathing, four. So that subset of the English language, conflict language, when people use that unconsciously, because it's an unconscious process, what we learn in school is about spelling, grammar, and definitions. There's a whole big-time other conversation going on about that. And when people use conflict language,

they send themselves into sympathetic nervous system response, stress response, and they trap their breathing in their chest. And you've trained how many people? Hundreds, thousands. You have one of the most successful CrossFit gyms in the world. Congratulations on that. He gave me the

backstory before we started. Ladies and gentlemen, when the book comes out, because there will be a book, buy it. Buy it. Buy two copies. Buy it for you and then buy it for somebody else who likes good stories. You only heard a good portion of the good stories. I had some highlights. And Bledsoe told me about you when you came on the Shrugged Network.

He's like, this guy's a fucking animal. I'm like, cool. I like him already. And then we meet at dinner. And dinner was loud. And I was talking a little bit low and you're like, I'll tear you apart on the, on the, on the podcast. And I'm like, I like this guy even more. So, you know, that's what I was going to say in terms of all this was I've never been instructed on how to talk or anything like that. But one thing that I have noticed as I've been doing more networking and meeting people and all of these things is they always have something to say about me.

Like, oh, when I met Ryan, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I always tell people who are like they're trying to expand their brand. They're trying to broaden themselves and just expand anything about themselves, right? Their brand, their company, whatever. And they're like, what do you think I should do? And I'm like, just make sure that every single person you meet remembers you. Even if it's a bad thing, you know what I mean? But it's like, there was something about you that just like, they will never forget, you know? And like, I, it's obviously working for you. I try to do that no matter what.

Like, I don't, I'm never trying to piss anybody off. And when I said that at the dinner, I, later on, I was like, damn, I shouldn't have said like that. That was kind of fucked up. But I was like, you know what? I was like, but the way that we went back and forth after that on I was like, damn, I shouldn't have said it like that. That was kind of fucked up. But I was like, you know what? I was like, but the way that we went back and forth after that, I was like, I really liked how it ended. So it was fine. Yeah. But that is something I'm consciously always thinking of. And I don't know.

What do you think about that? As far as making an impression? Damn right, man. Your first like 10 words I feel like are very important. Dude, people are so timid. Yeah. Generally speaking. And I know this because I was that.

And then I majorly overcompensated that with learning to kick the shit out of people. That was how I proved to myself that I wasn't weak and scared. Yeah. But guess what? I was on the inside or part of me was. Yeah. And as far as making an impression and networking, people ask me frequently now, what do I do to get to get on a TEDx talk i'm like first get good at something okay get good at something yeah and and then go first man and what i mean by that is write out as in take up pick up a pen get on your computer and write out draft what you want to say on stage because i know tedx producers okay i'm friends with the people that co-founded TEDx RVA, which is the one I spoke at. And there's a very big difference. As you can imagine, a lot of people come up to them and say, uh, you know, um, I'm thinking about giving a TED talk or I've got, I've got an idea about a talk I'd like to give. There's a very big difference between those people and someone who says, I have a talk.

Okay. It's a, it's a slight change in the language, but it's a very big difference in how you're viewed. Okay. It's confident. It's exactly. It's that it's confidence. And a lot of people,

most people, they use their language in an unconscious way to create insecurity and indecision. And it's one of the three pillars of conflict language, which is soft talk. How many people have you met outside of the gym that say, you know, I think I'd like to come and take a CrossFit class at your gym sometime? Probably a lot, right?

And how many of those people show up? Not all of them. Mostly don't. Okay. But, or, and the people that say, I'm coming to your gym. What time are you open on Monday? Oh, those guys never come.

They never come? No. I feel like, oh, I don't know if they ask like what time. Okay. Or how do I come when someone says, yeah, I want to come to a class. What do I do? That's different. When someone says like, I really want to come to your gym.

I just like haven't yet or something like that. Like those are the people. But if so, if they end it with where are you located? Like what time is it like very specific things after then yeah, I have a better, greater chance of beating them. Yes. Because they're, they're adding in details. They've, they've used their language to help them make a decision. There's a big difference between saying, you know, I'd probably like to run a Spartan race and I'm running a Spartan race. One, I'm deciding if I'm going to or not. And one of them, I am now what's next. So the keywords for that, and this is where we start

the conversation about how people really limit themselves with their language. Okay. And it's soft talk. So the soft talk keywords are thinks, maybes, likes, almost likes, sort ofs, possiblys, perhapss, I guesses, hopes, tries. It creates, like I said, this extra indecision and puts off making a choice about something. And some people can do that for a very long time. Prolonged bouts of indecision are very, very stressful. And when people take these words out, what happens is that they focus more on what they're talking about or they clarify their mental imagery and they feel different in their body. And also when people hear people talk like this, it creates that same solidity in them as well. A very good friend of mine, I've known him for 30 years, and he is arguably the best in the world at what he does.

If it came to me, he gets my vote 100% of the time. We're in a – it was a social situation, and a person who had a venue said, I would like for you to come and give a workshop. And he said, I'm open to sorting something out at some time. And the guy, exactly. You, you went like you, you, you nod and you go like that, which when, when you hear that, I'll just go fuck myself. Exactly. Exactly. And the guy goes, okay. And the conversation went on to something else. We talk about that frequently that people usually use their language to talk themselves out of opportunities. Now you've taken a lot, you've made a lot of decisions and you're a businessman and you know the power of being

able to make a decision. Part of that, whether you know it or not, Ryan, comes down to how you use your words. Because of the position you're in, I can safely assume that you're very solid with your language because you have to be. You don't have time to make two good decisions a week. I'm insane at making decisions

and meeting people and telling them immediately if I like them or I don't like them. Everybody who's worked for me ever, they always have this hysterical interview where it's like, it lasted 30 seconds. And I'm like, I like you. You're going to be good. And they're like, really? And I'm like, I just know it. And then oddly enough in my personal life, when it comes to scheduling, I'm all time, the absolute worst human ever. I don't like to, like before I came here, I had a bunch of people that were like, Hey, let's do the podcast at this time. And I was like, Nope, I'll get there and I'll figure it out. Right. And then I bought my ticket the day before

I left. I travel and I never have hotels. I buy them every single night. I don't know where I'm going to be, you know, but for some reason, instead of, instead of it being stressful, I genuinely really enjoy it okay then what i say to that keep on keeping on man if you're doing it and you know you're doing it and you like it keep on but i can't bring anybody with me when i travel now because when i travel everyone's like oh so we don't have a hotel or anything they're all like stressed about it i'm like hey man you're stressing me out so just like i'll take care of it it's gonna be fine and then like now i just like always just travel alone so fair enough man hey if it's working it's working but in my in my business

life and all that everything is like yes no like that's it like there is no maybe there is no sort of none of that why not i don't know what it is what would happen if you did use those words oh in business yeah i'd be fucked like's, nothing would ever get done. Exactly. And this goes to our personal lives as well. When I want to make the point very quickly and very clearly in presentations, I'll go, ladies, what would you do? I want you to make the sound, okay,

make a sound of how you would feel if a guy came up to you and said these words, I think I'd probably like to take you out on a date one day, perhaps. And they all go, oh. It's terrible. It's like they're dying. They've taken too much NyQuil. They're going to sleep. It's a mixture of all these things. And that's a big thing.

Girls like confidence. They say that all the time. And you know what else they like? You know what they like more than confidence that I've accurately identified? Is they like comfort. They like dudes that are comfortable in their own skin. And I worked this out in my presentation life. So I'm a professional speaker.

I've given over 500 professional presentations. And the first one I gave, and we're going to tie this back into language and breathing and the whole thing. The first presentation I gave was to 12 of my friends that liked me and knew what I was going to talk about. And I thought I was going to die. I felt like I was sweating electricity, dude. Scared. Insecure. okay and i thought i was going to die i felt like i was sweating electricity dude okay scared insecure and as you do you you rep things out and you iron things out and you get better and what builds confidence so right around 200 presentations in i start to get my feel for the whole thing and now i'm, cool. Fast forward another 250 presentations and the confidence grows and the confidence grows. And I get the call for TEDx. And I've given 400,

I've given a talk to 400 people up to that, that, that time that was my, my record. This is now 1800 in my hometown at the most prestigious theater on the red dot with the extra pressure of me being a professional speaker. And I've got one shot at this. Oh, by the way, it's going to be recorded and plastered all over everywhere. Yeah. Okay, cool. And so I'm looking at this and I'm like, okay, let's take out the crowd.

Let's take out everything. What do I want from me on stage? What do I want from this experience? Yeah, you want to be proud of it. Exactly. I want to enjoy myself. I want to enjoy myself up there. Cool. So if I'm enjoying myself, am I confident and puffed up? No, no, no. Okay. If I'm not that, what am I? I'm comfortable. I am comfortable on stage. And if I'm comfortable on stage, where am I breathing? I'm breathing in my abdomen.

So everybody that's out there in sales, and guess what? Everyone that's listening to this is in sales in some form or fashion in their life. Whether you're talking to your wife about going to a potential vacation to Italy, or you've got some contracts to close in your professional life. And guess what sales is? Sales is storytelling. And when you tell a story and you're breathing in, in your abdomen, as in you're in a relaxed state, as in you're in a parasympathetic nervous system response

in that, in that, in rest and digest, you breathe from your abdomen and you sound totally different. So I walk out on stage and I know I practiced. I drilled that presentation. I hit it verbatim, every word, 75, 80 times. Okay, so if you have a presentation to do, here's the difference between the pros and the amateurs. The amateurs wing it. The professionals practice. The professionals drill.

So I drilled the hell out of that. And the preparation gave me the ability and the knowledge that I need to be breathing well on stage. And if I do that, many a thing will fall into place, including the audience enjoying themselves, because there is nothing worse when it comes to a presentation as a person on stage, just totally locked up and, and, and, and, and breathing poorly in a stressed response. Okay. So I go out there and breathe well and the whole thing is pretty fucking nice.

Really smooth. I had a blast. I saw it was smooth. It's a smooth, fun, clear presentation. Okay. And, you know, that served us very well. When you practiced, were you saying it or were you reading it or was it a little bold? Great question.

Did you talk in front of friends or did you do it alone? All of the above. All of the above. And I also videoed myself. Okay. And I showed it to people. I had a TEDx coach. Cool.

And my business partner is a screenwriter. Thanks, universe. And so we went back and forth for three months once I got the call to prep for it. And as far as the language piece is concerned, my own personal conversation with myself, I had to have, and I had to create and maintain a certain conversation with myself about myself to keep myself in the game. Okay. Cause there were people that signed up and dropped out. Okay. There were people that signed up and didn't practice much because they were a PhD, an expert in what they do. And they drop out, huh?

Some of them do. And then some of them get there and they think that just because they have a PhD in something and they're good in front of a classroom that this will translate. They don't need to practice. Those are the people

that fall on their face. And that is very uncomfortable to watch. Anyway, that's a side note so if you have a uh if you have a presentation write it out verbalize it say it out loud record it watch yourself show it to friends and one of the best things that i did is i walked every day in the morning and and I gave that presentation on my walk because I was walking, I was moving, and it allowed me to practice putting myself into a good posture and breathing abdominally. You only have 10 minutes, correct? No matter what, right?

Nine on the nose. Yeah, for that. The TED Talks, so there's a difference between TED and TEDx. TED is the official, it's its own thing, and then TEDx are licensed out. TED talks are 18 minutes long most of the time, and then TEDx's can be anywhere from 3 to 12. Mine was 9. And at one point in time, I used to tell myself the worst things about myself that I could possibly, you know, concoct.

And I relied on that to get me through my workouts. And I'd shit talk myself through my workouts. And I thought I was mentally tough. And in one aspect, I did have that hard bite down on the mouthpiece gear. But that thing bit me in the ass, dude, because I didn't have any flexibility. I didn't have any other way when, when everything was in place, quote unquote, with my ability to train my ability to fight. Um, my, my personal life was all lined up. Cool. I was, I was together ish. When some of those pieces fell apart, man, I was left with that same old shitty narrative about myself and, and without my methadone, you know, without my,

without my, without my pain pill. Okay. Without my pacifier, which was the fight game. And dude, I went through a legit withdrawal. I sweat the bed every night for two weeks, dude. Like, cause I couldn't work out, couldn't work out. And the thing, I died in my mind as a fighter. And I stayed, that's why I stayed in Thailand for 10 years initially. So like, I'm not going back home because all my friends are fighters. And everybody knows I'm a fighter. And I'm not going back to be that person that doesn't do that anymore. That scared me to death.

I was like, I'd rather be a stranger in a strange land. So I lived in Thailand for a decade. And glad I did because a lot of things changed. And a lot of those things were things that needed to death. I was like, I'd rather be a stranger in a strange land. So I lived in Thailand for a decade and, uh, glad I did. Cause a lot of things changed. And a lot of those things were things that needed to change. And now I have a much better conversation with myself about myself. And that's one of the things that we, that is the thing that we bring to the table for people and show them that, yes, it is great to have mental toughness, and you're a very accomplished athlete, and you train beasts, I'm sure of it. As far as Bledsoe is concerned, he says some of the best,

most of the best athletes that he's seen are the ones that can up-regulate, get the job done, and down-regulate so they can rest, rest and relax. There was no down-regulating for me. The only time I took an off day was when I was hungover, okay, because I couldn't not work out. The dialogue in my mind wouldn't allow it. So after we mapped out this thing called conflict language and we gave people the antidote to it, architect language.

We created a vocabulary. Bledsoe and I clicked. We started doing workshops. We called it flow stated. We would do language work, movement, and breath, and put them through a series of exercises, and people would have these more fluid workouts, which they liked. It felt better.

They were actually getting more out uh, um, they were getting more out of themselves in the gym. And we bring in my business partner, Adam Chin. And I'm like, Hey dude, this thing's really cool. Let's, let's, let's, let's get some stuff on the calendar with Mike. Uh, uh, let's, let's go to SoCal in August of last year and sit down and talk. We did. And we're like, cool, let's make a 21-day online training course for the fitness industry. So we took the philosophy of vocabulary, which is what the TED Talk was about. Our identities are not facts.

They're flexible. And we can change those things. We can change the parts of us that, let me back up. The current definition of identity is the fact of being who or what we are. Okay. We're not facts. We're ongoing, fluid, flexible processes. And we participate. Yep. We participate with our words. I agree. If I've only got one way of talking to myself about myself, then that is going to feel static. And if it feels static, then that's going to restrict my breathing.

Restricted breathing equals compromised movement patterns. Put that under load, under stress, and eventually it's going to break. So if our identities are fluid, they're flexible, and we're participating with our language, cool. Let's take that and focus on the fitness industry and help people stay in the game longer. Let's help people get in and out of the gym and get more out of themselves. Let's help people stop comparing themselves relentlessly to the person next to them that can lift a little bit better weight

or has got a little bit nicer of an ass or is on top of the leaderboard more than them. Because all of that adds up to wasted energy and mental real estate. Agreed. And when someone can moderate that, then they're giving themselves longevity as far as their fitness and health is concerned. And, and a lot more smiles, a whole lot more smiles. And the course is funny as shit.

Did you have a course in lifting course by the way? No, I've never done it. We're totally going to fix that. Okay. So it's myself and Bledsoe on there. And we take, it's a bunch of skits in there. We take Mike Bledsoe, his evil inner workout partner, and name him Billy, and put Billy in all these scenarios where he's super insecure around girls and just gets up to them and flexes. Like, hey, you like that? And he's a horrible spotter in the gym.

He beats himself up for two weeks for eating a fucking jelly donut. And we dress him. He looks like if Mike Bledsoe and Macho Man Randy Savage, they met on Tinder and went out for drinks and got on the dance floor and went home and did the business and had a child, it would be this character that we've created. It's hilarious, dude.

Dumbass shirts like my wieners huge in Japan. He's the gym asshole. He's the gym asshole in everybody. And there's little skits with all this. There's about 10 skits in there, dude, and you will laugh your ass off. I will, as soon as we're done with this, I'll send Mike to send you over a course, man. You'll really like it. You'll appreciate it, and you will laugh.

How long does it take to get through it? 10 minutes a day, 21 days. Oh, okay. It's super easy. It's made for people like you, truth be told. Because anyone that's going to give a shit about making improvements to their story, to their identity, they're going to be doing other things. We get no couch potatoes. Yeah.

Okay. So let's make it very quick, very digestible, easy to practice. Cool. 21 days, 10 minutes a day. Okay. We modeled it off the vocabulary course that we put the shrug for. And that's all Dean Lifted is, is 10 minutes a day for 21 days? Yep.

Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, that's what the digital information product is, and we're also certifying coaches in this. Okay, because what this does is it helps coaches lighten the fuck up. Most people's favorite coaches are the ones that are dynamic and can be very loud and exciting and then also very serious. They've got all the gears.

That's me for sure. Yes. And they can also laugh at themselves. My least favorite teachers in school, my least favorite coaches were the monotone, overly serious people that you couldn't get a fucking smile out of forever. People dreaded going to their class. No, we make rock star coaches, man. We give people space to, well, unpucker their buttholes too.

I mean, if I ever do a podcast, I know what it's going to be. It's going to be coaching sessions. And it will be called Unpuckered. I own unpuckered.com. Because when someone stresses themselves out, I i own unpuckered.com because when someone stresses themselves i actually own unpuckered.com when someone stresses themselves out with a conflict story about something that someone did to them 15 years ago okay that's the projections you know she made me think we need to get married i had a client say that two weeks ago she made me think we need to get married okay great cool great. Cool. Write that down.

Huh? What? Yeah, that. What do you mean? The sentence, the statement. She made me think we needed to get married. Cool. He writes it down. And now we can stop the whole process, the mechanism, a storytelling monster, and just look at one fucking sentence, man. When you say that, what do you picture? Well, you know, I mean, she's, she's just very overbearing. Okay. I get it. What do you see in the picture? He is when someone says, you know, you really embarrassed me or he never lets me make up my own mind or they're always domineering. People create, we create, I create. If I allow myself to do it, a mental, a picture, a little mental movie or a picture, victim and a villain. I'm in there.

The person's in there. They're victimizing me. They're doing something to me. I got to wait for them to stop so I can feel better about shit. That's also known as being in jail. And if I say those things or think about that 20, 30 times throughout the day, I've only got so much time, brother. I've only got so much mental real estate. And so I'm just, and what happens is when I do that, it happens really quick. I freeze my breathing. It's a micro freezing of my breath. And if I do that 30, 40, 50,000 times over 10, 15, 20 years. It changes you, yeah. Dude, my breathing, the home turns into, my breathing gets trapped in my upper chest.

Most people that walk in your gym, if it's anything like the athletes I've seen, and then I saw a ton of this in the yoga world, most people that walk in, their breathing is compromised because they've got these stories running. So this guy said, she made me think we needed to get married. Cool. Okay. Write it down. Got the picture. He was stressed. His face was all fucked. Take out the she and put in I. I made me think we needed to get married. Whoa. Yes. Because for a second I was like, wait, just one word? And then

yeah, that changes the whole thing. Just one word massively changes the whole thing. And at the end of the day, she can say whatever she said to him. At the end of the day, he's making up his own mind. But if I use those words and create those sentences and those stories, then I'm convinced that it's her. I'm convinced that it's her. I'm convinced that you embarrassed me. I'm convinced that there's no opportunity out there. And this is, dude, our language is inheritance. We inherit this way of telling stories to ourselves from our parents, and it influences what we see in our mind. A client came in, she sat down, she said, I got a problem with my face. First thing out of her mouth. I said, down, she said, I got a problem with my face. First

thing out of her mouth. I said, okay. She said, I know where it's coming from too. I just don't know what to do about it. And this is what happened. She's 10 years old. They're at the grandparents' house for Christmas. And they walk in, the aunt's in there, and the aunt leans down and goes, my, you have a big nose just like me. And the girl goes, tightens up, runs into the bathroom and looks at her face, looks at her nose, which was no bigger than it was 20 seconds ago. But now her nose looks bigger. And that's the thing that she focused on. She started obsessing about it. So it's literally we plant these seeds in our mind and they grow into things.

Let's talk about the other side of the coin because it goes both ways. I gave a presentation in 2014 at a festival. Dude was setting up his booth right next to me. He was like right next to me. He didn't have a choice whether he heard it all or not. Afterwards, he goes, man, that was super cool. You want a cool story? Of course, yeah. Yeah. And he goes, I was nine years old, man. My grandfather took me out in the backyard. And he said, I don't know what his name was. Call him Davey. Little Davey.

You know, life is interesting. You're going to go out there, and you're going to have some successes, and you're going to have some failures. You're going to have some wins, and you're going to have some losses. But always remember to err on the side of being a badass motherfucker. When Grandpa drops an F-bomb on your head, it left a mark. And he goes, you know what, man, I have. And I've made mistakes, but, man, I just go for stuff.

Most people's stories don't allow them to go for stuff or to continue to go for stuff. One of the reasons why you're successful is you keep showing up. And there's only one way that that's possible. And that's because you have a certain story. You have a certain conversation with yourself. About yourself. That keeps you applied. Okay.

And does it have to be all of you? Nope. I was lucky. My mom literally made me think I could do anything. Stories. Congratulations. Congratulations. The good news is anyone can learn to do that. Makes me a little emotional. Congratulations. The good news is anyone can learn to do that.

Makes me a little emotional. Good. You know? Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's a... It's a beautiful thing. I love hearing that.

You know, because when that happens, kids end up to use Mike Bledsoe's language when he was talking about Doug Larson's kids, they end up running shit when they grow up. So I had a moment yesterday here at the Shrugged house because I sat down with Mike Bledsoe and Doug Larson and Anders, and we did Barbell Shrugged basically two and a half years after we did the first one in January 2017 and things have changed okay Mike and I have this thing going and they've got that thing going and when I showed up yeah it was still very fresh for them. Yesterday, Doug crushed a beautiful, eloquent, big-picture, granular conversation about the power of words and stories and identities and

how his kids, his sons, they've had enough of the negation-affirmation conversation, which is negations are talking about what you can't do, what shouldn't happen, what isn't possible, what they don't want to keep happening, what won'ts. They focus the mind on worst-case scenarios, and he's trained his kids to, when they catch themselves saying, you know, I can't, dot, dot, dot. They don't even get through the whole sentence. They stop it and they turn on, no, dad, I can do that. And language, parents' language, it scaffolds children's characters. I remember every dramatic thing, anything that's ever been said to me when you're a kid.

Yeah, I'm actually – I remember things clearly that like when i'm around a kid if i want to say something negative i actually like i'll think about it before i even say it i'm like whoa like if i was a kid right now i was listening to this i don't want to hear that right now so like when i'm around children and not even just children like i don't know i'll call it like 15 and under it's like anything that i say could make a dramatic difference or even if i'm in the gym like i was in the gym the other day 24 hour fitness actually i know i own a crossfit gym but you know sometimes i like to do something to get out of my gym yep and i'm in a gym and i remember this kid was doing a lat pull down and he was i think he was 13 i don't know how he was even

allowed in there but i went over to them and i was like hey man like do you really want to have like a really big back and like make it make it look really cool way to way to start the conversation because i knew that's what he wants to hear right i was like you're gonna put your hands here you're gonna do this you're actually gonna do less weight i know that that's gonna bum you out but you know someone taught me this when i was your age and i never forgot it and it was true like when i was younger this guy came was your age and I never forgot it. And it was true. Like when I was younger, this guy came up to me and helped me and I,

it changed the way I worked out in the gym forever. And he just showed me a few things. I didn't know. I, I, everything I did was just guessing. And I could tell this kid was the same. And when I did it to him,

I could just like see like his eyes like light up. And I saw him like a week later and he was like, so excited to see me and all that. And it was like, imagine if instead of that, I was like, you know what kid? Like, what are you doing? Why are you here? are you here or like could you i mean he might never work out ever again and i think about like if that was me no no no you're doing it wrong yeah and then you get all self-conscious you never want to go back to the gym maybe you want to

like fucking playing video games and being depressed and fat dude that right there you sold him on a great version of himself. Back to the sales conversation. Back to the storytelling conversation. That was arguably the gold medal way to strike up that conversation with him. That's fucking cool. I felt really good about it. Yeah, you should, man.

I don't see anyone regarding it. I was like, yeah. I was so pumped. It's scratched. And a little bit of understanding about how our words influence ourselves and other people goes a whole long way. It will give – it will help us say – whoa, wait a minute. Let me think about a good way to say this or a really good way to say this or a fantastic way to say this to this child. So we're both looking at the same thing. We're both focused on them succeeding. We're both making the same pictures and mental imagery of them becoming more and more confident and capable and powerful. Cool.

How am I going to use my words for that? And that comes back to abracadabra, dude. Yeah. So I've had the opportunity to speak to a lot of people about this. And in almost every presentation, almost every podcast, I bring this up because, one, it's fucking fascinating. I know fucking fascinating is opinion. And for me, it's fucking fascinating.

And if you've got kids, start the conversation here because they're going to love it. Is that abracadabra. When I say abracadabra, Ryan, what do you immediately think of? Magic. Everybody does. Abracadabra is actually Aramaic. And Aramaic is a very old language. It's still spoken in parts of the Middle East.

It's the language the original Old Testament was written in. The shit is old language. It's still spoken in parts of the Middle East. It's the language that first, the original Old Testament was written in. The shit is old school. And abracadabra translates to with my word I create or with my word I influence. And it was such an important part of the teachings back in the day. The teachers, the spiritual teachers, the metaphysicians, they would triangulate it and wear it around their neck to remind them of the power and the mechanism of the spoken word. Because they knew if they got that right, then it did a lot of the heavy lifting. Chalk nation, pun intended. Okay? And if they knew if they got it wrong, it was an uphill battle. Okay? Because if I want to go do great things in my life and 80% of me is on board with me failing, then that is going to be a struggle. And there is much better things for me to struggle with externally than – because guess what?

You know this. Running a business, that's going to have its challenges, man. Plenty of them. Plenty of them. Okay? And I'd much rather deal with those kinds of struggles than the conversation of, am I good enough? Which is arguably the boogeyman when it comes to what stops people. It's called a telephobia. It's a thing.

The fear of not being good enough. Tony Robbins knows some shit about this shit. And he said that it all boils down to that. And guess what? That right there, it's not a fact. It's not on the periodic table of elements. It is an opinion. It is simply an opinion and it is supported. It is aggregated and supported through stories. And those stories are made up of words. And there are key words that help keep parts of us focused on doubting in our ability to do things and talking us out of enjoying and deserving those things when we get them. And that's what we do.

We help people understand the story more. I have some employees at my gym that I'm always trying to show them what they need to do to get to the next level for themselves. I understand when you're a coach, it's a stepping stone to something else. You can't be a coach forever. I fully understand that. I would love to have them as coaches forever. They're always like,

they look up to me. I know they do. Everybody who's ever been a coach for me was a fan of me before they were a coach. They knew who I was. They knew what Ch. Everybody who's ever been a coach for me was a fan of me before they were a coach. Right. They knew who I was. They knew what chalk was. They knew what it all represented. And that was where they wanted to be.

How many coaches do you have? Five. Cool. You all want enlisted courses? Yeah. I would love for them to listen. I'm like the girlfriend. Sure.

Whatever I say, they don't give a fuck. Right. You know what I mean? The friends got to say it. You got to outsource some of this stuff. You got to outsource. So some of these kids, they're so talented. And it's like, dude, if you just believed in yourself.

When I tell you to make a video about a movement and I post it on Instagram. Do it. You just coach this shit all day. Who cares about the camera? You know what I mean? Like, and if you want this, like, if you want to, you know, be, like, financially secure at some point because, like, you know what you're doing and all these things

and you know that you're better than those people, you're at a better gym than all the other ones, then get up there and act like it. Like, it's not that hard. Like, I ask them all the time, like, please make me a video every day of, like, a movement, you know, make it fun, it fun make it you know whatever you want it to be and i'm like the only one that does it and i'm just like damn these people you know and i'll tell them other things and i'm just like oh i just i want i want you guys to succeed so much like i already

have my success now and i'm really happy about it but it is like everybody says like once you become successful like the next best thing is to make other people successful. And I want that so bad for them. And I feel like I know for – actually, I don't even feel like. I know for sure that they don't think that they're good enough. And if I could somehow tell them how they are, that would be amazing. Let's outsource this. Yeah. What we'll do is we'll – all I need is their emails.

Your emails and their first name and their email. You text me that, and I'll get Mike to send you guys over a course or courses for all of them. And it's 21 days. You give them a start date and a stop date, 30 days in between. And it's rad when someone goes through the course. I mean, they get insights, dude. And they also laugh more and they understand how to more effectively influence back to abracadabra their classes and their individual private lessons. And it's exponential when a group of people goes through it together.

That's when you're talking about changing the culture of a gym or a team or an organization or a company. And what that does is just like any kind of, you know, a kombucha probiotic, uh, culture, it start, it starts to weed out the, the, the, the, um, the nasties, the problems, the gossiping, the backstabbing, the self-doubt, the stuff that when that gets taken out of the way, someone in a leadership position can more easily utilize the talent that you've got sitting right in front of you. Because just like we were talking about before we got on here, you employ A-listers. You want the best of the best okay cool they should believe in themselves already exactly you already made it part of them does that part of them does and what this course will help do is to get more of them on board with that so back to that point i made earlier does a hundred percent of someone need to be on board with them doing well?

No, only part of them. And what will happen is you practice telling yourself better and better things about yourself. And you get more and more used to that. It's called socializing the idea and your identity becomes more and more solid in the fact that you are capable and that you do deserve this. And over time, you get better. There's an old saying, either you're getting better

or you're getting bitter. Because there are people that practice the victim mentality and they get better and better and better at it. And they pay the ultimate price for that. The definition of this is some scary shit. So vocabulary, that course, which preceded and lifted, we had to reshoot that fucking thing. For one main reason is that before conflict language was called conflict language, it was called victim mentality language.

Which was accurate, but it was way too strong of a place to start. The definition of the victim mentality is an acquired personality trait where a person tends to regard himself or herself as the victim of the negative actions of others even in the absence of clear evidence. The victim mentality depends on a habitual thought process and attributions. That's the definition of the victim mentality. The second statement is very revealing to me. The victim mentality depends, as in it has to have a habitual thought process, habitual, which accurately implies duration and addiction. People get addicted to their victim mentalities. And, and, um, that's a damn good habit to break. Have you seen this thing that just happened? You're no longer allowed to be called a felon. Have you seen this?

It's like you were someone who was previously incarcerated or something like that. And then if you were – Judicially challenged. Yeah. Something like that. They changed the whole wording of the whole thing. Oh, yeah. And then I think what it was doing is it was making these people feel like their lives were over.

So now they've changed the wording so they feel like they have more hope pretty amazing it's it's yes it's pretty amazing and they did the same thing for people uh that were previously drug addicts or something there's they were previously users i don't know they changed a whole bunch of stuff i heard on the radio which will in turn change the way they see themselves and and it will also change behavior. Okay? Phenomenal. Good. More of that, please.

And then there is the death by a thousand cuts, which is the conflict language, the soft talk, the negations, the projections. You know what's crazy before this podcast even started was, you know, going all the way back to when yesterday when they were like, oh, who do you have tomorrow i said i have mark england and the guy from active life's like oh i go through his vocabulary with all my employees and stuff and in my head immediately i'm just like what the fuck is they're gonna say that's gonna really make that much of a difference i'm 33 years old i've heard it all like i know what to say and what not to say but there's things that we did already on this podcast where i'm like, man, like when you change the word, I, in that sentence, big time, like, uh, like just like

different little things. And I remember having this, I had of all the girlfriends I've had, I had plenty, this one, this one in particular, who was the sweetest one. She would always like whenever, if I was always like, man, you always are later, you're always this, or you always that she'd be like, I don't know why you have to say like always. You know what I mean? I'm like, well, I'm exaggerating. It's not a big deal. And she's like, well, you have to change that.

It makes me feel like shit, you know? And I'm like, well, fuck, I don't know. It's the first thing that comes out. And I want to exaggerate it so that you understand how much it bothers me. You know what I mean? Like I would say you always do this or something like that. But it eventually like I would say always or some other words there was very particular words that would just get her so riled up and eventually it just like

destroyed us and it was mainly just language yeah that's that right there always and never binary yep it's binary language yeah i think maybe never was the other one you take that out and put in sometimes and what we're we're not we're not in the right and wrong conversation we're not in the good and bad we're in the accurate accuracy versus inaccuracy conversation so you always are late okay are they always late or they're sometimes late well that's really i guess they're sometimes i guess they're sometimes late take out the guess they're sometimes late so what i've just done is i have dialed the drama the volume down on the drama story. And I am now, when someone pisses themselves off, it's called amygdala hijack.

It's a long-standing psychological term. When someone pisses themselves off and they go into amygdala hijack and they hit that stress response, that sympathetic nervous system response, amongst a variety of other things that most people want to avoid like the plague, we turn ourselves into very bad listeners. Yeah, immediately. I mean it doesn't matter what I say after that. She's already tuned it out. It's done. Yeah, you've ruined it already.

It's done. And one – we give some advice to people when we're starting out on this observation side of the conversation. When you can be a neutral third-party observer, watch two people argue. And please, don't believe them. Don't believe either one of them. Just believe that they believe them. That's all you need. And watch, listen for what they say and listen to how they say what they say.

So most of the time when people argue, the volume goes up. And when the volume goes up, the stress response goes up. And when the stress response and the volume go up, the listening capacity goes down. So they literally can't hear the other person. And they're going to be using negations. You don't ever let me finish. Okay? That's a negation-based projection.

Yep. And so let's translate that. You don't ever let me finish. Okay. That's a negation based projection. Yep. And so let's translate that. You don't ever let me finish. Okay. Got it. I never, you don't ever let me finish. Okay. You don't, you sometimes don't let me finish because guess what? Sometimes they do. So now we've gone from binary to something that's more accurate. Uh, I sometimes don't let me finish. And what happens when people reflect that projection, a lot of times it's like, oh, shit, and they actually look up. They change where they're looking.

And what that does is it shows them all the times that they've done it. You're in my way. That person is in my way. When I recognize that I'm thinking that shit and my breathing is all fucked, I'm like'm like okay wait a minute they're in my way i'm in my way i'm in my way of what i'm in my way of staying centered and how often do i'm who's in my way more than me nobody not even by a fucking millisecond nothing not even a sliver i'm'm that. That's me on my side of the street. And that's really good news. Because if that person was controlling me and not letting me live my life, then I'd have a real problem. In reality, I'm controlling me and I'm not letting me live my

life the way I want to currently. Okay, well, nice. Now, I place the ball back in my court and I put in a couple of words that accurately imply that I can change my fucking mind currently. Oh, yeah, currently. Well, yeah, I've only been— Yeah, really, you know, I mean, this really has been going on for six months, you know, since I changed jobs. And, you know, I mean, that commute is just—I've got to do something about the commute. Maybe I'll just start listening to podcasts. Okay, that would help. And so we break things that we get, we stop dumping on other

people and put it back in our court and then look at what we can make, look at what we can change. And then things get easier and exciting because I can, I can, you never let me for days, years, just forever. I've saved myself so much time, Ryan, dude. Seriously. I've saved myself hours, days, weekends. When I'm like, I'm about to point at someone and I'm like, oh. Yeah, actually. You know, that takes 10 minutes. Yeah.

If it's long and drawn out. So, you know, we were talking about this on the podcast yesterday. The Shrug Podcast. Story work equals productivity. Story work equals creativity. If you want to become more productive, if you want to become more creative, if you want to have more energy because the more of your stories that you clean up, you're going to be a better breather. And if you're a better breather, then you've got better movement patterns and you've got more energy and you're

going to poopoo better and you're going to sleep better. And when you go out on dates, going back to that comp comfortable thing, girls like feeling comfortable in their own skin. And when a dude is comfortable in his skin, where is he breathing? When he's comfortable in his body, he's breathing in his abdomen. And they go out and they have a good time. And the conversation is two ways. It's a dialogue instead of a monologue. Because a guy can listen.

Okay? And you tell some jokes. It was really easy. It was a fun date. Yeah. Okay? As opposed to what happens when someone goes out and the other person is really stressed out. And they're just worried about every single thing about themselves

and the world and they're not breathing very well and you can feel it when someone's tense. You just talking about it tenses me out. Spooky like that. Yeah, for sure. You're doing it and I'm like...

So whether if you want to get better at going out on dates or networking and socializing, work on your story, work on your language because as a byproduct of it, you'll feel better socializing, work on your story, work on your language. Because as a byproduct of it, you'll feel better about yourself. You'll breathe better.

You'll be a better listener. People love it when people are good listeners. Whether you're giving a presentation, a sales training, whatever, work on your story, work on your language. I love storytelling. Yeah. I rarely know you at all, and I was so excited to tell you mine. Dude, I was pumped, man. Yeah. I was happy was happy as a clam because guess what we're built for storytelling we're always storytelling we're always telling ourself a story about ourself

and then sometimes we engage in other people with storytelling yeah it's it is as natural to us as breathing and walking like did did did you or did we think uh whether or not we're going to learn to walk? No. It's so important we just do it. Do we think, well, you know, yeah, okay, fine. I'll learn to use language and talk and tell myself stories. No. It's so natural to us. We just do it automatically. We do it before we even know who we are, what we are. Yeah. My niece, I said, I knew you before you knew you. And she's like, Oh, that's trippy. And it's true. Before she had a story about herself, before she knew her own name, she was this, she was this thing, this mechanism. Because, you know, if we want to keep going out there,

am I the character of Mark, or am I the ability to create the character of Mark? One is static, the other is dynamic. One is separated in nature, and the other one is very connected okay in my little world i'm more of a what than i am a who and that is refreshing beyond measure dude that gives me such comfort because i can change the character what i don't like about myself make some adjustments what i do like about myself add more to it and if i do that over a couple of decades, then I've got a great community. I'm going to be doing what I love. And, you know, I'll handle life's curveballs when they come because they're coming better than I would if I was just entrenched and thinking life sucks and nothing ever works out for me. Which is sadly how a lot of people think.

Yes. And I was convinced of all that shit. I was a consummate victim, man. I thought I was the doomed failed dude. I was convinced of all that shit. I was a consummate victim, man. I thought I was the doomed, failed dude. I was convinced. Dude, I don't know how. I mean, it sucks that that creases in people's heads. I've had so many bad things happen to me, and I've always just been like, I'm going to kill it.

Resilience. Yeah, just totally different. Yeah, yeah, and that comes from a story. Someone that has that kind of story, they're going to bounce back much, much, much faster. They're going to have, what we talk about, we talk about psychological and emotional immunity. And that only comes from a story. You know, you offended me. If I'm the kind of person that is easily offended or even worse, wants to be offended,

I'm looking to be offended so then i can get sympathy from people that person has a very very low psychological and emotional immunity and life will run their ass over okay on the other side of that different story different outlook different response to life challenges, more resilience, more robustness. I mean, you're a very robust dude, man, okay, physically and mentally. Part of that's because of your story, man. A lot of it. So people that are listening to this, man, you want results from yourself?

Cool. Do those workouts. Do the diets. Do the ice baths. Do all that stuff. And do story work. It's supplemental. And truth be told, taken far enough, it's foundational. Because if your language, if your stories are working against you, then all the things that you want to gain and make advances in, advancements in in your life,

whether it's personal, professional, it's going to be an uphill fucking battle if your story is working against you. What about these people now who are trying to, like, all they want to do is become a motivational speaker. So what happens is they don't have a story to tell, but they want to be a speaker. Like, it's people that are reaching out to Gary Vee. They're like, I want to be a motivational speaker. It's like, well, what are you going to motivate them? What's your story? Like, what do you have to tell those people, like, when that's all they want to do, but they haven't created a story for themselves?

Can you still become a motivational speaker? You could. But what are you going to talk about? Are you going to lie to people? Or are you just going to come up with a whole bunch of words to get people pumped up? But even that, for me personally, it wouldn't be enough. I would still need something cool in the back end. Yeah, yeah.

Even if it's just your broken knee. You know what I mean? That's cool. You came up from something. Actually, the way the whole thing happened, it was pretty awesome. I'll take it. Yeah. I'm at that place now where I'm like, thank you.

But for me, as a gym owner and selling programs to people that are all over the world and stuff like that, I think I needed to be an athlete. I think I needed to be homeless before I created this cool brand. I think I needed all those things to happen because now it gives me crazy validation. Street cred's a real thing. If you're up there and you're just talking, I just don't get it. There's a lot of people now

that are able to get there because of the way that they can view themselves on social media. Yes, and it will be that way. If someone wants to do that, they're going to do it. Okay, fine. Cool. Maybe they'll say something at some point in time that clicks in for someone.

Cool. Go for it. That's a lot better than shooting heroin. Yeah, or living a life you don't want to live. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. 100%, man.

Yeah, I don't want to do that. No. Just the thought of that makes me... I had to move my seat in position. I saw that. It's good. I don't like it. So we'll put your team through and lifted,

and I would love to get on a call with you afterwards and just see how things went. Because you'll have some damn good stories, man. I'm sure. I'm excited. Okay, so where can everybody find all these things? Cool. And are you on social media? I'm on social media. Okay. Okay, so where can everybody find all these things? Cool. And are you on social media?

I'm on social media. Okay. Instagram, Mark England 2020. I post a lot of cool things online. Mark England 2020. Yeah, Mark England 2020. Number 2020? 2020.

Okay. And Procabulary, go to Procabulary.org if you want to take the course that the Shrug team took two and a half years ago. They still swear by it. They're swearing by it still two and a half years ago. They still swear by it. They're swearing by it still. Two and a half years later on the podcast we did. Go to Procabulary.org. Click courses. Watch the three-minute promotional video.

Their coupon code is actually still valid. Yeah. Promotional video on the next page. Click the coupon box. Put in barbell. You get $100 off. it's a 2.99 course the course is yours for the rest of your life it will change many a thing for you and you'll love it if you are in the fitness industry and you coach and you or you you know you want to get more

out of your workouts you like mike bledsoe and you like to laugh and and language is interesting go to and lift.me and uh yeah there's another promotional video for you to watch there and that course is same thing 21 days that course is 179 bucks you love it yours for the rest of your life um thank you for having me on bro dude i had i'm so pumped on what i got out of this and i'm hoping that all of you guys out there got a lot out of this and i'm having a great time out here in tahoe meeting new people, networking. This is all you guys need to do. Do it.

You want to broaden yourselves, make your brands bigger, expand your knowledge and everything about you. You've got to get out there and network, meet some new people, and learn some new shit like I just learned. All right. I'll see you guys next week. Mark England, Ryan Fish, over and out. Oh, man. Over and out. Oh, man.

Over and out. Oh, man. Over and out. Oh, man. Over and out. Oh, man. Oh, man.