Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 103: Tourist Attractions in South Dakota

Episode Date: November 18, 2020

While we set the bar merely a millimeter above the ground, you can't deny this is the absolute BEST podcast hosted by siblings with the last name Schiefer! Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast that has been featured in the only news fit to print. I don't know. I don't think that's correct. We've made it. The only news fit to print. Oh, I forgot to look it up. What is New York Times slogan?

Well, they're going to edit us out now. Oh, no. All the news that's fit to print. That's what I said. No, you said the only news, as if all of the other papers are worthless, which is true, because they haven't mentioned us. It's very true. It is true that we were mentioned, and we've made it big, folks. We've been mentioned in

the new york times right next to my brother my brother me who still have no clue who we are but uh i've just uh formed a fake friendship in my head with them and um alexander yeah i would like you to know that a goal that i had for my life came true that I didn't even know I had. Oh, never mind. I was excited for you. Then you said you didn't have it. You should be excited because the New York Times, because of me, the New York Times published in the Sunday paper that the Great Pumpkin was too sexy. So true. Christina, that is a...

Thanksgiving Halloween special was too sexy. And I am over the moon. How amazing is that? That's a good point. That is hilarious. The fact that that's... Yeah, it's a Great Pumpkin, try the brown parentheses, too sexy. And I just...

That was the moment. And also my stepmom actually got the paper before even knowing we were in it and saw the thing and like posted a picture of it to Instagram. And I was like, do her friends just read this and go like, what is wrong with her stepchildren? What does this mean? None of it means anything. They thought that just by meeting us, not from our podcast. That's true.

They've known us since we were like five. So anyway, so wow, we're just very, we were very excited alexander called me at three in the morning and i thought i dreamt it and then i woke up i thought i dreamt it too the next morning i was like wait did i actually call her yeah and i felt bad because i did hear it ringing and i literally just didn't answer it which i'm like oh i'm so sorry i woke you up no i but i'm like i should have like it's there for like you have an exception in my phone. Like, you and mom and Blaze have an exception for do not disturb. Considering last, like, last month or a few weeks ago, I cut, sliced my finger open.

Yes. And had to go to the urgent care. You probably should have answered, but. Precisely. Yeah. So I should have answered. And I remember, like, being so tired that I just, like, told myself I was dreaming it, which doesn't make me look good.

And I apologize. But now that I think maybe every time you call, we've been featured in a major publication and maybe I'll start answering. True. You probably should. Oh, and before we forget to give credit, it was written by Phoebe Lett, who's now my favorite person. So thank you, Phoebe. Thank you, Phoebe. It was a total surprise. It was. And I, you know, studied journalism and I just thought I was a huge journalism failure and that I would never get into the New York Times. And look, now I'm doing it from a back, a back avenue. So this is your second time in the New York Times, isn't it? Yeah. It's only my first.

My mom was like, oh, I was in the new york times in the 90s you're taking after me and i was like well this is my second appearance so you better hurry up okay while we're like talking about how great we are i do want to mention just to like knock you down a peg that it was it says alex schieffer and his older sister yeah that cracks me up literally the first time ever so phoebe thank you um i love love that. First time and last time. Yeah, I know. I've been I've been milking that quite a bit because it just made my day. No one has ever said that. So Phoebe, thank you. Phoebe is clearly an Alex fan. I love that she wrote Alex Schieffer and his very, very elderly sibling who's probably 95 and only watches The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

Anyway, so this show is about mostly other people on the internet, but we make it about ourselves. So this week, Alexander, what is our theme again? Our theme is tourist attractions in South Dakota. That was sent in by Cheyenne. Thank you, Cheyenne. And I do want to give a shout out to multiple people who wrote in for places to suggest.

Agreed. That was very helpful. So, Cheyenne, thank you. You also gave suggestions. Also, thank you to Em. Thank you to Beth. And thank you to Andy. Yeah, I used Beth's email to look some places up, I think. I looked at all of them.

It was very helpful to have those lists. People are very excited about this topic. That's a fun one. I'm excited, too, for this episode. Yeah, maybe we should start it. So I think I have more than you. So shall I go first? Yeah, but should I start about with my review of the New York Times, an article that I read?

I'm just kidding. Wait, you have a review of the article? Or you have... Yeah. Oh, I see. It's a five-star review written by me. It's got to be a redemption, right? Okay, never mind.

Good, good, good. Yes, you go ahead. This is... I just started with the thing that most people mentioned right off the bat, which is the Wall Drug Store. Yes. Yes. I forgot to look up what it is

it's just a store oh then it's my turn okay it is my turn wall drug has a rich history in the state of south dakota nestled in the city of wall in the western part of the state wall drug has grown from its humble beginnings in 1931 to a thriving oasis waldrug offers dining activities gifts and souvenirs visitor information and of course free ice water of course many road-worn travelers stop at waldrug and leave awake and refreshed just like they did more than 80 years ago basically it's a giant shit show of things with everything i see and they have definitely called advertising for hundreds of miles from like minnesota all the way to the west side of south dakota as as in billboards like billboards yes and people are

like oh it ruins the landscape but i talked to my friend steven who lives in minnesota and has been to waldrug multiple times and he's he was like what beautiful landscape so um there are different and so yeah and he helped me with this because i was talking to him while i was reviewing or sorry while i was researching and one thing he did want me to note um is that there's an animatronic dinosaur there oh goodness he said it is the root of all his fears he has told me many times that he's afraid of animatronic dinosaur or animatronics but i didn't know the origin until i said hey have you been to because i oh like have you been to uh waldrug and he was like yes that's the that's the root of all my fears told you he literally like had this moment of oh yes i have. I feel like much like Phoebe

Steven is like our on the ground beat reporter. Like he's been to every place in the northern hemisphere that we talk about. So that is the end. So it's a basic yeah it's a giant tourist trap that has an animatronic dinosaur that tries to escape. So look up that video if you want. Okay I'm not

going to look it up but you can if you'd like to. It's not that scary. Alright so I have some reviews of wall drug this is a one-star review by trish the bathrooms are filthy different side mark was filthy when i told him an employee about it she bitched me out after she had shrugged her shoulders end of review i don't know who's mark i don't know but he's pretty fucking dirty gross i mean like i kind of gross that this person would call mark filthy i don't know it's not very nice um there are politer ways to go about that yeah uh i'm just gonna the bathrooms are filthy different side mark was filthy when i told him an employee about it she bitched me out after she

had shrugged her shoulders yeah i don't get it i i just i thought there were a couple nuggets in there that meant a lot but together they don't really mean much at all wow that's a good way of putting a lot of these reviews reread yeah exactly uh so there's that there's something there worth mining but we just don't know what it is okay we're too lazy to get our pickaxes out uh my first one is of waldrug this is by blaine one star road weary and in need of a restroom i found myself fighting through wave after wave of poorly socialized odiferous rednecks from all across america's clogged heartlands no waldrug i do not feel nostalgia for the golden days of wild west genocide and culturally appropriated kitsch i pooped and left and a review are you sure that wasn't mark himself

is blaine his cover name i do kind of like hey they didn't think it was filthy they thought there were other problematic things here but at least they appreciated their poop that's a good point because a lot of people did say the bathrooms were the only good part of this place so i'm surprised um that church didn't feel that way but but wow i mean i guess at least you got something out of it you know like a potty break a good potty break but honestly that's that's what a lot of these places are all about pooping a nice poop a nice place to poop it's truly yeah i mean no i'm gonna stop before i just start talking about i mean when you go to like pilot flying j like you're not going for the experience. I am, but okay.

Okay. Those places are cool. A pilot? Okay, I love pilot. Don't get me wrong. I used to go to pilot all the time. Pilot's one of my favorite hangs. You've talked about it many times on the show.

But come on. I didn't know it was only because you like to poop there. It's my favorite place because of the poopage. Oh my God. What was indiscriminate pooping indiscriminate okay this is a one-star view of wall drug by march a whole lot of hoopla mostly souvenirs and Oh my god, we need a spelling, please. Okay, Giga is spelled G-E-E-G-A-W-S. Giga or Giga?

Exactly how I imagined it. Okay, good. Did they mean hee-haws? Not that that makes any more sense. Oh, they must mean. H is right next to G. They must mean. Or fee-faws. Or tee-taws. They must mean. Or Fee-faws.

Or Tee-taws. Uh-oh. Or Ta-taws. Okay. A whole lot of hoopla. Mostly souvenirs and gee-gaws. A limited selection of camp supplies that didn't include the potato grater we were looking for. Guess I am spoiled by Smith and Edwards in Northern Utah, which offers everything from penny candy to potato peelers,

to saddles, to surplus army supplies and everything in between. Not worth stopping here. End of review. I mean, what? I, sorry.

I was just, I, while I finished, I looked up Smith and Edwards. It's literally a hunting and fishing store so of course they'd have camping supplies and maybe potato graters or whatever oh my god do they have saddles that's anyway i guess i i need what i need from marge specifically is a translator because you know she's saying it's full of gee gau. It's just packed to the gills with gee gauze,

but then they don't have a potato peeler and I'm thinking, well, it can't be that packed full of gee gauze. Wow. Wait, wait. Christina. What? Gee gauze is a word. No, it's not.

Thank God I googled this instead of letting people email us and i'm sure we'll get a couple tweets already before they get to this point what is it a showy trifle a bobble a trinket stop it it's yeah um oh it's a variant spelling of guga g-e-w-g-a-w i bought and here's you want to hear it used in a sentence alexander i literally just read it to you used in a sentence this is a better one okay i bought my wife some gigas at the local giga vendor smith and edwards tells me nothing about what a giga okay we are gonna get some text because i just looked up two and apparently it's pronounced guga guga okay listen you guga this example here is a house full of victorian gugas okay anyway wait wait wait wait guga is similar but the plural is gugas with g-e-e

oh so maybe that's that's probably pronounced the way we said it. This person is on a different level than us because I'm impressed that they knew this was a word. I love it, but I'm really disappointed that they used it in such a pejorative way. Do you know what I mean? No, I don't. Okay. I just wish... I'm just really sad and also very, very curious why they were driving around South Dakota and were like, I know what we need, a potato peeler.

Christina, because they just stopped in Iowa. Oh. Duh. That makes sense. I don't know why, does Iowa have potatoes, by the way? Oh, Idaho. That's what I meant. I think you meant Idaho.

I did mean Idaho. The reason why I said Iowa is because there was a lot of Iowa talk in these reviews. Oh, really? I didn't see that. Do you know which country produces the most potatoes? Which country? Yeah. I'm not going to. Okay.

What? You want me to guess something? Yeah. It's probably something weird. Finland. China. Okay. i should have just guessed china that's it's always on grocery games with leslie jones and every or no sorry supermarket sweep grocery games this guy fieri i saw it on supermarket sweep with uh leslie jones and everyone got it wrong and i was just screaming at the TV so well I was close you were very close here is another review of wall drug by Alex one star don't do drugs or you will end up

like him and they included a picture of Donald Trump oh no that's it um okay does that was that in uh do not recommend or not recommended reviews no google doesn't do that huh google doesn't do that wow so you know it's like it's like leave the big man alone leave the big orange man alone no don't do that um i'm wondering if like they um were just trying to find places with the word drug in it, like wall drug. Oh. That's why it was kind of weird. I was going to ask if you had any theories, but I was like, I can't imagine what you would come up with.

But that actually makes a whole lot of sense. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't make sense to be clear. It doesn't make any sense, but it makes sense a little bit. That's what I'm thinking, too. They just search for drug. Yeah. So they go to like a Walalgreens drug store and they're like

i know what goes on here yeah oh boy all right i have a review of custer state park uh and this is a do you have a bio on that or no i don't i didn't get one from there okay uh this is a one-star well i don't either so i'm just gonna say it this is a one-star review by billy if you want to see animal this is not the place i heard this was but it wasn't it was not worth the money the park is huge and you would figure there would be lots of different animals not all i've seen was a couple of buffalo a antelope white-tailed deer a mule and a tiny turtle what a joke end of review uh excuse you this is the worst complaint we've ever had yeah this is beyond terrible how dare you i saw a tiny turtle it was how dare you think seeing a tiny turtle was not enough that's all i want in my day if i saw a tiny turtle every day my life

would be exponentially better oh christina Christina. I saw some turtles recently. They were so cute. Where? I went to this random park thing. Oh, yeah. I remember that. And there were these like red, what are they called? Red-eared sliders.

Oh. They're so cute. I love it. I just feel like you saw buffalo, antelope, white-tailed deer, a mule, and a turtle, and it's not enough animals for you. Okay. Well, Billy. Idiot. Fucking idiot.

I'm mad now. Idiot. What a joke. Anyway, your turn. Okay. Also, I feel like if I saw, like, three buffalo, I'd be like, that's enough animals for me in this open park. I'd rather just, like, go back to the hotel, leave them alone. In this open park.

I'd rather just like go back to the hotel, leave them alone. As someone who went hiking on Catalina and saw a bison, those things are fucking scary. Did you know I live like right by a freaking like giant bison? I don't know what it is. Farm? Not a farm. That sounds bad. Like a preserve?

No. It's called Bone Lick State Park. Bone Lick State Park? Yes. They have bison? Blaze and I drove down there. It's a historic siteick State Park. Bone Lick State Park. Yes. Blaze and I drove down there. It's a historic site in Boone County. Okay. And mammoths are believed to have been drawn to this location by a salt lick.

So there were like mammoths there. And now they have like this huge, I keep wanting these words like collection of bison, but collection is definitely not the right word. But there were little babies and stuff. Huge. Gio did not know what to do. Well, wouldn't either but it's scary a very neat spot uh anyway sorry that that's the point is i drove all the way there for to see like a baby bison so if i saw baby turtle my god i know my god this ungrateful motherfucker. In great. I'm so mad. Okay.

I've got to calm down for this next one. This next one is of Cosmo's mystery area or Cosmos. I said Cosmo's like fairly odd parents as if Cosmo owns it. Or like Seinfeld, depending on what your point of reference for pop culture is, everyone. Definitely not Seinfeld because I've never seen it. Don't at me. Oh, I meant for our listeners, but yeah. Oh, okay.

I was like, why are you talking to me? You know I don't watch Seinfeld. If you don't know what Fairly Oddparents is, maybe you've heard of Seinfeld. Does Seinfeld reference Fairly Oddparents? Uh-huh. It's actually based on it. It's a spinoff.

So dumb. Okay. Cosmos. I assume it's a spin-off so dumb okay cosmos i assume it's cosmos like like space time yeah we're so smart cosmos mystery area uh it's their tours highlighting interactive optical illusions built on the site of a summer cabin from 1952. So they're like these tilted rooms and stuff. It's like this optical illusion type. Like a funhouse? Attraction. I think so, yes. All right. Here's a one-star review by Radical Texan.

No real happy with the way female staff dresses. Is it a requirement to have shorts that go all the way up your butt? These girls make Hooter Girls shorts look tame. End of review. Oh my. Is he just laying on the floor looking in all the funhouse mirrors of people's butts? It's part of the optical illusion. That sounds pretty fun. Like if you're into that kind of thing it's just an optical illusion that everyone's not gonna lie it makes me want to go yeah it's um okay that was too creepy yeah

i realized as i was finishing the sentence that i was just gonna stop abruptly but then you continued so i appreciate it um i do i i would imagine that this review caused an influx of visitors. I can't imagine this deterred anyone. No, yeah. I imagine saying, oh, they were... Yeah, exactly. Not necessarily the audience that they would want to get there, like the creepers,

but I imagine it was at least good for business. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah i imagine they didn't make the the girls should the ladies shorts any longer after that review what a dumb complaint what what fucking year is it are you kidding me it's like that guy remember that guy who was gonna make his own sistine chapel or something and he said it's not really my style oh michelangelo oh Oh, wait, no. I think his name was Greg, and we decided he lived in Indiana. Yes.

Oh, wait, I actually do remember this. Sorry. Yeah, like his own cathedral or something. Yes. Where all the girls could wear short skirts and tank tops. Anyway, this is just such an old reference, but reminds me of that. So let's see. So then I found this website called RapidCityJournal.com. And they, as I suspected, had a collection of one-star Mount Rushmore reviews.

I didn't even think to look at Mount Rushmore. Oh, really? I don't know why. That was one of the first things I looked at besides Wild Drug. Oh, really? I don't know why. That was one of the first things I looked at besides Wild Drug. But it was so, like, I didn't enjoy reading the thousands of one-star reviews on TripAdvisor that were, like, stating the obvious horrible things about, you know, the whole notion of

Mount Rushmore. So instead, I found this very curated page that found some good ones for me. Good. I'm going to read two two to you if that's okay i'll allow it okay great so this is a one-star review by dan of mount rushmore not very good kind of scary in my opinion my little sister cried do not bring kids to this thing end of review and now this is one star by sarah what why why what's so i mean okay i don't know i guess the more you think about it the more scary it becomes

yeah i've never seen it in person i think it's probably scary physically and also like on a existential level i would imagine especially for a little child yeah the way we honor these yes and never mind I won't get into it yeah let's not but this is a one-star review by Sarah to kind of play off of this I don't even know who these old people are in this review that's amazing now that brings a lot of other questions as far as the education system and all that good stuff. But you know what? Let's leave it at that because I like Sarah's just lack of, you know, apathy toward it. Heck yeah. I think that's the way it'll be.

Yeah, seriously. Let's look forward, huh? Let's look forward. Why are we always looking in the past, everyone? Why are we always looking at that big mountain full of big heads? It's just not worth it. Like as Steven said, there's no beautiful view in south dakota no just put a big billboard in front of it that says oh yes go to waldrug yes god wait that's a good idea we should pitch that yes get your geek

love it get your geek eyes at waldr drug forget about these big bone bonehead presidents big bone bonehead presidents okay i've got one now from one we've all been waiting for the world's only corn palace oh my gosh yes i'm so excited okay this is a wild uh just notion that it exists at all one thing i want to say for those who don't know what this is well okay let me just read what it is yeah the world's only corn palace stands as a majestic uniquely american folk art icon on the rolling prairies of south dakota uh today blah blah blah blah blah blah about how great south dakota is uh the corn palace is decorated annually with seven murals made out of 12

different colors of corn each framed with native grasses straw milo and sour dock uh tours are given every 45 minutes in the summer months admission and parking are free and that was really funny because every time someone complained the owner would be like you know it was free right oh you got responses my none of the ones i looked at got responses a lot of them did but they weren't that good because people were just like giving vague complaints and the owners would just be like admission is free yeah you want your money back and so I just figured I'd sum it up by saying, y'all, if it's free, just move on. And we don't like it. It's no one's, whatever.

So let me read one. I have three from here. Great. I have some as well. Let me read one from Randy, one star. Guess what? It's corn. There you go.

The entire trip summed up for you. End of review. Oh my God. That's like that guy on the tour bus where you're like, really? Give it up. We know. Give it up. I know you bought the Lonely Planet Guide and we know so much more about this whole town than we do.

It's so annoying. It's so annoying. It's literally called the world's only corn palace. Just, of course, everyone knows it's corn. That's why they're going. Randy. Randy, this is not the place to practice your comedy. Okay, I love that.

I actually, the next thing on my list is also the Mitchell Corn Palace, which I believe is the full name of it. Oh, excuse me. The Mitchell Corn Palace, which, again, is the world's, was shocking, oh excuse me the mitchell corn palace which again is the world's was shocking i know the world's only corn palace um and i said literally under my breath to myself we're not leaving here until i find a review of this place because i i didn't know if you'd do it and i was like we have to talk about this um so i have a review by peggy and it's a two-star review and i just i left peggy's name as is because I just think Peggy is very, very funny. Um, and just a great writer.

So I wanted to give her the credit. So this is a two-star review by Peggy of Mitchell Corn Palace. The Corn Palace is advertised on billboards and mentioned in many travel articles and websites. I woke up early in Aberdeen, full of anticipation of finally seeing it. I hurried through my breakfast and applied my makeup in the car during the two-and-a-half-hour drive. There was a mantra playing over and over in my head. The world's only corn palace.

The world's only corn palace. The world's only corn palace. I don't even remember parking the car. I was in a zone. As if I were in a dream, I almost floated to the corn palace. I had been in Heartland for about a week, and the outside of the building was somewhat unique, but I was not experiencing the spiritual fulfillment which I expected. My eyes were drawn to brick, stucco, and cement of the building. I hurried to the entrance and into the lobby.

I craned my head left and right, but only saw minor displays the restroom and a food concession actually it sort of felt like the lobby of a high school gymnasium then i noticed that almost everybody was headed towards an opening i knew this must be the way to the inner sanctum i followed the others like a cow on the way to the barn when i i'm sorry is this dan brown is that who you say yeah are you getting the hidden messages in between the lines oh yeah i feel them yeah it's uh you know uh holy girl all that good stuff okay i followed the others like a cow on the way to the barn when i reached the top of the stairs i almost could not control my excitement. Unfortunately, my excitement was short-lived.

Once my head cleared, I realized that the Corn Palace was little more than a basketball arena with some corn murals temporarily converted into a huge souvenir shop. I went from corner to corner looking for the hidden altar or portal, but I slowly came to the revelation that there was none. I resisted any temptation to buy corn-themed souvenirs. I was not in the mood for caramel corn, corn-shaped suckers, corn hats, corn t-shirts, mugs, candles, or anything else. I did buy some refrigerator magnets in the shape of U.S. states I would be visiting. If it is not clear, I was disappointed with the corn palace. I realized that I had unrealistic

expectations, but they had been fueled by what i believe was a concerted effort to manipulate my emotions i added a star to my rating because i have to take responsibility for my contributory negligence and allowing myself to get caught up in the corn palace frenzy i stumbled to the car muttering to myself i won't be fooled again i took solace in the fact that if i skipped lunch i could make it to austin minnesota before closing time at the spam museum end of review oh so i just thought that was like such a beautiful rendition wow that sums it up honestly i don't think i need to read my other reviews oh sorry i know that was long but no that's good that's the corn palace for you that's kind of the gist of what i got from most of these reviews was like wow i've always wanted

to go here and it was pretty much just some corn murals on a basketball arena yeah but to be fair i when i read the world's only corn palace i was like holy shit a whole palace made of corn yeah me too and then based on the reviews it was only until i read the reviews that i realized that is not at all what it is and it's not quite not even it used to be apparently but because of safety yeah they had to stop making people walk into a building of husks yeah which is fair which is fair i mean honestly like i would just go for the chance to say I went you know what I mean like I feel like a lot of things that I do are just to say that I did them uh which is an interesting way to live your life I mean it's it's like how Logan and Nick they went to the like the largest ball

of twine I think yes they did and it was something like that where they still talk about it and I still talk about it yeah because it's so unique and it's a story. They like pick a place, I think, for their anniversary every year. Yeah. He has many things that, like Logan's told me, many future places he wants to go that are similar. So has Em. They should probably get together. Because between the two of them, they probably have quite a road trip atlas planned.

Yeah. Maybe 2022. Okay. Let's see. I have quite a road trip atlas planned. Yeah, maybe 2022. Okay, let's see. I have another one. This is a one-star review of The Corn Palace by James. Unbelievably, it was closed to honor Native American Day. Why? Does corn dishonor Native Americans?

Traveled a long way just to walk along the outside. Baffling! End of review. Oh my god, stop it. How? Can you have this type of train of thought? No, it's just beyond me. How does your brain go there?

It's beyond me. That's like saying, oh, it's President's Day, and so we get school off. What does school dishonor the president? Like, it just doesn't make sense. The logic is not there. It makes no sense. Oh, my God. And it's obviously extremely problematic that this is what they go to.

But, yeah, they wouldn't say the same thing for, I don't know, Fourth of July. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Jesus Christ. for i don't know fourth of july thanksgiving oh my god i want to go to the corn palace on thanksgiving i bet that would be a hoot we should burn the corn palace down on thanksgiving whoa sorry nothing against the corn palace i'm sorry what is that what's that about it's a it's more about the whole thanksgiving thing rather than the whole palace maybe we shouldn Maybe we shouldn't target a folk art. No, I have nothing against. No, actually, sorry. Let's burn down James' house.

That's what I was about to say, but I forgot his name, so I'm glad he stepped in. And it's a fake name, so legally you can't arrest me. Yeah, it's not technically libel or slander. Slander, I mean. i always mix them up oh shit we've just got in the new york times i know i'm threatening people maybe it's a joke to my npr voice okay nobody wants that i have one more uh of the corn palace if that's okay i have one more too oh good this is a two-star view by Andy. Psh, corn palace. More like metal, wood, glass, bricks, and cement with some corn thrown in for looks palace. I think to really be a legitimate corn palace, one would really need to be made entirely of corn and corn products,

like corn cobs for beams, corn husks for shingles, corn kernels for tiles, bricks made of hardened corn starch. You get the picture. But you are not. You falsehood. You sham of hardened corn starch, you get the picture. But you are not. You falsehood. You sham of a corn palace. I mock you. I drove all the way from Chicago with my wife and dog to see the marvel of modern architecture that is the corn palace and was disappointed to find a regular building with corn glued onto it. Hell, even my dog was disappointed. You angered my dog. How does that make you feel you so-called palace of corn you better be happy there was a dentist convention going on in your main hall otherwise i would have given you a serious tongue lashing in person however the dairy queen next

door best deli bar in south dakota hands down end of review okay i have something to say oh do you how can this corn palace be a sham if it is literally the only corn palace that's a good point because i was thinking when he says to be a corn palace you must be blank and i'm like wait wait there is no other example on the planet they set the bar they set the fucking bar and if they want to set it a millimeter off the ground that is their prerogative until you andy create your own goddamn corn palace so true like this is the best podcast hosted by siblings with the last name sheifer it is i don't know i think that's probably the best we set the bar a millimeter above the ground but we can say that because we're probably probably maybe i should be it should have been more specific i don't know how many sheep or siblings there are yeah uh we're probably the only ones so that's the thing about this corn

palace it they do what the fuck they want they can call themselves whatever they want and they can have a dentist convention in the corn palace which now i'm just like so beside myself that there is a dentist convention inside the corn palace one thing i did like though about that review is how they clearly know how they would build a corn palace so it makes me wonder why they just haven't built their own yet if it's so important to them that drive from chicago where or back to chicago where the whole time he's talking to his wife and his dog like corn beams, corn husks, corn starch. Like, oh my gosh, he must have planned the whole blueprint. Honey, are you taking notes?

Yeah. I am also imagining that they got home and built a corn palace in the backyard for the dog as a dog house so that the dog can be happy. dog as a dog house so that the dog can be happy and in chicago you know that it's mostly apartments so the whole building suddenly had this giant corn husk situation on their hands but i think it was worth it yeah totally okay i've got one more review great of the corn palace again this is by Taylor. One star. This was horrible. I feel sick to my stomach. This is literally just a big middle school auditorium. No attractions.

And the gift shop smelled like pepper and drywall. I want to be as far away as I can from the Corn Palace. I'm emotionally scarred and feel sick. A horrible destination. I'm going to cry. Turn back now. End of sick. A horrible destination. I'm gonna cry. Turn back now. End of review. Oh my god.

What? I don't know. The hell? I'm just like, I'm sorry, I'm blindsided by that. I, truly, truly, I was as well. The emotional pain. Who feels this way about a corn palace? Well, I mean, you did a good job at really conveying the emotion and the motivation in this character.

Wow. I channeled how upset I am when things don't go my way. Uh-huh. It sounded pretty spot on. Yeah. I'm very sensitive. Yeah. So, wow.

Oh, my gosh. I mean, stomach pain. Is this one of the ones where the cornfellas responded like it was free? They were like, we probably shouldn't touch this one. We made someone cry. Yeah, and probably gave them like some bowel issues. I do love that the gift shop spells specifically like pepper and drywall, which is like, it's just so specific. Oh, my God.

And not even that bad. I mean, I don't know. I would agree. I would agree. It could be worse. It could smell like Mark. It could smell like Mark. He's filthy, as we know.

Filthy Mark. Oh, my gosh. Well, I do have actually one redemption. Ooh, Laos. And it is of a wall drug. And I didn't change the name for this one, A, because it's a four-star review, and also because the name is Christina S. So I was like, it's not me. That's creepy.

But it was very... It wasn't. But it's pretty, like, indicative of how I might write a review in a parallel universe. Well, Steven, actually, he created a Yelp account. With my name? Like, pretending to be you. Yeah. That must be what this is.

Okay, then I have to give him props because, like, he's pretty spot on with his, you know, rendition of my behavior. This is a forced interview by Christine S. Worst place I've stopped in South Dakota Worst place I've stopped in South Dakota. Only place I've stopped in South Dakota. Would stop again. End of review. Four stars. Four stars.

And honestly, when I think of South Dakota, I feel like that seems pretty spot on about some of their tourist destinations. Yeah. Been there, done that. Maybe doing good. It's there. It's something to do. And then you move on.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. So thank you, Steven, for writing that under your alias, Christine. I want to go to Waldrog with you, Steven. He did tell me all the stories about how he'd go and he'd have to hide in specific aisles to stay away from the dinosaur. And then he was like, I can't watch this video

because he was like, look it up. He's like, I don't want to watch. I don't want to watch. And then he watched it. But he read the comments and every single comment was, oh God, I remember being so terrified of this as a kid. It was so scary. And he was like, yeah, he felt so validated. Thank God. I mean, I don't blame him like again

animatronics really shaped my experience of nine my perspective of 9-11 and you know that's just it's the truth it's the truth it's time for my challenge great my challenge was from mars uh it was to find uh a review where an employee scared a customer oh my god yes something like that but uh and mars did mention uh where someone like it caused someone to drop something i tried i couldn't find anything like that it's very specific yeah it was pretty specific i thought it would be fun if i could but i couldn't so i just just found reviews where people got scared by employees. Love it. Love it. I think I have four or so. So let's see what we got. This first one is of the Encino Tarzana Branch Library. This is by Annabelle One Star. I love libraries, but the staff here is so mean.

They've screamed at me twice for forgetting to go outside to talk on the phone. At other public libraries, they ask you firmly but politely to use the phone outside. At this branch, they screamed at me and startled me. I hadn't been screamed like that since I was a child. It was ridiculous. Staff, please be more respectful. End of review. Staff, please be more respectful. End of review. I just love that she just goes to different libraries to talk on the phone. Like, how many times are you getting scolded? This is obviously a you problem. Yeah, exactly. Don't blame the libraries.

My goodness. Oh, my God. I just love that it has happened multiple times. I'm just wondering why they have to yell. Yeah, multiple times. Not only at different libraries library but at this one like this specific one they've had to ask multiple times and then they're like i'm gonna leave a one-star review it's just not polite enough you know it's truly to say they need to be more respectful oh my god hello look in the mirror am i right i love libraries is a great way to start that whole review. Oh my God.

You don't love them enough if you don't respect them and their rules. Now look what you've done. That's so sad. Okay. This next one is a review of a Dunkin' in Melrose Park, Illinois. This is by Travis. One star. I walked into this Dunkin' Donuts

only to be greeted by an employee who told me, You can't be here! The beach is closed! I said, What? What beach? I just want a donut

and an iced coffee. And she replied, No! I'm sorry! The beach is closed! There is a rabid dog loose and i said we're not on the beach what the fuck is going on i i read this at one in the morning when i woke up i thought i made this up this was the thing this is the kind of emergency you need to call me about at three in the morning. Not the New York Times, but this specifically.

And she screamed at the top of her lungs and ran behind the counter and sprayed whipped cream in her own mouth and started furiously barking and growling at me. I left. Would not recommend. End of review. Oh, dear. The beach is closed.

Yeah, I realize that I didn't mention being scared. I mean, I'm scared. No, the title, it was a TripAdvisor, so the title of the review was, quote, I'm scared. Uh-huh. Okay. So it counted. I just forgot to mention the title. Part of me thinks like, oh, is that just a troll review?

But also, why would you create a, like, you can do that on Google for free. Why would you create, I mean, not that it's not free, but, like, it's a lot of work to create a TripAdvisor account and go through the hassle of writing this all out. Yeah, and it's such a specific location. It's a Dunkin' in Melrose Park, Illinois. I assume they either know someone there or have a connection to the store or yeah they had a really weird experience but most likely i don't know it's just it does seem weird that they would go out of their way especially because this has like six total reviews it's just like a random duncan i don't know i mean is it on the beach or is it not on the beach is the ultimate question well according to travis it's not according

to the employee it is and it is a beach on this show we tend to lean towards uh retail and like service employees so i will say it is on the beach the customer is usually wrong is what we always say that is that is our go-to uh wow so oh my gosh i'm just so like taken aback i i do like that he just stayed long enough to just keep asking questions as if this is going to be clarified. Like, so then I said, what? So then I said, what beach? It's like, you should probably leave the second, you know, someone's screaming in your face just for your own safety. But that's just me.

And for such a bizarre and goofy whatever review, they made themselves seem very calm and collected. That's true. But we're not on a beach i just want a donut and an iced coffee oh my gosh excuse me i like that the beach is closed it was it was pretty dumb but i loved it that's okay this next one is of a nail is of the nail boutique in brooklyn this is a three- star review by Valerie. So I actually started going to this location before I started going to the Lewis Avenue location and I never had a problem. I've always seen Michelle and was fine with that. The

atmosphere is nice, very clean. But the guy who offers the wine looks creepy. I think he should be in uniform just like everyone else. When he offered me a glass of wine for the first time, he just came over my shoulder out of nowhere and startled me! Even Michelle noticed the look on my face, and that's when she offered to get it for me, but I didn't take it either way. I've seen Michelle about three times. Until Michael decides to put me for someone I never asked for. He should at least have the client make that decision. After that, I've never been back there.

End of review. That review got away from me, like us. Away from itself. It got away from the planet Earth at the end. But the gist is the the wine the wine offerer is uh causing a fright yeah he's also been dead for 60 years so it's actually a pretty creepy story i just like like he's not wearing a uniform i'm like this is just a man off the street i don't think this person works here yeah i don't know what's going on here but also are you on a hair

or what is it a nail nail boutique yeah nail salon okay i mean i guess they offer drinks sometimes but like it's just odd this is the whole thing is just a little bit odd i'm surprised there was a complaint about being offered also that i would have said yes and just gone with it yeah i've never been to a nail salon but i'm kind of tempted now after this. I mean, only that one. Because I feel like this doesn't normally happen at most nail salons. Okay. I'll go to that one. If a ghostly man is offering wine at this one, I will travel specifically for that experience.

I would travel for a ghostly glass of wine. A ghostly glass of Grigio. You've become the sibling of the right person. As the co-host of Paranormal True Crime Podcast, and that's why we drink, we offer many ghostly wine experiences. Oh, my God. I read about that in the New York Times. Is that hosted by the older sister of Alex Schieffer? It's actually hosted by Em Schultz and the sister of the co-host of BGC Any Water 2M. But it doesn't matter. Her name doesn't matter. It's actually hosted by M. Schultz and the sister of the co-host of Beachy Sandy Water 2M.

But it doesn't matter. Her name doesn't matter. It's not important. It's not important. Yeah. And then I have one more for us. Okay. Okay.

This last one is of a target in Holyoke, Massachusetts, by the way has apparently according to the random youtube video i watched while trying to figure out how to pronounce the name of the uh city uh has the highest um number of puerto ricans per capita oh my in i assume the continental united states wait which where are we again? Holyoke, Massachusetts. Oh, I thought we were in Puerto Rico. I was like, well, that would explain it. Yeah, I assume, well, it just said in the U.S. And I was like, I assume that doesn't include Puerto Rico.

Continental makes a lot more sense now. So that's why I clarified that. I see, I see. Because I didn't want people to. Holyoke, that's interesting. Okay, sure. Anyway, so yeah, it's a fun little fun fact. That is a fun fact.

And also, there are a lot of people who just do these YouTube videos where they drive through cities. And like give a city tour by driving. Oh, really? And record it, yeah. Is that how you... Why do you know this? Because I tried to find out how to look it up in the first three videos. Yeah, sorry. I looked out how to look it up in the first three videos. Yeah, sorry.

I looked up how to pronounce it. And the first three YouTube videos were drive-thrus of the city. And they didn't talk. So I was like, okay, this isn't helping me. Yeah, I've seen those when they're going through the toll booth. And I'm like, why are you recording this on a Nokia flip phone and putting it on YouTube? But okay. 20 minutes later and they still hadn't said the name.

Yeah, that's the worst when it ends and you're like, hang on. Why did I just watch that entire video? All right. Anyway, here is a three-star review of a Target in Holyoke by Jason. This Target is pretty clean. Well stocked. Pretty empty on a Friday night. An employee even asked me if I needed help, which is rare.

She also startled me a bit. Who knew that you could work at a target in goth makeup end of review who knew can you imagine it's still a big mystery nobody actually knows i i yeah i still don't know it's still up for debate really yeah can you imagine that's awful to be like this person scared me because of the way they look. I mean, that's just like, like page one. Shut your trap. Shut your trap. Don't even say it. Don't say it. Why did you say that? Shut up. Oh my god. And goth makeup really like. by the way not that that was okay in 2011 but maybe uh this person nine years later is uh has a little bit of a better view of humans they like secretly bought they made it generalize all their views of humanity but they made a fake account on amazon called christine s and they bought some black lipstick and they were like i just i'm so curious like my anger actually was born of of a desire of a jealousy don't call out steven like this steven

oh my gosh um i was gonna say something oh i was gonna say i was just telling somebody that i used to be really scared to go into hot topic but it wasn't like because the employees scared me like it was because i felt like i didn't deserve to be in there because I wasn't like cool or badass enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's a different thing. But yeah, I'm like, if you're scared of employees at Target. I still feel that way about Hot Topic. Me too.

And Spencer's or whatever. Oh my God. Yeah. All those types of places. I'm like a Target. I walk in and they're like. Okay, I'm sorry. Now I threw myself off because I said Target. Anyway. Yeah, me too. I was like, you're like, okay, I'm sorry. Now I threw myself off because I said Target.

Yeah, me too. I was like, you're like the store? No. Oh, God. Okay. Anyway, that was good, Zandy. You did a very good job with that. I had fun with it.

Thank you, Mars. That was impressive. Wow. Yeah, Mars gave us the last two challenges, I think, if I remember correctly. Mars sure did. Well, instead of a normal theme and challenge for next week we just remembered last second that it's thanksgiving next week next episode comes out the day before thanksgiving yeah yeah um so we're doing a thanksgiving thing yeah i mean i like how alexander said it's not a normal

episode but i think pretty much our normal episodes are a good split between themes and just random holidays. That's a good point, actually. This is becoming the new normal. Yeah, but no, I'm excited. Thanksgiving, you know how this has happened for me with Charlie Brown. The last time I did this, I got into the New York Times, so let's see what I can pull off. True, true, true, true. Phoebe, checking in with you

what i'm checking with phoebe oh phoebe i need a good quote for her to pull pull yeah we expect weekly um weekly mentions yes at least yeah and i even subscribe to the new york times for this just to see the article so for a full 24 hours yeah well phoebe make me proud okay yeah so next week expect a wonderful um bonus type for the whole regular family to enjoy i say with a grimace yeah i don't don't listen to her i can't make any promises all right thank you, for listening. And we will talk to you soon. Bye-bye.

Gobble, gobble. Bye.