Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 104: Black Friday Reviews

Episode Date: November 25, 2020

This episode is sponsored by corporations that would probably not approve of our content. Just kidding, it's sponsored by the holy trinity of luxury: Gucci, FedEx, and UPS. Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. gobble gobble oh i was supposed to remind you to say that i so everyone that's not my fault happy whatever gobble gobble gobble welcome to the turkey extravaganza where we said we were gonna do thanksgiving reviews and then i remembered that we had also said we were going to do Black Friday reviews to not you. I think just to ourselves. We said that. Oh, really? I

thought you were saying that we told Pete we promised people. No, I think you and I said, oh, why don't we do autumnal reviews now? And then instead of Thanksgiving reviews, we'll do Black Friday for fun to like mix it up. Whoops. Well, I'm not sure if that's the case no wonder no one emailed us yeah I think that we never announced it publicly or I just said it in my own head and then never said it to you either and no it sounded right because I remember thinking oh this will be an opportunity to just be like hey y'all aren't missing anything this year fuck Black Friday yeah don't worry uh we'll tell you all about why it's okay that you're stuck inside this year um exactly and actually um according to my

calendar um friday is native american heritage day that is correct uh that is much more important than that other capitalist bullshit so yeah we're're socialists now, by the way. Always have been. I'm cracking myself up. Okay. Remember when we were little and dad was like, oh, I had a friend who was a socialist once. And we were like, wow. I think it was very different in West Germany.

I know. But yes, no. He would tell us about all of his friends and they'd be like different, varying levels of the political spectrum. And it was always fun to hear his stories. Because he's like, all of us together, we were just one family. But Hans, now he was a communist. And it's like, now it's like he was uh he was political cartoonist of my underground newspaper yes oh my god oh dad I love you um wow I just outed him and his newspaper that was supposed

to be a secret I think yeah anyway we we get enough hate for our liberal agenda. So, you know, at this point, we might as well lean into it. Well, yeah. Anyway. Hello. Welcome to our show called Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, where we read the worst reviews written by... Oh, crap.

We read the worst reviews in the most dramatic accent. No, fashion. Oh, please, no. No one wants that. That's dad again. Sorry. that that's dad again sorry he's infiltrating my thoughts um in the most dramatic fashion i'm christine i'm alex i was going to comment how you hadn't done the intro in a while so that's why at the beginning i paused waiting for you to do it and you messed up so it it was great. Well, I tried. Yeah, and speaking of things, I do want to announce that I am back to streaming on Twitch. That was a really good segue. Thank you.

Speaking of things, comma. Because I knew I was going to forget, so I didn't want to forget. So yeah, I'm streaming on Twitch again, and it was great being back with everyone on Monday. But also, because I was thinking of Dad, who was going to come visit me. Why are we always thinking of dad? This is becoming a real issue. Because he's an important person in our lives, I suppose. And he's our number one fan.

So he was supposed to come for Thanksgiving. And then we decided that's too dangerous. Because I was originally going to go home. And then we decided that's too dangerous because I was originally going to go home. So instead, I'm spending Thanksgiving alone with my hedgehogs in my apartment. But the good news is I am streaming again. So I'm going to do a Thanksgiving stream. And I'll be raising money for the First Nations Development Institute. And they, according to their website, invest in and create innovative institutions and models that strengthen asset control support economic development for American Indian people

and their communities so I'm looking forward to uh just having a fun time what if that wasn't according to their website I just came up with that that was just according to you um well that's very exciting I will probably tune in for a little bit and say hello. Perfect. Thank you. If I remember. So anyway, shall we get started in our Black Friday reviews? Let's do it. Okay. Who should go first? Why don't you? How gracious of you. You're welcome. Let me open my cornucopia and pull out a Walmart review. This is a one-star review by Maureen. Walmart uses clickbait for Black Friday. Now my family member who needed something for pickup on Black Friday and yes you took her money it potentially waiting until 12 13 and 12 20

estimated potentially. The Framingham store doesn't answer their phone boycott this store and walmart i called the online store the rep said cancel it and rebuy off us and we will honor the price and find it her supervisor said she's wrong if you had canceled with her same phone convo i escalated to her soup stated if i had canceled they wouldn't have honored the price angela this super rude af i said i'd like to be transferred to launch a formal complaint she stated she can't i should dictate while she types it up wtf wtf so i played along then i said read it back lmao she couldn't liar liar pants on fire walmart are you serious that's r space u space serious obviously yeah bts oh is that about us

oh my gosh oh my gosh we've been called out the the fourth wall has broken down wait how did they know about our big walmart sponsorship for black friday we're recording this outside of a walmart actually does this mean we're never gonna get real sponsors because like we uh we only talk about bad things about corporations great okay bts can i say personally i have never personally stepped foot in a walmart sure maybe i'm just bougie. Oh my god. Maybe that's the problem, Maureen. Yes. I think that's the problem. You are a member of the bourgeoisie. That is

why this is happening. Oh, if only. Sure, maybe I'm just bougie or just maybe I like to deal with reps or supervisors who value me and my time. Professional people would never act this way to their customer. So different with a professional company and I'm talking Gucci boutique.

Why are you talking Gucci boutique? Because she's a member of the bourgeoisie. Okay. So different with a professional company and i'm talking gucci boutique i'm talking local fedex store things aren't lining up here things are not lining up she can't even commit to her own track here sorry okay one more time so different with a professional company and i'm talking gucci

boutique i'm talking local fedex store or local ups or and then this next paragraph this is ups too maybe it's because they went to the airport and saw that he had their own planes and thought are those the private fedex planes that must be where all the hot shots fly. She keeps trying to climb into the FedEx cargo hold with her Gucci purse. Okay. This was a waste of time and time is money.

Time is money, Miss Angela. See ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya. End of review. This person has no right to talk about wastes of time i can't it just like at the beginning it was like my family member tried to pick up on black friday and now there's a delay and then just somehow i forgot what this was about i don't even know what it's about but it it escalated quickly the beginning sounded um similar to how i sound when i make a drunk postmates order and things get messed up on the way and the driver's somewhere

i can't find them i'm complaining about eta and then it was probably my fault in the end anyway you took my money but um then it just got out of hand. I mean, I just love that she said she should dictate it while she types it up. And then she's like, read it back to me. And then said, liar, liar, pants out of line. That was pretty funny. It's a good move. I like that a lot. That was a pretty good move.

I weirdly respected that. But that was the only thing in there. Yeah. I'm talking Gucci,ci boutique fedex and ups the three top the holy trinity of fashion yeah the designer the designer trinity corpses be gucci corpses be gucci okay i'm gonna start uh mine off with an email actually. This was not meant to be sent in for a Black Friday review but so Jamie sent in reviews

from a Black Friday sale that was on Wayfair. Okay. And this was the review. Okay they said that they thought of us but specifically your voice. So hopefully if Jamie's still listening because this was from December hopefully it's okay that

i'm the one reading it we'll see we we can we can redo it next week if jamie complains here we go one star review of a uh 10 inch firm pillow top mattress from allwin home shop when i opened the box the mattress began to expand so quickly and with such force that it hit me in the head. As I was near a wall, my head was thrust against and slammed into the wall and I fell down. It was pretty bad. I was rattled and my head was throbbing for a few hours. I could have sustained a concussion. Had it been any worse, or if I were the litigious type this could be a lawsuit the off-gassing of the poisonous substances used on the mattress is more intense than what i noted in other reviews i will be returning end of review thank god there was this plush mattress for me to fall

with my concussed head holy there is a mattress opening 101, and it is, be careful. Yeah, you should know by now. The spring-loaded mattress, which probably doesn't have springs anymore, but you know what I mean. I just would pay good money to get access to that Nest camera footage of the slice into the plastic and then just the flying across the room. I feel like we've all done that. flying across the room. I feel like we've all done that. We've all been there with a mattress or something similar where you're not thinking, you just open it, and the next thing you know,

you're slammed up against the wall with a concussion. Yes. Your thought isn't, well, if I were one to sue, I would sue the crap out of you. As if that means you're going to win. I don't know. If this person really thought they were going to get free money out of this, they would go for it. As you once so wisely stated, anyone who posts on Yelp that they're going to sue.

Oh, wait. Actually, I think I said that. I think you said it. So maybe I shouldn't say that's wise because then it's just. You sound obnoxious. Too late. You already said it. Self-aggrandizing.

No, lean in. Come on. You are wise. You have wise words for all of us please thank you um to yourself it was something about if you write on yelp that you're gonna sue there's like a spectrum of uh how a bell curve if you will of how likely it is that you are actually to sue if you write it on yelp and really it drops dramatically the second you post it on the internet. So true. So true. If your intention is out there in that way, in that form. If that's what you're spending your time doing. A very unofficial form on waycare.com. If that's where you put out your intention to sue, you're not actually sued. If Yelp is the only one who is going to listen to you talk about this, then like if the local billboard lawyers aren't going to listen to you talk

about this and Yelp will, then you're in trouble. True. Nothing against billboard lawyers. Just saying. Just everything against Yelp. Yeah. Yes.

Right. Exactly. Okay. Let's see. This is another Walmart review and this is a one-star review by Melanie. Wow. Walmart. fuck off. Seriously, is it Black Friday?

A lovely woman next to me can't shop for rompers because the line extends back into the deep, dark recesses of the bathroom waiting line. Really? Two lines open? I keep seeing hundreds of tired, useless employees filing past with bleary eyes clearly no idea what time it is because they stumble around in the bleak horrendous brilliant light of this hellscape so sad never again hashtag dante's inferno what end of review someone just passed high school english yeah i know we should we should uh we should have known that walmart would be one of the one of the circles of hell that's so true but what bothers me with these people is they first of all they insult the employees as if they deserve that

because when you go on at a time like black friday or when there are all of these lines you're not supporting the employees no you're supporting walmart well especially with walmart you're like oh don't they want my business it's like no these individual people that you're coming face to face with couldn't care less tammy wants to go have thanksgiving dinner with her kids but exactly melanie you're you're they they want to be able to to afford Christmas gifts off the garbage wages they get. I think what you don't understand. So that's why they have to be there. I think what you're missing is that the lady next to Melanie was trying to buy rompers.

Yeah, most importantly here. That was pretty devastating. See, I thought that it was kind of fun the way they talked about the recesses of the and mentioned Dante's Inferno it seemed kind of fun and goofy and they didn't take themselves too seriously but then you realize that they are doing the opposite actually they're taking themselves too seriously yeah it seemed like it was a jokey thing and then it's like oh no like you said they they're taking like a AP English course right now or something yeah and calling out these employees for

being miserable working at Walmart. Hello. Their next review of Target's about like Holden Caulfield. No. Just kidding. Yeah, I love when they do the thing of like, this poor lady next to me couldn't buy her rompers when it's like, okay, Melanie, you were trying to buy rompers, weren't you? Yeah, exactly. They need another victim in here. She also thought the same thing. Oh, I hate that. Okay, my next one is of the Black Friday Countdown 2020 app. Yay!

On the Apple podcast. I was hoping it would go there. Sorry, on the Apple store. What if that was a podcast? Just the Countdown to Black Friday. Every day you get an update. Y'all should look it up. And while you're there, look up a show called Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet.

Leave a five-star review. Yeah, but don't review them the same. Because I think maybe they'd have differing review levels. But that's just me. True. Don't associate us. Yeah, never mind. So anyway, this is an app.

And I was at first wondering if maybe it was just normally a Christmas countdown or they change what they countdown to depending on what's coming next. Yeah. Oh, right, right. And so maybe a month from now, it'll be... Wait, what's today's date? Three weeks from now, it'll be countdown to Christmas. But then I realized, no,

it is actually just a Black Friday countdown. That's amazing. Specifically for Black Friday. So on Saturday, it's going to be... Not a Thanksgiving countdown where you can just think, hmm, when's Black Friday countdown. That's amazing. Specifically for Black Friday. So on Saturday, it's going to be... Not a Thanksgiving countdown where you can just think, hmm, when's Black Friday? Oh, yeah, the day after Thanksgiving. Easy.

Instead, it's actually a specific Black Friday countdown. And they even... It's had the little copyright section said, Black Friday countdown. Oh. I guess because there was no market for this. That's shocking to me. There was not a huge drawn- out legal battle for that exact copyright.

Exactly. Exactly. So the reviews are only not many, but they're all positive except for one. And this is a two star review. Starts with playing music. Not acceptable. Maybe OK, but people use this at work watching tv and at meetings end of review at meetings sorry i don't know what it's so good can you imagine you're sitting in a meeting and

all of a sudden you hear like do do do do do do do like susan stop opening the black friday app while we're in corporate meetings oh my god you just open it at your cubicle like 25 minutes ago the day hasn't changed i'm kind of i'm also but i'm also kind of picturing a ceo sitting and having this this meeting with everyone and everyone says yeah like our projections look really good for black friday and the ceo is like when's black friday and pulls out their phone. Oh, yeah, that's true. Like looking up this app. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, Black Friday. Yeah, it's not very professional when it starts playing music. Yeah, that's a good point. What this tells me, though, is that this person leaving the review, one of two things. Either one, the first time they opened this app ever and downloaded this app was in a place they should not be opening this app so a meeting like watching tv in a job performance meeting is what i'm imagining yes uh or b they have a terrible memory for what happens when they they just they should know if they've opened it before they should know that they opened it during downton abbey and we're like this is really

distracting maybe i should open it tomorrow in my meeting just so I don't get distracted from my tv show exactly oh but I love that like definitely Susan I can I call you Susan uh Susan definitely opened it watching tv and then was like well I want them to take me seriously so I'm gonna like couch this in two other actually places that people would not want to open this app because they won't take me seriously if i'm just trying to watch tv uh we can we can read between the lines susan we can we can oh that was good thank you thank you oh my gosh okay that's funny uh i'm gonna read a review of a book actually and it's called black friday exposed oh i tried looking at reviews of uh black friday guides um because people sell those like survival guide for black friday but they were actually all pretty

positive so i didn't find anything i love all these like ridiculously positive i'm surprised yeah um wow but so this is a like a true crime novel I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Oh, my. Okay. Sorry to segue again. But I did search Black Friday on Amazon. I would like authors to please stop titling their books Black Friday. Yeah. Well, it's about like a bombing. Oh, the Bombay bombings?

Yes. The Bombay bombings. Bombay bombings. Which, I mean, that is a catchier name than Black Friday. Oh, God. I i'm sorry i don't mean it like that uh-huh okay yeah okay but but i was thinking i was not saying don't call your books about the bombay pump oh i'm specifically talking there were so many true crime books oh really yes okay well i missed that clearly i only found this one um making me question whether or not they were all about the Bombay bombings, but I'm

pretty sure they were not. Yeah, so like a lot of them, like Black Friday, the true story of the Bombay bomb blasts. Okay, I definitely didn't see that. Oh, okay. There were a lot of those and movies. So anyway, but I did find, I didn't want to read about that because that's, I don't want to make light of that scenario, but. But you'll just do it on the podcast. But I just did. I'm sorry's i don't want to make light of uh that scenario but but you'll you just do it on the podcast but i just did it i'm sorry i didn't mean to i just knew it would

not end well and then here we are uh so it hasn't it hasn't begun well gone well or ended well this is a book called black friday exposed urban books uh and this is wait why did you bring up the bombings if this book isn't even about those because you said i would like people to stop naming their books that and you wanted to try to shame me because you thought i was making light of that situation no i'm saying you're right because it took me forever to find one that wasn't about the bomb bay bombings oh my god okay okay so you think it's too much about okay got it no oh i did yeah that's what i thought you were saying that is not what i was saying okay anyway let's go let's move on

dad's gonna write a scathing review in his underground socialist newspaper about this i'm so sorry okay this is called black friday exposedosed. And then the author's name just says Ashley. So it says by Ashley. And this is a one-star review. Called, verified purchase called, I Want My Daggone Money Back. Here's the review. When I first picked this book up, something on the inside told me that I had read this book before. And when I got like 10 pages in, that's when it came to me.

I am so mad. Why did the publishing company change the cover, take AJ's name off it, and add Ashley to it? I want my money back. End of review. This sounds like something that you would dream and think actually happened yeah uh apparently a lot of people bought this book thinking it was like a sequel to another book um by aj because they because they changed the cover uh but i do like that it says i something on the inside told me I had read this before. So this person, for a second I thought this person was upset that they stole someone's content.

But really, it's the same author, same everything. They just changed the cover. So all these people are thinking it's a new book when in reality it's the same book repackaged. Repackaged, yes, yes, yes. Oh, so they're mad that they bought the same book repackaged or- Repackaged. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So they're mad that they bought the same book twice. Yes. Was this a very popular book? No, not really.

And it looks like it was just like a Kindle edition. Like I think it was- So this person paid 99 cents for a book. I was going to say, I don't think it was particularly expensive. But let me check. That the author maybe got 20 cents from and is upset. Okay, well, actually, the paperback is $13. Oh, okay.

So I get it. I get it. Okay. I will say, I guess I just like that it took them 10 pages to realize it was the original book that they'd already read. Christina, it would take me the full book and I still wouldn't know. I would have been like, wow, this is like such a cool update from my other book I read. I know I would have been the same way. I'm so bad about stuff. I've watched movies twice without

realizing I've watched them before. Oh, I do that all the time. Yeah, it's pretty sad. Yeah. But a lot of people do like this book. So it looks like it's quite a thriller. Cool. Okay. So if anyone's into it. It's not about, I checked, it's not about the Bombay bombings. You checked that?

Was that something that you... I made sure that it wasn't. It's something different. It's fictional. I'm not surprised that you made sure of that. You probably do that with every book now that you buy. It's my initial screen test screener. I have to make sure it's not about the Bombay bombings in particular.

Pride and Prejudice. You know what that reminds me of? Bombay bombings. Oh, boy. Let me make sure that's not what that's about. I got it. Okay, my next one. Actually, the rest of mine are a little different than what we're used to.

Fantastic. So this first one is actually a comment on a website uh i made i made a big mistake it's a very christine move i made a big mistake of looking up comments on black friday articles on fox news and fox business stop it it i thought i thought it would be kind of fun. Zandy. It was the worst. Are you okay? It was a cesspool. The fact that, and it was about, it was, oh, the hot new Black Friday deals of the year. Oh, no.

And the racism. Oh, no. And it, just blatant racism in the comments was bizarre. I had to keep scrolling up. Not that there's any excuse to comment shit like that, but I had to keep scrolling up. Like, what is this article about? Oh, it's telling me I can get a new Samsung TV for $200.

Why are these people being such racism? It made no sense. Oh, no. But yeah, sure enough, that's how people were. So here is the one I decided to use. There were so many terrible ones, and I skipped over so many, and I decided after all of this, I need to bring one to the table because I put myself through that. I'm such a victim.

I know. This is an article on Fox Business titled, Black Friday is coming. Here's how to avoid a holiday overspending hangover. You got a lot of the old people saying, just don't spend. I put pennies in my socks. And then you get, I'm sorry, I'm going to read this person's username. I'm sorry. I'm going to read this person's username. I'm sorry in advance. You get people like libtarded protein guzzlers.

What? Who has this to say. No agenda there. Don't worry. No, no. This person has no real political views. No bias whatsoever. I consider them a centrist.

Would you? Here we go. Oh, wait. Is that dad's friend from his teenage years? It sounds so familiar. You know, when the group of them got together, it was just a riot. Oh, good times. Yeah, especially when they would say stuff like this.

Uh-oh. Black Fridays matter. This is the season where most business make their yearly profit covid hoax will put the final nail in their coffins lots of dems out of work this is what liberals voted for the media told them so end of review or comment oh no black fridays matter really yeah oh no and i'm gonna like that was the one of the tamest ones i've seen i'm gonna say all fridays matter and see what they have to say oh my gosh um yeah so a lot of dems out of work i and i but i love that they say oh this is what you dems voted for but wait who's president wait a second what are you talking about no hang on hello this is your under your president

whatever someone's confused yeah i'm with a name like that how could you not be confused but um yeah don't just i guess my my gift to you all for this year is don't look at those comments. And the problem was, I did look up other news sources. They smartly don't have comments. It was really hard to find. Very wise. Yeah. And then I realized, oh, this terrible racist echo chamber. Of course, they would have comments. I did see one person calling out a racist. would have comments i did see one person calling out a racist it did not go well for them but they did it so i'm i was impressed that they actually went to fox news his website created an account and called out a racist one place that is impressive and rare i imagine one place that i will say comments get pretty bad is local news articles i couldn't find any local news oh really okay well they used to they used to but i would scroll and it's just ads down there ads all the way down smartly smartly smartly bigly oh boy that was you're welcome a trip thank you xandy um i'm so sorry you went through that even though you did it on purpose by myself i thought things couldn't

get worse than my tim allen forums that i went through last week and yeah here we are here we are and it was articles there were articles about black friday i looked up nothing political on purpose because i thought there'd be some goofy things about black friday and like goofy shopping stories i had a little bit of faith that there there'd be something fun that I could bring you all. Well, that was your first mistake. It was all awful. And continue. Well, I'm going to Kohl's, so we're not really, you know, getting anywhere extreme here.

This is a one-star view by Sandra of Kohl's. Well, I am on hold for second time this week with customer service if you can actually call it that i go to kohl's every black friday actually thursday recently and spend the majority of my holiday budget i then save my kohl's cash from black friday and use it on cyber monday with additional monies as well this cyber monday i went online and selected my purchases a few days later i received an email that an item was no longer in stock so i spent close to an hour on with customer service oh sorry it says costume or service gotta get ready for halloween for the next year seriously kohl's is uh is uh bougier than i thought costume to be fair when can i come in for my fitting they literally the next line is three-year-olds

are very picky with their princess dresses so i mean maybe it literally is i was annoyed but fine then yesterday i received a second email that another item was out of stock i call again and ask for a manager it is unacceptable for you to charge my card not once but twice for items that you don't have in stock even your customer service managers don't know how to make things right with so-called valued customers look at my account it's under sandra moore i don't know if she's telling me to do that like the yelpers or like actual it sounds like telling coals like hey i have my coals credit card i have my Kohl's credit card. I have my special bank account. My Kohl's bank account.

Don't tell my husband. It's my special Kohl's bank account. He has his Swiss bank account. I have a Kohl's bank account. It's offshore. Look at my account. It's under Sandra Moore. Literally look up what I spend every year.

I hope you see the amount of money your store will be losing because your customer service is terrible. I will be selecting a competitor of yours to give my hard-earned money. Also, you should know that on Black Friday, or Thursday now, you do not have adequate baskets. People have to walk to their cars carrying giant items and it poses a safety threat. baskets people have to walk to their cars carrying giant items and it poses a safety threat hopefully my new favorite store tbd will care more about their customer safety as well hashtag cole doesn't care end of review um there was a lot there but i just i think i particularly caught on to my new favorite store to be determined i was hoping there would be an edit. You know, I was hoping. No, I'm waiting. I decided on and then decided on something.

JCPenney. JCPenney. Oh, my gosh. I'm waiting for the update. But TBD is my favorite. It's like such an empty threat. Like my new favorite store that doesn't exist yet. Do you want to know a secret?

Yes. I once had a, I'm not even going to give any identified details but i once had an acquaintance who uh wrote we had a falling out i think i don't know what happened but they had a falling out with me i guess and then i found a note they wrote where they crossed my name out and wrote like in really aggressive crossouts and then wrote new friend next to it in like a list of like people they wanted to invite to something and then they crossed my name out and wrote new friend like tbd oh like they were gonna replace me it's like oh dear is this what blaze did that you're so upset about i'm so i'm here for you if you need to talk it was right

before the wedding and it was like too late for him to you know i was wondering why he called me and asked me to make an emergency trip to um where did you go on your honeymoon he was like i need to find someone new to go on this trip with we've all these couples things planned alexander i hate you it was actually i'll bleep that out christina it was that recent i when you told me the story i thought this was like a childhood thing no it was um about four years ago christina i thought it was scary actually i actually like this is not a joke i uh i had to start taking security precautions, which is why I'm not giving any further detail to anybody. But very few people in this world will know who I mean. Oh, my.

It was very frightening. That made it that much better. I really thought this was a middle school experience. Oh, yeah. It felt like it, but a lot scarier because it was real grown-up life. And I may or may not have been living very close to this person. So, yeah, they got really violent. Yeah, you and Blaze were in the same house.

I know. So were you. Okay. Anyway, sorry about that. That was just what it reminded me of TBD. Woo. Okay. That was, I did not know about that.

Okay. Look at my account here we go now we're off to imdb um i have a review of season two episode nine of superstore oh which is titled black friday i love that show um and this is a black friday episode of superstore uh so this like there are spoilers i think for this episode i've never seen it so this was a weird review for me some of you might be find it very normal it just like threw in some detail that i very casual you'll see this was a 7 out of 10 uh It's titled, the review, it's titled Oops. Oh. While this episode is hysterical from start to finish, the timeline doesn't work. The workers arrive at 3 a.m., yet are in the lounge calling time of death at after 11 p.m.

While retail workers are notoriously abused, legally, there is no way that they would work for 19 hours. End of review. Yeah, you know exactly what they're known for is being accurate sitcoms or accurate representations of modern day-to-day corporate life. I do not want to read this person's reviews of The Office. I mean... Oh my god, or like a... Yeah, you know, it's... If you're watching that and thinking of plot holes, I mean, come on.

That's not the point. Usually you can't set off fireworks at your place of business. That's the only thing that's kind of off for me. The illegals? Wait, I also love that they're not talking about, like, there was a death that occurred in that episode. That's what I mean. Because I'm like, wait a second. There's a corpse in the fucking equivalent of a Kohl's.

Yeah. And they're not calling the police. But the thing that bothers me is that the hours are all off. The detail of calling the time of death. I thought, okay, this is so casual. I don't know what happened in this episode. I do actually remember that. Okay.

I wasn't sure if it was like some sort of insect and it was just some weird thing. No, it was like some sort of insect and it was just some weird thing. No, it is an employee. Wow. And I love how their view of being overworked is the hours worked instead of the person who literally died on the job. And then they had to like deal with his death. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's funny.

Seriously, do they write reviews of every show and just write like how inaccurate it is i don't know but this this is uh this aclu would never allow a funeral in the break room i will say that three out of ten people found the review helpful oh really yes only three people and there this was the only review of this episode so there are a lot of people will hit five or ten stars or eight, seven, whatever. But very rarely do you get an actual user written review for an episode for these shows because there's so many episodes. Yeah, it's very specific. So it's actually really hard for me to find a Black Friday episode that had a review.

I can't believe you found that. Yeah, it was just kind of random. And I, well, random, if random means going through pages of IMDB results when you search Black Friday. Well, I searched for Black Friday and all I did, all I found was a movie about the Bombay bombings. Yeah, I saw those, though, too. Yeah, oh, okay. Oh, yeah, I skipped by those pretty quick. And I wasn't planning on talking about them at all. I would say those are pretty inaccurate based on labor laws also just saying oh no

okay so all i've left are redemptions you want me to do my last thing yes yes it's similar to my last one uh it was also something else i stumbled on while uh looking at black friday so i looked at black friday on imdb and there was an episode of a show titled and the episode was titled black friday and i looked at the show and the show is titled dora the lesbian what dora the lesbian okay l-e-s-b-e-a-n um i'm not sure if it was an intentional misspelling um or what but i'm pronouncing it that way because i like that that's fine um as far as i can tell it's not a real thing and here but here's the description okay from executive producer of dora degenerous and gossip time comes her new tv series dora the lesbian the show follows events of Dora Degeneres and Gossip Time comes her new TV series, Dora the Lesbian.

The show follows events of Dora's productive adventures while she explores the world. And the way I stumbled on it was in Black Friday episode, which was titled quite normally. So Dora's Black Friday. And then here we go. As it described as Dora celebrates her thanksgiving with family members but she decides to attend the black friday sale instead okay so just a random thing okay and then i thought what the heck is going on what is going on what is this series and why are there multiple seasons with all these different episodes, but I can't find anything about it on the internet.

So I looked at some of the other episodes. Here we go. Here's another one. Dora's search for LG6. I wasn't sure what LG6 was until I read the description. Dora decides to break into Gaga's house with one of her mutuals to find out when her sixth studio album will be released. Will someone stop dora

before she announces the release date to the world lg6 lady gaga sixth album wow talk about jargon oh my god that was uh season one episode four here's season one episode five titled dora's playing mario kart tour after dora spends hours playing mario kart she appears in the game itself will dora win or not okay i'll say what is going on here is uh season two episode four uh titled dora's fight with freeform uh so freeform is what abc family it is now known as. We don't talk about it in this household. Dora wants to get the perfectionists and famous in love back on the air. To do that, Dora will need to break into the Freeform office. Freeform offers an opportunity of a lifetime Dora can't refuse.

Yeah, they're like, hey, if you let the hostages go, Dora, we'll give you your own TV show. Please stop breaking into all our offices. Here's another episode. This is from season three. Dora's visit to Ellen DeGeneres. Dora decides to become a lawyer after watching the Legally Blonde franchise. But Dora starts to question her decision after Ellen DeGeneres becomes her client. Is this like a South Park slash like a mini mini series on i found i found a twitter account with the same name that seems to have some random weird videos

that it might this might be related to but i was i didn't want to make the a very tie them together too much because yes because i was worried that it might get me in trouble if that those people said no this is really fucking weird why are you saying i did this what is going on for real and here's here's one last one uh dora's a gynecologist oh dear dora becomes a gynecologist but realized there's more work to it than she thinks. Alexander. That's, and that's,

that's the end of my Black Friday. I know that took a turn, but it's, I swear it started off with Black Friday research. That sounds like, you know how in the Simpsons they have what, Itchy and Scratchy or whatever. Itchy and Scratchy,

yeah. It sounds like a series within an already ridiculous series. Yeah. Like in Bob's Burgers or South Park or something something it feels like some sort of easter egg yeah that you would look up after watching a show that mentioned it and how many episodes were there there were i think three seasons each one god had i think at least eight episodes so and many of them were just as boring as the black friday one they were just the descriptions were basically oh yeah dora was spending it with family but then decided to go to the black friday sale instead that's the weird part is it's not like each single one is like a

hilarious joke it's like normalcy encapsulated in this little maybe makes the whole thing even more of a hilarious joke that they made it weirdly normal at times. Well, they got us because I'm really baffled. Oh my God. Well, if anyone has an understanding of what this Dora the lesbian is, please tell me

because I'm really invested now in her life. And where we can see that gynecologist episode specifically. I would like to watch that and LG6 and Holding holding up hostages at freeform both three episodes yeah okay i have two redemptions here now was that your last yes i would say review or i don't know what it was whatever that was yes i'm done okay i have two

redemptions for you the first one is of the of a quality inn um and this by, didn't write the name down, Dora, the lesbian. We love staying at the townhouse. A group of us have come down every Black Friday weekend for years. We are treated like family and wouldn't stay anywhere else. The breakfast is awesome and soup in the evening. Relaxing in the hot tub and or pool after power shopping is a treat. The rooms are spacious and clean. Beds are so comfortable.

The staff are genuinely friendly and helpful. The hotel is close to all the stores right on the main street. Being from Canada, we appreciate the hospitality and kindness of the folks at the Town House Quality Inn and all Montana people as well. Can even gamble at the casino without leaving the building we will be back from the canadian cowgirls oh i was just so comforted by that specific really nice i did get very caught up in the soup i know the breakfast was great also suit also there was soup i don't know if the soup was good bad yeah i don't know why that hit me so hard but when you said soup in the evening it sounds like a song it felt like there was a word missing but i guess there wasn't what's that song that goes like and underneath the

moon today soup in the evening yeah that one rinky dink i love you soup soup in the evening it just reminded me that now that was a leap but hey however your brain works that's why people are here because they enjoy how our brains work right season? Season 16, episode 42. Or don't work. Soup in the evening at the Quality Inn. Oh, no, I did like that. That was really sweet.

Okay. I kind of forgot it was a redemption, so I was worried and weirdly expecting something to go wrong with the soup. Yeah. My brain was really, really caught up with the soup. I did see you kind of twitch. Yeah. I don't know if you noticed, but my eyes were closed listening, and then the moment you said soup in the evening i jolted awake maybe

it's like one of those uh you're like a sleeper agent and soup in the evening is like i just what if i just triggered some sort of like black friday oh my god wait i hear helicopters the extraction's begun oh no black friday has a new meaning a third meaning since apparently it also had a second meeting already that i didn't know oh my goodness okay so now i have one more and this is the thing that i do where i gave you a comfortable one and now i'm gonna end on like a not so comfortable one let's make it weird so this is a five-star review of derrick by derrick of derrick sorry this is a five-star review of a sandwich place i forgot the name of it uh but it's a review by derrick on tripadvisor and the picture his profile picture is a picture of him with a donald

trump wax figure uh and the title of the review is wow so this is the review wow only place in the world that has a cream cheese and olive sandwich and it is giant been coming to the market every black friday for the past 25 years or my wife always comes here to eat end of review there's a reason it's the only place cream cheese and olives is that literally all that's on there i i wonder reason it's the only place. Cream cheese and olives sandwich. Is that literally all that's on there? I wonder if it's the only place that will not kick Derek out for asking for a cream cheese and olives sandwich. Because I feel like it's such a... If it's the only place that has that, it's just because Derek keeps trying to buy it and nobody will give it to him. What is it that Michael eats in the office?

Sour cream and olives or something gross? And what is it that michael eats in the office sour cream and olives or something gross and they think it's ice cream he's like it's sour cream that's what i'm thinking well it's also that scene where she's like oh did you bring coffee and he's like milk and sugar and it turns out it's literally just milk do you eat drink this every day yep um oh my gosh that was cream cheese and olive sandwich and it's giant by the way which i love i'm like what is it on because i feel like cream cheese goes on a bagel what are you putting cream cheese on a giant sub that's just so gross that makes it so much worse with olives i'm gonna throw up anyway could you imagine getting that subway bread a 12 inch subway like bread their bread with cream

cheese and olives the canned salty ones i mean it doesn't matter what kind of olives it's all disgusting i would rather eat it without the cream cheese though i would eat olives olives and bread sounds more normal i think olives cream cheese, and bread. So that's my last. That's Derek. Five-star review by Derek. Derek, you need to- Can we leave Derek a review? Yeah.

One star of Derek. I don't know. You do you, I guess, Derek. Eat what you want. I know. I eat some weird shit. I was going to say, you andander and i grew up eating weird stuff and continue to eat weird stuff so i guess i just know better than to put it on trip advisor i don't

know honestly i think i think it's it would only be bad if derrick had left a one-star review and said they don't have a cream cheese sandwich I should have checked if he goes to every Quiznos and leaves it on Starview. The ultimate Derek test. Will they make me a cream cheese and olive sandwich? That's the new Step Aside Guy theory. That's the new Food Network show. Derek's cream cheese and

olive sandwich. Oh god. Anyway, that's all I have for you. Yep, weird ending. Perfect though. I hope everyone's enjoying time with or without their family this week if you're alone you might be wishing you weren't at this time at this point in time and I apologize for that

alright so because we had forgotten that today was the Black Friday slash Thanksgiving episode we had a challenge and review from or challenge and theme from last week. So my theme was going to be to find reviews of Target, which kind of still fits in the Black Friday theme, I suppose.

But we're going with the corporate theme here. So reviews of Target. Reviews of Target. So if you all have any that you can think of, now's your time to speak up and send them in okay so your challenge this week from victoria is to find a review where people blame something on the full moon i love that did you know that em and i just did an episode on full moon paranormal stories so i did not perfect though this is good timing because halloween was a blue

full moon and a blue moon it was pretty blue for me too i'm alone um oh tune into zandy's stream for yeah if you want to be lonely with me tune in tomorrow oh boy all right well thanks everybody um i'm very excited for my the full moon challenge that's If you want to be lonely with me, tune in tomorrow. Oh, boy. All right. Well, thanks, everybody. I'm very excited for my full moon challenge. That's going to be quite a fun time for me. And I like we have such a broad theme because that means that we can really just find good stuff. We can go a little wild.

Yeah. Yes. Oh, we will. We will, everybody. We'll see you in December, I think. Wait, maybe not. Yeah, we'll see you in december i think wait maybe not yeah we will see you well yeah i don't know either i'm like wait today's the 24th okay okay can't wait talk to you then everyone all right bye stay home by the way you