Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 109: New Year Reviews

Episode Date: December 30, 2020

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Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach to Sandy Water 2 at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. Alexander's yawning and I'm Christine. Oh my turn? Sorry I'm already bored. Welcome to our show. Why does everyone react like that when I start talking? Why does everyone yawn when you start talking? It's your cadence Christina. It's my cadence? People do say that they listen to this to fall asleep so. Oh well. And they say it as a

compliment like oh man i love listening to your voices as i fall asleep you must have the weirdest dreams anyway this week we are covering new year's we didn't say a theme or challenge in the christmas episode or the holiday episode we just released. And so we were like, well, this one comes out right around the new year. So let's just do that. Ring in the new year with some weird people who... I don't think we've ever done a New Year's... I don't think so either. So this should be interesting.

Yes. Yes, it will be. Do you want to go first? Sure. Let's do it. My first review is of time square that happens to be where you see uh a big celebration except for this year i wonder what it's gonna look like hopefully it's a ghost ghost town this is a two-star review of time

square for the times when you want to feel like a square parentheses tourist whether on new years or any time of the year unless you work there end of review what what do you mean you feel like a square what because all like the olive garden makes you feel like too uncomfortable you want to go back to your middle america olive garden yeah and this one's just too extreme and leftist maybe the sparrows it doesn't probably doesn't exist anymore now that it's gone just too much like where am i gonna go to get my my new york slice um i think it's just that everyone goes there and it's it's played out is what this person's saying i see you're a square if you go there because everyone does but if you work there you have to be there i thought my okay i misunderstood i thought they were saying man when i come here i feel like such

a square because i'm inundated with all this leftist propaganda and like extreme nudism i don't know i was like why are we so uh afraid of time square i mean you know aside from the obvious reasons but okay that makes a little more sense. We often jump to conclusions on this show, but that was a leap. We leaped. We leaped to conclusions, yes. I'm not one to leap, really, in real life, so sometimes I do it metaphorically. It's our version of exercise. Okay, so Alexander, you texted me that you went to common sense media and i felt a little betrayed

um because that's usually my territory but also i am glad that i'm you know i'm i'm kind of a hipster in that way that i discovered it um and i'm glad that the you know i'm spreading the good let me guess you went into my territory yeah no i went to common my own territory you wreck you realize that you've you've infringed on my rights not right okay what's the word not infringe you have you have ventured into my territory in the past have you not no i have no of what i am referring no i do not i am referring to apple reviews i didn't do that you have read and i've never forgotten it okay well one time and that's okay and i wasn't gonna bring it up ever until now when you accuse me of trampling over your sacred ground well guess what here's the thing uh eye for an eye

yeah well here's the thing i wasn't going to do, I didn't do iTunes reviews. And then we did a holiday episode and you went, oh, I totally forgot to look at the app store. And I was like, well, shit, someone needs to do it. So the next time I went. I didn't forget this week. So you have that to look forward to. But let's get through whatever she has for us. Whatever.

Wait, you did go this year to the app store? Yeah. Oh, thank God. So fast forward a bit if you don't want to hear her next review because it's probably terrible compared to mine i went to common sense media because that's my comfort zone and i'm hoping that you don't have the reviews that i have i if i swear we have not talked if if you happen to read reviews of the same thing that I picked, like mine does not. I don't know.

I feel like I went off on a bit of a tangent. Yeah, I have a feeling because you said that and I was like, no, I think mine are pretty straightforward. So I don't think I ventured into your. I highly doubt it, but I'd be so creepily impressed if you pick the same thing. So what did you pick? New Year's Eve, the movie. No. Okay.

I don't even know what that is. Pretty basic. I think Zac Efron's in it. So this is a kid's review on Common Sense Media of the film New Year's Eve. It seems to be some sort of a holiday rom-com. This is a review by Teen. It is a three-star review.

Light and romantic story of righting wrongs and finding love this romantic and sometimes saddening drama about finding love and showing it to those who you care about period while there is some edgy content the story is overall pretty tame this review is on the abc family edited edition not the theatrical version violence a woman slaps her ex-husband two times sex rude references to female anatomy rude and profane reference to sex and sex partners talk of makeup sex a girl lifts up her shirt to expose her bra language ass bitch and damn are used sometimes as well as freaking my rating pg-13 for some rude behavior language sexual content including references and some alcohol use this title contains positive messages and positive role models oh end of review i bet the positive role model is whoever lifted uh her

shirt up positive sorry positive this title contains positive messages positive role models and sexy stuff so um there we go i think that some of these children use this site as an excuse to use curse words on the oh interesting because they can't get in trouble for this in their mind they're like oh i get to type this word out and people will praise me for it because it's as if i'm doing a good deed this child can write bra as many times as he wants that's what i would do i would just type out bra over and over again over and over on a word word document and then mom would like come in like that's how i learned ctrl a backspace you know say you learned what ctrl a to like select all the text and then oh i see like i learned

out of fear that's actually how i learned wingdings. Oh, you're fluent in wingdings? I would write. I'm not fluent. I only know how to spell bra. You type it all out. Just sit there drooling at the screen. Mom would come in. What are you doing?

Why are you looking at a symbol of a bomb across and like an airplane? Oh, God. That's how you spell bra and wingdings. God, remember all those conspiracy theories about wing about 9-11 trying them out in the computer lab in school and be like oh my god okay truly if you type in 9-11 it's a plane and then two buildings on wingdings that's true that's also how you spell bra but that's the point mom's like like you know i'd call homeland security but i'd lose my green card anyway oh wait oh my god okay new york city nyc is to spell it out in wingdings is a skull and crossbones a star of david and a thumbs up gesture

this was often claimed to be an anti-semitic message referencing new york's large jewish community this is wikipedia by the way oh my god yeah so and then microsoft was like this was not intentional and then they actually changed it so that now it's an eye a heart and a city skyline yeah wow oh that's on like that's on webdings oh no so if you type in the q33 space ny symbols q33 what's q33 that's how you get the plane and tooth they look they're like pieces of paper but they look like towers i guess all right whatever they yeah it was a whole i told you i'm not fluent yeah you're you're not fluent it's all a hoax okay um another nice 9-11 thing for you everyone on this episode why are we doing this to people always comes back to it yeah um shall i I move on? Please, dear God.

This is an app titled New Year's Countdown 2021 that gives you a countdown of when New Year's will happen. This is a one-star review titled Didn't Work Right. This app was the first disappointment of the year for me. End of review. If this was written on january 1st it was written one year ago you are in for a wild ride my friend this person i have a feeling that this disappointment has long been forgotten yeah and they have moved on to other disappointments i agree unless they look at it as it all began on that one fateful day. We could all actually look at it that way and blame this app for it.

Let's all write one star reviews of this app and maybe it'll turn things around, you know? You mean write five star reviews? Yeah, I guess. You said one star, which is... Yeah, because apparently this app really fucked us all this year. Or maybe we shouldn't review the app unless we use it and have an actual review to give.

Okay, well. Words of wisdom. Hey, do you know where I think you should go? Common Sense Media. Times Square, because you're such a square. Okay. Joke's on you, I work there. Is that why there's that giant billboard behind you? And that's why I'm dressed as Elmo every time.

You're always dressed as Elmo. Man, it's all starting to make some sense. There's nobody there because, you know, it's all quarantine. So it's just you. That's why I turned to podcasting for some extra money. I see. It looks really chilly, but I'm glad you have that Elmo suit on. you that's why i turned to podcasting for some extra money i see it looks really chilly but i'm glad you have that elmo suit on so that's starting to make sense yeah all right well i stayed at consumer media nope that's not what's called common sense media and i found a movie called rudolph's shiny new year sounds like some sort of crossover episode yeah i think it was sort of like one of these uh companies decided to make a follow-up film that didn't exactly need to be made but they did it

anyway rudolph is captured by old lang syne i don't know well actually alexander it might be even weirder than that uh so i picked this because even though it's like a semi-positive, I think it was like a three or four star, I just can't get a good grasp on this movie. So I'm just going to read this to you. This is 14-year-old teen. Gave it a three star review. Doesn't do an adequate job at continuing Rudolph's story, but it's good anyhow. If you're looking to see your old favorite characters like Herbie, Yukon Cornelius, the Bumble, etc., then you probably will be disappointed. None of them appear in this movie or are even mentioned.

Instead, Rudolph's posse is made up of a caveman named One Million B.C. Oh, and for short... This convinces me I could be a writer i know sometimes you need a little boost for your own talents at this one million bc uh yep b uh sorry om for short and as a warning this is still in the parentheses om for short and as a warning he is probably the ugliest cartoon character you will ever see in your life uglier than booba impossible have you seen booba's yes christina i saw booba's claws i'll never unsee them oh i just got chills i'm typing in 1 million bc uh rud. I haven't looked at it. Oh, okay.

I see where they're coming from. Oh, my goodness. Christina. What? Oh, dear. Yeah. Also, this. So, this doesn't.

I think. I don't know about you, but I didn't have the childhood that included that first Rudolph movie. No, me neither. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Oh, is that what it's called with I don't know or whatever um because when you first said Herbie I was like Herbie Fully Loaded yeah that's our our uh understanding of that's a childhood film of Rudolph crossover with Herbie Fully Loaded wasindsey lohan in that one too actually now this is now we're talking tm tm tm um lindsey lohan wasn't but om was and he's just as hot om i mean no booba but he's no booba okay so comma so we're still in the same sentence so instead rudolph's posse is made up of a camp

man named one million bc om for short and as a warning he's probably the ugliest cartoon character you will ever see in your life a knight named sir 1023 and a benjamin franklin look-alike called seth 1776 i just don't understand this was written by some sort of algorithm this is a computer yeah yeah somebody didn't do a copy edit on this um before it went out to the public together they search for the baby of the new year happy the current year will never end unless this baby is found a daunting task because happy is hiding from society because of his comically large ears okay so it's like Dumbo. Okay.

Like, I feel like they're pulling from all sorts of things. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot. Okay, well, speak for yourself this is sounding pretty spot on for the way alexander and i were raised though it's not going to rekindle any childhood memories it's a pretty cool movie and it's got great music okay i i hesitate to believe that statement but what are the song titles this is one two three four and those are all the no it's just like 10 23 17 track 1776 it's worth seeing at least a few times this title contains a plus educational value i don't know what you're learning i have yeah i was gonna say

i have nothing in that review made me think educational until that last sentence. A Benjamin Franklin lookalike called Sev 1770. Oh, Sev, like 17. What? This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm sorry. But what's the 1023? That's what's bothering me.

I think maybe it's because he is a knight and he was from that year, like King Arthur's Court or something. Rudolph and O.M. head for the island of 1023, sorry, pronounced 10-2-3, belonging to a Scottish knight with a long beard named Sir 10-2-3, whose island is filled with medieval trappings. So they're just named after years, all of them? Okay. Okay. Wait, what? Okay. On 1965 island, there are two things that are part of it. Beatlemania.

And the assassination of john f kennedy the growing opposition to united states involvement in the vietnam war okay i was close oh my god um and apparently that that island rudolph was like that island is too noisy so i can't yeah so i can't that's a quote all these hippies yeah i honestly think that whoever wrote this film was very pro vietnam very anti-beatles based on that you know look at us leaping to conclusions it's what we do okay well paul okay so sev literally is holding a kite with a key on it so yeah talk. Talk about Benjamin Franklin lookalike. All right.

Well, this is interesting. Anyway, that's that. My next one is a review of Barefoot Bubbly Brute Sous Vide. It's a champagne. Because I thought, what are you going to do? This is a lot. A lot of words. It's $8.

Oh. Barefoot champagne. So it's a sparkling wine sorry sorry sorry sorry yeah it's not for it's it's from the sparkling wine region of france that's right got it so here's a one and a half star review on vivino.com one and a half one and a half stars christina this place is wild you can have new territory um also so i write through all the google reviews overwhelmingly overwhelmingly positive then you go to a site like vivino.com and it's like what do you expect it's like notes and they list they have a paragraph notes of blah blah blah blah blah blah they have this whole thing and then it's like it was terrible and i'm like one and a half holy shit this is intense but uh this one have that for candles remember that candle review that was like

yeah it has pecan and notes of oak um here is a one and a half star review this one was more of my my this was more my speed when it comes to wine reviews one and a half stars i thought they were my friends end of review oh no do you think this person was sitting on the stoop in the snow in chicago in her high heels so one of the heels is broken she's drinking out of that bottle and she's like i just need someone to talk to All my friends ditched me at the club. You're saying that happened to more people than just you? I'm saying I may or may not have a Vivino account and I can't remember where it came from. And now it's starting to all piece together in my head. When I said one and a half stars, you were like, one and a half.

That's the rating I gave it. It haunts me, that number, one and a half. My God. Wow, that's sad and strange. You know what number haunts me? What number, one and a half. My God. Wow, that's sad and strange. You know what number haunts me? What? 10-2-3. Oh, me too.

I'm haunted by that loud hippie island. I don't know about you. 1965. Oh my God, I love that I was joking. Like, oh, it must be the assassination of the president. It's like, no, it's actually a really large scale war that ended in the deaths of tens of thousands young men but close children's film comedy podcast um comedy podcast well we already brought up 9-11 we might as well keep going we're fucking on a roll but just wait my last two reviews are from the same tragedy so your turn

tragedy you'll see this okay i have a review of crystals lounge in lyndhurst new jersey this is a two-star view by brian on yelp in a weird twist of fate okay this is another one that i like don't understand what's going on or what b's deal is. Okay. Tell me if you can figure this out. Okay. In a weird twist of fate, I went here for New Year's. So this is strictly from that point of view. I get into the place and head upstairs. I take a look to the left and see some old school carpeting and a 70s type look and feel.

Looking to the right, I see some pretty big ballroom that seems nice enough. I hook a right and walk in everyone is about 50 years old and there's also maybe 10 to 15 kids running around playing power rangers or some other tribal battle to the death game this is really tell this is a dream this is 100 percent there's no way this makes no sense like you know what it does that's what i was thinking when i read it over here 10 to 15 kids playing power rangers like your dream comes up with these things where you're like i see these kids yes i know they're playing power rangers even if that doesn't make sense this is a yes no okay i was thinking i'm so glad you said that because as i was reading

i was like i feel like this is when you're like hey i had the weirdest dream like i couldn't tell they were they were playing a game to the death and i don't know why i was there but i was there alone and there was the staircase he doesn't even know how he got here okay ready for this next line or some other tribal battle to the death game i couldn't really tell some of them were crying though i head back to the hostess thinking i've made a terrible mistake and give our group's name there was a little mix-up with tickets but no biggie turns out we were actually in the other lounge area i get a better look now and there's a huge dancing area and tables cramped on top of each other on a terrace the crowd here is also late 30s and early 40s that's okay to the bar okay good glad you approve to the bar i go bartender must have seen the look on my face because she poured a murderous drink

anyway i wound up having a pretty good time they had a good food spread and they were on point with the open bar going with an entertaining group also made it fun strictly from a salsa dancing perspective i can see this place being a fun time wait which perspective are we okay there are way too many perspectives going on there's the dream third person where he's watching himself walk in okay you know what i mean yeah what if he was incepted into this scenario oh that movie scares me okay i will never bring it up i'm sorry i brought up so many they brought up vietnam and everything but no no i'll just not now i know that inception is no good strictly from a salsa dancing perspective i can see this place being a fun time if that's what you're looking for the crowd is definitely older what are you looking for a fun time if that's what you're looking for

are you looking for a bad time and then you're reviewing base to be fair a lot of yelpers are true they are they go that is you got me uh the crowd is definitely older mid to late 30s with some rando 40 plus creepers but at the beginning weren't there 50 year olds everywhere i'm so they were in the other ballroom with the children are they like separated everybody i'm so yeah i don't know what's going on but i'm i want to my brain is trying hard i wonder if someone who's been to this location is listening to this review and thinking, weirdly, this is exactly how it is. Like, what if this is so accurate, but to us it makes no sense. It's a tribal death game that the children play.

So don't drag this down too far if you're into salsa dancing. It will not disappoint. If you're not looking to salsa dance all night, then there's no real reason to come here and you should avoid end of review so there's that i don't really remember when the salsa dancing came in like i feel like we're jumping all over the place all of a sudden it's a great place for salsa dancing it's sort of like when you're telling a dream and you're like oh and also at some point it was mom but then it was dad

or like you were there but then suddenly you were my therapist you know what i mean like it's just like you don't even know when things change suddenly everyone was salsa dancing and only people salsa dancing at a good time yes and they were all elderly 40 year olds yeah oh my god this is just i love that i my favorite point of this whole thing is that it begins in a weird twist of fate i went here for new year's then i fell asleep yeah alone on new year's eve and dreamt i went to this place it's like okay i i'd rather hear about that but i guess thank you for all the updates oh my god your turn okay i do like, I have two more. These are my last two. These are both of the same thing, both on Common Sense Media and the same tragedy.

Oh, boy. The tragedy is also known as the album Sorry for Party Rocking by LMFAO. Oh, dear. What? You can review albums on Common Sense Media? No, actually. No, no, no. Sorry.

Of the specific song, Party Rock Anthem. You can review albums on Common Sense Media. No, actually, no, no, no, sorry. Of the specific song, Party Rock Anthem. You can review that? Yes. Oh, my God. Yes. It is amazing. I'm like tingling. I'm so excited.

Yeah, I was so, yes, I was so excited when I found this. I'm so excited. And if everyone's wondering, where did this come from well i thought what would i listen to on new year's eve that's the jump literally my first thought was i typed in um i'm pretty sure i googled uh um party rock anthem reviews and that's what came up what yep okay that is quite a leap that's more like a tumble off a cliff but i guess we'll we'll go there um yeah it's it's it's i'm just very excited so here we go here is the first review we're showing the duality of uh common sense media of man oh

of children this is a four-star review by a 13-year-old. Of teens. Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO. If you don't know, pause and listen to that beautiful song. Sorry for party rocking. No, that's the song Sorry for Party Rocking by LMFAO. Wait, then how does this one go? Party Rock is in the house tonight. Oh, jeez, not this again. We're gonna have a good time.

I think that's the one right we just want to they all sound the same but i was obsessed with can i tell you i was obsessed with this album when it came out this was like that senior year of high school and i was very low-key obsessed with it and i didn't want anyone to know but that song like champagne showers i was obsessed with that song oh my god anyway here we go help me is this your review no i swear here we go this is my review of party rock anthem by lmfao this song isn't bad 16 and up really is this how strict parents are getting i went to a dance that was for third grade and up and they played the song.

Yes, they talk about drinking, but don't act like that's something new. They talk about it in the old real music that parents claim is innocent. And when they talk about steamy stuff, they're rapping and it's in a metaphor so you can't even tell what they're talking about unless you're like 13 and you listen to the lyrics. And as for all you people that say it's a giveaway that they're talking about unless you're like 13 and you listen to the lyrics and as for all you people that say it's a giveaway that they're inappropriate because of their name do some research before jumping to conclusions it even says on wikipedia that their grandma slash mom named them lmfao as in loving my friends and others now look me in the eyes and tell me that's inappropriate. This title contains sexy stuff, drinking, drugs, and smoking. End of review.

Alexander, this child is going to become the leader of the free world with that kind of debating skill. Let's fucking hope. You look me in the eye and tell me it's wrong to love your grandma and all your friends i would love to see that in high school debate wow beautiful beautifully said between these about this song so disarming yeah i uh i've not seen anything about their grandma slash mom naming them that um so i'm not sure if that's true because i'm pretty sure they are oh wait no on wikipedia it says an initialism for laughing my freaking ass off they said that in their um trademark application they did uh-huh they said that it means laughing

my freaking ass off i do prefer uh loving my friends and others though i'm pretty i do too and i'm pretty sure this child was really hoping nobody would fact check him you know yes i was convinced until i googled it yeah i was pretty convinced too i'm uh i'm really impressed by this and um i'm in agreement that if if it's in a metaphor who knows unless you read the lyrics or wait what do you say unless you listen to yeah unless you knows? Unless you read the lyrics. Exactly. Or wait, what did he say? Unless you listen to the lyrics. Yeah, unless you're 13 and listen to the lyrics, then it's bad. But otherwise, it's cool. I mean, as someone who, as a 13-year-old, used to go on AZ Lyrics and print out the

lyrics of all my favorite songs, including Yeah by Usher, I will say I probably would have been perturbed by this. i guess also i was listening to usher so probably not probably should have been more perturbed by the other things we listened to like the shower song aka uh it wasn't me by shaggy also billy talent yeah die tragedy yeah run me over dad or whatever the lyric was um yeah drive over me that's what the lyric was god yeah what the hell and then he builds a bomb in the music video so i guess that was a weird video too man we've yeah okay this this teen has it all right i think with lmfao i feel like it's mostly harmless um but i know that this is two in a row but i would like to give uh it's it's not a direct

response but this is the let's say the antithesis of that first response also by a teen it is uh by a 14 year old so one more year of experience in life take that for what you will this is what a 14 year old has to say about the song party rock anthem by lmfao three stars he introduced himself at debate at the debate like just oh just to clarify what was your age again oh okay well just to clarify for the audience i am actually 14 so i just want to point that out before we get started i mean i really hope that didn't work because this is this is what they had to say I really hope that didn't work because this is what they had to say. If you're a parent and you let your kids listen to this, you must be out of your mind.

I'm not a very big fan of techno pop music. First of all, they rely on machines to form the basis of their so-called music. Machines, guys. Are machines talent? No. And second of all, if they use vocals, they use excessive amount of autotune. That, again, shows zero talent. Not to mention, this song is about drinking, having casual sex, and yeah, the list goes on. I only gave this song three stars because of its good beat and its influence on mainstream music, but to me, this song is absolute rubbish.

I can't believe that it hit number one on so many charts while another talented artist could have been in that place. I'm extremely disappointed in society today for favoring this type of music. For example, at the Kids' Choice Awards, note the word kids, this song won the best song of the year. It won over three other great songs firework by katie perry born this way by lady gaga and sparks fly by taylor swift and hot cross buns

by me and my recorder which i also entered and it's not why i'm bitter about this but but mine is most for kids and the kids Kids' Choice Award should reflect that. There's no machine or autotune on my recorder. I highly doubt that. That's true. I know. For me, this song was probably the worst of all four, as it was the one that demonstrated the least talent and also the most sensual one. These types of songs don't allow kids to understand what true musical talent is.

And not to mention, help them not tell right from wrong In 10 years, half of the kids now are probably going to spend weekends partying in clubs People just don't realize how influential music is to our society Bottom line is, I highly do not recommend this song, period What happened to this child this title contains sexy stuff language consumerism drinking drugs and smoking and positive romance oh my god could you imagine you think that in 10 years like at the time of the song's release 10 years from now children will be influenced by party rock well alexander you're like probably example a of this exact scenario where you're sitting around going new year's

oh i know i'll put in that song that came out when i was a senior in high school yeah that's i mean that's fair you got me this was reviews written eight years ago and i have to say two years from now you know people are going to be out in clubs like crazy because they'll finally be able to get out of the house um so child writing this review i hope that now you look back and realize that um maybe maybe that's not such a bad thing especially because we're all trapped in our house and all we want to do is get out and do something that's not sitting around. So bitter. I mean, that's the kid that's going to be a Yelp elite someday, you know?

Oh, no. You can see them starting young. They're going to be Yelp elite, like writing eight paragraphs about, you know, Eggs Benedict at their local brunch spot. It's like, oh, my. I mean, you clearly have a lot of very intense thoughts. clearly have a lot of very intense thoughts. Well, I will somewhat defend this 14-year-old and say that when I was younger, I was somewhat like that.

I would never have written a review like that. I would never have gone off the deep end like that. However, I was that kid that was like, oh, I listened to The Beatles and that's all I listened to because it's real music. And I remember when Jesus Walks came out and everyone was obsessed with it. And internally, like oh this is terrible i hate modern music uh society but you grow out of it so hopefully this person did and if they didn't yeah they're a yelp elite

you're right well well we we definitely had very um i don't know what where all that came from, but we definitely had some conflicting thoughts and feelings on pop culture. Not you and I, but like you and I versus the world. Mom and dad didn't listen to anything in the 21st century ever. Except maybe Zuccaro. Zuccaro, yeah, by La Morena. Well, I will say that dad sometimes listened to Bob Dylan, and that was pretty much as close to quote-unquote cool music as I got any time in my life at that point, and mom didn't listen to music unless it was that children's choir that she played every Christmas Eve in the dark. So yeah, I guess you and i kind of had uh we didn't really have a leg up on on

music yeah um let's just blame our parents yeah i like to blame our parents uh always for everything that we do um wow though party i mean really i'm just like there's so many other songs you could yell about but that one it's a very yeah it was a very specific rant and i mean there are lots of problems there about machines not needing talent and stuff like that and music oh come on like and also when you list other pop songs and as if those don't use autotune and machines as if like they're just these acoustics i don't know what they think but it's a 14 year old so let's just you're right at the end of the day let's just all agree that they're wrong they don't know what they're talking about 14 year old i'm old i know what i'm talking about i will always be older than

that person so i'll always be right so how old are they now 21 22 22 what do you think they're up to um i don't know maybe they're listening to party rock anthem i was gonna say beach shoe sandy can you imagine i kind of hope so is that weird that i want this person to reach out um but yeah i i don't know i because now i listened to music from when i was in middle school and i hated it. And I was like, this is so terrible. Now I listen to it. I'm like, oh, nostalgia. It's great. This is so much fun to listen to.

But at the time when it came out, I was. We were very judgy. Oh, yeah. I was not. Yeah. We were very judgy. We still are. I mean, that's why we have a podcast about judging people.

But it's a different type of judgy. We like to think we're doing something right now. Yeah. Sure. Moving on. about judging people but it's it's a different type of judgy we like to think we're doing something right now yeah sure moving on uh this is our view of the ramada hotel and conference center this is a one-star view by norma i came in from the columbus area to meet a friend and spend new year's eve i was majorly disappointed first of all the food was just mediocre. The desserts had to be changed out due to being hard and was not eatable. When going into the ballroom for the music, the ballroom was good, but the music was horrible. It was geared for a very young age, and they could not sing just any type of music. It is my experience that bands, especially for a New Year's Eve, should be very versatile and cater to every age group they not only could not

do any type of music but on a lot of songs they were just horrible sounding this was the first and last time i will ever spend a new year's eve here ramada is known for its very very high standards this one definitely is not end of review oh no and there's a response yeah a response from owner dear guest norma r thank you for being our guests for our new year's eve celebration i must say that of the 649 other people who attended our event you are the only one who was critical of the music we had the three top oh wait i just found out that's where that teen is now no way it's norma that's norma norma's like i know i know better than all these 649 other people yeah what a bad influence this band is having and you know what's what's ironic about this all what's that is norma left this and then

went to an lmfao show and had a great time. Norma was like, screw this. The band doesn't play LMFAO classics. Fuck. I got to go find out why they're playing live. Into an obsession. Of the 649 other people who attended our event, you were the only one who was critical of the music. We had the three top popular bands from Greensburg and Westmoreland County performing,

and we did not promote or advertise that they would be playing requests or performing music different than that which they are well known. The average age of the people in attendance was around 45 years of age with many guests in their 50s and 60s. Those guests grew up on the music

played by these three bands. I am sorry if this music was not to your taste. Sincerely, David, General Manager. That is maybe one of the most insulting reviews without actually being insulting. Basically saying, how the fuck old are you if you didn't like this music? Yeah, you're literally an octogenarian. That's the only possible explanation is that you're 116. I know that's not an octogenarian, but I upped it by a few decades just a few um wow that's hilarious they're like norma's like

it's all for youthful people they're like it's literally like local bands in ohio that play you know bruce springsteen like what are you talking about the top three bands of the local counties i love west moreland county good i'm glad that they got that gig and i'm glad that most people were i know i'm pissed that norma had such an issue with it well i bet the bands were like why are you coming up here and asking for us to play certain things that's not how this works who told you we'd take requests no i could see her like drunkenly leaning over the stage like yelling at the drummer like play this because like the singer won't give her attention play lmfao why aren't you playing my favorite songs i mean really i want a jitterbug jitterbug

i want a concerto yeah i don't know what she was expecting but um it seems like the ramada in ohio disappointed yeah oh what a shame that norma didn't have a good time but i'm glad 649 other old people did um okay well i have one more for you though oh nice okay i was worried that i shouldn't have read both of those at the i well i did something bad okay i went and found my cool cruisers no that's literally the worst thing okay i was like oh i'm gonna roll my eyes but now i'm actually upset yeah my bad i brought some new lingo to the table so a lot of people on the forums were discussing their new year's cruises and i learned a lot as usual from these forums um i found some new forums but i went back to the old uh cool cruiser forum that i you know my go-to my what do you call it old glory what do you call it? Old glory. What do you call it? Old glory. Your stomping ground? The thing that's like my go-to, my... Your stomping grounds.

I don't know. My stomping... Okay, forget it. Your go-to, your... Yes. Old faithful. That's what I meant. No, who says that about a cruise ship forum?

No one says that, Christina. Don't act like we should have all come up with that okay i went back to my old someone in mississippi listening i was like that's what i was saying i was thinking i was i bet you people i bet you most people were most yeah okay yeah so okay i found some cruise lingo and it's not good um and i'm not happy about it it's pretty pejorative um so here's the thing a lot of people were just i'm serious a lot of people were discussing the uh the upcoming new year's cruises that are being canceled oh apparently like a few last week and people are upset and it's like um they weren't canceled until last week oh god yeah some of them are apparently canceling 10 days ahead of time now um so obviously i had to go read those forums now i found a couple phrases and it took me an

extremely long time to figure out what they meant and now i see why so here's some new lingo. So there's PCD, which is post-cruise depression, obviously. But then the troubling ones. The troubling ones. So there's something called, oh, God. Okay, there's a celebration when you hit DDM. I have not gotten past PCD. This is already too much. Oh, that one wasn't even the troubling one.

I'm troubled. Okay, well. I have PCDD. Yeah, so here we go. So DDM is when you say like, I hit DD or I i made it to ddm or we're in ddm and then there's also sdm and i was like what what do these things mean so for example joey and david here's one little forum talking about um a new year's eve cruise this was like years ago wait did you say dds no ddm okay never mind i was like dentistry something it's very offensive uh joey and david posted we have

finally made it to ddm 99 and counting barcelona here we come grin uh so do you know what ddm is okay so something to do with like you're within a certain amount of time before you go on a cruise good job um i'm afraid though you say it's offensive yes it is and i don't i don't think you'll guess it um no i can't i i mean no i don't want to i don't know what it is i have no idea i just want to warn everybody i'm proud of the fact that i can't come up with it yes you should be and i want to warn everybody that this is uh definitely a pejorative term so i do not recommend using it and i'm not endorsing the use of it uh it stands for a double digit midget what why i know apparently it's an old term that was

used in the military when you would hit double digits before leave, like before you could go home. And you would say like, I'm a DDM, I'm a double digit midget. And then SDM is single digit. And I guess it just rhymes. It's fallen out of favor everywhere except for cruise ship forums. The cool cruisers actually just picked it up like a few weeks ago they were like look at this fun term yeah so that's like the only place i could find it that and uh stocks apparently some people use that in like the stock market those fuckers would okay

that makes sense yeah yeah so i was i know that the cruise ship forum people are out there but i didn't expect this out of them i expect that out of the stocks people yeah yeah yeah the stocks people um so whoo yeah we uh so i'm just gonna read this to you joey and david we have finally made it to ddm 99 and counting barcelona here we come grin katie says that's great joey you'll have to start packing before you know it smiley and that's just the word smiley it's with colons around it it's not like an actual smiley they're not even okay and then cool cruiser rogue responded congrats to everyone on that cruise enjoy the anticipation grin joey and david responded i bought my first sweater grin we are doing a mock packing in the next couple weeks just to gauge the amount of luggage cry and that's all i'm bringing to the table today phew um my stomach started to hurt so i felt a little weird uh like i think 2017 okay so these people

got to go i was worried that these were people who were planning this upcoming i'm like there's no way that's gonna happen okay another a quadruple dm got it yes you never know when these cruises are gonna start again yeah so i was just dm got it it's just you never know when these cruises are gonna start again yeah so i was just like kind of horrified and um you know usually these people are harmless and like just cruising it up cool cruising it up but i was like wow you really got to find a new term for that my friend yeah that's harmful language yeah it is um so that's fun times um and i learned that pretty much all cruises are canceled for New Year's unless you're in, you know, a nation where you got it under control. Really?

Okay. So they do happen. I think some places are. Like New Zealand or something might have something. I don't know. Or doing them. Well, I don't know. I used to be someone who said, oh, I've never been on a cruise.

That might be fun. I have learned not even before this pandemic, though. I've learned it's not for me. This does not sound fun for me. And then also learn from the forums that it's not for me either. Oh, my God. Yeah. Every time I read them, I learn more and more how much it's not for me.

Like the last one was kind of fun and like goofy and like, oh, my gosh, these people are wild, but they have their interests and they're all in. And then here it's like, what? Why? Pulls up barstool, says offensive pejorative term. Grin. Wink. Jumps off ship. That'll be me.

Swims to shore. Oh my God. Probably safer than actually staying on the ship with covid okay wow that was quite the episode that was a weird new year's so i mean listen folks that was the end this is the last episode of 2020 i think it's about time we get the hell out of here uh get out of this year and i'm listen i'm not getting my hopes up for next year because lord knows what the universe will do if i try that but let's at least just be pleased that 2020 is behind us let's just at the very least look at it that way yes look forward and hope don't look back don't don't look back nothing good happens but when you do that so um we do have a theme and challenge already prepared right sandy yeah i do yes awesome so the theme for i'm excited for this one the first episode of 2021 the theme will be ghost towns in texas love it that's gonna be fun this challenge comes courtesy of Natalie, whose subject is Challenge with a capital C Agenda. So Natalie says this.

I started to read The Gift of Fear after Christine recommended it in an old episode, which led to me researching tactical pens. Yes. of the tactical pen wherein the creator of that tactical pen plugged another company that creates tactical pens in their own product in their own so it was a q a in the reviews like amazon and they someone asked um how are the airlines about bringing these on board? And the seller of this pen said, well, actually, we found this one is really good. Oh. Like this one from a different company is really good for bringing on planes.

Like that often passes TSA. And so the challenge would be find a competitor reviewing someone else's brand. So where someone says like oh or or you or like q a or something on amazon where someone will say well either in this case it was actually a positive thing so they gave a positive mention of a competitor but i'm sure there are people out there who have no shame and will drag their competitors well yeah you remember that lady from the ghost tours yes there you go just running around accusing everyone of being like undercover

ghost tour guys yes yes so find those undercover people who are actually not so much under any cover and are really just reviewing their okay oh i'm. This will be a toughie, but I'm excited. It'll be tough, but I bet there are a lot of, like, there's probably some camaraderie in some places where it's like, oh, like, I actually own the place across the street. I just wanted to leave a five-star review because they're really cool. I don't know. Like, I bet

stuff like that exists. In a positive way, yeah. I think this could be turned into a really surprisingly positive. And, yeah yeah if anyone want find something or comes across something like that or uh has seen a review like that feel free to email beach to sandy at gmail.com um to help her out you know i feel like that is a pretty tough one but yeah if yeah truly if and if at any point you guys hear it and you're like oh i feel like i've seen something like that feel free to to send it. Obviously, can't promise we're going to use them all, but, you know, it's good to have them just in case.

Exactly. All right. Thank you, everyone, for a wonderful, wonderful second year of Beach Too Sandy, right? You're right. Oh, my God. That was something. We started this in, what, 2018? End of 2018.

Yeah. So we just hit our two years, and we are ch in what 2018 end of 2018 yeah so we just hit our two years and we are chugging through the two year was toughy for the entire planet so hopefully three years less of a journey and just more of a chill out period at the very least we'll we'll try to uh spread some ridiculous reviews to you that's like the least we can do but we'll try our best to do it yeah thank you everyone and we'll talk to you in 2021 ah see you next year oh no Bye.