Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 114: Reviews of Renaissance Fairs

Episode Date: February 3, 2021

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. hello and welcome to beach to sandy oh wait hold on let me try that again good day hello fair wait am i supposed to respond good day yeah go ahead uh hello fair lass you have arrived hold on let me think again hello Hello, fair maiden. Welcome to Beach 2 Sand Deep Water 2 at the radio. Oh, they didn't have radio in medieval times.

No, I don't think they had radio. Damn it. The town crier has reviews of the fine establishments where you can buy your goods. With the royal coin in your purse. Yes. Dost thou joust? Who is responsible for us speaking this way? Who among thee?

That sounds more like the Bible, huh? Can you tell us who's responsible for this? It's me. It's me. No, who came up with this theme? Who emailed us? I thought you were asking who's responsible for this that's happening i was like that would be me that is all my fault uh this

chat review theme is from sam who's whose email says dost thou joust and suggested we do renaissance fairs i know everyone here knows exactly what the theme is based on what uh we just did i can tell sam not us is what i'm trying to get at yeah it was sam's idea the end so it was the uh oh i wanted to say one thing before we read reviews which is that i it i am so endlessly amused by all the um sea vision and dark posters we've got there's so many y'all are so funny it's so funny um i'm just amazed one of my favorites is from micah who made this like beautiful did you see it it's like an eye it's like yeah it's like an iguana eye and it says sea vision and dark and micah also wrote the full quote which made me just want to die of shame and it was like it was something like midnight

iguana eat snack or i don't know what the fuck i said but it was nonsense is what it was um but so thank you to everybody who made some really beautiful art uh based on that nonsense that i said yeah so much good stuff out there um and thank you to everyone who wrote in reviews i don't or who emailed us in reviews of renaissance fairs i don't think we've gotten this many for a theme yet. I was thinking the same thing. We got a lot, which I love. It's the best.

It makes us feel like you're excited and ready for this one. Yeah. I'll go first. So I have a review of the Pennsylvania Ren Faire. And this, oh, I wrote that. I wrote Ren Faire. That's not what it's called. It's called a Renaissance Faire.

It was like, that's clever. No, that was just me. Okay. This pennsylvania renaissance fair clever you think it ren fair is that you wrote you're like oh that's clever who wrote that clever thing oh it was me all along i thought it was like hip that they abbreviated it you know i see okay like they they took the full name and then they took like everyone's kind of lingo and just made it the official name. I was going to say, you're the first one to say Ren Faire in the world. I'm just, I'm sorry to burst your bubble. Oh my God.

All right. This is a review of the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire. One star by Martha. I was greeted at the ticket gate by an atheist. Oh no. Oh my god. How did they know? Capital A.

Capital A. Atheist agenda. Correct. It's the AA meeting. It's the atheist agenda meeting. I was greeted at the ticket gate by an atheist who just had to add in that he didn't believe in a, quote, magical sky daddy. Oh, my God. The juggler was a vile, disgusting person.

Why didn't he warn people? Disgusting person. Why didn't he warn people? Or at least there should be some sort of warning for sexually explicit language, especially for those with children. End of review. Is the juggler and the atheist two different people? They're different. Wow. That was a separate paragraph.

This is a party here. This place, this Ren Faire, if you will, is just crawling with blasphemism. Blasphemers. Blasphemers. Well, it reminds me of growing up going to Barnum and Bailey. It does remind me of growing up also. Yes. This whole review.

Barnum and Bailey Circus because they'd have the biggest attractions, an atheist and a juggler. And that's it. That's why dad would always get into fights with the uh with the ticket holder he didn't realize it was an attraction he thought it was just an atheist ticket holder but it was actually part of the show if we stayed long enough we'd we'd see the atheist getting burned at the stake that's right yeah that's why they call it a freak show. Because in a place like Cincinnati, that's pretty freaky. Freaky. Wow. I'm wondering if, who said anything religious or, or a religious, I don't know what I'm trying to say. Who said something first, basically?

Against Magical Sky Daddy? Yeah, I don't't know because it is a really great question because um because it says he also or he had to add in that he didn't believe in a magical it's like add in what what were you saying to this person exactly i was greeted by an atheist i wonder like how this how you how you kind of determine that from the get-go um unless you're wearing like a slayer t-shirt or something oh well that would make it pretty easy to tell i guess i don't know my first review is of the texas renaissance festival in todd mission texas this is by jack one star took the family to this for halloween at first i was surprised at how few kids we there for a trick or treat themed weekend me too i'm still surprised by that i

can't even count on two hands how many times i've been surprised that we kids there we there for a trick that's right yeah we there for a trick then found out right, yeah. We there for a trick? Then found out why. This is not a place to take your children. Most if the shows were adult oriented. The Mutt Show was one guy sticking mud down his pants and telling dirty jokes. Don't tell me this reminds you of childhood in the circus again because i don't think i can hear it i i'm sorry this is just this is like a trip back in time it's so nostalgic there was drug use everywhere our clothes still smell like pot smoke by mid-afternoon, there were drunks everywhere. The food was the most expensive I've seen at any Ren Fair I've been to.

Huge disappointment. End of review. I guess I'm always surprised by the amount of identical mud show the the not friend not kid friendly and the pot smoking is like every single renaissance fair so i don't know how this guy has been to ones that don't have all that i know it's pretty standard it makes me think that these people don't know what these are like before going that's why i'm confused when he says oh i've been that he's been to ones before exactly you haven't i've never been to one but i know that i'm in for a wild time if i go to one especially after covid to be fair some of these reviews were written during covid and people were fucking wild and

probably because they're like i get to be outside and do things again um and i assume once everyone once intelligent people are vaccinated um then it'll be even wilder i'm scared i'm actually scared to do anything after covet i'm excited but scared yeah i would agree with that uh did you hear oj simpson was vaccinated you know what that was not on my radar no oh all right um i gotta update my google alerts you i thought you put oj i told you to put oj simpson i must have like i think i did orenthal james and i guess no one's using that anymore so i'll fix that thanks okay yeah no worries so next so i knew about the uh ohio renaissance, but I had never heard of the Kentucky Renaissance Fair. Have you?

Should I have? I don't know. No, I have not. No. I was just surprised because it's in Eminence, Kentucky. I don't know what that is. But it had quite a, I don't know. Just fill that in with whatever word you want.

This is a one-star review by George. If you want pure, unadulterated, vapid fun, then I guess this is the place for you. I was disappointed. I expected silliness and anachronisms, but I didn't think it would reach the heights of something like nut-and-butt mud. Okay, so at this point not in butt

mud that n-u-t space n space b-u-t-t mud not in butt stop saying it not nothing but it's nothing but like nothing but nothing but okay nothing but it's spelled n-u-t-t-i-n apostrophe but mud with just one t so i looked up nothing but mud could barely find anything except that it was quote permanently closed then i was like why does this blog sound familiar and i realized it was my wedding photographer's blog uh and i went what is this and i guess he at one point did like a photo shoot for them so the only place i could find information on this like act was on my wedding photographer it was really strange uh so basically it turns out nothing but mud is a married couple who does a mud pit show where they like come out and just like dive into the mud and put it down their pants i guess

i kind of love that like me too like i respect it can you imagine that it's like a husband and wife team like how does that how do you get to the point where you found really the person the only person on the planet that is suited for you at this point that's like yeah wow true love right there and that's honestly a lot more respectable than what we're doing here. Oh, certainly by far. Yeah. Probably better for the world. Probably better for children.

Probably just everything about it. So anyway, that's what nut and butt is. Nut and butt. Okay. Nut and butt. So then the next, there's one more line, two more lines. Instead, I wish Highland aimed for an infotainment vibe and actually educated people on the Renaissance

while still being fun. But I guess in the age of the Kardashians, that is a tall order. Oh, get off your fucking high horse. What the hell? Get off your medieval jousting horse. That is not the point of a Renaissance fair. Has anyone ever thought that? No, I don't think soing horse not the point of a renaissance fair is like has anyone ever thought that but that's the point of the renaissance fair

maybe a history teacher go to fucking yeah go to a fucking museum friend that's so strange oh fuck i forgot they don't have those in kentucky that's a problem alexander they do it's called the creation museum have you ever been there it's 25 to enter which is why i haven't been because i am too cheap for that i'm allowed to tell this because she lives in kentucky yeah that's right i uh i live in the most edutainment state that exists edutainment focused i should say uh wow yeah so if you want unadulterated pure unadulterated fun this is the place for you i however would like to be educated vapid fun you forgot vapid vapid you're right uh i if a if a festival is described to me as filled with mud perhaps even nut and butt but that's

besides the point filled with mud pure unadulterated vapid and somehow related to the kardashians i feel like this is just the epitome of a good time sounds good to me not saying nut and butt and i'm there yeah you didn't even need to hear the rest of it i don't even need to hear it correctly and i'm there you just heard that i i sent you the my wedding photographer's blog and you're like wow i've, this is an edutainment blog. And I've learned so much. Okay. My next one is from a listener.

Because, so what I did was I find my reviews first. And if I need to throw in a little filler, I look at what our listeners sent in. Yeah, that's what you guys are good for. Because that's how you all are to me. Yeah. They know. They know their place and um chelsea happened to write in with a review of the same place that i had just been looking at the texas renaissance festival and it's a fantastic review so here it is This is a review by Samuel.

Sorry, that was so difficult for me to say. Samuel. Samuel. Samuel. Just made something up. One star. Click on my feet. And before you get mad at Chelsea.

Chelsea. And before you get mad at Chelsea, Chelsea says that Chelsea apologized for introducing this guy to us. Okay. Okay. Well, this is Samuel. One star. For the life of me, I cannot comprehend the overwhelming number of approbations versus admonishments I've received regarding this event. The Renaissance was a time of art, intellect, and education. The inappropriately christened Texas Renaissance Fair represents none of these. Sure, there were a handful of

individuals adorned in period garb, and there were a paltry number of true artisans demonstrating mastery of their craft. But for the most part, the Texas Devolution Festival was more reminiscent of an All Hallows' Eve party at the local trailer park. party at the local trailer park. It was like a live-action diorama constructed solely for the purpose of furthering the study of anthropology. I am not so delusional as to think my words will dissuade the average Texan from attending this ghastly gathering of naive Neanderthals, but for those of you that possess an ounce of intellect, do your IQ, your children, and your pocketbook a favor. Avoid this event. End of review.

Holy. Now I regret not outsourcing our intro because that's kind of what I was looking for in terms of like the vibe and aesthetic and verbiage. You hear that, Dad? She wants you to be more like this guy. No, I meant our intro where i was trying to say oh at the beginning i thought no not our real intro like i thought you wanted someone talking i don't want this as a father voice i'm like oh god that man's not my father um wow samuel is not my dad not my real dad uh wow you're your first folks um painful isn't that bad this guy and the guy

in kentucky need to get together and watch like a documentary or something or make a documentary it sounds like or just leave or just leave the country let's go away i don't know go back to the renaissance yes go back in time oh my see how well you actually feel like you know it when you actually like arrive there because um i don't feel like uh the iq of people back then was you know as i mean listen i'm not saying you're not wrong people were stupid i'm just saying like it was definitely not saying you don't have to no one who grew up in the renaissance is listening to our show right now you never know you can you can insult them away i just feel like it's kind of a silly argument to be like oh it was a time

of genius unlike now it's like that's not really quite how anything you know why you see it that way is because that's all you see because that's what's like survived in the books and stuff in the history yeah like yeah you don't see all the bullshit that happens. Like Leonardo da Vinci's helicopter. Like if you, you, Samuel, were a normal person back then, like you're a normal person now, that would not be your life. Actually, the Renaissance Faire is probably pretty accurate to how your life is. Yeah, really muddy. It would be muddy.

All you do is drink yeah and be miserable that sounds like sounds like it yeah i it sounds pretty good to me i mean okay sam will be miserable we'd be we'd be having a blast sam will i don't think sam will consider himself a normal person but yeah i guess i think he really thinks he's probably reincarnated like, you know, Michelangelo reincarnate or something. Well, interestingly enough, I have another review of Texas Renaissance Festival. And this is a one-star review by Rachel. I just don't even know. I'm just going to read it.

Never again. I came here last week for school day with my only son's school as a chaperone. And I was greatly disappointed. Where should I start? The service! The know-it-all, smart-mouthed millennials working the rock wall need to go. Now! The guy with the biggest hat and the biggest vocabulary told our group of middle schoolers that one of their shoes looked like a dildo.

Just one of the shoes or not both? I think, oh yeah. What's wrong with that shoe? That's a really good point. Only one of their shoes looked like a dildo. That's a good point. Oh no. What is wrong with you?

Seriously, I won't ever revisit this place. I'd rather stay home and play in my backyard on a seesaw. Or make all the things they have here. They look amateur. Peace, Renfest. End of review. Wow. Sorry, I'm not over that seesaw.

That was so specific. I know. I'd rather stay home. With your child, with someone else, that seesaw. That was so specific. I know. With your child, with someone else, or just by yourself? Just by yourself. Put a rock on the other side. Seesaw. Put the dildo shoe on the other side. You could probably buy a suit of armor to put over there.

That's true. Or make one yourself. Sorry, sorry. Make one yourself. I love that she said she was going to make all the things they have at the Renaissance Fair because they're so amateur and put them in her backyard oh my god she's gonna be like one of those people that puts like roller coasters in their backyard and charges children to come dragon roller coaster yeah uh that would be fun it's powered by her seesaw

up and down the roller coaster goes around. And she tells all the children that their accessories look like sex toys. It's pretty much exactly like the actual Renaissance Faire. Honestly, I'd go to that backyard. It sounds like a good time. As long as there's a mud pit, I'm in. I have one more of the Texas Renaissance Faire. And it kind of sums up all of these that we've read so far. And probably all the ones that we will continue to read.

This is our entire show. One star. Okay, this is a lot of pressure. Yeah, it's a lot. Just like six words. I'm a Karen, so I hate it. End of review. Oh, put that on a fucking bumper sticker.

I love that. Don't, because then you'll realize that it's actually seven words, even though said six and then you'd be like wait that guy can't count pretend you did that on purpose um so is this person's name actually karen no it's little baby ah oh okay sure so no but they have honestly like despite name, they had some things to say about society that really, really hit me hard. Those seven words or other things? No, those seven words. Oh, got it.

Okay. Yeah. I don't know why you'd think anything else. I wouldn't. I just want to make sure that I was understanding. I mean, that sums it up. That does. I think we can quit now.

Yeah. The end. I'm fine. I could go back to bed. Yeah sums it up. That does. I think we can quit now. Yeah. The end. I'm fine. I could go back to bed. Yeah, me too. It's like three o'clock, but I'm ready for a nap. Okay, so this next one was sent in by Craig, who says, Hi, Sister's Schieffer, and says that they were a sand monster since the beginning.

Do you know what that comes from, by the way? I don't know if I ever told you that. I assume our show. No. Actually, one time somebody wrote wrote into and that's why we drink and m was like what do you guys call people who listen like because we call them boozers and shakers on and that's what we drink oh my god that's hilarious call and i was like i don't know we never came up with one and i was trying to figure something and m's like well i'm gonna call them sand monsters and then that's funny i like that i did not know that yeah i never even told you which is like so bizarre because yeah i because like if you'd ask me what we called them in like private like we call them idiots but

we call them a lot of words a lot of things a lot of things no we call them lovely listeners lovely listeners uh hearing your theme for next week, my inner Southwestern Ohioan got very excited. So this is about the Ren Faire in Ohio, where Craig says, I've never seen so many furry butt plug tails at one place in my entire life. So here we go. And you're not living your life right, man. And that wasn't even about the Renaissance Faire. That was just his email signature.

Never mind. It doesn't make any sense. Okay. I don't know. I take it back. Okay. This is a one-star view of the Ohio Renaissance Fair by Plevin. The fair is open 420 minutes in the day.

When the gate opens 40 minutes, I lost 10% of my fair time. Did you think they offered us a 10% refund or state that the fair was extending its time? No, they did not. Screwed from the start. End of review. What?

Did you follow that? Yeah. So they opened 40 minutes late. So this person's mad because they're only open 420 minutes at a time at a day in a day so they lost 10 that's not quite the correct math but yeah it's a little yeah they're exaggerating exaggerating a little bit but yeah lost about four sorry 10 of their fair time but didn't get a 10% refund that's ridiculous a wild also as far as i know you get like a um i could be wrong i think this is the one i looked up but i think you get like an annual pass or like

a season pass and it opens daily and you can go each time so if you um i mean i went to the ohio run fair without a pass well yeah you know you don't need one but like i don know. I guess if you're this invested that you're counting the percentages of how much time you're spending there, you should probably get an annual pass. Yeah, like this seems really, really, really, like it's 20 bucks, $19 to go for a day. Yeah, yeah. What's the 10% of that? I don't want to do the math. $1.90.

Okay, so yeah, I could have done the math. Sorry. So you want less than $ dollar 98 back yeah maybe we should just mail them a couple quarters maybe support these people and like support these workers that are there for your entertainment and support all the people that are behind this and maybe think oh they're late for a reason maybe something went wrong maybe anything no any shred of benefit of the doubt please i think what you're missing is that plevin was screwed from the start also that's his own that's his its own paragraph screwed from the start it deserves

it i agree um oh my god so anyway that's uh where i went to the ohio run guess where i guess where i went same place we're really at the same places. We have not discussed any of this. I mean, Ohio makes sense. But the fact that we did Texas as well. In like, yeah, succession, very odd. It is kind of weird. But here is a one-star review of, on Google it's said, it's set as the Renaissance Park in Waynesville, Ohio, which is where they host the Ohio Renaissance Festival. This is a one-star review.

It's a long one look i was interested in this kind of thing in the beginning because i hear nothing but people raving on about how cool this place really is and how nice it is to dress up i thought okay maybe this place would be pretty cool because i'm into the swords and role-playing games and such, but I want to go as myself. I went as myself, casually, as all get out. First of all, I was unimpressed that it cost at least $23 per person to enter the event. And for what? Almost every other place was a financial drain to your bank account, And what's worse, many of them are not debit card friendly. And that is not even the start of my complaint.

Oh, it's not? Sorry. Should I stop taking notes and start over? Yeah, that wasn't the start. So ignore all of that. That wasn't even the start. It wasn't even the prologue. Bathrooms were okay. They were there. What did I run into an excuse to dress raunchy and trashy and call it cool felt sorry for those who were running the food booths especially the dessert booths they were so severely understaffed for reasons known to them it took someone forever to get a simple crepe dessert to me for reasons known to them yeah apparently they there was some reason i don't know what's going on here okay really interesting sorry i don't think we've

ever heard that before for reasons known to them as if like it's very sinister sounding the huzzah thing was cute in the beginning but it got old really fast i was never even noticed or greeted by anybody in that nobody noticed me dressed as myself i think this is the biggest complaint here that's so weird you weren't even dressed as anybody they explain why just because i was all dressed casual my friend went dressed up as some steampunk freak and they all loved him to pieces all because he was dressed up as something i call that discrimination at its finest and superficial judgment i was depressed and disappointed by the time i left the festival and will not be going back why the heck am i going to waste money on a costume i will eventually throw in the trash

can or fireplace you would think there would be people there who would greet you as is i get better luck with that at the blended church in indianapolis beside the point okay i they literally they literally threw in a reference to like some sort of church as like i get treated so well here they fucking name drop their church i don't even need to wear my steampunk top hat and they still accept me under god's roof it's so fucking ridiculous okay i only went for the sake of unity with my friends and that another friend of mine had complimentary tickets to the oh oh my god so you were complaining it has $23, but you got in for free. What's this guy's name again?

Just, I don't know. There's no name. Neil. Let's say Neil. I don't even know. Neil? Yeah, it's fucking Neil. Showed up, but gets in for free, dresses himself, doesn't even buy a costume, and starts whining

that nobody's paying attention to him. It's all bad, but that's almost over. All in all, this place is a financial trap if you're okay with wasting at least 300 dollars then this place is for you it is another money grab with not much to offer you can get more enjoyments elsewhere thank you end of review thank you thank you um i'm good i like i know people did complain about like how you have to spend money at each thing you go to like different games different rides attractions etc but this person got

complimentary tickets yeah and didn't even wear a costume 300 bucks like that's kind of impressive to spend 300 i don't know he's lying i if you hate it that much and you spent that much that's a problem if you love renaissance fair and you spend that much great good for you you know why i think he's lying christina tell me because he already fucking lied and said it was 23 and then immediately told me that he got in for free so he's full of it uh also my favorite is that he's like i went for unity among my friends but then was like why does everyone like my friend better than me? How? And calling your friend a freak.

Literally called yourself your friend a freak. Who probably gave you the free tickets. And claiming and screaming discrimination. Holy fuck. Oh my god. Could you imagine? You're next to somebody in a steampunk outfit that they worked on or that they got whatever that they like probably all arts they're so proud of and they're getting so much attention for it and you're like wow i am

being discriminated against because they are showing appreciation to my friend in their costume and not in me just wearing what i normally wear how dare they i am neil how entitled do you have to be to think that you deserve any special attention for nothing? Literally nothing. For being there. What you don't really understand is that this, Neil knows about discrimination because he is part of a blended church where he faces no discrimination. And that's why I think you don't understand that once he sees it, he knows it.

It's like yin yang kind of thing where like you gotta have the sadness to know what true happiness is. Yeah, you gotta have some dark. You gotta have the lack of discrimination to know what true discrimination is. That's right. That's why white people know best about what it is. Because we don't have it. So then we get it. You know what I'm saying?

You know what? I don't know what it is that we solved, but we solved it just now. I agree. We solved it. Why are we not charging people to listen to this? I'm sorry. I did just Google the blended church and it says, the blended church. We believe in one race, the human race.

Oh, God. Okay. Yikes. We are a non-denominational, multicultural, Bible-based church in Indianapolis with over 30 nations of people represented. That's actually pretty, that's a lot. What if they just made that up because they don't believe in like different nations and races? Yeah, right.

They're just like 30 nations because nations aren't people's ethnicities and backgrounds aren't real. Yeah. My God. I just don't believe him. I don't believe his church. I think they're all full of it. I think they're all lying to me. Atheists everywhere.

Don't tell me you're a juggler too, Christina. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, can you imagine? Atheist. Could you imagine an atheist juggler? I can't. I can't because only God can help you juggle those balls.

Yeah, that's what it is. Put that on a poster. He always says that. It's really actually getting on my nerves how often he says that. Okay. How often God says that? No, you say it. Oh, about God juggling balls.

It is a biblical reference, but that's besides the point. Okay. So, wow, that was terrible. So I'm going to read you. I have one more. Awesome. So this is from Courtney, and she sent in an email saying she squealed so loudly when we mentioned renaissance fair that she woke up her cat because she's been going to renaissance fairs

her whole life and even worked at one for a few seasons so this uh is a review of the northern california renaissance fair by claire and this is on facebook which is a fun little twist and this is a redemption sorry i forgot to mention that oh you have two redemptions no this is on Facebook, which is a fun little twist. And this is a redemption. Sorry, I forgot to mention that. Oh, you have two redemptions? No, this is my only redemption. Oh, this is your last one? Because I went first. Sorry.

I thought it was all negatives, but I have a redemption that I... Oh, nice. It's weird because on Facebook, it's not like stars. It's just recommend or don't recommend. Yeah. So this is a recommendation by Claire of the Northern California Renaissance Fair. This fair is the shit. 11 stars.

I'm seeing a lot of whining about the line. Suck it up, folks. I drove seven and a half hours last year to attend and it did not disappoint. Can't wait to do it again. Where I live, there is one fair for one weekend that about 100 people attend. Tops. So the Northern California Ren Fair was like a magical transportation to the actual flippin' 1500s. Thank you for putting on a fan-freaking-tastic event.

End of recommendation. Yeah. I want to go. This person gets it. I want to go so bad. And that's the kind of person you want to hear from when people are talking about Renaissance fairs. That's the person I want to have a beer with at the Ren Fair.

Exactly. Just go in with that kind of attitude. I agree. Also, before we go on to your last one, Courtney also added, if I could, I want to mention how hard it has been for fair performers this year as almost all fairs were canceled. These performers are incredibly talented and many have their own patreons or are doing virtual shows to survive lots of fairs have websites with links to vendors and performers which are worth checking out so i agree with that if you have a local one that you've been to or like going to i'm sure you can

probably find you know if you want to support nut in butt mud you can uh probably do that somewhere on the internet yeah try to go support that specifically that only that one no i didn't say that not only but that one especially okay um this is my last one this is a redemption of uh the one in ohio again this is five stars by um don't know how to say it so i'm not gonna we don't have anything like this in ireland i absolutely loved it it's great fun dressing up and going along some of the people there dressed up are really committed and their costumes look like something from game of thrones and lord of the rings it's unreal the atmosphere of the whole place is wonderful it's crazy it's like being transformed back in time once you walk through the gates the shows are really entertaining the

shops have weird and wonderful stuff the food and drinks are renaissance inspired great play arena for kids jousting is the main event and is good fun to watch end of review ah i especially included this one because I thought, oh, if a foreigner saw what happened at our Ren Fairs, maybe they'd be like turned off to it and think, wow, these fucking Americans. Like how they, I don't know, reminds me of like Borat going to the rodeo or something.

Yeah, the rodeo. Yeah, yeah. How bizarre it makes America look. But this made me really happy to read. Me too. Like, why not enjoy it? And I love that he mentioned that um people were dressed as like lord of the rings and stuff because so many people complained about

that and i'm like man these places can't win because either they're dressed like freaks quote unquote so true they're not dressed up at all or they're dressed up like star trek and that's not good enough because it's not like the real 1500s and it's like you drove here in your ford bronco i'm gonna gotta say if someone's showing up in star trek attire there were i don't know christian that one is a little off it's a little whatever i mean they can wear what they want i don't care but i'm gonna tell them that that's not renaissance inspired well you're not gonna tell them you're gonna tell the yeah the internet sorry yeah the internet yeah i mean if if Neil can dress as Neil, then I think Spock can dress as Spock.

Or I think, let's put it this way. I think Leonard can dress as, no, Leonard. I'm thinking Leonard Nimoy. Hold on, let me think. Yeah, I assume that's what you meant. I'm like, are you, did you? I was trying to go with that. I was like, yeah, I think Leonard Nimoy should be allowed to dress as Spock if anyone.

I think Neil can dress as Neil and Bob can dress as Spock. And everybody can just shut the hell up okay okay like a rando person can dress whatever the hell they want if neil gets to dress as neil i'm like yeah okay if you're talking with leonard nimoy that's fine oh my god okay yes no um let people have their fun i think it's just like yeah all up. Yeah, exactly. Fuck off, people. Have a beer. Relax. All right, is that it? Smoke some weed in Texas.

Smoke some weed, yeah. Don't do that. I don't think it's good. Don't do that. I don't think so either. You know. Have a beer. Chill. This episode is sponsored by Apostrophe, a prescription skincare company for people that

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Something like that, yeah. I am very, very happy with it. I feel like I've tried a lot of these topical skincare services, and this is the first one that actually makes my skin feel softer. I was having a little bit of what seems to be hormonal acne, even though I thought that was over in my high school years. And Apostrophe has really helped. And look how glowing I am, Zandy. Beautiful. Absolutely. You can get $15 off your first visit with a board certified dermatologist at apostrophe.com slash beach. Use our code beach. This code is only available to our listeners. To get started, just go to apostrophe.com slash beach and click begin visit.

Then use the code BEACH at sign up and you'll get $15 off your dermatology visit. That's A-P-O-S-T-R-O-P-H-E dot com slash beach. And use that code BEACH to get your dermatology visit for $15 off. And we thank Apostrophe for sponsoring the podcast. So this is my challenge sent in by Samanthaantha which was to find reviews where the reviewer mentions that they're named after whatever they're reviewing right so samantha said like i was named after the gun manufacturer and um so also mentioned christine my other sister has a baby named Meyer after the lemon she was eating when she found out she was pregnant. Oh my God.

That's so amazing. I also think Meyer is a cute name. And I also don't understand why your sister was eating a lemon. But I mean, maybe it's because she was pregnant. I don't know. That's a very strange snack, I guess. But I really appreciate it. So thank you, Samantha, for your kind email and your great challenge.

I have quite a few here for you so samantha sent in uh some help after hearing we were going to do the review and this is one of my favorites this is of a place called uh mi casa and it's a five-star review by tim i love mi casa been coming here since i was a kid rumor has it i'm named after the bartender who was there in 81 lots of cheese tons of character i craze their salsa great place and that's so funny and i really hope that's true rumor has it oh my, I hope it's like a rumor around town. Like everybody knows that. Yeah, around the restaurant.

Like not just like rumor within the family. Like I hope everyone thinks like, oh, that's the guy named after the bartender. I wish I could scroll down this Yelp page and see if other people are gossiping about it on the Yelp page. Because that would be fun. I love that the name is Tim. Like it's like he was named after the bartender, you know, Tim. As someone who was named after literally nothing,

just name my way because no one, my mom didn't know anyone with that name. I kind of envy Tim. Yeah, me too. I wish I had a namesake. I sometimes imagine it was the Christine car, but I know it's not. So it's kind of a bummer.

I was also named Christine because my mom never knew anyone named Christine. So very, also very not exciting. Is there a family member with that name in their middle name or something? Oh, sorry. Yes, you're right. It's my mom's middle name. Okay. I was, I didn't want to say mom's cause I'm like, you would know that.

It's mom's middle name. Well, it was, she changed it immediately because she got married and then deleted she gave it to you i guess she dumped it on me and then why would you be mad she changed it it's not like she named her middle name after you yes but she named me after her middle name and then got rid of it yeah because now she has you you're all she needs no bullshit she changed it because i'm trying here mom i'm trying do you know what she did she named herself kaiser and then named francisca kaiser so now they have the same middle name and she and i don't have the same name anymore so she replaced me that's fair yeah okay nope i'm on your side now sorry mom you don't listen to us anyway she changed her name to

francisca's middle name anyway Anyway, whatever. Okay, so. It is her maiden name, though. Yes, I know. But, like, then. Oh, my lord. Do you know what she said? So, I didn't change my last name when I got married. Yeah.

And do you know what she said? She said that she wouldn't do that either. Yeah. And she's done it multiple times. Yeah, you know, if I got married, I also wouldn't change my last name. And I was like, but you did three times. But, okay. I guess not.

Like, what do you mean? She's like, yeah, but nowadays. I was like, that was. She times. But okay, I guess not. Like, what do you mean? She's like, yeah, but nowadays. She's being supportive. She's being supportive. I was like, you got married like 2005. It's not like this is like a long time ago. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. When was Francisca born?

2004. Okay. You got married in 2002. I'm like, Garcia, you're starting some scandal here like this is me like well you know how scandalous it is now as scandalous it is nowadays yeah well in our church you know we are in a blended church that's right um i'm just kidding okay it's called the kaiser schiefer sturdiment i don't know what big mallies anyway okay sorry anyway thank you samantha this started a conversation i wasn't ready for um this is a this is a review of barbara's fish trap what is that name this is a review of Barbara's Fish Shop. I'm imagining someone being named after Barbara's fish trap.

This is five stars by fish trap. I'm sweating. This is the best challenge ever. Oh my god. This is ridiculous. Oh my god. Oh my god, this is ridiculous. Oh my god. Oh my god. This is a five-star review by Teresa.

I shortened it a little bit because I just put the relevant information. A Bay Area staple. They've managed to stay a lovely hole in the wall that's never expanded. My parents named me after one of the waitresses that used to work here. Never gets old. End of review. So this seems to be a more common occurrence. Is this something that happens out there?

I guess. Like, that was the best meal of my life. You know what? We don't have much money. I'm only going to tip you like 10%. But we will name our firstborn after you. Yeah, it's like, what would you rather? $20 now? Or the potential that some random child has your same first name? but we will name our firstborn after you yeah it's like what would you rather twenty dollars now

or the potential that some random child has your same first name and your same first name is tim a five-star yelp review once they turn 30 once you no longer work here because they're like oh it hasn't been invented yet it's on the internet what's the internet it will be worth it i promise so i there were a lot of these restaurant ones so i was like no i'm gonna go somewhere else i'm gonna go to actual products right so then i went to amazon and tried to figure out if there was anything on amazon named after uh people named after products so the first review i have is of the trivial pursuit star trek 50th anniversary edition game by usaopoly oh is this

why you got something on your mind earlier okay yeah i think like a million percent that's why no actually because there were yelp reviews or renaissance reviews about people dressed in star trek attire okay got it five stars verified purchase by eric watch every classic star trek movie and series before you show up at my house or I will embarrass you. I've got no life and a chip on my shoulder. I named my baby after an obscure Star Trek spinoff character. We set phasers to kill around here. The questions span every Trek prior to the Chris Pine-led reboot films and can get pretty

dang specific, so it pays to have watched some Trek recently. It's a fun game if you can get a few people with passable Star Trek knowledge together in one place for an hour or so. The Shuttlecraft model game case looks beautiful on the shelf with my other collectibles, and it made for a great excuse to rewatch the Menagerie. As a bonus, the cards are clearly marked, meaning you know which series or film the questions are about, so you can just pull all Star Trek Enterprise references right out of existence.

Five stars. So that was more about naming your child after Star Trek, but... You know what? I like it, though. Thank you. Because he says my baby, so I figured the baby can't write a review yet, but someday. Yeah, I can't... You know what? I am... That made me want to play but

i don't know i've never seen star trek anything star trek not even one of the modern movies i don't even know where i came up with embarrassed i literally don't know where i came up with leonard nemoid like i don't know where i pulled that out of my brain but that's about as far as my knowledge goes hey you seem pretty you could have lied and said you're a big fan people would have believed you yeah and then i would have had're a big fan. People would have believed you. Yeah. And then I would have had to back it up. Yeah. Nobody would have believed me.

They know me well enough to know that's bullshit. They know me well enough. I mean, we can pretend, but. So I have two more and these are probably my favorite. And these are more like directly part of the challenge. So this is a review of a DVD called, oh no, oh no sorry there's oh my god i'm sorry there's only one more left but i had to write the plot down so of course it's a couple sentences this is a dvd called let's scare jessica to death what plot let's be like okay it's like a movie it's a a movie, yeah. Let me see what year it was from. Let's scare Jessica.

Like, I didn't know if it was, like, a homemade DVD kind of thing. Oh, God. That sounds... So, it's from the 1970s. 71. So, old school. Plot. Released from an institution after suffering a nervous breakdown,

Jessica seeks the tranquility of a secluded home in Connecticut to make her recovery complete. But instead of a restful recuperation with her husband in the New England countryside, Jessica soon finds herself falling into a swirling vortex of madness and the supernatural. And an even more unsettling discovery is that the entire region seems to be under the influence of a mysterious woman who has been living in the supposedly empty house. Jessica's fear and dread only intensify when she discovers that the undead girl emily tragically drowned long ago on her wedding day is she back to take vengeance okay so was i don't know who this person is named after but i hope it's not the

undead girl named who drowned yeah putting that out there so this is a five-star review by sika is that a hint who they're named after emily sika five stars by sika my dad named me after this movie or so he claims i believe it though i used to watch alfred hitchcock twilight zone and tales from the dark side with him when i was only six tonight i just watched this movie for the first time dad passed away earlier this year he'd be happy to know i loved it it's spooky in the best old school ways great scary music what a thriller and so dated which was awesome let's scare jessica to death as a classic i'll be watching it again and again I just got goosebumps what nice stop I know that was like the most touching one of all I'm glad you ended with that one it's

there were a surprising number of people named after horror movies yeah like Christine now that's like I couldn't find any of Christine which was a bummer that's so cool like taking that like taking that like taking that I know I love it so uh love that uh she's like he always said that i wasn't sure but then i watched it and now i believe it which is great um and some people there were a lot alexander of reviews to pick from there were people who were named after a lot of like literary characters yeah um a lot of like old school random movies that like you've never heard of from like the 60s that are like so outdated um someone there was a woman who's an author named kipling who was named after a roodyard kipling um there were just a lot of

fun ones and so many pets and people named after waitresses, waiters, and. Wow. I know. I didn't know that was a thing. Isn't that? Or named after bars. That was a common one, too. So, like, but that was mostly pets, I think.

Like, Samantha sent some of, like, different bars. Yeah. I love, like, this one. I love Cafe Amelie so much, I named my dog after it just the amelie part uh so a lot of people named their dogs like here lola for lola's frozen yogurt oh my god can you imagine just naming your dog after a frozen yogurt spot um i know it's so like goofy and random um anyway so many people name their pets after bars and their favorite coffee shops and it's just really I mean people name their dogs dog or cat it's true

that's true I'm trying to think of what our pets would be named well Gio was named after giovanni bernard that's true yeah football player um where do we like to go skyline i'm trying to think of like a location we like any bars that we like would go to i mean i we're not very cool i'm trying to remember where do we do trivia lots of too many places that's the problem simsies simsies simsies that's a cute name for a dog yeah or a child that's funny who was our server at simsies it's not like there was a lot of turnover in los angeles of waiters or waitresses and servers anyway so that's all i've got for you that was fantastic thank you samantha what a wonderful challenge seriously it was one of my favorites and b for sending in reviews for the like oh like helping along challenge heard we were doing it and was like

here i'll give you some to start i was like that's actually really helpful thank you yeah are you ready for your theme our theme for for next week? Okay. So this one is from Sue. She, her. The theme this week is Girl Scout cookies. Oh, that's good. Sue sent in a review specifically of the Girl Scout cookie app, like the finder app. There's an app? There's an app to find where you can buy cookies

i love that but before i chose this as our theme i made sure you could actually read reviews of the cookies and you can so i made sure to check if you can write reviews of the actual cookies and sure enough on influenster.com you can leave reviews for all of the different girl scout cookies and there are hundreds some have thought like thin men's have over 6 000 reviews i can't believe that so i think it's gonna be some great content but sue says that um i spent the last hour trying to log into my own daughter's girl scout cookie account and losing my mind because the app and the help setup is a nest of infinite infinite loopdom and so that's why what led her to finding this review this negative review um and yeah came up with that idea so i love that girl scout cookies is great

oh i'm so excited oh tis the season uh is it the season i don't know yeah yeah oh it is okay i'm like yep totally um okay for any vegans out there thin mints are always vegan but um i think if it's the abc bakers they have like vegan versions of like s'mores and a couple others um but yeah it's a lot of them but there are options so i've got my thin mints coming i'm excited oh god i love them it's okay so brooke sent the challenge says um i was super excited to hear alex mentioned michael sarah palin since i'm a big fan of theirs in a similar vein the band elton john cena is also great love it do you know them i don't know elton john i don't either but that sounds like a fun name um based on today's episode i thought of a potential challenge prompt so as i feel like we've done something similar tell me if

we've done this but i i just like this my challenge is for a review of a celebrity-owned restaurant that mentions the celebrity themselves for example a review of kid rock's big honky-tonk and rock and roll steakhouse that mentions kid rock by name uh That's it. Lachey's. Okay. Yeah. And like, could it be? Yeah. So like. I did a Guy Fieri one, but I don't remember what the actual challenge was.

I think we just, I think the review or the challenge was specifically about Guy Fieri. Oh, you're right. It was. You're right. It was just Guy Fieri. Cause I did the pizza, the Costco Guy Fieri pizza. So disgusting. Yeah. No, i like this a

lot because i think that some people are gonna have some wild opinions that they shouldn't have and there are some random celebrities so we've got some weird stuff coming there are some random celebrities that have restaurants that just doesn't don't really make sense um and i guess you could come up with like five off the top of my head it's like a good sign that there's some also margaritaville um and so i bet so you could do restaurants you can even do like products i don't really care like if you get a pizza oh yeah no i'll stretch i'll stretch the limits of this challenge i always do yay thank you brooke thank you brooke thank you sue oh looking forward to next week y'all thank you for being here thank you for being here and Thank you for being here. And thank you for being there.

And look out for another episode on Monday. I don't know what it could be, but there might be a little special something something coming out. The Top Town Criers coming back. Bye.