Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 118: Reviews of Six Flags

Episode Date: March 3, 2021

The demonic Foghorn Leghorn rises from his coffin after 30 hours of eating cockroaches. Bert and Ernie quake in fear. Check out our new poster! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Follow us on TikTok! tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Subscribe to American Hysteria on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. hello and welcome to beach to sandy water to wet the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion my name is christine and my name is alex and guess what this is all a surprise to you all because we forgot to tell you what the theme and challenge were last week yeah we we did not remember until yesterday it was it's been a time okay i have to adjust to ohio weather yeah we also didn't

realize that the audio would be so crummy when we're in the same room even though we're using the two-person mic so we're gonna record from afar as in three miles apart for now. So hopefully the audio stays okay. So really I should just move back is what we're all saying. Maybe you should just leave. There's no point. We tried it. It's not working.

I also want to add before we start that we made a Patreon Valentine special that's up now on Patreon. And it's pretty weird. I found reviews of purity rings and Alexander found some the opposite, I guess, of whatever the opposite of purity rings that are. That's what he found. Not to be bad. Like after editing that episode or going through and adding the music, I was like, I feel like we should have switched these. Like it felt like more of a real episode for some reason.

No, I was so glad it was not a real episode. I was like, I don't want this out on the public airwaves like our patrons i can trust to keep this to themselves but nobody else i thought it was so good i don't understand i was horrified and it was also terrible because we were three feet apart and i was like this is not the content i want to be discussing with you right now that's a good point um but if you want to hear that, you can go to our Patreon, patreon.com slash beach2sandy. And otherwise, we're going to tell you the theme, Alexander, which Haley, I guess, suggested. Yes, Haley suggested this. The theme is six flags, locations, parks.

I didn't realize there were like many six flags. I didn't realize there were as many as there are. There are 26. I looked it up there are insane a number it felt like more than 26 it was a lot yeah i know like six flags magic mountain driving just now driving back from la or here from la we passed six flags st louis well and since you're going back today you're gonna pass them all again true i'm gonna actually stop by there i hear it's a great place to be right now with covid all the people complaining about being there during covid and i'm like you're

there during like they were like exactly there's so many people here and i'm like well yeah they're complaining about lack of social distancing and it's like well you went to a theme park during a pandemic hello trust me i i wish they would use proper protocols. Don't get me wrong. But I guess I'm not totally shocked. I guess is what I'm trying to say. Stickers on the ground aren't enough to enforce this. It's like, well, I don't know. Just tell you.

We can start a police state, you know, like just a militant takeover of all theme parks. And maybe that'll make you happy, Brenda. You know, that's my idea. Okay. Well. Also, I gave you a challenge. And it was the one that i was going to give you before you completely upended it and picked valentine's day as a belated theme so the challenge i gave you can you fill in the blank because i forget yes uh the challenge was to find reviews where someone complained that something was

too inexpensive or not expensive enough. I thought I found some good ones. Okay, good, good, good. Well, how many reviews do you have of theme parks? I have, I believe, four and a redemption. Okay, I have five so I can start. Perfect. So this is a review of Six Flags Magic Mountain in Los Angeles, California. One star by Lou. I walked in the park and my shirt had a bad word on it. I thought, okay, no big deal. I'll just take my shirt off and put my hoodie on. Wrong. They said I couldn't have it anywhere on the park premises, which was an issue because I had Ubered there. I asked if I could just leave it outside the park in a bush, and they said that someone could take it if you do that. And I thought to myself, I'll take my chances.

So I threw my shirt over the wall into a bush, and then almost immediately after, the security guards that just said it was okay walked over to it, picked it up, and threw it in a disgusting trash can, which prompted me to ask, what the fuck? And then they kicked me out for use of profanity i did what they asked me to do i had nowhere else to put it and they left me no choice but to throw it and then they abused their power end of review they left you no choice but to throw your shirt over a wall wait Also, they never said you could do that. They said someone might steal it, but they never said, sure, you can hurl it over and litter on our property. They probably were like, there's no way this person is serious.

So let's kind of answer this way and just kind of test the waters. And they didn't expect to just yeet the thing over the wall. I also wonder what the shirt said. I was going to say, I really wish I knew, because it's got to be pretty bad. I mean, and why would you go to a, why would you? I feel like if you're wearing a shirt at a theme park in California and it's so bad they make you take it off,

it's probably kind of something upsetting. I will say once, I've done this quite a few times, leave things in bushes. I just don't really have a good grasp on like, A, social etiquette, and B, regard for my belongings, mostly B. And I was at the DMV in Kentucky. So this is a small town life for you. And I went to get my license and I they don't let they didn't allow purses like handbags in. And I said, Well, I walked here. And the guy said, Okay, well, you can leave it out here. But I can't. If somebody takes it, I can't do anything about it. It was like a police officer. And I was like, Okay. So I was like, Well, I'm just gonna

put it in this bush. And so then I just put it behind a bush, and I said, don't let anyone take it. He said, I told you I can't stop anyone from taking it. I was like, what? That seems like not correct, but so I left it there, and then I came out, and it was still there. That's my story.

Halfway through that, I wasn't sure if you were joking or not. No, I'm not joking. This bush thing happened to you too? Oh, I do this. I put things in bushes pretty regularly. Like if I'm somewhere where I'm not allowed to have something. Is it that weird? Actually, weirdly enough,

I do have a story where I did the exact same thing. So then why are you acting like this is so wild to you? Because Christina, this story is when my friends and I, we found a highway sign that had, there was like a storm. So one of those highway signs. Yeah, I remember that. Fell down. It was a massive one.

And so we grabbed it and it was like a taller than or as tall as me. It was pretty tall. And then realized like our car was really far away and we couldn't just walk through the streets with the sign. So we hid it in the bushes and then drove our car and then drove it home. To our house? Yes. Well, Christina, you have a picture with it. I do?

Yes, in our kitchen. Oh. Okay, never mind. Anyway, yeah, we hid it in the bush because we thought we were going to get arrested or something for walking around with this public property. It's like the same thing except mine had my social security card and all my credit cards. Well, you're known for just dropping those around restaurants all the time. But that's exactly what I'm saying.

I have no regard for my personal belongings. I often just leave things lying around. That is true. The bush is the least weird place I've left my purse. Why didn't you leave it in your car? I walked. I told you. Oh, I didn't.

I missed that part. Just read the next review. This review is of Six Flags Great America in like Illinois somewhere. Gurney. It's in Gurney. Thank you. Gurney. Gurney, Illinois.

One star. Complete waste of money unless you love roller coasters. There's nothing to do unless you ride a roller coaster. Anything else costs extra. Parking is $30 for the cheapest option, and that means walking an additional mile to the front entrance. Expect to pay $20 to $30 per person for lunch or dinner. The only ride I wanted, Roaring Rapids, was closed for no reason. End of review.

Oh my god! Okay, that reminds me of that challenge you gave me once of finding a theme park review where the person hated the theme of the theme park. Yes, yes. Which is like the whole of that review. What's the point of coming here if you don't like world? That's like saying, don't come to this burger joint if you don't like burgers. There's nothing to do here. It's like, that doesn't... It seems like they wanted to ride one ride and go there for lunch and dinner. And it's like, don't.

It's so expensive for that. You should know better than to do that. They got a mile long walk out of the day. True. And a cute picture. We're not going to share it, but. Turn it this way. What is that?

It's like foghorn leghorn or whatever he looks miserable that man looks miserable i know he looks well no he's got a little bit of a smile i guess he's like we're actually he and i are matching today you do look this yeah you have the same shirt on i do like that that this is in the midst of him just trying to find something to do. He's like, well, I guess here's a statue of Foghorn Leghorn. It's like literally just a picture of a man standing in front of a statue of Foghorn Leghorn. Which is something to do. Hey, that's not a roller coaster.

It sounds like he's had a lot of things going on during his day it's well it's like when i went to um universal uh in la and got pictures with the minions right and alex the lion i mean that was the best part yeah like i wasn't there to ride rides i was there to meet alex the lion my namesake that's right and i mean what more do you want nothing i honestly don't want anything else out of life anymore after that moment. I know. You keep telling me that and I'm like, you're going to have to find one eventually. But I have nightmares where that event didn't happen. And I wake up in a sweat thinking, oh, God.

And then you check under your pillow and your photo with Alex Alain is still there. And you think, oh, thank God. Yeah. Give a nice kiss before falling back asleep. So this is a review of Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson Township, New Jersey. It's a once review by Trish. We went to Six Flags New Jersey Columbus Day weekend and were completely shocked by the experience in a negative way. in a negative way.

The staff members were poorly trained, if at all, rather rude, actually barely acknowledging your presence and with lack of ability to answer basic questions about the park. The crowd at night is rough, not recommended for families or anyone wanting a pleasant environment to enjoy the evening. Worst of all was the outrageous display of demonic idolatry. With no exaggeration, actual demon sculptures oh the foghorn leghorn oh yeah it's right in front of me it is pretty demonic if you ask me

with no exaggeration actual demon sculptures fountains with blood water gift shop items featuring devil horn headband and t-shirt sweatshirts with horrible dark imagery, 30-hour coffin contests, and a horror parade with wackos dressed in every warped costume you could imagine wandering the park after dark scarring people. The ride names featured in Six Flag Parks include The Devil, The Snake, 666, and more. Many folks innocently go to the park like us, totally unaware, but it is very clear once in the park that this organization has deliberately created a very dark demonic themes park. What a sad reality check of the world we live in

that this has become unnoticed enough that this park is all over the country yikes end of review that just wouldn't end i'm sorry but that just would not take a few breath breathing breaks i don't think there's an actual problem here fun fact this review was written in october of 2019 that is fun thank you i mean to clarify why there are coffins and yeah yeah like it's like a halloween thing yeah 666 devil devil worshiping there is a 30-hour coffin contest and it's horrible i don't like it i don't approve of it christina what what does how does it work it's like fear factor have people. Are you sure it's not coughing contest? I think that's actually when the pandemic, like where it started.

It was a coughing contest in New Jersey. And that's how. I got confused because everyone ended up in a coffin. And I thought, oh, I thought that was part of the game. Oh, no. Sorry. Sorry. They, you're supposed to lay in a coffin for 30 hours.

And they give you a bathroom break every three hours. No exceptions. And then the oxen areander this is bad they have you if you don't have to pee you like get out and then like if you have to pee two hours later you just pee yourself then you're screwed and they have real coffins and then you win the coffin that's it and six hundred dollars but that's it because part of the 30 hours is eating live cockroaches why alexander i'm part of it i don't know and pork hearts it's like horrible i mean it's horrible they have you eat live animals scorpions i think those are dead but the cockroaches were alive and they were like a man i ate a cockroach in 13 seconds it just i'm not into. I find no humor in that. For $600.

No thanks. And like maybe a feature in the local news. Maybe. Print edition only. 30 hours for $600. Why? Alexander, that is the question. Oh my God.

Not worth it. Not worth it. You get like a plaque or something at least? You get a coffin somewhere? Oh, yeah, your coffin. Jesus Christ. That you peed in. I wonder how many of those people are actually going to be buried in that coffin.

Like, what do you do with that? Where do you put that? Where do you keep that? Outside. They're already pee-soaked and really gross. Have like cockroach legs in it. Anyway, sorry. So Trish didn't understand that it was Halloween.

I'm actually on Trish's side now. I think I'm not a fan of any of this anymore. I love that she's saying, I don't know. I don't know. What do you love? What do you love? The rides are called The Snake. Alrighty, here's a review of Six Fl flags great america this is one star where is adam the life

guard end of review i just immediately pictured adam behind like a tree being like don't tell them don't tell them don't tell stacy we're hiding from stacy for an entire afternoon yeah and i actually so okay i want to this brings me to something from last episode uh the valentine's one we did get lots of information about angela the cat oh my god i already forgot about actual news segments and this was the thing the problem i had when i was searching for this was it was a different app so it was angela's solo app i believe that had the issue so not you mean angela's soulless app that's why i was confused was because people were like complaining on this app but the app in question that was on the news at school who just tried to get in get in on it and everyone was like you're not even reviewing the right app yes exactly so that's why i was confused i'm sorry for my

my poor research skills this is a comedy podcast get over it uh but no no one would actually complain they just kind of um were giving me plenty of context which alarmed me that so many of you yeah some people were like i remember when this happened and i was also so scared of the yeah i hope you all are okay and i'm sorry for bringing it up and bringing it back into your conscience um anyway so in order to try to uh rectify the situation i chose to google adam the lifeguard six flags and tried to find something just in case because for all i knew there was some sort of news article about how like urban legend adam the lifeguard went missing and six flags wasn't giving every halloween the coffin is lifted and adam honestly i thought there could be something could be something going on fishy but i didn't find anything so oh my god i

was that was my story i was really hoping there was some sort of like urban legend about adam the lifeguard watch us get a bunch of tweets saying that there actually is. It's probably because it was from like Six Flags Magic Mountain, not Six Flags Great America. It's just like the wrong Six Flags. This was from three months ago. It was a pretty recent one. Oh my God. Yeah.

I don't know. Where is Adam then? That's a good question. Adam, are you listening? Did you lose your job? I hope not. I hope not too. I'll start a GoFundMeme let's do it okay great um

just for now i'll link it to my paypal just in case i know because like i don't i don't want to you know lose track of the money we're raising also like also we don't want gofundme taking any cut so we'll just send it directly to wait that's right yeah trust us trust no no yeah this is a real charitable donation and we don't need anyone taking a cut. This is a review of Six Flags America in Maryland. One star by Sam. I went when they had the Christmas stuff up, and a half-bald man almost ran me over. They made me think it was snowing, when in reality, it was fake.

End of review. Hmm. Santa Claus? think it was snowing when in reality it was fake end of review hmm santa claus bald is called b-o-l-d bold are you sure it wasn't bold well yeah because the rest of the review using context clues i'm pretty sure it's not bold it's pretty sure someone just can't spell okay that doesn't not as well i do also for a minute when i was doing this i hadn't written down which location and i thought i was still in california in los angeles and i was like they made it think you were snowing like how absolutely and then i realized we were in maryland but to be fair if anyone would think it's able to snow and it would probably be a california's like, oh, it's 50 degrees out.

It's snowing. It's so cold. I'm icing over. Yeah. I mean, honestly, like, isn't that a good thing? If they convince you it's snowing? Yeah. It's that realistic?

I mean, what was it like? I wonder if they gave the negative review because they were like scared or like, oh, no, it's snowing. Oh, thank God it it's snowing oh thank god it's not started hiding how dare you scare me like that yeah what was it or was it just a disappointment like oh no i really thought it was snowing and it's that's what i thought when in reality it was fake which but i'm like you're in fucking dc do not worry friend you'll get snow and you're not gonna like it it's better when it's fake it's better trust me i don't get it i don't get it i just got the half bold man

didn't fully run him over just only half ran him over oh all right this is a one-star review of six flag st louis it was the time of covid19 and we were there It was the time of COVID-19 and we were there. It was the worst of times and it was also the worst of times. That's a dramatic way. I mean, that's how we're going to be talking about it one day. Oh, I was walking up many hills both ways. It was the worst of times. And this was written like seven months ago.

So it's like you're still in those times. Yeah, we're not even anywhere else. It was the times. It sounds like it was the time of the cholera outbreak. It's like, no, no, no. I think they just know this is going to be featured in some textbook someday. True. Good point.

So they're just preparing for that. It was the time of COVID-19 and we were there. My father was in the middle of a heat stroke from wearing the masks out in the heat oh my god so he sat down before he passed out and took his mask off a worker came over and calmly told him that we'd be kicked out of their park if he didn't put his mask back on all while he was having a stroke my father told i can't he was having was having a... Hold on. Wait. This is like... We just escalated. Okay. He was, quote unquote, having a heat stroke.

So he sat down and took his... And then he fainted? No. No. He hasn't. I thought he passed out. He sat down before... If he hadn't sat down, he would have passed out.

Oh, before he would have passed out. See, I see. And then he had a stroke. And before he had 16 heart attacks at once he had to take his mask off i'm not sure if this person doesn't understand that heat stroke is different from an actual stroke or or this person actually had heat stroke and a stroke which is a fucking terrible combination wow what a bad timing for your body to really shut down like that exactly but considering the rest of the review I assume that is not actually what happened. But here we go. I think that's a fair assumption.

All while he was having a stroke. My father told him that he's about to pass out and the worker continuously told him to put his mask back on. They also make you keep your mask on while you are on the ride. My brother's mask fell on a ride. They would not let us get it, which is reasonable. brother's mask fell on a ride they would not let us get it which is reasonable but they told us that we need to leave if we didn't buy one of their 35 terrible quality face masks that was my experience at six flag st louis end of review oh for god's sake oh for god's sakes that is right that is right i mean come on i love it how it's like my dad had a stroke and then my brother lost his

mask on a ride it's like wait wait wait these don't equate like what i hate when people there was one i read that i'm not they didn't keep but it was like my brother and sister drowned and they also didn't understand medical terminology because the brother and sister didn't die but they were like my brother and sister drowned in the wave pool and everything smelled kind of funny and the food was terrible and i was like how are we disregarding so quickly they gloss over and which makes it very much not as like make you makes you realize okay this is not as serious as the words being used because if you have heat stroke you call the fucking you call 9-1-1 like that is some serious like a park uh employee probably has

seen heat stroke before and would probably be actually concerned if someone were like either unconscious or i mean i hate this stupid like i'm gonna die wearing this mask thing it's it's so old at this point and the mask has nothing to do with heat i mean heat stroke is your your body temperature going getting dangerously high i don't know know that's a good point the mask doesn't create heat stroke or regular stroke as someone who went to the hospital because of heat exhaustion which is not as nearly as severe as but you are very ill too um yeah no it's it's no you know what's happening because i got the chills i was like really cold i felt really nauseous the sun was beating down i'm like why am i cold there's something wrong oh um yeah so they found alexander with like 85 masks on he was that cold he just kept putting more layers on and they were like that's how we know

sorry stupid anyway um so yeah and then the the sudden stroke that this man had while sitting down talking to this guy about mask usage. You don't understand. I was going to pass out. I didn't, but I was going to. It's just really scary. Okay, this is one of my favorites. This is a review of Six Flags Over Texas, which is what the Arlington, Texas location is named. This is a once-star view by Chester.

Appalling. Not a good Christian family environment. We went to Six Flags because on their website it says that it's a family environment. This means no cussing, decent clothing, and a general good atmosphere for the children. We have five kids and try to raise them with decent morals. You are finding all the wackos. I googled Six Flags. I googled site, tripadvisor.com quote six flags christian end quote after i found the first demonic worship one i had to see what else is out there you go you you did good that was a smart thing to do um let's see the music is mainstream okay this is i'm gonna play a game called name that song

name that tune oh no okay okay each each tune is quoted by this concerned father and you could guess which song it is the music is mainstream when my children age 10 on down were exposed to songs about doing the whole town getting Getting drunk. Getting high. Quote, cheating on a spouse. Cheating on a loved one. Shaking your sexy butt. Um, what? Is this all Kesha?

I don't know. It's Kid Rock. No, I'm just kidding. They would love Kid Rock kid rock shaking your sexy butt getting hosed and wasted along with this the songs had some mild cuss words so each of those phrases was like a separate quote as if it was from a separate song um there's a song and it was a quote cheating on your loved one this is so wild i love that they couldn't come up with anything better so they wrote cheating on a spouse and cheating on a loved one and then shaking your sexy butt

did you google shaking your sexy butt to see what came up i'm really mad that i did it actually at myself so i'm gonna google it right now perfect and see what happens okay oh god don't google that woof okay i just uh woof let's just say it took me to some websites that mostly have x's in the title so there's literally nothing but adult videos in the entire first page of results so x and out of that at a six flags entertainment event it was announced at the end that the most important person is yourself this was against our christian beliefs and promoted a lot of greed. The rides had short lines. Yippee skippy. The other issue.

Sorry. I'm sorry. That's a different vibe. That was its own paragraph. That has, well, as you know, short lines are really in line with the Christian values. True, true. The other issue was the crowds and attire that we witnessed in this family environment there were young and old girls showing cleavage butt cleavage

i'm sorry i can't this is so tough for me to read okay showing cleavage butt cleavage seethrough clothing. Some even had their front zippers of their shorts undone and open with a bikini underneath. Some wore bikini tops and sports bras. As we raised our three girls to be modest and to love and respect the body God gave them, again we were surrounded by unmodest attire which we highly disapprove of. Many males had skull shirts, Many males had skull shirts, demon shirts, grim reaper shirts, half-rotten corpse shirts. One person had a pentagram shirt. Along with that, it came as an utter shock what kind of tattoos that people happily displayed. Perhaps this review may come off as strange to some, but really it greatly taught my wife and I about the moral compass of our society that so many just don't care. We will never in our lives visit Six Flags again. It was a moral toilet in a gloss of a fun image.

We always believe that the eye is the lamp of the body and that what we put into ourselves has an effect on our beliefs. I would highly consider these things before you take your children to this place. There are many more decent family places than this. End of review. That was actually one of

my least favorite things I've ever heard. I loved it. No, that was terrible. Shaking your sexy butt i feel so bad for those warning can you imagine how terrible that would be if you like walk around and are noticing all this stuff like those people must have the like what how uncomfortable would you be as one of these five children yeah your parents are like taking notes on everybody's outfits and like scanning all the quote unquote old and young girls who are wearing butt cleavage and your dad is this is the dad because i went and looked through his

whole profile uh his the dad is just like scanning every everyone's outfits uh just for information sake you know of course um and i i just i think the thing that really got me was the mainstream music about doing the whole town. Like, I just love all of that. Getting hosed, cheating on a loved one. It sounds like what. You would like all of that. I know. I'm a heathen.

Yeah. But it does sound like what a church, like a youth group would write in a pamphlet about like mainstream music being of the devil. But it's even like i feel like it's even beyond that this seems like another level of like brainwashing or something i don't know that is incredibly insane oh well yeah certainly i i went and looked at this guy's profile to think like well then what is a christian environment for your children uh no you know the only other one that was i could find was of um the cowgirl museum you're joking i'm not jerking and that was also a negative review but only because they didn't

show enough cowgirl guns what there weren't enough guns on display oh pentagrams no thank you i'll stick to my guns very biblical and christian yep anyway i want to move away from that one oh that was really upsetting my stomach hurts like not joking that's not good i googled lamp of the body yes i was gonna mention that because it reminded me of the pixar lamp jumping on the letter i oh that's cute eyes the lamp of the body yeah matthew chapter 6 verse 22 your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body when your eye is healthy your whole body is filled with light oh shit okay i feel like that's like what an ophthalmologist put on their business card but okay yeah i don't i don't buy it here's a one-star review of six flags magic mountain do not go here you have been warned quite possibly the worst experience of my life the fact that they charge

money to enter the park is laughable every line i stood in i had people cut in front of me one line i stood in someone hopped the railing and landed on my six-year-old kid. Sorry, that's not funny. What? I don't know. Like you said, there needs to be some sort of police state. This is just getting out of hand. That's a militaristic action must be taken. And of course, when I said something about it, I was made out to be the bad guy. When I said something to the workers about all they said was, I'm sorry. No one there has any idea of what's going on. I guess the only qualification to work there is, are you able to breathe oxygen?

The wait time for the rides is not worth it. Food prices are not worth it we ended up leaving after half a day and went to the beach instead that was the greatest decision we made do yourself a favor and just spend the day at the beach stay away from this place at all costs end of review it's too bad the son was getting a full body cast at that point since he'd been you know stomped on by a stranger so true wow i mean at first i thought maybe this person is is dead and doesn't know it because they're like i got cut in every single line people were like walking in front of me and i thought oh my god maybe they

died on a roller coaster 50 years ago and haven't figured it out yet you know it does seem like some weird like limbo thing and yeah i think my version of limbo but like closer to the hell side would be stuck in a six flags line you know anything with stickers for social distancing but no one's on the stickers yeah and there's a six-year-old with me for some godforsaken reason it's all really unfortunate. Wow, that does sound scary. Setting thoughts and prayers. Who's six-year-old? I don't know. Oh, creepy. I'm just saying. This person's scenario sounds really unfortunate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'll give them that. All right, I have one more review, and this is a one star, and I'm really glad you have a redemption, because as much as the last review I read hurt your stomach, this one significantly hurt mine. So I don't know if you're gonna feel the same way because you like weird things oh true i do so here we go okay i'm

perked up this is a review of six flags great america and gurney illinois one star by mike two lifeguard who let the 50 year old man poop on my child down lazy river and i thought this poor six-year-old getting like jumped had it rough getting jumped but like not the normal way of getting jumped getting jumped on oh my god please start from the beginning i need to let me let me like fix my seating this is honestly one of those reviews where i didn't know and this is like a classic christine did research at remicade and every time the nurse came over i had to keep shutting my laptop because i couldn't fathom how this review exists on the planet so here we go one star by mike to lifeguard who let the 50-old man poop on my child down lazy river.

What the fuck did you just say about me, you little bitch? Oh, PS, side note, there's a lot of swearing in this, so if anyone feels uncomfortable or- Is this a copypasta that we're about to hear? Is it? Is it about a Navy SEAL? Oh, no. I knew it was fake. Damn it.

Oh, you ate the pasta. Don't't say eight there's the word poop i just read all that man i got sucked into a fake review huh what is that the maybe seal copy pasta it's like what did you just say to me you little bitch i did whatever oh i loved it because they spelled al-qaeda wrong that's probably that's probably part they were spelled it al-qaeda and then they spelled guerrilla warfare like the animal of a guerrilla um okay so never mind well hey some people you know what some people might not it's better than people tweeting at us like hello it's way better that you correct me now i will read the last line because i don't think this is part of the um creepy copy pasta i'm so creepy it should be a creepy pasta i guess kind of a horror story uh okay you would have held your fucking tongue but you couldn't you

didn't and now you're paying the price you goddamn idiot i will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it like my child did you're fucking dead kiddo end of review end of copy pasta from reddit or 4chan or some shit um i had a feeling it was fake there were like there was like enough to keep me baited where i was like well what's fun what's fun is sometimes they'll add things like like that last bit was part of the original one but like the fact they added their kid like their kid did yes yes yes addition like my kid did in the lazy river right so it's still fun that you brought that to the table thanks thanks uh i'm glad i honestly i'm actually really glad i don't have to read it because it's really long and uh really upsetting um i guess if you guys want to read it you can google navy SEAL copy pasta guerrilla

warfare spelled like the animal and maybe you'll find it I love that at least we got a kick out of to lifeguard who let the 50 that's not in the original so that's perfect that's great okay let's redeem ourselves let's have a redemption

this is a five star of six flags magic mountain had a great time waiting in the car line to get my wife and mother-in-law their covid shots end of review it was a sincere five star review i just had a great time waiting in line yeah to get a covid in the car line yeah isn't it sad how are like the relativity of of good times has changed so drastically in the last year so i went to the theme park today and i came home with a slight fever and a band-aid and i'm life is good this deserves a five-star review well maybe if that's where we're headed now where people are more willing to leave five-star reviews i saw so many of six flags of magic mountain um giving five-star reviews about how the covid vaccine implementation

or how the process worked it was like they had thousands of cones so i had so i knew exactly where to go like they had so many positive you sounded like you're about to say something very negative but that's all very so i went through a bunch of one star reviews from Magic Mountain complaining about COVID in the sense like they closed for COVID. What the heck? But the positive five star, there were so many within the past month or so talking about how well the process for getting vaccinated went. a fun little thing to bring to the table because apparently they're offering that at magic mountain. I'm so pleased to hear that. Look into that. If you're eligible, I suppose get,

get your theme park on. Let's get vaxxed, man. Yeah. Heck yeah. Okay. It's challenge time. So I don't know if I did this challenge justice.

I mean, I gave it to you last night, so I feel like I didn't give you much time. It was a little difficult to find negative reviews where people were complaining that things were too inexpensive. Yeah, I would imagine that's probably a toughie. And also, I didn't get any emails from people because they had no idea this was a challenge until today. Right, right. Not complaining. I did my best.

So I think I brought at least some fun things. I don't know. Some things that are at least positive at the very least. So let's see. You're really selling it. Yeah, I know. I know. Just listen anyway.

I promise you it's worth it. There's a fun surprise at the end. Even if these suck, there's a surprise. I'm going to come up. Yeah, let me think. We'll come up with a surprise. You think of a surprise. Okay, this is a five star review

of superior shine it's in the raleigh airport uh it's a shoe shine stand five stars okay stopped in with my beat-up pair of uggs on the way to boston and thought they needed some tlc for eight dollars i left a 20 as that was too inexpensive for the care he took he breathed new life into my battered boots. End of review. Oh my. I didn't know you could take your Uggs to a shoe shine. I looked at the picture.

They look like boots boots. They don't look like. Oh, they weren't like the classic fur lined ones. They were like nice ones. Well, they might be fur lined in there, but the outside isn't the like suede or whatever they're made isn't the like normal basic ones that i have eight knockoff pairs of okay cool because i was like can you imagine you know those ones i have that are black that are just really dirty from snow if i walked into an airport and i was like clean my shoes i feel like that would just be a low a low move they probably would i'm sure they would i think i would

feel ridiculous because they were like 40 shoes but but you know a quarter of that on a shoe shine like spend it the entire tip like half of the amount that the shoes are worth yeah well that's good i mean that's actually very uplifting that they were like it's too cheap so i'm gonna tip the guy yeah because i mean it is sort of a complaint that he's probably not getting paid very much if it's a low price. Yeah. That's a good point. He's doing good work, and he deserves to make more money.

There you go. And here's another one. This is Cindy's Cut and Corral in Rosenberg, Texas. Oh, man. This is a five-star review. I have been Cindy's customer for more years than I can remember. She is the only one

who can give me exactly the style haircut I want and when she finishes styling my hair I can never make my hair look anywhere as good when I brush it in the days following the day I get my haircut. For years I complained about her prices.

They were way too inexpensive. What? $5 for a senior is crazy. Finally, she decided to raise her prices. To $10? No. To $9? No. To $8?

No. To $7? I. To $7? I can't with this. I can't. I'm done. Christina, we finally were about to get our payoff and you interrupted. Yeah, well, it's far beyond. You don't deserve your payoff. I don't even want it.

I'm giving it back to you. Let me start from the beginning. No, please don't. Let's start at $7. I'll give you that. We'll compromise. To $7? Yes!

Finally! But there are other options in this area at twelve dollars or more no thanks i'll stick with cindy's cut and corral in downtown rosenberg texas and review that was probably one of the strangest reviews i've ever heard like honestly what's funny is they actually use the words complain yeah like they didn't seem very pleased about how cheap as hell five dollar haircut can you imagine wow that's what you get for being a senior wow to seven dollars that's a huge price jump i love but and then she sounded really pleased that the price went up i guess so yeah i mean

listen we need more people like that in this world, I guess. All right, my next one is of King Buffet in Cortland Manor, New York. This is by Bob. Four stars. I've been coming here for a few years as my son says it's his favorite. I started here about 10 years ago and the food was good, but I could see that it was too inexpensive for them to offer a better selection. It actually improved when they raised the prices.

Now they have sushi and sashimi, along with Chinese fare and some others. I usually go for the sushi. It has improved also, but it doesn't compare with sushi places, but is getting better. Always the salmon is decent the tuna is previously frozen so it is mealy sometimes mealy oh it just reminds me of meal worms oh as it got those two anyhow it is very good for the money funny i usually don't eat the typical chinese food usually the seafood and the vegetables. Enjoy. End of review.

Funny. I'm now having thoughts about my identity and likes and dislikes. Wow. That was actually a complaint where they were like, yeah, this quality isn't good because the prices are so low. I mean, that's pretty open-minded thinking, I guess, because you're basically saying, I wish they were charging me more so i could get a better return for my investment down the line wow this is fascinating i feel like i'm like seeing a new side of humanity that we rarely see on yelp and tripadvisor true

i'm impressed um now i have an amazon review this is of a mini audio power amplifier board Now I have an Amazon review. This is of a mini audio power amplifier board. It's like a little like a circuit board with a knob for adjusting volume. So I don't know what you didn't like if you're making your own radio or something, I guess. Yeah. This is a one star review, you know, as we do. As you and I literally do make our own radio.

This is a one star review by Will. Did not work. Too inexpensive to bother returning end of review interesting i feel like people do complain about that a lot on there were a lot of those i do have a another amazon one this is my last one this is of play school sesame street plush bert 11 inch okay i'm very excited is this the last one there's a little bert yeah look at him i love bert and ernie well so i love bert i identify with bert so does martha this is a four-star review i feel like you're ernie and i'm bert yeah absolute 100 rubber ducky 100 000 and I'm just cranky all the time that is so freaking true I'm also wearing orange

just like honestly I'm staring at you and you're like morphing as if I were in like a desert stranded and like starving and you turn into a ham bone you're turning into Ernie that's how desperate I am for my own entertainment excuse me?

I'm stranded in a desert of I can't tell that's like me being boring where you're like i need to entertain myself by imagining you as ernie i don't get it rubber ducky you're the one you make bath time so much fun rubber ducky i'm awfully fond of rubber ducky I'd like a whole pond of rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of you I think I don't know if that was correct but that's I think so that just popped in my head I love that and also uh I remember we had to sing that in chorus with Mr. Bowden we sang that in eighth grade Mr. Bowden's class yeah and I love grover that's the other thing i wanted to grover i like grover too i want to be a combination of grover and burt because i feel like i'm burt but also sometimes i have a more enthusiastic attitude occasionally rarely know when that

happens okay i'll try to experience it i might forget by the time it happens it might be you know too far down the line to remember but okay anyway sorry i fully lost the narrative of what i was trying to do here so i'll let you talk okay so this one is titled surprised by a tiny bert apparently there are two main manufacturers of bert dolls g-u-n and PlaySchool. I had been trying to match an Ernie doll that I already own. I measured the Ernie doll and came up with 11.5 as the measurement, but have since discovered plush toys aren't measured heel to head like a human, but toe tip to hair fuzz when stretched out. So this Burt is an 11 inch play school and I owned a 14 inch GUND Ernie. They both have open mouths, they both have fuzzy hair, the eyes on this Burt are vinyl decals, and the GUND plush has plastic button type eyes. The Burt is lighter weight as the Ernie has beans

in his tush to weight him when he sits. Otherwise, they're pretty similar. It's just a mini little brother version, which seems weird, but it was too inexpensive to bother returning. And who doesn't want multiple Bert dolls? Bert is the best. Someday I will buy the correct plush, but not today. End of review. This reminds me of a person I would run into at like the post

office wait let me see their photo yeah look at it you're right it looks like the little brother it does it's like a little baby version it is pretty cute i actually love that it reminds me of somebody who i would run into like at a post office or something who would just strike up conversation be like i mean who doesn't want multiple berts and ernie's and i like would try to come up with something to say to that because what the hell is anyone you would say i have always identified as a bird and they'd be like okay i guess you're the weird one here and then you would walk in and say sorry my sister's really uh can't stop herself from talking to strangers and it turns out i was the one talking about bird and ernie the whole time. A stranger would say, is it the unibrow?

Actually, yeah, that's probably where the first identification really came from. My identity was kind of tied up from childhood, back when my hairline actually blended into my eyebrows when I was born. Oh, good times. True fact. Good times. Anyway, that was great. I loved that challenge, actually.

I think that was perfect. I had fun with it. Yay. Well, you have um a challenge for me i do do you have a theme for me i certainly don't okay take it give me one moment i'm gonna eat a peanut okay okay so your theme that i just came up with is crystal shops or our theme i guess because i kind of want to do something a little woo-woo again just get back into the psychic spirit so let's just do crystal shops you know i love it i love it i'm excited for that mine comes from hayley same email find a negative review of a show a movie like a book some sort of piece of entertainment piece of entertainment where the person complains that it's too similar to their life oh my god okay

where it's like too relatable and they didn't like it because of how relatable it was too relatable okay i'm into that okay i love it all righty well thanks everyone for listening we'll talk to you soon we'll be back next week check us out on patreon otherwise we'll see you later signing offigning off. I'm Bert. I'm Ernie.