Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 121: Reviews of Fish Fries

Episode Date: March 24, 2021

If you don't pray to the tabernacle of Betsy or Fish Fry Daddy, then what're you doing with your life? Probably poppin' pillies and listening to Tupac... Check out our new poster! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Follow us on TikTok! tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care.

From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think.

Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to episode 121 of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm Alex. I'm Christine. And sometimes when Em and I start our podcast, I go, welcome to, and that's where we drink the podcast where, and Em goes, where what? And I'm always like, where we read stories. It doesn't work as well there. So I've realized now at this very moment why I do that every single time we start. I do that too on my other show. I say, welcome to human seeking human where we read and

I'm like, oh, I'm all alone. And I get sad. Me and my conscience and all my thoughts. Anyway, what's today's theme? Today we're reading reviews of fish fries, which seem to hit a nerve with a lot of you who live in seemingly wisconsin and other parts of that part of the country yeah when you start typing in catholic fish fry in google the uh first auto complete result for me was milwaukee yes milwaukee and madison seem to be some big big hot spots for these fish fries i thought cincinnati growing up was was a hot spot but i'm pretty sure not as much as as good old wisconsin but it was funny when you come across a reddit post it's like do there are there any fish fries in seattle i can't find

any and then i'm like oh this isn't something that happens everywhere i don't get it yeah we i knew what they were so i mean if you don't know what they are essentially in during lenten season which is i believe happening right as we speak hitting trending breaking news trending yes it's trending on twitter right now hashtag lent is trending on twitter i have my finger on the pulse so anyway the catholic pulse so oh that's not good get it off of there okay so basically during luncheon season you are not supposed to eat meat on fridays and so instead i mean i don't know who came up with this i guess because it's good friday

i don't know so instead you eat a type I guess because it's Good Friday. I don't know. I don't know. So instead you eat a type of meat. You eat a different meat. Yeah, you eat fish. Sensible, not really. But you eat fish and it became a tradition. And now a lot of churches do fish fries. And in my mind, it's like preparation for the summer when there are church festivals and, you know, churches, Catholic churches love events.

Big Cod. Big Cod is the one who started this yeah or uh they didn't get as many sales so they were like let's target the catholics specifically yeah people were very specific about what types of fish they used and all sorts of things so i didn't know all those details but um we do have i have a few i have quite a few i have quite a few i think they're kind of all those details, but we do have, I have a few, I have quite a few reviews today. I have quite a few, I think. They're kind of all over the place, but I don't know. Before I start, I did want to say this was tough because on Google, I had to like, I had to go through all these church reviews of churches. And out of 50 some reviews, there might be one that mentions a fish fry. And most of the time it was boring.

one that mentions a fish fry and most of the time it was boring like there weren't like dedicated fish fry places on google to like review unless they were like local restaurants that happened to serve fish well really okay well i was able to search fish fry um and there were like yelp pages for these yeah like places or like bars or restaurants that are known for their yeah yeah fish fries in the spring or whatever they're fried see it didn't occur to me until we were doing these uh friday fish fry fish friday i didn't get that until now uh what is it i don't think i'm getting it right now maybe there's nothing to get but fish friday no is that not a thing like because it's always on friday it is always on friday fish fry fish friday i don't know and clearly it's just me but i think the fry part is not because

of friday but because it's fried but oh well i guess that would also make sense it's it's uh it's a double entendre so you stole my word uh so okay i mean i have quite a few you have i guess quite a few even though it was difficult i apologize who wants to go first i'll go first okay this is a merry queen of heaven church in erlanger kentucky why is that funny i don't know it's funny right it's probably very close to me i think just saying erlanger there's something just funny to us just saying Erlanger, there's something just funny to us, just saying Erlanger growing up where we did. Let's read a review of Mary Queen of Heaven Church, one star, Erlanger, Kentucky, by JP, one star. If this is the best fish dinner in Northern Kentucky, I would had to try the worst. End of review.

That's what they say in Erlanger. That's what they're... Spoken like a true Erlangerite. That's the local... Dialect? Dialect for Erlanger, Kentucky. Which is, I think, as I sit here, like 10 minutes from my house. So I should probably not make fun of them.

But yeah, that's interestingly put, my friend. I have a review. This was sent in by Ashley. I have a few emails. So a lot of people emailed in. I only used a couple of them. But thank you to everyone who sent them in. This one was from ashley who by the

way said ps great and that's why we drink show at the comedy club in madison christine i was at the second show so i missed the legging malfunction which i don't want to go there but it was uh really unfortunate and the next day i had to address it in front of a crowd of people so did y'all serve fish at the show no but they did serve cheese curds, so still pretty on brand for Madison. But this is our review of Avenue Club and the Bubble Up Bar. This is one star by Samuel. Food fight. In a seeming effort to cater to young professionals in the area,

savagely murdered all the charm that was Avenue Bar as we knew it before. Sure, the food is fine and the drinks are well made, but what does that matter? Before, the atmosphere inside that place reminded you that Madison was once a small Midwest town disguised as a city. You ate the delicious fish fry and drank in old-fashioned like a goddamn Madisonian. You sat there in the wood-paneled room like you belonged, like you were part of something more important than yourself. Now you go in there and instantly feel like you've been hoodwinked. You've clicked on the top Google result before you realize that the top link was just an ad. You aren't in Madison anymore.

You're in one of any of the thousand hotel restaurants across the country. You sit in your high-back booth for privacy. That is, you get to remain in your own little bubble with your own little worldview. You order fish because you're in Wisconsin, but the food they serve lacks any authenticity it once had. Sure, the fish might be local, but it doesn't matter. It might taste great, but it doesn't matter. You're actually being fed the idea that your own individuality doesn't matter, that our community doesn't matter. Don't let Food Fight or anyone else convince you that this is the quintessential Madison restaurant. It was once, it is no longer.

Quote, We could all use the money, Brink. That's how it all starts, you know? First, you start doing something for love. Then you start doing it for money, and before you know it, you're just another sellout. Gabriella from Disney Channel original original movie brink 1998 end of review i got excited at first i was like oh they're signing off oh like this is wow the gabriella

because i heard brink and i'm like like the movie and then at the end you're like brink okay it's not that deep right like this is apparently it is i i yeah it's their local one of the best fish fries in madison i don't really know i mean i guess it's not according to samuel i don't understand so is this just like a so what is so this fish fry up there does that just mean like a place that serves fried fish yeah i think you know how like for example at longworth or like dad calls it long worth is in mount adams near the church they serve fish fry on fridays they serve like fried fish for like the local catholic crowd okay so i think that is the same idea that they're known for their fish fries it makes sense because especially in a catholic area like if you had read that review and it was like from you know what i don't know everywhere

is catholic because god is everywhere um oh is that why okay anyway um yeah that just that was a lot i i expect you to say end of review like i kept watching you i'm like okay this is it no no it's just another breath to keep talking we have to have an entire i thought it was like a joke i thought it was a joke because it was so dramatic but then it ended up just like being not a joke um it ended up being like pretty damn serious i mean yeah even if it was a joke like meant to be a joke it wasn't a joke yes you're being fed the idea that your own individuality doesn't matter i mean okay are we is that what's happening i don't go into restaurants and have these views. I go into a restaurant and think, I wonder what I'm going to eat. I'm hungry. Yes. Give me food.

Not like, I don't go into this Madison, Wisconsin restaurant and be like, oh my God, this whole place is a lie. This isn't what I was promised by that ad on Google. Sponsored link. That was kind of funny um yeah if i go and do a fish fire church festival i'm not thinking wow i'm so glad i'm one of a kind i'm unique i mean i'm sure that's a lyric from another disney channel original movie but i'm so glad that i'm not a sellout but you know maybe we can get there one day maybe someday we we'll be as highfalutin of a Catholic as you. I love it. My next one is of St. John the Baptist Catholic Church in Cincinnati, Ohio.

This is a one-star review by David. They always cause massive traffic jams from the school dropping kids off to scaling fish on the side of the road. You would think a church would want to stop car accidents not cause them end of review that's where you're wrong um the catholic church actually has a very old tradition of bringing in new members and it's causing wrecks on the side of the road in front of their establishment giving you like a a near-death experience yes and then you turn to god exactly they actually don't resuscitate you they wait whoa okay i can't even go there it's so stupid uh catholic church has done worse than whatever you're about to say so

you're not gonna be in any trouble they're like look over. And they have like a dead fish. Looking tasty, huh? You can get this every Friday during Lent. That would be so much more entertaining than like the homily. I'm not going to lie to you. If I were a kid, that would have been way more terrifying and like interesting. They just start scaling fish instead of talking. Oh my God. That is so repulsive.

I would have been vegan a lot earlier in my life if thought is so repulsive i would be vegan a lot like a lot earlier in my life if i had seen that turn people really quickly i will say uh i guess it's better that they do it on the street than like at the pulpit like i don't know where else you would do it maybe the kitchen christina okay okay that's a good answer yeah i love how your view is the pulpit or the street there's an altar there's a choir when it comes to god like specifically godly fish oh there's a confessional well anyway there's a lot of places in the church now i'm just bragging oh that was pretty good that was pretty good tabernacle pretty good. Tabernacle, that's a word. There's a tabernacle.

There's a transubstantiation. Oh, wow. That's when the fish turns into God, right? Yes, when Jesus turns into the fish, I think. Oh, okay. Jesus. That's how he fed all those people. They started nibbling at him.

He was like, I'm going to turn into a fish. And they nibbled, nibbled. Yeah, it's body Christ. Anyway, so here's the next review I have. Thank you. This is of Big Dave's Seafood. And this is from an email from Taylor. One star by Lou.

The manager stated that I could thank President Trump for the confusion and for my inability to eat inside in a normal fashion. I informed him that it was Democratic Governor Roy Cooper who was at fault. He offered me a free sweet potato on my next visit. The food was overcooked and the tartar sauce was terrible. End of review. Roy Cooper, I love you. Thank you for keeping this person out of our dining establishments. I love that that i don't really get it i think the manager was like your president trump is the reason i'm going broke i don't know i don't fully assume they're saying like oh well trump says you can't eat here inside as if that's like a was a national thing that trump did but he should have and he didn't he

canceled all the rescue yes trump actually did do that this because he wanted all the fish for himself um yeah it's fish fillets i believe fish fillets at the white house yeah it's it's all all for mcdonald's but that's right it's the only he's he put out a statement that it's your catholic during lent you gotta go to mcdonald's for the fish fillet that's the only way you'll you'll go to heaven and you know what sad yeah that wasn't trending on twitter it wasn't hashtag lent was but nobody wants to show the godly side of trump you know christina it's so true the way the rest of it so true the way that this country did him dirty. You know how Catholic Trump is. Okay.

I'm sorry. Oh, man. Okay. We have a review of Holy Apostles Parish, St. Albert the Great in Baldwin, Pennsylvania. This is a three-star review by Robert. Hmm. review by robert once you get by one of the meanest parishioners in the church who is working the register the rest is a pleasant experience fish and sides were delicious please remember that they label by last name only. End of review. Oh, no. Who is it?

Robert is calling someone out, but we don't know who. I love the, like, long pauses and the hmm. You know who you are. I think they do. Betsy is known all across Baldwin, Pennsylvania, as being the meanest parishioner. That's just like a thing. It's not, actually, no, it's in the church. Like, church was capitalized, which means like the church church,

not just like that specific church. So like, this is coming from the top down. Oh, shit. It's not even, actually, that's something to aspire to. True. For a local church. That's pretty impressive. I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

Are you okay? No, I think it is a lofty goal to achieve for the Pope to say, hey, you are truly the meanest person in our entire church. Wear this sash. I mean, think about it. The Catholic Church had, what are they called? The Crusades. There were a lot of mean people involved. You know what?

This might be a little bold to say, but I think there are still some mean, not so good people involved in the church. You think so? Beyond just Betsy. Heavens to Betsy, as they like to say. That came from her phrase it's when god calls down to betsy and he's like hello betsy i have another bidding for you betsy's the bad cop god is a good cop yeah he's like you take over i'm gonna go get a glass of water you bully everyone at the fish fry and scale some fish, intimidate everyone.

Cause some car accidents. Cause a few accidents. Yeah, it's like, you know. Modern day crusades. Modern day crusades, exactly. Led by Betsy. You know, back in the day, they didn't let women participate in the crusades.

So it actually is very progressive. That's true. The crusades were not progressive. You heard it here first i know i know it's hard to believe okay well i have a review of uh something called hideaway bar and grill by todd it's two stars went for their friday fish fry the fish was good my wife had the perch over fried and not that good we had a choice of potatoes we had the tater totes which were deep fried and also overcooked we both had soda on tap which was overfilled with ice and

watered down besides not the best deal at a dollar fifty a glass refills were not offered had to go up to the bar to ask for a fish refill a fish refill i'm Sorry, I don't know if they meant fresh, but like you can tell that I think it was Ashley searched for fish fry. And so it bolded the word fish in front of refill. So it says to ask for a fish refill in bold. Maybe that's a thing? It could be. I mean, maybe I'm laughing at something that's actually very real.

I think even if it's real it's worthy of being laughed at he's complaining about the soda so if i i don't know refills were not offered had to go up to the bar to ask for a fish refill they were not offered grounds were well groomed and the inside was clean staff was friendly but not volunteering to offer up any seconds on anything including fish refills i guess it sounds like they actually are complaining that they didn't get a fish refill because they said oh soda refills weren't offered also went up to go get a fish refill those were so they did literally mean yes they meant a fish and they had a very poor choice of words if you ask me and then later they said second so why didn't you just leave it

at that yeah why would you say refill if i, that sounds like it's coming out of blender. Like, stop it. It might be, Christina. Oh. It might be. And they just like pour the blended fish into the fry pans. The fry thingies. Stop it right now, please.

My God. What are they called? Cages? You know what I'm talking about. When you put the frying thing down. Oh, a basket. The basket. I forgot what the word for basket.

That's what vegans call it. Fry cage. Just kidding. Yes, I don't know. I thought fish refill. I think you're completely right. That's probably intentional. I just love that it was bolded.

So anyway, I wish I had like a browser extension that would just bold the word fish yeah just in general well they sell they sell those god i hope no one pays for these things uh they have them where you can it automatically changes one word to another word right so you'll be like reading and be like what the heck i think i've seen it with like clouds and butts or something so like what it's like obscure enough where like you don't always read the word cloud but then you forget and later you're like what of genius there was uh one i remember when trump was running like you know way back in the day when it was still funny and um it was one that changed his name to drumph which i guess was like the original german or whatever yeah and so uh

it was like a browser extension that changed every time you read Trump to Drumpf. So I remember that. But yeah, fish. Fish. Just bold. I guess I could just rig it to say fish for every word. You could. I don't think you'd like it very much.

I don't think I'd enjoy it. Okay. Fish refill. Well, speaking of fish refills, I have a fish fry review. This is from the same church, Holy Apostles Parish, St. Albert the Great, Baldwin, Pennsylvania. This place is fucking rocking. I'm ready. It's from Peter, Rock of the Church. Two stars.

First baked fish was dried out. Changed to fish on dish. Tartar sauce needed a saw to open. Not good quality. Drink to open not good quality drink selection not good i'll try another church next week end of review thanks for coming to my weekly local fish fry critic critic i'm still trying to get in the local baldwin press uh to pay any attention to this but i got very excited because i saw peter had 113 reviews on google so i was like i cannot wait to see what else peter has to say about fish

fries and guess what peter didn't review another fucking fish fry and i went through all 113 reviews oh that hurts it made me so mad i was like what is the point what is your purpose on this earth if not to write these fish fry reviews for me to read on a podcast that's very deceptive peter anyway i did have something else because i did want to so it was confusing that review was poorly written it was didn't really give you much information but i did want you all to know that peter is truly um a culinary expert well i heard fish on a dish and i thought this is the next great children's writer but yeah because the bait got the baked fish but then switched the fish on a dish right yeah and you needed coleslaw or wait a saw coleslaw you need a saw to open the tartar sauce

um which i don't know what that means wait say it again he needed a saw to what let me read this is all one sentence that's why it all probably just dribbled right through your brain as it did it blended into my fish refill um let me give you a refill of it first baked fish was dried out changed to fish on dish tartar sauce needed a saw to open not good quality ew no punctuation all one sentence tartar sauce needed a saw to open what are you doing i don't know i don't know no wonder he didn't write another one the next week he went to jail for pulling out a fucking saw in the middle of a catholic fish yeah that's true that is very specific like saying hey i did need to use a saw by the way it wasn't like to clarify

yeah oh i brought my saw with me just in case this happens again. Sounds about right. And then, you know, heavens to Betsy, what Betsy did after that. Betsy was like, oh, we brought a weapon and then proceeded to fight right back. Okay, here's Peter's review, though. This is culinary Peter. Five-star review of Golden Corral Buffet and Grill in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Absolutely. Early bird bird quantity not the best but they improved the bread pudding since last visit yam was rotten inside wife like the chicken

i enjoyed the fish end of review oh one second wife like the chicken wife like the chicken i guess in my head i originally thought he was saying my wife's like the chicken i guess in my head i originally thought he was saying my wife's like the chicken and he was gonna make a joke like oh your wife is like the wife oh wife like the chicken take a saw something about raw that i probably shouldn't say on a podcast i don't know there's a lot of potential bad things oh god yeah people prefer the legs to the breasts or something you know people i survey that my every church festival i go to that's why i'm in prison every golden corral too woof wife like the chicken no so i'll read it again one sentence early bird quantity not the best but they improve the bread pudding since

last visit yam was rotten inside wife like the chicken i enjoyed the fish it really makes you wonder like this it takes some time to really go home and write this out i really hope they just whip this up on their phone quick uh because and also i'm i i'm i'm weirdly impressed that they had a rotten a yam that was rotten on the inside and still gave a five-star review oh it was five huh yeah this was five stars and and also keep in mind they enjoyed the fish that means that they are peter is a fish expert so so that's why the fish fry is so important there were no large weapons needed at this time around yeah i guess maybe that's why he never went to another fish fry he just found a golden corral and thought this is the pinnacle true he found culture in pittsburgh he found finally someone found it right i didn't know it exists there uh your turn that was really good

when you explained it again well i realized that it might have sounded like he finally found it like i was insulting peter you would never finally finding it but no i was insulting pittsburgh yeah okay just to be clear yeah this is a review uh of jones fish camp one star by daniel fish camp sorry i'm just kind of letting that sink in yeah is this this is where they learned to scale fish camp it's get it it's like a school never mind okay oh jones fish camp i. One star by Daniel. Why wouldn't they just call it fish school? That was a joke they were going for, Christina. For just $4.99, you can get a Subway 6-inch Black Forest ham sub made with our new fresh sliced deli.

But the fresh slicing doesn't stop at beautiful Black Forest ham. We're talking tantalizing turkey, perfectly piled pepperoni, sensationally sliced salami, so you can lunch legendary, dinner deliciously, breakfast brilliantly. We're talking friggin' fresh slicing and I'm yelling yes way. Get a six-inch black forest ham for only $4.99. Only at Subway. Price and participation may vary. Extras, taxes, and delivery additional.

Expires April 8th. You don't have to struggle alone. Get free confidential mental health and substance use support at Canada.ca slash mental health. If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988. A message from the Government of Canada. One star by Daniel. Love the all-you-can-eat crab legs, or I mean now so-called all-you-can-eat like your data plan on your phone. And only on Thursday, after watching deadliest catch oh no i'm sorry where is this located so taylor sent it in i

already forget where it is uh but presumably not wherever deadliest cat like i'm like i'm picturing some landlocked state yeah i'm assuming this is not like headquarters of uh deadly's catch but you know what they actually have like fresh crab legs and probably quality if that's a thing do they eat that on deadly's cat i thought they just yeah and i'm picturing this person like getting, seeing this, and they're like, I really want to eat crab legs. Golden Corral, let's go. They go to, yeah. All right. So this is one, by the way, I'm just going to explain real quick that Taylor sent in and said, I showed this to my parents.

None of us really understood what it meant. So just to clarify, nobody really gets it. I'm going to start over. Love the all-you-can-eat crab legs, or I mean now so-called all-you-can-eat like your data plan on your phone. And only on Thursday, after watching Deadliest Catch, I can't believe these small crab legs passed the gauge block for legal size. High price, better known as market price. Service was terrible. Farewell, Jones.

Won't be back. You should have sold out to the state for road construction end of review whoa okay yeah we took some turns so this person is because they watch deadliest catch they are an expert on market prices for crab legs yeah which seems to be not something that really occurred i mean listen i've only seen deadliest catch in passing but i feel like they catch like sharks i don't know that for a fact but that's a good point i have a feeling you don't learn like the legal size of crab legs but may i mean i could be wrong although i think the fact i think it being deadly

does not necessarily is that describing the i thought it was about the catch being deadly or like them almost dying because they're like braving the waters yeah i think it's about that like it's like crazy weather and stuff but i'm not sure okay i typed in deadliest catch and the top result is deadliest catch deaths so i don't know if you walk away from that i don't know how you walk away from that and think oh i know the market price for local crab legs in idaho i don't know where we are i just made that up but um i hope you know maybe it teaches you a thing or two i'm not really sure um oh my god oh no what i'm like completely wrong i mean i don't know if i'm wrong but this seems to be like some sort of prank somebody's pulling on me but let me read the description that came up

before complaining about the market price of al King Crab, check out this gripping documentary series. What? So it's literally about crabs. Oh, my God. I'm so stupid. So literally, this person that you just read from just now is saying, like, don't complain about how expensive they are because these people risk their lives to get them. No, the guy's... Wait, to get them. No, the guys. Wait, in the review?

No, the one you just read. Oh, yeah. This isn't even a review. This is like the description of the show. So literally the show is just to like drive up market price of. Okay, so let me read this. Before complaining about the market price of Alaska King Crab, check out this gripping documentary series revealing the mortal perils and intense discomfort that fishing crews face on the Bering Sea to catch

the delicacy. Those perils include 40-foot waves, 700-pound crab pots that can easily crush a careless crewman, and freezing temperatures around the clock. So it's literally about them going to catch crabs. Just don't catch them. How would we have such a gripping reality series if we didn't catch crabs just don't get catch them how would we have such a gripping reality series if we didn't catch crabs it's like oh don't complain about market price because these people are risking their lives to catch them it's like well then just don't do it like the guy who's

the guy who's complaining literally is complaining because he watched it yes true so now i'm not getting i'm very confused if he thinks that wherever he's eating this fish fry is serving up all you can eat alaska king crabs i think maybe he has like a misunderstanding it's probably even this restaurant for all you know is like right at the dock where it could literally be micro's restaurant micro seafood restaurant who narrates the show now i'm just trying i was like micro does this apparently he's involved but i now i feel like a real idiot so i was like they catch sharks like i clearly know nothing um so i don't know why at least we went through this whole process so that we didn't have to read about it on twitter man um and be embarrassed later okay i mean it's literally in new jersey so it could very well i mean alaska is literally the other side of the country but uh yeah those two are very far away i know but it's not like idaho

like i made up i feel like idaho is still closer i mean like i think actually new jersey is even more ridiculous if you write this review when you're in oh wait no this is in north carolina so even more ridiculous even farther away so taylor says in north carolina so even more ridiculous even farther away geographically taylor says in north carolina apparently they call fish fries fish camps just to answer the other question i like how i'm just like not even reading the fucking yeah you're dropping all these bombs these educational bombs on us like my brain can can't keep up i'm so sorry i'm still processing alaskan king crabs and how stupid people are to try to catch them. So, oh my God.

Okay. Speaking of which, Taylor says that, I guess I must be an expert on many things, including the K-1 visa, thanks to 90 Day Fiance. So that's how she feels about that. So anyway, I apologize. I clearly, I felt people screaming at me who were like, that's really she feels about that so anyway i apologize i clearly i i felt people screaming at me um who were like that's really not what that show's about but i don't have cable it was me there's a whole bit we cut out of me just screaming at her about actually i'm that's

why i've been crying i can't really tell but i've been crying that's why i'm laughing um sorry it's about crabs now i know all right geez it's about crabs we get it we get it stop it's about crabs we get it everybody stop leave her alone she paid her dues she's i don't know betsy already beamed her betsy put me in my fry cage oh jesus okay well i have only i have only uh five star reviews oh good so i've got a few though because that's the thing is when you go through i went through only catholic church churches when i did this that's fun it was not fun but i think the results are fun i think yeah but oh we got an email titled flirting on yelp i'm getting called out how did they know did they find my account geez finally the whole point of our podcast has been revealed

this has been an old dating experiment for me um it's failed to find out some love on the internet all right not just on the internet on yelp okay specifically anyway so i have only five star reviews here's the first one this is a five star review of saint ferdinand catholic church in chicago illinois this is by terry five stars winter to see the easter bunny during lent for a friday night dinner end of review what grandma what no grandma what do you want us to do i don't know this sunday uh it's it's winter to see okay winter so we can try to yeah we can try to i'm assuming it means went to see went to see probably winter to see so went to see the easter bunny uh-huh which i'm like how

can you mess up saying easter bunny during lent wait how did they say easter bunny no just normally i'm just saying like that's that's most likely accurate i mean lenten spirit whatever uh went to see the easter bunny during lent for a friday night dinner so I assume there was a fish fry that the Easter Bunny hung out at. Oh, that's kind of fun. It's like special entertainment at the fish fry. Yeah, I thought it was fun too. I didn't know that existed. I didn't know the Easter Bunny was allowed.

I thought the whole point was that we're supposed to be celebrating Jesus' resurrection, but okay. No, no, no. It's all about the Easter Bunny now. As it should be, to be honest. As it should be. Our new savior. Yeah. The famous pescatarian, the Easter bunny. Okay. I have more one stars. So this is a one-star view of a place called Broadway Hotel. One star by Joe. My parents decided to take us here

for my dad's 77th birthday. I was unaware that it was a dive bar. The name led me to believe we were going to eat in a restaurant at a hotel. I'm not sure why it has the name it does. It's not a hotel, and Broadway is 20 miles away in Buffalo. So, okay, well, Broadway's...

Okay, okay, okay. Sure, I mean, if we're going with any Broadway, there probably is a broadway closer to you than that but i get it but wait wait like they're not talking about the broadway well i hope not because then they have a full misconception of because they live with apparently supposedly this is in new york right this is 20 miles from buffalo so new york state and their view of broadway is buffalo yeah it's very interesting isn't it

i don't know it's like so close but like not maybe the broadway buffalo street is a famous like catholic fish fry street yeah you know i should have learned my lesson to not just fucking sit over here and speculate on things that i clearly have no idea about because you know that's half the fun of what we do here. That's true. It's just making people upset. Just make shit up. By guessing. It's not a hotel and Broadway is 20 miles away in Buffalo. So we drove 20 miles from Lockport to eat there. When we pulled up in front of this dump, I was skeptical, but the fish Fridays have a good reputation and I went in. Let's be straight. I don't particularly like fish fries.

So I intended from the start to get something else. Shrimp or scallops most likely my dad had scallops on the brain as well so we go in they gave us two menus for four people strike two after the dive bar thing being strike one i order a combo plate scallops shrimp and a small fish we are then informed they don't have any scallops and won't until october because their distributor is out of them strange since every store and seafood market around has them so i said i don't want anything and i'll wait in the car oh is it you didn't you failed to mention this was written by a six-year-old christina well his father's 77 so uh i don't

think it was actually fair point oh so i said i don't want anything and i'll wait in the car i was really hungry and i didn't want to watch my parents and son eat in front of me this route this person's son was there person as a child this person procreated i was really hungry and i didn't want to watch my parents and son eat in front of me this ruined the dinner and everyone got takeout and left i went to mighty taco my i went to mighty taco my parents won't speak to me now the broadway hotel ruined our birthday dinner by using the only distributor around with a scallop shortage end of review i really want this to be a joke but this parents must be so upset like they was from TripAdvisor. Some of the best, most absurd reviews are TripAdvisor.

And they can be hard to find. But this one I was very excited about. That's just so sad. It was for the birthday dinner. And they just wanted to have a good time. And it was ruined. Not by this restaurant who just happened to not have scallops. It's just wild to me that youops like come on it's just wild to me that

like you already went in saying it's a dump a b i hate fish fries then they're like we're out of scallops which by the way like i i don't find to be as calm it's not like they're like out of like chicken breast or something i feel like scallops are a more i don't know rare thing to find at a restaurant i i don't know maybe in new york that's not true i'm not sure but 20 minutes outside of buffalo i'm i don't know like i wouldn't be surprised if i go to a dive bar 20 minutes outside of buffalo and i have the audacity to order scallops i would be if they tell me to just fuck off i'd be like you know i agree okay but if they tell me they're just their suppliers out i'd be like you know i agree okay but if they tell me they're just their suppliers that makes sense because why would you lie about this or why would like i don't know and then this person's like oh we'll go to the grocery store it's like well they that's not where they get

their scallops also like they picked the they ruined the dinner by picking the only distributor with a scallop shortage okay that's a very strange way to look at the fact that they said they were out of one item and you decided to storm away out of the restaurant and into the car on your dad's birthday this is so upsetting to me because you refuse to watch everyone eat and this is like this is like a child i mean this is like a tantrum like a child's yes like i'm sitting in the car and then they reveal that they have their own child who's at the fucking dinner who's like i just want to eat with grandpa on his 77th birthday and then he goes to the car and everyone else which by the way if this were my like son

slash father i'd be like okay let him sit in the car i want to eat my yes popcorn chicken or whatever i have a feeling this feels like this this this child will be raising this parent yeah it's like okay but i it's just so i'm going off of just one review but my god the fact that this is not only that this experience happened though but this happened and they wrote a review thinking they were in the right and to be like that's the problem like if this happened they later were like yeah i was i was in a bad mood it was pretty shitty but no they fucking double down i like that the parents and the son went and got takeout because they were like well we can't just make him sit in the car i

guess i don't know what do you do and then he went and got tacos what do you want i want tacos like okay well i mean that's some tacos on the way seriously really it's just ridiculous um i hope they made it up to the to gramps i just love that they're gonna hate the broadway hotel diner for the rest of their fucking lives for this very reason okay well let me try to redeem a little bit great i believe i've got i've got two more here for us this first one of the last two is of uh mother of perpetual help in west alice wisconsin um what a name this church mother of perpetual help this is fucking weird i've been playing a lot of geoguessr do you know geoguessr no what's that um it's a game online you just go to geoguessr.com

but guesser spelled g-u-e-s-s-r anyway and you go and it they're different game modes but the main premise is they plop you somewhere in the world and you can in like google maps like street view and you have to figure out where exactly you are and then you pinpoint your exact location and then you get more points and then there are different modes where you don't move at all so you can or you can only look around. So you can't actually explore the city or wherever you are. What? I've been playing it on stream a lot. It gets hectic because everyone's trying to help.

And I'm really bad at listening to them. But it's so much fun. It's a lot of fun. And yeah. And we've been plopped in the middle of Indiana. And there are all these really fucking weird church names. And every place has like five churches within like a two mile radius i'm gonna be disappointed if you didn't guess indiana in like the first four

seconds of being on that road it took me 45 minutes to figure out where exactly we were but it's like they pop you in the middle of nowhere indiana and you have to find the exact yeah middle america really is a broad expanse i guess everything looks like indiana now everything i'm like oh god we're in indiana again aren't we it's like oh there's this like big trump thing we're in the middle like all these things about the leftist the liberal media being liars like all these street signs and stuff and then it's like oh we're in wisconsin okay i guess wisconsin's like that i mean so that's my story but yeah oh we and they also talk about how how you know i'll just say they would love to watch you play that to see how you did see because of my they're taking advantage of my directional disorder great potentially

that's but i didn't say that i didn't say anything and i totally defended you and fought for your honor i appreciate saying how great you'd be at it by saying christine would definitely know she's somewhere in middle america but that's about it exactly you know what i would say yeah as you know i would sit there and go oh my god i've been here before this was right outside my high school and it would be like you're in oklahoma yes i think that's why they want you to do that christina i played this round it's like uh i'm very proud of this. So I have to keep talking. I'm sorry. There was this round where it's battle Royale and you have to pick the country you're in and they like show you and then you have like 30 seconds or something to figure out what country you're in and you have three guesses. And if you guess three strikes,

you're out and only certain people advance. And then you like go one on one. There were like seven people left. I was playing with people who are watching my stream. It passed me down. And immediately I'm'm like i've been here before what and it was in fucking lithuania no i was the only one who got it and i freaked out because i was like oh my god i've been at this exact point it was like that's weird and it wasn't even at the the landmark it was halfway up to this landmark in vilnius called like the three crosses that's very weird this weird like area looks very familiar and i guessed it and i even said on

stream like this might be a weird guess but i think i've been here before and i guess lithuanian was right well and now i'm definitely don't want to play it's so much fun anyway i'm obsessed with it but can i play against you once or with you or something yeah well anytime anytime so let's go back to wisconsin uh i'm sorry isn't that where we've been this whole time yes mother of perpetual help five star review by francine only the fish fry we did not attend this church. Just about everything except a salad bar at this amazing dish fry. $10 gets you three pieces of fish, baked or fried, or sub one piece for three fried shrimp, potato pancakes, french fries,

and or parsley potatoes, mac and cheese, bread or roll, green beans, applesauce, coleslaw, milk or coffee, and dessert. Whew! roll green beans applesauce coleslaw milk or coffee and dessert and we sat at a four-seat round table with another couple with whom we had a pleasant wandering conversation perfect i'd go there again a few times a year that's as much as my tummy can take lol end of review i love her i'm so happy this is life-changing isn't it great also don't worry i did not go to services here pastor frank i promise i would never go to services at any other church just to fish right though that's so funny that they made it father whoever i never i promise you if you see my google page i know you check up on us every now and then it was just to eat some of the food catholic google review equivalent of us saying don't add us everyone

in montana yeah i don't want to hear from you we've been there before it's like please pastor don't you dare i would never don't you cheat on you in such a way bring this up on in your homily next week i guess it would be father something but whatever i don't know anymore i'm uh i don't either but wow that is fish frying years i don't know what they call the fish masters i don't know if i've ever been is that huh do they call daddy stop stop that's what i would call them when i show up and be like daddy where's my fish sorry tim just walked down the stairs. That was awkward timing. He's going to walk in and be like, oh, I was a minute.

Wow. That was actually like so. I might have you just like screenshot that and send it to me if I'm ever in a bad mood. I feel like that's kind of comforting. It was nice, right? I mean, I just love the. I wish I were the couple in the wandering conversation i would love to find out what that was about and have some uh parsley potatoes oh to be a crucifix on that wall you know as they like to say

i will say i read some i know we've had a church catholic church like episode rant god christina no no yeah so we do that every episode but we had an episode where you read indiana right yeah yeah was it indiana no that was preschool or daycares i don't remember it was was it no boston we did hospitals i don't remember it regardless i'm pretty sure we did a church episode but i read so many church reviews christina these people are fucking wild i mean the like speaking of crucifix people were like it's sometimes it's like oh it's refreshing to not have like a terrifying crucifix in front of you like all the time and then you get the people like there wasn't a single crucifix in this thing in this church and i'm like what fucking freaks over there they want to see

this like shirtless bloody jesus or something yeah i mean to remind you of of what i don't know i don't recall daddy stop it alexander quit that uh i'm seeing you now or in my childhood room and you took all my crucifixes down over there and i'm i didn't i wasn't gonna bring it up your rosary is right there still people comment on it and every time i stream they're like and my stream title i think yesterday was like praying the rosary today oh my god i cannot believe that's still there that's there yeah so okay my joke backfired and now everyone knows there's apparently a cruise or a with literally a crucifix on the end of it a rosary umary on the doorknob in my childhood bedroom. So there, take that.

Take that, everybody. Okay. This is my last one-star view. This is a review of Big Yard Fish Fry from TripAdvisor. One star by Trent. Don't go there. Avoid at all costs their friendly ways to drag you in. At the time of the check, they will literally beat you up,

and I mean physically. They scared of my friend daughter yelling at us. The food was bad and came so late. I'm about to go to the police. I filmed the interaction. That is a shame. End of review. Okay, are we going to the police for the food

or the assault that supposedly happened here? I'm curious because you just sprinkled in there that the food was late as if it was just like it was all pretty like on the same page here. Like, yeah, like, yeah, you know, just a little bit of assault, a little bit of food being late. That's like the one you read of the Waffle Home where she was like, and I never got my diet soda. And I'm like, but you were being arrested.

Yes. I'm so never got my diet soda and i'm like but you were being arrested yes exactly soda like and they say they're calling the police after that so were they calling the police because of the food being late or because i mean i'm assuming that'll be part of the report when the police type it up but at the time of the check they will literally beat you up and i mean physically which really doubtful to me but you know i wasn't there so you can't say christina i can't say for sure you can't say people people get wild about their fish fries yeah the food was bad and came late i'm about to go to the police you're totally right it could very well be both um did you see that video that was going viral i don't know i think it was a woman who called the police because like i think taco bell was out of nacho fries or something stop it alexander i'm serious did you not see that no and it's like i don't even question that like it doesn't even

shock me anymore it's just the the the worst part about it was the daughter was standing right there like just like kind of like staring ahead like oh god like a child or like a teenager or like a teenager like which is probably worse i don't know which is worse but yeah apparently there was like but it was taken from the perspective of the the employees so i don't know what all happened but they were like laughing while she was calling the police about nacho fries i mean at that point like usually if someone's like i'm calling the police and like in a fast food establishment or any restaurant it's kind of like here we go again

this is gonna be another like twitter situation whatever but at that point it's like okay this even this is even like this lady has to realize how ridiculous you know what i mean like those lady who called the police on those two little girls selling lemonade whatever there's like those situations or the bird watcher where's your fucking where's your fucking license license from the city i mean i wonder if they said that at taco bell and they were like it's right there like on the wall that's our fucking license we're allowed to sell you food i pulled it up apparently they she showed up ordered online showed up they were out of nacho fries this is her side now so i

don't know and said and asked if she could have her money back or a replacement she already spent the money and the manager said well you already you you ordered online and so they couldn't and so then she was like okay i'm calling the police because i paid for these nacho fries i paid like eight thousand dollars for these nacho fries i like i i i don't know and then apparently someone supposedly threatened her and her daughter while she was on the phone so i don't know but i wish this was shocking just i don't know why the police needed to be involved before any threats were made to be clear but um so yeah let me let me just move on let's redeem it again this is my final redemption though great there's a five-star review of our favorite church in erlanger kentucky mary queen of heaven yes this is a review

by cassandra five stars year after year i wait for mary queen of heaven's fish fry i've never tried any others their food yummy fish makes my mouth happy sometimes a lot you have to wait because they're that good everyone working the ff are terrific because of them the wait is short enjoy end of review oh sorry i call it the ff yeah i don't know if you know what i'm talking about but if not sorry is with it cassandra is with it because he loves like everyone in erlanger also whenever there was like a thing like their food yummy fish yummy fish was in double parentheses and then later sometimes double parentheses a lot so they like that was powerful if it wasn't clear by my it's hard to somehow that sounded just like

really gross like really kind of dirty even though it wasn't like to say their food yummy fish makes my mouth happy yeah yeah no i'm with you i'm waiting for mother queen of marriage it's just something about it it's really off-putting to me but mommy fish fry and daddy fish fry give me the yummy kind of thing like that so i just looked it up augsner it's i don fish fry and daddy fish fry give me the yummies kind of thing like that so i just looked it up augsner it's i don't want to give anything away too much because i don't know because i'm i'm known for i'm notorious for triangulating my location but it is uh let's say between 15 and 25 minutes from my home walking probably okay i feel like i'm not walking i don't live quite in erlanger but i'm close oh there's the tabernacle oh i love a good tabernacle let's enter look there's

literally a picture of the fish i mean you looked this place up but you've probably seen it christina i did not see that photo i think it's a school because that looks like a gymnasium yeah some of them so some of them are schools churches and they have different google results for each so sometimes people would review the church the school mentioning the fish fry but most of the time it's children reviewing the school and complaining and like there was one where it was like this long thing about like complaining about like bullies and stuff and the fucking school responded and was like sorry for your experience and it was like really like? Like, not that nice. And I'm like, why are they even responding to this obvious child writing this review?

Maybe it was the bully. True. Maybe the receptionist is the bully all along. Look at this picture on their front page. Is that Leonard Cohen? No, that's a child. That's like a literal six-year-old on the front page wearing a bowler hat on the front page of this church.

Why? Is that a thing i don't know that's place your fish fry order right now that's the current that's a fish daddy why is he wearing sunglasses i can't i don't know what to do with the situation the the light of the lord is so bright wow they really do uh stream mass live that's fun lord is so bright wow they really do uh stream mass live that's fun okay nobody so do i on my twitch stream do you twitch.tv slash zandy schieffer from lithuania rosary rosary uh rosary ring what's the verb of rosarying rosario praying the rosary is probably the only way that's the way to say it i really can't think of any other word we'll workshop that so this is a five-star review sort of of uh grant seafood festival in florida it's from an

email from danielle thank you there's a five-star review by joe it was fantastic it's also our community center on voting precinct. And I voted Trump. End of review. Oh. So that's fun. I thought they were just going to say I voted. So my face was really happy. Yeah, you looked thrilled for a moment. And then I changed my mouth shape.

Every first letter is obviously capitalized. So that's good. That's excellent. Classic. Classic. Thank you for letting us know. That was four months ago. So very recent update

wonder how i wonder how they're doing now i'm sure nobody who knows joe was wondering who he voted i'm sure everyone was wondering sorry who joe voted for i'm sure he doesn't really i'm sure he keeps that close to the close to the vest chest vest i don't know this is a five-star review nope it's a four-star view of something in Wisconsin called the Schwabenhof Banquet. There's a large German population in Wisconsin, if you all didn't know why they eat a lot of cheese and beer. So this is a four-star review by Wayne. Not fancy or sophisticated in any way. Service is friendly but can be slow.

But this is the old time religion real milwaukee german culture to the 43rd power some old timers think the fish fry has changed but i've been coming since i was a child and i dream of it long may it roam. End of review. Long may it roam? Yeah. Like roam the lands? Yeah, to the 43rd power. That is, I mean, is that like a, I don't know what that means here. I don't know. Crusades is all I can think about.

True, true. The new Crusades. It's the old time religion. I mean, if the old time religion is just like German food, I mean, okay. I could get behind that, I guess. is just like german food i mean okay i could get behind that i guess but um yes i mean until the whole religion part well yeah fair uh because you and i like we're on the same we want germany to take over the world is that what you're saying i am the world seriously not participating in this jokey discussion with you that's basically what you just said the end i'm just is it yeah basically

you said you're here for the german food roaming the world and being yeah okay whatever you're the one who said you want a german crusade no yeah i didn't say the word crusade you brought it up first okay okay wayne just really thinks that this is like the old time. Nothing's changed. I guess you can still walk in and feel the individuality of yourself or whatever that first guy complained about. Good. So, you know.

It's always important. There we have it. That's my last one. That's wonderful. Thank you. That was a good one. That was. That was fun.

It was a lot. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR

for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Today. Something is coming. Kong.

Godzilla. They can feel it. Fight together. And teaming up. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong. The new empire. Now playing only in theaters. So do you want me to do my challenge now? I think so.

I don't even remember what it was, to be honest. I'll tell you. This was a challenge to find reviews where someone complains about the music in an establishment that has nothing to do with music. That was written in by Stephanie. I have a few here. This is a one-star view of a restaurant by Mike on TripAdvisor. The title is Explicit F-Word Music Playing Beware. Visited for a collection order with my five-year-old son. Music was playing and then the next tune that played was full of swear words. Only two staff were in and another customer at the time.

I made my concern regarding the music to the person at the till and was explained that the management told us to play this music. Really, I said. He explained that we play the UK top 40 tunes. I said, fair enough, but this is a UK top 40 tune, but the explicit version. Asked for management and told they would be in after 6 p.m. Got my food and left, but son told me, Dad, I covered my ears. Bless.

So if you're a family person or doesn't like atmosphere like the one I found myself, beware. End of review. Beware. Yikes. Dad, I covered my ear. I mean, can you imagine the dad comes up to the counter and is like hey this music is terrible like really not a good it's inappropriate and the kid just standing

there with like his hands literally over his ears is the wildest thing to me um i kind of love it though dad don't worry don't worry about me oh this child is going places i put on my earmuffs this poor child i'm i did like there was some i've seen some like tiktoks of like parents cursing with their child and it's weirdly refreshing and fun to watch i mean and like they'll people be complaining like you shouldn't let your kids use that language and they like respond to that with their kid cussing and it's just like i don't know like as long as it's nothing hateful or anything yeah i don't get the big deal like really who cares sorry i mean really who cares i know people complain that we swear too much nobody swore

in front of us as children so we clearly gathered this from a later source this wasn't because our parents swore in front of us i was very afraid of swearing for most of my life we didn't even say oh my god we said oh my gosh we didn't we weren't allowed to say crap it was called the c word we didn't even know the other c word well i did but well i didn't i was well versed in that one by the by a young age no um but yeah no we really didn't curse at all that's a terrible example of how uh it doesn't necessarily mean anything yes this. This is an email from Amanda, and this is a two-star review of Jefe's Longmont by Ben. It's like a sports bar, taco place type thing.

We came in today to watch some playoff football. It seems that the place has an identity crisis. When entering, there were toys and kids playing in what would be the waiting area. After getting seated, we noticed the annoying presence of old-school hip-hop and R&B. Music more fitting for a hookah bar. Just now, the bartender switched it to Tupac. Slightly more depressing considering the environment. We got a flight of margs, not bad, but not a generous serving size either. We ordered chips and queso, which was only $5. Queso is tasty, however, we must have

gotten the bottom of the bag of chips. People just walked in, and similar to us, they were not greeted and walked in awkwardly, not knowing where to sit. What seems to be the manager just switched the music to, this is how we do it overall so far i have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions since walking in if you remember the show boiling point i can say that now i am at least semi-convinced that i am being set up and my reaction in turn is being recorded for others enjoyment i'm leaving confused and let down end of review because they played two a roller coaster of emotions because of this music okay i've never been to a hookah bar but when i think hookah bar i don't think old school hip-hop i think like nirvana but i mean i think now i don't think that either but i don't really

know what to do uh a hookah bar in france so that's the only time i've ever been to a hookah bar into grunge at french hookah bars okay perhaps uh maybe gosh i don't know what this any of this means yeah uh me neither and like it sounds like this person had a expectation that wasn't met but they're probably the only one in the world with this expectation yeah and also i don't know that anyone including them knows what the expectation is. Because there were four or five different. I did like the updates as we were reading. So it was like someone just walked in. Someone just changed the music.

They just turned on this. And the fact that they turned on. This is how we do it. Yeah. They turned that on. That's putting you on an emotional whatever. I don't know. I mean, also. I think Tupac is depressing i mean maybe some of but like i have a feeling whatever tupac this bar is playing

isn't like what i don't know this person just has a very warped or not necessarily warped but a unique very specific view of this of these songs and this music and they're projecting a bit and maybe i mean a roller coaster ride of emotions like three different songs you mentioned it's not like probably are all very important to their past like they watch their like yeah their rabbit die while listening to tupac's like changes or whatever it's very depressing and they ordered rabbit tacos so they're like under the circumstances this is incredibly depressing. I'm like, maybe you should have thought about that before you, you know, ordered something heinous in that way. I also like that they said, I'm at least semi convinced I'm being set up and my reaction is being recorded for others enjoyment, which seems at first I was like, what a weird thing to assume. But then I was like, I guess'm literally reading this post yeah on an entertainment platform so like weirdly maybe he knew i had a feeling this would go somewhere but i don't know it's going far christina it's going far it's reaching reaching the rest of the world it's reaching some internet page that in 20 years no one will ever step foot on again but that's okay somebody's here listening i think so thanks

i'm listening to you a little bit hold on i got to turn tupac on this is getting really depressing i just need something to fit the mood i like that you are just the soundtrack since we can't actually play any music okay i have let's see i have two more so this one is a review of a place called planet sarbez which seems to be like an arcade situation this is a one-star view by chad food is okay when they don't have the garbage music from the local meth heads banging on pots and pans chanting rhythmic nonsense about nothing i would come here much more if the music didn't suck end of review you can't say stuff like that without telling us what the music is because you're obviously hiding the fact that like i don't know like if you if they shared what specific

songs or what music then they'd know people would be like you're an idiot yeah yeah it's like that whole thing of being vague where it's like you're it's trying to make the reader fill in the blanks but honestly it just makes you look like you're hiding something because i have a feeling how they describe that music is not at all what it sounds like to many people if not most people chanting rhythmic nonsense local methods banging on pots and i mean i really have no concept unless that's literally what's happening i have no concept where is this located uh you know what i didn't even write it down we've got to find local bands from that area and then cross-reference their music with this person's description and try to find out who it

is it's saint augustine, Florida. Oh. You know what? Which I believe is the oldest town in America. Does music come out of there? What? Isn't that where they had all the prisoners and stuff? It's like an old lighthouse. The city's an old lighthouse? Yeah.

It lays claim to being the oldest city in the U.S., yes. Okay, okay. I thought I knew that from somewhere. Well, how's that? saint augustine bands okay yeah doesn't seem to have a quite the uh music scene five o'clock shadow saint augustine's four-piece crew of ultimate party band music and crowd pleasing tunes doesn't sound like that that sounds fun exactly i don't know maybe this person is just a negative Nancy. You know, this is kind of like. I thought it's a negative.

Grumpy Gus. Oh, I don't know. I guess I'm confused. I just don't want to use the Lord's name in vain. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Not since we were told not to swear by our father. Exactly.

Okay. I have one more. This is a one-star view by Chelsea. And this is a place called Flip Out Lakeside. Don't mind if I do. This is titled, Inappropriate, Profane, and Sexually Explicit Language. Sign me up.

Oh. Yeah, you're already signed up. Before you said language, I was in. Now it's just boring. Just language? Boo. Yeah. Flip Out Lakeside and duty manager Christina thought it was appropriate to play music.

Wait, was that D-O-O-D-Y or D-U-T-Y? I honestly thought you meant... Duty manager. I was like, wow, talk about profanity. You can't use the word duty like that. Okay, but they said the word D-U-t-y it's d-u-t-y bummer at least in the written form that's what it is i don't know what it was subconsciously flip out lakeside and duty manager christina thought it was appropriate to play music with

foul language when children as young as two were playing in sessions songs with lyrics such as i've been x x x x x x space x x x x and i've been popping pillies okay do we know what that yeah i looked it up it's post malone no not that the one before that's the same song oh what is it what are the lyrics then i don't want to say it then i'll fucking say it okay hold on it's post malone how bad can it be you're gonna message it to me no i'm looking it up to make sure you know it i thought you're like i don't want to say it let I've been bleeping hoes and popping pillies. Oh, yeah.

That's too far for me. Never mind. I won't say that. Yeah, not going to say it. Oh, no. Although Christina, my alter ego. I've been bleeping hoes. Oh, my God.

Bleeping hoes. Well, my alter ego, duty manager Christina. You are pretty duty. It's really appropriate. So who's to say? Songs with lyrics such as I've been XXXXXXXX and popping pillies and I see you looking at me. I just want to XXXXX you. We're blaring out of the speakers all over the venue.

When I spoke to staff to inform them and request it be changed immediately, they looked at each other as if I was speaking to them in a foreign language ridiculous avoid this place if you want your kids to play in a club environment with foul music staff and management thinks it's perfectly fine end of review so do i me too so does duty manager aka me however they did write this wrong they said avoid it if you want your kids to play in a club environment with foul music. I think they kind of meant the opposite, but yes, yes. Uh,

I, I really liked, um, all the X's that had me guessing, you know? Yeah. That one, you'd said five X's.

It says like, I want to X, X, X, X. My bad. Okay. Okay bad okay okay i was gonna say i wonder what that could be i just i'm like i know that it's a bad word but can't you at least put one letter so i know like where we're going with this i feel like just a bunch of x's really makes it unclear but then popping pillies okay i mean that part i figured out but good job thank you i i do like when people pay so much attention to the lyrics that they like write it down on the internet.

I mean, as a two-year-old, do you think they're sitting there going, oh, popping pillies. I want to do that now. Thanks, duty manager. Those were Francisca's first words. It wasn't from a song lyric, though. It was just something I said often. She just spent a lot of time around you. Yeah.

Wowza. Yeah. Anyway, I just, I i just i'm like what everyone i don't know just calm down yeah yeah stressed me out i don't think these people are listening to our show just relax people who are complaining about post malone are not listening to our show at least for these reasons yes so anyway that was well done oh thank you i definitely had a lot of options most of them were kind of boring so i tried to find ones that were less boring a lot of them were just like shitty music that gave me a headache so you know like we usually just like reviews that like maybe mom would have written yes mom kind of boring like legitimately word for word from mom she's in the car with us for five seconds and like npr starts and she's like what is this it gives me a headache what is this noise i was gonna make a

tiktok about that because i could quote like 10 different things about how she acts when there's music she's like she can't stand it like when she goes that's enough and then just turns it off it's like no like you could have just turned it off she would like reach a like speaking of boiling point she would like sit there and then like reach boiling point and just like smash the radio off um and i remember this most specifically after uh 9-11 when i was at jesus i'm serious when they started playing all the local stations started playing like i'm in the air i'm in the wind what's that song what the fuck it's like a country song that's like uh i'm in the very appropriate for nine i'm sorry but christina this is not i'm in the bushes i don't remember like are they like pretending to be a terrorist or something this is not okay

no it's not appropriate i'm not gonna let you somebody who died i'm in the air i'm in the bushes you can't catch me my name is saddam hussein like is that what the lyrics go oh popping pillies mom was like um no it was no it was i'm sure you know the song okay but this is not helping me i believe you and that's what makes it so much worse that you're saying these things flats or something i don't know i've been to a rascal flats show and they did not sing about no it's not rascal flats it's like it's like about somebody who died and then told like their partner or their child laughing so much because i'm gonna type this is terrible i'm typing song

about 9-11 victims so we can stop with this terrible conversation oh there are a lot you don't even know christina you're like making me feel so bad like for what i'm saying i'm just trying to explain that charlie daniel's band this ain't no rag it's a flag or where were you when the world stopped turning that's another one uh courtesy of the red white and blue the angry american these are like have you forgotten by daryl worley uh bring on the rain uh i'm already there yes what's that about though i'm already this was a song about being away from take a look around oh that song i'm the sunshine in your hair. I'm the shadow on the ground. See, I know some of it.

Christina, okay. It became popular following the attacks because troops were deployed. This was a song that I wrote about being away from my family and a song that we could relate to every single night. And he just got lucky. That sounds terrible, but got lucky that 9-11 happened and the war happened. You didn't say that, right? The internet said that?

I'm saying that, which is probably worse oh but basically uh but after 9-11 it took on a whole new meaning especially with the men and women in the military that's what i'm saying that was a song that would play on the radio on like warm 98 and i thought it was so good because you know i was in fifth grade and i was like wow i'm in the trees i don't remember how it goes stop saying that you're in the bushes and stuff and i remember they would like make it really emotional and it would make me tear up and mom was like turn off this crap and i will never forget that moment because i don't know why i just remember being like you're so anti-patriotic and she was like i have a headache and just smashed off the radio but um how yeah and then meanwhile, I was in the backseat like, Mom, how can you not support war in the Middle East?

You're such a you're not a patriot. I mean, literally, we were brainwashed. But I definitely remember that song and mom forcing me to turn it off. Here we go. Here we go. This is so creepy. I'm already there. Don't make a sound.

I'm the beat in your heart. I told you. I'm the there. Don't make a sound. I'm the beat in your heart. I told you. I'm the moonlight shining down. I'm the whisper in the wind. And I'll be there until the end. Can you feel the love that we share? Oh, I'm already there. I'm already there.

I told you, okay? Now, are you... You know, this has the same fucking energy as that Sting song. U2 song? What was that song about? The Sting song. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Police.

I'm watching you. I thought it was U2. Every breath you take. Every breath you take. No, definitely Police. That's not U2. No. Yeah, it's the Police.

You're right. Anyway, I'm the sunshine in your hair. I'm the shadow on the ground. I already said that. I'm the whisper in the wind, and I'll be there until the end. Oh, I'm already there. You know what I'm the shadow on the ground. I'm the whisper in the wind and I'll be there until the end. Oh, I'm already there. It sounds so creepy. Okay.

I tried to tell you and you didn't fucking believe me. Christina, I still don't totally believe you that that wasn't inspired by Saddam Hussein. Okay. Well, that's for you to solve on your own time. But I have a challenge for you. Do you have a theme for me? No. So I just told Alexander, hello hello we never did churches which i

bet a lot of you were tweeting already at us if you can listen all the way to the end but here there i was like oh we did a churches episode i assumed so because i was reading some of these i'm like these are so good we must have done it we did schools and some of them were catholic schools that's probably that was it we did daycares in indiana maybe that's where it went yes those were somewhat religious. Very similar. Good point. But yeah, so let's do fucking churches. And we're going to keep it open.

I don't think you're supposed to say F. Oh my God, look at my phone right now. Daddy's calling you. Daddy's calling me. It's like he knows. He hasn't called me in like two weeks. And you say the F word in front of churches. True, true.

And suddenly my phone rings why is his picture though of just a crucifix stop it it's not it's him inside a bush christina what is that okay i thought it was a crucifix those are twin towers and it's not a pro that you have his picture has. Stop it. I was like, what are you looking at? No. Okay. It's dad in a weird pastel baseball cap. And I remember my high school boyfriend looked at it and said, is that your grandpa?

But I went, no, that's my dad. Good times. Anyway. Okay. So churches. Okay. I have a challenge for you. Okay.

It's to get dad to forgive you just kidding that's never gonna happen okay your challenge i'm gonna go into the settings and make sure like pinpoint his address and say this episode will not be played at this address yes it will only have advertised like geo-targeted advertisement for catholic uh fish fries like geo-targeted advertisement for Catholic fish fries and no actual content. So this is a review, or sorry, a challenge sent in by Jennifer. And she says, I have a challenge for you that involves finding a review for a product someone used for the first time right before a big event that had a significant impact on that event. Oh, I love that.

Job interview, first date wedding etc um so uh she also said negative reviews could be funny but there are probably some good positive reviews like confidence and first date etc um or a similar idea she said would be to find two new products used together so she gave an example of like someone bought a new car freshener in a new car and the car freshener ruined their new car oh gosh okay i think that's probably extra complicated so you know anyway this is great and i um it reminds me of when i got a haircut i know it's different but i got a haircut the day that i moved to dc for school it was like the worst haircut of my life like freshman year college 17 years old going off to a new life

got a new haircut and it was absolutely awful um and it was also while i was getting the haircut there's a big earthquake that like shut down the target well yeah it was like totally sideways yeah if you google like dc earthquake that was i think the day because i i remember that day very shocking that dc had an earthquake like that. Well, thanks everyone for listening to this episode. We'll see you next week with some church stuff. Some more church stuff. And until then, I know you're going to miss me, but don't worry.

I'm your shadow on the ground and I'm watching from the trees. I'll be in the bushes and flying high in the sky. See you next week. Bye.