Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 125: Pasty Shops in Michigan

Episode Date: April 21, 2021

Interested in Jared Leto and Marky Mark's nipples? This is the episode for you! Oh wait, wrong type of pasties... Check out our new poster! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Follow us on TikTok! tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to episode 125, Beach, Shrews, Andy, Water Too Wet. My name is Alex. I'm Christine, and we're now at my house. Yes, we're recording together with Gio in the room.

We got new equipment that lets us record in the same room. It's like a little studio setup. It's a technologically advanced situation. I have Gatorade and a candle, and Gio is our studio dog, and things are looking up. Yep. Now no more excuses if any audio issues happen, huh? I sure don't think so but we might try um anyway today we're covering pasties which are a thing yeah there's no way i'm gonna say that right this

whole time i as i was reading them yeah i was like in my head i kept saying pasties it's really confusing and in this week's and that's why you drink episode one of the words i had to read was pasty like the last thing this guy ate was a pasty oh really and i was like how did i don't think i've ever said that crossover i don't think i've ever said that in either podcast and thank god i found out before how to pronounce it because i certainly wouldn't have said it right um so i felt really smart uh christina yeah you were you were really smart uh-huh uh-huh so also i wanted to say i searched our inbox to see what was going on in there and um apparently emma and rachel also

highly suggested we do pasty reviews like years ago so oh well it's just one of those things where a lot of people suggested it and we just picked one of you to give the credit to. Specifically, Devin. Yeah, Devin. So thank you, Devin. Yeah, hopefully this helps with your homesickness because it might actually help because we might show you the negative side. Actually, I don't think you're ever going to want to go back to Michigan. Exactly.

So I'm sorry about that in advance, but none of you are ever going to want to return. Oh my God, that bad? The ones that you found? Holy shit. It's trying to one-up your comment. Do you like our really relatable introduction that we just did? Because we don't usually do them, and I think we're getting better. It feels weird recording in person. Like, it feels like a new thing to get used to. I think that's what's throwing me off.

Weirdly, even though we used to do it this way, I'm totally thrown. Okay. But yeah, we're reading pasty reviews which are uh they're pastries they're like of english origin cornish cornish sorry cornish origin they're similar to runza they are they look like knishes or runzas or empanadas no not empanadas what's the other one someone complained one looked too much like an empanada at one point. For God's sake. I don't know. They're like meat or veggie or potato filled pastry pockets. Yeah, they do look like empanadas. Yeah.

Don't say that because I think our Michiganders are Michiganders. Sorry. They look like it. I'm sure they're totally different. Rachel told me in the email that, I think, or maybe Emma, that they were taken by minors. Did you know that? That's good. I read a review.

Someone was complaining that some weren't like the ones that the miners used for lunchtime. I mean, honestly. This is already bizarre. He's like, I finally got out of this mine and I went to go get another pasty. And they're nothing like the ones I ate in 1895. But yeah, so they used to be eaten by minors handheld food yada yada okay yeah uh yeah should we just start reading some reviews um this first one is of a a bakery in ann arbor michigan called big city small world this is a review by phil one star

big city i was gonna i know i was like should i make fun of ann arbor right now because that is not that is not the biggest city i've been to um i guess once uh all the university of michigan people show up it's like oh my bay am i right did i tell you about that time i stayed at the university of michigan and peed out the window did i mention that on the podcast i was like did you tell me or did you tell everyone else uh the answer is probably yes to both okay i don't remember the peeing though oh that's the most important part i know i don't know why that would escape my memory uh my friend who shall not be named because this is really weird and i

probably shouldn't bleep that out we We went to a computer camp in Michigan. And yeah, the place was kind of, it was kind of run, it was over the summer and was run by, I assume, students at University of Michigan. But we were in high school. And so they were like power tripping or whatever. And like, turns out, like in hindsight, I'm like, they're probably just like 21 year olds goofing off. They wouldn't let us use the bathroom after like 8 p.m. And they were like, we're going to patrol the halls. You're not allowed to leave your dorm room.

You're not allowed to use the bathroom. What the fuck? And Simon and I being like, I don't know. It was like summer camp. Drinking 80 Red Bulls. We literally drank a shit ton of Red Bulls. We survived on those like peanut butter bars, beefky and like uh twizzlers i think yeah and it was super hot no ac we just had like this portable fan we just like put in front of us and

we were like shirtless in our boxers watching like crime show i forget what show but this clearly but the peeing is something i don't remember we had to pee of course because of all the red bulls so can't you pee in a red Bull can? So we were like, what do we do? And we're like, okay, well, we're only on the second floor, not anything higher. And outside, there's some bushes. So why don't we just kind of go over there and pee out the window? So that's what we did. That's not the dumbest idea.

I mean, no one, I don't think anyone was down. I don't think there was any like. I think you would have found out really quickly if someone was down there. So I wouldn't worry. Probably true. Probably true. In hindsight, should we have done that? Probably not.

But I don't know. That's my story. It's called the bad boy podcasting for a reason. Exactly. I was a bad boy long before we started the show. Just high on Red Bull. Drunk on Red Bull. Where were we?

Okay. I'm sorry. We're at 0% of the show. Okay. Let's get to one percent. All right. With this review by Philip of Big City Small World, Ann Arbor, Michigan. I went here and I was looking at the scones and I lightly touched the glass and the lady working there yelled at me, get your filthy hands off there.

No joke. No joke. That's literally what she said. She said filthy. End of review. No joke. No joke. That's literally what she said. She said filthy. End of review. Filthy. Filthy. F-I-L-F-Y.

No joke, Christina. What? No joke. I thought, I wish there was a response where she's like, that's not at all what I said. I said filthy. I called you filthy, sir. I know how to speak English. Filthy is good, though.

It's very good. Get your filthy paws off my silky drawer do you remember when i said that on the bus when i was in third grade and i didn't know what it meant get your filthy paws off my silky drawer drawers what who are you talking to logan and emily okay well it's like that time another friend who shall not be named was flipped off by somebody in a neighboring bus and said that boy fingered me um i thought i didn't know what a silky drawer meant and yeah um do you know what that's from no i have no idea oh it's from greece oh my favorite movie at the time no wonder i was like

it's gotta be so i was gonna say actually i was gonna get guess a rat race just like i don't know that's something we quoted a lot only other movie we watch um but yeah wow that makes sense anyway uh filthy is very good filthy filthy doors okay so uh but let's see i have a lot here too this is a one-star review of a place called king arthur's pasties and this is a one-star review by tom this place will make you want to go back to the dark ages cobblestone streets public executions and shitty pies king arthur would behead the chef who made the pumpkin pie here do me lady a favor and do what Sir Lancelot did and betray this dump. End of review.

Okay, some things were a little shoehorned in there. And also, you really could have gotten away without, like, gotten away with not talking about public executions. Like, if that's your first thought. That's the cobble cornerstone of this entire review, is public executions. Gotta have a hook. Yeah, I guess so.

It did bring my attention in for the wrong reasons, though. For all the wrong reasons. Yeah, when I think terrible pasties, I think, oh, who can I kill because of this? Who can I publicly execute? Sorry, yeah, publicly. Who can, yeah yeah just like the miners did back i have some reviews of this one place oh wait there's one more line there's more there's one more line that was two two enters down and i got confused it just says three out

of ten stars so what rating did they give it one out of five oh so math not quite on yeah i was gonna they well they rounded down i guess no i think they rounded up because uh because they said one out of five would be two out of ten yes gave it a three out of ten well okay but they said three out of ten but actually gave it a two out of ten understood yeah so i'm saying they rounded down that way yeah i thought i was better at math for a minute there damn it i wouldn't think that even to engineering camp what was i thinking engineering camp it was a computer camp with we learned 3d modeling and you got bullied by other computer engineers no we were all just a bunch of nerds it was lots of fun though my next reviews are from leto's pasty i don't leto's past i said leto's

in my head which means nothing to anybody but jared leto's pasties it's spelled l-e-h-t-o and i was jared let it jared leto's pasties sounds like it could be quite a good drama on hbo i would watch that um yeah but the thing is i was reading a lot of these and I thought, you know what? I'm not even going to bother because Michigan, I don't know what's wrong with you. But how you these words, what are the half of the words that you use for cities and locations? I had so much trouble like reading these. I'm like, how would I even say that? Like in the reviews. A lot of the cities I didn't even put in because I was like, this is a word that's French,

but I guarantee you it's pronounced differently. Should we acknowledge what we just did? Yes. Okay. We just changed some audio settings because we were... And Sally, we screamed at you. First time using this new equipment and we did test it, but then it turns out once we were in the heat of the moment, we get a little louder than our testing.

We were like testing one, two, three. And then the screaming happened. And I said, why is everything red on every light? So I'm sorry about that. I think we've made it better. If not, we'll make it better next time. But we'll see. Hopefully that was the last time we're making an excuse.

Even though I just said at the beginning of this episode, no more excuses. Okay. That was a big mistake. I know. I don't know why I said that. I don't either. I should always leave room for excuses. This is in St. Ignace, Michigan.

That's the one I cut out, Oxenor. Ignace. Why would you keep that in there? Ignace. It doesn't matter where it is because now we're... St. Ignace. What? Just don't say it.

I'm going to say it. Okay. Because then if they're in the... Someone... I just saw someone who said, does anybody else get excited when they mention your... just don't say it i'm gonna say it okay because then if they're in that someone someone i just saw someone who said does anybody else get excited when they mention your hometown well maybe they'll get excited when we say a place the one person in anyone else get excited when they say them all wrong no alexander no they don't but people love being smarter than other people it's like when i

see people misspell cincinnati i'm like you idiot i'm smarter than you but it's like when i see people misspell cincinnati i'm like you idiot i'm smarter than you but it's only that's exactly what we'd like people to to think when they listen to our show yeah because then they like what are you playing looking to experience natural beauty peace and quiet free of traffic jams and long lines then travel north across the mackinac bridge to saint ignis damn it saint ignis i did throw that in there at some point in my guesses saint ignis um i don't know if that picked up but yeah she was playing a nice little promotional video this is by steely dan this is by dan okay one star

the guy working there was an unfriendly unw unwelcoming, unhelpful dolt with no manners and no social skills. He had a real problem giving out ketchup, napkins, and forks. You'd think we had asked for caviar. The pasties were fine, but from now on, I will stick to my favorites. Caviar. My favorites, like the caviar pasties down the road i was just wanting to try the place i always see heading toward the mackinac bridge huge disappointment i've heard great things so maybe it was one guy having a bad day no excuse though so here's your rating leto oh dear end of

review um wow wow that's depressing. Thank you for that. You're welcome. I hope it was worth it to learn how to say St. Ignace. This is a review of a place called Superior Pasties. And I later saw that Caitlin had emailed these in as well. And this is a place that serves vegetarian pasties. But... I had the same experience.

Did you find this exact place? Yes. We probably have the same reviews. Really? Yeah. Can you read what you have? One starts with my mom. Yeah, can you read that one?

You want me to read the whole thing right now? Yeah. This is by Corvid. One star. My mom and I tried to get vegetarian pasties here today and the owner said that vegetarians should just stop breathing when asked to clarify he said it was his opinion that he is entitled to not sure what he was implying but i won't be eating anything made here not safe end of review okay here's a-star read by Louise. I called today to order some vegetarian pasties for pickup. The man that answered was friendly.

He asked if I was feeding an army. I then explained it was for my daughter, who was a vegetarian. He then stated that people who only eat vegetables should stop breathing. After thinking about his comments, I called back to cancel my order. He said that I had a right to my opinion just like he does. I told him that thinking vegetarians should stop breathing isn't an opinion, that it's hateful. We had a bit of a heated discussion and I ended the call. I would rethink getting food from this place. It probably tastes like hate and bigotry. I wish I could give this place zero stars.

So when you said my daughter, I was like, or my mom, I was like, this is a hand in hand. But I love that the mom goes to yelp classic and then the younger person goes to google classic funny oh my god so anyway that's what i found well we got we found the the duo isn't that wild though yeah i can't even imagine then why serve vegetarian i i know that those are two reviews and they're by two different people but i have one more from this place me too oh good it's probably the same one again which i don't know why they're doubling up but one star by cc tried to get some pasties for my birthday dinner but the employee's response to my request for vegetarian ones was that vegetarians

should stop breathing okay buddy no thanks end of review like why do you keep saying that i don't know stop breathing that's like quite aggressive it's very yeah it's it's a little severe it's a little severe and i like how this person that i had was like i'm not sure what they're implying it's like i oh i am being pretty i think they're pretty clear about what they think which is uh yeah bizarre well somebody else said yeah he also started uh he's also a bit he was also a bigot toward indian folks oh oh i'm you know i have another review oh maybe that's the same one why are they all no no this is long a long one okay go ahead but it it mentions that okay so i know where that's coming from. This is a pretty long one, but yeah, it's a superior pasties.

Avoid if you enjoy good service. The moment we walked in, the guy behind the counter asked us if we were lost. I think he did it to come off as funny, but it wasn't funny. It was rude. We decided to brush it off and order since we were already there and we took the joke. While we were ordering, my vegetarian friends asked him a couple of questions to which he responded just eat me don't be weirdos this sounds like the fifth grade like cafeteria like don't be a weirdo what is this stop breathing this person must have had some weird fucking experiences in their life he must have had an experience and i don't you can't imagine

a single experience that would like warrant this, elicit this response. Like unless his whole family was kidnapped by like specifically vegetarian for those reasons too. But anyway, when he said that my mouth completely dropped, not only was his comment completely out of place, but also if you offer a vegetarian option,

the customer is entitled to ask about it. My friend took it well and answered, I am weird. Yeah. this is how normal interactions go in this place, but arguing in front of customers is not the way to go. My friend wanted to intervene, but I said it would be better for us to not escalate the situation. As for the food, it was nothing extraordinary. Honestly, frozen Hot Pockets are better than this. I ordered the superior chicken, the chicken wasn't tender, the flavors were missing, and the crust was just okay. Overall, the quality of the food wasn't worth having to interact with this person, as he completely ruined my appetite. When we were leaving, the guy started to imitate a thick Indian accent. I don't know if he meant it as a joke or if he was just ignorant and insensitive. It was as if every time the man opened- It can be both. Yeah, it can be all of the above. I think even if it is a joke, it is still-

Oh, definitely if it's a joke. Ignorant and insensitive. Yeah, definitely if it's a joke. It was as if every time the man opened his mouth, it was to say something worse. The guy did give us complimentary salad and only charged us $5 each, but I wouldn't return to this place

even if he offered me free food. If you want to have a good time, then you're better off skipping this place. Holy cannoli. I mean, I gotta say, if you're gonna be an asshole about vegetarian food, make your meat taste good, right? Like, if you're gonna be like, oh, nobody got to say, if you're going to be an asshole about vegetarian food, make your meat taste good, right? Like, if you're going to be like, oh, nobody here eats vegetables, then, like, don't make your chicken shitty.

Yeah. Like, at least make your food good. I mean, I understand. Okay, I don't understand. But if this were a place called, like, meatlovers.com, the bakery, then maybe it would make sense to be like, get out of here. Yeah. This is obviously for, I don don't know non-vegetarians but if you yeah like if you're literally offering on your menu a vegetarian option that's like the weirdest thing to get angry about what do you expect uh yeah so that actually was not the one that i had read but there was a different one that was like man he was

really racist toward indians and caucasians and and i was like wait wait so it's racist toward indians caucasians another ethnic group i don't remember like um something very specific oh my god okay like that's the thing we say is when these reviews are specific usually it's like yeah there's something yeah they're the general vague ones are usually the ones we make fun of. And then they threw Caucasian there, and then they said, I don't really know what his background is, but, like, clearly he doesn't really like anybody. So it was just odd. Unless you eat meat, apparently. I don't know.

I don't know. He's also serving shitty chicken, so it doesn't seem like he cares that much about them anyway. All right. So this is a review by dante and actually this one was sent in by glory and nina which tells you that if multiple people stumbled upon this it is a doozy and it is it's a two-star view by dante cadillac is about as quaint as a decrepit strip mall one need only look around at the career degenerates on disability. Having said that, this was my first true rural middle America experience.

I came into this establishment the second time in one day. Obviously not one to blend into the locals, trailer meth lab entrepreneurs, child molesting uncles, or anyone who married his sister. The woman behind the counter who could very well have been my age, but the hard life she endured was well written between the cracks of her stoic expressions. Also, these are all like- What the fuck? None of these are even sentences, so I know he's trying to be like the next Hemingway

or I don't know. I don't want to insult Hemingway that poorly, but he's trying to be- He's trying something. He's trying something. He's trying his hand at something, and he's not... He really shouldn't. He forgot. He's not using verbs, so it's... There's, like, one step missing, but anyway.

This is one paragraph. The woman behind the counter, who could very well have been my age, but the hard life she endured was well written between the cracks of her stoic expressions, period. Next paragraph. She bluntly inquired about me returning to the bakery. My response was jovial in that these delicious delectables were not only for me but to be shared, not to be confused with a glutton. Her guttural response was that of, it's a security measure, that's all. Ha ha ha ha, okay, please tell

me what security measure revolves around asking if I came again and without checking ID or signature to match. Perhaps there are a light caramel slash brown entourage of ninjas stealing credit cards for $1.25 pastries. I was dumbfounded and without response, my faith prohibits me from arguing with people whom offend my senses. End of review. prohibits me from arguing with people whom offend my senses. End of review. I hope he said that to the lady. So she was like, uh, what? Yeah, that's because that's my reaction right now. Um, how would you even react to that? Um, what? Uh, I mean, you know, the first six paragraphs are entirely offensive and horrid. And then, um um and then talks about their faith yeah my faith allows me to say whatever i want on yell yeah yeah of course just not to your face no no

no no no no no um oh my god don't get it twisted the cracks in the foot the cracks in her stoic expression i i mean i feel like if somebody came into the bakery twice you'd be like oh you're back yeah i know i'm very confused confused about where the problem was here. Well, but it is weird that she said it's a security measure, which is like... Oh, that's true. I forgot about that part. It's just like, no, is it? You know what?

I have no idea. I don't either. This whole thing was very confounding to me, but my faith doesn't really let me elaborate anymore. That's the problem. It is a problem. That's the problem we have. Our our faith is keeping us down our faith is always the problem what else is new uh my next one is another of leto's pasties this is by jean two stars the food was good but no bathroom no eating area unless you count three picnic tables the lady told me to go to the bathroom a mile down the road at a public park.

Not impressed. End of review. A mile down the road. Literally, like, there's no eating area unless you count the three picnic tables. Unless you count the fucking... Oh, so there's not even an indoor seating. It's like...

Yeah, but there's no eating area. They didn't say anything about indoors, and then they're like, there's no eating area unless you count the three picnic tables oh i thought they were saying oh wait but i mean i'm i take that to mean like of course there's not a bathroom if there's no indoor seating i mean the only seating is those three picnic and the toilet but no there's no toilet either so you can't sit on that toilet damn yeah that i mean i once heard the story

about this kid who like also wasn't allowed to use the bathroom and had to, like, piss all over some bushes. Yeah. Weird. At University of Michigan, which, by the way, like... Actually, and on some picnic tables that happened to be next to it, next to the bushes. There were people eating some weird kind of minor food down there. It was actually, like, 2 p.m.

They were just really high on Red Bull. Sick. Degenerates. Yeah. Okay. So all I have left are redemptions, but like, you know, my kind of redemptions. Oh, great. Not necessarily redemptions. So some of them are good, but not all. So for context, I want to tell you that there's a company called, I think it's Crist, K-R-I-S-T, Christ Oil Co., which are independently owned gas stations and convenience stores in the Michigan, Wisconsin, and Minnesota areas. It's just for context of

this review. Okay. So this is a five-star view of the pasty corner, sort of. Five stars by Bob. Best pasty I've ever had by far. If you come to Upper Michigan, gas up first. Sadly, Crist Oil has refused to follow mask laws and is a dangerous place to buy gas. If you get gas at Crist, you will be greeted by a COVID smoker cough attendant with no mask on. I have an SOS for you. Save our seniors. Boycott Crist. No mask equals no cash. Screenshot this and share on Facebook if you think old people are worth saving. Okay, Christina, you got to send me that because if I don't screenshot it, I'm going to get in big trouble. I shared it on Facebook. Good, because people are...

Oh, you did? Okay, because people are not going to believe it. I actually deleted your Instagram photo of Monty. I was like, it's not worth trying to cover up the real news, which is SOS. Save our seniors. Save our seniors. Also, I don't think seniors would love that you're just saying, hey, do you think old people are worth it? Share this on Facebook.

I mean, geez. But also that I'm assuming he goes on literally and finds the worst segue. Like, oh, if you go to the store if you go to kroger you should probably get gas first speaking of gas i like i they found a way to put that in the good information i agree with them i think it's great that they're trying to get that word out but um on a review about pasty corner pasty corner is probably like what the fuck we've got nothing to do with at least i got a five star, but it was listed under not recommended. Yeah, because they fucking threw another company under the bus while reviewing it.

Not helpful. Not helpful. I've got another one of Leto's. This is a five star review, though. This is by Paula. Best pasties I have ever had. Actually, first time trying them. So delicious.

Gravy was outstanding. Lord, these are good. If they don't have rutabaga in them, don't bother getting them. These guys put rutabaga in them. Nummy nummy. Okay, I liked this for four seconds, and now I don't. Oh, I still like them the moment i heard nummy nummy i was really off i jumped off ship um so these are the first pasties i've ever had

yeah then that elicited this sort of response i mean yes but to say don't bother ordering a pasty without rutabaga oh yeah that yeah, that's a good point. Also, this is the best pasty I've ever had. Anyway, I've never tried these before, with or without rutabaga. Because I did read a lot about how rutabaga, it's like, you can't have a veggie pasty without rutabaga. So they probably, like, told them that. And they were like, okay, let me put that in my Google review.

I'm sure the person they were visiting in Upper Michigan was like, you got get rutabaga the youper yeah y-o-o-p-e-r i think is what they call it that's what one of these one of these folks oh here we go madeline sent reviews of i i believe it's pronounced jean case but i don't jean case-E-A-N, I don't know, which they say are the best pasty. Nope. Crap, Madeline. I'm sorry, Madeline. I'm sorry.

You're trying to mess it up. It was bound to happen. Michigan's making this so difficult. Yeah, true, true. And also, it's so close to pastry. I know it's not a Michigan term originally. It's so close to pastry, pasty pastry. It is.

It's so confusing. So it's like really confusing. So you want to say pasty, so it's pasty, because it's close to pastry pasty pastry so it's like really confusing so you want to say pasty so it's pasty because it's close to pastry but then you madeline sent reviews of gene or or jean case maybe it's jen i don't fucking know and said they are the best which they say are the best pasties in da-youp. Da-youp? Da-youp. That's one way to put it.

I think that's the only way to put it now. That's the only way to put it, and I'm never changing it. And this is a review of, I'm going to call them JKs because I don't know how to say it. Do it. This is a four-star review by Pocahontas Ref, which I texted you to say, do you have a review by this person? I did not even, it did not sink in. Except I didn't say, do you have a review by this person i did not even it did not i didn't say do you have a review by this person i just said and i said excuse me because i had no idea what she was talking about and even though we had just i just told her oh text me any names that you

come across make sure we don't get the same reviews and then that's the next thing i hear and i still didn't sink in what she was talking about. Well, he had just gotten his second COVID vaccine. He probably thought the nanobots were like entering his brain matter. I still think that's the case. I think that might actually be what's happening. So this is a four-star review by Pocahontas Ref. This is sort of a redemption. The crust is amazing.

Five stars. Pasty size was great. I took away one star because it just lacked the flavor I'm looking for. Sad face. I want that old school flavor that my childhood best friend Jane's mom used to make. Fucking call Jane's mom up. I'm sure she has. There's no doubt in my mind she has.

I want that old school flavor that my childhood best friend Jane's mom used to make. The flavors bursted out at you. The raw mix smelled so good you could have eaten it raw, LOL. And so far today's pasties have lost the spice and seasoning factor and replaced it with a milder, blander version. But to date, for the price, this is where you want to go to get the best bang for your buck. End of review. Here's the thing.

Long live Jane's mom. Long live Jane's mom. That's the number one thing. She actually fed all the miners in 1895. That's the only reason her recipe is the original and only one. The only one that matters. The only one. Besides that other lady's grandma,

who also decided that her grandma's was the only one that matters. And besides all of the other reviewers who said shit like that and their grandmas many of them yeah they were so many of those people like they aren't like they used to be first of all y'all taste buds change so who like if it tastes different every seven years older fun fact it's don't blame these businesses and yeah why would they have your mom's recipe? Why would they let alone your Jane's mom's? Can you imagine? Like, it would not surprise me one tiny bit if Pocahontas, that's a whole nother story, went into this place and said, do you have Jane's mom's recipe? Because that's actually what I'm looking for.

As if anyone's supposed to know what that means it's so specific like there's not even ingredients no one can live up to those kinds of expectations they have to taste like my childhood best friends mom's pasties what a wild thing to expect from a restaurant so like i can't like yeah credit to them for giving at least four stars giving a positive review overall i just loved all the people who are like i'm there was one guy who's like i'm a cornish man living in texas so i tried to mail order these pasties from michigan but on the website it said they were made with ground beef and i and then like he lost his mind he was like that is not how you make an

original corn and i'm like the whole point is that they're not the original yes these are not cornish these are jane's grandma's sister's recipe and if you don't understand that stop trying to mail order them to texas so true so true that's what i always say i've got a review so i think mine... No, I've got one more negative. Let's do the negative first. This is of Dauber's Pasties. Oh, I saw that. In Escanaba, Michigan.

I don't know where these names come from, like of these cities in Michigan. Because you've got some that seem to be from indigenous origins or something. And then you've got French. Yeah, there's a lot of French. And then you've got like Escanaba. Like, I don't know what that is. Oh, from the Spanish?

I have no idea. No, from the Ojibwe language, the indigenous language of North America, the Algonquian language family. Cool. Look at that. Good to know. Educational. Oh, it's commonly shortened to Esky. That's actually kind of cute.

Esky. Yeah. But it's located on Little Bay Denok, D D-E, and then N-O-C. Like, where? This is just so... I mean, it reminds me of Wisconsin where everything's kind of French, but not... Yeah. We love you, Michigan.

Don't worry. Michigan, yeah. Nothing against you all. We're not hating. I'm just surprised. We have towns called Asheville and shit like that. That's not very exciting. We literally take other cities and then pronounce them wrong.

Correct. Like from other countries. Yes, that's correct. That's exactly right. At least y'all seem to be original. Good for you all. Good for you. Doppers.

Escanaba. Two stars by Betty. My husband and I got one breakfast pasty and split it between us because even though it was 10am, there was only one available for sale. They did offer us an unlimited amount of frozen ones, but for six bucks a pop, no. We were just wanting

to try them anyway. What? I don't know what they're trying to say with this anyway. They just threw an anyway in there, but it's not like anyway and then continues. It's like, we were just wanting to try them, anyway oh oh oh because they're saying we don't want unlimited we were we just wanted to try them any we just wanted to try them any exactly i know what they like i think i know what they're trying to say they're saying like oh we just want to try them like it didn't matter because we just wanted to try them. Like, it didn't matter because we just wanted to try them. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway, anyway, anyway.

The only thing good about this soggy mixture of egg? Question mark? Oh, gosh. Potato? Question mark? Oh, God. Mashed or question mark, question mark, question mark? And maybe a sprinkling of cheese and a smear of sausage flavoring was the crust.

Confusing sentence, so I'm going to let that sink in. I actually followed pretty well. Does that make sense to you all? Okay, good. It made sense to me because I've read it like 10 times, but. I mean, I get the thought process. Anyway. Seriously, the filling was so smooth and soggy, it could be fed to a newborn.

It would be nice to. What? Wait. It's literally soggy egg and like smears of meat filling. Don't feed that to anybody. Especially not a newborn. It would be nice to be able to distinguish between some of the ingredients by the texture. Just my opinion.

Maybe pasties are an acquired taste. So I tried choking down most of my portion. After I fed it to my newborn, I choked the rest down. Jesus. I spit it up and gave it to my newborn like a baby burger. Gross. But I ended up eating the outer crust, which was very good. Oh, and my husband, who basically eats anything

with sausage in it, threw his portion in the garbage after one bite. Again, just my opinion. I just think the potential is there for a great meal. Too bad. End of review. Oh my god, is this how potential is there for a great meal. Too bad. Oh my God. Is this how this person behaves at a Thanksgiving meal? Like, hang on.

I'm going to choke this down. Puke it up. My husband's going to toss the food in the trash. But there's potential here. Yeah. It seemed weirdly like it was so negative, but there were some things in there that might have come across as positive if the surrounding sentences weren't so negative. But in my mind that made it so much worse because it was like, just say you hate it. Very condescending.

Yeah. Stop it. What are you doing? Also, that was really gross. It was also very gross. All of that made me feel gross. I'm so sorry. Okay.

Well, I have a five-star review, and this is actually a normal redemption, but also kind of weird. Oh. I know. So this is another a normal redemption but also kind of weird right now so this is uh this is another one from madeline you know of da yuppe fame and this is a five-star review by vk so these are legitimately the best pasties in the world and even if the owner and employees were total jerks i would still be forced to go get veggie pasties because they're literally the best thing on the planet. That being said, the owner and his employees are the sweetest people ever. I came in one time with a migraine and desperately needed a pasty.

The owner was there and it was clear that I was miserable. He was concerned and asked what was wrong. When I told him I had a migraine, he was genuinely concerned and insisted that the pasty was on the house. The man is a saint with a heart of gold. Go with the veggie pasty. It's got cream cheese and all sorts of amazing steamed veggies. It's incomparable to anything you've ever eaten. Another time, I was sick and lost my sense of taste because my nose was plugged, so the pasty was flavorless.

I was so disappointed that I was actually reduced to tears. Oh. Oh. Like, I love how it's like the entire city experiences it. Yeah, not in my life. It was a dark day for the town because I walked around going, until everybody asked, what's wrong? Everyone woke up and was like, today feels dark. The clouds rolled in. What's going on?

Oh my God. I honestly forgot that it was a five-star review. So once you mentioned like the migraine and this owner being nice, I was like, uh-oh. How dare you? Where does it go wrong? Like, what? This seems so good.

That's nice. I know. Crying. I don't know. I thought it was a joke, but then I kind of re-read it, and I was like, I don't think he's even exaggerating. I think he literally was reduced to tears. Yeah, I don't know.

It seemed like they just really love it or expressing their love for it in their own way. Listen, we all have bad days. I get it. Yeah, I think it's interesting that they chose to get a pasty when they were new. Unable to taste. I assume they already knew they didn't have taste. Well, I Googled. I mean, I didn't Google.

I checked the date that this was written because I was like, uh-oh, lost their sense. But it was 2014. So hopefully it was not. Because if you walked in there and said, I can't taste anything. You found the actual source through a Google review. Patient zero. Patient zero from 2014. All those tears flooded the town of Marquette, and that's why Michigan is currently experiencing a surge. But yeah, I do love, like, fortunately fortune it was just like when beethoven went deaf and also it was only temporary

okay um but love that like clearly this person goes in there all the time with like a different fucking issue exactly that is like one time i was sick one time and the owner always knows when something's wrong it's like yeah because there's never anything right you always go in there with something's completely wrong and that's okay the employee is like this person we need to do whatever we can to keep them happy like yeah just hand it over yeah just we don't need any complaints all right i've got i think i only have five stars two more. This next one is of Marky Mark Pasties. God damn it. Marky Mark Pasties, spelled M-

Marky Mark's Pasties would go really well with Jared Leto's. I know, I know, maybe that's why I said it. M-A-R-Q-U-E-E, and then M-A-R-Q-U-E. I was wondering if you stumbled across that one. They're in Clinton Township, Michigan. I assume close to Marquette, based on the name, but I don't know. I'm not looking at a map, whatever. This is by Kevin.

Five stars. And there's a little bit of backstory. There was another reviewer who left a very long, rambling, very aggressive, all caps at many points, review. And the owner was like, please, this is ridiculous. These things are all not true. You keep going out of your way to like really try to write these negative reviews. And then they also said, also, people are coming into my store telling me they saw that negative review, thought it was funny. And then no way. Yes. So the owner owner was like thank you kind of for your review

because you've brought me like i want you to delete it but i don't want you to delete it because it was a lot and it wasn't that funny or interesting or even that unhinged it was just like the fact they used all caps and we're just throwing all these things out there and like being very specific about how that exit that they go on was changed and they blame the past shop for changing the highway exit. Oh, it was just wild. Anyway.

So here's what Kevin has to say. Five stars. Awesome food. I love them. It's my go-to place. When in town, excellent value. I never consider someone's opinion who does 100% negative reviews.

It's generally caused by something lacking in their life like personality so they're calling out that reviewer who apparently their other reviews are all negatives as well 100 so this person gets it i agree i'm like if someone's a personality just negative 100 of the time negative reviews it's a personality trait so that's what they think is lacking and then uh the owner responded uh said, probably lacking in more than one category. End of response. Wink. Wink.

You know what I mean. The owner is fed up and is now responding to the responses from other people. The owner has submitted this to the local news and been like, can we do a fun little feature on my Yelp page or my Google page? Because I think this is worth a local report. Oh, my God. That's wonderful. I love that he's bonding with people over a hater, you know? All right.

This is a four-star review of Marcus. No, not of Marcus. By Marcus. And this is from TripAdvisor. It's a review of The Pasty Corner. Four stars. How can you go wrong with a place Frank and Mike from American Pickers ate at? Do you really want me to answer that? No. Okay. Really? Their pictures are on the wall. Really, Alexander? Really? It's not filthy, but really believe me that their pictures are on the wall really i'll say really it's not filthy but they're really believe me

that okay okay i'm you're not joking okay i'm not joking this was our first time trying pasties and judging by the locals that drove through the drive-up window and came inside for takeout this is the place to get your pasties end of review i just loved it the title is i have not the title is the guys from american Pickers Ate Here. I mean, I don't know much about the background of that show, but I fucking love that show. Do you? I do love that show.

It's a fun one. It's so much fun. You know what came on TV yesterday? I'm always hesitant to say I'm a fan of them because I have no idea about the people outside. You and I are mostly fans of that show. Yep. The Fisher Show. i know what you're

thinking mike rose legs mike rose crab leg extravaganza yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what's it called deadliest catch thank you um i just told you mike rose the number of people who were like as someone who watches deadliest catch for no reason whatsoever when i heard that they didn't know what it was was so confused as to have somebody couldn't know what it was uh but American Pickers is fun I also like you know came on Storage Wars and I was like I used to watch that all the time oh yeah and then you get all the people saying well it's all fake and stuff and these people are assholes in real life first of all the asshole thing is duh I mean come on they act like assholes on the show and then also the fake thing is like yeah yeah yeah it's reality every I mean come come on. They act like assholes on the show. And then also the fake thing is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's reality. Every reality.

I mean, come on. We get it. We get it. We get it. Stop ruining our lives. That's, yep. That's how I react. Good.

So that's all I have for you. You have one more? I do have one more. This is at the Pasti Shop. This is in Southgate, Michigan. Okay. Also, I just want to say, we didn't say where Superior Pasti's is. It's in Livonia, Michigan.

Okay. Livonia. Beautiful. I'm not. Listen. I'm sorry. I'm like. I'm done attempting to understand these names.

Let them have it. They don't have much else up there. I know, but I just. That's why I brought it up, though. You hear my insult. Anyone. They don't have much else there? Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. They have pasties, though. And they. I mean, I would eat a pasty. would too um but yeah these people uh these people in livonia fuck lenovia lenovia livonia oh lenovia is fun what's that i don't know oh yeah okay is that from like princess it sounds like uh not princess bride sounds like uh princess diaries princess diaries anyway so yeah now if you live there you get your little shout out uh and if you bride. It sounds like... Not princess bride. It sounds like... Princess Diaries. Princess Diaries. Anyway. So yeah, now if you live there, you get your little shout out.

And if you live in Southgate, Michigan, you do too. This is of the pasty shop there. Southgate, get a better name. This is by Paula. Five stars. So true. How boring. Five stars by Paula. Audrey brought your pasties to the office, and they were delicious! End of review. Audrey did it?

well then you know it's gotta be good wait really? oh you should have added a fake full name it's so much funnier do it again Audrey Kornikova brought your pasties damn it

sorry that's not how Paula would talk. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Audrey Corn... I don't know. Kornikova. Kornikova.

I don't know, Christina. You put me on the spot and I'm stressed. Just say, like, Lewis. Okay. Thank you. Audrey Lewis brought your pasties to the office and they were delicious. End of review. No, because I think when it's the full name, it sounds like...

You know what it sounds like? It sounds like a local, like, newscaster or somebody that, like, everybody in town knows. Yeah, yeah. Like, why else would you's a full name, it sounds like, you know what it sounds like? It sounds like a local newscaster or somebody that everybody in town knows. Yeah, yeah. Like, why else would you use the full name? Yeah. Maybe it is. I'm wondering if they use that to make sure that next time Audrey showed up, Audrey got some sort of promotion.

Oh, I thought you meant like Audrey was their boss. No. And they were like, thanks, Audrey. I assume this is like a co-worker. Oh, I see. Of Paula's co-worker. Oh, I see. Of Paula's co-worker who went and brought them in. So I'm wondering if they're like, maybe next time Audrey goes. Pick her business card for the free lunch.

Oh, yes. True, true, true. Pick her business card. True. Now you know her full name. Yeah. But then if that happens, then we'd know it's rigged. Okay.

Off the air, can you tell me the name of the person? Audrey or whatever. Okay. Audrey is an attorney. Oh, okay. know it's rigged okay off the air can you tell me the name of the person uh audrey whatever okay audrey is an attorney oh okay all right and audrey has one star on her yelp page well paula's not leaving any reviews for for the boss i guess oopsies okay colleague i'll leave that out oh my gosh wait paula has their own attorney office yeah maybe she's trying to get her in trouble wow weird maybe they're competitors maybe oh my god you know what maybe a local pasty shop has hired audrey to be their representative to be their attorney and so now pa Paula's trying to slander her

by throwing out like oh she loves this other pasty shop you can't trust her to represent you and then use that as evidence I love it I think that's exactly what's going on that's exactly what's happening Christina how else would this make any sense you nailed it thank you How else would this make any sense? You nailed it. Thank you. Okay, that's all I've got. And that's all I've got, which means it's time for my challenge, which was from Beckett. This was tough.

The challenge was to find reviews where someone admitted they were recording a performance illegally. Uh-oh. It was difficult. But I have some things. But not everyone actually admitted it. So guilt, I don't know if all these people are guilty. This is the trial and we're the jury. Yeah, we are the judge and jury.

And executioners. Oh, public executioners. Public, public. Okay. So this first one is of Diane of Shepher's Beach Resort in Clearwater Beach, Florida. Two stars. Great area. Terrible employees.

This place is run by disrespectful people who don't know how to treat people spending their money at your establishment. We were kicked out for recording on a cell phone. The drinks had little to no alcohol in them hear many stories about the rude bouncers and bartenders drugging the drinks as well something is sketchy about this place won't be going back oh no um here's my thinking no i'm not saying they're wrong because i don't know the history and i didn't read any more reviews of this place but if you actually know about drugging drinks and shit, why are you leaving a two-star review?

Like, if that shit were happening, call the police and also one-star review. What are you going to say? I heard a rumor. Okay, yeah, no, if you just heard it, then why are you also like... I feel like this seems like, oh, they're mad that they got kicked out. Yes, it's retaliatory. But maybe that's what they can say they were recording. Trying to catch them in action. Oh, true.

They did not seem... I don't think that would have helped them, though. Like, I was just trying to record your bouncers drugging people. Yeah. You're still getting kicked out. Yeah, I don't know. So they recorded... Illegally might be a strong word, but...

Do we know what the performance was? No freaking clue. Okay. No idea. I'm going gonna guess it was a uh some sort of like luau thing that's exactly what i was thinking some like probably super not not pc event kind of thing potentially we can't let this get out that we do this here yeah yeah yeah yeah no recording allowed this is secret

uh there's the next one is of a is a review of brea improv in brea california one star this is by lionel okay if somebody were recording my improv show i would call i would call the authorities and be like this is cannot happen you cannot release this anywhere agreed except no mine was pretty good so never mind yours was Mine should be just world famous by now. Yeah, we should have put that on HBO. Crap place. Awful and upsetting experience. Kicked out for recording the show.

Phone in purse. I'm a 51 year old lady just trying to take herself out for her birthday. Ridiculous. I was so shocked. I regret I didn't march back into the front row table i was at to ask for support we'll see if i get an apology i don't want a refund because i'm hoping margaret gets most of it creepy big brother thing and i'm not one to ever call that out friend said it end of review what's happening what does any of this mean i know i think i get it though who's margaret

i assume margaret is the performer or something. So that's why they're like, I didn't want a refund because I want to make sure that Because I'm sure all of my $10 go to the improv stars of the performance. Yes. Not. Exactly. Who pay $500 for a class. But maybe it was like a big name, too.

I don't know. Like, I don't know. It might because. Oh, improv Margaret. From TBS. Oh, my God. Okay. big name too i don't know like i don't know it might because oh it's like hollywood margaret from tbs oh my god okay um because i was gonna check if margaret cho or something has been there it's margaret cho it was i just checked margaret cho at impromptu shut up you are not that's what i call we're not thinking that did you actually know that i know margaret cho that you know margaret cho yes what does that mean by you know i worked at fashion police for a while she was a host true and i know her uh drink order at starbucks it's not starbucks it's actually coffee bean coffee bean and i wish

that you would know that she and juliana ransack prefer coffee bean so yeah well guess what diane warren prefers what's that coffee bean guess what alexis? What's that? Coffee bean. Guess what Alexis did? What? Yes, I can tell this. She dropped Kris Jenner's omelet on the floor. Oh, my God. Oh, Alexis, I love you. Well, it's Alexis' birthday tomorrow, so two days before this comes out.

Happy birthday! She lived to tell the tale. Girl. That was the day that I spilled salsa all over my sweater and had to turn it inside out, and everybody there was like, why do you two work at Fashion Police? Like, what are you doing here? Oh, no. So, yeah.

So I assume they want Margaret to get the money, which I respect that. But also they were saying, like, if they had gone back to their table, the other people would have supported her. I thought she was saying she wanted support like from the stage no i think other people at the table also margaret cho i think has a new podcast out just fyi that i keep hearing about cool i didn't know um so i think it's called the margaret cho it's on a cast uh and i keep hearing it because i'm re-listening to my dad read a porno for the 85th time um and so she has a show called the margaret show and this season is called mortal minority and it examines the historical hate crimes that laid the groundwork for the recent

onslaught of anti-asian violence so well very uh relevant and i haven't listened to yet but it looks really good so yeah love that go listen maggie i miss you i'm like babe improv margaret is that what I called her? Yes. Improv Margaret, our good friend. Margaret Cho would be like, who is this person and why didn't we fire her sooner? I'm friends by relation, right? Is that how that works?

One degree of Kevin. One degree of Margaret Cho. That's our new podcast coming out. Oh my God. Anyway, as for the rest of what the rest meant, creepy big brother thing. What is that? I'm not one to ever call that out friend said it i assume what they mean is that their friend was like it's kind of weird how they saw you like they were creeping they were watching you watching you while you

were watching the show and the friend was like that's some creepy big brother thing instead of thinking oh it's just a normal security measure they don't want you recording you can't record those shows yeah so they enforce it sure but they're like i'm not one to say this. They don't want you recording. Because you can't record those shows. Yeah. So they enforce it. Sure. But they're like, I'm not one to say this, but I think there's some...

Because I don't know what it means, but my friend said it, and I think it sounded very cool. It has that same energy as people who say, like, oh, as I was leaving... Everyone else agreed with me. Everyone else was complaining

about the same thing. The other couple said the same thing happened to them. Yes. Mm- them. Yes. Okay, so I've got one more review and then a Reddit thread. Oh, fun. Here is my last review. This is of The Warfield in San Francisco music venue.

One star by Adam. All age venue saw a broken social scene and the deftones. The BSS show was pretty good, security didn't have a problem with cameras, and the set was pretty long. When I went to the Deftones show though, it seems like they were really really strict about anyone doing recording. Security is more concerned about you using a shitty cell phone camera to record the set than they are about the hundred plus people smoking pot in the open. Yes, it's expected. So is moshing. But I think that they have trouble figuring out what their priorities are when it comes to securing anything.

The Deftones put on a damn good show, no doubt. They always do. But it was such a buzzkill to have security shining a flashlight in my face when I'm just trying to take a picture or something. No, I'm not recording and I'm having trouble getting a good shot and it doesn't help that you're shining that flashlight in my face. Oh, if you plan on taking pictures, they tell you no flash, but you've got tons of people in the crowd using a flash to take pictures. If you buy tickets for any event here and you want a full experience, get floor tickets, not seat tickets. End of review okay love that i'm having trouble getting a good photo because the guy's trying to flush directly into my face uh why do you keep taking your phone out i don't know i don't know exactly

it's like you're also complaining about like oh yeah people like taking a shitty cell phone thing complaining about people smoking weed those people smoking weed are probably complaining about you and your phone being out like come on um and also i love i was like the security to secure the area it's like what from stoners like are you serious they're just chilling they're vibing meanwhile you're like trying to get this good shot and he's like hanging off the banister trying to get a good shot he's climbing onto the stage and they're like pushing security aside to get actually standing on their shoulders and like nobody will let him just take a good photo um it's actually pretty sad so yeah keep keeping keep gonna keep it secure though from people like that oh my god

I've never been a performer but if I've done a live show technically I guess as a performer I just don't want people to zoom in we don't do photography because I'm like don't fucking

zoom in on me record me I don't know it just also don't smoke pot I I'm like don't fucking zoom in on me record me well like I don't know it's just no it makes sense I mean also don't smoke pot I guess but I kind of care less about that because that's not my problem yeah yeah it doesn't interfere unless you're behaving you know ridiculously but um or setting off the fire alarm which you know entirely possible but yeah I mean maybe I'm not condoning smoking pot in a theater no when other people around the only well the only thing i would condone that usually happens is moshing but that's to be expected at one of my performances at one of my shows yeah and like you just don't take pictures while you're

moshing no no that's dangerous yeah exactly and don't take pictures of you because you hop in you hop off stage to join the mosh yes so no one can take a picture while they're moshing or take a picture of you moshing with the other moshers and that's actually the priorities we give to security we say this is your step-by-step protocol yes yeah for securing the area i got a security hierarchy hierarchy of hierarchy oh thank you welcome okay then i was like i need i you're really good at finding different forums and different threads yes you find so many of those and i thought you know let me look elsewhere so i went on reddit and i found from a year ago a post by uh wooder ice 64 title in our movies titled ever caught someone recording in a theater oh my god i thought you

meant r-rated movies but you mean like R slash movies. The subreddit. The movie's subreddit. Got it. They say, title says it all. If you go to YouTube, you can see bootleg clips from the latest releases, all illegally recorded in theaters. I've seen people recording twice.

The first time was when I saw Dark Tower at a discount theater. There was a dude in a hoodie recording it on his phone. The second was when I saw Endgame in IMAX at a was a dude in a hoodie recording it on his phone. The second was when I saw Endgame in IMAX at a matinee during the week, so it wasn't too busy. The third time was when I saw Finding Dory. Since it was a 1.45 in the afternoon showing, it was largely the AARP crowd, one of which was two rows in front of me and recorded half the movie on his phone. What?

Funny, right? Damn. And then someone Bonobo Tickle Party responded and said yes, and it was awful to watch. Was 2008 at a 4K screening of the remastered

Blade Runner print on the Warner Brothers lot in Burbank. Stupid. It's already, you get that set up and you're like someone's recorded this shit stupid don't do that the theater at warner's is actually in the backlot street set they filmed blade runner on so it was an especially cool thing to get to go to it was a benefit event for a guy who worked on the film who had braden cancer so there was a panel beforehand with ridley scott the actress who played zora sid mead and the girl who played the sixth replicant, but was cut out of the film, plus a couple others.

Before it started, they were super, super clear that there was to be no filming of the panel. How stupid can you be? So things kick off, packed theater, the house lights are up, and Ridley and co. were answering questions, and it was fascinating. Scott was grouchy as hell and loving it giving shit back to the people in the audience and generally being a badass then boom two huge security guards walk in and make their way to the middle of the audience the whole event stops while they eject two guy fieri shirt wearing

fucking idiots with a camcorder a camcorder this is 2008 who have to parade out of an entirely silent theater packed with hundreds of people in a moment of pure cringe that probably keeps them awake i was gonna say it's gonna keep me awake although if you have the audacity to bring a camcorder and then be told no filming and then still you said camcorder you have no shame you're gonna say if you had the audacity or a guy fairy shirt but oh okay both of those combined it's like next level exactly so uh that person uh yeah whoa i forgot it was 2008 camcorder love that right that's like where you like a lot with these smartphones people are like oh i wasn't recording i was just taking a picture i was just tech checking my tech because you do so many things my daughter is like literally have a camcorder yeah at

that point you have no excuse i mean do you think it was one of those ones mom used to have where it was like mini dvds that you had to buy specifically for the sony mini dvdr camera and like now we just have a bunch of these mini dvds that nobody knows what to do with you have to buy an extra thing just to convert them yes what a pain in the ass uh here's one more this actually gives a little context into working in at a movie theater with this stuff going on uh so this is by salsa salsa shark 81 i used to be a manager at a movie theater and would catch people all the time we actually had a piracy hotline we could call when we caught individuals one manager would be on the phone with the hotline while another would be pulling the customer out of the theater

and security confiscating the camera. Oh my god. There was usually a reward for individuals that caught and reported the theft. Some distributors would also send a thank you care package with movies and other swag. Shut up! End of response. I'll be the fucking guinea pig. Send me in there.

I'll be a fucking narc. Oh, hell yeah. I'll narc the shit out of people if it means i get swag well you could just sit in the movie theater and like try to find people who are oh i assume oh does is that what it's saying oh i don't know i wasn't sure if it was like of the people who worked at the theater oh i assume it's people who work there but i'm saying i would do the job if they want me to sit in a movie theater and like keep an eye out for some of these that would be your whole job and then senior citizens with their camp the aarp crowd you're right they are trouble uh they are trouble are we allowed to say that dad used to bring home

bootleg dvds from china yeah i feel like we've mentioned it we have mentioned or no cd-rom well both he brought home oh yeah bootleg cd-roms too that were a little now it shouldn't have been installed it's fascinating that dad used to have to buy a new like desktop computer which by the way this was the 90s they were not cheap but probably every six months and now i'm like well yeah we were putting these fucking bootleg cd-roms and it was like peter pan but it was like polypan like it was like fake yeah like knockoff was like Polly Pan. Like it was like fake Disney games. Like knockoff Disney games. And they like never worked.

And it would make me so upset because they looked so fun. Yeah. Oh, man. The legit ones we had, though, like Freddy Fish. Oh, yeah. All the good ones. Fatty Bear. Fatty Bear was good.

Good times. But dad would get like. The ones from dad were. It would be like Aladdin, but it would be like man with carpet that flies and we're like that and he'd be like no this is aladdin and we were like oh okay thanks daddy dad yeah uh wow there was some good stuff in there but yeah the dvds he had one of titanic like uh one of the batmans the one with mr freeze i forget i always say they weren't even like the full name i don't think they were even good, were they? No, because it was the same quality.

It was literally a camcorder. It was literally a camcorder in a movie theater quality, because that's what they were. They're not that expensive, are they, to buy Titanic? I don't know. But then again, have I pirated movies? Of course I have. Hotline? I still watch illegal sports streams online every week.

I would like my sports gift package gift package to me immediately of all my swag oh my god i've got him finally it's taken all these years this is like the second time in the past month you made a joke about how this whole thing this whole podcast was to catch me doing something it's multifaceted i've talked about peeing out a window when i shouldn't have you i'm like owning up to everything here you dragged someone else's beer through a country concert yeah yeah i hey i did my time i paid my fine actually like they take uh recording movies very seriously but like you know how they have the scary fbi warnings at the beginning yep i, you'd think if they had a hotline for that, because Hollywood cares so much about their money, don't you think they can make a fucking hotline for, like, some more important shit that goes on at...

You'd think. Establishments and corporations? You'd think. But no. But no, that's not where the money is. Don't record Blade Runner, okay? What's going to lose more money? Oh, yeah, if people don't go to the movies because pirating is common.

Yikes. That's my statement of the day. Wow. We are just. Love it or leave it, you know? Yeah, I know, Christina. We're going to lose thousands of listeners. All those bootleggers.

Yeah. Do you know who bootlegs stuff? It's people who listen to this podcast. They're going to bootleg this podcast and sell it on the black market. They're going to. Yeah, they're going to they're gonna be like uh who wants to listen to this without ads i'm gonna record it only without ads and then sell it to people on mini sony dvd roms that you only have to put in a special container we dare you we dare

you do it go for it go we're gonna be checking eBay. Our lawyers that we don't have yet, they're going to be all over you. They already are. Oh, they already are. Look behind you. No, not you, G. You're fine. G was like, me? Where?

You didn't do anything wrong. You've never done anything wrong. Anyway, this has become the most chaotic episode, and I guess that's what happens. We say that every week. I know, but now we record in person that it feels like we don't have much of a hold on reality anymore. Did we ever? Okay. Now it's time for a challenge.

Oh, yeah, that's right. And theme, new theme. So what's our theme, Christina? Okay, so I have a theme idea that actually came in today at 2 a.m. our time. So that's exciting. It's from Sarah. He's she, her. Thank you, Sarah.

And Sarah says that she and her family are on a road trip to the grand canyon on route 66 and she said i thought it would be cool if you could review diners along route 66 love it love it as someone who just drove along route 66 for a bit i was in uh needles california oh um i stopped there on my way back from la uh nice motel six or something yeah america's best value in i mean love a good america's best value in um so yes i love that i love that cool thank you sarah and if anybody out there has your favorite diner along with 66 let us know yes send an email to beachhussini at gmail.com uh and my challenge comes from sophie who did not email us this morning.

Emailed us some months ago. Said, I have a challenge idea that might be too hard, so feel free to adapt. Fantastic. But I thought it could be fun. I saw that and I'm like, oh, yeah, let's make it difficult. But I do think this is doable without any changes. Find a negative review where the reviewer is friends or family with the owner or staff of said establishment. Where the reviewer is friends or family with the owner or staff of said establishment where the reviewers friends or family yeah so they're like they're saying oh my son works here or like because it like staff or owner or something i see okay got it yeah i can definitely do that i think that

could be lead to it is a bit of a challenge and could lead to some i have a feeling i have a feeling this will be this will be good stuff so okay great who's that from that's from sophie she her sophie all right well thank you all um we're actually about to record a couple bonus things so we're gonna record between you and us that'll come out next week on monday so look out for that um so in a few days i mean from now and then um patrons get a special april episode which is about Easter. Yay. Even though it's after Easter, just like last month.

We always do this. But we have some fun reviews. So patreon.com slash beach to Sandy if you want to listen to our bonus episode for this month. And yeah. That's it. We'll see you next week on Route 66