Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 128: World's Largest Landmarks

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

Wow, we finally did it y'all. We proved that evolution isn't real and Darwin is a false prophet. Time to praise the Oklahoma Peanut Princess instead! Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. hello and welcome to episode 128 of beach to sandy water to end the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion hi hi hi my name is alex hello my name is christine i'm extremely excited for today's topic alexander why because it's so strange and special it really was isn't it I feel like I went down a couple rabbit holes that no one asked for went down the world's largest rabbit hole

happens to be in hope you came out with some reviews oh Arkansas trying to come up with a state. Oh, of where the world's largest rabbit hole is? Mm-hmm. Arkansas makes sense. Couldn't come up with any other state. No offense to most of the states we're going to read things from, but it seems like most of the world's largest are in places where no one wants to go. Middle America, baby. There's no reason to go there. Except maybe to see the

world's largest pencil pencil i don't know uh this uh this theme was suggested by amanda so thank you amanda we got a lot of emails um we did not get a chance to use all of them but we got a lot so thank you everybody uh people took this very personally um and had some very strong feelings about this, as do I. So I think, I don't know, who wants to go first? I have a lot. Do you have a lot? I think I have a lot. Mine are weird, though.

Let me just go ahead. Okay, yeah. This first one is of the world's largest peanut. Sorry. It's almost like every time you think you've heard the weirdest one, there's another weirdest one. I know. I didn't know such a thing existed. Okay. Yeah, we'll get into it. There's some drama in here.

But this is a review of the world's largest peanut in Durant, Oklahoma. This is by Billy Three Stars. Well, I know I had seen the photo, so I knew already that it wasn't that big. But really? Largest peanut? This thing is only about three feet wide and sits atop a small wall of dedication. It's still pretty cool, but also kind of a letdown. End of review. Wait, hang on.

Is it a real peanut? See, okay, here we go. So it is a casting of, not like of an actual peanut, but it's like a sculpture. Sorry. Oh, so it's not even a casting. It is not even a casting. The farmer's largest.

No, no, no. So I didn't, I wasn't aware of that. Do you know how stupid I am? I would have believed you if you said, oh yes, it is the world's largest peanut ever grown. I would have been like. But listen, that's why i was with this review i was like come on you're saying a three foot long peanut isn't that big like that's a massive peanut but then he's saying like the statue isn't that big and i'm like well what you know let me look into this some more yeah so i need some clarification i did my research also don't say three foot long peanut anymore because it really starts a connotation that i don't think we want to end

but there are other world's largest peanuts that are different lengths that's problematic it is so i gotta say it i gotta say it um so here we go so the claim here and this is, I found, so I found an article, 405 Magazine, titled, The Case of the World's Largest Peanut. Written by our newest intern who has no other choice but to write about this. It was written by MJ Alexander, photos also by MJ Alexander in that article. It's on the case. Go check it out, but let me give you some highlights. So the peanut was unveiled Friday, November 15th, 1974. It is three feet long and 18 inches around. It's 50 pounds. It's 50 pounds. It's made of aluminum and it's dedicated to the Bryan County

peanut growers and processors. Oh, that's nice. And it was the idea to... Alexander's allergic to peanuts. I don't know if we've ever told you guys that. I'm just struggling today. I'm struggling today. I just had my therapy intake appointment that was an hour longer than I thought it would be. Why did we decide to record right after your two-hour therapy intake?

I don't know. That's a big mistake. I got all of that stuff out so i figured i'd have room for room to talk about humor anyway olin miller uh who was a businessman uh and who chaired the oklahoma peanut princess pageant i'm sorry can you repeat that oklahoma peanut princess pageant he was uh he was a chair of that i care i've never cared about I'm sorry. Can you repeat that? The Oklahoma Peanut Princess Pageant. He was a chair of that. I've never cared about something so much in my entire life.

I don't know if that's real. It has to be. It has to be. I'm refusing to believe anything else. So he's the guy who came up with the idea to put this peanut there to promote the town. Certainly. And so he contacted the Oklahoman, the newspaper, and said his plan. And they had an article titled, Goober to put Durant on map.

And it said, Durant had been known far and wide as the city with the awful main street traffic. That's what I've always heard. And then now they're so like that was exactly. So that was all they were known for. But then they wanted to be known for their largest peanut. The problem is this peanut does not even rank among the top 60 largest peanuts in the nation. In the nation, let alone the world. Come on, Durant. So I know I came to you with the world's largest peanut to start like this theme but it's not even that um but

the the person olin miller who came up with this idea was actually like just was very self-aware and said it may not be the biggest peanut in the world, but it sure is a monument to the biggest peanut. I don't know. I don't know how that makes it any better. But anyway, so yeah, it's not even in the top 60 largest peanuts in the nation. Isn't that so sad? Do they call it world's largest peanut? Yes.

See, that's a little bit. It literally, like the statue is literally of a large three foot long peanut. And underneath in big letters, it says world's largest peanut. Like the pedestal is larger than the actual peanut. Oh, by far. And here's some other quote unquote world's largest peanuts. There's one in Blakely, Georgia. It's an eight foot stone monument declaring early county as the largest peanut producing

center in the world. And it's taught by a carved peanut that is actually oh it's sorry it's approximately three feet long so another one of the same size um there's a six foot tall vertical peanut uh in floorsville floorsville texas that says in loving memory of the peanut king joe t sheehy who introduced the spanish peanut to the region sure i've learned so much about peanuts yeah really and then there's also a six foot long horizontal peanut in pierce hall texas ashburn georgia has its own 10 foot tall peanut is that the biggest like is there one that's like arguably the biggest one um the thing is, there's like there are ones.

So there's one that's like a 12 foot. So in Plains, Georgia, there's a 12 foot tall peanut with like a smile. Disqualified. I'm sorry. I don't know if that counts. Yeah. So I don't know if there's actually like a confirmed world's largest peanut. I mean, I'll be honest.

It's a little deceiving because you hear world's largest peanut and you think like wow a farmer grew this massive peanut but i feel like making a big statue of it is not the same thing as the world like the world's largest monument of a peanut maybe but like even the world's largest rocking chair is like an actual rocking chair. I feel like it's a little bit disingenuous to say. I agree. This is me getting in on the drama. No, it's a heated debate. And there's a lot of people on both sides of the argument. The people who are for saying that this is the world's largest peanut happen to all live in Durant, Oklahoma.

That is a weird coincidence. it is a strange coincidence indeed um yeah because i'm not on their side though i'm sorry to say it durant but um it's not that i don't respect your pageantry it's just that i just think it's a little disingenuous that's all yeah yeah and we're i'm upset with you durant oh. Oh, Xenia's actually pretty upset. Yeah. Okay, wait. I just looked at the first one I have and I completely forgot. This is how I was starting this.

We got an email from Julie. She, her pronouns. Thank you, Julie. It says, a town near where I grew up has a very controversial pecan. Well, you'll be excited to hear what I have next. Wait, really? Yeah. What's happening?

My next one's a pistachio. No way. Yes. Are you kidding? Yeah, no. Oh, my God. Okay, well, it says, I don't have to say pecan, pecan, whatever. It has a very controversial pecan, so I immediately thought of it when you mentioned the topic

for this week. The pecan in question is in Sagin, Texas. All right. Now, here's a one-star review by Doug. It's not the world's largest pecan. Brunswick, Missouri has the world's largest, and I do believe it's 13 tons. End of review.

I do declare. So of course then I went looking, like you did, for some explanation for this drama. The name of the one that Julie was mentioning in Seguin, Texas, it's actually called the world's oldest largest Picasso statue. Oh, they're taking two of these records. Yeah, I don't know if they're trying to take two or saying we were the largest and therefore we're the oldest largest before the new largest showed up, like the original largest. Oh, they're putting like a little like um i don't know like a modifier type of thing too uh so if anyone questions that they're like well

we're the old we're actually just the oldest largest yeah yeah yeah like we were originally the largest until the new largest showed up i'm not sure but it's called the world's oldest oldest largest pecan statue and this is a three-star review by paula it's made out of concrete thought it was ridiculous when i lived here just as silly now in my opinion end of review i what would it be else be made of you think it's real but that's what i'm saying again yeah unless okay so you're saying it's disingenuous oh because yeah because compared to like say the rocking chair that's actually a chair because rocks yeah because okay think about it like

they have like world's largest pumpkin contest and yeah or like you know country but those are fleeting they're fleeting but concrete lasts forever okay fair point look on my works you mighty in despair what nothing okay if if there's the world's largest pumpkin you can make a statue and say look this is a representation of like farmer fred's largest pumpkin ever farmed okay yeah yeah i agree if it's like something of a specific size like i feel like i could just put a bunch of stickers together and be like it's the world's largest pecan okay do it then do it i might no yeah okay i dare you no like that's the thing these people put so much effort into creating i

know i i disagree with the whole peanut thing because it's only three feet wide but how big is this freaking pecan third well okay doug says the other one's 13 tons 13 million tons yeah 13 million tons but uh i don't really know how large the oldest largest is uh the oldest concrete though which i looked up a picture christina this thing is fucking large which one the world's large the segway sequence sagin sagin sorry thank you okay it's pretty big it's pretty big at least you're right at least it's impressive a three-foot peanut okay well it's actually wait they're like different ones that are different size so i'm very confused about this whole thing they need to oh so this is the oldest largest but the world's largest is in missouri is that right no then they have world's largest in seguin

as well and it's a different size that looks like a because then they have this little guy that's like not that big like four feet wide or something you know what yeah maybe you're right people of seguin texas are really just not okay and i'm not mad at them line ever in an email we've received is i a town near where i grew up has a very controversial pecan i think that's probably the funniest line we've ever received so that's pretty good anyway thanks julie all right your turn thank you thank you julie uh next i as promised i have a review of mcginn's pistachio Land hyphen world's largest pistachio. It's in Alamo Gordo, New Mexico. I can't believe we both started with

three. Francisco was there when I was researching these and I was giggling and she was like because she saw what I was doing with the peanut and then I was giggling when I found the pistachio. And she's like, are you laughing because you've only found nuts so far? I'm like, no, but yes.

But now I am. Little did you know I was over here giggling about the world's largest pecan. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so this is a review by Blair Two Stars. you by uh blair two stars we took a tour of their pistachio farm and on the tour the tour guide who is the partner of the main guy who owns the business proudly revealed to us how whenever they see a rabbit or other creatures on their farm they load them up into cannons like the ones you shoot t-shirts out of and try to hit this metallic roof with them as

they are shooting them out of their farm i understand that unwanted animals in a farm can be detrimental to crops however i do believe that there are more humane ways of dealing with them than shooting them out of a cannon and proudly joking about it especially when there are kids on the tours the tour was fine otherwise you get a nice explanation of how to grow pistachios and make wine. The pistachios themselves tasted fine. In my opinion, the best ones are just the normal salted and roasted ones. End of review. Tell me there's a response.

There is an owner response. Thank the Lord. You're going to traumatize me. Thank you for visiting. We certainly do nothing of the sort. Okay, thank God. First of all, I was like, you never know with some of these small towns. No offense, but you know, sometimes people have weird hobbies.

Oh, I'm relieved. Okay. Oh my God. Squirrels and rabbits would be tough to catch, let alone place inside a cannon. Yeah, the only reason we don't do it is for logistics. Otherwise. Because, here we go. The cannon is not the sort that

shoots out anything it is a propane cannon set on the timer which makes noise to scare away black birds from eating nuts in the trees we also use owl statues to scare off birds there is also just one sole owner of the farm no partners the tour is a great way to learn how we farm and harvest pistachios and wine grapes and we are glad you enjoyed it and the roasted and salted are certainly still the best-selling flavor and response so there are canon type of things don't worry just meant to be like then you really wonder like where did this person i mean maybe they joked about it like i can see somebody joke but also you kind of read that i feel like as the owner and you like, where did they get this idea that there are, like, multiple partners who run the farm? That's what I'm thinking.

I just wonder where you get this. Who's giving this tour? Like, was it actually a guided tour? Or was it just some stranger who popped by to try to, like, mess with people? Who charges half price, and it's, like, a knockoff tour? And, like, what's that canon? Oh, uh, we put rabbits in it. I mean, what?

uh we put rabbits in it i mean what like i expect next season of like nathan for you to have him like giving a tour at this place and he's talking about how he shoots animals out of canons just make it seem more interesting uh do you guys watch that show you should um i feel like i want to reference it very often but i feel like it's pretty niche of a show hey then the people who do watch it get it and they're like huh like we're hip yeah then again i once called you the wizard of loneliness and you like completely didn't get it so that made me feel really yeah i hadn't watched in a while okay here we go this uh is actually an email from julia and uh he who wrote julia she her sheifer so all three pronouns all three uh i was gonna say all three important pronouns and then i was like yeah maybe you shouldn't say that no uh julia says hello fellow lunatic left-wing liberal losers uh it turns out ohio is home to

the world's largest horseshoe crab and its owner, Harrison G., who personally thanks each person who leaves a Google review. I hope it leaves you or sorry. I hope this brings you as much wholesome joy as it did me. So this is in, I believe, no, not Harrison. That's his name. Oh, my God. If I type in world's largest on my Google browser now, there's like 16 different things. Sorry.

Highland County in Hillsborough, Ohio. It's about an hour east of us okay so just mark your calendar okay so i have a couple here that she sent in um i'm gonna read a few here this is a five-star view by chloe sometimes roadside attractions are best seen while driving. The horseshoe crab is large enough that its sheer size is best experienced at a distance. There isn't anywhere to park to take in the crab's glory, but if you find a place to pull off on the road, there is a very small display inside the crab under the table. There is also a sign outside the crab noting that it is among the top five roadside attractions, but fails

to give any perspective top five where the u.s ohio hillsborough the possibilities are endless but it is worth a drive by no matter the case so that was a positive review most of these are positive but um yeah they do just give some context for the ones that are not so positive well like that one there's a plaque or something inside the crab underneath it you have to go what how big is this horseshoe crab big like let me show you oh i can yeah google world's largest horseshoe crab what it's huge alexander well how come when i start googling that it it auto corrects the twilight eclipse wait what it says world's largest horseshoe crab twilight eclipse it does doesn't it yeah why does it do that a t-shirt oh a world's largest horseshoe crab

t-shirt was included in the t-shirt quilt given to bella by her mother in the movie eclipse from the twilight saga that's hilarious listen do you know something that's so funny harrison g is a genius that is some marketing his marketing is top notch he got his horseshoe crab into freaking twilight that's impressive that is quite large i it's huge right yeah oh Yeah. Oh, my God. Sorry. I just Googled it, and all I see is, we just call him Krabby, said Pastor Jim. This is the most Ohio thing I've ever heard. Oh, it even says on the sign, rated top five roadside attractions, and then underneath, as seen in blockbuster movie Twilight Eclipse.

It says that on the sign? On the sign. Oh, I'm so happy. I really don't understand what... Oh, my God. there's like a picnic table underneath the horseshoe crab and i have something very important to read to you this is from roadsideamerica.com uh-huh a creationist church and a monster crab may seem like a blasphemous union but not to pastor jim the fossils found of the horseshoe crab are

the same as they appear in the waters today, he said. The crab never evolved, so the creation account must be true. In other words, Krabby is a jumbo-sized way of saying, naturally select this, Mr. Darwin. Christina. Pastor Jim. Wait, ready? To him, this is evidence that evolution isn't real? The horseshoe crab.

Oh, my God. This giant one. Also, Oxenher, whoever wrote this article is a journalistic genius and deserves a Pulitzer because listen to this next paragraph. Quote, trilobites are the ancestor to the horseshoe crab, countered Lori Risch, executive director of the Beringer Crawford Museum, which we visited the next day. But despite her disagreement, she enjoyed the idea of crabby. So they went to another museum of science and had a scientist counter with trilobite information, but also still appreciate crabby. Well, how could you not? How could you not?

How could you not? That's hilarious. This is really incredible. So anyway, I didn't really realize how dramatic this crab is but that does give you a little more context so anyway like you'd think like the drama i've brought to the table is about peanuts and i thought there'd be like now you're telling me all this and i'm surprised we don't have much more drama you know to about the peanuts no about the horseshoe crab oh i mean i'm sure they're oh you're right it was pretty calm there wasn't like much um from what i could tell there wasn't much um back and forth just seemed to like some friendly disagreement yeah that's true it seems very calm instead of

like my peanut is bigger than yours maybe because in this case no one in the world is gonna say i have a larger horseshoe crap than you that's true it is less of a um i don't know less of something you think you'd uh try to brag about we should we should create our own and say that it's proof of evolution somehow and like make a bigger one we'll just make a trial bite we'll make a trial the world's largest trial by it and say it's proof of evolution. We'll put it in Hillsboro. That's amazing. I think that's actually a good idea.

Okay. I'm looking at land in Hillsboro. Yeah, property search. Yeah. See if anything is available. Okay. This is a four-star review of the Horseshoe Crab, World's Largest Horseshoe Crab. Interesting. Response from owner. christopher thanks for taking the time to stop by and see the world's largest horseshoe crab i am

happy you found it interesting hope to see you again harrison g nice harrison and uh let's see this time okay so here's a five-star review by Sarah. So cool. Owner Ben and neighbor Harrison, very nice, welcoming, and informative. Response from owner. Hello, Sarah. It was so nice to meet you. I had a good time talking to you. I am glad you enjoyed the, capital C, crab.

Come again, and this time, bring your mom to see it. Wink, wink. Harrison G. Five stars by Lori. they have an rc vending machine super nice people response from owner thanks for stopping by glad you like the rc vending machine harrison g at first i thought it meant like remote control like you could get rc cars or something but it's like your childhood rc cola ready five stars by greg strange response from owner thanks for stopping by harrison g three stars by tonio this is when we get a little more uh critical this thing is huge there is no doubt this is the biggest only one problem.

If you could put a spotlight on it at night, that would be great. Why do you want to go at night? Good question. Also, if you're going at night, you'd think you have some nefarious activities you don't want a spotlight for, but whatever. Response from owner. Okay, I want to point out out tonio's three-star view

was four years ago okay now this response from owner is two years old hello thanks for stopping by we did take your suggestion into consideration because we do have a spotlight on the crab now oh you can now see it at night hope you get to stop by soon to see it again. Harrison G. I mean, he is involved. I like that. Let's see. I only have a couple more here. Three stars. Too big to eat.

Brain exploding emoji. Sticking out tongue. Silly emoji. Response from owner. Dear Scott, well, if you boiled, maybe you yourself could eat it all. Maybe. Thanks for stopping by okay that like made my that made my heart happy i know and it's a three-star review so like yeah it's not even like that positive it's just like obnoxious but obnoxious what a sweet response

i have one more for you here two stars by sammy it's a weird roadside attraction with no place to pull over or park to actually see it we parked in a guy's driving he was very kind and told us the entire history of the horseshoe crab and how it came to rest in its current location what wait wait wait it swam excuse me like what how old is this crab was know. Is it like millennia old? It's just been like... Listener, there's no such thing as evolution. It's the same crab. It's the same exact crab.

How much more does Pastor Jim need to explain to you? Wait, what? What kind of journey did this crab go? It's probably quite a journey. I don't know. Maybe we could do a bonus Patreon episode just on the crab because there is a lot of information that I don't feel like everybody needs to hear right now. But it looks because there is a lot of information that i don't feel like everybody needs to hear right now but it looks like there's a lot of a lot more i could

find okay and here's a response from owner hi yes that was my driveway you parked it sorry that we couldn't get a higher rating but i am very pleased that you enjoyed my history lesson oh harrison g so that is the world's largest horseshoe crab. Thank you, Julia. Wait, I'm like, I was like really happy by this. And then I'm like, wait, we live an hour away. An hour away. By the way, we also live less than an hour away from the Creation Museum. So we're in a-

Are we due? Is it that close? Yeah, we're in a pickle. We're in a pickle. Oh, no. I was sensing a disturbance in like my way of thinking lately. It's like- The crab in the Creation Museum. The vibes are getting to you.

Okay, let's see. Creation Museum. Wow. 8,338 reviews. 4.5 stars. 4.5? Yep. That's because it costs like 30 bucks to get in.

So if you're going, you're going for a reason is my guess. to get in so like if you're going you're going for a reason is my guess exoner take a guess how many minutes it would take us to drive there right right now if we just stopped recording and drove to the creationist 48 what that's how close it is where the fuck is it what town is it um looks like smack dab middle of nowhere it's it's a little west of Hebron. Oh, really? Yeah, Idlewild. What? That's it? Yeah. Holy shit.

I thought it's really close. It's like northern. I did not know. I thought it was south, actually. I'm so confused. Okay. It's like near the Indiana border, apparently. Cool.

I mean, not cool. Like cool, like not cool. I don't know. Oh, it's on the way to Lawrenceburg Speedway. We did go there one time. Yeah. We can do a pit stop. Get it? Okay. okay i do yikes this is this is you're right it's upsetting the balance i don't feel great right now maybe you should read something else about another legume if you have it i don't have any legumes but what i do have

uh i have a review of the world's largest rocking chair, as we discussed. Oh, amazing. Yeah. So this is in Casey, Illinois. It's actually pronounced Casey. You're really good today. You're on it. Thank you.

Casey, Illinois. Thank you. I've been there. That's why. You have? I didn't know you went to this. Yes. I'm sorry.

I'm going to tell you all about it soon. Okay, good. Don't worry. Well, I'm going to tell you what Frank has to say. This is a two-star review. Passed by it while working in the area forgive me if i missed the point but to each their own if this kind of stuff pumps your nads i say give it a shot end of review what was he working in the area for i'm sorry pumping nads somebody who says pumping nads who has no idea what's going on with this town because the whole point of the town is that they have like the largest everything. Yeah.

Do you know that about KZ? No, I didn't know that. But like, okay. Blaze told me yesterday it's called like the world's largest small town in America or something. They have like, I have a list of things. So don't look it up yet. I won't. But I do wonder if he was there to work on, like, the world's largest clogs.

Like, what was he there to work for or work on? I found him. Uh-huh. Excellent. A field investigator. I don't know what that means. Probably sounds more dramatic than it actually is. He's a field investigator at a, okay, an insurance company.

So insurance claims. Uh-oh. Can you imagine the kind of insurance claims at the world's largest crochet needles? Yep. Wow. Yep. That must have been it. I bet he's got lots of business in that area.

Wow. All these insurance claims at the world's largest blah, blah, blahs. You know what? That sounds familiar. That's like what happened when I worked at the PI company. We'd send out field investigators to check out claims of workers comp and all that kind of business and insurance. And you'd pump each other's nads. Stop it. Okay, I have now for you, world's largest golf tee in Casey, Illinois. Okay, like I've heard of it it i didn't know they were in the

same spot they are so alexander oh blaze and i've been to kz illinois we went with geo okay and this was on our way to california no it must have been why Why else would you be going west? Just for fun. We were out working there. Investigating. Investigating. No, sorry. Maybe we didn't go with Gio. I'm trying to remember. Because when we drove with Gio, weren't we with you?

No. It doesn't matter. I have no memory. Blaze and I went one time, I believe, with Gio. This town actually was also recommended by Holly in an email. So according to travelawaits.com, the town of of about 3 000 boasts some of the world's largest attractions larger than life items created by local jim boland to help attract visitors to his community so here's a list of some of the world's largest that are in kz illinois largest golf tee world's largest pitchfork world's largest

mailbox world's largest rocking chair world's largest knitting needles world's largest pitchfork. World's largest mailbox. World's largest rocking chair. World's largest knitting needles. World's largest crochet hook. And, of course, the world's largest wooden shoes. Does he just walk around his house like, hmm, what's my next project? I can't imagine there's any other way to do this. They're so, like, nonspecific. Like, literally just a golf tee. Oh, they also have, oh, I said the mailbox.

Yeah. You can actually mail stuff from the mailbox. That's cool. Yeah. And the rocking chair actually is like a large, you can climb into it. Really? Which makes me wonder if that's what the insurance claim was about. Oh, good point.

And it was under construction when we went, but we went to see the world's largest wind chimes. Oh, was that in Casey? Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. Here's the world's largest golf chimes oh was that in casey okay uh okay here's the world's largest golf that sounds really obnoxious uh what does the world's largest wind chimes don't worry people had a lot of opinions like you get the most annoying thing ever invented and then you want to your your thought is let's make the world's largest version of this let's supersize it okay this is a two-star review of the world's largest golf tee by mark it's located on the golf course which makes sense

maybe if you really like golf this would mean more to you i just thought it was boring and looked like a telephone pole shaped into a golf tee which like i guess that's literally what it is right i mean a wooden golf tee is okay you can make them out of all sorts of stuff but like a wooden tee yeah it's literally just a piece of wood yeah much like a telephone pole that is shaped into a tee yeah okay just making sure i understood that i don't understand why that's a complaint when it's like you could say that about like a chair. It's like, wow, that looks like a stump of wood shaped into a chair. It looks like a bunch of telephone poles connected together that you can sit on.

Okay. I just thought it was boring and looked like a telephone pole shaped into a golf tee. I do think it was fascinating that it took 60 pounds of glue and 120 pounds of screws to construct. My favorite part was the Bible verse included on it. Oh my God. Psalm 103, verse 11. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. End of review.

Jesus. Yeah. That's aggressive. So we're sensing a pattern, aren't we, that a lot of these world's largest kind of have a tendency to have some Christian undercurrents. And I wonder if that's like the American, like we want the biggest thing. America, also there's God. I don't understand it. I don't know why it has to be a religious thing um but it has to be but it has to be clear no no of course um yeah i did see that

complaint with the rocking chair reviews did you someone said like why does there have to be a bible quote so this jim boland must put it on yeah yeah it must be a gym thing yeah classic you know so next i have world's largest ball of twine do you know where that is there are two what there are two good answer good answer i got it yeah you did there are two ones in minnesota correct darwin minnesota darwin wow you're an expert on this you're you came this the first time ever that i feel like less prepared in an episode not saying i'm like always more prepared but like i don't know i feel like we're usually in the same boat yeah i don't know why that is i think um but you're just like like every little thing is just like you're

like i know i know i know my god but how sad that of all themes this is the one that I feel like confident and prepared about. Like, I mean, there are so many I could have come prepared about, like government, building. No, nothing actually useful. Just like middle America fun facts. I guess it's all those road trips we've taken. I don't know. And the Bible verses and stuff. And all the biblical elements.

That stuff attracts you. And I live in Kentucky now. There you go. It's just kind of all fits together like a tornado um oh yeah yeah uh wait i was gonna say something darwin i mean think about that i was thinking a lot about that good good good glad just want to make sure because um yeah it's proof that darwin is big fat liar big fat liar for sure yeah um so here is a review of false profit world's largest ball of twine in darwin minnesota this is by scott one star largest is in cocker city kansas so now you know where the other one is. Right.

And this is the Scott. I checked Scott's profile. Scott had written five reviews. Four reviews were in Kansas. One was in Minnesota. No. And the only thing reviewed outside of Kansas was of the world's largest ball of twine in minnesota just to say that it's not the real one wow he takes this very seriously and i saw that and was like

let me check out the one in kansas isn't cocker city spelled with like a w k sorry c-a-w-k-e-r i'm telling you i don't know what happened in the last 24 hours that my brain just like soaked everything up all this stuff because i've forgotten a lot of other important things and replaced it apparently with all this information well earlier and earlier you talked about the what were you talking about the i have no idea lots of things um what was it that was uh they had the oldest largest oldest so it's like So it was like a different name for it. In this case, like Cocker City. Can I guess?

What? No, it's the same. Oh, but there was another title that I saw for this one. Well, I haven't gotten there yet. Oh, oh, oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get to that. But on Google, on like Google Maps and stuff, World's Largest Ball of Twine.

They both say the exact same thing. See, that's very, again, confusing and slightly disingenuous yes um unless they're exactly the same size but then i guess they still wouldn't necessarily be the largest true true be tied yeah well yeah that's tough then i would just toss one string onto it considering they can't even like measure them accurately now like because they're so big that's true like it's tough i don't know they were like they were like estimated weight in 2014 was this and it's like well anyway so here's henry's review of the one in cocker city kansas one star it's a different person no different person one star well this in not even a ball of twine it should be called the biggest clump of twine

the real biggest ball of twine is in minnesota end the biggest clump of twine. The real biggest ball of twine is in Minnesota. End of review. Okay. So, of course, I went to Henry's profile. And guess what? Henry only reviews things in Minnesota. These two are mortal. Except for this one review in Kansas.

They're mortal enemies, these two. Yeah. The difference, though, here is Henry actually gave the world's largest ball of twine in minnesota a five-star rating not didn't leave a review oh i see actually supported his local one did the other guy not no yeah oh man no no he just wants to sabotage the other one exactly so then i looked up the fucking wikipedia page because i'm like i gotta get to the bottom of this. Of course you do. And there are two different.

Do you want to now talk about the two different ways of classifying the two? There are two different ways they do it. Yeah, I believe from what I remember, the Cocker City ball of twine is the largest created by one man. No? Oh, other way around? Other way around. Oh, damn it. But you got it.

You got the idea. One of them is the largest created by one man. So the Cocker City, Kansas one is the largest ball of sisal twine built by a community is in Cocker City, Kansas. Got it. Because Frank Stober created a ball that had 1.6 million feet of twine, had an 11-foot foot diameter and then he died in 1974 and then cocker um city started hosting a twine-a-thon where they add more twine to the ball as a community do they also have a pageant because that would be excellent the twine i want to be the twine princess the twine princess by 2006 the twine ball had reached 17,886 pounds 2013 its weight was estimated at 19,973 pounds in 2014 uh ball measured 41.42 feet in circumference so and it's still growing

so that's where it's kind of crazy so it still growing. But then there's the largest ball of sisal twine built by a single person. And that was rolled by Francis A. Johnson. It's 12 feet in diameter and weighs 17,400 pounds. Can you imagine if someone came along and was like, oh, I'll help. Yeah. And it ruined his record. Ruined everything. Because now it's not a communal effort.

The town celebrates Twine Ball day on the second saturday in august every year incredible yeah and there's also a museum uh it was a long-standing holder of the biggest ball of twine title in the guinness book of world records holding the title from its completion in 1979 until 1994 and was referenced by weird al yankovic in his 1989 song the biggest ball of twine in minnesota which is quite on the nose but here we go though there is more there's the heaviest twine ball in lake nebagamon i don't know um the heaviest ball of twine is supposedly there and then there's the largest nylon twine ball in branson missouri wow there's so i don't know why which one's the one

logan went to i see he probably went to all of them no i i think the kansas one i feel like i don't know actually i feel like it's really out of the way for to go to minnesota on most road trips from our neck of the woods but i don't know yeah that's pretty like if you're going up there you're probably just going there for minnesota nothing else for the twine ball yeah for the twine ball um that's yeah that's the twine incredible situation i just love those two guys who are clearly just like battling it out on google maps i love when i have a reason to look into their history oh it's the best um and they're just so, it's like, they didn't even hide it, you know? No, no way.

Okay, I now have a review. Okay, so Blaze and I saw The World's Largest Wind Chime, and I rang it. Nice, that sounds obnoxious. I do now remember Gio being there, because I remember thinking, this might not end well, please hold on to him, Blaze. Rang The World's Largest Wind Chime. Rang it? I don't know if that's the right word.. Rang the world's largest wind chime. Rang it? I don't know if that's the right word.

Chimed it? Chimed it. Blue on it? No, that didn't work. Okay, I was going to say. And also we saw the world's largest wooden shoes. Unfortunately, the world's largest rocking chair was under construction, which sucks because it looks really cool.

Was it like covered or like you could see it? You just couldn't sit in it? It was in a different part of town or something and they were like oh it's not available for or just wasn't memorable consumption it's pretty memorable i like human consumption maybe but like is that something you can do now chew on it i don't yeah maybe but there's like if you chew enough on it like how much do you have to chew before it's no longer the world's largest? Then it'll be the world's largest chewed up rocking chair. Makes sense.

Okay. Okay, so the world's largest wind chimes. One star by Wanda, and this might answer some of your questions. We'll see. I've got lots of them. Also, I just, like, thinking about it now that her name i didn't change her name because it's just too good her name is wanda okay just remember that one star by wanda as a lover of wind chimes it was toneless pulled hard and got one chime gift shop has no

selection of chimes i hope to add to my chime collection. Good place to stretch legs. End of review. Honestly, I think they're doing a great service to the community by not offering wind chimes in their store. A full-on wind... Oh, in the store. Can you imagine having to work there as a summer job living in Casey, Illinois? No, not at all. I feel like you draw straws. I get to work in the rocking chair like there's only so many jobs and they're all related to these do you have to like what do you do oh god the wind chime i can't stand it um i did ring it and it really just does sound like a gong yeah because it's too like what do you do like like start like get the moment you can't really shake

yeah they're so big that like you can only like basically ring one but um it does sound like people were upset about that and i was like why would you want people are wild it's cool enough that you can ring the world's largest wind chime who cares that it sounds like a gong instead of a chime anyway apparently wanda does because she is a lover of wind chimes. And she really hoped to... By the way, can you imagine being Wanda's neighbor? What a nightmare. She's a lover of wind chimes with an extensive wind chime collection. Oh, Lord.

That must be quite a neighborhood. Anyway. I hate that. Yep. That's Wanda. Oh, Wanda. My last one, actually. I don't know how many more you have.

But this is an email from Jenna. She, her, the subject says, world's tallest filing cabinet. I saw that subject. I was so hoping you would read it. I hadn't read it. And the body says, it's a thrilling feat of office engineering. That's incredible. And it really is. Is it functional? I think so. That's cool.

So it's maybe. I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, I think so. It looks like it. But basically, it's 38 drawers high. Whoa. It's quite tall.

I think it looks quite cool. It's like an art piece. And it's made of 38 drawers with each one representing the number of years of paperwork that the artist accumulated while working on a local street project. Bren Alvarez is the name of the artist. Brent? Bren. B-R-E-N. Okay.

While Alvarez's piece proudly claims to be the tallest filing cabinet on earth, it's unclear if that is actually the case since other works of art also claim the title there's always something like this unless you do something like horseshoe crab then yeah no one's gonna care real specific yeah alvarez built a tower titled file under file under so co waiting for dot dot dot wait wait what saying it uh i don't know what so it's like so dot okay so file under file under so period co period comma waiting for dot dot dot is the name so it must be like office terminology that you and i don't understand we're podcasters uh it's a comment on bureaucratic delays building the southern connect oh sorry the southern connector that's what happens maybe she's like finish the sentence before i start reading it office terminology file under file under southern

connector waiting for a roadway intended to connect interstate 89 to downtown burlington this is in vermont by the way so it's in where burlington vermont this sounds so vermont that he's making a commentary on like construction and capitalism and 51 years later that project the southern connector now called the champlain parkway is still in bureaucratic limbo see so hey god he really knew what he was getting into yeah so anyway anyway let me let me get into this so i do have a review this is by steven one star when arriving on the premises i was tragically disappointed to find a pelican i at first i was just gonna read it normally because I didn't notice that it was spelled so poorly. Pellicular.

Instead of peculiar. That is really quite a word. But I was tragically disappointed to find a pollute. I can't even do it. Pellicular! Pellicular. I've never heard that before. It's so good.

I've never heard that before. It's so good. Disappointed to find a pellicular high rise of rusty boxes full of nothing but my own lack of will to live. Whoa. End of review. Holy crap. Yeah. Buddy.

It's their only review, so. Uh-oh. Yeah, I don't know. That's dark. Yeah. Vermont. I mean, a lot of people were basically like this is just really sad this is really like they were just not into it it sounds cool like in theory and then if you hear about it and the meaning it's kind of like a bummer yeah like bureaucracy especially like if

you work one of these meetings it's like that like the whole office space kind of have you seen office space um i saw part of office it's like that whole thing of just like the whole office space kind of have you seen office space um i saw part of office it's like that whole thing of just like the monotony of yeah yeah yeah yeah nine to five capitalist system and shit and it's just i mean it's like literally like rusty like cabinets not what i pictured you guys okay it is like skinny i was picturing like a massive oh no no no like a filing cabinet but like oversized but this is just like it's like real filing cabinet like stacked on top of each other oh that is weird weirdly dark yeah and it's just like in a field that is and it's like rusty uh-huh that's a real bummer yeah and apparently graffitied now oh yeah so here's maybe this must be an updated image there are like stickers on it

people have graffitied it it's like got like turned into like a life of its own it seems more colorful now but it is a bummer because in my head i was like cool maybe you can like put giant paperwork in it yeah no it's not like like a big wide filing cabinet wow what a bummer all right right. Well, I also have one more. A little perfect. Actually, it's a redemption. So ending on a redemption. This is, oh, this makes a lot of sense now why I knew that. This is what I wrote. World's largest ball of twine. Not to be confused with the world's largest ball of twine by one man.

So apparently I had already written that down. This is a five-star review by Vince. A stark monument to the short and passing nature of our lives. End of review. Excuse me? Listen, I don't know. He was a local guide. Wait, this is of the ball of twine?

Like maybe if it were of the filing cabinets? Yeah. This person is, they probably say that about anything. They walk, they see a traffic cone. Wow. And then read it for me. I forget about anything they walk they see a traffic cone wow and then read it for me i forget like the words but they see a traffic cone and what do they say hey honey kids look at that traffic cone doesn't that look like such a stark monument to the short and passing nature of our lives dad my friends in the car stop like weirdly you could probably say that about almost anything it is weirdly fitting for most anything in the world um stark monument is i say that when i look in the mirror yeah i know it's actually a little bit that's why i took all the mirrors

out of my house i'm so tired of you running around saying that all the time like the recordings on the third floor and there were mirrors all the way up. And each one I saw, I had to stand in front of it. I'd stand there and stare and say, what a stark monument to the fleeting passage of time. I have no idea what it was. Something like that. It's pretty good. Your take on it is pretty good.

Short and passing nature, but fleeting time is also good. Short and passing nature of our lives. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's of our lives. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's a little dramatic. Just a little bit. So that's that. That's the last one I have too for the theme.

I was excited to end on a good note. Sorry. Hopefully the challenge comes through. I mean, apparently he really appreciates that it's a Stark monument, you know? Like maybe he's just one of those emo kids and just really believes like that is what art true art really is can you imagine though everyone's at the ball of twine like with popsicles like on a road trip and he's just like kind of crying um man beautiful okay fucking scary i would be i would not think if i saw that man crying and saying those things i would not say oh wow this is such a beautiful moment i'd be like what the

fuck is happening i'm saying the guy would be saying oh okay i was like christina there's nothing beautiful about that scene the full-grown man crying at the fall of twine like no no no like don't get me wrong i'm a crier i love to cry but like if you're shouting these things at the ball of twine like it did something wrong to you like oh my god no like he would be so moved that he'd be crying yeah yeah by this ball of twine that he thinks is a sign of his life being wasted or something. I don't know why I'm explaining it further to you. Stop wasting your time crying in a ball of twine. All right.

Sorry. We have definitely put a lot into this person that is not evident at first. It still isn't evident. We just created the backstory. This person, if they are out there listening and wrote this review or like man i wrote this as a joke like now they're treating me like lighten up you guys all right truly though that review is is a stark monument to uh monument for sure blah blah blah if anything is a stark monumenteniment, it's Vince's five-star review.

Okay. Time for my challenge? Let's do it. This is a review. Oh, let me tell you what the challenge was. So the challenge was from Elisa, and Elisa said, find someone who claims to be in or used to be in the industry. In the industry. industry now this was hard but not for the reason you do well because it was too easy um it was easy in some ways but honestly

they were so positive like most people were really yeah because if you say like oh i work like for example if you specify like oh i work in the dental industry or something it would be like and i work in a dental industry so i know like i look really carefully for my provider or whatever so it would be very specifically like i have high standards and this person met my high standard like it was surprising how positive they were boring i know but obviously i found plenty the ones that were negative were the one uh who that said as someone who works in the industry that those tended to be the negative ones because it's typically people just talking about something vague like restaurants or bars so here's a one-star view of whole foods by mary also it's like some of them were like i work in

the industry and it would be like dave and busters and i'm like what industry is that gaming gaming or like bars or like exactly i don't know one was domino's pizza and i was like the pizza industry like specifically delivery i don't know so some of them are very unclear but this one is of a whole foods and it's one star view by mary my boyfriend and i frequent this whole foods as we live in the neighborhood and oftentimes need a late night grocery store since we both work in the restaurant industry as someone who works in the industry and since i search for it they're in bold so it like makes it extra obnoxious as someone who works in the industry i expect friendly service and maybe a joke or two. At Whole Foods. Oh my god.

What the heck? Especially at a late night grocery store. Like it's not even middle of the day on a Sunday. It's like late night. I expect a joke or two when I'm running. Entertain me. Entertain me. I've had a long day at work in the industry. I expect friendly service and maybe a joke or two we

like to see personality this tuesday i decided to pick out the cheese and my boyfriend the meat and both gentlemen who helped us were amazing and knowledgeable beautiful service dot dot dot dot and honesty and honesty what did they have them talk about i don't know how do you feel about this block of cheese well it's truly a tell me the truth a stark monument to the passage of time like what what kind of honesty can you do cheddar is a stark monument like the whole foods employees didn't lie to me about the products like they didn't tell me a joke but they were pretty honest at least they told the truth at least they told the truth listen to a fucking podcast listen to our fucking podcast this is bananas like um so that was actually the positive part so here we get to

the negative the downside as we were cashing out i needed to use the restroom and thus asked for the key i was greeted with it's right. Since I am a go-getter. Okay. Wait. Okay. I can't take this person seriously. A go-getter? Since I am a go-getter.

I got the key. That's literally Alex Witter what it says. Since I am a go-getter, but not in so many words, but you'll see. Since I am a go-getter, I grabbed the key

and ran down the opposite aisle per the customer service rep's orders. I don't know if you were expected to like be escorted there. I don't know. Anyway, since I am a go-getter, I grabbed the key and ran down the opposite aisle per the customer service rep's orders. As I was walking out of the restroom, I noticed a gooey substance on the key handle. Yes, it's on a giant women's restroom sign. Love it. And as I was dropping off the key, I let the customer service rep know that there was something on the key. And her reply was, oh, like soap? Wishing I knew he name. Brown hair, plus, on Tuesday at 9.15pm. I just stared back in shock that such a disgusting attitude had been presented we walked out and as i looked at her she

stared me down as someone who works in the industry and deals with people both in grad school and in the restaurant industry i am disappointed in her attitude and lack customer service maybe she should find another job end of review what listen i have no further explanation my god i hope this person doesn't listen to our podcast this is just not nice i don't understand where this all came from so i guess she's bragging about going to the bathroom by herself so pretty happy for her about that and then but the what there was there was something gooey on this thing and the lady asked after using the bathroom so like wasn't beforehand yeah the lady says is it soap and i guess she took that as a offense i don't understand like i think

maybe she thought the lady was being like sassy about it i don't i don't understand how that could be i don't either like even even using a tone like like oh soap i mean i guess maybe but but like but like what else do you say in a situation there's something on here it's like thank you okay i don't know i just feel like there's no way this person could have won this conversation yeah with such a go-getter i mean with this person absolutely not i mean especially if you're not willing to be honest i was about to say maybe that's all she was lacking some honesty uh beautiful service and honesty a nice like wise crack a nice little little quip at least maybe that was the quip and she tried to serve it fell flat fell flat

fell flat in fact it fell worse than flat it really just detonated like grad students what yeah grad school capital g capital s uh i deal with people in grad school there's a lot of like congratulations bragging in this that she goes to the bathroom by herself no there was so you're right there's so much right like oh i work all day so i have to find a late night grocery store yeah uh i work in the industry i work in the industry i work in the industry i mean like in the industry. I work in the industry. I mean, like, I was nice enough to tell them that there was a mysterious substance on the keys that I totally didn't put there. I mean, I don't know. I don't know.

It's just baffling to me. And I thought the industry ones would be boring, but this one was pretty bananas. So I have a two-star view here. You hear that, Elisa? She thought it was this boring challenge. I the challenge i met the ones of like restaurant because there's so many i know that and we've read many before yeah and i was worried that they'd be kind of like all the same like i work in the industry so i always tip or whatever whatever but a lot of them are like i work in the industry so i know i like i would never talk to a customer this way

exactly exactly like like this one though is that times a thousand yeah i couldn't really even understand this one so i was just happy that i uh had the had the chutzpah to to go go further sure you know do you just drop a knife on the floor? Playing with your cricket tools. Do you see who's staring at it and just... Oh, okay. Mooney, that's not for me. Yeah, his eyes just widened. He's going to start playing with that blade in a moment. It's covered.

It's covered, everybody. Alexander just threw a knife at my cat. Stop. It wasn't even... The covered knife wasn't even thrown. Okay. This is a two-star review of Midnight Jack Brewing in Oceanside, California. Two stars by Gordon.

Not sure how this brewery is still standing. As someone who works in the industry, the beer is subpar in my opinion. Went to the Punk Rock food drive. Talent was great. Beer was garbage. Tried a few different styles as well. I'm no beer snob, but I know what's good and what isn't. Too many other breweries making better beer to even think about coming here again. And now there's a response from owner. Catherine, business owner.

We're still standing, Gordon, because people love our beer. Thankfully, the 300 to 400 other people that were there didn't share your sentiment and bought a lot of beer. Woot woot! Made for a very nice donation to the food bank have a nice day gordon i love that it's literally a food drive why are you being such an asshole that's so obnoxious that's so obnoxious like that is definition beer snob like like okay i'm no beer like you can have your opinion sure but to like present it in such a way especially like with the food going to a food driver like that's you're just being a snob here yeah and also if you're gonna be a snob fine but

don't say you're not because true you might as well own it you might as well own it like i think in this person's mind they're saying i'm not just a snob like i'm not a snob because i'm right like i have experience so i know better like i wouldn't be surprised if that's how they see it like an elevated snob. Like, they don't even, they're not even self-aware enough to realize how snobbish they are. Exactly. That's dark. Okay.

I now have a one-star review. This one was just strange. All right. This is a one-star review of Club Hotel Inn & Suites in Nashville, Tennessee. Do you have any guess as to what industry this person works in? Not hospitality? Not hospitality. There were a lot of people in this specific industry reviewing hotels.

Huh. I'm like, now I'm nervous. I don't know. Pest industry. Pest industry? Uh-oh. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Uh-oh. Pest industry? Uh-oh. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Uh-oh.

So I was renewing my termite warranty, which is why I searched, I work in the pest industry, all hotels. That's so funny. I know. I was surprised. It weirdly makes sense, but I would never think of that. Yeah, I wouldn't think it would be such a common trope on Yelp. Oh my gosh. So here's a one-star review by Bill.

First thing I do when checking into any hotel is a basic bed bug inspection. I work in the pest industry. I located one live bed bug within a minute, took a couple pictures, and headed back to the front desk. I was moved to a new room and told they would comp me one night. I was too tired for my travels to look for a new hotel. Finding a bed bug had no impact on my review.

So keep in mind this still was a review. His first thing that he does at any hotel is find all the bed bugs. But it has no, don't worry, it has nothing to do with the review. What if he's like, I know how those suckers work. They're impossible to get rid of. That is what he says. Oh, okay. So that's why he says he doesn't take off stars is because he's like, it's expected?

They can't help it. So he says, I have found bedbugs in five-star well-known hotels. It's bound to happen with the amount of guest traffic. But so then I'm like, then why are you going to the front desk to just get a comped room, I guess? Well, yeah. And oh, he moved rooms too. He was hoping that. That's true.

He was moved rooms. So he finds the bug and then he's like i'd like a cleaner room please okay that's fair that's fair my rating is due to horrendous customer service and general housekeeping standards or lack of so you offer complimentary breakfast and an evening reception this means nothing customer service and cleanliness is paramount without this you have nothing and nothing is what you have. It's very deep. Do you know the last time I read that?

It's on the side of the world's largest golf team. Oh. It was a psalm. It's a psalm. Oh, my God. And nothing is what you have. As you can see from the pictures, yellow stains on the comforters. These yellow stains were found in both rooms and all four beds. The box spring stains, horrendous. Again, both rooms had this issue. I took more pictures, but they would be duplicates of other Yelpers, so no need to post.

11 and my key card had already been deactivated while a new employee was trying to figure out how to get me a new card a gem of an employee named adrian sat three feet away on her cell phone i calmly said maybe being on your cell phone while a co-worker is needing help with a customer is not the best idea why it was really calm yeah i need you to understand it was really calm yeah i don't need you to understand it was really calm she lowered her phone rolled her eyes and continued on with her cell use yeah i was speechless doubtful i waited a month to provide this review due to how angry i was so bad so very bad anyway and so in this in this month probably added some flavor to it in in his mind what's that probably added some flavor situation what oh wait what added flavor no no no i don't know what specifically but probably like after a month was probably like oh i see made up some things in his

head and like did not have the right situation i don't know yeah i can't remember what i did like yesterday a little over a month what i did like yesterday a month ago i think usually after a month passes you're kind of over it yeah that's true too it's like why is this still on your mind but um but also it's like the guy was just reactivating your key card i don't understand what it wasn't like why the person would need to be off the phone bizarre so bizarre i don't know i mean leave hotel staff alone they have to stand all day seriously and it's not like this other person was like could you please help me i don't know what to do i'm taking a personal call like what the hell i'm

playing a personal candy crush right now um so that's that i just thought i'm in the pest industry and then it had nothing to do with anything was like really excellent stuff. Okay. Now, I got this email thinking, Abby, that it would be some help for my challenge. Well, no. Abby just want to make my challenge harder. Literally. Okay.

So, Abby says, hi, I love this challenge in that you're reading those types of reviews that are hilarious and awful, but it seems way too easy. I did see that when it came in. Yeah. I was like, Abby, I was thinking, you're not wrong. You're not wrong, Abby. But also sit down, Abby. No. And then Abby says, I wish it didn't sound like I'm criticizing Elisa.

Again, it's guaranteed hilarity, but you guys are pros after all. So I wanted to suggest that you should get bonus points for reviews in which the business the reviewer used to be in is extra random or weird like funeral home director civil war medicine historian and or is related to an upcoming or recent theme the bonus points could okay now she's creating like her own game show game okay the bonus points could be monetized. And Christine, if you earn enough bonus points, Zandy has to buy you the new Beach to Sandy logo team. No. I didn't even add that in there. She literally wrote it.

I love it. Where am I? How do I get points? Don't worry. You'll find out. I think. Maybe you don't find out. This could be an ongoing thing.

Christine, congrats to you and Blaze. Zandy, I don't know what an appropriate emoji would be for your just as exciting Tinder news, but congrats to you too. Love you guys, Abby. And then under Zandy, it said, OMG, autocorrect really wanted your name to be Candy. But since I'm she, her, she, for, that makes me a sibling. So I have to go with the names you call each other most often. She, her, she, for. That makes me a sibling. So I have to go with the names you call each other most often. Cute.

Okay. P.S. Christine, you would love Frederick, Maryland. It's super haunted. Remember when I said I went there? And I totally. Yeah, that's where the Civil War. Yes, that's right. Medical whatever.

That's why she even mentioned it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Abby, thank you for like first making me like, hey, now I have enough difficulty in these challenges, but i took your suggestion to heart i love it there were unfortunately no civil war medicine historians that i could find who had reviewed anything however that docs 2 000 points okay continue fun fact is that funeral directors love to give reviews. Ooh. Love to.

And positive reviews at that. So I hope this gets me 2001 points in my favor. Yeah. One point will get you not much at all. One twine of the t-shirt. A twine, yes. So they're both positive because there literally weren't any negative reviews written by funeral directors that I could find. Incredible, in my opinion.

I think they really band together. Must be what it is. This is a five-star review of e-book, The Making of a Funeral Director by Janice J. Richardson. Kindle edition. The Making of a Funeral Director sounds like some sort of like villain origin story it does he's bit by a spider um five stars what a great insight into funeral service that's the title by amazon customer i found this book a great read as a funeral director myself i can recommend anyone thinking of funeral service as a career to read this, or if you are just interested in our wonderful profession, it is really informative.

Thank you, Janice, for putting into words how you helped your community during your career. Carl. I love that. Thank you. Apparently Janice talked about, I read all the reviews. I don't know, I was in some mood, but I read all the reviews and apparently Janice talks about being a woman in a male-dominated industry, funeral services. Fascinating stuff. My friend Lauren is working at a funeral home.

I know. I was thinking about that. I have a couple of friends from, or at least acquaintances, who are women working in that industry now, too. So maybe they should read Janice's book. There you go. And then this is the last one it's a positive it's of providence jones family funeral home five stars by tommy i am brad's brother-in-law sorry who's brad do you know who brad okay because i'm like that's not the author i'm like

we're like it's about a it's by a woman so i'm like no no this is a providence jones family funeral i thought we're still in the book no no no we've moved on from janice's tome you know what's really distracting of all things in this room lots of things dilbert candy machine the dilbert the like fake jelly beans on dilbert the dilbert like candy machine screen they're're M&M's. It's sponsored by M&M's. You're right. Okay.

Well, I mean, it's hard to see from here. They're just bright colored. They're also sun faded, which does make them definitely look like a... Are you checking if there are any in there? Christina, if there are, do not eat them. Yeah, Christina. Hopefully like 10 years ago oh oops remove and discard insert before adding m&ms plain chocolate candies okay well didn't do that so they want me to take this picture this nice picture out also i thought of this dilbert

candy machine earlier because uh you said art installation and that's what dad always used to call this yeah when i accused him of feeding me m&ms all night or mom did he would say no no it's just an art installation yikes i should plug it in oh it doesn't plug in i mean plug it in what does it do it needs batteries apparently what oh it does yeah i don't even know how that's it'll look like his hand moves i don't remember i'm just so thankful for this okay do you want me to put it closer yeah what sorry when i brought up it distracts me it wasn't an invitation to oh discuss it and dissect it oh well you should have clarified that i will next time no no no i this was just for future reference okay Oh, okay. Don't worry. All right.

Good. So, Alexander, I know you're distracted, but to clarify, this is a review of Providence Jones Family Funeral Home. Okay. Providence Jones Family Funeral Home. Correct. This is a five-star review by Tommy. Five-star review by Tommy. Don't even.

This is not an invitation to dissect everything i say noted i am brad's brother-in-law and was allowed to help him with christine's beautiful service stop oh my wait allow okay i know there's actually this is now an invitation to dissect what i'm saying because yeah but if you hadn't if I didn't know what the challenge was about, that this was about people in the industry, like, or by people. You were allowed to help. Like, I'd be like, yikes. Unless it was a five-year-old who was allowed to, like, be a pallbearer, like, hold the flowers or something. Like, yikes.

I'm like, what is, what are they doing in there? Also, to, like, ask permission to help, even as someone in the industry, is a very interesting notion to me. I know you have your ways here, but in Maryland, I'm a funeral director and I maybe can bring something to the table. Yeah, this is very different. But what if we're doing a live show and someone was like, hey, I have a podcast. Do you mind if I sit in on this? Yeah, I just want to help out. I'll like grab a mic and sit with you all.

It's just like to add my services. Yeah, like add the services. I feel like as a funeral home, I'd be like, how do I know that you're certified? Exactly. And like, how do I know that you know how to embalm a body or whatever? It seems so weird. Like such a, of all things, like i know my situation like the situation with the podcast sounds ridiculous but i feel like this is pretty ridiculous too yeah it does

and like obviously i'm not saying oh i'm sure they allowed him to embalm the body but i don't know what they allowed him to do also the fact that he knows christine and the and is brad's brother-in-law who i presume is like either the husband or somebody related to christine i wonder if when christine died she was like okay but just please don't let please don't let tommy run the funeral like he's gonna try and insert himself into my funeral service i feel like they were like let's go to this other funeral home and then he showed up and was like, can I help? And that was in there. Whatever you do. He's gonna try. He always wants to offer his embalming services.

It's like if he does force his way in, he's no longer allowed to. He's immediately exempt. Nothing is bequeathed to him. He's like, fuck. He's disqualified from the will. And he's like worth it worth it i got to help out so it just feels a little personal like okay wait but if brad is the husband yeah then wouldn't that make not necessarily okay i don't know because i'm thinking of his brother-in-law could be either christine's brother or it could be his wife's brother his wife's brother

yeah like tommy's wife's brother whatever or tommy's partner's brother i don't know i don't know who's married to whom if any we are making see that's the thing is i love how we do that like i was like yeah you're right we shouldn't assume that yet we assume literally everything else like we come up with this whole backstory but then we're like okay but yeah don't true i've already determined that tommy's an lgbtq plus funeral home director who is related to christine and insists on being involved in her evolving process but christine wants nothing to do with it i mean listen i'm a screenwriter at heart folks what are you what am i gonna do not can't slow you down oh i'm full steam ahead okay i can't say you're wrong about any of it i can assume you are somebody will tell me don't worry okay five stars by tommy i am brad's brother

in law and was allowed to help him with christine's beautiful service i just wanted to let the entire staff know how much i appreciate the great job they did. As a funeral director myself, I know how difficult that job was. Thank all of you for allowing me to help with such a beautiful tribute to a wonderful person. God bless all of you. End of review. Like, it was a nice positive review. I know. I made it weird. Just the situation. No, the situation. I think we just kind of... I just went off the rails a little bit.

Yeah. I mean, we both did. It was a positive sentiment. A kind, positive sentiment. And I'm sorry for your loss, Brad and Tommy, whose name I made up, so don't remember the real name. Anyway, Christina did not make up.

That one I left in there. That's scary. Because it was a little too on the nose. I thought about changing it to Alexander. I was allowed to help Alexander with Christina's funeral service. That would have been great. It was a little too much. But anyway, thank you, everybody, for listening today. I thought this was a very fun theme and a very fun challenge.

Yeah, this was a good one. Thank you, Amanda and Elisa. Okay, our theme is kind of similar, actually. I did find a suggestion by Michelle in our email who was listening to last week's episode, I believe. And we referenced it today again, that museum, that Civil War whatever museum. Oh, the Creation Museum. again that museum um that civil war whatever museum well you maybe could could count that because um the theme for next week is obscure museums oh hell yes this is excellent the examples were a spy museum in scandinavia or the civil war medicine museum so like this is

excellent very like specific museum we didn't even know that we were like pummeling toward this exact theme whenever we brought up the civil war medicine so true runaway train type thing runaway train museum here's a challenges from britney who said send some impeccable themes and challenges here's a challenge find reviews where the reviewer blames a business or product for their own family problems for example fights divorce um you know maybe some infighting between family members yeah so britney suggested businesses but i also added products because i bet you amazon has some doozies oh yeah i think i did that there wasn't there's something not that but there was something of like

they blamed a i don't know if it was just one review or challenge or something but it was like they blamed a product for their breakup or something there's something weird or their divorce yeah i don't know if that was just something like was random i don't know but yeah um so this is good, though. Oh, well. No, no, no. I think that's different than this one. Perfect. Because I remember some Amazon products.

So now I'm trying to think of what that was. That's a doozy. I think it'll be good, though. Perfect. All right. Well, we will see you all next week. Talk to you soon, everybody. I'll be in Hebron at the Christian Museum.

Please don't. Don't take me. Bye.