Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 130: Reviews of the Mall of America

Episode Date: May 26, 2021

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. hello hello hello welcome to episode 100 something something 32 i think it's 130 isn't it i have no idea 130 of beach too sandy water too wet the podcast oh wait where siblings read shitty reviews i thought i was gonna ask if you remembered where we are siblings who read shitty reviews i thought i was gonna ask if you remembered where we are siblings who read shitty reviews from the internet yeah very good thank you that's what this is so if you're here you're here you're here you're here i'm deleting that from i tried to do a new thing it's too soon

it's too soon uh welcome we are doing uh a theme that i'm very excited about today it's mall of america yes and um i have been there and i talked about my experience last week you talked about We are doing a theme that I'm very excited about today. It's Mall of America. Yes. And I have been there and I talked about my experience last week. You talked about your experience being that there were several Gap stores. And someone emailed us or DMed me. I forget what it was and I forget who you are and I am so sorry. But basically validating that, saying, yeah, if they have empty stores, they don't want it to just be empty. So they have stores fill multiple slots yep so it doesn't look as empty as it is i read that as well on yelp um what an interesting approach i do want to give nicole a shout out for suggesting

this theme by the way thank you nicole thank you nicole um and i guess that's all i have for an intro except that we are releasing a between you and us soon as well uh for the month of may i know we're almost in june that's okay and we are also doing a patreon bonus for the month of may um which is gonna be great i can just feel it yes i'm excited for both of those and uh yeah technically between You and Us comes out May 31st. So it still counts. It's still, there's no May 31st. Is there?

January, I'm counting my knuckles. January, February, March, April. My knuckle says yes. Oh, okay. Then never mind. I'm just kind of down the days to my birthday and I think I got corn-fused. Yes, you were right. There's a 31st.

So ha, suck it, haters. You got corn-f yes you're right there's a 31st so ha suck it haters you got corn fused yeah i did that sounds unhealthy it is actually quite painful uh would you like to go first or would you like me to go first i'll go ahead okay i have a review this is of the mall of america by Macy. One star. Maybe this mall was vibrant years ago, but not in 2020. Lots of empty storefronts, lots of sneaker stores, and downscale stores. Only a handful of upscale stores, which probably will leave when their leases are up. Parking lot almost empty. Very little people shopping. Save your time and money if you've always wanted to visit Mall of America.

It's not worth the trip. And I included this because this was written seven months ago. What is people shopping? Did I say people? Sorry. Did I say it that way? I meant it like very little people. They meant like very few people are shopping oh you probably said it normal and i just know in hindsight i'm like yeah i think i just said

very little people shopping instead of very little people shopping i was like people watching my brain i feel like i'm catching up my brain is just behind right now okay got it got it got it i kind of like just realized that we're recording an episode so this was seven months ago this person clearly has been inside the mall of america since the pandemic began they don't even know what's going on they're like how is why are there no people here they live there and they're just so confused why nobody's there stop saying corn i thought about it yesterday and i said to myself when will i be able to say this word and here we are but what it's not a word though it's a word no it's not maybe it's two words like a word oh the corn fused together it's a word to me it's a single word to you yes that doesn't count for anything in this life oh my god remember

how you were like oh we were talking about last week's episode and she's like oh my god it sounded like you were on something are you gonna say that about this week too when you're the one saying corn fused multiple times and arguing why it should be a word it is not i'm not arguing anything i'm just telling you anyway well obviously this person is gonna be really disappointed when they go to literally any mall height of a pandemic and you're complaining no one's shopping i mean that's probably a good thing anyway um not for macy who probably owns macy's and maybe that's why i think that's why i made that name up yeah i thought maybe that had to something to do with it all right i have a one

star review by harris now this is okay okay, this is a really bizarre review. I know that shocks you to hear, but it's, like, all separated into lines. I'll just read it with pauses. Like a poem, okay. OMG, this place is way too insane. They need a football stadium and a spaceport inside to top off an upgrade. Mall of America is an overkill from the get-go. I-M-H-O.

My humble opinion. Not in my humble, but honorable opinion. Way back when this mega mall launched, they were thinking, why not the world's largest mall? Well, okay, now what? Some shoppers have mall-itis, or they're a shopping enzyme, or mall radar has malfunctioned somewhere on the way to this monster mall. This is similar to you and your words. It's like, yeah, these words individually might mean something,

but together, there's nothing. You've never heard of mallitis? No, Christina, believe it or not, I haven't. I'm sorry, you invented people shopping, and I don't think you can judge. I thought this, there's several more lines, don't worry, but this review resonated with me because it reminded me of the way I write in my notes app on my phone like when i'm trying to like like i'll have an app that's like gift idea or a note that's like gift ideas or like dreams or tiktok ideas i don't it's embarrassing but they're all okay i have every single one of those oh good okay so they're all written like in separate thoughts that don't aren't really coherent so i'm gonna keep reading and maybe you'll kind of catch that

same vibe some shoppers have mall-itis or their shopping enzyme or mall radar has malfunctioned somewhere on the way to this monster mall. I know we have to go to the blank store at the Mall of America. And then there's a frown face but with a wiggle as a nose. A wiggle?

Like a tilde? Yeah, a tilde as a nose. That's what it sounds like. Agre that was good like a character from doug is what like that squiggle i feel like squiggly lines are for that's exactly right so on the way to this monster ball next line i know we have to go to the blank store at the mall of america are we going to the mall yet are we there yet and now this face is an eight with a tilde and a straight line i don't know what noise that is i don't know i don't know it's like yeah okay it's a eight good at these with a line. Oh, unfortunately, I heard you the first time. Okay, okay, okay.

Are we going to the mall yet? Are we there yet? Mop. Seems that there are enough stores there to fill any shopping deficiency. If you gotta go, that is a good thing. What do they say? Shop till you drop. Why not at this mall?

Actually, it's a good thing as long as these stores can keep their doors open. Crazy place. Mop. So does that mean it was the 8 one again? Yeah, but with a slanty mouth. Oh. Like every line is like a completely different thought. That made no sense.

That doesn't really relate to the other thoughts. So we have to go to the blank store. Are we going to? are we there yet? Shop till you drop. I don't know. None of it makes any sense. Like who in their mind is saying all this stuff? I don't know.

It sounds like, you know, it sounds like one of these androids that's like inventing sayings based on what humans speak about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then putting just smileys at the end of the sentences. Or it sounds like they're running the gauntlet of mall goers. I thought you were going to say mall go like lingo. I was like, that's pretty good, Sandy. No, I'm not that good.

So mall goers, as in they're running. It sounds like they're having a dream. Yes. Where they're running through this gauntlet and mall goers on either side saying, shop till you drop. And then like all these, and having those weird squiggly faces. Are we there yet? Mom.

Yeah. And it's, that's what this, it's a dream. This is not reality. Monster mall. You're running the gauntlet of the monster mall. Yeah, see? Monster mall. This is why this struck a chord with me

because I was like, this sounds like they were trying to come up with a Yelp review, wrote like 18 different beginnings to their Yelp review in their notes app and then just accidentally copy pasted the entire thing um yeah so that's that that's what I have for you from Harris you're welcome that was a good good start from you thank you so much uh my next one is from Gus this is a one-star review from two weeks ago. Too crowded, and the mask police were out in force.

It should be called the Mall of China. Oh my god, what? I don't know. I don't even get I don't even get anymore why two weeks ago you would still be complaining about this. Exactly. That's why I included that. I felt

I felt that made this. There's nothing that could make this person seem not ridiculous. But the fact that it was two weeks ago somehow makes it even worse. It's almost like, yeah, you kind of missed the boat where everyone was complaining about this, sir. Yeah.

Hey, everybody was being really racist a year ago. Did you miss that? Were you napping? Or are you just still doing that? Were you napping back then? Because you can't just join the bandwagon now. It's too late. You can't just join the gauntlet now.

Jesus. This is an email from Rachel. She, her, thank you. Hi, Rachel. Who survived working retail at Mall of America. And so she went and found some reviews of stores she used to work in the first one i love that okay me too the first one is the vans store nice um i did see a tweet and i kind of agree i'm i'm not one for gatekeeping normally but i just saw a tweet yesterday and then said you can't wear vans unless you've been hit by one and it had the clap emoji between each word thank god that's so stupid i have that right

that's all i'm gonna say satirical gatekeeping i think that's my that's in my top five tweet category type of humor yeah i love it too especially with the clap clapping it always adds to it very very much i actually thoroughly appreciate that and i hope all of you love it when podcasters relay tweets about satirical gatekeeping tweets to you it's like one thing when we relay like um when we relay written emojis with noises it's another one we describe actual picture emojis after reading the tweet so to lose so you've already lost that yeah i think it's actually working really well audio entertainment so rachel has a review here from uh let's see vance vance this is a review of the van store one star not helpful and when you ask to look in the back

even if it says in stock online they won't help also very bad weakling energy end of review i was that while rachel was working there it was uh i'm not surprised she's just a little bit salty about it and that's why she sent this in, trying to defend herself. You brought up Rachel, and immediately I felt the weakling energy. You did, didn't you? And I tried my darndest to kind of add some oomph, some strength. It didn't work. It didn't work.

Her weakling energy just seeps on through. It was surprisingly powerful, considering it's called weakling energy yeah that's true you know the only person who probably would never be described as having weakling energy is someone who survived the literal gauntlet of working retail at the mall of america so i should probably keep my mouth shut yeah i think that's something we should do too late okay your turn. I have more from Rachel, but I'll read this. Okay, I was nervous.

Too much weakening energy at once. Yeah, you're right. You need a break. This next review is by Django of the Mall of America. One star. I just wanted to mail two letters, but couldn't find a mailbox anywhere in this place. It's three floors.

The loop is a mile long, and you couldn't fit a single mailbox? What a waste of space. Will not be going back for my postal needs. Stop it. You shouldn't have gone there for your postal needs to begin with. What a bizarre reason to go to the Mall of America. I have to mail my phone bill. And to say, I assume they walked the whole thing.

Did they walk an entire mile through the Mall of America? Why don't you just go to the post office? I don't understand. I really don't understand this review. You don't even need to go inside to mail a letter. No, exactly. Ever. You don't. you don't even need to go inside to mail a letter no exactly ever you don't you simply do not go to stamps.com promo code h2c i'm just kidding we don't have that we don't have that but for realsies mall of america to mail something can you imagine going

into every freaking pack sun and being like hi do you guys have a mailbox what is strange i mean yeah i guess they do have a roller coaster they do that's a good point they have yeah and that's similar to that other review you read about like what's next you know you'd need a space station or something i guess what's next should be a mailbox i was there that might be going too far and but i like in this one how they said you can't even fit a mailbox i don't think it's an issue of space i don't think they were sitting there considering they have four gaps we really want to do this but we can't because there's no space like no they just didn't want to put a mailbox also i wonder what it i mean it why do yeah wait a second wait a second wait a second i don't know much about mail delivery however with those

mailboxes you need an actual courier imagine if it were in the middle of the mall of america next to like and they were like it's next to the sunglass hut and you're like which sunglass and then the postal worker has to go in and find it exactly and yes it's a mile and you expect a big bag through the whole like santa claus exactly what a nightmare would that be i don't know i yeah i could i don't it makes no sense to have one in a mall because why would the postal worker go there park outside of the mall walk in find the mailbox and take everything out and leave just for that why that would be the ultimate punishment maybe outside of the mall maybe but i don't know i've never been to a mall that had a

post office so what or post i mean box but have you because like i feel like i would never have even noticed you know like it's like the second you need a mailbox thing okay fair um yeah i know what you mean though you you see them everywhere when you don't need them in the moment you need them where do we find it is one yeah but you're right literally the post office there shouldn't be a concern or confusion a core infusion about that stop sorry this is our review of forever 21 it's a one-star view by lucas and this is another place that rachel said she worked uh so she saw this one and this is i know it's not but i know it's not going to be this but i'm really hoping that this person also mentions weakling energy so we can it can be

confirmed that rachel is the problem my god because you know the employees 99 of the time are not the problem when we read these reviews right That's right. But I really just once want Rachel to be the weakling that's the problem. And she's just, she didn't even realize and she needed us to point it out. We're like, girlfriend, you're the problem here. Sandy. That's like, wow. She's a common denominator. She bounces around and spreads her weakling energy everywhere.

Gives me the heebie-jeebies. Well well this is a review of forever 21 one star by lucas starting a go fund me so y'all can invest in a bench end of review what was that forever 21 yeah what oh is that how weird must it be to work at a place where people from all over the world, presumably it's like a tourist destination, are coming in and going, do you have a bench? Do you have a post office box? Like, it must just be the strangest. Like, where's the roller coaster? You must just be asked like the weirdest amount of questions for working in a teen clothing

store. I guess maybe people see it kind of like a small town in itself. Because I know people live there. There's a hotel that people can live in. I like Naughty's Toyland. Naughty's Toyland. Yeah. Yeah.

Sort of the same. Except it's Rachel's weak land. I was going to say that there's so much weakling energy, Naughty would never, Naughty would skip right through that town. I was going to say Naughty kind of gives off similar energy, though. I don't say that about Naughty. Naughty is not a beacon of strength i i i'm sorry to say it how dare you you heard it here first uh someone had to um anyway that's my review of lucas i mean that's lucas's review sorry starting a go fund me to get Forever 21 a bench.

Very generous. Just go. Very thoughtful. Okay. I'm saying on this again. What? Maybe it's one of those benches where they put like in memoriam. True.

This bench is dedicated to Rachel and all her weakling energy. She needs to sit on this bench all the time because she's so it's dedicated to rachel's strength that was lost years ago yeah that's right in memoriam some of us remember but why don't you just leave the store because there are probably so many benches right outside in the mall because it is a mall how are you gonna know what crop top your girlfriend's trying on true you know what i'm saying? That's a good point. That's why you put a camera in the dressing room. Oh, I'm trying to get girlfriend me to put cameras

in all the dressing rooms at Forever 21. Okay, my next one. My next one is by Mike. One star. I only went into the parking lot and was met with cold weather and everybody had to wear a mask this is not shopping in america end of review who are these fuckers i don't get it and well yeah what does maybe they've only ever watched clueless and they're like this is my

the experience i want very yeah true that is you know especially weather-wise they're in minnesota what do you mean it's cold weather this was written yes eight months ago that is october it's like in the fall right i mean yeah i think it's i'm not great i actually don't know it's it's september october yeah uh so cold weather and masks i'm pretty sure that's been america for the past year or at least certain parts of cold weather really aren't catching up to the times i don't know what it is about in like a year people are gonna be realizing like are they just so behind they're gonna like catch up finally or are they just lost i think it's gonna be a thing where the next year there will be an influx of positive reviews because people will not have to

wear masks anymore and i think these people who write these negative reviews are totally the same people that would write positive reviews i'm being very optimistic here. And so maybe they'll change their reviews and say, I'm glad you took away your mask policy because I didn't like wearing it. Yes, maybe all of the Karens will change into positive people who try to support small businesses and retail workers. Probably that'll happen. Probably. Unfortunately, that would put us out of a job. That's right. I hope they don't ever change be terrible forever karen's this is a one-star view of forever 21 another one and this is by

wanda never visited forever 21 walked by looked like nice clothes for much younger people end of review that's kind of sweet except for the rating yeah never visited maybe hmm i don't try to make sense of this. I dare you. Well, it's sort of like if there were a bench. Memorial bench. I'm listening. You have my attention. Maybe poor elderly Wanda, who's too old for Forever 21, could have taken her little bag of bones and sat down. And watched the young people shop.

Watched the world go by. Jesus, okay. bones and sat down and watched the young people shop watch the world go by jesus okay forever 21 but instead she had to pass pass on through to the talbots talbots is that for old people at least for older than forever 21 talbots kids i don't know alexander probably because when i think of talbots i think of kids so that was oh so maybe they're just being but i could be wrong i'll change it to chico maybe banana republic chico's the fuck shot what's it what is he what even is chico's i mean that has no like i know that chico's is a thing but there's no association in my mind so youthful um like

banana republic no no um what's the one and taylor that's what i was thinking i knew what you're thinking there it is go get get your get your bag bony bag get your bag of bones to that to that and taylor wanda an accent now okay um let's move on from that Next, I have a review of the Mall of America by Dinah. One star. Not bad. I went by the Mall of America to board a bus to Egan, where I'm living at. God is good all the time. End of review.

Now, if more people were like Dinah and said, I just passed by and I will give it a thumbs up. Unlike Wanda, who just said, looks pretty nice. Boo. When did Wanda say boo? Wanda said one star. Yeah, so did Dinah. Oh, oh, oh.

It sounds so positive. I know. I think we both tricked each other a little bit. I was tricked. I was tricked. You're right. Last review when I said, except for the rating, I looked rating i looked at you like right like wasn't that one star it was more of a i was whole guessing and hoping i was right turns out i was right you guessed and you were wrong wanda

and dina are one of the same yeah yeah okay so so dina is is thinking god is good but yeah well it's i bet they're both from egan i hear that's like bag of bone country has full benches sorry we just got an email and says randy land they heard us talking about naughty again they're like let's go hello lauren i don't know i don't know what's going on with that we might never acknowledge what you just sent we might literally never even get a chance to read it but i saw that and it caught my attention at least in this moment it's probably a roulette when people email us wondering if we'll even look at our phones at that very second yep sometimes we're both looking at our phones next to each other when you send an email and we comment at the same time because

we're eating chipotle earlier and he snorted and i said someone just said and he said yeah i just read it an email came in and we were both sitting there watching The Office and an email came in and said, congrats to Christine on the fetus. So sometimes we catch these things. Most, 99% of the time we don't. Yeah, that's from Catherine, by the way. So thank you, Catherine, for the entertainment in that moment. This is a three-star review by FoodieGirl19.

This one probably isn't even funny, but I just, neither was my first one, but I just felt it was necessary to read. I just, it's our show. We do it with the fuck. I know.

All right. So shush everybody, but her, I'm not a big fan of malls, but this one was filled with people with bad manners, coughing, sneezing, and farting. Sorry. It's okay, that's not it? You're like gearing up to read more, right?

No, that's pretty much it, but I'll finish it. I'm not a big fan of malls, but this one was filled with people with bad manners coughing sneezing and farting not to mention throwing garbage on the ground end of review i don't think this person's at the mall i where else would they be though outside i don't just on the street where people are just throwing garbage farting around i feel that's so i don't know like litterers i think at least like litterers feel like outdoors is a place to litter but i i feel like do people just throw their garbage in the mall of america i think probably they're just like america in the name hello you can't do that soil that name sort of like setting the flag on fire you can't do that

and you probably yeah i thought you cannot do that i mean i don't think it's against any laws i think it's literally against the law like i'm not making i mean it's probably against flag code but so is wearing the flag the american flag got her on a list everybody i did it it's freedom of speech. Fine. The court has recognized First Amendment protects certain forms of symbolic speech. Flag printing is such a form of symbolic speech.

Yep. When a flag is privately owned, the owner should be able to burn it if the owner chooses. If, especially if, this action is meant in the form of protest. What if you're like, no, I'm just cold? I need kindling. I'm just cold. I don't know what that would be go for it i mean i should have a yeah next time i have a bonfire and everyone's invited i'll just say bring an american flag we'll burn it that's it it's called the flag desecration amendment uh it makes sense i would not want to live in a country that's like you can't burn our our flag. Well, I know, but we have been completely surprised.

I mean, this is clearly gone through the Supreme Court. No, I also don't want to live in a country that does a lot of terrible things that the U.S. does. But I'm here. Anyway. Glad we got that figured out. I mean, at least at the mall, the worst thing that's happening is people are just farting around. True. And sneezing.

Although I don't think that's true i did read a report about um an employee who worked at um vans who was caught burning uh an american flag are you talking about rachel again her name is her name is rachel um and i just wanted to really bring attention to if she's the one who brought this to the supreme court i don't think we should keep calling her a weakling because that's pretty baller um it actually was an accident oh i was gonna say unless it was not a form of protest uh she thought she was burning a french flag it just had the same colors and was just trying to protest actually against the french how sad is that so then yeah it just turned into this whole thing and yeah that's

why people are like weakling energy because it's like i don't even know what's going on what we're talking about anymore let me read a review one star review of uh by molly of uh of america oh the Cathedral of Consumerism. End of review. Ugh. Oh, woe is me. You're not wrong, Molly. I only shop on Etsy.com.

Oh my god. Oh, no. It's just like, yeah, duh. It's the Mall of America. Yeah. Duh. yeah duh it's the mall of america yeah i and yeah duh you know it's like going on amazon and being like i have a hot take about amazon it's like that's like yeah we've all been here yeah did you hear juni's hot take hi baby boy could you hear that yeah i heard that oh junie said fuck jeff bezos oh junie junie such strong energy you have

okay this is a one-star review of the mall of america by mitch come to the mall but please come defenseless okay i go everywhere basically defenseless. So perfect. That's your number one problem. You weakling. Yes, true. No, no, no. That means I'm strong because I don't have a weapon, but I don't need one. That's a thing.

Rachel's called a weakling. She's carrying weapons. Because she's carrying so many weapons. She has like 16 pistols on her at all times. Poor Rachel. Rachel literally helped me so much by sending in these reviews. What's nice, though, about Rachel is because she's so weak, she won't complain. She's just going to take it.

Won't even write a one-star review of us. She just, yeah, takes it. So sad. Come to the mall, but please come defenseless. I like MOA. They forbid handguns in the mall. This makes me a potential victim in their space. If you're unarmed and helpless, you have no options.

I don't shop anywhere this policy is enforced. I can't depend on police protection, so I must depend on myself. Unfortunately, that's not allowed here. End of review. on myself unfortunately that's not allowed here end of review i hate that they included the point about not uh counting on police protection because i'm like yeah i agree yeah but i don't think the solution is also i don't think like police protection is going on in the mall of america i think like mall security oh you're right mask police. Oh, you're right. The mask police. Oh, the mask police.

The MP. Oh, I'm sorry. That's in the Mall of China. They're called the MP, the Royal MP. I actually played an MP, like military police, in Bridge of Spies in that Tom Hanks movie directed by Steven Spielberg. That's right. That was an extra, but...

In Berlin. Yep. I had an MP uniform and everything. I meant like the mounted police. The Mounties? Yeah. But also there's military police, but also there's mask police,

the toughest of all three. Oh, yeah. So Mitch likes the MOA, but he can't bring a gun to the Nickelodeon play center so unfortunately he'll never be back yeah can you imagine if just i mean i don't get it like like that i and i feel like people from other countries who listen to this kind of stuff and hear about america in this way i mean it is it must seem so ridiculous but like it's actually true people legitimately only go places where they're allowed to bring a gun can you

imagine living your life that way where oh i'm not going there like you get invited to your your your kid gets invited to a birthday party yeah chucky cheese and you're like sorry i can't take your son i can't bring my gun into the chuck E. cheese i'll be a victim in the chuck E. cheese if i don't have a gun no matter what but you know it's even worse that rat will come at you what is if you do go into a chuck E. cheese and they're like yes we welcome you in your gun that's even worse like you'd think it would be like oh so they can't go anywhere but no no no it's like they can go a lot of places with their gun with their children and their gun that's that's the part that's a little concerning very true is that it becomes a it becomes a an outlier

when an establishment will not let them bring the gun inside america oh my god. Hashtag America. Here's a one star review of the Mall of America. This is by Ferdinand. You never react to any of the I use Dinah. I know. Ferdinand. I feel like I'm using

really weird ones today. Django. You said Django and I was like listen I'm not here to judge. Okay. One star by Ferdinand.

If you want to understand why humanity as a society is doomed, just visit this place. It is rampant consumerism on an epic scale. British retailers might talk whimsically of retail as a destination but they don't have a log flume and two roller coasters in their shopping centers end of review yes suckers oh wait oh they say that is a bad thing yeah that's a bad thing which um i wouldn't say fernand is wrong by the what mall of amer America kind of represents. But I still think it's dope as fuck that they have a log flume and two roller coasters. Excuse me, a log flume.

Don't throw that in there with your bullshit. If you're going to be the Mall of America, you're going to have to just go balls to the wall with it. You can't be like, you're going to be like, I need 18 Paxons and a roller coaster or two. You can't be like, actually, we're going to be like, I need 18 Pac-Suns and a roller coaster or two. You can't be like, actually, we're going to play this really subtle. Yeah.

We're just going to have an area where children can meet the Easter Bunny and maybe a small fountain. And that's it. No, you're the fucking mall of America. You do it big. You do big. Yeah. Of course, it represents the insane consumerism why there are no handguns allowed i feel like that should be actually not like the same thing when i listen

to this somewhere i'm like actually that i'm kind of with this other guy now i'm like you're right mitch where the hell are the guns let's start a go fund me to bring guns to the mall of america one bench and a bunch of guns it'll be great um let me see what was i gonna say if rachel if you still work at a store there you should probably get out now before we get our trigger fingers all over it poor rachel um speaking of r, I have a redemption. Have we spoken about Rachel yet? Okay, I'd love to hear it. Sent in by Rachel.

This is a five-star review of Forever 21 by David. I left 21 behind 38 years ago, so not much for me here. Honestly, the store was just a walk through from the parking ramp note to the young employee with the amazing number of piercings sorry i knocked the coat off the rack end of review oh was that about rachel rachel like actually i mean maybe do you have an amazing number of piercings rachel what if she's like i have my ears pierced does that count you know what that's still amazing if you ask me maybe if you're a 49 year old david yeah i as someone who doesn't have piercings it's

pretty amazing i'm amazed whenever i see a piercing um christina what's in your ear i try to hide it from you oh my god i know you're gonna get overwhelmed christina that is amazing thank you so much uh now i need you to apologize for all the shit you knocked over sorry i knocked the coat off the rack do you think he picked it up or just left and then was like felt guilty about it later either way i'm glad they wrote this review you know like either way it's probably like i'm not i wish you would have picked that yeah that would be that would be ideal but at least they recognized their failures as a customer. Yes.

That's true. Humanity just in general is flawed, though, so whatever. I have one here. This is a one-star review. This is by Paul. I did not have a good time. End of review. Oh, my gosh straight to the point it's a legitimate review i guess yeah i just kind of and i don't i also don't feel bad because it's not like a

small business it's a massive fucking mall that's probably oh i wonder who owns a mall of america many businesses yes so yeah this is probably owned by some massive conglomerate with hundreds of malls. Okay, maybe not hundreds, but tens of malls like around the world. You know what I mean? Like it's probably owned by this massive company. Like maybe Paul went to American Girl Dawn. It wasn't great. But at least they reviewed the whole mall instead of targeting a specific

business and its employees if that makes sense because this this doesn't tell me anything about the mall it doesn't give me it doesn't make me less likely to go just because i'm like okay paul didn't have a good time why i don't know it could be a million different reasons and also could be so many things that would actually mean the opposite for me okay but question question question yes yes what if you saw paul right five stars i had an incredible time would that be more likely to make you go or like have zero impact on you that would be i would actually have a positive impact because i feel like when people have write negative reviews one star reviews oftentimes it's something that I would like about the place. Because there's so many wild people

who complain about the most ridiculous things that I'm more likely to take a five-star review seriously than I am a one-star. Okay, fair point. Just in general. Fair point. I know. I'll give it to you.

Well, I'm out of reviews. I have one last reviewer. Let's say okay say that this is a reviewer whose name on google reviews is mall of america and nickelodeon universe favorite i don't understand what that means are they trying to say they're the favorite i mean you just said you don't understand so i don't know why i'm asking i don't know if it's their favorite but i actually don't think ball of america is their favorite because they gave it a one-star review and said the following no i'm saying maybe they're the favorite yeah the favorite of those places yes they're the favorite child which makes it hurt that much more that they would leave a one-star review they're like the prodigal child yeah absolutely and they've returned and said this to the log flume

they said because it 300 000 people end of review that's it is that of just mall of america of mall of america wait what i don't know But then they also reviewed Nickelodeon Universe. Okay. Five stars, which is in Mall of America. It is, yes. They said, Nickelodeon Universe is fun place to be happy. End of review. But you're not happy.

Or are you happy? They were happy about Nickelodeon Universe, just not the mall that it's within which is interesting so they had a good experience inside but then the circle the bubble inside the bubble um and then i'm just gonna read a couple other reviews because i'm not sure they understand what google reviews is all about you don't say here's the five-star review sky zone trampoline park this is in maple grove minnesota so this is not in not into mall of america i'm just trying to figure out what uh mall of america and nickelodeon universe favorite is all about got it how are people doing today because end of review oh no it's as if they're trying to talk to people oh no that's sad here's a five-star review of k and g fashion superstore in brooklyn

center minnesota oh my god good morning minnesota i hope you can make good football u.s bank stadium 73 000 people are going through hard time during covid 19 end of review oh my gosh it it sounds like that t-shirt site where they just have different keywords and they pull all these keywords you know what i have to say about this person who i'm assuming it might be a child i this person's parents are so lucky that this child lives today and not 15 years ago because remember way back when if i had logged into the internet on one on my um motorola you know when you accidentally hit the globe yeah and it started loading so much fucking money i just feel like this is the kind of kid who would end up on the internet just like

writing random shit and costing his parents like hundreds and hundreds of dollars just to write like hello how are you 73 000 people and the parents are like we deborah i knew we shouldn't have gotten him a motorola flip phone especially when they see exactly what they're using it for it makes it just that much worse hello how are you because and then but that terror is real of the globe hitting the actually accidentally hitting the internet button on your scary your old phone scary uh i two more reviews um they're in the same vein this first one is of andover downtown center in andover um minnesota andover downtown center mall end of review oh no and then here is of a place in fridley minnesota called global health ministries five stars global health ministries end of review bud

and they have pictures too and i can't tell what but like the pictures look like they're of just i don't know if i don't think it's stock photos but i don't know where they got these photos like just random photos of different people i don't know christina i don't know what What is that? Who is that? I don't know, Christina. I don't know what's happening. That looks like a glamour shot of a fully grown man. Oh, it's like glamour shots.

A bunch of different glamour shots. Of different people. Of all different people. Oh, dear God. That's what it is. They're like glamour shots. Oxenard, what is this? I don't know.

Anyway, it's a mystery. So I left you all with a mystery i guess i don't i guess i just want to know why they call themselves nickelodeon mall of america favorite when they really so much don't like mall of america actually i know i don't really know maybe they're i feel like they were nice to everyone but the mall maybe they're specifying the that's true actually they're all of i think all of their other things were five stars um but maybe they're specifying which nickelodeon universe they like the most which is why in the title it says maul they're like but don't be confused i don't know it doesn't really make sense it doesn't make sense well i guess let's go on to our challenge this is from morgan thank you morgan and it's to find

reviews formatted like a letter i'll say thank you once we're done here excuse me i'm not thanking morgan quite yet you're the one who picked it i know but i'll i'll see i'll see how this turns out okay well it almost turned out like a disaster because i started typing in like dear and sincerely and that was so stupid because there are so many places on yelp called like sincerely sam's and like dear abby or whatever the hell uh and so that was a big flop and i of course freaked out and then blaze was like why don't you type in dear manager and I was like and all of a sudden I got the freaking mother load so that I typed in your relationship privilege throwing that around I know I'm so sorry I know that that's hard to hear so he said type in dear

manager so I did that and then I typed in to whom it may concern and we were off to the races oh man i got it so then all of a sudden there were pages upon pages of chaos so this first one i have for you is of duchess family restaurant it's a one-star view by brian dear manager of this location please read this to your staff from today's shift i first sat in the drive-thru for a solid two to three minutes saying, hello, hello, to a blank screen. Then I parked and went in only to have to tell the kid at the register three times I wanted a Philly cheesesteak on whole wheat when he kept repeating chili cheesesteak back to me.

Sorry. I feel like this employee was messing with you. Completely, right? I hope so, at least. Because it's like, oh, chili cheesesteak? No, Philly cheesesteak. Okay, so a chili cheesesteak. It sounds like something you would screw with somebody,

especially when they come in screaming from the parking lot. Yeah, the energy coming in was probably not good. Oh, my God. He kept repeating chili cheesesteak back to me. I left your store only to get it on wedge bread after i came back inside the lady cook have me a dirty look as i complained and proceeded to take 30 seconds to scrape the meat and cheese from the bread to a cold wrap and i promptly received it as i ate it in anger i had a minty aftertaste of what is probably windex what okay i'm trying

to think of the process in what process could windex possibly end up in your sandwich do it yeah she took the wedge bread smeared it on the window onto the tortilla as i ate it in anger i had a minty aftertaste of what's probably windex wonderful operation sincerely brian sincerely do you think the manager read that to their staff yeah first thing and hopefully laughed at it um i love when they print them out like i remember somebody saying at cost Costco they would print out the, a lot of times kind comments they would get. And then tape them to like the break room wall. Yeah. This one's great though.

If I ever have my own place, like this right now we're in your studio. If I ever have my own, well, okay, I hope eventually I have my own place. If I ever have my own, well, okay, I hope eventually I have my own place. But that next place, I want to create a wallpaper for maybe our negative one-star reviews and just post them all over my studio. To make yourself feel shitty every time you go inside? I do it for the haters, you know? It's like when athletes get that negative energy from the crowd and they use it to succeed fuel themselves yeah yeah so basically what you're saying is you would take people's one-star reviews and then pay to have them converted into decorations that'll show them yeah i think so

yeah i think so yeah i'll get them good i think so but i do still want to comment on this review because um i think my favorite part was dirty looks from the lady cook like that sounds like yeah yeah sounds like a um a sexy song sounds good to me dirty looks like that doesn't that by itself does not sound like a negative thing she sprays windex in your sandwich the only reasons dirty looks from a lady cook are bad is when you know you're doing something wrong because then that means oh okay like i've created this this is a bad thing instead of like oh i'm getting a dirty look into me yeah she's not into me she's spraying windex in my food also i just love when people eat things in anger it really is just such a good visual for me that you're eating it in anger. After it's been, by the way, transported onto like three different avenues, three different vehicles, you might say.

Three different carb-loaded vehicles. Vessels. Vessels. So to speak. So to speak. Okay. Now I have a review of Hooters. This is a three-star review by Mike.

okay now i have a review of hooters this is a three-star view by mike dear manager how does this kovic 19 have any effect on you having specials i was told that we couldn't order the all you could eat wings because of the pandemic you would think that since it's a product you already have it's not like you have to order more and hope you sell it thank you 25 year old customer in california washington state in florida end of review okay i think i'm the middle like kind of Sell it. Thank you, 25-year-old customer in California, Washington State, and Florida. End of review. Okay. I think I'm in the middle. I kind of zoned out. Uh-huh. So, because the, what is the complaint specials?

Well, I'll read your response to the manager. Okay, please, please. That might help. Hi, Mike. We have discontinued All You Can Eat Wings on Mondays and now only offer it as an upgrade on wednesdays we hope this helps thanks for your hooters loyalty um so mike is just assuming i guess that kovic had to do with it yeah canceled his all you can eat wing specials which i was initially picturing it as a buffet style like you go back like a yeah and i was like i get why kovic would wreak havoc on that. But it's just literally they bring you wings when you're finished.

I guess, yeah. It just changed the day. Yeah, so what is it, Mike? Mike from California. 25-year-old customer. 25-year-old customer, right. In Cal, Washington State in Florida. Are you sure it isn't calf?

I'm not, actually. So they might have... I'm not actually sure, because a lot of things here aren't exactly sure. Like Kovic, calf, calf. Also, not to be that guy, but his photo certainly didn't look like a 25-year-old. But that's just me, okay? I'm just saying. Imagine signing your

why would you sign with your age with not only your age but also how many states you go to hooters yeah yeah i travel the country and i eat at hooters everywhere i go every monday that's what you're proud of i mean it's just like a weird flex that Hooters probably doesn't care about. Exactly. Like, they're like, well, what... I really don't think this person was 25, but, you know, listen, maybe they were. It's not my place to say. I feel like if you put your age in there, you're trying to tell people you're younger

than you are. There's a reason you're insisting upon your age. Yeah. I was surprised by that. Okay, now I have a one-star view of dunkin donuts this is a one-star review by evan to whom it may concern i mean and also picture this on yelp.com like that's why it's so comical too it's like it's literally on yelp you're scrolling through yelp reviews and it's these normal reviews and then suddenly someone formats it as a letter i do think it's a ridiculous concept which is why i will say morgan is it yes why i will say morgan i did like this idea um i'm not thanking you yet oh

fuck i was holding my breath calm down calm down everybody i haven't gotten there yet so far i'm pleased though okay we're getting there. To whom am I concerned? Around 3.30 p.m. on Thursday, August 10th, 2017, I have ordered my everyday order, coffee and a cream cheese bagel, only today I got some nasty old burnt coffee that's not even warm. On top of that, that bagel was so hard that when I went back to the store, the careless, most disrespectful Dunkin' Donuts associate couldn't even break it in half. My five-year-old niece's tooth almost broke and her mouth was

bleeding when she tried taking a bite before I even noticed it was too old and hard. I went back to the store and asked who made that bagel. She said it was her and when I told her my issue, she had a careless smile and told me to wait there until she contacts her supervisor who refused to speak to me on the phone and no one was giving me any information such as their names and then I was asked to leave the store. Sincerely, Evan. Sincerely.

That was a very sincere review. Okay, I'm a little confused. They went back to the store and the supervisor must have been off site. Bloody ass bagel. Yeah, and the supervisor was off site on the phone okay that makes sense i was for a second i thought oh okay um no not really um a careless smile though a careless whisper yeah i was thinking careless whisper too i was like is that a george mike another george michael song careless smile um from the careless supervisor i'm sorry careless

associate who was carelessly whispering to their supervisor on the phone tried to break the bagel in half couldn't do it and the girl almost broke her tooth which i love that implication that yeah what does that mean hear it i don't know i don't know how you can almost break your tooth i don't think um i think anyone could almost break your tooth i feel like that's maybe if your tooth is out of your mouth lying next to a nail that you're about to hammer in you miss the nail and then just barely miss the hammer or sorry then barely miss the tooth with your hammer then you could say wow i almost broke my tooth with that hammer with that

bagel because you were hammering a nail with the bagel. Oh, yes, true. It's hard enough for that. But if you're eating, I don't think you can just assume that you almost broke. I mean, I will say if a five-year-old tells you, I almost broke my tooth, I can promise you they didn't. Yeah, I think there are only two states of tooth, broken and unbroken. That's right.

I don't think there's a middle point. It's almost broken. It was like just bones. You can't almost break a bone, right? I don't think so. Fracture is a break, you know what I mean? bones just you can't almost break a bone right i don't think so fractures a break you know what i mean you can bruise it yourself you i don't think you could sprain a tooth on a bagel though no yeah true so honestly um doubt sorry evan my final answer this is the one serve you by low one more thing what evan was asked to leave which i think

is a very important detail because that means it was bad enough where what evan was asked to leave which i think is a very important detail because that means it was bad enough where they had to ask you to leave and something you were doing was so untoward that they had to ask you to leave they don't want to get to that point these employees bleeding all over the store i guess true it's pretty unhygienic um gross this is a review of fanatics which i think is a barn girl oh okay never mind fanatics isn't that like a a sporting goods store yeah i think it is also maybe that's no it's a restaurant okay one star by low to whom it may concern i've been to your restaurant two times food is great okay it is a restaurant i think yeah that's why i changed my mind really you're like oh yeah maybe and you're like oh wait

never mind the first line says restaurant okay i've been to your restaurant two times the food is great however your service sucks and what is sad about it is that your manager ollie was very rude i own a restaurant in las vegas nevada and I would love to come to your restaurant for a week to train your staff for free. Please contact me. I am not satisfied with your service. End of review. I mean, pretty kind offer.

I mean, I feel like they heard Lo is coming to town and they're like, we need to get on Bar Rescue, but like the Lo version. Yeah, so let's be really shitty. Let's drop all this food. Yeah, to get on bar rescue yeah but like the low version yeah so let's be really shitty let's drop all this food yeah to get like a free consultation for a week get the windex spray it in this tortilla yes we need some uh help some free free help i mean i mean to be fair yes those bars on bar rescues they are so shitty that they get helped exactly so yeah that's that's the key everybody in life if you need help just be really really shitty just be so bad that

like somebody notices and can't stand how much you suck exactly that's the yes yes and that's what we do with this podcast yeah we try to be as yeah because honestly like if someone's willing to start a gofundme to get a bench for forever 21 like think about the things that people will start a gofundme for true like my quality we're gonna start making it really shitty so someone will buy us new microphones oh mic quality yeah i thought you said my quality and i was like we're already there my friend yeah don't know that my qualities down in the dumps purposefully down the dumps at least totally and totally on purpose i swear this is a one-star view of manzano's beachside deli by rich that does not work what manzano's beach when you said beachside

i'm like oh deli deli yeah yeah yeah yeah where is that uh i think it's in southern california is it like oh wait no sorry it's in florida. Is it like... Oh, wait, no, sorry. It's in Florida. Okay, never mind. I've been to this deli by the beach before, so I was curious. Which beach? It was in like Huntington Beach. It was in a meh area.

Never mind. It's not important. One Star by Rich. To whom it may concern, on Thursday, February 22nd, my girlfriend and I wanted to do something really special to celebrate our anniversary. Just thinking about going to the deli for you. I mean, maybe it's a nice restaurant. I don't know. Maybe it's where they met. Maybe, you know, I don't know. I'll try to give them the benefit of the doubt. You're right. You're right.

I'm still, though, I'm not expecting anything good. You're right, you're right. I'm still, though, I'm not expecting anything good. We decided we would drive from Orlando to New Smyrna Beach to go to our favorite deli, Manzano's. We have been coming to your place of business for many years and always felt like it was well worth the drive and expense to partake of one of your terrific deli sandwiches. Unfortunately, it was a huge letdown. You have obviously decided to cut way back on the meat proportions of your sandwiches, and it is very noticeable to the consumer. We don't mind spending $40 of our hard-earned money on lunch if it is a good value,

like your food used to be, but we both felt taken advantage of and ripped off. This is so sad. Coming to Manzano's was such a huge treat for us, but now that you have decided to put profit ahead of quality, we will be going to the deli in D-Land, Florida. No. Not that one. Anything but that one.

I was assuming you made that because I pronounced it wrong. No, I'm just kidding. This is so dramatic. Oh my god. Which is very similar to yours, except for the fact they care about their customers. I will no longer be recommending you to my circle of friends and family like I did in the past, and will definitely spend some time writing reviews on Yelp and Google and anywhere else I can

to warn people about the negative changes that have taken place at your establishment. else I can to warn people about the negative changes that have taken place at your establishment. I know I'm just one person and you probably thinking what harm can one customer do? I guess we will see. Sincerely, Rich. What? Okay. This is the exact type of person I imagined when I said to find reviews of written as a letter. I thought Morgan said that. Yeah, I know. See, Morgan wrote the words out, but I said them and brought them to life with my cadence.

Fair point. Regardless, this is exactly who I pictured. And it's these self-important people who are just so full of themselves. They put less fucking roast beef on the sandwich and he's about to go on the warpath imagine you go there so many times one time your sandwiches are not exactly how you want them and then you write this whole letter on yelp though on the with the date and the threatening

the business literally threatening them with their actions like the manager the date and the threatening the business literally threatening them with their actions like the manager reads this and it's like to whom it may concern welp nobody because none of us like yeah who is supposed to read that and go you know what we need to prepare ourselves for this war that's oncoming rich's war against us it's so over the top i feel like this other deli is probably like yo sorry rich we want nothing to do with your weird yeah i bet the one the deli owners probably know each other and the one called the other up and said hey just warning this guy rich is coming i highly recommend you give him like less meat next time because then he'll never show up again

because he's a lot to deal with especially finally figured out how to get rid of him and his wife on a holiday occasion such as this anniversary can you imagine going on your anniversary like let's go to the beach and have a sandwich and then it's like uh on the way home rich makes you turn off the radio because he's writing a letter to the deli i've just this gave me an idea for my um tinder profile uh i definitely need to put in there somewhere that i don't want someone who will uh act this way so like someone how would you possibly put that i would probably just say if you've ever written people who've written a one-star review need not apply okay but which i know it seems dramatic because there are very legitimate

reasons to leave a one star review but if you read that like you know who you are you like you know who i'm talking about i'm obviously not talking about the justified view but if you're one who just writes these one star reviews and you're so then alexander doesn't want to be romantically involved with you no and that's the no that's turned into the only thing that i care about after this review i'm like man i do not want to on my anniversary i have to deal with someone like rich so imagine rich really just lost you there though i just tried to imagine and it scared me so much that i felt the need to announce it to the world that i don't want someone like rich by the way at beachside deli i saw your eyes glisten you heard beachside deli and you thought rich sounds like the one for me oh yeah

and then it went downhill from there mooney what do you do mooney's putting on a show he loves the carpet i feel like last time we posted a picture of him on instagram it was our most liked photo so i feel like we should just take pictures right because we haven't posted anything in a little bit at beach to sandy on instagram okay so that's rich i'm so sorry that's rich it's rich and it's rich now guess what what i only have redemptions left for you exciting i know okay that's kind of cute there were a lot zandy redemption letters i like that there were a lot like i would say probably at least a third of them were positive when they were written in a letter format. When I picture the people who'd write letter reviews, they're definitely two sides. The one-star ones are very clear.

And then the five-stars are complete opposite people. Rich and Sam. sam sure this is a redemption of baskin robbins five star review by sam dear manager of baskin robbins on luetta road can you please reintroduce the flavor splish splash again for the summer it was my favorite flavor for two summers in a row and i really miss it you'll get my utmost gratitude at least once a week if splish splash is available sincerely sam houston okay please manager please do it for sam i want like for the once i a customer request i actually want to happen honestly if it didn't i think my heart might not be able to take it also this came with a selfie

or sam posted a selfie saying my face when they didn't have splish splash it's just like a frown face really oh no i know so i'm really rooting for you sam too sam splish splash i don't know what the hell that is but uh i probably don't even want it, but I want it for you, Sam. Probably doesn't sound good to me, but you know what, Sam? Exactly. There's probably a reason they stopped serving it after all these two summers, but you know what, Sam? You've convinced me, okay? You probably made it up for Sam. Like, I bet it's the only location in the world they're like, this guy comes all the time.

Honestly, it probably doesn't exist. He probably calls it that, and they're like, are you talking about strawberry? And he's like, yes, splish splash. That's my splish splash. Oh, it probably doesn't exist. He probably calls it that and they're like, are you talking about strawberry? And he's like, yes. That's my splish splash. Oh, Sam's flavor. Okay, this is the last one I have. It's a five-star review of FedEx Ship Center by Bree. Dear Manager Shannon,

I want to let you know that Holly is awesome sauce. She saved our bacon and was a delight to work with. It was amazing to hear how she is a second generation FedEx star that has been with the company since 1986. End of review.

What year was that written? 2000? Awesome Sauce? Awesome Sauce! And then saved our bacon. I loved it though. Dear Managerannon i i didn't that was very sweet also i love that like brie knows everyone's name knows the year that this person started working i mean damn really really wonderful i think that says a lot about both

employee and customer i'm not gonna have that kind of conversation that's great feeling that everybody who leaves a store knows that Holly started working there in 1986. Something tells me that Holly likes to tell people that fact. When you work there for that many years, what else are you going to talk about? I mean, that's a pretty great fact. That's a pretty fun fact. I'm not saying it in a bad way.

I think that's what you should talk about. God, that's a long time. Yeah. I mean, I haven't, I never worked at a- 44 years? You know the long, the most- No, that can't be right. 34 years.

Christine. Yikes. Damn it. Mooney's judging you over there. He's not impressed. You know, I, the, you know what company I worked for the longest in my life by now? This one? Yeah.

Really? Schieffer Madness LLC. Yeah. Did you guys know we actually have a company? Yeah. I think we've talked about it. Oh. company i've worked for the longest in my life by now this one yeah she really she for madness llc did you guys know we actually have a company yeah i think we've talked about it oh well i always think it's a fun fact i'm like holly guess how long i've worked for she for madness llc i don't even know but i'm a second generation star oh yeah you work oh that's true you work for she for madness llc i own she for madness llc that our difference here. This is why I never talk about it, because you always try to put me in your shadow. I try to be a rising star. Famously, you're the one in my shadow.

Yeah, it's true. I'm trying to be a rising star, and you are the big burning sun, and you squash me. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, there is one thing I would like to say.

What? I would like to say thank you to Morgan. Oh, my God, Morgan. Well, there is one thing I would like to say. What? I would like to say thank you to Morgan. Oh my God, Morgan, you did it. Your tears can stop. You've done it. I've let you dangle long enough. Is that right? Man.

I've dangled that in front of you long enough. I don't know why you're dangling. Morgan, quit dangling and come on down here. Quit dingle dangling and come on down. Dingle dangling. So yes. No, thank you. That was good.

That was great. I actually really enjoyed that. Oh, good. I'm glad. I had very much fun. It was the second I typed in dear manager and to whom I'm concerned, it was like the entire, I mean, I could have gone on for, I mean, the entirety of the internet like opened up to me actually.

It was pretty amazing. The entirety of the internet opened up to me. You're not supposed to take the things i say and repeat them yeah that is that's why i get ahead of it and i say something ridiculous and i repeat it myself so when i said dangle i repeated it myself to make sure everyone knew how it became a thing yeah but for you you don't repeat your own things exactly let's move on so i shame you well and i shame myself that's why i get a headache i'm the shame bringer correct oh yeah i know i told you you make me live in your sunny shadow okay anyway i'm gonna be the one to shame you again here what is the sunny shadow i think that's an oxymoron you're're the sun. Okay. So a sunny. And I live in your shadow.

Just tell me my theme. Whoa. Can the sun have a shadow? I don't think. I don't think so. But that's pretty cool. Thank you. But what if.

Yeah. I guess if there's a second sun. That's right. Shining on that sun. There's a shadow on the other side. Wow. So. You know what? I'm not going to overanalyze this. shadow on the other side. Wow. You know what?

I'm not going to overanalyze this. Bernie is the bigger sun. Bernie's the big Jupiter planet. Don't tell him. He'll appreciate that too much. Are there any planets that are bigger than the sun in our solar system? No. The sun is massive.

Okay. I heard it's not even that big. Trisha told me that the sun isn't even big i don't know don't tell her i told you this but i don't know what everyone's talking about making such a big deal but oh my god okay i already have your challenge ready because i was prepared uh and you think i don't have no i'm just bragging that i was prepared for once okay i am too because i wanted to do something similar because i personally had fun with mall of america well next week is my birthday so it better be good well this place does remind me of you it is nostalgic it's my 30th birthday um is it a

chucky cheese where you can bring guns no it's a place that we've been to before though um this theme that i'm suggesting you can change it if it's not to your birthday liking this theme that I'm suggesting, you can change it if it's not to your birthday liking. This theme that I'm suggesting is of the Gaylord Opryland Resort and Convention Center. Crime Con. Where I went to Crime Con. Was that 2018? I believe so, yes. How fun was that? So much fun.

So much fun. So much fun. I loved it there. And yeah, it's a really good memory and that place is fucking wild like when we were talking about mall of america i was thinking similar vibe i was thinking yeah but it doesn't have that same small like i said it's kind of venice canal reminds me of a small town yes this reminds me of a small town oh my god you're totally right it's wild in there that's fun i'm excited if you don't if you don't know about it, it's like a convention center hotel.

In Nashville. And it's also like a botanical gardens, I believe, in there. They have like a little river. There's a river that you can go into a boat and get a little tour around. They do crime con there, or at least they did. I don't know if they still do it there it was absolutely it's it's sorry quote the largest non-gaming in hotel exhibition space in the world with over 700 000 square feet of flexible meeting space um wow yeah so yeah but it's basically not

a casino but it's massive and has that kind of. It's like the Venetian, but without casino. Without all the slot machines, just empty, an empty building. Just a big river and a bunch of crime cons. And plants. Like, it's weird in there. It's pretty cool. Like, you go into a section and it's like, you're. That's where Em and I did our first live show.

It's very nostalgic for me. And it's Em's birthday, too, coming up. That's right. Like, when I think of you two, i think of and that's why we drink all of us together um i think you know we're not too far from there now oh true we should stay away right now yeah and wait you know what that reminds me of me also um not to take it away from you too but uh on the way back the flight back from where from nashville yeah i was on the way back, the flight back from Nashville, I was on the same plane with Em, of course, but also Amanda

from Wine and Crime. That's right, and you guys sat together. Well, we were supposed to and then I let the two of them sit next to each other while I sat alone. I heard from Trisha,

was it Trisha yeah trisha you never forgave him for that um actually i i also haven't forgiven amanda for that that's right actually you're even more angry at amanda at this point i've heard yeah because because it's like m like i gotta keep m happy amanda amanda whatever amanda can deal with a little bit of anger anyway amanda should be honored. Honestly, I think Rachel's just relieved we stopped talking about her at this point. Rachel's was starting to feel left out, actually, until this moment. Rachel's like, what about me and my bench?

Rachel's like, I'm weak. Talk about me. I'm weak. Okay, this is your challenge. So, Jer emailed a while back and said that the- Oh, hi, Jer. Hi, Jer. The mechanic refused to repair her car

because it was too messy so i want you to find a review i took that and kind of put a spin on it to make my own challenge but basically i want you to find a review where someone is rejected or turned away for being too quote messy so it could be them as a person it could be their car it could be like their home was yeah like for a cleaning service or some sort of, yeah. They're just too dirty or too messy. And the service just couldn't deal with it. Love it. Yay.

Love it. This could get really bad. Sorry, Jared. If you want to write your experience, Sandy, can you set a stink sale? I'm sure I've been there many times. Oh, my goodness. I do remember that, actually. And I think Jared included photos.

Or maybe on discord i think jared mentioned that and i saw it and i was like oh shit really my car's probably i was doing the same thing my car's fucking filthy i was like jare like that's not that bad because you hear that and you're like oh man it must have been bad and then i did see photos i was like really it's for maintenance or for repair they didn't have to go in there do anything exactly that was the other thing for the brakes jare what the hell what the hell what the hell give me their no no no scared of calling give me a break all right thanks for listening everybody i can't wait to see you at the gay lord gay lord opry or whatever it's called yeah we love the gay lord i

i don't know i i think it's called the gay lord i i looked it up though it said gay lord opry resort blah blah blah that sounds right but whenever i bring it up to people they're like oh yeah the gay lord so i think regardless you know just google it this the gay space lord anyway we'll see you there Bye.