Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 131: Reviews of the Gaylord Opryland

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

If you feel like a gay royal on a pride float, this episode is for you! If you like raisins, this episode is not for you! Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. hello and welcome to beach juice andy water to wet the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion or sometimes for siblings who read shitty reviews from the internet my name is christine my name is alex hi i didn't tell you we were recording so that i could do the intro yeah smart move i was shaking my head when you did the first bit, but then you threw in the siblings reading

shitty reviews. I didn't notice. I was too invested in my own work over here. I think we should just lose that intro, that other intro. I can't help it. Okay, I'll work on it. I'll practice it. Okay.

Well, welcome to our show. This is episode 131, and we are pretty randomly reading reviews of a very specific hotel slash convention center where in the past few i don't know 50 episodes we've been pretty committed to being uh very vague about our themes this week we are being extremely focused and specific this is reviews of these are reviews of the gay lord opryland. Is that right? Yeah. Resort and hotel. Yeah. And things are inside of it, too. There's a lot going on there. There's a lot going on that we could read reviews of.

And also, you know, the main reason I did this is because it's officially Pride Month when this episode's releasing. We're recording this a day before Pride Month begins. I'm trying to make the connection here. The word gay is in Gaylord. Oh, my God. So so happy pride y'all i was like did we go to was there a convention i could not figure out where we were headed with this alexander is that really why you did that no oh it's like that is no i just made the connection literally as we were sitting here and i was just staring at the word gay lord

and i'm like huh huh. Oh my gosh. Okay. Yeah. Because I was like, Tennessee. Nope, that doesn't fit. Might be a gay lord or lady on a... A gay person? A gay lord lady.

I'm trying to think of what a gender neutral lord lady royal. A royal. A gay royal on a pride float this month. So it's relevant. Gay lord. I'm trying are you too hard i think it's actually the problem like we should stop trying so anyway stop trying at most things in life welcome to our pride episode might as well start that here which is set into only tennessee i guess uh this is a place in nashville that we've been to and we went during crime con 2018 and it was

ems of my first ever show i remember very specifically carrying around that giant fake geo stuffed yes i mostly me carrying it around you carried it i was i was i was happy to have a job i'm not complaining you did carry it around a lot um and people did do a lot of double takes uh so that was great and that's pretty much all i remember except that i got lost all the time but so did half of these reviewers yes they did holy shit yeah i mean understandably the places of freaking maze yeah it's it's a it's confusing okay this first one i have is of the sound waves at gay lord opryland i didn't is that a pool it's it's like a water park but i don't think okay i looked at it and yeah they have some big slides um but yeah it's

a water park they call it um they have a they have like a big pool and some slides and stuff they also have one of those things where it's like a playground in the water and they're a bunch of water features and a giant bucket that drops oh like a rope no they don't let children play with ropes on this plague what is wrong with you ropes what do you think wait why like a i'll let you talk like a rope ladder why are you looking at me like that? No, they might. I'm just wondering why that would be... Like where you climb up and then fall into the water.

Is that a thing? I don't... I thought... Obviously it's not the way you're looking at me right now. Don't put your day job to become like a water park designer. Oh my god. Clearly my future child is in for some really interesting playground experiences if this is yikes and look a rope

anyway let me read this review this is by bastion one star the mixed drinks are unquestionably a size small for $15. They tasted like straight syrup, and I ordered their signature drink, Blue Note. I tried to drink it not to waste my money, but then it started to make my stomach hurt. I went back to the bar and was ignored every time someone else walked up, probably because they knew I wanted to trade the drink I was holding for something else. When Julia came to talk to me, she told me she couldn't do anything about it because of how much I drank. I would have even taken the remaining amount of something else

because it's already a freaking ripoff. I didn't even get the other half of my disgusting drink back. So all that money for less than half a beverage and nothing else? I told her I'd be speaking to a different manager, and she said she was the highest position available. And I just don't believe a bar manager is running the entire Opry. She then proceeded to give me side eye around the entire water park, to where I didn't even order food because she followed me to the restaurant.

I'm here right now being treated like a troublemaker for asking for help. Unacceptable for a place I spent all this money to relax at. A complete waste. I had a tab open too. Had she been any kind of helpful, you would have acquired much more revenue. End of review. She allegedly followed this woman

to a different restaurant in the hotel. I, yes. Well, I guess she is the manager of the Opry. She probably manages all the restaurants too. I love that, how it's like, I want to speak to your manager. It's like, sorry, I'm like the highest person here. Oh yeah, do you run this whole place?

It's like, that's not what there is. That's not what Julie is saying here. Are you Big Money Pockets? What's the guy's name? Gaylord. Gaylord. Are you Mr. Gaylord? Big Money Pockets?

Is that what you think we're reading reviews of? The Big Money Pockets Opryland run by Big Money Pockets? Isn't that what you call the Monopoly guy? Moneybags. Mr. Moneybags. Is that correct? I think that's correct. I told you. That's not what you call the Monopoly guy? Moneybags. Mr. Moneybags. Is that correct? I think that's correct. I told you.

That's not what you said at all. You didn't tell me anything. You told me everything but that. I just feel like if you order a drink with a color in the name, you don't get to complain that it's too sweet. All right? That's all I'm going to say about that. Shut up.

Also- What flavor is this? Blue. Literally blue, right? Oh, it's going to be very subdued flavor very light notes i mean you handed me this lovely tonkin donuts beverage and it's purple and that's all i care i don't care to know have like strawberry dragon fruit something and then for this one it's pomegranate and just the color purple it's literally just purple purple and i'm like i know what to expect and it fulfills that expectation oh my gosh also you can't just drink the entire

drink to save your money and then go up and ask for your money that doesn't even make sense yeah exactly you'd fucking chug this thing you're like oh fine i guess i'll drink it because i spent money on it but then i want all that money back or something else a purple purple drink it was probably just ice at the bottom like look look look I still have some drink left well yeah that blue's not going anywhere so it's definitely gonna still be partially true true oh okay well I have a one-star view by Mary so okay the reviews I got are the kind where you're kind of like okay i get it like you're not it's not like the typical wow what a karen you know okay it's more like uh-oh what's happening here oh okay so i'm just gonna this is kind of what i stumbled upon and it became a pattern so this is one time you buy mary

i've stayed here three times and each time has been worse than the last. Most recently, I reserved a room for three nights. After a long day of travel, I arrived and was escorted to my room. Upon arriving, there was a black bag beside the door. I assumed the bellman had brought it up with my luggage, and I told him it wasn't mine. He said he hadn't brought it up, and housekeeping must have left it in the room. He took it downstairs with him. When I got in bed that night,

I found used contact lens containers in the bedding. I called downstairs, and they came up to change the sheets. I finally went back to bed and was awoken around 2 a.m. It's like a whodunit. This is intense. Like, what's going to happen? Well, I'll tell you. Uh-oh.

I was awoken around 2 a.m. to a man standing at the foot of my bed demanding to know why I was in his room. That's like my worst nightmare. Oh my god. My worst nightmare. Oh my god. I was awoken around 2 a.m. to a man standing at the foot of my bed demanding to know why I was sleeping in his room and where his belongings were. It's like Goldilocks.

It's like Goldilocks. He's like, where are my contact lens cases that I left very carefully under the sheets? Also, there was clearly just a bag and some contact lens cases because she didn't notice anything else. I love how the hotel didn't pick up on this. Someone else's stuff is in here. We're getting called up to that same room again for something else because there's someone else's stuff is in here hmm we're getting called up to that same room again for something else because there's someone else's items in it hmm whoops just keep that in mind okay evidently the room had been double booked okay typically if a room's double booked this

is not what happens to be clear right like i feel like typically if a room is double booked one person doesn't get the room not both people get exactly i've never heard of this oh my gosh and this was also during covid btw oh jesus which a is problematic i mean problematic on so many levels but also b like they're at 25 capacity or something yeah how is this possible i mean obviously it must have just been an error but like how like it's not like they're actually booked like packed right gosh i immediately called downstairs after demanding that the man leave the room until i could get it figured out the manager i spoke with acted like it wasn't a big deal that a woman traveling alone was awoken by a man standing at the foot of her bed yelling he asked me what i wanted him to do and i told him i wanted my money back and to leave the hotel

immediately i still had to pay for my parking ridiculous but left and was able to get a room at the hermitage which was a far better experience than this place could ever hope to be end of review i would be traumatized that is i would be traumatized oh my god i couldn't imagine that's like my worst nightmare honestly i mean obviously it would be worse if it were you know a murderer but that's like the worst case scenario of a double booked room i have to say the other person shows up while you're sleeping, waking you up. I can't imagine that. Yelling.

Also, if I walked into a room and saw somebody else in my bed, I'd be like, I've made a big mistake. This is on me. Let me walk out. This woman get out of my bed. And I would go downstairs and say, hello, there's someone in my bed. I would not. You know how scary it would be to also like being that person you don't know how this person can react when you start yelling at them at 2 a.m in their bed

and like also don't yell at people anyway especially because like why would this be this person's fault clearly they didn't like climb in the window of the opry and like yeah i don't know they went from they they i just was so shocked by this i had to leave it in that's why it's not the reviewers obviously wild yeah no also parking is 30 bucks 32 dollars for self park yeah and 42 dollars for valet so the fact that they made her pay for parking is pretty wild i am yep yep i'm with you there and this with this reviewer there oh i've gotten multiple gifts over the past couple years from mostly just well only em and blaze that are um hotel key cards no but they are hotel tools like like um blaze got me an alarm that you slide it's sort of like

a doorstop and you put it under the door of your hotel room. So if somebody pushes the door open, it sets off an alarm. And then Em got me a key, an extra key that you clip to the lock. Obviously, I've never used it, but I'm going to when we go back on tour. But definitely recommend. It's at least good peace of mind yes no that's actually that's smart good idea always into that everybody always put the um what's that thing called the privacy lock yeah that other lock that when you open it like even if somebody has a chain in like apartments but it's usually like a like a firm metal piece put that on because even if

like somebody like a manager somebody has a key yeah then they can't get in yeah and it can't hurt like whatever just one extra layer of security even though it is really annoying when you forget it's there and then you like swing open the door and it's like jams in your face okay sound waves again the theme part the water park this is a one star review by rodrigo i did a thing there based on this person's for yeah why did i like i almost said i was like that's the dumbest joke christine it's not even funny and then you said it anyway that was the one who that was what inspired this name um anyway and i needed everyone to appreciate it but nobody would have known would know or care so

one star but thank you for calling it out and telling everybody what I just did. It was so stupid. Okay. The place was overall awesome. I'd give it a 10 out of 10, but that's not what I'm reviewing. I'm reviewing the poolside restaurant at Soundwaves. I believe it's called Decibels. If you go to Soundwaves, I would advise you not to go here.

The service at the place is awful. And for overly priced hotel restaurant food, their food, for lack of a better word, sucks. We ordered chicken fingers and fries, a drink, and a fruit cup to feed two people. All we had with us was $35. Our meal cost $30.94. Not unreasonable for a nice hotel. If the food and service were actually good, when we got there, we ordered our food from an Egyptian man who spoke barely any English.

He asked us to repeat our order at least 10 times. Yeah, because you were like, I'm ordering a fruit cup. And he was like, what do you mean I'm ordering a fruit cup. And he was like, what do you mean you're ordering a fruit cup for two people? You know, a poolside delicacy, the fruit cup. Like, what do you mean? That's what he was confused about.

Just explain. After we finally ordered, we received a fruit cup with only five pieces of the same kind of fruit and a drink cup what kind of fruit it doesn't say which means it was probably very good and valuable fruit exactly but they were ashamed to say and they just wanted another thing to complain about they would have said if it was honeydew true oh my god they would have said they would have said for sure and i would have said, for sure. And I would have actually been on their side. For sure.

About all of this. If only. If only it hadn't been watermelon. Later, we realized we didn't get a table number and had to go back up and ask for one. While we were up there at the counter, another waiter who clearly wasn't doing his job was being scolded,

which told us that decibels evidently had very low standards for hiring employees. After waiting an hour and 30 minutes for our food, our waiter arrived at our table. With him were cold chicken tenders and about eight fries. Needless to say, our meal was definitely not worth $30.94. Though it's not even my restaurant, I send my sincere apologies to any family that has been a victim of the unreasonably terrible food

and service at Decibels, the poolside restaurant at Soundwaves. Sincerely, a survivor of the horrifyingly cold chicken fingers served at Decibels, the poolside restaurant at Soundwaves. However, there's, sorry, there are two asterisks at the bottom and there were no asterisks in the thing so i don't i don't know exactly what part of this review the fruit cup only had five pieces of fruit however please note

that the bar there is an exception of this bad review. The service, drinks, and prices there were all wonderful, and I definitely recommend going. End of review. Oh my god. Oh my gosh! This person... A victim! Such a victim.

A survivor, actually. And what bothers me is that there were multiple positive experiences that they had at this place, and yet they reviewed the whole thing as a one star because of one places one their experience at one place and part of their complaint was that there was a foreign like an immigrant taking their order which is just like yeah yeah what if it was grapes though five grapes yeah you know then they might have a point i'm just trying to think of like what if it was like blueberries yeah let's focus on this i'm sorry

raisins raisins raisins is that a fruit are raisins fruits they're just grapes that are dried aren't they yeah i know but like what if they were raisins what if they were five raisins i can't believe i just googled our raisins oh my god i know i know you you also don't like it when you speak to people whose english isn't perfect so you're trying to justify this review by coming up with shitty fruits oh shitty fruits no i've tried i'm on i am fully on the side of the um of the server and like i'm annoyed that they would even like how did first of all how do we even know he's a this person is an immigrant we don't know that we don't even know he's egyptian how do you even know that like unless you're making some sort of profiling or

you ask which it doesn't seem like you were willing to you know be a friendly person i just refuse to believe that this person has any sort of like true understanding of what happened maybe they asked so they could tell them what country to go back to oh or they could just put it in their yelp review to like to like confirm like it seems so that's so unnecessarily like yeah this is such an unnecessary thing all of this is obviously hyperbolic like oh there's five pieces of fruit eight french fries he asked me to repeat the order 62 times they literally called themselves a survivor yeah i mean come on and like it doesn't not even ironically just like also like it's not even

my restaurant but i'm just sending all my thoughts and prayers out to all the people who have it's like what are you doing you're like the worst social justice warrior but like not but like not even that i don't know i'm just i don't know either i don't think any of this is gonna make any sense but i i am sad this is their only review so i know for a fact they did not review anything else and give it a positive rating right as they said they said the place was overall awesome is their first line over if it's overall awesome you can't give them one star that's not how ratings work the whole point is you weigh it all and then give a rating this just outweighed everything

makes no sense and then you'd say you even say you'd give it a 10 out of 10. I don't know. Next time someone hands you five raisins, then you tell me what you rate them. That was you, Christina. You were the last person to do that. I probably was. Oh, my God. Okay.

This is a one-star review by Gian. By the way, somebody tweeted at us that their name is pronounced Gian. Did you see that? No. So you were correct on that person really and i was really thankful that they didn't say anything mean about me yelling about how that's not a name like i was sitting here going that's not anything and they were like oh i'm so glad you guys actually said my name so i appreciate you gm i appreciate you more though obviously i feel like historically right I just feel like I need to... Historically.

Right, I just feel like I need to apologize for my behavior. Yeah, glad you did. Okay, so Gian says, not Gian from Twitter, different Gian says. Okay, I was going to say. To clarify. I do not know where to begin. Checking in at 445, we went up to the room to find chips crushed up on the bathroom floor and big hole in the

comforter cover and broken telephone after using her cell phone to call the hotel and speaking with the manager she assured us the room would be cleaned and phone fixed while we were out for dinner upon returning a few hours later there was still chips on the floor and a broken telephone so i don't know if this means that they fixed the hole in the comforter like so yeah maybe just that i don't know you know what just makes me think of though is one of those um those old flash games or whatever where they drop you in a room um similar to like the escape rooms that m made but oh yes and you click around the arrows and go look around the room it's like there's only a broken phone some chips on the floor some chips how do we get out of this room what does it mean is it a red herring or do the barbecue chips mean anything oh no exactly so the hole in the comforter seems to have vanished i'm not really sure but that's what it seems okay after calling and speaking

with the front desk we were told we would be moved to an atrium room that was spotless. We loaded the suitcases and moved to the next room. Upon arrival, we found a trail of food. Are they uncovered strawberries? Oh no! A trail of strawberries. It's that guy's fruit cup.

He dropped all the pieces out on his way to his room. Not even a bunch, just a few raisins. Five raisins that went all the way across on his way to his room just a bunch of not even a bunch just a few raisins just five raisins that went all the way across the entire opryland resort upon arrival we found a trail of food how was the checked by a supervisor and spotless we were told to wait and the manager would come see us after 20 minutes we received a call that the manager was busy and we would receive a call from the housekeeper in the morning it was now 10 40 in the evening and my six-year-old was hysterical that's h-u-s-t i figured well yeah was hysterical that she doesn't want to stay in an

unsafe hotel i went to sorry it made sense earlier but i'm like there's like a pile of chips on the floor i don't know i feel like you probably could have told her it's okay. You're safe. But I mean, maybe not. Maybe not. After hearing the first person experience. I was going to say, and probably not having one of those doorstop alarms. Yes, you're totally right.

You're totally right. I went down to the front desk and asked to speak with a manager. This time I went to check the room with her and called my elder mother and children to let them know we are moving again. It is now after 11 in the evening and this began at five in the afternoon. the room with her and called my elder mother and children to let them know we are moving again. It is now after 11 in the evening and this began at five in the afternoon. You would think that during a pandemic when people are worried there would be extra cleaning measures in place. End of review. You act like you just stood there for six hours, first of all. True. I mean, but to be fair, this is horrifying. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what to think.

As someone recently who had to change rooms and then ended up changing hotels because of issues. Yeah, it is. It's not good. I don't know. I'm not like. Especially during COVID. Yeah. Yeah.

A trail of food and a pile of chips. Horrifying. Yeah. I would be scared scared i don't know though if i assume it sounds like living under the bed i mean i mean it sounds very goldilocks like you said like a grim fairy tale and a very grim by the way grim fairy tale you see what i did there unfortunately um so i don't know if the trail of food was like inside the bedroom or like outside the bedroom uncovered strawberries i can't get that out of

my head um leading to the bathtub lured someone into the toward the drain they forgot they like mixed up they put the rose petals on a plate and then put all the strawberries on the floor follow me to the bathroom oh my god where the pile of chips still lay still lay yeah anyway that's kind of gross though maybe it was that egyptian man was having he took all the fruit out of the fruit cups and said this is why there's only raisins left i needed these for my romantic getaway um i don't know just just tell me a review i like that my next one is by um dorkus two-star review this is of the actual events center okay so they have different they have like ice skating events like nancy grace there at the event center i assume so is that where CrimeCon was?

Oh, maybe not. Maybe that was just a conference room. Yeah, I'm not sure. I don't know how it works. I think event center is kind of like a big error. I don't know. Two stars. Nice display.

Worth an admission price if it were about $15 per adult and six to seven per child. However, at well over twice that, it distorts Christmas into a caricature of conspicuous consumption. Greedy gay lord. End of review. Greedy gay lord. This is our pride review. Why would you put that in there? It's the name of the Mr. Moneybags float at pride.

It's called Greedy Gay Lord. And he has pocket money floating everywhere. Wow. So wait, sorry. So it's too consumerist? Because some people claimed it wasn't consumerist enough and there wasn't enough music and enough lights. So, I mean, make up your mind.

They say it distorts Christmas into a caricature of conspicuous consumption. What else is new what are you talking about i don't really know how gay lord opryland is guilty of that is the one like the guilty party that's what i'm wondering like go to walmart what are you talking about yeah like what i don't know how you've been celebrating christmas your entire life but all of a sudden all of a sudden you've had this realization because of their random christmas event holiday event i don't know well they do have a uh christmas movies event i

didn't see about that yeah it didn't seem like it was a good time um you know what based on the reviews i read none nothing seemed like a good time no that's fair but i had a good time there in like when i actually went so we're seeing skewed perspective um the one review that did kind of get me was somebody said the workers were all really embarrassed to be working there at the christmas movies i was like ouch that one hurts like that would if i ran this place i'd be like oh no that's the one that sticks with you like ouch that's like if someone reviewed us and we're like man like i can tell from the photos their pets really don't like being yeah just like something like that or someone i saw someone listening to this and they just seemed embarrassed that i even caught them you know experiencing the podcast just like

not a word you want to be associated with. Yikes. All right. This is a one-star review by Mira. Probably one of the worst hotel experiences I've ever had. I had a full day of traveling and was looking forward to nothing more than unwinding and going to bed early so I could be refreshed and ready to go to the conference being held on location the following day. Instead, however, I was met a someone else's business in my toilet oh no i don't know what mood i was in but all of these were like what is going on how did you find these i didn't find any of these well they're all in yelp maybe there's yeah oh my god also all during covid no this was the only one that was sorry this is the only one i think that

was not oh good or i don't know who knows then that could have been me what could have been you your business putting my business in someone else's toilet story of my life maybe maybe maybe that's where the trail of barbecue chips was yeah i was like those weren't grapes stop they weren't reasons it's not funny that's what i tell myself when i want to stop laughing it's not funny instead however i was met with a someone else's business in my toilet and a loud narration of the story of christmas at the same time like you is it is it like one of those cards that you open up and it talks you open up the toilet seat there's someone else's business and it starts like narrating it's like a talking what is happening sit down young one as I tell you the story of the manger.

Sit down. The inn was- Feed me. Okay. Someone else's business in my toilet and a loud narration of the story of Christmas on loop going on outside my window. The absolute filth in my bathroom is and will forever be inexcusable. The narration I would be able to look past had it not continued until midnight easily one of the worst hotels to trust for a good night's sleep i will forever be advising friends and family to stay elsewhere i'm confused

but what's this narration thing happening um well somebody else in a different review explained that they took their family to learn the story of christmas and i'm like what is everyone going here until midnight like what midnight it's like some sort of like college lecture recording that and that they took their family to learn the story of Christmas. And I'm like, what is everyone going here for? Until midnight? Like what? Until midnight. It's like some sort of like college lecture? It's like a recording that goes on loop about like, I don't know what the story of Christmas is.

I don't know. I don't know if that's a story of Christian Christmas. Yeah, which story they're telling. Probably a lot of stories they're telling. Or is it Dorcas' or whoever that was saying it's a consumerism Christmas? I don't know. Or is it Dorcas's or whoever that was saying it's a consumerism Christmas? I don't know.

But all I know is, of all things to experience at a hotel, someone else's, what did they call it? Business. Business in the toilet and a Christmas narration loop. What if someone was trying to flush drugs and it was just their business was drug selling and they found drugs in the toilet? Oh, I see. Someone's been doing business out of this hotel room. I don't think that's the case here. It's probably not, but we can dream. Yikes. Yikes, yikes, yikes. Here's one. This one is a little bit of a game.

I am going to remove a middle sentence that explains what happened. Oh, fun! And you're going to tell me what you think happened. Here we go. This is by Henrietta. A one-star review. This is of the whole place, by the way. Publicly humiliated by

Jerry, the department manager, followed through the mall, kicked us out. They made us leave. Awful treatment. Zero stars. End of review. That's it? That's all you get?

That's all you get. Not even a response from the owner? Nope. Let's just say they didn't even think it was worthy of a response. I think maybe one of them thought it was okay to leave their business in someone's toilet but i don't know otherwise maybe they were actually they were actually um hijacking their narration of christmas they brought their own megaphone in a tape recorder they were walking around the atrium oh my god um this is jeremy's story of christmas everybody sit down it's henrietta but okay okay

whatever henrietta brought her brother-in-law's story of christmas here's henrietta's center sentence okay one of our party could not wear masks due to health issues oh for god's sake that's so annoying that i didn't guess that i'm surprised i was like this seems obvious no one wants to hear these reviews anymore but we're doing it as a game um that should have i should have won that game and i'm mad at myself that was my fault yeah it was well got a covet in there but i mean i feel like that's gonna be like our show the next whatever years we're gonna still be going back looking at reviews like oh there's another coat like this will never not be a thing for us because we read reviews and these are from somewhere from years ago and this i like if you look at recent reviews they're still a lot of them are still

somewhat covid related because things are still closed and things are still and people are still complaining that things are like that they still have these policies in place. It's just. So I think you're right that this. Don't leave us, though. Yeah. Hang on. It'll be fun, though. I promise.

We'll have fun. We'll force the fun. So this is my last review. Okay. This is a once review by Brian. As bad as it gets. Yes, the place is beautiful. It's a southern plantation.

Yada, yada, yada. Big yikes from me. $400 per night plus $41 per night valet or 26 self-park. A gauntlet of cash grabs before you get your keys. Yes, Expedia forgot to tell you we need to collect the $20 resort fee per night. Credit card for incidentals will reflect that. Your valet will be charged as well. Tips are cash basis, sir.

I sat for over 70 minutes in a line of cars for check-in. One kid with a Waka Taka? I was like trying to focus because I'm like there's no way I can follow this review it better give me something that I can react to like I'm listening really carefully I was trying because I'm like what are these like coherent sentences and then you walk a walk walk a tonka like the pac-man sound can you imagine though you're like hey kid with a walker talker and like nobody knows what the hell you're even talking about okay what you're talking about what you're talking talking yeah you got it i got it one kid with a walker talker was painfully moving the cars along

what okay i don't know if he's pushing them or what they're painfully moving the cars on honking galore very unusual for nashville wtf is the hold up here i asked well four thousand checking in this evening and we ain't got enough help it's not a question i don't really know sorry i'm like i don't know why i'm trying to follow this they said what's the hold up they asked what the hold up is, and someone responded with that. Oh, my God. Sorry, I woke up, Moon. I get it.

Okay, you're totally right. WTF is a holdup here, I asked. Well, 4,000 checking in this evening, and we ain't got enough help. Hey, in Vegas, it's not uncommon for an 8,000-bed hotel like Monte Carlo or MGM Grand to process that many flawlessly and in no time. With no visit to check-in desk, just wave your credit card and the kiosk drops a map, your two keycards

and a baggage delivery tags and you avoid all this ass-backwards hillbilly clusterfuck. What? Wait, what? Hillbilly? Okay. What is that? And that's spelled F-U-K. I know you were wondering. I was wondering about that.

What? Their rage is very weirdly angry because it's not as uh efficient as the mgm grand yeah i think so yeah there's only one walk have you seen what that opry lane looks like that is the architecture inside the least efficient grouping of rooms ever is it's like a maze in there as you know i don't have any understanding it's like yeah you have to walk through the entire freaking like uh rainforest in order to get to your room that's what it is i know i was reading i actually did feel bad for one woman who said that they were there to like celebrate it was like we were celebrating my friend beating breast cancer and they said they would walk us to our hotel room.

So she walked us all the way there and then turns out it was in the block like on the other side of the place. And I was like, this is – I mean that's a long freaking walk. And especially for the person who worked there to be like, so bad news. We need to turn around with all your luggage and go – like that must be an awkward walk. Anyway, I'm just stressed be an awkward walk. Anyway. I'm just stressed out thinking about it. Okay. This ass-backwards hillbilly clusterfuck.

Well, after I got my car checked in, more snake lines. 49 minutes exactly, standing in a line. I already know my room number from the studio, but I still have to suffer this unnecessary repetition. Oh, here are your keys, all ready to go. Then you have a map everyone was bitching about. Where am I? This monster is so poorly laid out and without signage that I was stunned. Go, you will see. You poor tourists lost everywhere, as God in heaven is my witness. Want a great steak now? Flying all day and beating the hell up over this. My agent called to tell me we need to travel away from the hotel because the Opryland Steakhouse has a one and a half hour wait.

In fact, every cafe and restaurant inside this confusing octopus is on a waiting list. Phone service? Blow your brains out. Laundry and dry cleaning? Someday? Stay downtown. Not here. End of review.

Okay. I feel really icky about the fact that I basically said what the reviewer was about to say. Well, you didn't call it an octopus or a hillbilly clusterfuck. Okay. I like the octopus part. I like that. Yeah. That part was fun.

Did this person say where they're from? No. That they think that like... I mean, I fun did this person say where they're from no that they think that like i mean i'm assuming i mean they um shrug shrug emoji you know what i mean i mean this is just yeah this is just i i feel i feel gross but i did like the use of the word octopus oh i like the use of the word agent my agent called to tell me there was an hour and a half wait when they said that i'm like what like what who are they that they have My agent called to tell me there was an hour and a half wait. When they said that, I'm like, what? Like, who are they that they have an agent? But then I'm like, it's a travel agent, probably.

Oh, did I not tell you? Maybe you did. It's Brian, Brian Cranston. It's Brian Cranston. I looked up what name I use and I was like, who's a celebrity with that name? Oh, my God. Why didn't I use like a much more common name? Oh, my God.

Brian Cranston. Just kidding. That's slanderous. That is so rude. No, Brian Cranston. Just kidding. That's slanderous. That is so rude. No, Brian Cranston would never. Yeah, but okay, you're right. Probably, because in my world, I'm like, in my world, that's not what I meant. Oh, Christina, you did not just say that.

In my experience, when people brag about having an agent. In my world. In my circles. I don't have a circle. We all know that, okay? I'm saying in the experiences we have both had in Los Angeles. You're never going to have a circle. We all know that, okay? I'm saying in the experiences we have both had in Los Angeles. You're never going to have a circle. You're blacklisted, sweetheart, after all that.

Nobody's letting me out. It's just me and Kid Rock in here. I'm sorry. Kid Rock. But, like, you know, people always say my agent. Like, you just assume in LA that they're not talking about a travel agent. But I actually, like, kind of kind of wish like that's kind of a fun line though like oh my agent like i feel like this guy probably runs around being like my agent

just called and it's like your agent i gotta call my agent later and it's like the poor person on the phone is like this is triple a please stop calling me your agent yeah seriously it's like i gotta call my agent later it's like yeah it's my rep at state farm it's like, I've got to call my agent later. It's like, yeah, it's my rep at State Farm. It's my rep at State Farm. Oh, no. I love that, though. My old boss had used a travel agency. Yeah. It's funny.

It's like, you think it's really old, but now people with money seem to use it now. Yes, it's like a boutique, like a niche service. Yeah, it's turned into more of an expensive thing. Not in my circle, to everybody i don't use a travel agent i get it though after seeing that everything's figured out your car your all your transportation you tell them your they give you itinerary and everything it's amazing 46 cities 2019 yeah i purchased for three people all to all all hotels, and all rental cars. All right, everybody, I'm my own agent.

That was like a full-time job what you did. Like someone could fucking get paid good money for that. No, yeah, it sounds like a nightmare. But then we got kind of a quote for the cost, and I was like, y'all, I mean, I'm getting my Delta points. I might as well just keep doing this. Anyway, so my agent, which is me, myself, and I, also told me there's a long wait but you know what i'm just gonna go to the uh chili's as apparently there's a chili's nearby in case

anyone's wondering yeah i i read lots of local restaurants that weren't in this place because so many people complained about mcdonald's and chili's are the ones i remember okay um i have a couple more. I was a little out of it, let's just say that, when I was doing my research last night. So these just made me laugh so hard for some reason. Okay, here's one. This is one by Belina. Thumbelina?

I was thinking Thumbelina. But it starts with a B and I was like i don't know why were you thinking i don't know all right i shouldn't ask why are you questioning me i don't know i regret it this is one star not family friendly two hundred dollars a day in food traveling with kids don't even have a community way to reheat any leftovers no one in the pool and kids are not allowed to toss a three inch hacks a sack let's not forget the 32 a day parking fee to park your own car be prepared to drop some coin for every little thing beautiful place to visit just not stay at end of review this is brian cranson's wife a walk talk i thought they were saying hacksaw and i got

really i was like they're not allowed they were saying hacksaw and I got really I was like they're not allowed to toss a hacksaw at the pool yeah I would freaking hope they also don't have a community way to reheat any leftovers yeah also gross I think they meant convenient oh I was like did they go up to decibels and say Julia I need you to reheat my mashed potatoes like what are you talking about the community way to reheat I mashed potatoes. Like, what are you talking about? The community way to reheat. I read an absurd amount of reviews complaining about a lack of microwaves. There's a lot. I noticed that too, Zandy. It was absurd.

And maybe that's because most hotels I go to have a microwave, so you don't read those reviews. I guess I just never use them, though. I'm sure I have at one point in my life. No, I have too too but i feel like it's not something where you're like oh this place has got to have a it is kind of surprising though that they don't have and i did read reviews where they were like they can't reheat any of my food what's the point of something i mean yeah if you're staying in a place with a bunch of restaurants like a steakhouse you're presumably going to take i get that and it's supposed to be very nice

like this place i mean it was nice it was like a resort it's like a it wasn't four stars or something somebody said five stars okay people said five stars and i was like i really don't think anyone's advertising that but i could be wrong um so anyway so yeah i i am surprised by the lack of microwaves but it's not something in my life that i would write a one-star review about in my in my circles we all find microwaves aren't a good community ways to read leftovers without a microwave so you all stand up for each other in that way it's actually really respectable yeah we rub our body heat together that's enough that's enough i'm drawing the line um wow nobody in the pool that seems like a good thing a yes i don't know how that's a complaint. Oh, no, I guess they're saying, why don't you let my kids toss a three-inch hack sack

when there's no one in the pool? Oh, the only people they're going to cut limbs off of are each other and themselves. What are you talking about? Are there any sharks that are going to be attracted to the blood? If not, what's the big deal? It's all okay. It's all good. Hacks.

I mean, that reminds me of waka taka i feel like maybe they're related um maybe or maybe there's just a dialect that i don't understand true hack sack waka taka waka taka flame isn't that that no what waka flaka i know it was a joke oh okay wow hilarious sometimes my my brain my my no my humor is ahead of my brain where i have these jokes and then i'm like wait i don't think that made sense it's sort of like when you said thumb ballina yeah as ballina and we all thought it was super funny rodrigo for someone named olivia yeah but no one would even know that i was doing that okay anyway let me move on your humor is just too advanced it's really advanced okay um

here's another one similar in my head because it just made me laugh so hard i just realized also my birthday's this week happy birthday to me happy birthday to you thank you so much oh man it's such an awkward time though why because like i don't so i don't want to give you early no just because it's a friday instead of like a when like close to an episode so in my head i would like we would talk about it next week after your birthday, after your gift and stuff. Okay, good. Don't you worry.

I will continue to talk about it. That's why I didn't bring it up. I want to let everyone know that while you're listening to this, in two days I will be 30 and I will never be the same. I think pride is more important. I know you disagree. Yeah, that's right. I have my own float over here in my own parade.

So thank you very much. It's called Moneybags Pockets. Moneybags Pockets. What did I say earlier? I don't want to remember. This is a one-star review by Walden. Stayed on October 18th, 19th for a wedding. The night of the 19th, I was crushed between a service cart and my hotel door.

Not once did anybody from the hotel check to see how i was doing wait wait wait i know that they probably mean after the fact but i'm just picturing them pinned there and like nobody's coming by to check i'm still here like saw saw saw his arm off or something to get out like oh my i don't feel my leg anymore but nobody seems to be concerned oh my gosh this is horrifying okay sorry go ahead not very responsive to accidents other than that the state was good end of review oh my gosh and they gave like different ratings so service they gave one star okay location two rooms three once they got inside which took a few hours isn't that wild they're just like honestly after being pinned between

a cart and a door anything would be probably five stars i wonder how that happened how does that okay how does that happen i wish they would explain it i know because like someone there must have been an employee pushing the cart the unless there's a rogue cart which i doubt like it must have been another person involved exactly because if there was a rogue cart this person would not write this review because they'd be like i am so embarrassed i just somehow got myself pinned against i don't know though i mean people like you mean the rogue cart was moving yes by itself oh in my head it was just a cart just chilling there and they just and walden walks over like whoa no and got like pinned against the door no i meant like maybe it

was rolling but i don't think that happened so there had to be there had to be someone else so i'm wondering if this person did something didn't realize that they got hurt or whatever and was like oh i'm so sorry and then moved on like wouldn't report why would anyone check on you if it wasn't like reported unless you did report it i don't know unless they looked at you and you said i have no internal bleeding no injuries i'm okay i also like that they said the word crushed instead of like pinned like they weren't pinned between oh like i was crushed they were crushed oh dear god no they were crushed broken ribs yeah at the least probably at the least you had to be by this rogue card um yeah i guess i don't know i mentioned the footage

from the hallway camera like of this rogue card i'm sorry help oh my gosh okay okay this is my last one it's sort it's a one star but it's sort of a redemption. I just thought this was interesting because you don't get these too much. This is an updated review. This person deleted their old review and then said this. Opryland has invited me back for a complimentary visit due to my displeasure of previous visit. It is appreciated and a good offer. I will update after my next visit. End of review.

When was that post? That was a year ago. So maybe with COVID they haven't gone back. But I think that's fair. You know, I think that's kind of interesting. They must have had a bad experience. Because the other people never, no one in the other reviews that I see once mentioned that, or an owner response saying, we'd love to invite you back for a complimentary visit.

Me neither. Something bad must have happened. I mean, the person who literally had a strange man at the foot of her bed yeah still had to pay for parking so i'm i'm very surprised something i am too i'm kind of mad they deleted their first review yeah it's a weird thing and they would have probably been right to leave it up but i think it's weirdly respectful that they were like you know what i'm gonna remove it not change the star rating for now but just say this is where we stand. Give you a chance to prove yourself.

It's interesting. I feel like I've never seen that before. I've seen ones where they've edited it and said like, oh, I appreciate your response, but never like deleting the full original review to say that you'll update later like this. Yeah, I like that. I'm not going to do it, but you should keep tabs on it.

I'm not going to do it. It's never going to be updated. We all know that, right? I have this review saved in here. If you're listening to this a year from now, let's say it's May 31st, 2022. Oh my God, happy birthday to me. Happy almost 31st birthday. oh my god happy birthday to me happy almost 31st birthday shoot me a dm or something and say go check on uh go check on that one review about uh you're gonna be so confused and give me a lot of

context because i'm not gonna remember sometimes i do that and then people will start emailing me and i'm like what are you even talking about as if i remember what i said or they'll be like episode 83 i think you were thinking of this word and i'm like honestly you're probably right because i have as if I remember what I said. Or they'll be like, episode 83, I think you were thinking of this word. And I'm like, honestly, you're probably right because I have zero concept of what you're talking about. It's not on you. It's on me.

But just to be clear. That is one of my favorites when they're like, oh, you did something wrong. And I'm like, but I don't know what. This doesn't mean anything to me. You're right. I'm certain you're right. I believe you, but.

And I'm sorry, but I don't have any clue what we're talking about. Time for challenge? Yes, can I pee first? Yeah, take it off. Okay, so Christiana's still in the bathroom, but I wanted to say something. So I would never say this to her face, but she's a wonderful person and a gifted podcaster. Sorry, back from the pee sesh. Back from the pee sesh. Moony and I are back from peeing. Welcome back, Moony, and you, podcaster. Sorry. Back from the pee sesh. Back from the pee sesh.

Moony and I are back from peeing. Welcome back, Moony. And you, I guess. Moony loves to pee with me. Blaze says it's weird, but listen. Whatever. Whatever. It's just company.

He's also like a COVID pet. He's like a quarantine pet. That's right. Very attached. He needs to be with us all the time. And also, he's obsessed with water which is one explanation for why he might have drowned my laptop last week but oh yeah we never talked about that because we're late on everything yeah i drowned my entire well

mooney did but you know he's my small precious child so i can't be mad at him we promised you a patreon and beach between you and us oh that's right i was like why are we talking about it right because it affects you not just me um sorry everybody i fucked up and left my laptop next to the bed and a bottle of water overnight somehow looking at moon uh got dumped sideways and a puddle formed as mooney looked on and my computer began to sizzle so i am working on getting that audio back and the people at the tech place said they should be able to get it back. Most likely, it's just going to be delayed audio. So we'll hopefully release that as soon as I can get it, and then release another June episode.

Yes. I apologize. Yeah, so you'll get your content just later than expected. Man. Blame the cat. I should just start uploading it, whatever. I mean, shoulda, coulda, woulda, I woulda i guess exactly shoulda coulda business moon was just trying to help oh yeah he also takes showers with me okay okay enough about mooney's obsessions he loves water speaking of being in a shower and not being messy anymore okay yes uh here is a

challenge from jare uh who had an experience um with her mechanic where the mechanic wouldn't let her wouldn't fix her car uh because the car was too messy and jare had sent me pictures also to be like or sent pictures i think in my discord to say like is this really that bad it was not that bad um and then also jay recently while i was streaming was like by the way i cleaned my car oh my gosh so jay cleaned her car nobody can shame me people have tried to shame me into cleaning my car and i just won't do it oh yeah so good on you yeah good job jay i i'm not my car is not clean at all so inspired so the the challenge though you you thankfully kind of changed it up a little bit the review it review, to find a review where the reviewer was denied service for being too messy,

which is a lot easier than specific mechanic thing, because I could not find anything about that. Oh, okay. Except Jer. Yeah. Let me start with one that is, they technically weren't denied service, but I really like this review i mean i don't care i wouldn't have even noticed probably if you just read it this is of the avida avada institute

in tallahassee florida um for those who don't know they also have students who cut hair there so it's like a learning thing and it's cheaper because of it. So here we go. One star review by Eminem. Ah, the days of college. Not only do you sign up for a credit card just to get two free slices of Papa John's pizza and a free calculator, but you look for cheap services all around. I hope that this Aveda has gotten better since the last time I was there, which admittedly was a little over two years ago, but back then it was not good. I went to the salon twice. Once I went for a bang trim. I had just gotten back from the gym and stopped in to see if I could make an appointment and was told that they could see me

right then. Even though I was sweaty, they said it didn't matter. So I wait for my name to be called and I go in and sit down and she clearly wasn't even trained enough yet to trim a bang that was already shaped so she had asked a teacher to come show her. I appreciated this because I know some people would just try to guess and that would not be good. The bang trim didn't turn out that bad but it took her over 30 minutes to do it. No washing or drying was involved. Also she reeked of cigarettes which made me cough so much during it, and instead of leaving a salon feeling fresh, I left smelling like cigarettes. Also, she introduced a product to me and said we nicknamed this the Dirty Girl product, and we recommend it for people like you who don't like to wash their hair. I was flabbergasted at this remark.

Was this her sales pitch? Gasted at this remark. Was this her sales pitch? I had already apologized several times for being gross from the gym. Not to mention if she would have asked me how often I wash my hair, I would have told her six days a week. But she just basically called me dirty. I was embarrassed and offended.

I also got charged for a full haircut, even though I didn't get my hair washed, cut, or styled. All I had was a bang trim. End of review. This is so chaotic. Right? Oh my god, I didn't expect that at the end there i know i thought we were stopping it i mean to be fair did you call her gross and tell her she's reeked of cigarettes because like i would also have been offended same few lines

calling them girls while also being called like you know how it feels already but yeah um also i don't know i laughed at this because i was like the dirty girl product and like i thought like the way i i don't know if someone handed that to me and said that i'd be i'd laugh and be like oh that's perfect or something like sounds great like i don't know my first instinct wouldn't take it as an insult because i doubt this person's like actually trying to say something about you i think it would depend because i'm pretty sure i would be embarrassed i will yeah okay okay i don't know though because like my hair is just really oily so i feel like i'd be like oh my god i knew this was a bad idea especially if you go in just after the gym like you're just and you also

apologize for how yeah at least it had already been addressed like at least you were like i didn't i'm sweaty i didn't wash my hair. It wasn't like you sat there for a half hour wondering if she noticed. And then she was like, this is for dirty people like you. This is for dirty people like you. And at first I was like, oh, come on, that's the name of the product. And then I remember she said we nicknamed this product. Yeah, that's pretty bad. That's pretty bad.

So much worse. Like, if it were called that, I'd be like, oh, that's a cute name. And I probably need it. But like, wow. It's funny. I bet in the person's mind, the employee's mind, they were just like, or the student was just like, this felt like a normal thing to say. Which now when you actually read it, I was like, yeah, no, you probably shouldn't tell

We nicknamed this after people like you who don't like to watch Larry. I wonder if the person, like the non-student there, was just like eyes wide. Cut it out. No, no, no. They're not supposed to know we call it that. No, no, no. No, that's on the part of this. That's on the part of your paperwork.

This is like, do not repeat to clients. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Okay. My next one. This is of Supermaids of Texas. Houston, Texas.

Oh, gosh. Cleaning service. Okay. This is a one-star review by Natalie. By Christine Schieffer, who's been probably rejected from a cleaning service. No, but you wouldn't write this. This is hitting a little too close to have all of this. You wouldn't write something like this, though.

Like my hair, my house. This isn't like you. Here we go. Okay. Worst service ever. Purchased a $90 Groupon for cleaning a 2,000 square foot house. Oh my God. Which.

Wait a second. Already alarm bells are going off. That's a very big space to clean for $90. That is huge. Oh my gosh. 2,000 square foot house. Right? You paid $90 as like wild.

That seems like a. Yeah. Okay. God. I'm just. Already acting entitled if you think that's a normal, normal price for that amount. I think. I mean, I guess it's a Groupon, so it's kind of the point.

Yeah, but Groupons have terms. Okay, we'll get to all this. Okay, okay, okay, okay. They showed up and said, My house is too dirty and I need to pay for a deep clean. Right. I told them to just clean kitchen and bath and mop floors on their way out first of all they left 30 minutes behind them yeah like a little slug trails

yeah what on earth do you mean okay i love how they word it as if it's not a big deal oh yeah just mop the floors on your way out as if it like to really shoes on the way out but clean my floor yeah it's like to really lessen it even though it's such a bit like that's its own project it's you're presenting it as if it's something so easy to do it makes no sense i know okay sorry i'm getting like really worked up for some reason first of all they left 30 minutes earlier than they're supposed to walked all over the floors with their dirty shoes then left without touching the floors i called and the lady said she talked to the supervisor nothing since meanwhile i just Thank you for clarifying. Yeah, I'm sorry.

I gave him too much credit, as I do. And they did provide some pictures of some dirty floors. Okay? I will admit those floors did not look clean. And they looked like people walked on them with dirty shoes. Or not like muddy shoes, but anyway. Like quick prints were on them. Yes.

A normally dirty floor. Right. Here is the business owner's response. Coming in hot, Miltonton here is what milton has to say natalie this is the reason we like to be very clear on what is offered with a voucher they are only to be used for standard cleanings when making the appointment you are informed of this we are always crystal clear about that when making an appointment with a voucher the home had so much clutter it was impossible to clean the floors and our office staff informed you of this we have listened to

the recording and you were informed floors would not be clean and that your home needs a deep cleaning before a standard cleaning can be done this is why they record those yeah uh-huh for quality purposes or whatever quality purposes yep for this what's this person's name again milton no no the the reviewer oh wait uh natalie this is for nat it's for natalie she caused that i just realized also milton is the name at the top at the bottom it says leo so i don't know who actually owns this place anymore but regardless, this owner. They recorded it. Love that for them. Mm-hmm.

You asked for us to clean your bathrooms and kitchen, and we did those areas. The voucher covers four man hours. You had three cleaners work at your home for one and a half hours, which equals four and a half man hours. Half an hour over what the voucher allows at no additional charge. You were also asked if you wanted to add time and you said no. We have not redeemed your voucher. You can reach out to Groupon and get a refund. We also offer a 100% satisfaction warranty and dispatch a crew to reclean areas that were not cleaned properly. In your case, it was discussed and agreed floors would not be cleaned.

Because they're so disgusting. I was like like oh my god they're pulling out all the punches okay more professional than i thought got it however i would like to get a crew out to your home to clean the areas of the floors leading to the bathroom and kitchen please understand the time cleaning takes depends on the condition of the home we have sold over 1600 vouchers and have maintained one of the best ratings in groupon we have been awarded the best of groupon award for the services we provide. Please call me directly to resolve this matter.

Wow. That is like the most professional and like kind hearted response. Yeah. I mean, they'd really smack Natalie down like with these very specifics. We have the recordings, but at the same time saying, but we'd love to fix this. Despite how much we are disagreeing on how this works we will still help you out so she said they let okay i never under i never realized that because when i like i occasionally have some people come out to like clean the floors like if

for example blaze's family came out a couple weeks ago for the baby shower yeah you had them come to clean the floors the floors uh yeah they just walked all over them all over crowded all the footsteps um and so i had somebody come to like clean the bathrooms and stuff and um wash the floors i always leave because i'm just i'm like just here at the door here's the key i don't know just yeah whatever like i just trust them to do it uh without my interference and um they always it says like three hours and then they're gone in like an hour and a half and i'm always like that's weird i'm such an idiot i'm now realizing like it's a two-person yeah yeah it's by man hours

it's by how many first of all it shouldn't be man hours sorry you're right yes not you but just in general yeah but also i'm so dumb like it never occurred to me. I just was like, wow, they do that really fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I always schedule to be gone

for like three or four hours and then it doesn't take, okay, I'm getting it. I'm getting it. There was, that reminds me of the time recently when I,

so I paid, so I moved out of my apartment early in LA, but then needed it cleaned so I would get my deposit back because I didn't clean up a lot of it before I left because I left the same day. It needed it cleaned. So I would get my deposit back because I didn't clean up a lot of it before I left. Cause I left the same day. It was a lot. So anyway, I left and then I called an LA place, got cleaners to go in cause I had left a key and everything. They went

in and cleaned my apartment and came out. And then later I got charged for cleaning by my landlord at the end. And I'm like, hello, i got paid someone to clean they were like oh no we paid people to clean i was like when he said a month ago and i was like i never said that was okay because i was still paying rent it was still my space and so he had let another cleaning service without telling me go in and clean my apartment and was gonna charge me for it later. So when I booked these cleaners, the whole place was already clean. So I paid for these cleaners with my own money to go clean in so I would get my full deposit.

And then at the end, when I get my deposit, he sends me less money because of cleaning. And I'm like, but I had it cleaned. So I was going gonna be charged double but then i pulled the whole i mean and i was right i was like according to the lease like you're not supposed to just let people in without my permission i mean to be fair you never did so i like it wouldn't have been an issue it was like the same price so i if he had just told me i would have been like that's really sketchy that you did that but let me just pay it and whatever but since

he hid it from me i paid cleaners to go in and clean a completely clean apartment uh they probably had a great time yeah they got their tip they got whatever you know it's like that's whatever they had a good day so i'm happy for them and at the end of the day my landlord did give me the full amount back of my deposit so they probably put you on a list of like starred like top customers i want to be on that duty when this person calls in exactly i it's that same thing of like oh you have someone cleaning your car you gotta like like you get nervous and you're like oh i better pick certain things up right um and in this case they're yeah i'm like this i went above and beyond i hired cleaners to clean before the cleaners

so that they would not have that but i don't know maybe they got some even deeper clean in there i don't know who knows sorry that was a random story left a bunch of footprints everywhere so true okay here's another one of this is a prestige cleaners and taylor um it's like a yeah dry clean dry cleaners? Dry cleaners. Got it. I couldn't promote the words. It's in Stanford, Connecticut. This is by Frank, one star. This business ruined a pair of pants and shirt of mine. When I confronted the owner, she called me a mess and told me I must play with bleach all day.

Refused to refund or remedy the situation. I run a small business in the neighborhood and she said, I hope your fails as i walked out the door end of review i hope your bleach packing business fails let's play with bleach all day wow um clearly something's missing here clearly there's something between point a and point b that just wasn't said lost in translation so yeah ruined a pair of pants and shirt that doesn't explain why they're calling you a mess and that they want your business to fail so there's something in between here like i can imagine if they accidentally bleached your clothes because it was they were too messy yeah but that wouldn't explain why you were playing with bleach so much i'm so confused i i

assume that was more of an insult to their intelligence oh like you inhale bleach that's how i took it oh my god i'm so stupid that's how i took it but i could be wrong bleach all day i could be wrong i really thought they meant like you bleached all your clothes and i'm like i mean that's not really that messy it's just like yeah unsightly i guess it just seemed yeah it just seems rude calling them a mess like calling but it's all apparently all this review which is was quote confront them but it's like how did you do that what is what is the situation like i mean i wonder because it's like they said i hope your business fails which is shocking but like what if you said i hope your dry cleaning business fails and they said well fine i hope your business yeah exactly i don't know i'm not saying that i hope my business I hope your business fails. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I'm not saying that happened. I hope my business takes over your business in a hostile takeover.

Then the dry cleaner is like, well, I hope your business fails so that doesn't happen. Yeah, there you go. Which would be a very logical thing to say. And to be fair, I don't know that that happened and it probably did not. We're making all of this up. What else is new? We're making it all up. But, wow, that sounds like we're missing part of the story, as you said.

Here's one. This is of Sunset Car Wash in Los Angeles. One star. It finally stopped raining, so I decided to take my brand new Chevy truck to get its first car wash. Yes, it was a bit money, but nothing crazy. I pulled up and the guy checking in all the cars was a complete jerk. He literally said, what do you want me to do with this? So I said, wash it.

This is a car wash, isn't it? He then said, it's too dirty, because he was clearly trying to hustle me to get a full detailed. I told him just a wash would be fine, but he said it's a hand wash, so too difficult. I told him just a wash would be fine, but he said it's a hand wash, so too difficult. I saw the guy with the high-power sprayer on another car, which would have been more than enough to easily clean the dirt from my car, but the guy simply didn't care, and when I asked if I should take it somewhere else, he rudely said yes. It's a shame, because I've been a loyal customer there for years and have taken all my cars until now. A quick drive down La Cienega to mikey's car wash and they gladly accepted the car for a regular wash end of review so reviews like this bother me only because yes maybe this person didn't want to sell the full detail but when pressed they still didn't want

to clean your car it wasn't like you got me i was trying to upcharge you and i didn't need to it's like no i just can't accomplish this task. Yeah. Even if you, like, even. Like, they want your money if it's reasonable. Yeah. I don't know. Like, playing the whole, like, oh, they're just trying to scam me.

It's like, well, maybe they just looked at your car and thought it was too dirty for their regular fit and the ways they see it. And Mikey down the street, sure, maybe Mikey was like, yeah, I can do this. Whatever. Like, don't be such a fucking asshole about it okay maybe they were an asshole too about it but car washes in los angeles like but honestly my worst fear is going somewhere and having them be like it's too much work for us to fix your problem like fix your clean like clean your car clean your house yeah wash your hair i mean that's just like my worst nightmare same same so i i got my car detailed once i think in la maybe twice over the past five years do you know what i used to do that thing where it was an app and so you didn't have to meet anybody you

could just sit and watch out the window through the blinds i mean i've clearly it was alarming when i saw people just cleaning your car on the street i'm like where the you were like why are all the car the doors of your car open and a man is climbing in the back seat i was like oh he's vacuuming and they found a book that i like had no idea and you were like i was missing that for like six months oh that's right it was my book yeah under the seat whoops so anyway that's true thanks washos app which has not reached newport kentucky yet washos is it like wash os or is it washos oh i don't know i don't know i'm sorry oh i mean it's spelled like washos yeah washos lowercase os sorry i'm just like oh you meant like ios no it's like it's like the os is in blue though wash os does the os stand for

something it doesn't matter i don't know i don know. This isn't an ad. Sorry, everybody. But yeah, I went to- If it were, they wouldn't pay us, Sandy. Yeah, true, true, true, true, true. But yeah, I went to the detailing thing, and I had the same worry. I thought that they were going to call me and say they had to charge more because of something I did. Oh, God. Like, I thought they were going to be like, oh, yeah, this, like, I don't know what I

did. How's it in her? Maybe a lollipop stick stuck in the cup holder god forbid i was in her do you want to know what i did no probably not no you don't tell me when uh blaze and i drove from los angeles to kentucky uh with with a cat and a dog in the car at times and the cat kind of panicked and maybe had an accident and it was just four or five five days of driving with two pets and all our entire belongings like packed up in a car um then we got to kentucky my car was a wreck in place was like i'll go have it cleaned and i was like thank god because i am not gonna

go have it cleaned and explain that there were there was a cat living in this car like a cat living in this car for five days yeah that escaped his little kennel i mean listen and uh i was like blaze please please like make them charge you like the full amount and tip them because this is like an undeserved job for everybody yeah oh my god it was so stressful so after that honestly jared you should never feel bad about your car again. Yeah. I wish I'd gotten before and after pictures, but they did it. I mean, my God.

But that's the thing is people, there are also people who clean up crime scenes. Yes, I've always seen worse. Like, that's their job. Like, and also there's a reason they charge so much because to them it's worth it if you pay this amount. So if you pay it, whatever, you know? So, yeah. So I think you had the right attitude and sounds like everything went well.

Thank you. Yeah. Okay. My last one. This is from an email. This is Neve, who has been very helpful recently. Thank you, Neve. This is a review of Molly Maid in Toronto, Canada.

Oh, my God. There's a Molly Maid here. Is it really? It's not the service I use, if if anyone's wondering but i've heard of them yeah i saw the van you saw molly molly's maid some it's molly's maid van she came all the way from toronto yeah you think after this review probably honestly maybe left the country here we go rude rude rude you just woke juniper up i I'm sorry. You know what? Look at him. You really just upset the cat. Christina, I'm working here.

This is my job. I just brought up a traumatizing memory for him. And he didn't even flinch. And then you started yelling. He didn't flinch. He just peed everywhere. What are you talking about? He just peed all over that bench. It's a habit he developed since our road trip.

No, no, no, no, no. That's why that Groupon comes in so handy every week. I pay $10 and they clean all of Juniper's pee. I just feel bad. I inquired for a quote at Molly Maid. The lady on the phone at Molly Maid, was rude from start to finish. She refused to clean my home because she didn't want to damage her $600 vacuum cleaner because she said the dust would jam the tubes.

Excuse me? Since when does that ever happen? Word of advice, do not contact Molly Maid for cleaning services. The reviews speak for themselves. End of review sorry it sounds like okay i know it does sound ridiculous i'm gonna give them that probably the case and i should be on the side of the business but i just imagine molly made on the beach like oh actually my vacuum's allergic to dust otherwise we'd totally come by like it just sounds so you're right i know it does sound ridiculous does it not like if you said like oh the pet

hair would clog the vacuum you know yeah yeah like it's like the least like the only thing the vacuum's allegedly cleaning would jam the tube it sounds like molly's never held a vacuum before like based on how this is worded and also doesn't want to to be clear yeah and i don't blame them but then again if that's the business you're going into oh my god um i mean i'm assuming they didn't say your dust they said like the like the amount of dirt or something this person used quotations so okay well it's gotta be okay they gotta be 100 honest in these reviews if they use quotations. It's not like they could lie.

That's how this works. No. You can't do that on the internet. No. Wow. Well, that was pretty good. You really did just kick that goal. Kick that.

Kick a goal. That's what mom would say when I played soccer growing up. You just kicked that challenge's butt. Thank you. I hope Jer agrees. Jer, I hope i made you proud proud i'm proud of you for cleaning up your car and you're kind of inspired me to maybe one day do this yeah i was like okay maybe one day pay someone to do the same i'll tell you

who cleaned mine because they've seen worse perfect that's a good point actually the bar will be very low good point well anyway thanks everybody for listening we actually have a slight plan are we going to announce our plan so an announcement thing we have a slight announcement which is that we are going to try and um record more slightly more in advance i mean by that we mean like a week not instead of like the day before which seems to be a trend we've picked up we've we've been trending negatively negatively toward the the deadline a little we've picked up we've we've been trending negatively toward the the deadline a little too tightly like today we're recording this on the monday before the episode releases it releases tuesday night which is short notice but sometimes we'll do tuesday this is actually

way better than usual tuesday edit and release the same day like all in the same day. So basically we're trying to do two episodes to get ahead, if that makes sense. Yes. So I panicked at first because I thought, well, we get so much help and feedback and assistance from listeners. But then Oxygener, the genius, said, well, why don't we just announce the theme and challenge two weeks early so that if somebody has something they want to contribute,

they can without missing it. Yeah, and we'll give you you a deadline too we'll say when we're planning on recording both episodes so that way you don't listen and be like because a lot of people send them in and they work hard on finding them yeah and then they'll send them in like after we recorded because they we don't announce when we're recording um but now we're going to so sometimes i'll be like oh this is probably too late i'm like now we haven't even started yeah you know what I mean? Yeah, and we've gotten emails from people. And I've seen the reviews. And I'm like, oh, I read that on this week's episode, that review they shared. But I didn't credit them because we recorded it before they emailed it in.

Anyway. OK, so we're going to record the episodes this weekend. We're not sure what date because it's my birthday. But sometime the end of this week that this episode airs um and that will be for the next two weeks so uh you have a few days yeah you have a few days thursday friday saturday maybe um so yeah if you want any so if you like these challenges or themes and you feel the need to help us out just do it by this weekend so let's get started what's your what's our theme for next week for exit 132 public swimming pools

that's so perfect okay that'll be fun nice just any anywhere i don't know yeah let's just do whatever okay anywhere public swimming pools keep it general now less specific than this we love it vague well your challenge is from Shannon. Find reviews of pineapple products that mention pineapples as a signal for swingers. Like apparently people or it implies that the person buying it is using it to show other swingers that they're also a swinger. To like indicate to others. Yes. And here's some context that I found from Google.

A pineapple that is placed on your porch or mailbox by swingers lets everyone know that there is a swinger party going on. A pineapple that is turned upside down is when there is someone looking for a swinger party. Swingers also use a symbol to look for each other in public. So apparently pineapples have that thing. And also it's a big thing on cruise ships. I've read a thing to look for each other in public. So apparently pineapples have that thing. And also, it's a big thing on cruise ships. I've read a thing to look into that. I know it goes against my best interest to tell you to look into cruise things.

Yes, it does. But apparently on cruise ships, it's a thing to wear pineapple paraphernalia in order to signal to other cruise people that you're ready to party. But there must be some confusion because that is quite a tropical fruit. It is quite a tropical fruit. So you got to be careful.

That's why you wear it on your Alaska cruises. I see. That really gets the message across. Then it's like, oh, okay. Well, there's also a plant that you plant in front of your house that... Really? Yeah, at least that's what I learned on my dad rode a porno. So that's what they told me.

But I don't know the plant off the top of my head. I don't know anything about it. I didn't know about this pineapple thing. So I'm excited. So that's exciting. So that's for this next week's episode. So then the following week, what is the theme? Well, because I don't think that today's episode was gay enough.

It wasn't gay at all. So I'm glad that we're getting gay enough we're gonna do it wasn't gay at all so i'm glad that we're that's exactly getting gay you're here so we're gonna do reviews of gay bars thank god i almost made that the thing can you imagine i was this close to making that the theme for next week but you didn't want to be the person that did that so i did it no i wanted to to let you be the swingers and the gay bars. That's true. All the more exciting stuff while I'm over here going, pool! Pool is going to be so much fun. Actually, pool will be pretty wild and weird.

Could be some swingers there, too. And maybe gay people, depending on... You think? I don't know. You know where they are. Where? Where? Sound waves.

Sound waves. I'll say it ain't so. Okay, so challenge for the week of the gay bar theme is from martin who says a find a review of a place that the reviewers saw in a movie or tv show or even a video game oh so like a place that they learned about through movie or tv show or i guess like grand theft auto i don't know exactly. It's exactly what I was thinking. Yeah. Grand Theft Auto.

It's the only thing I can't think of. Like Santa Monica. Yeah. I came up with. I bet that stuff's there. Also, I used to play this game Driver. Oh, yeah. It was a game I used to play.

Driver 3 was my favorite. And one of the cities was Nice, France. Yeah. So I've never been to Nice, but if I end up there one day, I'm going to be like, oh, I know all this stuff because I played the shit out of that game. But every time you see a car, you're going to be like, oh, France. Yeah. So I've never been to Nice, but if I end up there one day, I'm going to be like, oh, I know all this stuff because I played the shadow game. But every time you see a car, you're going to be like, oh, no. Oh, no.

It's coming. So that is your challenge. That's a good one. Thanks, Martin. That sounds great. And yeah, everybody, that's our plan from going forward. So if you all want to send in some emails, make sure you send them in by this weekend with some help and make sure to be clear in uh by this weekend uh with some help and

make sure to be clear in your subject our email is beach to sandy at gmail.com uh we also social media i have a post already in my head for this week uh and it's from that time when at crime con when i got to meet two of my favorite podcasters you and m holding stuff geo in front of your little booth that is the it's one of my favorite photos ever i wish i still had those hair extensions i lost them maybe that's what they found in the toilet or like one of these i'm feeling oh no someone's business honestly my business honestly i feel like hair extensions blaze found them one time like underneath some books and like jump tent it's weirdly scary to find it's freaky because you don't expect hair to just be in hair like yeah like a hair but not hair hair lying around like

ponytail no no no that's not something you normally see but if you go to beach too sandy on instagram you'll see uh that cute photo um and you'll see how great all three of us probably not even good um anyway sorry that was totally. But yeah, that's an adorable photo. That is cute, huh? With fake Gio. Fake Gio. At CrimeCon at the Gaylord Opry Center. Oh, good times.

Whatever the hell it's called. So yeah, let us know. Honestly, if you just want to send reviews in anyway and you miss the quote unquote deadline, that's fine. We do between you and us. So send them in anyway. Be just hitting it at gmail.com. We like to hear from you.

Yep. So send them in anyway, bgtsanitygmail.com. We like to hear from you. And otherwise, we will see you sometime during my birthday month. Yes. In the next few days. Happy, I mean, happy birthday month. Thank you.

I am proud of it, I will say. Yes, you should be. I think they go hand in hand. Oh, so true. All right. Talk to you soon, everybody. Bye.