Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 132: Reviews of Public Pools

Episode Date: June 9, 2021

Just a couple of siblings who've been gathering filth since the 90s. If anyone asks, we came up with that. Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. so here we go this is gonna be a little we haven't done this before this many this much recording oh wait we probably have have we i feel like we must have like back when we were chaotic and i was traveling a lot true right yeah you're right i don't know i drank a lot that always felt so different though because we live together so it's just kind of like rolling into the pot and then we probably like we're like

you don't just do this one later like i'm like i need a burrito now i'll do it like yeah you're right this is the more professional um environment i was gonna say don't get don't get your hopes up hello everyone welcome oh my god we're recording sorry you know we're recording i didn't know i thought you would oh i thought you knew... Oh, I thought you knew. Oh my gosh, hi everybody. I thought we were playing a fun game of Real Raw Unscripted. No, that was real. It wasn't Real Raw Unscripted.

Yeah, but it wasn't a game, that game of real. Well, I was having a great time. Wow. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water 2 at the podcast where we, our siblings... Our siblings who read shitty reviews. Yes, from the internet. We are very excited we're recording two episodes today should be interesting sometimes when we record a lot it becomes i feel

like our the room becomes like depleted of oxygen or something because we get into a really really strange headspace yeah that's better for you all content wise you'll love it our mental health not so great of course for us and our providers, but it's probably better for you. So welcome. We're doing swimming pools today, episode 132. And that was suggested by me. Thank you, me. You're welcome. I wanted to give you credit. I mean, myself. Oh my gosh.

I wanted to, before we start, say a very exciting update, which is that it was my birthday. That's not the exciting update. Because you guys already knew that, right? Right? So the update is that Alexander gave me a present. And the present was given to me at a little cookout dinner situation in front of a lot of people who certainly don't listen to our podcast strange timing but it was the best gift i've ever received and i haven't talked about it much too zandy because i wanted to wait till we were on air and yesterday blaze said have you talked to

alexander about that gift and i was like what do you mean and he was like well you need to tell him how great it is oh like okay i will all right geez everyone was very excited like the few people i told about it they were like oh it's just and i'm like okay i i it just felt natural what if i just don't tell them now what it was yeah no i should tell you so alexander bought first i opened a postcard and i was like what are all these small cats oh they're in battle oh my god this is from the civil war tales wait i don't want to mess it up he's wearing the t-shirt covered in some burrito stains civil war tales at the homestead diorama museum okay that was where alexander purchased my gift and if you'll remember a few

episodes in our obscure museum episode a few episodes ago uh christina brought a review from there actually carolyn brought it to the table thank you carolyn yeah carolyn um the subject was civil war museum with cats and obviously i read it on air uh and it was about some it was a review complaining that there were cats in the diorama they were like they didn't get it right they didn't totally get it which like how could you not get it but that's besides the point um and so let me go get the gift here do you want to describe it uh yes on their site they offer custom-made dioramas and they're different options oh my god and i thought okay well she has two cats yep one black cat one white cat juniper and mooniper not in that order sorry uh mooney and junie is

mooney's a black one junie's a white one or moonshine is the Kentucky call him yeah and so I asked for them to be riding on horses into battle of course uh and I chose both you to for them to both be union side by side instead of fighting first thing he reassured me they're both dressed as union soldiers I figured that was there was an option for confederate yeah I mean if we to both be union side by side instead of fighting first thing he reassured me they're both dressed as union soldiers i figured that was there was an option for confederate yeah i mean if we didn't if you didn't live in kentucky like farther like closer to the whole confederate if it were less like kind of real and in my face anyway maybe it would have been funnier but it yeah i agree i appreciate the union yeah dick horum i thought that's a little more appropriate anyway so they're uh just riding on

two horses and the i it was amazing they were so great to work with and it was funny because i emailed them and it was rebecca who i worked with and i offer i was like oh it's only a few weeks away the birthday like i'll pay extra for like expedited shipping or anything rush it but i said but if it doesn't come in time don't worry like no stress either way and i was all like worked up about it and she was like oh yeah yeah i'll start working on it right now and she was like this is perfect the craftsmanship craftsmanship craft craftsmanship craftsmanship is really excellent um i mean it's beautiful and moon and june have their mouths open like they're shouting into into battle screaming obscenities that confederate soldiers as i mean they're holding sword into battle screaming obscenities that confederate

soldiers as i mean they're holding sword this is just the best gift i've ever received we're gonna post a photo of it on instagram um at beach to sandy because i just need to share this with the world i called it a snow globe because it is kind of in like a snow globe shape um but it is like a miniature diorama and i put it actually next to my dilbert candy machine which is how you know how important it is to me yeah um and i got a t-shirt and zany got a matching t-shirt although it's not matching anymore because it has burrito juice on it completely stained the first day i wore it um it's also above patrick stump that's pretty it is it is actually above which blaze gave me for my birthday a funko pop of patrick stump so sorry blaze is this what you

wanted me to talk about how great the gift was because yeah here it is it's funny when I first told him about it he said you know this is hard for me to say but I think this should go on the shelf above Patrick Star Funko Pop that I gave her yeah um it's perfectly organized now my little shelf so anyway thank you Zandy that was the best gift ever. And then yesterday when I came over for dinner, you were wearing the IPPL shirt and everything. And I just realized like how many wonderful institutions we've discovered as a result of this podcast. It's so true. And how many animals are related to these institutions.

Some weird stuff. Weirdly all animal related. We've got some weird stuff weirdly all animal related but some weird stuff thank you um everybody and there was a time i bought you that carol basket carol basket oh i wear that sometimes the uh i would just want to drink beer and rescue bob cats shirt strange i think it was a mug i have a shirt you do have a shirt too okay well anyway i know that was kind of a long derail i'm sorry but i just had I just had to kind of tell you all how important this was to me. So thank you, Carolyn, for even bringing it.

Oh, see, Carolyn actually visited the museum. I'm so jealous. I plan to go back. I'm sorry, Carrie. She put in the signature. I shouldn't have assumed the name from the email heading, but Carrie. So thank you, Carrie. She changed my life, so I appreciate that.

And Alexander and i might do a little road trip maybe we can get a big bus a big but why would we need a big who else who else is in there just you and me okay no we could do a big field trip for everybody okay just everybody everyone who wants to go okay so sign up go to beach to sandy.com patreon.com patreon.com give us lots of money and we might include you on the bus that's what it is anyway now we have a really chaotic episode planned yeah here we go it's uh swimming pools public pools here's something that bad that i did what i brought so many reviews that i don't actually know how to fit them all into an episode shit Shit. Sorry. We'll figure it out. It'll be in there.

So I'm just going to, I guess, go now. Yeah. So let's get started before we waste any more time. Okay. I'm sorry. Waste time. No. Let's just say we got so many emails about pools.

So many. I mean, I think there are probably 40 or 50 in there. And I read every single one. I couldn't fit all of them. And some of them came like. I couldn't fit all of them. And some of them came like after I finished my notes. So I apologize if I didn't use them. But I did read them and they gave me a lot of joy. And I put them all in a folder.

So if I don't read them, please do not take it personally. I really had to be so selective this time around because I actually have so many freaking reviews. So thank you to everybody who sent them in. They did not get sent to us in vain. So this is from everybody who sent them in. They did not get sent to us in vain. So this is from Dylan who uses they them pronouns. Thank you, Dylan. I also want to say one thing while we're just, you know, delaying the inevitable. There was an episode recently where I said, Finn, who uses they them pronouns. And when you listen back, I think two people wrote in and said, I think you said he they, them pronouns. And when you listen back, I think two people wrote in and said,

I think you said he uses they, them pronouns. But I was saying who uses they, them. Anyway. You just did it again. I just did it again. It was who. You said who again. Who uses.

And so I just want to clarify if anyone was like, oh, Christine, bad look. I was saying who, but it probably slurred in my really distinctive, beautiful voice. I heard who, both in person and editing. It was written in my notes as who. I just don't want anyone to think I just blatantly misgendered somebody as I was giving their literal pronouns. And everyone who wrote, I mean, the two people who wrote were very, very kind. And like, okay, you know, they understood. But I just felt bad.

So hopefully Finn didn't think that. But just in case, I want them to know that that was my really bad eloquence, you know? Okay, so this is from Dylan. Dylan uses they, them pronouns. Thank you, Dylan. dylan uses they them pronouns thank you dylan so this is a link to trip advisor and the review is of the gateway hotel pool oh p.s they wrote in the email um that this is not a public pool but like it was just worth keeping so okay i'm already starting oh yeah i was gonna say hotel pool okay i'm sorry but you know what just

get used to it okay we were recommended this hotel by friends from mumbai who accompanied us during what was meant to be a memorable end to our month-long journey in india it was memorable all right but for all the wrong reasons my wife and i were too embarrassed to express how we felt since our friends were heralding it to be a Taj resort. Yes, the decor was tired and dated. What I wasn't counting on was a private wedding party in the grounds surrounding the swimming pool. The task of buying our swimming costumes beforehand was cumbersome. Imagine the dismay when turning up at the pool to find the area surrounding was occupied by waiters preparing dining arrangement for that

evening's private function. As if that wasn't bad enough, once we decided we wouldn't let the lack of privacy spoil our enjoyment having traveled hours to get there, and as a token gesture to take a hurry dip in the pool before guests arrived, we were disgusted at the debris floating in the pool. Leaves, insects including a dead wasp, and newspaper was the final straw. We brought this to the attention of nearby staff, who felt for some reason it was okay to fob us off by saying the area was reserved for private guests. We walked to the front desk in our swimwear to complain to management

and were advised that the pool would be cleaned right away. By then, we were put off by the whole experience. experience images attached may not translate to the sickening feeling of ingesting a mouthful of insect secretions oh why are you ingesting any of this water you're not supposed to swallow it there's our problem you're not supposed to swallow it but this person just does not have much life experience or something if they're swallowing pool water. A lot of people were like, it tastes so much like chlorine. I'm like, why is everyone tasting it? Why?

Stop drinking it. Like, that's a good, like, what do you want it to taste like? First of all, exactly. Good point. Okay. The images attached may not translate to the sickening feeling of ingesting a mouthful of insect secretions, even if the leaves had been removed. We received an apology by the manager and the person in charge of keeping the pool clean,

saying he was tending to the jacuzzi at the time. This really is not acceptable and very ill-judged on the hotel's part to expect guests to accede, which we did on account of not making it uncomfortable for our friends. I assure you, they're already uncomfortable after all. What a sacrifice, though. You walked up to the front in a swim costume or whatever you called it. And they're not guests here, right? Like, this is, they're visiting, because didn't the staff say

this is only for private guests? Oh, no, they're having a wedding party. Yeah, but then... They are staying here, because there is more here about their stay about their stay but still okay we can continue if you want we can stop it insect secretions but um but i'll just read you the rest anyway and to top it off in order to relieve the tensions caused by the previous day's events i decided to have an oil massage first thing in the morning the session was constantly interrupted by staff and guests chatting away on mobile phones immediately outside the door. The final nail in the coffin was in the

coffee shop where we had our breakfast. A strand of hair neatly folded into the napkin made me want to puke. I didn't wish to make a formal complaint at the time, but I did inform the restaurant staff while handing the napkin back. On the whole, given the consistency and poor standards of this property, the charming smiles do very little to make up for what was a despicable experience. It felt as if this substandard culture was ingrained over the years, and the staff were either aware of this, but impotent to influence senior management. Jesus. My wife even spotted a bed bug.

Oh wait, there was a lion I missed somewhere. How could you tell? Because there was something I, there was a line I missed somewhere. How could you tell? Because there was something I, there was a phrase that I like really was excited for and I accidentally skipped it. It wasn't the impotent line? Okay. It was right before, it was right before the massage. I apologize.

I missed the sentence. It didn't get better. The jacuzzi was slippery. The main rooms were full of cracks in the walls, gaps in the windows exposing us to warm air and insects from the outside. Okay, I just wanted to point that out. Not the indoor insects, okay. Just the insects were coming in from the outside. My wife even spotted a bed bug, but it was too small to show on camera.

I did take a couple of pics, but it just appears as a blur, hence image not included. I'm beginning to wonder whether the gateway is part of the taj group of hotels at all and if it is are the standards as dire in other cities like delhi or mumbai end of review and now i will say there are pictures they're the least impressive obviously i'm not surprised at all it's literally like a fly in a giant beautiful pool this is exhausting to listen to i can't imagine traveling with this person like here's the pool and there's the bug what and this is a beautiful granite the pool looks fine there's a beautiful granite walkway and there's a little bug in it i don't even think

that's a wasp it looks like a fly um i don't get it and also like, like, there's a hair. And I was like, uh-oh, where's this hair? In the napkin. I'm like, whatever. Just use the other side or just get... Like, why are you... I didn't issue a formal complaint. It's like, well, good. You would have looked ridiculous.

I issued an informal complaint, actually. Yeah, they did. They brought it back and got their napkin. Why are they still complaining about it? It's in hair. In a napkin. Hair goes places. I don't understand. the amount of insect secretions

that he swallowed just really messed with his thought process and i don't think we can hold him accountable for anything that happened after that uh the amount he thinks it's the insect secretions i think it was all the chlorine he swallowed actually did some damage probably he thinks it was the one wasp but no oh my which i love it's one of those people who's like you can clean all the bugs out but i know the secretions are still in there it's like well okay i mean they're gonna be in there right like no matter what i mean they're not in there to be clear but they're not are you sure how can you tell because when i go to a pool i completely suspend any sort of uh knowledge i have of what's

actually in there i mean children pee in there like a lot worse things happen than one wasp's secretions um it's a pool it's just kind of what you have to do take a shower afterwards i don't know anyway that was the longest one i have i wanted to get that out of the way i'm glad you i don't know i didn't want to hear it but thank you dylan i wanted to get that out of the way. I'm glad you... I don't know. I didn't want to hear it. Thank you, Dylan. I'm glad it's out of the way, I guess. I apologize for how long that was. No, it's the content, Christina.

It's the hashtag content. It's the content that I didn't like at all. I just wanted to bum us out in the beginning. So your turn. Okay. Here's a review, a three-star review of Mount Healthy City Pool, Mount Healthy Ohio. Oh. It was by steve three stars they're gonna call the cops on you if you curse that's what they did to me

there's a response from the owner oh steve thank you for making the public aware that our facility does not tolerate racist language or profanity especially after being given a warning we strive to keep our pool family friendly for all our patrons oh my god i mean i was like swearing okay that's not swearing no racial slurs are not swearing that's a completely different thing yeah i'm not surprised someone thought it was and that's how they took it um anyway yeah they called the police is that what i said yeah so apparently they got the police called on them this guy thinks that like he'll convince people that all i said was holy shit and but usually what's funny is they made it a three-star review not even a one-star review maybe they they kind of know they might

they must they must they must be like yeah yeah, I was mostly at fault here. I did cross the line a little bit. But. But I'm now in jail. But I got to warn all my other profane people. All my racist friends. Yep. Yeah.

Great. I have one here. This was sent in by Claire. And this is a review of a swimming pool in Vandalia, Ohio. And it is called the Castle Hills Swimming Pool. That sounds nice. It's actually spelled

C-A-S-S-E-L. Sounds less nice now. Yeah. So I love that Claire, she put lowest, sort by lowest, which is the way to do it, folks, if you're searching. And Walter left one star. I did not say that I hated this place.

You did. It's closed. End of review. So I don't know who's arguing with whom. Yeah, wait. I'm trying to think. I'm trying to come up with i'm coming i'm trying to come up with some sort of notification maybe google was like i hate this place no what do you think

you hate this place oh yeah wait i oh yeah i hate this place because what's seemingly and so do you and then walter said everyone hates this place i didn't okay what is okay here's the thing i think what happened i mean i haven't absolutely no to be clear i have no idea what happened but i think the only the implication is that google or somebody said you don't like this place and he said i didn't like i didn't say that you did yeah um but why would why why would walter maybe he gave it a one star and google was like sorry you don't like it here and he's like i didn't said it? Maybe he gave it a one star and Google was like, sorry, you don't like it here. And he's like, I didn't say that. Okay.

I just gave it a one star because I'm Walter. That must be it, actually. I don't know. That could be it. That could be it. That could be it. And then maybe. I feel like maybe Google was just trying to be nice, but put words in Walter's mouth.

Yes. I think that makes sense. With the assumption that a one star review meant anything at all. But anyway, I did not say that I hated this place. You did. You did. Which I love that also he's probably talking to Google. You said that, not me. thing at all but anyway i did not say that i hated this place you did you did which i love that also he's probably talking to google you said that not me um okay i've got my next pool

actually i have two from them but i'll just read one at a time this is a venetian pool in coral gables florida and on the website because i went to the website, right at the top, it has some bold letters. And it says, parents take note. Children under three are not allowed at the pool. I assume. I don't know. I didn't explain why. But safety or something.

Maybe like the lifeguards aren't trained for something or poopy diapers. Regardless, that is the rule. And it is at the top of their website. I immediately found it when I went to their website. Anyway, here is a review. This is by Valerie. One star. I drove 40 minutes to get here to be refused entry because my eight-month-old son is not allowed on the premises at all.

I told the lady at the entry window that we will hold him and he will not go into the pool if that is the case. She said no, he is not allowed around the pool area at all and we cannot enter with him. This is very disappointing since we drove so far and my child is my responsibility, so why refuse him entry if he has two parents with him? Apparently, if you have kids under three years old you cannot bring them here i am calling channel seven news end of review and channel seven news says yeah we are also attending this pool and we know that you can't bring small there's a huge expose though oh i was there on valerie oh just on valerie valerie was like

wrote to channel called channel seven news and channel seven news flipped the script yeah they said we found a story but it's not what you think yeah they they were like okay tell us more come into our building and we will talk to you about all of this and valerie just valerie my goodness christina the things that valerie's done in her life i can't even talk about it here. I don't doubt it. I also like that I'm going to, I will hold him the whole time and he won't go into the pool, which makes it sound like if you set him down,

like he might kind of like wiggle his way in. It's like, that seems not comforting. It sounds like the kind of parent that'll be like, yeah, totally my responsibility. I got it for the moment that the child goes and does something it's not supposed to.'s like you were it's your place like you need to be watching and like your lifeguards aren't doing anything yeah i saw a lot of those yeah yeah oh my god well the next one i have is from anna anna sent in a review of a pool, seemingly in Connecticut, and Sandra left a one-star review.

Was a member there for a long time. They treated me so bad because I sang and was always happy. Don't join there. It is expensive and they have no use for you. Here's a response from business employee business employee michelle hi sandra while we are sad that your relationship with us ended on a sour note we feel compelled to reiterate that we received and discussed with you a number of complaints from other members and staff regarding your conduct particularly during group fitness classes oh sandra what are you doing she's just too happy sandra i don't think

that's the problem she sings i mean if you're singing during a fitness class like please stop yep this exactly this just sounds like someone who just does not understand how their what their actions can be just disruptive while everyone else is like sandra please stop sandra we're begging you oh my gosh this is like a meditation class and you keep singing beyonce like i don't know what could possibly be happening but it just doesn't sound good we met with you privately several times and provided you with multiple notices on the matter we wish you well in your future endeavors and best regards michelle man michelle's like good riddance but i can't type that so let me just drag it out a bit fine she googled like kind ways to uh cut the

court kind ways to close the door on that's literally toxic relationship the kind of stuff i google all the time i do that so much how boundaries. Yep. In a kind but assertive way. I said that way too quickly and easily rolled off the top. But yeah, I feel like. Is that bookmarked for you? Probably. It's probably a BuzzFeed listicle. Oh, no.

But yeah, Sandra, sometimes people aren't appreciated in their time, you know? Your time will come, Sandra. Sandra, someday someone will love you so much for your singing well hopefully that's already happened i'm sure there will but someday a pool will love you okay you'll find the right fit you know all right well i don't know if it's the venetian pool but i'm doing another review from there. It's probably not. Probably not. This is pretty similar energy here. This is from Mia. One star.

This is supposed to be a place to enjoy with your family, but you are banned from getting in if you have a baby younger than three years old. Even if he is not getting into the pool, he simply can't be there. Is that even legal? I felt discriminated from having a baby and so my older kid was not able to enjoy the pool terrible end of review oh no is this a world that i'm entering now too of like it sounds like i'm being discriminated against as a mother as a cisgender woman with a child i feel that i'm being discriminated against is this how it feels

oh my gosh i need to change my ways child is being judged for his age i mean i don't know i just like exhausting um actually you know what i have one that goes really well with that let me find it so this reminded me so much of an email that we received from Erica who said, I've never been so excited to hear about a weekly challenge. I present to you a wormhole of public pool reviews. So maybe two weeks ago, a day club slash public pool with a bar called Tapo Day Club opened up here in Buffalo. A few few days after opening a picture circulates on social media about the dress code for this pool it's dot dot dot bad it's not even thinly veiled racism it's just full-blown we don't want anyone who's not white and affluent coming to our pool

so it got destroyed with reviews okay yeah some very serious some very not but like also very funny because it's like oh yeah they're just calling it out you know so i'm not going to read the rules yet um i'm just going to read some of the reviews okay that are serious um here's a review by marcia was denied entry because my swimsuit doesn't have a belt what and yes that is a rule okay i was like this is there now that's a literal rule i thought that was like a like kind of like a satire they're like oh like that's how bad that's an actual serious review um there are a couple of those uh let's see this one's a less serious one this is by uh tony one star i got in trouble for throwing an underwater tea party everyone was out of dress

code um so there's that uh here's another serious review i believe one star i believe it's hard to tell because it's so outrageous yeah true that belt thing i did not think the belt is serious i know one star by colin was denied because I wore my Bills jersey. As I walked away, the security guard coughed and let the door open just a sliver. To my chagrin, I saw a large group motionless smiling at me. They were all wearing Kansas City jerseys as they waved. Wait, what? I think they were like, I think that there's a power trip going on here where the security is like.

Basically, the rules are at security's discretion you're allowed in or you're not allowed in got it and i assume what was happening as a security guard was like nope yeah but look who i did like and i don't know i'm not sure kind of like that nathan for you episode where they're like you anyone they hire a security guard and say at a clothing store and say uh anyone that you find attractive is allowed to shoplift so that they'll wear the clothes and look good doing it and then convince their friends their attractive friends to come in or whatever but it was like all up to the discretion of this one security guard with a very particular like for a certain size of chest yeah here's one i think this is the last one that i'm gonna read um this is probably by

vera one star no camouflage bathing suits allowed darn end of review wow uh and there was one that literally says scary and white they want you to wear a belt with your swimsuit it must be crack that's so extra oh my god so now now that we're just kind of getting idea i'm actually like here's a photo of the door are those are rules those are the holy shit they are plastered on like a huge that's massive board that's taller than i am it looks like it is yeah taped to the side of the door all day dress code it says here we go no backpacks bags must be smaller than cell phone or else subject to search no graphic tees no athletic jerseys of any kind no camouflage no headphones no hoodies no flat

brim hats belts required no work boots for example steel toes uggs and timberlands no ripped jeans except ladies may wear fashionably fitted jeans at security's discretion. No excessive or oversized jewelry. No bandanas. Men. Women may wear head dressed based on security discretion. What? I know. No excessively baggy clothing. Pants and shorts must be worn at waist. Surgical masks only. Bad. Bad. Yeah bad yeah so bad where is this place located buffalo oh my gosh not for long i assume but oh my gosh wow this is the wild according to um local news tapo day club apologizes and promises to revise offensive dress code the other problem that like and promises to revise offensive dress code the other problem that like i when i delved into this is it is kind of the epitome of an air this is like in the area that's being gentrified being

called out for gentrification so this was like plopped right in the middle and was kind of just a smack in the face of like oh we're trying to promote diversity and then like totally barring any diversity from becoming part of this pool. It's actually quite disturbing. It's awful. It's terrible. So there's a lot of news articles here, which is good, I guess, that apparently they're considering clothing, closing. They've considered clothing. Sorry.

They should reconsider. They've reconsidered clothing. I think so. Anyway, so I just the bathing suit with a belt really got me there uh i just have never heard of such a thing except when i was probably 12 and shopping at like macy's juniors and they had those weird like fake belts on swimsuits really not attractive i wasn't a cool kid um but wow rough times that is rough thank you erica thank you erica i think my next one is of a pool in poland krakow poland oh i just kind of stumbled on this um myself actually interesting and you'll

see why that's so surprising it was literally just my normal research and i just ended up choosing krakow and this is the first city yeah oh okay i had checked other cities before that like european cities and this was the first one that i actually found one okay here we go one star the water is too wet i don't like swim this is trash scandal it's like meant for us yeah yeah someone yeah. Someone, that's the word for word review of our show. There's a person in Poland who has like a mind, body, soul connection to you and like led you to that specific review. The best part though is this wasn't, but for those who know, if you go on Google reviews,

you get to a point where it says reviews translated by Google. Oh yes. This is not one of those this is actually someone wrote this in english i i assume a polish person based on the name wow wrote this in english which is why it's i wonder if anyone speaks polish can you let us know like water is too wet like what is does that mean anything or is it actually just the exact same translation of like because here's an example my mom keeps calling me an old cow. And to a lot of my friends, they're like, so, because I've noticed in the last week

why it's become so controversial. And it's because I say, like, she says it to me a lot and people are like, oh my God, that's horrible. And I'm like, I guess. But then I talked to Renee and she was like, she's calling you a cow. Like, that's not. And I was like,'s calling you a cow like that's not and i was like oh i see because in german that's just a phrase like you old cow but it's not a weight thing it's

just like a oh yeah yeah oh wait yeah but so i didn't take it as a weight thing until you just brought that up not particularly a kind thing and it usually refers to your weight especially because i'm pregnant so renee was like um that's not really cool and i was like yeah you're right but in the context i think she's just doing a translation of a german idiom yeah which is also not nice to be clear but you know it's not as like wildly offensive um as it sounds yeah so that's what i'm saying i wonder if if in polish it means the exact same thing that the water is literally too wet. It probably does. It probably does. I don't know why I'm getting my hopes up. But you know what, Polish people, we just want to hear from you.

We just want to hear from you. That's all. This would be an excuse. This would be a great excuse to finally bring you on board. Okay, so speaking of that, you're actually like really helping me kind of plan my attack here because, so I have this review sent in by b um who sent a review for a local swimming hall in here we go engelholm engelholm sweden engelholm engelholm okay b says it is a rather new facility that the city spent a fair bit to do up all my friends who have gone say it is really nice so this actually is xandy a review

that was translated by google but it still really just got me good so i'm gonna read it because it seems to be pretty much a clear what they're saying this is by evelina one star what a shit bathhouse. An adventure pool that should not be called just an adventure pool. Children's pools without decor that children may think is fun, just toys that belong in a sandbox. Everything feels unfinished. Prices where nothing is included.

Dirty changing rooms and showers, staff who can't stand to question things. Don't add a penny to this bathhouse. Rather bathe in my tub. Hope it crashes into the river. Thank you and goodbye. Jeez. And now B sent a photo of the pool next to the river. Did it crash into the river?

There's the pool. There's the river. And there's the local hospital. And B said, you can see how close it is to the river they wanted to fall into it's right next to the hospital so if it fell in seemingly all the hospital patients would too oh no extra sad oh no they're kind of almost connected so it just sort of feels like that would be really tragic yikes um well yeah i think it would be no matter what i think that would be yeah even ifikes um well yeah i think it would be no matter what i think that would be yeah even if it were just the pool but i think that would be seeing this like

beautiful pool and hospital and just like i hope they crash into the river i'm gonna go sit in my bathtub now i feel like that's not something you hear normally for any sort of structure i hope it crashes into a river that's a good point that doesn't seem to be a common threat or insult. No, really not. That's a good point. That's probably why it struck me. So thank you, B, for that. Thank you, B.

Now I have an email. This is from Zane. He, him. This is of Walter's Grove Pool in Cleveland, Ohio. This is a one-star review by Miranda. I have been coming to this pool for a little while now with my whole family. Today was by far the worst experience. I'm at the pool with my husband, and all we are doing is swimming back and forth in the pool.

And when we take literally three-minute break break i end up hugging him and just give him several pet kisses on his neck and the lifeguard comes up to us and tell us that we need to quote tone down the affection moms and dads are complaining they don't want their kids to see this well maybe the parents should kiss and hug each other more to teach their children what love truly is i've never heard of such a thing in my whole entire life. It's sad that we have freedom, but really what kind of freedom is this? It would be a whole different story

if I was really doing something wrong. I know my limits and what is wrong and right. Very, very sad. End of review. After many years of therapy, I've finally learned what is acceptable and not acceptable as public displays of affection. It took some time.

It took a lot of different experiences at the pool. I have them written in my notebook. So if you need proof. Oh, my God. If somebody ever said to me, your behavior is making other people uncomfortable, I think I would sink into the ground. I know. That's so true. I can't imagine having the audacity to be like like no it's everyone else who is wrong you need

to make out more in front of your children i mean what yeah it's just whatever it's like sure make out for your children but like maybe not inside a pool where everyone's trying to play monkey in the middle i don't know like even if like it's it's even if someone lifeguards is like hey can you just tone it down like literally was the thing was like tone it down they're not even like like you must get out of here you didn't get kicked out they didn't get in trouble they didn't seem to get like publicly shamed or anything yeah um because yeah i think pda is like whatever like i it wouldn't bother me but there are people who are bothered that the lifeguards like just trying to do their job saying tone it down yeah the poor lifeguards right in the middle yeah and then you make a thing about how everyone else parenting their children wrong and nobody knows the true meaning of love

except me yeah that was my favorite part that was my favorite part also i love like we were all we did was swim back and forth that was a really weird setup for this somehow that was weirder than the public display of the pDA. Like the swimming back and forth sounded like creepier to me somehow than the actual PDA. That's what I would have said. Actually, I have a separate complaint. I love how they said it was a three minute break. So they're in my mind, they were like literally just making out for three minutes. And eventually after three minutes, a lifeguard comes over like, hey, hey, like, yes, tone it down.

They're getting hot and heavy on the ladder that people need to use. People like me who don't know how to climb out of the pool without a ladder these people are like touching their shoulders like excuse me kid i need to get out with those like nose goggles help me i can't get out of the pool without a ladder that's just christine oh my gosh i have a couple more from zane here um this one is from lakewood ohio foster pool one star this is where i would say where miranda needs to go next okay this is a one-star review by uh bridget nakedness end of review oh that might be i think that is where she went next i don't i would i would think so that's that's uh that's where she needs to go next.

I think she's been and she's made her mark. And Bridge, unfortunately, was there to witness it. Maybe she went there first and was like, oh, this is what's normal. Let me tone it down by doing less at the other pool. Nakedness gets crossed off. Not acceptable in public. Got it.

At least not at this particular pool. Exactly. And then Zane says this, and then there's one for low park, and it says this park has a pool, so I think it counts. Here's a one-star review of this park, which this is just one to make everyone mad.

Got a ticket for parking in handicap to offload baseball equipment. Was not happy. Officer blocked in car to write citation was not happy for that either which has now caused me to have bad feelings about a park i used to love and that's it it caused me to have bad feelings it's like i did something wrong there were consequences now i'm upset now i feel sad and i that's ridiculous you made me feel sad for the bad things that i did yeah um don't park in a i mean it's so stupid i'm not gonna say i'm literally not gonna finish this and

it's like you're an idiot and you know it you know you've done something wrong like clearly you did something wrong you were there long enough for a police officer to show up and write you a citation and the fact that you also admitted in your review that you did this as if you don't see anything wrong with it. That's what bothers me. Everyone's going to back you up. Yeah. The handicap spots exist for a reason, and it's not to unload baseball equipment, believe

it or not. Also, love that you are upset they blocked your car in. What were you going to do? Drive away during the citation? Exactly. Were you planning on running from the law? I know we talked about this yesterday, but fun fact, everyone, I feel like this sort of pertains to our podcast. We found out the name Karen has dropped, I think like 780 spots

or something like that in the list of new baby names. And I think there were only 136 or something like that babies named Karen in the United States in 2020. And I'm convinced they're all pronounced Corinne. Like, I'm just like, I still can't even fathom that many were named. Oh, and in the article about how the name Karen's less popular, it said because Karen has become a slur. And I was like, that doesn't need to be the word we use. Please do not call Karen a slur, everybody. That's like, need to be the word we please do not call karen a slur actual racial slurs just a swear like i was just casually swearing it's like you can't

karen karen isn't even a swear word like you know like it's not even profanity so to sit to go make the leap that it's a slur like excuse me next level that's pretty fucked up to say i think so anyway that's all i wanted to say uh here is something else i want to say and this is from mary mary says here's a swimming pool review highland pool is apparently part of a school but sometimes open to the public one star review i went to the school i started drowning they said swim and left me there for 10 minutes until they saved me i could barely stand and i felt very dizzy i hate this place so much now i've been threatened and yelled at i give it one star for its cleanliness and how warm it is what happened view um they were standing there for 10 minutes

saying they were drowning is what i'm gathering so that's my first thought was like i don't know if that's what they meant or if they meant like after getting out of the pool and almost drowning oh i could barely stand and felt very dizzy yeah because at first i was like wait you could stand in this water then yeah you weren't weren't drowning. That's a good point. They left me there for 10 minutes, so you didn't drown. In the water. To be clear, you didn't drown. Yeah.

I think if you were actually drowning, probably they would have acted quicker, but I don't know. But the fact that you could still stand afterward and felt a little dizzy, I think it's probably okay. They also didn't mention how the water tastes with which um to me as a sign that you had a couple mouthfuls you're hiding something yeah so now i'm like if you didn't even mention all the secretions that you ingested secretions like how can we take you seriously you know what like they said i gave it a star for how warm it is i mean maybe that's why you're fucking dizzy you're stuck in a warm pool for 10 minutes pretending to drown the one star had nothing to do with everything else it was just

about how warm it was um yeah clean it was how cleanness it says the cleanness and the warmth is what led to the one star so are they saying that they would give zero stars but that's exactly right they added a star see man neither i think we're both not getting things this is a lot and i'm very confused but basically this person drowned for 10 minutes and then immediately got saved and then walked away and said i was most a little bit dizzy yeah but at least at least was warm the whole time at least they were warm and felt clean no secretions no. Okay, that's fair. Good, good, good, good. All I need to know.

Warm and no secretions. Okay. Secret to a good time. My next one, this is from Erin Sheher, who sent a couple reviews from pools around Jacksonville, Florida, because she used to work there as a lifeguard at these pools. So this is, I'm going to read the reviews from Eartha H. Napoleon Park. Here's a one star review by Henry.

Wet and dark. End of review. Oh, no. Yeah. Are you OK? I don't know. You know what that actually sounds like? I think they're in Lost and Found. Yeah. They're in the lost and found yeah oh gosh it was always so wet and dark you know it's too often though i think about those bathrooms at the bathroom also like the blue like floor i don't know what you'd call

it like the mats everywhere and that smell and that feeling of in there being in there and like walking around wet dripping going to the bathroom it's warm but not in a comforting warm it's like warm and like kind of a sickly warm jeez we went to a really great pool just i don't know especially after covid now i'm like i can't imagine going somewhere like that right now you just give me actual shivers yeah and yet I like still want to go to like bowling alleys I know I mean at this rate everyone's

going back to their old ways anyway so whatever and then here's the one star review of the same place by Tyler the pool is never open and the place is ran by geese end of review oh no that might be the first like real valid one-star review because if if there are geese around i need to know that so i can just avoid it forever well if there are geese who are meant to learn cpr and save my child I don't think I trust this place being run by a bunch of geese.

Who sent this in? Erin. Erin? Erin is a goose. That's what I'm wondering. That's what it sounds like to me here. Well, at least her picture is a goose. Huh.

It also said, oh, wow, signed, your goosiness, Erin. and in the signature i saw that it has um like kind of her training certification and one of them is like goose cpr it is yeah yeah so which is not common misconception that's not giving cpr to a goose it is a goose giving cpr to a child to a child yeah or a human in general not yeah not just any human or any human not just children I speak to mouth beak to mouth yeah yeah um cool thank you your goosiness no oh thank you your goose that was like my last one too oh good well here we go do I get to like sit back that's the episode now absolutely you do okay i'm gonna close my computer this is great okay this is from daisy who uses she they pronouns thank you daisy also sometimes i don't list the pronouns it doesn't mean they didn't send them it just means oh same i think i just say the name but yes because they both so to be clear don't be like oh that person didn't

send their pronoun that's not what people are doing it's not the case like words getting out like there's a twitter account like the people who write in it's like all about people who write into beachy sandy without the expose their pronouns yeah it's a list that's growing and um some people are just geese and they it's just like leave them alone. Okay. So this is from Daisy who uses she, they. Thank you, Daisy. Did you say she, they? Yeah. Okay.

Did it sound like I said he uses she, they again? Okay. It just sounded like you just weren't sure. And I thought you said different ones earlier. So now I'm just confused. Oh, well, I hope not. I'll find out during editing. But Daisy says, says which is by the

way one of my favorite names uh nice name behold one of the grimmest swimming pools to have ever frequented the uk now this first so so they sent two okay the first one i'm not going to read but i do want to tell you the title which is gathering filth since the 90s and daisy said thinking maybe my new insta bio i was gonna say that's so good so daisy if you don't make that your insta bio i mean really so so excellent just take my take it so excellent gathering filth since the 90s amen so me too so this is now I'm going to read the second one, though, because this one got me. It's a review of Aqua Splash, which looks like it has closed. And based on Daisy's kind of description, I'm not surprised. So this is by Awful or Amazing on TripAdvisor, and the title is Foul, Nearly Sick. One star.

OMG. I have never seen a more disgusting, dirty, manky site in my life. I went with my friend for my birthday thinking that it would be a bit clean, but when I got there, I was about throw up. There was mold dripping onto my back and used tampons everywhere, hair floating in the water water and two pigeons pooing everywhere i was disgusted sorry i'm seeing these two specific pigeons only those two are just literally pooping everywhere they can just all over the place comes back uncontrollably

and also i love that the mold dripped onto the back and then there are used tampons and pigeon poop i'm picturing all of this just kind of dripping onto her back i think the pigeons are carrying all of this stuff in too i was disgusted obviously it has a c instead of a g i was disgusted and i was walking around on tiptoes because i thought that would help but it didn't i'm sorry i'm like now I'm like picturing like just literally just covered in used tampons and pigeons tiptoeing around. Oh my gosh. Oh, I know what'll help. And then just like tiptoeing across the tile.

I don't really. If it were bad enough where you need to tiptoe, maybe just leave. I don't know. That's, then again,. I don't know. Then again, I'd probably stick around. I'm really weird about leaving places no matter how uncomfortable I am. Yeah. It takes a lot of energy to get to a place, you know?

True, true. It mustn't have been cleaned ever. I regret going there because I now have spots all over my face. I really think it was disgusting. I mean, there was pig-oids inside. Ping-oids? Penguins? Pig-oins. Pig-oins. Oh, pig-oins. Like pigeons. Yeah.

Pig-oins. Spelled so completely differently from the original, which is spelled pigeon. Did they not just swap the E and the O? No. P-I-G-O-I-N-S. Oh, yeah. s oh yeah that is very different it's just a new word how do you spell pigeon now i'm confused p-i-g-e-o okay i was right it was switching the e and o okay in my head because i thought i thought maybe they just swapped those two letters but if they added an i swapped a couple out you know that doesn't make any sense there was pig wines inside especially they spelled it right earlier yes exactly okay sorry there was pig wines inside especially they spilled it right earlier yes exactly sorry there was pig wines inside and they carry god knows how many diseases well they don't

carry them it seems they drop them everywhere actually not even everywhere just on you it seems also are pigeons famous for being disease carriers um i mean i'm sure they're not the most sanitary to be like communing with but i also don't think they're like rats in a kitchen. I don't know. We're just pig wines in a public pool. Literally, have you seen Ratatouille? Be nice. You're right.

You're right. I regret going there because I am now. Oh, I already read that. Well, we can we can discuss this. Spots? In the UK, that means acne okay so from swimming so despite everything that happened here like this person actually went swimming well it couldn't be maybe it's just from pigeon poop yeah okay that's what i wasn't sure about it could be

spots from um tampons mold pig wind poop you never know like they tripped what just fell face first into a pile of all of this well no because the pigeons are dropping it on her so it could really affect her skin in any capacity also the lifeguards were no good as they just sat there looking at their feet and were very impolite i would advise you not to go as i was very disappointed and I am normally a easy pleaser. I hope my review has been useful. End of review. I mean, I would see the thing is it's not too useful only because I would, if this is true, I'd want to see it for myself. It sounds, it sounds like a disaster.

It does. But it seems so far-fetched that I would love to see it in person just to confirm. Part of me thinks it sounds far-fetched. But then the fact that Daisy actually said this is one of the grimmest swimming pools to have ever frequented in the UK. And now it's listed as permanently closed. And on TripAdvisor, it has two stars out of five. Oh, yikes. Okay, that's really bad. And some of these photos now that I'm looking at.

Oh, dear God. Oh, help. Oh, no. You know what? Daisy listens to my show, listens to my voice, probably cares for me quite a bit. So I'm going to trust Daisy. You know what? I'm kind of ill actually now.

You're just scrolling through photos? I think I'm gathering even more filth now. I think we're all, I think everyone is gathering more filth. think everyone i don't feel so good i thought i mean looking at my burrito stands i thought i'd gathered enough filth for one day but nope it just keeps coming yeah this podcast just piles the filth on and on and on since the 90s that would be i know that like daisy already took it as their bio but our podcast could have a sub-slogan like gathering filth since the 90s yeah and like daisy already took it as their bio but our podcast could have a sub slogan like gathering phil since the 90s yeah and like daisy if we credit you can we use it on a shirt that'd be really fun did daisy didn't write it did no so whatever let me see daisy sorry we don't care

this shut up this is from erw0586 okay so erw0586 yeah we're gonna use this and we're not gonna care and we don't care who knows it uh no i really like that slogan i feel like we should we should use it steal it yeah i mean use it i mean borrow it all right oh right i keep going huh this is from anika and uh anika says hey sibs hi elise's review is my favorite despite being one star it actually makes me want to go to that pool so here is a one-star view of ellenberger public pool in indianapolis one star by elise pool supervisor cliff's behavior is that of an irrational child on sunday a guest complained about the music selection at the pool, so in response, he played the same saxophone and techno song for over an hour,

then switched to the gummy bear song on loop for another hour. Oh, I definitely want to go there. What? He has no respect for the many families paying to relax at a public pool and is vindictively and purposefully infuriating the taxpayers who pay his salary yikes end of review elise relax chill relax it's the gummy bear how can you not relax the most comforting and beautiful easygoing song to ever exist if you guys don't know what that is please don't google it you're gonna regret it i fall asleep to that

song every night it's actually in the calm app they have oh no they have the gummy bear song read by idris elba it just hums it to you um yikes so that is from anika thank you uh let's see here's one from drew he says he they thank you drew who also says hbdxt and happy gemini season so this is a review of a public pool by my apartment in lowell mass one star by theresa the people here are rude the children use the most foul disturbing language and the lifeguards contribute to the nasty language and on top of that i witnessed a guard try to hit a child with a life float adults swim in their jeans and socks who swims in crusty socks i left and i will never bring my children here again end of review this sounds so much like our pool growing up like the

lifeguards is being dicks like on purpose but it was like a thing with all the the swim kids not that i because i wasn't one of those i just watched but the lifeguards don't stop the children from being terrors because they're all friends and i'm like yeah that actually sounds exactly correct very accurate we were never in that in crowd um no no we watched from afar we were stuck in the lost and found dungeon um oh yeah in the mold i don't even remember when it where it was you don't it was by the um shuffleboard and you go underneath it was like underneath where the snack bar was you're right and it smelled really dank and it was dark down there and you could basically just take stuff which kind of sucked i mean it was

good if you forgot like goggles and you'd go that's right oh my god but it sucked because if you actually forgot like a sweater or something like it would be gone wow it was more like an exchange like a clothing and accessories exchange which nowadays also so foul like that people were switching out towels and like goggles and i mean i don't know what but is that why i got pink eye that one time? No, that's because you took the crusty socks from. Oh, true, true, true. And you were swimming around in those. On my eyes, yes. On your hands.

You just rubbed my eyes afterwards. Remember when in Francisco you used to wear those big nose goggles, the ones that go over your nose? Yes. Apparently some pools don't allow those. Why not? I don't know. Someone called a pool a moronic pool that doesn't allow

nose goggles oh no for their poor son so man i i don't think that a perfect pool exists where everyone's gonna be happy being like i just don't know how to swim without nose goggles and we were like okay just swim just i guess don't breathe in through your nose she goes water goes in there and i was like yeah well sure if you're breathing anyway i don't know i'm a terrible swimmer i don't even know how to dive um i still never learned like off the side of the pool yeah really i don't know how to do that i've never done one of the only things i can do on this planet i was so scared of it and like as an adult i've never had an opportunity to be taught i think it's one of those things where i think i can do it and then if i

actually saw a video of myself doing it i'd be like that's not it like it's like when i think like oh i can do a cartwheel and then you see a photo and like you think you can do a cart well in the past after a few beers and then my legs are like fully not yeah pair uh like i can't go into a pool head first like it's impossible to me i like cannot imagine doing that it sounds so scary we'll practice when where i don't know i'm like i don't like going to the pool all right i only have two left so this is actually my favorite review of all of them my favorite from this episode from this episode sorry maybe from ever but probably not from ever just from today for sure um and this is better than the ones i brought to the table weird yeah i know it's hard to believe

i didn't expect it to happen but here we are this was sent in by cassidy who says this was the first place that popped up in my head when y'all said the topic. I love the podcast and love y'all too. Thanks Cassidy. Love you too. The subject is kids want man dead. Yikes. Okay I saw that email come in and I was like what? I'm so glad you didn't click it before I did because wow I'm so happy about this. This is a one-star review. Horrible place. Swim teachers for adults are very rude and uncaring. Made my daughter bleed and choke on water. Okay, I'm sorry. I've come to this point in the show.

We just laugh at the worst things. Because it's so outrageous. That's not what I expect to hear. No. And so it's weirdly funny that picturing this teacher just say, or purposefully make this child bleed. She made her choke on water. Like, what?

Yeah. Anyway. All the other classes that aren't adults have a man and a woman or two women. But my daughter and son get stuck with just a man. It says adults, but it's actually 13 and up. He is very full of himself thinking he has such a high position. My younger son had fun in his class, but my two older kids complained. And we're talking about cursing the man with voodoo and curses. They really hate this man. And this man seems to be

a teenager. My kids are the only kids there the other students were old men my daughter was uncomfortable they were teaching in the five foot side of the pool but my daughter is four foot nine and well it says four inches i assume he means feet okay my daughter is four foot nine and my son even smaller they can't even stand up straight they literally are on their toes and even then she can't look straight up straight they literally are on their toes and even then she can't look straight they have to look up they look like drowning kittens the man didn't even offer to teach class a bit closer to four feet side or even four foot five four inches again but you know he'll learn someday all the students were smaller than five feet the man seemed to be looking isn't that

the point wait all of the students okay hold on wait wait all they were the only kids but all the adults were also smaller than five feet that's a good point sandy and this this teenager who's teaching us who's also a man just towers in front and above everybody all the drowning kittens oh my god who somehow still are able to stand on their toes yeah i'm so confused here the man didn't even offer to teach class blah blah blah all the students were smaller than five feet the man seemed to be looking at my daughter in a strange way and she said she's putting on a shirt next time okay that part i don't like yeah my two oldest hate this man very very much they want this man dead and that's not even the bare minimum oh my don't

things people put in here on the internet and i have a feeling it's not over oh no i was putting gas in on the way back and they were talking about wiccan and voodoo curses that's the bare minimum oh my god what does he mean he said the bare minimum twice now like they will not be able to continue with their lives unless this man is dead they've at least cursed him with voodoo wiccan and i guess that's it curses yes they keep murmuring to each other about this man being killed if my kids were in the back holy shit going how do we hex him how do we curse him and end his life i'd be like man that swim teacher must be really bad no i'd be like excuse me children we don't wish threatening death on people on teenagers this is like some slender man like

shit like that that whole slender man story where they like took that girl into the uh-huh remember that whole episode on atw um like this is seriously some like dark sounding shit i also love that they're murmuring in the back and he's just picking up on like a couple uh couple words kids will be kids yeah they keep murmuring to each other about this man being killed. They have half-hour classes, four days a week for two weeks. As much as I hate this man,

I hope my kids don't get to him first. Oh my god! Wait, okay. That implies you're trying to get to him too. How about everyone just stay far away from this teenage man, please. This teenage man please this tall teenage man who's at least four feet believe it or not because nobody else seems to be oh my goodness um as much

as i hate this man i hope my kids don't get to him first too bad that the staff at the desk were super nice they deserve to work somewhere better than this disgraceful place. Yeah, because you're about to cause a murder scene and curse the place. That was something. I'm always amazed when people are like, oh, this is the first pool that came to mind. And I opened it and found this gem. And it's like, how? There's no way we'd be able to find that or view just randomly like that.

Wow. That's beautiful. That was art. That was art. Truly that's beautiful that was art that was art truly though that was a a wildly good one all right well the last one i have is a redemption this is from crystal thank you crystal this is a review of the carlsbad water park in carlsbad north north mexico new mexico christine this is a four-star review by Natalie. I absolutely love this place. Carlsbad really needed a place like this. The only bummer for me was that my poor baby girl was just shy of being tall enough for the big slides. I'm hoping that she may have grown just enough to

be able to go on them now. I guess I will find out today, taking my daughter as a reward for exceeding all of her goals for kindergarten this year. And because alongside her diploma, she was given an award for being the best reader in class and also reading the most books out of her entire class. So this place is perfect for things like this. It's any chance to brag about your kid. I wonder if she puts that everywhere. Yeah. So this place is perfect for things like this. It's also great to go as a family, it's i mean any chance to brag about your kid i wonder if she puts that everywhere yeah so this place is perfect for things like this it's also great to go as a family being able to take snacks

and beverages that you could enjoy under a canopy i really enjoy this place and often recommend to all my friends especially the ones that have never been to a water park that's it that's it that little line right there i think is a big thing i mean if this is a place that you'd recommend to someone who's never been to a water park that's a quite a high compliment i think i agree because water parks are stressful and if you've never been to one unfun yikes can be unfun so that's the last one i have i want to go there i don't like water but i want to go there i don't like water i don't uh so that's all i have so thank you everybody for those that was i know there was a lot but there were just so many good ones um

bummed i couldn't use all of them but they're again they're always up for between you and us in the future yep yep yep um so i guess i should do my challenge now huh yeah i don't even remember what it is at this point excellent because you're gonna hate it this was from shannon uh who i loved the email it said she slash for pronouns she for pronouns yep that's a new one pineapple Pineapple products about swinging. Oh, my God. How could I forget? Wow, I totally blanked.

Yeah. Oh, no. So basically, the challenge was to find reviews of pineapple products or merchandise that insinuated that the purchaser or reviewer were using them or intending to use them for the purpose of swinging since because pineapples are known to be a um a signal if you will uh in certain communities you won't uh in certain communities to signify that someone is in the swinging lifestyle or if the pineapple is upside down that they are seeking partners or a partner for swinging purposes this makes me think about anything i've owned that had pineapples on it i think same uh and i think a lot of people do own pineapple merchandise and it would never

occur to them yeah and i don't think it's like oh my god you're sending out signals it's sort of like i think you would know and people are are subtle about it like it's not like i'm sure i would never pick up on it if someone like made reference to the pineapple stuff i was you know what i mean like not that it sounds like it's some crazy like terrible thing i'm just like yeah i don't know and in the south you know it is also a sign of hospitality uh so you know they kind of mesh together and i think like it's used as a symbol in a very specific way that like if you have an upside down pineapple hanging in your front porch on a flag like okay that might mean something if you have what i found which are some flags that say america is sweet like a pineapple and it has a bunch of american

flags on it that's probably not indicating yeah i was gonna say that doesn't sound like a pineapple and it has a bunch of American flags on it, that's probably not indicating swinging lifestyle. Yeah, I was going to say, that doesn't sound like a... Okay, I'm glad that I picked up on that one. So sometimes they're pretty obvious. Sometimes, a lot of times I learned that the pineapple sticker on a car upside down is a symbol. Interesting. So if it's upside down, that often is the key because you're like,

oh, that actually intentionally means something. If you were just like cute, a pineapple, you probably wouldn't put it upside down. If that makes sense. And some people said, that's a good point.

And some people said, um, if you put it in your shopping cart upside down, it means like maybe, you know, it's silly stuff like that where it's like, maybe, maybe not. And then I did read somebody who who did say like oh my wife and i met somebody when we had this sticker

because they said like oh what is your pineapple sticker mean and i was like that's a great way to like ask because if someone's like oh i'm from south carolina and i like love pineapples it's like okay cool love it yeah if they're like oh well you know it's a lifestyle thing then you're like okay yeah we're on board here i would just say oh they're juicy just like just like me oh they wouldn't know what i see juicy i yeah i i kind of love this whole world that's like opened up to me now no me too and and the best and worst thing you ever did i did yeah i was tell me that cruises were heavily involved in this culture yes because you're gonna regret that very much yes i bet okay oh my god oh cruising on yep uh there

are things called lifestyle cruises and they are specifically geared toward adult activities that you know certain lifestyles swinging um nudism anything that like probably wouldn't be um a normal cruise going family's kind of cup of tea i kind of want to do like go on one of those um yeah you're required to be in a couple i'm ending at that oh typically because they don't like this is an invitation to any creepers like me who want to go and will be my couple or the second half of my couple no i was thinking i i would want to go on something like that and interview people and talk to people they probably don't want you to i know they don't i'm just saying it would be so fascinating and interesting i feel like like as i would watch well maybe there's a documentary yeah it sounds like it honestly

sounds like a vice documentary like it almost sounds like a secret lifestyle of parody of a vice like of and they have to have some sort of like in your face wording in the title like well there's also some confusion cruise fuckers or something whoa whoa whoa like they got a that's exactly that's how they get your attention it's really annoying um so also there's some confusion because i guess if you reach a certain status on certain cruises it's called pinnacle if you're with a certain number of people you get no so there's like a certain status of like cruise goer like you know you get like points for going on cruise and it's called pinnacle status but their symbol is a pineapple and so you always get like pineapple like memorabilia if you are a pinnacle status but they're a lot of times much older seniors because they've done so many

cruises and so it became kind of funny in these comments to see people being like wait but like i got all these beautiful i decorate my cruise ship every day with or every time I go with all these beautiful pineapple decor because I'm a pinnacle member. And people are like, well, who knows? Just don't be mad if some people have questions. Have a friendly, friendly little wink. Anyway, so this is a an uh a product first of all and it's called subtle upside down pineapple t-shirt on amazon oh subtle there are a lot of not subtle what's it look like it actually is really cute it's a black t-shirt and like on the pocket uh it has a little white

upside down pineapple like that's some shit i would wear not not like i just see that a good will be like dope it is very cute there's a five star view by paul perfectly discreet this shirt has caught the eye of a few couples and singles that are in the know fabric is very soft and it didn't shrink too much in the wash end of review so if i wear that shirt people will approach me um they might and some people were like wait i'm offended like i just found out that this is a thing and no one's ever approached me i'm like will this work for me i think there's some more nuance to it. There is. You know what I mean? The assumption, it makes it sound like I'm saying,

oh, yeah, swingers will just sleep with anyone. No, exactly. It's like a whole thing. I think it's a lot more nuanced and it's a lot more... Well, you probably have read up all about it. I have learned everything. And read so many people and how they talk about it. There was one, for example, a couple who went on a cruise and they were very much wearing upside down pineapples and it was like okay you probably wouldn't do that

unless you knew what it meant you know what i mean and i think probably you're giving off more of a vibe if you're like actively seeking for somebody to notice your shirt yes you know what i mean yeah um so this is another shirt on amazon called upside down pineapple swinger shirt couple sex party hookup t-shirt short sleeve unisex orgy t-shirt oh wow some of these got real wild wow uh and this is a five-star review by theresa actually wait no sorry that was on etsy that was that was an etsy shirt that sounds like an amazon it does but etsy actually there was a store i'm sure there are a lot but there was a store that sold all sorts of um interesting like orgy materials like stuff where it would be it would be like signaling to other people

what lifestyle you're interested in yeah or you're into and that you are actively seeking people to join you in said lifestyle. I just bought a bumper sticker. Uh-oh. And it says, if you like orgies, please call. And then it's my phone number. That's it. It was marketed as a subtle orgy bumper sticker. I was going to say, that had to be in the subtle category. Yeah, yeah.

Because I think I'd see that and go, I don't know. And I bought it on Amazon, which is weird, because it had my iPhone number on it. so i guess a lot of people someone made that a long time ago to get back at you but uh oh jokes on them jokes on them at the end of the day so this is a five-star view by theresa deliciously flirty i also get winks from men when wearing it, especially at Costco. Those are just creeps. They don't know anything about pineapple. You weren't even wearing your shirt that day.

Just people at Costco. Oh, going to Costco better. Put the shirt on. I love that. This is my Saturday afternoon flirting session. Time to get some free samples, if you know what I mean. Ooh, ooh, ooh. All right.

Then I immediately went to Cool Cruise Community. What's the website called? Cruise Critic. Cruise Critic. Okay. Cruise Critic Community. And they have different topics and forums. And the topic for today's episode is swingers and pineapple door signs.

And Cool Cruiser Alvin started off the discussion. Just heard this is a thing. Sounds crazy. Apparently, if you see a pineapple sticker on a cabin door, that means that people are swingers and are interested in meeting others. Is this true? We are taking a cruise with a bunch of elderly people in our family and want to be aware of this type of stuff so we can stick stickers on their door and help them make some new friends just kidding oh seriously though pineapple stickers i was like no judgment but

like i mean i a silly haha it's not where i expected that to go so i do appreciate the joke i was like oh it was funny to me. The rest wasn't very funny, even though everyone seemed to be very heartily amused by one another's jokes, which is, I guess, why they're all friends. So this got pretty wild. It was 13 pages of a forum.

I'm worried. Like, did it get out of hand? Yeah, it did. It did. So I guess what I'll tell you, i'll kind of walk you through it i'm obviously not going to read all 13 pages of reviews but i read all 13 pages of reviews okay and i picked out some of the highlights here so people started actually discussing at one point which cruise liners have swings on them swings swings what are swings um it's a thing you sit on at the playground okay that i just didn't totally get it what someone said what like they like they were

like oh this couple enjoys swinging and then they were like i didn't think there were got it i was very i ship my head was so my i was the opposite where I thought okay swing must be a term for like the act of swinging or something I mean it is but it's also a swing at a playground and I think people didn't totally get it but then some people were using that to to denote a sex swing and yeah a lot of layers that that's also where my mind went so I was very confused most people didn't entirely follow all the threads. There were a lot of threads that I think not everybody realized they were in different threads happening at once. But it got back on track.

CC John. Oh, Cool Cruiser John. I wrote CC. Cool Cruiser John wrote, and I've been hanging a giant watermelon magnet. No wonder it has been so quiet. Cool Cruiser John wrote, and I've been hanging a giant watermelon magnet. No wonder it has been so quiet. Cool Cruiser Ray. That's such a harmless, silly comment. It just gets even more outrageous.

But that's like, to me, I don't know what it is about that. But that to me is hilarious. The watermelon thing. Everybody thought this was hilarious. hilarious oh this next one no that oh that okay good because yeah probably the rest of it i don't know it's just so harmless cool cruiser ray i wonder what the response would be if i put a fruit salad magnet on my door okay no you're just trying to take the joke and make it weird never mind i don't want to know oh uh yeah that was the other thing. I'm mad at that.

The jokes just got to a point where we were like, oh, like, okay. Yeah. We get it. We're just rehashing the same thing, which is what we do on here. But so, you know. This is a cool cruiser, Kevin. Quality laugh material. About what?

The watermelon joke or just in general? Both. Just all. Oh, the watermelon. Yep. in general just all the yep okay cruel cruiser paula all i keep thinking about was one of our senior pinnacle slash pineapple cruisers opening his or her cabin door to a semi-nude person with a bottle of scotch saying well hello there omg bleach my brain now. Eek! I hated that one. Yeah, well, just get ready.

Cool Cruiser Sparks. Does that make SpongeBob a swinger since he lives in a pineapple? No. Hold on. I might have something there. Cool Cruiser Zany. Wonder what a banana on the door means okay basically every fruit comes into play see i like the watermelon because it's harmless banana that's not harmless you're getting a little too too far cool cruiser pete responded to the banana comment okay now i'm laughing out loud.

This thread is hilarious, but kind of creepy when you wonder what has gone on in my cabin before me. Ooh, yuck. Eek! What do you... Okay, what do you mean, though? Like, why is that particular... I don't know. Somebody commented later, like, you realize it's not any less that goes on if there's like a honeymooning couple or any couple on a cruise exactly and how

many hotels have you stayed at hotel rooms or whoever like it's not any grosser i don't know so yeah i'm with you cool cruiser kitty says i'm sailing on the symphony in november now i'm going to walk all the hallways to see how many pineapples on doors I can find. LOL. And then Cool Cruiser Mom responded, for the purpose of evil smile. Oh. Wink face. Oh.

I would. Evil smile had the colons. Evil smile. Had the colons? Yeah. So like eek always has colons around it to be like Eek. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I see.

Oh, so there wasn't an emoji. It was just they actually typed out Evil Smile. Oh, yeah, with one word, Evil Smile with the colons around it. Yeah, yeah. Cool Cruiser Wolfgang. The wildest I recall being told, and I was told this, so this is totally secondhand and could be wrong. All the furniture is removed from the main show lounge and it's filled with mattresses. It's called the playroom and you must be invited to participate on any given mattress.

Eek! Eek! Eek! That hurt me a little bit. Wait, what? The show, there's... The playroom. There's an entire playroom that the crew sets up for... There is no fucking way. Allegedly secondhand information that even wolfgang says might not be true cool cruiser maggie oh i forgot about maggie

maggie's the one that fucks this all up oh no maggie brings it down what are you doing maggie ruins the fun maggie please she's let's just say she's a bigot she calls everyone else i'll say it she calls everyone else a bigot because she says there's nothing wrong with being vanilla and stop actually she said vanilla is the most bigoted term you could use and i was like yikes seems like an extreme term or extremes uh hell to die on here but whatever so this is maggie's first comment this is when she first arrives if you only knew what the wreath on my front door meant if you only knew at first i thought this was like another country song sounds religious already i thought maybe that's where we were going but it's it's not quite if you only knew why we have nurses clogs on our front porch

if you only knew why i park one car in my front driveway and one in my back driveway. That sounds like a euphemism. It does. Okay. Okay. If you only knew why I plant tulip bulbs every fall. Maggie, these are not sounding better. These sound...

Okay. I'm sorry. Maybe Maggie just has more fun than everyone and it just came across like it was like too much. All these euphemisms. We'll see. If you only knew why I wear Birkenstocks until November. Okay, you're losing me now, Maggie. I can't make a euphemism out of that.

Yep. All signs of a wonderful home life. With two, yes, count them, two very prominent wall decorations with pineapples on them swingers get over yourself what what why wait what does that mean basically i don't know over themselves so she starts to get really ticked off that swingers think they're high and mighty and they can take pineapples all for themselves but no yeah maggie gets to keep her pineapples because everyone else is a bigot it's like that that bigot on twitter who said that gay people stole the rainbow from god right exactly that's exactly right yeah and

then it's the it's the same concept and it's like that should be something to be proud of being able to like steal a rainbow from god like that's it's actually like pretty fucking baller like gay people getting together and like stealing the rainbow it's pretty dope and honestly i feel like god would concede and be like hell yeah i i didn't think you could do it but like whoa good job damn impressive um so then some other lady came in and also ruined it by going on about how she didn't approve of the lifestyle she thought this is how children would be corrupted uh and wrote this whole weird role play situation of like kevin oh my mom hooked up with your dad last night really i thought it was mackenzie's mom oh and i was like do you really think this is okay um and all these people commented like

lady i don't think any of that is how anything works just stay keep stay out of their business your lane right and and and then she got like wow you are all you swingers are awfully defensive of your lifestyle and it just got really like awful i attacked you how dare you defend yourself and then okay whatever it just got like really bummer central for a while but i gotta hand it to the cool cruisers because they really did pull it back from that negativity um because most people were like what are you doing like stop i left maggie at port we were having they left her they they walk off the plank maggie oh no that's a little too dark in the brig how about that just until the end of the cruise lost and found for a few hours we'll catch you later so then cool cruiser karen who's now like my fave gal uh she

showed up and are you taking that slur back should i call her corinne is that what's happening here i know she's taking it back cool cruiser karen defended swingers she's like i'm not one but why does it matter if anyone else is one and she's like i have a bunch of lgbtq friends like it doesn't mean i'm offended that i'm not part of the light i don't know she went on like a nice interesting rant and uh just made some very solid points and then uh she said you know i wish rick would join in because he is apparently famous on these forums for coming in and like getting the crowd all uh laughed up it turns out rick hates swingers he's apparently hilarious okay and then so karen said i wish he would show like join the chat here he is going to be dragging all those innocents to hell in a handbasket loud cry loud cry is that like

screaming for him to show up loud cry loud cry i don't know maybe yeah and then cool cruiser ray came back he's the one fruit salad and he said it's easy to put an upside down pineapple in your card if you prop it up in the corner not that i would know roll eyes halo um and there are emojis like you can use emojis weird i wonder i wonder if they like i don't know if there's an app or something or on certain browsers it shows up because if their didn't work, it says emoji 53 in brackets. Really? Yeah. So there are specific emojis that sometimes don't show up.

So maybe they use these emojis on other forms as well. And then it's like become common use to just use them on all the forms. No, because they use it also for like pulls up bar stool and like. Yeah, true. It's just like that's how Discord is. You put the colons and you put the emoji in the middle but like i yeah i don't know i if it's not showing up i've been on this for years and it doesn't seem to be like they have many other sounds like they're

strange people on this forum believe it or not really specific like walks downstairs to avoid looking at husband or whatever i don't know who's that guy that didn't show up or that they wanted to show up uh rick did rick show up he actually had already shown up and someone's like hello go back to page two and i'm like okay we're on page 11 yeah and rick had actually shown up and posted um he had said good thing i didn't buy this at cole's two weeks ago and it was like a stock image of a man wearing a pineapple suit oh i was thinking he'd say something like yeah uh someone came up to me and said is that a pineapple in your pocket or are you just a swinger maybe you should get involved i should you might become the next

rick you might replace rick what if i just became a celebrity on i don't even remember the cruise critic if uh rick can do it i can't i can't compete with that yeah no um and now so that was it for the the forum but now i wanted that to give you context for this review which i think is most fitting for the challenge because it the challenge originally said like they would subtly insinuate that this is what they needed for and it was just a magnet a pineapple magnet and this is a five-star review by kevin on amazon of this magnet and it says perfect everyone loves it looks great on our cruise door. Oh, I love that. End of review.

I love that. That is perfect. That is exactly it. I was just like, wow, that full circle. And I also. After all that context, too. Yeah. That's amazing.

And I learned so much. But honestly, I have to hand it to them because the cool cruisers took it and like went with it in such a fun and awesome and like open-minded way that i didn't totally expect yeah and that's probably on me to be judging that way but well if it's clear that it's like if if the the bad apple is so clear that there's that one person and everyone is like exactly that's a good sign about the whole community yeah like you're ruining our good time and it was not even at the expense of the swinger community it was more just like um like oh fun i had no idea like guess i didn't know what i was in for when i decorated my walls with pineapples

last year oops you know i mean nothing like harmful um people who clearly were in the lifestyle and were like yeah that actually means something but like no one's gonna harass you if you are wearing a pineapple shirt or whatever um so it was very interesting and for the most part very well spirited in 13 pages i didn't think it would go positive i mean when you see that you're probably expecting the worst i buckled up for a rough night yeah yeah it was good so anyway um i had a good time with that it was really fun and i learned that it entirely does mean what it what it means good to know if you are seeking um that upside down pineapple should do the trick it sounds like these mac car magnets are are a big

big hit you might have just like introduced some people to some information that's great i i hope so too i'm hoping and and stickers like like even just subtle like symbol you don't have to wear there was oh my god there were some shirts that were like well that's not subtle it was like a pineapple humping another pineapple and it said like plays well with others and i was like okay okay this is getting a little out of control i'd wear that that's the only first one i'm like okay okay this is getting a little out of control i'd wear that that's the only first one i'm like yeah that i'd actually wear wearing sunglasses it was like really weird um but you know there were some tasteful ones that it's like boring i feel like

you could play that and kind of do this might have ruined me now i'm just gonna like see all these people with pineapple stuff and i'm just going to come to conclusions. I was entertained by all the people who clearly spend a lot of time at HomeGoods who were like, well, look what I saw today. And it was a pineapple dish rag. And then someone's like, look what I saw. And it was a pineapple cutting board. And I was like, okay, guys. Hilarious, I know.

But I just thought they had such a fun time with it in such a positive way that i was just very amused i wonder if valerie at qvc has any uh good pineapple gear she'd probably be not pleased to learn what it meant no true no she and maggie probably wouldn't approve of the lifestyle but you know well, thank you, everybody. That's all I got for us. That was really good. I like that. That's kind of exactly what I hoped for.

Just good informational session about... Excellent. About... I always want to say cruisers. Yes, swingers. Cruisers and swingers. Cruisers and swingers. Not to be confused or conflated,

because they definitely don't necessarily go in hand but they often do apparently okay so what is our theme for the next episode for the following one our theme comes from teya and yeah this is going to be episode 134 two weeks from now and it is reviews of dick's last resort oh boy you heard of those yeah i've never been to one me neither uh it is uh for those who don't know it's a chain according to tea uh she her uh by the way it's a chain where the waiters are purposely rude to you and every time um that she's been there there have been karen's mad about them doing their uh well advertised jobs like it's very clear. That's the whole point of going there.

It has the word dick in the name. So, yeah, we're going to be reading those reviews. Especially they insult you. Is that the whole point? I think it's, yeah. And they're just not nice. Yeah. And it's, like, part of the whole experience. Okay, great.

That'll be very interesting. So I have a challenge from Kendra who says, and I'm hoping since it's summertime now that this is less upsetting for anybody who's had this happen to them in either the spring or fall. Find a review of a college or university, or I guess just a school, where the reviewer is salty or upset about not getting in. Oh, boy. Because I feel like there are probably some good ones with like great explanations of why they should have gotten in yeah yeah but they didn't oh boy so i'm curious to see what uh who's gonna defend themselves on the internet yeah on yelp and google talk about like wow this is exactly the kind of people that we read things from. And it could be anything like an art program or something more specific than just a school.

But I have a feeling there might be some very defensive folks on the internet. We're also going to give you the theme and challenge for the week after that. Because we're recording in these episodes two at a time. For now, yeah. Yeah, for now. So this is going to be released on the 30th this is uh for episode 135 135 but we're recording it but we're recording it in like a week from now when this episode's released so we're recording it around the january 16th so be sure to send in

any reviews you have for these uh to beach shoes any at gmail.com. What is our theme? So our theme, we're going to stick to pride month since that'll be the last week of pride month. And that's the end of any pride. Just kidding. There's been a lot of stuff going around about like, well, that actually fits directly into the theme. This is from Susie. He's she, her. Thank you, Susie. And she said, I thought it would be funny to read reviews of pride merch it's been a trend on tiktok to show the horrible pride merch and i'm sure there are reviews to match it oh yeah so there's been a lot of uh silly things corporations have done to try and it'll be nice yeah capitalize on pride month it'll be nice at the end of the month after things all of this shit has gone down i'm sure all the tiktoks have said their piece um for us to

kind of take a little peek at those one stars so that is my review i'm sorry that is my theme uh your challenge this is from sonia she her sheifer uh who says hello to the peanut princess and the pecan prince um which i think is new to me. I love it. Here's the challenge. Find a review of an attraction about a cryptid or mythical creature, for example, the Bigfoot Museum in Felton, California, or the Leprechaun Museum in Dublin, Ireland, in which the reviewer claims the attraction has inaccurate information

about said mythical creature. So, like, this mythical information is wrong. So like this mythical information is wrong. Yes. My mythical information is correct. Yes, exactly. Oh, hell yeah. Okay, that's great. That'll be an interesting episode.

And also suggested the use of Atlas Obscura, which of course is something that we are familiar with. So that's a good place to look for these kinds of places. Perfect. Well, I will do that. And until then, we can't wait to hear from you if you have anything to send feel free if not no pressure we'll still invite you to the episode don't worry you can still come we'll let you listen to it let you listen thanks in advance thanks for all the help for this week and we'll talk to you soon. We love you. Bye.