Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 136: Reviews of Islands

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

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Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. This is episode 136 about islands. Island living. This is from Mackenzie, they, them. Thank you, mackenzie for the suggestion uh i'm excited for this one me too and i want to add before we uh get into the actual reviews that we did a bonus episode on patreon i know we owed the patrons one so we did kind of a double feature and it's like an hour long and it's a disaster and it's because it was a disaster i was still upset about it why it was it was just hard for me to listen to all of those awful reviews you brought to the table you liked cindy i and

her cat trumpster i couldn't sleep oh come on i was crying last night and i thought i thought it was like just anxiety and depression but now i'm realizing it was cindy oh cindy was the root cause i really think so you know what say what you want but i think the patrons know they're probably gonna feel the exact same way um well it's an hour long so if you want to go listen to basically us just finding random reviews online um you can go do that at patreon.com slash beach to sandy otherwise shall we get started let's do it okay i'll start if that's okay because i have a lot okay so this first so we got a ton of emails by the way um and i did not get to use even like remotely all of them no yeah i apologize wild how many so thank you everybody though it's very helpful, but I didn't get to all of them.

So this is from Riley. He uses they, them pronouns. Thank you, Riley. Is it the Riley? I think so. Hi, Riley. Hi, Riley.

I don't want to say their name. I'm going to motion the last letter. Okay. The first letter of the last name. Hi, Riley. Hi, Riley. So this is, so Riley says,

I found reviews of a few different islands, including Snake Island, where people are not allowed to go because there are so many deadly snakes. Okay, good. I'm glad people aren't allowed to go there, though. So a lot of people, as you can imagine, wrote like, I went and a rope bit me and now my leg is black. Yeah, a bunch of the jokey ones. That is one that I think Riley sent. So sorry, I didn't mean to mock the one you sent in but you know it's like the same kind of like jokey attitude right so here's one in the

midst of like probably 20 of those this is by lisa one star you are not allowed on snake island not without special authorization i watched the the documentary on YouTube. So you saying you visit very often. Well, I beg to differ. No one lives here. Not since the family that lived in the lighthouse years ago and the family were all killed by snakes. As I said, watch the docs on YouTube. There are loads on there. Watch the 60 Minutes Australia one. It tells you you can't go there. Just saying for those that say they have family on there or i'm going to visit there good luck getting on the island people end of review okay they were not having the joke reviews they didn't get the joke yeah which is hard to believe because they're pretty pretty literally called snake island and people are like why are there so many garden hoses like it's just so silly uh i do want to hear more about that lighthouse family that sounds like a movie in the making that's like snakes snakes on a plane sequel is snakes on in a lighthouse snakes in a lighthouse sounds good and that apparently is what the 60 minute australia

documentary is i need to i need to watch that actually so thank you for that documentary uh recommendation yeah lisa clearly got on i don't know what she was doing on the google reviews but she went on there and was very offended by all the people lying through their teeth about their experience so thank you lisa for calling out all the liars who say they have family on Snake Island. Trying to protect the sanctity of this review page. Amazing. So my first one is from an email as well. This is from Jennifer Sheher.

And here is a review. This is of Granville Island, which is located in downtown Vancouver, Canada. It is the number one tourist. which is located in downtown Vancouver, Canada. It is the number one tourist, one of the number one tourist areas in Vancouver, is a home to a giant public market, farmer's market,

artist studios, etc., etc. Anyway, here is a review by Betty, one star. I have been attacked in the face by seagulls and food stolen, which I was eating. These are dangerous creatures to adults, children, and seniors. There is nowhere inside for us to sit and eat our food. Full service charges are still being charged for food,

which has to be eaten outside. Never again for me. End of review. That was really hung up on the food there, which I don't blame you. But Betty's saying, give me a discount on your food because of the seagulls that you don't control.

Saying, I deserve a discount because I can't eat it outside. Because of the seagulls. Yeah. So thankfully though, they're not reviewing an actual establishment can't she eat it inside i'm confused no there is no indoor seating oh at these places i like that the place is like good luck so therefore betty thinks it's fair to get a discount because there's no indoor

seating which a discount from what like are you there's no it's not like they have a sign that says these we would charge the same prices if we had indoor dining and there's no it's not like they have a sign that says these we would charge the same prices if we had indoor dining and there's no sign that says that so how do you know that already discounted well okay i do like that you specify food that i was eating because yes yes i feel like that's a very poorly constructed sentence as well i feel like that's an important detail like if it were food that you were just kind of willy-nilly then maybe the seagulls have every right but if you were my bite like what what if what if the food that was stolen was stolen from the restaurant because the seagull really needed to feed its children it's like an ethical thing yeah like a loaf of bread yeah yeah yeah

the seagull was stealing loaves of bread uh to give to the uh underserved seagulls in the community betty's a money changer at the temple yes betty's i looked that up later we brought that up on the patreon bonus and i was right with my word i think you were right i just it i i think i wasn't expecting it let's just say that if you listen to that episode uh believe it or not i wasn't expecting her to uh bring up the money changers in the temple a lot in that episode yeah we talk we we go through literally go through different passages that's really not people are going to delete their patreon aliens well yeah we also talk about angels angels yep um it's quite a quite an episode um okay so this was sent in by multiple people um the ones that i did see were from riley and amanda and um it's a review

of i think oh geez i think it's easter island i'm pretty sure i didn't write oh that's a good thing to look at i didn't even think a lot of people sent easter island ones but i didn't write oh that's a good thing to look i didn't even think a lot of people sent easter island ones um but i didn't get to use any except this one um and there's a trend here that i think is alarming that we maybe need to delve into a little bit so please tell me it's not about people being upset that it's not christian enough because it's easter island no people were like i couldn't find any easter eggs and I was like, oh my God. But here's, this is a, I have three in a row here together. This first one is by Hank. One star. And this is a year ago.

Is Felipe still there? And that has 64 upvotes. Okay. Now this is a review by Sam 10 months ago. One star. Be careful, Felipe is out there. And that has 35 upvotes. And then...

Okay. Is this referencing something you know? No, but I'm nervous. I'm like, is there a serial killer that was on Easter Island? Here's the final review that was included. And this is by Ron and it's a one-star review from three months ago.

Warning, Felipe never left and he is still there. He will not stop following you no matter how far or fast you run. If you see him, then you are already dead.

Beware of Felipe. Is this like Chupacabra or something? Like some sort of... 33 upvotes. I don't get it oh you you don't know it you didn't look it up no why christina you find out that someone's stalking and there's some something named felipe because i was afraid it was gonna be like

a movie about the easter bunny and it's just like you know they kind of felipe situation easter island literally came up in my suggested Google searches. Oxenar, I don't know. I'm so confused, actually. I don't know. I have no idea, y'all. I mean, let's not ruin it with... Let's not ruin the magic.

Yeah. Exactly. We want people on social media to tell us everything about this and tell us, duh, it was like this. We need some engagement, okay? Yeah, true. But so I do like that the reviews kind of came like in spurts every couple months. Oh, Felipe apparently is a crazy park ranger. That's a quote from the subreddit rEasterIsland.

Really? For real? Yeah. And there's a link to a YouTube video titled My Worst Travel Experience, Easter Island. It's a YouTuber lost LeBlanc. Oh, my God. Okay. So we haven't watched this, so I have no idea what's going on. But I assume the people reviewing Easter Island are fans of this video series and immediately went to go review it talking about Felipe. Okay.

So the magic is gone. Thank you, Alexander. What do you mean? No, the story is just beginning the story has just begun the park ranger is a serial killer okay i didn't say that okay felipe please i didn't say that um be careful i'm let's just say i'm if you see him then you are already dead that's terrifying oh my god um but someone said uh oh but there's a top comment is saying

I watched all the videos about this guy and all the people were to blame not the ranger oh that sounds really familiar oh because it said the self entitled slash privileged white guy commanding the ranger to speak English when his girlfriend was right there to translate spoke volumes if you go to a

country and don't respect the local culture or heritage don't bother going because this is exactly what will happen oh man interesting do you see how felipe is hiding behind that big head and shockingly felipe has a really big head so it's almost like he was made for this exact island wow this video is incredible you guys should watch it oh my gosh okay so yeah um your turn yeah any magic though you're right is now gone so there you go that's the story from uh from us and our googling in 10 seconds we take any sparkle that remained and just yeah dull it dump mud on it um my next one this is also an email this is from bailey uh who sent in a review of cat island mississippi which is it looks like kind of outside like gulfport and biloxi uh it's off the coast i

mean uh yeah so let's see what what this reviewer has to say it is a five-star review okay so this is by sandy walked on my first island ever hermit crabs and raccoon galore beautiful end of review this is the first is are all islands like this yeah right like wreck i've never seen an island before i didn't know there were so many raccoons i and i wonder how they got there because it is pretty far off the coast so someone must have brought them i don't think a raccoon can swim that far brought the raccoon um yeah someone thought you meant sandy i was like i was hit her i'm sure she could find her way to an island without assistance how the heck did sandy get there what the heck that makes no sense no um apparently cat island does have raccoons so do the raccoons and the cats live harmoniously the cats oh hermit crabs not hermit cats island

oh i'm sorry i was like christina i didn't say hermit cats what if they were but hermit cats probably hermit raccoons hermit crabs hermit fish um you know that's a good question i don't know because i can tell you one thing the hermit crabs and the cats don't live harmoniously you know what actually it was discovered in 1699 and the crew that discovered it it was a French group of French explorers. They saw many strange big cats capable of opening oysters. What? Raccoons being unknown to them. Oh.

Wait, are you serious right now? This island was simply named the Isle of Cats. And it was about raccoons? This is according to Louisianne, with an E at the end. Wow, Alexander. Oh, it's a bunch of french stuff.org it's.org so it's uh see we have to believe it's true that's the coolest thing i ever heard they thought it was they thought it was cats a bunch of french people thought it was cats opening oysters cats with thumbs is basically what they thought yep and now we call them trash pandas you know

we treat them so poorly and then back then they're like look at these like special cats with such skill it's like the opposite of lobsters where they called them rats from the sea and now we're like it's a delicacy um rats of the sea no one calls lobsters that yes they did didn't they call them like the roaches or something whatever rats of the sea stop it there's a video game called curse of the sea rats screw you okay roach of the sea i think because they don't die okay roach is something weird like that cockroaches of the sea is an expression of unknown origin that traditionally refers to lobsters the bottom feeding crustaceans uh blah blah blah blah blah roaches of the sea is an expression of unknown origin that traditionally refers to lobsters the bottom feeding crustaceans uh blah blah blah blah blah roaches of the sea is way creepier you're right anyway okay fine there are no cats there i get it also we're not supposed to say discover anymore because people didn't discover places do you know what i mean yeah fun fact okay you know

what i mean yeah yeah yeah yeah that makes sense saying before somebody emails us that's something i learned recently does that include places that were not inhabited by anyone but the cats were there first okay i'm just asking and their oysters i don't actually know like as far as i know uh yeah i'm not actually sure yeah but these were colonizers so I don't really care about them. Anyway. And I also didn't know what a cat was, so come on, get it together. Who let them on this island?

They knew what cats were. They didn't know what raccoons were. Who let them swim there? Who let them swim there? Okay, this is from Emily. She, her, thank you, Emily. And this is a review of Martha's Vineyard. It's a one star by Colin.

Surrounded by water, sand sand everywhere it's just crazy and it's so crazy oh no you wouldn't even begin technically aren't we always surrounded even if it's very distant water and sand don't need to put that in my brain right now, but I guess you were floating on an island that is floating on a rock that is hurling through space. I thought this was pretty on brand for the show. A lot of water, a lot of sand. It's crazy. You wouldn't believe it. Yeah. Simply too much of all of it.

I don't believe it, actually. You don't know. Well, maybe you should check out mv maybe i yeah just i'll just take a quick trip to mv okay you know well um colin's a local guide so if anybody knows about how sandy a place is you know who else is a local guide who no not a local guide sorry you know who's yelp elite who liz my co-host Oh, my gosh. She just became it like a week ago. Tell me how the parties are, Liz. Yeah, yeah.

Tell us about everything. I want to know all the gossip about Fox. And please sneak us in. I almost canceled the show because I was like, it's like my mortal enemy. Oh, I thought you meant this show. No, no, no. Like you were kicking me off it. But I did find her page. She has three two-star reviews no one-star reviews

and she's given like 30 some five-star reviews i'm glad you can still be yelp elite with such a positive attitude that's what i'm saying and her reviews were well thought out some were funny some were just kind were there any that were cool oh i i personally found all of them oh okay great yeah i thought that was just you know just a given yeah um my next one this is now my own research for a little bit this is a review of catalina island this is the place i was in the hospital uh where i was in the hospital and i saw some bison though it was a cool it was a cool experience anyway those were cats those were raccoons those horned horned cats yes uh large horned cats that were not capable of opening oysters as far as you know as far as i put a few in front of them for hours they didn't know what to do with them

anyway this is a one star review by z Not as much salad dressing as I expected. End of review. What? I don't know. This is a review of the island. Okay. Okay. Two things that are weird here.

Well, okay. Like a thousand things that are weird here, but two that are off the top of my head, which is one, there were a few reviews I found that said like, I couldn't find any half and half. And I was like, what are you doing on this island like like i saw some similar to that and then the other thing was my next reviews of thousand islands oh a location oh and that it's not even about dressing that would make more sense but that's like the um is there a catalina dressing oh maybe now you got me that might be it okay i'm sorry everyone i'm glad you brought that up though yeah catalina so is this a joke review ever then oh sorry everybody we keep ruining the magic for

ourselves i know but you're right someone else the thing is we would have gotten so many tweets like so many booze catalina dressing is this like it's not funny you're not funny go quit your podcast i get that a lot i know dad won't stop texting you that and it's actually pretty hurtful to watch yeah he doesn't text to me but he like i watch it happen to you and he has he has a point though he has a point um oh no now i feel like it's so silly because i was i was gonna say like oh because there are a bunch of restaurants you know so i was like oh maybe they just thought they were reviewing a restaurant or they went to the store the local store and they're like oh they, I don't have enough salad dressing.

And now I realize they're just trying to be funny and they gave an island a one star review because they were trying to be funny. Like it wasn't even all that funny. Yeah. And it's so like those joke reviews. I really only like them when they're five stars because it's like at least you gave five stars. Yeah.

Instead of just being like a dick for the sake of a quote-unquote joke yeah we have high standards for humor and comedy on this show as you can imagine we set the bar pretty high for other people we literally just read bible verses in our patreon episode to us in here only for people who pay us money like that's the wildest shit of all oh okay this is a review of the thousand islands which is in canada if this mentions dressing i'm gonna be upset it doesn't and i none of the ones that kristin sent this who's from uh mentioned dressing and i was like very impressed because you know that's kind of what i assumed would happen it's an archipelago in north america i hope i'm saying that right uh archipelago i mean north america archipelago that reminds me of civilization what the hell are you talking

about the game series civilization oh sid meyers sure so this is from kristin um and it's a review by z i literally just said that you did are you for real is there is there a last name start with a z yeah yeah oh i couldn't think of a z me neither that's what i did i did not even think of that that's hilarious i wonder if it's the same person what's the first initial r same no i'm i'm not kidding how How are there like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

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wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, themed islands out center they have to be oh i have i'm this is blowing my mind i have nine reviews and the fact that i'm reading this one right after you and i happen to pick the last name z we never would have even known they were exactly that is so i'm like my mind is we've never had this okay i'm just gonna throw it out there is it rocco yes

that's the weirdest shit ever i my mind is blown right now we and yours was from your own research it wasn't like somebody emailed it right no no one emailed it no mine's not from okay that's really weird um oh my goodness and shockingly i just scrolled through i think these are the only two islands that this person had reviewed. I didn't read the one that I still haven't seen the one that you're about to read. But oh, my God, the game here. I cannot believe that. OK, that's really, really odd.

This is a historic moment. And this one isn't even about cell dressing, but it's like he could have made this joke. So, yeah. Wow. God. OK, this is weird. OK, OK. Well, this doesn't happen. but it's a like he could have made this joke about a thousand islands yeah wow god okay this is weird okay okay well this doesn't happen this is really odd this is a review of the thousand islands um in canada and and i didn't even know catalina was addressing okay it's really odd especially because i have like nine or ten reviews so the timing of it

alone is weird okay so this is a one-star view by z again i doubt it's a thousand islands and i looked it up and it's actually more than 1800 so it's a lot of fucking islands. But I just like that he just foreg... Forgo... Forgate... For... Forwent? Forwent? Is that right? I don't know.

He forewent the dressing... Forwent. Yes, that is past tense of forego is forewent. He forewent the... That does not sound right. Okay, how about this? He decided to forego the salad dressing joke in the most obvious way that everyone would understand it instead make it like a very much less funny

like obvious joke and instead just got so worked up about the number of islands that he just couldn't even let it go to make the dressing joke i mean i doubt it's a thousand islands that's he's like fully wrong can't you just google that to be fair i felt the same way when uh i found out minnesota was the land of 10 000 lakes yeah i remember i was like they're not 10 000 lakes and there are there certainly are someone was like well they're counting all the rocks as islands and i was like i mean cares? Why is everyone so mad about it? It's name. Like, I don't know.

It's like Cat Island doesn't have cats. They have raccoons. It's trash cats. Trash cats. Thumbed cats. There's a mug I got Celine once that said, support your local street cats. And it's a bunch of raccoons and trash cans. That's actually really funny.

And it makes me so happy. That's good. I like that. Wow. Okay. I do not have another one by our friend Z. I actually do have a friend named Z. He came and went and left quite

an impression. Very different Z though. He wrote like eight words and left quite an impression on this podcast. Yeah. That was wild. That was weird. And this reviewer by the way has nine reviews so it's it's not like he wrote a bunch and we just happened to cross paths that's really and catalina has a ton of review had 1100 reviews total it's bizarre there's no way catalina

island has over a thousand reviews as he says i doubt it's a thousand over 1100 okay uh my next review this is by gary it's a one-star review of long island you already know it's gonna be good it's just such a funny thing to review right i didn't know you could it's on trip advisor you can review the island of long island which is really long well okay so that's the point because i so um my friend d lives or is from long island and famously known for her love of panera our bagels um but i was like oh she was like oh there's a lighthouse because i want to go visit and she's like there's a lighthouse and i'm like oh cool and i was like how long does it take to get from one side of long island to the other because it's all the way on the east side and she was like a long it's like hours it

takes you hours and i'm like but it's all new york by driving by subway by driving christina it's like well driving in new york is a nightmare well yes but i just didn't know how long long island is it's very long okay that's my point you know how long i'm going to tell you how long it takes you to go from manhattan to the eastern coast of uh long island takes you for three hours driving that's pretty wild isn't it wow anyway that's all it's not as long as ohio i'm just it's true ohio's like more like four hours just saying true long island you don't you don't have us there but once again long island does not measure up to the ohio standard famously it is 124 miles of driving wow that's long it's like as long as connecticut i'm not

denying it's like as long as white as connecticut i had no idea i'm just i mean i didn't either i'm continue to have my mind blown. I'm as shocked as you are. I know you can't hear it in my voice, but I'm totally, perpetually shocked. And all the Long Island natives are like, please stop. We know. We don't care. I would actually just truncate that to all listeners.

True, everybody. I don't know. Maybe the Long Islanders are the ones who love it the most. They need some love. Anyway, here we go. I live on Long Island and do the one who love it the most. They need some love. Anyway, here we go. I live on Long Island and do not like it at all. I have lived a number of places and traveled to 15 countries and 38 states. I am very well educated with two degrees and two patents.

So this review is reputable. Yeah, famously. Two patents! You want to talk about Long Island island how many patents do you have i invented a kleenex holder that lets you handlessly maneuver i don't even know what a patent would be now our father has multiple patents yeah i feel like i probably have a patent that i've bullshit drunkenly like submitted one night like that's not impressive okay well okay christina what are you talking about you took this a step too far what else is nailed i have peanut m&m dilbert machine nothing impresses me patent wise if you invent some new form of animated

candy dispenser you can call me otherwise i, I'm not impressed. Oh my gosh. It is the most difficult place I have ever lived. It is the most expensive I have ever lived. It is the most police ruled place I have ever lived or visited. DWI at .05 or.04 if you complain. Police

roadblocks every weekend. It is very crowded, very dirty. Worst roads I have ever driven on. Cannot find housing. Rents are extremely high. $2,000 a month is not surprising for a small place. There's a severe heroin problem. Over 200 deaths this year so far.

The ocean is freezing and polluted. The weather is cold. I have been here over a year and still single. Very difficult to date anyone. Very unapproachable singles. Very hard work on the job. But good Italian food and good single. Very difficult to date anyone. Very unapproachable singles. Very hard work on the job, but good Italian food and good pay. But I'm going to leave

as soon as I find a job somewhere else. I would not recommend living on Long Island. The truth. End of review. Hey, anybody single and looking to mingle? Because this person sounds... Personality-wise, I'm convinced that I want...

This person is just the one for me yeah as a winner indeed um what a i found it so bizarre how first of all they complained about how driving while intoxicated uh is a little too lenient okay yeah like police you know whatever i understand why that could be problematic but like stop driving drunk if that's your problem that was my thought too i was like why are you complaining york oh my gosh man i mean you're in like the land of taxis and subway um yeah and then uh yeah and then sprinkling like serious issues like i'm sure there's a serious housing issue all this and like the heroin epidemic is like a very serious issue but it goes from that to oh and being single is the worst here it's like wait it's shot it's new york's fault it's long island's fault that i'm still

single when i was in 15 other countries i was probably single too i can't imagine that this person has um i mean maybe they've lived in a, had a long and happy relationship, but they're not acting like it. Yeah. I just, the degrees and the patents, it's like. It starts off so bad. We almost would have just believed them more if they hadn't started with that. No, that's, see, that's the thing. If it didn't, everything in the middle wasn't like worthy, I don't think, but then what it was sandwiched between the weird bragging about patents and

then the complaints about being single and blaming an entire island on that like my goodness also like do they know that they're new like I don't think they understand because they're like rent is so expensive I'm like you're in New Yorkork like you're i mean two thousand dollars but like yeah i mean if you but he also admits like pay is good like the pay is good for and that's why it's probably so expensive and i mean and other issues housing is a serious issue i'm sure but like i mean i don't know enough about long island but yeah i don't know i don't know christina i don't know oh man but this person has lived everywhere that's 38 states can you imagine no i wonder where they're gonna go next i wonder what they think of ohio

i think they're gonna go back to long island this was written like six years ago so who knows oh boy they've had quite i wish that i could go check what what the hell else they've been up to since then new york during covid must have been an experience talk about being unfortunately it was their one contribution oh no so it was that bad i guess that's not i don't i just mean on trip advisor i don't mean in general didn't you hear how dare you you know when someone has a patent they've already succeeded in life so i like that i said i drunkenly have a patent like i definitely don't no i know you don't do why would you that makes no sense that makes no sense you there's no reason for you to have a patent why would you say that what have you done to earn a patent i might have invented something like what like um i'm not gonna say it because patent pending you know

so you don't have a patent it's pending okay cool that's fine i'll give you that I'm not going to say it because patent pending, you know. So you don't have a patent. It's pending. Okay, cool. That's fine. I'll give you that. I'll say maybe you have a patent pending. Maybe.

That's what I meant. Okay. Well, you're not up to this, to Gary's level. There's a footnote. There's a footnote on your life. The footnote of my life is my patent, pending patent. I do have a trademark. Nice, me too.

Yeah, so. So that's not that special. Suck it. All you have to do is pay some money to a lawyer. That was hard. It took a lot of years to make enough money to pay a lawyer. Lawyers, am I right? Okay, this is... So a lot of people actually sent in reviews of this one island in North Carolina, like

at the Outer Banks, and it's called Ocracoke Island. Stop, why are you laughing? That's not real. Well, I looked it up and I watched a bunch of YouTube videos to figure out how to say it. I'm proud of you. And then the guy said, Ocracoke, and then there was a literal footnote that said sorry we said it wrong oh and i was like well how that's not helpful to me okra coke so i think it's okra coke

whatever so this is one that angie sent in um and this is by frank one star i would suggest that no one go to this beach it's just terrible there are no hotels no crowds you basically need a four-wheel drive vehicle it's desolate all there is to do is ride the waves surf fish lie in the sun play various beach games fly a kite read a book etc so you can vacation do literally anything literally anything you want. Literally anything you want. At this beach without a crowd. But I guess that's not enough. And Angie said, this is not satire. A lot of people complain that it's, you know.

What are you going for? The nightlife on Okra Coke Island? You know, you hear Okra Coke and you're like. I mean, actually, I'm like, Okra Coke? I mean, sounds like a vegan party to me. It could be a party. It could be a party. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it sounds great to me. A beach with no crowds and sun and, I mean, whatever. I mean, whatever. To each their own i guess yeah um at least they provided examples of things you can do so it was

a weirdly helpful review even if it was in my opinion misguided the web stars are rarely rarely helpful but i'm reading this and going okay so i could well i mean i can't surf but you know i could play i could maybe i could read a book i don't think i was gonna say if you say fly a kite i do not know if you've tried it That's not one of my patent pendings. I've tried really hard to make that work for me. It doesn't work. I am one of those people, when I see someone flying a kite, I am so impressed. It is pretty impressive.

And I think, okay, now maybe I'm about to insult kite flyers, if that's a thing. But I assume it's not that difficult to just let a kite float. But for me, I see it and I'm like, wow, that's impressive. because i don't think i could do it because you have to maneuver it and not like hit anybody in the face with it i mean that's my understanding was that specifically what you struggled with is not hitting people in the face yes maybe you should put it a little higher away from their faces it's hard to get it not just like flap it around okay that's the whole point so if you want to fly kite read a book ride the waves lie in the sun i mean this sounds so good especially the way they say it ride the waves yeah that doesn't sound like a complaint it's not like burn in the

sun yeah true or like drown in the waves it's like when you bring up parrots at a restaurant it depends on how you bring them up like parrots screeching is one thing but if you say parrots singing no it's such a positive thing of that actually no i'm i agree i don't i don't i'm not a big fan i don't want to be surrounded by parrots in really any circumstance oh my gosh i held a parrot once what really yeah newport aquarium years ago i still have that picture of me with a parrot pudgy little self with a bowl cut oh yeah with charlie no not charlie oh never mind it was um jesse and uh oh yeah who were those children i don't know christina oh my god i was about to say jesse and james and then i thought nope that's i think that's rocket power

sister yeah they were children that hung out with us one time. At least one time. Weren't they from out of town? I think so. They'd come into town. They did a couple, I think maybe from New York or something. Maybe not. Yeah.

Who are those children? I don't know, but I have a picture of me with a parrot when we went. Let's put it on a milk carton. I want to find him. Jesse, where are you? Put the parrot picture on a milk carton. I want to find him. Jesse, where are you? Put the parrot picture on a milk carton. I want to find him. What was his sister's name?

He and his sister were so nice. I don't remember. They were very nice. Oh, what if they listen or somebody, and they're like, oh, they forgot her name. I feel mean now. What if Jesse was the sister? No, Jesse was the guy, right? Jesse was a boy, and then there was his sister.

No, I'm like. I'll think about it. My brain is not working right now. It wasn't Maximilian jesse was a boy and then there's his sister no i'm like i'll think about it my brain is not working it wasn't maximilian that was a german child this the talk of parrots and me holding a parrot unlock this i i promise i didn't come prepared with this knowledge i really am thrown right now anyway all the people in long island are like can you please stop oh that's where they're from maybe it is where they're from whoa weird i have a one-star review by jesse of long island long island is a dump left two years ago the most overpriced dump you could live on the place has the craziest and cheapest people you will ever meet the insane asylums closed there in the 70s and the lunatics released created the people that you have now.

My dad did his residency at the asylums. LOL. He told me the people there are spawn of lunatics and to get out, took his advice and packed up. What? End of review. Wait, that got really weird. No, I sent this to Dee and she confirmed. She was like, that's my dad.

He's the ghost of the insane asylum okay it sounds like i don't know i don't know d you heard it here first when i listen just try to unhear it if you can just go with it so what i what it sounds like to me is um one of these urban legends of like my aunt's cousin's third grade teacher said that there are lunatics running around who got who escaped these insane asylum i mean it really sounds like um baloney i guess christina i would hope you'd think it's baloney i don't know all the people living on long island are from an asylum for that closed in the 70s, right? Or the spawn of them. In the 70s.

Didn't he say spawn of them? You know how many people probably already lived on Long Island in the 70s? So then like Australia where like New York was like Manhattan anyway. They just shipped them. They're shipping everybody over to Long Island. Maybe they did. I don't know the history. Are you saying that Australiaralia is full of

lunatics no i'm saying because they're like australia was where they the british sent their prisoners which 19 crimes is a thing that whatever i don't know don't don't talk history to me people i have no i don't know anything about this but that's a thing that people say talk about so i was saying what if long island is manhattan's you were saying australia that and i'm saying maybe it is that you were saying oh yeah i'm saying it's not like that's that and you're saying it is that i said it could be no but it couldn't be okay fine well but it couldn't be okay well there's a movie about uh about oh movie i don't want to know what's it called oh what's it called hang on it's a movie on netflix an actual movie yes i thought you were about to come up with a goofy title no you like rolled your eyes i was like i don't know

i'll tell you in a minute it's cropsy cropsy yep interesting uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh convicted child kidnapper from Staten Island. And the whole thing was like he escaped an insane asylum. Interesting. So, I don't know. That's just what I thought of. And it's partially an insane asylum, but there are actual cases. So, you know, I just feel like it's not my place to judge.

Judge the reviewer or the people of Long Island? Judge the people of Long Island. Yeah. I wasn't trying to i'm just saying maybe maybe there's something to it someone's gonna kill me um yeah cropsy cropsy cropsy's gonna get you so wait his dad told people to escape the insane asylum is that what he said i thought it said the insane asylum closed there in the 70s and the lunatics released created the people that you have now so it's like they reproduced like bunnies and rabbits and all of a sudden all of a sudden okay from the 70s okay look

okay to be clear that's not what i'm saying i'm not that's what you're agreeing that it might be possible it makes no sense i really didn't register all of that. There are over 7 million people on Long Island. Holy shit. Okay. Okay, you're right. I don't think that all 7 million of those were spawns of the people escaped from this apparent asylum that closed. To be fair, they didn't escape.

They were let loose. You're right. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. It still sounds like they're zoo animals. It treats them like they're... Right.

Yes. Very poorly worded and it's not nice. right i'm sorry like they're zoo animals but it treats them like like they're right yes very poorly worded and it's not nice um but yeah so and then it says my dad did his residency at the asylum so and then said lol after that yeah and i don't know why that part is the lol i don't really know uh honestly this sounds like if i were talking to this person at like a gathering or party i'd be like oh i think i see my friend over there like i think i just don't know if that i could continue this conversation because i'm so uncomfortable yeah yeah but it says he told me the people there are spawn of lunatics yes i know i heard that so it is from the debt and to get out like oh he told his son to get out yes he said it's like a

horror movie get out get out get off this island whatever you do and then it said this call from the insane asylum of long island has been disconnected and he was like okay dad you know like his dad's in the insane yeah okay okay can we move on from long island i should have read reviews of shutter island yeah that's a good one reviews of that that would have been a fun twist but i didn't isn't it fun when we talk about what we could have done on the show okay i had a really good episode y'all but alas we just never decide to do that okay it's our prerogative okay now here is an email from jenny uh she her who says i checked out a few islands near where

i'm from in newfoundland but sadly everyone loves it here so uh lucky you i know and so this is um so she said i crossed the country to vancouver island and found this gem and actually it is weirdly fitting with the one you just read this This is a five-star review by Bella. Three, it's all in capital letters. Three dozens of people have mysteriously gone missing in the last four decades and never been found while they were visiting the island.

Families being left without answers, I suggest that if you plan to visit it anyways, please make sure that you wear a trackable implanted chip or bracelet that would do too end of review three dozen three dozens of people three dozens so dozens which means multiple dozens times three that's a lot of people going missing is this like it's also baker's dozen in bank in canada they use baker dozen. Oh, they do? As a metric.

Also, Jenny says, the part I find truly baffling is that it still has five stars. Maybe they had the trackable implant. Wait, what? So they're claiming that dozens of people have gone missing from this island? On Vancouver Island. On Vancouver Island? Which is just within Vancouver, according to what I gave. Yeah, Vancouver Island.

I've never been there. I mean, I've been to Vancouver, but I know, I'm gave. Yeah, Vancouver Island. I've never been there. I mean, I've been to Vancouver, but I'm pretty sure M covered Vancouver Island because it's haunted. It's quite large. Missing persons on Vancouver Island. It's known for its mild climate, according to- Oh, shit. Yeah. Wear your trackable implant just in case.

And thriving arts community. Wow. I mean, it's large so yeah maybe i mean oh my gone boys connecting the dots on vancouver islands i feel like we just say shit and then google it while we're on the air literally that's what we do but there's an article that says quote someone knows something that's the one look into vancouver island missing persons with interactive there are more than three dozen people listed as missing throughout vancouver christian this is a very accurate thing but what's funny is okay not the missing people that's not funny at all but they gave five stars they gave five stars and then their solution is where a trackable chip implanted in yourself good thing we got those vaccines so we all have one now that's

true i did uh i have a sticker from my pal dana droodles who is on instagram and etsy and i bought a sticker from her that says finally microchipped and has a little vaccine and i just love it that's good um but yeah i oh that's terrifying though it's terrible i just i think the capital letter Oh, that's terrifying, though. It's terrible. I just I think the capital letter. It's just like this probably isn't the way to get people to take this. I mean, that is why.

But hey, now we're learning about it. I'm learning something. We're all learning. Gosh, you can like there's an interactive. Oh, no. So sad. I should probably cover this in a show. Yeah. If you like click each one, it gives you like where they went missing a photo of them and

like their background. Yikes. Yeah. Well, great. Well, hopefully photo of them and like their background. Yikes. Yeah. Well, great. Well, hopefully. I don't know. Hopefully. Hopefully they have trackable implants.

I mean, geez. It's also haunted. I remember I'm covered it. This is a wild, wild episode. We just took a turn. Okay. Let me take another turn. I don't know in what direction because I have no idea what this review is about anymore.

But this is of Gasparilla Island. It's in Florida. I'm saying it like it's in Texas. Deal with it. I like it. Gasparilla. One star review. This is by Alex.

Like that I thought I would meet somebody there, but at night is slowly there's nobody there. I hate that place. End of review. Okay, screw everything we've already read. This the scariest review this is terrifying like this is the scariest it's also not not a uh translated review i mean i'm not sure if english is this person's first language but it's not one of those it's not one of those where it's like google translated it for us it is that is just how it's put out there so i just keep picturing this person i've get shudders thinking this out there so i just keep picturing this person i've got shutters thinking this person you know i just gave them a fake name

yeah their real name is cropsy i thought you were gonna say felipe and he's on easter no i moved past felipe cropsy and felipe just let me let me rephrase. I forgot about Felipe. My callbacks cannot go that far back. Honestly, Cropsey and Felipe, all they want is a friend. And I heard someone is single on Long Island and is also looking for a friend. No, Gary. Gary, I got just the person for you. That was alarming and scary. I didn't like it very much.

Yeah, I'm not really sure what happened there this is a review uh from nelly who also wrote nelly slash nella nella yeah how do you know that do you have one from her too what no well this is hellcat from my stream oh i call i call nella oh i didn't know that and other things but we're not gonna get into that oh that sound now it's even weirder that i was vague about it yeah i call her cropsy um so she says i just found this delightful review of the isle of shoals the isles of shoals which are little tiny islands off the coast of portsmouth new hampshire and she said i've been there okay why are these all creepy this is another true crime one yeah no the is very creepy i know that's why you call

it oh whoops uh she says i've been there and it's definitely creepy but that's probably just because my boot camp counselor told us a group of small children about the murders that happened there oh my god i know okay here's a three-star review by a TripAdvisor user. I loved the trip out there and the tidbits of information that were given along the way. The boat is in nice shape with plenty of room for everyone to enjoy shade or sun. Star Island, however, I hated that place. It would have been interesting to explore had it not been for the icy stairs from the island dwellers. Oh my god. I assume they're human beings, unless these are raccoons.

She's like, I've never seen cats like this before. They're so cold. Oh my god. You got too close to the oysters. Okay. The icy stairs from the island dwellers. We went out to look at a large monument and were immediately swarmed by thousands of small black birds. I got pooped upon, of course,

so we made our way to the hotel to find a place to clean up. The hotel was something out of a nightmare. It was unorganized, kind of dirty, and the bathrooms are odd. I came out of a very grungy dungeon stall to wash my hands, only to find a woman coming out of a very grungy dungeon stall to wash my hands only to find a woman coming out of a separate room wearing only a towel around her waist it seems that the hotel guests shower in there as well and that showering is somehow rationed there this would explain the lingering scent of body odor in most places on the island the entire island like you're outside and you're like hmm smells like body odor it's the raccoons she doesn't get it maybe it's the flocking birds or all the bird poop yeah this is like multiple

hitchcock movies it's like i mean i don't know any other hitchcock movies strangers which is not rich or what's the one with where the vertigo i've never seen um i've seen i've never seen horror movies because i'm a big baby but someone where they are all in the hills have eyes that's hitchcock no it's not hitchcock oh i'm like what i said i'm moving past in our lifetime oh see i see i know i'm moving past it did you know that uh the birds was written by daphne du marier? No. Renee told me that, so I hope it's true. Because if it's not, I'm going to sound really dumb. Okay. Here we go.

This would explain the lingering scent of body odor in most places on the island. I got the creepiest cult vibe from Star Island.

I felt like I was on the set of an M. Night Shyamalan movie and I felt such crushing anxiety from just being there that I returned to the ship far in advance of the return trip time. As the ship started back to Portsmouth, a group of cult members chanted, you will be back, you will be back, you will be back from the dock. I can say with 100% certainty that i will not be back because

i feel kind of lucky that i escaped to begin with end of review okay this person clearly has watched some movie like last night and they're not over it and you know what would be the ultimate twist what they die and get buried on the island that's the twist came back i think the locals are there chanting saying you are back you are back we missed you so much body arrives um uh so then she also included some info on the actual murders that did take place there so wow and they're like old-timey oh old oh i love a good old timey murder makes it a little more special huh um and so that's that thank you nellothy i like that you called i just like that about nellothy since i'm m is emothy and i'm christopolis oh yeah

i didn't know you were christopolis i didn't know that one you do now christine chapel so everybody worships i hate it okay uh but that reminds me and i did share this on my story today i do have a i have an entry on the atwwd wiki page what the wikia or whatever what does it say alexander schieffer filled a pinata with baked beans. Also when Christine posted a photo with him in the background everybody said he was hot. Ew. I know. I'm deleting that.

And apparently Blaze is on there too but Francisca said that they spelled his last name wrong. Well that sounds about correct. That sounds about right. Oh wait. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. On the actual.

And that's why we drink Wikipedia page. His name is spelled wrong. Oh, that's hilarious. I need my. I'm on there. I need my wiki warriors to get on. ATW occasionally features special guests, including Schieffer's brother, Alexander Schieffer, who also co-hosts the podcast Beach to Sandy Water 2.

Wait, where's our page? Somebody make a Beach to Sandy page. Oh, Wine and Crime's mentioned here, and Wine and Crime doesn't have one either. What? They're both in red. What does that mean? It means that...

The source can't be confirmed. I don't know. There's no article with the exact name, but I guess it's something that could one day have an article. Eva's also in red. Oh, gosh. with the exact name but i guess it's something that could one day have an article eva's also in red oh gosh you and him are also you or you two are also in red yeah i don't have a page either um help somebody help oh my gosh that's a lot of detail about like the origins of this is weird reading they talk about my crohn's disease it's amazing oh wow that's pretty cool actually anyway sorry uh here's a review this is sent in by jenny she

her who says as another child of southwest ohio i'm going to intentionally misunderstand the assignment and send in some reviews of a staple of my childhood king's island yes oh my god see i was hoping somebody broke the rules a little bit here's one uh here's what i'm gonna read this is the one this is from uh sam one star i felt like i was in a communist country it costs oh for those who don't know by the way sorry uh king's island is a theme park oh yes we act as if everyone knows what we're talking about i mean you should king's island is a theme park roller coasters they have the longest wooden roller coaster in the world i believe or did at one point. It's connected to King's Dominion in Virginia.

Similar. What? They're not connected, are they? I thought they were connected. I mean, they're both, I mean,

we're, King's Island's owned by Cedar Park, so. I don't know if King's Dominion is related. Regardless, here we go. One star review. I felt like I was in a communist country.

It costs the same as normal, parking too, but all rides at half capacity. So all we did was wait in line all day. If you're willing to pay for a ticket and take your chances with COVID-19, then you should be able to have normal expectations at the park and everywhere else too. If you don't want to, then don't go. So between those things and park workers patrolling and yelling at people to put their masks up, separate, etc., it was a waste of time and money.

End of review. Like, what do people think is going... I don't know. If I'm taking... If I'm risking my life and everyone around me, I should get on this ride much faster. Yeah. What are you talking about? I don't understand it. And also, I love how they mention the employees, but don't take that extra step of thinking about the employees who have to be there and are asking people to put their masks yeah and you're like well hey i don't shouldn't

have to wear a mask i'm here and paying money so i can pretend kovat doesn't exist which is ridiculous life and my health and safety and i can throw in the trash and i can risk your life too because this is a communist because i'm paying money king's island which is open during covid is a communist country what are you talking i wish this person would go to i want to see them go to like on the magic school bus ride to a communist country and see what they think happens there um and then i didn't want to do a little no which is funny um saying uh so this is what jenny says at the end lots of reviews like to dunk on king's island by saying they will go to cedar point next time but both are owned by cedar fair they're all

saying i'm so mad i gave money to this company i'm going to give more money to this company that might be the ultimate ruse yep shifting them from one to the other okay fine come on over god one communist nation to another um so this was sent in by samantha who says so i think this was actually meant as a review i'm not sure maybe maybe not it says it's a review of a beach but i think it was set as part of the theme so i'm just gonna read it thank you samantha we're trusting you here yeah it's a picture of a tv screen of a review like okay a tv screen like here's the review it's a monitor well yeah sorry i mean but it's like clearly playing on someone's tv oh is it that's a TV? I thought it looked like a monitor. So anyway, here's our review. Does Sharp make computer monitors?

Probably. Okay, whatever. I could be wrong. But it's on a wall, so it looks like a TV. No, you're probably right. TV. Not a beach for romance or wedding pictures is the title. The beach was clean and a beautiful sight. I give it that, but it was always

cloudy here or rain every time I came to this side of the island. I thought it would be a little more private with upper class people here. What? And also, I just want to say she said not sure what beach or island this is. So to be clear. I thought it would be a little more private with upper class people here, or family friendly like the other side of the island with beaches. I was under the impression that I could get beautiful wedding pictures here on the beach since I just got married here.

Disaster, disaster, disaster all the way around. The beach was crowded for the sunset. Tons of 20 year old kids that were disrespectful. Plus the tons of people would not move out of the way for our wedding pictures. They gave us dirty looks like we had no right to be here. Wow. Me and my husband were shocked with our kids. We are Christians and never been treated like that before.

We ran into a lot of drunk people. No compliments out of their mouths. What? I'm so lost. She's getting wedding photos. She wanted people to compliment her on her that's ridiculous well yeah well you have to understand that she's a christian i would not recommend this speech for lovers or happy christian families well okay that's a weird

spectrum i'm sorry that just kind of for lovers or happy christian families or on the opposite end of the spectrum i would not recommend this beach for lovers or happy Christian families with small children or even just getting married pictures. Very, very bad experience here. God bless. Thank you for hearing what is in my heart. End of review. Wow. Your heart is a dangerous place.

Your heart is very scary to me. Oh my goodness. These poor children who are like on this wedding photography shoot and are just getting hit with frisbees i just imagine all the 20 year olds like no you're standing in the middle of our frisbee game what are you doing she's like disrespectful 20 somethings and it's like they wouldn't move out of the way for my photos it's like what are you that's ridiculous what get out you get out of the way you're getting hit with a frisbee i don't know people are so feel so entitled it's ridiculous we are christians and never been treated they make

for go good content though so i'm weirdly glad they exist but i'm sorry for all the people that actually have to deal with them in person me too yeah i've got all the lovers out there the lovers who have to deal with people who with her crash christian families Shout out to all the lovers out there. This one goes out to you. Okay, I didn't like that. I have one more. This is my last one. Oh, I have one more too. And I actually did a similar thing to Jenny.

I decided to review Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. Famously the best Scooby-Doo movie. That's a great movie movie so you didn't review it you mean you found sorry i read i found a review i was like this is about to get really interesting no it is it is it is the best though 1998 straight to dvd i think yeah we definitely do we own it or we watch it on tv oh one of the two i don't know um but yeah this is the one where the no spoilers but basically zombie island scooby-doo it's great it's good shit this is a five-star review by terrence i watch it it was good

scrappy-doo is the best scooby-doo character ever okay me done end of review was this actually i think this was you in like sixth grade truly though, though, Scrappy-Doo is in fact my favorite Scooby-Doo character. But I don't think he's even in that movie. Oh my God. So that's why I'm very confused by this. Wait, that would be sad. I'm 95% positive Scrappy-Doo's not actually in this movie. Do you think he's just living in a fantasy world?

Maybe. You know what? I want to join Ter living in a fantasy world? Maybe. You know what? I want to join Terrence in this fantasy world. I feel like this is a great world where you just think Scrappy-Doo is everywhere that he's not. I absolutely love Scrappy-Doo. Scrappy-Doo is my favorite. Yeah, you used to... Let me at him!

Let me at him! You used to love Scrappy-Doo. And I found out as I got older that I was not in the majority. Do most people hate Scrappy-Doo? Yes. Scrappy-Doo is not as beloved as I would have thought he would be. I guess I could see that. People say he's annoying.

No. To that, I say, let me at him. Let me at him. Alexander relates to an annoying character? What? This is mind-blowing to me, personally. Yeah. So, that's it.

I liked it. I liked it. Me done. Me done. Okay. I lied. I have two left here. This is another mystery.

What does that mean, Another Mystery? Another Mystery. This is, these are reviews. As in we don't know what island it is? No, I know what island it is. This was from Zane, who wrote, stay sandy. And these are reviews of Ascension Island. That sounds religious.

Okay, I'm going to read you the reviews and then I'm going to tell you what it means. One star. By Alan. Why do you think I won't know? Okay, I guess I'll... Just shut up. Okay, yes. What's wrong with you Ascension people? Many missed calls from your island.

Another one star. Oh, this is by Felipe, but I'm hoping it's from Felipe. One star. another one star oh this is by felipe but i'm hoping it's one star so strange i've been receiving calls from this island gasp emoji one star by sasha they keep calling me and then finally four stars from Maria. Oh, my God. I had a missed call from this island. I searched it on my GPS and I saw some beautiful pictures of it. So nice.

End of review. Oh, that is a very nice review. Weirdly, you wouldn't think that someone would do that. It's giving me a call. Is this? Okay. I'm thinking it's either timeshare, similar vein, like multi-level marketing company happens to be there, or Scientology. It's actually LuLaRoe moved to Ascension Island.

Or Scientology. Those are my guesses. So this is what happened when I googled calls from ASC, and it said calls from Ascension Island. And so I googled it, and in 0.57 seconds, Google says, And so I Googled it and in 0.57 seconds, Google says, don't call back. People across the nation are reporting missed calls from Ascension Island. The phone rings once and then stops. But when you call back, you will be charged through the roof if you are connected to the premium rate number.

In other words, it's a major scam. It's a phone scam. Interesting. So people are saying, I like the first guy's like, what's wrong with you, Ascension people? It's the phone scam. Interesting. So people are saying, I like the first guy's like, what's wrong with you Ascension people? Like it's the whole island. That's when I got into like the Scientology mindset. I was like, oh,

it's some sort of. Also the name Ascension, you're right. Sounds very religious. But yeah, apparently it is, it is just a scam that is somehow set up from that area code. And then I have one last one.

This is from Fiona and it is a one-star review of Nantucket Island. And it's wild. It's a trip. So this is by Chris. Nantucket is not only a disgrace to Massachusetts,

but it is a shit stain on the tidy whities of America. It is a flocking point of interest for the world's most wealthy and therefore obnoxious people. Located near Provincetown, its sister city and inspiration for Nantucket Red, aka Yuppie Pink, it is a sandbar littered with tacky mansions and Republicans. They are known for losing disgracefully by obscenely large margins to Martha's Vineyard in their annual football game, having less attractive people, worse food,

catching no fish, and having a longer and more expensive boat ride to get there. Edgar Town is the only part of Martha's Vineyard who relates to our yuppie cousin to the east because of a grass is always greener complex. As a result, the easternmost point of Edgar Town has seceded from Martha's Vineyard and is migrating to join Nantucket in some hot cousin loving. If I accomplish anything in my life, I would like to single-handedly be responsible for introducing skunks to their island those smug bastards actually think they are better than us just because they have one less pest not for long little island just know when they appear by the hundreds who to thank i hope you see this face in your smug dreams laughing ha ha ha ha laughing and it makes you cry and wet your bed

oh my god god really wait this reviewer's face would make so i don't think i want anyone to cry and pee the bed when they see my face because i don't think those are positive reactions the bringer of the skunks the bring this is some pawnee eagleton shit yes it is and also the photo is like an old of this person's yelp profile it's like an old-timey mugshot so i don't okay i don't know that they like correlated that in their head maybe i there's more oh shit one time i was at the new york home of a wealthy nantucket summer resident his wife cooked us dinner and at dessert they served an extremely expensive bottle of port wine he asked me if i liked it and i replied this wine tastes like raisins what a dick he asked me if i liked it and i replied this wine tastes like

raisins he was obviously very offended so i laughed and continued to brag about all the fish i catch on martha Vineyard. Oh my god. This is insanity. He retorted with his tales of fishing for fun and pretending he doesn't care if he catches anything. I know he was crying on the inside. If you're a billionaire, I can think of better things to do with your money than spend it on Nantucket. Like, burn it. It is no mystery why the Wampanoag tribe chose Martha's Vineyard for their home, and Nantucket actually translates to,

This island sucks and you're red as pink you ass clowns. Nantucket should pay MV just to hang out near us and pay us protection money. However, if shit did pop off, we don't got yo back sucka. The only back we would have is backing away while you got your ass stomped. Yo Nantucket, peace out bitch.

Have fun with the global warming you sand dune loving non-recycling 12 cylinder driving hairspray wastingwasting Republicans. You are the next Atlantis. Looks like those private swimming lessons you took in your huge pool next to the beach just might finally pay off. End of review. This is like the least important feud to ever exist in history. It's like one of those things where you're like, is this person just like creating a feud that doesn't like, does he actually have anybody who's invested in this alongside him?

Or is it just him creating a conflict that doesn't exist? I don't know. I assume that person who gave them wine wasn't thinking there was some sort of feud when you rudely said it tastes like raisins. It seemed very unnecessary. you rudely said it tastes like raisins it seemed very unnecessary like this person was offering you a really expensive glass of wine and you fucking shit all over it and then you said how many fish you catch which is a really weird um what is this i like how he said and then he said he fishes for fun and doesn't care if he catches any but he was crying on the inside this this feels similar to don draper in the elevator when the guy says something to him he's like oh he complains about him and then don draper goes i don't even think

of yes that line of like i don't think of you at all people are like this is what i think of you and they're like i bet nantucket people are thinking like who what we don't give a shit we're just having a good time up here i mean i don't know anything i mean i really again yeah truly i know nothing about these two places and i actually don't really care about either i don't i'm not i don't concern myself with either either i'm sure i would have a great time at either one if someone offered me expensive wine i'd have a great that's what i'm thinking too it sounds well unless it actually does taste like raisins. I'm not a big fan of raisins. I mean, if it tastes like raisinets, we can talk.

Otherwise, no thank you. But wow. Okay. Just a little aggressive. Only a little bit. So anyway, that's the last one I have. Sounds good. Islands is wrapped.

Time for my challenge. My challenge was from uh sonia was to find a review in which the reviewer did not enjoy their experience but mentions that someone else they know would have enjoyed it okay how difficult was this um there was a lot to sift through but i wouldn't say it was hard so it took a while but i had some success. So my efforts... Well, we'll be the judge of that. I put in quite a bit of effort, but I would say that I... You could have just said like, oh, it was fine.

Yeah, I shouldn't have talked it up so much. Okay. Also, maybe this is cheating, but I have a couple where it's not someone they know necessarily personally, but they know of. I think that's fine. Okay. I'll allow it. a couple where it's not someone they know necessarily personally but they know of i think that's fine okay i will i didn't care i didn't care either way but if you allowed it okay well for my sake i'll allow it so this first one is of five stags rangiora okay in rangiora new zealand she's laughing because right before we hit record i said okay wait one sec i need to see how to

pronounce this i'm blasting youtube videos and this guy goes the babe and i are on our way in a new zealand accent but i can't do um said to rangiora and i'm like i don't know what that was heard was from across the room somebody go rangiora with the babe and i and i thought you were watching some cool tiktok series no just trying to figure out how to say this so rangiora which is not all how i would have said it uh r-a-n-g-i-o-r-a in new zealand so here we go this is a four star review crumpy would have loved it five stags Rangiora ain't five star dining But it doesn't try to be As it's menu says it's hunting food

For everyday folk and there's nothing wrong With that it's food range Covers shrimps, mussels And fish through to venison, pork And steak. Good family fare Served by friendly professional staff Who did not smother us However when Mrsrs wabbit

realized she'd left her specs at home our waitress promptly delivered a pair of reading glasses to our table the wandering wabbits enjoyed a very good salmon filet and a juicy ribeye mr wabbit felt i was gonna allow it the first time and then the second time made me cringe the third time this is getting a little much um i don't totally know what's going on here i'm assuming that's what he calls his family i assume this is his family and i believe he i guess maybe he would be mr wabbit i'm not sure but um i'm sad that you interrupted this because I thought the Wabbit flow was just wonderful. I couldn't let it go. Continue.

Okay. Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention this is by Mr. Wabbit. This review. Oh, shit. Okay. That explains everything. Mr. Wabbit felt the highlight was his entree of grilled venison wraps.

Prices might be a bit high for a large family but the warm open plan environment is very family large group friendly five stags rangoria's hunting fishing great kiwi outdoors decor would have made barry crump feel right at home are you familiar with barry crump who's crumpy uh he was an author a new zealand author oh my god um but he's not named crumpy rap crumpy wabbit he's a different family i don't think wabbit is a reference to crump but i could be wrong something else um it is yeah very crump okay crump is his so that's crumpy but uh a very like well known in new zealand very popular uh known for he has sold more than a million copies domestically equating to one book sold for every

five new zealanders oh so very renowned very popular author in new zealand um uh his novels are based uh on his image as a rugged outdoorsman okay so that's why crump would have been proud of the things you see there and then his 1996 sorry 1986 work wild pork and watercress was adapted into the 2016 taika waititi film hunt for the wilder people oh so yeah so if you've seen hunt for the wilder people that is an adaptation it was it's fantastic i believe it's on netflix yeah yeah i loved it would you have watched if it was called pork and whatever pork and beans or whatever pork and beans um if it were called wild pork and watercress maybe i don't know i can't say for sure uh but yeah no it's a it's really good i actually i highly recommend it for a vegan um it's a vegan

version of it so uh perfect for me. Crumpy would have loved it. I mean, I guess you really know you've made it if locals are referring to you with the made-up nickname that... I don't know if that's made up. Okay, with the nickname that basically insinuates you could have joined them for dinner. I also like that he named him Crumpy first and then later explained who he was referring to

at the end of the review yeah because if you're leaving it in new zealand for people in new zealand you i guess assume that people know yeah who it is i mean i don't know like if i wrote something maybe this is a bad example but like shell silverstein would be proud then i bet there are plenty of people who'd read that and say you know i have no idea who that is you is. You mean Shelly? Shelly, sorry, yeah, Shelly. You wouldn't say, that's my point, is you'd give him a nickname. True, true, true. I'm glad you mentioned that, because now I'm going to interrupt your challenge portion to say something, which is that Megan wrote in, she, her, thank you, Megan, who said, hey, friends.

By the way, I got a lot of feedback about discussing unicorns in the Bible last episode including from renee who texted the group and was like you're and the group is the three of us by the way if anyone's the group made it seem very my apologies what it was but yes it's not as cool as it sounds um and i said i'm not wrong and renee said that i was wrong guess what the by the unicorns mentioned in the bible eight times. So everybody can just sit down, first of all. Or like a... It's a translation of...

It has been translated to unicorn. By whom? By whoever created the translated Bible. I don't know, Alexander. Okay. So this is what Megan wrote in. I believe I know why Christine felt unicorns being left behind from the ark was a thing. Y'all have mentioned Shel Silverstein's books, Shelley, I'm sorry, Shelley's books before, and he's got one long poem all about this. And I immediately thought of it when she brought up

biblical unicorns. And here's a quick snippet. But the Lord seen some sinning and it caused him pain. He says, stand back, I'm going to make it rain. He says, hey, brother Noah, I'll tell you what you do. Go and build me a floating zoo. And you take two alligators and a couple of geese two humpy bumpy camels and two chimpanzees take two cats and rats and elephants but sure as you're born noah don't you forget my unicorn spoiler alert noah forgot the unicorn so you know what i think actually in quite serious sense that is what i was thinking because. Because I'm a big Shel Silverstein fan. So, thank you, Megan, for making me feel less kooky about my oft-wrong biblical references. Yes.

And suck it, Renee. No, I still disagree about the Bible. Just because someone translated some creature as unicorn. No, Shel Silverstein. I do not ascribe to the Shel Silverstein Bible not where the shell silverstein is my bible well christina my bible is the lord's bible okay and it does not mention unicorns it literally does it literally doesn't yes it does it mentions a creature that someone happened king james or whatever was like you know this sounds like a

unicorn that's like saying oh this sounds probably a fucking antelope or something that's inner but you can't just say any or rhino one translation is wrong but every like i don't understand what you're saying have you met a christian that's literally what it's all about is picking and choosing what's right and what's wrong in the bible and i can pick and choose whatever i want yeah well you're wrong in my view and most people's views clearly so just deal put a poll out right now okay go ahead all right anyway everybody hi back to my challenge uh this next one this is of hill's Kitchen in Washington, D.C. Indulge your baking and cooking dreams here. After visiting Julia Child's kitchen at the Smithsonian American History Museum,

go see Hill's Kitchen. It's a cook or baker's dream home. Within its walls are good quality kitchen equipment, a myriad of kitchen gadgets, and great gift-worthy things. Don't forget to see the hand and dish towels for each state. There's a section for cooking with children and lots of interesting cookbooks. The owner is friendly and ready to help with a suggestion or story of how to use an item. Her expertise at stocking the shelves rivals most of the kitchen stores I've seen stateside.

Cheers to her! her indulge yourself and don't miss this gem of a shop julia child would have left this place oh that's nice yeah so child so i see what you're saying wait i just realized something what i fucked up the challenge didn't i oh yeah oh my god y'all somebody else would i am so sorry i fucked up the whole challenge the whole thing yeah oh well it gives me something i'm kind of glad i'm glad that i forgot because i didn't find a single negative one like this oh okay not a single one and i look no i didn't on not at all but i found these and i found other positive ones that i didn't include but not once was there a negative one i'm just glad you're admitting it oh my god it was less of a challenge that way i'm so sorry um i think sorry everybody please forgive me um yeah they

were literally all positive which is was maybe why i enjoyed it so much anyway true i'm a very positive person yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't get it either guys but i try sorry sonia i hope you can forgive me um anyway here's my next one some of these are not the happiest or like again let me be the judge okay this is of dia dave tours in skagway alaska it's a four-star review i know i took me i did a lot of research. I'm telling you. I went all over the place. Seriously. Went to Emerald Lake. Lots of unique stops along the way. Pretty casual, easygoing tour company, good people who love Skagway, and it comes through. We had a tour guide that had only been in Skagway for three months, but had decided to relocate there because she loved it so much.

She was dropping the history and the local color like she had lived there 10 years. The shuttle bus is comfortable and the tour overall was very memorable. I was amazed at the variety of things we saw and that's part of the charm of Skagway and this area of the Yukon. Emerald Lake, while beautiful, is not the reason to go. We saw the white pass from the road, which itself was treacherous and had a cantilever bridge we went across. Carcross, which is unique and colorful, like Talkeetna and Skagway.

A desert. A fabulous taxidermy museum. Huskies in training and their puppies. Some goats we could feed and pet. International Falls. A suspension bridge at a Mountie Museum. Plenty of bathroom opportunities.

A good leisurely pace. I needed a third gap. I was running out of options. I'm sorry. And then here comes the last line. My disabled mother would have loved to have come with us. End of review. I know. That's why I said it wasn't the most positive.

I was thinking the whole time. He said this wasn't really uplifting. I know. This is like the most positive review I've ever heard. And I can't wait to show it to her so she can see all the things she missed out on. I can't wait for her to sit there and watch my PowerPoint later. I mean, poor mom. Yeah, poor mom.

Seriously. You would have loved it. There were puppies and goats. Maybe that's why it was four stars. would have loved that there were puppies maybe that's why it was four stars maybe they you know they wish that it were more accessible i do like the how positive they were because most people uh with the notion that the tour guide was acting like she lived there for 10 years but was new i feel like that would not not necessarily result in so true like i feel like many people would be very cynical about that. Yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. So. Interesting. And then here's another one. Maybe similar vein. Not the most happy, but. Okay.

Good. This is what I see. This is what I like. The negative ones are five star though. More fun for me. This is a carrier family funeral home and crematory in Wyndham, New Hampshire. This is by Daverier Family Funeral Home and Crematory in Wyndham, New Hampshire. This is by Dave. Five stars.

I was very pleased with the services provided by the Carrier Family Funeral Home. The ceremony was lovely, and I know my husband would have loved it. Bob, Devin, and Lori were caring and compassionate at a stressful time, took care of all the deaths and needs of my family. Thank you so much. Would definitely recommend. end of review oh that's sorry that's heavy man i have one more okay i'm just thinking let me know when you're ready for his funeral i just always wonder about that sentiment because it's like i guess i guess so if you're gonna That's what you want out of it, right? Right. You want to put on a funeral that your loved one would enjoy.

Which is why, like, I don't know. That's why I do like the idea of people saying that they would rather have a celebration of life where it's more positive and not... No, I want everyone to stand and cry and talk about how much they miss me at my funeral. If everyone's laughing... You know our family, not good actors we can't we can't fake that you can't even try for me fine one last thing one last thing that'll will be me acting like i'm sad at your funeral oh god don't play this back to me ever but now talk about using something against me that was terrible that's like the worst thing i've said on this show so far. Oh my God.

Okay. Anyway, let's go on to the next one. This is the final one actually that I have. This is of the British Columbia Aviation Museum in Sydney, British Columbia, Canada. This is by Carol. Five stars. Hang on. Sorry.

You know what? I take back. No. Sorry. Oh no. No, it's about your last review. You're right because I just thought about it and it would be so much worse if they said he would have hated his own funeral like that's the saddest thing i've ever heard so you know what you're right like and also because that's a good thing and i i think while funerals and celebrations of life are meant for

the living obviously for very obvious reasons can you elaborate i'm gonna tell you why no no i think i think still i think the living i think they would enjoy it more if they knew that they were doing right by the deceased if i had a funeral for someone i cared for and i was like oh god they would have hated this i'm not gonna enjoy yeah no it's gonna be miserable you're not gonna think i mean i'm not to enjoy myself at a loved one's funeral, I guess. You know, anyway. Okay. This was, by the way, that one, I only picked one.

And they were all in the same vein. I saw so many. So many funeral home reviews. Well, that's good. Positive. I don't think I saw many negative ones. Okay, that's good. Remember when we did negative ones and it was like a funeral home lost a body and somehow

I found like six. Yeah, it's, it's, there's there's some that was a that was an idea huh he wouldn't have loved that but he would not have loved that um you would have loved that if your body got lost and part of this whole mystery you probably would have you'd be i would and probably set up an escape room scavenger hunt is what probably happened oh my god if you can get through in 60 seconds you get the body if not renata you're 60 minutes sorry it's 60 minutes and if you don't make it in 60 minutes you'll never get your body also oh my gosh anyway this is a review of british columbia aviation museum by carol five stars i went there to check it out and i thought i would not like it

my late husband would have loved it and it did remind me of my uncles who were prisoners of war and it is also a reminder of how far we have come. I was pleasantly surprised and would I go back? You bet I would because we learn from the past and that's what this was all about. End of review.

Aww. Again, kind of a bummer. Yeah, I know. Oh, I know. Reminded me of my uncles who were prisoners of war. And my late husband. And my late husband and how far we've come not i guess not really i mean i guess in some ways what is this the aviation museum yeah in british columbia canada okay all right well i mean five star was it five it was five stars it was five stars i'm not gonna come in between

this person and their good experience oh really i thought like when i brought that to the table i was like oh man i shouldn't shouldn't read this because i know she's gonna do everything she can to come between this person and their experience everything in my power and everything i thought about it yeah and then i step back because i am nothing if not graceful and kind and generous so good job xandy thank you so much um i i do apologize i i swear that wasn't on purpose it's not the first time that i messed that up uh it messed up it's hard to know if it's a positive or negative it gets confusing yeah once you get into the i mean for me it gets confusing maybe not you in hindsight i think it makes more sense why the challenge would be

the reviewer like how often would you see someone say i hated it but i guess my husband would have loved it like you know that's rare yeah yeah so i see why that's more of a challenge um yeah but for what it's worth it did take me a while and some of them were a little bit of a bummer so hey yeah come on sonia i still bummed you out right can you can you can you not well alexander you did a great job uh and now that we finished that should we give before we forget our demon challenge for the next for 138 and 139 let's do it i wrote that down this time nice because i messed that up for sure let's do it. I wrote that down this time. Nice, because I messed that up for sure. Let's do it. So the theme for episode 138, releasing two weeks from this episode's release. I got that right.

I almost messed it up. I was going to say, don't guess a date, because it's going to be wrong. Sorry. It's from Grace, she, her, who wants us to find reviews of Ripley's Believe It or Not locations. Sweet. There are a lot. Wait, and that's perfect because we have photos of us from there. True. Oh yeah,

we can actually post something on Instagram. We can actually post something relevant that's not just like off Costco's website. And shout out to Becky and Kara who both have sent in Ripley's reviews in the past. I want to make sure to give them a little credit. Yeah, so what's the challenge for 138 releasing two weeks from this episode's

release date okay so the challenge for 138 was sent in by marina uh who wrote just this great email now this is very interesting okay there's a little context here uh well first she says dear alex and christina which made me laugh and then friend, Julio, who's the owner of the flower hat in Bozeman, Montana. And she said, hard J. And so in my head, I was like, Julio, right? Julio, not Julio. So then I went on a really crazy expedition and found a pod. This is really nuts.

I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm admitting this. I found a podcast episode that he was on to make sure i pronounced his name correctly because he's a friend of ours on instagram and i didn't want to like say his name wrong so anyway julia provided flowers for our cousin's wedding correct yes and like not because like it was just a coincidence coincidentally yes he was like are you related to an Anna Boswell? So it was just a really weird thing. But anyway, he's a listener to the show. He's great.

And he is called The Flower Hat on Instagram and has like this amazing Instagram of flowers. Seriously, check it out. I'm so obsessed with it. Anyway, so he's the one who suggested the podcast to Marina like a million times. And this is his birthday month oh my gosh and so marina said i finally listened to the podcast and i really like it we're doing negative reviews of the flower i would never do that uh we wouldn't have enough content it's impossible to find we would have zero we would do what you did and just accidentally show up with a bunch of positives.

Anyway, sorry. So she said, I thought I would offer you two Julio-inspired challenges. And the one that I picked is as follows. Julio is mad about possums. He is even a member of the North American Opossum Society. Oh, in a good way. I was like, oh, just that rage, that mad. As Julia's business is to flower up high-end events, your challenge is to find a review

in which the reviewer mentions a possum ruining or enhancing an event, or maybe just making an appearance at an event. Here's a fun fact about possums she included. They eat a ton of ticks, yay, And are very unlikely to carry rabies. So, uh, I know that's really, really specific, but I feel like it's easy to search for. I'm already formulating search, search keywords in my head. Uh, and I'm honored to be the one who gets the Julio challenge. Yeah.

I hope that works out. I think it'll be fun. Oh, and then she's in a followup email email and this way i mentioned christina at the beginning she said i'm so sorry that i typed christina which isn't instead of christine which is in fact your name um which is in fact your name but uh it's i mean you call me christina on the show so i think it's confusing i'll let you have this i mean it is still weird when people call me alexander that oh uh i think it's weird when people call you a. Yeah, exactly. Whatever.

Whatever. So anyway, go check out Julio at the Flower Hat on Instagram. And we have a birthday challenge for him coming up, which I'm very excited about. That is fun. And happy birthday, Julio, by the way. Oh, I DM'd him yesterday after I saw that. Oh, funny. Okay. I had no idea it was his birthday.

Wait, July is his birthday month or June? I think it was July 1st. Oh, it was July 1st. Oh, it was his birthday um wait july is his birthday month or june i think it was july 1st oh it was july 1st oh it was yes fuck you missed it i missed it okay it's because i hid the email from you that's what it was so that i could have oh no well anyway let me give you um oh no now you give me a channel or a theme for the 139 we got this we got this 139 the theme is from j Jay and it wasn't even a theme but I took it I took the reviews they sent it as a theme

and it's truck stop reviews love it I love I love a good truck stop me too that's my go to when I'm driving anywhere we did rest stops

in Germany but not truck stops they're similar what's the difference but we did in Germany we didn't do like oh we did was it German specific

I'm pretty sure oh yeah I think you're right maybe whatever either way i'm excited for this uh and then your challenge are you ready also from grace grace came in came through for me uh next week as well or next time i'm giving a theme and challenge i'm gonna be using graces again grace provided this challenge a review of a place of worship where the reviewer thought it was a different religion than it was before going. So they went and said, oh, I thought this was Episcopalian or something. Beyonce mask. I don't know. See, you've already got some ideas.

Oh, I'm ready for that one. Grace, thank you for both of those. The Ripley's Believe It or Not and the Place of Worship one I think that could be fun go hand in hand thank you everybody and if you have suggestions or examples or reviews to send in for either all four of those or one or two or however many

send them to bshusani at gmail.com and if you already forget everything we just said like we do as well we will pin a tweet that has... Did we do that last week? Yes, I did. Oh!

I was on it. I didn't notice. Yeah, she's checking my work right now. No, I went to Twitter and it said, your tweets cannot be loaded. And I tried it like four times. Oh, yeah. Then I wiped everything. You blocked me.

Just out of anger. Because I knew you hadn't checked. Go to Twitter.com slash Beach2Sandy, where we'll have a pinned tweet that shows the uh theme and challenge for the next couple episodes or two episodes from next week's episode you'll figure it out figure it out we'll all figure it out thank you all for listening we love you we'll see you someday yeah talk to you soon i guess bye Bye.