Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 141: Reviews of Storage Facilities

Episode Date: August 11, 2021

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Welcome to Beach 2 Sandy, Water 2 Wet. This is a podcast where siblings read shitty reviews that we find on the internet. This is episode 141. What's our theme today?

Today we are reading reviews of storage units, and this was sent in by Scarlett. Thanks, Scarlett. What about your challenge? You just tell tell me everything i'll tell you everything you need to know our challenge my challenge today was sent in by melody and it was let me scroll through all my many pages you're like um yeah what was i just researching so much work alexander that this document is a lot of pages long so what i'm nervous no it's because i remember last week when i miss i gave somebody credit for something you gave everybody wrong credit you messed every single credit up well the problem is this is why i like links instead of photos because putting photos in

my like microsoft or my apple pages documents everything everything gets jumbled around and moved, and so I have to make separate pages for each stupid picture. What do you use? I use Google Drive. Oh. And I take my own screenshots and just click and drag them after I take the screenshot. Are you serious?

And they just go in in order? Yeah. Because I put them in pages and they just jack up everybody's, all the text. Some of them I have to make smaller so they all fit. Oh my God. Okay. Well, nevermind. That's what I'll do next time.

This is, I literally have done this for every episode we've ever recorded. Why didn't you tell me that? I'm sure we've talked about this. It's not, it is not my fault that you use Apple Pages. Excuse me. As if I'm telling you how great great apple pages is and then suddenly you feel betrayed as if how could you not use that i've never used apple pages in my life nor will i it kind of sucks but i'm used to it now i'm not gonna like buy microsoft word what

yeah i have a macbook this is you use a lenovo macbook excuse me you use a lenovo okay can you get out of here this is not i approve this is not your fight to fight okay blades is gonna take over this episode i'm feeling cornered in my own home even geo came in here to be mad at you christina this is ridiculous i'm feeling cornered in my own home okay yeah and you're a little like your weird fainting couch with your blanket of zach baggins christina this is i wish people just who are like you should record these for youtube no i would love that but she's never been normally presentable when we record so anyway i'm wearing an unsub sweatshirt and pajama pant i think i look great okay the challenge was from melody uh find a review of a product created by a celebrity where someone

hates the celebrity but loves the product how was that um it was fun actually i learned a lot actually oh did you learn a lot about celebrity products stressful but it was actually quite an enjoyable uh read about all the george foreman was going to be stressful, but it was actually quite an enjoyable... You read about all the George Foreman haters and stuff? I read about... I didn't actually look up George Foreman, but I learned a lot about celebrities who have products that really surprised me. So we're going to play a little guessing game later.

Oh, I'm excited. Yay, I love those games. Yeah, it'll be fun. Okay, good. So do you want to start with your... Sure thing. I'm going to start with an email. While I recover from this attack.

I hope people will continue to attack you on twitter okay great this is one of those things where i finally will say please at her i'm just kidding don't do that we finally found one angle that you'll join the masses um anyway here is an email uh this is from stephanie who uh sent in reviews of a place called cube smart which is a chain i found because i've seen lots of reviews of those places i even know what the logo looks like there's so many of those yeah yeah they're everywhere it's red well this one's in buford georgia i don't know that one you don't you're not familiar with the i thought it might be but i'm not i thought maybe uh anyway here's a review uh this is by balthazar one star i found a copperhead snake inside the hallways of

here oh my god be careful i have pictures of it but not sure if i can upload them or not people leave the front door open and anything can come inside. If this snake had gotten into someone's unit and they go reaching around, this would be a different story. End of review. And I'm writing it on Google right now for my next novella. Uh-huh. Oh, that's a good. Yeah. The owner did respond and say, try to maintain a very safe environment.

Can you let us know, like, via email what's going on here? It's a very unique test. I think they told you what's going on here. I feel like I've seen, like, rats and termites, cockroaches, but... Yeah, you don't tend to see copperhead snakes just roam in the halls. Just kind of checking out the goods. But I guess some of these units are air-conditioned. I don't blame the copperhead snake for going in there.

I don't know much about snakes, but I feel like a copperhead snake... It sounds desert-y. That one sounds dangerous, though, to me. snakes but i feel like a copperhead snake it sounds desert that one sounds dangerous though to me yeah i feel like that usually the word snake is what sounds dangerous to me but yeah i know what you mean like you hear garden snake and you think oh how cute it's doing a little gardening isn't it a gardener snake or gardener snake is it yeah i'm pretty sure sure regard either way even if it's gardener snake is that really like i don't know calling it a garden i might be making that up garter snake yeah garter snake why did i call it a garden snake because we always thought that's

what it was but i always try to correct you guys but nobody liked to listen to me okay okay okay um i hope there are people out there who are freaking out right now thinking wow yeah i always called it a garden snake we called it there's no way that was a unique i think we called it a gardener snake but it was a garter snake and then i just warped that into the garden snake your mind this moment everyone's like what the fuck is a garden i don't think anyone knows what we're talking weird we didn't grow up with copperheads okay um i stepped on one of those garter snakes oh you meant a copperhead we didn't grow up with one but i've stepped on one that would be a different story if i were reaching around with my little feet ew you little toesies feeling the the blades of grass and getting some

licks from a nice little garter snake yeah yeah i did there's this thing called uh there's someone asked the question what is the difference between a garden snake and a garter snake uh and then it says there is no difference both names refer to the same species did you write that me yeah yeah on the internet i did not okay um just thought it was garden snakes is a general term used for any species that is commonly found in yards it's an umbrella term yeah so i use the umbrella term because i wasn't trying to be too specific thanks for trying to specify my what i meant but sorry i just want to give credit to you know each unique individual species of snake and um not just lump

them all together into one big category okay then list then list the rest of them. Oxen are, no, because I'm busy. Okay, moral of the story, snakes don't belong in storage units. I think that's the point of this. Sorry for everybody. To be fair, that storage unit was probably in its desert. You know what I mean? It was plopped down in the middle of its little habitat.

They probably lived there first. I know. I don't know how long copperhead snakes live but this makes it sound like it's an 100 year old snake and it's just doing its thing and then suddenly the big big box they're gentrifying his own town it's really sad jesus poor snake i know okay i have a um i have a one-star review by Christina with a K. Just to clarify. Was that an email you mean?

No, no. Oh, so. This is a reviewer. Okay. But like. You wanted to make sure your name isn't associated with this review. Correct, exactly correct. Got it, got it, got it.

I visited yesterday to look for a storage unit. The sign outside indicates a number of sizes available and rates. I walked in and asked for a storage unit. The sign outside indicates a number of sizes available and rates. I walked in and asked for a rate sheet. The girl at the front desk stated she did not have one, but that she would write down the rates of the sizes I was interested in. Me. How significantly different are the 5x7 and the 7x10? Her. About two feet. What? Here are several options for what I would consider to be appropriate responses. One, a lot of people get the 5x7 but end up deciding it's too small and upgrade to the 7x10. Or, let's talk about what you plan to store and we can help determine what size is best for you. Or, why don't we go look at them and you can get a feel for what the sizes mean? I don't need a math lesson. I can do math.

I needed simple common courtesy or even basic customer service. I told her that the answer was rude and I started to turn to walk out because if service starts off poor, I am not going to stay. I turned to look at her again and she had a look of shock on her face. I told her that was basic math and that I could do math. I turned to look at her again, and she had a look of shock on her face. I told her that was basic math and that I could do math. She continued to look surprised and defended her glib, non-service-oriented answer. Perhaps I should lower my expectations for service.

She was working the front desk at a storage unit. She probably didn't go through years of customer service training. I don't know. I just know that when it starts bad, it's going to be bad. I will not be going back and will be checking out other options in the neighborhood. End of review. My anxiety is at an all-time high right now. I'm sweating so bad. When reviewers play the hypothetical game of what they think this person should have said,

you know it's not going to be good because there's no way that anyone can match their uh their view of what they deserve to hear or something i don't know like an ideal world in their head of how they're treated yeah i mean i this poor young woman is like oh the difference is about two feet in space like okay how else do you answer that well okay i'm not gonna ask because we already got our answer how else you can answer that? Well, okay. I'm not going to ask because we already got our answer. How else you can answer that? But to expect all those very specific responses. Why don't you just ask those questions? That's exactly right. Because the first one is not helpful. Some people get a five by seven, but think it's too small.

That's not a helpful response anyway. And what are people doing? Two feet is more helpful. Each time they sell something, they have this customer survey that everybody or customer survey that everybody answers so they would actually know that why would this person at the front desk who doesn't even get a rate sheet from the owners but wants to write them down for you yeah and it's trying to help that you think they know how the customer experience is for each different level i don't know it just seems one of those incidents where like this person was looking for a bad experience

and they got it. No matter what, it would have ended poorly for this poor customer service person. That gave me just not the happy feelings. I can do math. It's like nobody's challenging whether you can do math.

I get so defensive. I can't do math and I'm not impressed by you, Christina. If someone answered that way to me, I'd chuckle i'd say oh okay but and then i'd say oh and then you ask something more specific to get the type of answer you're looking for what do you want to know because technically that answered answers your question it's the most specific possible answer yeah so anyway that's uh that's that's

oh boy yeah when i first heard that i I was like, OK, two feet. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense because that's what it is. Yikes. OK. My next one is of Spring Grove Self Storage here in Cincinnati. One star by Sam.

I have nothing good to say. That should say it all. End of review. Wow. good to say that should say it all end of review wow uh just someone who doesn't understand how reviews work because that's literally doesn't tell us anything enough said and it's like you didn't say anything your one star review does your your little one star rating does not help us it just means that you have some sort of thing against this place we don't know what's actually wrong it takes more energy to write an entire quote-unquote clever sentence like that to just be like too expensive well as

i'm as a clever person myself i disagree right it's easy for you for me it's really easy to be clever um it's a little harder to be serious and actually be in touch with my feelings but that's another story for another day um but yeah sam uh didn't tell us anything, but did tell us things. He told us everything at the same time. Yeah, which I don't like. Yeah. Thank you for that really unhelpful review, Sam. You and me.

I was like, geez. I don't know. Senator, thank you for contributing nothing. Isn't that the point of the show? As usual. We're not supposed to bring real things to the table? This is an email from Taylor. Thank you.

And it's of, taylor sent in a few and uh this one's from a you store it you lock it in cleveland ohio that right off the bat they're just not taking any responsibility you do you if you because i saw so many negative reviews about thefts yep yep and i thought wow yeah that really sucks and then here it's they just say you know what it's your you locked it you can we can't we can't be responsible close our eyes and you can do whatever you want and it's not our problem um yeah you store it you lock it it's like one of those places i keep messing up the title because i brought my laptop to it the you break i fix or

whatever store but it's i always write i break you fix because i'm like well i broke you fix and they're like no no you break i fix and i'm anyway i type it wrong every time wow i didn't i don't know what this is is this where you brought your laptop oh yes it's a tech repair no wonder they couldn't get your files what What is this place? I probably brought it to the wrong place. I probably brought it to the opposite. Anyway, okay, sorry. One Star by Doug. Went here to rent a unit because it's close to home. Because of the scamdemic and manufactured fear, I was not actually able to speak to someone in person.

Rather, I had to speak to them through a window i have 80 hearing loss and no insurance which mean no form of affordable hearing aids for me especially with strangers i need to be able to speak to them face to face so i can understand what they're saying seems discriminatory to me middle finger emoji eye roll emoji thumbs down emoji end of review oh my gosh um i would consider through a window still face to face but yes that's just me was the problem the masks or something maybe no it was a window just the window yep uh i was not able to speak to someone in person i had to speak to them through a window okay so um how how, how unfortunate. Discriminatory. That is definitely,

this window is creating barriers. Truly. Um, no different. Okay. Yes. It's clearly different, but the difference is not that you can see them any less.

Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm analyzing this. I'm sorry. I'm analyzing this. I'm finally getting it. They're saying they have hearing loss, so they're having trouble hearing through the window. Oh, okay. So it's just... That being said, I feel like...

Tell me how you feel. The reason the window is there is because people like Doug show up in a quote-unquote scamdemic without a mask and start shouting because they can't hear very well. Leaning, leaning, leaning inward. Lots of leaning. Correct. Oh, I still see that.

And not wearing a mask. And it's like, that's literally, Doug, it's there for you. Like, you're the customer that created the necessity for this window. When I was in D.C., I was at a, Kirsten and I went to a coffee shop in Georgetown. It was busy because it was a saturday and oh my god there's this plastic barrier and the people people i saw people lean and reach around the plastic barriers where they're making the and i'm like whoa how are you why why are you so bold and they weren't wearing a mask either the people the employees were see-through yeah as if it doesn't mean anything yeah i'll hear you the wall separating us from mexico

i imagine that would be opaque similar okay yes so to avoid this problem of people reaching over it under it behind it okay fair fair so that's what i mean that is i think like people like doug are like no that's different because you can't see through it got it got it so doug would go down to the border and wouldn't cross it because he can't see it he wouldn't so it's not real it's like he's like a baby like a like an infant doesn't have object permanent yeah it's not he can't see it so therefore it's not there yeah i mean that's kind of exactly what i'm saying is like oh we'll just put a wall there and just leave them on the other side you know it makes so much sense you dare put a freaking piece of glass between me and somebody i'm trying to talk to middle finger emoji little finger emoji uh when you read that i did not think that is the route our conversation would take but i'm very glad it did really i had it planned

you took all those notes you said okay don't forget mexico it's an entire separate page in my pages document it just says talk about the wall oh my god my next one is of affordable self-storage in Omaha, Nebraska. This is a two-star review by Dan. That reads ass. It does. Fun fact. It does. Affordable self-storage ass. Good.

There's not even a hyphen. Yeah. Incredible. Incredible. Two stars. I don't rent there. My friend does. He seems to like it. End of review.

And I don't like his opinions. I usually disagree. Therefore, like, why would you put, okay. And this person is a local guide with 170 reviews, 141 photos. They are active in the Omaha review scene. Maybe they have really opinionated friends. Oh, maybe that's it. You know what I mean? I wonder if this is just another case of like, I drove past it and Google said.

Yeah, I think they went with their friend or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I assume so. But why the two stars? Is it really that hard to get this person to put three stars? I don't understand. Two stars is a little rough. It's not even average.

It's below average. Yeah, yeah, exactly exactly it's not even you have no opinion it means that you think negatively of this place but the only information you're giving is your friend likes it i feel like that would make me annoyed like if i really liked a frozen yogurt place and then my friend went and reviewed it oh my friend really likes it two stars i'd be like what what do you why do you think that way about my opinion and my likes and dislikes yeah true because then the opposite would be if the opposite were true it's like wow i really don't enjoy this place and like five stars my friend hates it yeah yeah yeah you seem like a questionable trait in a friend but that's just me get it

together dan get it together Just show some loyalty. Scrolling to the next page. Are you going to do that like six more times? Is that how this day is going? Yeah. Well, you know, I'm like lounging on my fainting couch, so it takes a lot of effort to get up and scroll. It's not a pleasant sight. I have my laptop propped up on a music stand, everybody. It's actually like a perfect setup, but whatever.

This is a one-star review by Chris. It's of a Brook Park mini storage in Cleveland, Ohio. One star. Just reading the reviews. Shame. Bedbugs? We're at the 21st century and there are still bedbugs? Shame. End of review. Oh, I mean, what, what, is this storage place responsible for the existence of bedbugs?

And then there's the response from owner. Great question, Alex. Answer it for me, please. Unfortunately, bedbugs are still an issue all over, Chris. That review you read was from a couple years ago and was not a confirmed nor reported incident. We take precautions to help keep those out of our facility. Have you contacted our office with any questions you may have? I do not believe you are a current or recent tenant. That's very generous, owner, because clearly this person just said, I'm just here to read the reviews. Yeah.

Feel free to stop in or give us a call with your concerns. Have a wonderful day. End of response. I'm glad that they could educate this person on the existence of bedbugs outside of the storage company. It's a weird thing to be so alarmed by the existence of bedbugs. This was three years ago, too. Yeah. So it's just like, yeah, of course bedbugs this was three years ago too um so it's just like yeah of course bedbugs

still exist a i didn't know that was ever a thing that they wouldn't yeah yeah i don't know like that they were eradicated somehow yeah uh a worldwide push to eradicate bedbugs to happen three years ago maybe i don't know i don't think so could be i mean copperhead snake like if it were like oh did they release the copperhead snakes into the storage companies so that they would eat the bed bugs natural enemies those two that's what i heard um the 21st i feel like you usually say this is the 21st century to discuss like progress social progress i mean i don't know lack thereof i don't know removing bed bugs sounds like social progress well i mean i don't know or lack thereof i don't know removing bed bugs sounds like social progress to me exactly so it's like wow this is the 21st century and

you still have bed bugs it's like that it's like you're saying typhoid like no true yeah it's not the same i don't understand it's not like the black plague or something yeah or leprosy it's not like yes precisely anyway on that on that note let me clean my glasses um knowingly that was a lot that was a lot okay i struggled so you noticed my last one was from nebraska yes i did uh i went all over i had a tough time with this but why else would we do storage units if not because of the hit tv show storage wars right did you go to the game i tried that i didn't find i tried to and i couldn't find anything apparently that board game is not that popular really oh but everybody had a great review of it i noticed no no No? Not really, but the complaints were, this was too easy.

This was boring. All the complaints I saw were exactly like the TV show. And I was like, I doubt that. Yeah. No, I did see people who say that, though, which I was surprised by. I felt like I was living the TV show. And I was like, what? I think we played it like once. Didn't't we own it don't we own it yeah

i know where it is we just played it once and i was playing it even it was it was okay it was like an auction style game where you auction on something then later find out how much it's worth and how much money you get kind of thing it is it sounds just like the tv it felt like it yeah you gotta go yep gotta wear my skeleton gloves your skeleton oh barry speaking of barry this also has spoilers if you are a lover of storage wars and live in a very blissful world when it comes to reality tv and uh how real that reality is do not listen to this next review okay because i have a one-star review of the tv show. Uh-oh. One star out of ten. This is from IMDb,

and the title is Storage Wars is Faked. And here we go. I know for a fact that Storage Wars is full of crap. I went to a few auctions and overheard Barry

talking to a camera person last month. Barry is not a collector at all. He doesn't even buy the storage units the producers pay it for him. He is just a friend of the producer, Tom Beers. I was so upset to hear this. I stayed after the auction and they staged

the so-called item that Hester found. They send the actor off and make him come back after they plant it. What the fuck? And to top this off, all the actors get paid for each episode. Apparently thousands. Stay behind after the auction and to top this off all the actors get paid for each episode apparently thousands stay behind after the auction you can see how they fake it after the auction finishes so mad at the show for lying i am never watching this again end of review oh

sorry bud that is that sucks to find out sorry the magic has been never meet your heroes am i right exactly it buries your hero stay far away for probably more reason than one but the thing that made me laugh so hard was that they said they actually pay these people and i was like well i would hope so that kind of caught in my brain too like well that's surely that can't be a bad thing but it's not like a like they're still performing a role like it's i feel like if if this was some sort of documentary like they're paying this copperhead snake to appear in this film it's like okay that might be different but like these people are performing a role in the show this is the whole thing and they their characters do you imagine

they do all of that work for the show and then not get paid and then if they don't make any money they just lose money yeah i don't know it's ridiculous i mean their personalities they have to keep them like on payroll somehow to keep them on the show exactly maybe we lived in la too long we're just jaded i don't think so i think i i would like to think most people would have that thought process about this if they'd watch the show and assume that they get some sort of monetary compensation or at least not be like distraught by the fact that they do yeah okay exactly yeah like get so upset when you find that out i personally never thought about it and i wouldn't have been surprised either way if they were like they don't need to pay these people i would have been like wow true i don't watch the show and i think

wow i wonder they're probably i wonder what kind of contract they get and how much they make per episode but i mean when you find that out you shouldn't freak out and think how dare they pay these people for this work that they're doing maybe they're just jealous they wouldn't be the next barry well they did go to an auction so i know maybe they're trying to get in on the ground floor and they feel like nepotism is has taken over with barry befriend i wonder if that part's true it seems like a weird thing that he would be telling the camera person his entire backstory like that that's true like i was i was eavesdropping and he told the camera person that he actually wasn't a collector and was friends with the producer first name last name i feel like that's i feel like the

crew is generally like this they would know the crew by now. I don't know. Also, it seemed random that this guy happened to meet the, I don't, it seemed, it seemed weird, but I do, I do believe all of the, I do, but I don't know about Barry not being a collector.

Like I know Hester, I think is a guy who goes, yep. I think, I don't know. It doesn't matter. I know he does have these auction services that he does like this is his life that is what these people do generally yeah like they're not

just random actors they pulled out of nowhere right so they're in that scene they were in that scene already in some capacity i but they just had a personality to fit a tv show yeah but i do believe that they do plant things and they'd make it more exciting so yeah they have to i mean you agree they have to can you imagine i would love to just see one episode where they plant nothing and we just see like they just opened up incredibly boring it is incredibly like they find literal trash only my next review is actually about that so this is fun a little bit just about i have one somewhere too but i don't think it's my next one let me scroll give me 10 minutes okay this is uh another one this is of life storage in st louis missouri life storage life storage that's a really intense name very um very common chain yeah i know but i never thought about the name life storage put your life in storage jesus i already have okay compartments in my brain okay

gut it out filled with who has the key who has the key to the storage lockers of my mind probably um and this is from taylor thank you taylor uh life storage in st louis missouri this is a review by Charlie One Star. Super nice when Terry is working the desk. Then you will meet Tracy. Oh no. I already know

I want to meet Tracy. It's also a new paragraph like enter, enter, enter. That woman had quite an ego trip today. Maybe she should have taken the donut out of her mouth uh-oh uh-oh how does someone okay i'm sorry i not i don't like i want to believe you charlie but i have a hard time picturing someone having an ego trip with a donut in their mouth i feel like those two things don't go together it's really difficult to to do. I don't know, Graciela.

You know what they say about cops and donuts? Eco trips don't... I'm just putting that out there. Do they say that? Are they somehow correlated? I'm making this connection in my brain right now. So I'm just saying I could see eco trips donuts going together because donuts and cops go together.

The personality trait just seems to click okay nothing against tracy is it tracy terry which one is it who do who am i according to this review are not supposed to like tracy is the is the antagonist of this story okay okay then you will meet tracy that woman had quite an ego trip today maybe she should have taken the donut out of her mouth, not hide in the back office, act professional, and not keep customers waiting 45 minutes till she decides to do her job. End of review.

You know what? Donut aside, I think hiding in an office definitely doesn't have to do with the ego trips. For 45 minutes. That is quite the opposite. her route it took her 45 minutes to eat that freaking donut also like she can't be that good at hiding if they're like oh i see her we know where you are tracy you eating a donut like we we can see you so clearly that your mouth is full um we know where you are. We know what you're doing. You might as well come out here and do your job.

We know about your big ego trip you're flying through. I just love how that painted a picture of her hiding with a donut in her mouth, like just feeling so smug back there. Just hung out for 45 minutes, just letting Charlie wither away in the lobby. Oh, Charlie. Sorry, Charlie. So sad for him. I'm so glad you brought these to the table because I felt bad.

I didn't find this. Well, Taylor brought that to the table. Oh, Taylor. Oh, that's right. Well, I'm glad that we have those because, man, I struggled with these. I'd say like at least half of mine I found on my own, but I had to go through quite a few to find like...

You know how many freaking cities I went through so many random cities it was nuts but i just guess i didn't get lucky like usual so that's okay i do have a redemption of storage wars um i don't think there's a star value but it is a positive review of it okay we need that i think though this one is titled it's fake we get it okay guys calm down it's a reality show of course it's fake even though it's fake it's extremely entertaining you always want to see what they find even though the producers planted it how fun would it be if they didn't find anything in the lockers exactly it would be a bad show like every other reality program that isn't fake if you can even name one overall it's an enjoyable

show nothing too special but i'd say it's worth your time the producers did a great job of finding characters to appear in the show for example barry jared and dave it's always fun watching yeah dave hester he oh a last name yeah i'm pretty sure it's always fun watching them bid or even cheering a bit yourself in the living room it's a good show that will keep you hooked at least a season. End of review. Which is exactly how I felt about it. We loved that show. I still think it's, I haven't watched it in ages.

It's still going. Started in 2010. It's still going. Holy crap. I mean, it's clearly successful. It's just such a fun concept. Yeah. Like a treasure hunting type concept.

Yeah. So I like Antiques Roadshow, but it's a little more exciting. Yeah. I do like Antiques Roadshow. It's hard to say which one's more thrilling true true true they're both pretty high stakes yeah they plant so much stuff in antiques roadshow that one you know is a talk about reality show like characters talk have you met those people do you know how much they get paid per episode it's like up there with the kardashians they make so much money oh my god oh god the people bring it in they're like these old people bring it in they're like grandparents like old newspapers and

a rocking chair i love that show i do too um but i also love storage wars me too yeah there's room in my heart for both i think this is sort of in the i i didn't know how to find these uh separately or like i was just happy to stumble upon one that revolved around purchasing an abandoned storage unit because i didn't know how to search specifically for that yeah like how they do on storage wars all the complaints that i found were about like how the price went up yeah like renting it yeah the process of renting right so i found one here this is of extra space storage in lakeland, Florida. P.S. Side note. It always made me so anxious watching Storage Wars for no good reason other than I would think, what if you were watching this and you were like, oh my God, like that's my shit or like that's my grandma's shit.

Do you know what I mean? Like I think about that a lot, but whatever. It's besides fun. I mean, after what, how long has it been? 11 years? Yeah. You'd think that would happen at least once. Somebody would have been like, that's my, that's my portrait.

I'm in that oil painting. And people usually find out if their stuff goes to auction. So maybe, I don't know. But then again, if that happens to you, you probably won't seek out the video of it happening. Because usually it's a bad reason. Like you're in financial troubles or anything. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You're probably not sitting there watching cable and like, I don't know, being surprised by your oil painting. It's so sad. Okay. Anyway. By your oil painting. Sorry, okay.

This is a one-star review by George. I am writing this review on behalf of Lucy Majorson who purchased an abandoned storage unit. She is well aware that you get whatever it is sight unseen for the most part, but this unit was primarily garbage. When her 10-year-old son received a significant

head wound from a loose board. What? It's not funny. I'm sorry. Okay, last week too, your laughter has been weird. You also, what was it? I don't know if it was last night or something when we were together off the show. You were not happy. I forget what it was. You said something. It was last night. No, it wasn't. or something when we were together off the show you were not happy i forget what it was you said something it was last night no it wasn't yeah it was when you're opening

dad's mail oh my god everybody i don't know if i should tell you about this moment because it was it's bernie's mail time her her laughter she does this weird nervous laugh when she reads certain things it's upsetting it is upsetting but so our dad gets mail sent to her house it's a whole thing his mailing address you've heard my address about it um and so she gets it and then opens it up uh he asked me to open he acts asks her to open it she needs to open it all for him and there was this one thing from some monks or something i don't know brotherhood some sort of brother they're always from monks or religious brotherhood they're always from monks or nuns or horse sanctuaries yeah i don't know i don't get him i do not understand our father it's okay so

brotherhood sent this thing she opens it up i don't even remember it was literally said that like one of their brothers had been beheaded by isis and she read that out aloud and chuckled and i'm like and then just did this like really like very uncomfortable clearly she was uncomfortable by it but she read it and chuckled and i was like what the hell why is that funny she's laughing right now okay no that's more of crying actually i wasn't funny it was just like oh my god it wasn't i forgot about that it wasn't i certainly didn't oh i tried to but it wasn't funny it was just like i'm opening dad's mail and it's like okay here's like a bill for i don't know spectrum cable here's this and then it's like

one of our it was really i understand how much of a shock it would be your reaction was just so shocking and also like how do you react to that like i don't i don't know i'm sorry i was so taken aback obviously oh my god i feel like i'm gonna get in trouble um yeah and then but you did it on the podcast last week too i forget what it was it was something like probably it had to do with the softcore porn or something i don't know what i think it was another injury i feel like something about reading oh yeah about injuries where i mean to be fair head wounds if i saw

that happen i wouldn't be like ha ha but i think like reading about it you're like yeah i beg to differ fucking fbi is gonna check your video history be like what is she watching they're gonna check your webcam like how is she reacting oh my god yikes um but i think um i think so many times they're so over exaggerated that like it's just i for the record just so we're clear you're not talking about those what happened to their brother you're talking about this i'm talking about reviewers the reviewer talking about a 10 year old head wound like remember you you're right they are no in that case yes you laughed at the one where the woman like fell on the side of a pool and like broke her leg do you remember that it was horrible it was like she

you had a review in our bonus one on theot of like someone walking around with a gun and it turns out it was like real and it wasn't an exaggeration. You brought it to the table because you thought it was exaggerated. Then I Google it. I was like, nope, that actually happened. I told you it really happened. Okay. Well, then why do you bring it to the table? Because I think it's worth discussing gun control.

Okay, here we go. I'm just going to continue this review. Please. When her 10-year-old son received a significant head wound from a loose board with a rusty nail that fell on his head, they offered us a Band-Aid. Or to call 911. to call 911. With COVID-19, I am no letting my son near an ER unless it is life-threatening, but did try to find an urgent care in or around the area to no avail. At any rate, she finally got loaded up and cleaned out, but due to her son's injury, missed the time deadline by a short while, so U-Haul refused to return her $100 deposit. In times like these when we

are all financially suffering, this is an especially egregious act and they should return her money as an act of good faith end of review wait take it up with u-haul then yeah i think they rent out u-haul or oh is that what that was okay i was a little confused there do rent out u-haul trucks okay but um i guess i just was taken by um they offered a band-aid yeah or or he got hit with a rusty nail in the head okay it does sound like something out of a cartoon i'm sorry here's a band-aid or do you want me to call an ambulance it's like wow those are again two extreme options and like neither of them are acceptable to this person yeah it's like we can either do more than zero or the absolute like most like 100 yeah 110 but then what else are they're probably not trained yeah that's the other thing it's like i don't know what else they should do like george is like i

looked for an urgent care and there wasn't one yeah so what are they supposed to sort of like well they're not gonna be the urgent care for you yeah they have a band-aid that's about as far as it goes um and like normally if it were you know he said it's not life-threatening well it sounds pretty fucking terrible if it were i don't know maybe it wasn't as bad so this board they're not accusing the business of having a loose board that caused this right like it didn't sound like no they're saying yeah i don't think so i think they're saying that the storage unit was so worthless it was filled with trash and then a board gave the son a significant quote-unquote head wound yeah so how is that the place's fault because they didn't do anything except offer a band-aid

wow okay yeah that is a bad this is a terrible review like i understand if their ceiling fell yeah like if they got hit by a door or something that like was part of the building door fell on me once a door did fall on you yeah and it was terrifying to watch you just laid there like pancaked you literally just laid there no i was a little yeah to be fair this was a week ago right i just like a door falls on me and i just lay there forever to be fair you tried to open a door that was not on any hinges. Okay, but why did our dad have a door not on the hinges? He just leaned it against the wall.

It was literally just leaning there and I thought it was the door into his closet. It turns out it was off the hinges and it just fell flat on me and I was just laying down underneath it. I remember watching Sesame Street and just like not knowing what to do. What do you do?

Oh my God, it was horrible. She gave me a band-aid. I called-1-1 called 9-1-1 ran the gamut just in case but anyway i just thought that was such a bananas thing to get so mad about that they it sounds like they cared enough to be like we can call an ambulance no yeah and if it is really a significant head wound you should see an ambulance you should go see a doctor i'm sorry i'm not gonna do that it's not life threatening it sounds life threatening a rusty nail went to his head see now you're laughing just saying yeah i know just saying because it's funny that it happened

to a child not a religious person you know not a monk not a monk anyway um moving on this is a review of an app because i went to app stores because i was like what else do i do uh this app is called bid wars storage auction game what and it's a game it's number 160 on the casino chart oh it's a pawn shop and betting simulator so basically yeah you buy these units and then hope you get some of your money fun yeah apparently reviews i'm looking for some new 4.6 out of 5 with 76 000 ratings uh the problem is it seems to be just like many apps very much of a money suck so like if you don't put money in you won't be able to play much and they said that sometimes reloading the energy or whatever it is takes a week oh my god yes i've read all sorts of reviews but i've read the most critical ones so

take that for what you will uh i didn't download it i'm not going to but um yeah my second review for this place makes me almost want to but we'll get to that i might we'll get to that so here's a review by carl titled worst game ever this is a one-star review it kicks me out all the time and i don't get my stuff back when it kicks me out this is the worst game ever in history of the world i would rather eat dog poop than play this game end of review oh my god these children stop giving the phones to write reviews on! And to play betting simulator games. Well, also that, you're right, it's a pawn shop game. This is not a theme for children. It says age 12 plus years old. Oh.

I would probably disagree with that. It's quite a questionable age range. The theme age, yeah. I have a feeling Common Sense Media would have something else to say about that. True, contains sexy stuff. That's what they would say the storage unit contain sexy stuff and role models oh it does you'll see by my next review actually copperhead snakes oh that's dangerous yeah do you have another one oh sorry i thought you're gonna read both no no no i'm making you sit up because this next one is real good um all i have is a redemption

okay okay this is a redemption of metro self-storage in tampa it's a five-star review by dana i had rented a storage space from the gun highway location in tampa florida since october 2014 the process was very easy to secure a unit immediately upon arrival. The staff has always been genuinely caring and very professional. Miss Lori, who fell in love with my son, age 7 at the time, was always super sweet and giving, but because she is a floater, we hardly ever saw her again and still miss her a lot. Ivan, who was amazingly kind and professional at all times, was a monthly blessing as he personally reminded me about my storage fees before the late charges kicked in. He was always so easygoing, thorough, and very professional.

Letting go of my storage unit was almost like saying goodbye to a friend. Not because of the physical space, but instead because of the professional friendship attachments that were formed. I am thankful that my son now rents a storage space so I can still go and visit the wonderful office staff. Thanks, Metro. I will certainly refer others to you. End of review. Jesus, that was a different one. It's a little much.

I mean, I'm glad for it. I'm glad it happened. It's better than the opposite, but it's kind of a lot. I mean, the other ones are a lot in the complete opposite or in the complete other way. So I would rather have all this exist, but my goodness. Yeah, I just kind of like that. She's like, thank God my son rents a space so that I have an excuse to go say hi to all this stuff. It's like, you could probably do that either way. That's the thing is, it's not like they have that as an option still.

And they still wrote this whole very dramatic review. About saying goodbye to a friend. Which, to be fair, when I did move from L.A., it was very hard for weird little things like that that I would be missing. Ivan. Specifically Ivan over at Tampa store or whatever. But yeah, so I get, I weirdly get it, but I won't deny that it is weird. It's a little weird. I feel like it's, you know, I'm sure they know exactly who Dana is.

They're like, oh, there's Dana. But, you know, I guess it's nice to be appreciated yes yeah uh hear that folks it's nice to be appreciated which is why you can leave a five-star review on apple podcast just saying also i do think it's funny that miss laurie fell in love with my son age seven at the time um oh now the sun has now the sun is okay oh whoa this is like a 10 plus year relationship this is a long time okay that makes sense that makes a little more sense i guess if you've known the same people for that many years and deal with them like what monthly reminders from ivan monthly reminders from ivan i mean you'd have to deal with them monthly for

that many years yeah that says a lot it's a lot and they're probably like now you choose to write your review yeah we could have used your five star review years ago it was under not recommended on yelp oh no i know i was like i feel like of all things this deserves a spot you know but whatever um so i'm glad you're done because my two kind of also relate so this is perfect uh this is another one of bid war's storage auction game on the app store uh this is a one-star review titled offensive ads to watch oh i'm very angry about the town rest alfred's adventures ad it starts with a sexy female cartoon character that flirts with Alfred with her eyes.

Alfred likes what he sees and is playing a three-match game on his tablet. Every move he makes takes her clothing off until she is naked and trying to hide while looking embarrassed. This makes females objects and know their feelings don't matter. Would you like you, mother, grandmother, sister, wife, or daughter to be objects with no voice to be heard? Yes. What on earth, as in mother, did made you think this is okay? In 20 minutes, I saw this ad four times. If it continues, I will quit playing and file a complaint with the FCC. End of review.

Poor FCC. i've never said that before but oh my god yeah the earth as in mother as in mother is that hilarious would you like her to be playing strip poker huh i mean you know me i sure do but crap yeah right it's not hilarious first of all what a weird ad but like honestly mobile game ads are always weird they're awful they are so awful and they're always like i mean there's so i play a lot of yahtzee as you know yeah on my phone um by myself not like in a fun way with other people on your phone by yourself is better than in your room by yourself like like with an actual set yeah that's fair no offense if

you do that i would enjoy that but i don't know i i feel like the whole point is yeah so would i play that sometimes ads come up and um man i did a free trial though where i didn't have any ads that was the best month ever but it's too expensive how much does it cost 7.99 a month that's a lot of money that's like a freaking nef like a hulu subscription or something uh yeah yeah just for no ads on true no no i'm with you i'm with so i i would probably if i played it as much as you i would probably do it honestly i've considered it when i'm like really annoyed but if you told me you did that i would be like yeah that makes sense i mean i pay three dollars a month for common sense media account like weirdly and this might sound weird but well as i'm saying

weirdly weirdly you save probably so much time with that without having to deal with those like 30 to 60 second ads for so long see now he's talking me into this so i might do it i i personally i if you did that i'd say of course you did that makes so much dollars a month maybe which is apparently my cut off with common sense media like that seems to be three dollars i'm like i bet some people are like screaming like why the fuck would you pay this i know i don't know why but this is one of those weird things that i would spend that kind of money on i've spent money on worse uh yeah i feel like we've spent money on stupider things so that's for sure um but so some of the ads that come up alexander are so it's literally like fucking talking tom cat angela bullshit and it's like what am i looking like this looks cursed yeah or there'll

be it's never what the actual game is no and it'll be like homescapes or some whatever game and like a woman walks in and she's like the maid is sleeping with my husband i'm like what and it's like what do you do with your crying daughter do you take custody of her and i was like what is this fun cartoon game for people for people to be playing um but yeah it doesn't surprise me that there's like a weird sexualized poker game on yeah on a storage wars app well here's a review of that game though so of the new game town so they called it town rest alfred's adventures it was a typo the game is townist t-o-w-n-e-s-t okay townist alfred's adventure uh here is a one-star review the ad promised me naked ladies there are no naked ladies in this game end of room was it the

same person can you imagine who wrote that other review yeah and that's why they got mad they were like they and they got all righteous only after they realized there weren't actually naked ladies i didn't get what i wanted so i'm gonna complain and threaten with the fcc and stuff oh my god i can't imagine if that's what you're where you're trying to get your source of naked ladies like what what a what a lot of effort you're putting into it to be going into that's a very good point you know it's like that's that's what you're hoping to gain out of a mobile game on your phone I don't know I don't I don't like to yuck people's yum but if you're writing a one

star review because your townest alfred adventures game didn't have enough naked ladies i just i don't know maybe rethink your priorities or just look elsewhere the internet exists man like i'm sure those apps exist like those specific apps And they're probably less bullshit to deal with. So go and enjoy them. I wish you luck. Man, I was going to ask you some terrible advice regarding mobile games today. I don't know. It's like, pay $8 a month for no ads.

Download Sexy Alfred's Adventures. Does that exist? TMTM, it does now. Okay, let's do it. It does now. God. Okay. Is that all you got? That all i got oh my goodness okay time for my challenge this is from melody who wanted me to find a review of a product created by a celebrity where someone hates a celebrity but loves the product i'm

excited especially now that i know that you you had a game involved yes there are a couple i want you to guess on so this one uh first one i want you to guess so um let's see i'm trying to think of the best way to do this maybe describe the product okay yeah let me read the review up until like i'm not a fan of blank and then you can guess who the person is. Oh, interesting. Interesting. Oh, okay. I hope he's not.

Maybe it's too obvious. I don't know. Five stars by Trish. This table comes exactly as advertised here on Amazon with accurate depictions and stock photos. Comes already assembled. Just pull it out of the box. Makes a great gift idea for the elderly or those who do not have the means to assemble. It's a very well done whitewash on a light bamboo.

I'm not a fan of blank. You told you. Okay. You started this saying this might be obvious. Is everyone screaming like, duh, it's this because I, okay. So whitewash bamboo table. Whitewash bamboo table. I don't know all the like HGTV people.

I assume it's one of those people. Is that right? Is it? It's somebody that you absolutely know who they are. And it's not like, it's like a staple A-list celebrity, I would say. A staple A-list? I don't know. Like a Kelly Clarkson or something?

That's a good guess. She does. Like something similar to that? That chair that you're sitting on is literally Kelly Clarkson. Are you shitting me? I would never have guessed that. I'm not. In years i'm uh overstocked i felt her energy clearly like that sitting in that seat yeah hi kelly um wow okay i love that i guess someone that actually has furniture because i must have told you that or something no i had no idea um is it like a musician is Is it a, can I get a little more info?

Because I don't know. Oh my, like Kim Kardashian or something? Like a, is that too? No, it's not as modern, maybe. Oh gosh. Dolly Parton, which no, no one could say they're not a fan. So I couldn't, it couldn't be Dolly. It's impossible.

I would hope not. Like Betty White furniture. I don't know, man. Who the fuck, Bamboo. Should I tell you? fan so i couldn't it couldn't be doll it's impossible i would hope not like betty white furniture i don't know man who the bamboo should i tell you yeah it's martha stewart oh duh okay so it's a harley accent tables modern farmhouse rat and shelving rat and rattan shelving design round tabletop living room furniture occasional piece wheat by martha stewart okay i'm not a fan of martha stewart but have to give a good review on this product it is very nice on the side of moderate quality furniture much like ashley furniture cells the top does not look resistant to stains or watermarks as porous so you might want to think

about what coasters or small placemat you might use end of review i can't believe i didn't come with martha stewart like of course i didn't know how to describe it i know you're like lifestyle when you said lifestyle a less modern lifestyle person i should have absolutely been like duh it's martha stewart but well um i'm glad i weirdly glad that i guessed kelly clarkson Clarkson. That actually was pretty weird. What's your guess for this one? It's a cookbook. Our first ever book of buns, loaves, layers, coffee cakes, and more. A baking book.

Okay, baking. So I know Snoop Dogg has some cookbooks, but I don't think that he'd have a baking one specifically. Unless it were like weed. Weed. Yeah, true. Not Danny Trejo. I don't think this matches his energy. I'm cheating. It's kind of my clue.

That you're cheating? Yeah. Valerie Parr Hill. Martha Stewart. Yeah. That's the same one again. Okay. Because then I just Googled martha stewart

so that was kind of cheating no no no it still counts but it was quite an array you know she has furniture on amazon now she has this cook this uh baking book on ebay it's called martha stewart's cakes our first ever book of bunts loads layers copy cakes and more a baking book on ebay this is a five-star review by deleted i can't stand martha stewart but this book is amazing there isn't a bad recipe in this book that i found it's probably one of my best cookbook purchases in the last few years you must buy this cookbook drools and swoons ew did not like that oh i know did not like that some uh some strong cool energy or something yeah gross some cool cruiser energy there why are these people so defensive about celebrities that they

don't know it's like or dislike who cares like i don't know if it's i don't know if it's somewhat relevant i could see mentioning the celebrity if it's if you say something i only it because of the celebrity, but it turns out this was actually really good. I got a lot of those. Which that makes sense. Post Malone has a rosé and I thought, oh, this is perfect. Everybody was like, I bought this because it's posty and I'm a huge fan, but it's actually really good. All the reviews were positive like that. And I think those make sense because you'd see that and you'd think.

You're being upfront like, this is why i purchased it but in this case no one cares that you don't like martha stewart such a weird thing to get such a positive review why mention anything so negative i know drools and swoons and then why do that period that last bit but okay here's one i want you to guess okay can't stand blank but mint mobile is amazing um that's i know who it is you do yeah it's uh ryan uh how did you know that because i've seen those ads oh i've never seen the ad yeah can't stand ryan reynolds but mint mobile is amazing look what a weird review right truly i just thought that was so strange five stars by eleanor on like some forum i don't i don't know anything like i

know ryan ryan reynolds but like why can't you stay i don't know it just seems like such a harmless kind of he's in a commercial doesn't have anything like exactly it just seems irrelevant like at least with the martha'stha i don't know like the martha stewart no yeah with uh martha stewart's cookbook maybe because she wrote it and it's her like maybe like her pictures on it yeah but with this with mint it's just chill i don't know it's just like yeah anyway so that was odd um now this i found a forum about an upcoming release of a nick jonas perfume or cologne i think it's a perfume at nordstrom nick jonas scent let's put it that way and this is a comment by diamond flame i am not a fan of nick jonas but i would sniff this if the chance came along

wait they don't even know what it smells like oh i'm like why why then i have no idea maybe the descript maybe the tannins the oaky under undertones i don't know like maybe they read it and were like this sounds like it's for me yeah but i've not that seems weird that they would just say i'm not a fan but i would sniff this it's a okay weirdo i know don't get me wrong i mean man i wouldn't enjoy it yeah i would still do it did you find any of like taylor swift's i don't know if she still has doeslam but i remember when she released like enchanted yeah there was one on amazon that i found i didn't pick it there were so many that were just like i'm not a fan of taylor swift but this smells great people are very

defensive about their fandom like their lack of fandom of Taylor Swift. 100%. There were several that were just like I don't like Taylor Swift but I like this perfume. Yeah. So they were kind of boring. Yeah. But there were definitely a lot. And speaking of fragrances we got this email from Emma who sent

a few examples in or a few reviews in to help me out who wrote hey Sibs long time listener first time patron here. Thank you for your support Emma. Thank you for your money. who sent a few examples in or a few reviews in to help me out, who wrote, hey, Sibs, long-time listener, first-time patron here. Thank you for your support. Thank you for your money. I mean, support. And said, I saw your call on Twitter for reviews of celebrity products, and I knew it was perfume reviewers' time to shine.

Scent aficionados are a special breed of reviewer, particularly on a site called Fragrantica. I think I'm saying that right. Let's just say many of them probably considered creative writing as their favorite class in high school. Also, they sometimes call perfumes juice, which I find revolting in a way

I can't quite nail down. Blech. Can confirm. Read through a lot of them and they call it juice. Past the juice. Not good. Like, you gotta juice up before you go out am i right

my right perfumiers yep centers what do they call themselves i don't know fragrance enthusiasts sniffers sommelier for the nose i have no clue oh um this is a uh so it's for the nose i think sommel's also use their nose i'm just saying you you've been away from wine for too long i have been and i regret i regret every minute of it um i'm keeping that audio clip shut up okay this is a perfume i need you to guess who this is by hang on you're gonna read the description of the perfume and then I have to guess who it is? All right.

Are you ready for the description? I'm ready. So this perfume, I'm not going to say the name of it in case it gives it away, is an amber floral fragrance for women. It was launched in 2006. The nose behind this fragrance is lock dong. Top notes are green notes and mandarin orange. Middle notes are orchid, jasmine, and rose.

Base notes are cashmere, musk, white amber, and vetiver. Did I say that? I don't know what the fuck that is. I don't either, so. Sure. The fragrance is aimed to adorn a romantic, feminine, but at the same time strong and intriguing woman it is captured into a gracious and elegant heavy glass bottle inspired by the creator's fondness of fine crystal the outer box is made in ballet pink nuances with black lace accents so and this is the this is this creator's first ever fragrance okay um and it's for it's marketed towards women

correct um because my first thought was fabio but then it got very like like with the lace and everything yeah i don't think that i think i feel like that's a solid guess i'm sure he has probably something similar um i'm trying to think. Like Natalie Portman. Someone, I feel like someone, I'm trying to think who was big in 2006. Yeah, that's a good question. Would have their first scent back then. Oh my God, Fabio totally has a perfume.

It's called Flavia. Flavia? Yeah. That's hilarious. Flavia Fabio Portfem. Okay, so Natalie Portman was my first thought um which one am i closer with of those two guesses neither okay um it's really random and i'm kind of worried that you're gonna be like who is that oh i feel like you'll know it's just so out of left field like it's so bizarre okay is it a politician um no okay i don't know because when i think left field that would be hilarious with a unique

with a career that you wouldn't necessarily equate okay to perfume um are they a man or a woman a woman well this is 20 questions i was about to i was about to guess is it like a chef or something no okay um is it martha stewart again can you imagine no so not a chef um this is so hard i mean you're probably never gonna guess it should i tell you the name of the perfume yes it's called it's an athlete danielle danielle yeah is that the person's first name yeah shit because that's not ringing any bells uh danielle do you know any danielle when you say that i do know a danielle but not the one that uh you're trying to come up with. Um, do you know any famous person with that name that you could just like throw out there?

Danielle, this is embarrassing, but no, I, I'm sure there's somebody that people are screaming right now, but I'm just not, or this makes me think of that meme where it's like, people say that the closest to like being a ghost is when they listen to a

podcast and they're screaming the answer and the hosts aren't getting it. They're like, hmm, I wonder what it is. Danielle. Wow, I'm totally blanking. I only have one Danielle on my brain and it's not this one. Steele. Oh, the author. The author of romance novels of the century that is she is the best-selling

author alive and the fourth best-selling fiction author of all time with over 800 million copies sold i believe it she is kind of a very cheesy uh like romance author she writes those paperbacks and i'm not trying to belittle her at all like she's clearly the best telling off fucking killing it no yeah i when the moment you said danielle still i know that is absolutely i've never i've never read any of her stuff either mom not yet but yes no i can absolutely recognize her covers her name on very kind of like cheesy romance like swooning fabio like maybe i should have gone closer to that fabio like covers i mean i would not have thought an author yeah although if i an author i'd be like i don't fucking jk rowling like

i don't um 2006 yeah danielle steve that's hilarious yeah so really that's really funny and bizarre and i have a review here and this is uh so emma had sent this in this is from fragrantica it's a nine year old review and it is five lipsticks out of five i think those are lipsticks why because it's like are you sure it's not the things that you take out to uh put the you know like you have a thing like your your stick you take it out of the bottle and put it on yourself. It looks like a lipstick. Okay, okay. I'm pretty sure it's a lipstick.

I don't know. Five perfume sticks slash lipsticks out of five. And this is by Rosa. Could have just said five out of five. Five out of five lipsticks. Try and forget for one minute the name behind this fragrance try and forget about the hideous books written by this name if you can do that you just might actually enjoy this fragrance i remember trying it when it first came out but it never jumped out at me but I saw it a few weeks ago cheap and I bought it. I love the bottle. It is a huge chunk of square glass that fits nicely in your hands.

This is a nice little perfume. As other reviewers have said, it does have a wine type feel to it. Not a cheap wino type wine, but a nice mellow aged Chardonnay. The type of wine that would be served in an old plantation home that was converted into a fine dining establishment what the fuck are you sure this person doesn't read danielle steel i know right like you're literally talking like okay i don't know it's so bizarre this is literally talking about old plantation dining in a southern yeah gross it is very long lasting and provides awesome sillage. Tell me what that means, Christina.

I don't fucking know. Tell me all about this. I don't even know what a lipstick looks like, apparently. All the sillage. Sillage. The degree to which a perfume's fragrance lingers in the air when worn. Okay. Wait, what kind of sillage does it give me?

Fine sillage? Let's go see. It gives you... That's a terrible what kind of sillage does it give me uh let's find sillage see it gives you awesome sillage awesome sillage awesome sillage dude awesome sillage how's your sillage today oh it's just awesome bro let me tell you uh also it smells like there may be tiny little lemon drops in the fragrance as well. At least it smells like baby lemons to me. Such a weird way to put that. It may be a tad bit masculine

but not too mannish, and the bottle would look at home on any dude's nightstand. It's all that awesome sillage. It's a tad bit masculine but not too mannish, and the bottle would look at home on any dude's nightstand it starts to reveal vetiver i hate that i keep saying that word i don't know how to say it and some musk the longer it sits on your skin too after about nine or ten hours on the skin

yes it stays on that long it takes on a freshly mowed grass quality which is striking this fragrance morphs the longer it stays on the skin and i really appreciate that danielle is one of the better fragrances i have tried of late and have become really excited about remember if you can bring yourself to forget about the hideousness of the name behind the fragrance you just might find a nice little perfume for yourself end of review that was the most aggressive five star review ever five sorry five stick review um i had dinner hideousness that was so rude i don't know but i don't know anything about the not the novels other than their romance novels and they're quote unquote trashy like that's the

thing is like they're just paperback easy to read they're just you bring them to the beach kind of thing treat fun beach read whatever um sexy beach read i don't care but like why so aggressive and mean about it i honestly don't know and i'm not sure like if this person just refuses to like just doesn't think it's like good literature if there's something actually problematic that's what i'm thinking is danielle steel like someone i shouldn't be defending here i don't know i i mean i don't not that i know but it just seemed very unnecessarily i mean her wikipedia does not have a controversy section so i feel like that alone tells me like can't be that bad um hasn't made wikipedia and i don't know that's a good sign they're all just really cheesy like

i mean cheesy romance and all i don't know how else to say it but that is so weirdly it's just like why even just be like maybe like oh i've never read a book of hers but i mean it sounds like they i'd hope they have yeah i feel like they'd never admit it but yeah they have too strong of an opinion to have never encountered one before in my opinion like that turned into a review of danielle steel when truly it should have just been a review about perfume do you think that's so hard for this person because like it's literally named after it's called danielle i mean clearly it's hard for them they must be struggling what are you wearing oh don't ask me that ask again they bookended this fucking review horrible um

that's true they like started off that way and then also ended it that way remember don't forget remember she's hideous yikes uh and the hideous books behind this name it's like yikes yikes chill so um i just emma that was like a perfect example of like a random like celebrity that somebody yeah what a fine what a fine product of all things daniel steel i loved that one um so odd so now um let's see emma also sent in this it says now the next couple from fragrantica fragrantica oh my god don't exactly follow the rules of the challenge but when has that ever stopped you so i called out and i had to do a little uh true though introspection there but like i didn't really because i was like yeah okay you're right um and they are reviews of nicole oh nicole kidman nope nicole nicole something nicole scherzinger

nicole is it nicole why are you freaking out you're like just saying that's like their real name but not like the name they go by publicly shoot i shouldn't have even said it stephanie um let me read you the name i'm trying to think like who would have a scent that the perfume is called oh it's named after them um do you want me to read oh here i'm gonna read you the review and you can try and guess perfect perfect they don't they don't but you're gonna blank out the name? Yeah. Cool. This is a review by Follow My Scent. This is one of the worst immature smelling sickening sweet perfumes I've had in a while. I guess if you're an obsessed teen or tweenie, this may work for you.

Absolutely nothing about this fragrance says, I'm a grown up. It says, hi, I'm a stripper. Pretty bottle, suck sucky sucky scent if cheap and trashy had a scent this would be it what a joke jesus so this is definitely they're not a fan of the product but they're also not a fan of the celebrity using tween and then stripper like teen or tween tween tween tween and then saying like you're i mean this is just not okay it's a reality star um nicole i don't know should i know this should i know this person yeah but it's not like that's just like their real name and i just don't know that this person goes by a different like they're

that they have a different they have like a stage name oh a stage name well like a set name a reality are an exotic dancer oh i don't know no i don't know i have no idea uh snooki oh nicole snooki oh i would not have known that okay yeah yeah so this is the second review of Snooki's Perfume. I love it. This is by Lacambini. You know those scenes in cheesy sub-Hollywood action flicks where the

heroine grabs a perfume canister from her handbag, holds a lighter to the jet of spray, and sets her attacker's hair alight?

Snooki is the perfume for this. The end of reviews. Hey, that's actually weirdly clever, specific. I agree.

I'm kind of, I'm into that review such a colorful way very good yeah it's like i would i'm interested but i don't want to put it on my body like i'm intrigued by it i'd like to know what it smells like from afar but i don't necessarily want to buy it you might you might smell it from afar if you attack somebody yeah careful or if i'm in like a two mile radius of this apparently horrendous sticky scent and then uh emma also wrote side note apparently jwoww from jersey shore also had a fragrance back in the day that smelled like bananas yeah okay not i i like banana flavoring but i don't want to smell it. No, not really. Or smell like it or anything. Especially after nine hours on your skin. A musky banana is not something I'd like to be.

It ages like a fine banana. Right. I feel like a banana is the one thing, the one piece of produce that ages so poorly. Exactly. Within like a couple hours that you would never want to associate it with all things long lasting of all things i mean like lemon is fine like there's so many like any citrus is fine yeah yeah yeah why banana banana is just jesus oh my god literally i'm trying to think of anything worse and i can't i can't think of a worse produce other than a vegetable like right kale okay i love

kale so never mind if you smell like kale hit me up um but no seriously i i don't know other than like like mushrooms maybe like don't smell like mushrooms but yeah when it comes to actual like fruit i don't know i agree bananas pretty bad banana is probably the worst i would agree um so then i i have one more and i this is me also cheating on the rules i was just looking up the kardashians because they have so many products and like they were just too cliche it was like i don't like the kardashians but i guess this is the fine yeah yeah i'm sure there are thousands of those reviews yes so i found a review on common sense media of courtney and kim take miami Written by a kid age 10. One star.

Too many swear words. My mom is watching it right now, and I heard them say, what the H star star L happened? I told her, sing songy, I heard them say the H word. Don't even think about watching this show. Courtney and Chloe are just two dumb troublemakers. Okay, this little shit is like the bane of my existence i heard them say the h word like this if this is this sounds like some sitcom the annoying neighbor kid or something is this wow because they said what the hell happened if that's the worst thing to say if that's the worst thing my 10 year old has ever heard come out of a tv that too you know like good good on me i've been doing a great job and also if that's the worst thing that they say

in that show i'd be shocked also that but apparently they don't really swear because it's like from tv like yeah yeah yeah cable tv but still at that i think swearing is the least offensive thing that happens on it's more than tv just generally not not to sound like a a middle-aged mom or something but i do feel like there are worse things on tv than so actually no the middle-aged moms were the one who were upset about swearing yeah i think it's the priorities there's so much scary stuff and sexy stuff that like well this one definitely doesn't um does it does not include role models um oh yeah so yeah unfortunate uh yeah so that's all i got that was great that was lots of fun yeah i had a good time so thank you melody um thank you scarlet for the theme thank you to anybody who

emailed in and i was like do not try listing people it's not gonna go well my pages document is 46 pages um are you kidding me i'm exaggerating okay i was like what no i'm full of it it's not 40 so i already x'd out but it's it's like a dozen or more um well just work on that for next time that's okay google docs here i come you'll get some get some i'm sure now that i sicked people on you you're gonna get a lot of people like i use pages and i love it don't worry it's okay your feelings are valid yeah defend you whatever i'll be right there to tell them off smack me back down oh yeah to knock me off my pedestal that's always always that's my job uh yeah thank you

everybody was lots of fun. We'll see you next week and talk to you then. Bye. Bye.