Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 142: Reviews of Public Art

Episode Date: August 18, 2021

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many Canadians are finding it hard to focus with housing costs on their minds. For free tools and resources to help you manage your home finances and clear your head, visit Canada.ca slash ItPaysToKnow. A message from the Government of Canada. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if i could hello and welcome to episode 142 of beach too sandy water too wet this is a podcast where the siblings of sheifer read shitty reviews they find online. Yay! Welcome to the show.

This week, our theme is public art, and that was sent in by Samantha. And Alexander's challenge, before I forget, was sent in by Matt. I made sure to look those up today for once. And that challenge was to find a negative review where someone mentions their parents or someone special. Right. I didn't remember what the challenge was but i did remember it was from that who i think said he was a third or a junior i don't recall okay so i have some news before we get started oh today we received an email and it's you hide it from me? I opened it right away. I don't know if you probably saw it.

Okay. It was a forward called... So, Brendan forwarded us an email. The subject of his email is, Brendan, you're now a level four local guide. Oh, congratulations, Brendan. Hold your congrats until I read the email. Oh, no.

Brendan says, Hi, Schiefer Sibs. I just wrote a very positive review about a junk removal company, and Google sent me this email in response. I don't know how to feel about it. I didn't ask to be a local guide. I also just moved to Austin two weeks ago and reviewed an Austin company. How can I be a level four local guide if I'm barely local? I'm so confused confused i need to lie

down now brendan brendan brendan's going through some things yeah and i thought it was really brave of him to share that with us to admit that to admit to us yeah to admit his misgiving his failings um and i feel like that happens a lot because we'll see local guides with like six reviews and go how are they a local guide but i think if somebody likes your review you maybe get extra points it's like a number of people who view the review maybe your review because you can rack up some crazy views on those like you'll you'll get updates and it'll say thousands of people have read your review so that's it's probably behind the scenes. You're getting points that you never even requested or asked for. So it's kind of like the good place, bad place system.

Yeah. Where your points are just like accumulating and dropping. Brendan's in the bad place now. Brendan. Wow. You're hurtling toward the bad place as we move on. Anyway, Brendan, congratulations, question mark. We will, you'll be in our thoughts and prayers.

Yes, let's just say that. Put it that way. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I have a couple of friends who are local guides, which is. That is really brave of you to tell us. I know. I haven't fully cut off, cut them off yet. Not fully.

Just partially. Just partially. Okay, good. That's great. Well, do you, how many do you have i don't know because i have some emails okay um i'll go first okay i never go first so i figure i'll just force my way in today this uh was sent in by grace she her thank you grace it's of the levitate okay so there's two this is so stupid.

I don't know why I'm starting with this one. This is a levitating rock in Los Angeles. Do you know about this? What? No. So I know we mentioned the theme, but it's public art installation. So a lot of them are very random things you just find out in the wild, oversized or like kind of abstract. So it's a rock, like a big b boulder and it's kind of hovering in between two walls but it's not hovering it's i just gave away the entire review it's levitating okay i'm just gonna read it four stars by john local guide it's not really levitating

so that's that's it that was it because obviously it's not really levitating but i think some people were disappointed that they thought that this boulder wasn't actually actually magically floating magically oh my lord but it is kind of cool it's like up in the air suspended big boulder okay which you can see in nature too really levitating but it's like cool because somebody put a big boulder up there up where like i don't even know where this like under a walk so you're going through a walkway and then you look up and there's like huge boulder up there so you have to walk under the boulder it's very exciting okay look i am not adventure seekers out there against any all public art i've looked through a bunch of weird shit and not once have i felt like i'm above this oh why would you this is an art okay well maybe

and i still don't about this levitating rock but i can't say that i understand okay fine maybe you'll be in with the other reviewer who said a levitating rock what have we become as a society god that's you now that's not me that's why i gave that whole backstory that i'm not you know how when you reviewers give us a ton of context it's just it makes us see them in such a different light so fair okay your turn uh i'm not an asshole but yeah let me be an asshole for a second everybody i know loves me i have so many friends um so here's an email that we got today titled the subject is hog pen listener submission for episode 142 and 143 zandy if you don't read this i will never forgive you what in all caps oh god um someone named monica i don't know who the heck that is i don't really care oh okay um i don't either yeah so someone whatever i don't know who they are but they sent in a good review so here we go i'm just kidding i do know who yeah i got it okay

sorry uh this is a review of the singing ringinginging Tree. The what? The Singing Ringing Tree. The what? Don't say it again. I was about to. It's a wind-powered sound-producing sculpture in the UK. Oh. According to Monica. I don't know if we can trust that, but...

Okay. This is a review. It sounds like the giant wind chime. Yes, but it's not a wind chime. In Casey, Illinois. Yes, but no. But also no. But it's not a wind chime illinois yes but no but also no but it's it's like uk let's say the uk version um this is a one star review by charles horrific i am a music enthusiast and love sculptures with the demonstrate the beauty

of this wonderful musical language i have traveled to the four corners of the world to discover different landmarks which show the true beauty of music and the different way which it can be symbolized. Through all of my experiences, this is by far the worst, and me and my family were extremely disappointed. My husband, who has a degree in in art said he got more pleasure from a party sausage wait what a party sausage party sausage um is that like a cocktail weenie that's what i'm picturing i think um that's exactly what i'm picturing the problem is i when i read that i thought oh like sausage party don't type in pleasure of a sausage party or whatever that's pleasure when

you do type in party sausage it comes up with the movie party sausage so it's like that's not a movie is it kind of off-brand movies are you watching um it comes sorry it comes up with sausage party the movie so i don't really know i think this is this is a cocktail weenie type thing okay this piece of art looked worse than a disabled cow and my children left crying after tripping on footpath and one of them face planting into a piece of dog muck i've come to the conclusion that not even its silence spoke a thousand words and that the only thing that was ringing was my ears after all the squeaky toddler screaming. Despite it being extremely windy, there was still no singing and the sculpture itself looked awful. uh the monetary currency not the weight it's 60 000 pound construction looked like it was questioned as it looked like it was a made by a year two with learning difficulties to conclude

i don't know who was more disappointed me and my husband after seeing this sculpture or my parents when i came out as gender neutral end of review what yeah uh there was that that's a lot of uh effort it took to write that there was so much going on there it seems like its own sausage party just like chaos left and right oh yeah toddlers tell us about that yeah never mind what is wrong with you i don't know i don't know um i'm trying to be part of the zeitgeist i don't really think i know how to be no just give up on that one you should have given up on that one a while ago um but yeah if you'd like to see a picture here's a picture of what it looks like it looks really cool it does look cool like regardless of whether or, here's a picture of what it looks like. Oh, it looks really cool. It does look cool.

Like regardless of whether or not it sings, I think it's a good looking thing. I just started picturing like something really dumb by the way that they described it as being made by a cow or some shit. It's a bunch of pipes that supposedly sing when the wind goes by. What did it say? It's silence did not speak a thousand words. Yeah. And all the words were spelled wrong.

Like every it's, every there, every whatever. All of those were spelled so wrong. So it was a thousand words. Yeah, and all the words were spelled wrong. Like every it's, every there, every whatever. All of those were spelled so wrong. So it was a little hard. I think that actually. Peace was spelled wrong. That review might be an art installation of itself. Maybe that's what it is. I'm pretty sure that's actually what's going on.

Yeah. I have a review here of, this is also sending my grace. This is of the big fish in Bfast northern ireland oh it's like a giant fish statue it's very cool looking very colorful um and i have a two-star review by marcus it's a fish there's not more you can say about it although local legend says if you slap it's fin you'll get lucky that night safe to say i debunked this myth oh my god okay that's really marcus marcus so okay wow that was actually funny because there's so many reviews of people trying to be funny with these public art installations and they were so annoying and so not funny yep the i went through the bean ones anyway despite knowing the cloud gate um in

chicago is that what that's called i kept seeing that word okay um and the number of people and then you'd see like 99 thumbs up when someone says they wouldn't let me eat it yep yep yep the the bean had some rough ones like there was one funny one oh i don't remember was there was there no that's why i didn't include it in my list obviously so it couldn't have been that funny i think i just get very jaded when you read a hundred reviews and half of them are the same joke over and over yeah so if you're just browsing you look ha ha ha give it a thumbs up that's funny but when you read the 10th one you're just thinking oh my god when you read reviews every week for your job they start to lose their their comedic value pretty quickly when they're trying to be funny

this is what a stupid complaint we have no i know i said purpose. We're so stupid. Okay. Anyway, here's my next one. This is from Kat They Them. We didn't really talk about that fish one much, but I just really liked it. I don't think there's much more to say. There's not much to say. Just like the fish. There's not much more to it. Marcus, you're in my thoughts and prayers.

You and Brendan. Keep slapping that fish, buddy. Oh, God. Oh, God is right. This is from Kat They Them. This is a two-star review of the Fearless Girl statue in New York. Which one is that? It's a small girl with her arms at her sides.

I think it was built well it was installed like our hands on our hips yes that's what it is yeah in anticipation of international women's day uh the following day um it promotes female empowerment got it and yeah uh it was uh it's by kristin visible visible visible okay it's in new york. Visble? Visble. Okay. It's in New York City. Here's a review by Roger. Two stars. Terrible. She's tiny.

You don't get inspired to overthrow capitalism by the contrast. Instead, you wonder why people even bother. The stock exchange is massive and made of stone surrounded by steel fencing and armed guards the little girl is nothing more than hope end of review fuck that right am i right guys we should all give up this little girl statue isn't enough to topple capitalism little girl oh my god sick maybe maybe it's weird that they ended up getting the point. This little girl is nothing more than hope. Not that this statue is specifically about capitalism. I don't know.

This was whatever. But it's meant to be empowering and, yes, hopeful. I feel like if I saw a giant statue of a girl with her hands on her hips i'd be like uh-oh something bad is coming like it reminds me of like king kong i don't feel like i would be struck with hope and uh well i guess i i wouldn't be because that's the point but i feel like i wouldn't be struck with like i don't know rage against the machine type vibes yeah um this and then for some reason this just made roger like give in to the power of capitalism he was like truly is like lay down your arms folks he turned left into this near starbucks and was like this is this is it uh i thought maybe she'd help me fight it

fortunately not probably a blue bottle coffee which is right there but whatever blue bottle coffee okay i mean that's slightly less capitalistic than starbucks not quite but catching up all right i have an email from christine she her okay not not she for christine she for i've heard that somebody who says when i heard the challenge about public art my mind immediately went to the infamous sculpture on my college campus affectionately known as Man Humping Bear. It is apparently actually titled Man Who Used to Hunt Cougars for Bounty. Okay. Okay.

That's a much worse name. I'm going to show you a picture of this thing. Stop. What is it doing to that poor bear? How did that happen? it's rough times uh if you want to just type in manhunt okay well maybe i'll do manhunt humping bear statue yeah and i'm doing it right now yep and it comes to confirm that that's what happens it comes up it brings oh my god so you guys were risking a lot of viruses on our computers for you it brings up the university's website yes and an article about it being called and they mention it reading i'm sorry i'm done i'm telling

you something here okay you're going to spoil it before i even get there okay okay so this is like a post on flickr um so that's the photo i just showed you is the post why is his mouth open i'm going to tell you in like four seconds okay okay it's a picture of the statue and paul uploaded it and then wrote a caption okay okay and then this is the caption it's just like a few paragraphs and then there's a comment at the end that i'm gonna read you, here's the caption. By Paul. Okay.

Well, the name of the work actually is the man who used to hunt cougars for bounty on the campus of Western Washington University in... Is it Bellingham or Bellingham? I don't freaking know. Bellingham, Washington, USA. The university... Okay. I wasn't going to mention this, but I feel like I have to now. He spelled university, U-N-O-versity, U-no-versity. U-no-versity.

And I wasn't going to mention it until I realized in the same sentence, instead of writing t-shirts, he wrote t-shorts. Is something wrong with the O-P-U? It must be. It must be. The university bookstore actually sells t-shorts with the image and the caption mhb so the alternative title is actually better known so the campus bookstore literally sells mhb like man humping bear that's hilarious t-shirts t-shirts its creator was richard byer who also created the popular waiting for the interurban in seattle's fremont neighborhood byer based the piece on a local bellingham bellingham legend about a cougar hunter who in his old age quit hunting and took to drinking as an area cougar aged the man and the cougar

reconciled and became drunk on whiskey together and started singing america in each other's arms hence the shape of the sculpture and hence why their mouths are open thank you they're singing for the explanation and drinking whiskey together corroborating the legend is a small sculpted whiskey jug located behind the man's right shoulder. The piece portrays the ghostly reunion of a man and a cougar, as well as the relationship between the hunt and the hunted, according to Western's outdoor sculpture collection website. Comment by Annika. That's so uncomfortable. End of comment, end of response um uncomfortable uncomfortable might be the right word it's uncomfortable um it's funny though

from the one angle you see the the the legs of the of the animal so it's it's kind of makes it clear that the animal's not behind like it you know like it may be it it can i can see now that they're singing and holding each other oh okay i haven't looked at any other photos there's one angle where it shows like the bottom of the man's foot who's sitting um and then oh i see so then you can see it a little bit but if you take a picture from the wrong angle it's like oh dear that's rough rough look yep yeah well yikes yikes that was something your turn uh my next one this is actually two people that i saw maybe more but this is just all i said that sent this in it's of the talus dome uh christy she her and uh juliana uh parentheses dusty i'm not sure if that's a nickname or just a descriptor

but of yourself i think the dusty version i'm gonna call you dusty because i like that um uh she also she her uh yeah uh they both sent in this brilliant review of the talus dome which is a sculpture uh in canada edmonton canada okay and it's a bunch of silver like ornament looking things here's a picture oh okay yeah it looks like it looks like magnetic uh those like magnetic toys ball toys those magnetic that you're not supposed to swallow because you know what happens what happens you get an mri and then shoot right out? Well, sort of. If they're magnetic, they're incited, they can rip through your intestines. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. So just don't swallow them, please. Don't swallow those or the balls in the talus dome. It's very dangerous. And this is what Maria has to say about it. One star. U-G-L-Y. You ain't got no alibi. Okay. No? Okay. Maria has to say about it. One star. U G L Y

You ain't got no alibi. Okay. No? Okay. Did you read this already? I wrote it. Oh no. U G L Y. When I got my cat neutered, they returned him to me with silver spray painted balls. Apparently

it was the antiseptic. And they were more pleasing to look at than this visual disaster end of review oh no poor cat don't bring the cat into this yeah i know but also i highly doubt that unless you have some really twisted interests i don't know the right word i don't know what word you're trying to interest is probably also not the right word probably not i don't think it looks that bad i think it's kind of cool looking it's just and it's really with so many of these it's who's it hurting and also who cares right i guess a lot of times i do sort of get it if it's like taxpayer money which i'll get to in a different one but um so i don't know if you have So stop me if you have any reviews of this one. But there's a sculpture in London, I believe, that's a bunch of traffic lights.

Can I stop you if I don't have any reviews? No, you're not allowed to stop me unless you have a review. No, I don't have a review. It's a traffic light tree. So a ton of traffic lights. And it's in the center of a roundabout island. Why? Exactly.

So most of the reviews were actually roundabout island. Why? Exactly. That's so dangerous. Most of the reviews were actually pretty positive saying this was really cool. But some people were like, I was groggy at 6 a.m. and started driving and thought I was supposed to stop at the circle because there were... Yeah. You see it and you're like, well... Of all things to put inside a traffic circle, that's probably the last one. And they are, to to be fair they are like

real traffic lights it's not even do they light up yeah oh to cheer okay yeah yeah not smart not smart i just love annika after all that explanation going that's so uncomfortable poor paul he's just trying to like relay some info on flickr all right so this is an email from larissa she her it says i got excited for the public art theme because we have a pretty cool place here in miami that tourists love and i think it could have some promising reviews it's called the winwood walls it's essentially a collection of walls painted by local street artists where is this sorry um in miami florida cool and so i went on tripadvisor and did some digging and i found this one star review by leanne

so i went on trip advisor and did some digging and i found this one star view by leanne of the winwood wall it's basically like a bunch of murals very like bustling part of miami bunch of art murals you know yeah it's a beautiful picture in my head now bustling miami murals art murals art murals okay it's a one-star review by Leanne. The title is Please Read. Spent time yesterday at Wynwood. First, the area was very dirty, very seedy. I did feel safe, but would not want to be here at night. Second, the main reason I gave this such a bad rating was the art, quote unquote.

The main reason I gave this such a bad rating was the art, quote unquote. Some of the walls were amazing, but what I felt like was the feature wall was a political disgrace. I understand that everyone has their own opinions and that they are welcome to express those. However, in a public place, I feel that it was not only disrespectful to our president, but also to the office to portray the leader of our country as an infant in diapers. The painting also shows America on fire and people rioting. People travel to Miami from all over the world and are met with this complete lack of respect for our president. Disgusting. I have photos, but have chosen not to share them with you.

End of review. Oh, holding out on us. Okay, Leanne. Keeping your little private stash um and i promise you those people that are traveling from outside of the country i probably make fun of our president they know who trump is they're not like who's that your president never heard of him yeah he's an infant child they're probably mostly thinking wow try to think in a different a different language. How the fuck did you people fuck that up so bad? How do you say that, though, in a different language? What are you saying?

Say what in a different language? I think I have heat stroke. I'm so, so hot. She just looked at me like, how do you say that in a different language? I'm trying to complete my bad joke that they're from a foreign country and they're coming to say things. And I was going to say it. I didn't know that was a joke. I'm sorry.

I would have let you finish. I just moved on because I thought, okay, she's not making sense. Como? No. Don't ask me about Spanish. I don't know Spanish. I'm thinking Miami. Yeah.

All right. Many people in Miami speak Spanish. It's so hot in here. Okay. I feel great. I don't know what's happening over there i guess i'm not pregnant so i guess you have an excuse you have an excuse telling you my brain matter is getting like disintegrated day by day it's horrible okay it is i don't know if

you saw this but someone emailed and said that you sound pregnant. What? You sound very pregnant. What does that mean? I don't know, but I didn't know until this moment, maybe. Maybe now with you just having heat stroke. No, I don't know what that meant. I don't either. But someone said that and I was like, huh, I don't hear it. I don't know.

I don't know what that means, but maybe there's a little like pregnancy tremor in your voice. Maybe. Maybe. You're speaking for two now. What if that like you didn't hear it right away, but there was like a harmonizing like much lower octave when I spoke now. It's like a creepy double. Yeah, probably. You're right.

You're right. You're right. There's a devil inside of you. Anyway. You're sure. This. Thank you. you're right you're right you're right there's a devil inside of you um anyway your turn this thank you uh this next one is uh was sent in by leaf who sent a review of a bronze statue of the fawns in milwaukee what's that the fawns from happy days oh i thought you meant fawns like little baby deer yeah that makes this review very different what if i hadn't said anything except oh and you were like um i didn't know you were so enamored i would have stopped you i would

have been like you do not know what i'm talking about do you i would have said do you know who the fawns is and then you would have been like oh i've been like yeah i think he's adorable okay so for those who don't know it's the fawns doing his uh um signature thumbs up like a double thumbs up yeah uh by the riverside or something what show is that from happy days um and how apparently because the show took place in milwaukee i was gonna say i'm sure there's some connection. Yeah, I've never seen Happy Days. I don't know anything about it. Monday, Tuesday. That's not even correct, I think.

Thursday, Friday, Monday. Sunday, Monday, Happy Days. Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days. I'm just listing the days in the wrong order. That's my problem. Spending all week with you. I have no idea if that's how it goes. This is a four star review

so i guess it's a positive redemption type thing um i guess it says oh this is by uh simone four stars my friend and i were having a gay old time chilling out in the way comfy cushioned outdoor seating by the bronze fawns the sun was blazing down on us we were laughing at people taking pictures with the statue and of course waiting for our chance to take silly pics with the statue while relaxing and basking in the sunlight i saw one of the most strange things my tiny eyeballs have ever laid their gaze upon a gentleman walked up with a bag Oh. trash onto the pavement next to the fawns. What? He threw a bunch of donuts into the river, which made me cringe thinking about how horrible that was going to be for the seagulls and ducks. He spread them all around the pavement so they weren't in one concentrated pile.

What? As he went through this ritual, everyone just stared in disbelief. He then took a few donuts, walked right up to Fonzie while a family was posing, taking pictures, and stuck one donut on each of his upward-pointing thumbs. This is so bizarre. Was this a dream somebody had? There are pictures. This is not okay.

This is real. For his final hurrah, he took one donut, placed it on a bench, and stuck a feather in it as if it were some artistic creation. Donuts were everywhere my friend and i sat incredulously as did everyone else standing around no one said a word to protest the actions and the entire area was now littered with actual litter and donuts the man then walked away in silence end of review and then here you see a picture oh of the fawns with donuts on his thumbs and then here is the feathered donut that is a donut with a feather i know it's far away to be

like we glance back the fawns and look back and the man was nowhere to be found he vanished into the sunset what is going on? Do we have any clue? Nope. That's it. That's it? Yeah. That's all we get.

We don't get like a, this is a tradition. I don't think so. I'm kind of glad actually, because if it were a tradition, I think, um, there'd be a problematic tradition.

Dumping donuts into the river. Yeah. I Googled it. Nothing. There's nothing about it. So yeah, just a, that's a fun thing leaf stumbled on so i like that this reviewer instead of like just calling their friend or mom being like guess what i saw today they were like i guess i need to put this in my online review and i'm glad they did i am too well I guess we're the mom now. We're the mom now.

We're the reviewers' mom now. I'm your mother now. Okay. Okay, Jesus. Okay. Did you hear the double octaves when I said that? Unfortunately. This is, I'm excited about this one.

This is an email from Sarah who who said when i heard the theme for your upcoming episode was reviews for public art the infamous blucifer came right to mind do you know who blucifer is no do you know about the uh large blue horse with red eyes. Oh, yeah. Denver Airport or something? Okay. So. So, I guess I do know. You do know. Yeah.

His name is Blucifer. Sarah also says, if I remember correctly, I know Christine has been to Denver. Not sure about Zandy. Yes. We've both been to Denver. Yes. Together. Yes.

So, if you have not heard of Blucifer, everybody, it's a very, this is what Sarah wrote. It's a very ominous statue of a Mustang with demon red eyes that stands 32 feet tall on the road leading to denver international airport and then said i know typically those words would never find themselves in a sentence together but welcome to colorado do you know about the history of this horse um and it's dark dark past i have i think either we talked about it on here i don't think i feel like i've talked to you about it or maybe i don't think i feel like i've talked to you about it or maybe did you mention and that's why we drink early and that's why i drink you're like not recently though yeah no i because i haven't listened to it they talked about it on

sinisterhood recently but uh that would have been something i listened to i'm embarrassing embarrassingly enough i don't listen to podcasts so i need to change that um well so do you know about the history yeah i i think so but i could do you know what it's sins do you know it's many sins the blood on its paws what are they called hoofs yeah having people died like it's like a weird haunted thing right now because so in the mid 90s this is sarah giving it an explanation better than i could give while the creator was still in the process of working on the statue right it fell on him severed an artery in his leg and he passed away from the injury so the horse killed its creator right and then they eventually installed it in 2008 it's a lot of controversy over whether this is like a new world order thing people think

that the denver international airport is like a home of the new world order there's like tunnels under the airport the shape of the airport too i think i've seen something about that people say it's a swastika people like there's murals of people in gas masks that's actually real i will i would like to say one thing if it were shaped like a swastika like wouldn't you it would just be shaped that way yeah the if you have to like make it be shaped that way they were like i don't really see it so i imagine it's probably hard to see but i don't know i think maybe you have to force it a little bit um but there's also if we took these wings and completely shifted them turn this airplane backwards and put this one upside down and now it's a swastika um so there's a lot of controversy uh people don't understand why i mean sarah says that they like to think it was in an effort to

respect the artist carry out the project although if i were the artist i'd be like fucking melt that thing down it killed me like i don't know if i'd be excited to have it continue life at the airport but anyway this is a yelp review this is one star by tasha i always say that denver is a great place except for the asshats who live here present company excluded so the next time you visit and someone pisses you off remember this giant possessed horse that greeted you at the airport you were warned end of review fair um and sarah wrote like that this person wrote present company as if they were trying to like and so sarah wrote as if they were trying to like not offend the people in the car with them or something and i was like i saw it as like me excluded but i kind of like the idea that they were writing it someone looked over their

shoulder and they were like no ted no ted not you you're one of the the good ones or they're writing as like a voice thing yeah yeah like text uh speech to text and then you have to write parenth you say parentheses and parentheses present company excluded ted um that's funny and then i went on yelp because i couldn't help myself and i found this one-star view by mark oh no sorry you go ahead i just read oh okay i don't know why i'm going full steam ahead yourself here i got excited about the blue super horse oh did you know it also has i don't know why i said that so excitedly it has a giant penis like anatomically it's it's apparently just very in your face um tell me more a lot of veins just a lot of veins like what did annika say it's so uncomfortable

that's kind of how i feel about this horse i love it i love it um okay cool so it's anatomic anatomic it's correct um it's not correct to be clear it's the opposite of correct okay um my next review this was sent in by uh who sent in this information about this statue in overland park kansas like kansas city area and uh yeah here we go let me read a little from the email um saying this statue has been the center of attention for such a long time at the gardens i really can't understand why protests what the ring the ring no i don't know about the ring i'll tell you about later protests petitions you name it have been organized uh but nothing has changed when and then johnson county i guess which is just fine with me oh so the and then says the statue is just fine with me the statue is of a woman or

parts of a woman um with boobs out uh taking a selfie like i say parts of a woman because it's not totally oh she's like a little there's no head there's no like a mannequin almost yeah pieces pieced together i thought you meant like body parts of a woman and i was like well yeah i don't want that in my park either that's not quite yeah i see it's more like it looks like a kind of a bronze mannequin yeah it's pretty cool though too especially because like part of the arm is shifted so it look i don't know it's weirdly he's just pointing at her boobs and going look how cool it is look at these honkers um anyway no more hotties with honkers he's protesting

that's just fine with me we all have boobs not a big deal to have them out blah blah blah sorry not blah blah said important things we all have boobs anyway i love the pod just hope you both are doing well um so yeah it turns out this person wants to be anonymous and i missed that until now em has done that before and read an entire story oh no and then was like christine can you just bleep that out which now we're having the editor editor do and i feel like i'm just continuing the vicious cycle oh no i feel so bad okay but yes um all should be edited out okay so anyway uh here is a review this is a review of this statue it's a one-star review um sorry no it's a review of the park. Okay. This is titled Ruined. This is by Ronald.

We used to enjoy this, but since they put in that statue, we can't take our family there anymore. It's got wonderful trails and nice variety between pretty gardens and quiet woods, but I don't need the city to be teaching my teenage son about sexting. End of review. Son, how did you learn about sexting no you it's not what you think i wasn't on the internet i was at the park it was you dad you brought me to that park the government the parks and rec department taught me about sexting not not this porno site i don't know where i don't know where you learn about sexting um i don't know that that

was the intention of the statue but i mean i mean regardless i i i don't know i think it's a cool statue and this uh anonymous sender made a good point about um uh like places like rome or paris like when you think of statues there how many nude statues there are in other places and then there's one in kansas and people lose their minds yeah that sounds about right yeah i mean not that yeah not saying it's a surprising thing it's just yeah and then also says but maybe just don't go there which is which is what they're doing and it's tragic it's it's really tragic we're better off without ronald going to our parks Our parks as if I've ever even been there. Get out of my park, Ronald. I do wonder like the first time that Ronald showed up with his family and saw that thing.

Just like the shock. Yeah. Cover your eyes, kids. Shielding your eyes kind of thing. I can't imagine the shock. Thoughts and prayers, Ronald. Thoughts and prayers. Okay.

This is a one-star view by mark of blucifer the last thing i want to see and yet the last thing i actually do see every time i drive to denver international airport to bravely step onto a contraption that hurls me through space at 600 miles per hour is a demonic pissed off blue horse with glowing red eyes and this is kind of what brought me to the other side of this thing where at first i was like who cares it's it's a goofy fun thing and then i was like you're right it's almost like it's the satanic omen before you get on a plane yeah it's pretty ominous for sure it's like when you drive into the airport it's like right you drive right past

it and its eyes actually glow and yeah it's like a harbinger of doom and then you get on a freaking who killed its owner and then it's like now i'm gonna risk my life on this hurling piece of metal through the sky i don't know i kind of was like uh i guess i get why your anxiety might be spiked by this thing exactly no i i'm weirdly i weirdly get that but it's a it's it's not a good feeling like i don't mind the concept of it i think if i lived there i'd be like why must you do this to me every time also apparently it costs six hundred thousand dollars of taxpayer money to install and create so i'd be a little bit like really hopefully they paid for that artist's funeral with that money did my jesus did my which of my

dollars went to that which vein on that horse penis i'm just wondering that's a good question how much money per vein yeah like how much of that big horse wang did i pay for yeah um good question okay uh so now i'm off to my own research because i'm done with my emails uh first thing i wanted to bring up though was an article so this is not a review uh i couldn't find a good review of this thing um but here is it's it's titled u.s student is rescued from giant vagina sculpture in germany um so there's this this sculpture in germany that's literally just a giant vagina is in berlin let me guess no it's in uh tubing and oh um it says more than 20 firefighters had to free the exchange student can you imagine they thought that they for sure

thought that was a prank call like the first three times they got it yeah yeah firefighters head to the vagina or maybe this probably happened before or they're like not again um oh my god wait and it's so funny because it says in the space of 24 hours last week two spectacular rescue operations were carried out in southern germany one was there was an explorer who got trapped inside germany's deepest cave and within 24 hours explorer who got trapped inside Germany's deepest cave. And within 24 hours, the student got trapped in the deepest cave. Wink, wink, wink. Or was it like an actual cave?

No, no. The other. No, one was literally in a cave. I don't know. The other one was in a cave. OK, got it. Got it. But here's a picture of said student stuck in the vagina.

Oh, oh my God. That is not what I pictured. I don't know what I pictured. You're like, what else could you picture? I have no clue what I was picturing, but it wasn't that. Because his legs are like pinned between two giant rocks. Just do what you will with that information. Yeah.

And it says, Police confirmed that the firefighters turned midwives delivered the student by hand and without the application of tools i was gonna say no medical intervention that's amazing uh and then also the mayor said uh he struggled to imagine how the accident could have happened quote even when considering the most extreme adolescent fantasies to reward such a masterly achievement with the use of 22 firefighters almost pains my soul like this is just he's like really did we have to get that teenager out couldn't we leave him there as like just to show other teens like what happens if we try to climb into this just a warning so this was back in 2014 written by philip alterman in berlin for uh the guardian so but now he works for like he's like

the head writer at the new york times i bet i bet this catapulted his career i would hope so um i would hope so i know the guardian is a real publication i was just trying to think of a bigger another one another one uh-oh getting spicy i. Yeah, another one. Uh-oh, it's getting spicy. I don't know. You gonna take that? You gonna take that, Phillip? But yeah, anyway, that was not a review, because I couldn't find a good review of that, but you're welcome.

I don't need one. I think I got enough of a taste of what it is. Yeah, but I can actually read a review now if you want. Oh, sure. Because, yeah, this one is of the Hope sculpture in New York City. Aha. H-O-P-E. It's H-O on top, P-E on the bottom.

Thank you for spelling Hope for me. You're welcome. I thought it was that little girl who stood for Hope, but I guess this one's more literal. Very literal. This is a one-star review by Matt. Fuck if I know. Here we go. This is all one sentence.

Regulation from Department of Consumer Affair for grocery stores. It's very clear the posted price need to be charged exactly. Not less, not more. If it's not posed differently, they don't have a right to charge plus tax. If that note plus tax is supposed under or on the label for product, they have right to charge plus tax. Scammers and charging tax without letting you know. End of review. I don't know why that was on the Hope sculpture. I don't either.

I thought you'd want to hear that. Thank you. Was this supposed to be of a Whole Foods? I don't know. They included a picture of a receipt. Does it say what they were buying? Yeah, some sort of yogurt, some sort of chocolate milk, chocolate hazelnut thing, wheat tuna, something, or white tuna, almond breeze, almond milk, Arizona green tea. Wow. saw almond breeze almond milk uh arizona green tea wow uh golden delicious apples

ciabatta pita bread oven roasted turkey bob's red mill something it's quite a variety and then a california roll or two california rolls which one was like 60 or something that like he was clearly pissed off about the most expensive thing was the uh sushi the chocolate hazelnut i don't know what it was it just says chocolate oh no that's no that's two of them so never mind oh no no that's just one chocolate hazelnut it doesn't say what it is just as chocolate to be fair that deserves to be the most expensive in my opinion so maybe nutella yeah um goodness and it was six bucks. So I, okay. I guess if you want to spend your day mad about that and then somehow Freudian slip

it onto a hope statue page, that's fine for you, I guess. That's fine for you, Matt. You've heard it here first, Matt. It's fine for you. It's like fine, I guess. Um, kind of bums me out. Can you imagine that? Like, what if you were the artist

and you were like oh somebody reviewed my sculpture and it's like i bought this that sculpture has like thousands of reviews okay fair okay all right that's a good point um i just this is what i wonder this is gonna sound really stupid tell me if you want to take this out that's most of what we say this is unlike anything else i've ever said this is gonna sound a little dumb um okay the people who do this and write these like rants on pages that don't even have anything to do with their rant and then just post them and take the time and post a photo like before the internet what was the equivalent of this person like back in the day do you know what i mean yeah i think you could only really tell your friends and family people

in person oh in the 1800s you would just run around and be like here you hear right into the newspaper oh god but you have to pay for that right so like no not always christina okay as someone who has a podcast about reading news newspapers and reading especially the old ones they published anything they didn't give a so that was like the comment section okay that makes total sense but like it didn't matter like their news sources were like traveling salesmen they're like a salesman came through today uh speaking of uh of a death in arkansas some woman angry at her husband for going to the casino shot him dead in the street blue horse and it's like who's the source oh it's this traveling salesman and there was some there's like a traveling psychic came through it's like a gossip spreading spreading tales of of of the east because it's like they're

in fucking like kansas and they're like we don't there's we don't have any news here like they they printed everything when someone would visit a family member so there was one where someone from ohio visited his brother in kansas and it was in the newspaper it was literally like like his um it was like uh his brother came to town uh and said that we are a very industrious town and very advanced with their bad like what do you think of us yeah literally and they're like it's very impressed although i feel like they would just write that m True. Mary came to town and said, we are super impressive. True. So, what do you guys think of that?

So, basically, yeah. The newspaper is a place of... Wow. Okay. There's so much random shit in there. Because I always think, what a bunch of effort you're putting into writing on the internet. But, like, writing into a newspaper is even more effort. So...

And more steps. So, that does make sense. But there's also less to do. I don't know. You get so bored back then, bro. Okay. Never mind. I would be bored back then i would

do you know what i would do i'm bored right now my bad i don't mean like me in today's world not like in this moment god damn i warned you do you know what i would do back then because i was so bored tell me i would travel to different towns and just be like right about me like i would travel all over and be like and i'd wear weird scarves and be like multicolored scarves and be like, you know what I heard? And I would just start rumors in every town. As long as you don't show your ankles, you're okay. Well, that's my second part of my plan. There was one thing of a man who wanted to get divorced because his wife showed too much skin.

Fuck. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, it's like gossip. You're right. Like gossip columns. that's me i would be full of gossip i would be just hilarious i guess maybe i'd be the the author i'd be did you ever watch that show bridgerton no okay never mind okay it revolves around an anonymous like gossip columnist who writes about and at the end of the season you figure out who it is

but it's fun it's like nice anyway okay so this is a review of blucifer because i can't stop myself and this is by sing creed one star so i recently picked up my friend from the airport and was driving myself down pena which i guess is the pena pena pina pina it's short for penis i was driving myself down the giant blue penis sorry i 12 years old to take that too far like i thought it was too far just from what i said then you took it that's the street that the airport's on and i don't know what how do you p-e-n-a pena pena. Pena. Pena? Christina, I don't know. Okay, all right, I don't know.

You said, hmm, like you were going to give me... Which part of the swastika is that? It's the upside-down airplane that they put. What? Okay, I'll take your word for that, because I don't know what that means. Okay, so... It's because you weren't listening to me earlier. means okay so that's because you weren't listening to me earlier so i recently picked up my friend from the airport was driving myself down the road singing cat power at the top of my lungs

i couldn't help it i was so excited to see my friend pam we have been friends since we were three and that's a long ass time don't ask me how old i am just know it is a long time she is a dear dear friend and nothing could disappoint. I was in the best mood and if I hit a deer, I still would have been excited to see my friend that I haven't seen in years. And then it happened. Whiskey, tango, foxtrot. I couldn't believe my eyes. I looked up and thought for sure this was a joke. I almost slammed on my brakes. I had a serious case of rubberneck. I then almost threw up in my mouth. Okay, I did a little. Is this a joke? What is that hideous creature? A blue bronco.

I thought it was an alien. A spaceship. Something besides a piece of art. This totally belongs somewhere else, like the art museum in the basement of this theater in Boston. I've been there once, but it is called the Museum of Terrible Art. It should go there, but it wouldn't fit. I know that we are the Bronco State.

I understand it is a representation of Denver. But people, is this really one of the first things a visitor to colorful Colorado should see? I believe not. Those red eyes seriously creep me out. I'm waiting for some of my country friends to bring their pickups and chains and pull that sucker down. I do feel sorry for the artist who died while making it, but isn't that some kind of sign? End of review. Okay, that was two reviews in one because we had pam the whole pam situation yeah what happened to pam yeah is pam okay we didn't get any closure like i i feel like this was

so distracting that pam never even oh well there's an update two months later going oh shit pam i never picked her up from terminal two so i guess pam actually is not okay pam is not okay okay uh neither am i after that um but weirdly yeah i i kind of get it i mean i'd be so startled if like i drove to the airport regularly like some people were like i travel there weekly and one day this horse appeared i'd be like sorry what like i'd be so thrown yeah what if they pick one day a year where they put it up you never know which day down yeah that's why it costs six hundred thousand dollars because they just keep putting it up and transporting it because

all of this reviewers friends from the country have to come with their trucks and chains and take it down um my god i just was like i hope you're okay i feel like this is the kind of thing that back in uh the olden days you could write a newspaper about be like siegfried from colorado hit a deer and then claimed she saw a blue horse i don't know like last episode or two episodes ago i've read an entire thing about the the dakotas because it was their first time oh if human seeking human i was like i don't remember this at all it was it was a whole thing from i don't know what newspaper it was but they were getting word about what it was like in the dakotas

and it was just describing things that were happening in the dakotas and the weather and how beautiful it is oh it was boston it was someone it was a boston newspaper saying wow and the person was like yeah everyone should move to the dakotas it's so lovely here there's this whole and that was that was the news that was the news i mean and if there had been a horse with red eyes like that would have been talk about something like this would have just made it that much more entertaining. And, you know, I will say, fun fact that I learned. So I guess a Bronco. Do you know what a Bronco is? A horse. I don't know. So that was the confusing thing is a lot of people were like, this is a Mustang. It's not even a Bronco. But someone was like, you idiots. A Bronco is a horse that's like rearing back. Oh, so it's not like why they call it a buck. But why do they call it a buck? Is it so bucking Bronco is that redundant?

That is like very. So Bronco is a horse that's bucking or not. Maybe not bucking, but it's like a horse that is like a it's like a wild horse or it's not fully tamed. So it has the tendency to be bucking like a wild horse. So a bucking Bronco is like a wild horse that's like throwing the rider. Sure. Cool. But you know what I mean? So a Mustang could be a wild could so a bucking bronco is like a wild horse that's like throwing the rider off sure cool but you know what i mean so a mustang could be a wild could be a bronco a bronco right there are broncos so not all broncos are mustangs but no no wait neither way neither way yeah i mean that is correct that's just period so there is oh there is overlap overlap, but it's like a Venn diagram.

All Broncos are horses, but not all horses are Broncos. Okay. There we go. And all Mustangs are horses, but not all horses are Mustangs. So this doesn't help us at all. But it's like a Venn diagram where it's all Brown horses, Broncos, Mustangs. And then there's overlap where some Broncos are Mustangs. Yeah. And some Mustangs and then there's overlap Where some broncos are mustangs Yeah

And some mustangs are Whatever okay I don't know So anyway someone was like Just because it's a mustang Bronco is not like a breed of horse If that makes sense I just thought that was interesting

Because a lot of people were like it's not even a bronco Because it's a mustang This has nothing to do with our our town because of the games of sports teams, you know, yeah Football. Yep. The football. Okay, got it bronco Denver broncos. Yep. That's the one nailed it. You nailed it Um, so now i've got a couple redemptions. Oh good Uh, this first one is of a statue called piss it's in the czech republic it's an outdoor uh sculptures from 2004 by czech artist uh david cerny i'm sure that's how you say it cherny uh it's installed outside the franz kafka museum in prague and

is it very existential um so I'll just read the review then tell you what it is of okay so this is by Steven

a four star review yeah this was by accident always interesting gems when you just wander around these two male statues

pissing on the state were a bit of a surprise never expected this outside a store of gingerbread. End of review. What's happening? Basically, the sculpture is of two men, naked men peeing.

Okay. And they're standing in a pool of water. It's like a fountain. So they're standing in a pool of water. You mean a pool of piss? Yeah, a pool of their own piss. And it's shaped as the czech republic okay i was like i was wondering where the government or the state came into this and apparently you can somehow control them via or you can have them like their penises i think move

and write things no they don't are you being serious if you text a number or something i'm not kidding that sounds like a bizarre dream it does not sound real no it does not but that's what i saw it says okay here we go sorry visitors to the area can command the men to write messages into the water via sms now that's fun there's a picture oh they're like facing each other i kind of love that actually yeah it's kind of cool i would put that in my yard and then you get like people from america reviewing it like there's school children around seeing this they taught my child about sexting now my child knows all about sexting. That would be outside a Kafka museum. Although a gingerbread store. Yeah.

Funny choice. Yeah. Funny choice. I think they use this water to make their gingerbread. Oh, that's why it tastes so good. Don't want to defame them. Okay. This is a review from Amber or not from by Amber, but from Amber, she, her.

It says, I'd like to share with you the wonder that is the Crog Street Tunnel in Atlanta. It's a permission tunnel, meaning it's a spot where graffiti is legal and even encouraged. The art there does change daily, and it's a combination of tags, cartoons, protest slogans, and whatever else the creative types come up with. That's cool. Yeah, it is cool. This is a one-star review by Scott, who's a local guide. tunes protest slogans and whatever else the creative types come up with so once our cool yeah it's it is cool so once i read by scott who's a local guide you probably should not be reading a review for a tunnel but hey you do you end of review wow this is my job scott you probably shouldn't be writing a review of a tunnel, but you do you. That's hilarious. Doesn't that seem like a waste of, like, a little hypocritical?

Yeah. To be like, you shouldn't be reading a review. It's like very meta. Yeah, I wouldn't be reading this if you hadn't written it. Oh, this hurts my head. I don't like this. I guess I'm just thinking of Brendan, you know, our long lost friend brendan who got lost to the google who's still algorithm probably laying down she's supposed to be laying down um and how how it's you

just slip into becoming a google local guide and slip right in slip right in scott has written 171 reviews who knows where it began and now it's probably all just that same exact descending into madness over and over why are you reading this he keeps writing and people keep reading it and he gets points and they keep racking up yeah it's like a vicious cycle brendan are you out there are you okay we're worried about you i really am brendan's like oh my god i think i'm worried about them now i think they're the ones in trouble fair well you're not wrong um i've got one more great this is of uh the tyler davidson fountain that's in cincinnati ohio it's the one the fountain square one oh okay

the main attraction of cincinnati basically uh i didn't know anything about it i don't really either um but apparently um it was commissioned by uh henryasco, who was a businessman here in Cincinnati. And in 1871, commissioned Ferdinand von Miller, who had done some stuff in Germany, commissioned him to design this fountain. And it was in honor of his deceased brother and Henry. What a name. Are you reading the black? That's Henry. Deceased brother-in-law and business partner,

Tyler Davidson. So that's why it's a Tyler Davidson fountain. Okay. So, yeah, got it. I think I followed that. I don't know. Just if you didn't just,

it's really not that important. This is a five-star review of this fountain. This is by Thick Daddy. I'm leaving their name as is. This is a nice fountain. I went here and was satisfied with my experience. I came to Fountain Square and admired the fountain, which was nice. After I looked at the fountain, I left, satisfied with my experience.

I gave this fountain five stars because it's a nice fountain. End of review. I am actually an artificial intelligence robot. I don't even know what I'm saying. Was that not the most pleasant review it was actually it is it's it weirdly lulled me into a false sense of security oh no i'm not i've got nothing else coming i promise okay so it's a true sense of security is what you're saying i can just feel rested in my in my new my new mindset. Okay. Well, I have one more for you. It's also a redemption. Okay.

This is of my personal favorite art installation. Do you know what it is? My favorite art installation. Do I know what your favorite art? So the Mothman? No, it's the... Where is it? Tell me where it is.

It's in Newport, Kentucky. It's not that bell that's right the large bell um the vintage dillbert computer office desk electronic m&ms candy dispenser what is happening right now is there a freaking location for this you know that dad always told me it was an art installation. Oh, that's so stupid. That's so stupid. Because I would say to him, dad, you used to just give me M&Ms at bedtime and say like, here you go. And he said, no, I would never do that. And I was like, yes, you did.

And he said, no, no, that was an art installation. It wasn't meant to actually dispense candy. i've started calling it my art installation um and so i just looked it up on amazon and this was from 1998 by the way this thing look how beautiful it's held up so this is a review um stupid verified purchase this is a four-star view by nothing so name fast shipping worked perfectly and was in good condition my only complaint is that it was really dirty nothing that a little oh no nothing that a little cleaner couldn't fix but still end overview um gross when you want when you're putting candy you're eating out of it you don't want this vintage item and you're okay that's foul because they're saying it worked perfectly which means they put batteries in it and dispense candy out of it so yuck oh um

there's also this one by erica photos very accurately represented this fun item. Functions perfectly and was a hit. And someone said exactly what they said. So, I don't know. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one spreading the word, the good word about the electronic Dilbert M&M candy dispenser. It's a funny concept. Except you literally just ate a bag of M&Ms and you didn't put them in there. So, you don't even use them.

It occurred to me just now. And so, I'm going to put the rest in there. Okay. I will look forward to you doing that once I'm already gone. Oh my god, I know what I'll do. No. I'm going to put batteries in it and actually put it on our Instagram of it being used. Also, I'm trying to remember who

sent it to me. I think it was Troy. I forget their name. I think it was Troy. Email me if you were the one who sent this to me because it was like on a post-it and I threw their name i think it was troy email me if you were the one who sent this to me because it was like on a post-it and i've i've threw their name away um but anyway sorry your turn i'm done oh okay great but it's time for your challenge right it unfortunately is okay um can i just say everybody i love you all but it's clear who the favorite is the number of emails that we got for the next challenge which is the pigeon

challenge okay but so many but that happens to me too sometimes i don't get any emails because it's the challenge is too never getting hard oh like they don't help me these people don't help me it's because they look at me and go this was hard she needs help you know how hard it is to find reviews of all the reviews that mention parents mom dad mother father but specifically talking about grandpapa like because there's so many people who are like what they talk about how wealthy their parents are they're not doing that they're talking about about people with wealthy parents and they're complaining. I've read through so many reviews. I have like four.

This episode has already gone on for like three hours. So you all will be deal with only four. But and like also someone special. It's not like I got like i don't know was that the challenge someone special their parents they said their parents were someone special which i appreciate it and it had to be a negative review too right that's that was a factor that's what also made it hard five stars my parents are very special so it was a challenge but i found four so i feel good that's a lot yeah i feel good about it it was just a challenge and

difficult and also i didn't find anyone who was like oh yeah my parents are famous but they said oh well my mom is this kind of does this or whatever that's pretty special you'll see okay anyway my rant is over uh i hope you enjoy just warning it's not over he's saying it's over it's just in a in a it's just taking a nap it's gonna come back this first one prepare yourself parents-in-law so here we go uh this is of an applebee's in orange connecticut i'm sorry it's not where i was expecting us to go uh this is a review by uh alex one star normal applebee environment, but I cannot stress this enough. Terrible service.

The staff is literally rude. Not even just passive. Rude. They gave us a shit ton of lemons, but by the time our appetizers came out, it had already been like 30 years they made us wait even though there were tables open and they didn't even give us our waters until we were basically dying of thirst they were sitting there with you had a table full of lemons and they were like i'm not gonna give you water but we gave you 85 lemon i don't understand what's happening yet we're waiting for you to expire i don't get this whole story that i guess that's the point just wait okay and the worst part of this it was my wedding after party oh my wife was terribly

embarrassed as her wealthy parents had flown in from rome from for the wedding they were judging her endlessly the night ended with tears for me and karen never again never fucking again end of review alexander i'm sorry i'm sorry you didn't need any emails i'm sorry you already completed like i don't need to hear any more reviews that's it these wealthy parents showed up from rome to go to the wedding after party in Applebee's in Orange, Connecticut, and they didn't get their waters and it was a terrible service experience. And it's like... Oxen or they went to Applebee's.

Look, you go where you want. But if you're going to complain and say, oh, they were embarrassed or my wife was embarrassed. It's like, well, I don't think the issue is just how rude people were. Like this whole thing is like. If they had brought you your iced tea and your whatever you needed, your water right away. I don't think the Roman parents would have been like, this is a perfectly acceptable place for our wealthy family to have an after party for a wedding like i don't think that would have i don't think the service is what exactly like if you're feeling embarrassed like that's also what i don't know it's so absurd i

don't even know how to joke about it because it's like i don't know what to say it's like already at such an extreme like we took my wealthy in-laws to applebee's to celebrate like the biggest not just wealthy but foreign in-laws right rightbee's to celebrate like the biggest not just wealthy but foreign in laws right right internationally wealthy like this sounds like a scene from like 90 day fiance yes yes it is yes it is we're like they're like oh let's meet your let's meet your fiance in america and they go to applebee's and they're like what is this where are we at least there you can blame the producers and say they orchestrated this intentionally to make it as wild as possible.

They walked directly. They created this problem. I'm sorry. Yeah. You and Karen created this problem, my friend. I don't know what to tell you. Was she in a wedding dress? I mean, I just can't fathom this situation.

I wish I could see it on TV. I don't know. I I wish I could see it on TV. I don't know. I, I too wish I could see this. Um, I hope that they're, uh, they've had much success in their marriage.

I'll, and I'll leave it at that. Um, this next one is a father and son barbershop, uh, in Auburn, California. This is a one star review.

It's by David. This is a one star review. It's by David. This is awful. Well, my dad owns this barbershop. He is a bad person, has two sides. Pretends he likes kids, but couldn't take care of his own. Don't go there. He isn't supposed to be doing it. He

isn't licensed. And he went to prison for beat my mom and his. Whatever you do, go to rico's barber shop on high street your son david p.s fuck you dad sob maybe that's sob or son of a bitch i don't know but end of review sob fuck you dad sob i don't know holy shit i was gonna joke about it until it said someone special my dad is so important that he lives in prison i mean he's like like we i see that's where i did a little you know creative took some creative liberties here of hey my dad owns this place i was wondering yeah so i was gonna joke about it and then you said like he beats my mother and i was like no yeah this is no longer joke worthy but wow i was gonna say i pictured at first before i knew that part i pictured at

first a little kid in the back being like my dad is a big jerk and like on the family computer clearly it got farther it got away from me there with the rest of it yep yep but at the beginning i was like is this just some little kid being like pulling a prank on his dad or trying to be rebellious it is the only review of the place oh yikes yeah this is the one where the quote-unquote artist is like someone reviewed my work yeah it goes online and it's like son damn it david david david's hanging out at his uncle's place like down the street rico's barbershop or whatever it's called i was like that's so specific they're like i love how in the whole thing of complaining about their abusive father to also say oh but you should go to rico's he's great throw that in there he loves kids this is such a great father figure to me yes this has been this was a very uh interesting challenge for

me i mean yeah it's interesting for us too, I think, just to watch your progression here. Here's another. This is a review of a Baskin Robbins in Chicago, Illinois. This is one star by Emily. My dad owns a couple Duncan Baskins in Libertyville, but he would never allow this kind of customer service. Four of us walked in at about 9.15 p.m. on a Monday night. Wasn't busy at all. The worker, Jamie, was helping one customer and then yelled, I need help.

I'm going to shoot myself. Not weird at all. Totally normal for an employee to say not. So we waited. 20 minutes later, still haven't been helped. In walks a family of five and then another person on her own. And Jamie and the other worker helping went to help them right away, making us wait even longer. 30 minutes later, after we finally got our scoops of ice cream, we asked what the worker's name was and hesitated but finally complained.

And she responded, oh, so you wanted to know my name just to complain? And then runs and hides in the back and yes that's exactly why i wanted to know your name terrible i thought i was gonna say tara i was like oh called out yeah so uh i thought you wanted to know my name to be my new friend what else could they an angry uh i almost said patient yeah well customer emily's dad would never allow that to happen he treats all his patients like customers yep i mean customers like patients wait okay forget it customers i don't know i like i lost it i lost i agreed with you i was like uh-huh yeah you were i was like wait no i had to question myself let that sink in for a second then i thought no that's like the times when i listen back and we both agree with each other and i'm like we don't even know what we're like we're saying something completely wrong um wow so

my dad oh i i was wondering if any of those came into play like my dad is a franchise owner in this part of ohio or whatever uh which here we go here it is and then that's somewhat similar to this this next one uh and my my final one sorry i'm still hung up on this do you know what the threat of that is it's the threat is like say that person's name is tara like to like tara my dad is a boss he's not your, but he's someone else's boss. It's like, that's not even a threat. Like if it's like my dad was your boss. Okay.

Maybe there's a little bit of like, and so you could lose your job. But to be like, do you know who my dad is? He owns a different Dunkin Donuts. And has different workers who are different people. Who are not named Tara. It's like, how are you trying to make any sort of change it's like the same with the people that it seems like the people who always say that they worked in customer service are always the ones who are the worst yeah so if you have if you say that you're

usually saying this worker should be better because i used to work in customer service and i know better or something people are just annoying but this is even one extra layer removed of well my dad my dad owns a dunkin donuts that means nothing that means nothing okay so this you should have told me before i poured the coffee i mean oh my god pull out your like your dunkin donuts family member card or something my dad my dad owns a dunkin donuts card and he's like family loyalty points who is the one who one of either m's friends or one of your friends or somebody's friend owns dunkin donuts or no like their family owns a

restaurant and then their family photo is on the wall so that every time they go into a restaurant i have no idea someone told me this recently that i told you okay so it must have an m somebody told me that their friends family owns like a chain of restaurants and so the i don't i hope so but management had to put their photo of their family members on the wall so that if they come into a location they like know that this is like the owner there is frick i wish i could remember but it was like they have the picture just sort of like a wall of shame but like wall of fame exactly that's hilarious anyway uh okay this is my last one this is a restaurant called pasta fresca de salvatore um de salvatore i don't know it's in singapore my dad is salvatore do you know who my dad is

and that's basically what this review is uh this is in singapore of all places i man i went every fucking place i don't even know what to say this was wild we went from applebee's with some roman folks to singapore an italian place in singapore you're right wow yeah so this is an italian restaurant in singapore it's this is a one-star review by uh colleen salvatore jr i'm half italian my dad owns a few italian restaurants in the states and he's taken me to many amazing italian restaurants in new york city italian i cannot believe somebody would even go there this is so wild just say like well my dad owns italian it's just so it's like saying my dad owns a taco place and i'm half mexican and i'm now in a foreign country and somehow this means something and what the

best part about this is it's an unclaimed business so that means like they don't even see it like they don't that means that this person probably had to create the page to even post on it colin um half italian i'm half italian my dad owns a few italian restaurants in the states and he's taken me to many amazing italian restaurants in new York City. So I know a little thing or two about Italian food and cooking it. This place, just skip it. Totally not worth the heavy price tag of paying about $100 for two people, though that is with a glass of wine and beer. The squid ink pasta, lackluster. I've definitely had better. The same was with my dish, which was spinach ravioli in a red sauce with olives and anchovies. Even the tiramisu was lackluster at best.

My mom makes a killer tiramisu, which she learned from my dad. It's hard to beat that authenticity. She's not Italian. She's not even Italian. Authenticity? Are you fucking kidding with me? It's an Italian man's wife. It's hard to be that authenticity.

The most authentic tiramisu comes from an Italian man's wife in the U.S. of A. My mom is from Oklahoma, and she makes the most authentic tiramisu. It's just so bizarre. Hugs Dinner, if you, like, clearly they've spent time in New York even in New York if you say I'm half Italian everyone's like so you're not like so just leave us alone everyone in New York is half Italian

it's not impressive like it's like okay cool us too right it's like doesn't mean anything I know a thing or two about tiramisu and the final sentence I can honestly make these dishes at home and they'll taste the same as this if not better but with a cheaper price tag end of review then literally do it why don't you really what's keeping you what's keeping you i don't want to like i never say no

to a dinner invitation someone's cooking me food but like this one i think i'm not really interested in because i feel like i'd have to be like i know this is so authentic tell me more about cocoa powder obnoxious with that kid um yeah i i yeah like you said just just then go do it and also you're in singapore like you're not in italy like right right right why well and when you're in singapore maybe eat eat their food instead of going to an italian restaurant and expecting it to be the most authentic italian food of your life new york jesus christ i think it does seem like it's rated like a new york zag it rated whatever it's i get rated that's not a thing that people no i don't know use anymore i don't know

like a michelin what are you michelin star yeah or like a james beard award winning okay well now you're just showing off i'm just being blaze this was featured in eater okay sorry that was me anthony bourdain walked by this place once we gotta go we gotta pray here real quick sorry i'm just joking blaze don't be mad at me no blaze but that's the thing is blaze would make us go to these weird places some of the best places yeah we'd be like why are you making us go into this weird basement strip mall and then it was very good stuff except for the shrimp porridge that was a flop yeah that was true that was questionable we all kind of were like this not your finest hour for brunch but for breakfast it was early i had a smile on my i was like you know please this isn't too bad

you were a very good sport oh yeah but i also enjoyed i was not i was not having it yeah i appreciated his enthusiasm for porridge and shrimp porridge this was clearly pre-vegan days yes uh and it was that's all there is to it you don't need you literally know nothing else yeah and that was not as far as i know an anthony bourdain vetted place so i think that was just a blaze spot anyway well that was great zini i think you accomplished the challenge my parents are italian i had i had like as difficult as it was i did have fun with it interestingly you had two people who claimed their parents were italian did i yeah the first parents were from rome oh the rome the the parents-in-law from which is interesting too because they flew in from rome so actually like it could be they

were just jet setting or maybe they were like diplomats i think you're overthinking okay can you imagine though like it's just weird because one of them saying my dad's italian so i've been to the best restaurants one's like my parents are italian so i took them to apple piece it's like wow wow i never thought i would tell the Applebee's or tell someone to be more like the Salvatore person, but maybe try a little harder. Anyway, great job, Zandy. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. I have a theme for us for episode 144.

Great. This is two weeks from when this is releasing. Reviews of Cracker Barrels. We've never done that. That's good. That seems really on brand. I'm shocked. It's weird that we haven't done that.

Yep, it is. I Googled it because I thought there's no way we haven't done that. It's pretty on brand. Yeah. Okay, excellent. Was that just you coming up with that? Yeah, that was all. Well, I'm sure many people probably have told us to do it.

But yeah, I just thought of it just now. Okay, well, I have a challenge for you this was sent in by my new best friend mary who uses she her slash miss never ma'am pronouns thank you mary and uh she wrote the sweetest email she said you're both about my daughter's age listening to you is like having her friends around the house again i miss it a lot your parents should be very proud of you oh my god they're not so if you could call them please let them know it's not true just kidding so mary says she's worked in retail on and off throughout her whole life and there's two types of shoppers one is the leave me alone type who get annoyed if somebody even like

looks their way or whatever and yells i'm just looking and then the type who not only want to talk but show her pictures and even occasionally videos on their phone and she says in some cases it's an older man who's talking about his deceased wife occasionally followed up with an invitation parentheses no thank you uh so her challenge suggestion is to find a review where the shopper actually comments on how nice it was to have such a long or like meaningful chat with a retail worker wow so like um just where the the review is about like the experience the exchange they had about how like nice it was okay so these are positive reviews i would say so yeah yeah yeah unless they say oh i had this wonderful thing and then the manager was so rude or something yeah

um but like just about the positive i got it got it like especially if it's like a long exchange with because he says uh i'm sure many people in retail would appreciate any sign that a long conversation uh often with no purchase that kept you away from other tasks uh or other shoppers meant something to the customer yeah i like that that makes sense that's the thing and she says uh people are generally very kind as a little caveat so thank you mary i think that's a fun challenge. I love that Mary. And what's nice though, too, is I don't,

Mary's already proud of me. So it doesn't matter how I do. Mary doesn't say that. Oh, oh, if Mary were my parent, Mary thinks our parents should be proud of us. I don't know if it's true.

I don't know. Because their bars are much lower than Mary's. You're right. Mary's daughter. She's like, my daughter's a surgeon. Like, are you kidding me? No will okay so now this is my goal is to make mary proud yes that's great i'm looking forward to that i'm just gonna ride that wave and like take the credit okay

all right what's our theme for 145 okay so this is from rosie she her thank you rosie it says hi sibs since traveling has become a thing again i figured y'all could find reviews of airports airports we've never done or we we did an episode with airports but it was in one state yeah yeah so now it's a broader so basically we're doing airports everywhere but north carolina yeah because that was the one we already did yeah that's right exactly yeah that's good. So, yep, that's all I got for you. What's my challenge? Your challenge

comes from Tanya and Tanya's son Damien. Tanya says, if possible can you shout out my son Damien? We'd listen together. Smiley face. Damien! Which makes me very happy. So yes. I'm sorry I said the P word so many times in this episode.

What? What P word? Don't say it again it again actually i don't know what you're talking about i talked about the penis that's right um i was like piss i said sorry we said some bad oh i said it too we had a lot it was a weird episode tell me damien's like 35 or something yeah yeah damien's 35 great great he's not a cool teen that I'm corrupting. Thankfully, no age. So it doesn't matter. We can't just... We can't be held liable.

We can't... All right. What's my challenge? Your challenge. So I'm tweaking it just a little bit. But Tanya says, I'm a local in Las Vegas. A local guide. Local guide.

I'm not sure. But a challenge of reviews where people... I'm going to say, win the jackpot. Win in Vegas. Oh, in Vegas. Sorry, I totally missed that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, where they win big in Vegas. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tanya said where they win big while gambling and then lose it all immediately after. Okay, but we're broadening it to just like win big and then what question mark. Yeah, and then lose it all immediately okay but we're broadening it to just like yeah because then what question mark yeah and then something okay i am into it because i think this could be lots of fun to see how how people react and feel about uh winning a lot or winning then losing a lot yeah so if it changes them yeah if life is never the same if if perspective doesn't even shift i mean there's a lot of avenues it's like those documentaries about people who win the lottery and they're in a worse spot a few years later than they were when they got on the lottery it's very sad uh so maybe we'll get some little updates uh knowing me i will probably find some really dark

and sad and fucked up shit that just makes us feel really bad. Yep. That's what Tanya and Damien are looking for. So, um, thank you all for listening. Um, appreciate you all and looking forward to talking to you next week. Thoughts and prayers. Bye.