Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 143: Reviews of Minor League Baseball Stadiums

Episode Date: August 25, 2021

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water water to wet the podcast where shitty siblings read shitty oh the schieffer siblings read shitty reviews that would happen one day oh no where the freudian slip finally occurred uh hello we are here to read you reviews of minor league baseball stadiums oh is that a question no yes i am i don't know about you i am as well i'm very

excited about this one um we got a lot of emails and then my challenge okay by the way that was from kaylee thank you and my challenge do you remember my challenge no of course not it was to find reviews where people spelled pigeon oh my god it feels so long ago i love that we're doing this now i'm so excited rodney sent that in so rodney was like i don't really know what to do with this but i want to hear more pigeon reviews the pig loin and uh listen you all delivered sending me some so um i'm pretty thrilled about it all right yeah i talked about that i think last episode how we had like 10 emails about pigeon reviews and zero that helped me out hello yeah hello people they just look at me and know my incompetence is needs more assistance they hear your pregnancy voice apparently apparently somebody

said i oh we already talked about that so i sound i don't i i thought about that every day since reading that and i have not understood it yet but i don't either i thought about that every day since reading that and i have not understood it yet but i don't either somebody on twitter said it was disgusting that i was pregnant did you see that christina oh no i was gonna text you about that because like last night at 3 a.m on facebook i saw someone posting about that happening i'm like wait what oh yeah the tweet was deleted by then um it was i couldn't stop laughing at first i was upset and then i tried to record about it and i could not stop laughing at first i was upset and then i tried to record about it and i could not stop laughing like it was just so out of the blue like this person was

like i guess i can't listen to the show anymore about and that's what you drink that's bizarre why and then a bunch of vomit emojis and said pregnancy is body horror and they can't but what i don't know man i was like okay, sorry, do I need to apologize? The thing is, if you were sincerely upset at hearing about it and it was really affecting you negatively, why would you go on Twitter and talk about it more? Talk about it publicly. And spread it more. That's what I was going to be like.

I don't understand. That doesn't make sense. I think they wanted me to stop either being pregnant or talking about it. And I was like, you know, I would, but I won't. Their luck. This pregnancy will not last forever. Yeah. i hope not i really hope not so they said maybe i'll listen again in a few years when the baby's a toddler and i was like oh okay oh okay so see you then i guess okay i guess we've got a while to wait for them to come back but like when the baby's

an infant it's just i felt kind of bad because a bunch of people were like defending me oh yeah no i saw full outrage online and then they deleted the tweet and i was like please like maybe they were trying to be funny and i was like i don't get it but maybe anyway sorry so i guess i do sound pregnant because it's really turning a lot of people off and i just want to say i apologize to you but it's too late now. So it won't be it won't last forever. Trust me. I wish I did not sound pregnant either. I did. This is not a thing.

I don't think so. But I mean, what do I know? Okay. So I think I have more than you. Should I go first? I think we're tied, actually, because I got another one. You did. Okay.

So this is from Taylor. She they who calls himself a self-proclaimed baseball no i called them a self-proclaimed they are a self-proclaimed baseball gay um and i was like all right love that for you um so this is a review of the joseph p riley junior park which is the home of the charleston river dogs um and i mean notably the gayest team in the minor leagues well it is Joseph P. Riley Jr. Park, which is the home of the Charleston Riverdogs. I mean, notably the gayest team in the minor leagues. Well, it is owned by Bill Murray. Is it really?

Yeah. I didn't know that. Oh, well, you're about to find out. So, I guess, spoiler alert, two stars by Bill. Not Bill Murray, I don't think. I just realized that. Good time. My girlfriend got hit by a foul ball and management didn't seem to care. Usher's were great, but Bill Murray and management don't care.

End of review. So this person's probably tweeting at Bill Murray. It must be. I guess I got thrown by the first line being good times. Like literally as you could. I completely blanked about that my girlfriend got hit by a baseball went completely out of my head after oh my gosh i forgot they started it that way i had so much fun but bill murray just doesn't care i don't

care either i guess as as bill the reviewer don't care that my girlfriend got hit but neither does bill murray so there's a that joke or the story slash joke of someone who apparently met bill murray and bill murray said no one will ever believe yeah he does that apparently that's like a thing he does maybe maybe i don't i don't know if i believe it do you think he walked up to this guy and his girlfriend who just got black eye and was like i don't care yeah and then no one will ever believe i don't care and no one will believe you yeah because i don't believe this person that bill murray doesn't care which would be so frustrating if bill murray actually told this person said hey bill i know we're both bills but i don't care about you or your girlfriend i don't care i i don't care that you're having a

good time despite the fact that your girlfriend got a broken nose today so yeah I guess it wouldn't have made as much sense to you then if I didn't tell you in advance that Bill Murray owned this team yeah no that would have been hilarious

I don't know if it would have made it better or worse if you said Bill Murray doesn't care I would have thought I was talking to someone I was on stream actually yesterday. And I talked about how sometimes you'll read a review or you'll mention a place. And I say, oh, where is that again? Because I don't remember if you told me where it was. So I probably would have been like, huh?

There's probably a reason she said Bill Murray and I'm supposed to understand. So I'm going to go along with it assumed you knew so i think um it probably would have been really awkward i had no idea that's that is a fun fact fun fact i want to own a minor league baseball team i would love to maybe the portland pickles i do love pickles um uh also speaking of stream i did want to say this on on um i streamed yesterday and flanfo who's one of my favorite people and biggest supporters created a geoguessr if you don't know what geoguessr is go to geoguessr.com g-u-e-s-s-r.com it's like competitive google maps so you get dropped somewhere that's what sadberry what's also on the stream called it if only we went to

high school nowadays when there were activities like this that we would have actually enjoyed yeah you get dropped at a random point in the world and they're different game modes it's a pretty cool concept and then you have to try to find by going through google maps street view find out where you are and pinpoint it on a map and get points uh well flanfo made one for every single place that we mentioned on this podcast almost 2000 and of course my brain was like well i often don't mention the place because i don't want people finding the review and alexander was like well so she yeah well she went and found the reviews that you read and then matched them to the place and i was like wow she was like the

number of walmarts that i had to pick and yeah yeah, you just get dropped off at a random Walmart. And I didn't know what. Yeah, over almost 2000. I got dropped off at an old spaghetti factory in Glendale, California. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That was the one that took me like 30 seconds because I was like, I know where this is.

But and she said she's going to keep updating it. And I'll probably. Yeah, that's like 1900, Altseners said, locations. Yeah, over almost 2000. And she's going to continue to update it. So now these stadiums will be on there. I should find the most ridiculous and just try to make this as complicated as possible. Anyway, thank you, Flanpho.

That was amazing. Also, okay. I have another. Speaking of the hog pen, I'm using that same email from Monica that I used last week. But I'm going to be nicer to Monica. Monica, I'm sorry for last week. What did you do last week? I was like, I don't know who this is.

Who the fuck is Monica? Okay. But I'm not doing that this time. Okay. Because I'm trying to be nice. Here is a review that Monica sent in of Polar Park, which is where the Woo Sox play. The what? The Woo Sox.

What's that? It's the Red Sox, one of their minor league teams. The Wor? The Woo Sox. What's that? It's the Red Sox, one of their minor league teams. The Worcester Red Sox. It's cute. They play Polar Park, which is a new park where our cousin Bart works. Oh. That park. Yeah.

Oh my God. It's like a brand new stadium. I didn't know he worked there. Yep. Shout out to Bart. Bart. Yeah. He's doing big stuff there.

Like some sort of ballpark experience, like big thing. I don't know. He's, you know, successful stuff. Anyway, it's a beautiful looking park. I'd love to go there someday. But here's a review that Monica sent in. This is a three star review. Actually from Bart.

That's not true. This is from Mary mary three stars i'm sitting at the ballpark the gentleman in front of me is wasted watched him stumble to the area of the bathrooms needless to say he walked around in circles literally when he left he had a full glass of beer when he returned returned, he brought back another glass of beer. I can't believe a concessionaire would serve someone who can barely stand. Don't know if I will go to another game with the drinking issue. I was tempted to notify someone.

End of review. This poor person is so anxious. I can feel it from here. Also, barely stand excuse me he just proved to you he can walk in circles over and over and over again he was touching his nose at the same time he was actually breathing into a police officer's breathalyzer like i think he's doing a great job proving he can stand up yeah yeah also a concessionaire yes concession a-i-r-E. Wow. Like they actually,

I don't know if that's an actual thing, but yeah, from like 1855, like when baseball was invented. Um, wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Uh, and the thing is with this place though, and Monica said that that was like the worst review. All the reviews are apparently, it's pretty new park.

Apparently all the reviews were so positive that that was the worst one it was a three star so i mean if you're upset that someone's drunk which obviously at a stadium that can mean a lot of things but it doesn't sound like like was this person being disruptive besides walking and just walking in circles i think the main issue this person had was just that um they served someone who was already drunk oh but i mean to happen i think i think maybe mary just picked up on it a little better mary was watching very closely from what i can tell this person's actions like and also mary was tempted to notify someone like what what are you gonna you're gonna mark on this guy um excuse um um oh well it's not worth it bill murray doesn't even care he doesn't care poor bill murray um okay i have another view of the joseph p riley junior park home of the

charleston river dogs this is a two-star review by lou tonight was helen mcguckin night she gives a two-star view which said drove, probably didn't even go in to watch a game, and is treated like royalty. Completely ridiculous. I am currently serving 17 years active duty in the Navy and did my re-enlistment here, in which I had to pay to do it, and yet they still wouldn't let me throw out the first pitch.

I watched this lady get anything and everything, including throwing out the first pitch. Very classy river dogs. And now there's a response from owner. Oh my god. watch this lady get anything and everything including throwing out the first pitch very classy river dogs and now there's a response from owner oh my god here's the response we appreciate your service thanks for coming to the game end of review and but reading between the lines i read and you still can't throw out the first pitch yeah this is it just seems like this is what i don't want this person throwing up the first pitch at a game clearly with the entitlement this is ridiculous it's like well if they let everybody who deserved to throw a first pitch because it's just it's just not this is a person who like

comments on justin bieber youtube videos saying that this is bad music and he doesn't deserve anything in life because he isn't talented or something. I don't know. It just spreads negativity. What? Is this something you have personal experience with? I do that sometimes. That was so specific. I don't know why I thought of that.

Justin Bieber. I think of those people who are just gatekeeping music. It just reminds me of someone who just i bet you every time someone sings the national anthem at this place he's like well they were i served 17 years you know what i mean you're probably right like they probably do have a problem with everybody bieber didn't serve in the u.s military i don't care that he's canadian um i just like also that they wouldn't let me throw out the first pitch which means he's asked yeah it seems so awkward there's an effort made yeah so awkward um it's just super awkward that the owner responded like thank you so much bye it's like actually that it's giving giving me

an idea maybe i should just ask honestly you don't know until you Send out an email to every minor league baseball team in the country. Minor league? Why don't you start? I almost said the Bengals. They don't really have a first pitch. You could call the Reds. Anything that the Bengals do, like first kick or whatever, I would very much embarrass myself. Not that I can throw a baseball that well, but I feel like that would be easier than a football.

Football anything. Like the first tackle. I guess you could hold'd easier than a football yeah football anything like the first tackle i guess you could hold it for them hold the football yeah when they kick it um as long as i doesn't have to be like snapped into my hands if i can just put my finger on it yeah yeah yeah that's true that would require an extra step yeah i'd be i'd be kind of scared though i'd probably fuck it up somehow and get my hand broken anyway uh yeah i'll just email minor league baseball teams around the country and say hey who wants to have me um you i'm trying to think of what you could do but helen mcguckin didn't really try so i feel like trying is what doesn't work you know what i mean i feel like you have to not try

okay which is i don't want to that actually that's probably the best way to do it email bill murray's agent and be like i'm so not interested yeah i have zero interest in this okay i'm on it thank you um my next one is of uh where is this this is sorry i'm looking at the pictures. It's a UC Health Park. It's in Colorado Springs. The baseball team is called the Rocky Mountain Vibes. The mascot is a living s'more named Toasty. No. This is...

Talk about vibes. This was sent in by Erin. Holy shit. She, her, by the way. Thank you, Erin. Look at Toasty. Oh, my... Toasty's like Guy Fieri in s'mores form.

Toasty looks like a marshmallow Guy Fieri. Right. No kidding. That's exactly what he looks like. I'm in love with him. No, Toasty's fantastic. This is a five-star review. This place was so much better than I was expecting

when I found out that my mom's union was giving us free tickets to a game. It isn't as big as course field but it is really nice also whoever's was in the mascot costume was nice my mom was having a hard time on a step my hands were full and the mascot helped her up oh no very friendly and helpful the only issue was when people started a giant marshmallow fight i wish the stadium would have told people to stop sooner end of review and they took a picture of toasty posing here's what i feel toasty's great from afar if toasty if i was struggling up the stairs and toasty was like let me hoist you and

put his hands on my butt is what i'm imagining like let me let me help you up this step i feel like i'd be a little less into it i would be so into it you would be i know i would love toasty to help me up the steps scooch your butt up a little bit toasty um scooch my butt up that's what he said he put his hands on your butt and scooch you up scooch me toasty scooch me toasty scooch me toasty so yeah hopefully aaron i don't know if aaron went but um aaron hopefully you've had some good run-ins me toasty scooch me toasty so yeah hopefully aaron i don't know if aaron went but um aaron hopefully you've had some good run-ins with toasty i love toasty a run-in with toasty it sounds a marshmallow fight is yeah and also what happened where it

needed to end soon i know i'm a little bit upset that anybody had to end it it seems like it was a light-hearted uh i mean marshmallows marshmallows they're not like i mean unless they're stale which actually could be quite painful but we'll just like whizzing them they just like stick pebbles inside them um oh my god don't give anybody ideas don't get there any ideas here set them on a flame and then throw them oh true like toasty toasty's head like toasty to set toasty on fire push him down some stairs here toasty i'll help you right back oh dear god what you get for scooching me toasty okay oh my god this toasty fan fictitious rights itself i went too far i'm

so sorry okay um so the next thing i did was i looked up the florence y'alls yes which is my local minor league team i still have not been to a game but they did have open mine i mean like you're not wrong i guess it's funny i know you don't identify as a kentuckian no because i'm not why would i so it's my local team not ours okay oh can be ours would you like to be ours as well i don't i'll take the dayton dragons okay great so the y'alls um i just love their name so i went on their facebook page and instead of a review well it was a review it was like a recommendation you know how they have like recommended i've read those before so riley does not recommend the florence y'alls and i'm just

gonna read the exchange that occurred here on facebook i love it i love a good facebook exchange yeah they get really weird i'm excited really weird really buckle up everybody okay this is nothing like the time i don't want to get your hopes up this is nothing like the time that there was like a mime and a clown and um oh my god that was fun yeah was that the dark county fair that one got pretty out of hand which is next week or wait or when this is coming out this is we should go we should go okay riley does not recommend the florence y'alls i will never come here with them being named the y'all's terrible idea. And then.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. They don't like that. It's called the y'all's. Correct. And do you want to give the background for why it's called? Oh, yes.

It's called the y'all's because there is a water tower in Florence that says Florence y'all on it. And it's like a very famous thing around here. And so when you enter Florence, you see the big water tower. It says Florence y'all. And the mascot like a very famous thing around here. And so when you enter Florence, you see the big water tower. It says, Florence, y'all. And the mascot is a water tower. It's literally a water tower.

And so I think the y'alls is a fun name. What was the name before? Do you remember? Florence Freedom. That's right. I couldn't even remember it. The y'alls is so much more fun. Is that why they're annoyed?

Idiot. But she's like 20 years old. I'm like, it seems like a weird thing to be upset about. Welcome to Kentucky. I know. know okay so this is the response this is a response from bernice grow up it's just a name riley responds okay boomer that's why you're replying to something from months ago how about you grow up and get a hobby? Go knit something. He's response. I don't even knit. Good one.

Oh, no. I'm on your side, but please stop. I don't even knit. Think of something else while you're so full of hate. And then Riley responded. The only one full of hate is you, granny. What? So mean. of hate and then riley responded the only one full of hate is you granny what so mean i think they're both kind of just i mean i mean they're both ridiculous it's ridiculous the only one full of hate is you granny otherwise you wouldn't have made your rude comment uh and then bernice response again childish stop the nonsense don't go watch the

guys work towards something don't go watch a good honest bunch of young men have fun doing something they love after all it's just a name who cares and then riley responds okay grandma lmao and then uh clint responded to the not to this but separately to the exchange um Clint responded to the, not to this, but separately to the exchange, lighten up princess. And then Riley wrote, imagine people still being bothered by something. I said over a year ago, LMAO. So I figure, you know, this occurred. Who does that though?

I mean, this original post was from two years ago or not from a year ago. And the comments were all from about like a couple months ago. So I figured, why this alive while it's upsetting riley comment no no oh i just meant bringing it back up oh i was like oh you're keeping it alive by commenting no dear god okay i wasn't about to bring myself into this i'm glad you brought this to the table but i figured um we needed a fun little facebook exchange go knit knit something, Bernice. Because on the one hand, it's true. It's just a name. But then also, I don't know.

Let them be obnoxious. Yeah, Bernice also posted another post on the page that was so inspirational to see these young men work towards something. It was very odd i i find that whole that got a little extra for me maybe like if her grandson is on the team or something yeah maybe maybe this maybe it's just like a big crush thing really like like a like i don't know i feel like that's something you'd see under some k-pop youtube video so inspiring everyone's defending this you're pursuing your dreams yeah like how

dare like when someone says i think it's not even that negative of a comment it was just they didn't like the name they don't want to support whatever i think it's stupid sure it's a stupid take but whatever let them do that and why are you like attacking them for that just just let them be stupid i mean i i i feel like once i feel like i don't knit i don't even knit is really just like if you're not ready to play big leagues on facebook like it's just not worth participating that's it's not the big leagues it's minor league team that's right i'm sorry the minor leagues um sorry bernice i'm sorry bernice yeah bernice struggled there you tried yeah i wish you didn't try though like i wish it were someone else and it's like we didn't send our best kind of thing yeah you know everybody was out injured and bernice was the only one

available to kind of step in and also that other that that guy who's called called called her princess like that's also not our best you know clint and also that was like weeks ago so really he did go scroll through and find an old review much like i do yes but you wouldn't respond only publicly like this yes yes you'd respond to thousands of people exactly exactly um i hide behind my audience when i respond to people true so true okay my next one is from erica who's brought reviews of uh the cool ray field in lawrenceville georgia which hosts the gwynette strip Stripers. Not strippers. Erica sometimes thinks it's strippers, which is very fair.

So it's like 40 miles from Atlanta. And so it's an Atlanta minor league team. And here is a review. This is a one-star review. This is by Coach. All-American game, but they don't sell corn dogs nice field but the screw you on prices end of review all caps obviously but the screw you on corn dogs is too much to bear i was hoping yeah when i first was reading it i was like please bring up the corn dogs again but that's probably what it is so it's like i think if they had a corn dog probably the pricing

wouldn't have even mattered true you know what i mean true he just felt like he needed a second bullet point that's a fair point to his thesis statement it's i love how it's in direct response to them to saying it's an all all american game and then saying but they don't have corn dogs the most american is that the most american food somebody commented the same thing on a different stadium saying but they don't have cracker jacks which i was like at least that's in the song yes at least that's a thing you associate with baseball um yeah i feel like corn dogs is a very specific word like hot dogs is like okay yeah you expect like oh dogs is like, okay, yeah, you expect a hot dog. If they didn't have hot dogs, I'd be like, that is weird for a stadium.

Yeah. But corn dogs is like pretty specific. Yeah. Maybe, maybe that's just me. But no, I'm with you. I mean, I'm with you. I kind of really want a vegan corn dog. The screw you on corn dogs.

Sounds so good right now. A vegan corn dog. I don't think I've had one of those yet i mean they deep fry it i feel like that's definitely bound to be fine what do you mean it's fine like you deep fry anything so you know then it tastes fine in my opinion oh yeah yeah no i that's the thing is with hot dogs i eat vegan hot dogs all the time they are i processed whatever but at least they're not like whatever the hell's in an actual hot dog yeah you never know with the vegan corn dog yeah it's fried it's not healthy i'm not sitting here saying it's a health food but yeah that's gonna be that would be delicious i would

eat that oh in case you're wondering okay maybe the dark county fair has them oh vegan corn dogs yeah doubtful um okay maddie emailed and said please enjoy some reviews of arkansas's very own minor league baseball park dickie stevens field the home of the arkansas travelers oh so that's not very exciting i'm sorry that was mean another it's better than freedom yeah which is why they changed freedom okay which is no longer the name um so lisa does not recommend the arkansas travelers oh this is her comment on facebook so the last two times the mc came on the speakers was for last call for alcohol at faith and family night wow end of review what the hell there must be something where people just assume

corndogs and jesus are the two main proponents components of a minor league game because it just seems like you leave those out and now what could you imagine going like you and me or someone going to a florence y'all's game and then you get there and they say welcome to family and faith night oh lord they give me a bobble head and I'm like wow this baseball player looks a lot like Jesus and they're like no that's Jesus that's Jonathan India on the Cincinnati Reds he looks a lot like Jesus very inside joke that I don't even get that's okay that's some inside baseball you're playing over there yeah thank you get it kind of inside not really just read it i don't think that's a thing okay i'm not gonna fight you on it okay good

you shouldn't um okay so now on to my own research i've moved on from everyone uh this one is of the louisville slugger stadium oh yeah i assume that's where the louisville bats play it is that's where the reds minor league i didn't write that down but uh here is uh review one star review by barry did you know it took me a really long time to understand that it was bats the animal oh instead of the baseball bat oh louisville slugger words oh my i know it took me a while to figure that out i guess it took you a while it took me until this moment yeah like i know louisville slugger is like the bats right they make like the actual baseball bats at least blaze bought a hat and it had like a bat on it like the animal yeah well i

knew that the louisville bats were bats like the animal yeah well i knew that the little bats were bats like the animal oh right but i never made the double entendre like you just thought they were because they were close to mammoth cave or something i don't know portland pickles because they're close to pickles i don't know like it's minor league baseball teams dayton dragons because they're close to comic-con that's not right no uh mayfair what renaissance fair festivals i don't know i know it's just it's not exactly so close to dark county fair where they have the uh dragon ride that we used to go on i'm just saying i'm proud of myself for figuring it out before you did um thank you no i am and thank you for bringing it to my attention also side note everyone do you know about those dragon rides that they have at

i knew he wasn't gonna let this go no no because i just saw one i was in long island wait really yeah i saw it was drove by a festival and i was right it's like a little roller coaster yeah it's like a an oval and it goes up and down a little bit and it is shaped like a dragon and you ride in the dragon and it was our favorite thing to do at the dark county fair and we called it the dragon ride and then it turns and we're like oh that's at the dark county fair then you go to any other fair in the world and they have the same exact ride they copied it from the dark from the dark county fair in ohio yeah that's ridiculous anyway y'all know about that i hope i unlocked something in some of your memories anyway here's barry's review uh one star of louisville slugger stadium or arena or field i don't know what it's called because i didn't write that part down

lucy is full of poop emoji end of review who's that i don't know maybe it's lucy the bat i was gonna say it better not be toasty's cousin toasty's cousin the bat lucy the bat could you imagine like that's part of the lore is that like they're all all the mascots are related but they're all cousins they're all cousins nobody knows who how where did it start their parents have so many siblings oh dear god because none of them are siblings they're all cousins they're all cousins so who started are the parents the major league baseball like uh well are there 60 of them i don't know no but how many minor league teams are there oh fuck time more than there are major leagues many more so like each one has at least three connected to them and then they're also wood league team there are so many

different layers here so yeah but so the reds have four mascots they have gapper who is apparently a dog i just found out recently i didn't know that gap that's its name right um the weird funny looking one and then there's uh mr red legs mr red and rosie red right they go on that's four yeah they were yeah they yeah they race and then uh yeah so that's four so each major league team those four looks like i don't know i don't know why you're trying to explain we're trying to figure out the family tree i don't want baseball masc't know why you're trying to explain we're trying to figure out the family tree i don't want baseball mascots in the united states of america we don't even know that lucy canada too the blue jays they don't count okay the distant cousins there's just the second cousins removed four times so none of them are second cousins except for the canadian ones got

it um okay someone write this down flanfo get to work i know you did that whole uh your your next next task is to figure out this family tree it's just gonna be a one level tree because they're all cousins yeah but we need to know it's just gonna be like a really long row of all the mascots but we need to know how they connect still like up above them a family tree that fell over and is now just on the ground you know what i mean just like a horizontal that's how i feel about our family oh our family tree or fallen tree yeah let's not even go there lumber okay this is an email from taryn it's about the Madison Mallards, which I really enjoy. Wisconsin? Yes.

I believe so. I sure hope so. Let's see. This is a one-star review by Rita. The title is on TripAdvisor, so there's a title. The title is, Get Me Away From This Ball Game.

Clever. Here's a review. Terrible. If you could sum it up in one word that would be it visiting the duck blind area of the ballpark i was greeted by drunkards that have been boozing it up for at least an hour oh my god i've never had that i don't know i couldn't i've never drank for that for that long for that long can you imagine I said a timer with half for 55 minutes that's your limit they have been boozing it up for at least an hour with half an hour before the game started I arrived at 6 30 and the game started at 7 after weaving my way through the already beyond crowded area to the concessions, I was treated to an obviously boiled burger on a stale bun.

Yum. While I was waiting for my food at the window, I got a behind-the-scenes look of the kitchen, and it was chaos. A bunch of teenagers running around, stuff laying everywhere. Even the goddess Eris would be ashamed. And now there's... The what? There's an asterisk and a footnote at the end no i'm not kidding i hate this person i'm sorry to you but i hate you it's an asterisk next to eris how do you spell that

e-r-i-s okay and then you scroll down to the bottom and it says asterisk, Greek goddess of chaos. So does that clear things up for you? Unfortunately, it does. Unfortunately. Even the goddess Eris would be ashamed. And as far as I could tell, the supervisors were doing a swell job of nothing. That was the first time. The second time, I got a regular seat in the stadium as I could not see anything in the duck blind.

And well, let's be honest, it wasn't better off. Now, I enjoy baseball, and I believe there should be a certain criteria for the atmosphere and entertainment, and this was more oriented toward the kids. Healthy snack race? Dizzy bat race? Some guy standing in a box while he tries to pluck money from the air? I could find that on YouTube, should I wish to? Both instances, I went to the game alone. I felt embarrassed. Screw the Cracker Jacks. I'm going home.

End of review. Okay, this person has never left their place before these two moments. I'm convinced. They've only been on YouSpace too. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you can see that that on youtube but is that your level of entertainment where i'd rather watch this and someone film can you imagine you just stay at home on saturday night and watch healthy snack race on youtube of like strangers participating in a healthy snack

race that's like saying you go to a baseball game and say i could watch this on tv it's like no shit yeah that's the point and to say that oh my god they started drinking 30 minutes before the game yeah have you never this is also madison wisconsin presumably yes it is which is not a small city it's not beer city by the way this is yeah this isn't arkansas with faith and family night and family night no it was not clarified that it was Faith and Family Night. If that happened at Faith and Family Night, I'd give a little bit more leeway to this reviewer. No, because they're talking about Eris, the goddess of chaos.

That is not anything Christian that I've ever heard of. Oh, you're so right. Over the line. Oh my gosh. This person's a heathen. A heathen. Not welcome at Faith and Family Night. Yeah.

I do love the asterisk that you have to scroll all the way to the end yeah to clarify i think bacchus would be not pleased with this person asterisk alexander's trying to show that he knows something about mythology congratulations yeah you're in the leagues of this person i hope you feel good um yeah also both instances i went to the games alone i felt embarrassed it's like because you were there alone for you too i as someone who would love to go to a game i'm i was just went to out to lunch and took my treating myself to lunch today alone i like doing things alone and then you showed up cinder and i we went together i almost did and then the place was closed so i called you and was like you want to go this place i almost went alone is not

anything but okay i would have gone alone if they weren't closed forgot they're closed today anyway um yeah i don't know i love going to the movies alone stuff like that's fine but i don't know i'm like this person is just i don't know making I'm like, this person is just, I don't know, making people, loners like me feel bad about it. Sorry. That's okay. I'm just feeling some things. Okay.

This is a review of the day air something. Day air state. I don't know. This isn't Dayton. This is a Dayton Dragons. Concessionaire. Concessionaire. New good word. Oh, asteriskisk put an asterisk on that explain what

it is uh this is a one star review by marie i'm sorry read it one star i'm trying i am a 50 year old female and i was accosted by a man who had come from the party deck for the t-shirt toss. I caught it and he grabbed it from me, pushed me down and wrestled it away from me. He did this with no remorse or regard for me or my children. Where were the security? End of review.

I'm sorry. It's cold, dead eyes. Apparently this man pushed her to the ground and wrestled a t-shirt away from her which i i feel like i've seen a lot of highlights of things going on in state that seems seems like something that would have been addressed if it actually happened that way but this is this that would be enough for you to get him in big legal trouble if this man actually big league big league oh yeah minor legal trouble yeah minor legal trouble but if he pushed you to the ground yeah i i'm not saying it didn't happen it's hard to say i don't believe you but it's also like really are you sure

it happened that way because i feel like if somebody literally shoved you to the ground ripped something out of your hands and you just laid there like i don't know i honestly if that happened to mom i'd laugh you're you'd probably do it you'd be the one wrestling the shirt out of her hands um no i think this is something that maybe toasty would be part of but i don't know that this would happen maybe it was toasty toasty but at least he's smooshy because he's a marshmallow i saw him he's pretty ripped i like that's a that's a i i i hesitate to say stale because i i that's kind of rude but like that's how hard his body is he also wears sunglass

like wraparound sunglasses and i feel like honestly if you can't like i feel like she was i can tell from her tone that she was able to see the the dead eye like the lack of remorse so it couldn't have been toasty i don't think it was toast i don't might have been casual toasty toasty might have just you know hopped on over to dayton for casual friday casual friday took off the sunglasses because it was a night game yeah yeah and just wrestled someone to the floor yeah i guess toasty has a dark side sometimes casual toasty nobody wants to deal with he's been drinking for a half hour and you know what happens you know what would be a dream of mine what is if the person who plays toasty listens to our podcast i would and would email us because i want i want to toast i want to squeeze toast i'm like how am i gonna phrase this in a way that seems less weird i want to squeeze toasty toasty looks so huggable

and and a pal i want to have a beer with toasty here's the thing and say like see a toasty i know you all can't see him right now. He has no remorse in his eyes. I'm looking at him and there's not one ounce, not a single ounce of remorse in his eyes. And it's scary. So maybe I do believe this woman. Yeah. Oh, I would have shoved this woman for sure.

Not even for a t-shirt. Just for fun. I would just shove her, stand over her. Also, I like that she's like, where's your God now? god nobody has respect for me or where's your goddess because it's faith and family night no one has respect for me or my children it's like what no no it was no remorse he had no he did it with no remorse or regard for me or my children oh no regard okay it's like yeah when i shoved that lady to the ground i didn't have any regard for me or my children. Oh, no regard. Okay. It's like, yeah, when I shoved that lady to the ground, I didn't have any regard for her children. Yeah, it's just such a weird way to say it.

Also, like, what if he did it and then he was, like, so remorseful? You know, that would have been pretty wild, too. Which is the position I'd be in if I accidentally shoved a woman to the ground for a t-shirt. Accidentally. Shoved anyone to the ground for a t-shirt, except maybe, like, a bratty kid. Except Toasty. Toasty. Toasty I'd shove to the ground for a t-shirt accidentally shoved anyone to the ground for a t-shirt except maybe like a bratty kid except toasty toasty toasty i'd shove to the ground i mean i don't know what for a good squeeze for good sorry that sounds no we're not gonna go there okay uh anyway toasty my dms are open slide on in slide on in. Slide on in. This is an email from Nicole, and Nicole sent in a review of the Albuquerque Isotopes, which one of my favorite minor league names of all time.

That's good. It's like a Simpsons reference. Oh, is it? I don't know. It reminds me of Breaking Bad because of like new mexico and chemistry i don't know that's just what my head went new mexico and chemistry what more do you need to know the springfield isotopes oh that's from that is from the simpsons yeah okay and that's funny albuquerque isotopes that is funny so this is a review by harley one star i used to like the

isotopes but they switch from coca-cola products to pepsi products and now they're wondering why attendance is down they deserve to fail or perhaps a better owner will buy the team and move them again smiley face emoji. Jesus Christ. And it's one of the smileys that doesn't really have much emotion. It just has like a slight uproar. Oh, I can picture it. It's very scary in context.

They deserve to fail. And then like a smiley face. I mean, it's really jarring. The only way this would make sense is if it were an atlanta based where it where it mattered yeah where that's actually something that's part of the community and culture you're like rejecting the culture this is albuquerque which i i don't know i imagine every other place has a different option um saying they deserve to fail is a really dramatic thing to say about i I mean, listen, I know people care a lot about Coca-Cola versus Pepsi. I don't think most people care that much, but correct me if I'm wrong.

I don't know. Most people, I'd probably agree with you. Yeah, most people don't. Because, I mean, even at the Bengals, they have Gold Star instead of Skyline. Yeah, because Reds have Skyline, Bengals have Gold Star. Yeah, and like that thing i can understand being like hey now but even that isn't worthy and it makes sense because why would skyline sponsor but i don't know it just i i yeah and i think i don't know what the reds have but bangles i think

have pepsi products and i wouldn't be surprised if the Reds have cold products or something. I've never paid freaking attention. I don't know. Exactly. Yeah. It's stupid. It's stupid. Thank you. People are dramatic, believe it or not. Okay. This next one is of Parkview Field in Fort Wayne, Indiana. This is the minor league team for the Padres. What's their name, though?

I don't know. Fort Wayne. Fort Wayne Friars? like uh monks that's fun i just made that up i know but i want that to be it now the name tin caps was chosen following the 2008 season alluding to john chapman better known as johnny apple seed right tin cap refers to a fictionalized depiction of john chapman wearing a cooking pot as a hat in the 1948 walt disney movie johnny appleseed though this depiction has been disputed by historians so historians are like everyone johnny apples he did not wear a cooking pot as a hat and disney was like i don't care well yeah but marshmallows don't wear wraparound sunglasses

it doesn't mean it's not a good mascot wait johnny apple seed spent his final years in fort wayne and is buried in the city okay i was like there has to be some i didn't know that remember when logan would always tell us that he was related to johnny apple i wouldn't be surprised johnny apples he got around he spread his seed everywhere it that was his what he was known for right to indiana all the way from indiana to cincinnati ohio wow um all right so we're at the the fort wayne tin caps yeah that's our view field in fort wayne okay this is a review by chris one star man wearing hat on field working on the field was very rude and verbally kicked out our group looking for a geocache end of review we were lifting home plate up to see what was down there.

We weren't supposed to be there, but... We just squeezed past the usher. Is that what it's called? The usher? No, not the usher. The umpire. Oh, when the game's going on. Yeah, I was like, that's the wrong word.

I squeezed past the umpire just to check for that geocache underneath home plate. Like, what are you doing? Sit down. like that's the wrong word uh i squeezed past the umpire just to check for that geocache underneath home plate like what are you doing sit down i feel like geocache it's something i've done actually with logan and nick um in la and it was lots of fun and it brought me to an area that i'd never been to it was pretty cool the concept indiana yeah we went from la to fort wayne yeah just just for a geocache and then i went back um so yeah but i i could see a lot of people who do it using it as an excuse to be places where they're not supposed to be yeah to be fair someone put it there first right someone got there before them to be fair i went on someone's property recently and trespassed

in order to see a lighthouse but that was for my lighthouse passport that's different that's very different i got a picture that's different it's like on their beach i also saw at the same time saw the lighthouse where uh zach baggins spent the night uh oh uh in ghost adventures he's been known execution rocks oh my god yeah yeah he would stay there um anyway where were we i don't remember he got verbally kicked out verbally kicked out yes verbally kicked out and i love i was like man wearing a hat on field wow a man wearing a hat on a baseball field that narrows it down quite a bit. Well, he meant a tin cap. Oh, it was a tin cap. To be clear, he meant a tin cap.

It was the ghost of Johnny Appleseed. He's actually their main bouncer. He's their main security. Like, the guy's working, and they're there probably in the stadium when it's completely empty. It's probably the freaking mascot again, like in a tin cap. He's probably like, please leave us alone it looked like a giant apple for some reason that part i didn't specify but it was a guy in a hat i can't i can't um stop it don't trespass okay well i'm excited now because as i mentioned to

you earlier today i have a review from flanfo. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot you were going to do that. Yeah. So this is a review of Chaney Stadium, the home of the Tacoma Rainiers. Okay. So. Rainier, they probably have the beer. They do. And actually, I think that Flanfo said that's what it was named after rather than the mountain.

It's named after the beer. Oh, interesting. I think so, because it's like a really local brand is there a mascot i've had a lot of rainier in my life wait really yeah oh i used to go to portland like weekly i mean i didn't even know that was a thing a bunch of rainier at the the alleyway it was named for and owned by the rainier beer company And the beer company is obviously named after the mountain. Yeah. Huh, funny. So, two stars by Brad. Actually, wait.

No. I'm going to keep the name. I know. Sit down, everybody. Clutch your pearls. This is a two-star review by Sunny. Their seats tend to let sunlight in, which could be a big problem depending on where you sit. No outside food, what a bum. The Rainer does play good, they play with

their heart. If the seats are not occupied, you can't sit because the security guys will come down to you and ask for tickets. One starts off because too much sunlight into stadium. Two stars off because no outside food. Third star off because their parking lot is unorganized. Two stars for the player Rainer who put their heart into the game. End of review. Sunny. Sunny. Your name.

Either change your name or change your fucking attitude. Two stars. One star off. Too much sunlight into stadium that's not how stars work i'm sorry everybody but that's not how stars work you don't take a star off for every individual issue you have and then only give it back based on the heart i give every location five strikes and sunlight is one of them i guess the stadium lets sunlight in which could be a big problem what do you mean it could be a big problem for what i don't know i don't get it for you sunny

i can't imagine why there are major league baseball stadiums have this it's not like they're i don't know that that's a thing of you sit in certain places, you know how the sun's going to be. But guess what? The sun changes as the seasons change. You're in Washington. It should be raining. Like be happy it's sunny out. True.

Oh, yeah. Be happy. Sunny. Be sunny, dare I say. Take a hint. Also. What's the hint? Look at your birth certificate.

I don't know. Also, they definitely fell asleep on the keyboard because it says no outside food what a bum and then just a bunch of amps woke up they fell asleep for a minute sunlight got into the window the sunlight gave them heat stroke i don't know uh yep that's totally what happened i don't know i don't know uh so that's that anyway thank you flanfo thank you flanfo for everything okay my next one is a two-star review by darwin of the same stadium in fort wayne the uh parkview field they don't respect the second amendment of the constitution end of review i can't imagine what this could be about oh no don't threaten me with a good time um we were just talking about how uh second amendment oh my god he was not talking about guns he's talking about a well-regulated militia sorry i got confused i thought maybe it

was about bringing a weapon into the stadium but um it was about having access to a well-regulated militia yeah yeah well the only reason why is because johnny appleseed was such a pacifist yeah he's actually a socialist yeah yeah that's why he only had that tin cap. Are there other stadiums that allow weapons? I can't imagine that any of these private stadiums would allow guns, but I'm just kind of shocked that that is something to write a review about. I mean, we've seen it before. Other types of locations. Cowboys stadium.

Allow guns. Okay. Well, allow guns um okay well uh at&t stadium and houston's reliant stadium are exempt from the policy uh okay i guess oh officers are allowed to carry guns that's it but that doesn't make me feel any safer yeah um so i don't think that the average layman is allowed to bring a shotgun into a stadium that's just that's for what i gather um which i agree with that i think that should be if you want to bring your militia along oh we'll see jury's out's out. Let me know. You probably have to buy a ticket for every single person. Could you imagine? You skirt the ticket policies by, like, no, we're a single militia.

So we should only, based on the Second Amendment, we should be allowed into baseball stadiums. It's a singular word. It's not plural. Also, it's like that person who said their mom's union got them tickets. Yeah. My mom's militia. So let's see. This is an email from Kristen Sheher and it is of the Somerset Patriots baseball stadium in Bridgewater, New Jersey.

And this is one where I saw it and read the first sentence and downloaded it before I even, I just downloaded it, put it in my document and was like, I'll read this later because I already knew it was a winner and you'll see why. This is a one-star review by Gary. I went to the stadium specifically to meet Kelsey Grammer. Oh my God. Oh no. I couldn't even finish. I'm so nervous. Don't meet, never meet your heroes.

Don't meet your heroes, man. This is, Gary is example A. Oh no. I went to the stadium specifically to meet Kelsey Grammer, the actor who played Frasier Crane

on both Cheers and Frasier. No one had any idea what was going on. No one had any idea about autographs, pictures, or how much time you had with Mr. Grammer. What Gary did mention was Kelsey was in the other car, so he was actually going to confront Kelsey Grammer. I thought you were going to say he got wrestled to the ground for his t-shirt or whatever. Oh, God. Well, I'm excited. At another baseball stadium.

I was still expecting that to happen here. Toasty wrestled me to the ground. That's why I'm on crutches. Toasty's put plenty of people in crutches. I know it. Plenty of people in the ICU. Okay. The line was already 30 people deep by the time they opened the gates to the public.

I waited and finally hobbled my way to the front. I politely asked Mr. Grammer for an autograph on a baseball, and the stadium staff in an extremely rude, nasty voice, said, No, let's go. Off the line. This guy was so close to physically putting his hands on me to get me out of the way, I told him that I was on crutches and only had use of one leg. He couldn't have cared less. The stadium staff handling this event were extremely rude, nasty, and totally heartless. staff handling this event were extremely rude, nasty, and totally heartless. But then the worst part was the staff was bringing Mr. Grammar baseballs for him to autograph for only a certain

lucky few. And I'm sure it was for those who knew the stadium staff. A big fan, severely injured like myself, couldn't get a quick autograph. Again, the stadium staff was rude, nasty, and extremely heartless. They seriously need to be trained on customer service, empathy, and their manners. Shame on you all who work this event. Pathetic handling of the entire thing. End of review. Oh my god. I love how it was like they almost put their hands on me like, I'm not touching you.

I'm not touching you. It's like when people start yelling like, don't touch me. And they're like, I'm not touching you. Like, what are you talking about? It's another one of those things where there are two states of being either they are touching you or they are touching you it's hard to say they're almost i mean okay if they're literally hovering okay fine but i don't know that seems unlikely but what do i know um also i do like the kind of worked in attempt at getting pity but like i hobbled my way they

they they are really good at making themselves seem so pathetic yeah i'm serious i was like when they said hobbled i thought wow yeah they are going through it right now in the heat on crutches i've been in a head-on collision with multiple lacerations on my left ankle head-on collision with multiple lacerations on my left ankle okay um that is very specific yeah it's sort of like cuts i guess but whatever uh okay but there's a response from owner oh yeah because i well because i was thinking i wanted a response because of that point of oh yeah the staff yeah as if this as if the staff gets special treatment by fraser yeah true and the staff is like oh my god oh my god oh my god all my friends love fraser okay hold on my all my buddies are huge kelsey grammar fans that's a really good way to get get all these sneak them

in here for some special autographs it's literally it Kelsey Kramer. I didn't even think of that. Okay, well, here's a response from the owner. That sounds extremely frustrating, and we are sad to hear this. Know that your message has been sent to our operations staff so they can address it. We did push out a press release and information on our website about Kelsey's appearance, and that he would only be pouring beer and throwing out a first pitch, but nothing further. It sounds that you were one of the fortunate ones that were able to see him as we had to cut the line due to his time constraints thank you for making the trip out to the ballpark and hope you're able to find comfort in that you were able to greet him and hopefully get a beer from him and a response so this person can say they saw kelsey meant kelsey kramer when not everyone

could yeah but also no that didn't really answer the question about the autographs. I kind of thought it did. And then I reread it and was like, maybe it doesn't. I'm curious if maybe. So it says that he would, he wasn't doing autographs. Yeah. But I guess. Maybe they were children.

Maybe some people. I don't know. And not, not pathetic losers on crutches. My roommate, who's a huge kelsey grammar fan wanted 15 baseballs with kelsey grammar's name on them that's the only explanation that is that yep yep that's it i feel sad i don't i don't want him to feel like he had his life ruined because he tried to meet his hero kelsey grammar what's nice is this person isn't blaming kelsey grammar here that's true it's not kelsey grammar's fault that's true

so like at least it didn't ruin that's true their their appreciation their social relationship that's a good point yeah yeah so i do feel better and it just ruined their experience with these staff members so who could not care less about him but believe it or not i don't think kelsey grammar really cares about this man neither does bill murray it's like oh my god it's true it's kind of sad and you're just that person who hit hit him with their car that's right yikes toasty you mean i think toasty's responsible for some terrible things look at his sunglasses you don't wear wraparound sunglasses to a night game unless you have something you're trying to hide war crimes war crimes against humanity speaking of war crimes i have a review of the hickory

crawdads good segue it's a minor league team in hickory north carolina um part of the texas rangers organization they play at lp franz stadium okay which is the lamest stadium name ever um but the hickory craw dads their logo is pretty cool i like the hickory craw dad yeah it's no it's pretty cool what is that it's a craw dad it's like sticking its head out of the water oh that's fun and it's it looks very intense and it's holding a baseball oh no it's gonna it's gonna snip snip you careful yeah um mascots are all extremely violent i like this one there's one of just the face oh he's cute it looks like something from like freddy fish he's cutie pie um yeah so anyway here's what sherald has to say about the stadium three stars my husband wanted him a hickory hat before we headed back to florida

and the gentleman that sold it to us was very pleasant end of review wait what was that a one star it was a three star three star i don't know it seemed like such a great experience yeah wait yeah they wanted a hickory hat i thought it was kind of cute that throws me because if it were a one star i would i would confidently say what i was just mad that it was kind of cute that throws me because if it were a one star i would i would confidently say what i was just mad that it was three stars well yeah if it were a one star i would confidently say oh they made a mistake picking it but three stars seems very deliberate yeah like they're like i know what i'm doing i'm putting it right in the middle yeah three stars he was nice but not nice enough yeah i, I don't understand. Sad. So, yeah.

I'm glad he got him a Hickory Crawdad shirt or whatever. A Hickory hat. Hickory hat. I would love a Hickory. I would love me a Hickory hat. Our P.O. box. Before I go back to Florida. Is something, something, something Newport, Kentucky?

That's correct. Cool. They'll find us. Yeah, just put our names on it or our podcast name and then newport kentucky total joke but like they might actually they might i'll say the post office not sure no maybe not uh okay so my challenge which was just the weirdest one i think maybe we've ever done was sent it by rodney and it was to find people spelling pigeon wrong because why not because why not because you had that one review the pig oin and there were two there were two yeah pig oin and uh oh i'm trying to remember the other one it was again p-i-g-i-n

or something pigeon pigeon pig in pig in yeah that might be right um they all blur together now because i've read so many quote-unquote spellings of the word pigeon uh so i got some in an email and then i found some myself so this one was emailed by courtney she her and it's of get this a better day pigeon control it's in the name and you're still spelling it wrong and this is their yelp page pigeon control i don't like the name of that that's not a militia i would sign up for no it's not um so five stars it's covered by the second amendment though so watch yourself god okay pigeon militia is covered by the second amendment is there is what's the amendment of uh you don't have to let um so it's like but it said it's you don't have to let

pigeons into your home probably like you have to house soldiers you don't that's something you don't have to have soldiers or maybe it's the i don't know i'm like oh i guess you have to come in because it's the constitution like i don't know clearly i don't know my constitution very well but that's why we're writing that children's book thank you to everyone who sent in for the kickstarter we're using your many millions of dollars to work writing that children's book. Thank you to everyone who sent in for the Kickstarter. We're using your many millions of dollars to work on. Our children's book about the Constitution. Okay. This is a review of A Better Day Pigeon Control.

And this is a review by Travis Five Stars. Nothing upset me more than floating around my pool and watching the Pigions climb under my solar panels. And have a party. it does not say that okay p-i-g-i-o-n pigion pigion um i'm excited for the way you're gonna pronounce these i've practiced actually because like pigion um is how i say it then somebody emailed in and said like they thought of like like, Pigion. Pigion, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I'm...

I like Pigions. I like Pigion. It's easier to say. It also sounds classical. Like, classical. Like, some Greek... Pigion. Some Pythagoras and Pigion created math.

Oh, my God. It's like... We're historians today. Wow. It's like, Pythagoras and Pigion. Okay. Nothing upset me more than floating around in my pool and watching the piggy ons climb under my solar panels and have a party so happy that i

hired better day piggy on control their work is very professional and they work quickly and efficiently to resolve my piggy on issue twice three down that's been three oh can't wait till this summer to sit in my pool and watch those piggy ons fly past my house no more party for you flying rats okay i was i was very confused about their feelings for piggy ons after because it started out very positive and i was like oh this sounds cute no nothing upset me more than watching the Pigions have a party. I don't know why, but I did not hear it as a negative. You were like, yeah, that sounds awesome. I did not understand. Why did I mishear that?

Probably because it's a five-star view and they were so happy that Pigion control came in. I don't know what I'm thinking. I totally thought that was a positive feeling about Pigions. No, no, no. They're so happy that these Pigions can't party anymore. I'm nervous about what that means what that meant that they did um they work quickly and efficiently yes exactly it doesn't sound good uh so there's a response um and i first of all that was about eight lines of a review like a paragraph and had the word piggy on four times always with a capital p which makes me think after the second time siri was like okay this is the word you want

to use this is an intent this is this is an intentional choice yeah this is a proper proper noun for somebody you know right justin i mean travis whatever your name is this is an old mackleroy crew or something his name is justin t so i made up like a t name i already forget what it was but his name is actually just yeah you're right that did i was like why does it sound so familiar christine okay well this is a comment by todd w of a better day pigeon control Todd W. of A Better Day Pigeon Control. Pigeon Control, by the way. Not to be confused with Pigion. Pigion Control. Hello, Justin.

We are happy we could come out and clean the mess up and make your home nice again. Efficiently and quickly. Yeah, right? That makes it sound so dark. It will be nice to enjoy your pool without pigeons. We appreciate your business. Have a better day. End of response so

i do like that todd very intentionally used the word pigeon like four times to counteract the misspellings that's how i do it too someone who spells something i'm just gonna say it aggressively spell it correctly in a way that says hey look you're wrong but i don't want to tell you you're wrong and i want you to figure it out. And I want you to figure it out yourself. Wow, that's the most passive thing. Because it's less confrontational. So that was Travis, Justin, Todd, whoever, interaction. That's not the third Mackle. Oh.

It's the fourth. Could you imagine if it actually was? That would have been on me. Okay, so this is an email from sam um who actually was the one who suggested it was pig ion pig ion um and this is a glass door review of volvo the car company what i know like what it's like to work at volvo is what this review is about yeah okay so i'm just gonna read part of it it's a two-star review by a former employee of more than three years and this section is called advice to management the hard workers get more workload rotated around

and trash dumped on them with very little raises or bonuses tenured people barely performs because they are piggy on hold in their current job oh my god um and pigeonholed but spelled p-i-g-i-o-n-h-o-l-d so wrong on both double wrong um maybe it's your spelling errors that keep you from advancing i kind of hope not because well it depends on what part of yeah yeah that's fair your entire job is to write out print advertisements could be a problem but uh yeah so that was Piggy on Hold. Piggy on Hold. That's so good.

That's good. Now, I think we're approaching a new spelling here. Yep. This is an email from V, and it is a review of the Flying Bird Pigeon Simulator. It's an app. Okay. Where do I get this? On my phone? So, I'm going to show you show you the icon oh are those pigeons kissing

is that a tomato in the corner no it's a um a uh an ornament a christmas that makes more sense yeah and the pigeons are romantically involved underneath a christmas tree so i don't know what i mean i think that speaks for itself no i'm gonna let it speak for itself now it's a free app it offers in-app purchases and the reviews it's gotten 279 reviews and average rating of 2.5 out of 5 stars so oh no not great Oh, no. Yeesh. Not great. And now this is a one-star review by Chance. And the title is Nothing. Okay. When I started playing it, it was fun. But after five mins, I hated it.

And it says poop on someone. What a dirty trick. And I tried pooping on someone. Oh, no. This game sounds terrible. What a dirty trick. And I tried pooping on someone and it did not work. And the pig on flies slower when you don't have enough food.

And if you land on the ground, oh, guess what? I'm dead because a dog attacks me. And graphics are really bad. Please fix everything because I cannot live like this. I can't live like this? Hello? I can't live like this hello i can't live like this uninstall this app who's forcing this on this person i can't live like this with this pigeon app chance get out of whatever situation you're in in life because life is about more than life is bigger than this also i love that they say it says poop on someone what a dirty trick so then i did it

and it did not work um and the pig on that's spelled the pie gone p-i-g-o-n the pie gone flies slower um and if you land on the ground guess what i'm dead because a dog attacks me so it i don't know man i where does a pigeon love come in? That's what I'm curious about. It's probably level two. Yeah, does not sound like chance we'll ever make it there. No, you have to poop on enough people before you reach level two. What a dirty trick. What a dirty trick. And then I did it and it didn't even work.

Flying bird pigeon simulator. Why would you download this as the fun game you're going to play? I'm just going to write it down quick. For totally other reasons. Yeah, because totally not because i want this just so i know what apps to avoid right so no app to not play got you okay that makes sense i think um okay wait there are a lot of pigeon simulators wait are you serious not that i'm looking yeah not that you would know there's city pigeon simulator 3d oh my god pigeon simulator pigeon survival simulator seagull bird survival simulator parrot simulator

seagull survival simulator so this was pigeon bird survival simulator which one was this no it was because this is the same picture of those two kissing but a different background flying bird maybe there's only so many stock photos of pigeons kissing there are so there's a flying lion simulator that's fun they're lions with wings city crow simulator 3d oh that's fun you know crows can find shiny things what is going on arctic penguin survival simulator why are they all trying to survive that's what's alarming mouse simulator where you're a mouse this is a lot of good reviews though this is 1.1 thousand reviews and it's 4.4 stars okay you're a mouse anyway sorry a toucan simulator what wild flying eagle bird you know what is happening on the app store i think anybody can make an app and

that's where we all went wrong platypus simulator 3d all right that's the best so far what is going on at least it's not platypus survival impossible breakfast simulator it's it's it's like it says quote it's just like the other popular bird game but then you have to eat cereal at the same time christina you know what it is it's you playing flappy bird while eating cereal oh wait so it's like a meta like you're playing flappy bird in the game you're playing a character who's eating cereal while also playing flappy bird so you have to play flappy bird for this character while they also while you also have them eat cereal you know when they said the other bird game i thought they meant you were going to be playing the pigeon simulator yeah and i got

excited um i think that just is a workaround for flappy bird because the creator took it down and then everyone freaked out and then we're selling on ebay phones that had it downloaded wait really you didn't know about that yeah i feel like i vaguely remember that the developer Everyone freaked out. And then we're selling on eBay phones that had it downloaded. Wait, really? You didn't know about that? Yeah. I feel like I vaguely remember that. The developer created Flappy Bird then was like, this is too much. I don't want to monetize.

I don't want to make money off of this. So they took it off the app store. But some people still had it downloaded on their iPhones. So they sold those iPhones with it downloaded on eBay for lots and lots of money. I should have done that sure i had floppy bird and then this one pigeon guy was like oh i get it we're making bird apps and everyone's like yeah that's not what we're doing anyway i'm sorry survival apps just platypus 3d i love platypus 3d okay now we're moving on to trip advisor and this is a one-star review uh of a restaurant called oh i don't know

the restaurant name but this review is called rip off good luck finding it flanfo the oh no does flanfo need it no i don't know that i don't know the name it's okay it did not come with it gonna make you feel really guilty every time it's not gonna work for long it'll work for a little bit um okay this is a one-star review by ted for 750 pounds the menu offered pid gone and the poor unfriendly waitress recommended it two small poorly cooked medallions of meat the size of a tablespoon this restaurant should be i'm embarrassed to serve such a ripoff stay away from this joint way too proud of themselves okay so this person has a spelling problem in general this is not really a pigeon specific problem turned off um because there's

a lot of words i would imagine would get like embarrassed spelled with an i just seems like that would correct itself yeah um also but i maybe this place should be embarrassed with an eye just seems like that would correct itself yeah um also but i maybe this place should be embarrassed with an eye if they're serving pigeon that's a very common meal in other countries that's gross somebody i think that way about every meat so never mind we're just gonna go down the path different somebody emailed um from egypt and said that she's getting her phd right now and suggest i look at reviews of restaurants in egypt because they serve pigeon and there's a lot of tourists who are grossed out because which is so silly to me for them yeah it's a gross concept but it's like

well i mean you eat like other things you eat smarter animals and pigeons right exactly like why are you grossed out about this? I don't know. Have you played the pigeon simulator? They're pretty damn smart. When I control pigeons, they are very smart. Don't eat my pigeon.

It's different. Don't eat my pigeon. Smart pigeon. Simulated pigeon. What if that was what happened? Instead of a dog eat you, like you ended up at a Parisian restaurant? What if, yeah, what if it's like,

you have a choice a fly to egypt it's like huh hmm egypt seems lovely this time of year gasp they eat you there yeah yeah so but apparently it was a very common uh food in like back in the day in the u.s too so peru they eat guinea pig and it's very normal but it's. And here we eat a lot of things and it's for some reason very normal. But yeah. So pidgon, that's spelled P-I-D-G-O-N. Wow. Really wrong.

Yeah. Pidgon. I wonder why they felt a D was necessary. Pidgon the size of a tablespoon. Gross. Cool. Rest in peace. Rest in peace, pit gone. Okay, now.

This is a comment on a recipe. Oh dear. I'm nervous for this one. On a website called ourbestbites.com Okay, so here's the comment oh happy day i had lost this recipe how does that happen here it is yippee making it today to take to a party thank

you around here we call it piggy on mix it is like a drug i agree everyone flocks to the bowl and groans thank you end of comment they groan thank you or they groan they groan dot dot dot thank you okay oh thank you do they not know what a groan is it doesn't sound good well they're on drugs now i guess it is like a drug what is it um i don't know so the so i'm pretty sure v sent this one as well and um it sounds like something that they'd make and everyone would be like wow this is great what's in it pigeon no they'd say piggy on and they're like what's piggy on oh okay we don't even know what that is you know p i wait how do they spell g-i-N? Yeah. So the comment above it said, we love this stuff. The only difference in the recipe I have is that we use slivered almonds instead of sliced.

We call it munchy crunchy good stuff. I mean, that's also a dumb name, but I think it's better than pigeon mix, which is the other name. I think it's probably like one of those puppy chow. Yes, that's what I was thinking of, like muddy buddies or whatever. Oh, those are so good. I feel like that's what i was thinking of like muddy buddies or whatever oh those are so good i feel like that's just yeah i'm gonna call it pigeon mix now because that's a pigeon unfortunate name um yeah so it's probably just things you would throw to like

seeds and nuts probably things you would feed to pigeons is what i think of stale hot dog buns okay got it that sounds great i'll eat it all grown thank you thank you okay why are they groaning like when you're groaning not like oh which is what i when i want people if i give people pigeon mix i want them to go oh not oh you know stop it gotta clarify here okay this review is of another restaurant it's a three-star review uh by louise and it the title is the hourage the hourage food okay it's still it's average with a w the hourage food that's the name of the place no oh sorry i was like this is awful this is like kind of like one of those like oh our edge we we serve our wedge food

okay the hourage food with the presence of pidgin. Pidgin? Oh, dear God. I love pidgin. My friend and I were at the time of lunch. The food was disappointing average, and for a whole time, one pidgin was walking around. Oh, no. The presence of pidgin means there was an actual pidgin there.

Not that it was in the food, but that it was just present. A present pidgin means there was an actual pigeon there. Not that it was in the food, but it was just present. A present pidgin. It's our favorite view ever. Okay, ready? The food was disappointing average, and for a whole time, one pidgin was walking around. When we asked the waitress that moved this pidgin, she just said... I can't even imagine if someone asked me to move a pigeon what i would say and especially if they said move that pidgin we don't serve that here i don't know what that is but we don't serve it oh my god

when we asked the waitress that move this pidgin she just said the door is open he will enter again she's like i know this guy i know this guy please trust me it's not gonna do any good we've tried everything the door is open he will enter again oh my god so ominous move that pink in her way he was just walking around with multiple l's um i do weirdly like that this they allow this pidgin to be walking inside of the restaurant it's just one presence of one pidgin that just does not leave yeah he just loves hanging out um wow the whole time one pigeon was walking around so sad um this poor waitress is like trust me you're not the first okay this is from an email from shauna thank you she her review of a hotel this is a five-star view by cleo amazing as always i always love coming to this hotel it has a perfect area for my dog snooki i forgot about that oh i like that the staff is always friendly and they greet us like family

every time this is our favorite hotel when we visit pogeon forge oh no and we refuse to stay anywhere else um that's spelled p-o-g-e-o-n oh my god i guess they're right next to each other yeah it's okay yeah pogeon i was like wow that's terrible oh okay never mind um that's a unique one. And it's highlighted, which means that Shauna went looking for Pogion. Yeah, that was what I was assuming would be the way to do it, is to just try out different misspellings. That's what I did, too. You just have to try different spellings. Okay, now this is the last one.

It's my favorite. Ooh, okay. It's a review of the children's book, The Duckling Gets a Cookie? Exclamation question mark. Okay, so give a mouse a cookie sequel or just you know have you seen those pigeon books no is that okay there's like children's books that have like a little pigeon on them and he's really cute i don't know i've seen them before i don't really know is the pigeon part of the book yeah or is it just the publisher okay so i think it's like a character that's like recurring yeah it has a recurring role in these books and when i look at the book he's on the

cover so i'm assuming but um okay but this is called give a duck a cookie it's called and it said working title and they didn't notice the working title just went with it with the question mark and they were like no no we were asking what you thought no it's called the duckling gets a cookie exclamation question mark so someone's like upset about this oh maybe but like the duckling gets a cookie of all things like this pigeon's like what the duckling gets one not me like the door's open he's gonna keep coming back we can't we gotta give him a cookie um okay so there's three comments here's the first one these are uh comments by children by the way this is like it's like common sense media but for books oh what's it called you know um great question i have to pull the website up again

whatever i have it's not a google map so it doesn't matter it's right it's not a google map that's true okay in the beginning of the story, the duckling said, hello. And then after the duckling said, hello, the duckling said, may I have a cookie? And then he said, oh, thanks. That was very nice of you. Oh, look at all those nuts. And then the Pigan said, hey, how did you get that cookie? And then the duckling said, I asked for it.

I like this book a lot because the duckling gets a cookie. I love this book a lot. That is adorable. Wait, how did they spell Pigan? Okay. So that was P-i-g-a-n can i just say also that i based on the title i called it that the pigeon was upset that the duckling got a cookie oh okay i couldn't follow because i was busy reading it without any punctuation yeah it made sense to me so is it pigan pigan piegan can you spell it again p-i-g-a-n piegan pigan okay i would say pigan all right what did it say the

pig and what did the pig and say and then the pigeon said hey how did you get that cookie see uh and the best said i asked for it yeah and the pig and like i just take what i want that's like the time you said you said i don't want to know Someone said, hey, how did you throw out the first pitch at the game? You said, I just asked for it. Yeah. The guy said, I have a purple heart. And they didn't let me throw out the pitch. I forget the story.

Never mind, I lost the plot. Okay, this is the second comment by another child. The piggin was surprised that the duckling gets a cookie at the middle. The piggin was surprised that the duckling gets a cookie at the middle. The piggin was mad that the duckling got a cookie. At the end, the duckling got the cookie for the pigeon. They learned. Shocker. They learned how to spell.

It's our first time that a reviewer spelled it correctly. Plot twist. I know. So spelled P-I-G-I-N twice. Okay. And then advanced. Wow. Wait, wow.

But also like really advanced because they spelled it really wrong. But then they added, instead of the I, they replaced an I with an E-O. I know. So it wasn't that they stumbled on the right thing. It's weird, right? They must have learned but then didn't correct their previous mistakes. Yeah. So let me read the whole thing.

Please. We can decide. The piggin was surprised that the duckling gets a cookie at the middle the piggin was mad that the duckling got a cookie at the end the duckling got the cookie for the pigeon why i like this book is that this book the pigeon was silly end of comment um so pigeon twice and piggin twice this could be a case where they actually plagiarized someone else's review. Oh, no. But just half of their review was plagiarized. So if you put it into that website.

That teachers always scared us with. That Miss U. Cotter used to make us put all our work religion essays in. And then it tells you like how much of it has been plagiarized. Getting in trouble. Your misspellings, your correct spellings were your downfall. Okay, this is the third comment and the final one. My opinion, and this one doesn't even have pigeon in it, but it was just after these two. So it's just worth keeping it.

I'll accept it. My opinion is that this book is very funny. The reason why it is funny is because it has a lot of non-seance words. Non-seance words non-seance words end of comment so whatever that means i don't know it says non-seance okay so oh maybe nonsense well i i assume that's what they were trying to say non-seance but maybe pretty advanced i don't know maybe they i don't know they just didn't want anyone referencing their past life or something they were just like i'm a christian true you know yeah faith and family night it's faith and family night every night true amen amen to that amen hallelujah so anyway that's all done that was a lot

we got so many wow people just really don't know how to spell pigeon it is a weird spelling it is and i tried to find pig oin and i really just couldn't find any and i was sad i was sad but we already had a pig oin we had a pig oin and that i like that that's classic it'll stand for itself that was a classic beach too sandy moment yep um not ruined by any further misspellings of the same type. Right. And now all of you, if any of you are confused, can you please tell us how to actually spell pigeon? Okay, so it's P-I-J and then an I with an accent.

No, no. It's P-I-G-E-O-N. Okay, everyone. Take that. It's Pig-eon but with an E. Pig pig eon but with an e okay just imagine that pig eon like pig for eons yes like pigs forever and ever and ever right pigs forever and ever and ever amen john green book pigs all the way down yes anyway on that note well done what a great challenge well done well done thank you everyone for emailing too and helping but um helping me and not alexander yeah i just wanted to bring

that up again i love it uh my favorite but that's okay i still appreciate all of you uh this was lots of fun and my second favorite part is that on this episode we don't have to announce our theme of challenge again true because presumably it's been tweeted by you presumably i've already forgotten what it is me too it'll be fun it'll be fun check our twitter be ahead beach to sandy to see uh what it is check our instagram i think we're putting some things up eventually uh again and we'll talk to you next week platypus 3d survival platypus 3d survival eating cereal 3D survival. Eating cereal.