Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 145: Reviews of Airports

Episode Date: September 8, 2021

This week we learn that Christine and Xandy should never be in a cockpit together. Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Beast, You See Any Water water too wet the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion oh we're going back to that throwback whoa i'm tired of the new one really yeah i don't like the old one i love the old i don't like anything oh okay emo uh this week we have a theme of airport sent in by rosie oh yeah i thought

it was from your brain never mind from my brain from my brain to rosie's lips rosie sent it in don't bring your brain and anyone's lips in the same sentence again together i did not like that at all um and we had done north carolina airports before now they're just airports in general um and i had a challenge this week you don't remember do you christina of course i remember but i'd like to hear you your lips from my brain or someone's brain whose brain was it okay if you as you wish this is challenge for me it was the casino one right it was you actually do remember uh so this was sent in by tanya who listens with damien yes that's right very nice hello tanya and damien i wrote tanya and son damien i don't know why I wrote it. It's in a pamphlet or something. And Spawn Damien.

Spawn of Tanya. Spanya. Okay. Anyway, what does Spanya have to say? Find reviews where people win big at the casino. So I'm very excited about that. Okay, good. Me too.

That was a fun one. It sounds fun. So who, I think, I think you should go first as always as you wish my first review this is of the minneapolis st paul international airport i've only been there once and it was years ago so i don't really remember it's a great story though but hey but frank here did not like it okay so one star review absolutely rude everyone actually has a little attitude i wouldn't live here with any of you or your wife and you paying end of review i don't know who this is directed sorry it's not directed at all you listeners i have a headache i wouldn't live here with you and your wife i wouldn't live here with any of you or your wife

and you paying that's how much i dislike this airport i wouldn't move in like maybe your wife would it be like i wouldn't live here even if you offered your wife to me with you paying for us to live together the rent of living inside the airport some some that sounds really sick and twisted strange fantasy i hope the wife is like everybody's like nobody offered that or suggested that that's from your brain to your lips weirdo frank maybe frank had a similar situation in his past i hope not and figured hey this could happen in minneapolis too it happened to me in uh small town georgia so it did i wouldn't even want it yeah that's how much i dislike this place last time i did this it was a blast but i wouldn't even do it in minneapolis't even try me. Nobody was going to, Frank.

That is the weirdest possible way to say you dislike a location that I've ever heard. I wouldn't live here. Well, nobody offered that. Well, wouldn't live here is a pretty normal way to say that you don't like a place. Not an airport. Oh, yes. I thought you meant, but I mean, just that phrase sounds pretty normal. But the fact that it's, I wouldn't live here with any of you or your wife and you paying.

I think that's, you really kind of dropped all the really weird stuff. Yeah, but you know what? Tell me. Maybe he would live there by himself. Yeah. So you were actually misrepresenting Frank. Because he would move in if nobody, so you were actually misrepresenting i was because he would move in if if nobody if your wife didn't move in also he would live there by himself

and he would want to pay for it he wants his to pay it be in charge of his own rent so wait but could it be it says or your wife and you paying so maybe it's he would you're gonna live with your wife in terminal two you want to live with your wife as long as he pays though so like he wants to pay himself he's like no no no please i would love to live with your wife but i want to pay for our living situation my wife now and we live in terminal two together there is a movie about this there's not terminal but with uh tom hanks oh is that what that's about yeah it's about someone who if it's a guy named frank who lives in a uh terminal an airport terminal and he saves a bunch of people when he crashes in the river right he's a pilot it's a whole thing um okay this is an email from sean he him his thank you sean

it's a one-star view also in minnesota but it's of flying cloud airport in eden prairie minnesota yeah actually actually much more popular popular than the than ms actually lives there he moved in with your wife did you know that well that's the thing is that's why he couldn't move in is because it was a it was a thing what what my brain is not working right now oh my god you know when it's a thing and you can't do the thing because you have a thing? It's a conflict of interest here. There it is.

Quick on my... This is a one-star review by Phyllis. Feet. Translated by Google. So I'll read the original afterward. One star. Spinchbop. Let me read the original. Okay on original text i knew it i'm not stupid christina i knew it was gonna be the same freaking thing

so stupid phyllis what the hell are you doing wow that was aggressive christina you just got really upset at phyllis what the hell are you doing wow that was aggressive christina you just got really upset at phyllis here wow okay phyllis anyway when was this written four months ago i bet it was you know what who sent this in sean sean wrote this four months ago created thisyllis character, and was ready for a new airport thing. Because we got like 20 emails from Sean suggesting airports. No, no, no.

Not even that. Airports in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. And also, it was Sean and Phyllis only. It was like weird because there was a fake email address called Phyllis at Gmail.com. Phyllis, not Sean at Gmail.com. We're on to you. Okay. I've got a couple of reviews from Amanda now.

She, her. Thank you, Amanda. This is from of the Denver International Airport. Home of. I was hoping you would go there because I didn't get it. Big Dick Blucifer Denver International Airport. Oh boy. I was hoping you would go there because I didn't get it. Big Dick Blucifer. Wowza. The horse. This is a one star review by Wyatt.

How do I shame this app? I'm trying to share a location with a friend but it seems like Google has deleted it. Google, do you not like me sharing such places in the united states that would be considered treason explain end of review i think you figured out how to shame the app though he's doing a pretty good job that's true good point how do i shame this app and i think if anyone has any explanation explaining to do, it would be Wyatt here.

What? We're trying to share this location, but Google is committing treason. Google. That's not what treason is. Wyatt thinks Google is willing to commit treason to keep Wyatt from sharing the location of an airport with a friend. Well, it's Denverver airport how absurd is that the new world order thing yeah google's part of the new world order true what you're missing here um that's called treason in the united states well okay you're in the united states presumably

so i don't really understand who are you gonna report them to the pentagon that's what he's asking how do you shame but don't report google to themselves if they you actually think they're doing committing treason if that's if they'll go that like far to the point where they're committing treason you don't think shame will fix that though i feel a little bit of embarrassment on their own site no where they can just delete these reviews i think they would just delete them i think the guilt will eat away at them eventually and they'll realize treason's not the answer oh no um i'm just trying to share this location it's it's so amazing to me this is gonna sound rude but i applied to myself too it's so amazing when people think they're like important enough for a place like google to be like track like i mean they're tracking all of us but like to to zero in on one individual person be like you may not share this location why it or what does it mean i mean that's

the game i gave that okay well because that was the last person no it wasn't never mind i thought i so we got an email from why for the last episode yeah that was last episode that's why i was on the brain why had i made you into an asshole you're welcome i took your name that we waited a whole episode to do it though so i do that a lot you just use the people remember that time i did laura and then i made the person flora and you were like christine what the hell and i couldn't come up with a different oh boy um yeah i'll often do that though i or maybe it wasn't often but i know there have been times you've called me out where you read a review that someone sent in i'll use their name for the next review and you're like uh hello and i was like oh really was that their name yeah that's true um that's what i thought

was happening here but oh good stuff okay this is from esther she her thank you esther and it's a review of the bill as you paused when you said esther so i thought you just came up with that no but that would be a fun one and then i was like oh wow they included their pronouns in their yelp profile or something cool alexander come on seriously no um don't worry when the day that happens we'll all know and we'll shut the show down we'll shut the show down oh um don't worry when the day that happens we'll all know and we'll shut the show down we'll shut the show down oh no don't do it we'll pack up and go home where we kind of already are okay email from esther she her one star of the billy bishop toronto city airport um and this is from mike um and esther also explained that this airport is really small, but I guess they used to hand out free wine and beer on flights.

So that was like a big draw. Interesting. Like the airport. I guess. Controlled that somehow. That's what she said. And then she also said that you would go under like a tunnel underneath the water to get to your flight, which sounds like my nightmare. What is this place?

I'd rather pass a blue horse with a big penis than like walk underwater to get to my flight but that seems more dangerous i don't know oh okay right like what if it cracks and then you flood it you know what if any number of things that are bad happen in any situation that you're in ever what if your house collapses right now while we're stop it exactly though but hey it's i i don't think it's any more dangerous to go under. Literally, Christina, also, how many people has that tunnel, that underwater tunnel killed? Presumably zero. How many people has that fucking Blucifer horse killed? At least 6,000.

Okay. Well, literally at least one. Yeah, at least one. We're not counting the dungeon, the people in the dungeon. Right. They're still alive, technically. Oh, my God. What is happening?

I don't know. I'm promoting the conspiracy theories that nobody, that I made up. Okay. This is a one-star review by Mike of the Billy Bishop Toronto City Airport. I'm not sure if I was given the wrong ticket. I intended to get one for a flight not to attend the security theater what for a minute i literally thought like maybe he means theater like a surgery theater oh no they mean do they do they mean it's like a they put

on a show it's not actually useful it's just a bunch of bullshit. Precisely. The next sentence is, The actors were very unconvincing in their portrayal as hardworking agents preventing danger to travelers. The plot was utterly nonsensical, and I was not told there would be audience participation until one of the actors stole my dip. Oh, wait. Oh, I thought he meant like ranch dip. Oh, I think he means tobacco like tobacco

at first i also thought some sort of i thought like salad dip or like salad dip oh no christina like dip for your chip dip for your chip dip for your carrots i don't know dip for your lip not dip for your lip which i think is what now that now that i say it out loud that might be what he means yeah i i do not like how they took that theater analogy and just really ran yeah like pushed it too hard too much like made it like it already was wobbly and it was like you've just dismantled this um luckily the plane is now safe as i was not able to bring over 100 grams of dip into the flight who wrote this plot when my traveling companion asked him why he was confiscating it as we were only aware of restrictions on liquids as opposed to solids he was utterly unhelpful that's when i

thought like solids like what kind of dip is it like i got very they froze it before the flight she asked why we could not bring it as we thought it would be fine since it was measured in grams he replied grams are the same as milligrams what okay now this employee's kind of losing me. This is getting a little bit theater-esque. He replied, grams are the same as milligrams. Actually, that's off by a factor of a thousand. Airport security theater troop, up your hiring standards and enjoy your ill-gained dip. End of review. I don't think anyone's going to want to use your dip.

No, especially now that i know it goes in your mouth well i guess it does too that's true um i the whole time was picturing like some really stale ranch that had like solidified um yeah but yeah i think i think you're i think it's probably tobacco i just checked so apparently the tsa i know this review was in canada but the tsa says that chewable tobacco was fine um and then there's a but there's a little sub thing about international travelers where uh canadian or no the customers and border protection has a weird strict limits on importing cigarettes and cigars so there's some weirdness about tobacco um which doesn't seem too relevant here but i was like yeah basically it's weird i don't know maybe that person maybe that employee

did just want so when you said i know that did that mean you actually knew all that or that you were reading it off the internet no i was saying i know that this review was in canada i wasn't saying i know this stuff that's a really weird specific thing for you to know i was just saying that preemptively because people would say the tsa has no jurisdiction what you're forgetting is that this was actually just a dinner theater it was all it was all a show it was all a show um with the audience participation where they just steal shit from you yeah which probably exists in the theater world ill gain dip is that the title starring of okay yeah spinge pop okay okay okay i'm done with the spinge pop

okay uh all right i have an email from mallory oh yeah you get to go again what oh it's not just yours yeah yeah okay it's my turn this is same email from amanda uh and that's how i get him to start hurrying up i just pretend like i'm taking his spot it works pretty well actually it does it does i get very defensive so this is of denver international airport again this is a review by tom one star my flight got delayed and i didn't get my sweet and sour sauce with my chicken mcnuggets at the mcdonald's they were busy so i understand but that didn't get my sweet and sour sauce with my chicken McNuggets at the McDonald's. They were busy, so I understand, but that didn't aid in the overall experience. End of review.

I understand and I'm completely over it. And I cannot believe this person. You can individually review the McDonald's if that's something you want to do. You know what? the mcdonald's if that's something you want to do you know what this um not to be that guy but my next email literally pretty much exactly relates to that one because it's the same kind of idea oh um ill gain dip i don't know what to tell you what's that smell a smug face you're making what's happening over there i'm trying to think of something clever to say about this sweet and sour sauce but no i just thought it was funny by itself yeah it was that's why it doesn't deserve

my yeah trying to make it about you kind of thing yeah that's well here we go this is a review i have email from mallory uh it's a review of an airport in dallas texas called lovefield airport i've been there um tell me more about that that's when i was traveling through texas whoa yeah went to bucky's it's better than yours your story earlier where you said i went there once and i don't remember it or whatever yeah no i'm i'm since i'm not being sarcastic i was sincerely curious now you're attacking me about it um and mallory says to quote my brother merit lovefield airport is like the uncle at a party showing everyone his weird toenail that nobody asked for Love Field Airport is like the uncle at a party showing everyone his weird toenail that nobody asked for.

Merritt, are you that weird uncle? I'm, this is a very specific scenario. Yeah, are you guys okay? I'm not familiar with. So, yes. Are you okay? Number one. Number two, how does that relate to airports?

I guess it's kind of the odd man out, so to speak. Like, it's kind of the weird one nobody. I don't think that's what I would call that uncle. I wouldn't say, yeah, that's the odd man out here no no i'd say that's a voyeur of sorts i don't know what it would be um but odd man out does not begin to describe that that hypoth hopefully hypothetical uncle dear god i hope hypothetical i mean it's so specific that it's very suspicious. It's actually too specific. I agree. So this is a one-star review of Fiona.

Nope. Of Fiona. By Fiona. Of Dallas Love Field Airport. Of Fiona's uncle. Fiona's uncle. And it's one star. I wasn't too impressed.

It cost almost $12 for the shareable size peanut M&Ms. I couldn't find a place to sit down and eat so i ate my egg rolls in the restroom and oh dear god now this person fiona is that uncle yeah that's what i'm thinking it's a voyeur of sorts eating egg rolls in the bathroom walking up to people at the party saying you ever eat egg rolls in an airport bathroom you want to see me eat this egg roll in the toilet uh yeah you took it too far christina i'm sorry you took it i just saw that it cost almost 12 dollars for like family size peanut m&ms and i was like i guess you can review an airport you

know how many dilbert candy machines you can fill with that bag though terrible size a lot a lot because it only fits about seven i learned when i made that video the other day really of the peanut m&ms um it was the peanut butter m&ms okay so and it fit probably they're thicker right the peanut butter was thicker it probably fit about oh yeah it's sitting right next to us it's like one of those jelly bean things where you have to guess how many are in there um except it's not see-through and it would take forever to count them because the whole animation takes an hour just for one i say animation as it i don't think that's the right well animatronic anime i don't know the whole the whole motion when dilbert goes through his motions yeah it takes forever it probably fits 20 m&ms that's terrible well it

comes out one at a time i guess it's good because then do you know what i did i did it twice for the video and then i just turned it upside down and ate all the candy out of it it's supposed to help you pace yourself it's a whole point it's an artist we should put a lock on it no that would be so mean you can only get it by having him do his little song and dance for you he's the one who has to labor through it type and type and type for one yeah it's the labor of love though yeah it is my next one is from an email from uh taylor this review is of the cleveland hopkins international airport chia yeah sorry fun fact i was like huh it took me a moment but yes that's exactly what that smells good job thank you Thank you. This is a review by Steven. One star.

Everyone here sucked. As far as I'm concerned, all of Cleveland, including the guy that peed on the window of Wahlburgers while I was eating their mediocre food, can burn in hell. End of review. I'm not even going to challenge that one. That's pretty gnarly. You're not going to challenge that all people from Cleveland should burn in hell sinner no no okay no i just wanted to clarify make sure that everyone look in your eyes and say no yeah yeah okay i want you to understand how i feel i just wanted to make sure we were on the same page about people in cleveland all going to hell yep perfect

and also burning there oh yeah lots of burning happening um gross yeah gross yeah that i mean yeah that one that one was pretty bad um but i i don't know what that has to do with the airport in particular though oh yeah good point yeah well it seems like people are going to the airport leaving town and then thinking what did i feel about this whole trip? Yeah, true. And kind of doing a summation of what happened there. Yeah, but this was a Yelp review. So they didn't go to the Wahlburgers. They didn't go in like Cleveland State Capitol. They went to the airport.

Cleveland State Capitol. Reviews of the Cleveland State Capitals. State Capitals, our next episode. I think we all know that Stephen's not moving there with your wife. So at the very least, we have that answer for us. This is a review also from Mallory and it's of the Weird Uncle Airport Love Field. It's a review by Harold. It's one star written four weeks ago, and I'll give you some context of context afterwards.

Put the Texas Ranger statue back on display. Then ask me again. End of review. weeks ago and i'll give you some context of context afterwards put the texas ranger statue back on display then ask me again end of review like walker texas ranger so i wish chuck norris okay no uh walker texas no i think that's a different thing isn't it oh wait no maybe you're right i thought chuck norris played walker tex Texas Ranger. I think you're probably right. Did you play MacGyver? No. Okay. No, he did not. Okay. It is.

I was correct. So just, yeah, just let's leave it at that. I was actually correct. Ranger Cordell Walker was played by Chuck Norris. Oh, God, I'm so mixed up. I always get them confused. Chuck Norris and Tim Allen. Famous mistake.

And Jude Law also, but that's besides the point. Wow. That's a trifecta if I've ever heard. Okay. Talk about voyeur. Mooney is like flashing the universe here. Yeah, Mooney's doing something. Okay. This is the context for Ranger.

That's her cat, if you don't know who Mooney is. Oh, yeah. It's not just my weird neighbor. It's our uncle in the corner it's our weird uncle who's flashing us flashing his toenail all over the place um this is the context and mallory sent an article and i'm just gonna read part of it jay banks was involved in efforts in 1957 this is who the statue was of they removed to keep black children out of a white school said author doug jay swanson roger banks was only

following orders but he was the face of the resistance to integration in 1957 so so yeah why why would you even say out loud like put that statue back right now yeah you're just telling yourself here hello i love it here it's like yikes i used to want to move here next to the statue. And now, now what have you done? You've made it so much less racist. My God. I don't know why people are so. It's not even like, oh, he like was a face of American independence. It's like.

Yeah. He was specifically following orders to keep black children out of a white school the end yeah what the fuck wow that's not even around can can honestly feel that way it just well yeah because racism is very real and alive and happening what really yeah harold's photo is it chuck norris it's like a black and white headshot. Yeah. Of kind of an old white man. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm not surprised. Yeah. I mean, I know, but I'm just like, wow, well, that's pretty bold, pretty ballsy. To have your face attached to it. That gigantic smiling headshot in the photo and be like. I'm a racist. Put that racist statue back. Yeah.

Then ask me how I feel about this airport. Your turn. Okay. My next one is also from Taylor. This one is of Dayton International Airport in Dayton, Ohio. Oh, hey. Flown out of that one multiple times. This is a review by Rubguy.

Cute. Yeah. One star. No smoking section on the property for travelers yet they serve alcohol so poison is only good if they're selling it to you smokers have rights to end of review is this guy from canada why does he have dip on his fucking person that he's not i mean what on earth is going on smokers have rights to i don't think anyone is telling you you have no rights because you smoke that's not what's happening also it's 2021 like where were

you 35 years actually this was review was written in 1980 so it was 11 months ago that explains everything because it's like where have you been this is yeah the airport is the dayton airport is not the only place that has prevented you from smoking i can guarantee it yeah and also sells booze like and it but it's weird that they like kind of have some point i the thing is when you drink alcohol you're not like there's secondhand alcohol is not a thing you know secondhand smoke is very there's a big problem etc but um it is interesting how you see like i i saw an old video of a nfl video and there was a giant marlboro ad huge in the background and it's like now you look at that and you're like wow that's so crazy they used to advertise cigarettes like that and then now it's like well yeah now that's been replaced by a hundred different alcohol ads yeah and and the nfl is against um you think for super bowl ads you can't advertise any

marijuana related right i don't know if cbd maybe even um and yet it's just constant alcohol ads so there is for sure a double standard there uh but i think the thing is my thinking is oh good that smoking isn't a lot but yeah hey if alcohol isn't as prevalent like that would also be better so probably wouldn't rub guy probably wouldn't i don't know i guess but there's also laws to keep in mind it's not like the airport's like this is our personal agenda it's like oh no rub guy is not right here i'm not okay i'm like i get that the but like marijuana is also not legal in every state so there is no there is a marijuana smoking section in the dayton international airport it's

not legal in ohio but just in the airport it's uh something about the laws of the over international waters oh it's like pretty crazy though because in that section like people always miss their flights so it just ends up being so crowded it's like it's not worth it in my opinion yeah um now the denver international airport their smoking section is it's down in the dungeons of the new oh dear oh god okay yeah i took a turn all right um man i wish people would get that mad about statues of i right that's so true though it's like okay okay that's so true though i mean i don't know what you expect i guess i'm just like well yeah nobody like we all know you can't smoke in an airport it's not shocking yeah i, smoking sections for sure exist in most major airports, though.

Those do exist. But didn't he say there's a no smoking section? No, he was complaining that there wasn't a smoking. I thought he meant no smoking section. I was like, I would hope there's one of those. Okay, yeah. So that's where. He's saying there's nowhere to smoke on the premises.

There's nowhere to smoke in the airport. Okay, I get it now. I thought he was saying there's places where you're not allowed. which is a more valid complaint for sure than what it is it is slightly more valid agreed um i would say but um it's funny how they screamed smokers have rights to as if a lack of a smoking section means that he has no rights i don't know people are dramatic or whatever i called that other guy should hang out because Harold also lost

his rights to pray at that statue so anyway this is a one star view sent in by Courtney Sheher it's of Kalahui

Airport in Maui Hawaii by Charlie O okay isn't it O'Charlie's I know that's what I thought of too and i didn't change the name because

it's relevant but it's in all i'm already tired just looking at it's in all capital letters and courtney literally wrote if there's one review you read today please let it be this one and i was like try me and i was like oh god she was right so now i have to read it um that would be bold if we did just one review in an entire episode but everyone would blame courtney for it that's true make our life easier less fun i guess because i enjoy doing all these long ones but i i don't know be just a quickie just a little try it okay okay this is a review of oh sorry i said it wrong uh kahului airport i believe i said it wrong earlier kahului airport in maui hawaii by charlie o aloha please be advised the security at this airport are overcompensating bitter power trippers if you do not arrive off the plane wearing beach attire

they will judge you in general hawaiian employees abuse their power if they get the chance second beware of the passengers coming off the flights. They are generally pretentious, superficial, false pride-having, bitter people. They will judge you regardless and make snide, patronizing comments as if you don't know they are talking out of the side of their neck as most mentally ill people do. They are not direct. They are evil-eyed, jealous cowards. Be extra careful if you are evil-eyed, jealous cowards. Be extra careful if you are good-looking.

What? I was wondering, what is this person doing that people are judging them? He's so hot. Just so good-looking? He's so hot. It's like really actually sad for him.

His life's really hard. He has no rights whatsoever. I'm so confused. Also, this is in all capitals. Just like picture that. Be extra careful if you are good looking and not wearing brand name attire. They will judge as they are jealous. Most of the visitors to Maui are from the from the godforsaken state of Washington, i.e. Seattle.

These people are racist, rude amateurs with false pride. You will not find any happy people that visit Maui, Hawaii. There is no one that knows how to have fun that visits here. Most of them travel here with family that doesn't get along or know how to party. What? Wait, the complaints about these people are that they're rude and like stuck up, and they don't know how to party? And they don't like each other's family, or they don't like their own families.

And they don't know how to party. And they don't like each other's family. Or they don't like their own families. And they. But. Also, is this person judged for being both attractive and not wearing a brand name? Yeah, that's what threw me off, too. It's like he's wearing like really low-key clothing.

But he's so hot. You can't help it. It's not even like he's wearing Gucci. I didn't even wear my Gucci today. I know. It's like he tries everything. There are no talented people that vacation here this is the most generalizing i've ever heard of like in a single review i don't even get it like okay there are no talented people that vacation here this needs to change the poor hawaiians of

this island deserve better guests unfortunately the alohha style is gone to waste on this island. Once the evil-eyed residents of Washington state see that there is no one living here with integrity, they all flock here to move in as residents. The Caucasian employees in the restaurants and bars are very rude, subjective, and racist. They only give good service to each other. The Caucasians in Maui boss around the actual Hawaiian employees very disrespectfully, and the Hawaiians tolerate it because very little African Americans and other ethnicities of color come to this island to support the. This needs to change. I could expand more and go on, but I have to go get ready for an appointment. What?

P.S. Sorry. P.S. Please help support saying no to speed what is that what he's on right now i don't understand this is a cry for help that's what the appointment's for this is so sad no but what okay okay i'll let you please please help support saying no to speed clear methamphetamine here in hawaii thank you god bless mahalo charlie o oh wait sorry mahalo

february 27 2014 charlie o what i will say i just saw a sticker on a car here like really large on a pickup that said shoot your neighborhood heroin dealer which oh was a very aggressive uh way of putting that i thought you were gonna say say no to speed and i was like that's fun like on a car no yeah it was oh yeah that's not anything clever anyway sorry that just popped in my head and had to say uh i didn't have to but i did um so okay i'm very confused this person is not a hawaii hawaii't seem like it. Based on what they said. They said the way they talk about the locals and people native

to Hawaii. They deserve better. Third person, sort of. So they think that they are what Hawaiians deserve? Yeah, I think that's kind of what they're saying is like, people like me who are not from Seattle, God forbid, you know, you show up here as charlie oh

and you're judged you're criticized out of people's necks they're cowards they're jealous there's a lot of things yeah that's the thing is they lost me like if they had said like there are a lot of issues with racism here on the island blah blah blah i'd be like yeah yeah yeah i believe that makes so much sense buried so yeah it's that but then you get you zoom out on this person's views and you're like well you kind of you buried the lead here yeah putting that as here like i'll show you this review it's like oh it is it is gigantic it is a mess it is a disaster it's a disaster and like literally the the racism part comes in like

down here um it's like last week cracker barrels episode where they throw in oh yeah she died in her sleep anyway the buttermilk pancakes i was gonna say the one where she's like man i'm jewish and like they didn't like address different cultures but the worst part yeah was i have my timer out and i was like hold on it's like these these terrible racist people are there i'm like wow yeah no i bet and i agree with that i'm sure like it makes sense like yes i believe it right and then they throw in that they're not talented enough they're not talented enough to move in like what it's bizarre they're not even moving the visitors there are no talented people that vacation here like what also what does that what's your talent i literally well

i don't want the answer i don't want to know um wow yeah wow the passengers coming off the flights do they work at the airport like i feel like they're this is of the airport he's saying like be careful oh my god this was of the airport and he's saying passengers coming off the flights are going to judge you if you're not wearing a beach attire they're going to judge you what yeah what if you're uh so you have so but you're so this person is not wearing beach attire instead they're wearing not name brand they're not wearing gucci but they're super hot so attractive yep good looking um they're judged gonna judge you because they're jealous of you um okay this is they're amateurs i what i don't know this is an absolute clusterfuck

that's i don't know i don't know if we'll ever get to the bottom of any of that beware the end also i have to go to an appointment hold on yeah by the way i like how he's like i could say more and i'm like i don't nobody doubts that nobody does that you could say more you've said not for a moment but i'm glad that appointment popped up and i hope it went well i wonder how this person is what is it seven years later that's what i wonder like i wonder if they've mellowed out if they've gotten even more into their whateverness that they are um but like yeah i don't know yeah i don't know either um i do have a redemption oh great this is of uh the airport here's the thing i call it the airport um but i googled it and the official name

it's technically an air terminal it's the yakima air terminal oh for people with their own planes in yakima washington no oh it's just it's it is a it's it is an airport but i think they i feel like they call it that because it's so tiny uh-huh they don't want to give off the wrong impression um yeah there's no mcdonald's here let alone sweet and sour sauce i think they have one or two runways maybe it's like i don't know but um it is uh it only has alaska airlines um it's it's served by one scheduled passenger air carrier and it's alaska airlines going from yakima to seattle and that's it wow and then like you can and then there are uh other uses for like other private people who like fly there um they have like yeah so and charter flights as well

so anyway anyway uh here we go here's a review this is a redemption five stars by henry we are lucky to have this in yakima people who leave bad reviews must get tired of walking funny from having something stuck up their butt all the time it's not a five-star hotel people the waiting room is plenty big security is more friendly and even more thorough than some of the bigger airports which is a good thing if you ask me end of review oh so it was a nice little defensive thing because people did complain about the size and i'm like yeah you're in yakima it is the smallest fucking airport i've ever been to it is it was so bizarre they have like a vending machine that's their food options um they have

like one maybe they had like two gates or something have you been to the key west airport it's pretty small too key west airport yeah um i can't say i have or the belize airport now i'm just thinking of small airports i've been to the belize airport sorry i'm trying to compare it in my head because i've never been to yakima but um it seems. I'm trying to compare it in my head because I've never been to Yakima. But it seems like a silly thing to complain about. Like, what are they going to do? Add more amenities for you? I don't know.

I don't know. Well, okay. Exactly. I will say about the Key West airport. In 2019, they had 969,000 passengers go through it. Oh, shit. in uh 2019 they had 969 000 passengers go through it oh shit in the in the year yakima had uh in 2010 they had 50 oh no they had 57 000 wow okay so yeah it's pretty small yeah yeah i don't doubt that um and uh one thing that was very telling of how small it was you go to the baggage

claim there's no belt. Oh, yeah, they throw it out. They just open a little window thing right onto the tarmac and just toss them in. That makes me laugh. Yeah. And people complained about that. People were like, that's how they did it.

I was like, how else would they do it? I want one of those dangerous metal shifty guys. You'd rather them just throw your luggage somewhere behind the scenes so that it can be brought to you by that's true it ruins the magic when the belt is gone i thought it was pretty cool i was like oh i can see the tarmac there it's right there look i can see my plane it does through the baggage claim it does feel like whoa is that what happens and it's like duh that's what happens but in my head i'm like oh it's just a magical belt that takes it from the airplane to me that is probably why it was such a thing ruin the magic but yeah it was a little propeller plane that flew just quick 40 minute jaunt to seattle and back like not to talk about

belize again but one time we went to belize for our honeymoon and there was like this plane that holds like eight people that takes you from the belize airport to like the little landing strip basically where we were staying and um alexander oh i got to sit so they do it by like weight distribution so they have to like put like you can't just sit where you want it's all very specific and so they put me in the front seat front seat i don't know what that means but they put me in the front seat with the pilot and so i was just in this like closed off cabin and i was like hello that's really creepy i know and i got where's blaze in the back way back behind like a whole family was it he weighs less than i do so it's like i don't know how this weight distribution works

but they put me in the front they put a family in the middle and then they put blaze in the back and i was like bye weird and blaze was like are you like okay doing that i was like sure and i climbed up and i got to sit in the front seat it was really cool and i was like the whole time of course i had that like horrible what's it called the edgar allen poe thing i forget what where i wanted to like press all the buttons and be like i could literally just reach over and like press this big red button you know when they say like if you're at the edge of a cliff alan poe isn't that the poe effect isn't that what that's called the poe effect no like that yeah you think of like the um call of the yes void or whatever yes yes what is the poe effect edgar poe's law what's that uh it's

thing of internet culture i was reading about that last week that's probably where that came from it's an internet thing yeah yeah yeah um and that's not about edgar allen poe that was from nathan poe okay well in 2005 on christianforums.com the call of the void okay well based on a comment by okay i don't know why i came up with that but um basically i wanted to i was was like, wow, there's all these buttons and I'm just surrounded by all these panels. And I mean, obviously I wasn't going to press on. I thought I could kill all these people right now, these fuckers.

But I was like, wow, this is a lot of like trust they're putting in me to put me right here next to all these pretty buttons. Christina, the pilot would just punch the shit out of you. Sorry, this is very personal. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That got really, this isn't sorry this is i'm sorry i'm sorry that got really this isn't some weird i'm sorry i'm just thinking like like you what are you gonna be able to do like you

like you reach over and press a button they're gonna restrain you they're actually gonna be like you just opened like the valve to the air conditioning congratulations i was like oh and then you say air conditioning like oh like you just open a vent congratulations you saying that you they you opened some valve i was like yeah this sounds serious all the gasoline poured out it was really cool i got some photos of like the the cockpit with the sky outside yeah and you also get car sick so you have to sit in the front seat a lot so it really helped so anyway i don't i just remembered that being a cool thing that i never get to talk about um i'm sorry i said that pilot would punch you that was really weird i never would want that i think it was your face when you said it and then went

hmm how do i reign this back that was a lot i had too much coffee today you literally drank that whole gigantic dunkin donuts no wonder yeah okay so i also have a redemption this is from taylor aka wait didn't she read one from Taylor? Probably a different Taylor. Taylor. Are you cheating on me? This is Taylor Tokrat of Hogpen. Oh, Tokrat.

Hi, Tokrat. She, they. So, yeah, like, yes, she is cheating on you. Who said, XT needs to see this first one. Are you ready? Yeah. That's the correct response. This is a five-star review of the Eek Airport.

Stop it. I knew it was something I wouldn't like. The fact that it was specifically meant for you. Eek Airport in Eek, Alaska. This is a review by O'Crunches. So we've got O'Charlie's and O'Crunches. Five stars. Is this the captain huh this is the captain yes five stars spooky end of review

airport and it's so tiny and this guy's a local guide so i don't know i don't know what he's doing but that's so funny oh crunch is spooky okay anyway time for my challenge that was it that was it that was my redemption i'm i i loved it tokerat cheated on you okay this is my challenge this week find reviews where people win big at the casino and this is from um spania spania tanya and son damien i wrote okay um let's see this was fun for me zandy i'm glad yeah i had a good time they were easy to find um and they were just like fun to read. So I have one here. This is a Jack Thistledown Racino in North Randall, Ohio. And it's like a racing, horse racing, but also a casino. So I assume that's what Racino means, but I'm not positive.

I've never heard that phrase, but I guess we learn something new every day. I wouldn't take that down as like facts because I just guessed. I don't plan on visiting one of those. I plan on avoiding those yeah um i plan on avoiding north randall ohio but that's just me okay five stars by teak that's really the place for me because i personally win every 20 minutes okay local guide by the way talk about a weird flex i personally i don't know about you guys i'm really good at winning games of chance yeah yeah every 20 minutes by the way every uh and then there's a response from owner every 20 min every 20 minutes sounds like a dream thanks for the five

stars and we can't wait to see you again and they're like change the algorithm there's something wrong here probably cheating toughy toughy that's the name of the reviewer i forgot to say toughy toughy toughy toughy local guide is cheating the system oh my god the north randall ohio casino racino system is being horses and like that's what he's doing i don't know but every 20 minutes seems like a like a lot um i have also a review of the casino at the golden gate hotel in las vegas this is a four star review by wendy and the title is one jackpot but casino missed an opportunity to keep me there on may 3rd i won a 10 248 jackpot on the Solstice slot machine. It's my favorite machine and I love

to play it at Golden Gate. I come to Vegas once a month and I always frequent the Golden Gate to play slots. I didn't stay there. After I won the jackpot, I got congratulations from many of the employees there. Very nice indeed. I also got a personal visit from the casino host. He congratulated me as well. So one of the slot attendants said a casino host will be coming out to see you. I told him he already came by and congratulated me. That was it. The slot attendant looked at me in disbelief as if more should have happened. After thinking about the encounter with the casino host, I kind of felt more should have happened. For instance, I just won over 10K.

Why not invite me to stay the night? I would have spent more money of my winnings at the Stevens properties. But that wasn't offered or even a free premium drink. The casino missed an opportunity for me to spend some of my winnings by giving me free shit. No, it's so fucking wild. Hey, I just won $10,000 of your money. Give me free shit no it's so fucking wild i hey you i just won ten thousand dollars of your money give me free things instead you can have some of it back like holding them hostage like a weird but i'm holding your ten thousand dollars hostage it's so bizarre instead the bellagio got most of it i played there all night end of review oh my god well hey this is someone like the

original challenge was find someone who won big then lost it all yeah um which i thought was a little too tough and specific but hey sounds like the bellagio probably uh got a good amount they won they won out um yeah that's i mean i feel like sure i get if you win i mean everyone came out congratulated you like i i don't know how casinos work i feel like sure if they're like you get a drink on the houseulated you like I don't know how casinos work I feel like sure if they're like you get a drink on the house for winning like that wouldn't surprise me I feel like expecting a free like vacation

out of it is a lot everyone congratulated you and like casino manager showed up to congratulate you it's not enough that's so bizarre and you also get $10,000 yeah wait wait isn't that the prize yeah i didn't get a free whiskey and coke i don't understand casinos either not that i want to

i mean i guess they do have those things where if you spend a lot of money like they like will put you up sometimes in a room but like that's because they want you to spend more money so i i guess i get it but like i don't know i guess you just got 10 grand out of them yeah why are you complaining i don't know but so four stars not bad well uh this unfortunately reminded me of a very similar situation that i was in um oh that time you won ten thousand dollars no it was a time on the bus that i choked and then i was they brought me to the hospital and then this was terrible my the the doctors there were actually my close friends at the time john and nathan their um parents both worked at that hospital and they came out to see me and they said oh the uh headmaster of the school

is going to come and see you and was like don't eat candy on the bus no he never showed up oh he did it no he didn't show up well he gave us gave us a speech the next day the next day in the class where i got the candy which was band class because we play like band we played bingo band bingo or whatever i won the candy there while we were there they made an announcement for all the students to not eat on the bus and everyone looked at me because they knew it was me i think we talked about this on the show we have but i i yeah just very much reminded me of that time when they were like oh and they were like the head and then later they came back like oh he hadn't hasn't seen you yet and i was like just on he's making the rounds the entire time like waiting the headmaster's gonna come in and see you which

is like you don't want that no no i did not no um wow no no no so how weird is it that our school had a quote headmaster yeah that's so fucking weird what is it it's not fucking harry potter whatever oh boy um yeah he's making the rounds at the children's ward i guess seeing all the children's ward sounds like i was like off to war i thought we're in the harry potter theme um i don't think they had a hit children's ward in harry potter either okay um let's see one star by natalie of what uh of a casino that i didn't write down oops my bad oh well one star i'm sorry end of august i played with my husband on one machine we won the jackpot of ten thousand five hundred dollars since my husband had all his required documents on him he claimed the jackpot and received the money when we got home he received a call from the queue

okay so it's the queue okay there you go that they saw that i pushed the button when we won the jackpot and we had to come in again. So we did, and since I'm German and my green card was destroyed in a house fire, I'm sorry, it's not funny, but it's like a series of unfortunate events. So bad. Okay. And since I'm German and my green card was destroyed in a house fire, they charged me $3,150, 30% of the win. I talked to h and r block and i get all of the money back but i have to wait till february

when tax season is we played together and we are married since 11 years it doesn't matter who pushed the button we were really good customers for years we won't ever come back and the guy from the players club was very rude to us on top of this end of review uh what i will say is clearly it does matter who pushed the button i i'm not saying i agree with that because i have no idea and i don't know anything about casinos but yeah clearly there's a something going on here yeah i love that they go back and like review all the footage to make sure whoever they're giving their money to earned it which is like you imagine though yeah yeah, you lose $10,000 as a business. You got to like make sure.

You got to find a way to sneak it back. I guess. Man, what a weird thing. I never thought of that. I love that they got all the way home and then the casino called, which like that's why I don't answer the phone. I mean, not because that specifically, but for many reasons. I wonder if they already had the money at that point. They did because they asked them to pay back $33,000. specifically but for many reasons i wonder if they already had the money at that point they did

because they asked them to pay back thirty thousand dollars but the thing is i bet if they didn't come back it would have gotten in big trouble yeah yeah because uh a couple weird reviewers blamed casinos for like lying and like whatever and the casino was like listen we literally can't do that like we're so strictly monitored we can't just keep your jackpot and say you didn't get it like it's clearly very strictly monitored although i of all places to have shady dealings i would not be surprised if casinos would have shady shady dealings i'm not christina i gotta be careful here i just saw i i i do you know you're high roller i shouldn't try to put you totally not what i was saying but sure i just love that the line i'm german and my green card was destroyed in a house where i was like mom yeah well that seems like that is such

a very specific yeah she didn't even dwell on it she was like well this is what happened so i mean at sounds a little fishy. Who set that house on fire? Good question. At least H&R Block is getting that money. Can you imagine going to H&R Block for just your regular taxes? And you're like, here's the thing. I pressed the button on the slots and it all went downhill from there.

If it's an H&R Block in Vegas, they probably have seen it all. That's true. Could you imagine that experience for an accountant no spending some time like a year in vegas and getting all that kind of stuff you get some experience yeah that would be interesting huh i bet they're a specific account like move to biloxi after that where else would you go biloxi because i got shit for saying it wrong before i remember so this is my last one. It's of an MGM Grand Detroit.

It's of the MGM Grand Detroit. And it's a one-star review by Sam. Here we go. First off, let be clear that this one stars for the casino and not the hotel. The hotel is nice, rooms are clean, and the staff very friendly there. But all it takes is one bad apple, and in this case two, to ruin the reputation of any establishment. And that is what happened to me at the MGM casino last night. Been there a few times

in the past with no issues. I hit two video poker jackpots, which is good, however the extremely unfriendly floor manager paid me off like it was coming out of her bank account. She asked if I wanted taxes taken out. I stated negative. Then she stated she has to take out state taxes because I don't live in Michigan, to which I informed her I do live in Michigan. She stated that since I had an Arizona license, I wasn't a resident. Apparently, she has never heard of individuals moving from one state to the next. Apparently, she has never heard of individuals moving from one state to the next.

Regardless, she took out-of-state taxes on both jackpots, even though I hit a few prior jackpots at this casino, and they were never taken out. While waiting the insane amount of time to get paid off, well, close to an hour, I noticed a security guard wandering around me. He then comes up to me and tells me I have to leave the casino, because have me on security camera taking out a liquor bottle and drinking it from my jeans oh my god and i have a feeling this review was written after finishing said liquor bottle produced from their jeans yep the phrase drinking it from my jeans is like so unfortunate it's just a giant straw that goes under their shirt from their jeans yep the phrase drinking it from my jeans is like so unfortunate it's just a giant straw that goes under their shirt from their jeans and they just like oh my god put their face down oh gross they say i have to leave the casino because they have me on security camera taking out a liquor bottle and drinking it from my jeans what you sell liquor

here every 50 feet why would i sneak booze into a place with a zillion cameras i haven't snuck booze into a place since the jimmy carter administration what i don't think jimmy carter had some sort of prohibition thing unless i'm just misremembering well not that i'm misremembering oh my god i haven't snuck booze into a place since the jimmy carter administration for god's sake total 1000 lie i asked to see the surveillance tape of me doing it was denied waited for my jackpot cashed out the remaining coin and got squirted back to the hotel side like I was Lee Harvey Oswald. Luckily, no one shot me on the way out. Okay, that's kind of funny. Do you think he was literally like, oh my God.

Oh my God. I've seen this before. Back in the Jimmy Carter administration. Oh my God. Like I was Lee Harvey Oswald. Luckily, no one shot me on the way out. Probably me a thousand dollars i would have put back in but way to throw out a totally innocent players my life card gold member for no legit reason i explain the next day to the security managers and my casino host doubt anything will be done but this is no way to treat as billy joel would say an innocent man and my goodness this person draws from everything

history billy joel only from very specific from his jeans so that happened that was a lot yeah that was a great finale though holy shit and then there's just pictures of like the slot machines i don't know multiple so multiple multiple jackpot victories yeah which was nice which was nice but led to taxes and couldn't prove that you're a resident residency literally driver's license says the opposite of you being a state very far away and you're in colorado i thought this was michigan oh i'm in michigan sorry but they're from new mexico arizona oh yeah arizona arizona license specifically and so they're like hi here's this thing that tells you that i live that i reside

in arizona my literal zip code is and they said well then we have to take out of state taxes well no i actually live here in michigan but it says not that here so what do you get i don't know what are they gonna do take your word for it card that way your word for it i don't think that's how it works but yeah um but also if that was all made up about the liquor and like he actually didn't produce it which is a very specific accusation yeah um if they did make that up i'd be like yeah it's pretty shady it's shady and like it's shady if he was like i expected it to go kind of like i was just taking a drink from like yeah if he had some other way to explain it i would have been like i don't know he sounds like he's doing

something fishy but if you're literally not doing that and they say oh we saw you do it and we're not going to show you the proof. It's like, hmm. Yeah. I don't love that. Yeah, I don't love that either. But I was actually surprised at the end when he's like, oh, yeah, I got my winnings and left. I was like, OK, good.

At least he got his winnings. I thought I thought they're going to use that as an excuse to just kick him out and not. Maybe this is all run by the Bellagio because he did go to the Bellagio to spend all his money. this is all run by the bellagio because he did go to the bellagio spend all his money maybe the bellagio is sending like fake security to kick people out of other casinos draw them in you know spend it here we won't shoot you shady shit and casinos seem to go just very closely together believe it or not yeah hard to believe blocks it or not um thank you for that that was wonderful that was a fun one because it usually ended well, but people just sometimes didn't have the greatest time,

but they still seem to win their money. So I didn't see anyone get their money taken away except for the green card in the house fire thing, but hopefully H&R Block will fix that situation. Yeah, I've never won big at a casino. I don't plan on it i don't think i don't think that's something you should plan on if you're doing one or lost at a casino i feel like i've rarely ever never lost at a casino i just i've never really been you just

get zeros every time i'm intimidated literally you or get exactly what you put in i don't think i've ever gambled at a casino are you Yeah. I think I've maybe done one slot machine. I'm not like judging. I'm just, I'm like thinking back. Because I. I've like used a few slot machines, but that's it. Like just for fun. Like a dollar or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I've never like actually. Interesting. I'm so intimidated by the tables. I mean, your bachelorette party was in Vegas. I know, but then everyone got into a fight and I just. Not me. Hotel room me i was busy gambling

and losing money you guys had fun i got stuck i did have a blast no and also that was what was fun about that vegas trip is we did so much like we went to backpacking yeah there was a lot happening um yeah yeah chippendales right drinking i Yeah. I needed to find some other things to do after that Chippendales incident. You needed to drown your sorrows in a casino. I feel like I am intimidated by the tables because every. Yeah. Don't go up to those. Those are scary.

I don't know how to do those. Just go to a slot machine. No. Okay. Don't everybody. Don't listen to me. This is a terrible advice. This episode is sponsored by.

This is awful. No. This episode is sponsored by. This is awful. No, we like specifically are. Yeah, we don't want to promote any sort of gambling on this show. This is going to sound ridiculous. Tell me. I know I've said this on the show, but I used to play Keno on Neopets. And I got so addicted to it that I like. Oh, no.

I spent all my Neopoints. Like like i'm pretty sure i once spent like 12 grand on neo points and then i hacked into alissa's account and like no she gave me her you spent 12 grand you know and so now i'm scared to actually go to a casino because i'm like well that happened in neo pets who knows what christinaina i okay what the thing about it happening in neopets that wasn't real money so the stakes will be much higher at a casino so i don't like real money i don't think you're gonna spend 12 000 of your real money and a casino just because you spent 12 000 fake money neo points in neopets all right you're right if that were the case all the video games i played if those translated to real life i i don't know things would be a mess

i think i just lost trust in my self-control you know yeah yeah no that's fair hey that's smart trust yourself i i don't know but also i'm just intimidated by blackjack. Like, I like to play blackjack outside of a casino, but I'm too scared to do it in real life. Oh, yeah, no. Because I feel like I would mess it up. And then everyone would be mad at me. That's why you do it for quarters at the church fair. Right. Like, I can do that.

That's more fun. I can play roulette at the church festival. Yes, exactly. That's what it's all about. Yeah. I did win $100 on a thing at the church festival. A pull tab. One of the pull tabs. That's right. So, I mean, hundred dollars on a thing at the church one of the pull tabs so i mean i guess i won big at the church you won the jackpot and they tried to

get you to donate it and i didn't that was screw your god i bought a digital camera yeah okay anyway well i guess we'll uh see you soon bye everybody i need to go talk to my therapist