Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 147: Reviews of Whale Watching

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. hello everybody and welcome to episode 147 of beach to sandy water to wet this is a podcast we read some shitty reviews and we're also siblings at the same time is this what happens when you put your hair in a ponytail what happens this what's this this whole thing your whole thing my vibe my vibe changes because of my ponytail?

They're not quite as impeccable as I'd hoped, but I guess they're okay. Y'all, I have enough hair now where I can make a freaking stunning ponytail. She's jealous. I am jealous. Yeah. Well, welcome everybody. Today we are reading, well, today we were supposed to record probably a few hours ago and then I fell asleep. But we're here now and we're going to read reviews of whale watching.

I'm cautiously excited. Okay. Cautiously, though. Yeah. You scared? There are a couple moments. Of the whales? Whale moments.

Okay. Whale, whale, whale. Whale, whale, whale, indeed. I think you have more than me. Sure. I'll go first. This first one isn, whale, whale. Whale, whale, whale indeed. I think you have more than me. Sure. I'll go first. This first one is an of a whale thing. It's not of a whale?

It's manatees and dolphins, which, you know, they're all the same, right? Uggs and there's don't. Our Twitter's been so nice and clean and happy lately. Nice and clean, just like I like my Twitter feed. No. be lately nice and clean just like i like my twitter feed no um this is of the manatee scenic tour boat hyphen dolphin and manatee eco tours ponce inlets original scenic tour boat what do you think of when you think about manatees i think of the cincinnati zoo and the weird game where you had to use it yes you had to drag the manatee to safety. And you dragged it with your finger.

So it was a touchscreen. And you dragged the thing, the manatee, out from the harbor. Yeah, it was unsafe in the harbor. Yeah, into the ocean. But you'd have to dodge boats and fishing nets. But it was really janky. And so even if you were like slightly off it would be like you hit a propeller yeah it's like no i killed my manatee but i discovered yeah you killed

many but i discovered that if you're quick enough you can just jump the land and go straight to the ocean throw the manatee over the land inlet i'm convinced that i have uh the world record pace manatee saving game on the cincinnati zoo we should tell the zoo that you should get some sort of statue statue in the manatee yeah enclosure yeah i forgot i just all i think about is that weird sound it would make like do they actually make that sound i don't know i've never seen one i i yeah probably. I don't know why the zoo would play a fake sound and just make it up. They let you jump over the land with a manatee, okay? I don't know that it was the most realistic setup.

Yeah, that's true. Because that probably wasn't part of their plan. But then did they bring someone in the back and they said, Hey, Gary, we need a sound for the school kids coming in. No, do you hear how well I do it? I think I could do it. Yeah, okay, go talk to them maybe they need to update their sound we'll both have a statue perfect sorry i wasn't expecting to

talk about manatees otherwise i would have prepared this no i wouldn't have it sounds well prepared you you came you came with uh facts and uh all i remember was the noise i forgot all about the dragging the manatee i forgot all that oh really yeah that's glad you reminded me yeah that's all i forgot about the sound i didn't i can tell um anyway this is in ponce inlet florida this is a one-star review scam called ahead of time to make sure we would be able to see at least one manatee before purchasing tickets. The ticket woman was incredibly kind and funny, but when we got on the boat, the man told us he hasn't seen any in a couple weeks. We did not see a single manatee.

Not a single one. All we saw were birds. Tons and tons of birds and fancy houses. No manatees. We spent $23 per person to see manatees, not birds we can see from land.

We saw more aquatic life on the dock of the boat than on the entire two and a half hour boat ride. Don't waste your money. Go to any dock and you can see more than this entire two hour tour for free. End of review. You just see that man on a dock like looking for manatees. Sir, that's not going to happen for you here.

That's the nature of these. And that's why I read it at first is because that was a very common complaint. That sums up everyone's complaint. No whales. Hey, I didn't see a whale. Well, guess what? They're not trained. Yeah.

They're wild animals and should be respected so if you sit long enough you might see one jump the land but it happens so quick you have to listen for the sound you listen for the sound and then you might see one flying through the air but it's very rare yeah yeah go to the cincinnati zoo that's where you go yeah i might have one there was an owner response to this oh what did they only have to say first of all we advise all potential customers when asked about our wildlife that we cannot guarantee we will see them on every single tour however we do our best to find manatee and dolphin on each and every tour unfortunately you had a bad experience not being able to see any we do not appreciate the fact that you accuse us of saying we have not

seen manatee in weeks that is an outright fabrication on your part just for the record our tour is two hours not two and a half hours thank you for your over exaggerated fabricated comment we wish you all the best oh my god yeah i saw some really angry responses being like you're lying or like what do you expect from us they must get so frustrated because there is no way in hell that the person was like yes you will definitely see a manatee like yeah they can't say that yeah i can't imagine they would and a lot of these places give free redemption tickets i don't know the right word like they give like a yeah you get to come back on another day which obviously is not ideal if you're like a tourist but that's as much as they can do right like people that complain

they got a free tour and then they said well okay i want to go tomorrow and they said well tomorrow is booked and they're like well i leave the next day and they're like okay sorry i like what are they gonna do they can't drag these animals and then yeah anyway it's just some people are never gonna be happy um if i ever go into some sort of tourism yeah industry i'm not doing any sort of marine watching maybe bird watching everything is open but so far we're gonna narrow this down i'm not even limiting it to animal like i'll do birds or like fancy house watching just no fancy house watching i think that would be a great tour similar to the hollywood house tour yes but from a boat on the water okay you could just eat a sandwich and like watch people's houses i think that's a great tour okay i would do it tm tm tm

um okay i have a review this actually uh came in from lauren and i think this matches your first one pretty well because it's about someone who kind of believes there's a whale watching conspiracy afoot is there might be this is a maybe like those uh psychics in albuquerque cd underbelly oh yeah and the cd whales underbelly oh um this is of cap'n cap'n fishes cruises oh my god there's a lot of apostrophes that's a terrible name i'm sorry i'm sorry is the person's name actually cap'n fish cap'n fish i doubt it then choose something else i'm sorry it's not great can you imagine going to the like a trademark office or the business office being like no capitan with the apostrophe then a fish then

another apostrophe it's just so it's a little i mean our business is literally called sheifer madness so i know i don't feel too much better about ours okay well we're not one to talk okay i take i redact it okay this is a two-star review by fiona they claimed we saw a whale i think it was a plant on the boat on the wait wait a plant as in a like someone planted someone planted a whale that conspiracy would be wild she thought the dragging finger thing was like an actual controlling them no so i i realized now i see the person who said they saw a whale was a plant but when i said it out loud it really does sound like she's saying it was a plant

this whale was a plant on the boat yeah, but she believes that this could be a... One of the guests was planted to be impressed by this imaginary whale. They claimed we saw a whale. I think it was a plant on the boat. As one lady made all three sightings. One confirmed by the employee. Since they saw a whale whale no refunds were offered none of the people in my group or around us saw anything i am most angry that they show such a

high percentage of viewings when you really see nothing end of review that would be a bit weird if one truly weird if one person saw uh what three whales three whale sightings and no one else saw anything the employee saw one of them allegedly yes yes that would be something special so yeah i uh i don't know who to believe here you know what i i don't think thankfully this is pretty low stakes so i don't think we really need to make a final judgment i don't think fiona i don't think fiona's right that this is a plant i don't think the company like put somebody on to go wow a whale and then like because couldn't the employee do that i mean i guess it's not as effective but i feel like this isn't a great plant if she says it three times before the employee's like yeah you're

right that's why they fired her they're like you suck perhaps you're not good you're not a natural i think this might just be an over enthusiastic guest who's like is that a whale true okay no it's not i feel like that that lines up more and then maybe once she actually did spot one um but i do like that you know i love a good conspiracy so um fiona didn't get her money back that was the other thing i saw a couple people say like they refused to give our money back because we only saw because they said we saw a whale but we only saw part of a whale and i was like oh come on they're gonna like lift it out of the water so you can see they're like they

couldn't even prove it was a whale and i was like what do you want them to do i saw ones where they said we didn't get our money back all we saw were and then they listed three types of whales and i was like what why are you going on this thing people are pissed at you who didn't get to see any whales like some moby dick shit they're trying to find their like specific whale but you can't find the other three don't matter well the other thing is apparently according to a lot of laws you're not allowed to spend more than like 20 minutes with the whales because you're like obviously in their space i did see some owner responses where they

said yeah we refuse to go into this place this area we're not supposed to go in and you got mad you refuse to like break into their pod of whales ridiculous all right here's a one of san diego whale watch this is a one-star review by frank the most miserable experience of my life. We spent hours in the ocean looking at the same clear blue water, not seeing even a single whale. The closest thing to marine life I saw was a fly roaming inside the boat. The company knows that whales are not residing off the coast of San Diego during the summer because of the high temperatures. So why are they continuing to scam tourists and residents end of review if you know this why are you exactly why i brought that what is there's no whales i know it why are you on this boat then to catch them like i don't know look at flies yeah closest thing to merlin it's like fly roaming I actually really like that line

yeah I don't know this person for being such an expert made a really stupid decision spending this money on a summer whale watching tour off the coast of San Diego during high temperatures they just bring a fly

the fly is actually a plant we need to entertain them somehow and distract them high temperatures they just bring a fly the fly is actually a plant oh no because they're like we need to entertain them somehow and distract them they need to see something there's no fancy houses here there's no birds we just got to show them this fly it's the closest thing we got so anyway i love that all right well i have one i thought you were going to go a different direction and i was like wow we're really in sync here. Never mind. I have one here. This was sent in by Erin, who said she's been to Iceland twice

and has never been whale watching, but knows it's a popular tourist attraction there. And she also sent a really nice note that says, it's important to me that you know that I've never laughed at any other piece of media as much as this podcast. And I just was like, wow, that's probably the nicest thing anyone's ever said.

That is amazing, thank you. So thank you, Erin Aaron here's the review um I don't know which place it is in Iceland but it's a well watching in Iceland um and this is a review by T it's a one star review well frown face short sad story. July 26th, 2019. Very stormy. I saw my last night's dinner six times. Some whales popped up in a big distance. Do you keep re-eating it or something? You're not supposed to do that. That's what cats do.

Stop it. It's gross. Some whales popped up in a big distance maybe i was preoccupied with praying for my dinner to stay inside no luck at least i feed whales oh no so go green go recycle share your dinner with nature so gross that is so nasty share your dinner with nature and this trip was so difficult for the boat to return that they let us ashore in a different town because it would take another two hours to come back basically just go to aquarium to see whales and you're not gonna have a green face and your schedule won't be ruined end of review so this was more of a review

of the whale watching in general not of this i think specific location because a lot of people blame well okay my next review is similar to this one um but yeah people so at least it wasn't like these this captain was terrible or whatever yeah and some people said if they want one star if they warn you about seasickness take them seriously and. And I was like, well, that's exactly why. Why? Exactly. But yeah, I felt bad. I get really seasick, too.

So I'm like, reading these makes my stomach turn a little bit. But at least I fed some whales. I like they're trying so hard to see the positive. Yeah, they had a good attitude about it. There were whales in the distance maybe who knows she was praying um also there was a a really long response from the owner being like i also sometimes suffer from seasickness i know how disappointing it can be it was like the nicest note okay good but they let how many stars was one yeah that bothers me but they wrote a really

nice little like next time maybe maybe bring a Dramamine. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's one of those things I don't get. I don't get seasick. I don't get... I've only been carsick one time. That's what I thought, yeah.

I don't get that. How is that like... I bet it's going to click for me one day and it's just going to happen. I'm going to hate it and I'm going to have to be ready for it. I was in the backseat recently in the car, right? Yeah, I don't get seasick. And you didn't get car sick. Sometimes when people get older and they have been driving themselves and they go in the backseat, they get sick.

But like you're still not. I don't get that. Oh my God, I get so fucking car sick. When did you get car sick? In Italy. Oh, yeah. That was fucking wild. Those turns.

Those roads. Holy shit. Up a cliff. That was when I finally appreciated what car sickness was and finally i was like welcome to my world awful i remember it so vividly like we had to pull over because i was freaking out because i'd never had that before i was like holy shit out the window stop playing your game boy yeah i just couldn't stop catching those Pokémen. Yeah, that was something. I have a similar thing.

This is of San Diego Whale Watch again. Hey. This is by Harold. One star. Literally a puke fest. People in the halls puking, puke flying off the top area, the smell of rancid shit wafting from the bathrooms masked by clouds of Lysol, screaming children, and wave after wave. No whales, no dolphins, not even a damn bird.

I felt sick, and I don't easily get seasick. This makes me never want to go on another boat in my life. Not even off yet. So close. Get me off this boat. End of review. Oh my god. All I want is to get you off this boat, sir, but I refuse to go anywhere near it.

It's a biohazard. Oh my God. This sounds like hell. Oh yeah. No, it doesn't sound like fun, but. I mean, stop looking at your phone. That's not helping with your seasickness, first of all. Yeah, so true.

What did I tell you about playing Pokemon on the boat? I know. Come on, Harold. Learn from my mistakes. Harold, also, also like there's probably a couple flies if there is this much puke and shit everywhere yeah you could probably see a few flies around true that's some wildlife that's considered marine life nowadays i suppose i would say i'm not going to read it but the owner response was some well it wasn't as positive as

the one you explained but they basically said yes this is this is why we warn you ahead of time about seasickness um and also they said that uh that uh they said at the end we hope you'll be able to use the free rewrite vouchers we provided you no they're not gonna use it so i don't think that's gonna happen but they gave a free ride in the future. Can you imagine being like an employee or like the captain of that boat, Captain Fish, Cap'n Fish, and you go home and your partner's like, how was work, honey? And you're just like, don't ask. Like that must just be like, I bet some days are so much worse than others. I feel the same way after a recording session.

After going here. Yeah. Yeah. I get asked, how was recording? Oh, don't ask. It was a puke fest this room is comparable to a shitty lysol filled boat but you're right yeah i don't yeah but they've seen that's the thing is at this point they've seen it all i don't i feel like the only thing that they would that would be worthy of talking about is something really wild and new how horrible though like

i hope during covid they don't i don't know i don't know i don't know everything with bodily fluid is so much scarier nowadays i just uh lysol clouds i makes me really ill um cool great well uh here we go this is actually now this one does kind of go right into what you were just talking about puke fest puke fest 2021 this was from an email from emma emma sent a link to a maori language in new zealand uh video but they said it maori okay listen i'm gonna try to say how they said it so they said just do your best kiora which is hello or greetings in maori beach tucyandi is my walking entertainment because during level four

we can go for local walks provided we stay distanced from others so uh and then wrote sent some really nice messages and wrote take take care and much aroha, which means love. So I'm trying to be more cultured, Alexander. Culture looks great on you. Thank you. I know you've never seen it before. You are glowing. It's shocking, I know.

So hopefully I didn't, like, I'm sure I butchered that. But, you know, I tried to watch the video. So this is a review, two stars of whale watch kikura which is in wait hold on sorry we just got an email that says we got banned from new zealand what honestly i am maybe 0.1 surprised but like really not i i i feel like that was about to happen eventually we'll send emma we'll send you uh if i don't know how you're gonna hear this but i guess we'll send you a special a special link a private one to skirt the ban yeah there you might get arrested since this is now contraband this is considered contraband in your nation um wow yeah so my bad um this is a two-star review of whale watch kikura in new zealand this is by hank saw a whale for 15 seconds

and they turned around and came back then showed us dolphins which we loved warning contained second i'm just kidding wrong review wrong review warning they sell seasick pills over the counter without any instructions. You should not drive for eight hours after taking them. I didn't know this and took the pill and fell asleep on the road. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. It's really dangerous. It's terrifying. i couldn't realize what was happening to me so i stopped under a bridge and had a sleep then googled about the product and realized it could cause drowsiness end of review um i'll sleep while driving terrifying yeah terrifying um i don't know if you've ever taken germaine i have i've taken it to fall asleep on an airplane it will knock you out

that stuff knocks you out um i did that once but i was not driving but i did fall asleep on an airplane it will knock you out yeah stuff knocks you out um i did that once but i was not driving but i did fall asleep like in the middle of the day on a tour somewhere so yeah so i i get the sleep thing but like dang i yeah i don't know i really should probably give you some warning if you're buying these over the counter at the place but that's just me i don't know i mean unless they you buy it if you're buying like just a pill like are they just giving you that's what i don't get is it are they just like sliding it across the counter yeah exactly that would well because hey this person knew the brand the brand so they could search for it later right so i'm wondering because i would be very surprised if they're like open your hand here's your pill close your eyes and open your mouth yeah yeah i don't know right hand or left hand we're not gonna tell you um

oh my god i just like i went under a bridge and fell asleep it's like oh my god this could have ended so no yeah no it's scary it's really scary i feel like you could if you would crash your car you probably could sue and be like if this is true yes depending on how this happened yeah they just handed me a pill and made me pay for it i don't know so you're right they knew the name of it i somehow doubt it was just like a loose pill out of someone's purse but you know whatever it was like what counter was it like was it just someone behind a counter counter wink yeah was it was it actually an employee um yeah a lot of that's a great tactic though if you just go on one of these boats with like a bottle drumming and

you're like shilling it from your own bag yeah and then i have to help you boat that week there the captain's like cap and fish is like what do you do you just really love whales i would be like this is my fifth free ride i haven't seen one whale yet you jerk okay i don't even have to pay for these tickets anymore okay i've got one another or one from dockside charters and whale watching tours in depot depot d-e-p-o-e bay oregon depot bay depoe bay depoe bay someone said i was right about the edgar on poe thing what what were you how were you right about it i forget okay they said the pose law wait there was not that was different yeah but you're saying like call of the void or

whatever yeah yeah yeah yeah but they said there is something similar yeah they were just they're just trying to be nice to you maybe you shouldn't have brought this up because now i'm gonna be mean to you why did i why did i oh that's because edgar alpo named it i think no i told wait name oh named call of the void i think so oh um so you know what there's something he calls it the imp of the perverse, which is really scary. So just he talked about this idea that just exists. Yeah, but they said it's either called imp of the perverse or call of the void. Like he is the one who discussed it. Okay.

The one? Yep. It's about intrusive thoughts um yes but i'm aware of what it is edgar allen poe called it the imp of the perverse freud called it the death drive who did freud and he also wrote a whole story about it. But that doesn't mean it's the origin. Listener, I... Because whenever I see it talked about, it's like the original was in French. Yeah, I know. Rappelle du vide or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, you know what? I'll find that tweet and tell you later how right I am. All right, your turn. I was wondering how you got on that and then i realized i said depot which is probably not how you say it it's probably depot bay or whatever i don't know it doesn't matter something bay oregon edgar allen poe bay oregon uh this is by travis one star they do not care about the customer experience at all i went on their website and had nothing but problems from the very start i advised them of the problems and they refused to do anything End of review review they go to

like depot after dark.com like what are they doing no it's just a really shitty website that's all it is oh my god calm the fuck no yeah exactly like i i i would agree with this person that their website is not good disgusting but it's not repulsive as if it's offensive to the senses which it's really not that bad not the right words to use i mean yikes granted this was written two years ago but the one i saw if if they updated it since two years years ago to what it is now i'd be very surprised so i assume it's very similar if not the same as it was to the one that was being reviewed here angel fire.net yeah it's yeah um it's not great it's not great like okay and their booking system i went through like a process of oh how to try to get into the mind of this reviewer i went through the process of

booking a whale watching all over my house god um and then i kept eating it again you did it six times i had to feed your cats but yeah uh and it was not great but it it seemed to work i never finished but it seemed to work and i got to some listener the end i don't know that's like this the most like off-putting review of like very dramatic i feel bad for these also to tell them like i told them what was wrong with their webs if that's what you told them no wonder they were like affronted and also didn't do anything what are they supposed to do we get emails like that of people criticizing certain things and the way they go about it it's like wow that is just not a nice way to come do yeah wait what do you mean i don't want to talk about not about our website

no because our website is garbage and everyone knows it it's just a well it's a basic website i don't know there's no point to it's not like people are like oh i'm gonna puke all over the place because no but like yeah it's like there's there's a very much a way to not come across as just being like a total douchebag you can be kind and offer feedback or not even be kind just offer the feedback you don't have to be such an asshole right right right right right i'm not expecting you to coddle me just be just just give me feedback without oh to be clear i am expecting you to coddle me coddle her all you want yeah while we're at it but no i mean but like when he says oh i told them all the problems with their website it's like did you expect poor like janine behind the counter to like go download squarespace like what did you want yeah and then

also god i don't know if you come with that kind of energy and you get people get upset back and they're like hey why are you this isn't like a tech company i mean damn yeah that hurts my feelings on their behalf yeah i had to wash my Also, like my stomach can handle liquor. Congratulations. Okay. We're all so impressed that you can eat fucking spicy vindaloo and a shot of vodka and you can't. And this person's basically making fun of themselves that their stomach couldn't handle

a shitty website. Come on. What a weird flex. How pathetic are you that you're so worked up about someone else's website it's not even i don't know like what's the point if this were like your competitor or something or there were some personal vendor i just don't get it yeah i don't get it either um it's just really not nice no and also like really off-putting okay so i got an email from carla and this is a review of lighthouse charters naruma and montague island discovery tours with waza and waza i'm just now realizing is like the

owner or manager because that's the person who responds this is their cap and fish cap and fish's cousin waza who's a little kookier you know which i didn't think was possible knowing captain fish is the protagonist of the cartoon and then like waza is like the cousin that kind of comes in and is like oh he's a little office rocker yeah he's still entertaining he's a good guy like luigi and waluigi right okay but no but because it's cap and fish and waza yeah yeah but better i see yeah but better okay so uh i'm not gonna read that whole title again but this is in naruma uh new south wales and this is a one-star view by baloo i made that up we went in a group of 12 people and all of us

were bored with this trip and it's not not fair to charge $100 for this trip. They should cost less than $50. There is nothing to see in Montego Island. There is no whale, no penguins. You only get instructions about penguin breading. Oh, no. There's nothing to see here. End of review.

Okay. A couple things here. Penguining is it a b-r-e-e-d-d-i-n-g b-r-e-a they actually spelled it like oh yeah breading b-r-e-a-d-i-n-g and carla in the email was like enjoy the penguin breading what the fuck does that mean and then i read it and went oh that sounds dangerous and the fact that you get instructions about penguin breading makes it sound so much worse. Cause even if it were breeding, I'd be like,

what do you mean? Instructions about penguin breeding. As if you have to participate when you're being instructed how something works. Generally it's so you can do it. Who's teaching this and why? Yeah. Also,

there's nothing to see here. Just some penguin breading breeding. Either way. It's bad. Anyway, penguin breading breeding either way it's bad anyway penguin breading just really got to me um it did it did it got to me too uh so it's a 50 penguin breading class uh what was the lady's name who taught that cooking class you read about in the last episode i don't remember miss twizzle or something yes miss twizzle she's wazoo's teacher oh teaching penguin breading course to wazoo that makes sense it suddenly became like a an adult swim cartoon because it got really weird was there was there a review that said i could i could bread penguins better than them there's nothing

to see here just me learning penguin breading um yep there is no makes sense okay that was my last one penguin breading okay i've got another one of dockside charters and whale watching tours this is a one-star review by clarence wow i was really looking forward to going fishing but they don't have any discount for disabled veterans. Only active duty personal. I guess they don't care about we gray hairs who probably served before they were even a little thought in their parents' eyes. So disappointed. End of review.

Oh, no. Oh, no. That's weird. Did not have to say it that way. You did it. We got the message pretty quickly. Yeah, that was very unnecessary. Could have ended at just only active duty period when i was in eighth grade our middle school principal uh where's very creepy creepy speech he was always very known

for being very um just a little let's just say he made students very uncomfortable very uncomfortable i i i'm just gonna leave it at that yeah um because even if there was something bad our school would have covered it up because they were good at that anyway um wouldn't be the first and wouldn't be the last exactly so let me just say this speech was the weirdest thing i think we have it on vhs he yes and i really want to find it because I would love to watch it. I'm pretty sure I know exactly where it is. They cut in. They kept in all the students reactions because all the students, we would look at each other

and have these like literally mouth to each other. What? The videographer was like zooming in on students faces during the speech. I remember the fact that they kept it. So vividly. Laughed so hard. It was like an eighth grade graduation or something. Yeah, it was.

And it was in the chapel. So I'm just, you know, everything in the chapel just makes it everyone's in the pews um and then and he'd say things like he said things like oh like um like when you were just a twinkle in your parents eyes and then he talked about how he would watch the students on the playground and it would make him very it was a lot sometimes i sit back and watch at the playground they don't know i'm seeing it's it was so bizarre it was so bizarre he just yeah so that's what uh clarence here reminded me of um about being a little thought in your parents eyes i feel like that's when you know how you have a panic button when you work at 7-eleven i'd be like hitting the panic button usually for the police but like yeah yeah i would just be hitting it for the police like um he's just trying to tell me

something like about veterans but that's a that's a bad sign if you're if your parents eyes uh come into the conversation things yeah i don't want to talk about that yeah yeah i don't want to talk about that yeah um man i've got to watch that video again all he wanted to do was go fishing yeah isn't that all he wanted to do that's all that's all he's lying though he wanted to go fishing and he wanted to talk about yeah and wanted to get a a discount he wanted to talk about his existence before everyone was a thought in their parents eyes a little entitled there uh i do have one more though oh good this is from an email this is from uh jacinth rhymes with the labyrinth so did i did i do a good job i would say i think so she her uh thank you for that um jacerinth who jacerinth it's it's not

spelled like jacerinth so i don't think so but jacinth is planning to go whale watching on an upcoming trip and wanted to find some reviews so here is one this isn't good this is this is not good oh uh and actually there are two of these reviews, but I chose this one. This is a review of Dolphin Flea to Whale Watch in Provincetown, Massachusetts. This is a one-star review. Want to whack a whale? No. Then go with this company. We went on the noon cruise earlier in the week, spotted several whales, and the boat collided with a humpback whale.

Prior to the collision, it was very easy to see it coming. I feel bad that my money went towards harassing these beautiful creatures. I urge any whale watch passengers to take video and pictures of operator negligence and to forward it to the appropriate authorities at NOAA. If the NOAA doesn't have funds to police these bad operators then the customers need to do the policing i'm sure one could have an enjoyable enough experience we saw many whales and they were awesome but it really does put a damper on things when you know the boat you were on added another scar to the back of one of these beautiful animals customers it is your job to police your captains know the laws turn them in if they do something

bad rate them five stars if they do something good this cruise was terrible and there was another review saying that the uh captain went into an unauthorized zone and had a whale what um yeah and for those who don't know like i didn't know either the noaa is a national oceanic and atmospheric administration oh my god, Alexander, that's terrible. Yeah. I mean, I obviously know this shit happens because the Cincinnati Zoo taught me about dragging a manatee out of a harbor, you know, away from dangerous boats. But like, what are you guys doing?

This is happening repeatedly. I do not know much about whale watching as an industry i don't know if overall it is a positive thing i know there are many who do it for research purposes and supposedly to help these whales but um clearly that is not always the case uh so yeah that was also like this probably ruin it for everyone else who's i mean like we went on a few well you weren't there obviously you knew i was gonna bring this up but one time i got dragged to this stupid fucking turn island at t-e-r-n and it's this fucking oceanic bird and i had to go because my stepmom paid so much money for this bird watching expedition and i'm quite frightened

of birds actually i don't know if it came before after this kind of chicken and egg turn an egg situation but alexander like threw a fit and got to stay home and so i had to go sick yeah faked sick faked sick threw a fit cried okay you stayed home i had to go on this boat and they gave us sharp sticks i'm literally sure i've talked about this 400 times but uh i'm like pretty sure i've told this a million times um but uh the point was that the whole it was like a conservation thing and the money went like directly toward like you know building this how tat and making sure people didn't you know go too close and like it was all very and the the birds medical bills once you stab them with a stick no that was my medical bills because they said oh they go for your eyes

they know your weak points and i was like why am i on this island i'll pay you a hundred dollars and like not go on the island like is that an option the only time your parents eyes should come up in conversation is when it's protecting them from turns oh my god they gave us pointed sticks with flowers on them and i was like what's the point of flowers and they were like well if you hold them up then it'll look like you're just underneath a bush and i was like no it won't what are you talking about you all stand in formation yeah and they're like i'm like if they're smart enough to know where my weak points are my eyeballs that they're not gonna know i'm not under a bush okay anyway point being um i'm working myself point being the the whole this whole group and thing was like a big

conservation thing and there was a lot of research going into it and protecting the bird it was all about like protecting and learning about the birds so i imagine there are some you know groups that are very very concerned with like being protective of these animals and taking care of them and clearly people like this ruin it for everyone i feel similarly about zoos i don't personally i don't support zoos and yeah i people will tell me well look at all these great conservation efforts i'm not denying that and i'm sure there are many endangered species that have been helped out by zoos but yeah like you said there are so many terrible things that happen that it's like yeah and i know people who work at zoos and do a lot of work like um rehabilitating animals and stuff and that's it's not so totally black and white but with whale watching it might be more black and white i just don't know enough

like i don't know enough either there might be some people who are like yeah busy trying to cheat the fucking game at the zoo he wasn't actually learning about it no no i didn't care about the manatee i just cared about winning yeah Trying to get a statue up in the zoo. Can you imagine? He's like, I don't support zoos. And then like all of a sudden everyone who goes in Cincinnati Zoo sees a statue of Alexander and the manatee enclosure. It's similar about me going vegan. It's not for any animals

or anything. It's really just about being better than everyone else. That's why I did it. We know. We figured that out a long time ago. He's trying any angle to get a statue. As soon as he gets a statue, he's going to like drop all of these fucking activism roles and just give me my statue. Somebody make a goddamn statue, please.

I'm like so over it. Put donuts on its thumbs. Put donuts on it. Put a sharp stick with a flower. It'll be. Wow. All right. Well, that was it right i think so okay well it's time for my challenge then i've not uh talked about a challenge yet this is uh from natalie and the challenge was to find reviews of baby products that consumers used for their pets. I'm very excited for this one. It was fun.

I got some email. Well, I think I got one email and then I found the rest. So the email I got here. Oh, maybe I got two. This is from Jesse. Oh, this was a between you and us from a long time ago. That wasn't like meant for the challenge, but inadvertently helping you inadvertently helped, which I'm hoping happens when we kind of make up our own themes and there's still emails to help us well we can just make up

our own themes based on the emails we've gotten that's true uh that's true too so this is a review of oh my gosh it's an amazon product so like don't hold your breath it might take a while uh digaby oh my god digaby fits 12 inch 13 inch 14 inch 15 inch bitty baby alive doll clothes diapers 360 degree sewing dresses for american girl dolls with doll nappies umbrella milk bottle nipple and doll accessories pack of 25 bags set not sure what this is i i thought i had an idea and then it changed it went back and forth i thought it was closed like a um it's like a uh what is this called you're just making a circle with your fingers i don't know what that is like a circle where where it's it's so much information

no i don't know that doesn't make sense what wait this product is a circle i don't understand no it's a nipple bottle oh it's a what it's a nipple bottle what does american girl have to do with this do american girl dolls have nipples no okay i don't believe so i think that would probably piss a lot of grandmas off um yeah i guess but um they're just nip okay women's breasts are starting to be discussed by oxen uh so i didn't get the memo please stop it so okay what i'm saying is there's so much information that it like defeats the purpose and we have no clue what it is is what i'm trying to say i see like there are like there's there's a point like an event horizon i don't know where you cross it don't make that face of me you've never made that face of me before you just said there's an event horizon

and when you cross it and you're talking about nipple bottles i'm talking about this what is that you're right there's a. Okay. It's doll clothes and accessories. Okay. And accessories. Okay. It's for little kids, little babies who have like dolls and they have like a hairbrush and a bottle. What do nipples have to do with it? There's a nipple for the bottle.

Oh, okay. And there's like little diapers and little outfits. It's like for little kids to play with doll. It's like doll clothes. to play with doll it's like doll doll clothes okay i'm good so i'm i'm i'm satisfied now do you understand the event horizon yes i've crossed the threshold i think i did that thing with the manatee just threw you that's horizon okay so this is a review it's's a five-star review by Katie. Verified purchase.

Called Great for Squirrels. Okay, that's not what I expected. Fits my pet squirrel really well. She has a hard time with the umbrella, though. End of review. So that's that. Like, they're posing the squirrel for pictures probably it must be like um i've seen it so i'm not i'm weirdly not too surprised by this but i love that and like you know what's her name uh like sugar bush the squirrel that eminem i always reference and

and the the mom like rescued this little baby squirrel when when she was abandoned and i don't know if it's a boy or girl but was abandoned and then like does like little um photo shoots and stuff and their whole house is like dedicated to this squirrel and um maybe that's sugarbush's owner who wrote well that's what i was gonna say is that like it's not sugarbush's owner because i'm looking at their profile and like it's definitely a different squirrel owner yeah so clearly this is a more common thing in that one more person does it um but i have a sugar bush portrait and it's like oh i know i've seen it the military forces invading iraq or something and i'm like wow they got they went off in a really weird direction there um but yeah so our

squirrels what support our squirrels our squirrels sos thin brown line brown line doesn't sound quite as comforting um not that the other one's comforting either but yeah i'd rather have a wrong word yes i do think this is i mean no offense katie but a little amateur hour because like you know it's just like a little dress and a umbrella i feel like sugar bush has like a full yeah yeah so so military fatigues and a little tank a little tank a wedding dress because i have june bride is the other portrait i have the military sugar bush is wearing a wedding dress and i was like that's a statement right there definitely different settings for those two but i do have june bride which is also in a wedding dress but anyway so this is uh you know a little toy for little babes and uh it actually worked for my squirrel says katie so now i have another one here this is from taylor and i really like this one um

taylor says this is the mattress we got for our baby we had back in april and the reviews are highly positive i'll say no this is the mattress i bought for the nursery so i looked at this and went holy shit i bought this for for geo right so you're giving your baby geo's old dog bed i could see it yeah i could imagine and then i bought geo a new one yeah i mean geo does have like a casper dog but it's like five years old now so it's not as nice but um it's definitely felt really douchey when we bought it that's really nice though highly recommend um so taylor says in reading them apparently many people purchase this for their dog literally so i thought

you might find some good ones um and so taylor who recommended this mattress i also bought this mattress it's the graco baby mattress um and she says congrats to christine and blade actually i don't know her pronoun so i'm just gonna say um so taylor says congrats to christine and blaze on the rainbow baby and congrats congrats to xandy on becoming an uncle to a baby human thank you thank you i like that specification since you already been an uncle already three times yeah so this is a review not quite what you'd expect this is a five-star review by amazon customer verified purchase and the title is people's incorrect use of product quit buying this bed for your dogs and giving bad reviews this is a baby mattress meant for

small children not animals so yes the dogs will tear up and pee on them and whatnot but dogs do more damage than a sleeping baby if you're going to write a review on a product use the product correctly the way the product was meant to be used people who want this mattress for their children want to know the parent outlook on it for their kids not their animals you all wasted my time writing about a money waste because your dog ate the bed when i wanted to know an actual review that mattered for my child end of review yeah you tell them you tell them 5036 people found this helpful good it's like those people it's we brought this up last yes the people who change recipes and then complain about it it's like hey no that's not how this works yeah or the i mean

maybe a stretch but the whale watching people who are like they warn you about throwing up and then i threw up everywhere one star and it's like they told you yeah um but yeah so i really like this because it was like it was basically someone calling out all the people who uses for their pets not that they use it for the pets, but that they, like, complain that it doesn't work for the dog. Or that the dog ate it. Which is, like, yikes. I kind of want to find some of those now, I guess. But this product is, like, 36,000 reviews.

Holy shit. There are a lot. That's why I bought it. But, yeah. So, you know, I thought that was pretty spot on. Stop. Quit buying this bed for your dogs and giving bad reviews oh use it correctly you wasted my time so clearly this person was personally affected by

this i mean but truly that is a total waste of time it's a waste of time like come on um okay buy the casper one i'm telling you geo scratches it all day long it's it's a tough tough little guy still around um okay peed on but other than that he's not peed on it okay this is a review of disney baby winnie the pooh and friends stuffed toy five stars by sammy i love this cute little stuffed winnie the pooh it went perfectly with my dog's halloween costume and i know it's meant for babies it even has a cute little jingle rattle sound inside but my dog absolutely loves to carry it around he doesn't tear up toys so it's great for him he seems to think it's good for snuggling please tell me there's a picture I have a photo oh god okay that is

the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life I shouted when I saw it I am not kidding that is the cutest thing I did not expect it to be that cute I can't stand it I'm mad at how cute that is it's a big big pupper and he's dressed as what's a little poo bear

and he has a little poo bear in his paws it's so sweet oh that made me so happy it's so sweet um he's like a really big pup and he has this uh little red shirt on and a little yellow like pooh bear hat and he's holding a little stuffed pooh bear so cute um and it's called a baby rattle but clearly this and i honestly i think there's nothing cuter on this earth than dogs that don't shred toys and instead carry them around because geo eviscerates toy like like like in a in honestly a more disturbing way than just like playing with it like he will like pull individual threads out of its face like it's really disturbing to watch um but

then dogs for the weak points he really fucking birds but like he really does uh just not make it you know a sweet experience but when dogs just carry them around like their own stuffed animals yeah like tegan who he used to live with had like a little bear and she would just keep it i just i just i think it's the sweetest thing and i um me too i love that sometimes i wish she were a little more a little more gentle but i hear you i know i just got his report card and it said low energy and i'm like well okay uh okay one star by no sorry five stars by um jenny and this is of a verified purchase of the Hudson Baby Unisex Security Blanket in blue fox, one size. So it's a little blue fox and it has like a blankie coming off it.

Cute. This is five stars by Jenny. We have a deaf dog along with seven other dogs. Oddly, someone gave us one of these. I thought, what the hell? But let them play with it anyway. My mistake, because now I have to buy these once a month, or some just every three to four months. They carry them around like a security blanket, and only occasionally play tug-of-war with them, which is why I keep eight around.

They do well being washed and dried. So yeah, I just reviewed a baby toy for my dogs what does my life become anyway recommend for your dog or kid end of review that's so funny there's eight of these in their house cute it's so cute oh my gosh this is so nice and wholesome after hitting whales with ships i know i mean i didn't think that was gonna get so dark baby mishap last week haven't gotten feedback on because we haven't released that yet we recorded it yesterday so if you're if you're sitting here and thinking when are they gonna address all that the beanie

baby stuff we totally forgot about it we yelled at them about yeah well we got this late so yeah our bad uh maybe next up next episode maybe actually we might record another one before then because we've got a lot to record. Bummer Parade Central hasn't been addressed. Maybe we'll just do a special Bummer Parade episode for everyone who loved it. All like 12 of you. Oh, I thought it was going to be like an apology tour. But yeah, we can either lean into it or we'll decide based on your feedback. We'll go both ways and release one for more of these type of reviews of baby products

for dogs oh my god juniper just got out of his halloween house and he was he's a lonkas cat it looked like he just that was the creepiest thing i've ever seen juniper slinky looks like how does he do that i don't know that did not look he's a creepy kitty he like stretched his body out so you couldn't see his hind legs that was so creepy okay um anyway so i have to deal with day in day out and then i go on the internet and see pictures of dogs just winning the poo with stuffed animals so cute and i'm like what do i have to deal with this for this is ridiculous it's a weird weird pet household here i guess mooney carry well mooney carries toys around in his mouth but then he drowns them and watches them drown so i guess that's really not quite as sweet yeah yeah once he brought a bowl of water

up to blaze's like while he was sleeping and shoved his face in it thankfully blaze was strong enough to push him away but he actually was a close call it was it was a few weeks after he had actually originally dragged blaze out of bed and carried him to the water bowl and dropped him in and we you know we had to put a stop to that but um you're like how sweet he loves him oh yeah oh no um anyway all of you fail your report cards is all i'm saying. Junie, Gio, and Moon. So, yeah. So, all these dogs have little safety blankets. Cute. Cute.

And sometimes they play tug of war. I mean, it's just so cute. It's just so cute. So, those are all my animal ones. I did find one really weird one that, of course, I had to keep in. That's not about animals at all. I don't hear it. But I was Googling, like, you know, I know it's for babies, but.

And so, of course, there were some weird ones that came up that were not pet related so i found a review of um something called hidden in my heart lullaby journey through scripture volume one and this is the first review by krista i don't think i think you found this independent of this challenge i'm trying to like i know what you're into scripture lullaby yeah krista gave it five stars i know this is for babies but i gave this set of three to my girlfriend who can't sleep due to her medication she needs to live she believes in the lord and these cds help her rest but not sleep all in all a great improvement okay that was sorry i just couldn't not like make everybody else hear that too

she believes in the lord i feel like if you say that it means that you don't but you say you're like as if you're like justifying this purchase um but that was like weirdly that was i mean i think the concept of this is weird um just because it's religious i'm sorry but uh i did think it's so sweet how they said they can they're resting even if they're not sleeping which is a big improvement i find that a little jarring um these cds she doesn't sleep but she rests it's like was she just i mean it's like if yeah but if if you can at least be restful that's true if she can't sleep and it like helps her yeah you wouldn't be able to sleep either way but at least you're not no you're you're totally right staying up and being anxious or whatever at least you're feeling restful despite not being able to

actually sleep yes no that is fair that is fair um on a weird unrelated note i did watch a tiktok today and it was someone who was reading their old uh their old like christian they were i don't know they're very hardcore christian back in the day like when they were younger like their teen christian journal oh god oh my god it was hilarious yeah and it was like my god it was hilarious yeah and it was like in it it said lord please um like it's like i know that he like chase is struggling so lord like please don't allow him to sleep until he gains his faith and it was like what oh no like chase wondering why he has insomnia yeah i mean honestly i'm like if god actually follows through on some of this stuff no wonder people are struggling and they like ask god to keep them up at night because they were like because he doesn't believe strongly enough well no wonder

maybe god's just trying to sell his hidden in my heart lullaby journey through scripture cd and he's like i gotta create the problem to solve the problem you know what i mean oh i know exactly what you mean it's like his own the lord's mlm yeah yeah journey through scripture volume one yeah it's like how we actually are the first people to write terrible reviews on the internet exactly right so that we could create a podcast we needed to create a problem to solve the problem yeah we're not really solving many problems at all no no no we needed to create a problem to uh profit off to profit off the problem and continue the problem yes yeah exactly yeah um easier said than done yeah you try you try doing that yeah listeners um but yeah thank you

everyone for thank you sorry we yelled at you um thank you for listening. I am just so pleased. If you want to have like a better day, just look up like dogs dressed as Winnie the Pooh and stuff. I don't know. I feel like it's just really comforting to me. Or dogs with security blankets or stuffed animals. Just it really did improve my day. And after I read some reviews about whales getting hit by boats. No, we needed it. No, we needed it.

I think we needed it. So on that note, I guess we're still not announcing themes and challenges. It's a surprise next week. So enjoy your surprise. Hope that we enjoy it too. We better. And we'll talk to you then. All right.

See you later. Bye everyone. you