Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 149: Pumpkin Reviews

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

Christine finally admits she wouldn't fly to Maine to teach a child about the birds and the bees. Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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it's something late night you and daytime you can agree on. Hit up your local Taco Bell restaurant or TacoBell.ca today and try our new cantina chicken menu. Taco Bell, not just late night. Offer available at participating Taco Bell locations or TacoBell.ca. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the

world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Happy fall. Oh my gosh, it's the first day of fall. It's great. Yes. And how do we celebrate fall?

With pumpkins. Because we love pumpkins. You guys know that about us. Yeah, famously. pumpkins because we love pumpkins you guys know that about us yeah famously famously we love pumpkins and that's why we said what should our theme be today i know everyone will be expecting us to do simply pumpkins and i can't wait for um you to have my nibbling uh so you can make all do all those like pumpkin outfit oh like put the infant inside a pumpkin yes yeah right yeah that's that too i was thinking of an of a pumpkin costume crochet pumpkin but yes in a pumpkin surrounded by gourds and other and foliage just fully fall foliage fall autumnal foliage

famously fall foliage on qvc a special collection on qvc um that's a little hint as to where i'm headed today oh qvc i thought you meant the whole pumpkin and my nibbling thing i thought oh god where are we headed i do not like that valerie par hill i didn't know you were going somewhere after we record wait ready ready over the me over the meadow and through the woods to Valerie Parr Hill. No, wait. Is there the word hill in that song? Over the Valerie? No. Never mind.

Okay. No, no, no. Keep going. No, I'll work on it. I'll get back to you. Hello. Welcome, everybody. This is a fall episode where we don't really have anything suggested by you because we're kind of winging it.

And so we're doing pumpkins. That's all. don't act like this wasn't a very very very well thought out well thought out we're planning it for over a year actually this pumpkin episode well zandy who wants to go first we don't have any announcements do we not i don't think so our uh contain sexy stuff is selling well i think um sure i just invented that y'all have been very positive about it yeah people like it at least which is we're excited for you actually to get them and i'm excited to get one uh put inside i can't wait uh thank you all for that yes and uh the the decals as well

can't wait to yes see what you throw that on your car and your face and wherever else sexy stuff belongs your underwear drawer exactly yeah um but no i don't have an announcement but i did get to go to my favorite place ever jungle gyms yeah no i'm yes that's pretty good too we did go there we did go there i was thinking the apple store like the apple app store oh i thought you meant like at the kenwood mall you mean like on sorry yes okay we're so good at this have we ever like interacted with each other before it feels like we haven't yeah we if we were like auditioning for something we'd be screwed we'd be in big big trouble so hopefully no one's listening to this is like to um the talent talent scouts listening to our podcast let's see how they handle the topic

of pumpkins because we wanted them to host our pumpkin extravaganza this year qvc what if we were auditioning for qvc we'd be terrible we'd be screwed yeah but i'm okay with that oh i'm okay with being terrible at hosting qvc okay fine yeah i i don't want to be what they want well i'm gonna open my mezzo mix first okay pumpkin flavored it it's orange so sort of i have my hydro jug which is orange that's true it looks like a large pumpkin it looks like a half gallon pumpkin pumpkin because that's how much water fits in a hydro that's our ad for the day anyway app store App Store. I love reviews from the App Store. So I found reviews of Halloween colon puzzles, kids and baby. And baby.

Yes, kids and baby. Excellent. Just one baby. Just the one. The one baby. It's coloring games for girls and boys. Its icon is a picture of a jack-o'-lantern. So I figured it counted. This is a one-star review.

Offensive. This had Satan in it, which I find offensive to my religion. Please remove. End of review. Is this another Talking Tomcat situation? Yes, I think so. Did you look into the eyes of the jack-o'-lantern?

I did. I'm staring at them right now. Is Satan protruding from them? I see myself in the eyes. Oh, no. It's even worse than I thought. So maybe staring at them right now. Is Satan protruding from them? I see myself in the eyes. Oh, no. It's even worse than I thought. So maybe? I don't know.

Do you think it was like a devil drawing or something? Probably something very... Like a kid dressed up as a devil. Not that offensive. Well, for baby. For baby. Yes, for baby. For baby is very offensive.

Or maybe it was... Only for Christian baby. Only for Christian baby. Yeah. Which kind of is funny when your religion is what made up the whole concept of there being a heaven and hell and like that's a whole thing that you all ascribe to how dare you say such offensive things to my language or to my religion with something i invented yes yeah yeah i got you yeah yeah troubling troubling well

the thing they also invented pumpkins christians yes they did then why are we so invested in them today i guess we'll discuss that later we'll discuss that we'll discuss that at bible study our pumpkin themed bible study yes okay uh i have a review of course i immediately went to qbc as i said um and i have a review of hay and harvest illuminated wheelbarrow or wagon with scroll pumpkins wait wait it's a what or a wagon it's a wheelbarrow or a wagon you can just decide which one you want to use one or the other and it has like i feel like they look very different a wheelbarrow they do look pretty different yeah so which one does this look like to you this one is the what this one is the wagon oh i'm sorry sorry options i was confused i thought you meant they were saying

wheelbarrow wagon we don't know you decide start with the same letter we don't want to google it no no no uh you pick an option of either the wheelbarrow or the wagon got it got it now you'll learn quickly which one ada picked oh no this is a verified purchase it's two stars where's my red wagon i was so excited to get my little red wagon filled with pumpkins until i open up the box and my wagon is orange the screw on the handle on was backwards too i was able to fix that i watched and re-watched the video to see if the wagon was red or orange well it's supposed to be red, but unfortunately mine is orange. What color is your wagon? It's a very personal question.

What color is your wagon? I am not a happy buyer. Now I have to decide what to do. End of review. Not decision making. I'm not even being sarcastic. That is one of my least favorite things you are libra that's correct uh yeah i i just i mean happy libra season everyone

by the way i know i don't know why we're talking about fall when there's much more important true um but yeah so i don't really understand why i looked at the i like that she kept rewinding the video to watch to find out it looks looks like pretty orangey red to me. I don't think it like... Enhance. Huh? Enhance. Enhance?

Oh. What color is this? Enhance. What are you talking about? That video. Rewatching that video. I said it's like some CSI shit. Oh, like where they keep zooming in on the surveillance footage?

Somehow the quality is even better once they zoom in. When they zoom in? No, once they enhance after zooming in. Well, they have to enhance first yeah yeah true um enhance button that's what i do whenever i edit our show enhance that's why it's so good enhance button and that's all it takes if you guys heard the original you'd be like this is nothing like the final product because oxen are enhances it so many times until it's actually like listenable yep um but yeah what color is your wagon nobody responded so oh no sorry ada it looks orange though you said i mean it doesn't look like that different from orange and they don't advertise the color i don't think so where's my red wagon where's my where's ada's red wagon that's like the worst children's book ever

my little red wagon oh no what color is your wagon that's a nice children's book too and teaches you how not to talk to strangers exactly my next one is a color by numbers hyphen halloween educational coloring game on the app store it's educational yes there's a picture of a pumpkin or jack-o'-lantern. It's going to learn a lot from that yet. One, two, three, four, five underneath it. Fantastic. And then the rainbow on the left.

Okay. Very, I described it perfectly. This is a two-star review titled Halloween Game. It is fun, but you have to get one color on this side and then another side. And I thought my granddaughter would like it, but she didn't. And also, I am in the kitchen trying to cook. And she says, how do I do another color by number? And then an ad pops up, so we delete it.

End of review. Oh, grandma. Oh, grandma. She just wanted to put her iPad to some good babysitting use. Yeah. While she cooks dumplings. That was very specific. I'm trying to paint a picture by number.

Oh. Oh, that is sad when an ad pops up for Homescapes where there's a divorce and a child custody battle. And grandma's like, this is awkward. I thought this was an educational game. But no. What was that one where it was like strip poker advertisement? I don't remember. There's been some very inappropriate advertisements on these apps.

It's one you read and he was like, and then she didn't even take her clothes off. Yes. Well, that's right. People went because I went to find the actual game that was being advertised and people were complaining that it didn't fit the ad oh yikes yeah yeah okay well the next thing i did obviously was go to common sense media especially because i have my paid account now you know yeah you don't look excited no okay i mean it's it's a dangerous thing the amount of access

you now have i looked at like 15 different movies i used to only be able to look at three yeah i even looked at apps they have apps there but no yeah there were no apps with um reviews that featured pumpkins oh no so that's more your territory still thank god so this movie is called spookily the square pumpkin spookily the square pumpkin i'm sorry i didn't mean to laugh why are you laughing at someone's name that's something so serious we cannot laugh at the dorkuses and the spooklies of the world i'm so sorry they deserve better i regret it spookily the square pumpkin and the the kind of log line or like common sense media's description is delightful musical tale of pumpkin who doesn't fit in um and let's see this is a review um written by an adult who recommends

this for ages four plus and the subject is not so not for baby not for baby not for baby not christian baby not buddhist baby no baby okay Not for baby. Not Christian baby, not Buddhist baby, no baby. Okay, good. Just four plus. Just four plus. Two stars. And the title is First 10 Minutes, Pumpkins Mean Singing to a Square Pumpkin. Oh, no.

This sounds... This sounds tragic. Definitely not for baby. Okay. Here we go. Ready? Yes. The kids don't get a chance to get into the characters and enjoy the movie before the tension, bullying, and sadness begins. My four-and-a-half-year-old son was holding back the tears after ten minutes.

The movie just starts off with some dialogue between bats, then the whole field of normal round pumpkins singing mean songs to the square pumpkin while i couldn't hear the lyrics i could see the normal pumpkins mean faces and square pumpkin cowering behind leaves we don't watch too much tv at home and definitely not the family that can do disney movies yet too much tension and suspense this title contains sexy stuff no end of review only sexy stuff oh that's it they didn't even say no bullying no positive role models positive role models wow so in response i found another review here okay i would love more insight okay um well we'll see if this helps you at all this is a review by carlos who's an adult, who recommends this for ages 8 plus. One star.

And the title is, What is this movie, though? This movie is very odd. Only watch this movie under these circumstances. You are a 30-year-old and cannot get over the loss of your pet gerbil. You are 31 and getting over the loss of your jack-o'-lantern. You are 56 and want to see the opposite of feminism. You are 4 and want to ruin your childhood. This title contains sexy stuff.

I need to watch this now. And a review. So. There's that for any. The opposite of feminism. I'd love to see. The opposite. I'd love to see this.

I don't know what to tell you. I'd love to see what that means. Well, maybe we should watch it then. I'd love to see this. I don't know what to tell you. I'd love to see what that means. Well, maybe we should watch it then. I'm down. Okay. Okay, be right back, everybody. Okay, no. First, I have another review

of Color by Numbers hyphen Halloween. Okay. It's a one-star review. Don't get it! Why can you not get all of the colors by numbers? You can only get three. And even even worse you have to spend three dollars for the full game if you're buying this game think again and do not

get it you idiots why are people so why are children on these reviews so mean they're so mean they're calling everyone idiots all because they've been watching all these freaking movies and learning from all the yeah all these freaking movies and learning from all these round pumpkins and learning how to bully the squares in their lives. Like us. You're completely right. Like people reading these reviews. Are we the squares?

Yeah, we're the squares. Oh, shit. All right. They're writing it for an audience and we're that audience. Well, I did actually remember that there was a review that gave more context to sexy stuff. So I just found it. I just went and pulled it up. Tell me.

Okay? Yes. This is a two-star... No, this is a one-star review written by Holly, an adult of Spookly the Square Pumpkin. And it is a one-star review for... And she recommends it for ages two plus. The title is Annoying. Every October, this cartoon comes on every single day on disney junior channel so that might affect my review just a bit

but this has got to be one of the most annoying kids movies i have ever seen and i have seen many kids films so i can make a solid comparison the songs are terrible and you will have them stuck in your head for months after viewing i seen it back back in October and it's now December. There's a weirdo spider that is in love with a female bat only because the bat won't let her brother eat the spiders. There's also singing melons that seem to be sexualized. In fact, the only female pumpkin is also sexualized as is the bat. It's not overdone, but this is supposed to be for really small kids and it's unnecessary and it's stupid plus the animation is creepy even for a halloween movie this title contains sexy stuff i may or may not have uh oh no googled uh oh no spookily sexual spookily singing melons to see what these uh cuties look

like i do have a um is that a joke i have a parental block on so you might not be able to open it yeah um which is fair because these melons are sexy can i see oh yeah check your text i'm sending okay sending you the uh the honeydews they're they're the honeydews is that really what it looks like i'm not yeah i that's terrible first appearance is spookily the square pumpkin movie that's not anything their latest appearances in spookily and the christmas kittens they don't look sexualized first of all dd honeydew mimi honeydew and lala honeydew clever yeah very well written yeah some people complained about the cgi being not great for 2005 um it doesn't i mean i'm in agreement with those people i think oh yeah boris and bella the bats they are all very clearly like gendered are they oh yeah oh yeah okay well can i wait oh this is this is this pumpkin we got to

make sure everyone knows this pumpkin has a vagina so we're gonna give her lipstick and um a crown oh my god and eyelashes wait are you serious and eyeshadow yep it's a literal vegetable what are you doing okay well my favorites though are the the spiders named edgar allen and poe stop it well one of them's in love with one of the bats because she didn't let her brother eat it or something i don't know um okay well i have um there's not much to love about these spiders well the uh there's another review here i'm not going to read the whole thing but it basically says mostly male characters uh apparently 80 of the characters are male and 90 of speaking and action is male roles and uh so i mean yep it seems like i believe it would you say this is a really important question would you say this is the if you were 56 and you wanted to see the opposite of feminism put your gerbil put your

dead gerbil out of your mind okay okay done you were 56 and you wanted to see the opposite of feminism i would watch jack scarecrow in spookly you would yeah okay because jack scarecrow it literally says um anti-feminist scarecrow yet is gentle and kind i don't know it's like literally on the description no it's not it's on spookly.com slash characters i believed you anti-feminist down home style and common sense approach to solving problems uh means that he's above all of the females that he has to deal with in his life is what it says yeah he appreciates them he just doesn't respect them he does not respect it um also i love like you're 30 getting over the loss of your gerbil or you're 31 getting over the loss like do do we understand that or is that just i think it was projection i don't know about

nonsense but i think there this is a little suspiciously specific. Yeah. Okay. Where you're like, hmm, I wonder if this person went through something recently in the years 30 and 31. And 56 and 4. 56 and 4. Oh, no. Got it. Okay.

Just checking. So that's my update on Spookly for you. Okay. that's my update on spookily for you okay well i have an update on pumpkin pumpkin carving salon sim 2017 halloween makeup game um i don't totally understand what it's about but it doesn't matter for the context of this these uh uh reviews oh i i give we'll give you something it only has five ratings total 1.8 star rating oh uh age is nine plus okay for some reason the category is trivia even though it's like a car pumpkin carving simulator makeup game but it's educational apparently it's educational okay um but maybe not in the right ways here's a one-star review i downloaded this game for my nine-year-old,

and he was immediately accosted by an erotic ad for an adult game 18+. I was very surprised to hear sex sounds coming from an ad that this game, which clearly is aimed at children, is supporting. Unless the creators want to come to my house and explain the birds and the bees to my child, then they should be careful which ads they are running. Unless the creators want to come to my house and explain the birds and the bees to my child, then they should be careful which ads they are running. I guess they don't care as long as someone is paying them.

Shame on you. Okay, look, if I developed an app and I was getting enough money from the sexual ads and the only thing is that occasionally I'd have to go tell a kid about the birds and the bees, I'd do it. You a kid about the birds and the bees. I do it. You'd hop on a plane. Would you have like a geo fence on so you don't have to like fly across the country or would you? What's a geo fence? I don't know. I made it up.

Oh, I see. Oh, around where my app can be downloaded so I don't have to go too far. I don't know. For the sexual ads. Because it's like, well, what's the risk? True, true. I don't want to fly to maine in january like just to teach a kid about the birds and the bees true that's a good point i can make it oh yeah i can only put it in like tropical locations and so get the money but then when i get and then i'm like oh

i get my vacation time yeah and i'm gonna use the money from these ads to go on vacation to these wonderful tropical places and while i'm on vacation drinking my mai tai i'll just tell a kid about how babies are made yikes big yikes yeah uh i think that sounds worth it like a strong i think i'm glad you for some reason support me in this i would invest a strong what were you gonna say a strong role model in me strong role model um i was gonna say a strong uh business pitch okay yeah yeah uh i'm pretty impressed uh i'll call up nathan fielder he'll probably want to be a part of this probably that would probably end up on his show um wowza that's horrifying uh makes me scared of raising a child.

Okay. Don't worry. I'll tell your child all about the birds and the bees once I get my money from the... I'm in Kentucky. That is not a tropical locale. Oh, true. I'm not going to be in that little geofence. True.

Never mind. Okay. So the next thing i did was i just when your child will just watch spookly the pumpkin to learn about everything everything that honestly i read a few reviews and i learned everything i need to know so i have a feeling one viewing is gonna do the trick so i looked up um it's the great pumpkin charlie brown and i i do know that i had already read a review of this for last i think it was last halloween's episode i don't remember

okay great i'm gonna read it again because oh i found a response to it oh okay that's kind of fun and i hadn't seen this before because it was a positive response so i hadn't read the positive reviews so i now have a negative review and then a response so this is a one-star review of it's the great pumpkin charlie brown by teen 14 years old and this username this teen's username is jimbo the eradicator uh who recommends this movie for 18 plus only and by the way this person, this child is 14. So he's like, I'm not there yet. Give me a few years.

So this is the title. Not for kids. And here's her view. The word blockhead is used among other bullying. Linus and Sally. I forgot. Now the moment I'm hearing this, I'm like, yep. You remember?

Oh, yeah. linus and i forgot now the moment i'm hearing this one yep you remember oh yeah linus and sally have constant sexual innuendo violence is shown through halloween costumes and through snoppy's flying aces oh it's better that we should just we should you know instead of just doing new things we should just like reread all of our overview i saw snoopy and at first i was so sad because i was like i can't find an excuse to reread this and then i found a response and was like holy shit the universe handed me this on a platter i get to reread it so there's constant sexual innuendo the word block has had is used and there's violence through snoopy's famous flying a scene that's the third one i was the only one i'd agree

with the snoppy one the snoppy one yeah so um also i don't know it's pretty sexy though so never mind okay heads up this title contains violence and scariness language and sexy stuff uh okay so now i found this response okay and this is a response from kid 11 years old now keep in mind um this is a response from a kid to a teen so this is some the dynamics are being flipped here the kid is like talking back to the teenager and this kid is 11 years old and uh the kid recommends it for two ages two plus wow one kid the teen says 18 plus and the kid is like this is for babies baby so uh the kid the title is a good halloween classic for all viewers not jimbo the eradicator here we go this isn't a review this is an attack on one of the kid reviewers jimbo the eradicator the word blockhead

is used among other bullying wow clap clap it uses blockhead and stupid it isn't a cuss word and they get along in the end r-rated movies have more cuss words in one sentence and you are acting like this is one face it kids will learn the real cuss words and you are powerless to stop them. Oh no. Linus and Sally have constant sexual innuendo. Dude, they just like each other. They don't kiss each other on the lips, do anything like that, you idiot.

They don't have any sexual innuendo. Violence is shown through Halloween costumes and through Snoopy's flying ace scene? Well, obviously it seems like you have not even watched the series of Peanuts and the specials. What did you expect? It's a Halloween special, not some type of horror movie. They put violence in cartoons back then because they wanted kids to laugh at it. And seriously, Snoopy's war scene? Do you even know what you are onto? I told you already. It is meant to entertain kids and adults.

And that's the end of the review. I told you. I already told you. As if. He's not listening. Which probably isn't. Jimbo probably isn't. Jimbo.

Jimbo. Jimbo. Jimbo the Eradicator. The Eradicator. With a name like that and you're complaining that this is too violent i know my goodness i know um i do like that he gave him the benefit of the doubt and changed snoopy to snoopy yeah yeah in the correction yeah yeah um so that was nice gave me a little more respect for this 11 year old this 11 year old has all of my respect

idiot they were telling you they're always calling people idiot it's not very nice they were yeah i love how it's like you think this movie has bullying i'll fucking show you bullying you moron um don't you know how hilarious war scenes are in cartoons the point is for children to laugh at it yeah that was a weird take of like hello like you think that war thing that was entertainment hello you just don't know war crimes were supposed to be hilarious i don't know what you were thinking so poor poor jimbo is like scared to watch this until he's a full-grown adult and this 11 year old is like bullying him for it i want i want to know if jimbo does watch it after 18 thinks yep

i was right with my assessment this was maybe i'll up i'm glad i waited actually i think 21 plus maybe 21 plus a little too scary rated x yep maybe maybe he got some like weird copy like the bootleg the bootleg copy and it's something that his parents owned that they watched for fun. Oh, yikes. You know, it was a little bit of a not appropriate thing for kids. You never know. There's other things that need to be addressed in this person's life, I think. Yikes.

My next one is a pumpkin carving salon sim 2017 Halloween makeup game. It's the same one. Yes. Okay, great. You said it like so with such a refreshed personality one star review don't get this app i am a speech pathologist and was playing this in therapy when an 18 plus ad appeared on the screen with completely inappropriate content for my school-aged students. I am terribly disappointed

and deleted this app. End of review. Okay, I felt bad for grandma. This is way worse. I know. The grandma had to deal with a kid like just having an ad at all and then now here it with all of this.

In a professional setting where people are paying you to teach their children. Yeah, yeah. Alexander, the world is a dangerous place i'm thinking like if you're gonna download an app that's like called like pumpkin game and you're like let's teach the kids and then it's like apparently making sex noises yep oh no oh no is right i'm a speech pathologist that's horrifying yeah when i started reading that i'm like i don't know where this is going Oh no is right. I'm a speech pathologist. That's horrifying. Yeah.

When I started reading that, I'm like, I don't know where this is going, but I love it. But nothing good is going to come of this. I was like, I am a speech pathologist. I'm like, I can't wait for this person to overanalyze this app. And then it gets into it. I'm like, oh, never mind. This is a very, very bad thing that could end very poorly for your career. Oh boy. Well, actually, Zannie, I only have two redemptions left.

Okay. I've got, yeah, I've got one more negative review before a couple redemptions. Okay. This is of Pumpkin City's Pumpkin Farm in Laguna Hills, California. Oh, we are taking it. Very literally. A U-turn here, like from. Oh, from the app store?

Yes. Okay. This is an actual place. I'm doing another U-turn. this is not a sim after simulation this is no this is not a simulated pumpkin farm at laguna beach good good fair question you never know the the pigeon thing really the platypus and pigeon simulators really threw me a couple weeks ago. Yes, that was a trip. That was pretty fun, though. This is a review by Hattie. One star. One star is too good for the way the manager treated me.

I explained to the staff that my friend gave me a ticket as they left. Too hot. And I bought a ticket. Two minutes later, a witch that scared my baby started crying, and I asked for a refund within five minutes of purchasing a 140 ticket jeff the manager came out and wanted me to explain why after already telling three

people in the hot sun and wanted more reasons as to why i wanted a refund i told the cashier thank you for being kind but keep the money and i left i will never go back there or tell friends to go i'm not a complainer either so he must have really been mean to me to make me share on yelp end of review hang on let's break this down wait the witch started crying i know there's no punctuation there's no punctuation i believe the baby started crying i believe the witch started crying read it again so the way it's worded absolutely it means the witch started crying at its at its face value because it says okay let me go from the beginning sure uh basically uh the friend gave uh hattie it gave her a ticket as they left because you can you pat they pass their ticket on like here you go because the friend was like

it's too hot for me out so here's my ticket and hattie bought her own ticket so i guess either i don't know for who the baby i have no idea the christian baby it's not very clear the christian baby okay and then says two minutes later right a witch that scared my baby started crying i'm not making this up i think that's exactly how it's worth it was was like really upset about this scared baby. The witch was trying to be friendly. I'm so confused by this. But right?

The witch was upset. She was like, I didn't know I was that scary looking. She wasn't even dressed as a witch. She was just an employee. Just a lady. And she was like, wow. I thought, okay. But yeah, a witch that scared my baby started crying and i

asked for a refund within five minutes of purchasing a one dollar and forty cent ticket but it doesn't have any punctuation 140 no no sorry it was just one they just read it was a dollar and forty cents yeah okay i see so what's happening is she bought a ticket then her friend was like here take mine and she's like okay i'll get mine refund happening is she bought a ticket then her friend was like here take mine and she's like okay i'll get mine refunded since you just gave me yours yeah which like it's a dollar and 40 cents um and i want to hear to show you what the manager responded oh okay because i'm not going to read the whole thing but uh basically said that the pumpkin city uh tickets are non-refundable just as a policy but they're good for the full season wait what so are you sure it wasn't 140 they put 1.40 oh they put

1.40 yeah okay but they didn't put a dollar sign so it's but it's not 140 no i don't know why i said it 140 instead of a dollar 40 cents it's just ridiculous so a dollar for okay yeah anyway go ahead feel free to share your tickets with others so they can enjoy the fall season so you're allowed to share these tickets so you get a dollar it's a ticket so this place is not making any money no not at all and the witches are crying everyone's crying she's probably not getting paid very much people had to had to listen to Debra complain. Debra, whoopsies. That's not the name I used earlier.

Three people had to listen to Hattie complain and then say, hey, I'm not a complainer, by the way. That's how you know. I like how she's like, they must have been really mean to me. She's like, I don't really remember, but I think they were pretty mean to me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have blacked out and gone into the rage. They got me to cry. They got me to complain for once. And I made a witch cry.

Yeah, I have no idea what's going on here. But I like the whole. Wait, so what's the response? Oh, the response was basically like, hey, by the way, like you can share that ticket. It's OK. Like it's non-refundable, but you're allowed to share it. Like calm down. Everything's fine.

So these tickets aren't even for entry these are tickets for activities oh so the tickets i guess now so maybe whenever this was written they were a dollar 40 each now they're a dollar 55 oh well that changes everything per ticket and the inflatable rides mechanical rides and games all cost three to four tickets each the activities cost three to eight tickets so you can buy like a big pack for toward something yeah you buy 50 tickets for about 70 and you get 10 in savings so you like use these for attractions but you can use them all season long so that's how they make their money okay that makes way more sense they bought a ticket for a dollar and 40 cents and then wanted a refund because i guess they couldn't use it for anything well yeah i'm sorry it's okay i mean it's a small

business it's a dollar 40 cents you'd think christina no this is owned by amazon amazon oh my god um that's wonderful well uh should we get some redemptions on the table yeah let's let's be better let's be better okay this is an email so i searched our inbox for pumpkin to see what would happen good i don't think i did this is from an email from kim she her and it is a uh i just searched the word pumpkin and you know how it'll like scan pictures like screenshots and stuff and like oh yeah yeah yeah like did you get a lot of weird shit that wasn't related so i got some things that had the word pumpkin in it that weren't necessarily okay hey pumpkin is pumpkin that's what i always say pumpkin is pumpkin and in my head i had a little flash of xandy saying his famous catchphrase pumpkin is pumpkin and i thought well now's a better time than any now's as good a time as any to use um his famous sage

advice pumpkin is pumpkin so here's a review from amazon uh This was sent in by Kim Shearer. And it's a five-star review verified purchase by Chloe. And you'll hear what the item is in the review. Oh, okay. The subject, the title of the review is Don't Judge Me. So already a good start for our podcast. Okay, we'll try. Okay.

It's a redemption though. Okay. good start okay i um we'll try okay this it's a redemption though so okay when okay when people say don't judge me it's usually something not that i wouldn't judge them it's usually like we're like no we get it right like in this context anyway i'm feeling pretty unless it's like something super like if a karen was like uh i dumped water on a waiter and i screamed at them don't judge me it'd be like yeah but they wouldn't say it's not self-aware enough for that exactly it's like if this is something really awful and like i i feel like we're gonna be supportive of this person title is don't judge me chloe says

i got this for my cat when my fiance and i moved in together pumpkin was less than thrilled to have a person on his side of the bed every night he kept us up not knowing where he was supposed to be refusing to sleep at the end of the bed he used to sleep next to my head walking and crying all over us only sleeping for an hour or two at a time he's a senior cat and set in his ways with a lot of dog-like tendencies and a personality you can't ignore, so when I started searching co-sleeping with pets, all I could find was info on bassinets and little beds for babies you put in the bed. Bassinet jumped out immediately. I tried to avoid it in fear of the crazy cat lady remarks I was sure would come, considered building something myself, or finding another way.

But this, this was going to finally allow us the sleep we all desperately needed. Is this how new mothers feel all the time? I did quite a bit of research, making sure the weight would be appropriate for my extra large cat, 20 pounds, but also buying something we could possibly use for an actual baby if needed in the future, or so I tell myself. Nevertheless, it took a little bit of coaxing with treats, his favorite blanket for biscuit making, and the promise of being next to me, and he sleeps all the way through the night in his bassinet and i honestly couldn't be happier with this product it's a little larger than i expected and the directions on assembly weren't the best but i got it together in about 20 minutes and can easily wheel it into the closet

so people don't know i have a bassinet for my cat anyways buy it for your baby or your cat or whatever it's perfect end of review that is so cute and there's a picture of the it's hard to see i am not judging there's a picture of the bassinet attached to the bed oh like right there a little crib attached to the bed i hope it can rock so you can rock the baby kitty to sleep and the kitten is just needing the little bed so very precious um and i just opened it i was like well it says pumpkin and i can't not read it so here we are i love that i love that oh so sweet i would not have guessed bassinet halfway through that review i know i know i thought it would be i i knew like in the back of my head

i was like the whole don't judge me part but i was thinking what could it possibly be it'd be like a body pillow so the cat can sleep with something elsewhere i don't know me part but i was thinking what could it possibly be maybe like a body pillow so the cat can sleep with something elsewhere i don't know i couldn't come what a literal baby crib for the baby how much was it do you know i don't know um i i mean not that there is a price too high i'm looking at it my guess from buying baby products yeah as an expert now my estimate would probably be like 60 bucks or something okay i mean that's i mean hey make a cat happy for 60 bucks i think it's like hooks onto the edge of your bed so cute oh that's cute very precious i love it i love that you can wheel it away that's a good part for sure

um my next one is of um a professor at University of Alabama. What? This is a music professor. Professor Pumpkin? It's a Professor Pumpkin. This is a five-star review. Okay. Of Professor Pumpkin.

Is this from Rate My Professor? Yes. Oh, how fun. Yeah, this is a music class, Music 001. Okay. yeah this is a music class music um music 001 okay and i'll i didn't read these last time but they have like would take again yes grade a plus textbook yeah it has all the stuff so like all but the ones that have can be positive are all positive five star quality um 5.0 difficulty i don't know what that means. Does that mean it's really difficult? I don't know. Or like they rating the difficulty as...

It's so easy. It's a good difficulty? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For me personally? I don't know. Yeah. He is awesome. He's legit.

Like totally legit. Uh-oh. Bestest tuba-er ever. And he's nice. Like, totally legit. Uh-oh. Bestest tuba-er ever. And he's nice. Really nice. Those music one-two-oners just never went to class. Too busy with sorority stuff or hashtagging their BFF Jill in their totes adorbs chacos with a pumpkin spice latte. Pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin!

End of review. What the fuck is happening is this person okay i don't know did you just search like pumpkin pumpkin pumpkin on google site colon no i did site colon rate my professors.org or whatever it is and then did in quotations pumpkin and it was like have we got the review for you um what did it say chocos yeah so it was like making fun of yeah because i think people in the music one two one because this is 001 or 101 i don't know uh it says 001 so people i guess in music 121 were giving negative reviews of this professor because they just wanted to walk around in their chakas yeah in a weird response and like a very sort of like a jimbo the eradicator situation yeah yeah saying like oh i bet those

those people who take music 121 who apparently are all sorority um in sororities and hashtag their bfs in their totes adorbs chacos with a pumpkin spice latte and then they like focused in on that pumpkin and just went pumpkin pumpkin pumpkin they got a little sidetracked uh maybe maybe or a little too folk laser focused yeah they i wish for more sidetracking uh no yeah so it was it was a lot but um yeah you know wow yeah i think i got a good i feel like if i saw that i'd be like the what did he say the bestest tuba er yeah tuba er so it's a tuba it took me a while i was like oh they misspelled teacher and then there was but it was a capital but it was a capital t and i thought huh so glad you read tuba er because

that changes everything yeah yeah from teacher to tuba yeah yeah oh totally legit best as tuba or ever no it was a very it was a sweet review that's nice i would take that class um okay well i have my final uh my final redemption here do you have one after this okay so this is from qvc and it's one of our favorites it's not valerie par hill um it's quacker factory i like that it sounds familiar didn't we do this before yes i said it's not valerie par hill it's our other favorite brand from qvc quacker factory but i'm trying to remember what the review they make clothes i've done i remember freaking out about quacker factory and they did was it

just not related no it's just the name of the clothing brand i hate it okay well this is a review of the quacker factory reversible sequin pumpkin long sleeve t-shirt it's one of those i never mind i'm back in it's one of those where the sequins if you move them they change color yeah yeah yeah so you can make it like a dark pumpkin or orange oh a dark what's a dark pumpkin like a black pumpkin like black with orange instead of orange with spooky it's very scary there was a warning on it um before before you swiped it okay Okay. So this is a five-star review by Diane. I thought this was a cute top on television, but after I opened it,

it became one of my favorite Quacker Factory items. I'm sorry. It's just so funny. I would love to see that list. I should have clicked it. I'll click on her profile and read her reviews because I'm sure she does have a list. But after I opened it,

it became one of my favorite Quacker Factory items. I bought it in black, and the pumpkin is so fun to change back and forth. The quality is awesome as usual. I do love that QF. That means Quacker Factory. Okay, yeah. I do love that QF is bringing back the over-the-top blingy clothes again like before,

and that they are fun, but not little kid-type patterns. Very adult pumpkin. Yep. We love to wear QF everywhere, on all occasions, and look sophisticatedly fun. Thank you! End of review. When I think Quacker Factory factory i think sophisticated and fun very adult not these kid these kid patterns where are you shopping friend they're sophisticated

they're fun i don't okay but i can't insult i don't know but they're also over over the top blingy but and this isn't no this is oh this is She's glad. Oh, she's glad it is. They're finally bringing back the over-the-top blingy clothes they used to have instead of all this kid nonsense. That's why I'm so confused. Those don't match. Yes, they do. It's sophisticated.

What do the kids wear? Like earth tones? I don't understand. Linen earth tones. Oh my gosh. earth tones oh my gosh earth tones i'm so confused i don't know what to tell you i'm gonna look this thing i mean to be fair i think your child will also be wearing earth tones i know i just did a h h and m baby clothing haul and everything was like neutral earth yeah it was very very pleasant and and cute and i'm excited pumpkin that is not what i expected i don't know what i expected i was i was to be honest i was expecting

more sequins so i'm glad it's fewer here's the um top in black i guess it turns into white is that like on the pocket or is it on the no no that's on the front oh dear god that's on the boobage area oh yeah but then you can like change the look how sophisticated these sequins are it does not look good up close i'll get her hang on here's a video i love that okay i feel like if i were so much fun were a quacker factor, I could ham it up for that shit. I'd be like, what? What?

Did those just change colors as if I've never seen those sequined things before? Yeah. Oh, man. I gotta say, like, why not? You know what I mean? Own it. And older white women love me. Okay.

So I think I do a great job at QVC. You hear that, Talent Scouts? Yeah. Well, they haven't listened this far in. They heard the first five minutes and went, these guys are out. I'm going to edit out this. I'm going to pick this segment out and then mail that in. And yes, mail, because that's how they do it at QVC.

The VHS tapes, yeah. Send my demo reel. You can just cut me out. I wouldn't want them. Oh, I will. Okay, great. It'll just be me out i wouldn't want oh i will okay great it'll just be me talking to myself which is exactly what they want at qbc i would think so someone who can talk to themselves um i just looked up diane's stats she's written 200 reviews and her average rating is 4.9 that's great we love that i'm happy for her we love that um

i will say uh they don't make it super easy to search through because each page of reviews is only like five separate reviews. And then you have to go to the next page. So I can't really search for Quacker Factory within her list of reviews. So I'll do that separately and come back with some more info. Yeah. Honestly, if you just find the best things for me to buy for myself. Oh, from Quacker Factory. Absolutely.

I would appreciate it. Thank you so much. I'll do it. My final one. Oh, you don't want me to do it right now? No, noacka Factory? Absolutely. I would appreciate it. Thank you so much. I'll do it. My final one. Oh, you don't want me to do it right now? No, no, no. Right now, no.

I'll wait on that. Okay. Yeah, I need to get paid first because I know it's going to, this is going to be like at least a month's worth of income. You might need to wait a few months

to build up your salary. Yeah. I do have one more. Okay. This is of a professor at Louisiana State University. Another professor. Home of Joe Burrow. Uh-huh. Well, former home of Joe Burrow. um i do have one more okay this is of a professor at louisiana state university another professor um home of joe burrow well former home of joe burrow so shout out to joe burrow shout out because i love you and i wanted an excuse to talk about you go bangles go bangles with an e-a-u-x

okay anyway um and jamar chase hi don't listen to our show sorry i'm acting i'm just very excited it's football season i'm so excited i'm sending this vhs tape to i'm gonna say watch this second and then they're gonna watch this and be like never mind this is really weird is he gonna do this on our show i'll have to get a job at lsu admissions it's the only job you're suited for okay anyway this is a review of a cms2 2064 class cms t i mean cms t communications maybe train comms statistics oh yeah that's good communist statistics oh it could be or computational statistics you know what it actually

might be in the review and I just don't think so no okay but this is of a professor Whitaker who seems lovely here we go sounds important professor Whitaker right

this is a 5.0 in quality, 2.0 in difficulty. So I don't know what the difficulty rating means. I don't either. But they would take it again. So it seemed like a positive thing. Here we go. I was crying next to my pumpkin carriage when my fairy god academic counselor appeared. Oh my god.

She asked, why do you cry, my child? I simply responded, I do not know who to take for a CMST course. And with a flick of the rest and bippity boppity boo, Rebecca Whitaker appeared. The course was an amazing fairy tale that lived happily ever after. Take her. End of review. Wow, is this a creative writing class i think i've changed my mind this is a creative writing course um i don't this is their final term paper yeah i don't know that's beautiful wasn't that beautiful my pumpkin carriage yeah i was not expecting that it's small group communications you nailed

it with the communication. Good for me. Yeah. It's not that I didn't major in communications, and that's the reason I know, but it's okay. Yeah. I just don't know much. All of the college stuff, I... Yeah. Well, you took only communist courses.

I took all the communist courses. So it was like you were biased, you know? I sure am. You're still unlearning all that rhetoric no i'm getting deeper careful i don't know because you're literally saving up money to buy quacker factory clothing from qvc doesn't sound very communist to me oh no oh no you're right they're getting to me i'm so sorry these QVC hosts are undoing the years of education. Of training. Well, I just want to add real quick that I just randomly clicked on a page of reason.

Diane also reviewed something called the Quacker Factory Bell Sleeve Embellished Front Motif Knit Top with Cornucopia on the front of it. Oh, dear. Yeah. And said, I bought this top in black with the cornucopia. It is beautiful. I love sparkle. Sequins and rhinestones galore, especially for holidays.

And this shirt has just the perfect amount of sequins and whimsy. I'm not a bell-sleeved lover ordinarily, but it looks darling with this top. I love Quacker Factory. Me too. I love Quacker Factory. Me too. I think that like... I feel like the cornucopia is the ugliest thing

you can put on a t-shirt. What about rhinestone filled cornucopia? That's worse. Is it? I think so. I will say she really does have great taste.

Oh, oh my gosh. My daughter loves Quacker Factory clothing as much as I do we keep coming back for the sparkle holiday themes and whimsy i'm just saying what tell me what are you saying with this are you is are you hinting at your birthday for next year that's exactly right i think i'm gonna return all those h&m neutral clothing and just buy quacker factory clothes from now on oh wow do they sell baby stuff um anything can be a baby stuff if you try hard enough someone had searched before

quacker factory baby clothes no way no poshmark has cool um it doesn't look like it though oh no not cool at all i'm sorry quacker factory but oh they're hideous well what show me i bet i disagree with you that's in our it looks so sophisticated what is that i don't know okay i don't know i'm sorry i all right i think you'll like this one this one okay i'm ready quacker factory summer sequin short sleeve knit t-shirt with american flag no i think for communists like you i'm gonna say no to that one my daughter and i were oohing and aahing over the sparkles okay what about this was at the end of the review i just read one line of it. My daughter and I adore Quacker Factory, so I bought my daughter this shirt with the tree.

And when we both saw it, I knew I needed to buy myself a Christmas shirt, too. It is whimsical and festive. But it's classy enough to wear anywhere, you know? I don't know about that. It's a jingle all the way long-sleeved t-shirt with sequins. I don't really understand what your problem is. I have lots of problems right now oh quackery i have some weirdly like some of their designs i'm like there's one with all

these cats and like it's kind of cute it's like it's very like grandma-y but like you know i i feel like i could still pull it off it makes me sad that mom and i don't have something like this to bond over. Oh, so true. Like a clothing brand. So true. You drifted apart once you got into Quacker Factory and she didn't. Right.

She refused to wear all the whimsy. It's truly too much whimsy for her. It's a little too whimsical for a staunch German woman like that. That's okay. I'm trying to get you involved instead. In Quacker Factory? yeah i you know what twist my arm i'll get myself something from quacker factory okay fantastic well anyway thanks everybody for listening to this allegedly pumpkin themed episode it is not sponsored by

quacker factory we promise it should be though uh the next one might be once they hear this i think only now only everything will be sponsored. Our stuff will only be sponsored by Quacker Factory from now on. I can't wait. And our next one is going to be another just... Listen, we're just winging it, okay? We're winging it. We're winging it.

There's a baby coming. And it's going to be a Libra now, so everyone's relieved. Everyone's happy. Oh, yeah. We'd be happy no matter what. I was excited to have a Virgo, potentially, but... No one else was. Everyone in my family seems to be on the Libra side, so we'll see.

Nothing against Virgos. It was just, hey, I'm a Libra, Frances, because it would just be fun to have another Libra. Just another one of you. Yes. Just add another one to the list. Yes. All right, fine. I mean, the Libras are the best members of the family, so why not so why not have another best member you know yeah mom did text me that this morning

and i was like fine i guess if you say so yeah better than a leo like she is am i right well i mean i'm not going to disagree with that um anyway well thanks for listening everybody um we will be back with something really really random next week and we can't wait to see you talk to you soon bye