Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 151: Reviews of Halloween Costumes

Episode Date: October 20, 2021

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Exclude Egg BLT McMuffin. A participating McDonald's in Canada. Prices exclude delivery. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero stars if I could. Howdy, folks.

It's our next Halloween-themed episode. Yes, this one is Halloween costumes. This was tough for me. Why did I struggle so much? I don't know. Okay. I don't know. Speak for yourself.

Do you want to see the start of my notes? I did. Oh boy. Stop, it's too sad. We've posted that before, have we not? Yeah. I love the sexy minion that's not actually sexy i had to find the lovely minion i think it's called lovely actually it's called like lovely yellow man or something lovely yellow man i couldn't not bring up the sexy minion warning warning warning contains sexy stuff um i just i had to do as andy uh i

appreciate it yeah here it is i found our instagram warning contains sexy stuff and then the pinned comment uh that bella wrote is not today satin today satin i love it that was a fun that was a fun episode and that was october 21st of last year so we're really uh doing make i'm i'm forcing this to be an annual thing yeah yeah this minion situation it should be it's cute and wonderful is it so you struggled yes you want me to go first okay great get out get me out of here so i wrote at the top of my notes insert minion review and i guess i never deleted that part so i went and found i had to go digging because i was like i remembered it was a mascot website man i don't remember um if you're new to the show just trust me it was so weird it was a weird uh black hole um so here's the oh oh i have the title of him ready yeah lovely two-eye smile

despicable me minion mascot costume lovely lovely two eyes well because some of them do have one one eye yes oh i know i know my minions please so this is from the website shop mascot which is where i went back and found a bunch more reviews and i just wanted to include i wanted to include um the original review of lovely lovely two i smile minion and the original review that we read last year that i read last year was excellent costume my wife loved it so that was the one that's sultry burned this whole situation and um so that's my start off that's a wonderful start thank you i love a good uh sultry start minions sultry i yeah i love all minions but especially yikes the uh sultry ones. I'm going to start off.

You're saying they're not all sultry? All minions? No. I don't sexualize all minions, just most. I do. Just most. My first one is of a T-Rex dinosaur toddler Halloween costume from Walmart. So one star review.

It's exactly what it sounds like headpiece covers toddler's entire face it won't stay up on top of his head like the picture he literally can't see end of review it sounds like they're in the midst of this right it sounded so dramatic he's running around into all the walls oh Oh, it's so sad. Help me, Walmart support. Help me. It's like when you need the live chat now. Yeah, send someone ASAP, please.

It's so tragic. It's so tragic. Yeah. I don't know if the toddler can see yet. If he ever got his vision back. It's hard to say, really. Very sad for him um i also want to say there are definitely going to be photos that we post today so if you're like what's this minion look like i forget or you never checked first of all shame on you second of all we'll

post it again because um i feel like i don't know you said you let me know but I have several photos that I'd like to share on Instagram at the end of this. So what I did was I was like, all right, sexy minion, not good. I want to find out what other things exist that are sexy costumes that maybe shouldn't be sexy costumes. There is no such thing. There's no such thing? No, no, no. I think that... anything's fair game i think anything should be sexified sexified sexified okay yep the end that's your belief

everything should be sexified that's you're gonna okay yep all right fine i'll let you have that so the of course i typed in sexy minion and then i thought they probably don't call a minion if it's like on a different website so i found the next best thing it's called sexy subordinate costume oh and that is a minion i was like oh okay it's a minion and i think they typed in minion thesaurus found subordinate subordinate yep and it is a woman wearing a minion mini like a yellow thing with a mini skirt and goggles on her head and it's sexy sorry yes very sexy the way you're if you're if it's exactly like you described that is absolutely sexy well here's a one-star view from walmart.com loved the movie but wow, I bought this costume last year and loved it.

Not only was it completely inappropriate and offensive, it fit really well too. JK, we want this costume taken down. End of review. Some people are great at sarcasm. That was one of my reviews. That was you? No, I didn't write it. That was one on my reviews that was you? no I didn't write it that was one on my thing yeah you're kidding

I did all mine from Walmart oh shit and I was gonna do a little game where I was gonna be like guess what movie this is from oh shit it was sexy subordinate it didn't say sexy subordinate for me oh cause I pulled up reviews that's why I didn't pull up from google reviews but it said post it on walmart.com on mine it says adult women's despicable me minion costume oh damn mine says

sexy support but yeah no i mean like look at her that's the one yeah no i know i have the exact review right here oh i'm sorry that's such a bummer r.i.p i'm sorry so now i have one less oh no sorry that's why i didn't react too much to that one this like never happens when you said that's one of mine i was like okay you just told me you want to sexify minions so make up your mind inappropriate enough right you ask me shorten that skirt tighten those goggles oh that's the tighter the goggles the better i don't want her to be able to see like that dinosaur. I just want her running into all the walls.

I want her to take them off and her look like a raccoon with those lines. Great. That's what I always say. Two-eyed or one-eyed? Up to you. Also, I want to add, I have no more from Walmart. So don't worry about it. I'm checking.

No, I have no more. I'm not worried. I just have only like three more. Oh, that's fine. That's plenty. Oh, boy. I have more. Okay.

I have more. This next one. Oh, wait. No, I recounted my other one. This next one is of Toy Story Woody Classic Adult Man's Halloween Costume. Okay. So it's Woody from Toy Story. This is a one-star review. My excitement and happiness of receiving this item was taken away from me

when I got gum all over my hands and someone else's DNA on my package. How disgusting! Oh my god, what? I don't know. All I have to say is, yeah, how disgusting. I don what i don't know all i have to say is yeah how disgusting yeah i don't even know what happened apparently had someone's gum on it and their package had someone's dna on and and so i don't know if it's and someone's dna or if it's related to the gum again even if it is yeah you didn't need to specify yeah no agreed agreed gross someone else's someone else's gum

but they they threw me off because they said i got someone's gum all over yeah which made me think they dropped it when i got gum all over my hands yeah it sounds like they did it spit it out and someone else's dna but the title of the review i didn't read is walmart employee gum okay well all right so they're saying some which by the way was this posted post covid because it was no it was october 2019 okay i mean still still horrible horrible disgusting but you know i think nowadays getting someone else's dna and your barfo is how we say it getting someone else's DNA. Disgustobarfo is how we say it. Disgustobarfo. Getting someone else's DNA on your package. Yikes.

All of that is just really cringy. I'm sorry they didn't have a good time. With the gum? With their package. With their Woody costume. Because it sounds like they were ready to have a great time. These words, you a lot you're saying woody like and someone else's dna like this is getting i'm saying it because i'm repeating i know but no we didn't need to hear these the way you're saying it you're seeing a disgusto barfo there we go just leave it at that so then i found an article on

cosmopolitan and it was like 33 of the world's weirdest sexy costumes okay because like basically costumes that are like wait what why are you sexualizing this okay so here's one it's called delicious phd darling costume what it's a woman getting her phd question mark what's in her hand uh a scroll like a phd no i mean like a diploma is what i mean i think it's supposed to be a diploma um wow and it is uh revealing busty busty now let me just say the reviews went a little wild we're using some of my favorite words today i am really the word the yeah whatever if we had a automatic transcription thing it probably would like red flag all over the place um so this is uh i looked at the critical reviews and this is a review by alissa one star and the title is this may be an academic point but sleeves are too short and have no stripes costume does not feature a hood this is a sexy bachelor's at best that's so stupid

5800 people found this helpful wow yeah and there were a lot of very like silly reviews but they were all pretty funny they were like um wow finally i can get like the males in my class to listen to me talk about entomology you know or shit like that or like wow this really is like my day-to-day you know when i'm when i'm writing my dissertation so the comments were pretty funny but um yeah this is a sexily bachelors at best just saying sexy bachelors at best i have one that is a turn and not a good turn um so this is this is so terrible senior bones adult costume large but it's like a day of the dead like oh yeah yeah yeah so the reviews thankfully were very you know calling we're very much calling this out calling walmart out uh and i was gonna read this to start off our

game oh okay that you ruined because i only had two reviews in the game oh wait oh i'm sorry no it's okay i love games yeah i know there's still one more left. One more review in the game. So I'm going to first read this review about how this is offensive. Okay. Okay. And this is, I agree with, and this is whatever. But here we go. One star. Disrespectful to the Day of the Dead and Halloween.

Wow. I bought this costume last year and realized it was completely inappropriate and problematic. The Day of the Dead is a historically significant holiday in Mexico. Wearing this costume exploited elements of that culture without actually acknowledging its history and its rich meaning. This costume reduces a complex tradition into a flimsy outfit for one-time use. I'm giving this costume one star because Halloween is all about having fun and enjoying ourselves, but it doesn't have to be at the expense of cultures, histories, and entire traditions.

If you want to celebrate the Day of the Dead, I recommend learning more about it and its meaning instead of wearing it as a costume because you think it looks cool. End of review. Love that. Very well put. Did they say they bought it? Yeah. Why would they buy it? I have no idea.

I just want to make sure I heard that correctly. But it's so this is okay it's terrible but like i'm reading this about oh yeah like they didn't really acknowledge what it was because i'm like what did they name it again and i go back up senior bones oh okay it's what they named it it's so bad yeah it's so bad i mean when you said that i literally pictured a skeleton wearing a sombrero i was like what could they possibly have done oh yeah no it's a full like oh they have the dead style like outfit right holy um anyway so yeah so there was that and then i was gonna say like that's like an actually offensive thing sure and i was gonna read reviews where people found something else

offensive and then you were gonna have to guess what it was so i was gonna do that one talking about how inappropriate offensive that's good minion one was because i thought there's no way she's gonna guess that's funny the minions but bummer i'll let you read one and then we'll do what i wish is that mine came later so that i could have just been like pretended minions and then you would have been like how the fuck did she know that i would have freaked out yeah it would have been fun but alas alas okay um at least and i think we've said this before at least this is kind of proof that we don't like i don't know script all this collude in advance yeah because sometimes it screws us over yeah yeah oh i feel bad damn yeah because i didn't even go on Walmart. It was just on Google reviews. I went through some of those too.

Let's see. And I also searched very specific things. I literally googled sexy minion. Okay. Hey, I know. I have a game. I'm going to read this and you can guess what the costume is supposed to be. How's that yeah it's a character costume perfect watch it watch it be my next one the one that i was gonna give if you guess it i'll be impressed okay the title is not as great as it looks one star no one knew who i was dressed up as for Halloween. No remarks of great costume.

This is a good costume if you are trying to cover up your body. The sleeves were huge. I had to hold them up with elastic bands around my arms and fold over the fabric to disguise the bands. The plastic headpiece was fine, but it doesn't resemble the broom on his head. Overall, I am disappointed in this purchase and ended up changing my costume in the middle of the night. Oh, I think they mean like in the middle of the party night. Yeah. Because no one knew who I was and it was making me angry.

End of review. Broom on head. Yeah, that's pretty much your only clue. I'm sorry. Is it the broom from Fantasia? That would be terrifying. No, but it is a sexy version of this character which is oh came about when i was looking up like things that shouldn't be sexy characters a sexy version

of a character with a broom on its head yeah what is so this character normally has a broom on it what uh the plot i had to kind of is it like the harry the Harry Potter's Nimbus 3000 or something? Let me read the sentence now that I'm like... Because I had to cut out a part of it, so let me reread it. The plastic headpiece was fine, but it doesn't resemble the broom or whatever is supposedly on his head. That might be a clearer way.

And where it says his, that's the character's name. Oh. It's really bizarre. This is so weird. Tell me. the character's name. Oh. It's really bizarre. This is so weird. Tell me. Marvin the Martian. Oh.

Oh. So the costume is called Adult Sexy Marvin the Martian Costume. Okay. I have to. You have to look up the costume. Look this up. Because it's so specific. Is this on eBay or what is this?

I don't know. I hit shopping on Google. Oh my gosh. What the heck is happening oh yeah they do make it look like a broom but yeah it's i see it's like part of the helmet yeah that yeah the helmet the helmet has that like tough thing the tuft of things um so i just love like how pissed off she was that nobody could figure out who she was and i'm like if you dress up as sexy marvin the martian it's really not anybody's fault that they can't figure out who she was and i'm like if you dress up as sexy marvin the martian it's

really not anybody's fault that they can't figure out who you are yeah it's so specific like it is so specific she literally said no remarks of great costume yeah because it's not a great costume really not that's on you again if you have to change your costume in the middle of the party like sorry man you you dropped the ball here yeah um so yeah she said weird the plastic headpiece doesn't resemble the broom on marvin the martian's head the sleeves are too big and nobody knew who i was and it was making me angry i wish she had said what she changed her costume to oh yeah true i really want to know like sexy like elmer fudd or something there's some weird i mean obviously there's some probably one for sure oh i wish i'd looked that up um so that's that okay

now it's time for your game oh so we just had that offensive day of the dead costume um we would have had the minion one but here's another one okay uh what costume is this you're not gonna get much info but one star this costume is offensive and stereotypical end of review now guess what could it be damn it and it's not a minion it is not a minion stereotypical this cost and this is walmart yes this costume is offensive and stereotypical yes so someone took offense to this costume is it a hunter like a deer hunter no like it's very different but i feel like kind of good guess because that's another that's a thing that's like a silly thing to be it's silly thing to be because i found one that was called sexy republican

elephant oh my god what the hell is this oh dear god yeah glad i didn't have to stumble on that that was on the cosmo list um let's see oh wait it's not necessarily a sexy thing, right? No, it is. I see. That was me. I got hung up on that. Me seeing this. Speak for yourself. But no one else would find this sexy. Cat lady. No. See, that's a thing.

It's like, yeah, it's not even anything like that. I'll just tell you. You want to know what it is? Yeah, what is it? It's a nun. Wait, what? It's stereotypical. I just sent you a picture.

It's literally a woman. It's not like a sexy nun. Oh, no. It dear yes oh dear no no and it's wow it just says none adult halloween costume one side okay so can you read it one more time with that in mind of course as i look at it this costume is offensive and stereotypical yeah i don't get it like even if this were a nun writing this it's not even a bad view of a not it's literally it it looks like a nun i get it's offensive if it's like a sexy nun yeah we're like gonna be offended about it but this is really much not that like if this were in a set of Google images for nun, I would not pick this out as a costume. Yeah, and I wouldn't be like that is horribly offensive.

I mean, it's stereotypical because nuns wear a habit and a cross. It's literally just someone dressed as a nun. Like that's it. Like wearing what a nun would normally wear. What's the stereotype? They wear, they pray like she has her hands together. I feel like that's the stereotype they wear they pray like she has her hands together i feel like that's the stereotype they want right they have a cross necklace like they do exactly oh boy yeah i definitely was not gonna figure that i like that i guessed a hunter hunter and a cat lady and a cat lady i don't know i mean those make

more sense to be annoyed about i guess oh stereotypical nun am i right um okay so also who like is around enough nuns where you're like oh stop stereotyping stop stereotyping them they don't all pray wait yes they do they don't all wear cross wait yes they do they don't all wear habits wait yes they do it's like what is what is i don't know perfect teeth she's smiling yeah lovely smile some of us don't get orthodontic care true so true perhaps i'm not sure maybe that's it so i guess one of the reasons why maybe i have more than you is because i went to the inbox and typed in costume oh you oh because you cheated got it it. Alexander, I'm not cheating. I'm trying to spread the love. Okay, thank you.

To Kathy from Chicago. Kathy, this better be worth it. So this is a one-star review of a place called Card and Party Giant Costume Store. Okay. And this is a one-star review. And this is in Chicago for Flanfo. And this is a one star review. I came here in search of a tiny hat.

Because the place is not well organized, I wanted to ask where they were. I found an employee and after trying to get his attention three times, he turns around and says, huh? Right in my face. I glared at him and then asked him where the tiny hats were. He had no idea what I was

talking about and brought me two regular hats. He wasn't even sure if they had tiny hats. There wasn't anything there so i left fast forward to later on that evening when i'm admiring my friend's tiny top hat where did she get it card and party giant thanks douche end of review oh my god could you imagine that friend is being grilled about this top hat like that motherfucker at the store wouldn't sell me one why did they sell it to you and you know it has elastic so she's like pulling on it and it's gonna like snap her in the chin um and now there's a response i was admiring my friend's tiny top how how is that even possible that like i don't know also admiring i feel like you're right it was not admiring it was like aggressively demand interrogating the hat yeah um so wow this was a really aggressive uh

post so then there's a response from business owner we apologize that our employee was not aware to where our tiny hats were usually they are an everyday item however sometimes they are packed away and only used during halloween your language is not necessary on our yelp page however so true oh my god so true i mean the title of uh of kathy's email or the subject was tiny hat douche and i was like tiny hat dude i must know what this is that's how i described them though. I was admiring with one eye twitching my friend's tiny pop hat. I only have a redemption. Oh, I'm on redemptions too after this. Okay, okay, okay.

Perfect. I feel a little bit better about that. This is of the Toy Story Jessie classic child costume. So Jessie, the character. From Toy Story. Yes. Five stars on Walmart. Yodel-ay-old ward on halloween at disney

end of review when you did that the audio you should i'm gonna send you the wave form oh no of you yodeling because it is a beautiful sight it's like the shape of it okay no please don't do it again okay i thought it was gonna be like well it probably will be completely like blown out um um it's beautiful to do it justice though or try to i lead back a little bit from my mic not very far no you i don't think you blew out the mic it's it's definitely quite a new shape like i feel like i get used to seeing like yeah you'd like a normal i've memorized m's uhs i've memorized my likes i've memorized yodelay who's a new one so very they actually wrote yodelay he yahoo whoa but that was not not did not feel

natural i like that you went with your gut there yeah um also just so adorable and and yeah it's a cute review i'm glad that that ended but i actually had a positive thing for us uh to end instead of uh just me being grumpy and negative because i struggled on this well um i have something so of course i went back on to shop mascot.com oh no and i thought here's the problem which blaze and i talked about on a walk today we were walking geo and i was like remember that website and he was like yeah with all those fake reviews and i was like oh how do you remember that he's like because every one of the ones you pulled up was like obviously super fake and i was like oh i don't think i realized that until last night when i was doing this and i was like they are so absurdly fake like it would be it'd be like a paw patrol but like knockoff costume and it would be like uh i bought three seller is perfect like it's like

clearly they're fake phony reviews and it started to kind of make sense when we talk about that time i wrote reviews fake reviews wait what did i not talk about that i did what do you mean i've was paid once to write fake reviews you were yeah i did not talk about that on the show i can't tell you are you being serious right now he didn't talk about that i don't know okay we'll just leave it at that continue i have pregnancy brain i'm not sure now i'm thrown no no don't get thrown it's okay oh my god okay this i feel like this is like one of those no it's one of those um you know how it's like watergate this is not like watergate um it was for like their site or i don't think it was for their amazon whatever but regardless um it was one of i was on one of those sites where you can make money from writing and doing things like on the side like uh just random like odd jobs yeah and i was working at my last

full-time job and i was like i've got some extra time i'll start doing random odd jobs like this and yeah that's how it came up it wasn't not, not too many of them, but yeah. Interesting. And did it, was it like sussy, as you say? I did it really well. No, I like worked hard on them. No, but I mean like, was the whole situation? Yeah. Like it was like clearly kind of fraudulent in a way of.

I mean, yeah. They were getting paid. I mean, the whole concept, you know, like getting them paying someone to write fake reviews i see okay so it was as i as we hear it like oh yeah no it was not a good not a good use of my time but you got paid but i got paid not much not they kept they wanted more from me and i'm like y'all i just wrote like essays for like cents yeah i wrote so much anyway i wrote reviews of local neighborhoods for money once yep but they were actually had to like go to legitimate reviews i mean not that yours weren't legitimate but they were like no they no they were not legitimate so they weren't no yeah they were not something that i would ever even use well i would i hope

these people are not getting paid for these reviews because they're like six words at most usually on this website um so i have a review okay so the title of this product is big nose spongebob adult mascot costume okay um i'm gonna show it to you just i'm sorry oh no what is wrong with it nothing wait why is it what nothing is wrong with it everything is wrong with it it's just i think the eyes are so small is Is that what it is? I'm trying to figure out because the details all individually seem accurate. But as a whole, it just seems so wrong. The wildest part is that they're all these different ones.

They have a ton of different options. Weird. But some of them actually look like fun. Yeah, some of them look good. Like up top yeah but the reviews are on these eyes are too small i think wacky ones i think if the wet if that one that you showed me had a bigger eyes and not like weird small eyes it would be normal maybe here's pink starfish mascot costume oh wow who wonder who that's supposed to be why is he so angry

his eyebrows that are like fur oh no okay so i'll put that i need supposed to be why is he so angry he has eyebrows that are like fur oh no okay so i'll put that i need this to be on my instagram i mean it's horrible oh here's one this is called revised sixth version of spongebob mascot version six that's a revised version six edition that's not a draft come on maybe an accidental draft you should not have posted that um big regrets so i'm just gonna read the review of this five stars by jose the size and description corresponds to reality my son is in ecstasy oh my god oh that's good oh no i didn't want to look at it while thinking about that my son is in ecstasy

please go look at our instagram please you know you're gonna have to actually post this i know i have to i know i will actually oh yeah well you will yeah i think i will people are gonna give us a bunch of shit i'm like god damn it she never sent me this weird photo sorry oh i'll send them to you don't worry i've already sent them all to place okay good my son is in ecstasy also the fact that the description corresponds to reality i'm like i don't know about that i don't even know what they're so also i love that they put a watermark on it so nobody's to deal with it like it's a really hot commodity um okay so that's excellent now i have an email from katie it's a verified purchase it's a verified purchase okay and this is a costume um a bat costume okay uh from amazon

this is a verified purchase by four stars by ethan the title is dress hoodie comfy includes raisin longer than i thought it would be based on the image. How is it that short on her when the sleeves seem to reach all the way to her hands? Also, mine came with a raisin? Like a shriveled grape. It was a large raisin, as it seemed to be half of one, but still the size of a typical sun-made raisin. But it probably wasn't a sun-made raisin because it was reddish rather than black. And as I said, half of this one was the size of a whole sun-made raisin.

I didn't taste test it or anything. God, I was like the next is like taste profile i just threw it out and put the dress on i was hoping it'd be shorter on me but it goes pretty low being a guy i was hoping it'd be more of a hoodie than a dress hoodie but whatever the sleeves are almost too short but they're not i'm 5 foot 5 125 pounds in order to medium it is very warm lightweight and soft i think look cute. I just don't know what to wear for footwear. End of review. Wow. And there's a photo of him wearing it.

Okay. But not of the raisin. What the heck? That whole raisin thing was dropped in there and then forgotten. It took up like a third of the review and then just like vanished. Is that... No closure. So was this four stars out of five?

Yeah. So do you think one star off for the raisin? Or is it because it's more of a dress hoodie? Or perhaps that it's like a little, it looks shorter on, you know what I mean? I think the sizing may be a little bit off. Because I cannot tell how this person felt. Felt felt. They talked a lot about, a lot of detail.

They gave a lot of detail on this raisin without much opinion. Yeah, a lot of thought went into the raisin. Just not a lot of emotion went into the raisin. Which is troubling. It is troubling. Because I feel like this is something you would normally have some sort of reaction to. Whether it's, oh, this is hilarious. Ew, this is disgusting.

Yummy. Yum, yum. One of those i feel like i know the potential brands of and and like maybe even like the genus of this said grape original grape but i don't know yeah i don't know how ethan feels yeah which is troubling as you said yeah um i mean i am so glad this the couple words here that like seven or eight words that say I didn't taste test it or anything is biggest relief. Yes. I think of this whole review.

Because I would not have expected this person to not eat it. I would have really. I was on the fence. Based on where it was going. If he said I ate it, I would have not been shocked. If he had left the line out of eating it of not eating it i would have assumed you and i would have both absolutely had the same opinion that he ate it because there was a lot of analysis of the reason yeah yeah yeah um so yeah you know

i don't know what to tell you but if if you do buy this bat costume keep an eye out um and now this is the oh no this is not quite the last one i have but this is an email from tara or tara i'm not sure who says my daughter i love you guys and this is a five-star review of a santa costume and the title is wore this for halloween and a street side neurological and vitals evaluation on a car accident oh sorry let me read it again wore this for halloween and did a street side neurological and vitals evaluation on a car accident oh sorry let me read again wore this for halloween and did a street side neurological and vitals evaluation on a car accident victim um and this is a five star review oh that's just the title that's the title oh my goodness i was like well that's enough

content to yeah say like there's something happened yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it definitely sums up the story i hope the person wasn't knocked unconscious and was like, what the fuck? Why is Santa Claus here? Santa? Is that you? I want to name two. This is a five-star review by Ryan, and it is a verified purchase. My girlfriend and I dressed up as Santa for Halloween in New York City and had one of the best nights of our lives, save for the beginning of the night.

We were about to cross a road with three lanes in each direction, and some chick tried running across while texting during a green light and got nailed by a car going 30 miles per hour in front of us. I mention this because I was finishing medical school and ran over while dressed as fucking Santa Claus in this thing and was able to assess vital functions and do a quick neurological evaluation on her on the side of the street. Therefore, I concluded that this outfit was very roomy and comfortable, good for sprinting and moving around. I concluded that this outfit was very roomy and comfortable, good for sprinting and moving around. Spent the rest of the night with people asking to take pictures of us, confusing little children in October, and random New Yorkers calling me a douche nozzle and a fucking asswipe bitch from moving Ubers.

That may not have had anything to do with the costume, but it did make things more fun. Too long, didn't read. Wear this on Halloween. So wait, if there's a chance that that didn't have anything to do with your costume, what the fuck were you up to? Question. Big question. What were you doing where you're shrugging off these people calling you those names? You're saving lives. Other than it being in New York.

Other than you just existing. Yeah. On the sidewalk. Although now that I've spent a little more time in New York, no one's yelled at me for being a douche nozzle or whatever. Yeah. I mean, a douche nozzle. You did talk about how scared you were of new york so well yeah it's a scary place i'm surprised that nobody kind of fed on that fear but there are a lot of people and you can blend in i guess it's just like you're dressed as santa claus and people don't like it but yeah you're right he said

maybe it's not the costume but if it's for halloween like i assume like it's not weird too everyone's i imagine you're not the only one walking around no in a costume and people dress as santa probably year-round in in new york people dress as elmo year-round so it's not like a shocker yeah that's why i think this person must have done something other than save a life he saved a life why is everyone calling him a douche nozzle maybe for the rest of the night he wears like medical school like maybe because he kept telling everybody that he saved a life when he probably actually didn't that's fair not that i could do assess any vital function neurological exam well that's like liz now liz is a graduated nursing school this year and is a full-on nurse and is working working at

a hospital right now um and we talked about when we go hiking next um liz's role is going to basically just figure out if we're going to die or not if something happens it's crazy because she was like um on a totally different she was like in mathematics and then when you guys went to catalina and you had that like feigning spell she was like god damn it now i need to study medicine in case this ever happens again so you really spun her in a whole new i did it was all. It was all me. It was all me. You're just like forcing all your friends to learn valuable skills to keep you alive.

And so that I don't have to learn anything. Wait, what? No, of course not. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm going to keep doing this bullshit. You're fainting your way through a neurological exam on yourself? Are you kidding? That's ridiculous.

Ridiculous. So there's that. Oh, I also just found a little note that I got moved aside but it was from the bat review from katie oh yeah who wrote i'm a little concerned after reading this review but i'm gonna get it anyway so oh how's that raisin yeah tell us about the raisin we need to know um okay this was sent in by jessica she her and it's a very wholesome review it's sort of uh as a meme here like if you can see it has like a picture has like a meme on the top or it is a meme and it says the cutest amazon review i've ever stumbled upon i still go back and find it from time to time for a smile now it's just very precious all right i saw the picture yeah but in my research i found the

picture but i couldn't find the review oh Oh, really? That's so funny. Oh, yeah. They've since deleted that review. So you know the picture. Yes. Okay. It's a grandma in a bumblebee costume holding a sunflower. I'm going to read it.

Five stars. This costume was purchased for my 88-year-old mother to wear to a Halloween party. She's about five feet tall and weighs 88 pounds, it is large on her making it look pretty cute. The wings and stinger add to the fun. Adding a black long sleeve turtleneck black tights and gloves completes the outfit. My 92 year old father dressed in the beekeeper costume. They were a real hit at the party.

And now here is mom and dad. Look how cute. In their 80s and 90s wearing this adorable little outfit and she has little antennas on her head it's very very cute and she looks so happy yeah so i just happy b happy b now to ruin your day i found the last thing it's two costumes that i found on shop mascot.com that didn't have any reviews oh nice but i just needed to not be the only one who saw them so i'm putting them on our instagram and i'm making you look at them this one is called lovely clown mascot costume

is that a dog no stop oh my god you're supposed to have a human in there i was like is that a dog and a clown oh my god is that the face it's a lovely clown i don't know what you're not understanding about it that i am shocked right now fuck if you want to walk around new york city in a costume with no one fucking with you you wear this nobody will say a word they will be petrified you will probably be taking lives not saving them yes 100 percent cause some neurological damage to somebody um oh my god this is lovely clown lovely lovely indeed i can't stop and then of course i googled sexy bowling ball because I just had to. And this is called Clownish Cartoon Sexy Bowling Ball Mascot Costume. Yep.

And so this one's also on shopmascot.com. Why are there so many holes? I don't know. It's a bowling ball? Yeah. Looks like... Why are there so many holes? I mean, it's not a bowling ball.

Not clearly. But what are the holes for that's like there's a hole in the forehead eyelashes and blue hair i don't know it makes me so uncomfortable all those holes no it's a sexy bullet also why is it sexy because it's a ponytail like i don't know because of all the holes it has oh perhaps holes are sexy now clownish cartoon sexy bowling ball mascot costume yikes so i just needed to not be the only person like clown ish not as clown as that other terrible one lovely clown i it was like 3 a.m last night and i was laughing so hard at these i am absolutely horrified like i ended up i don't know i probably had nightmares all night um i saw one on on a couple's costume oh yeah that looked like a freaking oh no like from an onion article it was sold on walmart and it was um um a woman dressed as an outlet right

right and the man dressed as a fork like not not a plug but like a fork when you sent me that i was like i was like you just need to believe it that to the table whether it has reviews or not i couldn't believe it i was like i thought i yeah joking about like sticking a fork in an outlet which i i don't know it just felt like such a weird satirical looking thing and it was just on the walmart page normally with all the other adult costumes i just don't know but yeah they're ones where it's like they're they the guy is like a plug and the plug is like i just crotch yeah i've seen those ones outlet that's what i should blaze the fork when he's like i don't get it is this supposed to be like sexual and i was like i don't know like i don't

know i think it's about just like electrocuting yourself with a fork in an outlet it's like going to a party as one person's a toaster the other's a bathtub oh i was thinking a fork but yeah that's even more it was even worse what a weird but then you separate it's always like i'm like if in a couple's costume then you separate and you're like yeah at the party and you're like wait what i mean you guess you're a toaster yeah or toaster or bathtub yeah i guess it's not that weird um i might have to get that clown costume can you link me like is it for sale or did it was just an image can you actually think it's for sale unless this website is just like scamming people oh i would wear that to a halloween party and freak it not

tell anyone who i actually am just a party uh i can't deal with this yeah i will link it to you i'm gonna post we're gonna post these on instagram um let us know what you think i can't wait okay thanks everyone you're getting to be my pants all right bye Bye.