Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 154: Reviews of Subway Stations

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome back to Beach Too Sandy. Water water too wet took me a minute there i almost said at gmail.com made me look up i was like wait what is she trying to come up with wow our name the name of our podcast that's it that's the one uh welcome we are back here with another episode uh this is subway stations not to be confused with subway sandwiches which is coming

up next week yes and hopefully by this point you've already sent in your reviews to help us because we need all the help we can get help um so welcome to the show we just recorded our rmp episode to rate my professor and so we're all warmed up that was definitely a warm-up because it's more like a stumble down a big hill um and now we're dusted off and we're ready to do subway stations i was gonna say we're still stumbling just with greater momentum that's right we we hit a plateau then someone just pushed us off the next cliff you know nope never mind i don't know yeah yeah whatever she says everybody you get it you get it totally you totally get it you get it uh what was researching like um let's see it was difficult agreed like not impossible not as hard as some of the ones we've done but um it took a while yeah for me too i there's so many that i thought yep i that's a

very valid one star complaint yeah the good news was the one stars weren't um like sometimes we'll do ones where the one stars are all really big bummers like they're either about race or uh like animal cruelty or something so at least the one stars were just kind of like boring like at least from my experience i was gonna say i got some very serious one star reviews yeah i brought them all to the table fantastic i'm just kidding um but yeah no that's a very valid really kind of like plain old ones yeah like traffic and there were a lot of those of like oh it didn't my this train never comes on time one star and same old same old yeah that kind of sucks for you yeah what a bummer for

you what a bummer for you but not good enough to make the cut for our show and then we read ours and they're like probably really shitty and they're like okay oh this is what makes the cut for our show and then we read ours and they're like probably really shitty and they're like okay oh this is what makes the cut this is the creme de la creme that we've brought to the table not to put all the pressure on uh who wants to go first i'll go ahead okay um also i just realized for flanfo and the uh the geoguessr map i feel like this is just gonna make the map awful with all these different subway stations completely awful but at least they're very specific yeah it's true it's true and it actually might be good to be plopped right at a station you can look at the signs and be like oh

okay i know where i am yeah it's a little easier um this first one is of uh rouse hill station it's near sydney australia this is a two-star review trains lead to a horrible pit of despair called sydney make sure to get off quickly or your day is ruined end of review oh my god your voice there your voice acting was excellent thank you i really got like the character, you know. Yeah, except I didn't make them Australian because they're a tourist. Oh, they're a tourist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did they call Sydney?

Pit of Despair. Wow. Sorry, Horrible Pit of Despair. So get off quickly. So get off quickly. I don't know how you ended up on there if you're just trying to get off quickly, but good for you. True. Yeah. Why don't you, or just stay on until it leaves yeah close your eyes as you pass sydney in case it's too dramatic for you

i think we're over analyzing this really stupid review correct okay here is a one star review of the london underground aka the tube the whole thing yes they have so some of mine are the whole subway system yeah so flinfo do with that way you will i assume it'll put you at like the main hub i don't know yeah um but they have their own yelp pages i think i did have one i might have had one of those too and then there are some that i have that are actual stations cool all right so this is from uh gary who's from boston okay fun fact that is really fun it i thought so how's it wait how is the boston like train oh interesting i looked up a bunch of reviews i don't think i ended up with one okay i think i have one i think it's fine i mean the problem with it for me when i lived there was that

the winter was so bad that like anyone some some of them are outside, like they're not underground. And it was just miserable because there's no like heating. Like in Chicago, they have like heating lamps and stuff. Oh, really? Cool. Yeah. And so that was the only bummer is like it would be kind of miserable to wait. But I didn't think it was that bad.

Okay. Just saying. And then we lived in D.C. Did you commute with it or? Yeah. Well, no, because I lived right by school did you commute with it or yeah well no because i lived right by school but i used it a lot yeah it wasn't i used to dc one a lot because i tried to escape from yeah yeah foggy bottom uh but foggy bottom was pretty convenient i felt pretty good

i think it's a red line i don't remember and there was a couple other ones like state stations walking distance bottom was on the green line really i think so am i wrong probably not probably have you met me i i just feel weird that you actually feel confident i know tenley town was i'm pretty sure on the red line and that was my stop and i feel like it wasn't on the same line as yours this is so thrilling for everybody you know you're probably right then so i'm it makes sense that you'd be i'm probably not right well let's see but also it could be on multiple okay let's see foggy bottom no you're right i was wrong it looks like it was on the orange and blue oh so i was and tenleytown was au no or tenleytown was red okay at least i knew that yeah yeah no i'm

wrong but sometimes i would walk to farragut north which is on the red line ah yes that one was um anyway fun fact about us that was so boring sometimes i would walk to a different subway station on a different line listen i think it's fun fact okay yeah just like the fact that gary's from boston and he has an opinion about the london underground and here it is we bought weekly passes rode the tube once and never again the central line is too too far down below the surface of the earth like mole people down there yeah wait how is this a complaint okay i'll listen three very long steep escalators to get there and the cars are like tubes so we walked and took taxis everywhere the underground is not for me in the preview the cars are like tubes on

the tube the tube is like a tube and it's not for gary he wants them to be more like i don't understand i don't know what what what the hell else i have no idea the the what what are you expecting like you want to hop in and it's like a four-door sedan like i don't know what you're expecting the the cars to look like yeah and i don't see why that's relevant it's like another one of those things where people give a complaint that's like wow what a visceral complaint three steep escalators that's frightening to me and like wow that's good to know and then he's like and also the cars are like tubes and i'm like you just took away why are you distracting me from your real complaint yeah not that man some

but some of those dc escalators were terrifyingly it was long i'm shocked not more more people didn't seriously injure themselves because in the winter time those would get icy yeah and you'd have to like hold on uh those are scary yeah those are really scary and sometimes they don't work and you have to walk down them yeah that's the thing that i feel like is a very valid complaint if you're like oh my gosh like escalators are so long and they're not working half the time like i'd be like yeah that really sucks metal narrow metal stairs in the winter just say like we're really far underground the escalators are big i mean i kind of get what you're saying no zozandy that he's like painting this is a mole person picture like they're in tubes underground it really sounds like gerbils but then when you it sounds like it does wow you're right i'm serious

but then when you think about it's like what what else would it be like right you know like when you actually think about it he's just describing what a subway is and that's kind of the whole purpose yeah yeah yeah um but yeah i was gonna say the rosslyn metro escalator in arlington 207 feet yikes 207 feet we actually just took that one um when i was over the summer i was in dc when oh yeah yeah with mom and tim and francisca i forgot um that was that was scary i just hold on tight i don't even care that i'm like look like a tourist when i don't walk oh yeah but i'm like no i'm not gonna fall down no it's terrifying especially if you have groceries and when you get up there and you like three quarters of the way up yeah yeah yeah you can't look back and you're like if you fall you're gonna be a

mole person forever and we stuck with the gerbils down there. You're never coming back up. Speaking of escalators, though, I want you to play a game with me. Okay. It's just a little trivia guessing game. Fun. The state of Wyoming. How many escalators do you think are in the entire state of Wyoming? What?

4,000. The answer is two. What? Yeah. What do you mean wyoming has two escalators why they don't need any more than that how don't they have a mall and they said actually four if you count each ascending and descending set of stairs uh as one so so it's like so they have two sets up down yeah do they have both are in uh one is at the first national bank and one is at the hilltop national bank do people go and take photos that's a thing no and it's a thing of going to both escalators uh or both sets of escalators uh in the same day you can like drive from one for whom teens like cool

if i find myself and i think it was casper uh wyoming it's not even in the capital no wow what's a capital i don't know it's not it's not casper um uh capital of wyoming i would have remembered if it were casper uh but i do have another speaking of an escalator fun fact no speaking of capitals now we're just gonna go on this yeah yeah yeah yeah no one's gonna like this but us uh which state capital has the smallest population which state frankfurt kentucky no that's i think in top five like smallest um the one in new hampshire no you're close though vermont montpelier really i knew about montpelier they have fewer than 8 000 people holy canola tiny for a capital city yes that's less than half the people in newport kentucky it's like

really yeah there's like 15 000 in newport or 14 000 i think it's like salamanca new york and it's the capital how many escalators do they have though because um true that is where the real might be zero oh my god i'm just kidding i have no fucking clue that's so wild about wyoming i didn't know escalators were so luxurious there i guess they just don't have many they don't need high buildings or like if they do they've escalate or elevators yeah you know i don't think it really like i when i think of escalators i think of the mall i think airports and they don't have an airport i'm sure they do but they probably it's probably pretty flat you don't need maybe they're scared of heights it just that's what it is like nonsensical but you know it does seem strange right there's probably there's probably

more reason to it other than if you said like 40 i'd be like wow that's low but like four it's like what are you doing or two yeah two cents wild anyway fun fact everybody um have i given one yet oh yeah the sydney one i have another one from sydney this is of the town hall station okay one star no air conditioning it feels like a train station in the third world country after war end of review i found those people have been these past couple weeks have been it feels like absurd did they say the third world the third world country after war i've watched a powerpoint before it sounds like they're saying i have so much experience with the world i know what i'm talking about because i use words that go together that uh the un use probably

20 years ago wow which you don't even use anymore anyway that's pretty impressive yeah um okay i have let's see here's the problem i don't know how to say this because it's french once again i have a french term oh oui oui i will say it je suis enchanté je m'appelle alexandre that was terrible i felt myself change oh thank you did you say thank you because i went oh yeah that's why well spell it for us it's i'm gonna say in very american the most american guard to's hard I'm gonna say now in French okay garde

no Renee I just realized Renee listens to this I can't do it I can't Renee actually speaks French in like

a very real way in a very real way well some people say I speak this language but like Renee literally lived there and speaks it in a way that um

I don't want to risk you know I don't want to risk it so don't do it yeah we're just gonna leave it as the dumb american version okay so i have a review and this is a one-star review by paul i don't know why paris is not controlling this main train station with police officers this station is full of this station is full of pickpock is full of pickpockers and criminals. Pickpockers. I think this is one of my middle of the night, like, wow, that's hilarious.

You're giggling at it? Oh, yeah. I get those a lot. Oh, my God. I saw arrived tourists walking in front of Gare du Nord with their large trolley suitcase and having it pulled out of their hand from a pickpocker running away with it. There is zero police here, and I am wondering why the city of Paris

is purposely not controlling this place. End of review. Why did they spell it wrong twice? How does that happen? It's not a pickpocket if they steal a large suitcase. Yeah, that's true. If you're rolling a large trolley suitcase. They didn't say pickpocket.

They didn't say pocket. They didn't say what? They said pocker. You're right. A pocker. Yeah, you're rolling a large they didn't say pocket they didn't say what he said pocker you're right pocker yeah you're right uh i stand corrected wait i did see did you see that um there was a uh documentary about them in paris about whom about pickpockers it was called meet the pockers like about what about oh my god that's stupid thank you oh pocker according to wikipedia is a nickname for the devil is that where you keep your trolley suitcase it's also a common misspelling of the card game poker according to it shut up so oh my god um but not pocket so sorry paul yeah paypal okay paypal um here is a review of the uh 14th street and i think it was are you making this up It sounds like you're just making up a location. Main Street.

14th Street and something else. Union Square. You're good at this. 14th Street, Union Square. It's part of MTA, Metropolitan Transit Authority in New York. Okay. This is in New York. That's what's most important.

This is one star this is the closest i can imagine to bathing in a pool of satan's tears truly a nightmare end of review i mean pocker truly pocker's tears um gross agreed creative creative but gross but gross yeah yeah that sums up a lot of them creative and gross yeah pretty nasty stuff yeah um i did see a few well because the i read a fun review that talked about the mta in new york being uh founded in 19 i think 64 when people are like this isn't your most boring episode why do you just keep saying weird facts about things more but uh when the world's fair was in new york wow that's how old it is they were saying it with disdain 1960s 1964 that doesn't seem that long ago i mean they haven't like updated it at all you know it's like it seems pretty damn old like if a car were still from 1964 you'd be like oh boy oh boys right i'm not saying they have not like done maintenance but um you know i'm just saying

that's an old train station probably hard to overhaul everything um yeah as someone who has very minimally ridden the new york uh subway system it made me want to move there it made you want to move there yeah yeah oh because like going from la then ohio and then visiting new york after that yeah i thought whoa you can get around yeah you can actually go places and it's not that expensive and yeah that was a big thing and i think most of the the negative reviews they all seem to kind of say at the end well but at least it wasn't that expensive like you can get across the entire city for less than three bucks like how that guy was a good trumpet player but you still hate him yeah yeah trombone i'm sorry you're right

yeah yeah he sucks at the trumpet so insensitive of me that's his weakness okay trumpets yeah i'm just saying i insulted him when I said that. I just wanted clarity. I wasn't questioning. I see. I'm not the one to offer clarity, but thank you for asking. You're welcome. Okay.

I have another review of Garde Nord, you know? Yeah, I do. I do. You've heard of it. Okay. So this is another one where you're like, oh my, what's going on here? And it was right underneath the first one that I just read about pickpockers stealing massive suitcases. And to the point that I screenshotted them together.

That's how close together they were. Okay. This is by Louise. One star. I felt really, really scared here when I arrived from the airport. This place is really sketchy during midday i would never be caught dead here at night it definitely seems like the sketchy folks of the city come here to do business if you if if you know what i'm saying however it is such a main

point of travel that i couldn't imagine avoiding it and over review anyway oh my what's going on here do business meet you watched meet the pockers i didn't yeah i just literally quoted what you told me i was supposed to react with you said this is another one of those oh my what's going on here why did you expect me to remember that well i remembered you saying that but yes uh i like when people are weirdly coy about yeah what they're trying to say like there are drug deals going on here but they're like oh people do business here if you know what i'm saying and if you don't you're not as cool as me yelp elite 2021 it's so weird um yeah so you know who i don't know what they're saying doing their business there

but oh maybe oh maybe it's actually they're pooping or something maybe they're literally oxygen that's really intense maybe they're doing a business deal maybe they're selling the big account oh maybe is that what you do with big accounts it's like squid game you sell them you sell them you sell the account it's a big game a squid game yeah it's like squid game where they're at the train station doing business deal sort of no spoilers just saying yeah yeah if you've seen it you know what i'm saying or maybe you don't it doesn't matter you know um speaking of doing business though i'm gonna look for one that is relevant that i know i have i have to find it okay here it is this is a one-star review this is of uh the new york like new york subway system

in general i think that just the mta on trip advisor one star titled awful uh and this is by bernice no it's not what do you mean no it's not it's just funny when you make up names that was a that was a good one though yeah it was um somebody email i think they emailed or somebody said somewhere that they guessed i was having a baby girl because my names got really my female names got like really creative and like pretty and they were like suddenly you were saying like flora and louise and like oh and i was like that's really weird that's probably spot on honestly probably because i was thinking of names so much that they probably were wait did you have a girl oh you didn't know no um i did i

forgot to tell you good flora flora louise for louise is that way you don't you were you weren't wondering why there was a lot of screaming no coming from downstairs yeah no i thought that was blaze oh it might have been actually now that you mentioned it um no and then they said they said to be clear like yeah gender is a contract etc etc but you know they were like i did notice that your feminine name got very you know flowery floral floral indeed anyway sorry so bernice is not you're not having a cat's out of the bag you're not having i'm having a boy bernice bernie no no it's bernice because my middle name is baron hart so bernie so i'm just trying to find a you know bernie a wink to your own middle name yeah

yeah it's not that i should my middle name is dad's name yeah but my my child's gonna be named after my middle name dad's name is your middle name. To be clear. Right. So just don't get it twisted. Poor D. I outed that we're in a relationship and now I'm being really obnoxious about things.

That must be new that you've developed. She's sucked into it though. That's her own goddamn fault. She listened to the show. Like, hello. True, true, true, true true it's not like you just developed this personality trait the last no offense in the last two hours that's true okay you go ahead now um yeah it's the consequences of her own actions correct here he goes here's the one star review this is of the mta uh by bernice please if you can avoid the underground trains that's sorry and then there's a period so i know it's ended up that's just how it's worded

i think they meant if you can avoid the yeah i i they i'm just an idiot please please if you can avoid the underground trains we went to new york in october and we used it quite a lot first of all it is not child friendly there are no so many lifts and when there is one it has been used as a toilet yikes not all the stations are equipped with timetables and it stinks. The worst subway I have been into. End of review. Oh my, Bernice. Speaking of doing your business. Man, everyone's doing business.

You know what I mean? I do know what you mean. I mean, I guess the subway never claimed to be kid friendly, but. Yeah, true. For what it's worth. Fun place to take the family. Yeah, nobody's really looking at us, you know. I don't know, Bernice.

Have you been to Wyoming? There's no escalators there, so you count your lucky stars. I don't think it's possible to go underground in Wyoming. That's right. They don't have that option. They're scared of the heights and the lows. The highs and the lows. Yeah.

Ugh, story of my life. It's rough out there. So, I have something here um this is of this is from uh trip advisor uh-oh i hope we don't have the same ones and this is also of the new york subway system oh no um one star do you have this one no i know i i think that was my only one that i read okay great uh because the title is nice for a tourist to check out but sucks for everyday use um and this is from al in queens okay every tourist wants to ride a new york city subway just to say they did it is that true oxen no i i don't think so like i get that it's like an experience but i don't go to new york and be like wow i can't wait to tell everybody how i rode the subway it doesn't i don't think it has maybe if i lived in wyoming and they like didn't

believe me yeah about the escalator true true yeah but i mean in wyoming telling someone you rode an escalator is exactly i I would go just for that. Yeah. But no, not that I know much about New York, but I never thought that it had the best reputation. It wasn't like this Marvel, you know? Well, at the World's Fair it was, but that was so long ago. I guess maybe if you're old enough, you grew up thinking about this as a Marvel. I mean, it is massive, and I'm sure in many ways it is a marvel.

If you're from Ohio, it's like, wow, that's a marvel. You can get places underground without a car. But still, even then, you probably know it as full of rats and things, which I personally love. And business. When I went to visit Dee, I was like, show me the rats. I found like six rats. It was fantastic. Great rats. No, yeah. I'm a big fan of the rats. I found like six rats. It was fantastic. Great rats.

No, yeah. I'm a big fan of the rats. I saw subway rats. I found street rats. I found garbage rats. D.C. was full of garbage rats. I remember that. Yes.

You'd have to toss something from afar. Otherwise, your hand was risked. All right. And to be clear, this person's name has Queens in it. So I'm assuming they are a local. So this is their understanding of what tourists want to it. So I'm assuming they are a local. So this is their understanding of what tourists want to do. So just as a side note.

Every tourist wants to ride a New York City subway just to say they did it. Just like walking through Central Park or taking an elevator to the observation deck of the Empire State Building. Okay. One of those things is not like the other and it is taking the subway. Going on the subway. I think agree i agree i mean i don't know maybe we're wrong but i agree with you was there even a subway scene in home alone excellent you know what i mean like if it was a home alone thing it would have been classic but yeah but if i am to be honest about the new york city subway system overall, it really sucks.

These are the words slash phrases I will use. These are the words slash phrases I will use to describe the subways, stations, etc. This is like a fucking thesis statement. What is happening now? We got very academic here. It's just rate my professors all over again. I'd rate this professor honestly it might be if you hear the work the list of words for instance it could probably be copy pasted into a rate my professor one smelly two dirty three overcrowded to where you can't breathe four poor ventilation five Five, rats, rats, and more rats.

Six, what's that stain on my pants? Oh, no. I'm sorry. Is that a stain on my pants or am I happy to see you like that? Rats, rats, more rats. Is that a stain on my pants? Is that a... Wait.

I love how you started to read it as if what i said was accurate you tricked me what's that stain on my pants from the subway seat seven can you say poo train seriously ever been on one of those ever been on one of those suggestion if you see a train car with no one on it during rush hour do not think you are lucky chances areances are it's a poo train. Eight. Trains never one time. Conductors love to mess with patrons who are impatient. Nine. Don't tell me thank you for your patience. You are assuming I am patient. Ten. If I have to hear one more time we are delayed because of train traffic ahead, especially at 1 30 a.m. when there's no traffic, I will scream. And I hate to say it, but the man who made those recordings

is probably the most hated man on earth to a native New Yorker. 11. Let's see. What else? Man spreading acrobats. Man spreading comma acrobats? Good question.

Or man spreading acrobats? Great question. Grammar's important. There is a comma. Okay. Man spreading nearby acrobats? Great question. Grammar's important. There is a comma. Okay. Manspreading. Nearby. Acrobats.

Nearly kicking you in the eye and then asking for money. People picking their noses and then grabbing the handrails. People blocking the door because, God forbid, they should move two inches away from the door. Screeching cars making you deaf. And finally, the ever-increasing subway fares so that we all have the privilege of experiencing all of this. ever-increasing subway fares so that we all have the privilege of experiencing all of this now a la uh timely manner this is spelled subway fair f-a-i-r like world's fair they were yeah making a reference to that so alan queens was at the 1964 world's fair yeah yeah so i was like cool ever-increasing subway fair so that sounds fun to me but i guess not still want to ride on the

subway all you tourists now you know why everyone on the trains are so grouchy end of review okay i have a couple of things oh you have a retort um list them out one one uh in the spaper i will be talking about the ways al is wrong no uh so first off um how do you survive living in new york if you can't handle all of this i mean like this seems very normal i mean i'm not saying it's good i'm not saying anyone should want to enjoy it or think that this is something that's so great but like that yeah i feel like you're giving like a really negative review for it it seems weird when it's like that seems. Right.

No, I totally agree. Like if you're a native New Yorker, I feel like you're not like, wow, I know who I'm going to tell about this thing that I use every day for my whole life. Trip advisor. I like to warn tourists. I don't know. Well, that brings me to my second point, which may be the whole purpose of this was to get the word out that New York subways are terrible to get fewer tourists to use them.

So it's less busy for Al. Wow. That will be quite a roundabout way to do it. Yeah. I mean, it's working because we're reading it now. So now all these people are listening. Wow.

It has four thumbs up. Okay. So four people have been our audience plus four have now no oh my god five that's five people five people now you know on these subways ripples ripple effect ripple effect is happening yeah it is what is having a ripple effect yeah cool cool kind of like the rats splashing in the puddles in the business i love the rats in the business they just they're cute they're cute i wouldn't i don't think i will ever get sick of seeing rats in public i don't i'll leave them alone yeah good idea they they deserve

to have their space i'm not gonna infringe on that jesus what do you what do you think of me i'm so sorry i'm so sorry um my next review is of the station at chicago hair okay uh this is by gerald one star this city has so much money but won't invest in replacing these rinky dinky trains i've never heard it rinky dinky i feel like suddenly he's in a toy store looking at like a tabletop train set like that's what his wording reminds me of i loved that train set at joseph beth kids here in cincinnati there was a thomas the tank engine there's a whole big like Thomas the tank engine train set with the wooden pieces Thomas the train Thomas the tank engine with the wooden pieces I don't know but I played with that anytime we were there for a long ass time basement remember oh yeah but that was a real one for adults yeah well we fucked with it a lot oh yeah no we weren't

supposed to but yeah that was that was really cool too yeah um but no i'm thinking the kids won at uh joseph beth that i enjoyed playing with growing up how fun i went back there recently uh and i didn't see it there so sad time it's actually pretty sad okay here we go rinky dink it's basically almost over so i might just start it over yeah please do this city has so much money but won't invest in replacing these rinky dinky trains coming out of o'hare on the blue line was like the little engine that could end of review okay no kidding he's literally stuck in like the bookstore for children so you nailed it with oh wow good for me um also like i. That was great for you. Thank you. For me, it was. Yeah. Bars low. But like I said, Chicago.

Sure. I mean, maybe they have rinky dink trains, but. Rinky dinky. Rinky dinky trains. But they had heaters. And I was like, this is next level bougie for me coming from Boston and D.C. Where there's no heating lamps that you can stand under. So, I don't know. I mean, i don't know i mean i don't know i'm just saying i have no count your blessings i will one two okay i'm done

escalators escalators three okay three you got me it's pretty good um so yeah i don't know and i being in new york over the summer it was really fucking hot and humid and really miserable period i don't think there's the trains are air conditioned like every reviewer ever yeah but then you have like a full train and it's just miserably hot and you're sweating and touching everything and everybody and leaning your your sweaty belly on strangers oh Oh, cool. Not on purpose. I hope not. Not on purpose, I swear. I hope not.

Okay, I have another review of... Oh, no. Why did I do this? I don't want to know. Gar Denord. It's back. Why? It never left.

Oh. The big bonkers. The big bonkers. grab your luxury suitcase or whatever okay one star by harold dean harold dean what a lovely name one star didn't have the best experience here after our eurostar trip from london first off you have to pay to pee what the Gosh, where else do I begin? I don't think that's how you use that phrase. Yeah, where else do I begin? I haven't started yet.

I've said it many times, okay? So here's the second beginning it's like no no that wasn't it let me try again gosh where else do i begin we ended up missing our train back to london because apparently you have to check in 40 minutes before the last train departs we got there at 9 p.m for a 9 13 departure and they turned us away no place to stay no clothes no nothing two bad americans nobody cares or wants to help you here. To make things worse, the station was closing in an hour and they were going to kick us out. We couldn't even sleep on a bench.

Me and my husband ended up getting into a fight over it. And I went to the little restaurant at the front of the station. Now that I looked it up, it's called. Oh, boy. L'Etoile du Nord. Oh, fuck me. Okay. L'Etoile du Nord. Oh, fuck me. Okay. L'Etoile du Nord par Thierry Marx.

Wow. You lost it as you went. I'm so sorry. Not that you started that great, but I think you started pretty low and then just somehow went worse. It got worse. L'Etoile. I'll just say that.

Remind me. Oh, wait. That's her saying. That's not me. Remind me to review this SOB next. Some wannabe fancy restaurant at a dumpy train station. Nothing special at all. I sat down by myself and the waiter took me.

Nope. Oh, no. That would be worthy of a negative review. He's a big fucker. The waiter took me. He's a big fucker. Big fucker. No.

Okay. I'm so sorry. I sat down by myself and the waiter brought me. It's a pickpocker. No. Okay. I'm so sorry. I sat down by myself and the waiter brought me some bread and butter and water. I ordered dessert. Right after my order, the waiter took away my uneaten bread and butter because apparently I didn't order enough food for his satisfaction. What a prick. So I leave and sit outside the restaurant on the floor, not knowing where to go or what to do. What is this a review of?

She's in a fight with her husband. A few Parisians start throwing money at me. Are you serious? Oh my God. And then she's like, oh, here. few parisians start throwing money at me like i'm a homeless person and it's like no you're just really depressed and pathetic and they're just trying to help out you need to pee they can tell those bathrooms cost money and i actually had a nice outfit on and a nice bag but i guess i looked sad me and my husband got over our fight and ended up staying at hotel richmond across the street which looked totally scary like a European vacation movie, but ended up being an okay place with a fairly comfortable bed if you like Ikea style, and a remodeled bathroom.

Must say that as scary as it was to go there, everything was fresh, and I inspected all the linens. There was a nice guy working at the front desk who let us look at the room before booking. It was pretty cheap, about $118. There's a bar downstairs which had a nice friendly guy working there so if you end up like us missing the train back to london good luck and god bless holy shit end of review that like harold dean got out of hand had a bad day that got out of hand yeah but you didn't have to put that on me you know i did the thing is i did though oh you did

that's the thing is that I did. Well, thanks. And the thing is also that it's too late now. True. Yeah, how do you get in? I don't know. It's like journaling. You just kind of keep going. He gave me bread and water and then he took it away.

Like everything just so tragic happened. And then I sat on the floor and people threw money at me. It's a modern tragedy. People gave me money. People threw money at me. It's a modern tragedy. People gave me money. People threw money at me. Sounds pretty good to me. Yeah. This next one I have is a Back Bay Station in Boston.

Hell yeah. This is a one-star review by Liam. God, does this place make me want to stick scissors in my eardrums? It is miserable. Never go to this godforsaken station in your life i'd rather walk to north station than take a connecting train from this shithole end of review whoa why are people so extra that i mean it's just another train station i don't apparently not i guess not i guess it does make you want to eviscerate your own head with scissors

i mean what on earth i don't know what on earth is right i'm scared of those people there was one i read that was like hey remember that guy it was the berlin hop on wolf and it was like remember that guy who shot a bunch of people here yeah that's what this train station or like he had every right to because this train station sucks i was like that is so too far that's what this train station or like he had every right to because this train station that is so too far that's awful yeah i was like people take this too far too far um okay i have the uh i have the korean train station next the korean subway the korean one oh like like in seoul i say the korean one? Yeah, I don't know, Alex. I'm sorry. Seoul, Korea.

It's in Seoul. I thought you were talking about like Koreatown in LA at first because that's where we lived. I said V and then I was like, I need to finish the sentences if I knew what I was going to say. And I was limited by the article V because I should have said A. I have A review of Seoul. Of A Korean? Of a Korean train station. You should have done, i have a review of of a korean of a korean train you should have done yeah you could have done better it was the wrong article and i'm so sorry so this is in seoul korea south korea in case anyone's wondering yes i couldn't find any up there

one star review uh by sherry called sherry sherry with a c okay wow it's like spelled like cherry pronounced sherry lovely here's the thing that's leona's middle name right i mean wait what's leona's other name that i made up for today fl Flora Louise. Yeah, Flora Louise Sherry, but spelled with a C-H. The thing is, my mother-in-law who listens to this is named Sherry, and I didn't want to be like, oh, this is Sherry, but this person's last name is C, and I was like, oh, I had a nurse named Sherry, which was spelled C-H-E-R-I-E. Oh, mon cheri. Exactly. And so that's what came in my head, but I want want to be clear it's not my mother-in-law

i don't know i don't know i was thinking i just second guessed my terrible french that's probably for the best okay it's my sherry yeah did they have like is it like gendered? I don't know. That's why I was second guessing it. This is by Claire. This is the worst episode we've ever done. This is by Claire. By Claire. One star. It's called Rude Pushy People.

If you use this, watch out for old ladies who will push you around without any warnings just so that she can conveniently pass you. You can easily loose your balance because these ladies are very small and fast but he said loose your bowels and i was like whoa what a superpower oh you're pushing me around time for the show Loosen Tighten your bowels Christina I'm trying Okay Let me pee my pants

Okay I seriously heard it Loose your bowels Watch out for the show Okay You could easily Loose your balance Just want to say it really fast

Because these ladies Are very small and fast they will touch you like i didn't even hear that part that's hilarious get ready for the next they will touch you everywhere oh my god this is like a gang that needs to be dealt with i feel like they're like lemmings or something like there's something very small and furry and they're like everywhere oh like an invasive species okay but they i mean because yeah normally they stick to the malls they do their mall walking and sometimes they invade other other areas of the town sometimes they they're invasive these ladies are very small and fast they will touch you everywhere without any apologies also they will take your seat right

in front of you these people will never never apologize if you try to talk to them they will certainly make a scene and other koreans will help these people and not you who were violated in some sense which basically means they caused a scene by harassing a woman who took quote-unquote their seat yep which is like if an elderly woman is gonna take your seat please like let her do that yeah i guess is my thought but whatever also rude koreans will just pass you by a teeth of hair without any warnings of course this may result in hitting you hard as well but they will never never apologize basically they are sangnam in korean and they never apologize for being a sangnam are you saying slurs right now we gotta be careful here

i looked it up okay thank god and i found multiple sources that told me multiple different things. One said, this is a swear word that means low-life bastard. That sounds really aggressive and probably not a word you want to say without being like, oh, I looked it up. The other source said, by a Korean writer, said, this is not a swear. Oh. It means asshole. And usually seniors use it for scolding young people oh okay okay okay which i was like like whippersnapper that's the vibe i got but um i love that this person is calling the old people yeah yeah yeah and apparently the old people use it so

you are you are what you eat you're appropriating their culture oh in more ways than one i don't know what that means but i mean i know what that means but i don't know what i mean by that is what no one does that's okay when the train stops there is so little time that the people will enter inside pushing the people who wish to get out first also the people are cold as possible and treat you with complete indifference end of review wow yeah lots of generalizations but absolutely the same kind of generalizations about new yorkers and when i spent like 24 hours there yeah you called them scary yep but the thing is though especially if i'm visiting another country like i when when when I was in Indonesia, I'm anything I was like, I am not.

This is not my culture. This is not my place. Like anything that I'm not going to write a review and be like, oh, it's terrible here because of all these things. It's like, well, you just use like a local. Yeah, it's so weird. People like, oh, my. use like a local swear word to insult people it's like oh my like you would never think to like i would never think to go somewhere new and be like yeah i'm gonna review all these people or or like yell at them for taking your seat it's like this just doesn't seem like the time yikes to cause a

scene yeah no not really not really uh i now have a redemption great this is of the new york transit museum which let me tell you it looks lovely that's fun i first started looking at one trip for one star reviews and i thought you know what no way this place deserves better lift it up because this place seems awesome um d doesn't d doesn't know this yet, but I'm going to try to get her to go. We find the best museums on this show. I love what you say. I think you're right, actually. I'm going to try to get her to go.

Not like we're going to go together. I'm going to take her. No, I'm going to try and see if she'll... Manipulate her into going. And I'm sure she would love to, but I'm going to make it seem as if I'm like... You have to beg her to go. Oh, gosh.

Not giving her a good look. Um, but by this time it comes out, by the time this episode comes out, hopefully I'll have a picture there to post on here on our Instagram. Picture what? Of me at the New York transit museum. Oh my God.

I thought you meant of D and I was like, that's a little weird. I was like, you do what you want, but that's a little weird. Um, of me at the new york transit museum yeah this is in brooklyn and this is a review by kelly five stars our son loves trains and needless to say we found his favorite place i didn't know that the metro card was introduced in 1993 for

the first time there's so many things even the grown-ups can learn here i would have given it 10 stars if i could we will be going back for sure and then included pictures but i love how their little fun fact is like hey i did you know the metro card was introduced in 1993 who knows now every person ever invited to their house for a dinner yeah exactly and i think that's a fun fact that's the year i was born you know and like much like my fun fact about the world's fair which actually when you go can you please make sure that's correct because i just read it off a review oh yeah i'll see what the the transit museum has to say i read it on yelp and i feel like i'm gonna get in trouble for it being wrong and that's fair i'm we're gonna get in trouble for so many things from

this episode i don't know what it is about that but i i really think this episode the fact checkers are going to be just do you think it's because we keep saying fun fact and then just talking about different cities that we've never been to? Yeah, that's probably it. Yeah, that could be. Like, we're probably going to get tweets about, like, before we even correct ourselves,

like, I'm going to say, oh, Foggy Bottom is on the red line, and I'm just going to, someone's going to tweet at me, like, you're wrong. Well, sucks for them. I am, though. So, no, but they're right.

I was wrong, so I can't really blame them. Yeah, but then I said it was on the green line, and then I was wrong, so I think we're both in trouble. Well, blue plus orange makes green, maybe? It does. Yeah. It is on the blue and orange line. Oh, another tweet about color matching.

Which I think, isn't blue and yellow green? Yeah. Shit. You really thought blue and orange was going to be green? Probably a shade of green, though, because it's like red and yellow is... It's probably brown of green though because it's like red and it's probably brown yellow is you're probably right probably brown all right i have another review okay i'm googling blue and orange combined yeah it's it's brown yeah that's what i thought yeah i'm on a roll today not really i don't know why i thought these now that i'm looking at the colors blue and orange i don't know why I thought these, now that I'm looking at the colors blue and orange,

I don't know why would I ever think that comes out as green. No. Okay, ready? Yes. This is a review, a two-star review. Do you have any left? Yeah, I have one more kind of redemption-y weirdness you'll see. Okay, good.

Can I read these two back to back? You can. I would love for that to happen. Great. This is of the for that to happen. Great. This is of the Berlin Hauptbahnhof. Okay. The Berlin train, the main station of the U-Bahn in Berlin. And this is a two-star view by Vince.

The Pizza Hut closed and I have any reason anymore to come there. End of review. Wow. I know, it's sad. That is really sad. I'm sorry to bring the mood down. End of review. Wow. I know. It's sad. That is really sad. I'm sorry to bring the mood down. Someone lost their purpose in life, it sounds like.

Which I was like, I love that they rated it low because now they don't have a reason to go to the train station to eat dinner. Yeah. It's like, oh, how sad for you. Now, this is another one right afterward that I screenshotted because I was like, this is weird. I think maybe these two are friends. Oh.

This is a two-star review by Emma. Okay place to have something to eat during Christmas time. Otherwise, not so pleasant. End of review. Like, what's going on? What is going on? They're just like hanging out to eat dinner there. But then all the other reviews were like, it's just a shitty place with like smells like pee like it's not yeah it's not a nice fancy destination christmas fair

or something huh weird and there's one closed pizza hut i don't know to be fair some of the best pretzels i've had in my life were at uh german train stations they have really what is that they have really good i don't know it's good drunk food yeah i was very drunk so yes that explains it all yes but yeah the drunk food they have at those places is top tier but yeah it's it's i think it tastes good also because you're coming home from somewhere or you're going somewhere it's not that shouldn't be your destination well yeah you're drunk and coming home for something. It's like going to the airport for a pretzel, for an Auntie Anne's pretzel.

And you're like, I'm just here for a pretzel. I'm going home. It's like, this is a place of transport. Yeah. Why are you going to the train station for dinner? I saw a TikTok of this guy who got a pass to, I don't remember which one it was like six flags or i don't know what it was but it was like but it was a specialty pass where if you um paid a certain amount you got multiple meals a day and so he went he would go every day and it was like he found the loophole where it

was actually really if he went every single day it ended up being really cheap because the average cost of the meal was like ten dollars or something per meal but if he would go and eat like two of those meals every day then it ended up being until his cholesterol was so high it'd pay like crazy hospital bills yeah but yeah and he had to like walk through the whole park to like get there but he was like yeah i just got here at opening and did a couple of rides and then went back to the food court got my food this guy just never leaves yeah so wow do it for the talk you know oh the tick tock i was like i did not talk i thought you were saying it's shortening tacos for some reason i was on food i am. My brain was on food.

I changed my mind. Do it for the talk. Oh. Do it for the talk. Oh. I have one more. Great. And this is kind of a lead in into next episode.

Oh. Because I Googled. No, you didn't. You didn't. Subway. Is that Subway's? I did. No, I did Chicago Sub subway to try to find like find

reviews of the chicago subway stations and i found this review of a of the downtown subway on adams street um did somebody think it was the restaurant and it was of a subway restaurant oh and their review is as follows. Four stars. Wait, so this is an actual... Subway location, based on what I'm reading. Oh, like a restaurant. It is a restaurant, a Subway restaurant.

And you're not saving it for next week? No. Okay. But because this is the review. Four stars. Chicago Subway. Pretty easy way to get around Chicago, as long as you are a bit familiar with subways buying your ticket etc end of review so they went to a subway restaurant and said

i know it was a review of the chicago i was like which one do i include this on because it was a review they they had the intention of reviewing the chicago subway system yes but they had the intention of reviewing the Chicago subway system. Yes. But they left the review on an actual Subway Sandwiches location. Hey, Subway was like good on us for picking this confusing ass name. Seriously. Because we got a four star review out of it. There you go.

It probably doesn't happen every time. Probably not. Probably usually negative. You probably don't want to be associated with most of these subway stations. Public transportation. Yeah, but you know what it was confusing because every time i googled a place it really did try to lead me toward the restaurant so next week i'm hoping it'll be easier a little easier but i do have one redemption oh redeem us please and i scrolled down to the last page and realized how much i regret this so deeply alexander this review yeah oh god oh and this is a redemption so tired already just looking at it we're almost done

i know this is like the last hurdle okay this is a four-star review of the london underground by eric who's a yelp elite 2021 you're you're supposed to be impressed oh yeah wow i know sorry that was never that sounded mean now quite a key key change there you just like went up a whole like a voice cracker more than anything okay speaking of key changes this is like a locksmith wait key chain okay you just you do your thing and i'm just gonna shut up what is happening over there my life is brilliant oh no my life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure. She smiled at me on the subway.

She was with another man. But I won't lose no sleep at night. Cause I've got a plan. Ah, the London Underground. Oh my god. Ah, the London Underground is what Londoners call the subway. Okay. Oh my god. Ah, the London Underground is what Londoners call the subway. Okay.

This person is doing a great job, is what I'm going to say, and I'm going to leave it at that. The London Underground is what Londoners call the subway in the city, or by nickname, the Tube. It's hard to imagine that origins date to 1863 as the world's first passenger railway. Amazing, really. Today it serves an average of 5 million riders a day, and who knows how your day begins or ends when you enter the turnstile. You're beautiful. No. This wouldn't be so bad if it didn't lead to you singing it, you know?

I told you I regret it. You're beautiful, it's true i saw your face in a crowded place and i don't know what to do because i'll never be with you yes she caught my eye and she walked on by she could see from my face that i was fucking high that's pretty good and i don't think that i'll see her again but we shared a moment that will last till the end yeah i'm sure james blunt and every pretty skirt has been on it for some reason what i was like how is this gonna be relevant so not i thought i thought it was just gonna end i didn't know that there was more review after fucking end you should know better it never ends yeah i'm sure james blunt every pretty skirt has been on it for some reason or another i actually caught the express train from heath Airport that connected to the London Underground. I'd find myself many times on the Piccadilly line

since I stayed in Soho. I just paid for one-way fare since I planned more on walking the city anyway. You may use the contactless Oyster card if planning lots of travel. Contactless debit and credit cards are Apple Pay, so it's rather convenient. In fact fact i saw her on the piccadilly line an angel that i'm sure la la la i don't know how this part goes it just says la la la la la um la la la la la la hey i think that's how it goes whoa you figured it out real quick because you were like i don't know how this goes boom and then you started like just getting into it this is like the time i was like i think i know the words of uh eagle-eyed cherry and then it went really out of hand all in all the london underground is great great great grandparents old but it retains this magical charm about it too plus the musk oh what i don't know i'm sure i didn't read

this far because i was like i was gonna say i'm just gonna copy and paste this in. I'm sure I didn't read this far because I was like, I was going to say this in here. I'm sure there's a ghost or two down there somewhere. So keep your valuables close. No pickpockets. Just go. I just wish I knew her name size. Maybe it's just the helpless romantic in me. Always searching for that moment.

Even if it's just for that one magical moment. You're beautiful. Beautiful. You're beautiful you're beautiful you're beautiful it's true there must be an angel with a smile on her face wow i'm struggling now when she thought up that i should be with you isn't that how that line goes i don't know i don't know oh yeah when she thought up that i should be with you but it's time to fight the truth thank you i will never be with you but it's time to fight the concords right now thank you i will never be with you and then it says cries end of review wow i scrolled end of review i'm not sure i will say that was informative interesting and uh in tune? No. Maybe my part. But yours was very in tune.

I was impressed. I like immediately said, that was pretty good about myself, which it probably wasn't. And now I like regret saying that because everyone's going to be like, no, no, it wasn't. I literally never knew that was the words until recently. I thought it was flying high because that's what it was on the radio. And I didn't, no offense, James, but I didn't really like that song. And so I only ever heard it on the radio and I heard it as flying high. So when I first heard the actual version say fucking high, I was like, Jesus, what are

you swearing at me for? But I guess that's how it goes. Yep. Pretty sure. I mean, I hope I don't think I just made that up. Either you and this guy. But no, I think I think I knew that because there was a tick tock recentlyiktok recently because yeah i never listened to that either other than on the radio before um but i saw a tiktok of a child singing that part very loudly in the back seat of a car and the mom

freaking out kind of alarming when it's in the context of the rest of the song how old what taking bets how old uh will leona be when she first sings those lyrics sings those lyrics yeah yeah um mike i'm saying like four i think we've already got i think it happened it happened already wow i forgot to tell you wow like you missed you missed it i miss the most magical moment of a child yeah it's in the baby book it's what's it what I miss the most magical moment of a child's upbringing. Yeah, it's in the baby book. What is in the baby book though? Huh? You have a baby book for her?

Yes, I do. What's in it? Oh, first James Bond. Yeah. You know, like all the holidays, first holidays. You know. You put pictures in there? Put pictures in there.

Story of the birth um guest guest entries if you want to add a guest entry a guest entry so i can hop in there as a guest book as a guest book yeah okay that's kind of cute like uh it's like anyone because someone comes over to visit her yeah why didn't you let me sign that? I don't know. I was busy. I'm going to write, you're going to go far, kid. Zandy. Uncle Zandy. That's going to be so lame. That's beautiful. It's true.

Yeah, no, it's very cute. I'm fucking high. Please don't. Also, it has like first Halloween, which is, you know. Coming up. Yeah. And so i'm very excited for that so fun stuff yeah nice good anyway thanks everybody for listening thank you so much we did it we survived uh please be nice to us on social media please unless we don't deserve it we

might not we probably don't yeah i didn't say please with much conviction because yeah that's just be appropriately reactionary yeah yeah just actually do what you want yeah i'm not here to boss you around i'm just just from someone remind me to turn off notifications for this day that's all we know we're wrong does that help yeah we know we're wrong we do we always do thanks everybody thanks for listening and we'll see you actually at subway this time yes next time next time see you there