Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 155: Reviews of Subway Sandwiches

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

This week, Xandy talks about his biggest shame while Christine judges as if she's never catfished anyone before... Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. And if you're just joining us, we're live from Evan's living room. It looks like Evan is about to purchase tickets to today's match. Kate, the real test is, will he use the BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard? Well, if he wants to earn cashback on his purchases, he will, and... Oh, hang on. He's at the computer with his card, he's done it. Clicky click magic trick. The clicker around the room. You guys just about finished. Sorry, we got excited. Thanks for snagging those tickets. Make every purchase highlight worthy with the BMO Toronto FC cash back master card. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think.

Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Beachy's Sanding Water Too Wet. As I just said, we did a test, a little audio test, and he was way too chipper for my current state. I'll tone it down. I'm trying to. Welcome to Beachy's Sandwater Land.

We do review things. Yeah. Yeah. You keep slurring your words. Speaking of slurring your words, I actually brought a glass of wine to the recording for the first time in a long time. Everyone's applauding. I can tell. A really long time.

Sure. So maybe I will get up to your chipper level in about half an hour. We'll see. Just in time for us to record next week's episode. So if you want us being chipper, skip this one. No, don't. Because we're doing Subway subway sandwiches how could you skip it it's bound to be a classic also i think we should keep the next one a secret what we're going to be

doing oh good idea i was gonna ask if we should announce it or not i think it should be a secret and i think y'all should be excited because it's fun and a little different it is and i was gonna one thing i was gonna say which I don't know if we're going to delete this part, but the next episode comes out the day before Thanksgiving. Oh. Should we have done a holiday episode? Yeah. Thanksgiving is kind of overrated.

Okay. That's based on some pretty shitty stuff. I know, but it's like easy to look up like turkey stuff on QVC. You know? True. Well, we did something different for thanksgiving we can say okay it's our thanksgiving themed episode you'll see it you'll see okay well on that note um who wants to go first i'll go go ahead. Okay. This review is of a Subway sandwiches, uh, near LAX. Oh God.

One star review. Cause there's also an In-N-Out near LAX. I feel like. Oh, that one's wild. Dichotomy of those two makes me a little bit depressed. Uh, it's one star by Lydia. I was the only customer and they just kept looking at me from the back for five minutes without saying anything to me. So I left. End of review.

Oh no. Just in the back room, just peeking out, staring at her until she goes. That's me as an employee. Like, no, somebody else go. I don't want to talk. I did it last time. me as an employee like no somebody else go i don't want to talk i did it last time remember that one where we read gas stations and the guy was like hiding behind a pole was that the was that gas stations or liquor stores no it was like chicken store what because i remember the liquor

store where the person thought that they were closing just for him yeah who had all those big words no no no no no um it was a gas station and they said the person was behind a pole the whole time and i just kept picturing them like leaning out from behind the pole as if like nobody could see them back there anyway this seems to be a running trend that happens um at these restaurants so do we like subway like d i feel like growing up we ate there like more than other places yeah considering we didn't eat out much um do i like subway no not particularly you need that really yeah and also i found out that um i'm pretty sure they knew about the whole you know the whole jared's Yeah. They knew before they even fired him.

That's not... I mean, that's not obviously not good. I think they're somewhat complicit in all of that. Am I a fan? No. But I'm a fan of those who have to work at a subway. Yeah. Because after reading all these reviews, I'm like, wow.

Sucks. That sounds like it sucks. I don't know. It sounds like they just hide in the back all the time. That's the thing. I read that, and I think I don't blame them. Yeah sucks i don't know it sounds like they just hide in the back all the time that's the thing i read that and i think i don't blame them yeah i don't either um well i have actually a kind of saga here uh this is of a subway in chattanooga and this is uh this was by alice she her who said congratulations on the baby and the girlfriend oh thank you a couple people actually said that that's so funny so this is a subway in chattanooga it's a one-star review by crystal mario the store manager called

police on me because i wanted spinach on my sandwich seriously i'm not even exaggerating this is the biggest just doubt moment i've had in this entire show so i drove for eight hours from louisiana and ended up in chattanooga tennessee decided to stop at this subway on market street downtown to order one of my favorite sandwiches the meatball sub the story is completely empty around 4.30pm, July 7th, 2021, a Wednesday, except for the store manager Mario, who is fixing sandwiches. I asked Mario for a meatball sub with cheese and spinach. Told him to please toast the spinach, cheese, and meatball together. It's so yummy.

Mario says no. No? He says he can't put spinach on the sandwich while it's being toasted because the spinach will fly off i was shocked mouth open jaws almost falling to the ground this is the sandwich i always order made the way i always make it i told mario the crazy manager to put paper on the sandwich in the toaster if he's afraid of spinach flying off he says no i tell him i've ordered this sub countless times spinach flying off the sandwich while toasting has never happened mario says no way not happening no

spinach on my sandwich while it's toasting i thought to myself maybe he will believe employees at other subway stores rather than me so i'll just call one to reassure him what why can't people just take no for an answer he says no he doesn't want suggestions from other stores i tell him that this is my sandwich if i want toasted spinach be creative and make it with toasted spinach also side note toasted spinach sounds so gross. Yeah, why are you doing this? Why? He says, nope, not putting spinach in the toaster.

As my sandwiches are sitting on the counter, ready to go into the toaster oven, I ask him to please put spinach on the sandwich. He gets frustrated and calls the police. He called the police. The police come and I make Mario explain the police he called the police the police come and i make mario explain exactly why he called them the crazy store manager and i'm sorry i'd not to get ahead of myself but i'm picturing mario like saying i asked after i wouldn't refuse to fulfill his request he refused to leave and is insisting on me fulfilling it but

i've every right to say no and i bet this guy's sitting there like tell him about the flying spinach and how ridiculous that sounds like you're not telling the whole story i tried to call luann at the subway in louisiana and he didn't even listen to her you're not even telling the police how reasonable I am. Did you tell them about my paper hack? Put paper on the sandwich inside the toaster? Okay. The crazy store manager, Mario, actually tells the cops he called them because I wanted spinach toasting on my sandwich with cheese and he refused.

I couldn't believe it. The words actually came out of his mouth and he was unashamed how did mario the crazy store manager get hired in this subway chain no wonder the store was empty at 4 30 p.m the cops were as blown as me oh yikes ridiculous one cop said to me outside what else is mario the crazy store manager refusing customers who come in suffice it to say this was the most humiliating experience the police told me i had to leave if the manager doesn't want to serve me the kind of sandwich the way i want it with spinach toasted on the meatball he does not have to and can insist i leave i asked mario for the phone number of the owner i asked for a name and number

mario told me and the police to google it for mario at this point i'm like he doesn't want to set his freaking place on fire or cause a mess with the spinach flying around i it's his store i think that is i've never seen anyone request that and i've never seen them do it and also like be so invested do you think it's that they actually want the spinach toasted or do you think it's like a prerogative thing i get the sense they really just want the spinach toast yeah and it's not even about the principle no i mean i think it eventually got there when they refused to leave despite the police being called right but at the beginning they were probably like no this is i insist on having this i cannot i cannot

have it another way yeah yeah okay i get the same sense he told us to google it i asked for a receipt so i can get the store number and phone number i'll buy something mario says no wth of course i drove to another subway two miles away and asked for the same meatball sub toasted with cheese and spinach. I asked the attendant if that was okay and he looked at me like I was crazy. It's your sandwich, the attendant said. What do I care? The owner of the subway on Market Street in Chattanooga should be ashamed of him or herself. I have never had such an awful experience at a subway in my life worst store manager ever i do not recommend anyone going to the market street location as long as mario the crazy manager works there

customer satisfaction is not a priority with that guy i have every intention of telling corporate about this horrific experience also if every other subway can toast my meatball with spinach on it so can the market street tennessee location sad just sad will not ever go back there ever the point never was whether or not they can if it's technically possible but this is not something mario wanted to do for you and you should freaking respect that it's it's unconventional and mario's not comfortable with it and i don't blame him and this is the lowest like stakes thing so if if this very low stakes request of yours gets denied i mean just accept it at least he's there sometimes employees don't even come out from the back

i i've i've been places and i think where something was done a certain way and then I came back and they did it differently. And I said, oh, last time it was like this or I've gotten this done at other places kind of insisting once. Yeah. And then once they say, no, we don't do that. Then I'm like, OK, then I move on. I don't stand there waiting for the police to come. And then once the police come and you're asked to leave and you're like, oh, let me buy something so I can have the store number on my receipt. Why do you think he's going to say yes to that?

And the police already said you have to leave. Whether we like it or not, you have to leave. You don't go in and say, well, now I want a Diet Coke and a pack of Lays. Oh, my God. Yeah. So my question is, at the beginning, you claimed that it was probably you were very doubtful. Do you do you believe still that they were not exaggerating about the store manager called police because I wanted spinach on my sandwich? Seriously, I'm not even exaggerating.

I think that that is still an exaggeration because. I think that the issue at hand was not the spinach. It was the refusal to leave or the refusal to respect a very low stakes request being denied. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And being insistent that you are allowed to stay there and get your quote unquote your sandwich. Right.

It's like it's my sandwich. I should have the say and how it's made no that's not how this works that's not how anything works okay yeah i agree with you but you can very much sum it up that way yeah i mean in a technical sense maybe but like if i'm if i'm if i'm at the doctor and the doctor's like tell me about your podcast i'll say oh it's a comedy podcast we read one star reviews and they're like, give me an example. I was like, oh, there was this crazy one where this guy, he got the cops called on him at a subway because they wouldn't put spinach on his sandwich. Like, I would say that.

And you did. See, I just did. Yeah. And I'd like to summarize how ridiculous some of the things were. But, of course, it's much deeper. You're telling a doctor. I'm telling a doctor. You're telling a doctor.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. I just wanted the full another low context low low stakes like context they were evaluating your mental health at this time right oh no because then it's not really low stakes pretty high stakes i have another one from that same lax subway oh god this one has a response did you find this on purpose because that's a pretty like solid location i don't remember how i ended up here okay uh to be honest i just kind of do random cities like i was looking at some in helsinki oh i was all over the place just random cities some in australia okay but uh la is just a go-to because LA is a wild place and I know it. So here's a review. This is by Thomas One Star. The guy working there told me bathroom is not available.

He created his own rules. End of review. Okay. Okay. A response from the owner. It's the health department. They have stopped us and a response oh no no thomas i don't know health department must be stopped they've it seems a little dramatic

but yeah apparently the bathrooms aren't working and it's that's a pretty they either aren't working or they're unavailable i'm sorry yeah not available it says because of the health department well thomas thinks that the employees are just making up their own rules which is a super fun idea but i don't yeah i don't understand what that means in this context like they just don't want you to use their bathrooms it's private good that's a good point because i was just uh i was in long beach not long beach long island sorry i'm in la mode total opposite yeah i was on long island uh with d and we went to a gas station because i had to go to the bathroom and i walk in there and i was like do you have a bathroom and he was like yeah back and he pointed to the back and i start walking and it says out of order and so i turn around i'm like oh it says that he's like just

use it and i was like okay that has happened to me before yeah so he was just nice on purpose yeah to probably keep people from using the bathroom but i went and asked no one else was there so he just let me use it i've done that too where you go in this is out of order and they're like no go for it i'm like is this a trap i feel like it's a trap happened to me yeah you do that too here your bathroom you always put it whenever i come over there's a sign keeps putting signs up on all the bathrooms it says out of order it's really not fair it's like all the like wet paint that people they put up and then you check and there's not not actual wet paint how do you check well you check yeah are you just admitting that you touch whenever it says wet paint? I mean, it's kind of like an invitation.

Right. That's true. That is what they're- It's not saying do not touch. That is what they're hoping for. It just says wet paint. And I say, yay. It says welcome.

I want a finger paint. Oh, God. Okay. This is from Taylor who sent it in. It's of a subway in Columbus, Ohio. This is a two-star view by Anna. Every time I visit here in the mornings, there is always loud explicit music and inappropriate music videos on the TV, and the employee kept cursing while speaking to me, as if casual conversation merits somehow that

cursing is casual, very unprofprofessional and somehow the smell of subway although it can be tasty never leaves your clothes or your pores and smells particularly and identifiably awful i love the new italian sub twist oh no all my pores are screaming out in terror that's so nasty subway does have a very distinct smell yeah like if you work there you would probably just never want to smell it again it would be so but constant how often do you have to go as a customer in order to smell like subway i can't imagine it's just once in order to sweat subway to sweat subway out of your pores oh no oh no oh no unless you just like the sub italian sub that much i mean it's just

like you fight through all the cursing and the explicit music every morning but by the way this person's going in the mornings to buy their italian sub which is like you know i mean you do you but you know you're judging people for cursing we can judge you for getting an italian sub every morning like subway at 10 a.m it's like wow that's really strong i wonder if someone at like work was like what it smells like subway in here and they got really self-conscious oh no i hope that's not what happened but so'm so sorry, Anna. Sorry about your pores. Sorry about that. Here's a one-star review. This is of the subway on Calhoun Street here in Cincinnati.

This is by Randy. One star. The young lady that closed tonight had an attitude, saying that she was tired and doing a 13-hour shift. Very unpleasant and unfriendly. End of review. Oh, no. It's like when people hear about bad things, like hear about how the animal died that they're eating,

or hear about things where they're like, well, I don't want to know that. And it's like, okay, well, that's how it came to be. Oh, this person is overworked and underpaid. How terrible that she's telling me this. It's like the peasants are like you know making me uncomfortable right put them in another room right while i'm eating my feast i don't want to look at them oh my god you've said this before i can tell what the peasants at the subway the subway

employee peasants are that's all they get they They just eat potato skins. No, not even skins. Just peels. They don't even serve full potatoes there. Yeah, I know. But in the back for the workers, they feed them potato skins. Yeah, the peels. Potato peels. Not even like cooked up.

Not the skins with bacon bits. Just like shavings. Got it, got it. Just the shavings. Yeah. It's gross. Yeah, why is this just on on your mind because that reminds me of like how i don't want to see that while i'm trying to enjoy my new italian sub true i would be

uncomfortable if someone was eating potato shavings in front of me as i ate my subway i know see you get it okay i get it randy i feel you on this randy it makes a lot of sense okay so this was sent in sent in by i didn't really have a name uh so i'm just gonna say jk because that was part of their email this is of a subway in mill valley california huh so how mysterious it is mysterious although they said multiple so maybe in one of the emails they put their name but the one i opened by the way we got a ton of emails everybody so thank you so much it was super fun to read through them I did not go through all of them

unfortunately oh me neither so if we don't get to it I apologize okay this is a one star review by Kushal did you just make that up? no it's relevant okay I was gonna say that's

a unique made up name. We're usually very westernized in the ones we come up with. Yeah, you're right. It's sort of relevant. Okay. I mean, I don't know. You'll see. Okay, this is of a subway in Mill Valley, California.

One star. way in mill valley california one star creepy indian kids playing loud music with no interest in making a sandwich are unfortunately behind the counter making sandwich in a way you don't feel like eating that sandwich since all the ingredients are thrown instead of placed that's one sentence in case no yeah i'm counting the sentences thank you cool cool cool stay away from this place yes you read that right it is coming from an indian so this man is indian and he's saying surprise i am also indian so i can say this i can call them creepy if i want because they're my neighbors and they're creepy i know them yeah uh so it's

only relevant in the fact that he made it relevant if you see what i'm saying it's like when mom wrote us that scathing podcast review on apple podcast yeah and then said i can at the end i can say this i'm their mother i can call them creepy if I want. Yeah, that still hurts, actually. Yeah, I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm sorry. It's okay. Next, I have a review of a subway on Burnett Avenue here in Cincinnati again. This is a one-star review. This is by Trish.

I only gave it low score because I don't like subway. End of review. Sorry, under any other circumstance i would have given it five but twist my arm uh to be fair i think that's a very valid reason to give a negative rating is not liking something yeah although you could have just said i don't like subway and it would have been pretty clear that that's why you were giving it a one star. But I guess I appreciate the extra clarification. Maybe because they were worried that the employees might. Because a lot of the reviews are, oh, this employee was mean to me.

I normally love Subway. But here they're saying, look, I just don't like Subway. This is this is nothing personal about the creepy Indian kid in the back. Yeah. It's not about that location in particular. I feel like that's actually pretty pretty good i see i don't know why they picked that location out to review it yeah i don't know maybe maybe since this is google maybe they did happen to go there or got

a notification when they were near it that said how did you like your experience at subway and i said oh i don't like subway you know google you should know that by now i feel like google should have a smarter algorithm like i don't think they care because it just affects like the like the business local businesses you know local businesses like subway small business saturday i met local like franchise owners or whatever i turned it into small business you didn't say that oh okay man google never cares about the little guy you know like jared get it okay uh this is from veronica who said first and foremost congrats on the new girlfriend alex thank you also congrats on the baby who's just beautiful thank you so much this is of a a Subway in Wallingford, Connecticut.

And it's another saga. This is one star by Kirsten. So normally I would never leave a review for Subway. It's Subway. If you're here instead of any other sandwich shop on Earth, you already accept a certain degree of defeat. That being said, I approach the drive-thru. It's still COVID, don't judge. And there's two cars in front of defeat. That being said, I approach the drive-thru, it's still COVID, don't judge, and there's two cars in front of me. I wait literally 17 minutes between those two cars

and a significant lull in activity. I assume the car at the window has ordered for a party or is maybe paying with a check, whatever. Finally, I hear, uh, hello? from the speaker. I see we're in for an experience at this point. I say hello back. The person says, uh, yeah, what do you need? Oh boy. So I start to order. The person interrupts and says, hold on. Okay. I'm assuming like everywhere else they are short staffed and I'm not a monster, so I wait patiently. I hear again. Okay, what do you want? Oh boy again. So I start to order again, manage to ask for wheat bread and cheese before he interrupts with hang on as i am mid-sentence i am now invested and concerned

what could be going on in there a few minutes pass he comes back says yeah is that all i am perplexed i have only asked for wheat bread and american cheese so far this sounds like a prank like at the behind the drive through like the person working there like yeah like this would be on punked or something like the show where they try to is that punked where they try to make you angry kind of that's where they would do it to celebrities specifically like zach zach braff like assaulted a child because they use they pretended to spray paint his car. Oh, that's what I was thinking. I was like, there's something with the car.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, it does sound like a prank. Like, oh, bread and cheese. Is that it? Like, I don't know. That's very funny to me. If this were a prank, I would be laughing.

It's just one of those things to like, they're trying to get them angry. Because it's like, hold up. Oh, hold on. They clearly have the wrong person she's like i don't know they're short-staffed i'll wait okay i am perplexed i have only asked for wheat bread and american cheese so far i've not even been able to articulate without interruption any part of the actual order now i'm wondering if people come just to purchase bread. I guess maybe? Is this where people come to buy their cheese? I am so confused. I politely say that I haven't even ordered yet. The voice then says, and I issue not,

hang on, my mop bucket is overflowing. Oh no! My mop bucket! It's overflowing. You guys, I've been on TikTok recently. Wow, you're so with it. Because I'm up all night and I have nothing better to do than be on TikTok. So I know the in jokes now.

My mop bucket. Okay. Hey, well, first, right when you did that, I knew what you were referencing. Oh, good. You did good. Thank you so much. Right when you did that, I knew what you were referencing. Oh, good.

You did good. Thank you so much. Sir, WT, actual F are you doing? Touching the mop bucket, sink, mop, whatever, when you are wearing the little gloves that will be making my sandwich. Have you no food safety training? Have you never heard of OSHA? What on earth is going on in there?

At this point, I've been here either waiting behind two customers or for random hang-ons for over 40 minutes. It is 7. 45 p.m there are no customers actually inside is this a twilight zone should i be handing him a sandwich i am lost what is happening here i didn't stay to find out and i won't be back yeah i just like um hang on my mop bucket is over flow this poor kid it really is like with all the stories i'm hearing of places being understaffed like oh my god it must be so stressful they're like you need to mop the whole restaurant and take orders from the drive-thru at least this person didn't take it out on me i know you know and they just left and i have a feeling that employee was relieved that

they left and didn't feel too bad i agree i also do love that like instead of just like turning off the mic and like going to deal with her they're like i have to let them know about the mop bucket real quick to make sure they understand why i'm not listening anymore oh boy oh no poor mop bucket here come the carrots making their way up field followed by the whole wheat bread over to the two dozen eggs. Sir, do you do this every time? Sorry, I've been a little excited ever since I got this BMO Toronto FC Cashback Mastercard. Oh, and the broccoli boots it over the line. What a goal!

How would you like to pay, sir? Credit, please. Make every purchase a win with the BMO Toronto FC Cashback Mastercard, with up to 5% cashback on your purchases in your first three months. Terms and conditions apply. Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You're not just working. You're working late and dinner dates are all. What's your five year plan?

And you're thinking paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal probably. you're thinking, paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal probably. So when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for craft dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's gotta be KD. When you gotta do you, it's gotta be KD. Shop now. Here I have a review by Christy. this is of the same subway one star what there a couple days ago was out of tuna so got the meatball today went there out of tuna meatball and ham i messed that up because i thought there was a period out of tuna, meatball and ham. And the service was horrible. Took him a whole hour to do seven.

Only seven sandwiches. I got in there at five and literally didn't leave till five fifty eight. Was literally cussing up a storm. Oh, no. End of review. Oh, no. You have the opposite customer. Oh, no.

Literally cussing up the storm. At least they admitted it exactly you're just telling on yourself here that you're terrible about it and yeah uh i have a feeling that it wasn't maybe they're just struggling and like i saw other reviews people complaining like oh they're filling doordash orders while i'm standing right in front of them trying to order the hard work being here yeah and it's like those other people have orders too and also they're savvier than you are so maybe you should take a hint yeah oh true um and but at the very least don't fucking

cuss up a storm because your sandwiches are taking longer literal storm um when you first read it i think we probably edited the mistake out or like the trip up but the way you said read it, I think we probably edited the mistake out or the trip up. But the way you said it, it sounded like they ordered a meatball and ham sandwich. I know. That's what I thought. That's how I read it. Oh, I was like... I don't even eat meat, obviously, but just the combo of that.

Just something sounds terrible. Okay. Now you're going to force me to leave in my mess up. Well, I think we're editing this week, so I'm going to have to decide. It's on me. It's up to you. It's up to you. I hope you edit it out and forget and then get to this part.

And then you're like, oh, no, I got to go back and put it back in. Yeah, I had that thought also. I hope you forget. It's just command Z for that, you know. But I might leave it out because. What does that do? do oh you should try it it doesn't close all your tabs um do you have your what was that one thing people used to is that when people would say like try this cool thing and then it would shut down

i've done it to people like in video games like that's so i'm like on runescape it's you guys don't do that right now what you do is so i don't know if i've talked enough about this probably not um well probably yes about runescape yeah yeah but about the ways that i would um bully manipulate people in runescape back in the day this was in middle school not excusing it i don't do it now i haven't done anything like this in years i think that account got banned for good reason um i would pretend to be a girl in the game and get a boyfriend who'd give me all of his money and stuff literally catfishing people yeah and then i would but oh yeah and runescape and

then uh i would get people to give me their password and then change their password which is awful and i know it's awful it was awful i'm not proud of it uh but this just reminded me that another thing you can do is you tell people to drop something and then tell them if you hit alt f4 it multiplies it and so they drop something like their money and hit alt f4 and it logs them out and then you hope that they don't get back in in time for you to take it yeah because it takes some time before other people can see it so So you hope they don't come back in in time. Oh my god. Yeah.

Security has come a long way though in RuneScape, so I don't know how. Wow. We should test it out. Yeah. We should go bully some children on RuneScape today. I still play and I would like to keep those accounts active. Wow. Whatever happened to your...

You had a funny name, you and Steven for a year oh yes we so we have um so we have fish uh it's our it's only fins only uh he's uh he's he's sinful salmon or was that his old one uh trifling tuna so i'm trifling tuna he's pious pike okay i wow well pious pike and only fins i know i was like so wow i sometimes i think about only fins and i just wonder if it's existing that's our group group iron man uh thing that we're doing happy for you i was playing it right before i came over here i'm always playing it basically now so excellent trifling tuna hit me up trifling tuna all right i have one here this was sent in by aaron and um it is actually a four star review but it's not a positive so i'm just gonna keep it as a negative review um and it's of a subway in enterprise alabama interestingly on boll weevil circle is the name of the address

this is not real i know enterprise is it named after star trek or a rental car agency oh good question boll weevil circle i don't know that doesn't give us any hints give us a clue okay this is a four-star review by mama please tell me you didn't just make that up i did actually oh that makes it so much worse i know you just see your reflection you're like i'm a mom now i saw my reflection in the review i was like this sounds like something no it doesn't four stars south alabama subway has gone downhill they cut so the only one in south alabama it must be because that's capital sas south alabama subway sas sass it's the good old sass gone downhill they cut veggies paper thin now and the bread seems over dry and or crumbles away and the food has been giving an upset stomach slash abdominal pain or makes you run for a toilet.

They could use better cleaning skills and food counter refrigeration for sure. Old or dry cheese and meat, lettuce slimy and smells like trash can. Tomatoes unripened, yellow, orange and old and dry. Don't get me wrong, I love Subway. But they need to step it back up, clean out the lazy employees, add seaweed. What? Is that an option at other Subways and just not South Alabama Subway? Great question. No, there's no way. I can't imagine that being good. I love seaweed. I love seaweed.

Oh, God. Can I read you the list of ingredients that they want that they'd like to add to the menu oh yeah that's fine okay seaweed is on there yeah so i'm gonna say something like weird like ginger um wow you're really reading a list over there is it that many he sees my eyes like scanning the page um it's not on there but that's a good guess apple apple slices um it's not on there but that's a good guess apple apple slices nope but good guess elgin i feel like i'm you're like on the right track because it is weird shit like that um how about brussels sprouts nope unfortunately sorry uh God. Or potato. These are great guesses, though. Oh, no. They probably agree with this list you're creating.

Beets. No beets. Cauliflower. Nope. Oh, my gosh. Yams. Candied yams. Nope.

I don't freaking know. Man, I'm at a loss. This is all the foods i know let me give you a corn no should i give you a hint sure german oh like do they want sausage like okay um do they want red cabbage sauerkraut yes okay okay that i can that i'd be down with apparently they did one subway i read a different review where they did have sauerkraut because they were making rubens as a special okay um but they said they were they didn't drain the sauerkraut so it was like all liquid and the bread just turned all wet and i was just so grossed out that i just deleted the internet i do like i do like sauerkraut hey pickles or they already have pickles right yes they already have pickles i think they already

have cucumber yeah okay i'm done guessing okay so we got zucchini uh yes yes okay good job thank you okay so good job i'm satisfied i'll let you actually read them excellent um so let's see don't get me wrong i love subway but they need to step it back up clean out the lazy employees add seaweed lump lobster meat egg salad tuna salad which like they do have yeah and they scoop it out with that ice cream scoop thing yum and apparently it's not tuna anyway oh it's not that was like a whole like the new york times was like an expose about how it's not real tuna not surprised and then subway got real pissed anyway and they're like it's freshly caught and everyone's like what does that even mean okay when they say like white

fish is just like literally whatever the bottom feeder is that they can get it's technically white yeah seaweed lump lobster meat egg salad tuna salad mushrooms zucchinis sauerkraut caramelized onions and sauteed peppers so they they want like like chicago hot dog toppings yeah yeah yeah yeah or things that they'd have at like five guys yeah maybe sauteed peppers to step it up maybe some rice paper for wraps what what what kind of business do you think is i know like especially lobster meat what ew and seaweed you're in alabama right like you're not this isn't like sauerkraut and egg salad like it's just what would you put a random kind of subway sandwich would you put seaweed on like which one below has probably the rice paper it's like what oh i don't know because they

literally said the cheese and meat is too old the lettuce is slimy and smells like trash can tomatoes unripened yellow orange and old and dry so so maybe they should focus on that before adding any of those other weird things. Fixing the existing ingredients. They're going to do wrong anyway in your eyes. Yeah. So anyway, I think lump lobster meat and seaweed are my favorites. So random. Oh my god, I do not like that.

I've got one. This is of a subway in Melbourne, Australia. On 1 Elizabeth Street. This is by Uncle subway in Melbourne, Australia, on 1 Elizabeth Street. This is by Uncle One Star. Sorry, I saw my reflection. Oh, that's cute. I clearly didn't get it. I know, that's why I had to say that.

Thank you for clarifying. You're welcome. I visited this store last night before heading home. I ordered a sub and a matzah pot. I don't know what that is. It's like mozzarella. I thought they meant like matzah ball soup. Matzah hyphen pot.

P-O-T. How do you spell matzah? M-O-Z-Z-A. Oh, it's like mozzarella. Yeah. Not like a matzah ball. No. Okay.

Sorry, say it again. I ordered a sub and a matzah pot. Mazah pot? Matzah pot? Yeah, I guess matzah pot maza pot matzah pot i don't know australia i'm sorry i should have googled this now all these australians are gonna be maybe they have lump lobster meat and shit like that it's like it sounds weird true and i mentioned corn because i read another review i think i forget what country i was, but people complaining that they didn't have corn. What? Yeah.

They said they were out. No, not that they didn't. They were out of corn. What? I don't know. How do you put that? Okay. Listen, you do you, everybody.

I don't know. I ordered sub and a matzo pot. But the white guy behind the counter intentionally placed five meatballs in the tub rather than the standard six. As he went for the last scoop, he made it look like he was going for a meatball, but it only had a bit of sauce on it. I didn't say anything as I wasn't sure, but after going across the road to eat, there was only five meatballs, which shows my perception was accurate. This may not seem... Are they trying to be like a Harriet the Spy?

My perception was correct all along. It's a mystery, but it wasn't much of one. This may not seem a big deal, but it is. A customer should get what they pay for, and if this subway was to shortchange every customer, it'll add up to a big savings for the store. It's theft and it's misleading conduct.

End of review. Holy crap. Look at all the meatballs they would save. I mean. They would skimp on meatballs and save so many. where they keep like jim thinks that he's pranking he keeps putting meatballs everywhere and he pranks dwight with these meatballs and stanley gets all excited and like laughs at it remember that okay the whole point was that jim was trying to impress stanley by plate by pranking dwight with meatballs and like put his stapler in a meatball or and everything but it was actually

a plan by stanley and dwight to get all these meatballs and they take it home with them oh what really yeah okay i don't remember never mind so i'm just picturing this employee being like oh good i'm gonna put i'm gonna put five meatballs and then put one in my pocket yeah i was gonna say slip wood in the pocket like as if it's this is and that kind of seems like what they think it's like some nefarious thing that they're purposefully keeping it actually becomes like an ethical and moral question because like in a philosophy class we talked about this where about this exact review this case yeah but he goes home and his his three children are in their rags and they say papa did you bring so many meatballs he says i only got two

today kids and they all have to split it why did you say two when in the case he got five so no you said three kids i was like oh great so he has enough meatballs for everyone no no the employee goes home because he's only put two in his pocket that day and he's like you think he's stealing but like if he's feeding his family is this stealing is it more immoral um it's like les mis it's exactly like you're right it's the exact same thing premise the same thing um i would say if you're stealing from subway that's okay i'm okay with it you heard it here first yeah officially um i feel that way about most if you steal from most big corporations and big businesses i mean if you stole from me too i'd be like well you probably could have used it more but what you're forgetting is they stole from this customer

no exactly yeah so if it's the other way around and subway stealing actually stealing from the customers but the thing is i don't think this employee the one who's scooping the meatballs is like a big subway you know i know he's like yeah i'm gonna stick it to the people instead of sticking to the man the employee's like i'm gonna stick it to the people and yeah and and support support this business that probably treats me not so well yeah no and i saw a lot of reviews that were like don't they want my hard-earned money? And it's like, no. The 16-year-old employee doesn't give a shit about making money for the company. You know what I mean?

If this person had said, could I get an extra meatball, another meatball, they probably would have been like, sure. Like, what? I don't know. What you don't understand is that they were being extremely subtle with their... They had some binoculars, but that's it. They were trying to be as subtle as possible with their new Sherlock Holmes impression. And wanted to make sure none of the meatballs flew away.

And it was being toasted. That happens. It does. Actually, a lot. Oh, yeah. I was thinking about that, too. I was like, where did we just hear about meatballs? Oh, right.

85 times in that one review about spinach. Oh, dear God. Where did we hear about meatballs? She asks halfway through an episode where we're doing Subway subs. Honestly, God, do this many people

eat meatball subs? Apparently. Here's my question to you, Alexander. The vegan. If we... How many have we had like six i don't know 10 people and half or something have mentioned meatballs not even a lot sure maybe the maybe that just shows that the meatball people are the most like sensitive sensitive yeah i see more intense customers i'm going to have a song about

meatballs yeah anyway i regret it it was great it was terrible okay uh let's see this now is a review uh it was sent in by wes and it is of a raleigh nope it's not it's of a subway in raleigh sorry that's right why didn't you say raleigh subway because i my brain didn't catch up to me you haven't had wine in a while no i haven't um and this is a review by owen one star my experience with this particular subway goes back years today and the last two visits prior have me wondering who's doing the hiring or if the owner is cutting costs by using family. The service has gone from good to fair to the same little meanie making sandwiches behind the counter. She's rude. I think her sister works there too. Maybe they're tired.

This evening I told her to try to put at least a little love into making my sandwich. Blank stare from the sandwich meanie. I haven't eaten yet. I think I'm going to have to exercise the evil out of it first. Then a prayer circle around the sandwich meanie. I'm going to give Subway a little break for a few months or 12. Sunglasses emoji. What?

That little meanie. Sandwich meanie? That little meanie. Sandwich meanie. Sandwich meanie. It did, when I was reading it just now, it started to feel a little bit like a film noir. Oh, I did not get that vibe. Tell me about it. I think I'm still thinking about that person in their trench coat

counting meatballs. But it just reminded me the way that they said uh she's rude i think her sister works there too maybe they're tired like okay now i see i don't know it's like the short sentences just struck me as like he's trying to get to the bottom of this she's got rudeness from her nose down to her gams her gams always have to say gams when we talk about i know it always gets me i tried i told her to put at least a little love into making my sandwich and he got a blank store can you believe it not like a big smile and a lot of love i said come on toots gave her a wink and all i got

was a cold dead stare right back oh no anyway anyway that was that was just me talking about my own experience at subway last oh yeah no i remember it was not relevant to anything else this is how i talk to people um uh i have an email now this is from kayla she her who says i unfortunately unfortunately live in south dakota oh and my husband and I see the subway every time we go grocery shopping. And we always laugh and joke about wanting to eat there because it is so odd looking. And sure enough, it is a very odd subway. What? They call it the cursed subway.

They think it was like an old bank. Everybody does? Everyone. Or just this email. Everyone in this email. So the two of them. Oh. her husband got it um it's i don't know how to describe it it's just it looks like an old bank you zoom in a little bit but it's a subway oh my god it looks like a old bank drive through on the side or something anyway it is it is weird looking prison um probably not exciting enough

for our instagram but it's weird here we go so here's a review so one star review uh by joseph i arrived at the drive-thru window to purchase three cookies to take home the woman at the drive-thru window asked me why i was buying cookies and does my doctor know i am eating three cookies her rudeness was shocking so i drove away and i drove away and she's like hello sir i do not blame you one bit for driving away wow i don't think i would you know why because i would really want my cookies but that makes me sad i know that's what happened to me at that at the freaking pharmacy that one time judging me for my like my my mic and twizzlers it's like look i'm also picking up antidepressants like read the room yeah bud make that connection read the shopping cart bud

that would be a good coffee table book like pictures of people's shopping cards that was right not what i expected but okay yeah i think so cylinders wow you're just i hope we're recording this all of your great ideas we're not someone's gonna steal it oh no um yeah that would be a bummer it is kind of weird because it the building you're right does look like it could be either a bank or a pharmacy or something that's not a subway yeah which makes it even weirder that they would just be so critical of your food choices so now i have a review sent in by mariah who uses she for or they them pronouns And it is of a subway in Ogden, Utah. And this is one star by Cherie. Do not, let me tell you again, do not purchase the cold meat sandwich.

I purchased it. I'm convinced. Twist my arm, I don't you. That sounds disgusting. the cold meat sandwich i mean subway how are they still in business is what i want to know not only that they are the most popular like the biggest are they really either number one or number two biggest fast food chain in the world seriously yeah why i think they were number one for a while i don't know if they still are but um yeah where they had the most locations all around the world

mcdonald's yep what that's wild all right do not let me tell you again do not purchase the cold meat sandwich i purchased one today in one of the har Boulevard location, and the meat looks like dog meat. Not like the cold meat that used to be in the sand years ago. Yak! It almost made me lose my lunch. End of review. Okay, we need to break this down. There's a lot of problems. So when they say it's like dog meat, do they mean the meat of a dog or meat you would give a dog?

I think they mean like meat of a dog. a dog meat you would give a dog i think they mean like meat of a dog it looks like dog meat okay you know that's what it sounds like to me not the cold meat that was so delicious yeah but and something about the sand yeah the cold meat that used to be in the sand and i think they mean sandwich but you know oh i was time to write out the same i was like did did they used to go foraging as a child and get their meat from the sand? The whale blubber. Oh, yikes. Cold meat.

Oh, yikes. And then they wrote yak, spelled like the animal. So I got really confused. But I think they just meant yuck. Oh, okay. I thought they meant yak meat also. But again, meat from a yak or meat you would feed a yak? Dog meat that you would feed a yak.

Okay. Okay, so you're unclear. I was not clear. It almost made me lose my lunch. Yeah, it almost made me also lose my lunch because foul. Not foul. No. Not with a W.

No, it's dog meat. Dog meat. I did look it up. Subway is, in fact, the largest fast food chain in the world. About 43,000 locations. Wow. McDonald's has 37,000. Jeez.

They have almost 6,000 more. Seriously? Than the second place, McDonald's. Followed by Starbucks, then KFC. There's fewer Starbucks? Then that's just crazy. Yeah. Damn.

You know, there are also fewer sonic drive-ins too and tim hortons those are like at the bottom of the list yeah i mean i'm not surprised by that i know oh i didn't think you would be okay okay i'm going to read one more. Super. This was sent in by Carla Sheher, who said these reviews are from a Sydney store. Sydney, Australia. This store is on Clarence Street. It's all for Flanfo. Everything I do is for Flanfo. I can't wait for Flanfo to put the one that looks like a bank into the GeoGuessr.

Oh, man. I don't even remember where it was. It was in dakota but i don't know i don't know did i say the city it's creepy or wait what was it called you're in trouble creepy what you called it like the creepy oh cursed the cursed subway yeah i said it was cursed um anyway before i go back and check where that one was specifically in south dakota Flaneville probably already searched for it found the review and found the subway and put it in and then now it's at this point and she's like ugh

way ahead of your incompetence yeah true that's me this is by Daniel one star review I could make a better sandwich at home with a sock and like two pop tarts end of review and yeah it's not like I've done that before could make a better sandwich at home with a sock and like two pop tarts end of review and uh yeah

it's not like i've done that before with such a specific and quick thought yeah ew ew ew they said that too confidently for me to yeah yeah believe they didn't already invent that and i like like i said like two pop tarts and like maybe not exactly two pop tarts because i ate another half of it this morning oh god no that is very creative at the very least are you looking for the south dakota one yeah and i can't find it doesn't have a i mean honestly it's probably for the best we don't call out where this person lives so true if they didn't volunteer the information flan for you can always dm me and i'll send you pictures so you can cross reference or something okay and that was the last one that was my last one okay i think i have maybe two more

lame on me um so this is a one-star view again of a subway in ogden utah and this was written by nitwit that's what it says i'm not gonna come up with anyone who has a skull as their profile photo, but also... Same. Same. But also not like a drawn skull, like a skull that looks to be on display somewhere, which makes it a little bit more sinister to me. Yeah. So it's a photograph of a skull.

Yeah. Right. It's not like an illustration of a skull. Okay. one star. When I was ordering a sandwich, the boy asked me what cheese I wanted. In response, I said American because I'm a proud American. He responded, I'm not. Give that person a raise.

I will never eat there again. If a company or its employees don't respect the freedoms of this country then i don't respect their business my family and i are free to choose where i eat and it's not there and never will be there worst subway experience ever and quite depressing three people found this review helpful did they think they had to announce that they were allowed to not eat there yeah the way they worded it they said i have the freedom not to eat there like yeah we know yeah no shit good riddance also i like that speaking of which they said my family and i are choose to free are free to choose where i eat it's like okay i need their family decision I mean, what a ridiculous thing. Depressing indeed.

And I wonder. Okay. So I don't know which is better. If this employee is either not an American citizen or just not proud to be American. I had the same thought. Because I think it would make it even more funny if the person was just trying to say that they aren't a citizen. Like, I'm trying to study for my citizenship test study and that's all they're trying to do they're trying to relate oh yeah they're about to say i'm not not yet at least someday i will be and they pull like a crumpled american flag out of their pocket

that they've been like holding on to um but i also think it would be absolutely hilarious if they are just not because that's exactly what i would say if someone came up to me and said i'm a proud american i'm like oh i'm an american but i'm not proud of it like i would say i'd probably just say i'm not too just to like say it i don't know i think it'd be funny yeah it's so if you're so sensitive to that but also right like what's the big fucking deal who cares he that see and that employee has every ask a dumb question and get a dumb answer i feel like that's like the same like sentiment of like say something stupid and i'll say something stupid back i don't know

american cheese because i'm a proud american like that's how our podcast is basically formatted one of us says something stupid the other person says something stupid back on the internet say something stupid and we just double down on how stupid we double down on how stupid it is yeah um so that was one of my favorites let's see so good um so thank you for mariah for sending that in uh this was sent in by jess it's of a subway in knoxville is a one star review by Vito. If I could give this location zero stars, I would today and two 15. The employees were throwing food at each other near the drive-thru window. Cucumbers hit my pregnant wife and her car.

Cucumbers hit my pregnant wife and her car. They laughed her and said sorry have a nice day the staff and management team are poor at best i will never go to this location ever again god who are these two stuck up assholes okay okay hit her maybe wait was it just a cucumber slice you're right it's different maybe i should walk it back a little bit walk it has to be a slice you're right it's it's different maybe i should walk it back a little bit walk it back because if a cucumber hit my car and it were a full cucumber that has a potential to maybe crack my windshield but i'm imagining since i would love to see a cucumber crack crack your windshield i might go test that after this do you have any cucumbers downstairs oh no there's that big out of order sign on your fridge. Shoot.

Yeah, Blaze puts that up because I keep eating all his food. Yeah, I just love that they also said, sorry, have a nice day. Yeah, they seemed like at least apologetic and friendly about it. Or something. Then again. Yeah, yeah. Would I be at first? Okay.

If I got just hit by a cucumber slice and they didn't apologize i'd be like that's pretty annoying like fuck you guys yeah but the moment they apologize i'd be like oh it's okay because i don't think they were eight would be aiming for me i hope not i mean you're right that also changes the equation if there's like pregnant target 10 points you know to be fair i was just on a driving range in new york um the chelsea pier whatever there's like it's pretty cool anyway just driving range uh but the ball comes up and you hit the ball blah blah i don't know why i'm explaining more than i need to there's the guy driving around in the cart that picks up the balls and i was purposely trying to hit him isn't that what you do well yeah and then i but the thing is and i did like really square not him but hit the car

yeah like really square and i then immediately felt really bad like was i'm sure that they're like so used to it and happens all the time so in that case yes i was aiming for them but i would absolutely apologize if i had gotten the chance so this is a very roundabout way of me saying if i was maybe they did throw a cucumber at this woman on purpose and then immediately was like oh no i'm sorry because well that's still pretty shitty i'm not defending that to be like i'm gonna hit that person with a cucumber i know and then immediately feel bad about it that's the thing is i was giving them the employees the benefit of the doubt but then i thought you know what i was a bad person recently so maybe these people are too it could be it's hard to

believe that they thought i was a bad person that either you or these subway employees were bad people but you know it's possible it's possible um let's see do i have any more yes i do have one more nice and this is a three-star view it was sent in by aaron she her and it's of a uh subway in provo utah which so many you're bringing so many utahs to the table yeah these are and they're emails from people so i'm not really sure why that is but provo utah no joke always makes me think of provolone so fitting interesting a really really long stretch isn't that where byu is probably i'm not positive about that that's what i think of correct or incorrect that's what i think of oh i think of provolone but you know to each his own all right this is a three-star review by quade comma dennis not randy quade good not randy three stars

i read a story on facebook book about how the tuna isn't tuna i'm not sure what could possibly be cheaper than tuna i mean the most expensive part of that sandwich is the mayonnaise. So why on earth would a sandwich shop skimp on the tuna part? That doesn't make sense. I usually trust the news stories on Facebook, but this seems far-fetched. Oh, no. That's so depressing. They usually trust, but then for some reason, this one.

This one's too far. Because it's about capitalist greed and. It's about. Yeah. Costs it like saving money and. Yeah. Jesus Christ. A major corporation doing something fishy, pun intended, in order to make more money.

Yeah. I mean, sounds pretty believable to me. I think that's fake news. You know. God damn it. All the rest of the facebook information is pretty spot on also if you feel that way i worry about you me no i if if one feels that way about facebook news articles that are generally trustworthy it's very depressing that is worrisome although this person's last name is just the letter Q, so maybe... Uh-oh. Maybe there was something more to it. Uh-oh.

What if that's what Q did in his spare time? Just worried about Subway Tuna and whether or not it was... Let's do that. That's a good use of that energy to focus on Subway and their poor practices. Their recipes. Yeah. If it isn't tuna, what could it be it's not chicken that's for goddamn sure it's not pork or sea slug i really don't know it's a frightening world when

the tuna isn't tuna anymore it feels like this person just woke up from like a 50 year coma they're vocal right yeah right there's, right? They're like, what? The tuna might not be tuna? My whole worldview is shattered. It's like, ugh. We live in a society. Where have you been? I really don't know.

It's a frightening world when the tuna isn't tuna anymore. Anyway, I got a ham and cheese six-inch with cucumber and tomato. It was okay. Subway, three out of five stars. And when Aaron sent it in, in she was like he didn't even order the tuna like why is he so concerned he's not even eating it which i would agree doesn't make much sense so that's all i got for you thank you that was wonderful you're so welcome and we're not going to talk about what we're doing next week. Okay, yeah. But y'all should be excited.

It is... I'm excited for it. We're about to record it. So we have our stuff ready. It's our Thanksgiving episode. Yeah, I'm excited for it. What are we giving them for the next theme to send in? So...

It'll be December, right? Yeah, we'll give you two themes now. So you can help us if you want to send in some emails. You have until this coming Monday. Sorry, Sunday. I don't know. Saturday? You have just a few days.

So get your reviews in because we're trying to record this weekend. The weekend after this comes out. Right, true. Yes. Here are your upcoming themes. The first one is going to be reviews of Christmas tree farms. So if you have any local one that you want to check out and find some wild reviews for and send it our way, that would be fantastic. And then the second one is we are going to be doing a QVC holiday special.

Oh, I'm so excited for that. So we're going to look at some holiday QVC Holiday Special. Oh, I'm so excited for that. So we're going to look at some holiday QVC items, see what Valerie Parhill is up to and friends. What's that other one that I like the name of that I'm always shocked by? Something about a goose. Right? The Lucy Goosey? No. Or like a duck?

Duck. Something with duck. Yeah. Duck, duck, goose. Shoot. Duck, duck, shoot? Yeah, that sounds like duck. Yeah. Duck, duck, goose. Shoot. Duck, duck, shoot? Yeah, that sounds like QVC. Shoot, shoot, duck.

That's their hunting line. Apparel. So yeah. So Christmas tree farms and QVC holiday. God, it's on the tip of my tongue. Yeah. Quacker factory. Quacker factory, of course.

Not shoot, shoot, duck, but close. Very close. So yeah. Send in some reviews to reviews to beach shoes sandy at gmail.com if you'd like uh you can also follow us on social media at beach shoes sandy on instagram and twitter um and yeah we will talk to you next week for a very exciting special episode that we hope you enjoy that we hope we'll see how it goes with recording okay bye