Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 156: Subway or Subway?

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

Enjoy this game show style episode that has all the brown fixins you can ask for! Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by Christune. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. And if you're just joining us, we're live from Evan's living room. It looks like Evan is about to purchase tickets to today's match. Kate, the real test is, will he use the BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard? Well, if he wants to earn cashback on his purchases, he will, and... Oh, hang on. He's at the computer with his card, and he's done it! Oh, clicky-click magic trick! Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. And we're rolling. Surprise! This is your Thanksgiving special episode.

This is your Thanksgiving special episode. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. We hope you're enjoying time with your family. We are going to do something really special this year for you. I think when I'm titling this one, I think it's just going to be titled 156 colon subway or subway. excellent excellent stuff so they played the press play and then we said happy thanksgiving this is your thanksgiving episode so they have no idea what's going on yeah okay got it uh well alexander had a great idea okay in your opinion okay so this is just in her opinion it was great it was also not my idea in case you don't like it it was all his yes it was and if you loved it it was also all my idea so only praise can go to me but also only hate can go to me so that's how i like it um alexander

had a great idea to do because we got so many emails from you all and we just we were already on a subway roll with the first subway stations, then subway sandwiches. And Alex said, why don't we do an episode where we play a fun guessing game of is it a subway or is it a subway? And we got to guess if the other person's review is of a subway station or a subway sandwich shop. It's so stupid. And I don't know if I did it right. I feel like buying our – I don't know. I did it right. I feel like buying our... I don't know.

I don't know. We'll see. We'll see. I don't know either about mine. We've never done this before, obviously. This is really weird and strange, but... That's why it's a holiday special. Yeah.

So I think you have several more than I do. Yeah. Or at least a couple more. Yeah. Here's... I'll give you my first one. I labeled mine Subway number two, which I guess technically would be number three. I don't know.

This is our third week in a row that we're doing something Subway related. This time combining the two. Here's my first one. This is a one-star review by Paul. Horrid experience. The line is wrapped back and forth inside out the door and down the road 45 minutes so far not even close to the counter incompetent management unacceptable end of review wow pretty ambiguous huh what could it be everyone you can play at home as well

i don't know how you're allowed to play at home. We're allowing it. We'll give you permission. Find a friend to play this with. No, you're at Thanksgiving. Turn up the volume. Get your drunk uncle in on it. Oh, no. All those people you've been saying, I love this podcast.

Oh, God. They can finally participate. My guess is that this is a Subway sandwich. No. No? It's not this is a this is of the lax aviation station the metro stop for uh lax you know what i should have gotten it when i because i thought to myself why would anyone wait so long in a line for a subway sandwich you would just go to you know

jimmy john's or something. I mean, you should probably do that first before you go to Subway, but that's just me. But yeah, I guess if you don't have any other choice, then you're stuck in a line for a... And I think this is also, I mean, because this is a unique situation for either one. Like you having to wait in such a long line. That's true. Down outside, down the block. Because this is a station, like a Subway station.

But I think there's also a connector to get to the airport it's called the lax station it is not people were complaining it's not close to lax you have to then shuttle over so i bet that's what it was about like you have to wait in line whatever so i think that was an understandable mistake on your end but that was the point that's why i brought it to the table. You already tricked me. Okay. Well, I have one here. It's a one-star review by Willie, and it goes like this. When I asked when the next train was leaving, the guy didn't give me my sandwich. Are you serious?

End of review. Really? Yeah. That was a real one? Are you sure you didn't just write that for this that's perfect i know oh my god when okay when i asked what time the next train was leaving the guy didn't give me my sandwich okay okay here we go i gotta i'm gonna break this down i'm gonna be very extra with this okay great so hypothetically so if this is a subway sandwich it is in within a train station um but why would that person rely on the person working at subway to find out when the next train leaves i feel like that information would be readily available most places but on the other hand if they're asking somebody at the train station

if they are at a station and they're reviewing a station why would they be getting a sandwich why does this person have their sandwich in their possession? Exactly. So we gotta go even farther back to before the sandwich was created. The birth of the sandwich. This is where it all begins.

I think the only way is if this is some either maybe it could be a cart like at a hmm or they're way is if this is some either maybe it could be a cart like a hmm or they're they're on the train and there's the trolley with sandwiches

like asking when they're leaving yeah but why wouldn't they get just give the same I'm gonna go with subway sandwich you're correct now I think interesting though I think this had to be a joke like i think the guy was like oh it's a subway oh okay see that i didn't even think of okay so this is actually sent in by cecily whose uh pronouns are she heard never ma'am which was

our pal from a while ago and it's a subway in pekin illinois okay and cecily was like there's not a train anywhere near here and i was like i think this must be a joke like i asked the guy when's the train leaving because it's a subway and he like refused to serve me because yeah he hated my joke which i'm guessing is what it is um but i just read that so you're sitting there listening to me go through all of these like yeah well i really like hypotheticals that I sent you on such a creative journey. I didn't want to interrupt you and bring you back crashing back down to earth. Oh, no. I've crashed in the end.

Oh, okay. Well, I tried. Thanks to you. But no, that makes a lot of sense that it was a joke. I didn't even think of it as being a joke. Yeah. It took me a while to figure that out. I don't think Cecily got it either.

So if that makes you feel any better. Okay. That does. Thank you, Cecily. And I, so if that makes you feel any better. Okay, that does. Thank you, Cecily. I just don't understand things. Great. With good company. This next one is a three-star review on TripAdvisor.

So I'm only going to read the title. And then the rest is what reveals what it is of. You have to guess. Subway sandwich or subway station. I'm so excited. Three star review. Not as good as the subway in the UK. End of title.

Oh, man. You're really going to get me on this one. It literally is like a 50-50. It could go either way. It could easily go either way. Not as good as the subway in the uk it's a subway sandwich correct oh thank god i got one yep i was hoping that their inclusion of the article the yeah could maybe because they said instead of saying not as good as subway in the UK, they

said the subway. So I thought, hmm, that might get her. It did almost get me. But then I thought, like the subway system in the UK, that doesn't make sense. It would be like the London subway. Smart. You should have talked this through. Not that any of this makes sense.

Yeah. But yeah, they wouldn't, they could call it the underground or something else. The tube? That was the tube. Yeah. Yeah. They call it anything but the subway probably. So they really think subway.

I mean, why do I say really? Like, I mean, it probably is better in the UK. You don't even know where this is being reviewed. Oh, where is it being? Take a guess. This is a full guessing game episode. Oh, jeez. So I'm just going to make you guess.

Paris. No, this is in Dubai. Oh. In Al Garhoud Bridge 8th Street street so you weren't kidding about like there's 43 000 subways in the world i was very much not kidding all over that was something i just read on the internet i did not just come up with that hilarious joke um here's the rest of the review for you so it says not as good as a subway in the uk and then here's the review the steak and cheese tasted a little funny almost moldy still it did the trick and filled a gap when i needed a quick lunch

end of review well what you know what they say mind the gap oh good one i love how they were like it was almost moldy but it did the trick but it filled exactly that mold filled gap gap I needed to fill. Gross. Okay, I have a one-star review here by Sammy. Okay. Certainly not for the faint-hearted. Oh, man. Is that it?

Yeah. See, that's the kind... I've seen some like that, and I think I have some like that. But they were back and forth, I think. I think people writing some like that and I brought I think I have some like that but they were back and forth I think I think people writing things like that it could absolutely go either way not for the faint-hearted um so subways are a dime a dozen the sandwiches like we've talked about there are many of them in the world um so to say that a subway is not for the faint hearted is very specific. Like if they said this neighborhood or the complaint about the area, but if it's a specific station, since stations all can be very different, uh, and maybe some are busier than others.

I'm going to go with subway station. You're correct. It's a Tokyo subway station. Oh yeah. See, I was thinking something like that yeah they called it like the uh tokyo shove or some like oh yeah some phrase where they're like you'll have to experience it for yourself it's not for the faint of heart that person like that person who uh reviewed the soul oh yeah station or something all the old ladies who are out to get him or whatever throwing slurs around oh my god yes uh yes so i i i figured that was an obvious one but it

made me laugh to think that it could be for a subway sandwich not for the faint-hearted so i thought maybe it could go either way reminds me of my next one this is a five-star review and all it says is love coming here and a review that's evil and i'll tell you they included a picture it's a picture i'm not telling you where they are located okay but in the center of the frame is a person back to the camera with a baseball cap looking away like i i don't know that there it's there's nothing special in this photo so it doesn't give context you're saying no um i see i feel like it would be weird to say i love coming to the subway station but it would also be really

fucking weird to be like i love coming to subway that so much that i'm going to post a photo of me at subway but i feel like i've seen enough of those man i'm gonna say sandwiches nope shut up are you serious this is a review of the culver city metro station what is wrong they're standing outside he's at the culver city metro yep what and like in the right side of the frame you see like the front of what looks like a bus or something so all right well i'm one for two i think well didn't i do three oh no yeah you're right one for three one for three yep that's accurate okay i'm what two for two we have not been tracking this have we uh i went first so yeah i'm two yeah yeah yeah yeah you're right you're right oh it's my turn okay um this is a one-star review by carol

it felt great in there there's hot-blooded people and cold-blooded people and i've always been hot-blooded i have a friend who is cold-blooded and she always puts a warm sweater in her car for cases just like that my mom always did the same thing because she wasn't gonna miss out i'm just saying you said so much but so little so little lots of cold-blooded and hot-blooded people in there that is not something i would describe i wouldn't describe people in a subway sandwiches that way or in the subway station like lizards they're like look at all these lizards crawling around yikes felt great in there there's hot-blooded people and cold-blooded people okay so this is weird because as a hangout spot where you like felt great to be in there like subway does not feel like subway sandwiches does not feel that way although

back in the day logan and i that's's where we hung out after school in high school. Really? Drive over to the subway on Ludlow. That doesn't exist anymore. Oh, yeah. And we'd just sit in there and do our homework or whatever in there. Did it feel great in there? It did.

Had some classic rock radio playing. We'd play Name That Song and do our homework or just chat, hang out. So, yeah, I've hung out a lot in subway sandwiches but so i have plenty of experience with that and never have i ever uh spoken about other people in there hot-blooded cold-blooded so i'm gonna go with subway station no it's a subway sandwich so this was sent in by samantha actually um in the first line which i left out conveniently is i ate at the subway oh wait i ate at the subway then also and it felt great in there there's a lot of people in covid people blah blah blah blah blah um so my mom

didn't she says my mom didn't want to miss out on places she liked, like a subway, I guess. I don't know. I don't understand it. That makes it, it makes so, it wouldn't have made sense the other way, though, either. No. Like, if you had told me it is a station, I wouldn't have thought, of course it is. That makes sense. But I would have probably guessed station, too, because people complain so much about the temperature in subway stations. Yeah.

True. During summer or winter. So, I mean I I would agree that that that I would have guessed the same thing but I've never heard someone say we're going to subway

pack a coat yeah make sure to bring your sweater in case it just makes no sense you don't want to miss out on all the fun things in life like subway

sandwiches here come the carrots making their way up field followed by the whole wheat bread over to the two dozen eggs Here come the carrots making their way upfield, followed by the whole wheat bread, over to the two dozen eggs. Sir, do you do this every time? Sorry, I've been a little excited ever since I got this BMO Toronto FC cashback mastercard.

Oh, and the broccoli boots are over the line. What a goal! How would you like to pay, sir? Credit, please. Make every purchase a win with the BMO Toronto FC Cashback MasterCard with up to 5% cashback on your purchases in your first three months. Terms and conditions apply. Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You're not just working, you're working late.

And dinner dates are all, what's your five-year plan? And you're thinking, paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal probably so when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you reach for craft dinner because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love that's when it's gotta be kd when you gotta do you it's gotta be kd shop now okay so i'm two for three you're one for three yeah oh god i suck well here's another one this is another five star review this is by what best peep show in the world this is baffling this is this is this is kind of on your mind like what do you what where do

you think the best peep show in the world is there are only two options is it either at a train station yeah pick the right one um my god i mean it sounds really perverted if you're on a subway train going like this is the best peep show i'm like what looking up women's skirts i don't know it sounds pretty perverted but then like what the fuck are you doing in a subway sandwich? I'm going to say subway station. Correct. This is a Munich Central Station in Germany. It didn't give any more explanation.

No, I read the entire review. Why on earth? That's so perverted. That's not true. There's also an emoji at the end. Oh. I don't know how this one would be written out. What is it?

It looks like pleased. This face looks pleased. Is it like the smirk? No, no, no, no, no. It's like looking down but smiling. Oh, the one that all the Gen Zers use? Ew. Maybe, yeah.

I think you just did it. Yeah, yeah. That one. I didn't know that was a Gen Z thing. It is, I think. This review it. Yeah, yeah. That one. I didn't know that was a Gen Z thing. It is, I think. This review was written two weeks ago, so, you know. Wow. Yeah, that's the one I know exactly what you mean.

Okay. I mean, I know absolutely not anything that you mean, but, you know, the emoji, I follow that much. Okay, wow. So, I'm two for four now. Good for me. Two for four. You're coming back. I'm two for three. Mm-hmm. Okay. three okay so i gotta get this one to keep my lead the key here uh all right

this is a one-star review by bobby my good god it stinks be sure to keep your wits about you. Oh, no. So we've had, last episode we had a whole conversation about Subway sandwiches smell. Sure, yeah, in your pores. How it gets into your pores and seeps out and attracts rodents or something, probably. I don't know. Gross. Or at least upsets your cubicle mate. True, yes. or something probably i don't know gross um or at least upsets your cubicle mate true yes um i feel like something would have to be really wrong at a subway

sandwiches for someone to have this reaction was it like by god it stinks or something my good god my good god it stinks um but at a subway station i feel like that's just more i don't know you're in the elements you've got lots of people going through lots of lots of smells lots of smells lots of smells and yeah and then potential for other living creatures so in a wide variety of trash, not just subway trash, you know, just whatever, like subway sandwich trash, just whatever trash. I'm going to say subway station. You're correct. Yes.

And yeah, there's one part I also cut out, which ended up being, I almost read it and then I was like, it's probably way too obvious. But it said, my good God, it stinks. Be sure to keep your wits about you and your handbag closed. I just figured that would have that would have it's a little too obvious but that is a review of the tube aka the london underground so full of pickpockers full of pickpockers my next one is written by nathan this is a two-star review try to avoid it at night do not let your girl go there on her own at night end of review what avoid it at night i could easily see somebody giving this advice for either one of these

locations um i would probably avoid both at night unless there were a specific reason. I wouldn't go hang out at either of these locales for fun. Fair. What is it? Don't let your girl go? Yeah, and they specified... So first of all, say try to avoid it at night. And then said, do not let your girl go there on her own at night so you really got to commit to not going and also not letting anyone else go because

she can't go by herself either no way no way uh i mean my my guess is that it's like this it's like a small town or something and the guy just does not like the employees at the subway and it's like they're gonna try to steal my girl or some weird shit like that is my guess but then you could also see it as like don't let your girl go to the subway station because it's so dangerous you want to protect her but i don't know i'm gonna go with the douchier answer of like these subway like i almost said jared i'll come up with a different name jeremy at subway is gonna try to steal your girl so i'm gonna say subway sandwich it is uh the munich central station again no it's not well it is a peep show you know what it is a

peep show you should have that yeah i should put that together yeah um there's some guy going around peep showing everybody it was funny when you were describing it. And you did say like, yeah, you wouldn't let your girl go to the subway station. Like you saying that aloud made me realize how ridiculous this review is. Of course, it's ridiculous on its own already. But yeah, when you say it out loud, like can't go to the subway. Hey, babe, I can't let you go to the subway station. Like, why is she going there unless she has somewhere to go?

And she's like, well, why don't you come with me? And he's like, no. I vowed to not go at night. I tried to avoid it at night. I mean, yeah, it's a really stupid thing to say, don't let your girl go alone. That's why I thought it has to be a subway sandwich where he just has a beef with the, I don't know, sandwich artist. Well, they went on to say that it's apparently safer than ones in this in the state so it's a the station is safer than the stations in the u.s though

but it attracts a certain audience at uh yeah peep show audience yeah exactly we just heard about what paul's up to yikes um okay so i officially wholeheartedly suck at this game. Okay. What is that? Two for five? Yep. Is that right? Two for five and I'm three for four.

Did I only miss one? Three for four? Yeah. Okay. Okay, I have a one star review by Valerie. People at home are like, how are you not keeping track of this? I know. We are so bad at keeping track of this? I know. We're so bad at

keeping track of this. Okay. Two for five and I am three for four. People are like, no, that's wrong. Okay. Okay. So this is a one-star read by Valerie. It was Sunday at 5 39 p.m. It's hot, children are hungry, and I was looking forward to some old brown fixings. Pearl Vision is right next door. They're terrific. End of review. Pearl Vision? Like the glasses in the eye place? What the fuck?

Okay, hold on. They were looking forward to some brown fixings? Is that what you just told me? Old brown fixings. Old brown fixings old brown fixings old brown fixings i googled it and nothing okay remotely familiar came so i'm gonna try not to focus too much on that but just this is a personal quirk of this reviewer not necessarily a potentially yes a clue um so it's hot children are hungry children how many stars was this one i i skipped a few sentences okay yeah sorry that makes sense okay yeah yeah of course i have i've been doing that too i'm just thinking um one star review children are hungry it's hot out um i was looking forward to some old brown fixings pearl visions and they're great is that what they

said they're terrific they're terrific weird okay based on the locale i can't imagine a pearl vision being next to a subway station so i'm gonna go with subway sandwich yeah i feel like this one was really obvious but well that's the thing is because it was obvious that's why i hesitated so much but i don't think it was that obvious this was sent in by based on their email taffy and uh the full review is it's sunday at 5 39 p.m lights on staff talking rudely other people walking in to eat employee says they are closed no sign with hours online shows they close at nine guests should not be allowed in when the store is closed it's hot children are hungry i was looking forward to some old brown fixings pearl vision is right next door and they're terrific and uh so not too much like

yeah just like the time and yeah uh taffy wrote old brown fixings question mark pearl vision question mark and that's pretty much how i felt agreed i really wasn't sure about old brown fixings i thought maybe that's like a type of food but i looked it up and there was nothing about food on the internet when i looked that up so funny i don't know i don't know old brown fixings it doesn't sound like anything i want disgusting it doesn't sound like something subway would serve you if you asked for it but what do i know next i have four for five yes oh yeah i wrote that down you're two for five damn it um next i have a review by uh this is by danny one star oh just seen a video of this place and how it's infested with rats end of review oh my god alexander it really could be either one i'm so bad oh yeah i had i had a blast finding these

maybe the most fun i've had looking for reviews in a long time such a hard time with it why am i so bad at this i was talking to d about it because i had complained about how difficult uh finding subway stations was yeah and then um i told her oh i had this great idea and she was like didn't you just tell me how hard it was to look for those like good point but with these you could look for more generic ones yes instead of just trying to find the wild ones you'd look for just really boring and generic ones oh no i'm sorry wow okay i'm just bad at this um okay infested with rats okay so here's the thing both could easily be have a rat infestation and i would be zero percent surprised negative percent surprised but my thought is i feel like there's more likely to be a video of like Grand Central Station.

I don't know. Maybe not. Well, yeah, like a train station that's used by thousands of people rather than like a subway in Wisconsin or something. Like it just seems more likely that there would be an expose video about a train station. Yeah. more likely that there would be a an expose video about a train station yeah but the fact that you're nodding so willingly makes me think maybe it's not doing anything i'm just sitting here shit alexander don't go by my nodding go by your gut oh my gut has not served me well that's true so maybe go not by your gut what is it i saw a video um ew just seen a video of this place and how it's infested with rats this place and i'm not changing i'm not leaving anything out

of this review not changing any words exactly that's all it says it's all danny has to say subway station nope no i knew it i knew you looked too pleased with my assessment. Subway sandwich in West Hollywood. Shit, I knew it. Two for six. Damn, Alexander, this is so hard. You are struggling. This is so hard.

Okay, so the West Hollywood subway, that's not good. No, it's terrible. No, I think I was nodding about what you were saying because I'm like that makes a lot of sense that's true though like I would absolutely expect there to be in a video more about um a major train station yeah but then again like infested is like I don't know they all have rats all right like you know no one's gonna necessarily call it like holy shit there's rats already. I mean, yeah. No one's going to necessarily call it. You're right. Nobody would be like, holy shit, there's rats there. Like, I mean, I guess.

Your problem was thinking that this was a random subway and not like the one in West Hollywood that's probably just like a little wild. Okay. Damn it. All right. Lots of people going there. Actually, this is my last one. Okay.

This is one star by Nina. Y'all are rude and honestly just the absolute worst. Get organized, you lazy craps. Smiley face. Oh, no. Get organized, you lazy craps. I will say with subway station reviews, I find that the words are not taught like targeting employees

nearly as often as like the subway sandwiches because usually you don't or you don't always deal with employees and if like the train is late it's not like the people at that specific specific station's fault right um there was a i don't know so y'all are rude and and honestly just the absolute worst like i feel like you don't even run into that many like station employees when you go to a subway station um so i'm gonna go with subway sandwich wrong really that was the new york mta times square station well okay that is famously the worst um yeah subway station i think that is the one that andrew yang said it his is his favorite which who's andrew yang uh he's a politician oh the andrew yang yeah i thought you were referencing like a uh i literally thought you're talking about a tiktoker for some reason because he was like in the running for like mayor of new york yeah but he didn't know that about his

preference and so they asked all the candidates of their favorite subway station would you say that because he wasn't from New York. He didn't know. Probably didn't take the subway. It's like when. So it was like a very clear thing of like, this man is out of touch with the city. It's like when Trump said Sbarro is his favorite New York pizza. Yeah, yeah.

Same vibe for sure. Okay, got it. Yeah, I saw that and thought it looked much more like a subway review. Get like you lazy craps. Yeah. Which seems like something rude you would say to an employee. Even at the Times Square station. Like, who are you dealing with that's being lazy i don't understand so unorganized yeah i mean maybe it's maybe they meant it as a general thing to the mta or something

which but they called them rude so oh true so they must have had some i did like the smiley face at the end just to kind of just drive the knife in you know that is that really drove it in pretty harsh that was pretty harsh okay okay so now i'm four for six okay i feel slightly better but really not great and that's my final score yes because i so i got two-thirds of them correct that's pretty good i think i have one that's kind of a joke one and then I might have two more for you. Excellent. Here's one. This is one star review.

This is by Brian. Great for food, have to pay for bathrooms, and was lucky enough to be delayed only three hours due to workers strike end of review oh my god great for food which like i wouldn't ascribe to any train station but i guess also not to a subway so have to pay for bathrooms. That doesn't strike me as something that would happen at a subway sandwich. But we did go over those reviews where that guy claimed the employees were making up their own rules about the bathroom. Turns out it was a health department all along. It was right here. It turns out it was a health department. And then they were delayed only three hours due to workers strike that has to i mean delay

that has to be a train i'm saying train station no you can't be a train station oh thank god i was like that one was that was my like obvious one oh my god but if you had gotten me on that i would have quit the game like i don't think i could have handled that i just thought it was a funny idea of of the subway workers going on strike for a few hours. I know. For a minute, I really was like, he's going to do this to me. He's going to have found some sort of wild subway sandwich strike. It was, of course, of the Munich Central Station again.

Again? Yeah. And that's very much a thing. When I was living there, you find out, oh, there's a strike so you all right be sure to plan around that for the public transportation yeah yeah so that was very much that's very much a thing uh let's see here's another one i have one more before i give one that's a little different okay so here's the last like main game one I have for you. This is a five-star review. This is by Chris. Fast and Furious.

End of review. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Fast and Furious. I mean, again, obviously obviously it could be either one. Like, oh man, I just love the Boston tea. So Fast and Furious.

But also I can't imagine anyone calling it that. But it's got to be a Subway sandwich. Correct. The sandwich artists are just so fast and furious. You got it. Which, by the way, in the last episode, we never talked about sandwich artists, which is what they prefer that their employees be called.

I'm not saying the employees prefer to be called that because somehow I doubt it, but that's what the corporation prefers their employees to be called. That's the official name of what those positions are, sandwich artists. Sandwich artists. Okay, good. I feel like I'm getting it a little bit here. Well, that's the last one for you to guess.

Well, kind of. You can guess on the next one, but it's a little different. And it's more of a trick. Four out of eight? You got four out of eight. In a 50-50 game, you got 50%. Good for me.

So, hey. And also, you did two more so who knows maybe if i had done two more i would have missed them and we would have had the same really doubt that i don't think you're giving me the benefit of the doubt uh so i've got one more thing uh this is a five-star review and here it is more than a train station besides the art deco decor of the station, the famous clock, that there is a marvelous fresh market with everything from fresh bread, fish, pastry, pasta, and more. Then downstairs, a wonderful dining concourse, a ceiling with constellations that light up, and during December, a wonderful holiday market in vanderbilt hall with over 75

local artists with unique crafts and all made in usa must visit end of review what do you think this is of well based on the context i think this is of a subway sandwich no no it's of grand central station sandwich so it's not a subway but it is a sandwich so this person reviewed in west sacramento reviewed a place called grand central station sandwich so it's a sandwich shop and they meant to review grand central station alexander that's so embarrassing like in the grand scheme of things it's not that embarrassing but like that's so embarrassing yeah yeah because wow you were just waxing poetic about the ceiling and then like it turns out you're talking about like a hoagie place or something christina look

at this look at this place like it's when you say a hoagie place like everyone whatever you picture when you hear hoagie place that's what what this place is. Yeah. Based on pictures. I mean, it looks like a teeny little brick. Yeah. And inside it's like a typical little like, I don't know, like a little hoagie place. Like a tiny little deli. Yeah. Wow.

It's so funny. But those majestic ceilings, they're not wrong. Constellations. The constellations in the ceilings are pretty gorgeous. So yeah. Wow. That was pretty wild. But they were, yes.

And this is on the literally opposite side of the country, too. Sacramento. They reviewed a place in Sacramento thinking they were reviewing Grand Central Station. Because you're clearly a tourist in New York City and you can't even review the train station, right? Like, wow. They're from Florida. Oh, God. Oh, God.

You know what I thought it was is i looked up subways in subway stations for fun yeah yeah and the only like one that i found with a lot of reviews i think it was in grand central there is a subway restaurant but it's like i think it's grand central but it's like really hard to find and so either people were like this place doesn't exist at all or they were reviewing like the train station instead of the subway restaurant it was just like this hidden away corner subway restaurant inside grand central but it was not in the dining concourse it was like somewhere really random like hidden away in a corner maybe this person meant to review the subway sandwiches that's what i was wondering i was like maybe they really but um wow grand central sandwich grand central station sandwich wow that place

really uh so funny committed to that name like you i'm sure if you're the owner like you know to expect that like i can't i can't imagine i can't imagine people i don't know but i guess when they opened it who knows if this trip advisor was around i don't know how old this place is it looks pretty old but yeah pretty funny man that's pretty good that's a good find okay so much i have a fun little thing at the end okay lay it on me this was sent in by cilia i'm hoping i'm pronouncing that right who's they them pronouns and uh cilia sent us some fox content oh i know okay i'm slowly what's the word i was trying to think of a word um to like steal oneself i'm like i i needed to build up some tolerance. I don't know. I'm nervous. I see. Fox is a lot.

I love, I think Fox has had some of the best reviews we've read. 100%. Fox is a celebrity in my eyes. Yeah, sure. 1000%. I have a lot of respect for Fox. You just get a little starstruck. But yes, I do.

And also Fox can be a lot. Yeah, that's fair. And I would say Fox would probably nod along with that assessment and agree with you i mean oh gosh okay i don't know what to expect well let me tell you the subject of this email is fox subway pun compilation and a compilation cilia did a lot of work here okay okay like a lot of work here and said they say oh dear in most of his subway reviews he mentions he doesn't like subway but he's rated many pages worth of different restaurants here's a compilation of some of the puns he uses in the reviews didn't include the

whole reviews because they were mostly boring after these riveting opening lines and then they wrote a nice note here love y'all love the show words truly can't express how much this podcast has helped me i don't want to hear it until after i hear what you what you brought to the table helped you what probably something not great i i don't know thank you i i do very much appreciate you so there are 12 screenshots here i'm not kidding i've i've put my phone away i am preparing myself mentally and physically to deal with this. So I'm trying to think of the best way to do this. I guess I should just read the line and then go next instead of saying, like, this is a subway in Houston or whatever.

Because there's 12 of them. And I feel like that will get bogged down in the details. Let's give Flanfo a break here and not have Flanfo put 12 more things on that map. Because the entire map is just going to be subway sandwiches at the end and i just don't know if we can cope with that so i'm just going to read you the the zingers okay zing away all right here we go i'll be groaning over here the whole time here we go not to be confused with smug, where the employees are way too smug. If you want to know... What?

What is Smugway? Fox, what does that mean? Okay, no, I don't want to harp on anything too long. We've got a lot to get through. If you want to know how this restaurant is doing, you say Supway. Oh, that's pretty good. Okay, I like that. Not to be confused with Slugway, which is run and owned by snails. Not slugs, I guess.

If you decide not to eat here after all, it's Snubway. Whereas if you get a little extra something special in the back room it's rubbing tugway oh dear god fox this is the kind of stuff that i expected from fox though so i can't be surprised your candle comes back get away from my candle fox uh wait going back one i think fox did miss an opportunity and hey people dm me that i missed opportunities for jokes on here too so i i'm not don't worry fox like you know it happens to the best of us right happens to the best of us uh with the slugway uh should have said they don't put enough salt on the food or

something oh good one sandy right yeah yeah low sodium yeah got it good ones andy also i like that this one subway this it was a white lake michigan subway it's snubway it's also robin tugway so it's really like he got two puns in there yeah that was a two for one i guess this was in 2018 maybe he didn't realize how many that he would be going to nine more in the coming years and he could save his puns his rhymes but okay so we got two in i want to try to think if i can come up with one um okay yeah maybe you should guess one and then we can see if it's like in there um all right hey i'm impressed because i have uh maybe they maybe complains about the prices and called it sub pay. Oh, good one.

What about rub-a-dub-dub way? That's very close to rub and tug. I know, but it's less upsetting. Yeah, well, what happens? You have to give a reason for that one. Oh, rub-a-dub-dub way? Yeah. You take a bath.

They drown your sandwich in mayo. they drown your sandwich yeah um you could say sub day today i woke up to like today is sub day what sub day like it's a day for subs oh i thought you meant like a subpar day oh no, no. Well, that too, maybe. Maybe that's what's in there. Haven't you read all of these already? No. Oh, you're just going through them? Yeah. I have not read them at all. Maybe he'll say sublay, which is what I'll be doing to the lady later.

My lady. That's probably how he would talk about his... Sublay? Yeah. Lay. Like, get laid kind of thing i'm trying to think like fox here okay you're not doing a great job okay okay what about chubway because jared and i ate too many sandwiches i don't know oh no don't bring jared into this i'm worried about i could see fox making some puns about that so i'm a little nervous all right here we go everyone's like can you not try to do your own fucking

making it worse terrible all right so we got snub way rub and tug way when i'm not feeling in the dom way i'll indulge in the subway oh dear god keep quiet that's the secret. Oh dear god. TMI, Fox. Not appropriate for a Subway review. You wouldn't think so, but I guess neither does Robin Tugway. I am indifferent towards sandwiches these days. Shrugway. So good, that one was good.

But I don't like these ones. Shrugway was fun. That was good. Technically doesn't like these ones shrugway was fun that was good technically doesn't rhyme with subway but that's okay shrugway is probably my favorite so far not to be confused with oh no oh no i'm so nervous eek okay well guess i gotta read it not to be confused with nubway which is something to do with the clitoris what the fuck fox how how did that get through i don't know how does that how is that allowed because when you're an elite 2021 you can do whatever the fuck you kind of get to skirt the rules you know i mean it's just so weird it's like a power dynamic with Yelp where like you're the puppeteer, you know, holding the strings.

But like I've never seen anything like any sort of reproductive organ like related adjacent. They don't usually get through the cracks. Thing on Yelp. No. I mean, I'm shocked that he managed to get the word clitoris in a Subway sandwiches review. Yeah. Like, it's true for, like, penis. I've never seen, I feel like I don't see penis in these.

Oh, we can try and see what happens. I don't think I see boobs, boobies, big mommy milkers. Stop. That's enough. I'm sorry. That's enough. I'm sorry. I'm cutting you off.

Okay, next. If you're starting to sag in the wrong places oh just speaking of which oh dear god i regret it this is i deserve this if you're starting to sag in the wrong places go to sagway instead and use a segue to get there but let me segue into the review these are so bad i cannot defend you on that one fox really bad should be called stubway because i stubbed my toe on the way in okay that's with subways and getsville and you vil gets what you pay for by the way that's a one-star review oh no if and this is a final review if there are a lot

of bugs flying around the parking lot it's bug way like that's so bad see that makes our dumb ones look better also a tip maybe this is that's fox is not asking me to provide tips but i'll give one anyway if you're making a joke like that i feel like you have to not give it away so quick right like you get multiple times like stub way because i stub my toe stub my toe or things like you say like oh there are a lot of insects around so call it bug way exactly you don't say there are a lot of bugs so call it bug way you say a lot of insects call it bugway comedy tip for you yeah yeah exactly like stubway you could be like ouch i accidentally went to stubway instead of subway and it's like oh he means i feel like yeah you're right you're giving it all up yeah too quickly it's like i i hit my toe against the door when

i walked in guess this place is a stub way. Exactly. It's still not funny, but funnier than I stubbed my toe. It's a stub way. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Sorry, Fox. Didn't mean to just like, you know, cut you down there, but thank you.

I did. I'm just kidding. Celia, they really just pulled up 12 screenshots for us. I'm glad you did that, Celia. And i will have to say i'm afraid of fox i feel like fox could sink us fox is like i told you he's pulling the strings a big yelp yeah also uh every single one of those was either one or two stars there was not one above two stars hey cilia said fox is not a big fan of subway well sometimes he's indifferent yeah he's a big fan of subway don't get me wrong god damn it anyway that's my final uh hurrah for us here i'm glad i knew i would do a bad job i'm

glad that was your final one yeah me too so anyway thanks everyone for listening to this experimental thanksgiving episode uh we hope you had a great time and you're thankful for your family and friends and us most of all yeah because we are thankful for you so we are thanks everybody uh we will see you next week with christmas farms getting into uh holidays we're getting into our holiday content and i could not be more excited. You look it. I mean it. Okay. Whatever you say.

I mean it. I swear to God. Okay. Okay. Okay. We'll see. We'll see. Okay. Bye.