Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 158: QVC Holiday Special

Episode Date: December 8, 2021

Want to join the sisterhood of the traveling poopy pants? Listen to the episode to find out how! Check out our Instagram for holiday pine cone ideas: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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where all your investment gains are yours to keep and put towards your first home. With Questrade, you can open an FHSA online. No bank appointment needed. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hi everybody! Welcome. Hi. It's just me here. Oh, shit. None of my friends came.

Mm-mm. I invited a whole party. I'm trying to do a little live show, mini live show, and no one showed up. No, I just wanted to have some friends over, really. Yeah, to watch you do this. Do you remember that movie about the cat in the hat where he... Called the cat in the hat? No, no, no, the other one about the cat in the hat.

Oh. No, no, the one, the animated one. The animated, yeah. Where I learned what a credenza was. Yep, same. And also where he showed up and nobody invited him and it used to scare me so bad because i thought like i'd be home alone and he would just like this oh that him specific i thought you meant that friends would show up

that like a cat man would show up and say like you invited me i'm gonna bother your fish yeah yeah yeah anyway so how are you that fish had a lot of personality that fish was being bullied i think no i agree and i felt bad for that fish i think it's one of those things where if i watched now the fish is the character i would relate relate to because he's like mom and dad are coming home soon he's really anxious seems to be really depressed really having a hard time he's stuck in a bowl and then this cat keeps like dumping out his water yeah and bullying him and locking him in closets yeah agreed no i'm team team fish yeah me too um welcome to our qvc holiday special as you can tell obviously we're doing qvc today

and it's a qvc holiday special yes exactly how exactly. How did you do on your not so well? Not so great. I really struggled. And part of it was that I was scared I was going to read the same ones as you. So I tried to avoid Valerie Parhill or like some of the obvious ones that I thought you might find. But we got some emails that were incredibly helpful. And I found a few in the middle of the night that we'll see if they're good. We'll see. I will let you know if they're good yeah you'll tell me um either way so i think you have

more than me so please go first here's my first one this is of landy's candies deluxe sampler gift box oh you can buy holiday uh candies and things. You can even buy hams. It's disturbing. Yes. The amount of things you can buy on QVC. Yeah. People subscribe to the apple shipments, which seems actually, that seems like one of the better things. Oh, I thought you meant apple, like the company, like apple. No, literal apples, like candied apples.

Oh, oh boy. And you can subscribe and then every season like whichever holiday it is they'll send you the new it's like i don't know i don't think it's monthly i don't think it's yearly i think it's like they have a christmas one i saw someone talking about a different holiday one i don't know if it was halloween or if it was valentine's day i don't know what it was but anyway go check that out if you're interested, I guess. People complain that they're rotten on the inside, though, so careful. Well, that'll happen if you buy fruit on the internet.

Okay, this one, yes, it's of Landy's Candies, and it's titled Worst Purchase Ever. Here we go. These are anything but stuffed pretzels. They are dipped in chocolate pretzels. Filling the holes in the pretzels does not make them stuffed. And furthermore, they were horrible. End of review. Wait, they thought they were going to be stuffed? Yeah, stuffed pretzels.

Now we're talking the crunchy pretzels. Yes, because I looked at the photos. Jumbo pretzels. Maybe they thought they were like combos. I don't really know. But I looked at the photos. I also read the description. i don't really know but i looked at the photos i also read the description so maybe this was written before they changed the description i saw nothing mentioning stuffed pretzels other than this review but what you didn't watch was

the tv presentation maybe someone ad-libbed i didn't watch it you know maybe someone ad-libbed went a little out on a limb there and said like, oh, it's just like a stuffed pretzel. And somebody at 4 a.m. in their basement took it a little too seriously. True. That's honestly, that's when I take things most seriously is 4 a.m. in my basement. In your basement at 4 a.m. So that's an honest mistake. Yeah, it happens.

I heard they fired the guy. Good. It wasn't Valerie, so. Yeah, no, yeah. Good riddance. She would never. No. Valerie would never.

Just wait. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. We had some Valerie news today. I have thoughts on this whole Valerie thing. Did you know my ex-boyfriend used to call me Valerie? Why? Because of Valerie Parhill?

It was a role play. Oh, no. I'm just kidding. No. Yeah, Brandon used to call me Val. I don't really know why. Christina, that's some weird shit. That was before we dated.

That was in high school. He called me that. Oh, so he just didn't know your name. No, no, he did. He just decided. Well, that's what I told myself. A few years in, maybe it was too late for him to realize it was wrong no no um one day in high school he was giving everyone nicknames in english class

and he named me val listen i don't know i was also that kid that just i was bequeathed the nickname and i had no say in it what was it i don't. No one called me anything that bad, though. My nicknames were always like Sheef, Sheifer, Sheefie. Sheefdog. Sheefdog was a good one. I really don't understand. It's now kind of hitting me how weird it was that he called me Valerie. Yeah, but there has to be some reason.

Is it after the song? He said it was short for Valentine's Day, but then he called me Valerie, so that doesn't... Should I call him? I'm going to call him i'm gonna call him please don't just kidding okay oh he does not want to hear from me all right from laura this is an email from laura she her thank you laura now this one's troubling uh it's a review from facebook uh okay of some some knit trousers and donna does not recommend qvc and here's the post i purchased a pair of marla win sweater knit trousers they arrived and i could see they were a customer return as the bag was cello-taped up. I opened them to try them on, and someone had had a toilet accident in them. No.

And they were covered in poo. They had stains on the hem and a hole in the leg, but the poo was the worst. Totally disgusting. Your quality control measures really failed on this one as you didn't even open it to check it what about covid 19 health and safety checks i am truly disgusted by this how do i know that the person who returned them was fit and well well they obviously i was gonna say

i think you know right i think we all know unfortunately like someone might have died in those yeah i'm sorry that's really dark but like well and then their their their significant other was like i should send these back to yes i mean someone had the thought to send this back whether in this condition somebody had a very very bad thought of sending this back uh yeah really chose chose poorly i can't imagine they talk to customer service and customer service is like you got to return those to us yeah you know what i mean like no way somebody told them to return it i'm so and the fact that it was able to be sent along, I'm not surprised. And I know oftentimes we give the business the benefit of the doubt.

I read so many reviews of the terrible quality control. Oh, yeah. They don't check the products. This is yikes. Yikes. Let's see. This is probably one of the worst. I called you to complain and all I got was an apology.

You didn't even want the trousers back. Well, okay. Hang on. It was that bad. You're sending me a replacement pair of trousers, but this really isn't good enough. I shop a lot with you, but this has really put me off. Thoroughly unimpressed and I want to raise a complaint and for it to be investigated. COVID-19 protective clothes return measures failed in this instance they didn't fail they didn't exist it didn't exist 100 and like this is very troubling

they could have swept this under the rug by offering this person something anything but the fact that they were like oh we'll just give you a free new pair of the same pants yeah i mean that is not. Yeah. This is really bad. And now I feel like I'm spreading the word even more, which is. I mean, not a bad thing to do. I mean, this is true.

I feel like Lori Greiner is going to come after me. Probably. Yeah. That's very scary. QVC, like especially reading these comments. And this is kind of what I was going to get to today is the relationship these people have with the presenters is troubling and terrifying my mic it's almost as disturbing as all the people who have relationships with us okay i'll unmute it i just love our listeners so much but like honestly having seen that like seeing the people who um talk about you talk about m and then going to qvc it's like another ball game it is like no i and i'm totally kidding and also

i would never send you poopy pants yeah exactly like that's the thing is these people are like they can feel like they can do no wrong and like i feel like they prisoners don't give a shit no i mean but also you know how many people there are that buy this shit? Right. I don't know. They don't care about that one person who doesn't like. But they always talk in the. I mean, I'm going to read some.

But they always talk directly to the presenter as if they're like actually going and making each individual. I feel like we've talked about this before. We have. Because people yell at Valerie a lot. I have not. i've gone through all of these reviews and i'm just blown away there was one relationship that suppose that they think exists parasocial it's probably one of the most the weirdest parasocial relationships i've ever seen i saw one uh where somebody posted about a cookbook that they bought from some guy and they were like and they were like i you said that you read all the comments so i'm gonna write this out and they wrote like

probably six or seven paragraphs and it was about like all the different recipes and how much their family enjoyed it like it was very sweet it wasn't critical it just took a lot of time and it was just kind of a so so like this steak was great thank you for the recipe you should try it with cracked pepper that's what i do and it's like wow i don't think that guy's gonna read this yeah no no he told you he was yeah i don't know it just it wasn't even a complaint it was just like we love to put pepper on this what was weirdly good like and in a similar thing that i saw was people were leaving critical reviews but still leaving like three to four stars yes so it's like weirdly i have one of those i liked those because they were seemed a little but still

then i was like but it's probably for the unhealthy reasons because they're like in their head like valerie can do no wrong for example yes so they're like it must have been just a one exactly one time poopy pants incident so i don't know it just seems weird but i don't know i'm i could probably fall deep into it 4 a.m in my basement tonight if i if i start watching because i've never actually watched qvc so i don't really know what to expect i've only watched the clips that they put on the website i bet i could see myself falling into like yeah not me okay i could see how one could fall into this as he sits here it's just like jade earrings pop up on his on his ears a ceramic santa claus just appeared on the desk oh no it's happening it's happening are those marlo and sweater complete with a poop over top of your adidas here here's another one i have i'm moving on this is a philosophy holiday bubbles three-piece shower gel gift set okay so it's holiday shower gel right this is a one-star review afraid to use it because

the perfume smells like play-doh and i don't want to smell like that end of review i do i know right how good does that sound they're not trying to attract me with that perfume no they're not because that's why people use perfume is to usually to attract me they're trying to attract me because i love the smell no what i'm saying they're not trying to attract me because they're not using the play-doh i thought you meant the makers of the perfume oh no yeah no that's for me they have it out for you um i know what i'm getting d for christmas the marlo and sweater knit trousers um that's what i'm getting d for christmas ew some marlo and sweater knit trousers um that's what i'm getting her oh i'm not gonna open it like you said that like you called it i'm getting her

don't do it okay but i haven't opened the packaging yet it's wrapped in cellophane so i'm not gonna check it'll be fun that way yikes um what do i have here oh i have a review now of mr christmas oversized ceramic nostalgic holiday figure and this is uh one of those where it's a five-star review but it's a critical or it's or it's just like it's not a positive review the title is lost deer this is one star by caddy i would love to write a review if i ever get the item i ordered the deer it has been sitting somewhere in florence south carolina via postal service since september 2nd if anyone sees my sweet little deer could you please direct him my way end of review this is of a santa claus it's of a reindeer oh I thought it was of a Samister Santa or something.

No. Would you recommend this product as a gift? Yes. Who would this be a perfect gift for? Me. I know. Aw. Someone redirect it to me, please.

That's so cute. I just love, like, who are you asking? If someone sees him. Yeah. I mean, hey, that might be a weirdly good way to get their attention, though, is to leave a five star. I don't know. Maybe not.

No way. Maybe that's a shitty way. I take it back. I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe that's a shitty way. I take it back. I don't think they read that. Yeah. Well, hopefully they got their deer in the end. If anyone sees it, send them to Caddy. She's really sad.

I don't want Caddy to be sad. Me either. My next one is a glistening angel figurine by Valerie. This is our three star review. I ordered this beautiful angel from Valerie as I have many angels from her which are all beautiful. This one is beautiful as well but the wings are very heavy and therefore won't stand on its own as top heavy. I've never sent any of her angels back as it would break my heart. I collect angels and have many

and don't want to be returned unless, of course, it's damaged. So I decided to keep it, and my dear hubby fixed it with double-sided tape so it would stand on its own. I just love it and will enjoy it for years to come.

I know Valerie will not let that happen again end of review that is like the last line that sounded really sinister i know she won't i know she won't do this ever again right valerie it sounded weirdly threatening and i almost made the joke when you said my husband fixed it i was gonna say what he taped it down literally he taped it down yeah wow yeah there were a lot where they were broken and people were like well i went and bought some red paint to fix it and i'm like what oh yeah but you have to pay to return things to qbc yeah which is like i guess i'd rather just buy imagine paying to return poopy pants to qbc oh my god no qbc didn't want them back for some reason oh true but no no the first time oh the first time they were quality they weren't quality controlled what

if the guy was the person was like oh there's poop on them and they were like yeah yeah yeah you send those back nice try we've heard that one before it's like okay if you really want them maybe they were just trying to call their bluff. Yeah, they have heard it before from the last people who got the same poopy pants. There's so many pairs going back and forth. The people before this person weren't the ones who pooped in it. It was like 10 ago.

It's the sisterhood of the traveling pants. It's the sisterhood of the traveling poopy pants. Oh, no. Wait, that's good. TM, TM, TM. That is good. It's like they're all grown up now like old no it's actually like the halloween like the horror version you know like the dark version because

of poop because it's poopy now that's when you think halloween you think poop well when i think horror i think yes somebody received poopy pants during a pandemic i don't think that qualifies i mean it's horrible and i guess horrific but i guess i don't think it would fall under the genre of horror well that's what you that's why you don't work in the movie industry ouch so anyway now we know why so now i can fix that it's really awkward that we just announced why um finally everybody gets the scoop this is an email from taylor who sent i was so excited for this theme but i struggled ugh me too but taylor somehow still found stuff so this is a review of buffalo oh i hope you don't have this one buffalo check

holiday tag sentiment wall decor by valerie i don't because there were so many i did not just do valerie i just went random because there were so many holiday things. Well, it looks like a holiday tag. Can you see it? But it's like a giant one for the wall. It's a wall decoration, but it's shaped like a Christmas tag on a present. And it says, Peace on Earth. And at the top, it has like a little like sprig of, I don't know. What's this? Christina, that's your hand making like sprig of, I don't know. What's this? I understand that's your hand making like an octopus motion. I don't know. What's the tree?

Glitter? No. The tree? Yeah, this thing. A wreath? What's that? Yeah, it looks like an octopus. A sprig.

A sprig? Isn't that a word? I don't think it means five like those are like fur they're like they're like five evergreen sprigs okay at the top of this thing just go with it okay can i google evergreen sprig because that sounds right to me but i think that's right i don't know i think it sounds right yeah okay one yeah yeah yeah okay he says it sounds right as he googles it to make sure no because i was laughing because i thought yeah that like this is clear to me and then i'm like wait that just might be because of the two of us being on the same

having similar inability to speak english yeah i don't trust everyone else to like i don't trust it to be right yeah everyone else just in our just because it's right for us fine fine fine but it is right for everyone else so this is a three-star review by mcdeb delaware of this hanging gift tag thing verified purchase i was disappointed in this item because of the plastic pine cone that was used as the decoration i expected it to be a real one i kept the item and will replace the pine cone myself price was fair for this item but i felt this small detail was not up to valerie's usual quality does valerie normally use real pine she glues the pine cones to stuff um that means i wouldn't expect it to yeah that would make no sense deb ripped off the big fake

glittery pine cone and went and glued a real one yeah like what on earth those bird feeders we'd make out of pine cones yes with elmer's glue and bird seed yeah oh is that good for birds no way they weren't actually bird seed feeder bird feeders were they yeah they were fuck wait did they just eat the glue i don't know maybe it wasn't glue maybe i just made that up maybe it was peanut butter oh it was yeah yeah yeah we did something yeah yeah yeah it's not good for okay it doesn't matter it matters but anyway cute um good times but i don't know do pine cones rot is that a weird question do they i mean not rot but do they decay i mean i don't mean in like a million years they disintegrate right like they fall apart if you like mess with them i don't think so they're

pretty sturdy i mean if you're crushing them with your bare hands i don't think you i don't think you could crush a pine cone me yeah i don't think i can't either that's where you're wrong prove me wrong practicing for what for my new craft project that i have i have my machine on one side and then i have a big pile of pine cones oh no and something magical is gonna come out okay i was gonna say where's she gonna go with this improv oh okay she's gonna be vague just know except to wait and see that there might be a sprig or two involved oh dear god um yeah i don't think you could crush a pine cone um they don't disintegrate what yes they do a pine cone it's like a it's pretty they're pretty sturdy but like if you like mess with it the pieces will fall off i guess if you really like a fake pine cone's gonna look much more

yeah perfect and robust than a real one you find in the backyard and glue to a piece of wood okay i don't know fair i agree i'm not saying this reviewer's right i'm just saying you couldn't crush a pine cone also then a bird's gonna eat it like what if you hang that up outside birds they don't eat pine cones they eat bird seeds off of pine cones that kindergartners put on it to the board with peanut butter okay i'm sorry moving on you go please um this is of okay i, what I did is I copied all the URLs. So this one is a little hard. Okay. Choice of illuminated nine choice of, I don't know.

Choice of illuminated nine inch gingerbread shop by Valerie. Oh, apparently she does all this gingerbread business. She has a side hustle. Someone did their gingerbread business in my pants. This is her side business? Yeah. But yes, there were a lot of gingerbread things that I saw. People collect Valerie's gingerbread.

Because people collect Valerie's angels. People collect Valerie's everything. Man, we are in the wrong fucking gig here. And if they think that she's sitting down to designing all of these which they do they think valerie glued a fake pine cone to this piece of wood yeah with her bare hands like what i don't know why i found this one so funny. Okay.

I am so, so sad, bummed, disappointed, etc. I ordered three, and while they are super cute, all three arrived damaged. No big deal. I can just exchange. Nope. After returning them, I find out they are all sold out. So disappointed. I was looking forward to setting these up with the set of three

peppermint trees they had in the presentation. Now I have three trees and no cottages. Oh no, the village has been razed. Multiple loose pieces floating around inside the box, mostly little mints, but some awnings also

i really hope these come back before christmas just barely five months god bless end of review wait hold on they capitalized christ in christmas to like really drive it home god's sake what what this holiday what this holiday season is all about this is the reason for the season it's so like a hurricane a fucking tsunami hit this village there's peppermints awnings like cottage and christ is coming in just barely five months not long enough to repair this gingerbread town oh my god what am i gonna do with all these trees? I think all of the stuff I read was purchased five months before Christmas because Valerie does Christmas in July. I mean, genius marketing, Poi. Genius.

Yeah. Because then people get their stuff in November. Yeah. And by that time- And throw it in their Valerie closet, which people have. No. Yes. Oh god.

They're like, I've got a closet full of Valerie. Oh god. Oh no. Oh wait, that was her husband. Oh, God. They're like, I've got a closet full of Valerie. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, wait. That was her husband. Oh, no. Sorry. That was her stalker.

She probably has several. True. Like, no kidding, honestly. Let's see what I got here. This is another five star that is somewhat critical. This was also sent in by Taylor, and it is of kissy the penguin oh i got your attention kissy the penguin animated and singing plush tell me more well i told you a lot already but it's a singing penguin it actually looks like the one you got Leona a little bit. Okay. Oh, cute. Right?

But this one sings. Oh, sorry. Listen. Okay, Leona, you little brat. I wasn't going to say it, but I just had to. Your mother is the brat. Bring it up. All right.

Here's a five-star review by Christmas Snow, in all capital letters. The subject is, is ladies be quiet. Amen. Amen to that. Am I right? Oh, that's sorry. That's what the penguin says. Kissy knows me. Ladies be quiet so we can listen. This is all in capitals. I know you can tell, but I'm just gonna remind you i love this toy but both ladies kept talking and running their mouths

what ladies alexander i'm so confused qbc oh my god i'm an idiot i'm i'm like i'm like they bought this and they were gonna yelling at people like so Okay. So then I was like, wait, does this come with like two also talking ladies? And then I thought, oh, someone in their company keeps talking over. No. The ladies on the TV. The ladies on the TV. Got it. Why are you looking like that?

I just got an interesting text. From whom? Nobody. It's fine. It's good. You look really perturbed. No, no. I just had a thought text. From whom? Nobody. It's fine. It's good. You look really perturbed. No, no. I just had a thought.

That's all. Thoughts are really dangerous in my head. Yeah. I thought we had to talk about this. I know. I should keep them down. Keep them repressed. Okay.

About your capital T thoughts. Okay. I mean, between hearing about Kissy, between the text. Ladies, be quiet. Ladies, ladies be quiet ladies not being quiet not being quiet i love this toy but both ladies kept talking and running their mouths so i never really understood what it was saying please tell the host to be quiet and let the customers hear what they are buying end of review they probably don't want you to hear it they probably don't probably just like saying really terrible things as probably just penguin well his name's kissy i don't know nothing good can come out of that mouth that little beak like come here sweetheart and then valerie's like

oh it's so cute put her hand over the speaker uh i love the the the person christmas snow says i love this toy but i have no idea what the fuck it's saying and it's like do you own it yeah what or are you just watching it and you're yelling at them viewing it as you go do you think she has tivo and she keeps rewinding it to try and hear what the penguin is saying yeah and they'll just not be quiet these ladies probably like some sort of incel or something like i'm sick of being in the friend zone what the hell what kind of text did you just get no you're in a weird energy now no i'm just picturing a tear i'm like what terrible things could this penguin say oh i thought you meant the reviewer no because of ladies be quiet i'm just yeah i think that this isn't this this penguin has some troubling things to say bitter

because you didn't get a Leona talking penguin. I didn't know that about it. You just got her a silent penguin. I did. You're right. Okay. My next one is of that same gingerbread shop, the Choice of Illuminated. I don't know where the Choice was, by the way.

You can pick different styles and stuff. Yeah, but I don't know what I'm saying. In this case, I don't know what the Choice was. Well, I heard there were peppermint trees. But it says choice of illuminated 9-inch. But it doesn't say like choice of this or this. It just says choice of. Like between different 9-inch.

I don't know. I don't understand it. Also, there's a speed buy option. Have you seen that? No. I think it's like buy now on Amazon. That's dangerous. Yeah, it's very dangerous.

And I guess you have to speed buy if you want to get these things before they sell i was thinking about that because i was wondering back when they when home shopping network and qvc was all phone like you have to call and i wonder if the internet made it like more profitable i would imagine right because people can just go or call they can call or go on the website. So, yeah. I mean, I bet they had to pivot properly. But, like, they could have probably been a little too slow and not been profitable. But I'm sure they're doing pretty well.

I think they're doing okay for themselves. I'd say so. Yeah. Okay, here we go. This is the same. This is by White Christmas Girl. i don't know if the girl is christmas or if the girl is white or the christmas i do um okay because this is you it's both no um not up to valerie's usual quality frowny face is the title of the review here we go

i hate to give any of valerie's products a poor review because I have many of her wonderful products. You don't say. You'd be the first. But these arrived defective. I was excited to get these adorable houses to add on either side of the 12-inch gingerbread house. However, these are not nearly the quality of the 12-inch house. The wording on the snowman cottage was smeared, and the awning sags so much you can't see the tops of the windows or the wreath beneath them. The one shown on air had no sagging to the

awning. The walls are somewhat squishy and are not very sturdy. The gingerbread station sign was crooked, and I might have kept it and tried to overlook it, but with the snowman cottage being so defective, there's no reason to keep the other one since i can't replace them i don't know why qvc doesn't stock more of valerie's products so they don't always sell out in minutes it makes it difficult and frustrating for those of us who regularly purchase her products and need to order replacements from time to time because they are always sold out yeah because they don't want you to return them yes because they know they're going to send you a defective product, then they're going to charge you to return them. And they're going to say, do you want to send it back for

$10 or do you just want to keep it with its saggy awning? That's your only options. So sad. So sad. It seems as though some of Valerie's products this year aren't quite as good as in years past. I ordered some of the gingerbread children during Christmas in July,

and their mouths were missing. Oh! Why didn't you lead with that? That's way more disturbing. Of course I couldn't order replacements because they were sold out. I'm going to try and draw on the mouths with red paint or marker.

Did I not tell you they buy red paint? The moment you said that, I was like, oh, I know, I've got a review for you. Damn. But I don't know how well it will work because of the glitter dust on them. These houses are adorable, but the ones I received were defective. I'm going to be returning them and I hope QVC doesn't turn around and sell them in their as is section because another customer will be disappointed too. End of review.

That must be with the pants. No wonder she ordered them as is like that's not qbc's fault could you imagine qbc actually arguing that they're like hey you got it at is as is if they will have poop in them read the fine print and then it's like they retroactively like add all this like specifically poop related yeah um stuff in the fine print it's always been there it's always been a possibility okay also i just like the people who feel who who are forced into repairing their own stuff which by the way how expensive is this gingerbread this gingerbread oh let me pull up the link. I'm scared to find out. Take a guess. I haven't pulled it up yet.

It's $49. $40. Oh, okay. Or five easy pays of $8.15. Oh, yikes. A $45 with shipping and handling. Yeah, they also make. You nailed it.

They charge you for shipping, and then they charge you to ship it back when it's defective. Yeah. No, so I was wondering, like, you get this expensive thing, and it doesn't have a mouth. And you're like, well, okay, it's a child. I don't want to traumatize my grandchildren. I'm going to put a mouth on it. But then a lot of these people talk about it like it's going to be an heirloom

for their grandchildren. And so they buy it. They have to paint mouths on it and stuff and then give it as an heirloom. And it's like now it's kind of a weird like homemade. And I could see people taking that and saying like, oh, like it was so funny. Like they didn't come with mouths. So grandma had to put paint mouths on. You know, like they could probably turn it into like a little story about it.

But it's like in reality, when you think about it, it's like, yeah, something think about it's like yeah something it came it's super cheap when you find out grandma spent 600 on all these gingerbread houses it's like oh god well and there was uh i was showing blaze and he was getting really like he was like surprised because there was a night blaze would be very aggressive he was aggressive because there was a nightlight of an angel and it was 214 dollars and like crystal or something no it was plastic and it was like stained glass but it wasn't real glass it was like what uh and and then i read oh it comes with three of them oh someone said for the price point i got three of these to give out as gifts and it's like 215 dollars for like a dumb nightlight i was and oh and then all the reviews were like it didn't i have one of them literally said i have

to bang on it to make it light up oh my god anyway so it's just like at that point this is just shady behavior and i think that's probably why it was such a struggle to find these reviews is because they were all pretty legitimate i don't know i feel like all the one-star reviews were pretty legit i i couldn't find any that were i just can't get over oh valerie's usual quality and i'm like yeah yeah her usual quality seems to not be so great yeah and it's like read any of these reviews but then like people there will be those people i mean who are like simping after her so maybe that's not the right term i don't know what i'm sorry that's like just i don't mean in like a gross way i just mean like they're well earlier you told me you have a closet of

and i was like what does that mean no the people who are like i'm my brain is not working who just are so obsessive over this that they will defend her no matter what like they will like you read hold on let me pause my microphone i we need more of those kind of listeners by the way like people who will defend us even if we send them like 215 broken pieces of plastic okay okay i'm gonna plan yeah yeah cool cool your turn yeah so i have um let's see okay so this one was sent in by ashley she her thank you ashley and it is a review of mr christmas candles whatever that is okay uh and the review is by lisa and the subject is i'm'm still waiting. Verified purchase. I sure would like these to arrive at my door.

They've been sitting in Muscle Shoal's post office since November 2nd, which is 10 miles away from where I live. Please, someone, tell me what the problem is. Would you recommend this product as a gift? Yes. Who would this be perfect for? Me!

It doesn't say, if you see him, send him my my way yeah um but he doesn't have legs because it's a candle unlike the deer which could actually be directed toward that other person i love those reviews or i love those because i saw somewhere it's like yeah like oh this would be perfect for me like it seems so very passive aggressive yeah even though they're just selecting like i know that from a drop down yeah yeah but yeah i have a good one later of like where you could clearly see the intent behind like who would this be perfect for especially when it says would you recommend this product to give no and then it's like who would it be perfect for and it's like wow you're really saying something yeah oh yeah um my next one is of illuminated porcelain angel Holding Candle by Valerie.

Titled, Valerie, You Can Do Better. One star review. Whoa. Valerie, I'm very upset at the lack of quality of this item. I have many of your items, and they are just wonderful. I purchased two of the angels. Both have the same issue. The battery compartment does not meet with and contacts,

and unless you hold the battery compartment and touch the contacts it won't light up you have to stand there literally oh no both are going back as soon as possible better luck next time qvc watch out for bad quality of products end of review i like how they're saying it as if qbc is being punished when in reality like they're not better luck nice try qbc they're probably still profiting on this um okay so this is uh another one sent in by ashley and it is of valerie's oh i'm gonna read the whole title sorry i don't want to just... Please. We need the full picture. Yeah.

Seven-piece glistening nativity set by Valerie. Ooh. Hmm. Okay. The subject is Globs of Glitter by Jill the Catwoman. Two stars. It's a mood. The nativity scene had... Wait.

Jill the Catwoman or Globs of Glitter? Which one's the mood? Globs of Glitter. Oh, okay. I'm going to go with Jill the Catwoman. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. The nativity scene had really pretty facial details and were a larger than average size. I really wanted it and had ordered the cathedral mirror as a backdrop. But when I took it out of the styrofoam and plastic glitter was everywhere i got it all over my kitchen in my hair in my eyes stuck to my face under my nails my two cats even had glitter in their fur packed it up and got out my dyson when there is glitter that doesn't come off why would valerie let the manufacturer use this horrible cheapening glitter also the review wouldn't let me change the screen that says i would recommend it i wouldn't recommend to anyone would you recommend this product as a gift no who would it be perfect for me send it to me i don't think you should gift this to anyone but me so i guess the two moods

were cat woman and globs of glitter yeah true um and also ashley wrote ashley wrote i don't know how this woman got glitter in her eyes but i'm praying for her i think we should all pray i think we should i think thoughts and prayers will go a long way a long way glitter situation i don't think there's any other way to deal with glitter i think that's actually on one of the pieces the plywood plywood boards they sell for christmas decor it's thoughts and prayers. Would go a long way for globs of glitter. It sounds like an awful product, but I would buy that in a heartbeat. I thought it was going to be a good product, but then it showed up covered in fake pine cones. And I thought, I guess I got to fix this myself.

So, you know, it looks better now, as you can see. Oh, my gosh. I did read like a lot of complaints about glitter they're like this makes your product look cheap and i was like i mean yeah yeah it was already kind of not that i don't know they're like there's your products are all so beautiful but then you add glitter to the wings of these angels and it's it cheapens it and i'm like you're buying you've made it so tacky angel from a qvc like i don't know if that's not your taste i get it i don't like glitter either but what the hell's wrong i'm sorry

i admit it i when i said gloves of glitter is a mood it was just because i was trying to relate and fit in but i'm sorry i just don't want it it's a real you're getting the real raw deal here on our show today i'm gonna admit that to the masses renee's mom used to say whenever she had a school project renee's mom would always say don't junk it up because she would take everything too far like she would make like block letters but then she would like put glitter on them and it would you know what i mean or like renee would renee would sorry not her mom like it would look really good and then she would like do too much to it and renee's

mom always said don't junk it up renee and it's like one of those phrases that just stuck in my head of like if i'm like maybe one more tweak she was like taking the bar and she's like don't don't junk it up renee exactly and she didn't as she was writing her name in her um her like glitter pen the glitter all over the bar and i was like oh shit i gotta change my pens my mom would not be thing is that it was on a computer so she just poured glitter all over she tried to change the the font to comic sans yeah and her mom's voice rung out in her ears anyway sometimes i just tell myself christine don't junk it up anyway is that my coffee tumbler? Yes. It was at mom's. I don't know. Interesting.

I didn't. It wasn't me. I was bringing it back to you, returning it. Thank you. With my coffee in it. Yeah. Whoops. I have one more.

Great. Just moving on. I have one more. Great. Just moving on. This is of 16-inch burgundy and cream angel tree topper by Santa's Workshop. Oh, dear. This is my last one.

This is a two-star review. I needed to return the angel because my cat was going after the feathers as soon as I took the angel out of the box. They seem to be real. If I put the angel on the tree, I could see him climbing the tree. Oh, my god. The feathers are real? Supposedly. Yikes. Yeah.

Are feathers always real? I don't know. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's kind of a gross thought. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm just having a moment sorry yeah like if you buy like craft feathers

at the store I feel like they wouldn't be real but also it might be cheaper to just use real ones ew that's awful but you're right no I know I I'm nervous there's a feather onar. I'm nervous.

I'm Googling this. There's a feather on your foot. I'm not even joking. Why? On your left foot. Oh, get it off me. Oxenar. I'm vegan. That's a real toucan feather.

Craft feathers are artificial, made from polyester materials and printed to look like the real thing. They tend to be less expensive than real feathers, okay? Do you guys like that I just tried to send my vegan brother vegan brother into like a spiral not that i'm buying feathers anywhere he is he has a closet of feathers next to his valerie closet i literally found an old jacket of mine and i searched for it because it's like vintage whatever and it has down in it so i'm not gonna wear it like i wasn't sure if it did and it sure enough like i look found the original jacket and it has down in it. Yeah, he cut it open and then he put the feathers all over his new crafting supplies. Stop.

Okay. So, yeah, I don't do that. Real pine cones, real feathers. I highly doubt QVC used real feathers. In what? Oh, on their angel? No. There's no way, especially after reading that.

Do you think the cat just isn't savvy enough to realize they're not real? I think the cat just wanted to play with something. I don't think it's that deep. I think the cat thought it was a real bird. I don't think the cat was like, instinctively, this is a bird. I don't know. This angel on the top of the Christmas tree is a bird. I don't think the cat thought that far ahead top of the christmas tree is a bird i don't think

the cats thought that far ahead i could be wrong though um okay so i have an email here from reagan i thought i had more than you no yeah you did and then i you didn't suddenly oh how did that happen we just get emails as we were recording no i just forgot that the emails had multiple reviews in them because we got four emails nice so this is a review for oh by the way this is uh so reagan said anywho did you know that qvc has a uk branch oh i did not know so uh reagan sent some stuff from qvc uk okay this is of wilfred's pies set of eight luxury brandy butter mince pies is that not the most uk qvc dish this is a two-star review by shemag top 10 contributor it's very unusual for me to not like qvC food choices, but these are adequate at best. I'm not daft enough to rely on untried products as a key part of the festive food, so these were just for nibbling with cups of tea.

But I'm sorry to say they've gone in the bin, and that never happens in this house. Dave and Driver are spot on. Around 80% of the weight is pastry. There was no evidence of any frangipaniani and i actually dissected one pie trying to find some i don't know what that is what is that frangipani i don't know you didn't google it nope i just said i would say i just thought i will say it in this funny way frangipani f-r-a-n-g-i oh i know how to spell it. You said it so well. Thank you so much. It's a sweet almond flavored custard used in a variety of ways, including cakes and such, pastries as the Bakewell tart, Conversation tart, Je Suis and Petit Vie.

Yikes. Is that what they put in almond croissants? Because that shit is good. And you know I don't like croissants. Fuck if I know, Christina. I don't know. Yeah, it's like an almond custard, I suppose. Okay.

I don't know. Well, okay. Sheemag tried to dice. No, not didn't try to. Did dissect one of these pies, trying to find some frangipani. The mince is nice, but had caramelized on some of the pies making it taste bitter let's put it this way money was they weren't worth the price to the postage what sorry i don't know what i just said money was the price of the was not worth the price of the postage

let's put it this way money wise they weren't worth the price of the postage six pounds never mind the cost of the item don't get me wrong they would have been edible they just weren't what you would expect from either the description or the presentation fur coat no knickers as we say up north end of review what i don't i didn't know half the words in them it did sound like a satirical paragraph like it sounds like someone who's pretending to be british yes they said we had it with tea it went in the bin uh they said daft daft and like mince pies i mean it all sounds very phony but it does it does sound very fake but the fact that they're like yeah i buy all of the i love the food products from qbc i love the frangipane i guess that's that sounds that's just so gross um yeah it doesn't sound great so now i have another one sent in

by reagan and it is of allison cork set of six gold glitter and crystal butterflies so i guess allison cork is a presenter one star the title is this is by jc and the title is glitter butterflies slash allison cor. My order just arrived. The packaging very poor. All the butterflies were bent. Little beads falling off. Very poor for Alison Cork products. Wonder where they were made.

I hope not China. Sort it out, Alison. Signed J. Clark Suffolk. So who would, oh wait, hold on.

Age 65 and over. Would you recommend this product as a gift no who would this be a perfect gift for teens teens yeah you know how they like worthless broken products i mean that yeah that's kind of true though yeah i don't know i mean you probably had a lot of worthless uh broken butterfly products in your how could you years how could you am i wrong i mean no but that's besides the point yeah exactly okay so alison sort it out please alison sorry and also yeah of course they're made in china all the shit is i hope not i mean what do you expect i know can you just check the bottom of it it'll tell you i read one review that was like i found out this was made

in china and i am so devastated and then i clicked their profile and they had bought like 400 things that were obviously all made in china like none of them were like american handmade it's ridiculous and i was like if this person found out all 400 of these products were but that's that's probably how they they promote it is as if it's like they probably say like american designed or something on them i could totally see them using different language keep buzzwords like to trick people into thinking they're made in the u.s without actually saying they are because that one review said like the one where she found out it was made in china was like you need to be more upfront and honest and truthful so like yeah i probably don't advertise that any of it's made in china i saw a lot of people yeah so i lost a lot of people complaining it's made in china and at first i was like well that's silly because of course it

is but then again i like forget the element of it being presented to these people so they probably are surprised by that based on how the presentation there's like a whole script written to like sell this stuff there was one um and it was a i'm sorry I know people love to hear me describe what I saw on a shopping network. But there was one product that was $275, and it was a Tiffany style Santa lamp or snowman lamp. There were two. And I was like, and Blaze was like, Tiffany style? And I was like, yeah, that's how the getaway was saying it's 275 dollars because it's like and people had bought it like there were reviews and people someone

said for the price point this is a great deal and i was like it's not really a tiffany lamp like it just says style people think wow i'm getting quite the bargain here yeah qbc's selling like vintage lamps like i don't know it just really bums me out because it's taking advantage of people. All right. Anyway, so now I have another review. This is the last negative one. And this is also sent in by Raven. That's not your name.

Reagan. Sorry. And it's a review of Allison Cork set of two beaded glitter velvet cones. Whatever. I don't even know what the fuck that would be useful for. Let me send i need a picture you a picture um well must i because it's literally exactly what it sounds like they're just cones like cones of dunshire here oh okay they have some glitter at the top of it

what's the point look like a christmas tree i think oh it's like a minimalist christmas tree kind of thing yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like here's another oh god i mean your face you're like here's another oh right ew it doesn't look good they look like stalagmites this looks like it's been sent as is if you know what i mean unfortunately it's kind of brown um they're literally just stalagmites. Yeah. Dipped in glitter? I guess, but maybe... I'm trying to look up close at the glitter. The stalagmites!

I'm telling you! It looks like dirt, yeah. It's like... They just like ripped them off, went to mammoth caves, ripped a few things off the ground. We're like, okay, time to sell them. Actually, the pink ones are kind of cute. The purple and pink. They look better.

At least they look better, but what's the point? I don't know. I can't imagine there being a purpose to these. I seriously think it's just. Like a joke? A Christmas. It says a glamorous addition to your Christmas decor. Oh, here.

Allison will tell you. Oh, good. Please. Elegant and sleek, these velvet cones will perfectly complement our rich and opulent festive collection. Does that help? Not at all. Cool cool so these are just had leftover materials and we're like what do we do with this let's make cones yep yikes okay this has 10 reviews and the total review rating is 1.9 stars what okay this is surprising because how can you have high expectations for those cones?

They're just cones. Also, how could they screw them up? Actually, it's more the better question. How did QVC fuck this up enough where they can't even properly sell cones? Sorry, are they felt? What are they? Velvet. Velvet? I think. Let me check. Velvety or something?

Velvet. To not actually be velvet? Well, then it would say velveteen. Velveteen, is that a thing? Yes, it's sort of like sateen. What's sateen? Oh, is that also not real satin? Is that what?

Yeah. Wow, I didn't know that. Fun fact. I'm learning. I hope that's correct. You just made all that up for me. I'm not even saying it very confidently, but I'm pretty sure. I want to hear more.

Okay. So I'm going to read the one that Reagan sent in, but I also just want to, I just scrolled through the reviews and this should tell, like this exactly is what you were just saying about how can you have high expectations. Here's a review by Windy Woo. One star. I love Alison Cork products and have loads of furniture, bedding, lights, Christmas baubles, and lots of other things. However, I am very disappointed with these cones.

I love the velvet and glitter, but seriously, Alison? Cardboard cones with velvet stuck on and dipped in glue and glitter? Certainly not worth the price at all, regardless of the fact that it is a designer label. Way overpriced. They are going straight back. End of review. How much are they did i did we get that we didn't let's see um they were originally 24 pounds okay and they're now on

clearance for seven pounds pretty heavy cents oh seven pounds um okay seven yeah it is absurd 24 pounds like you could probably make this at the dollar like out of dollars that's absurd but you know like that's so much money for like yeah cardboard i guess i'm just surprised that someone says wow so much money for like cones dipped in glitter yeah what do you expect that's exactly what it is right like that's what it's advertised to be yeah unless they somehow lied to you about that like did you true i guess if we watched the yeah maybe they didn't know there was cardboard on the inside here i'll answer the question. Here we go. You're going to watch...

That element of Christmas. But, you know, we were talking earlier, and many of you might actually want to be going for something with that little bit of sparkle, not just for Christmas time. Side note, I think I got her voice spot on earlier. Is this... When I read that. Nailed it.

Yeah, thanks. We've got a clearance price for you here. Look at that. The price was £24. They're now down to £14.40. And don't forget, you can have three easy pay for £4.80.

That's so... Using that special code, all three EZ, and you can really spread that cost. So maybe you might actually want to go for more than one set oh this is so you might want to buy multiple codes this is so like manipulative and fucked up i know i know if you pay four pounds each or per payment if you're paying for this in payments i don't know to say you can spread the cost out, like it's some sort of investment, you know?

It's like, oof. And it's literally cardboard on, oh no. Yeah, yeah. So, anyway, I have the review that Reagan initially sent in. Here it is. It's a one star by Debra, and the title is Handmade Rubbish. So pleased that I read the first review i was about to reorder thinking this must have slipped through the quality control obviously not the seam on one of the trees looks like a five-year-old made it qvc quality value and

now i know what the c stands for very disappointing can I be bothered to return or is this another thing for the charity shop? End of review. What is the C? What is the C? What is the C? Quality. So yeah, we've got quality value and a mysterious C. I don't know.

I don't know. I'm afraid to guess. There's no, me too. C word doesn't usually end in something positive. Exactly. So I don't really know, but I don't know. But I don't, but that doesn't also, it doesn't make, I don't know. You know what?

Everyone. Send in your suggestions. Very nicely send in your suggestions. Yeah, maybe don't just say the word. Make it clear, especially if it's like a year from now you're listening to this and you're like, I'm going to DM them what I think this C means. At Xteen Schieffer and Zandy Schieffer. C word. Yeah not not a good not good for our mental health but you know um yeah so that's that so thank you reagan and everybody

else and then so of course once reagan told me about this uk version i went on there um there's not nearly as many products uh no you don't say they cannot match us never um allison is no allison cork is no valerie if you know what i mean so i found a redemption and these are this is a this is what i needed a bird an oversized bird yeah yeah obviously now i was gonna this is just i do fawn over those birds at target i can't help it yeah everyone does those birds at Target. I can't help it. Yeah. Everyone does. Those birds at Target, yeah. We just pulled one out yesterday in the Christmas decorations, and it has a little scarf. I'm so excited.

It's so cute. But so this one is called Three Kings Rockin' Robin Large Two-Pack. Now, you hear the word large, and you think, oh, just like a large decorative bird. It is large, Alexander. It is large. Oh, it's actually large. It is large. I'm going to show you a picture because i linked it here um oh this doesn't do it justice i gotta put it up uh next to the presenter to show you oh my god like a human for scale that's how big this is

how much is this? Because I want it. I haven't seen it yet, but I know I want it. It's only 20 pounds. No way. Okay. Christina. It moved. It jiggles.

Shit, I wasn't going to show you that until I read the review. Christina. Yeah, it jiggles. It is massive. It's cracking me up. So, it's cracking me up. Okay, so, I found a redemption of these rockin' robins. And the title, it's five stars by Grace, and the title of the review is,

Rockin' Robins Rock On! Exclamation point. I received my robins a few days ago and put them out into the garden straight away because they have little scarves on so they're okay to be outside even when it's chilly. Oh. Is that it? No. Oh, that's such a good start. I just love that line.

That's so cute. They are larger and more substantial than I expected them to be and they bob and jiggle about in the breeze. I won't say what my husband said when he noticed them in the garden because he has a bit of a grumpy disposition but passers-by have pointed them out and I've seen people smile and giggle when they spot them. In my view anything which makes folks smile in these difficult times is money well spent. End of review. I love that and I agree those things are so cute. Oh I don't know. The c-word? love that and i agree those things are so cute oh i don't know c word the c word no but they jiggle around uh oh i saw yeah so they're pretty fun absolutely fun and look dead this sounds like the best value it's a pack of two for 20 pounds fuck i know that actually like that's the first

one that i'm like that seems like a good value. A good deal. I went through a lot of reviews. I think Alcindor's getting sucked in. Pretty soon he's going to be saying. This is a UK one, so I don't think I can afford their shipping. I was going to say, only four pounds, 16 times for these velvet coats. 16. Pretty soon, you guys, we're going to have to have an intervention.

I can feel it coming. So, yeah, only 20 pounds and and 4.95 shipping well probably within the uk yeah so i'll i'll see what i can do and see what i can do okay great so our p.o box is so anyway that is the last one that i have for you wonderful wonderful i love this one this was it's fun right yeah we got we got a little we got a pretty deep into talk about what qbc is social relationship we got a little a little too heavy maybe but yeah we talked about china we talked about psychology wow a very shallow limited way not in like a deep way it's like as if it's a conclusion at the end of an art paper.

Yeah, thanks everyone. That was fun. That was fun. Thanks for emailing in if you did. Otherwise, thanks for listening. We have an episode coming out next week. We already announced the themes. So it's probably too late to send in emails for that.

But thank you for sending them in. But we're trusting that you did. Yes, I trust you all with my life. Oh, okay. Well, I wouldn't go that far. But we will see you next week. And in the meantime. Trying to build up these parasocial relationships. Yeah, true.

We should probably be. Hmm. Should we tell them they're going to get some sort of like great deal out of paying us money? QVC does it. You want to lie to them? Okay. I mean, tell them the truth. Yeah, obviously. You'll get a great deal by giving us money. Rofkin, Rav, and Rakan.

I need to work on that. Bye.