Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 165: Reviews of Perfumes

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. don't do that what's that smell do you need a kleenex hey people complain about mouth noises but not nose noise wait nose noises they will now well alexander that was it's relevant at least yeah was... It's relevant, at least. Yeah, I guess it's relevant. We are doing perfume, perfumes today.

Oui, oui. Eau de parfum. Oh. Yeah. Eau de toilette. Eau de toilette. Toilette. We're practicing.

I'm not. Welcome to our show. These are, this is a review show. We read reviews and negative stuff mostly and perfumes. You really just... Started off on a great note. You threw me off big time. What, you have like a big master plan for this episode and I threw it off by doing a couple sniffs at the beginning?

Please. You went off script. Off script? When do I have a script? It doesn't say nose noises in the script yeah i it wouldn't even if you had a script okay oh okay here's what's happening to me do we have to listen to this they don't but you do okay uh i've been listening to a podcast called how did this get made and i just started I think, yesterday as we're recording this.

And I've listened to like 15 episodes because for some reason I'm obsessed with it. I don't even like movies. Like, I'm not a movie person. And it's Paul Scheer and his wife, June. I've met Paul Scheer. No big deal. I know. He did improv about my life on stage.

Okay. Yeah, that's part of this. Oh, sorry. Not really. No, no, it's good good i'm glad you said tell everyone how famous i am and it has more of a punch if i say it um and jason manzoukas and it's very funny um and like very heartfelt like it's just easy to listen to and they're really fun to listen to but i keep getting in my head because i'm like wow they're so fun and cool and whatever

and then i remember the time pauler did an ad about Beach Too Sandy. Do you remember that? I remember it happening. Yeah. But I don't remember the ad. Oh, I do. And he like did the ad. It wasn't like a it was like a host read out.

So he read the ad. We did an ad for them, too. Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, oh, wow, this sounds like really funny or something. And like, this sounds right down our alley. And on the show, they read like Amazon reviews of the movies. And then Alexander had this other weird connection with Paul Scheer where he was at an improv show and got like selected to pull up your Facebook page.

Yeah, it was. Well, and only because they did a Facebook show. I forget what it's called. It's really funny. So they did a Facebook show. I forget what it's called. It's really funny. Where they invite someone from the audience to come on stage and log into their Facebook so that they can just.

And then I take my hands off and they just go through my Facebook, go through my photos and then make fun of me. Like kind of roast me a little. It was like very not harsh at all, but they roasted me. And I deserved all of the roasting i got like i had a picture of me at coachella and i was like a 20 something year old in la and had a picture of me at coachella and it was like very generic and then me on a wall climbing and then uh me skydiving and they did like and they asked me about all these experiences to like try to find something that would be like a good fit like something to do improv off of. And they asked about that skydiving trip we went on.

And I was like, yeah, it was with my mom and another woman who worked at the Modern languages, uh, in, at Wright State at her school. And so I just explained that and they looked at a photo and there was like this weirdly like kind of flirtatious message under one of my photos that said like, oh, if I were 30 years younger, winky face or something. And they were like, who's that?'s that and i said oh it's that same woman from the skydiving and they're like okay to clarify she's like older yes and she like did a lot of admin stuff for our mom so she like worked for our mom and for some reason my mom was like i want to go skydiving for my 50th birthday and invited us and then like this woman who works with my mom and we love her but she's great and then paul Scheer did improv, though, making fun of that whole weird sexual fantasy improv scene about me, my mom, and my mom's co-worker.

Jesus. And I had to sit there and watch it all happen. And so it was bizarre. And it's so weird. It was amazing. Great experience. And then afterwards, they were kind enough to get a photo with me. So the point of this.

No, no. That's exactly where I was going, which is the point is I feel like we're like so many weird circle like Venn diagrams overlapping with Paul Scheer. And there's only two. But in my mind, there's a lot. I mean, I wrote a bunch of episodes of The Good Place. The ones that he's on. Only the ones that he's on.

Just the ones he's on i'm just kidding that's not true i mean i didn't have to say i'm kidding for people to no i'm kidding i don't know i felt like it needed to be said okay before we get i don't know some sort of yeah we have like a weird paul sheer has come up in my life a month ago to d like i talked about it's very weird and i feel like i'm being a real creep and i probably am but i just feel a strange like kinship with him. And I'm a huge fan of his wife.

I did not even know that was his wife, June Raphael. And I'm a huge fan of hers. And I was like, now I know they're married and they're just in my head. I'm like, gosh, what great people. So I'm basically fangirling over a different podcast. And I feel like. Then you're not getting paid. Wait, we're not getting paid for this, right?

Well, I am. Oh, got it. Edit out everything I said positive then, unless I get my money. Come on, I'll give you 10%. 10%? Eight. Wow. Five whole dollars?

Thanks. Okay, anyway. Okay, continue. I'm so sorry. This is like really embarrassing. And I hope... I don't know. What do you think...

What perfume do you think Paul Scheer wears? Oh, I definitely know which one. It's the Bruce Willis one. That was quick. Okay. I didn't know that existed. So yeah, that's all. Cool.

That's a good answer. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. What do you think? Am I supposed to ask you now? Um, I, okay. This is kind of a spoiler for what I'm going to bring.

So if I can go first, I'll tell you. Yeah, please go ahead. Okay, so I think that Paul Scheer wears, started ironically, but I believe he wears a SpongeBob SquarePants themed perfume. That's... Fragrance or whatever. That's bad. It's bad. It's bad?

It's a bad mental process for me to go through thinking about the fact that there's a spongebob fragrance okay yes well apparently there is and brooke she her sent it in to us and said it's sent it or sent yeah hopefully it's coming in the mail i'm like i'm not interested get it out of my house uh but apparently there's a line of perfumes that are spongebob themed oh god and it's kind of it's so according to brooke it's kind of a meme to be reviewed to review these and kind of make jokes about it okay because in the perfume world like because like you know like a ton of celebrities have perfumes and then a lot of like the high-end fashion whatever and they're like very expensive ones and then there's like a whole line of these like spongebob perfumes wow um it's just so fucking weird okay read me read you okay

so here we go here's a review this is one of uh the gary gary the snail oh no which is exactly what i think he would be paul sheer would be using um this is a review by Bridget. I discovered this whilst indulging my favorite pastime, bikini bottom diving. How it reacts to your outer layer will depend upon whether you have an epidermis, scales, or a carapace. I am a crustacean. On me, it smells indolic, but also aromatic, but also gourmand, but also sporty, but also barbershop, much like the sea itself.

Longevity is good. Oh, I always forget how to say this word. Silage? Silage? What did we decide on last time? I think I just kept saying silage. It sounds so gross that way. it sounds so gross but we're gonna sellage and i'm sure i've already sellage ah silage de silage de silage oui oui

okay um i'm just gonna say sillage because it makes it sound so icky okay it just will add to any reviews that have them longevity is good sillage is about two and a half feet on land, 23 nautical miles in water. Yes, the driftwood is synthetic, but what do you expect for $3.26, which is what I found it for at Marshall's. This was recommended to me

by my friend, a cave fish. I asked her if it was a blind buy, and she said, cave fish don't have eyes. What do you think? Then we laughed.

End of review. Oh my God. Wow. So they're really just like ripping apart all these kind of cliches. Because I read a lot of these fragrance reviews and they definitely use gourmand. Oh yeah. This is definitely a gourmand. Also, how do you smell aromatic?

Isn't that what the word means? Whatever. That's besides the point. I guess. Yeah. Smelling aromatic doesn't make sense. But calling a perfume aromatic, I guess, does because a lot of them seem to not have any scent to some of these people they don't have the sillage i think their noses are broken okay some of these

people's noses were very good i assume based on their reviews but some of these people i'm like you smell like so many perfumes i feel like eventually your nose is going to be like just cut shut and shutting down yeah like when you like eventually your nose is going to be like, just cut, shutting, shutting down. Yeah. Like when you, like, it's when I went to the Yankee candle outlet store, I know everyone's jealous. And I smelled like every single candle they had because I just became fixated on it. And you got mad because you had COVID and you couldn't smell it. No, no, no, no, no, no. Um, thankfully not. But yeah, I was smelling it. And by like the

10th candle, I'm like, first of all, I have 10th candle i'm like first of all i have the world's worst headaches oh yeah second of all like i don't even know anymore what's good and what's not and what's actually a candle and what's what's what's not it was affecting your vision at this point oh dear god it was a blind buy so anyway that's really the point here i got something for us do you know what the sillage means, though? Did you hear that? Oh, did she say sillage? Sillage.

Oh, we were right. Thank God we didn't say soulage. Well, it is a French term, however. However it is, yes. Okay, sillage. It's a French term that describes how much of a trail of scent is left behind the wearer. A snail trail. So the snail trail with Gary.

Yeah. Exactly. Interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that is the wildest thing i ever heard i i'm a little mad at my own research because i googled strangest perfume like celebrities and it didn't bring me spongebob and i'm pretty bummed that that didn't but honestly no because you like spongebob transcends celebrity yeah i guess that's fair

they do we do say that all the time yeah yeah okay ready for mine yes oh by the way this theme was sent in by madeline before we before we forget so uh i'm gonna start off actually i probably should have interjected and started before you instead of um getting you know leading us toward a uh of um getting you know leading us toward a uh spongebob thing no i was gonna say more toward a um were you gonna say this were you really gonna say this because like you don't know what you're even saying so i'm not convinced more toward a restraining order from paul sheer is what i was gonna say i feel like that's where i was leading us. And I should, obviously, we all know I shouldn't have gone down that route because that was embarrassing and weird.

But I do have something that I did mean to read instead of that tangent, which is your perfume horoscope. Mine? Yeah. Oh, wow. So I went on fragrantica.com, our favorite website, and they had on the front page, like, read your weekly horoscope. Wow.

So I pulled up the Libra one for you. That's me. Okay. Here it is. If you're a Libra, you're welcome. favorite website and they had on the front page like read your weekly horoscope wow so i pulled up the libra one for you that's me okay here it is if you're a libra you're welcome it may be hard to get you out of your living room and even bedroom these days that's all i read and i went okay i'm screenshotting this oh no but there's more i haven't read this i that's literally as far as i read so let's keep going the good thing is that you made it very cozy for yourself and it's time to do a little bit more with it share it oh what d no one no i'm not sharing a d unless you're in town i promise don't listen don't listen to the perfume website horoscope i promise don't listen to No one's going to be in my cozy spaces, but you and my kitties.

Wow. Okay. I wish I had copy edited this before I read it. Okay. Anything shared this week will benefit you both emotionally and physically. You will not believe how good you can be at ignoring risk and having that instinct guide you. It is not very typical for you to rely on intuition, but this week may be right for that. If you had some verbal arguments

over the past few months and if you have any regrets related to that, it's time to remedy it now. Jesus. I was... This took a turn. It did.

And mine, I read the Gemini one. What does it have to do with perfume? I don't know. Oh my God. I thought it was going to be like one of those... Oh wait, and here's your perfume. Sorry.

Suggestion at the end. It says try this perfume. So I guess the solution is to try this one of those. Oh, wait. And here's your perfume. Sorry. Suggestion at the end. It says try this perfume. So I guess the solution is to try this perfume. Whatever they have in clearance. Yeah. It's called Mupo. I'm sorry. I wasn't finished with the title.

It's called. Ready. It's called. It's called Mupo Wood Moss. Whoa. And it's brown. Uh- i'm saying i was in there it's just like a brown liquid it's a brown liquid oh it is not cute so i don't know and interestingly no wonder it's on clearance it's not on clearance it's a brand new scent

i know it's brand new and it's already on clearance it's a bad sign and the notes the main accords if you will are woody yeah i'm not no shit earthy mossy literally my nightmare the three things that are just dirt i'd rather have like the fruity like tween cupcake vanilla cupcake flavor yeah this i don't know i i you know i'm allergic to that fake moss stuff right what how do they use that you are yeah like how did you build any dioramas i guess it's real moss that's just dried or something how did you build any dioramas that's the problem christina i did oh i don't know if we probably talked that's where all your problems began i made a replica of of the Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio.

What grade was that? Second or... No, no. I think it was like fourth grade. Famously covered in moss, by the way. Fourth or fifth grade. That's why he said... It was a dystopian project of a pick of a famous building.

It actually wasn't. He just made it into one. Yeah. I was like, since the bangles aren't willing winning the super bowl this is how i view the uh the pro football fame dump dirt on it um but no i just put like like it was just such a minor detail it was just moss like i remember in the thing and then i was giving the presentation showing it and like my eyes started swelling up my whole face was red but i couldn't really tell that something was wrong with me and my teacher the moment i finished the teacher's like

you might want to go and like everyone was like talking about it and i was like what's going on the teacher's like you might want to go to the bathroom and then you walk directly into a wall because you couldn't see wash your face and then go to the nurse and i went to the bathroom and i looked at my face and i was like my eyes were like so everything was so red and I was like breaking out and I was like oh dear god it was terrible I did not know this about you oh it was so scary I'm sure I did at one point but yeah um but what was cool about that the pro football what was cool about it because I can't find much was that to make the roof like the roof I had like a flat thing on the roof and then but it has like a dome like thing i took a nerf football cut it in half and put it on painted it white so pretty cool it was

made of football which was cool made of football yeah covered in moss anyway oh boy well my first review since i just read you that horoscope and now i have an actual review is of bruce willis for men. Uh, it's a scent for men by Bruce Willis. The bottle is basically what you would imagine kind of a, just a gun. It's just a big gun. It's what you would imagine a sign on a man cave looks like.

Like it, it looks like, um, you know, that corrugated metal and it says like Bruce Willis. Like it's pretty badass. Why did you do air quotes for that? Wrong.

I'm sorry. I meant it's fully badass with no irony behind it whatsoever. So this is a review. It's a negative review. A frown face is what it kind of signifies. Negative review on this website by Harry R1. It just stinks. It smells awful.

Sheep also has something sweet, but it smells awful of Turkish delight. Smells of old age. Do not understand who even smells something else. Smells like a dirty country house with a yard full of animals. Smells like a wet dog and a Turkish delight. 10 of 10. I would not recommend this even to an adultkish delight 10 of 10 i would not recommend this even to an adult wait 10 of 10 end of review okay okay first of all this smells like a lot of

things sheep mostly turkish delight mostly turkish like is that the different layers oh maybe that so i'm getting for the oh god i forgot my glossage. But the first, when you first put it on, oh, Turkish Delight and Dusty. Sheep. Sheep was, yeah, up front. Sheep, that's so random. And then the second one, the middle note is Old Age with Turkish Delight. And then it ends with. Yeah, actually it ends with Turkish Delight.

Like Country Home or something with farm animals? Yeah, it actually the middle is kind of old age and a country house A lot of things.

with a yard full of animals a wet dog and a Turkish Delight. I like how they say I can't understand how anyone smells anything else and then they

and they smell like 30 things 85 different things including like an entire confection like an entire dessert that probably smells like five different things on its own. I thought this was so strange.

And then it just says 10 out of 10. I would not recommend this even to an adult, which is hard to believe. Oh, yeah. Even to an adult. So clearly this is not an adult, which makes this so much more fun. Wait, why would you recommend Bruce Willis perfume or cologne, whatever it's, fragrance to a child. Honestly, maybe he thought he was on the SpongeBob page.

It sounds like it, actually. Yeah, no. So I will say quick before I go into my next one that these reviewers, though, overall, were, I was very impressed by the site. Alexander, me too. Very, very impressed. Very mature a lot of the time. Oh my gosh, absolutely.

And if they had negative things to say, even if they were kind of out there with their descriptions, they seemed to understand that just because it's not for them doesn't mean it's not for everyone. Right. There was a lot more leeway they gave one another on these forums and things. And they considered context. Yeah. So they would consider like, oh, I understand this was marketed towards this group of people. Right.

But for someone my age, it doesn't make sense. Blah, blah, blah. And I was like, wow, this is so refreshing to read. They do transcend the average review, especially on a forum. You don't see this kind of maturity. Which is why my dream is to have a beach to Sandy perfume on, uh, on this website.

I was wondering when we would get there to read these. Excuse me. I was wondering when we would get to you. My pipe dream. Yeah. You don't like it. Do you? I find it problematic in that.

I guess what's the angle? There isn't. It's just Is it gonna? The problem I find is that I like a woody smell and you don't. You're just gonna fill it with fake moss. I'm just gonna fill it with Actually the bottle is like squishy.

It's just moss. Like a sponge. Like a mossy sponge that you have to squeeze out on your body. You just drip it out. Ew, okay. Okay, if anyone wants to work with me on a perfume and cut her out, let me know. If anyone wants to work with me on a perfume? No? Hey, look, Beach Too Sandy, I mean, it already sounds kind of like a perfume no nobody look beach too sandy i mean it already

sounds kind of like a colada like i just i can't it'll be sand and the scent of sand and wet dog and sheep things that you think of when you go to the beach wet dog and uh yeah that's horrible sand does sand have a smell i don't know like. Like dead seaweed. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Ooh. Oh, now, hey, this is turning into a brainstorming session. This is a meeting of the minds if I ever heard one. So let's gauge people's interests. Everyone, if you're interested, please let us know. And then I can show this to our manager and be like, separately from Christina, I'm going to show this to our manager and say look people are asking for it and then maybe it'll happen whether you like it or not

anyway i'm gonna go on to my next one okay go ahead um i did like all taylor swift perfumes okay because when i think of perfume i think taylor you mentioned this on the episode where i read uh celebrity endorsed or like celebrity made. So I was very excited at this. Excellent. My first one is of the incredible things. Taylor Swift for women. This one is a floral woody musk fragrance for women.

Top notes are pink pepper and grapefruit. Middle notes are suede, passion, passion flower passion flower suede it went to the next line i didn't there was no comma aromatic passion suede passion flower and vanilla orchid base notes are madagascar vanilla haitian vetiver musk and white amber it sounds awful to me because i don't know what some of these words are. And the words I do know don't sound good together. You'd break out in hives just even being in the same room, I think. True, true.

With all this musk. True. Too much musk for me. I think it sounds lovely, but maybe I'll just have at it. Maybe this will be my new plan. I just wear all these musky things and keep you far, far away from me. Okay. Jesus. Fine with me. I don don't know i'm getting really bitter least musky perfume ever i'm just bitter about billions like getting cut out of this

perfume deal you okay don't get me started this is by megan of the taylor swift incredible things i loved it at first sniff. I needed it. I wanted it. And then I read the comments on here of it smelling just like lavender vanilla Febreze. Today, I went back to Target to test out the perfume again. And with that in mind, yes, indeed, that is what this smelled exactly like. And right then and there, poof, the mystery of the scent was gone, which was everything for me. I made my way home, trailing a scent of air freshener and cheap candle and dryer sheets all rolled into one.

And now I'm absolutely sickened by this perfume. I've always loved that particular lavender vanilla Febreze air freshener, but that's just it. I love it as an air freshener. I don't want to smell like a damn air freshener all day. That's tacky, if you ask me. That's like a homeless guy who hasn't showered in weeks deciding to wear one of those tree-shaped car air fresheners around his neck. Haha, I think I saw a comedy years ago where a guy did that. Hey, look at me. I smell fresh. It's funny, but you get the idea. It's hilarious. I know, right? This person is, I don't know what.

As you can tell, I should be writing sitcoms, not just posts on forgranticadera.com. Took a weird fucking turn. Hilarious, I am. That's not very luxurious at all. And this isn't very chic or daring or risky because it has a leather note. Hello, it's a joke. They're bottling up an air freshener scent and giving it stylish and exotic sounding notes and laughing to themselves saying, look at all the suckers buying this stuff.

No offense, I love all of my fellow perfumistas. I honestly do. But you all know what I mean. Anyway, I can't believe how different my reaction to this stuff is today from what it was yesterday when I was in a state of mystery over it. Oh well, a $20 air freshener for those who want to know that's all it is winky face just buy some febreze four dollars spray it on there you go haha jeesh end of review okay so like this person is so not self-aware because they literally said, I fucking love this shit.

And they needed it. It smells so good. Like, I would wear this. I'm obsessed. I love it. And then five seconds later, it's like, God, everyone's so stupid to be buying this perfume. And I'm like. God, weirdly aggressive about it.

So defensive, too. Like, a day ago, you were one of those people that wanted to buy it. As if Taylor Swift is, like like pouring glade filler into her perfume bottles and like i didn't tell you this was a partnership with febreze personally can you imagine personally sabotaging i mean it's just strange that uh she got so defensive yeah so it was it was it got like an attack on her intelligence or something it's like he took it as i mean yeah she like she felt like she was swindled or something being what he took it as. I mean, yeah, she like, she felt like she was swindled or something.

Being duped. I mean, I don't know what, I don't like the sound of that now. Like I like the sound of it when you read the notes. Yeah. Oh, you did? Yeah, but I don't like the sound of, oh, it smells like lavender febreze. That sounds kind of gross. But I think, yeah i i i think it makes sense like i don't

judge them for having that reaction to being told it smells like that because it's the same thing where someone tells you oh this tastes like this and then you try it and you can't unsee it or untaste it um yeah so i get that but then to get so aggressive about it and so not nice about it i'm like what the home i know i wouldn't i don't even want to go there but like what did you call it tacky to wear glade as a perfume i mean i would call it i mean i would call it a lot other things than tacky to wear febreze as a perfume and like mentally unwell maybe is what you are if you're just like bathing in it or spraying it on yourself unless you really like it and somehow doesn't hurt your skin i was gonna say that's unfair of me i shouldn't say that because honestly like if that's your discount like if that's how you're saving money and smelling great

true do it true but you're right i think i just think of the hives that would come about if i constantly sprayed febreze onto my skin um so yeah you're right that was not a not a fair um judgment but you fit right in on this website wow fantastic okay um i have a review and this is one that i actually this is a perfume that i actually brought up during the episode where i made you guess which celebrity and so do you remember it's called danielle oh like my girlfriend's name yeah you said that last time too do you remember the perfume who it who it's by? Oh, wow. Oh, man. Fuck. Is it someone named Danielle? It is.

It was someone. Oh, Danielle Steele. Yes. Yes. Okay. The romance author. Of course. Of course.

So I found this perfume on Amazon and it had quite good reviews, but this is a two-star review by Aerie. And it's a verified purchase. And the title is, smells like a little, parentheses, but attractive old lady. Just to clarify. Wow. Don't get it twisted. Okay.

She's a sexy old lady. She's an old lady. That makes me feel really weird. But she's a sexy old lady. Well, no. Just the thought of attractiveness. I mean, I guess if you're attracted, like scent plays a role in attraction. Right.

But when you're like picturing it, I don't know. I'm not thinking like, oh, yeah, someone who like an attractive older woman smells better than an unattractive older woman. I don't know. Yeah, it's. That's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. And it's a two star view. So this is a negative. Okay. Not even necessarily judging it i'm just like never thought of it that way yeah

yeah it definitely puts the mind into a this is a weird space that you probably didn't want to enter and i kind of just forced you in a world of attractive older women that's fine by danielle steel it's one of her paperbacks. Okay. I like the audiobook version. Okay. Okay. This is a verified purchase. Two stars.

I smelled this in a magazine and could not wait to buy it, especially with all the wonderful reviews it had. So I ordered it. The mail could not get here fast enough. When it arrived, I ripped through the box like I was a child on Christmas Day. Okay. Now I want to take a moment here to invite you. Please.

No. Recent. To invite you to kind of note all the, all the attempts at maybe trying to upstage Danielle Steele or trying to sound like. Literary flourishes. Thank you. That's the right word. Literary flourishes. That was what you're trying to comestage Danielle Steele or trying to sound like... Literary flourishes. Thank you. That's the right word. Literary flourishes. That was what you're trying to come up with?

Yeah. I mean, you said it better than I did, obviously. So any... That's why they call me Danielle Steele. That's why they call you Mr. Steele, star of... I forget the name of the book already. A World of Older Women. Something weird like that.

So take just like with that headspace, just listen to the rest of the review. When it arrived, I ripped through the box like I was a child on Christmas Day. I pulled the bottle out and it might have been my imagination, but there was a ray of sunshine that displayed itself on the bottle. Then something turned for the worse.

I sprayed it. I was thinking, or rather hoping, that the little old lady that sprayed out would dissipate and the rock star smell that I remembered would bust through like a bull in a china shop. Well, that did not happen. The little old lady was still there, quieter now. Now in the corner. Facing the corner. The dunce cap on.

Facing the corner. Like, what? Oh, I thought you were doing, like, a horror script. Oh, no. The old lady in the corner. Be quiet, old lady. Like, get in your corner. The little old lady was still there. Quieter now, thankfully.

I would advise to smell this in a department store first, unless you like smelling, um, mature, really mature. Smiley face. End of review. Oh my gosh. The problem, okay. The problem with these reviews and this website. I see no problems.

Just kidding. The only, okay, not the only problem one of the problems is that a lot of these descriptions of scents are so unique yeah that it doesn't tell you anything no and i always think oh that sounds great and then i'll like smell and be like what that's not what i imagined i'm not good at this whole game and like i respect that um you know, a lot of people, they go into wild detail. Yeah. But sometimes you're like, okay, I'm getting a picture based on these really specific weird things that I actually have smelled before.

Totally. But like when you just say something like, it smells like a quiet, attractive older woman. I'm like, I'm sorry. I can't relate. And also that's a bad thing. You know what I mean? Like she's saying that's a bad thing. And I'm like i i'm sorry i can't relate and also that's a bad thing you know what i mean like she's saying that's a bad thing and i'm like oh that sounds lovely like i mean it doesn't yeah you're right it doesn't necessarily a librarian okay a kind older librarian like i don't think there's a problem here it's just weird when you bring humans into

it like people because then you're like to compare to yeah because then you're like there's so many attractive older women oh god i'm sorry that sounded weird but like stop reading out of the like people because then you're like to compare to yeah i agree like there's so many attractive older women oh god i'm sorry that sounded weird but like stop reading out of the book it's just so many women to smell how do you know which one they're talking about now he's back on the script i gave him at the start of the show finally we're back on track no i don't know i i just read some like really i would say somewhat graphically descriptive reviews where it's describing really gross things oh and i'm like yeah okay i get the idea here but when someone's negatively saying it smells like it's like saying oh yeah this this scent smells

like my uncle tony like who um no one knows that could be amazing for all we know no it's not and i'm telling you now i don't want to smell that on myself. Okay, that's maybe a bad example. It's almost too... But what if Uncle Tony just has a really good taste in fragrances? Yeah. He is a swanky bachelor with an awesome man cave. He only wears Bruce Willis perfume.

And works at like an airheads factory works yeah you know oh boy okay my turn yep uh here is wonderstruck enchanted so there's wonderstruck and wonderstruck enchanted i believe like for taylor swift so there are two different oh this is the sub version so this is the wonderstruck enchanted Taylor Swift got it um and I don't I'm trying to remember which one is the other one but yeah because the song is called enchanted by Taylor Swift and this is a perfume or this enchanted one or the wonderstruck one it's what I think of when I think of this because I remember when it came out and I don't know when that was but the song or the perfume? The perfume based on the song, because I like that song a lot.

Because it was in 2011. It was when I was like first getting into Taylor Swift. Right. Anyway, Wonderstruck Enchanted is a amber vanilla fragrance for women. A amber? That's what it says. Okay. Top notes.

Here we go. Are wild berries, passion fruit, and poppy. Middle notes are sugar chumpaka oh peony and freesia oh base notes are vanilla woody notes and white musk that sounds lovely honestly this one sounds a lot better than that last one to me i mean i don't even know i don't know what any of these are show them both to me and i'd be like i don't know which is which out of the two descriptions like i think i'd like the smell of both of them i don't know if i would know which one's which okay well here's what people have to say um okay so for context wonder

struck is the original one and then they and then she released wonder struck enchanted which i guess is a special edition or something got go here's a review uh this is by jasmine i ordered wonderstruck and so desperately wanted to love this one too but i cannot wear it something in it reminds me of rotten fruit doused in bug spray i got a headache immediately and had to wash it off i tried to give a couple chances before giving up, but every time I was met with notes of soured fruit swimming in a smoky medicinal chemical mess of a base. End of review. Oh.

This is what I'm talking about. My gosh. You read this and you're like, I weirdly know what you mean. I could come to that conclusion if i smelled something that smelled like that now i take it back now you show me both and i smell both i could probably guess which one is supposed to be the the bug spray yeah one you know that i can that i can relate to especially if that's a scent that you like particularly don't like yes oh i don't i'm just is there anyone who particularly likes um fruit doused in dead bugs or whatever?

No, I was thinking, I was, I was talking specifically about the bug spray. Citronella is the smell from bug spray. Oh really? Yeah. I have a citronella candle.

It's a, I think it's a lovely smell. No, I like the smell. So I'm saying, but if someone brings up bug spray in their review, you can know, oh,

I really don't like that scent. I'm going to stay away from it. It's like with the, the Britney Spears one, which I read a bunch of reviews. Which one? Oh, yeah, good point. I don't know anymore. I saw a lot of people with their profile pictures being Britney Spears.

Oh, really? Oh, yeah. She is one of the OG perfume celebrity folks. Celebrities. Yeah. So one of her perfumes, a lot of people described it as exactly smelling like vanilla cupcake frosting oh and like in a some in a good way some in a bad way and like i don't want to smell that way like i don't want to smell like food that's one of my gourmand i don't want

is that what that means that's what that means it's about food okay it makes so much sense i don't like that so i'm reading that and going okay i don't want to smell like a cupcake what's so cool though is now you can sort and just avoid the gourmand one i love that cool i love it exciting world i'm i'm not i've never taken part in this world scratch the surface here but there's so much involved and these people know so much i'm so i'm so impressed by these reviewers um and by all you perfumeistas uh do you own any perfumes like yourself i do and actually i was gonna say this i i probably should avoid the forums and i actually kind of have for any perfume like i got like a little sample and i smell i put it on i was like this smells great and then i went and looked it up and

it had terrible reviews and i was like oh shit so i went and looked it up and it had terrible reviews. And I was like, Oh shit. So I went and read some of the comments and that thing happened to me. The Febreze thing where they said it smells like the really strong, like bleach, like in a public bathroom, like the cleaner. And I'm like, and then you can't unsmell that.

And I smelled my, my wrist. And I was like, I smell like a public bathroom. Like I cannot unsmell it now. That's what that was? I thought that was just like. That's just what my house smells like in general.

You're like stress sweat or something. I didn't know that was your problem. You were trying to smell like that. I wish my stress sweat smelled like bleach instead of like sweat. But yeah. No, that's terrible. i mean i'm i guess i'm glad because i'm like wow i bet people would have been like that smells like a bathroom but okay that's true i was like oh god i can't wear this anymore it i think it really just depends

on what you're using it for like who you're trying to not impress you're not trying to impress anyone but like if you're just trying to yes there you go there you go or if you want to just blend into a bathroom like what if you're just hiding in there that's what it is you don't want to give off any other sense other than bathroom yeah public bathroom okay i didn't go that far i did not go that far on purpose need to um do a little vetting of my own vocabulary before i speak um but no because a a lot of people wrote, like, I love this smell, and then my boyfriend loves it when I wear this smell. I read that so many times. Oh, really?

So many times. Interesting. That specific wording of, like, trying to, like, whoever their partner was liked something different. Interesting. And so it depends on the context, but they'd wear different things based on what they're doing.

The perfume that I've had the longest is the Jo Malone, and it's like pear or something like that. What the heck is Jo Malone? She's a designer, and it's like a—I don't know. I just smelled it once at a department store, and I got it years ago. But I don't—I always want to try to get into perfume or wear one that's nice, but I never know where to begin. So I guess— Perfumistas, these people. I guess so. They'll let you join their ranks, but I never know where to begin. So I guess. Perfumistas, these people.

I guess so. They'll let you join their ranks, I hope. Changing my life here. I think it's really weirdly cool, all of this. Yeah, it's fascinating. It's sort of like wine in that like you're finding like different, like people can get so skilled at finding like notes. And I smell it and go like, hmm. Yeah. That's nice.

Like I don't have any clue. Anyway. Okay. Sorry, everybody. This is an email I got from nice. Like, I don't have any clue. Anyway, okay, sorry, everybody. This is an email I got from Holly Sheher, and it says, People have got some real baggage when it comes to classic fragrances of the 70s and 80s. Here are a couple reviews for Clinique's Aromatics Elixir. So these are of people. Yeah, and, like, I'm gonna read this this first one it's just a

little like the i mean she described it the best people have got some real baggage about certain sense yeah so uh this is a review by panda wrapped someone enters a forest running from danger to find out the forest is the actual thing they've been trying to escape from. This opening to Twilight? Like what? It's the opening to Danielle Steele's new novel. That someone is being followed by a Twin Peaks nightmare sequence of cold, ala-hidic air carrying herbal smoke from burning leaves at a distance and fawn-like odors of monstrous creatures nesting in its shadows. Oh, now I know exactly what this smells like. Thank you, reviewer. And I'm like, it smells like a cupcake in a public bathroom.

Jeez. Typical of nightmares, it doesn't complete its sequences and streams as fragmented imagery of old apothecary herbs stored in boxes abandoned in the earthy ground. Musty. How do you know what that smells like? What world are you living in? Where you bury your own apothecary boxes only to dig them up years later. This is like fucking RuneScape shit.

Like, I'm like... I don't know what's going on. Okay. Abandoned in the earthy ground, musty stumps of trees over cobwebs of a feral moss. More than an inkling of an intention to gobble you up.

Dark red roses that have dried out waiting inside graveyards clean and dirty wait clean and dirty okay clean and soap washing the fur of a werewolf who you wait clean and dirty soap washing the fur of a werewolf saying i i don't know okay this sound this is i'm i'm on to something this sounds like the text from a runescape quest oh okay i sort of cut scene this means nothing to me the crest of a centaur rose oil polishing minks okay never mind you lost me okay i know you lost me a while ago but now even more lost. We added a mink stole and you're like, never mind. I don't relate anymore.

And a centaur. Okay, and a centaur. I didn't know if that was part of the RuneScape world. Yeah, I think there are some sort of centaur creatures in the, what is it, like Forgotten Valley or something? But no, nothing important, nothing. They're more like werewolves that are relevant. Anyway. That are getting washed with clean and dirty soap. Yeah, I could see that. I could see that. Got it, nothing important. Nothing. They're more like werewolves that are relevant. Anyway. That are getting washed with clean and dirty soap.

Yeah, I could see that. I could see that. Got it, got it. The terror is fractured when you realize you actually like the place, entrances you even, and now you don't want to back out, but charge right through. And then meanwhile, this other person's like, like a bull in a china shop.

I'm like, wow, you have two levels of writing. Insanity. I'm sorry. I can't understand any of this. There is something of Goya's dark phase about Aromatics Elixir. The beautiful and the ugly combined rather than juxtaposed. Eerie and saturnine, anthropomorphic fauna covered in vine leaves. Feminine figures dressed in gauzy white, masking beastly intentions with several black blotches of bats hovering above. No, this is no this isn't this is not a review of a perfume

online i will say i don't think i've ever enjoyed reading a review so much as this one because i really feel like i'm getting to like play with like you know some really fun themes here and if it weren't for the context like i don't know i wouldn't really think twice about it yeah it's just like some sort of fantasy thing which is not you know necessarily just bad i'm not one to judge someone's ability to write but when you're doing this for a perfume i'm gonna be a little yeah it's a little bit of a question mark questioning the medicinal incense there's more good the medicinal incense and chamomile plays a hot nuance against the humid hedione and cold aldehydes feeling, like having a cup of hot tea after surviving the cutscene that films a forest swirling in terror as menacing nature trapped in an unstoppable kaleidoscope lens. The smell of funerary rituals of ancient Egyptian temples. We're jumping all over the place.

This transcends our world. Yes. This is just fitting for every world. The smell of funerary rituals of ancient Egyptian temples where they soothe the transition of the pharaoh to the afterlife with herbal ointments and viscously dark

concentrated un-gents pops to mind as well. Ew. I can't why how okay one thing if if if this was a real thought process and a real thing on how i would be so fucking impressed if this person's brain and imagination went to all these far off their mind palace goes every which way even Even underground. Listen to how they're describing the funerary practices

of the ancient Egyptians. Transcending death for the pharaoh to ease into his new afterlife. Wow. So like it's like it seems like the review weirdly makes sense.

It's just so flowery and so descriptive. Oxnard's not flowery at all. And it's It's medicinal and saturnine and... What are you... The herbs at the...

Sorry, it's herbal with the apothecary... Chamomile, yeah. Burying things. Also, editor's note, I think I meant Enchanted Valley in RuneScape or something. I forget what it was called. Oh, my God. I need to... I can't have tweets about RuneScape and correcting me and my knowledge.

I'd be very upset. But no, this person seems very, I don't know. If this is what is evoked just from a scent, I'm impressed by this person. Can I also just remind everyone, this is of a Clinique fragrance. Okay, glad I got that out there. I felt like we needed to revisit step one.

Okay, okay. Home base, just like to ground ourselves a little bit i think we've kind of needed that yeah we needed to like what do they say on tiktok like ghosting in the grass barefoot for a minute oh touch grass like go touch grass yeah okay i just did okay good so anyway there's a little bit more here thank god aromatics elixir is unique in the way it tells a fairy tale from the perspective of the villain or better, the place where the villain dwells. Okay, yeah, yeah, thank you for bringing me down. Because it's not descriptive of it.

That doesn't mean anything. It's a perfume. That doesn't mean anything. Where the villain dwells and leaves its mark. Where the villain dwells and leaves its mark. Aromatics Elixir chants about this place in a style between Gheorghe, Ligeti's Volumina, Donovan's Season of the Witch, and the cures of forest. Terrorific. But most than anything, it is stunning, original, and geniusly composed. Perfume history of the 70s could be written in Aromatics Elixir and opium. Everything else can be resumed to commentaries and footnotes, much the way I feel Poison andouros pillared the temple of bazooka florientals and animalic deodorant fougeres. I don't know any of these words. To be clear, I don't know any of these words. The same way I feel poison and Kouros pillared the temple of bazooka florientals and animalic deodorant fougeres that they constructed around their own time puddle end of review i feel like i'm gonna throw out wait it ended there like and then it says was this review helpful thumbs up or thumbs down christina i cannot believe that

was a real review of a perfume and also that ending i not that i feel like there's any way this could have resolved right but it wasn't like that what happened like i's any way this could have resolved. Right. But it wasn't like that. What happened? Like, I don't even know if they like it or not. Yeah. Is what I'm, is what I'm, like, is it? They're like, it seems historic.

It seems like it smells like a lot of weird shit. It smells like funerals. Like, I don't. It invokes some weird feelings. I don't like that. But do you like it? It smells like embalming. Yeah.

Like, I don't think it sounds great, but... Buried apothecary urns or something. It is wild, is what it is. It smells like centaurs, which can't smell good. But I love that it smells like a werewolf being bathed. But partially being bathed like dirty soap. And clean, right. And clean soap.

On one half each i don't know what a duality though you know true maybe that's what they're trying to say here is basically it's just this this perfume seems beyond my understanding oh absolutely but the thing is if i smelled this right now i'd be like ew it smells like it smells like mustiness like i don't know it probably smells like an attic or something i'd say it smells like mustiness. Like, I don't know. I'd probably say something basic. It smells like an attic or something, I would say. It smells like shit. And then I just move on.

Or I'd smell and go, oh, I love this. And that's what I said earlier about being impressed by these reviewers. Because these people are able to take something that's just a scent. Yes. And turn it into something more. Deconstruct it. It is. Like, I think it's more than just.

Sure. The scent has so much ties. Meaning for people. It hasructed. It is. Like, I think it's more than just. Sure. The scent has so much ties. Meaning for people. It has so much meaning. Yes. As Holly says, baggage, which is what. This was way too much for me. Is baggage is what it is.

This was a lot. This was a lot. So. This is like a fucking perfume manifesto. Like, I'm concerned with what this person did next. Oh, my God. That was a lot. What they did after they wrote time puddle yeah

i don't want to know time puddle and then like goodness you gotta go oh yeah it ended with time puddle what does that mean what is a time puddle wow i'm not googling that i that's too much for me it's just gonna come up with this fucking review that which would be weirdly impressive it would be because i feel like this person should be a fantasy writer a lot of work that went into this yeah a lot of energy yeah that is that is impressive maybe maybe this is actually danielle steel okay now we're getting somewhere yeah okay um here's another one of the Wonderstruck. Very different. Now we're on Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift, Wonderstruck, Enchanted again. Here we go. This one is by Abigail. I wore this to a couple of high school dances, and because of that, I unintentionally developed a connection to this scent. It's nice for what it is, and definitely youthful and sweet if you're into that sort of thing, but it smells so very generic to my nose. And also, it doesn't last too long on my skin, maybe two to three hours tops.

It's a nice sugary berry ice cream smell, and it'd be nice to gift for a young girl. The bottle is also beautiful, with the iridescent red glass and gold gilded cap. It served its purpose, and despite the fond memories I made while wearing this, I won't repurchase once I'm finished with it. And now comes the edit, which is why I included this. So it's a good review. It seems so straightforward. This is the kind of review I like. And then they add an edit and they say, the more I have to force myself to use this one up, the more I resent it.

I can't stand it anymore, and the only thing that keeps me continuing to use it is that I'm happy to know that I'll never have to own it again. I'll definitely be steering clear of any fragrances people say are similar to this one or share its notes. End of review. Whoa. Yeah, this person went. Whoa. Things went south for this person. She's like, yeah, it's actually really lovely oh my god like i won't buy it again but i had some good memories wearing this dumped at the prom

and like ever since the smell of dances something like that that just got no heavy they made fun memories while wearing it but they won't buy it again and then they went get this off of me the wildest part is that every day she continues to spray it on herself with the knowledge of like someday i'll never have to do this it's like today can be that day you can just not today can be the day you never wear it again gift it to someone else for to use the rest of it or something imagine that like you hated the scent of yourself so much but like the one that you manufactured on yourself like you intentionally sprayed onto yourself and you hate it so much day to day you must be so frustrated to be fair if i have a stick of deodorant that i get sick of the smell of yeah i'm gonna finish it i mean

same but this doesn't feel like the same because it's sort of like the use of it is just to smell good like there's not really another use that's a good good point. Like a deodorant, whereas like this, it's defeating. And also you can't really gift someone your used deodorant. Also that. But it's also defeating the purpose. Like, why are you spraying it on yourself

if the whole point of a perfume is to like the way you smell? Yeah. I don't know. I think that's just, wow. Yeah. Well, I'm glad that we're still on the issue of baggage

because I have another review of Clinique's Aromatics elixir oh thank goodness i know i'm sorry that we're still here this was also sent in by holly and it's a review by unjust joan true story a few years back i used to find the elixir in the alta and pretend to test it profusely just to troll the staff and patrons. Now that I'm infinitely more mature, yet youthful and vibrant, I still- Don't worry, I haven't lost my spark, everybody. That's like old lady, but attractive. Wow, glad we're getting every note of this person. Now that I'm infinitely more mature, yet youthful and vibrant vibrant i still visit the elixir

over time i realized why i was drawn to this scent it smells like a werewolf no just kidding it was a way to upset and passive aggressively punish the weak and faint of heart jesus christ what is a little sadistic i, I didn't think there would be sadistic perfume wearing, that that would be a category of perfumes. With like an ulterior motive. Like perfume for, perfumes for sadists. I think

I think that's, ours wouldn't be that. Ours would be perfumes for like masochists. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how bad ours would be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I would be wearing moss moss moss all the time oh my god just be walking around just stinking up like a forest with these what are they called a ghillie suit oh my god yeah just of moss oh my god yeah that's me okay now there was a semi-colon after um this part so let me i'll tell you here it was a semicolon after this part. So let me, I'll tell you here.

It was a way to upset and passive-aggressively punish the weak and faint of heart, semicolon, the allergic and sensitive, semicolon, everyone, period. Oh, okay. That punctuation did add a lot. Right? I'm glad you told me what it was. Wow. They really thought this one through. And then it says re, like R-E colon.

Yeah. Re, I have mommy issues. My mom had her own legit business working as a psychic when I was a school-aged child. She specialized in automatic writing, runestone, palm, and energy reading. Her clients would come over and me and my sis would wait upstairs for their readings to be done. There was one client in particular I always recognized by her perfume. She wore Clinique Aromatics Elixir. Memories of standing on the top of the stairs and listening for it to be done so we could play. I remember thinking of how repulsively vulgar and strong this woman's scent was. I remember wincing

with disgust at how it outlasted her stay by hours, how it superseded the cigarette smoke. It overstayed her welcome. I could imagine this woman in great detail, despite never seeing her. She had long, natural nails, lacquered, dusky mauve, and lips painted Avon's amorous rose. I remember seeing the lipstick mark left on her Virginia Slims menthol light cigarette butt. She kept her hair long, permed, and frizzy. Her roots touched up, Miss Clairol sunlit brown. She wore a little chunky open-toed heel. In her house hung elaborate macrame and sat a rat in peacock chair. She jazzercised and drank white wine spritzers. Elixir to me is the rotten and magnificent unknown. It's a surreptitious fortune-telling in the far south suburbs.

It's musty and arrogant. It's interfering and lippy. It's a ruined Saturday. It's a stranger to wonder about. It really pisses me off, so I bought a bottle. End of review. Christina. I haven I have are you okay because I'm not I've never had this reaction to this is so

truly felt like I was just now listening I completely zoned I heard it all but it felt like I was listening to an audiobook for a bit I felt like I was reading an audiobook in that sometimes when I read like when I used to read in class or whatever out loud i don't hear what i'm reading i just read the words out loud and i felt like that happened where i was just saying things that were on the page but i couldn't even absorb it i mean this transported me like this was i feel like this was really well written. I really weirdly enjoyed the writing. It was almost scary. But the fact that this person, like, if this person were fictional, but this person's a real person giving a real review about a perfume where they had these moments in their childhood that they do not look fondly upon and now wish to put those moments onto a new generation by wearing it themselves they

want to be that person they want to be that person that they grew up despising it's unsettling it is so unsettling yeah it's very unsettling and like especially when you're like oh this isn't even fictional this is this person's experience and like they should write some sort of a short story or memoir or something read it yeah i i like weird i got yeah i got invested in that one as i was sitting here it's i couldn't interrupt i just wanted to hear what happened it's a lot and uh the fact that it started with like i used to run around alta and just spray it to piss people off it like took such a turn as many of these tend to goodness i i mean now that she's infinitely more mature yet still youthful and vibrant yeah we joked about it and

then suddenly it just got really real i think it started with mommy i have mommy issues yeah that's when it got and i almost interrupted there and then i was like no let's see what happens and then it all happened and i was just wow also when i first skimmed this, when Holly sent it in, I read the whole section of like, oh, she had these dusky mauve nails and everything. And I didn't realize until this read through that she had never seen this woman. This was just her imagination of what this woman looked like. I didn't really get that until now. Because then she started describing the home that she lived in and everything. The macrame.

And also just the small details of like the the avon lipstick on the virginia slims and all this stuff i'm just like god holy shit yeah they got me this thing i like i could picture i pictured her at the top of the stairs christina i pictured the whole thing just wanting to play you know i'm like i'm, I'm unsettled. It is very unsettled. And I'm... This is the kind of thing that like, gives me a weird feeling and then I have a really weird dream the next night and go, what was I, where did that come from?

And it's like, just strangely hinged on something like this. And being a sadist, you decided to do that to everyone that's listened to our show. I don't really know how to follow that up. Cool. But I have Taylor Swift Wonderstruck reviews. That's exactly how to follow that up. Cool. But I have Taylor Swift Wonderstruck reviews. That's exactly how to follow it up. So this is the Wonderstruck.

This is not Wonderstruck Enchanted. Okay. This is, oh, this is her first fragrance, actually. Oh. It's named from the lyrics from the song Enchanted. I'm just reading what it says here. I'm Wonderstruck blushing all the way home. Do you know who that's about?

Isn't it Alice City? Yep, lead singer of Alice City. Well, did you hear about all that? Wasn't he like really into her and then she wasn't into him like anymore or something? No, apparently, if I got this right, there was a big kind of expose on TikTok about maybe some not so great things that happened with that band regarding sa that i don't want to get oh yeah no that's not that's not what this show is about no so it's only to look into just a heads up i don't think it was the lead singer guy but i oh i think maybe it was somebody else in the band i did see that okay anyway i don't want to like

but unrelated to taylor swift slander anybody yeah unrelated to taylor okay because i was like no no no no but uh there were just some people who like released tiktoks about it and got it got it yeah anyway sorry so this fragrance is not for you because the fragrance composition is described as a charming gourmand floral with sparkling fruity tones on a wooden background the top notes are raspberry dewberry green tea freesia and apple blossom the heart features sweet vanilla along with sun-drenched honeysuckle and white hibiscus i'd probably smell it though and go oh this is my favorite like i don't think i know what i'm talking about i don't know gourmand can be like probably that fits so many different things like fruit it's just like when it's like frosting i'm like i don't want to smell like that notes of golden amber musk sandalwood and peach are in the base wow that's

a lot of things yes so it's basically a fruit salad on a plank yeah okay fruit with a wooden background so yeah okay exactly chopped up it's actually what I pictured when I read that. Me too. So good. Here's a review, though. This is by Yvonne. It was like a bad high school relationship. All dreamy, sweet, vanilla-ish to start off, but quickly turns into an overwhelming, suffocating, lingering nightmare that causes headaches for the rest of the day. And it smelled very juvenile, too. I regretted the purchase. End of review wow so these

people's high school experiences are like fine on the surface and then like turn sour right i mean which same like if i smell something that smells like high school i'm like yikes get that away from me yeah i don't want to relive that so i guess i get it yeah this was one of those descriptive ones that i was nodding along to. Like, okay. Yeah. I did find it funny. They were like, I regretted it.

It's like, no shit. Look at, did you hear what you wrote? Too long. Didn't read. I regret this purchase. But all the high school baggage comes with it. So much. I mean, yeah, there is a lot of baggage.

It's just the best way to describe it. I mean, and like they say, like scent is so tied to your memory and your like emotions. I guess I get it. I'm sure there's so many scents in my life that if they if I could smell them in a perfume, I would say this. I can't wear this or can't be around it. Like it's just so bad because of certain experiences. It reminds me of somebody or something. Yeah. So this is an email from Jer.

And she wrote in about a company called Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs. Sounds intense as fuck. Yeah, I apparently just went like deep in the paint with this like dark, heavy weirdness this week. But I will. Well, I started with Bruce Will willis but then it kind of went downhill yeah this has been a nightmare cut from you i'm sorry but i started in the man i'm like i want to look at taylor swift because i bet these people are really opinionated on the taylor swift ones and you're just like finding the real i started in the man cave and ended up in like the

egyptian tombs like i went so mood am iood, am I right? Hashtag mood 24-7. So anyway, I went to this website that Jer sent and it's, so she said that an author she liked mentioned it. And so that gets you again into the mind, that helps explain what this website is. An author talked about this website. Kind of same idea as the above and i wonder if there's not it's not nearly as bad i wonder if the last two were like a like a portfolio for

them to work at a place like this like they deserve a job interesting interesting you know what i mean like yeah because basically this website they make like fragrance oils and things that come with a literary story behind them yeah so a lot of these are alice in wonderland themes oh interesting um and so they have like a fun concept it is it's cool and it's like definitely different like you go on the website and it's some magic-y dark stuff and some fantasy stuff what fairy tale would you want to smell like oh but i mean the disney fiver i'm not talking oh i started immediately brothers grim like that's where i went real fucked up shit like little mermaid standing on glass yeah that's what i'd like to

smell like um great question honestly actually little mermaid's not a bad choice that's pretty good answer because like i'm trying to think like hansel and gretel would be that was where my mind went i first went there and i was like probably too sweet too gingerbread not my thing yeah yeah it's like very probably that's probably a holiday kind of scent um and then i was like snow white like with the the apple the apple i kind of like that like things like that yeah yeah something like that but then there's that old the old hag witch lady but she's attractive so she is a she's a she's a crisp scent. Yeah, yeah, something like that. But then there's the old hag witch lady. But she's attractive, so. She is. She's a looker.

Extremely attractive. She's a stunner. Yeah. When I do those witch Disney princess are you, I always get the hag from Snow White. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm so lucky. Yeah, you are lucky. She smells good.

She's a beauty. Yeah. Goldilocks? Is that with the porridge? It's like kind of gourmand-y. I don't know. You smell like porridge. um goldilocks is that with the porridge it's like kind of gourmand i don't know bears and porridge a young girl three bears and porridge that sounds like the fucking country house and turkish delight situation the bruce willis scent that's like what a cracker

barrel smells like um wow is there anything woodsy like i would want to smell like something woodsy i could see that for like most of these actually would have like yeah yeah like in a forest in the black forest i bet cinderella would smell pretty good because i feel like that wouldn't be like overly sweet like the uh hansel and gretel but also just kind of like floral and nice but there's a lot of mice in that one i love mice yeah but i don't know if you'd want to smell like mice living in the baseboards. I don't know what a mouse smells like. Yeah, okay, that's true. Like, maybe if it's a pet, okay, fine.

But then it smells like probably wood shavings. Pinocchio would probably be pretty woody. Okay, now we're talking. Yeah, that's wood and ocean. Like, it's kind of, yeah. It's like an old boat. Okay, I actually, i'm into it we should just do a whole episode talking about what different disney movies would smell like patreon would you be interested or did

we just lose all of you what about jack and the beanstalk okay do you get a little vetiver what's i don't know what that is i don't either but oh yeah yeah yeah that sounds like that i think it means like greens i made that up yeah i bet you did i fully made it i'm sure you did but the v yeah it makes me think of greens you're right you're googling it come on please be right a perennial bunch grass hey okay you nailed it damn you fucking nailed it so yeah that might be good yeah anyway okay good stuff anyway this is a fun i like this topic this is a fun conversation this is how we do it they're like oh 10 of these a year they're like let's you know like let's wash wash a a wolf in a underground cave and i'm like

actually i'd like to talk about hansel and gretel okay so anyway jare sent this link to black phoenix alchemy labs and interestingly i'd already gotten this link and looked through it and then i listened to my brother my brother me and justin has a character where he's like this perfume guy and he comes on the show every season to like pitch different perfumes and read different descriptions and he brought up this website no way and read one of the descriptions and they were like what on earth is this and i think there was not given the context of like this is like a literary fantasy thing but it was very funny so jera sent a few reviews of a couple of the perfume oils i'm going to read one of them and this is in the beloved favorites category and it's the alice

perfume oil and the description says curiouser and curiouser milk and honey with rose carnation and bergamot um so this is like alice in wonderland themed basically curiouser is that a word that's from alice in wonderland okay yeah like it's from alice in wonderland i googled it to double check check. I'm not good at references. A lot of them were kind of Alice in Wonderland themed. So this is a review by Glome. And this is a redemption

basically. I don't think this is soft at all. To me it's hyperactive, imaginative and definitely childlike. There are no softened womanly edges. It's all girl, girl, girl. I don't know how old my imp is, but I get a lot of fruit and honey, tangy sweet.

There's some milk, but it's the spilled milk of impatience versus the creamy milk of a more womanly blend. The rose is not at all dusty or stuffy. Nice, but not for me. Where I'd wear this? Playing drunken croquet with girlfriends end of review okay see this was descriptive but it wasn't too much so you could kind of follow along i don't totally understand the spilled milk of impatience versus the creamy

milk of a womanly that made me a little icked out but so i feel okay, maybe I'm just feeding into this too much or enjoying this too much because I'm trying to appreciate it because I'm sure many people listen to that or read that and think, yeah, this makes sense to me. Like a childlike versus like a... me i think um this also might be how uh strong or weak these scents are and how they how they um when they're brought out and for how long because you know they're the different notes and like the top middle and bottom so yeah and whether they linger yeah how they linger so when it's like the spilled milk it's like maybe maybe their scent was kind of like accosted by this milk instead of it. A quick note. It being like, oh, I sense the subtleness of the milkiness. Not a subtlety. But they have like a descriptive way of putting it.

And their audience are these people who are looking for perfumes and get this thing. They know their audience. And I think, so I feel like this, the one before was, that was like a fucking novel like the whole thing but this one i feel like it makes a lot of sense that it's very like it's like something wow that really wow i don't know did you just feel that for real that breeze i'm not making this up like a cold ass i heard the window like shift from is that what it was because i'm nervous now because a few weeks ago i kept feeling a breeze and then it turns out juniper there was like a window open in there yeah can you lean over do you see it like are you kidding me i'd have to get up i'm not doing that okay let me get if you're getting up well i just want to make sure it's not open because juniper is going

to climb onto the roof okay okay it must have been up the stairwell like blaze must open the front door or something i don't know i literally as you were talking felt a chill but like a literal one not like oh i guess i was like wow i'm suddenly very cold because i felt a literary chill literary chill okay my next one is of taylor swift taylor for women oh so now she's on to just like yeah yeah the danielle man these all came out really soon after this was all like in a few year spread so she must have just nailed it and they were like pump out more i was gonna say i wonder if her manager was like just fucking keep this train going yeah especially because she had probably the audience at the right age range at that point

yeah to be buying like perfumes yeah no exactly i think that's true interesting so here we go taylor by taylor swift is a floral fruity fragrance for women well that's exactly i think that's true interesting so here we go taylor by taylor swift is a floral fruity fragrance for women well that's a lot of that's a lot of alliteration there and i got through it well you did this one was launched in 2013 first one was like 2011 then 2012 and 2013 so three in a row back to these are like christmas gifts for everybody back to back to back uh we had a conversation about lychee or lychee. Yeah. I think someone messaged us that lychee is also correct. It is. I looked it up as I was editing and it said lychee or lychee. Okay. So either one. Yeah. Well, this is spelled L-I-T-C-H-I. So I don't even know. Oh, lychee.

It's not even a word. Got it. I'm going to say lychee as if that's what it is. Okay. Top notes are lychee, tangerine, and magnolia petals. Middle notes are vanilla orchid, peony, and hortensia. Hortensia? H-O-R-T-E-N-S-I-A. Hortensia is right. Like the flowers from like Horton Hears a Who or something? I don't know. Base notes are apricot, sandalwood, cash.

Wait, I take it back. That's what I would want to smell like. Horton Hears a Who. Horton Hears a Who. It's a fairy tale I want to smell like. Oh, I want to smell like the Lorax. Okay. Not the story, but just the Lorax himself.

Just him? Yeah. I want his scent all over me. Oak. Base notes are apricot, sandalwood, cashmere musk, and woody notes. Okay. Okay. This bottle also, I am not a fan of.

The other ones, I appreciated this one. What's it called? Taylor by Taylor Swift. Taylor by Taylor Swift. Taylor by Taylor Swift. And they say, the youthful bottle design tries to combine modern and retro style with pearl details, a crystal stopper, and bold prints. It's the only one of the ones that I didn't like. Okay.

Anyway, here's a review. This is by Paige. I had my hopes quite high up for this one, but boy, was I disappointed. I tried out this perfume today since it just came out in my country. I had my hopes quite high up for this one, but boy was I disappointed. I tried out this perfume today since it just came out in my country. I remember checking out the notes here on Fragrantia beforehand, but that must have been several weeks ago and I didn't really remember any of them. I tried this one out on my wrist and from the first moment I smelled it, I didn't like it at all. I just couldn't figure out what smell was it that I disliked so much.

And so the minute I came back home, i had to check out the notes again and there it was my lifelong enemy apricot oh i don't smell or eat apricot like ever if i don't have to so that must be why i didn't recognize it right away i also don't eat apricot regularly but but I don't have like it. It's not your enemy? Enemy relationship with it. I don't know that those two are. Okay. Anyway. You know, I don't think it even goes that much into why there's such tension between this reviewer page and apricot.

Okay. It's been about two hours since I sprayed this on my wrist and it's still there very strongly. It's just that all I can smell is a very unpleasant, dusty apricot. I mean, it smells unclean, like a very dusty and stuffy room. If I sniff my wrist for long enough, I can get a slight note that I'm unable to recognize, but it reminds me of a funeral home. Needles to say, that's not exactly a pleasant mental image. Needles to say. Needles to say, isn't that so funny? Need needles to say that's not exactly a pleasant mental image needles to say needles to say um such a shame though since i love her previous perfumes a lot this one just wasn't

for me i think the bottle had so much potential and the overall design was quite pretty but i just hate the color combination it looks cheap and tacky to me and then here's the edit so it's another one where i write it and then the edit just like for me is so good oh okay i can't imagine about 30 minutes after writing this review i had to go wash the stink of taylor off i just couldn't take it anymore i honestly started to feel sick to my stomach frowny face and over you oh my gosh it's just so funny to me when they like edit and it's clear that there's like it's it's kind of cool that they immediately give their reaction yeah i think that's a very updated understandable thing to do for perfume review

sure and so it's fun that they then edit and the edits usually like holy shit this is getting terrible it's worse than i day 35 it's worse than I thought. Day 35, it's worse than I thought. It's like it all goes to shit. Like they give it a chance and then suddenly it's like, no, no, no, I can't do this anymore. I can't even pretend anymore that I want this stink of Taylor. Honestly, these perfumes are so loaded, like emotionally loaded for people. Yeah, true. I'm like freaked out.

My stepmom has given me perfumes as gifts before. Yeah. I think that's a hard gift to give somebody because you feel like you really need to like know what they wanted or something. And I will say one thing. That was my last review, but I did find a reviewer. They had reviewed two different Taylor Swift scents being like, come on, Taylor, stop copying Justin Bieber. You copy Justin Bieber's whatever scent.

And then another one like, oh, this is just a copy of whatever. And this was one of the Britney Spears profile pictures. So I was like, oh, this is probably just like someone who's a fan of like pop music. And for some reason is anti-Taylor Swift. Because that's where my mind goes. But then I read the other reviews. This person was reviewing Britney Spears perfume saying this is an exact copy of this perfume and like I think they just really know their perfumes because they reviewed like 150 of them

so they just some of them were very positive they know which ones are similar to which ones yeah the one of the Taylor Swift ones was like this is just another like pop star perfume that uses vanilla it smells just like I don't know christina aguilera's perfume from four years ago and it's like very very specific and so they're not just saying like oh it's generally black there's bad they're actually saying this smells exactly like x perfume from this year wow i just know their perfume i felt bad at first because i was like judge them and then i read their reviews and i was like damn this person just know their perfumes I felt bad at first because I was like judge them and then I read their reviews and I was like damn this

person just knows their you'd like to take a step back like okay they're actually doing something here that I just don't understand yeah wow I am not their target audience no probably not I mean maybe

now because it seems like I'm getting there yeah it seems like maybe you're big time falling into this yeah this well diving into diving. I'm diving into this. Diving in. I'm sorry, not falling. Wow.

All right, my challenge. Who sent it in? You said you wrote that down. Oh, I did write it down. Can you read what it said if you wrote that down as well? I kind of wrote it in a very haphazard way. So did I. That's why.

Oh, okay. I wrote, challenge fromaitlin complaining about a law that isn't from their home country okay not necessarily country because their home from yeah well i this was surprisingly difficult but it was fun like i really enjoyed this was a great challenge okay so basically the idea was like people who left her view in which they talked about a law that applied to them that doesn't apply where they're from. Right. Yeah.

Or they just didn't know the law because they didn't think it applied. Right. Yeah. OK. And it was difficult because a lot of people. So, you know, I did all my special searching, did all different keywords and everything. The problem was people talking about their in-laws. So like that law. Oh, in-laws. Yeah. So that was thrown in there a lot um and then but for the most part people were complaining and claiming that the businesses were breaking the law not that they themselves

people were not ready to admit that they broke the law usually yes i can understand why that would be tough to find that made it a little difficult but i have a good amount i think and um you'll just have to just be nice to me if if it doesn't exactly fit okay everybody that's an order my first review was of river lodge and cabins this is in boardman oregon this for context this review was written um and references another review that was written complaining about the same situation okay and you'll hear in the first couple sentences they bring attention to that okay here it is titled wedding was perfect other than resort i also was with the wedding party and I can vouch for the other reviewer.

Everything she said couldn't be more correct. I am a general manager as well in the hospitality business. And if this so-called manager worked for me, I would terminated him that night for his actions. This man was yelling at our wedding guests and threatening to shut down the bar due to random guests showing up with a cup of personal beer. First off. Not personal beer. Oh, I know. They brewed it themselves.

That was the problem. It's a homebrew. First off, I understand the local law and also deal with this in my business. You do no start ripping off your guests' heads and treat them like garbage. Customer service 101 communication sorry wow that's beautiful i i don't think you could even guess how this is spelled i communication yikes i i don't even know if i should try you probably, I even read it wrong. Comincation. Yikes. That's even worse. It's getting worse.

C-U-M. Yikes. M-I-N-C-A-T-I-O-N. Comincation. Wow, they really were like, I got this, Siri. Don't worry. I got it. Post a sign.

Explain politely your local law. All of these guests had no clue about this rule and didn't have no problem tossing their beverage i am lost for words when it comes to the experience we had on my best friend's wedding day end of review post a sign saying don't bring your home beer into like a business i don't know. I'm surprised. Like things like this. That's a good one, Zandy. Saying that people don't know this law. Like why would you think that this would be okay

even if it wasn't the law? Like many businesses aren't going to allow you to bring your own alcohol. Bring a beer? Like unless that's their, if you go to a restaurant and it is bring your own beer, they will tell you

because they want you to come and they probably don't have a liquor license or something. Part of it, yeah. I don't know. So why would you just assume you can do this? So strange. Why would you bring your own alcohol to a wedding anyway? Okay, that's a big, I guess if it's not an open bar, but still, no.

And also, how many people are doing this that it became such an issue? Exactly. This is all of these guests. I picture that family in uh it's always sunny what are their names mcoyles and they just all show up with like their own homebrew beer i don't know like what a strange group of people what does that tell you about this wedding if people are bringing flasks in because they don't want to get drunk for it wow i don't know so yeah there was that to start fascinating fascinating um communication

communication communication not good step one of business 101 yeah and i love how business 101 to them though is uh uh not ripping guests heads off yeah also also that it's like maybe guest 101 is not breaking laws. Like, hello? Okay. This next one is a three-star review. This is of Trinidad Lake State Park in Trinidad, Colorado, which I was like, Trinidad? Oh, cool. We've got, when I first saw Trinidad, I was like, oh, great. We've got another country.

Like, great. And then I was like, oh, never mind. Colorado. Trinidad colorado apparently exists here we go let me start off by saying that my boyfriend and i go to a lot of state parks with our dogs we love them trinidad lake state park was a lovely park and i can't deny the beauty of the lake itself however the people who visit the lake and the park rangers are horrible my boyfriend is a drone pilot and wanted to get aerial photos of the lake for a client. We saw no signs at the entrance to the park about drones, so we sent his up after we had

breakfast in the park. Within two minutes of lifting off, a ranger was driving up yelling at him to bring the drone down. No drones in Colorado state parks. Okay, fine, we're from New Mexico, so we don't know the laws for Colorado. He brought the drone down and we proceeded to try to enjoy the rest of our day now that alone was like good and the rest so like that fits so well so i wanted to include this the rest was kind of terrible and i feel bad

for this couple oh really yeah um so i'm just gonna start off by saying the dog mentioned is okay oh oh oh everything is fine okay everything is fine it ended well i like you say the dog's okay and i immediately go into a panic attack of like yeah i know that's why i didn't want to like guide you through this without you knowing if the dog was okay i'm not gonna read the rest of the review word for word but i'll tell you what happened. Oh, okay. Basically, they had the dog by the beach and there were all these

fishing lures and hooks and stuff that these fishermen and the dog swallowed one of the hooks and they had to get a ranger who contacted a local vet and the dog ended up being totally fine.

They got the hook out. Everything's good. So, very scary. I couldn't imagine. Everything's good. So very scary. Like I couldn't imagine being in their position. So basically they left a three star review, which I'm like surprised. I'm like, anyone yelled at me? If anyone yelled at me ever and then my dog got injured, I'd probably be the worst day of my life. So they flew this drone, immediately told don't do it.

So they stopped, which I'm like, good. That's what you're supposed to do. And they didn't see any signs fair. They didn't know the laws because they're from a different place there's a challenge but yeah and then they complain like about the rangers allowing the beach to look like that and have all these terrible like things for animals and kids to step on and everything um and then complained about how all these uh people who are fishing are leaving their stuff behind and basically just ended saying clean up your trash wow okay oh anyway so that was like exactly the challenge though yeah no i know that's why i had to include it but i was like i don't really want

to read the rest of this because it's kind of scary it's a little dark it's dark and it's a very fair review so yeah i just read that for the challenge part you're welcome everybody thanks uh dog is okay i'm not lying about that uh they quote she is hook free and recovering well i love that they knew that we needed to know also like they knew that you needed to know and that we needed to know true anyway okay uh my next is of oatman ghost town uh this is in a Arizona. Ghost Town's famously a very stringent loss. Here's a one-star review. The burros were adorable, and they are very gentle. They don't mind people.

The lady from the shop, on the other hand, was crazy. My son had French fries to feed the burros, but apparently the lady took exception, I guess because she wanted to sell the alfalfa balls to feed them. She accosted my son and started loudly shouting at him. My son was a little frightened and he put down the fries. I just made a face like, OMG, whatever. Come over here, son.

And then she proceeded to start berating me. Said I was breaking the law and she was going to report me to the police and started photographing and filming me. And she wouldn't stop yelling through the street with other tourists looking on. Then she went over to our car where my husband was minding his own business and started filming our license plate and yelling at him, telling him California people shouldn't come here. It was a rental. We aren't even from California. But if we were, what is she got against that? She also called my 10 year old son names and he hadn't even said anything.

He had complied with her instructions very obediently in the first place. She was very aggressive. she got against that? She also called my 10 year old son names and he hadn't even said anything. He had complied with her instructions very obediently in the first place. She was very aggressive. Avoid this wacko at all costs. My kids were traumatized. I think she came out of the last shop before the little jail on the same side. I've seen a few other reviews that a lady took carrots from someone and that would have to be this lady. I wish I had photographed her so I could post her picture. I also wish i had asked her to show me the statute that says it's illegal to

feed a wild burrow a piece of potato cooked in canola oil but then she probably would have knocked my teeth down my throat lol if you go to the town see the burrows but stay away from the lady end of review oh my gosh so not very clear if there's an actual law in place here. I thought you were going to say, so I Googled the law. I was like, wow. There is something about like in, what was it? In like Tennessee or in Georgia, you can't feed a donkey ice cream from your back pocket. Yes.

Wasn't there something weirdly specific? Something like that. We had like a book or a game of like weird laws. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah um but i don't know if this is a real thing but hey uh i don't know wow i mean whether or not it's a law i guess it's a rule um i'm not saying that anybody should be chasing you on the street and calling your kid names. But yikes, this sounds unpleasant. Actually, I just Googled it and it says, it is illegal to feed, pet, or otherwise harass a wild horse or burrow.

Okay. Yeah. And Arizona County is drafting regulations to stop people from feeding wild burrows near the roadways. But it's different because this is not just feeding. This is a potato in canola oil. Yeah. I love how they deconstruct French fry to make it seem like canola oil is already extremely processed. What are you going to feed a burro, a wild animal?

Canola oil? I mean, it's just like McDonald's french fries. Don't try to kid yourself. Oh, my God. Yeah. Mojave County, Arizona soon will add signs informing motorists the feeding of wild bur burrows in oatman is prohibited if the animals are standing on the route 66 roadway i mean like i mean it's a safety thing part of me wants to be like duh don't feed a wild animal french fry i mean yeah i i guess i guess i've probably done something like that to a pigeon

or something but yeah i don't know i feel like that's but also i don't think that this lady if this is true acted appropriately yeah yeah no harassing and chasing them obviously so if that's what happened i mean that's how reviewers tend to stretch the truth a little bit um yeah but yeah this appears to be a problem enough where they're adding all these signs for it um wow yeah because this was written in 2019 if i'm that article i just read was from 2020 if wow okay if i were that kid i would be like distraught that would have like scared the crap out of me this lady chasing me down the street no agreed okay wow the only so so the only one i i feel bad for is that child and that burro. And the burro. He just wanted another french fry.

Always. Okay, this next one is of Cool Point Hotel. This is in Tanah Rata, Malaysia. If you can guess what this law is, I would be very impressed. Any idea what's illegal? Spitting gum on the street. That's Singapore. Yeah.

Cutting your hair outside. No no that's a good guess interesting guess um and i will say the weird thing with this challenge was sometimes the reviews were about not just the law thing the legal thing so this just mentioned the legal thing so the rest of the review oh yeah it's But here we go. It's not that long. Here's a one-star review of this hotel. Just one incident got me all flustered. Some guests in another room were relaxing in their room. Some nosy Parker Hotel staff apparently reported to the cops that the guests were wearing yellow tees in their room. The police came rushing and arrested the guests and packed them off to the police station. Shocking that in Malaysia, it is apparently illegal to wear yellow tees.

They seem to have been banned. Ridiculous. What is more ridiculous is the attitude of the hotel staff, who have no respect at all for paying guests' privacy. We checked our room thoroughly for any peepholes. Not being satisfied, we decided to check out and find other accommodation. Not being satisfied? Wait, so you're like, we didn't find any people's, but we were still not happy. Still not happy.

Parting words, keep away from this notorious hotel. End of review. So I guess that one did have a lot to do with it. I was thinking... Wow. Sandy. Because I know the privacy issue. Is this a gang thing?

No. Okay. So in 2016, the Malaysian government banned yellow clothing after thousands of protesters who were wearing yellow t-shirts flooded the streets of Kuala Lumpur and demanded the resignation of the prime minister. Wow. So it's like, yeah. Yikes. Okay. And so these people in their hotel room are like wearing their like Cape Cod t-shirts.

Salty Dog Cafe. Salty Dog Cafe, cafe taking to the police station oh my god that's that's wild so yeah uh just a not so fun fact about if you're traveling in malaysia careful yeah don't wear yellow wow i had no idea yeah it was anti-protester law. It's wild. Wild stuff. Okay. My next one is of Round Valley Recreation Area, which was in Lebanon, New Jersey. And I had to Google whether it was pronounced Lebanon or Lebanon. Yeah. Because in Ohio, Lebanon is pronounced Lebanon, spelled the same way as Lebanon. But this apparently they got somewhat right. Lebanon, New Jersey. Here's a one star.

My wife and I brought lunch with us to eat in our car as we parked by the boat launch ramp. We were just sitting in the car eating and enjoying the view of the boats in the water when suddenly two park ranger vehicles pulled up on both sides of us and one ranger asked us what we were doing. After I answered, he said, we just want people to be safe. As we tried to eat, the ranger said, you people need to move along. So we packed up our lunch and they followed us out of the parking lot.

We didn't know it was against the law to eat in a parked car. End of review. Is that the law? That's the thing. So many of these were kind of like, I didn't know it was illegal to do this. But like, I don't know. I didn't know it was illegal to do this but like i don't know i didn't know it was illegal to enjoy myself loitering at a bar a number of fucking reviews where it's like i didn't know it was illegal to

uh order a coke without ice it's like bullshit like that oh my god yes yes yes yes so that i just sift through so many of those but wow this one i included because i thought this is they're like a loitering issue i assume and. And they, I don't know. They're like, get out of here. I like that also the police were there. Was it the police they said? The rangers. The rangers.

They're sitting in their car. The rangers come and like check on them and then are apparently watching them long enough for them to start eating again. Yeah. Right. So that means that they like said, OK, back to lunch. Yeah. They're like, OK, shoo shoo. I'm going gonna get back to my eating and then they're like no you gotta go strange okay i'm just picturing this very strange okay uh here's another one this is of quality in uh barry montpelier so it's barry vermont which is a sister city to Montpelier, Vermont. Oh, okay.

This is titled, Refuse to Allow Me to Stay with Service Animal, parentheses, Properly Documented. Uh-oh. One star. Kate, the front desk clerk, refused to allow us to check in because we had a properly documented service animal. Apparently, the owners have laid down the law and no exceptions are made for service or properly documented ESA dogs. I didn't realize this was legal.

I am certain it is not. But there was no discussion, just a flat refusal. I suggest anyone who has a service animal or ESA or anyone who has a friend or loved one with a disability or even just animal lovers avoid this place at all costs. End of review. where even just animal lovers avoid this place at all costs. End of review. First of all, did you know hotels do not have to allow emotional support animals into their hotels? No, I did not know that.

There's no law saying that emotional support animals must... But they have to allow service dogs. I believe service dogs, it's different. But for emotional support animals. But I included this for another reason. There's an. Yeah. But this was, but for emotional support animals. But I included this for another reason. There's a owner response. Okay. So here's the owner. Oh boy.

The manager, general manager at Quality Inn, Barry Montpelier. I thought you were saying his name was Barry Montpelier. I know. I was like, wow. It's spelled B-A-R-R-E, but it's pronounced Barry. Okay. I did a lot of pronunciation checking. Kind of like Wilkes-Barre.

Oh, yeah. Pennsylvania. Is that what it is? Wilkes-Barre? I think so. Wilkes-Barre? Wow. Wilkes-Barre?

I think it's Wilkes-Barre. Oh, wow. Then I've been saying it wrong. I don't know. Yeah, I think they're spelled the same way. Who knows anymore about lychee-lychee? It's all up in the air. I am very confused as to what hotel you are speaking of.

Up in the air. I am very confused as to what hotel you are speaking of. We do not have any employee in any department by the name of Kate at the Quality Inn in Barrie, Vermont. We are a pet-friendly hotel and service animal-friendly, of course. We do allow pets in certain rooms for a nightly fee, and service animals are welcome in any available room. We would never turn anyone away for having a service animal. This is all listed on our website.

I believe you may be confusing our hotel with another hotel. Although we are sorry to hear that you had a bad experience at some hotel, but we do not believe you are speaking about an experience at our hotel. End of response. Well, that stinks. Yeah, it's not annoying. Like, I don't know. I'm inclined to believe this manager. Yeah, I feel like that's a weird thing to lie about.

If that's actually your stance, you would be like, yeah, we don't allow. And they would bring up the law and say, oh, it was just an emotional support animal. We don't have to like. But it sounds like they're saying like, no, no, it's not us. There's no Kate here. Yeah. Wow. OK, that's kind of a bummer, though.

Yeah. And the fact that they're like, we're pet friendly makes me like. We literally allow animals. Not even just service animals. They allow any animal. Wow. So it would be weird if like... I wouldn't say any animal, but they didn't quite say.

Well, let's find out. We could test it. I can screenshot that response and be like, look, Tracy says it's okay. Tracy said, there's no... And then there's suddenly someone with a mustache named Kate and they're like, there's no Tracy here. I love it. that's so true what if it's just like a way to gaslight these like guests there's no one named kate circular they all play this role sometimes i wear a name tag that says kate but my name's not kate yep technically okay i've got one more and this one this one is this is a big finale and this one is a big finale.

Ooh. And this one's a little different. This isn't about local laws. This one I just stumbled on was like, holy shit. Oh. Holy shit. Okay. So here's a review.

Let me just give you the title. Arrested for conga line on wedding day. And it's a review of Taste of Italy. you know taste of italy like a restaurant yeah it's a restaurant in gatlinburg tennessee oh oh is it a chain i think it's a yeah it's a chain okay yeah but yeah so it's a restaurant it's like a fast casual type thing um you're not fast casual maybe so i think they have like taste of italy gatatlinburg. Makes me think of like Bucca di Beppo or something. This one might not be actually. Okay, maybe this one isn't part of a chain or something.

Hold on. It says family friendly restaurant with a TV at the bar. Okay. Serving pizza, pasta and other Italian dishes. So yeah, I don't think this is a chain. Okay. But it's a Gatlinburg. So like very touristy area.

It's an Italian restaurant. Okay. But it's a Gatlinburg, so like very touristy area. It's an Italian restaurant. Okay, here we go. Arrested for conga line on wedding day. And don't worry, there's an owner response. Oh, thank God. So get excited. I went here for my best friend's brother's wedding reception. Immediately, they were pissed off because we wanted water in the centerpieces and said

it was too dangerous. And we also brought all our home-brewed beer to the Taste of Italy. Sorry, they wanted water in the centerpieces, like the vases or vases. Yeah, and then they missed a letter or missed a word. But I think the venue said, the restaurant said, I keep saying venue as if this is where it went. It's a restaurant. The restaurant said that it was too dangerous. To have water in it?

Yes. Okay. I'm just making sure I'm following. You'll find out more info, don't worry. And said it was too dangerous. How is that any different than having glasses of water? And said we were not allowed to dance at the reception. Obviously people danced.

It was only about five people, nothing crazy. And they came in and shut off our music and told us we could river dance the fuck out of here. Actually, a good line. Might use it later. The waitresses were catty and owners were absolutely enraged. They promptly called the police and were overheard saying they'll take care of it because we feed them. And they were in a first name basis with the police officers.

Five officers were called, literally because of a conga line. They told us we were being kicked out and to leave. Oh. Then made an absolute scene in front of the bride and groom. They said we didn't have the bill settled, but they had multiple cards in file due to this being a wedding party. The cops made the father of the groom and the groom go inside to pay the bill. They then stated they were trespassing. There was no way to win there. They then put the father of the groom in handcuffs and took him out of the restaurant saying he was under arrest for assaulting a police officer. He never even so much as touched the officer. Disorderly conduct and trespassing. They took him to the jail

and literally made an absolute scene out of this. His actual arrest was reduced to trespassing. After, the police told him to go inside and pay the bill. A complete and utter shit show. Don't book a wedding here or honestly patronize this business at all if you want to support people like this. End of review.

Oh my god. Juicy, is that insanity drama drama drama this is like out of a reality show where people get drunk at a restaurant like cause a scene and the police are i mean it sounds like i played it out in my head i was so excited when i stumbled on this wow okay okay the general manager responded and said this first of all we are not a reception hall we are a restaurant also if you were here when we mentioned we didn't want water in the vases you also heard me say we didn't want lit candles in them you managed to come up with the battery candles which was fine you also heard us say that we didn't allow dancing someone then said what about the first dance for the bride and groom? And I said, that was fine, along with the mother-son and the father-daughter dance.

Not only did you want to fill the vases with water, you wanted to float lit candles in them. They were tall vases, and we felt it was a hazard. We were not pissed off over that. Five people dancing? Really? If you want to write a review, why don't you write the truth? The entire party was hooked together doing the conga line. Again, we are her restaurant, not a reception hall. There were no charge cards on file. You also failed to mention that a guest went behind the bar and took a six pack of beer. My server caught him. You can't go to another

restaurant and help yourself behind the bar. You would have been kicked out right away. The father of the groom did assault the police officer. He pushed him. There were customers in Oh my gosh i mean so like so basically they called this restaurant we're like we want to have a wedding here and they were like i mean okay but there are rules about this we're gonna have a wedding party yeah it seems like they weren't like all too keen on having a wedding there to begin with yeah which is why it seems like they set out boundaries to begin with and even not only that not only were boundaries set but they gave some leeway they they gave a little bit they they weren't like maybe don't put fire around yeah they're like okay fine the battery sure like for the decorations like but then again when you think about it this is a fucking restaurant you're going to a restaurant

saying i want to decorate like this. I want to do this and this. The restaurant's like, this is our restaurant. We can reject anything we want. Anyway, then the whole dancing thing, they said, fine, we will allow three separate dances.

The bride and groom, the father-daughter, and the mother-son. Maybe that was the conga line. They're like, this is our father-daughter. But wait, so, okay, sorry, I'm confused. So was this an active restaurant during the wedding? Like were other people there eating?

I assume so. I don't know though. And there were more people than five in this whole wedding, right? Okay, that's what I was confused about. I thought they were saying the entire group was just five people, but they're just saying, oh no, it was only five in the conga line.

Yes. But the whole group was much bigger. Yeah, because the general manager response said five people but they're just saying oh no it was only five in the conga line yes but the whole yeah because the guy because the general manager response said five people dancing the whole group was dancing like everyone bigger yeah everyone was um kung fu fighting was yes conga line everyone was conga lining oh my gosh now it is funny to think about an active restaurant where there's just like this group of people drunk people conga lining around in like nice outfits, I'm imagining. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't know how nice they were if this is how they act. I'm like how nice their outfits were. Valid if they're like... They were... I'm just... I have a very negative view of these people now.

Do you? I mean, it sounds like they're fun to go to one of their events and kind of be on the outskirts and not really involved and then be able to leave before the police show up. It would be so I'd feel so upset and angry. Yeah, I'd be stressed. Now this age, I'd be what is it again? Now that I'm more mature parentheses, but still fun and vibe young and vibrant. I think maybe it would be a little too much for me there's another review that someone talked about their experience um that they got married in gatlinburg and then had a reception at taste of italy and they said the food was great the service was

amazing and it was a member helped them make the day memorable so this is a service that they offer i see okay but that's probably why they had these rules in place. Like you can't dance because it wasn't the actual. No open flames. It's like a fucking reception. You eat and you have fun. You celebrate. You drink. But like the fact they were like, we want all these dances.

And they even let you do them. That's what's so wild. Yeah. And you took this mouse took a whole freaking cake. What? The restaurant gave this mouse a cookie and the mouse took a whole cake. Oh, wow. That's not really how the story goes,

but you know what I mean. That's the fragrance you'd want to smell like, right? The mouse and the cookie. The mouse cookie, yes. If you give a mouse a cookie. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, that's a good one, actually. I'm saying.

I would probably like that. You're right. A little gourmand. Yeah. Wow, that was a drama for the ages yes it was i'm just picturing this conga line i can't stop thinking about it yeah i this was it sounds like absolute chaos chaos someone was behind the bar taking a six-pack like what i did that once um not taking a six-pack but i went behind the bar at a and it was bad i got in big big trouble good and i was like you're

right i apologize she would have one star review complaining about it yeah i was just doing a conga line with 75 of my closest friends um no i i have done that and it is not okay i learned that quickly um why were you doing that just to because you were just drunk and like, yeah. Well, it was at the, and that's why we drink. Remember the one? This was more recent than I thought. This was like in college. Far too, I wish, far too recent. It was when we did the meetup in.

Oh, no. Oh my God, in Nashville. Poor Tennessee. Oh, Nashville. They're pretty used to this crap. Meetup. Oh my God. Where you. Francisca and I left. Left with Francisca. That was a to this crap. What meetup? Oh, my God. Where you-

Francisca and I left. Left with Francisca. That was a very smart move. Because she wasn't allowed in. And it- She was so upset, but I was like, you know what? This is going to be good. We got frozen yogurt.

We hung out at the- She just talked about it and said, like, it was so much fun to be with Zandy. So I'm like, thank God. I felt so bad. Yeah, we did a meetup and we just said, like, anyone, come on by. Oh, my God. Big mistake. It was- And this poor bar was like, what is going on?

Like, it was a disaster. It happened again in Anaheim. We did it again. You said, oh yeah. Let's go to Yard House. After party at Yard House. And then there's a crowd of people at Yard House. Like 400 people.

We can't, we can't accept, we can't. I don't know what I was thinking. A show with like 250 people and I'm sitting there going, let's all go to Yard House. What do I think is going to happen't i don't know what i was thinking a show with like 250 people and i'm sitting there going let's all go to yard what do i think is gonna happen and i don't know and then there and then you were just like stood in like this center of this like square conga line and there's a just crowd of people surrounding you two so weird and i was just standing like in the crowd just kind of hanging out so dumb and then someone was like what what's this for like who who is that i'm like they're podcasters. What's this convention? And they were like, okay.

Like, people kept passing. They're like, oh, my God, what's the big deal? And the frustrating thing was, obviously, the people who were, like, up with us, it was sort of a conga line. We literally led, like, 250 people. Yeah, it was fucking weird. Ants marching into a fucking yard house. Yeah.

And then they were like, please don't. That's what you are to us, listeners. A bunch of ants. Please leave. A bunch of ants. No. I'm the head ant. No, I'm not.

We've lost this one. I lost the point the point being the people who were like close to us were chatting and it we were like maybe we can turn this into like a meet and greet but like there was no like rule like it's not like oh you can't stay and talk yeah so like we just started talking to like five people surrounding us and then it was like well we're all. So then everybody else was just kind of in an awkward group. It was like bachelor rules. People needed to be like, can I see them for a second? And that started happening. And we were like, this is not good for our anxiety or anyone's anxiety.

Oh, my God. And so at that event in Nashville is when I went behind the bar. Got it. Not smart. No. Anyway. went behind the bar. Got it. Not smart. No. Anyway. Yeah. Good times.

Good times. Ooh, I'm getting anxious just thinking about it. Oh, good. I'm glad we're ending this. Me too. I need to go get a drink of wine downstairs.

Um, thank you everybody. Thank you everybody for listening to our fragrance episode. Um, if you want a special introductory price to our, um, beach to Sandy fragrance, uh,

bitch, bitch, bitch. Whoa. Oh my Christina. a special introductory price to our Beach Too Sandy fragrance. Beach, Beach, Beach Too Sandy. Oh my, Christina, that's it. You nailed it. You're back in.

You're back into this idea. Only because it's on audio that I came up with. You can't. Yeah. The fragrance is called Beach Too Sandy. Christina, please. We have to, we have to make this happen.

If someone out there can help us, please out like sincerely oh my god bitch to say please it's so perfect could you imagine okay this is not gonna happen but can you imagine walking into macy's and like they're spraying the newest the newest scent from called bitch to sandy and it's not for men or for women it's like bitch to sandy for a bitches and then i mean i don't know this is just perfect okay yes this is great i'm so glad i'm back in holy shit i'm so glad i'm back in um no more introductory prices you have to pay a full price for this product yeah fuck you patrons go to your own go to macy's go to dillard's okay um we have a lot of discussion to do do we have to give the theme a challenge right now i

think so okay be right back all right uh i think you give the first theme okay this is from emma who is she shrenda but like, has that, but that's in like her actual email signature. So like any email she sends. Well, maybe she went down and like edited the signature. No, she didn't. How do you know? I know it.

I can feel it. Oh, okay. Great. I want to pretend that this is the reality we live in. Everybody else. Got it. Okay. So Emma has this to say about a theme idea she in reviews oh

she and okay but she says she's very shrenda you just use shrenda shrenda said um suggested only their weird shit oh okay so like i think and i think we'll probably lean more towards those kind of weird things because i i assume like a lot of their normal stuff that they sell it's just complaining about quality and everything yeah i mean this whole thing is a very i don't know the whole fast fashion stuff but like it's wild it's wild and it's very harmful but the sheehan reviews of like some of their weird shit like so for an example shrenda included a like reviews of this necklace like a chain and at the bottom is like just a fake piece of fried chicken like a chicken so just one of those weird things so it sounds like that other

website wish uh yeah which someday we should do that yeah um okay love it uh so i have a challenge from you and for you and this is um from holly who sent in some of the earlier uh stuff and her challenge for you is the original one which i'm going to change a little bit was to find reviews of wedding venues by wedding crashers interestingly enough that's funny but i changed it to reviews of somewhere where the reviewer wasn't invited oh so like a party or like a wedding or yeah they weren't necessarily supposed to be there or they weren't invited to be there i like this okay okay cool and then your theme for the week after that comes to us from someone whose name um is spelled sio i don't know if that's co or

sh like short for siobhan or something i'm not sure sure. Sio is what I'm going to say. He uses she, her pronouns. She says, my husband and I had surprisingly good sushi in Hot Springs, Arkansas many years ago. And the theme that she's suggesting is sushi restaurants in landlocked states. Oh, dear God. Oh, dear

God. That's a good, that's, yeah. Okay. So, none of this fancy LA business. No sugar fish. No way. Oh, this is going to be Yeah. Okay. So none of this fancy L.A. business. No sugar fish. No way. Oh, this is going to be terrible. Terrible. All right.

So this challenge for you comes from someone whose name I also don't know how to pronounce. Excellent. It's spelled S-A-N-N-E and they're Dutch. Oh, okay. I don't know. Zana? I have no idea. Nobody knows. I tried. I have no idea. Nobody knows.

I tried. I tried. Probably failed. But the idea is related to being Dutch. In Amsterdam, they have coffee shops. Yes. But at the coffee shops, you get drugs. So here's what... Well, marijuana, right?

Yes. Weed slash... Well, okay. It says here a coffee shop is more of a weed slash drugs dispensary. Okay, so maybe some other things mixed in there. Where you can also use the weed slash drugs. So my challenge is find a review where someone went into a coffee shop in the Netherlands without knowing that they actually sell drugs. Okay, wow.

That's going to be interesting. Because it might be a little hard just because I feel like so many tourists go because of that. It has such a reputation. Yeah, and so people go for that reason. Yeah, that's a great point. So if somebody doesn't know, that's going to be a unique experience. Exactly. I like that.

At first I was like, huh, this might not be challenging enough. Then I was like, you know, there are probably so many reviews of people, tourists who go there just for that. I can't wait to find out. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you. Love it.

Thank you. Thank you, everybody. We'll see you next week. And in the meantime, I'm just going to go listen to Paul Scheer before he really blocks me. Yeah, too late for that. Oh, no. Too late for that. you