Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 173: Reviews of Rainforest Cafe

Episode Date: March 23, 2022

Or should we say, Reviews of Cracker Barrel Jungle Excursion? Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tour Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Get your toilet stickers here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly important message we are coming at you live again well run for cover finally we had a show and it was in 2020 so we didn't have a show and now we have another show yes it's in cincinnati and it's in columbus so we have a show in cincinnati on wednesday june 8th at the liberty funny bone okay all right you got that and then the next day june 9th 2022 we have a show in columbus at the columbus funny bone and we are so excited so in the cincinnati show we're going to be reading uh reviews of cincinnati locations in the the Cincinnati show, we're going to be reading reviews of Cincinnati locations. In the Columbus show, we're going to do Columbus locations. So it's going to be a different show each time. So hey, if you live in like Dayton between the two,

come to both if you want. If you're a roadie and want to join us to get tickets, go to our website, beachgcandy.com and just hit, I don't know, tour live, something like that. Put something up there because it's not on there right now. It's not there. We'll put a link. It's fine. You'll find it. We do have VIP tickets available as well, which includes a meet and greet.

Ooh! So if you want to meet us, greet us, and I don't think... Take us out to eat us. Ew, okay. I will not be eaten by any of you in any way. I said take us out to eat. Oh, I thought you said take us out and eat us i was like no i'm not signing off on this that's not that wasn't in my contract that's in the writer

anyway we'll see you in june welcome to beach to sandy water to wet a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm your DJ, Christine. What are you spinning for us today, DJ X-Teen? I thought you were burping, but you were saying my name. Okay. DJ X-Teen. We're doing RC, or if you're not familiar with the, you know, colloquial in-name, Rainforest.

I almost forgot it. Rainforest. I was like, why are you pausing for me? Rainforest Cafes. Yes, which we famously have never been to i want to go so bad is there one near us i forgot after this episode you still want to go real bad i'm not that wasn't judgment i'm sorry that sounded very judgy i was just curious i think i want to go and maybe look in the windows just to see look at the windows see what kind of animatronics we got going on but that's about it i will say um it didn't really deter me because i felt so many of the shitty reviews or people

giving it one star were like so shocked at what the experience was like or the environment there are so many people who complain and gave it one star saying like, this is a terrible place for kids. There are animatronics everywhere. And it's like, yeah, maybe not for your kid, but that's kind of the whole point. Most of mine were, I can't believe I went here. I would only go back if I had kids. One of them actually said,

I would only go back if i accidentally became a dad someday i think it's just a rainforest cafe is a really good case study for um the concept of you can't please everybody no and because you could really be kind of a jane goodall character and uh kind of sit amongst the foliage what should i do dusty and plastic and just and just kind of sit amongst the foliage. What should I say? Dusty and plastic and just kind of, I don't know, take notes with your little waterproof notepad. I love this because this kind of implies that Jane Goodall would have a great time at Rainforest Cafe. Although I'm picturing a Jane Goodall type going

and looking at the animatronics and thinking, wow, this is so inaccurate. Really? Yeah. I feel like they're, yeah, I feel like. Not that I know anything about gorillas. I'm sorry. Just to make that clear, everybody, I'm not saying that it's actually inaccurate. I don't know.

Well, somebody described them as looking half melted. Oh, dear God. I'm hoping they're not accurate is what i'm gonna say i will say the most complaint most of the complaints i had from people were um the price yes okay i saw that a lot you're right and that the food was crummy and i was kind of like well yeah this is one of those places as we say you're paying for the hashtag experience kind of like a benihana situation um and so which i'd argue is even more clear with rainforest cafe than it is with benihana 100 yeah i i can't believe especially just looking from at the outside you look at that and you think you're gonna go to some place with

great food that's well priced i think no hecking way i think uh yeah how else will they maintain that beautiful foliage they've got going on um but i will say melt all those gorillas someday they have one of those like little temperature things and they're raising money to save the gorillas at the rainforest cafe they're like holding them hostage and you have to they have to hit a certain threshold of money each day and then otherwise they lower the temperature raise the temperature and melt them is that what you're saying it's like they're threatening these girls these fake gorillas and saying if we don't earn enough money today these gorillas are getting melted and your children are going home very very unhappy

nest thermostat just like click click no that's not what i meant do you want dessert today oh no click no alexander what i meant was one of the temperatures for raising money where you like fill in how much money you're raising not a literal okay i get it they're trying to save the gorillas at the rainforest. Oh, okay. But just, sorry, to be clear, the animatronic gorillas, that's what they're trying to save. Not the real gorillas. Okay. No, they don't have the funding for that. God. No, yours was so much more sinister.

I was like, that's not what I meant. So anyway, I don't know where I was even going to go with any of this, but. No one wants to know either. I don't think we should even try. So yeah, I guess guess do you want to go first sure sure so this is from um an email this is from uh jessica she her um and uh jessica sent in some um reviews of the nashville rain and does call it rc nashville rc so a lot of people did i love that jessica is in you know in is with it in crap you know you know um and also never mind actually this would

be a spoiler so i'm not gonna say this uh here we go i'll tell you after this review okay here's a one-star review of the nashville rc i won't give it one star but only way to give comment i write this as we're sitting at table asked for ketchup never got it till end had to hunt waiter down to get drinks also another waiter got a child seat instead of lifting and carrying to table she dragged it on side by the child seat belt to the table got our bill didn't inform us to pay a table. We thought we paid it front like cracker barrel. Oh my god, I'm an idiot. No, wait. Christina, I'm so... This is even

better. Sorry. Let me reread this sentence. I can't believe I misread this. Got our bill. Didn't inform us to pay a table. We thought we paid it front like crackle barrel. Had to go back in and the area where they seat you were very rude told me to get out of way for new customers end of review oh no

so first i was like oh the fact that they're like throwing this dig in at crack or they're not maybe it's not quite a dig but a cracker barrel and then they don't even know how to spell crackle cracker barrel well oxen are they just dined and dashed at the rainforest cafe and then they and then they blamed crackle barrel and i feel like that's pretty harsh i and i feel like i don't know very different vibes crackle barrel and rainforest why would you assume that i feel like those aren't two that I would conflate. No. I don't know.

Like the other day, our dad came over and he had brought this. Here's the thing. Bernie sends his mail to my house. I've been thinking about doing a TikTok series and I keep like not doing it. It's called Bernie's Mail in my head. Of course. At least. And he brought this basket over and he gets so much mail that it requires its own full-size basket

to kind of contain it all and keep it separate from the two envelopes Blazin' I get every day. And so he brought this basket over and he was, you know, complaining that it was so expensive. And I said, nobody asked for this basket except you, but okay. And he's complaining about how expensive it is. And I said, where'd you get it? he said oh cracker barrel and i thought well you and i had this conversation of yeah well that tracks yeah no you told me that and i believed it somehow we weren't surprised of course he overpaid for a basket at cracker barrel well it makes sense it made sense to us and i said why i did i said why not really expecting a clear reason and then he suddenly realized no he didn't mean cracker barrel not even crackle barrel he meant crate and barrel

it is so good and i said you bought your first of all you bought your mail basket at crate and barrel okay thanks at least you probably went just for that too just for that and thank you for giving me the high quality basket for my for my front entrance um secondly i kind of get that mistake like crate and barrel cracker barrel i never realized how close they are yeah rainforest cafe and cracker barrel in my mind are two separate entities like if this person were at a crate and barrel saying oh i thought we paid up front i thought we left and paid up yeah and then i'd be like, yeah, of course you would think that. She walked out. You thought you were at Cracker Barrel. Very different.

She took all her big old baskets outside and they thought she was shoplifting. But she just thought she was at a rainforest cafe. And I just wanted to look at the rocking chairs you have on the front porch. See, there's a lot of crossover, you know. Yeah. So I don't necessarily blame dad for that mix up. But yeah, I don't really understand why you would think you could just walk out of a restaurant without like confirming. Yeah. Confirming that you were allowed to do that.

Yeah. But now that we've got our thoughts out on the the Cracker Barrel versus Rainforest Cafe conversation, I will present a different view from Jessica herself. Oh, okay. Which might sway us a little bit. So here we go. This is what Jessica says at the end of the email. It also got me thinking about RC is like a Cracker Barrel jungle excursion because it had a little gift shop similar to that of CB.

So Jessica's in Cr on the like in in cracker barrel and art sorry cb and rc but cb that's where i get a little thrown off because crate and barrel i guess i guess well that makes it tough yeah context so that brought up that was a good point the gift shop i almost said it's not like it has a gift shop and then i went wait it it literally does absolutely does yeah not sure I mean very different vibes in those gift shops one feels very uncomfortable and actually you know what they both are I'm sorry I'm thinking Cracker Barrel I'm like how do I how do I present Cracker Bar barrel gift shops because it is it's like i feel like if a foreigner except for our dad who loves it apparently if a foreigner comes to cracker barrel they would look around and think oh dear god this is this is the bad

side of america really i think i think they would show up and go oh yeah this is exactly what i pictured america to be yes but most foreigners picture it in a bad way is what i'm saying absolutely yeah but i don't think anyone would be taken aback or surprised um very like americana but not don't get me wrong i love the pegging i love the pegging porch pegging is one of our favorite activities um so don't worry we're not dissing it but but yeah it does have a unique vibe and i assume a rainforest cafe shop also has a unique vibe and i don't know what quite what that means since you and i have never had the pleasure of going don't worry i watched that youtube video walkthrough that's right i still

haven't and i kind of don't want to now because i want to keep it as a surprise it kind of looks like so the gift shop that makes me think of a natural history museum gift shop, but the kids section where they might have, you know, kind of jungle, you know what I mean? The best section. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. I'm so excited. Yeah. Do they have those squishy tube things? Okay.

This video walkthrough didn't go through their entire inventory, but it seemed to have, you know, all sorts of stuffed animals or merch here's the problem we're gonna go and i'm gonna just deck out this damn studio with rainforest cafe i'm excited now when's where's the closest one i don't know and i forgot to check can you look i don't think it's oh you know what no i think it is nashville actually the ones i just read reviews of well alexander that's not that far there's one in chicago maybe too i don't

know that's also not that far i christina you say that you say that but i don't want to do a four hour drive to rainforest cafe i'm sorry you never fail to disappoint me oh dear god okay chicago wow okay no can i get through this that statement you just said uh detroit is mom still downstairs i gotta go talk to her she's not gonna make you feel better okay yeah she'll be like and she expected more from that bitch whoa oh right it's a reference it's a callback it's a callback i'm's a callback. I'm sorry. I was like, Alexander. It's that time that she did that. Go to her TikTok. She loved that TikTok.

Not really, but she had a lot to say to defend herself. Okay. Well, anyway, we're going to go. We'll find one. We'll go to Nashville. Yeah. Well, thank you, Jessica. I'll find a reason to go to Nashville.

Good. And then I'll just say, just kidding. This was all for one time. I went toago with you just to get a passport true so i feel like you could do just this tiny thing for me my german passport might need renewing soon so we might use it again any chance they would do that in nashville or do we have to go to chicago for that i think the german consulate is in chicago well that's a disappointment yes all right that's fine okay hear that chicago

no i love chicago i just i've been there so many times i like barely know anything about national you're over it okay it's just so sorry as long as we can if you're paying for the hotel room and we stay in the gay lord opry land i'm in i'm serious we're never gonna find our way out of there that's basically a rainforest cafe i'm That actually feels like an upscale rainforest cafe. No, yes. Yes, exactly. Right? Yes.

There's like water and like sounds everywhere and like plants. Yeah, and they have literal jungle plants. Oh my God. You're right. Okay. Anyway. This is from Amana, she, her, who sent this review of an RC atc at animal kingdom wow which is quite the combo double yeah i feel like a very layered experience i would imagine um do you go in there and think oh this is boring this is like everything else yeah this looks no different i don't know and

also i want to point out the review is from allears.net do you know what that means i mean it sounds like a disney reference it's like a mickey thing yeah i i assumed and i just looked it up and that's absolutely and it's a forum and it is a lot and i will say the little banner ad that came up on top is um of mouse fan travel cruises uh disney cruise line and i feel like i'm in a dangerous place with this forum that is already i'm treading not sorry for the pun treading some dangerous water here i think some listeners have made suggestions so we had our episode where we talked about cruises i hated it so i never like to talk about it i don't like to bring it up um we also had our disney parks episode which was lots of fun also was a time

also was really wild combining those two is my worst nightmare and christina people have suggested it and i purposefully have not brought it up to you. Do you archive the emails when they come in? I don't know where to find those. Christina, I'm not. Oh, good to know. But once I figure out how to archive emails, I accidentally do it all the time. And then I'm like, where did it go? It just vanishes. Yeah, well, I looked up you can hit menus on all ears.net. And the first thing that comes up is the egg roll wagon. So that menu's been updated recently in case you need to know about that. There's a lot happening in this entire website. I'm actually like really overwhelmed.

So I'm going to X out and go back to, Amanda did the hard work for me and found this review. And you can rate out of 10 stars on this website. And this is a one star review of the animal kingdom. I mean, sorry, the, uh, now I'm all confused. Rainforest cafe at animal kingdom. One star by Kathy would never, ever, ever go back here again. First time we went, we really enjoyed following year. We went and it was like day and night server kept trying to sell us some kind of rewards points program all night long making us very uncomfortable food was

horrible this time around so bad that it was inedible for my son who ordered crab cakes as he was a vegetarian he said they tasted weird and husband tried a piece and said same oh boy oh oh boy oh boy oh boy okay fuck i didn't want you to do that i regret it i regret even introducing pretty good yeah especially on the spot it was too good thank you i'd like to get out of it you hear that you hear that big mick you need a new voice artist that's's me. Get on the big screen. Oh, boy. I can't do any other phrase, but... I don't want you to do that anymore.

Okay. By end of night, the two were vomiting and running to bathroom all night, and the following two days ruining our trip. Can you say food poisoning? I can. Never ever again. I can. End of review.

Wow. So, anyway, i just thought crab cakes because he's vegetarian and then he's throwing up all night doesn't already doesn't track it feels like you kind of got yourself into this sticky predicament eating crab anything crap at a rainforest cafe while while allegedly not eating meat yeah that's very confusing but people have different never mind i'm i could go on for a long time about this but uh what i'm was curious about is the rewards the perks the rewards program and a part of me wonders if that's a disney thing oh no no no it's a real thing i googled it just now because i needed to know excellent it's part of landry select club which

i've heard that sounds something i want to be part of wait you've heard of this yes and also explains a lot because some reviews people were talking about laundries or at least one review said laundries and i'm like what laundry laundry here. And I skipped it. Cause I was like, I don't know what the hell they're talking about. They're complaining about something. I don't even know what it is. They must've meant Landry's.

So they must've been getting their waiter must've been doing the same thing and saying, Oh, you should join Landry's select club. I'm assuming they get some sort of kick, but not kick back. I mean, yeah,

if you do join landry select club you turn your wild time into amazing rewards why didn't anyone tell me this sooner it includes a 25 welcome reward 25 birthday reward 25 reward for every 250 you spend priority seating exclusive offers and retail benefits which i assume is at their uh benefits um you can buy their nice rocking chairs at a discount now what about a priority seating at a rainforest cafe priority seating now that would be nice is that inside the eye of the storm that they have it's like they give you they give you the button for the thunder oh that's a dangerous game um wow i i will say it is apparently okay i'm not we're not this is not a sponsor there's a one-time non-refundable 25 membership fee so that's it yeah that seems worth it. If you go multiple times. I just went on to Landry's Select Club and the front page in large Arial font says,

now offering a new generation of rewards. TM, learn about Bitcoin rewards. Oh, dear God. Get me out of here. Never mind. I take it back. Maybe we shouldn't get involved. Learn about Bitcoin rewards.

What? This seems like we're... Yikes. This seems like we're uh getting into once again some dangerous water here um we've jumped the shark hey here you go you can pay for your rainforest cafe meal with bitcoin what is this world like god sometimes i feel like we're living in some sort of i was gonna say hellscape but like what if your points could earn more even more dining rewards one bitcoin point at a time now i love how they say bitcoin point because one bitcoin is very

valuable hey okay valuable is a maybe the wrong word you can win a bitcoin they have a sweepstakes to win a single bitcoin every time you dine you can uh enter to win a bitcoin i feel like that's a lot of money like us dollars god it's forty thousand dollars well you know what it is right now yeah future generations listening back to our podcast i wonder if they'll listen they say wow it was worth forty thousand dollars we're sitting here like today is march 21st 2022 and the bitcoin we're gonna do this every week by the way the bitcoin is currently valued at a time capsule forty thousand dollars it's sort of like if they first of all love that you have the confidence that someone will be

listening to this in 40 years uh i will be i'll be the last one we'll just be sitting in our rocking chairs at the crack crackle barrel listening to this um but second of all it's sort of like if we listened back and they were like well wow a whole wartime bond you get a whole wartime bond for every time you go out to eat at the local crackle barrel i mean i mean hey look it's not just at the rainforest cafe which i love that on the promotions page they really hide that like they try to make it look really bougie it does definitely doesn't look like something i'd be able to use in a rainforest they put it up put like oh well there's also bubba gump is also part of it but uh they have like mitchell's fish

market and uh mccormick and schmicks like very kind of chateau wine dinner la la la la la um and then i guess in really small fonts like i guess if you go to rainforest cafe you could also you could also win a bitcoin maybe win a bitcoin if you sit in the eye of the storm oh it's so bad anyway sorry that was a lot but uh i'm so glad you discovered this because i come to think of it i think i might even have some reviews where people complained about the laundry yeah trying to get them to do their laundry or whatever. Okay. Is it my turn?

No, it's my turn. Oh, okay. Now it comes to the worst part of my day. This is a review sent in by Monica. Okay. Monica is a member of the Hogpen, my Twitch stream. And I met her along with Nelly, who is also, or Hellcat, who's also a member of the Hogpen. That's right. And Dee and I met them in Boston at the show.

Went on. He was like my roadie this week. We went to, on the end, that's where I drink leg of the tour. Yeah, just finished that up. You finally said roadie. Every time you've been saying groupie, and I said, please say roadie. I think I met roadie. It's way cooler.

Because you did mean roadie. I know you did. Because groupie, like, yeah, I'm your first listener ever okay so so that's the same but yeah exactly but now I'm joining you on tour um no it was lots of fun uh the whole trip was fun and I got to meet Monica and Hellcat which was an experience but um wasn't always positive I'm not sure how to feel about this I've been kind of like coming to terms with what happened um so for a little backstory the last few days i've been going on this tour i've been having people recognize me in the crowd and saying oh hi zandy or like coming up and saying hi

getting a picture whatever so which has been it was very sweet lots of nice people um it's it was a pleasure meeting you all and then i go out after the boston show to a bar down the street at saint patrick's day weekend we're at an irish bar it was a lot and we're sitting there and i'm gonna be honest i was a little bit of a dick because that's how i am and like i was just dropping annoying comments so for example d flipped Monica and Hellcat off because they were probably doing something annoying and I was like oh I'd flip you off but I'm a public figure so I can't be seen in public doing that but you're very tongue in cheek of course I'm joking they know how I am that's how I am I'm joking around whatever

a little bit later like within 10 minutes a woman comes up all excited and goes are you zandy schieffer and i'm like oh hi yeah and i was like what's your name and she's like oh it's tori like oh i'm like nice to meet you tori she's like so nice to meet you and she goes off and i look over hellcat and monica are dying laughing d is sitting next to me laughing and i even lean over this is the worst part i lean over d i'm like oh i'm kind of glad they saw that because they seem to enjoy it i was like oh they got to see that happen christina monica literally went up to somebody with a five dollar bill and said i will give you five dollars if you come up to our table and pretend you recognize

this guy xandy Schieffer. Do you know the worst part? What? She didn't even take the $5. That is the worst part. She did it for free. Yep. That's what I...

I had to tell Christina the next day. I was like, I'm going to save it for the podcast. I'm like, no, I need to... He had to... I need help processing this. Yeah, we were sitting next to each other on the plane and I don't think you could have just kept that to yourself. No.

That is so evil. was so okay i was so mortified but like not actually like it didn't bother me it was very funny but at the same time i was like i cannot believe i just got got got so bad that is so bad like the ultimate harmless punk. And she was like, you needed to be humbled. And I'm like, you're not wrong. And it humbled me. It was the last leg of the trip. Okay, I guess we had Cincinnati. But the last leg of the actual adventure before coming home,

I needed to get knocked down a peg, I guess. And it worked. I was very humbled. I just was nice and calm the rest of the night i'm just i just feel bad for uh whoever sees you next and says hi are you xandy schieffer and you're like i know your games i'm gonna be paranoid get out of my face yeah no but is it worth your five dollars was tori like went past our table and then came back like did a loop to pretend like she was coming from a different area of the bar to like

make an entrance yeah she made an entrance and made it so believable and so of course like none of them blamed me for believing like it wasn't like oh you you believed that it was like no it was so believable so tori shout out to tori this person and monica unfortunately said oh he has a podcast so then she was like, Tori was probably like, oh, I can't wait to knock down this white man with a podcast, which, hey, I get it. Fair. No, I deserve it. No wonder she didn't take the $5. If someone pitched that to me,

I'd be like, I'll pay you to be able to do that. Where's he at? Yeah, let me at him. Shout out to Tori, who has no idea who I am or what this is. Tori, the real MVP. It was hilarious. It was so funny. Man. Anyway anyway so yeah monica emailed us um but i will say monica spelled our last name wrong so she's trying to humble you again oh no i just got caught again i was gonna use that as a way to get her and then now you

just turned it around on me okay anyway well humbled. Anyway, well, humbled you too. So shush. Here we go. Here's the review. This is of the Rainforest Cafe in Katy, Texas at the Katy Mills Mall. This is a review by Andrew. One star. Worst experience ever. First, we had to wait to be called when the place was practically empty.

No cutlery or napkins on our table and after waiting for a long while our order came wrong and what was meant to be a romantic dinner with my wife turned into a solitary meal because i already felt so upset that i preferred to ask for the bill and leave i only wish that other people suffer the same fate end of review oh no people really don't get the idea of this place a romantic yes there's a lot here that i think there's a lot happening not okay it got worse every moment going great okay granted d always asked to go to a for a romantic dinner at rainforest cafe and you never ever given no never. Well, I mean, to be fair, one time for, I mean, we're not going to get into it,

but let's just say we had a kind of a wedding event type thing at an IHOP after Blaze and I got married. And I feel like, I don't know, I can't judge. You know what I mean? No, and I wouldn't judge that part. Like, that's not, I'm like, whatever. If you want to go to Rainforest Cafe for romance, whatever gets your goat. But what I'm confused about is this romantic meal turned into a solitary meal.

That's the part. What happened here? I feel like we're missing some steps between the romantic meal and the solitary meal i do feel like in a place with a lot of um flashing lights loud noises foliage uh animatronic animals you can't just say somebody disappeared without giving me a little more context exactly because my mind immediately jumps to the worst possible conclusion, which is just bad. It's nothing good. Nothing good can come of that.

It's nothing good. It's really dark and dangerous. And then wishing other people to have the same fate as you, they might have meant the opposite. True. But they said, I only wish that other people suffer the same fate, this is how i'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt at the start and say i assume they meant the opposite i'm not i think this is a villain origin story where they're like you put me through this now wait while i inflict this upon the rest of the world it's like how um people say ceos should uh be forced to work yeah at their restaurant or at their like let's say

starbucks like an undercover boss situation that they should be forced to do that um well maybe this person's like i think these employees should have to deal with being customers here yeah because which isn't fair because i'm sure the employees are also having a terrible time much worse imagine imagine having to deal with whatever you dealt with but times 10 and also not getting paid enough for it and also there's gorillas everywhere well exactly so all these people complaining about the thunder and these animatronics imagine working there and also your manager's like how many people signed up for the laundry club today and you're like oh no i forgot to pitch it it's like we can't raise

this thermometer and we're gonna have to melt some gorillas i'm putting my hand on the nest right now oh my god um wow that is a tale that's a dark tale that this person just shared with us and then attempted to inflict upon everyone else. A romantic evening at the Rainforest Cafe. Gone wrong. So tragic. Okay. Well, I have...

Thank you, Monica, for that and nothing else. Here's an email from Jessica. She, her. This is about Rainforest Cafe in Las Vegas, which I imagine is its own sort of hellscape, but I don't know. I hope they have slot machines too. In there. Oh.

That would be incredible. I'm sure there are some themed slot machines that would fit in really well at a Rainforest Cafe, you know? Okay. Can you imagine adding the sound of like the ding, ding, ding to all the other sounds? It must just be a headache in the making

okay this is a one star review by ryan that food has become terrible the gluten-free pasta is uneatable the adventurous appetizer is amazingly overpriced the worst part my daughter walked into a couple having sex in the women's restaurant this restaurant should be shut and destroyed the quality of staff is pathetic the manager tried to make things right but overall the place and experience was terrible end of review so it just occurred to me someone else is also having a romantic night at the rainforest yeah i'm just like wait a second i guess maybe that is the place to go i don't know um yeah that's i feel like if if i know last review i just said i'm not going to judge but if rainforest cafe leads to that yikes i don't know maybe take a look inward you know yeah yeah and also i say that also because the the comments on the state of the bathrooms that i read oh dear god we're all so heinous and just the thought of like combining

those two experiences sounds terrible um but in my mind there's probably someone's probably done it but a rating system or a ranking of these different fast i don't know what you would call this type of restaurant family family yeah okay that's something like that if i'm ranking the bathrooms i could see rainforest cafe being pretty much in the middle ranking the bathrooms yeah just in bathrooms i feel like there's some that when i would hear i immediately would think oh those bathrooms are probably awful. But Rainforest Cafe is not one of them. Where do you think CB would rank?

And I don't mean Crane Barrel. I don't know if they let you use a bathroom. I would say below Rainforest Cafe. You think? Yes. Really? Because of the elderly. The elderly and the children.

I feel like it's a bad combination. But same with the Rainforest Cafe. Yes, they have children, but they're also adults with the children often. Often. I hope always. I don't think as many elderly people go to... I think it's the mix. I feel like this is like elderly slander, though.

Like you're just saying... I'm going to say it, yeah. What? I think those two forces combined make for a terrible bathroom experience. But I don't know, because Rainforest Cafe also peddles alcohol. Does Cracker Barrel serve alcohol? That is a good question. Drunk people also create quite a...

That's literally the first thing as I start doing, does Crack... Yes, Cracker Barrel is now serving alcohol. This was March of 2021. Oh, they're like, what do we do after all this how do we get them coming back and then someone said does cracker barrel serve champagne talk about romance what is going on with these romantic dinner i must be out of the loop yeah so apparently yeah they're cracker barrel it said there's an october 2021 article saying that cracker barrel seeks ohio liquor permits

to sell beer and wine wow so they didn't do it for the longest time so your instinct was correct and i'm sure many still don't so yeah your instinct was correct about that okay which does add to it you're right but i was going by just gut feeling tips the scale i guess if we really really go in depth i would say they're okay at best equal on this at the same level okay that's fair yeah um well i also want to point out that in this review uh ryan said in the women's restaurant i think he means restroom yes like to point that out um secondly i love that uh the next paragraph kind of uh offers us a solution it's not just a problem but he also delivers a solution which is to shut it and destroy it and that's so alarming to me because it doesn't even say shut down it

just says like close the doors chain them up and like set it on fire is what i'm picturing and those gorillas have already had enough of a melting melt heat exposure i don't think i think once once that matches lit it's we can't go back you know i'd hope we don't i mean i'm just gonna say it i i i really hope we don't anyway so that was uh that was terrible ominous that was thank you um i have another one uh from monica this is of the same one the katie texas location this is by pamela one star the girl checking people in had a long line but thought it was funny to chat it up with some guy for 20 minutes before he left once we were put on the wait list and was finally after hour was seated then when we were trying to check out a few things in the gift shop, nobody was there. I asked another employee if we could get waited on, and she said,

Wow, she gone again. Where does she keep going? She went to look for her, but nobody ever returned. End of review. Just vanishing people at this place. Yeah. People keep disappearing, and I don't think we talk about it enough in society. People are disappearing at rainforest cafes all across the nation.

Or just at Katy, Texas. Maybe, yes. Just at the Katy, Texas location. Okay, fair, fair, fair. But this is, if I dare say, an epidemic. You dare and I dare as well. And that's why we formed this organization called DARE. dare and that's why we formed this organization called dare and uh i will say too um as a true crime podcaster i feel like it's my not only due diligence but obligation

to bring awareness to this issue um and so i'm glad i'm glad you've brought this tough topic up you're so welcome to the table and if i worked at this place i'm just gonna say it oh i think i'd try to vanish too especially if someone in the gift shop were trying to find me i'd be like i don't think i want to be a part of this no um so i don't blame this server for pulling this vanishing act yeah and i feel like a lot of these locations are in other fun areas so for example the uh there's animal kingdom i think disney has one well disney is okay whatever i don't know how it works but um i'll check all ears.net yeah whatever and then um there's mall of america

so there are a lot of places to disappear too yeah it's not like you're gonna disappear and then be in the middle of nowhere you're gonna be probably somewhere fun you can just hop on a roller coaster there's a casino nearby yeah there's stuff to do um there's katie texas all that it has to offer for what it's worth it was at the the at the mall and katie katie texas claire's is probably nearby so yeah you're right you're. There's probably a lot of fun things to escape into. Okay. This one is also from Just Cuts

of the Las Vegas RC and it's a one-star review by Frank. They made us wait 30 minutes because they were short-staffed. Is this even a restaurant? Where could the workers... I'm going to be like, going to stop and answer that barely do you

want yeah the technical answer i mean depends on your definition of a restaurant and that's what bothers me is i mean yeah it is but you're not going there for the okay for for because it's a restaurant you're going there to win a bitcoin yes gosh you're not like where can we go to just eat a meal oh i know let's go to rainforest cafe no one does that to entertain the kids for just an hour so we can yeah is this even a restaurant where could the workers possibly be oh my god God, it's happening. Christina, you know what? It's happening. What's going on? This is truly an epidemic.

In Las Vegas now. Yeah. It's spreading. This is their job. They can't even walk in and serve us paying customers. I am very disappointed about this. We drove like 30 minutes just to eat at a rainforest cafe. Not only that, but it's almost hidden

i just picture that like moving the ivy yeah or not the ivy the hanging what is in the jungle these vines vines thank you good job yep you said it i know i was talking to myself oh i see not only that but it's almost hidden. We had so much trouble finding it. But then after we went in the goose chase to find it, they had us waiting 30 minutes because they can't manager their own restaurant. Disgusting. Edit. When we finally sat down, there were two groups eating, four customers total in the whole restaurant.

End of review. Wait. Did they write this before getting seated is that what they're saying they couldn't find it i don't know because they their edit says when we were finally seated right yep so that means that they weren't seated yet they wrote this review while looking for it dad where is it i'm hungry like started it while looking for it then we're complaining about it and then wait i'm what's with that edit am i wrong am i just honestly maybe used they wrote it and then like they went to complain once more at dinner and uh their partner whoever said and by like and speaking of which there

were only four people in the restaurant he was like i gotta go add that i gotta go update my review so true susan that susan i can't believe i forgot to mention it my nine friends on google have to know about this um i of course went to uh the location at the mall of america in minneapolis minnesota you went there on the internet on the internet well i was there in person too you were i didn't go inside of it i went was outside of it here we go this is a one-star review uh this is by dino decoration is nice but that's all we don't like the food and the quality especially for the price at the end a restaurant should offer good food and not just a jungle you're at the wrong place my friend at the end of the day can you

imagine if he was like i have a few uh critiques maybe some feedback get rid of the whole jungle thing and just serve food like what's then what is it it's nothing that's you're stripping away the whole identity of this place do you know i mean those gorillas melted gorillas are gonna be out of a job yeah to traumatize someone who opens it up who has maybe this is a strong word for this situation and i use this phrase a lot but the audacity i was hoping that's where you were to tell rainforest cafe to not be just a jungle hello what the expectations for this place are way too high sorry are misplaced misplaced that's probably better because i think the the atmosphere if that's lacking then that makes sense like that you would complain i hesitate to say this and yet

i'll say it anyway which is that i feel like this is something dad would show up and go i don't understand why they have to play these gorillas why is this happening and i'm like yeah this is not the place for you probably it doesn't have to be at all and it does not have to be no no one at rainforest cafe the top brass they're not sitting there every day thinking do we have to offer all this jungle themed stuff like no they don't have to how do we appeal to a wider audience i guess we could get rid of all the vines i don't know yeah i i feel like you're kind of missing the point yes this person you know you know it's like yeah it's called rain for I mean, it's right there in the name. They just want to be a cafe.

Yeah. And there's nothing about the outside that's very nondescript. And you walk in, you're like, whoa. Isn't there like a toucan on it? It's literally, there's a giant like tree frog on the menu sign. There's like, before you get in, there are vines and ivy and everything everywhere and like you look you can tell it is very clear what you're walking into what you're climbing into through the vines yeah i'm pretty sure i don't know if this one does but some locations have

like a little kid section where kids can go through like a little like a little tunnel oh how fun is that yeah so it So it is very much an experience. It's all point. I'm going to take the leap and say any restaurant that features a branded gift shop probably is themed for a reason. Yes. And is probably not going to take Dino's feedback

of removing the theme from the entire, the entire brand. But anyway, about anything else, because I assume there's plenty other things to complain about. Like, sure there are, but like, why are you telling them to quit with the theme?

Come on. That's it. Like all the, what if someone like left a review, but it's probably happened left a review of our podcast being like, it's fine, but I wish they would just stop doing the review thing like oh my god without that what are we we're just we're banter which the other reviews complain about we're just two white people bantering exactly

like we're masquerading as more than that when in reality that's mostly what we are but anyway you cannot please everybody you can't so this is an email from abigail who started it with in my never-ending quest to attain your love and attention. So, of course, I was like, I'll take a peek. Yeah. And then also signed off the email with, live, laugh, love, lunatic left-wing liberal loser. Yes.

That's amazing. Even saying aloud. And this, speaking of fun places, is of the rainforest cafe in atlantic city new jersey oh boy another tourist hot spot so this is a one-star rebuke greg that has made now that is officially my the worst one that's in my mind that's the one the last one i would want like if we had a rainforest i've never even been to atlantic city but i just you just called it get me out i'm never going to that get me out of this place that I'm never going to go to, is how you feel. Well, I feel like if we had a Rainforest Cafe passport, which I'm pretty sure that's my

next cricket project if those don't exist. I'll put the design on my Etsy store. For your very own Rainforest Cafe passport. I'm going to get sued for stealing their logo tree frog or whatever. Okay, sorry. So, one star by Greg. own rainforest i'm gonna get sued for stealing their logo tree frog or whatever okay sorry so one star by greg fine dining a fine fucking mess got my burger and was still moving i think at one point the burger moved at me not to mention we sat at table playing with ourselves not to mention yeah please don't mention that i don't want to hear that

um i also want to point out there's a photo as part of this review of like how raw the burger is oh and the caption says a burger that's alive which is just repulsive which i guess is the point but many levels not to mention we sat at table playing with ourselves until we got service hour and half later finally. Okay, they don't go, they don't. What? What were they doing? They were playing with ourselves. What do they think that means? I thought there would be something that would make it clear in context that they just misspoke, which they very clearly, I would hope, misspoke.

But what do they mean? What do they mean about what? Playing with themselves. I don't know, Alexander. Playing Sudoku? I don't know. I'm just, I thought there'd be a little more context there. I'm unhappy.

That's why I stopped you, because I thought by now that would be much less troublesome but no i was wrong the trouble was just beginning oh no plus the guy at the door that had a penis shaped head plus the guy at the door that had a penis shaped head told us we couldn't get sat unless we had a reservation i'd rather get my ass kicked in a parking lot than sit at that place and watch my food walk off my plate end of review oh my god this person should be an author this person is an author okay how dare you i'm sorry i'm sorry you're not here what i just read you yeah you read you read me the most disturbing thing i've ever heard the sad part is that his magnum opus was this because he's only written one review. This was it. Wow. Yeah. Oh, man.

That would be somebody that we could devote a whole episode to if they kept going. If they kept going. And, you know, it's tragic that, like, his writing career ended in such. But, you know, we got an American classic out of it. And I think we have to just remember that. Yeah. Penis-shaped head. That's a new one.

That's a new one. That's a new one. I know. That's a very special one. It makes me laugh because it's so strange. It's so weird. Oh my gosh. Okay. Wow.

I have one more. This is my last one. Great. This is by Paula of the Minneapolis location. One star. It took nearly 20 minutes for someone to take our order. star it took nearly 20 minutes for someone to take our order then we think that person went home because it took 30 minutes for us to be served by a different person this is just not it just keeps happening i like that at this which location is this again uh minneapolis yeah i like

that at this place though they have uh like a reserve yeah yeah servers so like if one goes missing into the jungle they pull another one out is this some like cloning shit they just replace them this is creepy i'm creeped out by this there's something very sinister the underbelly the underbelly rainforest cafe there is something there something dark is happening brewing okay to explore yes i'm Jane Goodall. Thank you for watching my documentary. I'm Jane Goodall Jr. One time Alexander and I saw Jane Goodall. It's true.

We've said this before on the show. Yeah, I feel like we've said this before. But the wildest part was it was so... It was wild, yep. It was wild, first of all. Second of all, it felt very... It felt almost like we made it up because. I was about to say, like, people would never believe us. It doesn't sound real because we walked past her and she was holding a stuffed gorilla.

Literally. This is not, like, she was literally just walking, like, no, nobody, just walking with a stuffed gorilla. No, okay. She was with people. It was on your campus. She was up in a tree and I was like, what is she doing? No, no, no.

She was walking with a group and she was, she had spoken at my school. She had up in a tree and I was like, what is she doing? No, no, no. She was walking with the group and she had spoken at my school. She had given a speech. And I wasn't. And I assumed that gorilla was a gift. Yeah. But when we do tell people, oh yeah, we saw Jane Goodall walking around with a stuffed gorilla, which was very true. And I have told this story and accidentally left out the word stuffed and people have

thought, wow. Wow. American University in DC university that is pretty cool experience it is a botanical garden alexander you're on your campus yes it was no it wasn't are you messing with me no i'm dead serious okay i think when the like 1890s when burger prices were 50 cents it's an 84 acre accredited and award-winning arboretum and public garden okay so not quite a botanical garden it's a nice tax write-off got it it's such a cynic i'm just kidding well i don't know if i am um it's an arboretum and guard and public garden um so not

quite a botanical garden when i was there there, that is not the vibe I got. No offense. No offense to your campus. But I was not walking around your campus like, wow, this is gorgeous. This feels like an arboretum. It has 385 different species and varieties of woody plants. And also has 4, 000 trees on campus that means nothing to me it means everything to me fourth i don't know what that means like is that a lot

i don't know obviously what do you mean obviously well obviously they wouldn't put it on the internet if it weren't a lot christina they could put anything on the internet and it would just be a fact it wouldn't necessarily mean anything like special of course they'd put anything on the internet and it would just be a fact. It wouldn't necessarily mean anything like special. Of course, they'd put it on the. I'm sorry. What do you think? Every campus has like a brochure that lists how many trees they have. No, but like they could say that and it doesn't make it impressive.

There needs to be like. I'm a sinner. You are. If they were like, we're the campus with the most trees per student or something, I'd be like, oh, wow, that's kind of interesting. Hey, here we go. Tell me. Seven days ago on trees.com, an article was published called Best College Campuses for Trees by Christine. Oh, sorry.

By somebody else. No, it is by somebody else. Oh, sorry. By somebody else. No, it is by somebody else. And it says, it reads, with over 3,500 trees on its campus at California State University. So, if they have 3,500 and DC American University has 4,000, I feel like that's pretty impressive. I just Googled it.

My school, University of Redlands. Also, someone at your show in New York was like, oh, I went to Redlands, by the way. And I was like, oh, no way. So we chatted. That was fun. You both escaped. Yeah, exactly. I was like, they were like, oh, I was here this year.

I was like, yeah, no, I was only there for two semesters. I was here for six days and I hated it. It was not six days. I know. But that is the most beautiful campus that I went to, like of all my schools. But it says it's known for more than 3 000 trees of many varieties it's too bad it has been named a tree campus usa by the arbor day foundation consistently since 2009 and the princeton review has designated redlands as one of the 311 green colleges and they have a campus tree tour and christina the first picture of their coast live

oak is just they're just not even like, they have an Italian cypress. You can tell me everything you want, but until we spot Jane Goodall holding a gorilla on your campus. You got me there. Right? I feel like that trumps everything that you've just said to me. There was literally an orange grove, though, on campus. Wow, wow, wow. Okay.

You lived in California. All right. Yeah, I did. I was in washington dc and honestly let me have this let me finish this terrible review i don't even remember what happens in it this is uh the one that we just had another disappearance okay i was wondering i have no i had no idea so basically just someone went home and then 30 minutes later a new person showed up got it husband ordered dry bourbon manh Manhattan on rocks with an olive and specified no cherries.

Gross. Gross. Gross. Okay, keep going. He got a sweet Manhattan with no rocks and cherries. I don't mind the wait. People singing happy birthday. But when the restaurant is so understaffed the number of staff

is three people and everyone has to wait longer it's totally frustrating one wishes the celebrant a great birthday of course but wishes perhaps a little less fanfare we got there at 6 30 and didn't get out there till 8 30 not only did we have to wait at every step in the process we had to wait for the check end of review not the check i know we walked outside because we thought this was a crackle barrel and we didn't know we had to wait for the check this person sprinkling in the birthday stuff really was so confusing to me because i was like wait it's a children it's a family restaurant they said i don't mind the wait people singing happy birthday blah blah blah and then they're like but it's so frustrating everyone has to wait and then they're like you

know what i haven't said enough about this birthday situation which i totally am fine with yeah they're like of course the celebrant should be wished a happy birthday but with a little less fanfare wow what a what a talk about a scrooge like a mud yeah what the heck wow right that's rough i feel like if somebody if somebody was wishing me a happy birthday it's embarrassing enough at a restaurant to be celebrated you know be being wished a happy birthday but then if i looked over and saw somebody just glaring and like wishing the celebration would end i think i would be mortified i'd be like yeah same at least when other people look like they're enjoying it you can feel you know slightly less yeah embarrassed about it um so wow this person's really just making it like then just don't go for

your birthday like chill if you don't want that kind of experience i think that's the thing though is that they want it for themselves oh you're saying it's a jealousy thing. Oh, my mistake. You know, everyone around, all the five-year-olds are getting songs. And she's like, where was this back in April? True. For me. Yeah. Well, you should have signed up for Landry's Rewards.

Yeah. Only $25, one-time fee. Use promo code BEACH. Sorry, within the last half hour, while we said that, I reached out to our manager and said, I have a priority job for you today. And she said, leave me alone. So I called Landry Services. Anyway, so this was sent in by Ashley Sheher Schiefer. And it's a one-star review.

I don't even remember which one it is. I'm sorry. But it is of a Rainforest Cafe. This is by Jennifer. I don't even remember which one it is. I'm sorry, but it is of a rainforest cafe. This is by Jennifer. The place is beautiful, but the server was lousy. He was sweating all over the drinks and food. I got into an argument with him about so many things.

One, I wanted to pay the check. He wouldn't give me the check. He kept telling me that it was my birthday and that I should have the party that I was with pay my check. He didn't understand that I was paying the whole check, which just aggravated me and then I had to get a little loud. Second, I didn't want alcohol. I wanted it virgin pina colada. He kept telling me it was my birthday and I should have alcohol.

Didn't want everyone in my party to know that I was drinking a virgin pina colada and he was loud. Told him if I'm whispering that meant I didn't want them to know. He made me regret having my 50th birthday party there. Okay, I feel bad for this reviewer. This is a terrible experience. That is like, I'm so uncomfortable.

I feel sad about that. Yeah. Yeah. And also, the weird part was it, oh shit, I ruined my own joke. I was going to say the weird part was it wasn't even her birthday because she just kept saying, he kept telling me it was my birthday oh that's funny which but then like obviously we kind of yeah we've gleaned from this review that it was in fact this reviewer's birthday a regretful day you have oh my gosh just i mean if someone and i feel like if you work in a

restaurant or you would know by now that yeah if someone i mean just in general this is just a fact if someone doesn't want alcohol don't question them don't pressure them to drink i mean i question yeah don't even just do just accept it hey just i that yeah that was kind of shocking like i understand maybe if somebody didn't really read the room and joked like oh aren't your friends gonna buy your dinner which again not really appropriate either at all but the alcohol thing i was like oh gosh somebody's gonna get real upset and that means that happened the alcohol thing so at first you were reading this review and saying i had to get loud and i'm like oh did you have to or whatever and then well the storm storm started somebody hit the somebody in the laundry rewards hit the button and it was

like i can't hear you um yeah and so but then i like i guess i feel like they presented the facts out of order because they presented the check thing first and then the alcohol thing the alcohol thing must have happened before yeah so i could understand if by the check you're feeling pretty frustrated uh at that point you're just like you're right that's the end right yeah oh that's rough i mean and then you have to pay for that on your own birthday that's so sad really stinks yeah really bums me out what a bummer as someone who tried to celebrate their birthday at an ihop once i i'm realizing how many of my life's moments happened at an ihHOP and it's two. But I tried to celebrate my birthday once at an IHOP because I got like one of those coupons and I cried.

I cried and the manager made me cry and it was so awkward and terrible. And I was like 20. I wasn't like a child. And I was like, what is, why am I crying in an IHOP on my birthday? So, and that was a much less dramatic experience than this one um so you're like i want it without blueberries i know it's my birthday stop telling me to put blueberries on my pancakes stop telling me to drink alcohol in the ihop i don't want it i want a virgin coffee okay sorry i don't know why i said that okay um all i have left is one redemption okay cool so this is a review from oh this is actually sent in by shannon she her who says uh that she's actually

still in love with the animatronic alligator out front in the uh out front of the rainforest cafe in gurney mills mall in northern ill Okay, shout out to that alligator then. And the subject of the email is, I feel God in this Rainforest Cafe tonight. I saw that email. Yeah. I was like, I left it though, and I'm glad you grabbed it. I snatched it up,

and you're going to see why the subject is what it is. So this is Five Stars by Sam. Was thinking about it, but lost my appetite when that big serpent extend its tongue at me after all i experienced way too many snakes in my life lately um i just keep reading there's more oh yeah oh like, we got to start unpacking this already. This is just so much in so little, so few words, but yet so much was said. So powerful. Yeah.

Oh, God, there's more. We'll just wait. I have been blessed with unparalleled vision for deer and evil. Okay. I know I might find out shortly, but what the hell does this have to do with a rainforest cafe all glory goes to god without the lord jesus christ i am nothing check out my greatness on youtube and then if review is greatness capitalized it's all capital letters my greatness check out my capital letters greatness on capital letters

youtube does that mean like go find god on youtube what what are they saying what what what is this what is go seek the lord on youtube uh well so and i also didn't expect this snake thing to turn biblical well i mean i assume that's what there's a picture of the snake it's hard to see it's just the animatronic snake that's at the rainforest cafe and i guess it stuck its tongue out and uh he said not another one and i don't know snakes is also capitalized and i don't know if this is some sort of biblical reference it feels doesn't it like oh very ominous i've been like lured in by too many of these evil, evil snakes of Satan lately. So the subject of this email should have been, I feel Satan in this Chili's tonight.

That's right. In this Rainforest Cafe. Sorry. Yes. Rainforest. God is in Chili's. I forgot where we are. I'm glad there's no snake in the Chili's.

I'm glad there's no baskets because I'd be really confused. Oh, no. Yeah. And then the next, it's online. I have been be really confused. Oh, no. Yeah. And then the next, it's online. I have been blessed with unparalleled vision for deer. I assume to shoot them. Oh, my God. Yeah.

I was like, huh? Like, maybe on the road to make sure that you don't run them over. For safety purposes. Oh, good. Oh, dear God. And evil. So, he could find both. And oftentimes they're combined.

And shoot them both. Yeah, yeah. And shoot. So he could find both. And oftentimes they're combined. And shoot them both. And shoot both. Yeah. Sometimes it's all in one. And that is why he was arrested for shooting the animatronic snake at the Rainforest Cafe. So I did not get a chance to look him up on YouTube. But I might. I assume this person has 145 reviews.

I assume they all end with that same line. Because, you know, he's just grinding, trying to get the grassroots, trying to get the word. This is his channel? That's what I'm confused. So whose channel? So they have a channel? I'm assuming it's his and maybe he's like prophesying or like. Okay.

What's the word? I thought they were just saying. Proselytizing. My greatness. Like I thought they were talking about God. No. So I thought they were saying go look up God on YouTube. That would be interesting.

But no, I think. Oh my God. I already found it. Oh my God. Okay. I don't know. Nope. Nope. god no i thought they were saying go look up god on youtube that would be interesting but no i think oh my god i found i already found it oh my god okay i don't know nope nope i can't handle it i can't handle it i can't can i reach you yes this is the title of one of his videos dear glory d e e d e e r so like the deer animal. Yeah, the deer that they kill. Yes. And by the way, the thumbnail has two kind of mounted deer heads. I hate this so much already. Deer glory comes from God chasing giant whitetails. So really he is conflating his deer hunting with his religious life.

How bizarre. How American, though, right? Very. Yes, yes. Yeah, so this really, the whole kind of thing is, oh, my God. Unnerving. Please, please stop. She's playing one of these videos it's

i'm i'm not ready to watch this this is horrible did you just watch him shoot a deer okay christina i can't no me neither i'm gonna get out of here okay thank you what the fuck alexander this person okay i i'm i feel this feels very pandora boxy where we just opened something i don't know why i did it and i i'm i'm regretting it greatly and i didn't have anything to do with it for the record i had nothing to do with this alexander he has 8 000 subscribers christina I'm not surprised by that. Here's the banner. It's terrible.

Christina, I wish... Oh, I hate it. I wish I had a remote that had access to your laptop so I could just turn it off whenever I needed to. Now it would be the time. Or some thunder. Thunder button. Drown out.

I'm going to reach out to Landry's. Yeah. Okay. We'll install it in this podcast room that's part of if you if you pay 40 instead of the 25 you get your own button yeah good to take home makes sense okay sorry i'm done i'm sorry what a terrible one to end on you find the worst ones to end on it's so terrible i'm sorry it's definitely shannon's fault i'm so uncomfortable okay now is time for my challenge right my challenge was from reena and it was to find a review of

a piece of media where uh the reviewer is kind of reviewing the event itself um and reena like made it talked about like historic events so sure well whatever i do just accept it please um because there's some that are like maybe not as have i ever been picky or particular about the challenge i'm talking to them not you oh i see don't worry i know you have no and no qualms i am going to start with possibly the most boring review that we have ever had on this podcast a historic moment wow wait great way to pull people in i know i know um a historic moment but i i thought this worked really pretty well all right just read it get it over with so this is a review of the book titled the liberals moment the mcgovern insurgency and the identity crisis of the democratic party this is a review of the book titled the liberals moment the mcgovern insurgency and the

identity crisis of the democratic party this was a book from 2007 to me um it was is here a little bit of the description when george mcgovern lost the 1972 presidential election richard nixon's landslide victory buried more than an insurgent campaign blah blah blah oh geez i can't even read the rest it's just politics from 1972 presidential election excellent so exciting here is a five-star review um this is by diane i was actually there having been a mcgovern delegate to the 1972 convention i read this book with rapt attention while we were in the maelstrom it was hard to see what was really happening but this book with rapt attention while we were in the maelstrom it was hard to see what was really happening but this book puts perspective on the time i now understand why the delegates from

alabama came up to me from new york and said why are you destroying the democratic party we weren't we were coaching it end of review whoa no you see you like it i thought it was kind of fun i think it's like interesting yeah but no offense but you've read a lot more boring reviews than that i know as i wrote that in my notes like most boring review ever question mark and then i was like uh probably debatable there are probably some that people are gonna say well don't remember this there were some that were so long i think that was why they were boring like this one thank god we didn't review or record those on video no and if this one went on for like six more minutes or paragraphs then yeah i'd probably agree with you but it was just short

enough to keep my attention in the maelstrom you know i feel like any review that says maelstrom true true can't be that boring well i read that and i was like if you're i feel for me i knew it was about politics too so if they're saying maelstrom in a that and I was like, ugh. For me, I knew it was about politics, too. So if they're saying maelstrom in a political context, I was like, oh, dear God. It sounds like C-SPAN a little bit. Freaking kill me. Yes. Okay.

Sorry. So my next one, though, is of the Live at Woodstock VHS. Oh. Okay. It's a VHS tape. And here's a review by Brian. Live at Woodstock. Ah!

Five stars titled Jimmy the God. Jimmy is great. And this is the best performance I have ever seen. I was at Woodstock. He was great. But the video captures him at his best. Any rock fan, young or old, will enjoy this video. Jimmy shows in this video how his magic fingers do the walking

god of the guitar this one is a must see end of review wow that's really fun isn't this cool i kind of like this challenge is so like just unique and yeah no i think reena had a great idea and also um i will admit it was fairly easy because people love talking about this. Do they? They love saying that they were at these things. So a good example, actually, is this next one, which is a review of 10-8-00. So October 8, 2000, East Troy, Wisconsin by Pearl Jam. So it's a CD.

It's a live CD. I thought the review was by Pearl Jam and I was like, that is pretty cool history. No, no. This is just a review of a live Pearl Jam CD from a show they did in East Troy, Wisconsin in the year 2000. And this is a five-star review and it's titled chilling in the ice bowl because this and all of the reviews i think that i read of this um were from people who were there they were like only nine because i guess why would you just buy this for any other reason

and it was kind of cool i thought it was so fun that all these people got to share their experience so everyone had different experiences all five stars i think maybe one four star um but yeah so everyone had a great time and thinks this was because i i remember thinking oh like reno wanted historic moments and i'm like a pearl jam concert a specific one in in wisconsin in 2000 for some people was historic absolutely so that's why i included i think it counts kind of thing so it's no battle of gettysburg but i was battle of gettysburg could never live up to for some reason no one who was who fought at gettysburg wrote a review of it you know i just heard an interesting thing on the lore on podcast lore on the lore what am i speaking like this on the lore podcast where um he said that

i forget the term of it but there's like a term for when people's lifespans connect in a very so for example i think it was in 2016 the last surviving wife of a someone who fought in the civil war passed away which seems impossible yeah but she was i think like 13 or something when she married the guy who was like 80 or some like wild discrepancy and so she had heard his stories and lived till like very recently and so could say like oh yeah i know his my husband's stories from fighting in the civil war but like obviously the distance was wow super long so anyway there there is that kind of weird i just learned about that on that's but um yes presumably no confederate soldiers were on yelp yeah anytime yeah i mean a little

different like maybe very different but not the same thing but that reminds me of those fun facts of i mean fun i don't know is so the fact that martin luther king jr and anne frank were born in the same year yes where it just trips your mind out you're like how's that possible obviously it's exactly what how history went but how we learned it growing up it's in the context of both stories and just like you can't wow that's very and on i mean maybe i'm going too deep into it but our perception of how how much of a distant past certain things were 100 were not that distant that shouldn't be exactly yeah and there's that billboard we just saw one i've seen around yes i think we saw it in boston right was that it was either new york or new york i think new york has them for sure it's either new york or boston

and it was talking about um anti-semitism and how uh basically saying that the holocaust was not that many years ago yeah and it's something that for us like learning it in history class it's like oh it's history seeing black and white photos it feels quote-unquote old it seems like the distant past but if you think about it the year 2020 was 30 years ago was 20 years ago and uh that to me 20 what 22 years ago you said the year 2020 was 20 years ago i actually said it was 30 years ago okay i don't think you did okay some somewhere in here you're wrong on at least two counts but no i know what you're saying invited to dinner parties anyway um no it's hard to like 2000 was 22 years ago and that feels like oh to that like the 2000s don't feel long ago but you

know now they're our whole lifetime ago anyway whatever go on yeah the basically the point was that anti-semitism very much still exists um racism very much still exists even though we often learn about it as if it's the part of the past part of the past yeah um anyway so this is our crt course that we are not qualified to teach. So anyway, speaking of which, Pearl Jam in 2000 in Wisconsin. Same vibe. Speaking of which, yeah. So here's a review. This is, and like I said, everyone had great experiences.

So it was like kind of cool to just read these different people's experiences. But this is the one I like the best. Here we go. Five stars titled Chilling in the Ice Bowl. Disclaimer. Owner of all 72 official Pearl Jam bootlegs. This is one of the more interesting entries in the bootleg series. For some reason, this Wisconsin show was scheduled

at an outdoor amphitheater in October, and it was an unseasonably cold 26 degrees stone mike and jeff are clearly having some trouble with their finger work and eddie complains about his ice cold glass of red wine but the band's christina i fucked up what were they not there no this is the wrong person oh no oh my gosh this was someone who i assume they went there i think because they had their chilling in the ice bowl and the thing wait how did i mess this up maybe they were there um no i'm like rereading it i'm like wait they never actually said they well i think we can assume that if they're buying all the bootleg

they would have wanted they're also describing it as like oh it was so cold that day sorry here's the other one yeah but that it's like notorious for that like the show okay so okay sorry sorry sorry i i literally going through and i'm like oh yeah this person was there this person was there this someone's like a slightly biased review because i was there um memorable show the show was awesome i was at the show one of the greatest content concerts i've ever been to like those were all from different reviews so i think this is the one that i meant to review or i think i linked the wrong one um so here we go this is pearl jam on ice five stars yeah this is the one i attended this experiment in hypothermia and it was one of the most memorable concerts in my life.

This CD is worth every penny to Pearl Jam fans and is a good reminder of that intense night. If you weren't able to attend, you missed a very interesting show. The temperature was somewhere in the mid to low 20s, and there was a light, constant breeze. All this meant that the show was a little shorter than others. Fortunately, Pearl Jam made it up to their fans the next night in Chicago, which was indoors. Thank God. constant breeze all this meant that the show was a little shorter than others fortunately pearl jam made it up to their fans the next night in chicago which was indoors all in all if you need another

live version of a lot of great songs buy this album okay i love that and i don't want you to delete the other one i won't because like i love to learn about the cold wine and like their finger work was really interesting yeah i felt like i was there. Yeah, yeah. In a way, I was. And the person that first reviewer also went into, you can look up the product. There are only nine reviews. You can read them all quick if you actually are interested. And they talked about the set list and how they went into different songs. Oh, right.

So it was really cool reading that. I love it. It was lots of fun. That was good, Zannie. Good, yeah. I'm sorry that one wasn't actually there. I messed those two up. I would not have noticed if you had just kept i would have been like wow cool i don't

think anyone would have but i get very in my head about things of like i had a challenge to complete reena reena's reena's would have noticed would never allowed have allowed you to to skate by like that okay my next one here is of baseball's's Greatest Games, Derek Jeter's 3000th Hit. It's a DVD. And I tried to, I actually felt really good because this, since it was somewhat, I'd say, easy because a lot of people like talking about this, I tried to find different types of events. Oh, okay.

We got a sporty one now. Because I was like, there's so many concert ones. So many concert ones. I skipped so many. But here's one of uh derek jeter's three thousandth hit oh god that's hard to say for me three thousand it's hard for everyone to say yeah uh what a terrible like yes historic but man making dvd out of this one okay this is a five-star review by chris i was fortunate enough to attend this game i am originally from new york and have

relocated to georgia and visited new york this past july i had tickets to the game the night before but it was rained out the following morning i got three bleacher tickets on stubhub and raced back to yankee stadium we arrived just as jeter was having his first at bat in the bottom of the first the 3000th hit landed just two sections away from us and the young man who caught it worked in my hometown. No way. The crowd was electric and the Jeter chants nearly deafening. It was one of the most exciting days of my life.

This DVD captures the excitement and I love the feature of being able to listen to John Sterling's radio call while watching the game. This DVD is the next best thing to being there. End of review. I just got goosebumps. Isn't that cool? What a cool memory to have.

You know? Yeah. And then 16 people found this helpful. Being able to share such a positive thing as well as in a review, because it's one thing to, you know, watch it and say you enjoyed it, but to say that not only is it worth

watching it's worth watching as someone who actually saw it live that is so neat out there i really like that one yeah this this challenge was amazing i thank you to rena uh here's another one this is uh back to music this is uh america by asia um and it's a live cd of the band asia uh titled america which is confusing because there is a band named america i argue that's the band's fault for naming themselves america this was bound to happen this is just a mix-up was bound to occur yes exactly it's like like Chicago and you know, it's all very true. Very true.

Um, so yeah, so this is the band is Asia and the album is titled America because it's them performing live in America. Love it. Here we go. This is a five star review titled great concert. I was at this concert.

My friend and I drove to Trenton, New Jersey to see them perform. They made this concert into a live DVD also. I ordered the DVD. I should have it in a week or two, hopefully. After the concert was over, we were interviewed for the DVD right outside the merchandise room. I'm hoping that they didn't edit us out. We got lucky.

We were in the right place at the right time. I had no idea that they were going to release the concert on CD. I had only heard it was going to be on DVD. In any case, the concert was awesome. I had a great time. We sat in the second row from the stage, all the way on the right side. The two end seats were empty, so we grabbed them. I was very satisfied with his performance. The keyboard solo was very uplifting. Chris Slade is an awesome drummer. Their new guitarist is great also. I was pleased with the audio quality of this CD. I've heard some horrible live CDs in my time, but this one was very good. I have two older live Asia CDs that are absolutely horrible sounding,

Macaroni Incident and Pas de Deux. I think both concerts were recorded back in 1983. The first one was in italy and the second one was in france in any case they did a great job on this cd buy the dvd when you get the chance to it came out in january and i'm i star in it yeah exactly i love that right you know i don't want to make this about myself but i will yeah uh i am actually in the they interviewed well not really interviewed but they featured some people in the my dad wrote a porno trailer for their hbo special really and uh we were outside and this is so strange em and i went to the show in la the live show and we were saying we even

jokingly took a picture of the stage and drew stick figures and said like oh us one day performing our own live show we were joking because we never thought we'd actually do a live show that's so cool and we were outside and two people came up and said are you emma christine and like we did not get recognized often at that point ever and so we were like holy crap and we were talking to these two people and a camera guy walked up and was like hey can we interview you for like the hbo trailer or whatever and they interviewed us and no way we're in that little trailer so i don't know i've seen it before online but i don't know where it is that's so cool anyway i didn't know that i'll write a review of it and i don't

know yeah exactly i don't know i'm actually in this i'm actually i was there anyway so cool love it um this is my last one now and this was this is a little bit different um and i could not verify i actually tried i promise um this is a little different but i wanted to find one that wasn't all positive because of course most of these people are like oh it was amazing i was there they want to like a way to brag a little bit um don't blame one bit uh this is a review of the book idiot colon beating the curse and enjoying the game of life this is by johnny damon uh as in like the mattel like the or the milton brothers enjoying the game of life i know i know you're you feel like you're cursed because you never end up

you always end up stuck with some loan payments or I don't remember how that game works. It's like when you would go to GameStop and buy a video game guide. So they had them for RuneScape back in the day. And now, obviously, with the internet and the forums, they're obsolete. But you have all these different video games. This is one titled Idiot, and it's about beating the game of life. He wrote it himself. He's like, God, you idiot. And weirdly, this is by Johnny Damon, the baseball player know i didn't know he was a big fan of the board

game 11 kids and they're always spilling out of the car you drop them on your way and then you retire with nothing anyway so yeah so this is uh for context this is just beating the curse he was a red sox player won the world series after whatever. So curse of the Bambino or whatever. Oh, I know about that. I mean, I don't know about it, but I know of it. Johnny Damon, baseball Red Sox player wrote a book titled Idiot. And here's

a three star review titled Decent Read, although not all facts are straight. Overall, this was a pretty good read. I enjoyed hearing about baseball from a player who is not afraid to tell it like it is and is not full of himself damon's book makes for a light read that is entertaining and fun what kept this from getting a higher rating from me is that there are several times where the author stretches the truth to make the book more exciting in one

instance he turns a game-winning double into a walk-off home run page 159 i was at this game and know for a fact that it did not happen the way the author tells it overall though worth reading end of review oh my god so yeah i found this very interesting taking notes in the margins here because they did not give they gave the page number i did everything short of buying the book to try to find page 159 i tried to find a pdf funny i'm sorry johnny but i did not want to pay for your book uh so instead i was looking for like a free pdf online see if someone like posted it somewhere um i could not find anything i tried like the google books like preview to see if for some reason that was in the free pages it wasn't um so i couldn't quite verify this but uh i thought it was funny that this fan's like oh i know better about what you did in this one game because i was there i

know your history better than you and it's funny because maybe back then because this review was written in 2005 and i know they had i'm sure they had baseball statistics all over. I mean, they had fantasy stuff for years on the internet. But I'm curious about how verifiable this was back then. And I wonder how, oh, good point. Because I wonder if it's like his memory is just different of it, or if he's actually like, no, that actually is what happened. Yeah. Interesting.

Because, yeah, so now I would love to find out. But so if you're somehow for some weird reason both a fan of this podcast and a fan of and own this book which wow what a crossover the odds are like not zero but it would be kind of rare please send us a picture or let us know what game they're talking about in on page 159 so we can verify this review i'm very curious so yeah if you do have access to that somehow don't just go buy it because you like we're not we don't want you to have to spend money to figure this out but if somebody's dad or you know is a big baseball fan and owns his book let us know um okay yeah be careful because you're gonna say can i borrow that book and your dad's gonna be so excited you're finally getting into baseball history right oh my god it's for a comedy podcast

don't know sad yeah so that was all those were really good oh i'm glad those were all really good and really interesting good no i had i had i had so much fun with this challenge that was very excellent are we supposed to give them yes challenge? Okay, I have mine ready. Oh, shit. I do not. Okay, give me a sec, please. So now we're going to give a theme and challenge for our episodes starting in two weeks from now.

Mm-hmm. So episode, I believe, 175. Yeah, you're right. 175. Was I right for once? 175. This was sent in by Molly. Molly suggests we find reviews of Exterminators.

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, right? That's one that I'm sure other people have done that. I'm sorry. I just stumbled along this one. But yeah. So Molly gets the credit for all of you who sent in Exterminator as a suggestion. Yeah, that's just one we just haven't done before.

Never. And that's going to be a gross one I have a challenge this is from Emma who has sent in a lot of reviews challenges and themes and doing our job like is on a roll where I just keep picking them from Emma so good job she her Shrenda and the challenge from Emma is to find reviews from a student who was on a school trip and if it was as part of the assignment or not necessarily that they were on the school trip, but they left a review as part of an assignment.

Christina. I fuck. What? I found one. What? Last night. No way. I,

I wish this had been, I need to go find that again. Oh no. Okay. Well, that's hilarious. I literally saw one was like, this is whatever it misses. Whatever's class. Oh, no. Okay, well. That's hilarious. I literally saw one was like, this is whatever in Mrs. Whatever's class. Oh, Christina.

Okay, because. Oh, my gosh. Emma says, I teach second grade and we just finished our writing unit on product reviews and the third graders do a unit on movie reviews and had to leave common sense media reviews as part of an assignment. So, it's not necessarily that they were on a school trip. That can also be part of it. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

But it's a part of a school assignment.ina i'm gonna find it again i haven't no it's in my probably in my his browsing history holy crap that's hilarious because i literally just my first one ever i don't think i've ever seen that before so this is such a well time because i'm gonna go in my history and find it because yes i saw someone review something you're gonna have to mark which one that is so we can point it out. And I don't think it was a Rainforest Cafe, though. I think it was like one of the Amazon reviews I've tried to find for my challenge. Of like, I've been there, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Awesome. Well, then your theme, or our theme for the one after that, 176, is also from Emma in a different email. I just happened to pick that email. And she suggested, she said, if you want more cafe reviews, you should do American girl doll cafe. Yes. That's so good.

Okay. That is really good because I've seen a lot of tick tocks on that. It looks really, really funny. Like it's so extra. Yes. Yeah. For context.

My understanding is you can go to the American girl doll cafe, have a tea or have alcoholic mimosas and brunch with your American Girl Dolls. Yeah. We're going to tell the whole spiel next week or not next week, but in the episode. I feel like we're going to have a lot to say. Those reviewers are probably going to be, especially the negative ones, are going to be like, why are you doing this? We'll see. Challenge?

So here's your challenge for that episode 176 um this is from julia she her who uh wants you to find reviews where someone was uh clearly coerced or stated that they posted it without wanting to so uh an example that julia gave was that they were they received a discount i see for it um but yeah for any reason that they were like pressured into it kind of goes hand in hand with the school assignment actually that's like the same idea and i picked this before you said that so that's pretty funny that's funny similar ideas but yeah someone who was kind of forced into this um and yeah okay perfect got it well thank you everybody If you have anything with any of those or experience at the American Girl Doll Cafe,

please let us know. Yes. We'd love to tell your story. We'd love to share your story. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, we, you can follow us beach at Beach to Sandy on Instagram, Twitter, and now on Tik TOK. We've been posting some fun things there.

Yeah. Follow our greatness, uh, online. We've got some, uh, merch in pipeline, too, which is very exciting. So you can go to beachjussandy.com and click on our shop and beachjussandy.com slash tour to buy your tickets to see us live in Cincinnati and Columbus in June. We have to wait and see if those go well. And if they do go well, we can add more. So we're really hoping people buy tickets and big shout out to the people like there's some people that i know um like especially in the hog pen um like indy goger uh monica um eeq people who are saying that they are traveling for the show um yeah from all over and gosh if i missed anyone i'm gonna feel

so bad and guilty um but people are traveling for us and saying that like, hey, we're going because we want you to come to our city next. So it just makes me so happy. So thank you, everybody. If you're from Nashville, please come so that I have an excuse to go take Sandy to the Rainforest Cafe. Yes. That's all I request. That's where our show will be, actually. Oh, okay.

Somebody write that down. And the person who pays us the most money will get uh the remote for the thunder the thunder remote it's a vip access only meet and greet and thunder thunder control all right bye everybody bye Bye.