Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 177: Reviews of As Seen On TV Products

Episode Date: April 20, 2022

We read reviews of some of the weirdest items you can see on your TV. And come up with new nicknames for Xandy along the way. Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer New merch including a Pigoin pin!!! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tour Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Conditions apply. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Christine. Hi, my name is Andy. We're so excited to be here with you today. Happy Wednesday, everybody. Happy 420. Oh, that's right. It is 420. Yes. And we talked about doing a 420 episode. But we're doing something a little different.

Yeah. We're doing our normal episode today because I was not going to do more research after already prepping this one. Yeah. And we're not even recording it on 420. So it would be kind of disingenuous to say we're celebrating. Yeah. You know, it's just like we're using this special holiday. It would feel like I was appropriating 420 on 416.

And that just doesn't seem fair or right. Exactly. So we're doing the right thing. Exactly. Seem fair or right. Exactly. So we're doing the right thing. We are going to be streaming, live streaming 420 stream on my stream.

Oh my God, I got stuff saying stream. Today, if you're listening to this, a day comes out. We're going to be streaming. Yes. 6.30 p.m. Eastern time before she backs out. I'm going to give all of the details. 6.30 p.m. Eastern time. We plan to celebrate the holiday and partake in celebrations i'm so nervous here's the thing i haven't told blaze yet so he's

just gonna have to find out because now i'm pot committed sorry that was an accident i'm committed now and so um we're gonna stream basically us listening to beach to sandy i believe episode four like five yeah old school i forget what i did episodes um so it'll be i think it'll be fun i mean i'm sure i'll find it hilarious the first one is the one where the challenge was uh romance novels or erotica erotica about with the name blaze and also the name blaze yeah you know very on brand blaze is on exactly it's just it writes itself this uh holiday celebration planets aligned so how do we get to that how do people get to that uh go to twitch.tv slash zandy schieffer it'll also be in the show notes it'll also be somewhere else zandy schieffer.com. Okay, well, that'll be interesting. Yikes. Also,

we have new merch. So we're very excited about that. We have I know you've been clamoring for it. It's a pig oin pin. My favorite comment when we posted about it on Instagram was the one he said, You don't understand pigeons are my favorite animal. I love that. That enthusiasm. So we got a pig ointment. We have a tote bag. We have a tumbler. Everything you need for your beach excursions this summer. Going to the beach.

Going to our live show. Bring yourself a little tote bag to tote your fun items with you. Speaking of our live show, we're almost sold out of our VIP tickets. Yes, we are. But I wanted to mention something really important. That's important to me emotionally spiritually and otherwise and that is um i did post the lookalike american girl doll yes to our instagram um and people were very supportive especially because i noted in the caption that alexander uh will not allow me to purchase her i mean she's only 210 nope i'm not letting you do it okay uh unless we sell out our cincinnati and columbus live shows and then he said i could even

take her on stage which we you all if if you maybe with a little little miniature chair or stool and a microphone and a microphone okay a microphone that's creepy why is that creepy because that implies we expect her to start talking folks just please help me i just want this so badly basically she wants you to buy tickets to our live show so she can bring an american girl doll on stage with her with a tiny microphone like what do i get out of this literally nothing i'm doing we sell out i guess okay and we sell out the show okay fine okay anyway come to our show anyway let's do our real show now um which was great it was fun right yes i

loved this this is such a bananas theme uh the theme was sent in by Jennifer, aka Ladybell, and it's As Seen on TV products. Yes. Did you use the As Seen on TV live.com website? Yeah. Okay, me too. That was wild. What on earth? The reviews in there were something.

So I thought that this was an official type, and maybe it is official um as seen on tv website i don't know if as seen on tv is a brand i'm very confused i'm very confused but when you click on these products they just lead you to amazon oh that's not what i website i was on sorry i was on as so i was on some sketchy website oh don't don't get me wrong. Mine was sketchy too. Whenever I hit add to cart, it brought me to Amazon. Oh, oh, oh. If I, oh, I never tried add to cart. Oh, you were shopping.

There was one. I will, I'll get to it. But yeah, this, I was supposed to say this later because there was a product that I wanted, I actually wanted to buy. I got you. Okay. Yeah. I never tried to actually order anything. But yes, I was on that website and they do have reviews on there.

Yeah. So it was really something else. But yeah, do you want to go first? Sure. Great. My first one is actually my only negative one that I have. Wow. Because people, in my experience, were so positive.

I found almost all positive not on amazon oh yeah i only went i only looked at the reviews on this website um here's a negative review this is of miracle copper socks uh are you familiar vaguely i i own a pair you do not this brand but. They're compression socks. Oh, they're just... But with that copper coloring. What does the copper do? Copper-infused fibers.

What do those do? Yeah. Well, they energize your tired feet and legs. Oh, obviously. They have with their copper-infused fibers. They help improve circulation and reduce swelling and relieve aches and pains. Okay, so this is a negative review, though. Here's a one-star review.

This is by halifax didn't help at all i was hit by a car and have torn tenders and ligaments as well as nerve damage this product did not help at all end of review oh my gosh i feel like that's a band-aid for a bullet hole type of situation. Yeah. I would say almost literally. And I don't mean literally, obviously. But it's almost a one-to-one comparison. A pretty good ratio.

Like, we're not even being dramatic. Like, I was hit by a car and my tenders are torn. Yeah, tenders. Christina, tenders is not even a thing. I know, but I'm thinking now of tendons and chicken tenders. Oh, no. None of it's good. See a doctor. Right?

It seemed very extreme. Everyone else said, oh, my feet ache, but not anymore. I'm on my feet a lot. These were great. And then this person comes in, well, I was hit by a car and this does nothing for me. That's the kind of review you read and go, well, that is not going to factor into my equation here because I'm pretty sure this person could buy any product on the internet and not feel better about their torn tenders.

I don't blame them. They were looking for a miracle and these were called miracle copper socks. Well, see, that's what's called false advertising. Okay. I'm on this reviewer's side now. Yeah. Looking for a miracle on the AsSeenOnTVLive.com website, as we all are. You can't even buy the products on there.

It's so annoying. Okay. See, I had not tried. I can't wait to find out what product you did purchase. I have a few guesses. Maybe I'll guess. Oh, yeah. Go for it if you want to start guessing. Sure. Okay. to think of um some of the some of the ones i saw and

went hmm that looks interesting uh one of them was oh now see there were definitely a few that i thought this looks like something i might want okay there was a baseball cap washer uh thing that i was like that's kind of me i don't know what that means it's like a cage for a baseball cap washer thing that I was like, that's kind of smart. I don't know what that means. It's like a cage for a baseball cap. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen those. To hold it in form because Blaze has a bunch of baseball caps and I feel like they could be washed. Yeah, that's not me, though.

No. Okay. What about the Miracle Bamboo Cushion? I have that. Oh, I already have that, too. No, no, no, no. I have a review from that. Oh, you do?

Yeah. Oh. Well, I thought maybe that's the one you bought. No, that was going to be on my list. I'm like, I own that too. That's not what you meant. No, I... What about... Let's see what's trending right now because you were probably the only one to purchase it.

Uh-oh. A metal garden hose. Whatever that is. No. Light up shoelaces. No, those didn't have any reviews. I was very disappointed. I saw that too

can you tell me what category it's in uh automotive oh interesting you know i'm a big car guy you're a car guy and that is why you bought my chevy cruze you and your without cruise control cruze needed some needed an air dragon what the hell is that it pumps up your tire oh with air i already have a tire pump what about a purse pouch no as as fascinating as this is maybe i should just tell you yeah i wanted the windshield wonder oh i even almost said that. What does that do? Okay. So my windshield gets dusty on the inside. And it's a thing with a long handle and a cloth at the end. And it pivots. And you just...

Oh, my gosh. It's just a microfiber cloth on a stick, basically. Oh. But it's designed to clean off your windshield on the inside. And then you just set it and you like it folds up or something i think you're probably the only person to ever want to buy this without seeing the actual infomercial true maybe but i i do have a review from that so don't spoil anything for yourself i won't i won't but yeah it uh makes cleaning which is fast and easy no because it

went to amazon i didn't want to buy it there um okay well i have an email here from nina she her and it's about the skip it oh so this is kind of a that's fun throwback uh the skip it is that thing that you would attach to your ankle and then like jump over it yep and it counts yeah i'm familiar yes yeah i am vaguely familiar although i don't think i was very talented at it you're very i mean you've used one though, right? I'm sure. I've used one. Back in the day.

Yes, I have. Oh, totally back in the day for me too. So same with my bamboo miracle cushion. It's been a long time. So this is a one star review by Constance. Verified purchase. And the title is, this toy promotes vaping to children. So disappointing. Okay, I'm going to take a pause okay and think about how this is even possible a skip it

promotes vaping to children i can't wait okay i need to hear this i can't even come up with a I can't wait to tell you. I need to hear this. I can't even come up with a joke answer. One star. I gave this as a gift to my granddaughter. My daughter called and sent me a picture to show me that hashtag vape queen is stamped onto the plastic. We were both surprised. The gift was fun, but the promotion was not.

I would not recommend it for this reason. End of review. What? I don't know. There's no way. There's no way that this was designed to have that are you looking up hashtag vape queen yeah i'm looking up skip it hashtag vape queen i feel like i should already get notifications for hashtag vape queen but yeah you don't i'm surprised by that uh the only thing that comes up is oh my god there's no way this child literally put that on there there's no

freaking way i bet because the daughter aka the mom of the kid called the grandmother and was like look what's on this skip it like there's no way the kid did it right well there's no way the bit i okay it's a skip it or yeah no some or someone did of the kid's friend or something it has to be and the kid was probably like oh no mom look what i just found on this whoops or the mom was like what is this and she's like i don't know it came that way yeah but nina said she couldn't find a photo anywhere so i really don't think it's real but i i do have kind of a follow-up if that's okay please and this is a i thought maybe they were related nina sent this one too. This is a three-star review by Amazon customer

verified purchase again. Title is Counter Doesn't Work. It does the job of any other skip it. The reason, however, we paid more for this particular brand

was because it has the counter. No matter how many times you skip, the counter says 666. We could have saved $10 and a month in shipping if we had just ordered any of the various models floating around the internet that do not have the counter end of review that's creepy we've got vape queen we've got 666 i know so now i'm thinking maybe this is an off-brand that you know is uh yeah kind of targeting small children for their various vaping but why vaping uh that's

what see that's a thing what's the word vaping what queens vaping queendom uh they vaping propaganda propaganda is a good one uh agenda agenda yeah is a word. Their vaping agenda. But why? I think that's what bothers me with so many of these reviews. Why would anyone take the time to actually, okay, like put it on a single skippet? Create a custom stamp. It just makes so little sense that this company is promoting vaping because what are they getting out of that? This random child who probably lives in a completely different state than where this company is putting hashtag vape queen, which doesn't give me much information. Or the 666 being, okay, not that this person said that, but a lot of people are like, like oh they're trying to turn my child from god or something or the devil um the devil works in mysterious ways though that's true and this is quite a mysterious very mysterious the date the devil also sometimes

goes by hashtag vape queen yeah true which i think is explaining a lot. Nina signed it. Hail Satan, Nina. Sorry. I was going to say, wow. Hail Satan, Nina. She, her, demon. Okay. Now we know who has the agenda here. Nina has something explaining to do.

Lovely. Okay. My next one is of Flex Seal. Are you familiar with this liquid rubber sealant coating i love the every time i watch that infomercial i'm i'm so i'm like i need i need that for so many things yeah i can't off the top of my head right now name one single one for your rowboat so you don't sink oh duh for the leaks all over my rowboat yes it sounded weird when you said it, but. As a boat owner.

Yeah. As a boat owner of a rowboat. A boater. As a boater of a rowboat. I don't think it sounded weird at all. You're a rowboat boater. Here's a five-star review of Flex Seal. The rowboat boater's choice for sealant.

This is by Matthew. It's all caps, so get ready. This product is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I mean it. My basement walls have leaked for 30 years, but I sprayed this product on from top to bottom. Next day, bad rain, storm storm went down to basement not really expecting any chain surprise surprise bone dry i almost cried i'm afraid it won't last but for the first really bad rain it was great love this product marty oh i forgot his name is marty

and he signed it i was like i almost cried but i flex sealed my eye my tear ducts and look at me go dry as a bone you got me all though that i lied about the name i should have kept it matthew but i like marty so much better as i was reading i was like oh i should have said marty marty's so good marty's a good name for this and it's an accurate name storm coming through oh i was in there that was pleasing to the ear right yeah that's the thing is so many of these reviews were just very positive i found wow i'm so pleased that you did because i did not uh i found many negative ones so everyone will get kind of a the gamut yes good but i'll i'll i'll always be there everyone to bring you. Many of them were in all capital letters.

Yes, that was true. The true cross the board. Oh, never mind. I was about to say something, but I'll say it after my next one because it'll be relevant. Hail Satan. Hashtag Babe Queen. I say that every day. Yeah, you don't wait to say that.

Okay, so of course then I found a product called Battery Daddy. Oh, oh. if daddy's a oh would you imagine i started googling prison inmate that's what i thought they call me the battery daddy because i'm in here for battery and i'm a daddy it sounds better than a salt daddy it's just battery daddy um sorry i guess i took that too far i guess but um battery assault and battery you know never mind okay assault and battery daddy okay it's called the battery battery daddy okay and so did you i should have just searched daddy i see on tv oh you did that's such a good idea thank you i did and i found a few do you know any off the top of your head i was about to say me but i don't think people seen me on tv yet oh god you and m

both need to get it together okay okay um no uh but what other daddies there are in the scene on tv world scrub daddy is like the most famous okay that's a good one then there's the dust daddy But what other daddies there are in the scene on TV world? Scrub Daddy is like the most famous. Okay, that's a good one. Then there's the Dust Daddy. Dust Daddy, okay. And then Kara sent one in. But there's a car daddy, cat daddy, dog daddy.

Kara sent one in called the Pony Up Daddy. Oh, dear. Which is a toy for children. That's a Ginuwine song? It's a toy for children. It's a Ginuwine song? It's a toy for children. It's a saddle that you put on your daddy. Don't say, oh no. I'm serious. I just went and read some reviews.

There was nothing like that. I mean, it was exactly what you'd expect. Oh, wait, maybe not. It's actually really probably not at all what you'd expect. No, I hope not. Anyway, so those are some of the daddies but anyway i have a review of battery daddy okay okay so one star review and the title is this from amazon the title is in all capitals garbage of extremes well of is lowercase they were following ap style they did garbage extremes uh instead of garden of

eden it's garbage of extremes that's beautiful that makes any sense but i don't understand this these three words together garbage of extremes that doesn't make sense does it no i'm like sincerely asking if that makes sense because in my head it doesn't it certainly doesn't i don't think it does and i don't think you're going to get an explanation one star verified purchase by sparker sparker sparker maker i don't know did you just come up with that i hope not there's like no vowels in the worst job than me oh they took all the vowels out so i'm trying to understand what it says but i'm just gonna say spark daddy spark daddy i hate leaving bad reviews but this one is well earned and deserved i'm not sure how thin and cheap it is even possible to manufacture

plastic but these folks earn the gold medal for cheap cheap and more cheap don't waste your money on a product where they laugh at you all the way to the bank i am keeping this placing it on a shelf to remind myself to stop being so stupid and keep buying junk that is not in hand to evaluate. Run, Forrest, run. End of review. 78 people found this helpful. Why? Why?

I don't get it. They put it up as a trophy to their own stupidity? Yeah. Don't be so hard on yourself, friend. We all make mistakes when purchasing things. I was thinking the same thing i was like if i wrote if i made a plaque that said garbage of extremes for every amazon purchase that was like a flop uh yeah i'm looking at your collection of items in here you know what you leave my dilbert m&m machine out of this okay uh but yeah it's a

trophy to their stupidity a reminder a daily it's, don't be so hard on yourself, really. That's too much. You're beating yourself up. That's far too much. Especially because it's a product called Battery Daddy. Well, to be fair, I get the slight shame. Yeah, but for it being the name Battery Daddy, but I don't know. You should have known going in that it wasn't going to be the best thing you ever purchased.

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know what exactly was expected, but. And don't get me wrong. I hold on to a lot of things. I obsess over many things I've done in my past. But yeah, that is too far. It's a shitty purchase.

But who doesn't make shitty purchases? The ones that don't, that I don't blame people for really kind of feeling enraged. It's a strong word. I was trying to find a less strong word and I said enraged. I was going to say feeling kind of. Like willing to kill for, kill over. Yeah, like really violent. A little calmer. Really regretful about purchasing.

There were these portable saunas that were i've seen on tv and i don't have a review of one but basically you put your body in it up to your head and your head's just sticking out and you turn it on and so people were regretting this purchase and then i found out it was like several hundred dollars and i thought okay i understand the regret there yeah um but yeah this thing's like i don't know 15 20 bucks it doesn't seem like it deserves to be um in your wall of shame yeah if you had the money like if you needed 15 you clearly didn't need anything that important with your 15 to 20 dollars if you bought it to organize your battery so yeah just move on, basically. Yeah, we all forgive you.

We all forgive you. Yeah, and also, the other thing we have to consider is these As Seen on TV products, when they're seen on TV, it's designed to reel you in. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, that makes it even more understandable. You watch the battery daddy. You watch the daddy doing some battery on TV and you think, I want that. You think that will fix my life. Yes. I mean, you should see me. I was watching TV one night in my basement on my lazy boy.

And all of a sudden, I was fixing up all the leaks in my rowboat. It happens to all of us. Can I be honest with you? I was thinking, wait, does she have a lazy boy no i was like wait she doesn't even have a basement no i have i was like oh what did you get have a rowboat yes yes don't get us wrong by the way it's full of leaks yeah anyway um my basement was also leaking but i fixed it with all my flex seal oh thank goodness um well i've got something that can help you with your uh linking okay okay uh it's called the turbo pump oh no that's it it's

not an oh no automatic cordless powered liquid transfer pump what uh basically it's a pump it just gets liquid and puts it in the tank. Oh. Like it sucks it up? Yeah. Oh, okay. That's it. And you can like siphon gas out of your car with it. Oh. Or into your car with it.

Okay, cool. From a thing. Yeah. It's just... From another person's car? It's mainly... What? From another person's car.

Yeah, okay. I didn't say that. But yeah, if you have something that is full of water you want it's not for like big things but maybe a rowboat okay um and has an auto stop sensor so if you want to fill up a container it'll stop before it fills all the way up that's fun yeah um i need that too and i don't even know again i'm it's not even an infomercial it's you telling me about it and i'm already convinced they're the website for it though does have a gif from the as seen on tv commercial

looks pretty good i mean last time i i filled up my coolant in my car i just spilled coolant all over my engine so i could maybe use something either something like this or maybe just a fucking funnel but listen don't don't sell yourself short get you a pump it's $20 $30 off apparently how much is i mean what is it called a turbo pump is there a review are we just going to talk about it oh no we're just talking about okay because earlier you oh i'm kidding i have earlier you literally said that's all and i was like is that's really all no that's all it is is what Okay, sorry. Here's a five-star review of the Turbo Pump. We got your testimonial.

Now let's hear from someone else. Here's a review by Robert. This pump is the next best thing to sliced bread. Oh, my God. Literally, Christina, every single product. Okay, maybe not literally, but almost every single product, someone said, best thing since sliced bread. And I was going to collect them all, and there were too many.

And I thought, I'm just going to have two and then talk about how many there are every person reviewing had to say that it's these old people who are just revealing things and that's their way of saying that they love it you know it's so funny how we find these like little quirks because on a website like qvc you don't really see that line, but you see other... You know what I mean? And now we found the very niche as seen on TV phrase that gets bandied about. I think that's a good way to put it. It's very...

It's very funny. All over this website. I have passed a couple along to friends and family and would buy more if you would let me. At my age, 84, I really appreciate not having to lift six gallons of gas way up to get it into the funnel on top of my zero-turn mower. End of review. Oh my gosh. I would appreciate that as well. And I'm not even 84.

Exactly. Exactly. Listen, I love that these are helping some very specific situations. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah. That's why I like these. And it was so much fun to do because they were actually for me mostly positive. So specific.

And yeah, people just, I don't know. I know SE on TV stuff is generally regarded as crap and I'm sure most of it is. And it's probably very wasteful, etc. Etc. But for the people like this 84 year old where it's particularly helpful and affordable yes hey i don't know i agree there were definitely some incidents where i thought um where i thought you know this really i don't know so please tell me the number of people who are just putting this directly into the trash is slightly disturbing. Oh, terrible.

I'm sorry. But then there were some where really I thought, honestly, if I saw this at the store, I might try it out. This is not one of them. Oh, no. This is called the Eggstractor. At first I thought Eggstractor. Perfect for Easter Sunday. Collecting all those Easter eggs.

Is it to take the shell off? Yeah. I think I've seen this thing before. It's everywhere on the, as seen on TV. Yeah, I have seen that. Is this not the wildest shit? I mean, it's's it's so insane and honestly the number of reviews i read about this product like it's literally a weird how do you describe it christina it's so

ridiculous it's like a suction it looks like a piece of i don't know what that would be called it looks like a piece of dryer vent that you like squash the squash onto an egg and it allegedly by the way allegedly has like an average of 2.2 out of 5 stars allegedly takes the shell off and there were all these instructions apparently that's under the number i've read hundreds hundreds of reviews of this thing and there were so many photos don't know and i was like, I can't do this anymore. I'd rather look at my Etsy penises than... Honestly, me too.

Because I was just so done with this. And the number of... So apparently it comes with a recipe booklet that has 150 recipes. But all the recipes include scrambled eggs. Eggs that are not... Even hard-boiled? That are not even hard-boiled. And people are like, I don't get it. And then, the other thing is

they suggest to have eggs that are several weeks old because that'll work better. And I'm like, this thing. That's pretty ridiculous. You gotta... But Christina, it says it peels eggs ten times faster hyphen and easier.

No. I can tell you confidently, not having ever used one, that that is a blatant lie. How long does it take these people? I mean, I'm out of practice being vegan now. Yeah. But I'm sure I could peel an egg real quick. And by the way, apparently it's a disaster of a mess. Like, you have to clean it from the inside of it.

It's like not... not yeah it's not like the eggshell just disappears yeah it stays in there yeah and apparently it tends to push the egg down and like splat everywhere and it's it's so anyway here's the one-star review by Grandmaster Flash. The title is Exasperated. I wish you wouldn't laugh. This is pretty dramatic. Oh, sorry. It's serious. Pretty tragic stuff. I ordered my eggs tractor totally expecting that it would not work.

I was not wrong. But it does work about one or two times a dozen. And that is the greatest feeling ever. Some eggs blow up. Some shoot onto the floor. Most just don't peel. But when you get one, it is the best adult entertainment going. And they sent me two of them.

I threw one out with the egg remains that I hand-peeled, but I'm going to keep the other one around. I know it will come out again on some future occasion, and will be able to totally disappoint someone else end of read i just felt weird after i read that that was made me very uncomfortable but that made me think don't you have to already prepare it before putting it in i don't think you can just put a raw egg yeah you gotta hard boil it no i think you hard boil it and then do something else i well that's a suggestion but i thought with this thing you can't just put it in fully shell don't you need to like poke a hole okay yeah you have to do something to it i think so it's ridiculous like it's just do another step so many steps and then and then it says if it doesn't work which it doesn't then you need to put it in an ice bath if that doesn't work then you need to keep it in the fridge for two weeks you know your product is

good when someone's excited that it worked one one or two times out of 12 but i was so pleased that it was like just the most ecstatic moment when it worked that one time you know what they say about psychological uh you know uh I don't know, gratification? Gratification, where intermittent gratification works way better than just like constant positive reinforcement. True, okay. And so if, you know, every 10 eggs, you get a perfect one, you're just going to keep like... You're chasing that high. Chasing that high, pulling that...

Your words are not coming to you today slot machine i don't sleep much anymore and it that seems vocabulary seems to be one of the first things to go but you know it doesn't go is my important as a podcaster it is unfortunately along with it uh my my desire to use big words did not diminish alongside my vocabulary. So it's kind of a bad combo. I keep trying and I just can't get there. Anyway, that's the eggs tractor. Okay, the eggs tractor.

I'm glad we're done with that. Here's a five-star review. This is of the Windshield Wonder. And this is the review that convinced... I'm not even kidding i read this review and i thought man maybe i actually do need one of these okay okay this is it's weird considering how it's okay just this is a review by joanne five stars recently some young punks broke into our car they took took my iPod, some keys, and everything that wasn't glued down.

The cops caught them and returned everything except my windshield wonder. I had just ordered another one for my best friend and he was tickled pink to get it. I was very upset about losing it. This tool is essential to have a clean windshield. I had to order another one right away. I can't do without it.

End of review. They were like, use's your iPod. But they kept the windshield wonder. I'm wondering if the cops were like, wait, the squad car needs one of these bad boys. We've never had our windshield so clean. That's why we're so terrible at our job. We can't see anything. But spoiler alert, that wasn't why they were terrible at their job.

Oh, that would have been such an easy explanation. I know. alert that wasn't why they were terrible at their job oh that would have been such an easy explanation i know couldn't you couldn't you imagine if if that solved all of the america uh america's policing issues just windshield wonders for every wonder for everyone oh what a beautiful world that's part of my uh my campaign my presidential campaign while you're eradicating ocean worms i'm giving people windshield wonders we're causing all sorts of uh economic crises and environmental crises um oh boy uh i just really think i need one too that's all i love i like the thought that either the cops or the the punk robbers this one's too good to give up okay though i think the most realistic thing is he grabbed it and

someone like they brought it and looked at their hall and they saw that and they thought what the fuck is this and threw it away before they got caught yeah what do you want with this giant orange stick yeah it's just this is just a microfiber cloth the end of a stick keep the ipod keep the ipod instead the microfiber cloth doesn't need to stay okay that would be me in the office at the with the uh white elephant or whatever it's called yeah and then because uh kevin buys himself the foot bath and then there's the ipod floating around yeah in the foot bath i would buy myself the i'd get myself and then buy myself the windshield wonder and hope that i get it and then give it back to yourself yeah oh well oxen air what i

would buy for you at the office christmas party tell me it's a shake weight oh so i read some reviews of shake okay wait the shake weight doesn't it also have some of that plastic thing that cuts like an enlarged version is what's on the extractor oh you know what i mean that like scrunchie yeah i think so yeah because do you know how it works i was trying to explain it the shake weight yeah i was about to try and demonstrate it's not really a good look no i and i know i've seen don't worry i've seen a shake weight being used um no i mean it shakes the thing a lot of people thought it think it's battery operated or that it shakes by itself you shake it yeah surprise i thought it just shakes no they don't tell you that in the

commercials either you have to move it and apparently it's very difficult to move well that's i guess that's where the exercise exactly it is apparently quite a workout so it's you're just shaking legitimately just uh an exercise yeah okay wow yeah so i have a two-star review of this uh by clarissa and the title is i now prefer push-ups verified that's maybe i need to get one of these i hate push-ups i'm telling you verified purchase there was nothing i hated more than push-ups so i got this i noticed other people like it i now found something i hate more than push-ups. End of review.

Really? That bad? Apparently it just sucks because it's like just a clunky thing that you have to shake. And people are like, why don't you just take a dumbbell and move it or shake it? It sort of, I guess, counterweights maybe a little bit. But apparently they give you all sorts of instructions on how to hold it and it's very befuddling it seems kind of it's just very gimmicky which most of this stuff is you know i'm absolutely shocked though i wonder if they did i mean they must have done that on purpose they don't tell you yeah i don't think i convinced everybody i also

thought it moved by itself and you were supposed to just hold it still or something i thought it was a weight that shakes not a weight you have to shake fascinating i know someone really really seriously reviewed it and said i read all the reviews saying that it does not shake by itself but i just didn't believe them and i thought maybe they couldn't find the on switch i'm still in i'm still doubting it and they were like but then i bought it. And there is indeed no on switch. There's no batteries. It's just you have to shake it. I'm so in shock right now.

I had no idea. I know. I'm full of surprises today. Okay, wow. Life lessons. So everyone, we understand if you need to pause, take a break, let that one sink in. This is a heavy episode. That is heavy.

That is news to me. It's heavy metaphorically and literally. Yes. Here's a four-star review i have this is a kids bop party pop yeah it is okay um do you want to know yes all of them guess what's on here okay um miley cyrus yep party in the usa is the first song i knew it okay what else uh jason derulo jason derulo i don't know i don't they don't write a they don't have the artists on all of these so maybe okay they don't have artists on any of them

actually can you read what they say yeah party in the usa get the party started boom boom pal move it like this i don't know what that song is move it like this oh that's a baha man of course of course a party rock anthem one of my favorites tonight tonight uh party like a rock star let's get it started moves like jagger who let the dogs out baha men made it twice doubling up single ladies, they're doubling up. Single ladies, and then hey-ya, and kids bop shuffle, which is the most terrifying one. Sounds really good. I'm gonna avoid that one. What's tonight tonight?

I don't know. I assume not the smashing pumpkin song. That's what I'm wondering. I was like, that doesn't sound like a kids party anthem. Could you imagine? Oh, Hot Shell Ray. Never mind. What?

I'm sorry. I woke up with a strange tattoo. I woke up with a tattoo. Not a dollar in my pocket. And then kind of looks just like you. Shall I move on whatever it doesn't matter okay um here's a review four-star review this is by hot shell ray of kids bop uh party pop cd i like kids bop i like when they come out with new songs and i'm always there,

ready to listen. When I found out that this CD was coming out, I instantly went to the Kidz Bop webpage to check it out. The only new track was Cha Cha Slide. Parentheses, Hamster Dance, Peanut Butter Jelly Time, Axl F, and Chicken Noodle Soup was released on 101 Crazy Jokes for Kids. So if this is your first CD or album with Kidz Bop, it is a good start. But if you're like me and have all the songs from Kidz Bop 20 to 25, you already have a good portion of the songs and don't really need to buy the whole album. End of review. And they weren't even songs on this CD.

So I don't know where they got it twisted. What is going on? What about Jokes for Kids? CD so I don't know where they got it twisted what is going on what about jokes for kids so apparently so I think what kids bop does is they have kids bop one kids bop two blah blah but then they have these separate releases that are compilations based on like genre so in this case this is one of those it's a kids bop party pop so I assume it's just party pop songs it's just baja men and smashing exactly um which is famously most of my playlist on spotify uh but this person was saying that there was only one new song on the album they got which is a different album than the one that i

right then then they reviewed so i don't know what the heck went wrong there. But the only new track was Cha-Cha Slide. And then they listed Hamster Dance, Peanut Butter Jelly Time, Axl F, and Chicken Noodle Soup that were already on the album 101 Crazy Jokes for Kids, which must be another Kidz Bop album. What? That's the name of one of the albums? I don't know.

It sounds like a terrible blog. Yeah, I know albums i don't know it sounds like a terrible blog yeah i know i don't know it seems weird it's an album by silly kids it's it's kids bought presents no includes four bonus silly songs i'm like upset is this my future i don't want to be part of this christina i this yes I, this, yes. No. No. Just play a Barenaked Ladies snack time. Yeah, I'll do that. It's so good. There's only so much off-brand Baja men that I can take.

Off-brand Baja men. Like, at least play the original. That's good. Well, I'm glad for them that they have such a collection going, you know, this child or whoever it is. Or full-grown adult. I'm not really sure so yeah i couldn't tell it's hard to tell right i'm not gonna lie it is hard to tell i couldn't tell um but i am they don't have profiles so i couldn't check their profile and see find more information what site was this this was on as seen on tv live.com it

was they had kids pop on there yes interesting um i saw a paw patrol something or other on there and i was like i read those reviews i wanted to find something good and there was nothing i didn't read them um well next up i have a product called as seen on tv president trump talking clock yikes precisely they were a disconcerting number of five-star reviews on this Yikes. Precisely. They were a disconcerting number of five star reviews on this one, but here is a three star review by Lala and the title is Love the Clock, but it's a verified purchase. It is a perfect clock for my husband's office, but it stopped working several hours later. It is supposed to talk every hour, but it was so low I could barely hear it. Then it stopped working.

My husband won't part with it. He loves Trump so much that he keeps it hung on the wall. It's a great looking clock. I just wish it worked. End of review. What does it look like? It's just so terrible. Just type in Trump talking clock.

Trump talking clock trump talking clock doesn't even look good no it doesn't look good uh and you know the worst part well that's a loaded sentence i probably do but the dumbest part is that it just says the same thing every hour every hour what does it say make america great again yeah that's it every hour yep the photoshop pictures of it in like these very trendy rooms yeah these like super upscale oh my god it's like it looks like a magnolia what is this like boho chic boho chic apartment apartment and then there's this gaudy tacky this would be gaudy tacky no matter who's on there it's just this blue with american flag above like the gorgeous fiddly fig just the trump talking clock whose idea was it to photoshop those there oh yikes above these gorgeous paintings. Wow. I don't see any hair.

Oh, dear God. This is something else. Oh, it's awful. Yeah, apparently he just says, it's really quiet, but it says, make America great again every hour. Yikes. Yeah, the number of people. Can't wait to get ads for that one. I know.

Thank you. I'm sorry. Yikes. Yeah, the number of people. Can't wait to get ads for that one. I know. Thank you. I'm sorry. Some people say they have to go up close to hear it, so they like to stand.

I'm not even kidding. They set an alarm on their phone for like one minute before the hour. They stand next to it. Yeah. Oh, dear God. Anyway, so. Well, I have one more. This is the Miracle Bamboo Cushion.

Another miracle. Oh, I love this thing. Oh, true. They like the word miracle around here. They do. It seems to be pretty convincing. Keep your posture and relieve pressure with the orthopedic foam design of the Miracle Bamboo Cushion.

One, it conforms to your... I don't know why we have ones. Number one, conforms to your body shape. Number two, orthopedic foam design. Number three, won't flatten over time. Try me. I'll flatten that't flatten over time. Try me. I'll flatten that thing over time for sure. Okay.

Here's a five-star review. This is my last one. This is by Donna. I spend a lot of time at my computer because of my being in the life and health insurance business for 59 years. The best way for me to describe this product is ah mighty comfortable end of review that's so cute i love it these positive i know they're so fun and sweet i love them 59 years i love when people just insert what they do for how many years every time it is yeah i don't i don't uh fault them for it but i just

it's just really fun just did fault them for it i think you're faulting i said i love when people you're faulting them it's really rude oh mighty comfortable there's nothing you hate more in the world than someone who spends 58 or more years in the life and health insurance business it's true they spent 59 you hate them i'm not thrilled about it um and i do fault them here i have a redemption for you okay please i only redemptions left as well thank you so this is a redemption of a project a product oh it kind of is a project. It's called, as seen on TV, Perfect Polly, World's Perfect Pet, Amazingly Lifelike Parakeet Moves and Sings. That is not the animal I expected, even with the word Polly. I'm not done yet. Life-size and very realistic.

Chirp, chirp. Head and tail feathers move realistically. Why did... Okay. May I ask why it's taking you so long to read this? This is kind of blurry. I zoomed in the box. Oh.

The text kind of gets smaller as you go. Got it, got it, got it. Because you're trying to fit. Is that not the Amazon title? It's not the Amazon title. That's what I thought. And I thought, why is she taking... Why can't she read this Amazon title properly? Is it... My brain this amazon title properly is it every word spelled wrong uh never needs feeding it says

was that a concern that's the top by the way on the like where you hang it on the on the hook of the product up the top it says never needs feeding and then right at the bottom it says sits on his perch or your finger. Charming parakeet sounds. So here, I'll show you a picture of it. Here he is. Okay. Okay.

World's perfect pet. Yeah. I thought that was like a pet rock. Perfect poly. Because it doesn't make noise. Well, this one is lifelike. Of rock is much like a rock. It's pretty realistic, I would say.

But this one is a good time, according to Marjorie. I could see this being a cute thing for someone in a nursing home or something who can't have pets. Well, here we go. This is a positive review by Marjorie. I will say, the positive reviews were like, oh, I brought this. It literally said, I brought this to my mother in her nursing home. And he was a hit. And now everybody wants one.

Yeah, see? I wonder if they can communicate with each other. Oh, that would be fun. What if one of those fucking dog, robotic dogs had barked? That was scary. Yeah. You need a bunch of robotic animals. But we only had one.

So we were like, well, now what do we do with it? Anyway, five stars. Verified purchaser. And this is from the Walmart website. The title is Seriously Good Time. Oh, I said it was by Marjorie. It's actually by a user called Big Polly Kinda Guy. Oh, wow.

We've got a super fan. I love it. I just made up a name because I didn't see the username, but that's the name. I just made up a name because I didn't see the username, but that's the name. When I say I can't get enough Polly, I seriously mean I can't get enough Polly. I just ordered 15 more. 15? Yeah.

For themselves? I just ordered 15 more of these bad birds and we'll be spreading them across the globe like Johnny Appleseed. I won't actually plant them though, lol. That's a relief. Thank god. I'm going to bury these all over the globe. Can you imagine thinking you found someone's dead parakeet that they just, like a freshly buried parakeet? Oh god. When you stumble on that.

But the thing is that this thing is animatronic so it just keeps like chirping under the like they buried it alive the wing like oh no oh no anyway yeah so um that's cute okay so now i'm glad to know that it was for other people around the world big poly kind of guy yeah like johnny appleseed or it sounds like this person has uh a store reselling them or that right i can't really figure out what the actual dissemination looks like but i think they'll figure it out um and then finally i have this review of the comfy which i own a company it's a giant oversized hoodie that's like really soft um and this was actually sent in by just from knoxville like a long time ago but i just searched our inbox for the comfy nice and i found this it's like a poncho but a blanket yes it's like a snuggie but it's a hoodie yeah with a like a pocket and stuff

yeah and it's kind of like sherpa lined like fleece lined um so this is a four-star review by holiday nana on qvc.com of the comfy and the title is love it bought several however while cooking breakfast the sleeve caught fire it melted not a problem I mended it. Sleeves should be tailored to fit. Too easy to catch fire. Because of the bulky sleeves, I'm careful who I buy it for. Smaller sizes should be available for shorter and smaller adults.

Front zippers would be awesome for those who have issues pulling over their heads. Would I buy it again? Yes. Did you purchase and receive the item you are currently reviewing? Yes. Would you recommend this product as a gift? Yes. Who would this be a perfect gift for?

Dads. Who I guess won't set themselves on fire unlike everyone else. I feel like when they started to offer suggestions for different versions, they were just describing different articles of clothing. Yeah. Like a quarter zipper you were just creating clothes tailored sleeves i feel this is this is a very specific product and if you don't someone was like this was so big on me and i was like that's kind of the yeah i guess i could see there being maybe a couple different sizes but if you change the

zippage zip zip zip situation some of them have zippers and i just don't get it i'm like that's you don't want to put metal on this thing oh gosh it's already like a lot it's just meant to be cozy and just cover you right exactly it's sort of like a big blanket yeah i wouldn't recommend cooking with it the the sleeves do like when i wash my hands in it the water goes up this it's not fun so i would say be cautious especially if you're in the kitchen i and that thing is you know that's gonna go up right up in flames melt right up yeah so i would definitely take it off if you're gonna be cooking i was playing the sims on stream yesterday sims 4 my guy caught on fire four times

why do they always do that four times and the thing is this this idiot didn't know how to cook okay obviously his cooking level was like zero and he had the cheapest stove because he didn't have much money and he caught on fire two times i bought a fire alarm. The third time the fire department came, but my guy extinguished himself. And then the fireman, who was halfway to the door, doesn't even walk inside, cheers as if he did something and then struts away all confident. It was ridiculous. I was so mad. And then my guy who has no money and I just redid his stove is like, I'm going to spend $6 cooking mac and cheese and then burns it all up again.

I think I want to do our 420 stream playing Sims. We can play the Sims. That's really fun. Okay. So maybe we'll add that to our 420 stream. Check that out today. 630 p.m. Eastern time. Can I just tell you, I also just found a list of my favorite products.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I love this. I also just found a list of my favorite products. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I love this. I was almost going to do that. Any more reviews, but I just have some products. There was an article on Looper called Weirdest I've Seen on TV Products, and the rest I just kind of found. Good stuff. So one of them is sauna pants.

Tell me you saw these. What are sauna? Is that the sauna thing, but just pants version? Just pants. Shorts, almost. Shorts? Yeah. What the hell i know it's for weight loss not really but that's what it's marketed for aids in shedding water

weight simple to use dial up the heat so this tired the looper article author wrote this line which i kept because i thought it was great any professional trainer worth listening to will tell you that the key to achieving fitness goals is a humid crotch literally you just heat up your crotch like nothing good can come of that in my opinion no i i don't see the appeal there personally no and they look ridiculous um so here is another item this is of the neck magic air cushion. Here it is. What the fuck is that? Wait, can I see it again?

Yep. I had to look at that woman's face again. Can I read you the little thing? This is what the author wrote. If someone told you they were going to wrap a device around your neck and use a pump to slowly increase the pressure and pull your head away from your shoulders, you'd probably wonder why your murderer was being so detailed and upfront about his plans. But you can rest easy if he's strapping the neck magic air cushion around your throat. Because if he stops just short of blocking your airway, you'll experience soothing muscle relaxation and even headache relief. My God, this is amazing. It literally pulls your head away from you. This is terrible. your airway you'll experience soothing muscle relaxation and even headache relief my god this

is amazing it literally pulls this is terrible and squeezes your neck um so there's that i love it the rest are called a euro club okay which is where you pee into a golf club oh yes i've seen that no i've seen that uh i did not keep the quote but it was something like why why would you want to go to the bushes where you can't make eye contact with all of your golf buddies and um you basically hold it and there's a golf towel that's attached to it yes to cover your junk i mean that guy that i saw at the park with d oh yeah could have used that but it would have been weird him standing at his car door with a with a weird looking golf club uh there's easy butter which actually i was thinking when you were talking about best things in sliced bread it slices your

butter like a staple gun and like shoots like squares of butter pats of butter out you put a whole stick of butter in it and it like slices them out like a staple gun okay i mean i have like a vegan butter that comes in a stick like that. So maybe I can try that. You can just... And so I think someone might write that's the best thing since sliced bread. Yeah, sliced butter. I mean, logical. Like that one makes more sense, maybe. Maybe.

So then there's the Better Marriage Blanket. Excuse me? Which eliminates the smell of flatulence. How? It just smells really strongly of patchouli or something i'm assuming it has some copper fibers i'm not really sure it's not called a miracle blanket okay that's sounds like where they got the idea for the sauna pants heating up heating up your crotch area and then there's the instant lifts which is basically tape that you tape your arm flab up.

Oh. And it really is just tape. Okay. Then there's the broccoli wad. I can't even come up with what this might be. It's called the broccoli wad, the real man's money band. Here it is. So that's the broccoli.

Is that real? Yeah, so it is real. The broccoli. it looks like one of those obvious plants you know look it up i'm pretty sure it's on amazon it was on shark tank yeah so basically it like keeps everything in two silicone bands and uh why is it called broccoli oh because of the the bands that are around broccoli oh i don't think i understood that until now it looks ridiculous well the packaging packaging is hilarious the packaging features vincent pastore i don't know who that is an american oh you don't let me tell you tell me vincent pastore is an american actor often cast as a mafioso he's known for his portrayal of salvatore big pussy bon pensiero on the sopranos

big pussy that's right so uh that's uh he's featured on the front and he says the ultimate money ban no real man carries a bulky wallet too much cash too many cards i use the broccoli wad stronger than a rubber band and elegant like me signed vincent pestor signed pussy yeah yeah um so and then the final final thing product that i tried so hard to find reviews but i couldn't find anything that funny was the arctic hat did you see this arctic hat yeah arctic hat or arctic hat arctic hat okay no i have not seen this basically you pour water on it. What? And it keeps you cool. You pour water on it. Like, that's literally how it works.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So there's that. It looks like one of those IKEA bucket hats. Yep. But it's all wet. But it's all wet. I think my favorite ones were the reviewers where they said, I even put it in the freezer for 10 minutes and then put it on my head.

And I'm like, well, you could probably do that with any hat. Yeah, true. Anyway. This is so bizarre. Okay. So that's that. It's hideous, but hopefully it does the trick. It's not cute.

It's really not cute. So those are all mine. Your turn. Those are all mine. Your turn. It's time for my challenge, which came from Allie. And it was to find a review that mentioned that a flight was too short. Right.

And this wasn't that difficult, but I was trying to go down a specific route and that did not work for me and it was a suggestion from uh someone who dm'd me sydney uh who brought up that a lot of people will complain that their flights are too short because of ear and altitude issues oh so um so short plane rides are the worst because you're up and down so fast there's barely any time in the air at a constant altitude to get used to it so it's like i think they're the best but i guess i don't have this problem no exactly so it was a very specific issue but i thought okay um that's a good path to go down totally and i think it was but i just couldn't find anything any products that were related or anything where people mentioned that on their flight review sydney mentioned it so you could just say that was... Okay, well, Sydney's review. That was Sydney's review. That was my number one. And honestly, most of them were positive.

Oh. So I know it sounds like it makes no sense, but they were complaining that the flight was too short. Okay. So you'll get an idea. Here's my first one. They didn't have time for a margarita on board? Kind of. A lot of things like that.

Okay. But it was a little all over the place here's a three star review this is a review of american airlines on tripadvisor great uh titled very strange flight attendant behavior oh no so here's three stars upon boarding the flight attendant in first was busy on her cell phone when i asked a question then prior to take off she and another flight attendant were so involved in personal gossip and were not paying any attention to their passengers. Upon takeoff, the passenger across the aisle retained her drink and her tray table was down. No one had checked on us prior to takeoff. The strangely behaving attendant put her purse or

small bag on an empty seat and kept returning to it frequently during the flight very strange inappropriate behavior i observed also the connection from a thin air flight was too short to make it through oh wait i messed it up this isn't about a connection whatever i mainly kept this because of that weird beginning so okay also i'm such i might not have been of sound mind when i did this research also the connection from a finn air flight was too short to make it through customs and go through security again then make it to the american flight also the agent that gave us express passes and new boarding documents as we got off the international flight had the wrong gate noted.

So we raced to the wrong gate, had to recover and get to the correct gate and barely made it. In the end, our luggage did not make it. We waited two days to get our bags. End of review. Oh, my goodness. So maybe their last flight was too short. If it had been two days longer, they would have gotten there with their baggage. Two days longer?

Yeah, because their luggage came two days later um wow but no that beginning was just so curious and i wanted to i focused i saw the words too short and i thought okay we're good yeah i mean it hit that uh kind of okay but the flight attendant behavior i would argue that that behavior is actually extremely normal like maybe not in the context of but oh she was on her phone and she was gossiping with her co-worker the big thing was when they said um they put her okay so she put her purse or small bag i love how they don't know which on an empty seat and kept returning to it frequently during the flight i've never seen a flight attendant leave a bag in a past like an empty passenger seat like they usually have space for it don't they or something well you're usually not in first class so i would argue you don't really get to

see beyond the curtain if you will beyond the curtain it's my new podcast beyond the curtains no i'm kidding like oh i love wizard of oz but i fly first class a lot but my but you know maybe if it was one of the front seats and no one was in there yeah no i don't think mtc okay i wouldn't find that weird i i'm like if i saw it in person but i'm i'm curious this person's just so suspicious what could it be exactly like i'm assuming that either like they have their phone in there and they're checking their phone in their purse or they're doing who knows yeah or taking a kleenex out because they have allergies i don't know but i don't think it's that weird um i think it's more weird how intensely observant this person

is of everyone around them what it's like why don't you just relax for a minute okay um and then like after the fact leaving a review telling on the person who left their tray table down um it's funny though because i was just talking to d about that i had a flight recently um and the person next oh well i had multiple flights because we took off and then over on the way to cd in new york we took off from cincinnati we're circled over pennsylvania for a bit oh after being three hours delayed and then turned around and landed back in cincinnati that's never happened to me and i think i would be so frustrated either and i was on the hold with delta

for six hours trying to get some sort of reimbursement shit and i got 10 000 miles so and 50 bucks so nice yeah so i was a good chunk yeah 50 credit so maybe you'll be on the curtain someday i'm trying i'm not even silver medallion but the woman next to me on the the doomed flight that actually on both flights because the next day we had we had to fly together i've never had that i'm sorry i'm like the same person yes because we were all going to the same place and weird they canceled our flight and put like said okay we've rescheduled it for 10 a.m tomorrow it's the same ticket that's weird so i'm sitting next to the same person two days in a row on the flight on the plane we didn't really talk but she had her think pad out and what's that oh like one of those

like work laptops and she was on it the entire time like working on um some sort of presentation yeah okay i peeked over on the second day because i was so curious about it it seemed like it looked like a slide you'd see in a tv show that is like a stock, like typical business jargon. I had no idea. Really? It looked fake. But she was working on it for hours, literally hours. Oh, my God.

And I mean, the whole presentation, she was working for hours. And I looked at it, I'm like, I don't know what half these words are. Or if I do know what they are, I don't know what they mean together. It's like synergy, sales, something, something. And I'm like, I wish I had, I mean, really creepy, but I wish I had taken a photo so I could like analyze it more. Memorized one bullet point to share with her. She was like looking when we were landing in New York,

she was looking at the skyline and I know I spent like a solid 30 seconds of my time staring at this thing. What does it say um the point of this was she had her tray table down the entire flight like for big before we took off to landing was never told not to and i gotta say it made me weirdly nervous because i was like and it's the flight attendant if they walk by and see it and scold her will they be like wow this guy didn't say anything? I can't.

It's so stupid. I know. It's just an anxiety thing. And I really didn't care. Social anxiety thing. I get it. But it was a weird social thing of like, this person's breaking a rule that whatever. I mean, I guess it's.

You have to look at it as like, which one's the least bad? Because then. Oh, yeah. I would never tell her. Yeah. The worst situation is like, hey, can you put your tray table up don't care obviously you wouldn't do but if we crash and that computer hits me in the head like whatever but i have that presentation is the last thing you see synergy but i feel like the flight attendant would not expect like yeah oh well why didn't

the stranger i'd be like i feel like the flight attendant would be like okay good i'm i'd rather not deal with a stranger who's like yeah arguing with another stranger about putting up there it's it's really not my job to also what's that in this situation not that i wanted to but it's a citizen's arrest what i would do in this scenario if i saw the flight attendant coming i would immediately close my eyes and just be like i didn't see it i would pretend to be an air marshal you're under arrest i'm an air marshal i'm here for this i've been waiting for this day my entire career uh well and then my other my flight back the person next to me wasn't wearing their mask was down i hate that and i hated it because i that's something i very much wanted to say something but i couldn't bring myself to confront them uh but thankfully the

flight attendant was on it and the person like was like oh and then had it on i think for basically the whole flight correctly beyond the curtain it was 2020 sometime in the summer like it was right when things were getting bad and i was i it was like my last flight to la and back and the guy two seats over like would not put on his mask i didn't even have one out and the flight attendant kept saying like you need to put it on and he'd be like no thank you and just wouldn't and i'm like i didn't know what to do because this poor flight attendant like what's she gonna do yeah we're in the middle of the fucking flight and i know later on people started getting like removed from planes.

But this was like very early on with these mask mandates. Yeah. And like he just simply would not put it on. And he kept just saying no. And I was like, this is so awful because what am I going to do? Yeah. What is he? What is anyone going to do?

And he was like in seat 1A. So of course, like. So he's a big, big deal. A big deal. High roller. high roller so anyway i love how now you that means you were in like one c i wasn't but i know you were i was not quite as high roll christina and i contacted delta just to be like hey your flight attendants are in like an awful position here i don't know like i just want to put it out there that there are people

just not participating in the mass and this is before we knew how it would like spread and all that and um i didn't get 10 000 miles i probably should have you should have for how the flight attendant was being treated my god you were so out of touch i was so distraught i was so distraught at seeing how this flight attendant was treated give me miles let me get to platinum quicker please i'm at i know you're at platinum this i don't know if this was before you were platinum on your width i'm not at diamond yet you're not that's next jesus christ no diamonds like impossible you have to you have to fly i think like either several times a week for an entire year or pay a shit ton of money no you can't even pay for it your company has to pay for it or something like it has to be like corporate level like if you buy like 10 million miles it's like

if you're like a ceo i don't think you can pay for it i think like you have to be somebody you have to be like some you're the ceos of she for madness llc we should put all of the money that we make yeah towards it so maybe i can get to silver that's how much we make okay i'm gonna continue speaking of flights do you think 40 will get you to silver not if i pay 210 for that American Girl doll. True. She's trying to spend all of our hard-earned money on this doll. Who's, by the way, sitting in seat 1B. And I'm way in the back.

You're beyond the curse. Okay, this is the dumbest. Okay, I know we say that every week, but this is probably the stupidest tangent we've been on. And quite long. Here we go. Here's a review of Delta Airlines. Famously your favorite airline. Famously.

This is a five-star review. I would have joined the Mile High Club, but the flight was too short. Great flight from PCB to Indianapolis. Quick stop in Atlanta, long enough to eat and look at some of the attractions. The staff was friendly and helpful. That includes TSA to the ticket people and the in-flight crew. Hypothetical question, why not seat the back to the front? Then no one is climbing over each other. Seats were comfortable on all planes. The long trip from Indianapolis to PCB we had a bigger jet. Free wififi and monitors to watch shows on didn't occur

to ask why it was free wife got a pillow and we were in the back 40 we booked a month in advance and got pretty cheap tickets considering we were flying at the very beginning and end of the thanksgiving rush i signed up for mileage and was told i was a gold coin member i didn't see any gold but that could explain the other benefits end of review That was a lot of words that I zoned out. I feel like it was an overwhelming amount of information. It was a lot. And a lot that I feel didn't need to be shared. Oh, you don't say.

Well, it just seemed so... I don't know. It was very... Jumping around. And why are you talking about the Mile High Club? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know it was very jumping around and why are you talking about the mile high club yeah i don't know i don't know i'm glad to say to learn he was with someone because i was at first like yes agree about like somebody a flight attendant or some some other customer but okay at least like i was i was working this this gal real good yeah i was like i don't like where this weird madman style of creepiness um

is married it felt like someone with too much time on their hands yes especially if you have free wi-fi find something better to do i'm assuming they're right yeah probably on the plane like we got free wi-fi uh the wife's over here with a pillow we're in seat 40 he found out he was a gold coin member and was like oh i, I got to tell the internet. Let me write a review quick. What is a gold coin member? No idea. I don't know either. Medallion maybe.

He's like, oh, metal, like a coin. Gold coin. Gold medallion. Oh, I guess so. This is a review of Emirates by Christine. It's titled First Class. A review of what? Emirates.

What's that? Emirates Airline. Is that how you say it? Oh. I never said it. E-M-I-R-a-t-e-s yeah emirates emirates right uae united emirates wow i'm sorry i don't know what my brain was not processing any of that which is maybe it's because this is a first class seat you haven't been on

i understand here's here's a review of first class. The Emirates are one of the best airlines in the world. Staring form the check-in till you disembark the aircraft. The comfort, entertainment, and the meal served. Needless to say, the flawless service and friendliness of all the crew on board. Unfortunately, the flight was too short to really enjoy the array of movies and music they have to offer. I must say that I am blessed and fortunate as I have done many flight in the past with Emirates, but long haul flights never miss the opportunity. It's just awesome. End of review.

Oh, my. And they included a picture of their plane. Oh, that's nice. The Boeing 777. I have never flown Emirates, as is very obvious by the way i reacted but i hear they are a nice airline i think expensive yes i think those are the ones that have well there are a lot of them but they have like the fancy like planes that first class isn't even the best you can get there's a special one that has a full like the full bed and everything

and like a server and like private tens of thousands of dollars that's bananas yeah um it's too i i'm not gonna lie i have had that scenario where the flight feels too short and it's only in the case of like i just fell asleep or like what what was in what. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Or. But I mean, I would say 95% of the time. A flight cannot be too short. Like I want it to be over. The shortest flight I think I've been on was from Seattle to Yakima, Washington. Oh, that would be. And.

But it didn't. There was like the best way to get there. And. How long was it? Like 45 minutes, maybe. Okay. And yeah, you just... It was pretty cool, though, because it was a small plane and it was an Oregon State Beavers plane.

Whoa. So that was kind of fun. That's fun. It had two propellers. Whoa. Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, I'm all about the short flight just get me off you know just get get you off the plane um my next one is of iberia airlines uh it's a spanish one

it's a four-star review titled good selection of films we paid extra again for legroom seats and this was a good investment we traveled on a larger aircraft which meant we had a very good selection of on-flight entertainment although annoyingly the flight was too short for my film we found the flight attendants very good on this occasion end of review that's happened to me too actually where it's like the last seat and then they're like we are landing that happened to me with once upon a time in hollywood oh and it took me it took me a long time to actually finish it i don't think i've ever actually finished a film i started on a plane that's the and i always say oh i'm gonna do that as soon as i get home it took me so long and finally it was online somewhere

did you like scrub forward do you watch the whole thing again no i watched the whole thing again okay because it would been so long I didn't remember any of it. The one most recently that I remember was the, this was pre-COVID, but it was the Robin Williams documentary. Oh, I didn't even know that existed. You still haven't watched it? It got to the point where I had watched, because I flew so much for that tour in 2019, that I had watched, i swear to god every film on that dumb flight so finally i started watching like robin williams documentaries but i got it was very good and at the end it was like about to talk about how he died and i was just crying because there's this horribly sad it was not horribly sad but it was just like really touching

and blah blah blah and so i was like crying and they're like, and then everything changed. And then the flight ended and I still don't really. You don't know what happens next? I don't know what happens next. I mean, I know kind of. But, you know, you got so attached to everybody in the family. Anyway, I felt very like. And that's a big and like emotional investment to start it over again and watch the whole thing.

Right, and I can't bring myself to do that. So I'm like, I've experienced enough of that film. I think that makes sense. But anyway, very interesting stuff. You know what there needs to be? A movie. I mean, not just because I realized how little I actually knew about it was the Lindbergh kidnapping. Charles Lindbergh's baby that was kidnapped yeah i i mean i know the story i've like the lindbergh baby i know that's been in my head

for years i know about it but there's just so many there are so many details that i didn't know about until i think last night last night yeah i just watched a documentary like a 10 minute quick history channel one um documentary and i was like wow maybe you should listen to and that's why you drink it right now i probably should because i definitely covered that and it's quite an extensive story but it is very extensive that's but i was surprised to see there wasn't a full-length documentary there was a nova about it different stations have created like bbc did a documentary thing, but there hasn't been... Maybe it's just in this age of dramatized Netflix crime series that exist, but I would just want this because I realized how little I knew and I think I would love more information.

That's one of the Mandela effects that people think the baby survived. Why do people think that because some people literally remember they or they say they remember the baby surviving and that's a mandela effect i guess where i don't really believe in them whatever i have a lot of yes opinions on the mandela effect but uh yeah one of the uh kind of mix-ups is mix-ups is people think that the baby survived when the baby very much did not. Very much did not. Unfortunately, tragically. I wish the baby did. But yeah, so that's one of those things.

People are shocked to learn that the baby did not survive. Oh, yeah, no. That part I knew. But I just didn't know all of the other details. There's a lot. About who did it and then also the attempts to find this. Okay, anyway. And about Lindbergh himself. Did they talk about that at all? Not really. there's a lot who did it and then also the attempts to find this okay anyway and about

lindbergh himself did they talk about that at all not really that's the thing is i'm sure there's so much more he's a fucking nazi sympathizer eugenics yeah proponent anyway no i didn't know about that though but separately but not see that's the thing there's so much there's so much okay anyway i don't know how this sorry hey it's relevant talking about flights don't worry okay um we're talking about movies on airplanes so why not a movie about someone who flew airplanes i actually am loving that angle zany thank you but it's only going to be about how he flew airplanes i don't want that probably exists probably aviator or something isn't that based off of him honestly i don't know oh no no that's that's uh howard hughes oh yeah sorry yes howard my mistake um he had ocd oh i think that's fast i did not know that okay this is not my next review isn't even of a plane

uh thing this is a fly spot warsaw indoor skydiving interesting angles andy yeah uh and this is titled great experience five stars the flight was too short to learn how to fly like a pro but long enough to feel like a bird and to be eager to try once again thank you to all the crew there really nice experience end of review so indoor skydiving? Yeah. Oh. So this guy was floating and considered it flying. Like a bird. Yeah. The flight was too short.

I like that. That really, that checks off the challenge in like a really unique way. I thought it was pretty good. Good enough. I like it. Thank you. And now we have hang gliding interlaken in Interlaken, Switzerland. Cool.

It's a five star review titled Addictive Gliding Experience. Awesome time trying to be a bird with a Bernie guiding my hang glider. Went on a beautiful summer day with great visibility. The view from up there is gorgeous. The guys are funny and do their best to put you at ease, especially when you have as many questions as I had. Only comment is that the flight was too short. I love how they say that after saying they put up with all my questions. I wonder if the guys were like, Bernie said, let's cut this one short.

Yeah, I was going to say. Or they were like, that was way too long of a flight. They're getting into the safety questions. We can't answer these legally. We cut a land. This is Switzerland. We're staying neutral here. Don't answer that.

Clever joke. Classic joke. I've never heard that before. I thought it was pretty clever. Next is Papillon Grand Canyon Helicopters. Sure, sure, sure. I mean, butterfly. Papillon. P-A-P-I-L-L-O-N. Okay. This is in Boulder City, Nevada. Great Papillon Grand Canyon Helicopters. Sure, sure, sure. What do you mean, butterfly? Papillon.

P-A-P-I-L-L-O-N. Okay. This is in Boulder City, Nevada. Grey Papillon. Excuse you? Grey Poupon. Grey Poupon. Oh, grey.

I thought you said great. I was like, oh, what's this grey butterfly? Grey Papillon Poupon. This is a three-star review. Flight was too short and too much of it is over three-star review. Flight was too short, and too much of it is over woods, not canyon. The part of the trip over the Grand Canyon is very good.

Unfortunately, this part of the trip only made up about half of your half-hour flight. Due to air control flight guidelines, the first and last part of your flight is over the trees getting to the rim, and not the canyon itself. Pilot and other staff were very good and helpful. Whilst over the trees getting to the rim and not the canyon itself. Pilot and other staff were very good and helpful. Whilst over the canyon, the tour is great,

but the cost for a 30-minute flight which spends so much of the 30 minutes not over the canyon is very high. I would not choose this flight again. Look for one that spends more time over the canyon and less time traveling to get to the rim. End of review. Oh my god, okay, I get it. It was different paragraphs too.

It's as if they wrote the review multiple times and thought, which one should I send? Oh, let me just send all of them. Phrasing. Yeah. Okay. I mean. But yeah. I guess so.

But they literally said due to air traffic control rules or something. I assume other helicopter tours have the same guidelines. I don't know. All I know is i never want to be in a helicopter i'm so scared of helicopters i am too i was just thinking it would be so cool to see the grand canyon too bad i'll never do it yeah no i would never do that i don't think from that angle um unless i for some reason was in a position where i had to be in a helicopter like what exactly that's the thing is being medically transported to a hospital i think about those things because it makes me so anxious the idea of being a helicopter that i'm

like what what situations will i have to avoid in the future in order to not be in a helicopter me too i i'm not about it and um blaze there's a job he really likes that's literally just helicopter medic or like helicopter job i don't know regularly uh and he's he's been eyeing it for a long time and it makes me so anxious but what can i do you know yeah i mean i guess as long if if something happens in that helicopter at least there's all those medical supplies that's true and medical people that's true so he's my great poppy if i would want blazing any helicopter it would be that one medical medical emergency helicopter agreed yeah good point okay i've got one more

for you all this is of thai airways you didn't hear me call blaze my gray puppy y'all wow my brain is really trying to save me today from your bullshit. And you're like, nope. Clawing you back. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. That's so stupid. Here's a five-star review of Thai Airways. My flight was too short.

Can't wait to fly again. Got tired of the budget airlines, and I always try to experience the nation's flag carrier. So I booked tie for my hkt to bkk leg the only bad thing was that the flight was only an hour the plane was clean roomy and entertainment was good even though the flight was only an hour we were serviced little pizza sticks that were delicious the u.s airlines should take notes boarding and deplaning were smooth sticks yeah notes okay that's what we've been missing all these years that is the missing piece we sat at the exit row facing one of the jump seats and had quite possibly the nicest most engaging flight attendant sitting

across from us he conversated with us for most of the flight when he wasn't working end of review wow it's kind of sweet having that seat right there facing the flight attendant they actually talk to you and you hang out kind of i don't know i hope they're telling me the gossip they were telling their true like i want i want in on that gossip and i want to know what's in that bag i bet there's so much in the flight attendant world gossip wise i bet i mean between oh my gosh one of m's friends is a flight attendant and i've uh she and i follow each other on instagram and she's always like posting about like her day-to-day work stuff and where she's like staying for a couple nights and

i follow a tiktok account that goes through like day in the life videos i love it it's so interesting. Yeah. It's something that I, I don't know, I feel like a lot of people need to watch because it's hard to kind of appreciate as much what they do. Because, yeah, just what they do alone, what you see is you appreciate, but everything else on top of it makes it even wilder. It's a lot, yeah. Yeah. And I think, I don't know if this is true for all airlines um probably

just us but i think there's something about you don't start getting paid until the door is closed uh on the plane there is i believe oh shit flight attendants don't get paid until the doors close oh shit so all of that time before the doors close where they're putting up with you and putting up with all the people not wearing masks they're not even getting paid for it paid internship yeah that's why sometimes you'll see them like especially the ones in heels where they're just pulling the door with their bare hands and they're like what are they doing they're trying to get paid they just want to get they just want to close that door um yeah so you know you know They just want to close that door.

Yeah. So, you know, you know, it's tough out there. Be nice. Be nice to your flight attendants. Oh, sorry. Until it says until the door is closed and the brakes are lifted, flight attendants are paid on average two dollars an hour. So, yeah. And they have to get to travel, like walk from their hotel or wherever they're staying,

get to their get to the airport. Deal with anything on the plane beforehand. I mean, there are cleaners too that come through, but they probably have to do other things. Get ready for boarding. Get ready for you all losers, us losers who are just going to be grumpy jerks to them. Practice their fake mask putting on. Yes, true. I'm sure that takes a lot of time yeah to practice every day

it would for you like no joke i know i'm like clicking the seat belt how do i take it apart it's i know it's a lot of steps it's a process yeah that's why you sit in first class they put the mask on for you they buckle your me a bib. And then they give me a... They buckle your seatbelt for you. They buckle me in. Yeah. They tuck you in and everything. They tell me all the gossip. Yeah.

It's the best. They help you pee too. They do. It's called Beyond the Curtain. My life beyond the curtain. They give you one of those golf clubs and say, oh, or they give you a wink in a golf club. So you don't have to leave your seat. Wink.

Wink, wink. It's the best. Yeah. That's all I have. Anyway, that was excellent, Zandy. Thank you. You really accomplished the challenge there that's that's all i have anyway that was excellent sandy you really accomplished the challenge there thank you ally for that suggestion thank you uh lady bell for the theme this was one of my favorite themes and one of my favorite challenges so it was a lot of fun y'all that was great um shall we give a theme a challenge for future episodes yeah let's

do it so i'm gonna give us our theme for 179 great two weeks from now uh i'm sure lots of people suggested this uh but i have an email from linea l-i-n-n-e-a uh who was more specific but i'm just gonna say ikea's oh they suggested ikea's in florida because florida plus ikea just seems like a wild combination i'll probably look at those anyway yeah exactly so that's why i'm saying that to put that out there that maybe we should gravitate towards florida for at least some of them uh but i just want to i think ikea is we that's something we should get on finally awesome well i have a challenge for you um and this is from carly who says uh you should do people who complain they couldn't get.

So I'm going to tweak it a little bit. Who couldn't get into somewhere because they didn't have the password. So Carly's example was a speakeasy, like a bar. Yeah. And said that she saw some of those while she was looking for places to go for her 30th birthday. So that's fun. That's great. We tried to go into the speakeasy in

new york um and i was like oh this is gonna be cool like speakeasy yeah situation the line was so long we just turned around we're like no we're not we're we're too old for this you're on the upper half of your 20s it's like i don't have time for a line are you kidding me exactly so we uh turn around there is an example in the email so i'm gonna star this for you so you can find yeah the email okay perfect thank you thank you challenge um okay so the theme for 180 was from emily she her and it's of towing companies that's terrible i know i already know it's gonna be that's gonna be so bad it's gonna be brutal yeah it's gonna be a lot and probably many valid and many yeah i'm sure we'll run the game

there's probably plenty of plenty of options though so here's a your challenge for 180 uh this comes from hallie uh she her who is listening to our back catalog again and came up with a challenge idea after I talked about dropping my pen in the toilet, my favorite green pen that I dropped in the toilet and continue to use it. I almost picked this challenge for you. Oh, you saw it. Isn't that perfect? Oh, my God.

Find a review where the reviewer states that they dropped the item in the toilet, but still continued to use it that's so good yeah i'm so excited for that uh okay on it got it amazing i love that challenge idea thank you silly it's just so up my alley because that's exactly what i did i didn't leave a review i I was too young. But no, I loved that pen with all of my heart. Not only did I drop it and I flushed it, it disappeared. You didn't even just drop it.

No, it was stuck in the pipes. And then it came back. You know what they say. It was either that or mom put a new one in there. If you love it, let it go. You think mom put a new one in there? Maybe. I don't know. Were you that upset about that upset about yes i was so upset about that pen then she might have put a new one but in the toilet would she really put it in the maybe she would have

to test to see how committed i am to my no just to like to my pen yeah although she could have run under the sink bin like look what came up in the toilet true did you hand fish it out of the toilet yes so it was in the toilet of course yes when i found it maybe mom tricked you and put it in water and was like no this is your pen you know i no no i found it yeah so it probably came back up the flames which i didn't know was possible but yeah that's what happened and i continue to it worked it still worked i was so relieved when it started to work again where is it now in your room where now okay i thought you still have i don't i don't still use it or have

it i've written a like extended story bring pens to school the pens at school probably see so much worse shit than a toilet well god not literally but like you know what i mean okay uh so that's so we've got that covered okay thanks everybody you can follow us everywhere beach to sandy post tiktoks and reels now uh beach to sandy.com slash tour for tour tickets vip tickets are running out so go to that we've got a new pig oin pin for you to purchase. That's really cool. And some beach merchandise.

Yeah. Come see us live. Come see us on our stream where we'll be celebrating 420. Today at 630 p.m. Cannot wait. And we'll see you there. Bye. Bye bye.

Wish me luck. Bye.