Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 178: Reviews of Children's Books

Episode Date: April 27, 2022

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Conditions apply. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach, Sioux, Sandy, Water, Too Wet. Why are you making that noise? What noise? It's my voice. Breathy chuckle. Breathy chuckle. Breathy chuckle.

I just love this podcast so much. Okay, good. That makes one of us. Yeah, I'm very caffeinated right now and I'm medicated. So we've got a double whammy going for episode 178 about children's books. Of all episodes, you had to come in medicated and caffeinated to the children's book episode yes because i have lots to say this is a doozy uh this was suggested by callum he him and also emma our friend emma a while ago suggested it so i just happened to

find that while i was searching our emails um so that's kind of unfair because emma has uh suggested literally everything she's gotten so much credit it's it's similar to how people say and by people i mean middle schoolers say oh yeah well i'm okay maybe this is a very personal experience i'm sorry i'm sorry where you're going let me let me focus here which is hard uh for me sometimes you know in middle school where you're having a fake fight of where you're two superhero kind of people. And then you say something like, oh, well, I hit you with an attack. That's a thousand. And they say, well, I hit you with one that's two thousand. And then you say infinity or infinity plus one infinity plus two.

And then mom says, stop talking to the mirror again. Go outside and play with your friends. Yeah. Yeah. I get what you're saying like infinity times infinity exactly what what was the point of this uh the point of this is that's kind of what emma did emma emma emma went uh everything i i i suggest everything possible times infinity i see so emma has just basically licked every topic yes okay so i get it um that's okay emma's tongue is all over those suggestions gross you started it i know um so i i'm really amped i clearly i am too that's why i'm being so succinct oh do you who i'll go first for once okay or do you want to go first no no no please go

by all means so the first thing i have for you is a game oh gosh okay is it where i guess what children's book yeah okay and this was sent in by sarah oh of sarah fame and there are multiple reviews sarah suntan okay and they're all of the same book so i'm gonna go and she was nice enough to include them in like increasing clarity okay so it's a difficulty thing if i can get it on the first try it's much like b-dubs trivia where like it starts more difficult and then like at the end it says uh you know like when they have those game trivia games i do i do no yeah and then at the end they're like it's a white president well white president not very uh not very specific it's a president if they were at the end the first black president

there you go that would be and it would say with initials b o and or like with initials f d r are this person's initial and you're like're like, okay, well now. Yeah, where it's really obvious. You gotta get it. So hopefully, I don't know if any of these are that clear, but we'll see. Okay. This first review is by Kevin. It's a one-star review of this children's book.

And it is one that we read as children. Okay. So. LOL, my teachers made me read and I'm so big already. Is that it? That's it. End of it and a real what okay this one is not there's no good i was gonna say am i missing something my teacher made me read i'm big already my teachers made me read it and i'm so big already oh so it's a one star uh do you think they mean they meant like i'm too old for this okay they didn't mean wow i read this and now i'm so big i think they said i'm so big like why are that my teachers make me read this uh i'm reading a lot into five words from what's most likely a child a middle

schooler but here's a one-star review this is by steel blue oh no okay nothing is more despicable than pushing adult politics onto unsuspecting children like this piece of thinly disguised socialist propaganda is trying to do and even more disgusting is using shame and guilt on such young ones but why would anyone expect morality from people who espouse philosophies that have destroyed countless millions of lives with their evil lusts for power disgusting don't waste your time or expose your children to such insidious filth end of review any guesses i don't know mao zedong's like red book or whatever um i have no way okay so politically chart that we read when we were little oh curious george no i'm just kidding

um i don't think it's clifford i don't think it's like an arthur book or something yeah it's definitely a standalone book okay okay um the rainbow fish or something is that it yes alexander are you serious yes and that wasn't even in my ones that i've reviewed i was thinking of the or the red i haven't even thought of that book in so long what medication are you on um no okay well i'm just gonna read the rest harder next time sarah'm going to read the last ones. There's two, okay? So this is by Shania, one star. I dislike the book. Why is the fishy's mouth so big?

So we thought maybe, Sarah and I thought, presumably, maybe this would give you. Yeah, I would like to think I'd get it at that point if I didn't the time before. A book about fish with socialist agenda behind it gosh which i assume is because the fish gives the scales away to all the other fish to make them pretty too to make them pretty too i forgot i was about to i forgot the plot i that's amazing that you didn't even think like what's a book about giving stuff away you know what i mean uh i mean too so this might be this was aabout, probably feels a little like cheating. But when I think people being outraged over something, I think rainbow.

And that's where, I think that's where my brain, how my brain got there. That's so fun. I don't. They didn't even have a problem with that part. They didn't even get to that. They probably reached the character limit and were like, I don't even have room to espouse my fear of the rainbow. Yeah. And how, well, no, how God needs to take it back it's god's rainbow now yeah uh okay so sarah wrote here if

you're still playing the game this might be where you start figuring out the answer uh so or i know that you would get it easy immediately so here is one more review by Kareem. One star. If I could give zero stars, I would. This book sucks. It's a story teaching about sharing by encouraging kids to give up what makes them unique in order to please the crowd. Got 30 oranges? Share them. That's too much vitamin C for one toddler. Don't use fish scales as a symbol. It's a part of the fish's body and would be painful and dangerous to share. The fruit stand would have been a better story. Or the farmer's stall. Or rainbow cloud, a story about a talking cloud.

What? A story about a talking cloud refusing to rain because it makes him feel sad. But learning that even though you feel sad, there can be a beautiful rainbow after it's over. 30 people found this helpful. What? Then you got 30 people who are willing to buy your book. Get to writing. Sarah wrote, write your own book, I guess.

Yeah, which seems like that's what this person should. Maybe it was like a testing the waters. True. Would you buy the fruit stand? Too much vitamin C for one toddler. That sounds like the world's worst book that does sound terrible uh maybe they then took a screenshot sent it to their publisher and said see see 30 people including my wife and kids found this very very helpful the crudely photoshopped o at the end so it said there's zero so it says 300 um so anyway there you go good start good start here's my first one this is a

book titled alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day this is by judith uh vorst the book or the review the book uh-huh uh and here's a description of the book the perennial pop perennially popular tale of alexander's worst day is a storybook that belongs on every child's bookshelf alexander knew it was going to be a terrible day when he woke up with gum in this in this hair oh gosh in his hair it says it says this hair sorry there's a gum in this hair yeah the specific one that says and it got worse okay here we have this book as children i brought it up to blaze i think i only picked books we've we had we i focused on that too we saw it at a bookstore the other day and i asked blaze if he

had read it he didn't know what it was but i guess since your name yeah we thought this is a fitting book i remember when we saw it i elbowed mom when i was like three i don don't know. Sounds like me. Am I right? In this hair? In this hair? No, I spit in your hair, not the other way around. Stop talking about it. Okay. This is a review written by someone

actually named Christine. Really? Yes, three stars. Three stars. I know this is a beloved classic, but I just didn't care for it. I think my kid just takes it literally, that this boy is having a bad day and nothing is fair, and sympathizes with him. But from an adult's perspective, he's an obnoxious little whiner who resorts to saying mean things and hitting.

Plus, he does a lot of blaming his mom for things that don't go right. Quotes, guess whose mom forgot dessert? Which sets a disrespectful example. I think by the time a kid gets old enough for the intended message that we all have bad days and get grumpy, they're too old to like the book. So I don't think it succeeds on that level. But that said, younger kids do like it anyway. Really though, who goes to bed with gum in their mouth? He should be glad he didn't choke in his sleep. He's lucky to get any terrible new days. End of review. Oh my god.

Yeah. That escalated quickly. He's lucky he's not dead. Wait, what? Literally. Mom. He's lucky he woke up in the morning. He's lucky he had a bad day.

Exactly. He'd lucky any day. The fact that this person is so, like, just disgusted that their child sympathizes with a child who's having a bad day is slightly disturbing to me i also read a bunch of reviews of this book and they all had the same vibe of uh i don't think i picked any because they were just bumming me out but they were like uh what a brat he should get over it and the lesson should be that just because a bad day is happening doesn't mean that you have to be sad about it and i was like again you should write your own damn book exactly i'm so confused why like there's a reason this is as popular as

it is and it's not because it's because all these kids are buying it that's a thing that's true too you know this is like the american girl doll episode where the parents get like unreasonably upset and it's like, you're the one buying these things. Anyway. All right. Well, I have a review here of Corduroy. Beloved Corduroy. Love it.

We love this book. That book I know. Yeah. The plot and everything. That's a good one. And the picture is like, oh, it's so lovely. It's one of my favorites. Bessie also knows it well and gave it a one star no i know

because everybody loves reading a story about toys who walk around a department store looking for a button that sounds like the best book ever no it doesn't okay okay what is wrong with that plot like what it sounds like a great book what is wrong with that isn't that the plot of like many books like toys walking around that's not even boring they could have made it sound so boring they could have just said about a toy that lost a button and just left it at that but they added the details that kind of make it fun and interesting that is walking around at night in a department store alone like i still remember where the the mattress it's like one of those like core memories where every time on a mattress i see that kind of button i think about him pulling it off the mattress oh my gosh okay there's more to this that sounds like

the best book ever no it doesn't okay first of all i think he should be named teddy jesus christ these people write your own fucking book this more than any other topic i found people with that attitude of i bet i could do this better okay first of all i think he should be named teddy i know it's original but go with me second what is the point end of review that's it first of all and the first of all is like the last sentence yeah so i don't know what i think bessie gave up but anyway that's teddy the idea that's it that's the idea it's just that's literally the only change was the name teddy yeah and also he's not a toy walking around a department store looking for a button. So it's literally just about a toy named Teddy. Not walking around and not looking for a button.

Just not doing anything. Probably not doing anything. Oh my god. Go for it. Yeah, write that. See how well it does. I love the sarcasm that has to be like extremely clear. So no one confuses that this is sarcastic.

There's like a lot of exclamation points and capital letters. Anyway. My next one is of Stella Luna. Oh my gosh. Wait, was that the snake? No, that was Verity. No, that's Verity. Similar, is it the same artist?

Stella Luna's the bat. They're the same author. I actually don't know. This is by Janelle Cannon. This is one that I, oh my gosh. I just had a weird like you wrote that trippy moment forgot about verity it is the same author it is not oh my gosh i loved stella luna okay anyway um janelle cannon wrote both of those but uh i have a review of stella

luna yeah thank you janelle for your i love both of those isn't that, thank you, Janelle, for your... Isn't that cool, though? I loved both of those growing up. Isn't that cool that you said one book and it made me think of a different book that happened to be the same author, which means, like,

clearly she has a very distinct style. Yeah. That's cool. Anyway. That is really cool. Okay, anyway, so Stella Luna,

here's the description. It is a tender story of a lost young bat who finally finds her way safely home to her mother and friends. Here's a three-star review. This is by Susie.

Can you believe Ellen Pompeo named her daughter after a bat? Not just any bat either. No. One who was separated from her mother in a traumatic attempted murder by an owl and subsequently forced to live with birds and eat bugs? End of review. Oh my God. Okay, so let's unpack this a little bit.

A little bit. Ellen Pompeo is a star of Grey's Anatomy. Grey's Anatomy. Presumably has a daughter named Stella. Does in fact, no, has a daughter named Stella Luna does in fact no has a daughter named stella luna pompeo ivory wow so actually named after the bat it is like she's pretty yes yes from what i've i've uh uh from what i've read well so what yeah so what no exactly i know it's a lot of people have a baby's named and that's Bessie's book.

I don't think anyone's complaining about that. Yeah. I'm going to name my children Corduroy. All of them. All of them. After a bear that wanders through a department store looking for a button. Yeah, because everyone loves that story. Yeah, but like, what?

Like, chill. I love that name. I think it's so cute first of all stella and then like a separate name luna it's a beautiful name um it's also like i don't want to say normal but it's like normal enough you don't even like it's it's like not that outrageous it's not one that will harm the child right like i don't think so it's not like you named the child dumbo or like after some other character wow you named a that was a very fitting thank you the traumatic separation from a mother

story oh my goodness okay i didn't even put it's all subconscious that is a great example here you said let's unpack and i unpacked a little too far no you, you did great. I'm just impressed. No, and I think... Oh my God, our kids are cousins, Corduroy and Dumbo. That's so sweet. Also, the bat having to eat bugs, like the bugs, that was their final point. Oh wait, hang on. Also, an attempted murder by an owl, which is like, that's... I think in the animal kingdom, it's not necessarily... And like, I see why it would be traumatizing you know in in

the context of being a child and humanizing these animals but like i wouldn't say like oh and also the bat wasn't murdering anyone why are you acting like i don't know what's going exactly they're doing the opposite of what your reviewer did where your reviewer just tried to make it seem not interesting this person's doing the opposite there was a murder yes wow there's attempted murder there are someone's forced to live with birds survivor style challenges eating bugs and stuff like that god forbid yeah so anyway yeah that argument doesn't really hold up i guess they just were not not having it i don't know i mean pete once named his child mogli so really yeah i didn't know that i think it's like mogli

spaceship or something okay it's not that but it's something like martian no mogli martian that's not it either uh let's see his name isowgli. Okay, so I was wrong. It's not Martian. Yeah, you were really wrong. I don't know what I was thinking about. I don't want to know. I thought somebody was named Martian or Space Camp or something. Space Camp?

Rocket Ship? I don't know. What are your dreams? Like, what is happening in your life that you think this is all... What? I don't know, Alexander. Wow. Well, whatever. It doesn't matter. Here's a review of the book Madeline. happening in your life that you think this is all what i don't know alexander wow well whatever it

doesn't matter um here's a review of the book madeline oh cute we also read as children so this is a one-star review by maggie having your appendix removed is really not such a bad thing when you've already been abandoned by your family and left in a nunnery end of review wow it's like that's one way to look at it all these people are not rewriting but redescribing these books in ways that yeah it's strange angled it really shows us more about them as an adult and maybe what they've gone through than it does about the book itself. That's a good point. You know what I mean? All of these people seem to have different parts of the book that stand out to them.

Yeah. That maybe not. They're projecting. Right, they're projecting. It might not strike another person in that same way of like, oh, the Rainbow Fish is sharing his scales. Like, oh, socialist propaganda. Wow, that's quite a hot take. You're telling on yourself by putting your own experiences into the book.

Your own QAnon experiences onto the book. Yes, in that case. In this instance. Yeah. So, wow. Anyway. My next one is of D.W. the Picky Eater. We had this book.

Yeah, it's Dora Winifred Reed, the brother, sorry, the sister of Arthur Reed, the artwork, written by Mark Brown. And here's the description. DW is very picky about what she eats. She doesn't seem to like anything. Her dining out days with her family are cut short when she refuses to eat her salad and flings it to the floor will her table manners improve in time for her grandma thora's special dinner out wow the stakes are so high they are uh here's a two-star review this is by diane

literally the story of my life end of review wow are they okay because as i said the stakes are so high that was over five years ago that they wrote that so i didn't realize that some people actually that this was based on a true story story of my life you know i wonder which part i know that's the thing this person didn't provide enough details or didn't project enough i wish they projected over the whole thing but it wasn't it was very general but wasn't specific i need that specificity is your grandma named thora is that a name is anyone named thora that could that's a good you know what maybe it's just the most boring details why does it rhyme with dora i have a lot of they have a brother named arthur their name it maybe actually is dora winifred they maybe spilled salad on the floor i hope that part's true because that seems to be the crux of the plot the fling fling salad to the

floor you must fling it otherwise it's not your life i mean been there am i right so true amen i'm very excited about the next one i have this came in an email from maddie she her it's a review of the book we definitely had called the stinky cheese man and other fairly stupid tales yes of course cover was kind of scary the whole book i looked through the pages and i went oh oh, this is disturbing. Oh, I'm nervous about that. Some of the pictures are freaky. I don't think I realized how freaky they were. Also, it has the S word in the title.

Oh. Not stinky. Stinky? Stupid. Oh, stupid. And so I have a feeling some people aren't going to love that, you know? Yeah. So here's a review by Frequent Flyer, and it's a one-star review.

It's a verified purchase. The title is, I Threw Out My Book. This is a horrible anti-book you should avoid at all costs. The stories are so pejorative and nasty, but mainly the pictures have a creepy nightmarish satanic quality to them my mother husband and i all agree the abstract fragmented demented and disturbing images do nothing but bad for babies slash children's psyches abstract art is not good when they haven't even learned about literal objects for example there is an image of a giant so creepy eating a live chicken in a sandwich it gives me the heevy geevees end of review wow sentence too much took it out of me too much um satan why why

did they jump to demonic satanic again they're projecting what it's a picture of like a gingerbread man running down the street it's creepy yes it's very creepy i look i just looked up some of it it's creepy looking sure i get that it's maybe not your vibe but bringing satan into this is so like crazy that is crazy i like also the statement that abstract art should never much like honey causes botulism and should not be introduced before 12 months uh abstract art needs to wait a few more years so children's psyches have time to develop that's pretty funny to me like where did that come from if anything wouldn't that be when you want to show them abstract art because because everything is abstract art to them i recently exactly what is that going to do honestly this is the only time you could probably show a baby

these pictures and they will not be if their psyches will be unharmed yeah because they're gonna say wow look it's a bunch of colors imagine blaming a book on affecting your child's psyche like this in this way i just wild just because well okay i also recently learned that the art museum does baby tours like where you can take your baby and they show you like the most colorful art and stuff can i tag along yeah wouldn? Yeah, wouldn't it be fun? Yes. It's free too. Well, I love that. I kept bragging it was free and then Blaise was like, apparently the whole museum is free now.

Because of a major donation. So I was like, wow, this event is free. Well, apparently you can take your baby on your own tour free anytime. But they have this specifically for babies and you wear them in a carrier and you go around and they show you. And I assume some of that is going to be abstract art that's colorful, and that is why the baby enjoys it. That makes sense. Yeah, I bet Leona would love it.

There's probably a few satanic images they'll show, too. I hope so. Just get it in early. If not, I'll bring my own. You'll just bring this book. Well, my last experience at the art museum was not good. Did I tell you that? What?

It was a date. You were an infant, right? And you were on this tour. And your psyche has been forever harmed. The stinky cheese man came out. No, I was on a date. What was this? I remember.

How many years ago? I remember. How long? This was like seven, eight years ago. My God. Was it that long ago? It was before I moved to LA. It was?

Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. So yeah, a while ago. So it was a long time ago. And I went on this date at the art museum, which sounded great to me. First off, so it was through Tinder. First thing is, we see someone that I, another person I'm talking to on Tinder who works

there. And I forgot she worked there. That was awkward. We made eye contact. But you knew she worked there alexander that was awkward we made eye contact but you knew she worked there this was well she had told me and i just forgotten oh gosh okay maybe that's why i was in my head to go there no i'm just kidding um and then like five minutes into the date my date came up with an excuse to leave and left and never texted me again oh my god so i just left and went home that's really bad you didn't even get a tomato soup they have really good tomato soup they do

i didn't know that no i didn't feel like sticking around i don't blame you you should have gone to the front ask that other girl you're talking to if she wanted to hang out wouldn't that have been fun can you imagine though she saw you she saw the girl leaving and was like well that serves him right you know she probably like slipped her a note about me probably i'm just kidding that i don't know what that note could i was trying to think it's like funny and i'm like yeah no don't say i'm not gonna go there um anyway that was just a bummer i don't know i don't know why i told that story i don't know but i feel like you'd have a lot of thoughts on some books just based on that story alone, you know? Like what?

I don't know. I feel like you'd see a book about like Eloise goes to the art museum and be like, well, nothing good happens at the art museum. I don't think I'd have that reaction, Christiane. Thank you, though. Anyway, I want to take back the art museum and feel better about it by going with leona let's go with leona okay it's oh is it my turn sorry i think it's yeah you just did stinky cheese i mean as much as you did just tell me a sort of review i think you should read some from someone else uh i have one that uh this book is probably was in my top three when i was little and i forgot about it owen

do you know what that one's about owen it's an animal yes owen is a mouse yes owen the mouse it sounds like you're doing a uh mad lib owen is a mouse it's like the one that angela does where she just writes like nice and meets a tall nice man owen the mouse i don't remember so you will in a moment so owen uh so here's the description owen's fuzzy yellow blanket is his favorite possession. Everywhere Owen goes, his blanket goes with him. Of course. Upstairs, downstairs, in between, inside, outside, upside down, everywhere. Owen's parents are in despair. Soon Owen will begin school and he can't take Fuzzy with him then.

Whatever can be done. This is the sweetest book. I saw it at the bookstore recently recently the one up the street there and it made my heart happy yeah this is by uh kevin henkes henkes h-e-n-k-e-s uh and here's a two-star review this is by uh hannah from over 11 years ago oh Oh boy. This book scared the heck out of me when I was little because I had a favorite blanket and I was terrified

that somebody was going to read the book and decide that it would be a good idea to cut my blanket up into handkerchiefs. No! End of review. Okay, as much as this is really wild, I do give them credit for at least finally being a child or former child rating the book on their own experience rather than an adult being like

that's a good point this will affect children in this way and it's like i don't know about that but at least this is okay a child's experience of the book yeah because i feel like i'd trust that more like oh i hadn't thought of that angle then like somebody's saying you know so socialism blah blah blah no you're right i know i think you're totally right this is actually someone's childhood experience with this but it also makes me think like anything can be traumatizing it's like nothing is safe because like this is the sweetest book i from what remember. I didn't find it that terrifying. The thing is, some of them have points to some of these reviews where I say, oh, I think, oh, I could see it that way.

As a kid, I just loved the book. So people overanalyze children's books. I mean, clearly we've already established that from some of the past reviews. established that from some of the past reviews but someone was saying um so in the book the neighbor makes fun of the kid basically to the parents like oh wow your boy's how old and he's still carrying that blanket and the parents get all like oh shoot they're like they're right we should deal with this before he goes to school with the blanket which we don't want and like i agree that you shouldn't listen to neighbors about what they think about your boy's age. It's like a normal thing to do. With his blanket, like whatever.

Let your kid enjoy things. But as a kid, it's like this didn't affect me that crazily. Like to the point where, I don't know. I just loved the book. It was just great and cute and fun. Very sweet. Has a great ending. It's just very, it makes me happy.

Made me happy as a kid. Still makes me happy. Whatever. Even with the Rainbow Fish, I'm like, sure, I get it. Like, oh, you know, maybe the beautiful fish shouldn't have to give up, give away all his things to make everyone else more comfortable. Okay, I can see that. I don't think that's ever how I took it as a kid.

Exactly. And also, like, to go as far as socialism and like whatever other QAnon conspiracies is just like you're taking this way too far. Look, if the kids that grew up with Rainbow Fish became these all became these like wild socialists, we'd live in a better country than we do now. Yeah. So if only. If only. Am I right? That's like when people say Joe Biden's a socialist.

I say, oh, I wish. Wouldn't that be great? Okay. when people say joe biden's a socialist i say oh i wish wouldn't that be great okay here's an email from andrea and this is about the little house on the prairie a book i never read me neither i was gonna say wow did we have this one even no this is one that i have never actually read yeah same and this is a review by my uh it's a one-star review, and the title is Not Without a Discussion. Yes, here we go. Oh, God. Are you going to make your kid read it and make them have a discussion about it? Worst nightmare.

Love this with a very big hatred. Okay. Hatred is misspelled. Yes, but even if it were spelled correctly. Love this with a very big hatred. That already. That doesn't make sense. Already problematic first start. Love this with a very big hatred.

I lived my life. Sorry, the way you said hatred, you emphasized the turd and it got me giggling. I'm sorry. Okay. Love this with a very big hatred. I lived by my life to this story and it is so incredibly wrong and disappointing i shame myself for believing in a fairy tale i sold or gave away all the books they created a unreal world for me that seems to continue to haunt me please don't

don't let your children read these books without a discussion and a review that's some heavy stuff she moved to a prairie yeah like i don't what do you mean yeah i don't know like yeah moved literally i don't know the plot i think it's like about a prairie that's about as far as i know a little house on a prairie oh great thank you that helped you so much you're serious that was your serious description. Was reading the title to me again? Yes. Okay. Just curious. Just curious.

I don't know if you're making a joke. I just like, I mean, I'm assuming this is a child or at least like a teenager. I shame myself for believing in a fairy tale. Like, what the hell? Yeah, I don't know. It's a series of American children's novels based on her childhood and adolescence in the American Midwest between 1870 and 1894. So this is not a fairy tale. This is life between 1870 and 1894, which is not present day or whenever this review was written. June 2021.

That's like reading, I don't know, The Great Gatsby and thinking, wow, I thought the world was still like this. I believe in this fairytale life. I mean, what do you mean? What do you mean? They created an unreal world that seems to continue to haunt me. What did you do by like a potbelly stove? Like, I don't understand.

Are you wearing gingham and and stoking the fire that must be it that's the only thing i can think of imagine getting being haunted by the american midwest between 1870 and 1894 what a very specific specific nightmare that must be yeah um and i don't mean to like you know further shame this person but i'm a little bit startled at how how they've taken this book and and and blamed it in such a way uh for all their nightmares i mean i lived my life to this story it's so incredibly wrong and disappointing but apparently a discussion would have saved the day yeah about what about that's the thing is they they might feel they're doing a service uh to parents and

saying hey you need to discuss have a discussion with your child but they're not saying how they're not saying what exactly so if anything this is just probably making parents curious hmm maybe this is a time for a social experiment. Maybe you can do that to Leona. Oh, sure. Have her live her life by this book and see how she turns out. I see one lace apron. I see one square, one swatch of gingham and it's all over out there.

One pie on the windowsill. Actually, that part I could live with. Yeah, I was going to say, that sounds pretty good. Oh, man. This is our understanding of Little house of the prairie by the way if anyone's gonna be like there's no pies in little house of the prairie well yeah no shit we've clearly not been exposed to it um well it's funny i'm on the wikipedia page for it and there is a lot of stuff oh okay there it's been criticized regarding the history of the government's involvement in homesteading and its effect upon native american people yeah i knew there was some controversy there so like but nothing that and about politics a lot of like

political stuff that it doesn't strike me that this is what this person exactly so i'm trying their anti-governmental uh political views that have been attributed to the little house books but still i don't think that's too relevant um probably not oh about like self-reliance and stuff maybe they realized oh i live in a libertarian what they're a libertarian yeah they became a libertarian because of this and they're like well shit could be this was bad idea. That's most likely what happened. Yeah. A discussion could have saved you.

Oh, man. My next one is the Berenstain Bears and the Spooky Old Tree. Oh, my gosh. Wait, is this the one that made shadows? Well, the cover is them with a flashlight pointing at a spooky tree. I remember this. These are so... I'm like scared now about my child.

I'm like, I need to be really conscientious of... I feel like I remember these so vividly. It's kind of freaking me out. Three brave... This is a description. Three brave little bears explore the inside of a mysterious old tree and go into, up, through, over, down, and out. I think you mean beers. it's a mandela effect

berenstein berenstein bars little beers okay beers that's what it is the also it's a mandela mandela effect is that the protagonists were beers nobody really knows how few ales it's a couple american pale ales yeah that sounds right it was berenstain bears don't come at me everybody i agreed and if you have those evidence yeah that's that's a few that refutes the entire point of a mandela effect exactly like if there was a typo in a tv guide thank you the tv it drives me crazy oh i caught what so you're saying that the entire reality shifted but it like forgot one TV guide. One TV guide.

But the other option is like, oh, somebody made a typo. That couldn't possibly have happened. It's like people just don't know how to spell. Maybe. It's possible. Myself included. I'm sure I've spelled it wrong, too. It's not exactly like an easy thing to remember how to spell.

It's like a weird word. And everyone pronounced it Berenstain Bears. It was just spelled differently. That's why I said berenstein bears i know you did and i that's why i said beers because i thought why not just berenstein beers um yes no i'm with you i'm with you okay i remember the day you taught me about mandela effects there were two hours where i was like no alexander the vw logo it was this way always and then i saw a few examples and went okay i'm actually reeling myself kind of out of this yeah yeah i don't know we'll get you out of there uh so this is a five star review this is by michael what is this again the berenstein bears that we

just ranted about right sorry here we go Here we go. Fear, illusion, nightmares, a heady mix of rebellion and self-discovery, a Bildungsroman of Lynchian proportions, a journey through the darkness surrounding Middle America, wading into the murk of the mind, of life, to the farthest reaches of night. Is there joy in this world? Perhaps.

Safety? A more assured thing, if accepted as a temporary measure. Yet evil remains, waiting, reaching. Sleep tight, sleepy bears. Also, this was the first book I fell in love with,

mainly because it also came with a cassette that played spooky sound effects when it was time to turn the page. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. End of review. spooky sound effects when it was time to turn the page. Woo! End of review. I read this and immediately out loud said Goodreads reviewers are a different breed.

They are a different breed. It was fascinating. And this was actually I think the first review i found so i was off to a great start i felt really excited wow i thought wow these goodreads people are wild a heady mix sleep tight little bears i love no sleep tight sleepy bears oh my gosh it's so funny i remember when i was like oh I remember this book so vividly. I don't remember it that vividly. No, probably not. I don't think anyone remembers it that vividly.

And honestly, if this person tells me it was Berenstain Bears, I might believe them. I might go back on my word and say, you know what? If Michael says so, I think that he knows better than I do. That was startling. Yeah, the Goodreads ones I read were the corduroy about like everyone loves a bear a toy walking around and then the madeline about like well i guess if you're abandoned in a nunnery they all seem very dramatic on um exactly on goodreads uh wow alexander did you see the most recent book i bought speaking of children's books maybe what

it's called the little ghost who was a quilt what alexander it is the sweetest like go look it up it's the most beautiful book i bought it at roebling i want to give credit it looks like an like an indie video game the art i know it's so beautiful and it's so beautifully illustrated um it's written by real nasson i don't know how to say their name real nason nasson and illustrated by byron eggenschweiler but the book is so sweet and beautiful and i just love it anyway so wow i like to think maybe someday my child will be like oh i remember this book fondly that's yeah okay so anyway Okay. So anyway, back to this. I have a review here from Lily Shide, who said that this book was their favorite because it had the same name.

Like they, the book is Lily's Purple Plastic Purse. Oh. Did you ever read this? Uh, I remember it from, we didn't own it, but I remember. I know Harold's Purple Crayons. Oh yeah. There's definitely that one too. Oh my gosh.

Wait. I, you will recognize this. I'm, I'm looking it up. Oh yeah. but i remember purple crayon oh yeah there's definitely that one too oh my gosh wait i you will recognize this i'm looking it up oh yeah look up the photo of the little mouse oh of course owen's sister of course it's the same author yeah oh okay because um he has like he has a series of mouse books okay so the right so this is uh the same author, but it's a little mouse with a plastic purse. So, Owen's Blanket. Purple plastic purse. Purple plastic purse.

And Lily, whose name is Lily, really liked this book for that reason. I get a no good, terrible bad day and you get a purse? Come on. I get a haunted car, so I think I win. True. So, this is a two-star review by Jennifer, and of course it's on Amazon,

and of course the title is Politicizing a Children's Book. Oh, dear Jesus. Here we go. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you. You reviewer. Yeah, no one said that.

It was just you. My mother-in-law purchases book for my daughter, who is 15 months old. I just recently sat down to read it to her. All in all, a cute book, but I was surprised and annoyed at the illustrations in the book. This book definitely has a liberal slant to it.

The teacher wears artistic shirts. And in the picture, he has the words global village and one world written on the chalkboard. Really? This is supposed to be lower elementary school, and I found that to be a thinly veiled attempt to convey liberal politics to the reader. Additionally, although not as annoying, is that when Lily's parents help her apologize, the dad is wearing a peace shirt and is making the treats, which to be again liberal in nature the author is free to include his politics in the book but i thought that parents should be aware of this agenda end of review i absolutely wild i did not expect that this is the most extremely like it's almost satire how can you get so upset at any of this if i hadn't dug into their profile and realized this

is very much a legitimate review i would have thought this might be satire he has a peace sign on his shirt i mean you're telling on yourself saying that that's a liberal thing what are you trying to say hello what would you rather be a probably a big gun yeah no probably like in all seriousness he has one world written on the chalkboard i like what's the problem what i exactly what should we write a divided world and i would not see one world and go oh good this author is liberal you know i wouldn't have as a liberal person yeah well as a left lean leftist right but like as someone who i wouldn't i wouldn't bring politics i don't know that shouldn't be politics i just don't know. That shouldn't be politics. I just don't. Peace.

Yeah, I don't. That's not a political issue. Oh, should we have peace? I mean, that would be great. Let's not forget the two favorites, which are that the teacher wears artistic shirts. Okay, that's just. I couldn't even comment on that because what the fuck? What does that mean?

The dad is making the treats. Now that one, I have a problem with. that mean the dad is making the treats now that one i have a problem yeah the dad should be oh a man's place is not making the treats no it should not be in the kitchen it should be on the on the lawnmower with his gun riding around the neighborhood and protecting his family from liberals i do i i know that i shouldn't will this into his existence but i weirdly want this person to write their own book because i'm very curious i would love it because talk about political i'm sure if they wrote a children's book it actually would be very political and like very scary propaganda oh yeah and i know that this is already like such a trope and we've discussed it before

but like talk about being a fucking snowflake like yeah oh his shirt is too artsy oh god my children are in danger it's like what are you wow talk about being sensitive and reading into things man uh speaking of being sensitive uh i have my final one excellent um this is of on beyond zebra okay which is so it's actually my reviews unrelated to all of this but it's one of the books that was um they stopped publishing so i saw lots of reviews and i only picked this because this was one of my favorites back in the day. Yep. And I, like, even in eighth grade read it, like, as a project. I read it aloud in, like, a speaking class, a public speaking class.

Yeah, it had some problematic imagery. Yes, on a page. And it is problematic. It is very much. And it's not like they burned all the books. They just stopped publishing new copies oh i see which makes sense and that's the same thing with those other seuss books they just stopped publishing new copies right and they said that that's a reason why and all of these people freak out saying that's censorship and first of all that's not what that

means it's not what that means and it's not like the government's like stop making these books it was literally the publishers who published these books who decided it themselves i'm pretty sure it was his family yeah it was a seuss whatever whatever like the i don't know it was theodore geisel theodore geisel group. So my review is not about that. But even as someone who's, this was my favorite book, I think it makes a lot of sense that they stopped publishing new copies of this. And yeah, whatever. It's like really didn't, and all those people are outraged. It didn't affect their lives at all.

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you can find as many copies as you want somewhere on this planet. Yeah, people were selling them for a lot and I still have my copy. want somewhere on the on this planet yeah people were selling them for a lot and i still have my copy and it's so funny that people are like spending i saw on ebay like hundreds of dollars for these are you serious yes because and it's like not that they don't exist anymore like panic like this is like the toilet paper thing to a next level people are wild anyway, so my review is not about that. But I will say it is. So this is it's I'll describe it briefly. It's a take on the genre of alphabet book.

But instead of the 26 letters of the conventional English alphabet, 20 additional letters. It's about the 20 additional letters that follow them. So it's on beyond zebra. And it has letters such as yes, um um etc so it's a fun book like yeah like the obviously the problematic parts aside but uh anyway so here's a review this is a three star review this is by uh travis after reading such a sad and dark story i needed something to cheer me up and get me out of a funk, so I decided to read Dr. Seuss, which made perfect sense to bring back the inner child

in me. I was rather disappointed by this book, and it's mainly because I am no longer a child. The story is about a boy who learns about the alphabets and he uses the names of the animal to associate with the letters once he reaches to z for zebra he is excited that now he knows his abcs unfortunately another kid comes and rains on his parade and tells him that there are more letters after z and if i were that innocent kid i would beat him up dr seuss promotes this as new letters of the alphabet but it's just new words for imaginary creatures you are a kid then you are oblivious to how sh sh for example is not a new letter the illustrations were okay not out of this world i feel like they're literally out of this world they're all made up but okay i guess they're not as unique as you'd need them to be.

I feel like I'm being a little bit cruel, but when it comes to Dr. Seuss, there is so many books that are original and creative, and this definitely does not live to my expectations. I feel like if I were a kid, I would enjoy it more, but this was such a disappointment. Hopefully in the upcoming Dr. Seuss books that I will be reading will showcase his genius again. next time and what on earth this is really difficult to follow on the one

hand he's saying children won't know how this is all made up and all you know unique and original and isn't the real alphabet but then on the other hand it's not unique and original enough um it's just kind of boring and doesn't showcase his genius yeah and it should be taken seriously enough where you would want to beat up one of the child characters also the innocent child should have beaten up the other kid for for the non-innocent the guilty child the guilty child for all of his whimsy his whimsy god forbid yeah i mean there are those annoying kids you know that say oh yeah well you don't know the letters after z i was one of those annoying kids but perhaps that's why you got beat up so much by all the innocent kids yeah but did i deserve that maybe but maybe yeah that's all

that's why when you did that you got a d on that presentation where you read this book you cried through the whole thing i did they kept throwing things at me while i was reading it i was flinging salad oh wait a second no story of your life so so um i have one more negative one and then a redemption okay this is from an email from morgan they them and it's of the book the little old lady who swallowed a fly uh classic i don't know if you saw well i'll just read this this is a two-star review by jamie verified purchase and the title is this is the pc version oh ugh it's the pc version it doesn't say perhaps she'll die and she doesn't die of course from swallowing a horse she vomits up all her new friends, which in my opinion is more disturbing than dying from the horse.

52 people found this helpful. So, she doesn't die in this book anymore. Political correctness equals throwing up and being more disturbing than just literally dying. So I guess they changed the story so that, yeah, she doesn't die anymore. Because, I mean, understandably, it's a little, the whole book, of course, is disturbing. But, like, at the end saying, of course she died. It's like, well, sure. I understand why nowadays that's not going to fly anymore.

Oh, not going to fly. What can I say? I'm writing my own children's book so please don't check it out uh yeah so i i just the number of people who were and then i looked through the reviews on amazon too and the number of people who were so mad that she doesn't die jesus what is wrong with people you guys are so twisted on the one hand you're like i can't believe this bat has to eat a bug and then on the other hand you're like why is this woman still alive did people when they first read this book did they have a visceral reaction once they got to the part where she doesn't die they flip to the last page and go what the fuck and get really mad this is bullshit back in my

day this woman would have been dead yeah i'm gonna write my own story and i'm gonna kill the old lady kill the main character oh my gosh yeah so anyway that was that and now i have a redemption you're done with here's right yes so this was an email from nina she her and this was so interesting i'd never heard of this book it's called the lonely doll go on okay before you look it up it's by dare right and uh the near the new yorker actually did a piece on it called the creepiest children's book oh it's uh i was gonna say it sounds creepy but i didn't want to judge based on the title alone i don't want you to look it up till after i read the review but basically um the author uh kind of created this it is marketed as a children's book but used black and white photography for all the illustrations oh uh and so i'm gonna read a five-star review

verified purchase that's uh defending this book interesting okay okay so here and then you can look up and decide for yourself based on the photos. Okay. So five-star review by Madeline of The Lonely Doll. The title is Timeless Classics. Anyone who calls this book creepy needs an imagination. I despise parents who don't give their children credit for being smart enough to separate fantasy from reality.

If you don't have a strong enough bond being smart enough to separate fantasy from reality. If you don't have a strong enough bond with your child or effective enough communication skills to discuss this book with your child, you should probably give your child up for adoption and move to the moon. Oh no, a teddy bear is spanking a doll. My child will be warped forever. Get over it. I mean, I might be warped forever if I had to see that in my at my current age you might be warped forever then because you're gonna have to see it in a minute hopefully that doll's pyromania is cured throwback throwback episode six oh no a teddy bear is spanking a doll my child will be warped forever get over it your child isn't a bean brain is she well as for the person who wants us in color because that's how it originally came out wrong the original was black and white i have a

mid-century first edition it's in black and white and that's the artistic beauty of it honestly people need to get over themselves with these reviews end of review oh my goodness that was severe i'm pulling so there were you can look it up now uh i'm texting you a photo of the exact scene this person is describing um i don't think this is one i'm gonna be reading to leona so oh my god look at the bear up top what it's a little bit this is too much too much it's i mean a little i did not expect this inappropriate what's that say at the top mr bear is just a silly old something i don't know so the author herself discussed how she based this on like some kind of i don't want to misquote her she kind of put some of her own memories of her family like traumatic stuff into this okay and i

think that this is why the new yorker called it the creepiest children's book not in like a harsh way but not in a critical way but just like analyzing it analyzing it and talking to the author and so yeah it's definitely one of these like kind of niche collector I don't know collector like maybe a cult classic if that makes sense yeah I just don't think it's fair to say you should give your child up for adoption if you don't want them to read this book. It's a little, the imagery, in my opinion, there's, let's just say there is a doll with her dress hiked up and a teddy bear spanking her bottom. And I guess in this scene, what happened is they got in trouble when the papa bear or whatever was away uh this is really freaking weird um and it's one of those where i i feel if you had this as a child and grew up you might look back and think i can't believe my

parents read that to me like oh boy yeah and not that it like traumatized you necessarily, but just that you look back and go, oh boy. Yeah. I never really realized how interesting these pictures were. It is very interesting. Like I'm looking through some things. It is, this is fascinating. Now Nina said she loved this as a kid and I bet like it's, it's beautiful photography. I bet, I bet you would, if you didn't, if it didn't phase you.

Yeah. Then great. Yeah. And Nina seemed to love it. I just think I couldn't get past that page without cracking, I think. Yeah, I'd be a little concerned about that page. That was interesting. Okay.

I mean, even, yeah, it's a little bit, I don't know the right word. I think any book with spanking in general maybe is not a great look and this one's a little uh i mean her her little booty's in the air it's it's a lot you guys should really look it up it's wow uh anyway so i have one final redemption and this is um after i read a bunch of reviews of the giving tree and felt really oh no sad and so I got a redemption of it because I needed to kind of bring myself up because this was a book I loved when I was little, which is fitting. Our dad made us read like depressing poetry and stuff. So it sort of

fits that this was a book I connected with. This was actually sent in by Anna, she, her from Kansas City, Missouri, who sent this review of The Giving Tree. And I'd already gone on Amazon and given up on finding anything. So I was very excited. So I'm going to read this. It's a verified purchase by Richard. And it's it's a doozy. The title is Dear Mr. Silverstein.

Oh, gosh. Now I'm going to get sad. Are you getting emotional? Oh, my God, Christina. What did you do? I don't know. Please blame Anna. Okay.

My wife and I were joined in a nearly two-year battle with a disease that wanted to take her from me. As the season of giving neared, she asked me to purchase a gift for me that would be from her. She was too weak to go out any longer. I was in a bookseller's thinking I would purchase a gift card for her to give me. I passed the display and saw a flash of red and green. They were my wife's favorite colors. I looked closer and saw the little boy, the apple, and the giving tree. Without even opening it, I knew this would be from her to me. When we exchanged gifts, she looked at it and smiled. Without a word, I held and put it in a quiet place to be read again at

a special time. On the early morning of January 31st, while I held and put it in a quiet place to be read again at a special time. On the early morning of January 31st, while I held and kissed her gently, she left the field of battle. This morning, I re-read her gift to me, and actually, Mr. Silverstein, your gift to us. My wife, Vincenza, Vinci, of almost 45 years, was my giving tree. Now, as an old man, I sit where she rests. I dream and remember, as alwaysard labella i'm sorry i don't know why i read that why did i read that who emailed this anna what the fuck what did anna put in the email and then she wrote p.s i'm a huge fan of the

cincinnati zoo and i literally cannot see pictures of the manatees without thinking of that game you played where you hurled the manatees over the harbor. Okay. Anyway. That's it? That's it. And she just included that review? I think so. Dropped that bomb on us?

And it was like, by by the way that manatee game is fun i think i think she wrote more in the email that was like this will get this will make you cry or something but um so that's that anyway she was my giving treat stop don't stop this is why i'm on antidepressants it makes me it prevents me from crying i like can't cry anymore on antidepressants it's amazing so happy for you thanks okay should i do my challenge yeah my challenge my challenge was from joe she they and it was to find reviews of an instrument shop where someone brags about how successful they are as an artist i swear if anyone dies in these reviews i'm gonna be so mad so this is a review of the sam ash music store in Margate, Florida. It's a two-star review by Lucas.

I went to Sam Ash to have repairs made to my very old Tenor King Voltrue 1934. It's not an easy saxophone to fix, and I am grateful that Alex found the time to take a look at it. He did fix some of the leaks all over the horn. He also added some corks in places where there shouldn't be any. It took me a few days to realize what was wrong and to correct the G sharp extra cork under the key that was making it flat. When I went to pick it up, I didn't even have the time to try it before Alex tried to give me a lesson about how to breathe correctly. The problem wasn't the saxophone being tuned correctly, it was me. He also showed me how it was working perfectly with him playing with a very loud and uncontrolled

sound. I have played saxophone professionally for years and I know what I want when I go to a repairman. I didn't want any lesson from him even though I was curious about the way he was thinking about breathing which is in many ways the opposite of the way it is usually done. At the end of the intercourse... Whoa. Put a cork in that. At the end of the intercourse he asked me how much cash i had on me which is i didn't even put that together until now how much cash you got leave it on the bed bedside table this whole paragraph out of context listen to this whole paragraph i just skimmed ahead okay okay at the end of the intercourse he asked how much cash i had on me

which is an interesting question if you think about it when i said that i had 120 he billed me 100 and asked me the 20 as a tip which i decided not to give 100 for an hour of work seemed like very well paid to me already he's probably very able to fix simple modern saxophones but didn't do a great job with mine end of review oh wink uh didn't do great job playing my saxophone to ask to be like he asked me for a tip and i said no that sounds wildly and all this sounds wildly inappropriate um also i i find it interesting when people make the assumption that they know something that you that they know something better oh yeah than a stranger especially oh yeah so if i'm talking to you i can i know my skill set is definitely higher compared to yours. With saxophones, yes.

But with most things, yes. But not everything. But with a stranger, you have no idea. Especially one who works at fixing saxophones. No, the other way around. I'm thinking, why is this employee saying, oh, here, let me give you some lessons. Yeah, that's not like this person what was the first line the 1934 vincenza oh wait that was the dead wife's name yeah that was the giving

that was uh richard's giving tree yeah okay uh the tenor king voltrue 1934 like whatever that this person brings in the saxophone knows about it and then this this employee is like well let me teach you how to use it i'm not saying that the intercourse went exactly as this person brings in the saxophone knows about it and then this this employee is like well let me teach you how to use it i'm not saying that the intercourse went exactly as this person describes this is one side i know what you're saying of the story but i just find it fascinating when people think they know better i see what you're saying than others the employee was saying like here's how you breathe on this thing yeah and it's like well wouldn't you think they would know this already anyway yeah i see what you're saying like the person i think respects the fact they brought their their saxophone in there intentionally knowing that they could fix

it better than they could so they but that doesn't mean that they can play it better kind of thing and i'm not i don't know i agree i just find it interesting because i would never i even i don't know i would never make the assumption that i know something more at least not like verbally at least not out loud yeah um and i love that he asked for the tip oh that i mean again this the whole thing is a little bit like, hmm. That's weird. I don't know what really happens. What a weird intercourse. But yeah, no, I wouldn't think to tip someone fixing my saxophone, but maybe I should next time I get my saxophone fixed.

You never know. Wow. The things that you tip on here in America, it's kind of wild. I mean, I tip on more than I probably should, but I try. I don't know you do it too but like we do because like you never know it's better to be safe than sorry i feel like because people are generally underpaid anyway yeah exactly well this next one is a review of guitar center in lake forest california oh my gosh also sorry the fact that the employee was

like how much cash do you have on you? Yeah. Okay. It'll be a hundred and then I get the 20. Yeah. The employee honestly should have said 120. Again, if right. And then just cut. No. Okay.

I don't know about that. I don't think that should have happened. I take it back. Guitar Center in Lake Forest, California. This is a one-star review by Paul. If negative five were possible, that's what i would rate this absolutely joke of a store if you are a real musician you will quickly discover this place is a toy store only person in that whole store that knows what they are doing is dave in the repair desk guitar center in general has

turned into a store to buy a cheap guitar for little johnny that wants to learn how to play like jimmy page avoid this place end of review jimmy page is a very i looked him up do you know who he is yeah oh you probably do he he's very famous yes yeah i didn't oh led zeppelin yeah yeah yeah he found led zeppelin yeah um i love that like god what a bunch of losers how dare a child want to learn to play guitar it's it's talking about gatekeeping like exactly wow this is just such a joke of a place all these kids wanting to learn how to play an instrument and in the same breath they're probably complaining that nobody plays real instruments anymore right right right saying oh everyone's on their computer making music no one wants to

like actually learn how to play guitar yeah and then complain about the kids who want to learn to play guitar. You can't win with these people. If you are a real musician. Okay, so now I have some redemptions here. Oh, nice. I have two more. I guess this is not necessarily an instrument shop, but it's a person who teaches instruments. Okay.

Christine Sia. Okay. This is a five-star review of christine's instrumental services this is by ella it has been a dream of mine to learn cello for a long time christine was able to help me finally meet my cello goals sorry i saw that sentence and was like i'm keeping this review christine was able to help me finally meet my cello goals as a professional violinist i was concerned that christine would be unable to understand the challenges that lie in switching instruments between violin and cello

but her explanations made the transition easy she was also able to adapt lessons to my existing music knowledge i would highly recommend lessons with her five people found this review cool oh i was actually saying cool i didn't even think that they would find it cool sorry oh yeah i think it's also six people finding cool maybe seven people found this review cool so yeah christine sia is a very talented musician i guess and this reviewer is also a talented musician. That's high praise. Yes, that's right. Christine met the challenge with aplomb.

That's the only time I want people to, okay, I don't care if people brag about themselves. I think that's good. Be confident, whatever. But in reviews, you get the people who drop something about themselves negatively and then positively. was beautiful yeah there were actually so many positive reviews because i looked up phrases like professional musician or like i've played for years and some people were like i played for years and this guy didn't know

what he's doing but most of them were as a professional cellist in the symphony i am so impressed with this store, whatever. Because that's actually relevant. It's actually a testimonial. And speaks to what they can actually do at this place. Exactly. Yeah. So I was very excited about that.

And then this is my last one. This was from an email from Erin Sheher, who said, hi, Sibs. I'm a flautist. Oh. Is that how you say that? Flautist. Flautist. Flautist. I'm a flautist. Oh, I say that. Flautist. Flautist. Flautist. I'm a flautist. I'm a flute player. Parentheses. I usually just say flute player to avoid the whole flutist flautist

thing. So I had to try to find some flute specific instrument store reviews. So Aaron sent this review. It's a five star review of Flute Center of New York on Google Maps. And it's if, oh, why did I do this again? Okay. What? It's a five-star review by Christopher Catherwood. Just get ready. Okay.

Remember how I just did that giving tree review? Christina. I just realized that I have a pattern going. It's not as bad. Okay. Yeah, nothing could be worse than that going. It's not as bad. Okay. Yeah, nothing could be worse than that one. That one was so brutal. I'm going to be thinking about that for a long time.

It sounds like one of the short stories dad would have made us read. Yeah. Yeah, it does, Christina. With the fucking brick wall in the hospital room. He made us read the freaking story of this guy who's in a hospital room and there's someone else in the hospital room with him. Don't ruin the story. I'm ruining it. No, I'm going to tell this now.

Fine. Oh, is this the same thing? Don't spoil my review. Okay, sorry. Continue. Christopher Catherwood, five stars. My late wife, Paulette Moore Catherwood, had one of the rarest kinds of American flute in the world. She died in 2018 and every expert in the UK said that the Flute Center of New York was the place to sell the flute.

This they did magnificently well and I am a very happy customer knowing that my beloved wife's exceptional flute had sold through the best possible venue in the USA. FCNY is revered worldwide, including in Britain, where my wife lived at the end of her life. And they also sorted out some truly horrific financial details in a thoroughly professional way. I was most impressed. What nice people they all are, and how knowledgeable and enthusiastic. This is the place in the USA for flutes,

and as a grateful British widower of a distinguished virginian flautist i could not be more happy dr christopher catherwood churchill fellowship fellow and fellow of the royal historical society um talk about high praise here yeah so the email subject uh that aaron sent in was in i didn't notice it until after i read the review i went back to get the email and i saw that the subject was instrument shop challenge bragging about dead wife which wow and then there was an updated email she sent a follow-up email with this guy's wikipedia page oh shit alexander he has a wikipedia page he's a british author based in cambridge england and sometimes richmond virginia and he is the son of sir fred catherwood uh of course of course we knew that already um but yeah

so has like a whole background i mean it does still say his his wife is listed uh as being still alive so someone needs to update this. But this is pretty wild. He is like a pretty full Wikipedia page. My goodness. Right? Yeah. I would say. And he has a whole list of selected works.

Oh, here we go. He wrote one called The Second World War, A Beginner's Guide. So if you want to dabble. Second World War for dummies. For dummies, indeed. So yeah, talk about high praise, like you said. And something so personal. Yes.

And probably very difficult to go through. Yes, yes. And for them to have handled it so well that they get such a glowing review. And despite there having been clearly like bumps along the road with finances or whatever. Or like selling it somehow. Yeah. So, uh,

I just, I liked that cause it was bragging about the, not necessarily the way you're bragging about themselves, but about someone close to them who's a musician. So kind of cool. And in a positive, that was positive. And that was a good end. Okay.

That was not as, but nearly as bad as the other one. I realized as I was reading, it was like my deceased wife. I was like, why did I do this? You're such a monster. Why am I doing this again? I do apologize for the giving tree book.

I think that's probably going to hit me in the middle of the night and I might have a breakdown. Yeah, when you're editing. Oh no. Unfortunately, yeah, I can't skip that one later when I'm putting music underneath it.

Oopsie. What the hell do I, I'm going to put carnival music or something you know i'm really i'm gonna put something goofy to offset it do you know what should i okay hopefully we i don't get to this point in the episode and think oh shit i forgot to do that and have to go back and listen to it again i actually want you to do that only because i'm really nervous that I'm going to make people cry. No, I think it was fitting. Because one time I listened. It was beautiful. It was nice.

Let us. We can allow a touching moment in the show. Okay. All right. Fine. We bicker. We give the people the worst bullshit that we can find on the internet. I don't want anyone to feel too emotional while they're working at the checkout line or whatever they're doing. What if they have to be whatever? Here's the internet. Yeah, but I don't want anyone to feel like too emotional while they're like at, you know, working at the checkout line or whatever they're doing.

What if they have to like be whatever? Here's the thing. They'll listen to my music and laugh. So it is going to have that. So they're not going to cry if you put that music under it. I hope not. So yeah, we'll offset that. One time I listened to Jim Harreld's Campfire and his dog had just passed away and he read a poem about

the Rainbow Bridge and I on a plane, I remember i just was sobbing um so i didn't want to inflict that upon people if you know what i mean yeah well it might happen no i'm sorry okay well not i'll add that music to maybe try to offset it i think the music might fix it uh because in the context it probably won't be gonna feel so guilty though yeah as if i'm making fun of them okay i'm not so yeah get to this point you'll know that i uh this was it was not meant to uh it's a comedy podcast we're doing what we can trying to make you laugh okay well anyway thanks for listening everybody um and quick shout out to everyone who was at our stream last night.

This is a day after the 420 stream. Y'all made my year. That was like the best stream I've ever had, like numbers wise and engagement wise. And even though I was not as engaging as usual because there was just so much going on and I was a little out of it for some specific reason on 420. It was amazing. Nobody knows why reason on 420 um it was amazing nobody knows why yeah so yeah it was really fun um i had a blast we played uh the sims we made uh limona normal normal i can never come up with how limona normal limona normal's house it was all yellow for some unspecified reason um and boy did we have a good time ran to a man dressed as a raccoon

i was thinking about that earlier yeah me too it felt like a raccoon it felt like a fever dream yeah um so we had a blast stay tuned i'm sure we'll do more of those in the future it was really fun i'm glad and thanks for hanging out yep and uh i guess we'll see you next week see you next week next week bye