Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 179: Reviews of IKEA

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

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Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. It was like right when you hit record, the big chainsaw outside just stopped like you know died out i was wondering what the hell you're laughing at we haven't said anything the problem was i had big plans to talk about the chainsaw happening oh and then the second you said we were recording it stopped and i just went well i have nothing else to say what What were you going to say? Do you want me to pretend to be the chainsaw? I was... Okay, stop. Stop.

Everybody stop. Oh, the chainsaw just stopped. Cut. When I started talking. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Here's what I was going to say. I was going to say, Alexander says you can't hear the chainsaw. And then the chainsaw stopped and I went, well, shit, I can't say that.

Because then they're going to say, yeah, he's right. You can't hear the chainsaw. It wasn't being picked up. So hopefully if it starts up again, sorry, when it starts up again, you won't be able to hear it. But yes. Okay, great. That's all. I really had nothing interesting to say.

And somehow it struck me as hilarious. Yeah, you were cracking up. I don't know what was going on there. Welcome to... Beach too sandy, water too wet. Welcome. I just got back from Canada. I am internationally jet lagged, even though Toronto is technically in the same time zone.

Technically. But I am very excited because we are talking about ikea today reviews um any any thoughts i don't know do we have any any clips regarding ikea a tangent you know we have a couple we do uh a couple just in the chamber yeah um but i was thinking one of the sometimes we like to compare the threads like of uh what we get like the the types of reviews yeah um and i'm wondering what you found because the themes i found tended to just be basically about i thought it would be more about the furniture and how difficult it is to set up i did not see much of that i saw rarely any of that like barely any of that i can only imagine it's because people's mental stability just kind of snaps as they're doing that and they don't have the wherewithal to go on Yelp.

I'm not really sure. But mostly... Also, it already has a reputation. Right, true. And I've found lately, whenever I've built lately, within the past whatever five years, I'm always expecting the worst going in. Yeah, you kind of have to. So if I manage to build the whole thing, then I have nothing to complain about. the past whatever five years i'm always expecting the worst going in yeah you kind of have to if i managed to build the whole thing right then i have nothing to complain about right yeah so i didn't

see much of that which i was surprised by and mostly just customer service yeah and like out of being food stuff though the food the food area there's a lot of stuff you're right you're yeah food a big one and this was from linea is that right uh it's actually linea linea sorry ikea's in florida so i do actually have some in florida so i'm excited to go there because linea was not kidding ikea in florida is uh its own kind of world i want to hear what you have okay well the first one i have is of an ikea in westchester ohio so oh i didn't quite segue that properly our ikea our one because that's the one i have is of an Ikea in Westchester, Ohio. So I didn't quite segue that properly. Yes, our Ikea. Our one.

Because that's the one I have, too. Yeah, you know, and I know people who drive up from Louisville. I know several people who drive up from Louisville to go to Ikea and make like a weekend of it. Yeah. So I never realized how lucky we were to have one here. Yeah, that's true. That is something I took for granted, I think. So this is from Carly.

She, her. Oh, no, it's not. Okay, maybe I found this one on my own here's the problem here's what happened tell me i your tissues are too far away yeah i'm so do you want me to pass them to you sure thank you thank you why did you do that so weirdly it It's like no time has passed at all. Did you think you were really fast there? Yeah. Okay. I even leaned forward to let the weight of gravity lead me. Yeah.

Okay. Here's what happened is today I was finding the rest of my reviews and I thought, it's so weird. There's one I remember that I just don't know where I came up with this. Was this in a different episode? I was thinking about this person, this reviewer's experience. And I kept thinking, where is that review that I am remembering? Was it a dream? It felt like a dream.

And I was like, maybe I made it up. No, what happened was last week I thought I was being productive and I started my notes. Oh, and then forgot. And forgot. Which obviously ended up being great because then I found out I'd already found some. That's nice. But what I did realize is that I had a bunch of children's book reviews that I just never used. And I have like screenshots and I have like probably five. No way.

And they were in my phone and I was like, what is this? And they're from like people's emails and stuff. Oh no. So stupid. That is pretty stupid. Anyway, I'll use them for Between You and Us. I had the opposite Ikea problem. I was like, didn't i already prepare all this and then i realized i didn't and i had told myself oh there

are plenty of emails i'll just use emails yes that happens usually and so i think i have this mom brain thing people speak of where i just do things and then fully don't remember it okay sorry so this you just now have an excuse that's all i have it that's exactly what it is and i'm loving it um so this is a cincinnati's ikea in westchester ohio and i must have found this during one of Okay, sorry. Okay, you just now have an excuse. That's all. That's exactly what it is, and I'm loving it. So this is of Cincinnati's Ikea in Westchester, Ohio, and I must have found this during one of my episodes. Okay, fugue state. My fugue states. Because there's no name attached as far as, like, an email.

So this is a one-star review by Karen, and it is actually by Karen. Okay. The person's name is Karen. I felt like I was being held prisoner. How can a store decide when I can leave? Once you go in, you cannot get out until you have walked around the top warehouse floor and taken the elevator down to the first floor and then walk the entire floor, go through the checkout, and then you can exit. This is the most bizarre setup I have ever seen in my life. This is the most bizarre setup I have ever seen in my life.

There is literally one way in and one way out, and you have to see the entire store, first floor and second floor before you can leave. There should be a law against this. When you enter the employee... Isn't it fun when people think there should be a law against something that's inconvenient, but then they're the first to say, why can't I bring my gun into this establishment? Also, that's not true no i if you will i'm maybe i'm wrong but i'm pretty sure if you walk in take a left you'll go right to where the checkout is and then you can go through those exits yeah i'm pretty sure you're correct it's just it absolutely guides you a certain route but you don't have to take that route yeah uh there are shortcuts hello there doesn't need to be a law against whatever's

happening yes whatever the hell's happening i'm pretty sure i mean there probably is one like in a weird way to not the way they presented the first sentence where they said uh they're not allowed out. To block me from there. How can they keep me from exiting? There's probably a law against that. I'm certain there's a law against that, yeah. That's called kidnapping, holding hostage.

Holding hostage for ransom, etc. When you enter, the employees guide you to take the escalator up to start shopping on the second floor. This is a massive maze. It is impossible to find your way around, even with a map. That's not true. And I have inability to follow directions or understand directions. And even I know that's not true. Yeah.

People are very extra about this. Very dramatic. Right off the bat, as soon as i got to the second floor i forgot something in the car oh my god okay now you're understanding where this so this person fucked up and they're just mad at ikea for it okay right off the bat as soon as i got to the second floor i forgot something in the car and tried to go back out. First bad idea. You can't do that. There is only one escalator going up and one elevator doing down. The elevator on the first floor leads you into shopping on the floor,

and you can't get out until you have walked around the entire first floor warehouse, gone through the cash out area, and then you will get to the exit doors. Unbelievable. After wandering around for about 15 minutes on the second floor, I approached the child care area and begged them to let me out. What? They asked if I had any merchandise. No.

The employee buzzed me through a locked door so I could go back out the entrance. I would not have gone back in but left my husband in the cafe upstairs. Second bad idea. I went back into the store was on the second floor about an hour later and i needed to use the bathroom bad idea too an hour later what are they doing because they haven't talked about any of the other experience i assume they've just been wandering trying to get out and then once they do get out they're like oh forgot my husband it's what is happening what

is their shopping experience like a rat in a maze i could see their husband being like oh yeah you go do the shopping i'm gonna go eat some meatballs and just hanging out while his wife's out then he sees their swedish meatballs and he says well no one told me they weren't america made in america so you're really projecting onto these people i'm'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a bad experience. I'm having like a, uh, like an anti Karen day today in my mind. Okay. In my,

in my mind canvas. Okay. Okay. Here we go. An hour later. And I needed to use the bathroom. Bad idea too. There is only one bathroom on each floor and that is where you enter and exit.

After asking every employee I saw along the way, how to get to the bathroom, I finally found it. I left my purchase, walked out, and will never return unless I have a guide dog, have not had anything to drink for the past 24 hours, have enough energy to walk for three hours, and have acquired more patients than I have now. Being the age of 74, I don't think that is going to happen. End of review. I don't think so either.

I think it's best for everyone involved if you stay far away from ikea holy crap i love that also she literally had a map and she was like it's impossible i'm thank you for the map but it's impossible it's funny i didn't see also one thing i want to say ikea's people review them so much like at least 10 000 reviews on google for like each one that i could see wow it was crazy crazy i wonder why that is i don't know yeah that's so true maybe it's just they're so massive they just have so many people coming through and they're like only one location per major area probably yeah so like a walmart might have fewer but just because there's multiple walmarts within a certain range right anyway uh yeah people had

thoughts but uh here's one this is i also have one of the westchester location i'm gonna blow my nose a little remember that time when you're you read a review or i read a review and it was so bad your nose started bleeding oh my god i wish we filmed during that part. That would have been hilarious. I just remember. TikTok would have flagged it as like dangerous or something. I don't think you're supposed to show blood on a TikTok. We literally posted a photo of me with my bloody nose. Yeah, you had tissues stuffed up your nose.

I don't get bloody noses. I think it was a review of a Walmart too. I don't get bloody noses, Christina. I know. It was a spectacle. I can't believe it. Okay. So here's one of the Westchester location.

This is by Niles. One star. I called before I went there, and I was under the impression that I could go to the restaurant there. And once I got there, there was absolutely no food out at 12 30 today which is february the 3rd oh gosh and review sorry that took me by surprise yeah i know i was bored until that last those last two words oh gosh i was like i don't this isn't that interesting for some reason when they said oh gosh maybe it's all one sentence maybe he's talking to his toddler. Why is that so funny?

I don't know. I don't know either. Maybe it's just us. Like OMG is so common that it would never faze me, but oh gosh is its own hysterical. I would not have brought this to the table. And I was, this person, I went through to their reviews. And they ended everyone with Olly G. Willikers. I was hoping there was something like that.

And they ended everyone with Ali G. Willikers. I was hoping there was something like that. And actually, what I will say, I found this was like one of their few one-star reviews. So they were a positive reviewer normally. But yeah, nothing that interesting. Huh. Well, isn't that disappointing when you're like, wow, this review is so off the wall. This person must just have a... I don't know if saying, oh gosh, is off the wall. Okay. Okay have a i don't know if saying oh gosh is off the wall

okay okay fair but i know what you mean when you expect something from a reviewer there was one that i found that was i mean this is probably why i'm projecting basically somebody sent it in oh i think it was from abigail and it was a review where somebody said like oh just another one of these anti-gun stores where they think a gun will jump out and shoot you or something. And so I was like, oh, I bet they do this on every. Nope, only Ikea. And all the other reviews of every other establishment were just about the quality of the food and parking, etc. I'm like, why?

Okay. Anyway. Is it because it's a Swedish thing? Like, are they like, oh, they're socialist, blah, blah, blah, something? Because I definitely saw there was one review I found that was literally about mccarthyism like i'm not even exaggerating they said like where's mccarthy when you need him and i'm like yikes wow red flag hello red flag yeah i don't know yes i do but also i don't know i feel like it's just so remember when kanye west didn't he design something for ikea for ikea yeah maybe this one was the dream that i had maybe

there's an article ikea trolls kanye west oh oh no kanye does ikea responds to kanye west collaboration offer so he probably wanted to i think he wanted to there was like i definitely remember it was a few years ago there was like a whole and they posted a picture of like a bed and just put and it says yeezy and they're like ikea font like an ikea i don't know to be fair kanye sounds a little bit like it would be one of already one of the furniture like a sofa bed or something true true this email is from hannah she her this is uh an ikea in fort lauderdale florida so now i'm in the florida ikea zone so this is um this is a double a twofer here because they're kind of related okay perhaps this is a one star by dimitri i waited for over two hours to return an item.

I saw one lady and a guy escorted by cops because she started asking questions why the wait is so long. Don't shop there. You can get arrested for wanting to make a return within a reasonable time. So this person got arrested for just asking. Talk about McCarthyism. Got arrested for asking about the wait time. And then Hannah also sent this one right afterward. And it was in the same screenshot.

So clearly they're back to back here. This is the one served you by V. 25 to 35 people in line, larger number at the end, to return. And one cashier, another one went on break, to assist. Asked department manager to help and she didn't even want to listen. Called for GM of the store. He came, listened, and said there's not enough workers. I pointed to empty registers with cashiers and he replied, they not trained to process returns. I showed him workers inside of departments hiding due to late hour. Same reply. When I asked him why doesn't he jump in

to help, same as other managers, he him why doesn't he jump in to help, same as other managers, he said, don't tell me how to run my store. I took video of people waiting to return with only one purpose, to send to corporate. Few workers appeared and told me to leave the store. Apparently they have tough guys employees in store instead of return processing trained employees. When I refused, they called police and i was escorted out of the store in 30 minutes police were very nice and apologized saying there's nothing they could do to help but advised to call corporate end of review um so basically uh i have a feeling dimitri yeah they were written at the same time so i have a feeling dimitri witnessed

v being escorted out of the for quote. For quote, just asking questions or something. Right, not filming all of the employees. This person sounds insufferable. And shouting. I mean, just another person that doesn't, I mean, not that I have not worked retail, but I don't know, try to show a little empathy here. Hello? My favorite part is that she's showing the manager all the different employees in the

different sections of the store. Yeah, that are hiding. Right, they're hiding. She's the different employees in the different sections of the store. Yeah, that are hiding. Right, they're hiding. She's like, look in the Kanye sofa bed. Yeah, where are the people? They're behind the cushions. They're hiding in the wardrobe. Look behind the Billy bookcase.

The one thing also is they would want to have enough employees. They would want it to go smoothly. And that poor single person, maybe that is management's fault, though. Like, I don't know what the situation is at Ikea, so maybe we should be blaming management. But, like, it's not these other employees that you're trying to call out that are, like, quote-unquote hiding. Due to the late hour, I'm like, what time was it? Yeah, what does that mean? Are they actually sleeping in the Kanye sofa bed?

This sounds terrible. I mean, of all places to sleep, though, at work, Ikea might be up there as one of the best. Absolutely. My next one, this comes from Taylor. This is of a Columbus, Ohio Ikea. This is by Hannah, one star. Attention, freedom-loving Americans. Oh, sorry, I gotta go.

I'm sorry, I haven to go. This is, I'm sorry. I haven't been invited to this conversation. Yeah, I don't feel like I'm being addressed here. This is not for me. Your money is better spent elsewhere. With the incredible access to information available during the 21st century, you are capable of learning the skills necessary to refurbish well-built furniture or learning the skills necessary to create your own furniture. It can be both monetarily and

mentally rewarding to level up your crafting skill tree. Also, take note that this particular location prohibits customers from legally carrying concealed firearms, yet neglect to provide accurate security themselves. They are real sticklers about their silly mask policy, too. Finally, consider this. For most of us, money is the product of time. Spend your time wisely. End of review. Mom, please don't make me go to Grandma and Grandpa's house.

I don't want to hear that. I just want to go to Dairy Queen and nothing good ever happens when we go out to eat with Grandma and Grandpa. Alexander, what is going on? It got really... Like, this... I don't think this... I don't know. What the f...

Okay, so they want me to build my own furniture. I love how it started like that and i'm rolling my eyes and then it gets into the second amendment i'm like what the fuck it's sort of like it had to it's sort of like they had to go hand in hand but so he i mean this is a very this seems like a very libertarian like sentiment of like build your own furniture yeah don't buy it from the stores build your own furniture and carry your own weapons be your own security yeah and they but they went there no i know yeah which is what's so funny is like but then we find out they had an issue with the

mask policy and the gun policy and then wrote this review but they were there be your own immune system you know why would they go there to begin with so that's what's baffling um i guess it's because someone must have talked him into it i don't know i don't think they would have gone there of their own volition if they're as talented as they say they are and brought a gun and brought a gun okay wait so they want me just to be clear they want me to build my own furniture yes here's where i'm confused so if i were a carpenter yes even just one like who doesn't on the side i'm struggling to picture this so i'm sorry it's nearly impossible you should probably not look at me while you consider it because like the the theme the um it's just not

gonna fit if you look at me not gonna let's fit the theme um say you're jesus sam jesus and i my dad my dad taught me how to carpet yeah and you lost me again you had me and then you lost me once you said close your eyes okay so i'm carpeting and the thing is now this guy's going around telling everyone else to carpet and i'm like i will have you know i i'm okay i'm gonna assume pronouns here based on the name i think it's a woman this woman is going around and which makes it like like i know like i would picture a man in this kind of scenario which is very like american like tough guy kind of thing right but it's not okay so she's like make your own furniture yes and i'm thinking wait, I'm a small business owner named Jesus. Alexander, I'm confused by my own story.

Okay, Joseph, I don't know. Who's a carpenter? Didn't Jesus carpent? I'm lumber by Mary LLC on Etsy. Okay, okay. And I'm a carpenter. Yes. And-

Carpentress. I'm a carpentress. I'm just a carpenter yes and carpentress i'm a carpenter i'm just a joke okay carpetress yes and now this lady's running around telling everyone else to be a carpenter and i'm like excuse me no i'm a small business owner and why are you telling every if everyone's building their own furniture who's gonna fix my plumbing what did you get okay you lost me at the end there never mind never mind was there a joke in there no i'm telling you oh you're saying you're saying like well if your plumber picks up carpentry everyone knows how to plumb then how the hell is anyone gonna build me a table uh-huh you don't get it there's ikeakea for that. There's Roto-Rooter. Not if everyone listens to... What's this person?

But it's not everyone. It's just the freedom-loving Americans. That's where you made a mistake here. You're assuming that we're all freedom-loving Americans. Oh, thank God McCarthy's not here, because he would... Yes, agreed. Because then we'd all be freedom-loving Americans. Okay, I get it.

Anyway. Good observation, yeah yeah i get it now very thank you you're welcome this is a one-star view this is also of the fort lauderdale ikea sent in by hannah not the hannah you just named hannah a different hannah who i assume is a freedom hating american probably um it's. And so one survey by John. This is a terrifying place. I'm a retired newspaperman who has seen... Uh-oh. Like, seen war? I'm so scared. You're not even

off-base. This is a terrifying place. I'm a retired newspaperman who has seen more than my fair share of burned bodies. Wait, okay. What does being a newspaperman have to do with that? Are those related? Where is this Ikea? Fort Lauderdale. Okay, I'm typing newspaper, fire, Fort Lauderdale. Was there like a newspaper company that went down? There hasn't been a newspaper company here in 40 years.

What the fuck does that mean? What do you think it means? How are those connected? Of course they're connected. Am I dumb? Am I? I think by newspaperman, he means like a journalist. Oh.

I was thinking like, because i've never heard that before what did you think he meant worked at a newspaper like but not as a writer i don't know worked as a newspaper like he delivered newspapers like or he like just oh like a like a newspaper a paper boy boy like a paper boy but a paper man right but he's a newspaperman not a man a newspaperman is that i don't know i have no idea i'm googling newspaper but what if those really were a male newspaper journalist okay i'm wrong sorry okay so this is a journalist he's a retired newspaperman oh yikes okay who has seen more than my fair share of burned bodies jesus christ you're right what if those were separate you know what the real question is

what the fuck does this have to do with ikea here i am wondering what this has to do with his career his career and now i'm like wait a second okay okay i'm sorry i'll let you continue the way this store is set up is almost as if the designers want people to die either there are few emergency exits or they are very poorly marked and the regular exits are pitifully inadequate to handle a panicked outflow in the case of even a small fire i think this man might be an arsonist i'm like i i'm saying allegedly because i don't want to be sued um but maybe a reformed arsonist reformed arsonist perhaps who the fbi would hire to uh research or you know we got a little catch me if you can scenario happening here yeah they send him into like stores and they're like i know you're itching to strike

this match but instead you got to just keep an eye out for all the flammable sofa cushions. I can't imagine what has caused the fire marshal's office to allow it to continue to operate. End of review. Four people found this review funny. I mean, we laughed when he talked about having seen dead burned bodies, which is pretty fucking dark. You're right. I guess I do also find it kind of funny but it's sort of like what a thing to think about it's like if you were okay if you worked as a firefighter or fire marshal and you walked in there and you were like oh gosh i can understand why your mind would go there it's a little wild to me that

somebody with like a totally unrelated career path. I mean. Who has apparently seen some traumatic events. I guess maybe that's the key. But it's like, why is that your first thought? Like, oh, a bunch of people would die in a fire here. Probably trauma. I mean, it must be, right? Like, that's the only thing that makes sense. Because otherwise, like, what a thought.

Yeah. No, I think that stuff all the time. And I'm not even. Right. Fair. Yeah. But like, I a thought. Yeah. No, I think that stuff all the time and I'm not even. Right. Fair. Yeah. But like, I wouldn't be like, for me, I'd be like, oh, my brain's being wild today. Right.

I don't know. So considering like every Ikea is the same, I know that's probably not true. But basically, the ones I've been to have basically all been the same. I can't imagine that they haven't considered that or thought of that like yeah i don't think they're nearly as death trappy as people would and i'm not saying and again i'm not saying um like for society's benefit i'm thinking this is a corporate decision to avoid losing money in a lawsuit you know but yeah i would agree that i'm sure i assume they've thought of this yeah maybe i'm

assuming incorrectly yeah yeah even from that cynical angle you could say like there's there's they have no there's no benefit for them to lock you in there and not let you leave have you catch on fire so they're gonna do everything they can to make sure not because they actually care about you or maybe part a little tiny bit but mainly because they care about not looking so terrible not the pr nightmare the lawsuits it would be a disaster you love taco bell after a night out but the new cantina chicken menu from taco bell hits different during the day with slow roasted chicken and fresh veggies it's something late night you and daytime you can agree on. Hit up your local Taco Bell restaurant or TacoBell.ca today and try our new cantina chicken menu. Taco Bell, not just late night. Offer available at participating Taco

Bell locations or TacoBell.ca. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me.

Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Anyway, your turn. Here's another one from Taylor. This is of the Pittsburgh location, though. It is a five star one. Okay.

This is by William. Do y'all offer marriage counseling at the end of this maze of contempt for your spouse? End of review. Oh, no. Five stars. Five stars. That is one of those things they say that IKEA is real rough on a relationship if you've got any weak points. The ultimate test.

Yeah. Do you know why? I tell this fun fact to people. Do I know why. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know why? I tell this fun fact to people. Do I know why? Yeah. A psychologist or psychiatrist, I don't remember, did a, like, wrote a paper on this. Like, an article, I think. I'm sorry, a newspaperman.

A newspaperman. Wrote an article. Oh, the burned bodies. Oh, it's all the burned bodies. Okay, no. What was it? It's basically because, at least the theory is that because you're walking through like living rooms nurseries like all these very not necessarily

triggering but just they open up or remind you questions where you may find differences that you didn't realize existed so like oh a nursery you know obviously it's an obvious one or like if you don't live together yet like maybe that comes up even if you have small differences in like style or it basically it brings up lifestyle questions that uh can be very damaging if you can't if you don't handle them this is reminding me of when d and I were in Ikea. Oh, God. Here we go. She told me that she doesn't like Swedish fish. It was so sad and dramatic for us. Is it because they're Swedish? They're foreign?

Yeah. She's like, I only like fish. Not Swedish fish. Yeah. No. Yeah. No, that makes sense. And you said, this isn't going to work.

I haven't had that experience, and nor do I plan on having that experience. Yeah, I can see why it would be overwhelming. And also, I feel like if it's overwhelming, and if you're in an overwhelming space with someone who's also overwhelmed, that could also take a toll. That's true. I imagine. I could see. Yeah, it's understandable.

Okay, so this is from Abigail Sheher, who added in her message, by the way, I sent y'all a Tim Allen book not too long ago. Yeah. Which she did. And I'm pretty sure Dee sent me a Santa Claus VHS. So now I am living my Tim Allen dreams. You have been saying you've had lots of nightmares lately. I have.

And it's not just about ikea and all the burned bodies it's also it's mostly about tim allen mostly so this is an ikea in coquitlam british columbia i did look up youtube videos good job and now i'm pretty sure google chrome thinks i want to move there but that's okay go quick go quitlam coquitlam coquitlam yep and this is a one lovely well i watched a video called why to movelam coquitlam coquitlam yep and this is a one's lovely well i watched a video called why to move to coquitlam oh so at least one person thinks it's lovely yeah and i read the comments on the youtube video and um somebody said i wish i i think this is a place i would love to go it's too bad i am middle-aged and live in the united states and won't get an opportunity to

move jeez and i felt really sad and so okay while you're young everyone moved to coquitlam i guess now's the time seize your chance i kind of want to i know it was kind of cool okay one star by bell it's so pretty okay sorry is it you looked it up i just like the picture that they posted it has has an Ikea. It has an Ikea. What more could you need? Okay, I'm sorry. Literally, what more could you need? Okay.

Today, my review has nothing to do with customer or quality of goods. It's about hot dogs. Yes, hot dogs. I just want to say I'm well aware that the hot dogs at Ikea are only 75 cents. Regardless of the price, you do not stick hot wieners into cold buns. I mean, took them right out of the price you do not stick hot wieners into cold buns i mean took them right out of the bag cold i inquired if they could heat the buns they said no in the world of low budget hot dogs ikea is the worst from here on i'll stick with my costco for my low budget hot dog needs at least they know how to warm up a bun don't waste your money end of review this is the lowest

fucking stakes oh i saw a picture of leona's your desktop was like that's your baby why is someone posting a picture of your baby no here it is ew christina that next to the picture of your baby this is a not okay this is not okay oh god you're right oh my god it's a gross gross picture It's a gross, gross picture. So sorry. It is gross. And the subject is cold buns. Cold buns. That's so weird. And also, like, cold.

I don't think they're straight out of the fridge. No, no. They're just, like, normal. She literally said straight out of the bag. Yeah. And I was like, so room temperature. I mean, I get it if you prefer a toasted bun. So, like, that makes sense. But to, like, bash them for not toasting their buns i also feel like people some people prefer not to

don't do that i feel like costco doesn't do that either so yeah i don't know i don't know but i'm not an expert in load in discount hot dogs thank god no but you know who is not an expert in many things but i'm also not an expert in in cheap hot dogs and i feel like that alone makes it all worthwhile wow is it all worthwhile i'm gonna move on to a different food stuff with a review from larry five stars meatballs this is also from taylor uh this is the oak creek wisconsin location oh bro meatballs so good man so good furniture was not too good but that's the swedish for you end of review you know those swedes i have no idea yikes that made me so supremely uncomfortable really yeah it's pretty weird just the way you read it i mean i just read it how it was presented to me i mean wait was that one star it was five

stars oh good okay i was like this person's way too chill to be leaving a one-star review no no it was it was super chill don't worry i mean that I feel like kind of sums up most people's, at least that I've encountered most people's experience of Ikea. Like, yeah, the furniture is not great. But how about the meatballs? I think they have a vegan version too. They do. I've never tried it though.

I have. They're pretty good. I want some lingonberry soda. Yeah, that's just- I just thought it was good. I like the pear soda. All right. We don't need to get into-

What? It sounds gross. It's good well whenever you can have it this is an email from amanda it's a one-star review alexander it's actually three one-star reviews because it's a saga okay three one-star reviews yeah jesus by all by the same person okay all by sandy is there always a church bell we i it's not a church bell what is that that was definitely airplane that oh no that's a church bell why it's 1 37 p.m it's church time it's the hour of our lord it's a monday at 1 37 p.m what why would there be a church bell it's literally gonging

right now something dark went into my mind and And I thought, do you think war? Don't bring up that freaking, what? War. War? You think war is happening here in Kentucky? It could be. Okay. Accidentally, I heard about Russia has a plane.

What? Russia has a plane. They have a plane? Just one? We don't have it. Are you okay? No, I'm serious. I don't know who's listening.

Is that actually a church post? Yes. Oh my god. Maybe there's a wedding on a Mondayay at 1 30 no russia has this scary plane and apple news told me that we don't have anything to match it in our military what the fuck does that mean that they have a much more advanced plane than we do not one plane one type of plane warcraft that's probably just some propaganda to get people for spending more money on our fucking defense maybe that person read that apple news article and said sound the bells

i don't think that happened i'll go to news.com it's a world peace bell does that thing still ring oh no yeah it does why would they be ringing it today that's probably that i typed in news and i don't see anything okay never mind russia's hypersonic missiles i told you i don't care okay let's get back to this let the church bells ring there is a crack in everything that's how the light gets in all right this is a saga all right and this is by stars or three one stars three one stars it's by sandy and it begins in october of 2015 oh dear help don't tell me this person is trapped in ikea for months for years for years i'm talking five years okay wow i mean i'm not talking they're trapped i'm talking if they were it would Wow. I mean, I'm not talking they're trapped.

I'm talking if they were, it would have been a five year. Got it. So that pause that I took before you interrupted was to denote the 65 dot dot dots. The 65 ellipses that are happening. Help! After three and a half hours, I still cannot order what I want. Have been on site for eight times before and they still have no clue who I am.

They have no clue who I am? She's been on the site eight times and they still have no clue who she is. What is happening? What are they doing? Why are they going eight times? After three and a half hours, i still cannot order what i want have been on site for eight times before and they still have no clue who i am who are they oh there's more sorry sandy okay i have ordered eight duvet covers

i have ordered eight duvet covers and each time I want to order something else, they don't know me. Customer service is impossible to get through to due to volume. Hello. What does that say? Talk to human instead of clone Anna. They can't help and are argumentative. So hello, Ikea. Something needs to change.

End of review. I don't think they know what a clone is did they mean did they mean a robot or a bot and they said a clone i'm assuming they mean a clone yeah a robot oh no okay so then this is the following review, and this is December 15, 2019. December 20, that's four years later? December 15, 2019, four years and two months later. Cool. Just got off the PC. Dude. Just got off the PC and hello, Ikea.

You are the worst place to try and shop unless I drive the 60 miles to do it myself. I love the stuff they sell. Now, if I could just buy it without leaving the house, tried to order a catalog over the PC. Now here comes the great whopper. I typed in my home phone. I don't own a cell and they tell me that this is not my phone number. Are you paying my bill that you know this? It is my phone, so here I sit after all these years and still cannot order one damn thing from them. If I were the Swedes, I would kick their behind to fix a ton of problems. Get off the s- What? Get off the s- What? What? Get off the so- what get off this what

get off the somig metal what get off the somig metal and do something what repeat get off the somig metal and do something. What are you saying? I'm about to tell you. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm like so confused. I'm going to be quiet.

I'm about to tell you. I'm sorry. Get. This is so insane. Get off the somig metal and do something. Parentheses.ish for sleeping meds what the fuck so she doesn't know how to order a duvet but she does know how to translate

sleep meds to swedish i can't get off the somig metal and do something parentheses swedish for sleep meds heading for the garage to do some primal screaming don't want to scare the pets oh my god this person is amazing i love them so much i mean it's just hilarious i love i love this person this is my favorite metal also also of all things to choose to to say get translate i when i first read get off the sewing metal i thought it was gonna be like get off the sofa like get off your bed get off your butt or something and it's like sleeping pills and i'm like sleeping pills? That's what your mind goes to? That I have experience

with that. That clone Anna is just full of sleep ambient. Okay, now this is the final update. This is an update review from September 6th, 2020. Okay, another almost a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. About like nine months later. One would think, since their

catalog is a thing of the past and all ordering can be done on the PC, all is well. Ha! Think again. I tried 11 times yesterday, and 11 times it went puff and was gone. Where it went, I do not know. But my bed won't be having a

duvet set I wanted to put on still trying yeah she still doesn't have a duvet i wonder what keeps reminding her that she should try this again like years later to quote does she just not have a duvet cover and like every four years she's like oh i oh, I should try that again, huh? She gets on Ambien and she's like, must get a duvet cover. Oh, that's probably it. Some sleep shopping. To quote Fraser, Ikea must be owned by geologists since it has so many faults.

Shame I must give it one star. It does not deserve this much end of review wow you think she would have just gone to target by now i know you know literally anything so um so she's ordered uh this duvet 19 times and i'm part of me is afraid that she's gonna receive 19 duvet covers because she ordered it eight times scheduled delivery for like 2025 maybe her pc is from like 1992 and like all of a sudden all the orders will go through you know she'll receive 19 duvet covers in the mail oh dear god anyway so that was one of my favorite sagas of all time that's amazing thank you amanda i now have one from jacob so this was actually sent in june of 2021 saying hey y'all i just started at ikea i was bored so i was looking at reviews of the store

this is a gem maybe you can do an episode of ikea reviews well here we are jacob thanks for sharing this is of the ikea in indianapolis like fisher's indiana so indianapolis area uh so here's a review this is a one-star review by molly too stressful entering the parking lot seems overwhelming and all the blue blue is my favorite color but there is a lot opted not to go in and that's like oh my god you know when you know when people say like okay you know when you go to barnes and noble and you're in the relationship section and there's all these books like i'm not there too often no clearly this is only a solo experience that is begging me to go to the relationship section of barnes and noble to learn a thing or two about about your differences

regarding swedish sweets um so no so you know how there are books and like stupid shit that says like understanding the woman's mind or like and people act like they're all as if that's possible am i right fellas like that like they're confused about like well like you know i wish i could understand but they're all so you know complicated whatever yeah i feel like that's the exact kind of thing like it's my favorite color but now it's too much of my favorite you know what i mean no i actually have no idea okay usually we're on the same wavelength it's weird shit like this but i've been so hold on i'm trying to understand so you go to the relationships so they have things like like you know how steve harvey wrote a book about relationships i think very heteronormative very like offensive act like a lady think like a man

okay so it's sort of like these these kind of dumb books that are sort of about like get into the mind the psyche or there's one about like why women are bitches or like how to be a bitch so a man will like you like stupid shit like that where it's like yikes toxic toxic toxic like this sounds like a made-up story that somebody would have said like oh my wife she loves the color blue but i took her to a entirely blue parking lot and she said not this much blue oh my god christina yes do you notice like it sounds so nuts what i'm saying right now and i'm probably disproving my own point by sounding like totally off my rocker this is like something that sounds like something an example

that a man would use to be like, women. I can't understand. My wife. Get this. And then like some stand-up comedian's like, get this. My wife loves blue. Exactly. She says she loves buying furniture. We go to Ikea and she's overwhelmed.

What? I gave you the best kind of, I don't know. That's not really funny. Maybe she only likes. I shouldn't be a stand-up comedian. Aquamarine blue. Women. Women.

Women, am I right? Yeah, I'm glad Jacob brought us on this lovely adventure. Let's leave the comedy to Steve Harvey, okay, Alex Hinner? Anyway, my point is, it sounds like a made-up story that somebody said to just try to prove how their partner was so confusing and complicated that they just couldn't understand. To be fair, if my partner was like... Yes, exactly. I'd be like, okay, that's fine, we don't have to go, but I'd be like yes exactly i'd be like okay let's find we don't have to go but i'd be like what what does that mean maybe i take it back like maybe i was

wrong and this people are this complicated and i just was wrong this whole time because this sounds totally bananas to me like blue is my favorite color don't get me wrong but i simply couldn't drive through this parking lot with blue signs all over it. It had three likes, by the way, this review. So I'm wondering, some people found it helpful. I just wish that like, but maybe they found it cool or funny. And I wish that Google lets you decipher that, you know, determine that. All I have left. Oh, wait, you know what?

No, something came in because Finn, they, them, had sent this email that said a variety of reviews of the Portland Ikea. And they sent some like little tidbits, like it's full of judgmental cashiers and sexy music, but none of the reviews attached. And I couldn't help myself. I was like, Finn, I must read these reviews. Can you please send them? They didn't attach. So Finn got back to me right as we started recording and said, yeah, that sounds like something I'd do.

Here they are. So Finn sent them right as we started recording. And, yeah, that sounds like something I do. Here they are. So Finn sent them right as we started recording. And I thought, OK, well, this is a sign. I'm going to use their review. So I'm just going to read one more. This is a review by Robin One Star. This is of the Portland, Oregon, IKEA. Do not like the music.

Guess what they had? Music that was playing. That was totally inappropriate. Some guy was singing about having sex with his girlfriend while there were young children and mothers in the store. I filled out a survey. The fathers can take it. Yeah. This is another one.

Just like that last one. What are they going to do? Right. Exactly. Oh, God. They better not play any Eiffel 65 at this place that was so good christina they sing blue yeah i know oh i'm the last person i was like i know but i'm trying to think of the lyrics like maybe there was yeah blue okay yeah oh my god can you

imagine no no wives will be able to enter the wives the mothers having sex with his girlfriend while they were young children and mothers in the store i filled out a survey in the store and they told me there was nothing they could do about it last time i checked if you're paying for a service you can do something about it in the review so yeah what do you what service are you paying for uh they sell furniture you buy buy the furniture. You're not like, just by walking around the store. I don't know. I don't know. They're not obligated to change their music for you.

For the mothers. And also, I can't imagine, like, I don't know. It was that. How graphic can the IKEA music radio be? Honestly, to me, sounds more disturbing to hear someone describe it as a man singing about having sex with his girlfriend. Like, that sounds so gross. And I'm sure whatever song it is, is really pretty inane. I mean, we listened to, like, Shaggy, It Wasn't Me on the radio on the bus.

And I'm not trying to be, like, a boomer, like, back in my day. But, like, what I'm trying to say is we didn't know what the fuck he was saying. It didn't like. And we were old enough to probably understand. And we were like completely clueless. Then again. But those mothers. There were no mothers on the bus.

Yeah, that's true. And if they were, if there were, they might have been traumatized. So, yeah, I don't know. I just was like. Yeah, I'm curious what song they heard. I assume it was Shaggy. Although that wasn't his girlfriend, huh? No. And he wasn't the one having sex oh right so it is all very it was his friend's girlfriend who was having sex with an no wait his friend was having sex with another i'm pretty sure

not his girlfriend i'm pretty sure steve harvey needs to write a book and explain this to me because i'm the shaggy situation confused yeah okay so shaggy's no i don't want you to explain it and says hey i'd rather not my girl just caught me hey i'd rather catch you okay so he yeah why don't you read your next review this is from mara she her and uh mara said she had to check her local charlotte ikea for reviews because it's a shit show every time she goes there. So here's one of them that she's included. It's a one-star review. It was by Annabelle.

Shocked to see spoons at snack bar. Spoons loose and unwrapped. I ordered a frozen yogurt and went to get a spoon. All the little wooden spoons loose and no longer individual wrap excuse me what have we been through last two plus years covid ikea still encourages masks but hey just grab any spoon with your unwashed hands end of review the spoons spoons the spoons are alive with the sound the caps and the question mark exclamation point combos this is a beautiful review i had to hold on for dear life over here

the spoons sounded like they had started giggling as she reached for them and become alive animated you know what i mean like the way she described it sound like a horror film it sounded horror it sounds horrific wow um i'm trying to picture this because yeah that's i mean loose loose like when i first read that i thought they meant like literally just like scattered but it's just yeah i assume just a stack of wooden spoons unwrapped inside like a container to grab from what have we been through these last years don't guess i'm gonna tell you i'm gonna scream it at you don't worry oh my god alexander loose all right all i have left is uh our redemptions sounds good do you have more negatives nope i'm done oh perfect so these were sent in by jordan

who actually sent them in 2019 um and i just happened to dig through the inbox and find them hopefully you still listen jordan i hope so uh she uses she her pronouns and this is of this brown bear they sold at ikea and i hope they still sell it because i've fallen in love with him oh that is that is a belly i love it isn't he sweet how cute so it's a it's a a big bear. And this is a five-star review by Rosie. And there's several reviews of this product. Birthday present for my grandson. He saw it on a visit and wouldn't put it down, so went again to get it for his birthday. It is so soft and easy for him to carry.

End of review. Five stars by Tina. Just gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful bear. Loved by the recipients, even though they are 60 years of review. Five stars by Tina. Just gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful bear. Loved by the recipients, even though they are 60 years of age. End of review. I hope people are still buying me stuffed animals when I'm 60. Right.

Five stars by Lydia. Soft and cuddly. Seriously the most cuddliest toy we've ever had. Provides a shoulder to cry and a cuddle anytime. End of review. That's so sweet. And and i have two more five stars by jojo so so soft my 21 year old student son loved it uses as a pillow and a review and finally a review titled soft friend by morgan five stars he's big and soft i use him in place of a pillow and he's genuinely the comfiest soft thing i've ever owned i want 10 of them to replace my bed end of review so i thought

we needed a little that was a nice pick me up and now i want to find this bear because it's so cute big brown bear ikea oh is it there alexander oh my god it's even better than i imagine what he's just so big and oh is he big like really big so oh my gosh he's big oh that's a big bear look at him that's a big bear i love him i love him so much sinner yeah i want him too i love him so much oh wait i just remembered I got you a present. Me? Yeah. For this recording session?

Yeah. Where are you going? It's not a big brown bear. Darn. Okay. I was like, that reminded you? The hell did you get me? Close your eyes.

Okay. No way, Christina. It's amazing. It's a windshield wonder. It is. Christina. I hope you didn't buy one and i didn't nobody else bought you one i okay yeah maybe on we'll check our po box and you can use one buy it from amazon i bought it from a different seller amazing thank you so much since i know

that was your hesitation yeah i can't wait hey i was thinking that when you gave it to me i'm like oh she did it so i didn't have to no oh my god it's gonna be perfect i need it i really need it my windshield on the inside is always so dusty and i hate it yay oh i can't wait to use this thank you that is incredible what are you so welcome it was like a whole seven dollars most useless useful hey no useful because it's literally it's so useful i'm gonna use it all the time it's the most useful gift I've gotten in a long time. I got it from, let's see, what's the name of the website? As seen on tvwebstore.com. Thank you. So they ordered it from Amazon, but just had it shipped to you.

That's fine. At least I can tell myself. I'm just kidding. Thank you. That's amazing. Yeah, gram total $8.95. Amazing. Thank you.

You're so welcome. Oh, that's good. Okay, now I'm feeling even better going into my challenge this big brown bear yeah you earned it you earned it 39 maybe you didn't earn that he's big though i did buy quilliam for like a lot of money my stuffed hedgehog that's big too he is big he's great uh he's they don't make them anymore sinner they don't make them like that anymore look at this back in my day how much is 100 centimeters um can you look it up i don't want you to do it in your head i was gonna convert it to like meters as a joke uh 39 inches that can't be right that's three feet over three feet are you kidding 100 centimeters is is over three feet no wonder it's 40 yeah this is large

how big is that like this big i don't know she's holding for those who don't know she's holding her hand up to the ground actually say one it's like in community when you stop no it's as big as the ceiling you didn't reach that high it's like in community when like avid's telling troy about like he met someone with no with like who's missing an arm and so troy's like all excited like like where like where was the amputation or whatever and he's like here here here and he keeps going up and then ava goes it was the other arm oh so stupid okay um but yeah my i got my squishable hedgehog named quilliam he was 45 dollars okay so i feel like then i can buy this of course christina okay i did buy that off stream like for a pet like i think on my second

day streaming because i made money and i like literally was like i'm gonna use all my money just to buy this hedgehog oh well let's make some money okay ding dong so you can afford a uh not only that bear but also your american girl doll if we ever sell out our show beach to sandy.com slash tour it's still not sold out it's not it's not looking good it's not it's not looking good for your american girl doll. No. Someone needs to buy out all the tickets. Shoot. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Romo code searching. It takes skill, speed, sweat. Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet, and streaming bundle.

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Because rested breaks happen, and Taco Tuesdays happen. So do dog checkups, phone plans, spin classes, and or the dauntless appointments. But with an 8.99% promotional interest rate for the first six months, the new TD Low-Rate Visa Card is a smart way to help find some balance. Learn more at td.com slash lowratecard. Conditions apply. limited time offer um okay it's time for my challenge okay which was fun kind of hard but in a challenge it was a challenge as it was meant to be it comes from carly people who complain they couldn't get into somewhere because they didn't have a password, like a speakeasy.

So Carly, thankfully, included a review. Good. So here's the review that Carly included. She, her, by the way. Carly included of Room 13 in Chicago. This is by Beatrice One Star. by beatrice one star just tried to get in did not have password very pretentious woman opened the window suggested we come back tomorrow place looked empty doubt they can stay in business with that attitude end of review wait so they opened the window i love that they didn't even like open the door to be like no yeah they opened the window and were like, come back next time. Yeah. And people like this is just the beginning.

People got so mad about the password. But the thing is, I would read these reviews where people get so pissed off, but they'd be let in anyway. And they would write these negative reviews. And people were so angry about the passwords. Whenever there was a password and they didn't know it they were so mad you know what might make me more angry what if i went to the trouble of saying a dumb password to get in somewhere and then i saw that they were just letting people in without a password

people got really mad at that i would feel so dumb i'd be like really like i didn't need to say a password after all this i think honestly i think the password oftentimes is more for the customers to feel special or feel like a thing than it is for the bar. There were, like, some accusations of, like, racism, which I thought were pretty, like, at certain locations that had passwords that, like, they would want to only serve a certain type of clientele. And, like, especially, like, people in, like, local like local areas were like kept out and they would only allow like so there is a lot of like i don't know much about the speak the world of speakeasies believe it or not and i'm not saying this is true for most or any speakeasies i don't know but there were some accusations like that which i thought actually kind of had they had a point yeah um but yeah but most of the places it seemed would just let people in anyway either way but like

they it seemed like just kind of a gimmick but people would get mad regardless um so next i'm going to read a review uh that was sent in by emma our emma our emma who very validating i love this said i don't know how you guys find stuff for these challenges this was so hard so this first one is of a speakeasy of a speakeasy in chicago room 13 the same one that carly oh it's becoming notorious in my mind it's part of an old inn apparently interesting do we know what okay never mind what i was gonna ask did we ever figure out what the password actually is they might change it too um i don't think this review has it yeah i don't know okay so here is uh a review this is by paul one star of room 13 this review is of the room 13 speakeasy in the basement of the hotel as there is no separate google plus page for it

this was written seven years ago and Google Plus was still a thing. R.I.P. I had a Google Plus account. Me too. My friends and I, we would meet up on Google Plus. That's where we would like, before Zoom and everything,

that's where we would go to hang out. We did a couple of those too. Yeah, it was fun. I put on a suit and walked down to room 13 on a Saturday night to hear Vince Willis play. After a brief explanation from the doorman through the hole in the door it's actually dorman dorman oh newspaper men i'm looking up vince willis is actually dorman it's not how you know i was joking i was just referencing

newspaperman a jazz artist so he uh performed a song in 1971 called rasputin's Stash. Like mustache or? Oh, and the title. Oh, I think that's the album. Rasputin's Stash. And the song is called Mr. Cool. Mr. Cool. So I don't need to know anymore. Yeah.

Vince Willis is a pianist apparently. Okay. After a brief explanation from the doorman through the hole in the door that their policies have changed and i had to be a member and know the password to enter i was handed a printed application and asked to leave never mind the fact that i performed there in the past i stood there in stunned silence as the people behind me whispered the password and were let inside are there other bars in chic that require membership? I understand that a little exclusivity is sexy, but establishments like Room 13 are giving Chicago a bad name as a jazz town. Performers, venues, and fans should be working

to make the music more accessible, not throwing up arbitrary barriers to confuse and confound even the natives. I was given absolutely zero recourse but to leave. I would have been happy to pay a cover or even fill out the membership application on the spot but that wasn't presented as an option i'll have to hear vince willis play somewhere else as i won't be returning here in the future end of review didn't they just hand you an application to fill out can't you just step aside and fill it out and be like it didn't seem like it it seemed like there was a process yeah like it's this this one seems like actually exclusive it's like magic castle i would well should have looked at that place does that i would oh i don't think there's a password i think

there's is just you can bet you there's like certain rooms or something that require a password i don't know i'm clearly i've never been i'm terrified of that place yeah i've never been but i'm terrified of it i don't plan on it unless there's some special extenuating circumstance so he's performed there and couldn't get in that that's gotta hurt a little bit yeah that would suck yeah much like how i've performed at the magic castle and they still don't let me they don't let you in but that's true though like hey like christina you've performed to places you i can't imagine you going up there and being like well i performed there yeah if they're like you're not a member yeah i'd be like oh oops like i mean no offense to vince willis but i bet they turned vince willis away if he didn't have the password you think no there's no way.

That's true. I made that up. Mr. Cool himself? What about you're making fun of this guy who had nothing to do with this review? And was like, some guy wanted to see me and couldn't. Now I'm getting shit on by this stupid podcast. No, yeah. So that was perfectly.

So Emma, thank you for that one. That was perfect. Uh, Emma sent a less perfect one that I still enjoyed, and like, acknowledged that it was less than perfect, because it's not about getting into a place, but it's into getting, getting into a device. Um, more specifically, a voice-activated password-protected diary for kids. Oh, I had one of these. So, uh, here is a four-star review of the product titled make sure to set the perfect password this was my six-year-old daughter's favorite

christmas present there are some drawbacks to this toy though my daughter could set the password by herself oh no she had a really great time with it until weeks later she set the password with a long pause and a murmur at the end this was impossible for her to recreate so every time she tried the password journal sounded out the siren along with intruder alert there is a convenient solution to reset the journal it's an inconspicuous button on the back but i don't enjoy high maintenance toys that blast out a siren and require instruction manuals past their initial opening date. I recovered from the stress

of this toy, but I think it's a lot more enjoyable if you don't set a password. Wait, what's the point of it if you don't set a password? I don't know. There's like no other purpose, right? I know, it's just to write in it, I guess. Then it's not a toy, it's a literal piece of paper. Yeah.

It's a notebook. How would you lock a literal piece of paper yeah okay it's not a single piece of notebook how would you lock a single piece of paper behind do you imagine if you open this journal it's one page no you don't i'm just thinking i know i'm just thinking 20 i'm running with your okay it's a notebook mistake yeah no um which still i agree with you what's the point you might as well just buy a notebook right if you find yourself in a similar situation, just press the purple button in the back and it will unlock in the front without all the British chatter and sirens. I attached instructions for this password journal because it's good to have a backup copy that's easy to locate. Wait a second. But now she's telling everybody how to break into their little sister's journal.

Diary. Well, again, it's a toy. I don't think anyone's actually using this to protect their secrets that's not i don't know i had a diary that like maybe you are a voice protector lock on it and you would have to say the password i know you don't invade your child's little sister's privacy i hope that that's not what people are going to do with this information um i mean i don't think this is information that's hard to come by so i don't think this is like some sort of secret intel but yeah yeah um but i did like that that's very cute the inclusion of that one so that was the one those were the

ones from emma so thank you so now it's my turn so again i did find one. Okay. So, I found a couple that I'll read first that the person was not allowed in at first, but then they were allowed. So, like, an example of people getting really mad about not being allowed in. Okay. But then got in anyway. These next two are from Arbar. Oh. Remember Arbar? Holy crap. In Greytown, LA. I love Arbar. We've been there a lot. It is a place that has a password. gone in anyway these next two are from uh our bar oh remember our bar in gray town la i love our bar we've been there a lot uh it is a place that has a password it is a fucking hole in the wall

it is a dive it is really just there though it's like you're literally like in a ship like when you walk in it's like all wood paneling and it's it's it's they did trivia there i went in i went there for um brunch i've been there for brunch new year's eve oh new year oh yeah yeah they had trivia where if your team did the worst uh in a certain round they'd have you on stage and you take a really gross shot that they just make they put like wine gin pickle juice they just like combined whatever shit they had behind the bar anyway so it's a place that does require a password, which I kind of forgot about. But yeah, you just go to their Facebook page and it has a password.

It's not that big of a thing. You just press the button on the back and then the British chatter stops. Exactly. So here's a one-star review by Neil. Dude, I went to this bar tonight. We get there and the door is locked like last time. And the guy asked if we know the password. What is this?

A fucking tree fort? After a little bit of attitude, dude lets us in and we're the only ones at the whole bar. This place is lame. It's elitist, but it's not even nice. Why would anyone try to keep anyone out? But I guess more importantly, why would anyone care about getting in? End of review. Whoa.

What is this? A tree fort? See see people got so mad at the whole password get over it most of the reviews mentioning password were people saying they loved the gimmick part of it because the bartender always or sorry the doorman all or the bouncer whatever always in it seemed uh was like okay just look it up on the facebook look it up on the website or said just come in right i don't know so come into my tree fort come into my tree fort here's uh a review by tanya one star of the same place the exterior of the bar was cool looking a black building with a single marquee style r in front center we walk up and quickly realize there is a

password at the door the doorman was a tall semi-attractive sleaze. Probably failed model that couldn't find work in LA so had to fall back on this which would explain his shitty attitude. We didn't know the cool kid code neither did the Kardashian wannabe that walked up sporting her small dog

as her keychain and her even smaller purse. She was let in. We quickly find their password on their Facebook and show our IDs. We are let in and the doorman says to me in a gross, smarmy voice, help yourself to the lemonade. What?

What does that even mean? I am 30 and I'm not drunk, so your attempts to burn me is lost and quickly becomes comical because now I know that you failed basic math. We go inside where the entire Kardashian clan has formed a solid wall of shitty white girl dancing around the bar. That poor dog just being bounced around like a condom wrapper on a bed during prom night.

There would be no consuming of alcoholic beverages here or lemonade. The decor inside was nice. Vintage glass pendant lights and low light to probably hide the bronzer that was undoubtedly been rubbed all over everything. We sat down for 10 seconds and got up and walked out laughing. Great job, R-Bar. End of review. That is... This is one of, like...

It made me so mad reading this. Just everyone in sight had to just throw insults at this is so mean the kind of this mean this is nasty like why i don't know just cruel like a cruel way to speak and they think that they're like above these other people i don't understand also like he probably was legitimately just offering you lemonade right am i wrong about that this place is weird yes i like no i have free lemonade i'm not even kidding like i i know bouncers can be jerks and stuff but like yeah that's a fucking r bar thing like no i assume i'm i'm seriously pretty sure that they have shit like free lemonade and stuff he's like help yourself

to lemonade and she's like what did you just say to me i don't know you think i'm drunk he's probably like now i do i guess i don't know it seemed whoa all of this was unnecessary i mean this is the kind of thing when i hear people talk like this where i have to seriously be like this is something they're dealing with yeah that i should not let affect like i mean obviously not right now but like if someone were talking to me like this or like about me i would just have to be like this is on them like they are dealing with something that is separate from me but don't come at my dog also oh yeah also like what the fuck like okay if the bartender sorry if the bouncer was being rude with his lemonade comment like what did that woman do that you're making mocking constantly yeah that was the whole group of of people dancing they

didn't do anything to them right like no there was nothing negative about like that oh my god there was everything negative but they didn't and oh my god this is the kind of thing where i'm like so mean for no reason bumming the world out. Right? We got enough of that. Have you heard about Russia's planes? I swear to God, if you bring up Russia one more time, this podcast is for you. Have you heard about it? Because like.

I'll probably open my phone and have my New York Times notification about it. Thank you. You know what else? You know what else? Both of these reviewers, these last two reviewers, have commented on the bouncer's attitude problem. And yet, I'm sensing a commonality between these two reviewers that perhaps they have an attitude problem. Themselves, yes. Interesting projection there of like, this guy's's attitude and it's sort of like you just called him a washed up nobody or whatever you know what i mean i'm like a failed model like his attitude he's just trying to do his job here hello like you're lucky didn't deck you i feel like some people you say that too they would probably react a lot more viciously and he's not

even like he's asking for a password because it's his job to do that what like that is and it sets people off so much it's weirdly triggering for people i wonder if they just didn't weren't allowed into the tree fort people were like there's a password for this i was expecting like a speakeasy like nice spot it's like no it's the most divy place but that's why i'm thinking it's like just kind of ironic of them to do it because like yeah you give them the password you go in it's empty and it's a shitty and then they go enjoy the lemonade and you go excuse me and they go no i'm like there's actually lemonade we're just being ironic enjoy the lemonade you know what i think it's a weird place everybody who should who doesn't know the password and gets let in anyway should have to go on stage and take a shot of pickle juice and wine and vodka agreed and just maybe that'll just like calm them down

for well no it won't but maybe maybe give them a shot of like fireball and see if it just at least relaxes them for a minute hopefully god oh okay so then i've got my last one this one actually i want to go to a bar to a speakeasy this one actually... I want to go to a speakeasy. This sounds fun. Well, here's one. There's a speakeasy in Pasadena. It's called The Speakeasy. It's a one-star review by Frank. Instead of telling customers you need a password to enter

or sorry, you're not allowed for whatever reason, as a foreigner from European traveling here, I had no clue you needed a password and therefore got the door slammed in my face by the doorman thank you and good night end of review as a as a traveler from european i feel bad saying that because obviously they're foreign i assume english isn't their first language but that's how they spelled it um but yeah like i i feel like you being european doesn't have to do with knowing the password like anyone could show up and not know that there's a password right right i would show up here and not know that there's a password i

feel like even if i lived in pasadena i probably wouldn't know there was a password at the pasadena speakeasy that one was more just because it fit the challenge yeah i'm not getting in that was really anything that crazy the other two i was like these people are crazy so i want to include them despite it not exactly fitting the challenge these people are harsh in my mellow yeah i was that was harsh well thank you carly that was a fun it was tough though especially because so many people posted like in my search actually upsetting ones no no well a lot there were some that were like talking about the racism behind it that I think were very valid. But then there were some that talked about passwords for their computers or passwords for their accounts for different things. So they'd say, oh, I forgot my Panera password and I'm at Panera right now.

Oh, let me guess what the most common one is. My iCloud password. Well, I guess that probably wouldn't come up on Google. I didn't see that one. That is the one I would imagine most people on this planet lose the most often. I think a lot of people forgetting their phone password just in general. Right. Or their computer passwords and going to a repair place and having them break in.

Forgetting your Panera password is an amateur move because if you have that rewards thing, you can get free coffee. I recommend it highly. Yeah. Your Panera password is your most important one. Forget iCloud. Does the cloud have free pastries every, I don't know, six months? Not that I'm aware of. Maybe.

I might be missing out on something, but I don't think so. I don't know. That's a good point. Thank you. Shall we give our theme and challenge for episode two weeks from now? I really like that. It was a fun challenge. Challenge, actually, a lot.

It was tough, but it was fun. I got really into that wild one about the Kardashian wannabes. That one was just upsetting. That was just really upsetting. You know what? Leave Koreatown alone. They've got a few little hot spots and it's a weird spot they're fun it's koreatown's fun so next week we have uh towing

companies right so we've already had that one planned and and your challenge is to someone who dropped an item in the toilet but still continue to use it i totally didn't remember that thank you for the welcome so then i will give us the theme for the week after that. Great. I was on my stream last night, twitch.tv slash Zandy Schieffer. And I was listening to episode six. We did a re-listen. Oh, yeah.

Me and my lovely people watching. And it was the Waffle Houses in Atlanta,anta georgia and i said like they were so wild and i said we barely scraped the surface of waffle how waffle homes waffle homes and waffle homes to you i think we should do it again i would suggest that it too love to because also i i assume you already said this but uh ikea ikea sorry i'm still trying to buy my bear and it's not letting me um but waffle houses in atlanta specifically we did and they were so bananas that like if we expand yeah we could have people who are like oh let me check my local waffle house or ones we've been to so i'm very excited for for Waffle Homes in general. And I have a challenge for you that week.

This comes from Harvey and Leah from Toronto. It was sent in a long time ago. And I was just in Toronto. So hello. Hello to you. It was lovely. So this is their challenge. Find positive reviews of a novelty food item that is meant to be disgusting.

So their examples are clamdy canes and pickle pops oh dear jesus but there's all sorts of weird stuff like jungle gym sells everything right there's like scorpion like lollipops weird shit like that ants i don't know yeah there's some gross so uh things where people are like oh this is actually quite tasty or i don't know okay yeah i don't know if anything funny also people like to be that person that's like well i like this you know crickets are full of protein gross okay uh so anyway i don't know anything slightly entertaining you find i'll take it okay well it's funny i also have some someone from toronto for your challenge wait for real i'm not even kidding oh that's weird

sorry your theme is next so give us a theme for next week. Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. The theme- That's my challenge. Sorry. Came from multiple people, Taylor, Jenny, and Abigail, and it's cat cafes. Cute.

We've never done that. No, I don't. Yeah, that's surprising. I know. I feel like that's a really good theme. You did a challenge once. Yeah, that sounds familiar. People who are allergic to cats, I think.

Oh, yeah. Something like that. Okay. What's my challenge from Toronto? Your challenge is from Danielle They Them, who, I love this one. to cats i think oh yeah something like that okay what's my challenge from toronto your challenge is from danielle they them who uh i love this one positive reviews of a product that either broke or it didn't work as intended oh so uh their suggestion was they said maybe they repurposed it into some funky art project or something or just really any way that they might they repurposed it into some funky art project or something, which is really any way that they might have repurposed.

Right. They said, oh, well, it broke, but or they say, oh, well, I use it for blank. I like this. I think this could lead to some fun things. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

I'm excited for that. And then they say, hope you're having a groovy day. That's so nice. I'm having a lovely groovy day. I'm going to get my big brown, my 100 centimeter brown bear. Can't wait. Fingers crossed it actually happens.

I think I accidentally ordered it 19 times, though. And they still don't know who I am. Well, that one person wanted to replace their bed with these bears. So why don't you try that? I might. A great idea. Good.

All right. Thanks for listening, everyone. Thanks, everyone. We'll talk to you next week. Bye.