Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 18: Comedy Clubs in Hartford, CT

Episode Date: March 27, 2019

This week, Lisa Lampanelli graces us with her voice... and a plea to our beautiful listeners. This is followed by plenty of tallywagging from Alex and hooting from Christine. And we cap it all off with the discovery of... ANTIMONTY! No garlic fries here, just misery and displeasure. Enjoy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. Hello, I am Christine. Hello, I am Alex. How are you?

I'm doing so great. How are you? I'm fabulous. I listened to the episode that released today about hospitals in Boston, the day that we're recording this, I mean, sorry. And I realized how much I talk about drugs and how clearly I know very little about drugs. And I want to clarify, the whole time I'm blabbing on about drugs and I'm like, I like to clarify I know literally nothing about drugs. I'm like, oh, well, if someone was on cocaine and... You said you would want someone who's on cocaine or adderall to give you an ivy i don't really know where i or stick a needle in you i think it was like something very i was driving down the street today like what the hell is wrong with me and then i was going on about how blaze's

mom being a nurse and then she texted later like oh heard my shout out and i was like oh yeah and you were just at the hospital taking those drugs right or something that same day that day that might have been why oh i was on i was on an iv earlier that day there you go that's true it was that day i'm pretty sure that's weird um anyway so yeah i just realized i feel like it was like as if i was going on as if i'm like some cool street yeah i don't know what that was you got a special version i'm like what the hell do i know about edibles like i don't even know what i'm talking about yeah you're like oh well if they're on edibles they should do edibles so they don't smell i don't know what i was talking like

yeah neither did i but i went along with it pretty well i think i did pretty well i'm like i was sitting over your bug i'd like what is she saying what is going on i'm just gonna roll with it i just was like i don't love the way that i presented myself in the episode so just a slight correction corner for myself well by the end i was uh a little bit it had messed with me and what did the episode recording oh because by the end and after you gave me the theme oh yeah it wasn't until today after i got all my notes ready that i realized that i had the theme wrong because i listened i was like that's not the theme i gave you i just listened to the episode yep so it's gonna be a fun time guys i was. Okay so what is the real theme? Right so the

theme that I gave you was comedy clubs in Hartford, Connecticut and what did you do? I did comedy clubs in New Haven, Connecticut. Which is funny because when you texted me like oh there aren't many I was like that's so weird why would I pick New Haven? There were like two right I'm like god why would she do this? however to be fair there were like three in hartford yeah so it wasn't much better but but at least there were more than two so we didn't have to just split them up one to one right anyway so i i actually did find one in hartford you did yeah i found a few one one of them is in rhode island spoiler alert uh i just kind of went on my own little tour of the Northeast. One of mine's in Rhode Island.

Oh, wait, no, it's in New Hampshire. Never mind. It's even worse. We're all over the place. We had three different states. Okay, well. We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens.

I do remember the challenge I gave you. It was to find a review of a Hooters. Oh, yeah. Did you remember or no? I do. A review of a Hooters. Oh, yeah. Did you remember or no? I do. A review of a Hooters where someone mentioned a medical procedure. Correct, yeah.

Okay, so that I did. Okay, good. What if I was like, oh, I thought you said a Chick-fil-A. Never mind. I don't know. That's not a funny joke. Sorry. I've had a really long day.

I know. Okay. I'm so sorry. It's okay. You go ahead day. I know. Okay. I'm so sorry. It's okay. You go ahead now. I want to hear your... No, you go first. Oh, shit. Okay.

Yeah, right. I know. Okay. Tell me about the nice reviews you found all over the Northeast. Okay. So, the first review that I have is actually a review about us. About who? About us. About who? About us, our show.

Like ours? Yeah. So, I happened to hear from a Connecticut comedian named Lisa Lampanelli. Oh, no. And she had something to say. I have not even listened to this yet. Oh, my God. So, you have like the audio?

Yeah. So, I'm just going to play it for you and then we can insert it. Yeah. Okay. Does that work? I haven't listened to it. So sorry in advance. Hey, it's Lisa Lampanelli here.

When I was the queen of mean, I would have said something like, I give beach to sandy water to wet zero stars. Now though, I'm the queen of meaning. So I'd say something like like please send compassion and hope to the peach too sandy water too wet podcast they'll get better love and light namest oh my god oh my i love it i hadn't heard it before oh my god anyway so that was her response to us doing connecticut oh that's hilarious oh my goodness oh it's always so nice to hear from you lisa oh just always so great i appreciate it so much anyway so that's the kind words of queen of meaning um now that she's uh really brought us touched our hearts touched our hearts uh brought us into the theme here we go this is a review of

the hartford funny bone this is by katie it is one star one star is too generous some girl was running around telling people not to use their phones. I get that, but I was texting my husband, not taking a picture. So back off because you can clearly see the phone in my lap, not in my face. Then the performers are signing shirts, blocking the exit. Get the fuck out of my way. I want to go home. End of review. It just got like so aggressive at the end god and towards the performers like that i've never like all the reviews were usually oh the performance was great

yes that was really good for my heart that most of the because i was really having a time they're complaining about like the food and the tip and or like the required tip or stuff and i just got back from literally performing in three comedy clubs and then i started reading all these one-star reviews and it just was not good for my psyche this morning so i uh i went the opposite direction for the last two oh no same direction is what i meant to say you're like these are really positive and then you read them again you're like never mind i didn't even read in my skin then i saw like buzzwords uh one of them is perverted so get ready yeah when i think perverted my initial initial thought

positive positive capital p uh so so what i mean by that is that i went the route of finding people who hated the performers oh yeah yeah which i found more they're more entertaining they're more entertaining i skipped so many where i read half of it and it's just complaining about the food the prices was cold yeah exactly or like the there was so many that were like there's i will give one star to the performance otherwise it would, otherwise I would give zero. But I'll give you them once. I'm like, you can't give them zero. Have you not learned this?

Come on. Okay. That's not how this works. Well, so there's this one place. This is the one that was in New Hampshire by accident. I thought it said Manchester, Connecticut. It did not. It said Manchester, New Hampshire.

It was a sponsored one. Yeah. So I just clicked on it and not it said Manchester New Hampshire it was a sponsored one yeah uh so I just clicked on it and read it um this is a one-star view of a place called Palace Theater now technically they do a lot of theater believe it or not look I looked at everything because I thought we were only doing it New Haven I looked at every theater in New Haven oh okay there's only like two that were uh comedy clubs and one was permanently closed. Oh, yeah. So. Same.

Yeah. Okay, cool. So then this is of Palace Theater in Manchester, New Hampshire by Janice. One star. Last night, October 20th, 2016. A day that will live in infamy. Love how they're so specific. Very.

I love how they're so specific. Very. Last night, October 20th, 2016, I was invited to a pre-show of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Do you know what that is? No, I do not. Okay, I looked it up. I'm saving my reaction. It's a comedy musical from the 80s.

Okay. Sort of like a country comedy musical type thing. Right up my alley. Like a little raunchy, I think. Well, you'll see. You think? Perverted with a P. Oh, yeah.

I was hesitant to attend a show with that title, but was assured that The Palace only allows shows that are in good taste. I also looked up the description of the show, which really downplayed what was going to happen. The show, for me, was utterly disgusting. With too much partial nudity. Partial. Oh my god. So wait, does that mean not enough full nudity?

That's a good point. That's a good point. That's a good point. Now who's perverted with a capital P? Too much partial nudity. Bad language using God's name in vain. Despicable content and a story that was deplorable. I hated it. And I never used the word hate.

I highly doubt that if I had my own car what a bizarre thing to mention okay I guess I don't know what's coming next but that shouldn't come up in your review if I had my own car I would have left after the first scene how'd they get oh they went with friends i guess okay take a lift it was two years ago filthy lewd perverted management should be ashamed for running this kind of show

end of review oh my gosh that you know management like of all the types of reviews that's the last one management's really going to care about. I mean, I think. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They don't want Janice to be at the show. Exactly. They don't want people like that going to their shows.

People without cars, is that what you're saying? Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Because, you know, those parking prices, they don't want people carpooling. No. They want the parking money. No Uber at the Palace Theater.

Oh, my gosh. That is just ridiculous. I never use the parking money. No Uber at the Palace Theater. Oh my gosh. That is just ridiculous. I never use the word hate. But they see the word Texas and they're like, this is going to be... Clean fun. Clean, God-loving fun. Yeah. Gun-toting, clean, God-loving fun.

I wonder what they think about the vagina monologues or something. Oh, can you even imagine that? I've never seen it. You haven't? I've only seen it once, but it is hilariously good. But also, Janice would not approve. I was listening to public radio recently, and a comedian told a story of how he was actually almost in his high school's production of the vagina monologues.

It was actually really funny, the story, but it was really interesting. So it was a monologue about the vagina monologues? Yes, it was. Why was he not in the... Oh, because he's a manologue about the vagina monologues yes it was how what why was he not in the oh because he's a man yeah well that was the plan was he was in this uh another woman like he and this woman um i guess they were in high school they were children i guess sure i don't know how old they were but they were funny they were high schoolers he and another high schoolers they were the uh presidents of the drama club. Oh.

And his co-president suggested vagina monologues, even though there were men in their drama club. Right. And he was led first all aboard. And he was like, okay. And then some people backed down. They were like, well, it's like women should be really running this. Oh, sure. And he was like, he ended up siding with them and not really running this oh and he was like he ended up siding with them and not his co-president who was like i think everyone should do this like it's

okay and so this is really interesting and like a unique perspective and apparently then she did his monologue and killed it or something so i was like okay anyway yeah um nice subtle humble brag about listening to public radio i see uh except not this week because it's their fundraising oh the fundraisers are so fun and it's like i really know i should and i really shouldn't complain about it it gets blaze every single year i just stopped listening to it it gets me too and then blaze and i both have npr socks so thanks npr this year it's a lunch box oh like lunch and i haven't donated though they haven't gotten me yet they will we're gonna have so many fucking lunch boxes

oh god okay anyway sorry yes continue so this is the final one now this is really what i came for with this topic this is by d it's a city of City Steam Brewery Cafe in Hartford, which has a comedy club in the basement called Brew Ha Ha, which I love the name of. That's amazing. Like brew, like a beer. Thank you. That's for the audio audience.

Okay. Okay. One star by Dee. Make sure you don't have any food when these comedians come out. They are the lowest of the low. I don't know what that means, by the way. Oh, that they're the lowest of the low? That they don't have any food.

Oh, they don't go into it? They don't explain it? No. I'm thinking it's like a Gallagher show who smashes watermelon. Oh, don't be eating watermelon. He jumped out took their watermelon smash with a hammer i think it means sort of like uh it was that all of the review no there's more sorry there's a lot more no i think it probably means like it was uh

lowbrow like uh what uh janice's problem was oh something to vomit at yes i see the word vomit actually is in this review so oh you're really killing it i am tonight make sure you don't have any food when these comedians come out they are the lowest of the low nothing funny just absolute degraded nonsense save your money go upstairs to the bar and make great friends with something to laugh about nobody was laughing downstairs i'm all about jokes i have spent endless hours watching all sorts of comedy on tv you have to say if you have to say that if you have to explain it there was a guy at the airport one time who told me oh yeah i could do that when i told him what i did and i was like okay well then stop talking to me you're the one who approached me. And he was like, yeah, I watch so much TV.

I watch so many comedy specials. What a bizarre. He goes, I could tell you what's funny in like five seconds and what's not. And I was like, congratulations. To be fair, since my experience watching Grey's Anatomy, I do believe I can trach someone with a ballpoint pen. Is that why Blaze stopped talking to you? We have our own Grey's Anatomy in our house.

It's just called Everyone's Pissed Off. True. Okay. Sorry. Keep going. I'm all about jokes. I spent endless hours. I can't get through this.

This is so bad. I'm all about jokes. jokes fucking what does that even mean you are a joke d good one dad i'm all about jokes spent endless hours watching all sorts of comedy the mc jessica was the worst thing ever since vomit he is all about jokes who invented vomit wow gosh Her idea of funny makes herpes look hysterical. Oh, God. I don't... End of review.

That's it? Yeah. I'm pretty sure that this person spent definitely several legal pads just scribbling that last joke, trying to find the perfect. And they did not find it. No. It's safe to say they didn't. Nothing perfect about that one. It's safe to say they didn't. Nothing perfect about that one.

It's safe to say they didn't. God. Thanks, Dee. Now, if only we had a nice little meta thing going on where Lisa reviewed all these reviews. This would be fun. Oh, that would be fun. Next time she's here, we'll make her... We'll trap her in here.

Yeah. All right, so that's all I have for comedy clubs in various regions surrounding the general area of connecticut what do you have i have a few here um my first is a review from joel of the joker's wild comedy club in new haven connecticut cool and it's not just cool. It's the coolest. Okay. The reason I have this one not actually planned. But apparently this was where Lisa had her first

ever show. Are you fucking with me? I'm not. What? How do you know that? An interview she did with Vulture. Oh shit. And I actually have a quote from Lisa. Stop it it this is like the episode yeah and she said i loved my first show i was so conceited after that i called in sick to my day job i was like i'm not gonna need a day job anytime soon of course i needed it for seven

years oh my god lisa well so this is a review of it's permanently closed now but this doesn't need that day yeah not not anymore we can all stop feeling bad for her i still need mine um so here's a review from joel of uh joker's wild comedy club from five years ago so who knows maybe lisa was there no yeah i mean reading this we'll see okay terrible comedy oh baby she was there i'm just kidding lisa okay aids oh lou gehrig's disease children dying in fires terrible food weak drinks two drink minimum and they demand a credit card to hold all night and a review hold on wait wait wait i'm trying to like separate fact from fiction here which part is the children dying in a fire is that part of the comedy routine good question i really don't

understand if they're saying oh it was terrible comedy about it was not a good transition from that into credit cards and weak drinks like those three things are definitely things that lisa for sure jokes about yeah i know that's why i kind of was like lisa might be involved oh my god that's so funny yeah can you list them again? All I remember is Lou Gehrig's disease. And children dying. Well, the only one you're forgetting is AIDS. Oh, God! AIDS, Lou Gehrig's disease, children dying in fires. Yeah, this is literally Lisa's comedy routine.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I thought so. I haven't seen it in a while, but... Unless someone's really ripping her off, man. Well, Joel doesn't like Lisa. Joel? What the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, her off, man. Well, Joel doesn't like Lisa. Joel? What the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, come on, Joel.

All right, I'm sure. Although, I'm pretty sure Janice would love Lisa, so I think we're fine. Now I have a little quicker one from, of the Fox Theater. Okay. In Ledyard, Connecticut. Ledyard? L-E-D-Y-A-R-D. I found with American cities, you just want to say them as quick as possible.

It's like Louisville. You don't say Louisville, you say Louisville. It's like Worcester. There you go. Or, I don't know, all those ones in frickin' middle of nowhere, Iowa. Ledyard, Connecticut is my guess. Love them. This is from Kathy. Review of the Fox Theater, one star.

Never went. End of review. What? I don't know. Never went? That's the review. Oh, no. Yep.

Kathy. I know Kathy. Come on. Get it together. One star? No, and that was their only review of like any places only review no no no sorry kathy's only review that she's ever written so she she doesn't specifically let everyone know all of the places that she has never been exactly just just this fox theater what in god's name okay and now for my Rhode Island review. This is of the Allura in Westerly, Rhode Island by Shania. Okay. One star.

Absolutely terrible. Customers at the comedy show followed us outside and put their hands on us for no reason. We were there for five minutes and left once our Uber arrived. I do not feel safe going back there. Their coffee smelled burnt. End of review. Oh my god! What the fuck?

Yeah, I was like, oh my god, what is going on? I was getting invested for sure. And then they end with, their coffee smelled burnt. That felt like a Quentin Tarantino movie. I'm like, now what are we talking about? Isn't that like a sign of a stroke yes so burnt smell uh-huh shania you okay bud well this is some investigative journalism it's the thing is that we've learned see the thing you guys is that we've learned a lot about medicine after last week after i insulted my

entire in-in-law family in-laws that's not we don't we haven't we haven't conquered the english language but we have conquered medicine finally it's about time uh that's the end of my now we're conquering comedy as you can very much comedy routine right we're experts so hmm let's quit our day jobs what's next for us quit our day jobs like lisa did okay seven years from now i will okay let's see what we've got is it time for my uh challenge it's time for some hooters who are you talking to stop didn't you make that joke last week i was banking on the fact that no one listened all the way to the end but yes okay because i definitely didn't listen it didn't play well last time so i thought maybe i'd try one more time okay this is a review of so the challenge was to find a review of a hooters that mentions a medical procedure

yes and you said what about um the obvious the obvious breast enhancement and i said please don't if you can avoid it um you're better than that yeah i mean at least you can try to prove that you are. So here I am, proving that I am. Bring it. This is by SS. Questionable name. Didn't really realize that until now. Of the Hooters in St. Louis, five stars. We traveled to St. Louis for a surgery and stayed at Hotel Next Door,

the young one of the bunch 13 wanted hooters my 80s see when i was 13 yeah i wanted hooters but i would never have admitted it like i'd be way too shy and embarrassed to like actually be like oh we should go to hooters like this 13 year old is killing it. Not even if my 83 year old grandmother had never been. So essentially the 13 year old has talked to the entire extended family, including 83 year old grandma, into going to Hooters.

So you're right. He's a baller, I guess. Yeah, this kid's living it. You know, he bragged about it all when he went back to school. What did you do this summer? Well, my grandma and I went to Hooters and someone had a medical procedure mom had surgery but grandma and i went was it are you sure are we sure this isn't part of make a wish oh my god it could be i just want to go to hooters i want to see boobies okay i'm sorry why do i do this i'm sorry. Why do I do this? I'm sorry. I regret it. The young one of the bunch, 13, wanted Hooters.

My 83-year-old grandmother had never been. Our server was Mariah, and she was just awesome. Great friendly service and tips about the area. All restaurants should be so lucky to have such an attentive and friendly server. Our glasses of tea were never empty. Food was good. But but honestly mariah made it the best end of review thank you mariah i just thought that was odd the whole thing struck me as odd yeah because because it was okay glad it's not just me yeah it's funny that when i listen to these reviews now and like or listen to ourselves discussing these yeah i think of that um twitter

account someone started the beach to sandy out of context thing that one's fun by the way yeah like they tweeted today yikes is what my point is i don't even remember that but i was like you know why i cracked up when i was listening to that episode in the car today as i got like a twitter notification that they tweeted that and I had just said that. I was like, what a stupid thing to say. And then like maybe 15 minutes later, that thing arrived on my phone. Yikes. Because I was going on and I was like, well, my point is, and then I like didn't have a

fucking point. I think I was talking about health insurance. I didn't know what the, probably drugs. I was probably talking about drugs and pretending like i knew what drugs are anyway yeah but so yeah that's a funny twitter account someone created follow that it's uh at water too wet ooc oh that's fun yeah okay so i didn't know the handle okay so this is a review of Hooters in Dublin, California. Where the hell is that?

I don't know, honestly. Okay. This is by Wendy. It's one star. Also, almost every word is first letter capitalized, just to give you kind of a... I need that. A little taste. Important to know. It is.

And the award for the worst waitress goes to Sonia T. This dumb blonde was clueless. That's every capital T. Well, clueless like the movie. Right. Oh, sure. T-D-B-C is what I always say. One would think you have a table filled with children. You would get them in and out as fast as possible but oh no not this clueless dimwit that actually had the nerve to even follow me and the children out thinking that we were trying to skip out on a bill when in fact we had two people that were still waiting at the table for the bill and it still took her 20 minutes to get the bill after chasing after me food was bland and tasteless

and portioned very weak and that come from someone that had recently had gastric bypass surgery ding ding ding that's beautiful danny the manager was very friendly and tried to help but he had too many things going on to do everything i gave them one star for danny manager and the clean bathrooms. So a half star each. Yeah, right. Danny should feel really good about himself. Yeah, that makes Danny feel great, huh? He gets enough star for a bathroom.

My advice to Sonia is get out of the serve industry and get a clue. Like the movie Clue. Right. Wow, this person watches comedy. Extremely cultured. This was a hard review for me to write. No, it was not. Since I rarely ever write a bad review.

End of review. I did click on Wendy and she's a big big fat liar she writes a lot of one star reviews yeah oh yeah mostly about uh that's one of my least favorite cliches i hate them all but that one's pretty down this was hard for me to write no it wasn't you had a blast you capitalized every word and you you don't have to like no like you're not changing anything in the world right you're adding to this podcast right you're changing big things in the way of never mind keep it up yeah actually wendy we love what you're doing you're doing great i i don't know i don't know what is there to know i didn't even understand half of what she was saying. Now, I didn't want to be unfair.

I covered Hooters. And then I was like, why don't we cover one more chain? Buffalo Wild Wings. No, it's called Twin Peaks. Oh, I have heard of it. Okay. I've never been. It is another boob reference.

Yeah. Okay. So, there's that. Okay. So, I learned a lot today. I've never been to a Hooters nor have i been to a twin peaks there is also a such thing as tilted kilt yes i have heard of that one i assumed was men because a kilt but no apparently it is more of naked women like field hockey sure or just like

naked women oh right so yes in field hockey skirts correct um so there was one for men i tried to find something like i was like oh it'd be funny to do hooters and then like and there was one called tally whackers that hooters opened is that where i got that nickname stop it that that hooters opened oh it was like a? Yeah, Hooters tried to open it and then it immediately closed. Because nobody went. So I guess boobs sell better than apps? I don't know. Okay, so then Tallywackers?

Let's dive into this sometime on our NPR show. I think we're going to make big bucks at our fundraiser. All right, so this is maybe my new favorite uh character that we've had okay yeah this is a good he's a contender anyway he doesn't beat top hat man but he's a contender what about monty he's like on the level of monty but like the bad negative one okay like it's the anti-monty the anti-monty oh i'm ready okay i. Oh, I'm ready. Okay, I'm ready. Oh, I'm so excited. Unseasoned fries. Okay, I'm sorry.

Here we go. This is Lance. Oh, of course. Lance, yeah. I'm going to tell you all about Lance. Okay. I'm going to just grab my wine. This is a review of Twin Peaks in Wheeling, Illinois.

Four stars. Okay, so this is not gourmet food. It's bar food. But I am not understanding any negative reviews. First, the ladies, while unbelievably attractive, are completely aware that they are in a venue that also has children in it, which, while counterintuitive, really works.

Is that not the most fucked up thing you've ever heard don't ask me why oh i won't we really won't anyways i've been here two to three times before once not knowing it is a hooter slash twisted kilt twisted kilt type place i came and actually liked the food but so he didn't even they came? He showed up and was like, this is Casual Friday, what's going on here? Allegedly. Allegedly. I came and actually liked the food, but really liked the outdoor patio here. You need to remember this part. But really liked the outdoor patio here, which is shelters and shielded

by the wind. Also, if no one is around, you can sneak out the gate to smoke. But today I just stopped by for one reason. I had heart surgery 11 days ago. That's a big one. I like how he's talking about how you can sneak out to smoke. And then he's like, anyway, I just had heart surgery. But today I just stopped by for one reason. I had heart surgery 11 days ago, and while I am feeling great,

I heard that seeing women's breasts reduces stress and decreases your chance of a heart attack. Where? Is this part of our hard-hitting NPR show? A crackdown investigative report. On tallywaggers? So who am I to argue with research? Anyways, I had the wild-caught, yes, they advertise it that way, wild-caught black and

tattic tacos, and damn, but they rocked. Not only did my eyes have a heart-healthy lunch lunch but so did my stomach and taste buds oh i was worried no he's gonna mention something else it went it went in the way of tummy okay end of review uh that upset me i hated it yeah um i will add i just want to give you some clarity on who lance really is no i need you to know because i have to know lance nix who's that former reds player no lance armstrong actually um okay so i want to reveal a little bit about lance um his profile photo is himself on the cover of a law magazine but it's a photo of a photo like a blurry photo yeah i think it's lance they didn't give

them the original no i don't think so no you don't get this um and then uh he posted alongside i'm just like kind of trying to get a taste of like what's going on here in his head taste of lance hop on down to tally waggers get a taste of lance oh it's so disgusting okay it's the worst thing since vomit was invented so he posted a picture with this review a picture of what i assumed to be his motorcycle oh my god what is going on here like a very large motorcycle attached to this so first there was a picture of the blackened haddock tacos oh okay then a picture of his motorcycle and the caption was who wants to ride here this weekend what like attached to this review why i don't know and that was it what a unique character whoever needs some heart

healthy lunch you are very right about this being the anti-Monty. That is everything. I heard that seeing woman's breasts reduces stress and decreases your chance of a heart attack. He was not kidding either. He was not being ironic. That's a real thing? Well, I don't know, but he very seriously took it. He took it seriously. Maybe that's why Tallywaggers closed.

It was causing heart attacks. It's the opposite effect. I know it's not called Tallywaggers, but that's all I can think of in my mind. I'm pretty sure that's a pet store. Tailwaggers? Oh, yeah, that's what I'm thinking of. Oh, you guys. Better than children running around.

What? Am I like the pets? I don't know. Oh, I thought we were still talking about Tallywaggers. Well, yeah, were children allowed there? i don't know i thought we're still talking about tally whackers well yeah we're children alone there i don't okay i okay i'm done well he said that that works for him pretty well so true so who am i to who are you who am i to argue with research who ters who are you who ters are okay okay. Everyone quit. How about I tell everyone where they can find us? Then I'm going to give an amazing five-star review from a listener. Great. I'm super excited about my challenge for you. Yeah, then we're going to listen to that. I'm super excited. So stay tuned,

everybody. You can find us on Instagram and Twitter at Beach2Sandy. Our Facebook is Beach2SandyWater2Wet. Send us an email at Beach2Sandy at gmail.com. Our website is Beach2Sandy.com. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com slash Beach2Sandy. Subscribe to our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash c slash Beach2SandyWater2Wet. And you can buy our merch at shop.spreadshirt.com slash beach2sandy. Yay. That was tough.

Okay. That's a lot. I know. I need to fix that. Time for me to read a review from Daniela. Daniela. I don't know. Daniela?

Why are you saying it like you're German? Because it's a German thing. That's the only one I know is said that way. And maybe this is them. I don't know. Could be. Okay. Title is, I love it.

Christine has the voice of an angel through my headphones. And Alex, the voice of a pegasus. So majestic. So soothing. I just never want the episodes to end. Because when they do, my soul cries into the depths of Hades, where it circles around the underworld waiting for the next episode to air. End of review.

It's wonderful. I loved the review, but I hated you reading it. Oh, I know. Is that a lie? That's kind of the idea. I really, my ears were cringing. Do I sound like a pegasus? Like a horse? Do horse do i sound like an angel no i'm always like cackling that's true you maybe sound like a pegasus i could see that yeah a little cherub i look like one i

know okay so i am gonna give us our theme for next week. Okay. This is actually very widely suggested. Really? So, I'm actually not going to, I'm going to be a jerk and not name any names because it was, there's so many people. And it was like variations of this. But I've decided to go with this. Keep it kind of general. The theme for next week is coffee shops in seattle washington oh yeah some people said starbucks some people said everything but starbucks got it and since that's

where starbucks started oh i'm so excited i decided to do coffee shops so we have the choice we can find starbucks or we can find okay coffee shops i just went to seattle for the first time like two or three weeks ago i still have never been i've been to washington many times now never seattle you went to the squirrel bridge i've been to longview many times yeah so i went to a coffee shop in seattle and i felt very uncomfortable because i felt like i wasn't cool enough seattle enough yeah yeah yeah um and i was just so awkward and i feel like what's cool in seattle is grunge still a thing i mean it wasn't where i was i'm sure it is still a thing? I mean, it wasn't where I was. I'm sure it is still a thing. Okay. It's whatever I'm not.

Are you where all the tech people were? It was kind of like millennial whatever. Yeah. I just really felt like I was in a wrong spot. And then I had to Google. The wrong kind of millennial. I did a stupid thing and I Googled what the Wi-Fi password was and I found it in a Yelp review. Because I was too like. come in handy they were too intimidating

to go ask oh that's why yeah at the counter oh I would do that yeah and I didn't want to lose my spot I don't know I was very overwhelmed okay so that doesn't matter my challenge for you is find a review in which someone is upset that people were being too nice. God, that's a good one. Okay, that's unique. I'm just so over all the reviews that are like, rude.

Yeah. Everyone is rude. Yeah. All I was trying to do was pee all over their floor and they were so rude. So someone where someone was too nice. Right. They were unhappy that someone was. Yeah, they were so rude. So someone where someone was too nice. Right. They were, they were unhappy that someone.

Yeah, they were. Yeah. Okay. Whatever you take that to mean. Yeah. I have no idea right now, but I have a full week to think about it. Cool. That's good.

Okay. Okay. Good one. I love it for this one. Yeah. Okay. Me too. All right. We'll catch that one next week and we will see you then.

Okay. Bye guys. Bye everyone.