Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 181: Reviews of Waffle Houses

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

We revisit one of our favorite places and learn about a few new places, including the International House of Bologna! Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tour Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer New merch including an EEK! pin!!! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I am your host, Zandy. We are here today to discuss... Waffle Homes? Our favorite. Thank goodness. Okay. I just had a moment. We had just been talking back and forth about this episode, but never specifically that

it's Waffle Houses. And I had this moment of, wait, did I mess up again? That would have been... To combine Waffle House episode or reviews with any other topic. Cat cafes, for example. Oh, my. Which will be next week. Weirdly might be a good crossover.

Yeah. But we'll find out. Yeah. But it would be bad if it went poorly because next week would then also be a combo. Same combo. Waffle House, cat cafes. We're committed. We're pot committed at this point.

Yeah. And then my challenge was from Harvey and Leah, who wanted me to find positive reviews of a novelty food item that's meant to be disgusting. Oh. You're like, what? I was like, what did we talk about? Oh, yeah. Like a clam popsicle.

Yeah. I did not look that up. That sounds gross. I mean, I know that's a point of what I'm doing, but I found some things. Okay. Good. Good. Good.

Good. Like those jelly bellies. I found some things. Okay. Trying, good, good. Like those jelly bellies. I found some things. Okay, okay. Trying to spoil my bean boozled reviews. Bean boozled. Oh, boy. Good times.

Good times. First, though, we would like to say we're doing a very exciting thing. We are releasing a pin. You know, you love our pins. We've had some classics. We're releasing those every other month this is so exciting like our dream yeah we mentioned it to um our merch folks dftba and um they were like oh yeah totally we'll do it and we were like wait what we could have just like thrown this out there

encouraging us to do it it's exciting lucas who does our merger uh he he i just sounded like i just said our merger which does our murder no i sound now it sounds like murder but i it sounded like i said merger like we were some sort of white collar enthusiasts but what i meant can you tell i haven't worked in an office in 10 years white collar enthusiasts over at wall street okay um our Our friend Luke is on Wall Street. He designs the pins and they're so good. He did the pig wine pin, which I never got one. I should have asked for one, but it's probably too late now. Oh, yeah.

Y'all probably made it sell out so quickly. They did sell out. And now the newest one is an Eek pin. My least favorite thing ever. It's Eek with a cruise ship. It's so cool. It's so good. He just sent it to us and we were like,

go for it. Yeah. And we already have a few like on the back end that we're very excited to release. So I don't know. That's just kind of

a fun little update on our end. What's the website? Go to bit.ly slash beach2sandymerch. Yep. That sounds right. Or go to our site beach2sandy.com

and I think click shop at the top. Either one will get you there. Yeah, very excited about that one. This is, yeah, it's going to keep happening. So always be ready. It's the first of the month, I believe, every month. So May 1st was the EEC pin, and then we'll get a new one in July.

I'm so excited. Can I make a little self-promotion plug? You can. So I wrote a book. It's called A Haunted Road Atlas. plug you can so i wrote a book um it's called a haunted road atlas and uh i would love it if you all checked it out if you're interested at all in any like spooky stories or um like travel it's like a travel guide but although if you're not or if you're not because i who don't i don't listen to your podcast anymore i was one of the og listeners but sure you were like the hipster

before it was cool you know yeah i was like not shocked I mean I expected a great quality thing but that damn the book yeah isn't it fantastic that's another thing like the pins where I'm like oh wow they just like we obviously wrote the thing but then they delivered this like gorgeous it has flaps yeah and I'm on the flap wow I know and we had this illustrator named jack who did like such a good job with all the illustrations little avatars uh little fun facts a little trivia it's all it's a road trip game it's it's very fun and i'm very proud of it um and it comes out may 31st but if you pre-order it um there are signed copies online um on our website and that's where you're.com and some other stuff so i don't know if you're interested uh

check it out if you're not interested check it out and uh that's about all i've got to say you know what i think that was uh that was pretty good promo thank you um waffle house let's do it you go first yes okay so the first one i have is from nicole she her hers uh and this is a waffle house in fayetteville arkansas and nicole, the main reason I had to send this is because it reminds me of Karma Back to You. And of course, I was intrigued. So it did not disappoint. Here's a two-star review.

And this is, I believe, on a website out of 10. Like, I don't remember. I think it's Zomato. Zomato. Oh, yeah. Zomato, Zomato. It's all the same. So this is by Bob, and it's a two-star review.

And Bob, his profile picture is kind of like a wine glass looking a little snarky. So I feel like he was bound to be disappointed by the quality of Waffle House no matter what. It's a snarky looking wine glass? The wine glass has a face? Okay. Yeah. The wine glass kind of has like little like attitude eyes. Is it full or empty?

It's full. Oh. Yeah. It's full. He has one review and zero followers. Zamedo gives me this kind of information. So this is a two-star review left in 2012. Employees that worked on September 15, 2012 need to be fired.

I attempted to place a to-go order as I am a busy businessman. Sounds like what I called myself as a kid playing pretend. Sounds like what I call Lucas, our Wall Street merger investor. Oh my God. A busy businessman is the funniest thing. Busy businessman. I don't think any actual businessman who's busy has ever called themselves that. But alas, here we go.

I attempted to place a to-go order as I am a busy businessman who works late hours. When I attempted to place a to-go order, I overheard the lady who answered the phone tell her male co-worker, this person wants to place a to-go order. The male employee then said, tell him to call back. The female worker then denied my ability to order a breakfast over the phone. I realize we live in a college community, but this slacker, lazy, unprofessional mentality of attempting to wezzle out of work does not fly in 2012. This is the era of internet reviews. I'm sorry, but if you can't take the heat buddy get

out of the kitchen work karma come back peace whoa how do they spell weasel weasel uh was a lot of work w-e-z-z-l-e what is that what they thought they thought they're a busy businessman okay they don't have time for highfalutin words. Typos, grammar. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Out the window. Oh my gosh. I want this person to stay out of my kitchen. Am I right, folks?

If you can't take the heat, buddy. It suddenly turned capitals, as you could tell by my inflection. If you can't take the heat, buddy, get out of the kitchen. Period. Work, karma, come back. Period. Peace. What does it mean?

No one knows. I don't, yeah, I don't think, this businessman is too busy to even know what this means. To wezzle out of work. To wezzle out of the... Zero votes for helpful, zero comments. End of review. Yeah, it was not helpful, you're right. Yeah.

Huh. They denied my ability to order breakfast. They denied my ability. It's a lot of work. It sounds like they took his powers from him. Really? You know, it sounds as if some sort of supernatural force from this Waffle House drained him of his powers through the phone. It just zapped his powers as a busy businessman.

So dramatic. so dramatic my first one is from uh chris he him uh says had to read this a few times to figure out what was going on oh well those are the best i'd like you to write back in let me know what is going on unless we come up with something here oh right because the implication is that they he did figure out what it is figuring it out but i have not figured it out. So this is of the Waffle House in Willoughby, Ohio. Oh, where's that at? Up near Cleveland. It's northeast of Cleveland a little bit. It's like just outside Cleveland.

So this is by Harry, one star. And there is not a comma, period, exclamation point, or... Okay, there is not a single punctuation piece of punctuation punctuation mark punctuation mark there's there is no punctuation there's simply no punctuation there's simply literally none as one would expect from a busy businessman like such as harry himself i'm like reading through it like or scanning it over and over again not a single one not even a semicolon or something that's wrong take a deep breath yeah so this is gonna be interesting run on sentence here we go i'm not really one to do these postings and ratings but i have to say this i love waffle

house food like i absolutely love waffle house full but when i ordered a sprite there was a fly in it i don't know where and it didn't fly in the cup It was there before the Papa's poured and the only reason I know that is because it was all the way at the bottom of The cup and then it floated up then I ordered my food. It looked great I took two bites and tasted good notice a little black hair on it I have brown hair and long hair at that so I asked her to take the food back and she was polite and respectful and Apologetic but at the end of the day, when it comes to ratings and whatnot, I speak facts. Now I know the Waffle House in Concord ain't shit,

so I thought the one out here would be better. Y'all better step up your game. End of review. I can't wait to edit this and take every breath out because that's what I do when there's no, when like one of us breathes, I take the breaths out. There was, was there one?

There was one, maybe, maybe two, but I think just one. It was after, I think, Longhair two but it was after i think long hair at that and you needed i needed it i need a refill yes although that reminds me of that fly filled sprite oh nasty that's pretty gross the way you read it made it sound like they weren't that angry yeah well there's no caps there's no exclamation points it didn't feel that angry it just felt like oh this gross thing yeah and it was gross so i'm i'm with them yeah was it a one star it was one star okay this is i found it funny the way it was presented

as if i don't know as if it was text to speech or something no it must have been and that was actually the thing i was gonna say because when they said when the pop pop is poured them p-a-p-a-s they were probably saying when the pop was poured and they were probably speaking it out loud and yeah and then when they said concord ain't shit shit is spelled s-h-i-t-t so i wonder if they've been watching shit's creek where apple was like i don't want to put a curse word in here because that's what i was going to say is i thought it was voice to text but then when you said shit i was like oh so but i knew but no so my theory was probably correct yeah begin with. Yeah. Wow. And no punctuation. Because nobody, I mean, it's hard to remember the punctuation when you're, that's what makes voice to text awkward for me. Like sometimes when I'm out and about and I'm leaving a voice to text, like I'm texting

somebody, I like to pretend that I'm on the phone so that it sounds less awkward when I say like, hey, can you let the dog out? Blah, blah, blah. But then I'm like, hey, can you let the dog out? Question mark. then i'm like hey can you let the dog out question mark yeah you know because it i don't know it makes it awkward i wish the phone would just know just put it in my brain and type it out oh dear okay you want that level of control absolutely okay what am i doing with my brain that's true not much nothing good yeah okay this is an email from Bard, who uses they them pronouns. And this is a one star review of a Waffle House by Chris J.

Complete ass cheekery. The service was not bad, but the cooks lacked the frustrations necessary to bring it all together. I'm a little biased being from Atlanta, but I will be on the hunt for a better WF in MD. End of review. In MD? Like Maryland? Yeah, but WF. I didn't, Christina, that didn't even phase me.

I was like, oh, like, yeah, Waffle House, of course, WF. I had to remind myself to say WF because I almost just said Waffle House. But yeah, that's definitely not the correct weird also i saw some people say waho including like georgians say waho yeah for sure and i that was a new one for me i don't know remember reading that last time we did this but waho is good it's good it's very good stuff this so the cooks had to bring it all together what is this vibe that this person expects from Waffle House? Sorry, WF.

I guess not complete ass cheekery. And also, what does that mean? I don't know. Going farther back. This is like only three sentences, but somehow I don't understand any of them. So ass cheekery is spelled C-H-E-A-K-E-R-Y. Like that's not a word, right? No, like cheeky is one thing thing like if you say something's cheeky

but with two e's not with an a wait there's an wait where's the a c-h-e-a-k-e-r-y that's not a thing at all it's even farther away from it so the service wasn't bad but but yet so ass cheekery though is a bad thing complete ass cheekery it's got to be bad thing? Complete ass cheekery. It's got to be bad, right? It's like when they ask you to make up a swear word that's not a swear word, but it sounds like a swear word. I mean, it has ass in it. That's true. That's true. Technically, that part is a swear word.

But what I mean is it sounds like something negative, even though you don't know what the hell it means. Okay. So the cooks lacked the frustrations necessary to bring it all together. Oh, so the cooks weren't miserable enough, basically? Perhaps. Oh. Their tears didn't salt the food. Like, really, this guy, his idea of a good time at Waffle House is everyone's miserable but him.

The oppressed servers. Yeah, I don't know. I guess the WF just didn't live up to his standards, so it's pretty sad. Oh, boy. That's so sad. Well, my next one is from Jacqueline Sheher, who has a review of a Waffle House. This is in Arlington, Virginia. This is a review by Kevin.

One star. One of the worst I've ever been in. Our waiter was dumber than a sack of hammers. He was one of three with alternative lifestyle end of review oh no say it ain't so i don't even know what the fuck alternate that could mean so many things it could mean in the u.s what when when a freaking boomer whoever this is it could mean lgbt and it could mean long hair or piercings or tattoos or different colored hair like it could mean so many things spectrum of things so i'm not gonna go

and say this person is being bigoted they are they said one star they had alternative lifestyles we don't know about what though like what was it about that they called an alternative lifestyle what if they're neo-nazis they're not they're not no you're right i think it's pretty clear that they have a problem with people who live quote alternative lifestyles which traditionally is a phrase used to put down people who don't stick to the straight and narrow so to speak so i feel like it's pretty fair to say this person seems like kind of a bigoted asshole. But... Okay, yes. Okay, fine.

Fine. I'll say it. That's just me. I'll agree with you. You don't have to say it because I said it. I just didn't... I don't know what the hell this person is talking about. But regardless, I'm sure they're in the wrong.

Can you say the sentence again? I want to hear it. He was one of three with... Who? The waiter who was dumber than a sack of hammers. Right. Okay. I knew there was some more description of this waiter.

Was one of three with alternative lifestyle. Maybe she just means he was dumb. That's what I'm saying. That's why I said, I don't think so. That's not one of us. I don't know. I didn't see anything else.

Is dumber than a sack of hammers a saying? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I think bag of hammer, wait, sack. A bag of hammers. Dumber than a box of rocks, right? Yeah, and I think a... wait a bag of hammers dumber than a box of rocks right yeah and i think oh bag of hammers okay um that's from oh brother where art thou oh brother where are them right here okay this is so stupid okay so the next one i have was also sent in by bard and this is a one-star review by kelly my friend went there and one of the waitresses fell asleep over the food once and drooled in it

he and his kids left immediately i've never gone there to eat or drink i've only gone once to hang out and i kept reminding my friends of that incident they no longer eat there either end of review doesn't this sound like a fun person to hang out with yeah i went there not to eat but to watch my friends eat and remind them basically judge them and tell them that they're in the wrong for eating there make them lose their appetite as they ate their waffles which uh someone drooling in my food i'm not about that yeah but also this is very much like a hearsay oh true yeah they didn't even witness this so they're reviewing on behalf of someone else's claim. They've never eaten here.

And they've never even eaten there. No, no, no. And leaving a one-star review. My friend went there once and a waitress drooled in his food, which seems... How does that happen? I don't know. I mean, how does it go? To be fair, we did question how someone would drop their phone in a glass of orange juice and

somebody wrote to us and said i once i don't remember if it was email i saw it like this morning um they said i once dropped my phone in a i think they said a glass of milk or some some sort of beverage and they said i was 28 or 30 like they were clearly an adult five year old or yeah right they were like because we kept saying how could you do that? It must have been the toddler. Yeah, I was like, there's no way you can do that accidentally. And this guy said, I've done it. I've been there. And so I take it.

I stand corrected. I stand corrected as well. Some people live alternative lifestyles and we forget. We do forget. And I'm sorry. And that alternative lifestyle is drinking dairy. Putting your phone in it. And dunking your phone in it and dunking your phone in it um my next one is of uh waffles in germantown tennessee but from maggie she her here's a one-star review by emily

titled never mind the food one of those days when i felt i should pop into a chain i don't patronize just to include a view of the other end of the spectrum little did i know what awaited inside sign on men's room out of order sign on women's men are welcome thank you manager see photos omg what is this Welcome. Thank you, manager. See photos. O-M-G. What is this? An interstate truck stop? This is not okay. Never has been, never will be. Call Roto-Rooter.

Do something. Anything but this. End of review. Signed, J.K. Rowling. Including photos of this being apparently an issue. I just wish for all bathrooms to just be bathrooms. Stop it with this nonsense. It doesn't have to be this hard.

This is ridiculous. It's ridiculous. Anyway, it pisses me off. Also, like, truck stops are not- I was going to say, honestly- Those have more better bathrooms than most places if your expectations for a waffle house were better than an interstate truck stop like that was your problem yeah what the hell do you expect your problem going in

go to nordstrom or something if you want a nice bathroom also or just go to an interstate truck stop pilot i love pilot i go to pilot all the time when i'm traveling because of their bathrooms because they're not that special but they're like you know what you're getting well they're special because they have a sign that says men are welcome and you say thank you yeah thank you no i really i mean of all things really of all and to like be so up in arms like what the fuck do you feel like if this especially this is a temporary measure right and in my view i think it would be better if both of them were just bathrooms does it matter like not yeah what do you think if this person showed up and their uh the bathroom was working do you think they still would have found some reason to rate this a one star or considering they started it with uh never mind the food well that and then they said they

wanted they went there to quote include a view of the other end of the spectrum yikes it's like how the other half lives type thing going to fucking well it's fucking gross the way they like presented it like i'm above this but i'm going there to see what it's like for for those people that go to these establishments. Like, I'm going to go on a safari journey and, like, photograph the local wildlife. Yeah. That's disturbing. Yeah.

So I did not expect anything. Well, and I, you know what I assume happened. I assume they weren't going to leave a review at all, but they found something that for them was so shocking. Egregious. They had to. But they had to give that little blurb at the top to make sure people knew that they didn't go to waffle houses normally you know like they were trying they were like oh shit i gotta tell people about this but i can't have them think that i go

to waffle house normally i can't have my four yelp followers think that i am a regular patron at wah at waho oh oh shit i called it waho now now they'll know no where i frequent in the night how dare you my my dirty secret okay yeah they are pretty dirty but that part once again like you just got a no going in keep your expectations low for waffle house so bard did a really good job and sent me three that I wanted to use. So here's a third one from Bard. This is by Evan. Two stars. IHOP.

IHOP would kick Waffle House's butt in a mixed martial arts fight. Never growing up near a Waffle House, I figured I'd give it a shot. Anthony Bourdain said this is an American staple that's been feeding drunks for years. It never closes and is open year-round. You'd think from all that time they'd figure out the palette of America is changing. That's kind of funny, though, that they're like,

what do you think in all this time, like when they were open? That's kind of funny. I don't think that's even what they meant. What do you mean? Yeah, they're saying that they're open all the time, year round. So in all that time, they should have figured this out by now. That was kind of funny. Okay, that's clever.

Yeah, I get it. I'm not asking for organic grass-fed beef. I think that's what you're asking for. Wait, what's the problem then? I think that's what you're asking for. I think that's what you're asking for. Wait, what's the problem then? I think that's what you're asking for. I'm not asking for organic grass-fed beef or handcrafted signature lattes, but, well, there really is no substance to the menu.

Little bit of eggs, bacon, cheese on top of hash browns. Yes, there are waffles, and although I was tempted to try them, I didn't relapse into a carb-fueled coma. I left feeling bewildered, but partly bad. Their coffee could have been a little stronger. Maybe a cold brew to punch it up a notch? Some nice hot sauces to pump the plain eggs up. And would it hurt to have some variety of sausage? Maybe I'm asking too much and people want basic breakfast.

If you do, this is the place to go. If not, I'd stick with Denny's or whatever other breakfast chain floats your boat end of review it's a waffle house make your own house of whatever bees i hob whatever you think i hob sells freaking house of baloney that's what you're giving us international house of baloney also denny's home of handcrafted signature lattes like what like in what planet does denny's have all the i don't know the mcdonald's in europe has all the that shit the meccafe bullshit but it's a waffle house yeah even in your first sentence you're talking about anthony bourdain and what do you call it's for drunk people you clearly weren't drunk and also if you're writing a review about waffles and complaining about like mentioning carbs i was tempted it's a waffle house like yikes no wonder you're cranky yeah eat some fucking bread waffles maybe eat a bread i don't

eat a waffle um i hob is really like the fact that he doesn't even really know what other breakfast places are like denny's that you know he wants a cold brew latte from denny's and he wants uh i hob to kick waffle house's butt like oh gosh and an mma that was just like okay that was all over the place that's so true the the last half didn't strike me as someone who's like an mma like who would who's first thought when battling restaurants or battling would to put them in the octagon or whatever it's called and then he goes oh and anthony bourdain vouched for this and i'm like hang on this person is all over the place i want grass-fed beef this is like an annoying version of blaze oh right am i wrong oh oh right oh like this would be if blaze were more like kareny

karen he's not at all like if you were more oh i see what you're saying yeah because his interests really do cross over like martial arts anthony bourdain breakfast food yeah he's got opinions on waffles he would never write a review like this ever or even think this way but this sounds this sounds like someone related to him or someone he maybe maybe maybe blaze trained this person maybe an alternate timeline or that yeah like the villain of blaze villain blaze with a z whoa blaze with a z oh boy alter ego in today's economy saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping.

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Only at Kudo. Conditions apply. Okay, my next one. This is from Izzy. Okay, who does call it Waho? Oh! So, Izzy says, I told myself I'd stop sending so much in, but then you gave the Waffle House theme and I couldn't help myself.

I'm from Georgia, aka Waho headquarters. So this is from the source, Waho. From the source. And it's chaos is a staple of our culture. The last time I went, my waitress got fired in a screaming match while serving us. And we wound up trapped there until 3. because their cash register wasn't working. Wait, one time Mom and I went to Waffle House. I just remembered this.

Uh-oh. What did you unlock, Izzy? You're getting her therapy bills. Hey, I've had another repressed memory come back. What? Mom and I forgot our wallets, and we went to a Waffle House. Both of you? Oh, I thought you forgot your wallets and we went to a waffle house both of you oh i think you forgot your wallets at the waffle house no no neither of you had a method of payment and we had already eaten and we sat there and we really were panicking and we didn't know what

we really simply didn't know what to do and i had to go out to the car and like scrounge up like nickels from like under the floor mats and stuff and then i think we didn't even end up having enough change and i had to like i don't remember even how we handled it but i remember it just being such a panic-fueled moment of like oh my god neither of us brought our bags and whelp yeah that anxiety we either have to dine and dash or find like 11 worth of nickels i could know you if if dying and dashing was an option I would be so shocked

if you would ever like consider to do that. I mean I think it was floated for approximately a millisecond and then immediately shot down by both of us but

My god. Awkward. Well I hope you didn't have the kind of experience that Jack here had because this is a one star review

of a Waffleaffles in woodstock georgia men are not made to be a waitress why does waffle house not understand this end of review what does it mean is that insane what they think men shouldn't be served like waiters or whatever like men shouldn't wait wait tables but what has he been to any other restaurant ever has he been to denny's i hob i hob i don't know maybe ben like maybe has somehow somehow only had non-male wait staff or like staff members i don't understand how this is possible he needs to be careful because there are some waffle houses that welcome men even into the women's bathroom and i feel like that would just tip him over the edge that would be so bad he would lose his mind i

think he would lose it i think so too i i like am still just like shocked by this like that someone can have that such a weird opinion it's like a weird hill to die on like yeah and to have that viewpoint like like there's nothing so a lot of things you're like chalk it up to not chalk it up as if to excuse it but you can say oh this older person has like really outdated views right but in this case it's like what the fuck like where have you been like the past however many years yeah like this is something this is so weirdly like i wonder if it's because it's like diner culture like they want like the diner yeah a vibe of like a you know a woman serving them at a diner i don't know but

like even in i don't yeah i don't get oh yeah maybe even on tv there are like are there name one i can name i can name women phil of the future phil dunphy what are you asking me to do? Who's Phil? I don't know. Name a TV diner waiter who's a man. What do you mean you can name women? I can name shows or things that have women as a diner. Okay, what about the Bee and... No. What's that show? With the two girls.

Oh, you're floundering. It's the two girls who work in a diner. You know what? Maybe... What? It's the two girls who work in a diner. what it's a two girls who work in a diner yeah what's that show called uh two broke girls yeah that's the one what about it there's a man there i think yeah you think you don't know see christina but you you can you know that those two

are women kat dennings maybe maybe jack here has a good point i'm just kidding he doesn't he's right there is really no point like that's the thing is There's no point here. We should go back in time to the time when apparently there were only female servers. What if someone emails us like, you didn't know that Waffle House, like, used to only hire, like, female servers up until, like, 2015? Is that true? Like, tell me, because I want to know. Yeah, we don't know anything. I feel like I haven't tested you. Name these servers you so magically know about no like when i think of like any shows with yes

same um like uh twin peaks twin peaks there's no mail server in there riverdale it's convenient you're choosing shows i've never seen might be intentional um some people are gonna be like uh well actually phil worked on both of those shows phil from phil of the future yeah i don't know the what uh baby driver well in a cinderella story hillary duff did also work at the diner cinderella story see all right so this is an email from desi she heard jack would love cinderella story okay i'm done jack would get it email from desi she her who said that she grew up in atlanta there are so many waffle houses there i think she said like four in a 20 minute radius of her but she said there's one

that she never went to still doesn't go to because growing up she heard that a server spiked her co-workers drink with meth and you know it sounds kind of like a rumor like urban legend yeah she then followed up with an article oh and this person was arrested for serving their co-worker their male co-worker a meth-laced beverage and sending him to the hospital oh holy shit so it was not just like an urban legend about waho it was a very real thing um so that sounds like yeah like drugs in your halloween candy it's like no one's gonna waste drugs on halloween candy which i still think is true but fuck who why would you waste meth in atlanta anything's possible is that is oh it's an atlanta thing tell all those atlanta people that's what i have to say about it as a kentuckian that's my strong opinion yeah that would never happen no

to the shining beacon of light that is Kentucky. Are you done? I'm from Ohio. I can't talk about anything. Yeah, right. I know. Half my reviews are from Ohio Waffle Houses. So this is a Waffle House in Atlanta and this is a one-star review by Dolores. There was

too much friction. Oh. Where? Let me tell you there was too much friction one of the night cooks was acting like a bull alligator and pulling her weight on another worker end of review oh do you look up a bull alligator what is that um it's like a giant alligator oh holy shit it is they're really scary geez that's a very specific type of alligator to bring up they're like a very prehistoric jesus dinosaur those are intense right i don't want my waffle house waffles being served by a bull gator i kind of do though oh my god they're so massive. This is insane. Aren't they scary? They're scary. Yeah, they're like dinosaurs.

Wow. That's crazy. I'm sorry. I'm looking at pictures of people trying to play with them, and I'm like, they're reptiles. They're not... We can set out a PSA right now. Don't fuck with wild animals, people. Period.

I'm not even talking about wild animals. I am. I'm talking about all of them. I know, but I'm even talking about like it doesn't matter no you're you're right bullgator specific like okay if you had a choice between messing with a bullgator and a sandpiper pick the sandpiper no i'm just sad because i don't know what you're talking about sorry i'm like making assumptions i'm just sad because I read an article where an alligator like attacked his trainer and like she's like and I'm sure she's a professional or whatever. But I'm like, oh, my gosh, these animals, they're like dinosaurs.

I feel like they just can't. Why are you training a bull gator? They can't like love you. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like people who own exotic pets and think like, oh, yeah. It's different. They would never hurt me.

Like I raised them or whatever. And then they fucking hurt you. And then they hurt you. Yes. And I don't mean that this trainer, because I have no context for that. But I guess what I'm saying is just like I see that picture of like someone hugging this alligator and I'm like, nothing good can happen here. Anyway. So there was a lot of friction, which, by the way, was spelled F-R-I-T-C-T-I-O-N. Frit kitchen. a lot of friction which by the way was spelled f-r-i-t-c-t-i-o-n frit kitchen a lot of friction uh so this sounds like a frightening i don't know i don't remember

if it's the same one where the meth incident happened but if it is that is a it must be on a ley line or something like something is awry at this Waffle House. You keep saying that and every time I'm like, what? I do? Ley line? You've said that before and I'm like, why is that? Isn't that? We talked about it like two episodes ago, I feel. I feel like we didn't.

Okay, maybe not. Okay. Maybe we're on a ley line. Oh. Sometimes I lay on a ley line. I don't know what a ley line. Oh, no. E-Y.

Okay. Oh, so it's like, this's some like Da Vinci Code shit. Okay, listen. It's like what you use, divining rods, dowsing rods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you said to me last time you said this.

No, I said it at the live show and you probably just heard me say it like eight times at a live show. Okay, maybe. Your turn. Maybe we're on a ley line if you connect all of the Waffle Houses. Maybe we're in the center.

That's some Da Vinci ghost shit. That's the ley. We're on the Waffle House ley line. Okay. I only have redemptions now. So should I go ahead with one? Let me see how many I've left. I have two redemptions.

Yeah, go for it. Okay. So this first one is from Chris again of that, what is it, Willoughby or whatever? Yeah, or no. I think it's the same one. Is it Willoughby? That doesn't sound right. There's an...

Wallaby? Willoughby. It was Willoughby. Ohio Waffle House. Here's a review by Tina. Five stars. I go on a date every Sunday with my son. Although they bring me the wrong waffle every time end of review wait that's the cutest thing that's the sweetest thing i ever heard made me so happy

that's the kind of person i aspired to just be like so easy breezy just like whatever you know no expectations exactly just like enjoy the good part. You know, I love that. So this is an email from Taylor who sent a review of a Lima, Ohio. And this is a one star review by Josh. I went inside to order my food and a homeless person snuck into the backseat of my car. I completely aware that was my fault. But you'd think, okay, why would one of the workers say, hey, I wouldn't leave that car running or unlocked because of this location or area. All I'm saying is a heads up would have been nice as all. What?

Half shrug emoji, half shrug emoji, half shrug emoji. This thing? Yeah. Oh, I know. I use that one all the time. I do not use it in a context like that, though. It's a little tood. That would be for shrugging.

I would use the shrug, not the half one. The half one's for like, oh, yeah, I just went to Lulu again and got something there. He keeps texting me that, and I'm like, just stop. Got some shorts at Lulu. That one. I i completely aware that was my fault but why did nobody fix it for me like what would they do they would say hey i wouldn't leave that car running or unlocked as if they're outside look checking yeah what do they do yeah this is so stupid i don't know weird right like i'm not saying that that should have

happened but like what does it have to do with the Waffle House? A heads up would have been nice. A heads up. This happened? Like, this might happen to you? Like, I don't understand what they would expect. This is a heads up.

If you leave your car unlocked, someone might open the door. Okay? Is that enough of a heads up for you? Because it doesn't matter where you are. It might be me in a CVS parking lot, because I did that once and opened someone else's door and hopped in was like looked around like this is not my car i've done that too i did that actually a couple weeks ago in um chicago lisa pulled up to pick me up or she dropped no she dropped me off actually she did this thing she pulled over in the car yeah driver see i'm in the passenger she goes should i park

and go in or would you rather go get it so So I'm like, all right, I'm going. So I went and picked up all her Starbucks. I walk out and I see the car. It's like a rental car. And I open the door and I'm like, this is so weird. I look, glance in the backseat. I'm like, I don't remember Lisa having a big- The whole family back there.

I was like, I don't remember Lisa having a poster of like beetles and like bugs. Okay. Did you report this car to the police? It was like a big artwork of like beetles. And I was like, my fucking dumb brain was like, I don't remember this anyway. And then I like looked around and I was like, this car is really dirty for our rental car. Like it took me so long. Was anyone in it?

No. Okay. Thank God. Thank God. I was like, this car is really dirty for a rental car. Like, it took me so long. Was anyone in it? No. Okay, thank God. Thank God. I was like, could you not just look? Maybe a serial killer or a victim in the trunk, maybe. I mean, right? Because then I jumped out and Lisa was pulling up and she was like, what are you doing? Like, behind her driver's seat.

And I was like, what the fuck? And she had pulled up. It was like the same fucking silver SUV. I doubt that i'm looking at there's no way christina this car was a completely different color completely different style everything about it was different it was a green mustang okay it doesn't matter that's not the point of the story but then lisa was like what are you doing and i was like i don't know and i'm holding like four drinks. They're all hers.

Anyway, so I did kind of almost end up in a rough situation there. The amount of times I've like come over to your house when Lisa's here and you're like, do you want this Starbucks drink? She buys like 16 Starbucks at a time. And then it's like, who wants them? Why? Like, whose is it? She's like, you're like, oh, yeah, it's just one of Lisa's. She's not going to drink.

It's just one of Lisa's. She sometimes just kind of brings them around. She's like you're like oh yeah it's just one of lisa's and she's not gonna drink it's just one of lisa's she sometimes just kind of brings them around she's like the starbucks fairy but anyway um yeah so i did get into the car by accident and then um i did wonder why lisa suddenly cared about beetle taxidermy so much yeah she's like what she went around the block and was like found a poster to buy and you thought it was like so dumb because I'm like, I've been in this car all weekend. Where did this come from? Like all weekend I've been in this car. That's so funny.

Where else would I? I don't know where this would have come from. And my thought was, why isn't Lisa in the driver's seat? And also my thought is. I'm going to wait for her though. But the door's unlocked. So I must be welcome. Yeah.

Anyway, this is my PSA. Really dumb people like me just open car doors. I would lock your door whether you're going inside a Waffle House or anywhere, really. Yeah, if you're worried about that at all, or if you think that that's something you wouldn't like happening to you, lock your door. Period. There you go. Don't blame Waffle House for that. This third one. That's the thing.

You can blame Waffle house for so many things exactly this seems like the last thing you could actually so wild legitimately blame a waffle house for it's like realistically you can write a review of waffle house that's one star and i'm gonna not say anything negative legit i'm gonna be like yeah anything you can think of except this thing except this okay here's another five star though great this is this one's from izzy another from izzy this is uh woodstock georgia five stars by katie when i'm hung over and can't remember my name i remember exactly how i want my hash browns end of review and they bring them to me incorrectly. And I still love it.

I could totally see a Waffle House regular being drunk, you know, always going when drunk and then going sober and like asking for something and it's like served completely differently. And they're like, what the hell? Like, and it turns out they've just been like getting the wrong thing or something. That's your special. We call it the Katie special. The Katie special. So this is from Megan Sheher

and it's a one star review of a waffle house in Louisiana. And this is a review by Sam. Sat at the counter on a very busy day. Saw a homeless man with his fingers all over the complimentary coffee and sugar just inside the door. Was splashed by the lady washing dishes. Saw one of the cooks relight the gas burner using a paper towel.

Put out the paper towel with a spatula. Sounds like a sitcom. That part I believe and I find is hilarious. Yeah, that one is good. It does sound like a sitcom. It sounds like whatever I called two broke girls earlier. Saw one of the cooks relight the gas burner using a paper towel put out the paper towel with a spatula and then the

lady next to me ended up with ashes on her bacon staff visibly eating chocolate chips and drinking milk and on top of all that my food took a long time end of review how dare they eat while i'm eating that was i think what megan said like they were visibly eating the chocolate chips uh what do you want such a strange thing to be mad about like some reviews were like i saw them doing drugs and i'm like okay that would be a little more troubling with like a fire source and like your food involved and and like a story in the news about the meth spiking i get it but um eating chocolate chips behind the counter doesn't seem that dramatic well having an issue with anybody like regardless of what how you view them having their fingers in the complimentary like what that was troubling again it's like what

you know what that reeks of the same person who said like i'm coming from a different side of town to see how the other half lives yeah it's it's a really icky um i mean sure you get splat also although i feel like splashed by the lady washing dishes is probably like a drop hit the table yeah yeah like how i mean it's a fucking waffle house that's the thing i don't so just that's the thing i don't get too much too much what do you expect they do their thing and they do it okay and it seems like no one here is actually hurting anybody so please just leave leave everyone alone except the guy who's apparently like putting out fires with a spatula but i mean hey if it works it works you know what you're right he's saving the day as far as i'm concerned you'd rather the fire not go out

you're right you're right you're completely. So now I also have redemptions. This is another from Megan. It's a five star review of a Louisiana Waffle House. And it has a picture. Five stars. I am a lifelong fan of Waffle House. And when I had to work the afternoon of Thanksgiving 2019, I took my French fiance and his best friend from Paris here for what I consider a staple American breakfast. Waffle, eggs, hash browns, grits, toast. We ordered several all-American breakfasts and they ate

everything in sight. When your food can impress two tourists from France, you're doing something right. As usual, the service was excellent and staff was super friendly. We had to wait about 10 minutes for a table because this was one of the only places open on Thanksgiving and we had a fly circling our table for a while. But I come on it's waffle house that's all part of the vibe and then here's a photo exactly of the two parisians person gets oh that's amazing eating their waffles that's so cute that's so amazing awesome oh so wholesome um and now this is my final one uh it was sent in by carissa and of course it is a review of houston waffle house by fox correct guess how many stars oh this was written january 2022

probably four stars that's exactly right yeah you're getting in this guy's head oh i know fox yeah we go way back four stars god if you're religious go to saint john the apostle house if you want a crappy meal go instead to awful house if barbie and me take you to our workplace then it's brothel house. Oh, no. But if you want the best patty melt, go to waffle house. If you're a dictator, it's not over yet. Oh, I thought it was. I was like, oh, okay.

That was a good, okay. No, it's short and sweet. It's still going. Okay. If you're a dictator, then we're all going to topple house. If you want to, oh, if you want to F an ugly person,

try beer goggle house. Oh, dear. And if you're drunk and you can't get it up then just give oral house okay this really did go kind of did you like just read this for the first time yes i saw fox wrote a review and i just put it in my document i was like what are why are you i was like you're bringing this to all of us like this is on you here i'm not blaming carissa here i just trust trust his poetry, and I don't know why. And if you're drunk and you can't get it up, then just give Oral House. Why did you read it again? I don't know, but it doesn't rhyme.

But if you want the best late night food, go to Waffle House. What? That's its own line. We're actually big fans of the Waffle House. For example, their hash browns all the way with all the stuff on them can be pretty delicious. And we're also fans of the melts. Indeed, the chicken melt and the patty melt are pretty delicious here. This location isn't always as good as the others and often doesn't answer their phone.

And it's not my favorite. But we're also really glad it's here. And the fact that this is open 24 hours is a massive bonus. And there's honestly not enough 24 hours food in Houston. And that's why I added the extra star. That was one sentence. In any case, I've always been in love with Waffle House hash browns. I get them with everything on them, even the jalapenos, even though sometimes not the cheese, especially the chunks of ham and the chili. So good. They often make me run to the bathroom though. Oh my God. This place makes them as well as any absolutely spectacular hash browns all the

way, especially with the onions, ham, chili, and their patty melt and chicken patty melt. Sensational. And don't get me started on that awesome sausage breakfast sandwich. My reviews are full of waffle and so is Waffle House. Match made in heaven. Am I right? End of review. And then there's a photo of Waffle House of this location.

And the caption is is woff the fuck um the end that's all i've got oh fox you genius you're at it again at it again at it again with the sensational poetry i wonder i wonder how many waffle houses fox has reviewed and what the rating range was yeah i wonder what like the the median yeah i probably assume it's around three or four which i think it makes sense i would guess because he really does seem to enjoy waffle house as a brand in general not just this location yeah yeah he's i feel like he's generally very fair with his star ratings. His words might be not everyone's cup of tea, myself included sometimes, Fox. But generally, I feel like pretty... He's pretty cross the board.

He doesn't mince his words. I don't know what he does to his words. Something really weird. Something. Well, thank you for that. Okay, time now for my challenge great so again my challenge was to find positive reviews of uh novelty food items uh that are meant to be disgusting okay so this was really pretty easy because surprisingly people were pretty much understood why they were buying these novelty food items okay because they were novelty food items so i'll start with

this one it's lester's fixin's ranch dressing soda god 12 ounce bottle they sell this at jungle gyms yep um it's literally just meant to taste like so repulsive to me uh here's a five-star review this is by alan why is everyone giving this a bad rating seriously you all know what it is and have a general idea that you may not like it don't give it a bad rating because it tastes close to what is expected use some critical thinking before leaving someone a bad rating because it tastes close to what is expected use some critical thinking before leaving someone a bad rating every time i see things like this i can't help but lose faith in people end of review it's a good point this person gets like why are you wasting your time reviewing a nasty food item that it's gross and those people existed it's so weird like this

was nasty one star and i'm like it's called ranch flavored soda hello this person's right that like it does make me really question the general state of humanity where i'm like oh sorry are we not on the same page that like ranch flavored soda is a disgusting concept or are you really just going yum yeah yeah well thankfully i have someone else who gets it. Another five-star review. This is by Helen. Five stars of the same stuff, the ranch dressing soda.

Oof, this is, it's descriptive, so just fair warning. Okay. Putrid zombie pus, vinegar flavor with rotting flesh, somewhat sweet, but in a way that tastes like bacteria is growing

the sickening bloated effect afterwards is beyond nauseating the putrid smell is as off-putting as it gets i would honestly rather be killed by a water fountain drowning accident than to have to drink this foul yeast infected tasting drink again this will forever and always adulterate your opinion of ranch it honestly smells like you are living in a hairy sweaty armpit with a bursted skin tag wart from a hillbilly in the deep south wearing overalls and no shirt toothless and maybe a shaved nipple hanging out end of review what hey on god's green earth was that i don't know i really didn't like it i hated that i read it i hated that i brought it to you all but it's they left five stars oh yeah so they understood

that's why i said it's a positive one because they they were reviewing this being honest about their feelings but positively saying like as if that's what they knew what they were gonna get basically said like this had its intended effect yes exactly that's repulsive yeah uh the the fact that they know so much about what like a yeast infection tastes like all that The fact that they know so much about what a yeast infection tastes like, all that really makes me icked out. There's just a lot there, like bacteria growing, just stuff that's very visceral. And I feel like maybe they should get into creative writing if they aren't already. I mean, this is, I guess, a version of creative writing. I'd rather not read it.

Right, yeah. It's for a very specific audience. It's not for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah that's what i meant yeah maybe they should but maybe they shouldn't i don't know that's true maybe they just simply should not my next one is of archie mcphee shiitake candy canes gift box of funny flavored mushroom six count why and it's these shiitake mushroom candy canes with a very interesting mushroom logo oh my that is a mushroom with a candy cane he's looking like he's having a good time he looks like he's smoking it a funny cigarette here's a five-star review by ryan tiled interesting good for a joke at work we broke off small pieces so more could get the experience definitely a unique experience and i'm glad they're gone but we'll purchase again when we have enough staff turnaround just to torture a new group end of review great for hazing purposes

literally that's their thought is like you know this gross as hell, but I can't wait to buy more when people get fired. But once again, it serves its purpose. Yeah. Exactly. And you know, there's an Amazon category titled gross food. Or no, it was called, I think it was like gross food. I think it was a whole category. Granted, there were some things in there that did not belong, in my opinion.

Like what? Because I feel like some people. They just have random candies in there. No, I there that did not belong in my opinion like what because i feel like some people they just have random candies in their nose no i promise like not even not like anchovy yeah no no there was not not like those stuff that stuff all belong whatever but there was some stuff that i'm like why is this in here really yeah i think it just got mislabeled somehow um but yeah it was a lot to scroll through and there were some interesting choices out there. I remember it's called clam decane and I-

Clam decane. It makes me really- I don't even want to think about that one. Don't. It makes me ill. I'd rather eat the mushroom one. Well, how about this? How about pickle gourmet flavored cotton candy?

No. Unique idea for holidays, birthdays, gag gifts, party favors. Like I get how pickle flavor could work on some things, but I don't really like cotton candy to begin with. I was reading there's this pickle energy drink, or it's like an electrolyte drink. And I was reading reviews because I thought it was called pickle juice or something. But that's apparently really good for cramping and stuff. So it was actually not even that gross but it just looked so hilarious because it's just called pickle juice and it's like really intense lettering

it looks like an energy juice yeah it's like literally pickle juice sport it looks like an energy oh my god like muscle milk but pickle juice yeah so i thought it was kind of a joke but it's not it's just literally just pickle juice and ever although i was reading the five star reviews and people were like oh i'm so glad i discovered this it makes running so much better asking for friend when you say cramping do you mean muscle cramping yes oh sorry yes i was like oh a new fun a little hack a little period hack this one is for athletes for us girlies yeah no i don't i don't know stops and prevents muscle cramps. Okay. Purified and fortified pickle flavored purpose-built sports drink translucent in color.

I wonder if it's because salt is- It says it contains over 10 times the electrolytes as most sports drinks. Right. I bet it's the salt that you lose during sweat. And the most common phrase I saw was, flavor was not that bad. Like, people said, like, it's not that bad. I like that that's the five star. Yeah, so it's kind of boring. Because it was, everyone was just like, it's not so bad, actually.

But yeah, it's interesting. But this is a review of the Pickle Cotton Candy. Okay. Five stars. This is by Candy. Okay. Five stars. This is by Diane. Titled Pickles. This cotton candy was bussin'. As a pickles goddess, the flavor was very rich and delicious.

And it contains zero fat, so that's a plus. End of review. As a sexy, curvy pickle goddess. As the pickle goddess. Yeah. Well, I'm just picturing. First of all, I know their name was not Diane because I feel like people named Diane don't really say Bussin, but I'll give it to you. But I'm just picturing this person like much like I'm on my fainting couch lying on kind of a chaise lounge and getting fed like pickle cotton candy as a

pickle queen or what she called herself uh pickle goddess pickles as a pickles goddess yeah i just feel like she's getting like pickles fanned with a pickle fanned with a little that part doesn't really work but like maybe a giant pickle like a what are they called when they're in a slice yeah a slice a bread and butter yeah yeah yeah one of those yeah a giant one of those being fan and there's just like little drops of pickle juice fine for the cramping all the cramping amazing oh wow well here's the thing that you're you've been waiting for this is is a review of the Jelly Belly Bean Boozled Jelly Beans Gift Box Wild and Weird Flavors. So this is a one. It comes with a pack of two spinner gift box.

So it has the box and inside on one part, there's the jelly beans. The other, there's a spinner. So then you spin it and whoever spins it, you have to eat that kind. Should we explain to people who might not know what it is yeah so uh a lot of the flavors are really disgusting and a lot of the flavors are really tasty and they look the same right so you don't know what you're gonna get like you're not sure if one is like uh so the examples they give is it stinky socks or tutti frutti see and it's like pretty wild how they can actually get some of these

yes tastes is it strawberry banana smoothie or is it dead fish flavor that's bad yeah that's foul that's bad um dead fish yeah so you have to spin and then grab one of that color that it lands on and hope that you didn't get the gross one i mean it's kind of a genius uh invention i i i weirdly agree that this is genius fun with that what what were the ones that um i there were some gross ones that i liked and some like the one I liked was grass flavored. Oh. I always thought grass tastes pretty good. Well, just wait for my next set of reviews.

I've got my final two. What's your least favorite jelly bean flavor? I really didn't like the popcorn. That's my least favorite. That was gross. I just think that's nasty. It's so gross. I love popcorn.

I love... Jelly beans are my favorite candy. It's a little harder to find them vegan I feel like you say that about candy corn too No candy corn Oh seasonal I'm sorry you're right No no no candy corn is impossible to find No no I know but as far as favorite candy

I thought it was candy corn Oh seasonally yeah yeah yeah Sorry I see I was like please Jelly beans are my favorites Anything jelly bean adjacent Mike and I, like anything jelly bean adjacent. Sure. Like Mike and I, I love dots. I love dots.

Like the fruity kind of chewy things. I love those. Are Mike and I's vegan? Yes. I love Mike and I's. Yeesh. What about, and most jelly beans are not. Yeah, most are not.

Most have like beeswax or confectioner's glaze. Or gelatin. Or gelatin. I think like trader joe's ones are vegan do they is bamboozled bean boozled is not jelly belly i don't think sells any vegan well and also i'm not i'm not gonna do bean boozled anyway do they actually put dead fish flavor how do like how do they do that i think quote unquote quote unquote, natural flavors. I have no idea. Yeah, natural. That sounds like fucking... The word natural in the freaking thing, it means nothing. I know.

That's what I'm saying. It sounds like they put dead fish in there. Yeah, it contains weird shit. So, anyway, here's the five-star review titled, Fun Game to Play with In-Laws and Other Horrible People. Ha ha. This is something, this review. I bought these to have fun with my nephews and in-laws. It was the best game ever because my mother-in-law hated it.

Ha ha ha. She kept getting the gross flavors and that was fine by me because she's usually a bitter woman. So this was perfect payback my nephews loved it and didn't want to stop playing so grandma aka my mom-in-law had to keep eating snot flavored jelly beans end of review oh snot flavors gross it's like salty like it tastes like like a booger yeah it's so gross oh dear jesus Jesus. Wow. What a beautiful. I mean, honestly, like. You feel the same way.

No, no, no, no, no. But Cherry and the Lamping Nights are known for their love of being boozled. But no, I just I'm. It's a little sad because I'm like, oh, that that's sad that they want their mother-in-law to have a bad time. But also, I'm like, I guess it's as harmless as you could get with a family feud like that's a good point at first i was like yeah because i was feeling pretty sad but also i'm like well i guess if that's the worst it gets you're like ha ha eat this snot flavored jelly bean and make your grandchildren laugh yeah you know i guess there's worse things but um you guess yeah i'd say so i'm not, but it might be. And my last product, I have two reviews from it.

It's grass soda pop. Weird and surprising soda. It says mowed and bottled in the USA. Okay, here's the thing. Talk to me. I shouldn't say this on the podcast, but ever since I was little, I've always liked the taste of grass. You've already said that like 10 minutes ago. I haven't finished. Oh. I used to eat grass. You've already said that 10 minutes ago. I haven't finished.

I used to eat grass. You know this about me. I mean, you used to. You probably blocked it out. I used to just eat pieces of grass. I thought it tasted good. And now that I have a dog, I realize, wow. Gross.

You shouldn't eat stuff that's on the ground that isn't washed first. I will not comment on this, but I'll let my friend Frank, the reviewer, comment on this. Okay. I really hate that I just announced that. Here's a five-star review. I once ate grass as a kid. Don't judge. We all did.

And this didn't taste like grass. It was like a floral wine cream soda. Still, it's so good that I will be repurchasing. End of review. Frank, you just validated something that I've always felt so weird and cringy about, which I still do. Don't get me wrong. But I always was like, has nobody else ever had this feeling before? And I really just thought, no, just me. I'm sure. Yeah. No, I didn't know that about you.

I shouldn't go on, but there is something else I used to eat. What? What's the matter with me? What else did you eat? Tissues. Oh. Do you remember that? That sounds more familiar.

Why did I do that? Huh. I mean, we all know I'm mentally ill. You would put like snot flavored jelly beans in the tissues. No familiar why did i do that huh i mean we all know i'm mentally ill you would put like snot flavored jelly beans in the tissues to like make it actually would have made more sense probably like at least it would have been some weird logic but no i just um what logic is there i don't know it would have been like maybe a funny like prank. I don't know. Okay. To myself. Okay. I used to do that and I would like do it and think it was like quirky and interesting.

All that's true. Zooey Deschanel did that. That's how you got that. Very twee of you. She and I had the same polka dot flats and we'd say, no, that's just me. I did do that. This is really something I shouldn't. too late it's therapy right now people will i have a feeling you'll receive emails of people very validating very validating experience because i'm sure there are so many people who've had that same

thing with many other things i'm trying to not to try to like compare myself but i'm sure there is something that i like i feel like I ate that I shouldn't eat. It had to be. Because you and I have both very similar issues. In a lot of ways. And I would be surprised if there was nothing similar. I'll think about it. I don't have anything off the top of my head. I would definitely say it at this point.

Because I've already... Yeah, I don't know. But I don't know. I i don't know i just was like oh they taste funny and then people would always react so loudly that i think i just ended up being like a shtick or something i don't know huh it wasn't like i let's just say i you ate grass and tissues i have ocd now i. I've been diagnosed. So we're okay. You don't need to help me figure it out, folks out there. Because don't worry, I'm working on it.

But anyway, if anyone else has done this, Frank and I want you to feel like you're less alone. Yes. Oh, I love that. Okay, good. And here's what good old Ronald has to say about this same beverage. Five stars. And I'm going to spoil a little something. 59 people found this review helpful. Okay.

It's a short and sweet one, but 59 people liked it. Here we go. I'm in charge of bringing drinks on Easter. End of review. Oh my God, that's it? That's it. 59 people were like,

hell yeah, Ronald. They're like, yeah, you get it. You show this, give this to people. I love this notion that everybody gets split up at a potluck sort of situation. You bring the napkins. And then they're like, what should Ronald bring? We'll just have him bring the drinks. He can bring a two liter of Dr. Pepper or whatever.

And he's like, oh, I've been tasked with a very important job. On a whim, I clicked on Ronald's profile. The exact same review was written also for Pickle Soda Pop. He is having the time of his life. This is amazing. By the way, his nephews or grandchildren or nieces or whoever just fucking love him. Yeah. Like, you just know he shows up and he's like, guess what I brought?

Oh, Ronald. Like, Uncle Ronald. Grandpa Ronald. You were supposed to bring Dasani water bottles. I'm like, what the heck? And all the kids are just like, want to try i want to try the diet coke uh that's a very convincing child you just did thank you welcome and that's all i've got how those were really good it was fun and it was kind of random because i saw that challenge and i was like i feel like it's like easy enough but easy enough in a way where you could probably dig through and find some funny ones.

That's the thing. There were so many positive ones that I was like, okay, yeah. They were exactly as intended. There were a lot of prank people mentioning pranks. Just because I said I ate tissues doesn't mean you have to keep eating them. Just take a minute. Yeah, I could see myself eating tissues right now. I'm always trying to be his older sister. I feel like that would be good. said i ate tissues doesn't mean you have to keep eating them just like take a minute yeah i could i could see myself eating tissues right now always trying to be like his i feel like that would be

good or sister like especially if i'm nervous and just like i want to chew on something okay i'll think about it maybe after record i don't want to eat on the podcast i never do that the big mistake that does occur every now and then is when they are lotion oh dear god yeah don't no don't don't make the mistake i did those are so like specific only when after i've blown my nose so many times that my like nose is like feeling raw and chappy is that chappy is that a thing chapped only then do i want the lotion tissues so it's very rare that i want them anyway shall we move on to giving a theme and challenge this is bringing me back you know to the good old days my heyday yes let's find a theme and challenge all righty so this theme came from actually multiple people have

suggested it a couple people specifically sent it uh sent in an article from The Everywhereist. Our theme is reviews of Michelin-starred restaurants. Oh, interesting. Yeah, a few people suggested it, and then a few people sent in an article that says, we eat at the worst Michelin-starred restaurant ever. And there's a whole article going through their experience dining at this place. What does it mean? Like the worst rated one?

I don't know. I haven't read it oh okay okay i assume it's something about they had a terrible time despite it being a michelin star restaurant i don't think it's necessarily like because michelin star means like it's been rated as top tier right like in general it's an award that you get if you're good enough and then then you have to actually keep up your quality in order to keep your stars. And it's one star, two star, and three star is the best. Wow. Okay. Cool. That will be very interesting.

So your challenge for that episode comes from Sky Sheher Shefer, who, by the way, wrote, Hello, Mother of Angels and the Bad Boy of Uncles. Oh, wow. That's a lot of pressure my challenge is to find positive reviews of companies slash industries that you would typically expect to find mostly negative reviews for emergency rooms tow truck companies dentists etc like anything where it's like shitty time i would say i don't know anything where it's like oh there's

like one star all across the board but but then there's a positive review. And the backstory that she added, she said, backstory you didn't ask for. I just bought my first home. And somehow the date on my payment letters I received via email and mail was incorrect and said May 1st. But the date I signed at uh was april 1st so the mortgage company union home shout out to emily kelly and greg has been nice and pleasant to deal with and helped like waive her late fees etc so she i guess this is just like an example of you know usually you expect people to complain about like a mortgage company on the internet um and she says with all this hate going around we could use a little positivity i love it i love a positive challenge that sounds amazing i figured you might enjoy that one so that's from sky and then you're our theme for the following episode comes from nicole she her hers who said while looking up the show megan wants a millionaire i've never heard about megan wants a millionaire yeah uh i found that even trashy reality shows are reviewed on common sense media this is the perfect time for christine to put her

membership to use it would be hilarious to find reviews of trashy reality shows that and you know her thing was written by um children or whatever but i feel like we should just do reviews of trashy reality shows on anywhere like imdb okay good i was gonna say i'm not paying for freaking comments well i almost gave you that as a challenge and then i was like but i feel like it would be so wasteful to not use my membership three dollars a month no i think that's a great theme because there's reviews of reality tv shows there's imdb reviews that sounds great you can probably find old dvds and i love so many reality tv shows it's gonna be so much fun to go through and like just go through the ones i love and read reviews about the ones like um so she mentioned

tequila tequila shot of love or next like those old school ones you can probably find like dvd copies on amazon and shit and like read reviews you know weird okay yeah this is gonna this is gonna be fun i'm excited uh your challenge is another, I think, wholesome one. So Taylor sent in this email and it was a specific review and saying, as an owner of three cats, this really resonated with me. I'm not gonna read the review,

but you might wanna use it. So I'll put it in your folder. But Taylor says, made me think that accidental cat toys could be a fun challenge idea. So the idea is that someone bought something and their cat loves it. So they're like, okay, I guess it's my cats now. I love that.

I'm sure you have experience. Oh, yeah. Moonshine the other day. We can actually maybe post this picture. I don't know for that episode or whenever we want. But when I was out of town, Blaze and Sherry, my mother-in-law, sent me a picture of the dog's water bowl and the cat's water bowl. And Moony likes to drown his toys as is canon in my family. And Moonshine had just dragged one of Leona's like big rattles.

It was like a stuffed rattle, but it's like it's big. And he had just dragged it and drowned it in a bowl of water. He's really scary. And that thing is like the size of his body. Like he carried that thing and drowned it in a bowl of water he's really scary and that thing is like the size of his body like i'm like he carried that thing and drowned it and by the way it is a bird rattle he's terrifying he is something is demonic about that creature yeah there are definitely plenty of baby toys that i thought would become dog toys but no no they've become moonshine toys so i love this idea okay good perfect yeah so uh all we have to say is go to

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