Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 186: Reviews of Trader Joe's

Episode Date: June 22, 2022

Only 1780s kids love Slipknot!! Trader Joe's United: https://traderjoesunited.org/ | https://twitter.com/TraderJoesUnite Listen to Xandy on this week's episode of Twisted & Uncorked: https://spoti.fi/3n4zVkr Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer New merch including an EEK! pin!!! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast only six dollars at a and w's in ontario experience a and w's classic breakfast on now d-in only until 11 a.m. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hi everyone, welcome to Beach, Shoe, Sandy, Water, Too Wet. This is a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion,

and my name happens to be Zandy. Hi, I'm Xteen. Today we're reading Trader Joe's reviews, but there's something I am trying to, I need to make space for you to talk. I almost just dove right into Trader Joe's. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is how we forget to say. Give me some time.

I literally told you 10 seconds ago I have a couple announcements. I tried to stop myself. Important stuff. So first of all, y'all, if you're spooky, true crime, whatever, interested, which is probably most of you, please go check out Twisted and Uncorked because I was in one of their episodes. It's very exciting. And it was so much fun.

First of all, just recording. It was so fun. And we talked about the Flannan Isles lighthouse mystery, which is, I mean, lighthouses specifically because of me, but it was so fascinating.

Had you heard of it? What the hell was that? Talk about mysteries. Did you just like, so i think did your blood pressure go up and your phone's like freaking out no i i put my when i'm with the baby in the morning i put my apple watch i hit the water droplet that you hit when you go into the pool or whatever or in the shower so that when she touches it and plays with it like

she can't hit any buttons oh and when it's deactivated and you expel water from it or whatever squirted water all over you no i didn't actually use it there was no water in water but i don't know how that happened because i it must have turned itself off well christine that's like part of this mystery is like water and ocean and who knows i'm not going to give away too much i mean it was a lighthouse of course it's water i'm not going to give out too much information I mean, it was a lighthouse. Of course, there's water. I'm not going to give out too much information, but I'm very curious what people think about theories because we talked for a long time at the end of the episode

about theories about what actually happened to the three lighthouse keepers. It's a mystery. It's still a mystery. It's so fascinating. So y'all go listen to that. It was lots of fun. Link for that is below

or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Next, our patreon oh yeah patreon y'all we changed things up we did and i think that was smart sandy thank you because we had been meaning to for a while you finally went ahead and did it two dollars a month still gets you all the episode or all our bonus episodes we haven't changed anything there but five dollars a month it used to be just you all the episode or all our bonus episodes we haven't changed anything there but five dollars a month it used to be just you get the uh theme song as a ringtone but now we're going to start implementing um polls so you all can vote in polls on patreon if you're the five dollar tier uh where we put out polls for our new themes yeah so y'all basically decide our new theme yeah um in polls and y'all can comment there whatever if you want something specific so go check out patreon.com slash beach to sandy for that now should we talk about trader joe's yes

okay because one more semi-announcement related to this episode i want to talk about unionization efforts at trader joe's because there's a group called trader joe's united their website is traderjoesunited.org and they're all about unionizing at trader joe's locations and i have a little tweet like they had there's a long tweet thread about issues that they had with Trader Joe's management, their policies, etc. But here's a little succinct tweet within that thread that kind of goes over some of it. It says, Trader Joe's has enjoyed positive PR as a friendly grocer staffed with helpful people for years. When a pandemic arrived, we found ourselves unwittingly on the front line of it. The company refused to be there for us.

They only moved when we made a lot of noise demanding help. So if you look it up, there have been some cases where complaints were brought, and it wasn't until there was a lot of media attention that they were like, okay, let's do something about this. So they're like, why don't we unionize, which I think is fantastic. So if you'd like to support them, you can go to TraderJoe'sUnited.org or check out the Twitter account at Trader Joe's Unite. Sweet. Yes.

Fingers crossed. All of them are very successful in their efforts. Yes. That seems to be a pattern happening across the U.S. with big corporations. Yeah, I wish we'd talked about it. We did a Starbucks episode, right? I wish we'd talked about it. That was a long time ago, wasn't it? That was. Did we do a Starbucks? I was really anti- union back then. Yeah, I wish we'd talked about it. We did a Starbucks episode, right? I wish we'd talked about it. That was a long time ago, wasn't it?

That was. Did we do a Starbucks? I was really anti-union back then. Yeah, I know. You were. Since you've moved back to Ohio, you've really changed your views, you know? We did a coffee shop in Seattle, I think. Oh, yeah, we did. Because we thought that would be funny. Because we thought that would be funny. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Wasn't it? Wasn't it? It was hilarious. Okay. Should we read some shitty reviews? Yeah. You go ahead. Okay.

So Chloe's the one who actually suggested, well, a lot of people, as we know, suggested this. But Chloe's email is the one that I read. And in it, Chloe said, oh said oh i'm gonna send you some if you choose this topic so lo and behold here is one okay thank you chloe this is a trader joe's oak park illinois and it's a one-star review by gina apparently trader joe's caters to dark chocolate lovers there is dark chocolate covered almonds dark chocolate covered raisins dark chocolate covered peanut butter cups but it is hard to find much milk chocolate yes i know dark chocolate is better for you but this elitist dark chocolate attitude is tiring end of review is that

real elitist i um yeah okay hey before i vegan, I was very much like a, ew, dark chocolate is gross kind of person. Yeah. Now it's, I can't eat milk chocolate. All you can have. Um, so I get it, I guess, but. Now that you're an elitist. Now that I'm an elitist. Many people would say that, but I would never think that that would fall under like, or

be related to chocolate fandom. Yeah, I feel like that's a stretch to say it's elitist. I feel like most people just bitch about dark chocolate. Yeah, because they're like, oh, it's gross. Not because it's elitist. I don't really see the other way around. I don't really see people being like, you eat milk chocolate. Oh, God forbid you ever catch me with milk chocolate covered raisins.

Well, gross. For other reasons. I just don't like raisins. They do have a lot of dark chocolate products. Like when you go to the checkout and stuff, it's probably mostly dark chocolate. So true. And I do go to the checkout and I do see the dark chocolate. Me too. I check every label and buy whatever i can which is usually all of it all of it mostly i'm going actually today and it did not occur to me until we started recording like oh wait i'm going to trader joe's later oh god i had this planned already maybe i can ruin it for you yeah i was gonna say maybe i won't after all this i don't know i didn't find a good one of uh

your trader joe's location so you're welcome um here's a one-star review, though, of one in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Oh, even better. Your secondary location. My other one. That's where I go if I have the afternoon free. This is a two-star review. This place might as well be called Trader Closed. 9 p.m. Really?

End of review. 9 p.m.? What are you doing, Fort Lauderdale? What are you doing 9 p.m. Really? End of review. 9 p.m. What are you doing, Fort Lauderdale? What are you doing at 9 p.m.? I was, hey, I recently had a little bit of a shock when I found out that Walmart closes at like 11 p.m. Oh. And I was like, why is this not open longer? Was it not a super center?

Because aren't those 24 maybe i don't think it was it was one in kentucky i think i don't even remember that night was a blur oh i don't even know why i was going oh it was a night i was getting d from the airport you're looking for a square reader i was looking for a square reader because we had our show i remember um she also needed uh for contact she needed like contact solution right and i accidentally got her eye wetting drops instead of contact solution you amateur i was i'm such an amateur you amateur so we had to go to cvs afterwards because walmart was closed dear lord but walmart was like the only thing open that in that area but it was closing at

11 i was like oh that's so early so then i saw this and was like oh i can weirdly relate yeah you can relate when are you gonna buy your dark chocolate covered raisins if not at 9 0 5 p.m here i am talking about unionizing and workers rights and i'm like why aren't they open law all the time walmart isn't open what the heck on a friday what else what do they have to do these employees what better what could they possibly have to do the fact that people i've read so many reviews where there's something like that and it's like people are so lazy nowadays and it's like what does that have to do with laziness get up at eight in the morning and go to the grocery store like yeah make fucking, make fucking, make time.

Make better choices. Don't blame these employees. They're so lazy not to stay. As if they're the ones who are like, you know what? I think it's closing time. My managers won't care if we're not open later. Actually, it's up to me. Now that we're unionized, I get to decide when to close the store.

That's how it works um okay so this is another review and this is of a trader joe's in chicago and this is also from chloe it's a one-star review by sam i have never felt so unwanted if you like to feel like an unwanted stepchild you are more than welcome here can't help but feel i was out in the sun too long to be at home end of review what okay i was trying to wrap my head around the first part and then the sun part yeah yeah yeah well i will say too chloe um signed the email quote she they the way, sign the email from your unwanted stepchild. And before I read the reviews, I just was like, oh, OK.

You were like, oh, it sounds like something one of our fans would say. Yes, I accepted it as like, oh, it's just a weird greeting that Chloe uses. Chloe things. Classic Chloe. Chloe things. So I read that and I was like, oh, I see. It's a reference. I love it. that has happened a lot

happens a lot yeah because a lot of you like to reference the reviews you send in but it's kind of meta it's like what we do on the show but you do it in an email and we're too dumb to figure it out we are absolutely but yeah so you know if you're unwanted um i love how it's like you'll be welcomed here as if that's what they're like specifically looking for. Yeah. If you want to be unwelcome, then you'll be welcomed. Yes, exactly. It's very deep.

Makes a lot of sense. So, yeah, I mean, as a stepchild myself. Yeah. Oh, yeah, me too. But only ever very wanted. Very wanted. Can't relate. Am I right?

Move on. Read the next review okay good happily my next one is of the trader joe's on uh hyperion in la oh yeah good times uh one star review bad times parking in la at trader joe's is so difficult so wasn't this the one with like the hostage situation oh you're right because this because this is down that hill. Yeah, that weird. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Scary stuff. Here's the one-star review.

This is the worst Trader Joe's parking lot in Los Angeles. They're all bad, so that's really saying something. No amount of Joe's-o's is worth the stress. End of review. She went there. No amount of Joe's- saying something. No amount of Jozo's is worth the stress. End of review. She went there. No amount of Jozo's. The thing is, though, this was written six years ago. They've probably come out with so many new Jozo's flavors.

Okay, so Jozo's are the cereal. Yes, I believe so. Okay, because there's also... What are the cookies? Yeah, they're called... That gets me confused. It's Jo's... Jojo's? Jojo's? cookies? Yeah, they're called... That gets me confused. It's Joe's... Joe Joe's?

Joe Joe's? Joe Joe's? Something like that. Yeah. Joe O's. Joe's O's are the cereal. Like, they're the Cheerios. Got it.

Trader Joe's Oreos. Those have a lot of flavors, too. Those are good. The Joe Joe's. Yeah, those are Joe Joe's. Those are the peppermint ones. Oh, man. Oh, the peppermint ones oh man oh the peppermint

ones don't get me started see i like that this person was like there's no amount of cereal that can fix it but there is an amount of cookies that's what i'm thinking all those peppermint ones the peppermint ones are excellent i don't even know they're probably not i'm gonna be honest the thing is it's all this has like the cream in the middle but it's spelled c-r-e-m-e which means it's probably just oil it's creme it's french we we candy cane jojos candy cane that's the one that's the one they're so good i need ingredients okay okay it's looking good hey it's looking good gracia yeah i think i think it's looking good. Hey, it's looking good, Christina. I think it's vegan. They have coffee powder.

Interesting. Delicious. That's why I get so jazzed when I eat them. I get jazzed. That's why we're addicted to them. They got us. They're filled with speed. Like candy cane JoJo's. Okay.

I'm done with my JoJo's and JoOh's. Okay. Okay. So, let's see. The's and JoOs. Okay. Okay. So let's see. The next one I have was sent in by Abigail Sheher, and this is of the Trader Joe's in Kansas City, Missouri. And this is a one-star review by Randy. Trader Joe.

Big whoop. Anything labeled organic is simply code for extremely expensive and overpriced. Trader Joe's is loaded with organic stuff. I just can't see why people would want to shop here other than to overpay for the same stuff you can get just about anywhere and to bloat about how you got it at Trader Joe's. Who cares? Not me. End of review.

It seems like you care a lot. I read that review and I went, I know who cares. And it's a little guy named Randy. And a lot of you one-star reviewers care so much about the word organic. Who cares? Not me. It's like, what? Are you sure it's not you?

People do view Trader Joe's as very elitist. Elitist yes yes so it was really funny to have that like dark chocolate person be like oh there's like elitism within like it's layered it's so layered and it all starts with the chocolate and it goes from there you think it's yeah yeah the second they started making joe's joe's joe joe's dark chocolate flavor everything went to shit oh no um i have read that some some troubling stuff about where they put Trader Joe's as far as like um in you know uh certain districts oh I believe it so well and like that did not surprise me at all but so I think there yeah

are definitely a lot of valid complaints about elitism um but then when it comes to like chocolate i'm like okay that seems i feel like that person wanted to be like yeah me too and everyone was like no you don't you don't get it nice try but you don't get it you can't be part of this go go to the amc about this person and say they can't they're not elitist in the right ways they're not elitist in the right ways i'm gatekeeping elitism keeping the gatekeepers i'm saying go to amc get yourself some raisinets if you want milk chocolate raisins so bad you sicko oh my god i love raisinets so i don't sicko indeed um i've got another trader joe's review uh This is in LA on Olympic Boulevard this time. Oh, wait. Also, sorry.

Uh-oh. I know we got stuck on... Lots of things. Who cares? Not me. But also, he said... Bloat? Did you say bloat?

Bloat instead of gloat. Okay. I wasn't sure if I misheard that. Yeah, he said bloat, and I wanted to just point that out. That's important. And he called it Trader Joe three times. Well, speaking directly to Trader Joe, I thought... Trader...

Mr. Joe. Mrader Joe three times. Well, speaking directly to Trader Joe. Trader Mr. Mr. Joe. Yeah. A.K.A. Aldi owner or whatever. Yeah. One of the Aldi brothers. Here we go. It's a one star review of the Olympic Boulevard L.A. Trader Joe's. Some of the employees are really not helping costumer at all.

Sometime they send you to wrong location for item. I asked this young white woman about triangles shaped breads. She did not know what his triangle looked like. Parking is in top floor, very inconvenient. Employees need to be educated and retrained. End of review. And I'm here to do it. I can teach your employees geometry.

Very basic geometry. The lady didn't know what a triangle was, supposedly. That's just such a specific complaint to have. It wasn't like they didn't know where this bread was. They said they didn't know what a triangle was. What it looked like. So now I'm wondering if it's like, there's some truth to this. I just like that insinuation,uation a that they're so dumb but i feel like i would be like oh sorry i don't know what

a triangle is go find it yourself i don't know i feel like maybe they're just playing dumb so they don't know but i feel like competence triangle couldn't be me i don't know what that is never weaponized incompetence. Weaponized incompetence. Triangle? Couldn't be me. I don't know what that is. Never heard of it. Never heard of it. Never heard of her. What is triangle bread? Pita?

I don't know. What the fuck is triangle bread? Triangle. I'm assuming it means pita. Christina, I don't, I don't know. Do you think it means pita? I don't, actually. Because you've said it three times, so. i don't i don't know do you think it means pita i don't actually because you've said it three times so clearly i don't know what a triangle is either i don't know because that's

also not a triangle so if we're gonna get into it we're gonna get into it so let's not get into it i guess when i thought of triangle bread though i thought of like oh yeah when you cut a piece of bread in half and but then i'm like why would they sell it like that no yeah i think they mean pita but also since a pita is round and then cut also not a triangle technically if we're doing yeah exactly so that's why i don't know why you kept saying pita over and over again because that's what they meant i think i did triangle bread trader joe's nothing it's our famous triangle bread maybe she really meant a square first like you know a triangle with four sides and they're like that's not a triangle

and they go to google they don't know what a triangle is. Normal bread. Oh, boy. Okay. Someone's going to DM us or tweet at us and be like, you fucking idiots. It means, and there's like some perfectly reasonable explanation. Em and I had like a 45 minute debate about what a trapezoid was once. Or no, a rhombus. A rhombus. And ever since then, I have no leg stand on when it comes to geometry.

I actually got an A in geometry in high school. Isn't a rhombus like a diamond, basically? Why are you asking me? It's like a parallelogram. Or is there a difference? You know what, Alexander? Stop right here, because I've gone down this road, and it is dangerous. Okay.

But yes, you are correct. Okay, don't say that, because now someone's going to be like, he's not correct! You asked! Okay, fine. Okay, this is say that because now someone's going to be like, he's not correct. You asked. Okay, fine. Okay, this is an email from Sydney. She heard it's a Trader Joe's in Orlando and it's a one-star view by Michael. Can't even get a two-week supply of advent calendars. What a joke.

Won't be back for some time. End of review. A two-week supply? Yeah. Wait, what? You need an advent? Wait, wait. I know. It supply? Yeah. Wait, what? You need an advent? Wait, wait. I know.

It hurt my brain. My brain does hurt. I don't know if it means I want an advent calendar that only has two weeks worth of dates on it. Or like... Wait. No, yeah. I don't want enough advent calendars to... It really doesn't track for me.

I do like the insinuation you won't be back for some time like until next season you know what i mean like until to check next time for another two weeks supply in two weeks when they're all like 10 sorry like 90 off yeah when they're on clearance. Yeah. I wonder... What does that mean? Two-week supply. A two-week supply? I wonder if they have too many... It's like, how many do you need to survive for two weeks? Yeah.

Like, in their storm... Their bomb shelter or something. I think each one of those chocolates is three calories. I'm serious. Like, I'm dead serious. Only three? It literally has the nutrition facts on the back. Only three?

Yeah, because they're, like, this big. Oh, I know. I've eaten lots? It literally has the nutrition facts on the back. Only three? Yeah, because they're like this big. Oh, I know. I've eaten lots of them in my life. Maybe they're more like five calories. Okay. Yeah. But I think for two weeks in the bomb shelter, you would need... Well, it depends on if you're looking for actual physical sustenance or just like morale.

And also if you're allowed to eat them. Why wouldn't you be? On the wrong days. Oh, that's true. You wouldn the wrong days oh that's true you wouldn't be so you that's why you need so many oh you can't every day eat like random dates it has to be the right day like the 40th time you're opening the little gingerbread man and you're just like so bitter you're like it's not even fun anymore after you open like 10 of the same window. Because you know exactly where it is.

It's like at this point, what's the fun in it? What's the fun? Yeah. If you're eating them in your bomb shelter, where's the fun in it? Oh my God, this is so stupid. Here's a one-star review of a Trader Joe's in Sarasota florida florida was yeah kind to me wow i'm not surprised here we go the most woke supermarket in america also a complete scam on its idea of being a health food stores complete garbage plus no scale on the produce. End of review. How?

What kind of health food store doesn't let me weigh my pears? They're literally like, this place is too woke. This place is bad. I also don't like how they don't have a scale in the produce section. Like, as if they just shop there and they're like, oh, I also have a reasonable complaint here. I have to bring my own scale every time I go to the produce store. This place that they hate so much. And they're like also make it this would improve it maybe i'm wrong but i feel like they don't bill themselves as a health food store um they've gotten the same with that tweet i read earlier about it being like this friendly grocer kind of vibe it's that vibe about it yeah that's true i i feel like it's very

intentional even if they don't explicitly say that their health food store yeah there's like this underlying feeling of oh this place if you shop at trader joe's you're healthier yeah i can see that yeah it's that like elitism yeah no it is 100 it's sort of like a whole foods vibe i guess of yeah because a lot of people compare the two yeah and you look at it it's like whole foods is amazon right trader joe's is aldi like it's just a major corporations they all care about your gut health about your skin health, about your immune system. Yeah, the fact that there's no scale. I have not run across that complaint yet.

Right? That was surprising. I was like, oh, this person has a legitimate complaint, despite being like, this place was too woke for me. It's like the person wearing a mustache and hiding and pretending they're not part of it, but they're like, by the way, while I'm here, can you fix fix a few things i don't really want to drive all the way down to ralph's um okay so this is an email from alex they them and this is of a trader joe's in portland maine this one's troubling i don't know what to do with this oh no um i'm uncomfortable already you should be uh it's a one-star review by a user called adore 24 7 24 7 i guess

little demons in the store prevented me from paying for another person's groceries they behaved as the dark matter that gets between that which is good who am i to say such things my name is on the town and many products in the store and what is it joe is it portland mr portland joe portland joe portland i have no idea and it's a local guide oh shit i have absolutely no idea i bet anyone in portland maine listening right now is just shaking in fear shaking because they're like oh my god someone upset joe portland they dare bring up joe portland on this episode uh yeah so i don't know what that's about they are a local guide with 26 reviews um they tried to pay for another person's groceries but um well who yeah who messed that up

uh oh little demons the little demons i almost said little demons and then i thought there's no way that's what it was it's definitely little demons wow who behaved as the dark matter that gets between that which is good obviously so is that a quote from something or are you coming up with that i don't know because i do like joe portland also says who am i to say such things question mark like it's on the town sort of like reading the room or like like predicting what you're gonna say except that it's not at all what i was gonna say which is what i was gonna i wasn to say, who are you to be able to say that? I was going to say, what the fuck are you saying?

There's dark matter between... To begin with. What does any of that mean? I don't care who you are. I just want to know what you're talking about. Yeah. But yeah. To be clear, that's not a plea to everyone to tell us what it means.

No. Because we're afraid. Let us live in this blissful ignorance. We are afraid of this one. My name is on the town. I checked. I literally went and traced back and made sure it was Portland, Maine. Because I was like, what else could this mean?

They are a local guide. Maybe they're confused about what that really means. It doesn't have as much importance as maybe they think it does. I mean... Not with 26 reviews. Yeah, that seems like a low number i don't understand how local guides work i have a review sent in by uh simone and davia both sent them in no no it's the same same group so here we go it's it's simone and simone's mom so simone says my mom and i love

the pod we started listening about a month ago and are obsessed. And this was from January of 2020. Oh. So it's been a while. How you doing? It's been a while. Hopefully you're still here with us. How are you holding up? But there are, yeah.

Please tell me you're still with us on the podcast. Oh my God. Okay. I just want to call that out. I wasn't even thinking in that context. I know you weren't. I was like, oh, hopefully there's still fans. When I heard it, I was like, let's clarify that thank you for doing god thank you i would not have noticed yikes okay uh it says we went to trader joe's today and my mom decided

to look up reviews of it here we go two stars i believe this is in somewhere in like new york state came in here for jelly i approached one of the store's employees to ask where I can find the jelly. He looks at me and says, what comes with jelly? I stood there dumbfounded. He says, peanut butter. I reply, okay. Then he says, what comes with peanut butter and jelly? I say, um, still standing there dumbfounded.

He says bread and points at the large sign that says bread. I was caught off guard with his creepiness. Dude, I didn't come in here for theatrics. I just want my fucking jelly. End of review. How? Who went with the theatrics? Like, what?

Cut it out. What? Who? Who? What? Just point it out. What is this? Truly though, what is up with the theatrics?

Okay, I'm glad you felt that way. I didn't know if you were laughing at the person, the reviewer. Oh no, this reviewer's like, what is going on? And I'm like, what is going on and i'm like what is going on i'm uncomfortable like hearing about this interaction like what comes it's like this isn't a riddle you know also i guess it is now but also i feel like if somebody said what comes with a peanut butter i'd be like okay where's the peanut butter like it's not helpful to me yeah that's why the reviewer didn't even say they responded.

They were just dumbfounded, which is, like, how I would react. I would say, excuse me? What? What? Just not, no. Triangle bread? I have no idea. Also, like, it's, I don't know.

Like, logically, we know that jelly goes generally with peanut butter like that's a thing that doesn't mean that's where it is in the store it doesn't make i don't i'm so it doesn't make any sense no and usually the bright is not near i i don't think that normally is the bread check it later today when you go i will because i was thinking about that i feel like it's in a different aisle like the peanut butter and jelly are definitely in the same area i think with like the the mixed peanut butter and jelly stuff that they have and their different spreads but i don't think the bread's right there normally at least not the ones i go to by the fruit produce yeah which i guess sometimes the produce the shelf never mind

of jelly is by the produce too though i've seen that this is what you should say the next time you ask where the jelly is and someone starts this theatrics you start this conversation my own theater they'll regret it yeah you start your own theatrics but like they'll never do it again yeah oh yeah they'll never do it again they'll be like this is not worth my time well it's when i was at this trader joe's on this date uh the peanut butter and the jelly were actually located in this quadrant but let me think what was the date of that yeah you just start your own like opposite of anti-theatrics really anti-theatrics yeah that that might shut it down that's my thing now going forward yeah anti-theatrics that's probably been my thing but now it's intentional

at least when we're in the room usually your thing is anti-theatrics yeah yeah i have to shut you down all the time precisely so i have one more left and it's a redemption how many do you have i'm done sweet okay so this was sent in by abby and it's a five star review by billy of a trader joe's in st louis missouri i do love the hummus. I do like the cucumbers. I do like the bread. I do like the chocolate hearts. The parking lot is the seventh circle of hell. Sammy, age six. Oh!

End of review. Oh my, I did not expect that. I was like, ha ha, that's funny. Oh, a child. That's, I don't know. I feel like the only Trader Joe's I've been to that has a decent parking lot is the one in Kentucky that they opened recently. I absolutely agree. That's the only one that I feel.

Okay, the one in Kenwood isn't that bad, like in Cincinnati. But it's still worse than most grocery stores in the area somebody wrote in that they did that on purpose to make them look busier there's like a there is definitely thought behind their terrible parking lots it's like rough i mean people there were reviews of people being like i got hit by uh my cart got hit by a car like somebody ran their cart into my car to see it was very chaotic especially in la i know that this is like so boring for most people but that person was right that like no amount of the cereal we're not talking jojo's to be clear but no amount of joe's o's probably could have made up for one

of those parking lots there is an amount of jojo's that would make up yes exactly but not joe's and it's like two yeah yeah um but no that one Hyperion, that's where they have like an actual parking lot attendant. Like they have somebody there to like direct you to which exact spot to go to. Good. Yeah. So I don't know. But silly that they need it. That's how bad it is.

Yeah. Yeah. No. Seventh Circle of Hell, I guess, according to Sammy, who doesn't even drive, presumably. So like it must be having a stressful time in the in his car seat in his booster seat yeah which um oh did you see all the complaints about dogs no okay i saw all wait it was so interesting only because you got both sides of the spectrum like literally back-to-back reviews one would be um like i'm so

upset they wouldn't let me in with my dog like they made me look ridiculous um and then the next review is like i can't believe you let dogs in this location like it's unsanitary so yeah i so who knows every trader joe's that I looked at, I saw those reviews. Really? I didn't. I think every single one I saw, except maybe when I looked at the local ones. But, yeah. I wonder.

Because people were complaining because they're supposedly supposed to enforce service animals only. Well, right. Like, basically any other store. I don't really understand why this would be any different. I don know but i saw every single trader joe's that's bizarre yeah yeah i feel like i wouldn't take the time to complain if someone brought their dog but also like i'd be like why is that dog in here yo there's some gross examples like people like holding dogs like that like touching fruit probably i mean reportedly weren't uh service animals and yeah and then touching the produce and that's to be fair like people who are touching produce anyway i don't

want their germs no matter what especially nowadays is it okay if i touch it with my tongue to like try it out just taste it yeah yeah it's okay my hands behind my back and i just it's okay for me it's probably not okay for you or your your well-being but um uh but i'll pick you up from jail later when they call the police on you oh yeah that's true you would be in trouble that would be a bad thing don't do don't lick produce licking the fruit ariana grant who did that ariana did that at like a bakery i thought well yeah a donut was it was it ariana who did that yeah licking donuts yeah it was pretty gnarly this is stupid oh boy

okay i have a challenge here it was sent in by alexandria do you remember it yeah they complained about their significant other for no reason yes I was actually I took place to like a bourbon tasting thing yesterday and you complained about him for no reason for father's day and uh I told the people at our table about our podcast and I gave this as an example and they were very amused um i hope at least they pretended to be so this is uh i have a few here this one was actually sent in so i have one i think that was sent in an email and the rest um i found but this one was so good so this is from l she her and it's of the smith weight centennial tarot deck on amazon oh and uh it's 15 pounds 62 cents is that how you say that i don't know

and it's a five-star review it's 1562 pounds that also doesn't sound it's 15 pounds 62 ounces none of this sounds right. No. I know. And this is a five star review by Martin. Verified purchase. So. I will say. Sorry.

Yeah. Just thinking about this tarot thing. This was. What a good. I mean I assume you didn't just look up this tarot deck and you found it through Google searching. But I feel like this kind of thing is exactly where people would complain. Interesting. Like anything to do with so

how would you like like how would you think that it would in my come about thinking it's like my like boyfriend doesn't believe in this stuff like he's a cynic or whatever like he's a he's always a pooping well i guess that's not randomly yeah that was the hard part is like that's for no reason kind of was like a hard uh line to find because that's true oftentimes the products i mean there was a reason they having a reason right they would complain so i hope this counts but um it it's actually so like i said it's from l who said she was looking up pterodex and just happened to see it and was like oh this would fit the challenge so yeah that is oh

it was really it was really kind of random so hopefully this fits the bill if not blame Elle it's Martin five stars verified purchase and the title is great if you do not like your wife's friends I was skeptical

at first my missus has a right gob on her and has no quibbles in voicing her opinion but now okay i need a translation already you'll get the idea by the end i think but now she can pull out these silly cards and tell all her friends that their partner is cheating or somebody's gonna have a baby etc and get hours of pure gossip and backlash. She has made zero accurate predictions about anything, but I'm going to elevate that to a score of one as she predicted that I broke her vase, but I reckon that was just a good guess. I'm still going to blame the cat.

On a more serious note, I had a look at the cards and they look nice and was nicely packaged. After all the drama she started, I've hidden the cards away. She may buy another set to find out where the first set have gone. Oh my god! Okay, this very fits. What? Jackass.

What an asshole! Like, it's kind of, like, there's some funny jokes thrown in there, but like, just, like, if it weren't as funny, it would be, like, it's very alarming. It's sort of just, like, filled with red flags. Below the surface. Yeah. It feels very alarming. Very shallowly below the surface.

It's like, oh, gosh. Yeah. I hope this is satire. Like, this is really mean. Yeah, no, I know. I hope this is just, like, their banter kind of thing. Yeah. Did he actually hide that? but that's the wild part is like it's a verified

purchase which means amazon has confirmed that this person has bought these cards so it's like well they must have bought them for something i don't know but uh yeah just complain about the wife and her friends um so that one this felt that felt very unprompted yes it did feel like unnecessary right yeah because the rest of the review is like oh on a more serious note uh the cards were nicely packaged they look great it's like couldn't you just said that like you're not reviewing the product when you're talking complaining about your wife and her friends starting drama oh. Oh my God. Hours of gossip. So this one I found,

this is of Jersey Freeze in Freehold, New Jersey. It's a diner that sells ice cream. So this is a five-star review by Nick. My wife is annoying. The end. No, I'm just kidding. My wife is annoying. She's obsessed with Bruce Springsteen and all she talks about is Jersey Freeze and how he used to come here and spill his ice cream on himself and key people's cars as if she was coming here since 1952.

She was born in 88. 1988. She acts like 1888. The ice cream here. I don't know if that means like she's a Victorian lady. I was going to say, famously, people over 100 love Bruce Springsteen. The ice cream here is good as fuck, though. Soft serve is the only you need to get here.

They have food on the diner part, but I wouldn't bother. Just get the ice cream. The boss loves this place. He sometimes shows up randomly and gets down and dirty. Okay. You seem very comfortable with Brucie and the boss. Also. This is just mean. I know that's the point of this this challenge

yeah he's like uh the boss loves it he comes here sometimes really randomly the soft serve is good but anyway he sucks and my wife is annoying and she's over a hundred years old it's just very confusing to me and it seems so unnecessarily cruel to mock your partner's like interests exactly like what let oh my god people could be so nasty bruce springsteen i i i don't get and also just what if she saw this review or did you write it and send it right to her like look what i wrote i talked to you like this already maybe this is part of their little what if she saw this review? Or did you write it and send it right to her? Like, look what I wrote. I talked to you like this already. Maybe this is part of their little banter, like you said.

Exactly, but I don't want to excuse any of this, but I guess maybe their relationships like this exist where maybe she's writing reviews about his interest in Slipknot or something. I don't know. He acts like he was born in 1788, the way he likes Slipknot or something I don't know he acts like he was born in 1788 the way he likes Slipknot it's so annoying also like I feel like if you were rating it negatively and you were like the place is not even good we only go because of her interest that's different but like he's saying oh there's a great place yeah the ice cream's really he's just mad about why she likes it which is so

weird to me um okay so the next one i have is of the rif6 wireless tv headphones 2.0 over ear cordless headphone with rf transmitter there's like three more lines and i'm not gonna put everyone through that basically they're like wireless headphones to listen to your tv that had those yes he did to like watch tv while our stepmom slept in bed right and that's pretty much exactly oh oh this review is by burning no i'm just kidding um it is by a user called one good dog so i don't know quite who that is but the review is called works great hookedooked Directly to TiVo Cable Receiver. Five stars. Verified purchase. My wife was driving me crazy with her stupid housewives and Kardashian stuff on our TiVo when I was trying to sleep.

I always had to keep checking. Done yet? Done yet? Done yet? Our TV doesn't have Bluetooth, so I needed a headset that came with its own transmitter. I saw this as 2.4 gigahertz, and that gave me confidence because I know Wi-Fi over 2.4 has pretty good range and bandwidth, even though 5 gigahertz is much higher bandwidth but shorter range.

Okay, first of all, congratulations. The AT&T guy also told me that when he installed my Wi-Fi, so I'm not really impressed, but good job. I initially tried driving this off Zone 2 from the Denon AV receiver, but we didn't get any sound out. Finally, I tried driving it off the analog audio output from the TiVo

and that worked fine. Now she gets to watch her stupid housewives and I can sleep peacefully. Five stars. I mean, why do you gotta be so negative about it? Wowza. This thing just is helpful for you and you're being so rude about it still

like the problem's solved that's the thing is like it's doing what you want is fix your problem so why don't we just leave that in the past yeah right uh yeah and i i also you know it kind of proves here that it's i feel like the cliche is like oh she watches her dumb reality shows or gossip but but like what about about Bruce Springsteen? It clearly doesn't really matter what the interest is. There will be someone who complains about it. Man, but I understand like if you can't sleep with something playing. Yeah, but how is this?

How did it get to this point? I know it's rough. It's rough. Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Yikes. Oh, my God.

Gives me like... Anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. So the next thing I did was I went to CruiseCritic.com. No! I just, like, I felt like I had accomplished a challenge and I was like, I miss it. And we'd only... I was at my rummikid as usual when I did these.

You were just browsing for fun and you'd stumbled on something? Well, I decided to do some, some searching within the website to see what I could see. Get it? See? Yes. And we had just recorded the episode on ships and I felt like i was missing it only been like 48 hours and i was missing it already so i went back to cruisecritic.com made an account made an account talk made a few friends became a cool cruiser just kidding i'm not there yet and i found some

complaints about partners okay so here is a uh it's sort of a review surprising place that you'd like right it felt like it was pretty easy once i came up with this idea it doesn't mean that it's still unnecessary like i'm sure these people are being like unnecessarily like bad mouthing their partners but still not surprising it but in the least that would happen here if you're gonna find a like a thread of people uh complaining about their partners even like jokingly this is the place to find it um and it doesn't help that people can respond you know unlike an amazon review so this is a forum about the radiance of the seas just a general feeling of wow the sea is so radiant my partner fucking sucks by the way whenever i talk about the radiance of the sea he says are

you done yet are you done you done yet i assume that's a ship i assume it is too you don't even know it's definitely a ship um and this is a comment here by desert bell what are you doing on a cruise cruiser desert bell great question okay my husband is driving me crazy what else is new roll eyes is that it oh i was gonna say like is i mean i don't know vent like, to your cruise friends might be. Definitely, they're all venting to their cruise friends. Yeah. But I'll tell you why.

Okay. Roll eyes. After picking what I thought was the best hump cabin, he now thinks he wants to try an aft cabin. If I had a nickel for every time I have it. Wait, what is a hump cabin? I don't know. I don't fucking know. What's aftft mean again it's some part of a boat starboard port and starboard are the left and right then stern and after the rear of a ship

at the direction of a ship stern is called the aft okay so it is okay okay it's the opposite of forward oh forward what about hump what's that the opposite of and i don't that's uh that's one of those swinger cabins you know what i mean i'm just kidding um okay are you are you yeah i'm googling swinger cabin no don't google that what are you googling hump cabin cruise don't Google that. What are you Googling? Hump cabin cruise. Don't do that. What is a hump cabin? Oh, it's not even that bad. No, I know it's not.

You don't know what it is? No, I don't know what it is. Oh, it's those that are in the bump. They stick out on the sides of the ship. They're coveted for their larger balconies and great views. And they're close to the elevators. So it sticks out like a hump. Got it.

Yeah. Okay. After picking what I thought was the best hump cabin, he now thinks he wants to try an aft cabin. The crease we are booking is pretty much open. So any suggestions on the top three aft cabins on the Radiance? What a dick. i'm just kidding so far this seems like the most normal like yeah he's like she's like oh he wants this and then it's actually going like trying to find it roll eyes at least here's a review or a comment

um by shaw 88 look my husband is driving me crazy about being on a ship on a football Sunday. You would think it was Super Bowl the way he is carrying on, but it is October 8th on NBC's Steeler Game at 8.15pm. Anyway, is there any coverage of NFL games on ships? First, he is known for almost a year that we will be on this cruise. He also knows that we have late dinner seating, but I told him if he can find football on TV or Sirius Radio, he could do that and I'll go to dinner. At any rate, I told him I would ask you football on TV or Sirius radio, he could do that. And I'll go to dinner at any rate. I told him I would ask you good people here. So here I am.

I like football a lot too, but is this ridiculous on his part? Can he watch the Steeler game on the ship? We will be arriving Bermuda the following day on Monday. End of comment. I just saw Eek at night. That's so good. There's truly an eek for everything there's an eek for everything

I think that's what I like titled our last description because there's a there really is it's so fitting and somebody wrote in like oh no that's just how

they would write like emoticons yeah yeah yeah and like we knew that yeah we know yeah we know that but um it's like how

in forums and stuff you would put like little emoticons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like eek just still seems to be used for like any concept anytime. I can't figure out like, I don't know. I don't want to figure it out. I feel that way about so many of the new emojis. Like as you're figuring them out, people use them in all different contexts and it's really fun.

My favorite still is the peeking through, like the new i hate that one through your fingers when i use it all the time for like many different contexts but eek has survived it seems like all of the contexts i feel like eek right like it it plays through it doesn't matter it's like still going strong no one's gonna question your use of it except me except alexander yeah um and uh honestly the the hiding face emoji kind of looks like eek does it but also my favorite's the melting face and i feel like that also kind of portrays eek you know what i mean it kind of does or like it's a universal feeling that one the melting face yeah you use that a lot. I love that one. It's a good one and has a bunch of different uses. I'm fine.

Everything's fine. Yeah. Here's a balcony room on the pride review. Okay. Well, actually, it's just the pride is the name of the ship. The title of the form is balcony room on the pride. And now this is... Oh, wait.

Could that man watch football? Oh, I don't know. Oh, no. I hope so. I didn't read the rest of the... I'm on his side. Okay, I'm not on anyone's side. But I watch football? Oh, I don't know. Oh, no. I hope so. I didn't read the rest of the- I'm on his side. Okay, I'm not on anyone's side. But I watch football.

This person needs a smartphone or a computer to watch their football. No, I think on the boats, there's like no service. Well, at least that's what my- That's probably Wi-Fi. That's what my ex-boyfriend told me when he went on a cruise. So I feel like that's not really- That is not true, Christina. No, it is. Christinaina i'm sorry that's

really embarrassing that was like right before he dumped me too so i feel like my experience isn't really the one we should trust you have y'all have iphones like i message um yeah but he said there was no wi-fi and i think he was lying there's no wi-fi on the cruise he said he didn't want to pay for it oh okay maybe then hey that you know back whenever that was a year ago oh my god um no back whenever that was like man so embarrassing no it might not be christina it might they he might have been telling the truth maybe that's what i tell myself when i can't sleep at night i was like but how is he watching all that football then just kidding how did he watch steelers sunday night nbc game and don't

get me wrong i like football a lot okay but I would rather go to my late night dinner on the cruise. Okay, so this is a forum called Balcony Room on the Pride. And it was posted by Cruzen Ike, who's a cool cruiser named Ike. Oh, I can tell. Okay, just making sure. And there were only two comments. And I'm not going to read the main post or the first response. But this is Cruzen Ike's response to the only person who responded, if that makes sense.

This is like the follow-up that Kruzanike posted. It's in all capital letters. Thank you for the information. My husband is driving me crazy. He can't reconcile 7A with rooms 5166 and 5168. We've been on two cruises, and this time his cousins are coming with us, and he wants them to enjoy themselves to the hilt,

as they haven't been on a vacation for 15 years. Personally, I would go crazy. Thanks again, Cruz and Ike and Sandy. Cool, cool, bon voyage. And of course, Cruz and Ike and Sandy. First what a name what a combo that is very cruisin ike and sandy it's just like man meant for each other and then uh cool obviously in the colons and then another cool which are both lowercase and then bon voyage so um cool cool cruisers cool cool bon bon voyage yep cool cool cool cool cool cool my goodness cruising ike and sandy i love it i love so many husbands driving

driving wives crazy it's true it happens all the time remember when you suggested going on a cruise to blaze and he was so particular about what hump cabin he wanted he was like you're like there's no hump on this ship and he was like i know he's like that's just what i call all the cabins it's really and i was sitting there like what the fuck this is so weird so was mom and she was like this is so uncomfortable and then he was like you named leona after the ship for some weird reason ss leona well it's because he went on the cruise by himself but like i didn't hear from him for six months because he said there was no wi-fi so it was like a very formative part of our relationship it sounds like anyway cool cool Mon voyage. That's all I got for you.

Okay, good ending. The end. Oh, my God. Help. I got to go to Trader Joe's now. I got to buy some dark chocolate raisins. Oh, yeah. Buy me something that's dark chocolate.

I want to feel elite. Feel alive. Yeah. So, y'all, thanks for listening. Beach to Sandy on all social media whatever patreon.com slash beach to sandy we have the theme for next week's next week already figured out but we'll put a poll up for the week after yes good idea doing that like for every episode i suppose there's only 10 days left in this month as we record this so we got to do a

bonus soon anyway so yeah we'll be posting that and otherwise we'll see you in six months when I get off this godforsaken SS Leona bye Bye.