Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 188: Toddler Beds

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hi everybody, welcome to Beach to Sandy Water 2 at the podcast where we read reviews. We read. What do we do? We read reviews in the most dramatic fashion.

So dramatic. Super dramatic. My name is Christine. My name is Andy. Quick announcement. Our new pin, Bitch to Sandy, should be out today. By the time you're listening to it, it will be out. If you're listening to this years from now, it's sold out. Bitch Too Sandy. Go check it out. Guess what else we're doing? Alexander and Dee had a genius idea. It was all Dee.

Dee had a genius idea, and it was, was where are we gonna put all these pins yeah we're doing bi-monthly pins but we have nowhere to put them always a pin and never wait what always a pin and never a place to put it true that's what d said that's what d said um so we are uh we have a little bundle available that includes a pin board with our logo on it. It is so cute. It's like a little cork board and you can put your pins on it. I think this is genius. I am going to buy one for myself because I need a place to put all my pins.

Mine are in a drawer. Huh? Mine are in a drawer. Mine are two. And I don't even mean like my Beach Too Sandy ones, although I have a couple of those. But I mean like all my pins. Yeah. They're just laying around because I'm afraid to put them on my jackets and stuff because i'm

afraid they'll fall off yeah like i have my mega pin yeah also dftba um yeah true dftba makes some great pins so i have a shrimp heaven now pin i have places i have no places i have places to be i'm gonna go okay good bye uh no I have so many pins and nowhere to put them yep so I'm very excited about our pin board um and yeah so go to bit.ly slash beach shoes sandy merch that's right or beach shoes sandy.com and click shop but uh don't make fun of me for not updating the website because it still has our tour things that's fine it reminds people of what they've missed yeah uh okay so today i'm delighted about our theme delighted in a mood and i'm nervous about it well alexander i just want to say i'm also in a mood just not a great one i want to say

happy birthday america now i'm in a worse mood happy birthday united states of america it is the 4th of july we are celebrating big time i opened a beer at two o'clock in the afternoon oh that's beer i assumed it was sparkling water it's actually a beer and i hid it from blaze so that he wouldn't judge me when I went up the stairs. That's nice. But now it's a surprise for you. I'm texting him. Your wife is drunk. Come get this beer away from your wife, please.

Come get your wife. She's drunk. No, I'm excited. We're celebrating tonight. Francisca came up with a genius costume or theme. What? She was like, we have to dress up. Yeah, Christina.

I don't know why we're doing that. We? I'm not doing it. She said you were doing it. No, I'm not. She wants us to dress like the Founding Fathers, which to me, I'm like, I don't really want to. There was literally an article today like why we should forget the Founding Farmers.

Founding Farmers. Sorry. Fucking restaurants always on my mind. Founding fathers. Honestly, I was so shocked when she was like, I want to dress like them. And I was like, I feel like that's the wrong move. Yeah, you're going to get someone's going to take a picture and you're going to get in big trouble. You're going to get canceled.

You deserve it. I'm going to get canceled and the photo that will be atop every Variety article will be me wearing some sort of legging outfit. And I'll have to make a statement to the press. It's awful. I don't want to do it. But I don't even know what it means to like, I don't have a wig. I'm disowning you if this happens. Anyway, I don't, I don't, I want to be clear here.

I'm using today as an excuse to, to drink a little bit more than usual, but I, I'm not really you know erica's husband andy's birthday is today happy birthday so let's celebrate that instead perfect okay um anyway okay what does this have to do with our theme are you getting to something no i just wanted to tell you that i'm partying today got it got it so our theme is children's beds yeah and i can't wait because it is such a weird topic yeah Yeah, it was weird. I don't remember what my reviews are. My life has been a blur these past few months. Yeah, it's Alexander's having a tough time.

And I think the thing that I'm doing is trying to overact and overcompensate. Yeah. And I don't think you're doing great. I don't think it's working as well for me as I think. If I ever reach this point in my re-listening to this podcast, I will be skipping these episodes. Oh, no. I'm sorry. Good thing we have video of this, too. I'm like, I don't know how to describe my current state. Yeah, you're not your most chipper self, but for good reason.

Thank you. So let's just get into the theme this was sent in by alexandria and uh it's very random i know but um there were quite a few reviews do you have do you did you i have a few why don't you go first though okay i'll go first so this was sent in by taylor and it's of the delta children wood toddler bed uh and it's disney frozen 2 themed delta has this fucking market corner i think it was taylor or somebody who emailed in and said like delta has a stranglehold yeah on the children's bed market yeah and it's true now i will say uh i did find a different seller with a stranglehold on the luxury children's bed. Oh, but as, uh, uh,

every man's children's bed, the, uh, I don't know how to say it. The Amazon level, uh, children's beds, you know,

the ones with like stickers on them and stuff. Stickers. God forbid. Um, okay. So this is a two star review by a user user called our family and it's a verified purchase the bed should not be on the ground where the cold air lives we love the look of it but it's on the floor end of review huh

where the cold air lives sounds like the sequel to where the wild things are i was just thinking it sounds uh like a book a novella um but yeah so the cold it really does doesn't it where the cold air lives uh it sounds like something we had to read in seventh grade where the cold air is true where the cold air lives oh never mind there's just information on why cold air is dense um we'll write it wow yeah and i mean it is a frozen two bed so you'd think honestly it just occurred to me you'd think that that would be okay yeah why is that so i assume they're okay no i'm not gonna assume what their problem is because i can't really understand it um i think it's just the problem is that people sometimes people would review that the company forgot to include the legs of the bed.

But there are no legs of the bed. It's meant to be on the floor. It sounds like in this case they didn't like that it was just a probably plastic-like thing that's in a rectangle that just sits on the ground. Instead of being elevated. Correct. Got it. Okay, then you have to put the mattress on the ground is that basically most likely what happened yeah where there's no like slats or something where the cold air lives yes exactly yeah wow so problematic so sad okay my next one aka my first one, is of the Privacy Pop Mini Bed Tent, toddler slash pink. Oh. It's not the full bed, but it's like a pop-up canopy.

Oh. So I figured it counted. Absolutely. It's under the bed section of Amazon. There you go. And it has the word toddler in it. And pink. And pink. It says toddler slash pink as if those are two different like colors take your pick i pick pink here we go two stars

glad this was offered but should have been a simple pop-up tent without the plastic poles just like those that exist right now for quick setup outdoor tents. Also, most definitely needs windows. Can't breathe in by morning unless you sleep towards the open part of the tent, which defeats the purpose in some ways for buying this mini tent to escape light while sleeping. Do not recommend this. Will eventually be a great product, but right now the engineers need to get back to work on it. Keep it simple, fast, space-saving to set up. Keep the size, but make it pop up. That part of this product was absolutely stupid. Also, add windows to allow air to flow into tent and carbon monoxide to flow out.

Plus, should have been taxed at purchase. In Kansas, use tax is required. So at the end of the year, any purchases not taxed at purchase and consumed slash used in the state of Kansas must be reported to the Kansas IRS. End of review. Can you imagine being this person's accountant and they just send in this explanation of the product? No. Like they would send this whole thing.

They wouldn't just say, oh, we use this tent. Yeah. So you need to tax me on this. They would say, we bought this tent, but let me tell you about it a little bit. And they copied and pasted this to Amazon. This entire thing. And they copied and pasted this to Amazon. This entire thing. I'm glad they mentioned it again because for a moment I thought they buried the lead that people were suffocating inside this tent.

I don't think anyone is. I don't think anyone is. I do like the idea that you'd have to put windows in the tent. That was, again, meant to block out light i don't know yeah they're like it defeats the purpose if you sleep close to the thing because of the light and yet they want windows i don't understand add some planter boxes add some add a chimney why not add a oh that would be something maybe they're trying then you can't hotbox it. Oh, shit. Oh, man. And if you had a chimney, then talk about carbon monoxide. You're going to get really sick in there.

That is a wild thought. But the engineers, I'm sure, will take this into consideration and go back to the drawing board. I'm sure of it. I hope so. Okay. Do you know how much that thing cost? This one is, take a guess. $99 75 dollars well the other colors are 80 dollars i wonder how sorry there's a toddler unicorn galaxy yeah there is i want that one does it have windows no damn

it just it just has. It looks like space. Oh, so it goes over your bed. Yeah, it's like a bed canopy. Oh, it goes over the existing. I thought it was like a tent on the ground. No, sorry. So yeah, it's a pop-up canopy that attaches to an already existing toddler's bed. I see.

Okay, okay, okay. I just can't imagine that the IRS would really come after you if you didn't report this purchase. with one letter difference. The number was the exact same. It was like one, zero, something, something, dash. And then I did R, but I needed to do dash H or something. And they fucking hounded me. They sent me a threatening letter saying that they were going to seize my assets. I'm not even kidding. The IRS threatened to seize my assets

and it was over like less than $2,000 that I paid. I paid, but i had selected the wrong form so the money went to the irs but like so they had it channel but it was like it was a sitting there with the wrong form attached to it uh and i had to call multiple times until i finally got it figured out and they were like oh yeah this is plenty of money we'll just transfer it over you're good. But I'm like, they sent me threatening mail saying that they were going to seize my assets if I didn't pay.

No offense, but what assets do they want? Exactly. That's the thing. It was like $1,000-something. What are they going to take? And they fucking threatened me. So yeah, so this pop-up pink. You'd be surprised is all i'm gonna say

well what i'm gonna say is you should invest your money smarter you should put your money into some of these luxury toddler beds that would not could you imagine if people found out that i was spending money on luxury toddler beds i talk about getting canceled my god i'm dressed as george thomas jefferson and you're sleeping in a luxury hot air balloon bed toddler bed we're gonna be canceled tomorrow this is terrible uh i do realize i said george thomas jefferson that's just forget about it let's move on so let's see what i have next this was also sent in by Taylor. It's a review of the DHP Junior Twin Metal Loft Bed with Slide. Wow. Yeah.

How much is that? Not that much. Oh, that sounds dangerous. I know. Let me see if I got the loft bed. Here we go. With Slide. There are things that you should splurge on.

Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Your shoes, your office chair, your mattress, and your bed that has a slide in it. So you don't hurt yourself. That's probably a smart idea. It is $300, actually. I was wrong. That still doesn't seem that much for a bed with a slide.

And I'm going to be honest, it doesn't look very good. It looks like a camp cot. I'm sending you a picture of it. How high can this bed be that it needs a slide? There's no way that this slide is any fun. It's kind of ugly and creepy looking. I'm sending you one that they put it in a... Oh. It is creepy. Doesn't it one that they put it in a... Oh.

It is creepy. Doesn't it look creepy like a caught in a hospital? That is much more like a shoot than a slide. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks like something you would use to put products from one level to another. Yeah, it looks almost like a grain feed thing. Oh, interesting, yes.

I don't know. It doesn't look particularly enjoyable. No child would use that more often than not. They do advertise secure metal slats underneath the mattress, which seems not that impressive to me. But anyway, I have a one-star review. For a discount, you get just the metal slats they're not secure they're just there and there's no slide either so you do have to pay extra for how to get down from this um i also in one of the photos on amazon they have uh explore style ideas

and they have this bed uh photoshopped in front of like a neutral like bachelor pad type of room so they like the main ones are like toddler rooms but clearly they just kind of copy and paste any bed in front of this same sample photo so it's like this has like black and white artsy prints on the wall and like a carpet like black furniture and then this fucking slide in the middle of the room wow it is let me just say not super cute um this is a one-star review by vanessa it's a verified purchase and the title is they sent me a used slide like poop stains on it how do you know sorry Sorry. I don't know why my mind went... When I think of a used slide,

I think it has poop stains. I don't know. Uxner only uses his own personal slide. He refuses to use the public slide at the playground. I call it my poop shoot. Uxner, stop. Okay, go.

Okay, this is a review. It's one star. It'll kill my child if I use this. The end of the slide is like a sword. Like a sword? I don't know what that means. The end of the slide is like a sword. Also, beware of your toes.

Is that it? Then seven parts were damaged. I tried to contact the seller, but I couldn't. What? Taylor wrote, did the slide kill her before she finished the review? She was writing it while sliding

down. She was testing it out. She was like, look, I'm going to make sure my review is accurate and I'm going to slide down it. I was like look i'm gonna make sure my review is accurate and i'm gonna slide down it as like not the swords she's looking down her toes just chop chop chop oh no the slide is super sharp um terrible it literally ends in c-o-u like but i could it just ends what it's very alarming that's scary it's extremely sinister um i don't know what any of it means but it sounds really frightening um beware of your toes it makes me not want it no i mean especially when you look at it and it looks kind of like it's in

an asylum or something the way this bed looks. So, yeah, that's that. Beware. Oof, scary stuff. So my next one is also more of an accessory. Serpco's Bed Rails for Toddlers. New upgraded extra long bed guardrail for kids. Great fit for twin, double, full size, queen and king mattress, 82 by 30 inch gray okay it's rails that

you put on a bed so the toddler doesn't fall out keep it we used to have wooden ones that we would put stickers all over them oh yes here's a one-star review for as expensive as this stupid thing is you would think one it would come with way better instructions. And two, not be so dang hard to put together. Because God forbid you put it together wrong, you can't get the dang thing back apart. Once I calm down and my hands stop hurting, I'll try again. But screw this thing. My son will just have to learn there's a long fall at the edge of the bed

end of review oh no oh no yeah i like that someone needs to slide once i calm down yeah i'm just like my hands stop hurting i imagine just full of rage hands shaking honestly they don't need a slide because i feel like they've already lost their hands. Now their toes are in danger if they get on the slide. And then what? That's a good point. I love, you know, it's it's a school of hard knocks. Yeah. Got to learn how to.

The baby bird, you know. Push them out. Just go ahead and push them out. Push them out. OK, this is a review. OK, I'm going to show you a picture of it. It's on Wayfair. Do you see it?

Oh, that's pink. It's like a pink castle. I don't know. My glasses are on. Oh, that sounds weird. Sure. This one has windows. Wow. And a slide.

And it's by Zoomy Kids. Ooh. And it's on Wayfair. And it's called the Aisling Twin wood low loft bed with ladder slide tent and tower wow yeah how much is that 799 dollars but it is 11 off right now it's usually 895 dollars so you could pay 67 a month for 12 months if you'd rather do that every time i'd see that bed i'd be like i can't believe i have a payment on this bed next month something about that just doesn't just doesn't sit right with me the next time the every day that or every month that your netflix charge goes through it's

like 9.99 and then like 67 like don't get me wrong i've done that for products before but man something about a castle pink castle for your kid for doing that for products before, but man, something out of a pink castle bed for your kid for doing that for a year. I don't know. Maybe it seems somewhat reasonable because you expect to use it for a year, but from what I saw, some products didn't last that long. No. And this one does have a one-star review, so think twice before you sign up for this

payment plan. This is a one-star review by Sarah. We still have yet to receive the whole piece. Parents, this product is shipped in multiple packages. Nothing is worse than dealing with a heartbreaking meltdown from a three-year-old who is telling you that Santa does not love her. Alexander, nothing is worse. I don't know why you're laughing i think it's funny oh i like i like this pretty cold hearted of you yeah i feel like i would welcome

to the system kid i know i would laugh i feel like kid at least you don't have one of these fucking asylum beds that these other kids have that have knives at the end of them okay consider yourself lucky so true and to be clear i'm not laughing at this i've i've had temper tantrums about stupider things and said worse things exactly even as an adult yeah um but the fact that this parent is writing this as if like parents i'm not a parent well i'm my warning i know a parent so that's true i don't know this is such a weird complaint to have okay anyway continue it goes on don't worry i can't wait nothing is worse than dealing with a heartbreaking meltdown from a three-year-old who is telling you that santa does not love her because he did not send the whole present to her

she asked and cried for hours asking asking if Santa changed his mind, and asking if she was still a good little girl. First shipment arrived on a Saturday, and we have still yet received the second shipment with no delivery date listed on the tracking. This issue needs to be corrected. Items should be shipped at the same time so that

they arrive together, or at the very least there need to be a large disclaimer that these do not arrive together. End of review. That was also from Taylor. Huh. Uh-huh. Interesting.

Why not just hide the first bit until the rest comes? I thought that's what it was going to be like, oh, my child saw the box and the present was ruined or something or like the surprise was ruined but like why don't you just say oh it's delayed i'd be surprised that they didn't or just yeah say hey santa's busy he's busy giving slides with knives on them to the other kids so maybe you should just thank your lucky stars for a minute yeah i just feel like it's very weird that this child is like am i still a good little girl and it's like what why are you letting her like just tell her it's

on the way just if you're already lying about some things then lie and say it's on the way look i have tracking information i don't know why take it out on the reviews it just seems so weird that it's like i don't know and i also this thing is humongous like it does not surprise me it has to come in multiple shipments wouldn't they send you multiple tracking numbers maybe they didn't but no they she said they didn't but like maybe the second box hasn't shipped yet i don't know i mean that's annoying what do you expect if you're only spending eight hundred dollars toddler bed. Wait till I get to the luxury ones. Well, speaking of luxury ones.

Wait, $800 isn't a luxury one? No. Jesus. Not even close. What? No. I'm scared. You have reviews of them?

I have the listings and prices. Wow. I'm excited. I didn't look at any of those. This is why I'm so thrilled about today's thing. Now I'm excited for this episode. Yeah. Finally. There's some more.

Yeah. Buck up. Come on. No, I've got one that I think is quite quality. It's a Delta Children Plastic Toddler Bed Marvel Spider-Man. Ooh. It's pretty cool. Yeah. It looksMan. Ooh. It's pretty cool. Yep.

It looks terribly uncomfortable, but it's pretty cool. It's not down where the cold air lives, is it? No, actually, it's not. Oh. It has legs. Wow. Eight spider legs. Wait, really?

No. Oh. I was like, that's pretty badass. No. But here's a problem that happened. Oh, poor Grace. One star. Took it out of the package, and there's bird poop on the blue footboard.

So gross. End of review. Oh, no. That is pretty gross. If that is bird poop. It's a grainy photo. It looks like a smear of white paint. It honestly seems unlikely that it's bird poop.

I was wondering how bird poop could possibly get onto this. Like, what part of the process would allow for bird poop to get onto any of these pieces? You know? Like, what? Well, they do... Tell me what you were going to say, please. I was going to say they do manufacture these beds in an aviary. I am so mad because I was trying to come up with literally any brand name of a bird product, like bird seed or anything, and I simply couldn't.

And so there we go. I'm honestly glad you couldn't just come up with a bird product off the top of your head no because that would that would make me more nervous i'm disappointed in myself but oh well um yeah i feel like that's probably not bird poop but you know i mean i wasn't there i didn't taste it if if there are you groaning i didn't if there if i did you can groan but if i don't taste the bird poop don't groan because then i'm like oh okay next time i'll taste it to make you happy i'm challenging the wrong part of that sentence you're right um what if it had been filled with spiders then she would have been happy it would have been on brand

spider eggs oh true yeah filled with spider eggs yeah this bed comes equipped yeah this isn't like falcon's bed you know who's that falcon never mind okay another marvel character oh don't talk to me about that okay this is okay this is from jameson he, and it's a Delta Children Canopy Toddler Bed Disney Princess. This is an extremely pink bed. Extremely pink. Good. And it's a one star review by Ashley called A Bed from Hell. Verified purchase.

Color princess style bed. This bed was sent from satan himself wrapped in disney it was created from the pits of hell in a fiery inferno don't have any plans for the next four years because by the time you get the bed together your child will have outgrown it f this bed all together to even try attaching the bumpers you'll need four rolls of duct tape because the screws are miles apart you might as well screw yourself with them. By the time you finish even trying to get the headboards connected, you're 10 years older with a drinking problem. Don't buy the bed.

Use the money for the years of therapy you'll need after to recover. One person found this review helpful. End of review. They should have saved some things for other reviews. First they said four years and ten years and drinking problems. They said all sorts of problems. Space those out. Yeah, you really...

You only needed one to get your point across. Yeah, you used... Maybe it was that bad. Okay. You used a lot of hyperbole in one review. It's just so much. You might as well screw yourself. I started to not believe you as you went on, you know?

Yeah. The first line of like, it was sent from Satan himself. I was like, okay, I'm on board. I get it. And I believe you. And like what? Satan wrapped in Disney? Sounds about like most Disney things.

Yeah, I feel like that's, I mean, what do you expect from a plastic bed covered in stickers i don't know this is a five-star review it's my last one oh this is of the disney puppy dog pals puppy pals fun white blue and green two-piece toddler sheet set fitted bottom sheet and reversible pillowcase blue green gray white what are puppy dog pals puppy dog pal you're not familiar no neither was i puppy dog pals is a television show uh that is apparently uh a disney show and very good i assume um stanley is a voice in it oh uh from the office leslie baker so uh it's a Disney Junior show. It's about Bingo and Rolly. R-O-L-L-Y. Rolly? Rolly?

Rolly. Probably Rolly, right? I don't know. Puppy Dog Pals is about Bingo and Rolly, two pug puppy brothers who have fun traveling around their neighborhood and the world when their owner, Bob, leaves home. Oh. They also have a kitty sister named Hissy and a robot dog named ARF, which stands for Auto Doggy Robotic Friend. Sure.

So here's a five star review titled Bingo and Rolly. Okay, that's very cute. Okay, here we go. Perfect for your puppy dog pals lover. They're cute and soft. Even if Rolly is an idiot, your kid can choose to have him or bingo on the pillowcase end of review wait so the kid's like i want rolly are you sure he's an idiot you sure i think your final choice is like rolly's voice by an actual child like oh god i mean

jeez that's harsh it's just so funny that someone would call this poor like no it's all great they're a bunch of morons but my child loves it it's like oh it says okay the wikipedia says he isn't as smart as bingo but he is very silly maybe that's maybe that's your kid is trying to tell you something. Roly loves to chew on everything he can find and it's a bad habit. What? The original voice actor couldn't voice

Roly anymore after season 3 due to puberty. It says that on Wikipedia. Oh my god. Could you imagine these kids watching it season to season and it's like, oh, what the hell happened to Roley? He's just like, oh, could I eat this? Choo-choo-choo!

I'm a silly puppy. Oh boy. Sam Levani... Levagnino. That sounds... You know, Levagnino. L-A-V-A-G-N-I-N-O. Sure.

So that was all I've got, too. Oh, nice. Perfect. But you have a special for us. Oh, wait. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Duh.

I have an entire window. Good thing you brought that up. Sorry. You're right. I have an entire window of all of the luxury beds I could find. So I typed in luxury toddler bed and I was smart enough to go into incognito. I was gonna say you're gonna get you're probably gonna be tempted eventually. Sure. Totally. I mean, I okay, maybe not. I don't know how much these are. But I don't

know. I think it's kind of fun to get a fun bed. Okay, well, this is on a website called firstdibs.com, and it's sort of like where you can have auctions and different sellers sell luxury products. So there's everything from jewelry or paintings or furniture. Do they sell Victorian? It's almost like an estate sale website, but it's not for dead people. Firstdibs.com cool do you see what i mean it's kind of like an auction site yeah yeah let's put it that way makes sense and they have kids beds oh yeah interesting so this is the contemporary I'm going to send you photos of them. This is the contemporary Orient Express bed. And it's made by Circu Magical Furniture.

I'm going to send you a picture of it. And now the last picture I sent you was of the cot with a slide attached. Yes. So in comparison, I just want to know what you think of these two. Let's see. And how much was the cot with the slide? 300? Yeah, 300. Yep. And I'll send you a picture of the inside as well oh my god what the heck yeah it's like a sleeping

car yep and here's another picture real quick holy shit this is of a little boy walking on board and you can almost hear his voice saying papa i'm heading to the sleeping car he's wearing my god a collared shirt tucked into his navy shorts i haven't gotten that one yet i'm nervous climbs aboard the orient express sleeping car oh boy yep looks like he's in uniform there he goes wait so this is like a room within a room yeah basically this is this is an actual sleeping car that you would keep in your bedroom. Right, correct. That's insane. It even has a little night table and a lamp and stuff.

Oh my... Who constructs it? How does this become what it is? I assume if you're paying for this, you would hire somebody to build this for you. Yeah, okay. That makes sense. Could you imagine having that job? You're on TaskR task rabbit or something you get called to build a a little preppy boys but you're

like oh my i just need you to build um a toddler furnace some toddler furniture and they think it's like an ikea bed oh boy um wow that's something it's like don't scratch the veneer. Do you have a guess as to how much this item costs? $2,000? No, more? I don't know. $2,000? This one costs $145,000. What?

$500. $145,500. What? I'm not making that up um i can hit buy i can literally purchase it right now i mean i can't i was gonna say but i mean if i could i could you know what i mean i i'm in shock right now yeah i will say i started with like the biggest up top. That's insane. I was just so shocked when I found this. Holy crap. But yeah.

And then I assume you paid somebody a good chunk of change to put it together as well. Yeah. So that's the first one. And now, of course, at the bottom, when I discovered this beautiful piece of furniture, it said more from the cellar and it suggested some other beds. furniture uh it said more from the cellar and it suggested some other beds and so i want to tell you all about the beds uh that this cellar sells so here is a this one's called modern velvet vixie bed by circu magical furniture and it is a bed shaped like a fox head with a big tail. Oh, I see it. Yes.

You see it? Yeah. Okay. Okay. So that one is $22,000. That's insane. Only $22,000. I should clarify.

$22,000? Yeah. Also, I see why you said hot air balloon earlier. Yep. Holy crap. Wait, don't look yet. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. You sent me that link, so I opened it. I know. I'm sorry. I wanted to prove that I wasn't lying about the price y'all this is so here's the fantasy air balloon bed sofa crib so people buy this as a crib this one is 35 990 i am in shock right how do these exist i don't know i think this is kind of what, I don't know if this is what Alexandria sent, I forget as an example, but like, this is why I was so, my interest was piqued.

This First Dibs website has a whole section called NFTs. Oh no. Why is this, this is ridiculous. Okay, ready? Yeah. The Fantasy Air Balloon is a themed bed that invokes the romantical and whimsical ambiance of a hot air balloon ride. Kids will relate this bed to the Disney movie Up, while parents will feel like being transported to the adventurous tale of Phileas Fogg. What the fuck is that?

Phileas Fogg. Maybe we're more on the side of the kids, because Up is basically my only reference point to a hot air balloon. Oh, around the world in 80 days. Oh, okay. That makes sense. God, who's buying this? Like, Father Time? Oh my God, wait.

It also includes a sound system and color changing light in the top part useful for fun and educational activities what oh wait here we go the ropes are made in fiber silk and the exclusivity of the details is guaranteed by the appliance of gold leaf jesus christ wow wow okay so i'm gonna read to you um i hate it here let's read the description. The world is burning already. We might as well just delight in this nonsense. Okay, I'm going to read you the one. I just pulled up the one for the Orient Express bed.

The description. I haven't read it yet. Orient Express bed is a sleeping car exclusively designed somewhere between a dream and magic what what's magic what's true it's literally a train car like those exist in the real world i could probably buy a real train car for less than that can you imagine that would be like when uh our parents got us like the discount bargain bin version of like a theme product and we're like we want a train car bed they go to the junkyard and buy like a rusty old put a mattress in it this luxury okay in collaborate oh my god in collaboration with orient express this luxury kids bed was based on the idea that the simple things in life can become great moments of luxury okay i would argue

that if you're paying for this it it's not the simple things in life. That is so out of touch! And that anything is possible when the mind keeps traveling. Featuring a TV and several storage compartments, this bed promises to make any kid's room shine like the stars on Blue Midnight. So hang on. This one has a TV,

but it doesn't even have a sound system or color-changing lights, and it's't even have like a sound system or color changing lights. And it's $145,000. Ridiculous. Forget about it. Okay. I can buy, according to Mother Earth News, typical prices for steel bodied boxcars and cabooses run between $2,000 and $4,000. run between two and four thousand dollars so my guess of two thousand for a fake one that a child sleeps in doesn't seem too bad now that i know that i can buy a real one for a couple thousand

jesus christ just like rig up a tv in there yeah like pimp my train car would it cost a lot more to actually make it into something to sleep in? Sure. But you could just own a fucking rail car, which I think is kind of cooler. Yeah, I would agree with that. I'm glad. But I wouldn't say that that would be somewhere in between magic and the other thing they said. True. Yeah.

Whimsy or something? Yeah, whimsy, sure. Magic and dreams. So here's a problematic one. It's called the teepee room kids bed. Yikes. With storage compartments. This is a big teepee. Dare I ask what the description is? Oh, gosh. I just looked. Oh, gosh. Well, I'll just read it.

Teepee room is a children's tent bed inspired by traditional indigenous tents. Wait, let me just scroll up and see the price. I'm so nervous. It's only $26,930. That's insane! But it's inspired by the... It's so inspired. It's really culturally...

Sensitive. Sensitive. It's really culturally sensitive. This teepee room has a playful design influenced by the Disney princess Pocahontas and her free spirited and highly spiritual, highly spiritual personality. Wow. Kids will be drawn to this room because of the sense of adventure that it inspires. It has a remote controlled light and sound system and a toy box that functions as a secret... Inspired by indigenous... Yeah, it's pretty accurate.

It's pretty historically accurate, if you ask me. Okay, now this one actually somebody purchased. The TP? No, sorry, sorry, the next one. Oh, so no one's buying these? No one's buying them, or at least no one's reviewing them. But this one has a review. The seller has a lot of reviews, so clearly people are buying from this seller.

This is of the Bun Van Kids Bed in Glossy Varnish. It is basically... Oh, yeah. Hello. VW Van? VW Van. Yes, thank you. It comes, of course, yeah. Hello. VW van? VW van. Yes, thank you. It comes, of course, in blue and pink.

This is only $53,290. And the review, I have a review of it. Guess what? What? It's a one-star review. How much would that blow? To get to pay so much money? To pay this money?

And then... One star star this was purchased by someone in arizona delaminated within days i assume they mean like delaminated yeah delaminated within days literally fell into a pile of bones great idea terrible product talk about whimsy yeah a pile of vw buzz turned into a pile of bones i think that is someone's imagination getting a little out of hand that's really magical though yeah um sort of oh my god it has a mini bar why this toddler bed so you can bring papa his nightly his nightcap martini yeah um it's toddler but sure yeah it contains several storage compartments a bed a tv a desk a mini bar and a sofa jesus christ like what if you go over to a kid's house in middle school yeah and they

fucking have that i would not have been in neither i would love i would love it we neither of us would ever have been invited to this kid's house let's be honest unless it were like a pity invite like the whole grade gets to come you know remember watching shows like my sweet 16 my cribs or whatever and you'll see these kids with their friends just hanging out doing really cool shit. Outrageous. There's insane houses. Places.

Yeah. And I was so jealous and now I'm like, thank God. Like, thank God. Okay, so this is called Bubble Gum Kids Bed in Velvet and LED Light. This one is $20,000. It's just basically a bed with like some arched shelving above it. Oh, okay. In pink. So that one's only $20,000. It's just basically a bed with some arched shelving above it. Oh, okay. In pink.

So that one's only $20,000. Jesus. If you're looking for a deal. Obviously, I already read about the Fantasy Air Balloon. There's a Modern Dolly Playhouse Bed. What is that? Sir, what is that? A Modern Dolly Playhouse Bed?

No, so here's the bed. Uh-huh. Okay, but what's the bed. Uh-huh. Okay, but what's this next to it? With two rings attached to it. It looks like a gymnast thing. Okay, yeah. Like a workout thing. Like a springboard?

Okay, let's read it. Dolly Playhouse is a luxury kids' playground specially made to ensure that kids have the ultimate fun in their bedroom this indoor kids playground was brought to life with a bit of magic combined with modern design and almost real life size measures to make it as realistic as possible this playhouse also features a wall ladder specially made to keep little ones exercised okay that's creepy you can choose to only have the bed version or the bed version with the kids' ladder. This luxury kids' ladder wall will be any kid's favorite spot after homework time. These people have never met children before, have they?

I was going to say, who is creating this nonsense? Who is going to be like, I'm going to go hang out on my ladder? Stop using the word magic for all of this. It's really troubling. They're so wrong. What about the word magic for all of this. It's really troubling. They're so wrong. What about the modern magical market playground? Oh, thank you. And you can pretend like you're sleeping inside a grocery store.

That's cool. These kids have never seen a grocery store before. I know, exactly, which is why it requires a lot of whimsy to really trick yourself. Oh, gosh. Don't tell me there there are more i think there's only one more thank god it's just the modern mowgli playhouse kids bed um and this one's only sixty thousand dollars um oh thank god yeah so i can afford it so this one i think you could afford it has a rock wall oh perfect for you um it's it's for kids who love the outdoors so much they wish to bring it. It's for billionaire's children who love the outdoors so much they want to bring it inside.

And it's perfect for rainy days because you can hang on the monkey bars. Cool. So, anyway. And just for $60,000? $60,910. Not bad at all. I know. And the ship's60,000? $60,910. Not bad at all. I know. And the ship's all the way from Portugal.

So I think it is a win. So anyway, that's all. Probably should have saved the Orient Express for last, but I felt like I needed to shock you, shock your system. Oh, it worked. My system is beautifully shocked. Well, I'm so glad the next thing we got to do is my challenge right okay so my challenge was from kat she her and it was to find reviews of mini golf courses where people complained about the decor um people were very helpful in sending

me emails so of their local spots so thank you because i did look up the one in newtown where you and i used to go yeah with the poop the little miami one and nobody even talked about insensitive talk about oh yeah yeah so nobody talked about that. I know. I was kind of bummed out, but everybody sent really good ones. So Kat herself included reviews of a local bar that her friend's brother owns where you build your own mini golf course. Screw that. What's too much work? Yeah. I think it sounds so fun. I don't get it. How does that work? I don't get it how does that work i don't know

then why does it sound fun to you to build at a bar to build your own mini golf i don't know but then what do you play it yes of course you play it how do you build what do they give you do they give you different i'm looking at pictures it looks like they give you like little ramps and like props and little obstacles. Stuff like that. Interesting. I think it looks cool. And then you play the holes.

You see. You have to do all 18? It's called nine below, so I don't know if it's nine. It's below nine. Or below nine. Or if it's nine below 18's below nine or below nine or if it's nine below 18 which would be nine um and so here is one review of this place this is a one-star review by kathy we went here for an adult birthday party they charged us more than the online price not sure why we had 20 people and used four holes and i just want to be clear here i just went on

the website and the pricing is like four to five golfers two to three or six or more so 20 20 that's insane i don't know what you were expecting to pay but anyway maybe because we were a private party but we could have reserved the four holes online for a lot cheaper you would think for 20 people they would give you a price break we ended ended up paying about $25 per person, plus many of us had a few beers and other drinks, which should have helped their business. The concept was fun, but they need more variety for props. Maybe some more ramps or some moving parts on some of the items. The worst part was that the whole place smelled like sewer and it was very musty. When we complained about the smell, they acted surprised and said something about a clogged grease trap it was strong enough to give several of us headaches

and it just wasn't a pleasant experience when you are smelling sewer the whole time i would have given three stars if the whole place did not smell so bad or if they would have at least owned up to the smell and given us all a free round of drinks end of review wow given all 20 of us 20 people. The moment you come into a place with 20 people, you have no rights. You are stripped of your liberties. All of your liberties, your constitutional bullshit, it's gone. You don't matter. That's all. Once you leave, you're good.

I'm still curious about this concept. yeah once you leave you're good um i just wanted i'm just curious i'm still curious about this concept like based on that review i'm wondering if you get one hole like your party and then you like keep remaking that same hole which would make more sense and sound i mean it sounds fun if you like like the concept i when you said it it sounded like i'm going around at each hole and like making new things and this feels like a lot of work. I see what you're saying. I wonder if you get a hole and then you can change the props so everyone hits and then you do a new one. I don't know.

Forge your own course. It says as you build your own mini golf course, but I don't know. Huh. Oh. Okay. i found their website so did i but clearly i'm not there are different teams and groups each green has two to six players so everyone builds their own course and then you go through and play everyone's court everyone's hole oh that's fun that is fun so you you as a team can create your own. And there are a bunch of... When I was thinking props and stuff, I thought just little metal things that you just stick

on the ground. I see fucking giant ass Ninja Turtles. I see a giraffe. There's a picture of Obama. So that's cool. Why does it have a dart in it? Why does it have a hole in one on it? I don't know.

Wait, there's slides with swords at the end? Oh, no! Watch your toes! There's a whimsical hot air balloon. Okay. Anyway, okay. Could you imagine they had one of those training cars? They're like, yeah, we spent $140,000 for this obstacle.

And then you let a bunch of drunk people in to redecorate. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Okay, so this next one was from Kieran, who sent in reviews of a place called Haunted Trails Family Entertainment. Haunted Trails? Yeah. Oof. I know.

It sounds scary, doesn't it? Yes. I think it's in Burbank, California. Yes, it is. So here's a review by Marie, two stars. Well, what can I say? The no sagging policy is a joke. Butts everywhere.

What? Butts everywhere. Like cigarette butts? No. Wait, lagging? Wait, I mean, sagging? Butts? Butts are sagging? Pants are sagging. Wait, lagging? Wait, I mean, sagging butts? Butts are sagging?

Pants are sagging. Oh my god. Wait, they have a no pants sagging policy? What the fuck kind of place is this? A troublesome, problematic one, probably. How is that enough of an issue where they need to... Well, it doesn't seem like it is because apparently, according to Marie, there are butts everywhere. And whose pants are sagging to the point where their actual butt is showing?

Does anyone actually see butts? Well, I guess under your undies. Yeah, but you see underwear. You're not seeing anyone's butt. Well, since when do we know Yelp reviewers to be jesus non-hyperbolic in their assessments they have a no sagging policy allegedly that isn't that also by the way isn't enacted properly so weird well what can i say the no sagging policy is a joke butts everywhere came everywhere. Came here for my daughter's birthday, and when we entered the place, it was filthy. I mean, paper, candy, tickets, cups, all on the floor.

I was disgusted and would have retreated if it weren't for the fact the kids wanted to stay. Once we got outside, it was much better. The go-kart track was pretty big, but I didn't like how they just let the big 20-year-olds ride with the 10, 11-year-olds. They were so competitive and cursing and all types of things then they closed down to refuel which took 40 minutes the other few attractions were okay kind of boring the place seems to be for small kids but seemed to be so many rowdy teens and adults there the bathroom was nasty and had a stopped up toilet it took literally 35 minutes to get five orders of cheese fries and two churros. Ugh.

Now their other place, Enchanted Castle in Lombard, is spotless. Staff nice, way more things to do like bumper cars, laser tag, and they are more efficient. Their go-kart track is just small, but I will pass up Burbank anytime and head way out to Lombard to avoid this place again. The two stars is only because my child loved the go-kart track please don't review this business if you received a freebie for writing this review or if you're connected in any way to the owner or employees end of review like that's gonna change anyone's mind i'm gonna say first of all who at this random ass mini golf course in Burbank is getting freebies? Yeah.

What, like free churro? I don't know. I mean. I doubt it. I've done less for a churro. Okay, that's fair. You mean more for a churro. That's what I meant. Yeah, that's okay.

I've also done less. Also done less. That's so stupid. Now, I guess this was sort of about the decor but the the next review i have from emma is like very specifically about the mini golf decor so now we're more more accomplishing the challenge finally i know emma says i search for a review of the mini golf course in my small town peace river alberta canada oh i hear it's lovely anna or sorry emma says i have been to this course and have seen the saddest hole ever

i'm not sure how other mini golf courses operate but at the peace river one each hole is sponsored by a local company and this one was sponsored by a metal recycling plant i have never i've never heard that yeah hilarious when they were like oh i don't know how other ones operate i was like you don't think like that but i mean i've seen that only idea at actual golf um tournaments there will be a sponsor for each hole and they'll stick a sign that says sponsored by whatever. But it's for like usually these fundraising tournaments or something.

Outings. But I've. Yeah. Well, this one has a sign and it it does say the name of the company, which is Turvita. And it even has a QR code. I'm sending you a picture of it. Oh, i'm gonna read the review this is a two-star review by peter with the picture of

the hole pull some weeds and i don't think electric cords are obstacles end of review oh no so i'm sending you a picture oh what the heck? It literally has an electrical cord. Wait, yeah, is that the obstacle? I'll be honest, it looks like an obstacle to me, whether it's intentional or not. That's hilarious. It's just a big electric cord running through the course. And there's something, because it's attached to something in the middle of the fairway. I don't know what that is.

What is happening i don't know but i i love that they're like that doesn't count as an obstacle and i'm like wait so like a giant chipmunk does but an electrical cord doesn't i mean i feel like open your mind a little bit peter he doesn't he needs more whimsy in his life you need some more imagination think of it as a snake it It's a big, big snake. It's not very big for a snake. It's a tiny little snake. It's a very thin, long, yellow, creepy little snake. He's a little worm. A little worm.

A very long worm. And you got to jump over him to get to the hole. I don't know. This is like what I would do if we went to that build your own mini golf course. I would just like put a bunch of like electrical cords down. I'll be like, good luck. You're like, who unplugged the TV? That wasn't part of this.

Oh, and then at the end, there's just a big picture of Obama. And it's perfect. I think I win the competition. Okay, so the next one is from Sarah Sheher. And it's of Pirate Adventure Mini Golf in Weymouth, England. And then parentheses, on the south coast. Yes, I was about to ask. Sarah, obviously.

We knew that already. This is a one-star review by Beetlefly97. Honestly, terrible. I used to come here all the time and it was great. Okay, I needed a bit of updating, but it was still a great course with lovely trees and bushes all around, so lots of shade in the summer. There were lots of pirates all around, some that talked when you walked past. There were many water fountains and falls, along with lots more cool theming elements. At summer of 2018, we turned up to find

they had chopped down everything all the pirates do we just wait oh no the ones that talk no the pirates chopped it all down oh they were tired they a mutiny is what they called it yes i'm picturing them chopping at this pirate being like no don't hit me and then just dying sorry take me to the brig i don't know pirate lingo no just like i don't know aviary lingo it's okay there are some things i'm just not good at it's hard to believe but the mutiny was a good touch though thank you so much i know you wrote that in your notes i did i wrote say the thing about mutinies um okay at summer of 2018 we turned up to find they had chopped down everything every single bush and tree was gone all the pirates cannons etc were pilled up in the corner pilled up pirates were having fun let them be they're in the corner having a good time they're getting

abused by children all this time all this time they were they were made to be the entertainment now they're pilled up in the corner covering come on god i read that and was like wow that changed the the mood of this review very quickly the tone uh so the pirates were pilled up in the corner fountains were turned off and there was no sound effects around the course either oh and only nine holes were open for a while and still are now as i know as i went back recently and still the actual course is looking better but there is still no sound only two pirates and one has just had enough and rolled over oh shit i'm convinced these are like like work like employees and don't let him lay on his back because he's been pilling up all day put him on his side oh no still no sound only two parts one has just had enough and rolled over and

it's just really messy everywhere i really like this course and hope they fix all this soon end of review these poor pirates i know well this is and hope they fix all this soon end of review these poor pirates i know well this is uh going right off that another review of the same place one star by jd very poor condition i think the pirates had been back and stolen everything end of review so these pirates are getting why do you think they got fired? Yeah. And fell into some bad habits, you know? So this place, though, is called Pirates Something? Yeah.

So basically, Pirate Adventure. And they stopped using the pirates for their mini golf? Yeah, the pirates held a mutiny, as I said. So the pirates, yeah, okay. The pirates. Sure, I shouldn't blame this business. Yeah, the usually the uh employees the working class the working class um all they wanted was to unionize and now they're just rolled over pilled up in the corner up in the corner what happens so sad this is a review from carla she her Holy Moly Golf Club Newtown.

I don't know where that is, but it's somewhere. Probably Newtown. Probably. This is a two-star review by Barry. The decor is fairly nice, though some of the courses need a touch bit of maintenance. The xylophone on the mousetrap

style course seemed broken. Would have been nice to hear the sound from it. It isn't what I was looking for in a putt-putt course. There wasn't any holes with a high-risk, high-reward path and a low-risk, low-reward path. I found the holes quite repetitive. I did like the holes with the air pumps. That was different. The price is quite expensive.

It is very much a let's get the lads slash girls together and have a cheeky drink and swing vibe. Where is this? New Town. I don't know. Is this on the South Coast? It's on the South Coast. It sounds like it. That's where my lads go.

Lads. We have a cheeky bit of fun. Let me see. I'm going to pull it up this is in sydney australia yes okay i was like which coast i was like why is there a woolworths next door aha okay nice east coast vibes it is east coast of sydney i mean of of Australia. I think. Southeast? I mean... We have a lot of Australians who listen in. Not saying I know anything about Australia, but I feel like they're basically two coasts.

And then nothingness. Sure. Sure. Like, wherever... Is Perth the one all the way in the bottom left? Bottom left. Yes. Yeah.

There's that, and then there's, like, like everything on the right and then that's it sorry to everyone in the middle that like the kangaroos and stuff yeah i don't know i found a place um they have those underground cities because it's so hot that they have to build underground all their mining communities i'm sorry for all our listeners in calcutta calcutta calcutta yara i'm also sorry for all our listeners in Calcutta. I feel like we don't really give you the time of day, you know? No, it's the first time ever. This is.

I hope it's enough for now. Okay, this is a... Oh, wait, no, I already wrote it. This is the one in Newtown. Yeah. Are you finished? Oh, wait, no. I thought I was.

Darn. There's another paragraph. In regards to the hole upstairs with the donkey where you have to hit the ball through the hole in the wall, getting your ball stuck at the start in the corner if you miss the hole is zero fun. Okay, then don't fucking suck. Be better. If I could tweak that idea, I'd put a ramp. So if you miss the hole, the ball goes up the ramp and back down into the green where you put it from instead of just being stuck. P.S.

Can I come design a hole? I'm thinking a Tron themed hole. Wow. Wait, how many stars? Two. This person gave two stars. It was like, also, can you let me come over and help? Also, I have an idea.

I'm better than you at this. Also, here's my resume. It's so funny, though. So hearing all these people complain about these holes and having not enough of this and not enough of that. Have you ever watched professional mini golf? Not that this is what these places should aspire to be like. Yeah, they're very simple, right? Very simple.

I mean, difficult, but it's very structured. It's only the Obama hole that gets any sort of love. It's just like a big picture of Obama. That's the only one. That's it. And sometimes the xylophone, but only on the 10th anniversary. Yeah. Those holes usually are just totally like straightforward.

It's just about like being good at putting, not like luck or any of this craziness. Yeah. But it's still very interesting that it exists like they have professional tournaments every year and stuff em and i went to a really cool place i think it was in toronto where were we no minneapolis sorry and it was this like crazy putt-putt place indoors and each different at the mall of america because that's where i went i did mini golf at the mall america no actually it was not but it was um can can wonderland what i'm not even kidding this place was crazy there was literally a spelling bee going on in one room that we got to be part of but it turns out the all the spelling bee words were different cities in minnesota so we lost

pretty quickly um but yeah they had every hole was designed by a different like artist or designer and so some of them had like live plants and stuff and some of them had like waterwork features and like giant animatronic monsters and stuff it was really neat and one of them you had to actually it was a batting cage and you had to like bat the golf ball into a hole the way your arms were moving just now that is not how you swing a bat. That's if you want to kill someone, you're holding the bat above your head and swinging down. What?

I'm sorry. I'm just, I've watched a lot of true crime shows. Sometimes I forget what it's actually meant to be used for. As you can guess, I did not get a hole in one on that hole or really any of them. And there was one where there were different instruments, and you had to try and hit as many instruments as you could. So it hit a drum and then some symbols and a piano.

This reviewer had a xylophone, right? I know, and it didn't work, which is too bad. That is a bummer. Too bad. So anyway, I don't know what the point the point that was except for that was really cool and it was really it was not something that probably would have passed the bar for the professional yes mini golf putt putt i'd love to check that out it sounds fun yeah it was very very cool oh and then they had a full like barcade like just a full barcade so a lot of stuff to do um now this is what i wanted to end on

it's an email from kitty and i it's not even a review it's just an explanation uh i'm just gonna read it to you and there are photos that accompany this actually i'm gonna get these ready for you because i want to send them basically right as i finish this review. Perfect. Gotta get every angle in. So troubling. Just so... So difficult to... get past. Okay. Here's the email.

Hi. I heard on the most recent episode that you'd be reading reviews of mini golf places that are deemed inappropriate. I naturally thought of my Mr. Butthole. My best friend is from Virginia. Why are we talking about whoa wait okay sorry i made sure to say the mr

i naturally thought of my mr butthole my best friend is from virginia and a friend of hers was working on construction tearing up an old mini golf course long story story short, Mr. Butthole was an obstacle on the course there. In case his gaping anus wasn't gross enough, when turned over, the bottom that would be against the ground hidden from sight was a poorly sculpted dick and balls. He has been in my possession since about 2003, a year of which he spent in my car's trunk. Unfortunately, he lost some of his finer concrete features, including his secret genitals he weighs between 25 and 30 pounds but i continue to move him with me wherever i go since 2003 that's commitment i'm impressed there must be people out there that remember him when he was

in his prime i don't know if the golf course was in virginia or not i also don't know the name okay one day there's gonna be an article written about you friend who's it's gonna it's gonna say here's the person that saved the mr butthole from 2000 and all these people will be on jesus christ is it not the scariest thing you ever see i'm gonna ask what i'm gonna ask kitty if we can share this on instagram excuse is this not the most gaping troubling troubling thing you've ever seen holy shit his pants are down he's on the ground his mouth is open you're supposed to hit it into his mouth and it goes out his butt this thing has it's not small no it's no where do you keep it what do you do with it well from the photos it looks like it's just in the entryway.

I really hope that's just where it always is. I mean, it seems like... Come on in. It's very welcoming. Yeah, it is. I don't really even know what to say. The face, I think, is honestly the most... Troubling part.

I agree. It just gives me the creeps like i mean why who sculpted this this multiple people okayed this multiple people okayed it and then someone had to fully paint design sculpt and this, and then carry it to the golf course and pay people to use it. I'm just pleased that they didn't send a picture of the underside, to be honest with you. True.

Well, it's missing. He's missing his bits. I know, but I mean, even from before that, I'm just glad that there was not photographic evidence of that secret genitals. Secret. So that's all I've got for you oh boy thank you that was wonderful what an episode that was now do you see why i was so giddy yes and eager eager i get it eager beaver so that's all i got guess what everyone our first poll we're finally getting

the theme that you patrons chose you voted our episode for 189 the theme is chipotle oh boy christina what is my challenge oh no i put the picture of what the screenshot of the challenge email and this document no and his big butthole butthole is right above it okay so this came in from isabel mr butthole's butthole. Mr. Butthole is right above it. Okay, so this came in from Isabella. So was that Mr. Butthole's Butthole? What? So it was like his name, Mr. Butthole? Yeah. That's unfortunate.

Mr. Butthole's Butthole. So this was sent in by Isabella, she, they, back in 2019, February of 2019, a long time ago. And she says, you should find reviews of stores or restaurants where the reviewer mentions something that the store or restaurant had on their billboard or signs so like something they were like advertising on the highway or something and they reference what was on the billboard in their review does that make sense yeah i think so like for like i don't know my thought was like world's biggest candy store and they advertise, they have all these billboards. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm assuming either they were, felt tricked or dissatisfied or, I don't know. I don't know. Got it. There's probably a lot of ways you could go. But they reference like the restaurant or businesses billboard advertisements. Makes sense to me. Our theme for 190. So we've got Chipotle next and then the poll for 190 is going to go up as this episode goes out. Sweet.

And the options that our patrons at the $5 tier higher can vote on are reviews of performers, which was the most liked comment from last week. Performers. Oh, like for birthday parties and stuff. Yeah, reviews of performers. Then reviews of biker bars. Mm-iker bars and reviews of cemeteries. Okay, perfect. Which we did the New Orleans episode, but... This is a more broad.

This is more broad. Cool. Yeah, and vote on those $5 patrons. And if you'd like to leave a comment for what you want to see in the next poll, the comment with the most likes gets automatically included. Yep. So that's all. I'm so excited about this.

Oh, and go get our pin and pin board if you want. Okay. I'll go buy it. Bye, everybody. Bye.