Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 200: Reviews of Our Embarrassing Moments

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

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And you'll also hear this at the end of the episode because we are bookending it. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think between you and me i wanted to like this podcast but i'd give it zero stars if i could hold on hold on what's that song saved tonight by eagle eye cherry no the graduation song oh um we as we as we go on oh that we've we're gonna get a copyright strike we're just sound just like it we remember all the times we had together holy shit dilbert

just shed a tear the dilbert m&m machine you said dilbert just shit and just shed a tear okay because he's so sad to say goodbye why are we saying good last episode that's the way you want to tell me we're saying welcome to episode 200 200 we decided what did we decide on kara she her suggested finding reviews of places where the other sibling has an embarrassing association a story that hasn't been on the podcast before i didn't do a good job of this i did a fucking excellent i'm nervous but christina like everyone knows all of your stories well that's part of it is that i feel like there might be some repeat stories but no i have some really good. I asked loved ones.

I said, hey, do you have any embarrassing stories? And they just repeated ones that we talked about already. Damn, because I asked them too. So now I'm worried they just told us the same ones. No, they were specifically about you. And like, I don't know. I have reviews related to you, though. I took half an edible and I think it really sent me into the exact correct head zone for

this. Like today, like before recording? No, no. Oh, when you were... As I was researching this. Didn't help me. So, you know, I thought like good story, funny stories, like goofy memories, not necessarily embarrassing.

A lot of years are like physical injuries that I can count. Oh, dear God. Yeah, so. And then at the end, I have a list of things i tried to find reviews of but i just wanted to mention okay i have one of those for sure because i went i spent most of my time going down a rabbit hole that did not lead to anything nowhere literally nowhere well i even brought wine today i woke up but i well no i was awake but i rolled out of bed at three was not feeling today 3 p.m yeah i had a bad day oh no and so

here we are well i woke up at 7 30 and just been rallying you know what i mean totally let's go this is a review of the blockbuster where your toenail got ripped off you found reviews of it even though it doesn't exist anymore i did i found one review okay and i had a running list of places i was gonna look up and then i would move them out of the list if I found a review of them. My God, how do you remember? My whole memory is foggy from my past. I will tell you, I sat there for about 40 minutes without any clue in the world. I was like, nothing embarrassing has ever happened to us, which is a blatant lie from the universe. So I have a review of the blockbuster where your toenail got ripped off this is actually a redemption right off the bat

for you it's a four-star review by jason and by the way he's the first to review this location and by the way the only and the only yeah how long ago was this uh this oh great question september 3rd 2010 okay So what, 12 years ago? It was still there, like in 2010? It was. That's kind of funny, when we were in high school. Yeah, so here's... You were in college, my goodness.

Here's the review. Call me old-fashioned, but I love going to the video store. Whereas more and more people are flocking to online rentals, for example, Netflix, or direct pay-per-view, for example, on-demand TV, there's just something about walking into a video store that brings a bit of a rush for me. Don't know why exactly. As I type this, I realize how odd that comes across as. Oh well.

Walking into this blockbuster is like walking into any other blockbuster. The new release section, which is comprised of movies that have been released just that week or six months earlier, borders the interior wall with all other movies stacked on the shelves in the middle of the store. At five bucks a pop, a new release rental can be a bit cringeworthy. And of course, at the checkout desk, there are all types of refreshments and even industry magazines that can be purchased. You can also buy secondhand copies of the movies that are rentable. The staff is usually very upbeat and friendly, which is odd, given that Blockbuster is just one step away from bankruptcy and shutting their doors,

which would mean everyone on staff would be out of a job. That doesn't seem to bother them. Guess that's pretty commendable. When you check out, be advised that they will try to upsell you on items. And it's also important to know that to become a member, you must give them a credit card number for their files, and if you're late getting your movie back, they will automatically charge that card.

Yeah, they got rid of the no late fees thing about a year ago. They just didn't tell anybody. One thing I like about Blockbuster is that if you join their online program, the Blockbuster version of Netflix, then you can just bring the video back to the store and rent one out for free. That's pretty awesome. Pretty good video store if you're still nostalgic for that and all mahalo and enjoy end of review wow okay i love that this is a blockbuster the one that i lost my tony on like our former local blockbuster and they ended it with mahalo and by the way his profile says he's from champaign

illinois so okay you know who knows was was by way of honolulu um i do like the little reference point for those who didn't uh ever get to experience a blockbuster that uh a new movie was five dollars that's yeah which is a lot especially if you're thinking oh i'm not gonna return it by next weekend so i'm gonna get a late fee yeah like i barely get to the post office before my 30-day return for amazon is like like i go on like day 29 because i'm just so bad at organizing yeah that's me with my library books yeah with library books especially now and they got rid of late fees here in cincinnati and same with campbell I feel very bad that they did that, because I want to pay them for how long I've kept my library book.

Well, I just go in and occasionally buy the books they have up front, and then I feel a little better. Oh, they do that? Okay, I'll check that out. But yeah, they touched on the rise and fall of Blockbuster pretty well, I feel. They touched on the nostalgia aspect and why people enjoyed it, but then also why, without directly saying it, why they kind of failed. Yeah. I mean, just the fact that this was 12 years ago. And I wonder if we're doing this podcast in 10 years, this is gonna be like a 20 year

old time capsule of blockbuster video, which like now is a relic but in 10 15 years it's going to be unheard of so what you're saying is the library of congress should put our podcast in their system is it not there yet no oh i just i check every other day i like that it's every other day you give it one day to breathe every other business day it was every day and then they they threatened me so i had to they said your your ip address is just pinging a lot uh that's a good one yeah uh do we i don't think there are any more details people need to know about my toenail right it got wedged in the bottom of a door it like the metal door i was barefoot and it yanked it open and it Yes, we went to Blockbuster Barefoot. We were really

classy individuals and continue to be. And mom's like old Volkswagen Cabriolet. Are you sure that you didn't have those like open-toed sandals on that you? I'm not sure. Okay, I think maybe we were wearing those. I probably was wearing sandals. Like off-brand Teva sandals. But then, yeah, and then guess what?

My mom kept it. And I think I can go get it if we want a picture for the Instagram. I'd rather. Alexander, we're going to get shut down. You promised so much to these people on Instagram and we haven't posted shit. So might as well, if I'm going to post it, might as well post a picture of my. Can somebody just tell me what to post? If somebody tags me in a comment and writes at Xteen Schieffer, post this picture.

Perfect. I'll be like, oh, OK. Yeah. Like, just do that. I'm not keeping up so that's perfect just do that um but yeah i can post that pic and for the record my toenail grew back totally fine oh my god well because i mean it would make sense that it didn't know i never even thought of that but yeah no i have totally normal toenails now i mean i come i don't know

they're just toenails nothing to write home about I'm going to stop talking about my toenails whoever has like a foot phobia right now is not having a good time apologies that's the last foot related review I have first and last I have only foot related reviews

what a shame that would make sense you're just a review of the podiatrist you used to get a lot of warts as a kid i did those were on my hands on my thumbs yeah and they were my friends i forget their names but then i cried when they disappeared we're unhinged mentally speaking still am anyway uh my first one is of uh bruger's bagels here in clifton wait Wait. Yeah. In Clifton. In Cincinnati. We've talked about this on the show.

We have? We've like brought it up. Oh, Jesus. A couple times. I know. Exactly. This is the pinnacle of my worst moments, really. Yeah.

You hit someone. A group of. We were high schoolers. You hit a group of high school girls' car. I didn't hit the group of high schoolers. You should have. I hit their car. Left no have left no witnesses their car and she was like what do i do what do i do i'm like get out i don't know park and get out you kept saying get out and i was like no and so i just sat in my car and we watched as they kind of

hovered around like hello where did that chick go and they didn't come bother me oh they just drove away because they didn't know bother me oh they just drove away because they didn't know what to do either i was so embarrassed you got lucky that you you hit the people that were just like you where they thought i don't know what to do so i'm just going to leave and then pulled out and drove four parking spots away parked and then just didn't get out of my car it worked they left oh my god it worked and i i remember telling you i was like all day in pain about this at school i felt i just didn't know i was so embarrassed i was mortified and so i think i told you maybe on the way home or something i said someday if i'm ever famous which was always my go-to i'm going to apologize to those people

publicly and hope that they hear my apology because i still feel like such a trash bag about it but i was just paralyzed with anxiety like paralyzed with fear i didn't know what to do and um they watched me do it it's not like i was hiding i just legitimately didn't know what to do even though you told me exactly what to do it It was very much not a hit and run. It was a hit and sneak into this parking lot and hope nothing more happens. And nothing more happened. And that was their choice to leave. And I know I'm not quite famous, but I feel like I have some of a platform, a little bit of a platform.

And so if those kids from, I think it was st ursula villa or wherever ever hear this i do really apologize for that and i i regret i have one of their names because they wrote a review about it oh no the parking lot is so dangerous oh someone in the shitty blue car also i was driving a turquoise vehicle like yeah there was no way that they didn't know exactly who i was very true well here's a one-star review. This is a more recent one from four months ago. Brugger's Bagels, by the way, is a bagel chain. That's about it.

I feel like it's pretty well-known. Yeah, but you never know. You never know. Blockbuster is a video... You know what? You're 100% right. One-star review. This is by Tony.

I was eating my sandwich in the dining room close to 2 p.m. when they close. First guy comes by and says, just to let you know, we close at 2 p.m. I said, OK, do I have time to finish my sandwich? He says, if you make it fast, yeah. So I'm almost done with my lunch. And this rude little girl comes by exactly at 2 p.m. on the dot and says, sir, the dining room is closed and you need to leave. I said, are you kicking me out of the restaurant? This lady actually said, yes, and if you don't leave, we're going to call the police. I literally had like three bites left of my sandwich.

Not at all my days of working restaurants have I ever heard of a crew kicking out a customer the exact moment of closing. And to say if I didn't get up, she was going to call the police before I could even have a chance to get up is absolutely crazy. I have been eating here regularly for the past two years. I will never return to. Management should be ashamed, but I think the first guy was actually the manager. End of review.

Alexander. First of all, I call bullshit that he didn't say anything and she said we're calling the police like bullshit that you just kind of sat there dumbfounded i'm sure you put up a fuss this one bothered me so much i'd hate it i hate it i mean think about it this burgers bagels is right by u, meaning it's most likely college students who have homework, school, are just probably fucking exhausted and underpaid. And they're like, it's two o'clock. I got up at six or whatever. I want to go home and finish my essay.

And he's like, I have three bites of my turkey bagel. I don't like this person. You were told it was going to be, you knew it was going to be closed. They were going to close it. By the were told they warned you what time did he say it was at first did he say close to 2 p.m oh what an idiot it was probably like 12 30 it was probably 12 30 and he's like oh yeah i'll finish my sandwich by then three we're gonna call the police we've we saw what you're doing to that sandwich eating it like nibble by nibble. We're not comfortable with this.

We see your little rat mouth eating that sandwich little nibble by nibble. Little rat mouth. Oh my God. Tony and his little rat mouth is back and we're going to call the police. I'm sorry. I just clicked on this person's profile because I didn't do it. They only have three reviews and I kind of want to read another one. Yeah, let's see. This is of edelweiss bar and grill restaurant i'd like

you to do the little rat mouth while you say it i don't know how to do a rat mouth okay there it is um wait guess where edelweiss bar and grill is located lexington kentucky in puerto rico. This person has two Puerto Rico reviews and then a Cincinnati bagel review. Here we go. Here's my two-star review by frat mouth. I don't like that. As I'm writing this, my family and I have been waiting over an hour and 20 minutes for our salads to arrive. End of review.

He's like, I need my greens. My little carrots now i'm picturing him as a hamster it's you know just eat your bagel like a human tony yeah come on tony give up okay this review is of catalina island uh jesus christ uh actually it's not of catalina island it's of the trans catalina hiking trail yeah on catalina right where i ended up in the hospital yeah where you had was it heat stroke yeah all right yeah heat exhaustion it didn't quite hit heat stroke but uh it was pretty bad wait this is terrible i forgot i moved it to the end but i forgot to move the title because it's

a redemption so i'm gonna oh you're gonna save that one just let me sit on that no but it's a good one okay it's a redemption for you okay thank you um sorry the next i forgot to move the title the next one i have is of wrecker and burger the comfort zone which like incidentally incidentally my challenge for next week is to find reviews of places with catchy jingles oh yeah a bunch of the jingle and like but you don't have to explain what wrecker and burger is everyone knows that everyone knows yeah yeah especially everybody who listens to this who's not from cincinnati but just in case um it's called wrecker and burger and their their theme song goes wrecker and burger the. Nope, that's off key.

Sounded good to me. The comfort zone. Whatever. And so they had this theme song and Alexander and I would always sing it, but we would change the words. Very cleverly. What you don't know about us is that we've been hilarious since birth. And so when we were children, we changed the words to Wreck-A-Man's Burger. And then we didn't think to change the rest of the was the same we thought that was good enough there's comfort in

that that's why the comfort zone so it'd be recommends berg it's just so bad it's so dumb and one time the reason i picked this for an embarrassing story do you remember why weird because weren't we like naked in the yard screaming well you were you you once ran outside on the front porch buck naked and mom was like come back in here and you screamed recommends burger the comfort zone i don't see the problem i don't see the problem i don't see where it's embarrassing i'll be honest we lived in a very very busy area, like a pretty populated area. We were not like in the suburbs. We were in the city of Cincinnati.

And so we definitely had, you had an audience. I did. Yeah. And so you did do that at one point. So I have a review of Wrecker and Berger, which I didn't, I'll be honest, I did not even fully understand what their company was. Furniture? I have no idea.

It's like appliances and stuff. So they sell like fridges and then you can have them hire an installation company. They have like two stars out of five. I have an embarrassing thing, though. I think sixth grade religion, one of my religion teachers, you never had her. I once asked her if she was one of the people on the Wrecker and Berger billboard. I thought that she was. She looked exactly like her. What?

I thought that she was one of them. She said no. Who was it? What? Who was it? No, who was your religion teacher? I have no idea. I don't remember her name.

You don't remember your religion teacher? No. Should I? Yeah, I think. You remember every single religion teacher you've ever had? I don't remember her name. You don't remember your religion teacher? No. Should I? Yeah, I think. You remember every single religion teacher you've ever had? I don't believe you. Starting with Miss Ucotter. Oh, yeah.

I forgot about her. It was not her. You didn't have her. She had, like, the same, like, very dark hair around her face. I don't know. That sounded so weird. I don't know. I'm trying. trying you asked her

if she was on the record for your billboard yeah she looked just like her i will say a couple of the reviews mentioned specifically the the mr wrecker and mr burger who are i guess like business partners obviously but they were like alan burger is a thief like they were specifically yelling i didn't know they had first names. I didn't either. It was a shock to me. So I'm going to read you a two-star review that I found in the not recommended section of Yelp about Wrecker and Burger. This is by Wilhelmina.

Wait, that's my religion teacher's name. That's what it was. Silly me. Miss Wilhelmina burger oh my god actually her name oh wait she's undercover as a religion teacher i like that she's undercover when she forgot to change her very specific bob that was around her head in black hair yep okay this is a two-star view. Very, very slow using the computer. Even slower when talking.

Bring your blanket. Total time to order a refrigerator online, a whopping 63 minutes. End of review. To bring a... What? I... Like, is Wilhelmina ordering the refrigerator online and it took her 63 minutes? This feels like a is your fridge running joke.

Somehow. But like to a point where the person doesn't get it on the other end and you just have to hang up. And I don't think the person telling the joke gets it either. Right. I think they're just trying to struggle through this she wrote a bunch of z's like she fell asleep um even slower when talking very slow using the computer ordering a refrigerator online took 63 minutes so i don't know if like she's just how is that their fault yeah it seems like she's just not great at the internet which is fine but

i feel like that's not their fault for once standing up for the records in the balance alan and chad what's alan and chad um okay my next one okay so here's what happened i went a little bit away from things that specifically have a story tied to you, but I found reviews related to you. Oh, that's fine. That counts.

So here's one. This is of a cap city comedy club in Austin, Texas. Oh, what's that? You've never heard of it. No. Have I been there?

Yeah. Oh, there's a one-star review. Oh Jesus. Don't worry. I would never do that to you. oh there's a one-star review oh jesus don't worry i would never do that to you okay like it is one star but don't i know what you're thinking it's not it's not bad okay do one star review next year in 300th episode you're gonna have to read a review about this very moment this very embarrassing moment for me here we go okay i went to cat city to see and that's why we Drink. Em and Christine are not the issue here. They were amazing, as I expected.

Our particular waiter was great. The issue was obviously management. The club was severely understaffed. They did last call about an hour before the set was over and stopped serving food at 9 for an 8 p.m. show. We weren't served until 8.30, and it's because we had to wave our poor waiter down. I'm disappointed because if we would have started ordering at 7.30 upon arrival, we would have gotten more food, and I simply wanted water. Honestly, the act was way superior to the venue,

and I was deeply embarrassed as an Austinite that this was their welcome. Jesus Christ. And then they have an edit and it says some dude reached out insulting me for this review possibly management seemed pretty hurt and offended and a review was it named was it zandy schieffer on reddit and he was like back off no no no he would never do that if you were saying kind words about me and for the record this place no longer is open wait are you serious you know that's why i felt more comfortable reading this yeah i appreciate that we went

there for a um for the austin city or not the it's like a comedy fest in austin oh okay and so we didn't even really know much about the venue because it was kind of all done through a comedy festival so it was like we were only there for one day and i remember very vividly there were we did we've done a lot of shows and i don't remember before you say anything yeah i googled them apparently that yelp says they're closed they still they might have it they might have moved to a different location or something so maybe this they still have stuff going on building is closed this venue well it was a cool venue but i remember it being kind of kind of uh frenetic because and frenzied because again it was a comedy festival i

think like they were not necessarily prepared for all the people it was really chaotic and then the one thing i very very vividly remember about Austin, which I genuinely don't remember a lot of, like they all kind of blur together. But Austin, I remember a couple, like four rows from the front, stood up and like probably a half hour in and like very dramatically left the venue. And they were an older couple. And then later we found out like they were selling tickets at like walk up. Oh, I thought it was dad. I thought dad. I'm just kidding.

Well, no, that was at the Houston show that dad left. Oh, no. Yeah. I remember then they were like, oh, well, it's a comedy festival. So some people just bought tickets to like all the events. Yeah. And very, very clearly did not want to be at the murder one. So anyway, I do remember that.

But whoever that is i hope you listen to beach she's sandy and i hope um i hope actually we're going back to austin a couple weeks hope you um i hope you see us again because maybe what venue question mark i don't think so what if you imagine can you freaking imagine i kind of hope so because then i feel no and and to to comfort anybody from austin i fucking loved the city we were only there for like one night but it was very cool state theater we're going to so you know if if or paramount theater it doesn't matter but uh you know come see us i would love to do a show i love austin i had never been but that was my only

24 hours i've ever spent in austin um i was there for south by southwest for like yeah you went to the cool few days and then uh saw a group love there and met them honestly cooler than anything i've ever done that was like a 24 hour trip i flew in yeah went to the show went to my motel dumped my stuff went to the show and then i remember in the cab i think was a cab i don't think it was an uber to the venue the guy was like like oh like going to the theater he's like what are you seeing i said group love and he's like is this some kind of orgy or something group love oh no good times good times all right so the next one i have alexander this is when i called mom and said

help me and of course immediately our stepfather Tim started to interject and he said I have a lot of things that are embarrassing about Alexander I'm trying to think what he would remember it wasn't even it wasn't necessarily embarrassing stuff it was mostly just memories of things we did me falling in that McDonald's parking lot on the ice honestly that's one of my favorite memories. That was a good one. But I should have thought of that, but I didn't. The one that we spent approximately 45 minutes trying to locate on Google Maps, and then

I finally found the exact location. This is a review of Waikiki's Jungle Fun Island Arcade. Oh my gosh. This is the arcade in Hawaii where you and I played Dance Dance Revolution pretty much every single night. And Tim described it as us scrounging around on the floor for tokens because

they would only give us like $5 each and then said like figure it out. We were those kids. We were like speaking of rat mouth, we were on the ground crawling around. I was sniffing i was i could tell i could tell the difference because they're they're those specific tokens is a different metal alloy than normal coins so i could sniff around for i'm gonna find them easier my

braces kind of reacted with like a zing when i found one of the specific tokens and so uh so then of course we began discussing our hawaii trip which i believe i was like 12 or 13 you were like 10 or 11 so it's not our fault we went to hawaii for the record no and we were brought there and the the prop well it is sort of our fault because apparently i'm not kidding i was in her mom went on like a rampage and then she came over today and continued the conversation and i was like i'd rather not discuss this in front of the man painting my wall right now he doesn't need to know this sordid past of mine um so apparently she could remember she was like

seven or eight months pregnant with francisca and she i guess was told by her doctor that she was not allowed to travel to europe and so to kind spite him, she figured out the number of miles from Cincinnati to Europe and then told us anywhere in this mile radius we could pick where to go. And so you and I and our little internet savvy tippy tappy fingers figured out Hawaii was within that range. But literally the farthest possible? But possibly an island island i mean really so we we told her we want to go to hawaii and so she and tim newly married like pregnant with

their first child together we were like we want to go to hawaii and so they took us to hawaii tim remembered the hotel we stayed at of course he does of course he does and then i found the arcade and i looked at a photo of it and went, that's it. Really? Yes. And I found photos and they still have a DDR machine because mom said, Tim, there's no way they still have that. It was like 20 years ago. That encouraged us to go home and buy it on PS2. And mom said, and then we bought it for you for Christmas. And it was like the best gift ever. And it really was. So I'm going to send you pictures. And it looks like it's in a mall, but it's not.

It's like kind of has just like an outdoor, like a kind of a roof overhang. This is what it looked like? Yeah. Well, here's the inside. Oh, my God. I don't remember this at all. Here's the inside. Is that why I got a picture of like the hawaiian governor yes okay god damn we

haven't gotten there yet okay because francisco walked in was like what is this about and i was like i'm pretty sure we saw her he really didn't get the memo that this was supposed to be a surprise oh my god this is wild i love my god the ddr machine yeah that's funny that's i i'm i'm pretty positive it's the exact same place because Tim even described like, oh, you walk out of the hotel, you turn left, you walk about nine minutes west, and then you find the arcade. You blindfold him, put him on a plane, drop him in Hawaii. Without him knowing where he is, drop him in that hotel and say, find the arcade, he'd

do it. He'd be like, absolutely. He would walk there and then he would find the right metal alloy on the ground exactly and give us a token we learned from the best he really did um and so anyway it's jungle fun arc island arcade um and by the way i will say like again about 45 minutes into this conversation their entire drive home from jungle gyms i was talking to them about this 45 minutes in mom said your sister-in-law must be so mortified about you and i went excuse me and then i remembered my sister-in-law the one that she's speaking of is hawaiian dara hawaiian and mom was like man she would be so mortified if she heard any of this and i was like

that's actually very true and like when when their wedding uh got postponed because of covid i was like this was my one chance to redeem myself with a visit to the beautiful state of hawaii but and dance dance revolution and i was gonna find that freaking arcade um but anyway there was there were a lot of things that happened that uh trip mom mom uh i wrote some quotes down she said you two were so embarrassing to be with and like for for renata to be saying that about somebody really stings that is pretty bad yeah that's a yeah it hurt it was a low blow and she meant every word and she said and then tim's like remember when we walked through that mall in our bathing suits and flip-flops and like no clothes on and then we

and then alexander found that oversized shark joey joey and mom had mom had to buy a separate a new suitcase because joey was so big so like she loved him yeah you loved him so much and you bought it like she had to buy a separate suitcase just to take him with her home. Oh, by the way, for anyone wondering, we spent every evening, like six evenings in a row at this arcade. And because we'd go every day, we'd either go do something like cultural or and then the day off we'd go to the beach. This was like, yes. And then every morning we went to the patisserie across the street. Yes. And ate a bunch of pastries.

And so every night we'd go to this arcade and mom also said and i remember thinking i hope they have a bar and then mom was like i was eight months pregnant and um it was the literal worst trip to be sober on and i was like i really regret that for you honestly um so here's a one-star review by ian small stop in the ala moana mall that has a variety of games that you think the kids should love but jungle fun has a dark secret what i know i think we whatever we said today we've probably revealed it i was gonna say it's probably us related to us scrounging around under the pinball machine like little mice. Despite the overly expensive tokens and games that are programmed with unfair algorithms,

if you do happen to hit a bonus or jackpot, they stop any additional jackpot tickets from being applied to your card. Okay, to be fair, we probably never hit a jackpot. No way. No, we went every night. You see, there is a very tiny sign, one inch by four inches, by the registers, not at each game, clearly for everyone to see, that states this unfair rule. After spending $50 and having my two boys win three jackpots, we were disappointed to find out that two 2,400 ticket jackpots didn't count because of the store's rule. We then went over to Lucky Strike at the other end of the mall

afterwards and brought this to their attention. They said this is completely unfair and against the gaming commission's policies. We will not be returning to Jungle Fun simply because my children stated they do not like the high prices, poor algorithms, poor ticket rewards, and prizes. It's amazing. Places like this will cheat children. End of review. Those kids are nerds? But I feel like this guy's just lying.

And it's two nerds. My kids don't like their algorithm. Come on. I'll be honest. I love their algorithm. I don't think I even knew what that word was when I was 12, but I fucking loved it. I mean, any arcade game, especially the ones where you can win prizes, they're all programmable for a reason. Yeah.

Like, what? Come on. That's like going to the casino and saying, oh, they took my money. It's rigged. Of course it is. That's the whole point. How would they be in business if it weren't rigged? Yeah.

The company also responded and said, like, you know, we're pretty standard with our policies. We're not trying to, like, cheat a bunch of children. So, anyway, that's that. We seem to not notice nor care. Yeah. No, I definitely didn't care about that. Plus, we played DDR and not well. Even if there were options to win, we would not have won.

We got approximately four tickets over like a week. Jackpots were nowhere to be had when we played that game. We were okay with that. Oh, God. Speaking of Hawaii, I have a review of El Capitan Theater in LA. Where you danced very appropriately uh hula at the lilo and stitch premiere where i fully respected hawaiian culture as a 10 year old or no no now i'm de-aging myself you're like going back you're like i was too i was too oh wait but that wasn't hawaii no it was not in Hawaii. Sorry. I'm getting them.

So it's okay. Yeah. No, no. That's not what I meant. So this was our trip. To LA. So that was what? The year before?

According to Lilo and Stitch premiere, which was in 2002. So I was. So yeah, it was a year before. Yeah. 11. Yeah. Because mom and Tim were just dating then. They didn't have the marriage that was our

last trip with our mom just the three of us yes and then the hawaii trip was the last trip before francisco came along yeah tim was on that one and then francisco don't get me started no so that's right so we went to la and there was a lilo and stitch premiere yeah in hollywood which didn't we just discuss Hollywood in the last episode? We did. We talked about the stars because of, you know, the shining star that is Katniss Everdeen. Katniss Everdeen. How am I blanking on her name? It's Lawrence.

Oh, Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer Lawrence. That's pretty bad. It could be worse, though, Christina. So you know how we were there for the Lilo Institute premiere? Mm-hmm. Well, here we go. And for people who missed that episode that we discussed this, essentially, they made a call out for people to come on stage to learn how to hula dance.

Yeah. And I got pulled on stage in my limited-to shorts and my flip-flops. two shorts uh and my flip flops and in hawaii also just fun fact for you i got one of those cringy hair hair tie braid things um and so of course mom sent me 85 photos last night and she's just kept repeating how embarrassing i was to be around um so anyway that that's what you should picture when yes Yes. During that occasion. Well, here's a one star review of a different experience. Okay. Super disappointed.

Went to see Frozen 2. Got the VIP package. And only received a plastic bucket of popcorn instead of a tin. That you're more likely to get at other theater. Came with a bottle soda. Really? Paid a lot more than the usually fee. To get not much. tin that you're more likely to get at other theater came with a bottle soda really paid a lot more than the usually fee to get not much should have just got the regular ticket i had to put a star to leave a review or i would have give it no stars and a review oh no so frozen

didn't have an interactive on stage volunteer you could have been a vip you could have gotten the vip package you know i'm at a different tub of i'm pretty disappointed mom didn't get us the lilo and stitch vip package me too and i feel like i really you know it's funny in that photo where i'm on stage you can see like such a variety of people up there like there's a grown man there's me there's like it was a weird event it was lots of fun it was fun like someone in a big stitch costume and a big lilo costume it was adorable it's very different when you go back very different 15 years when you're not a child and you're there to like make a living yeah exactly it's a very different vibe oh boy we did see some uh premieres though we saw uh the premiere of don't think twice oh yeah and we saw like which had the whole cast that was very

cool q a that was really cool yeah we saw we did some cool things there's some cool opportunities plenty of cool stuff uh no nothing quite like the lilo and stitt honestly nothing could ever live up to it it was sort like, that set the bar so high. What's better than getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite McMuffin? Getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite McMuffin for only $4 plus tax. For a limited time, only at McDonald's. Exclude Egg BLT McMuffin. At participating McDonald's in Canada, prices exclude delivery.

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a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney Plus, and Amazon Prime, all starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Kudo. Conditions apply. Okay, I genuinely, Oxenher, I think this is the first time I've ever said this on this show. I genuinely don't know if we can keep this one in this next one yeah

is it like too revealing or yeah maybe too personal about about me no about like our family members so oh this what's it of then i'll react this is a review of leuchten kaiser in i'll just painful no you can say that whatever you think i can say that yes okay well this is a review of leuchten kaiser in i'll just painful no you can say that whatever you think i can say that yes okay well this is a review of your former workplace yep uh where one in essen yes yeah you'll see it's oh dear god it's uh i live with my grandpa, our grandpa, for like six months. And I worked for him at his lamp store every day. And it was a cruel experience. It was... It's a school of hard knocks.

I needed plenty of therapy coming back, working for that man. You learned how to drive a stick shift on the highway. I did. He did just throw me in a van and said, drive. On the spot, yeah. And I did. It worked just throw me in a van and said, drive. On the spot. Yeah. And I did. It worked. Immersive experience. So he's given me some great things.

What a gift. That was a gift. I appreciate him in many ways. And in many ways, I regret ever living with him. But it was an experience. And I met some fun people living there and had some good time. You know, I haven't really asked you too many questions about that time and I know some of the main points, but I think one day when, if you ever feel really recuperated enough to discuss it. You read my screenplay I wrote about my short film that I wrote about my experiences there. I mean, it's very, not direct, but yeah.

But I someday made it. It was a very formative time of my life. Very formative. And I think you're going to absolutely either love or hate these reviews. OK, OK, I'm ready. I love that you're bringing this. OK, good. I appreciate I genuinely just hopped in to see what was going on and was shocked at what I found.

I will not be shocked if there if these are negative. I will not be shocked. If these are negative, I will not be shocked. Well, they are. And this is a one-star review. And by the way, they were in German, and I translated them as accurately as possible. Yeah, I'm sure you did a good job. So I'm just going to read these to you. One star by Tobias.

From afar, you could already see two gentlemen standing at the front door waiting, so you hardly dare go into the store at all. Since my girlfriend and I were looking for a lamp, we wanted to visit the store to look around. A salesman asked us what kind of lamp we wanted, whereupon my girlfriend said, a ceiling lamp. He suggested then that we should just go to Bauhaus. And so Bauhaus is just a reference it's it's like a hardware store type yeah it's like a warehouse chain like for yeah like a Lowe's or a Menards or something like yeah go why don't you go to Lowe's and this store is more of like a specialty lamps very expensive and also probably very overpriced. I don't actually know.

Like, I didn't learn anything really about lamps. I pretend I did. But yeah, there are some of those that he had. He had them for tens of thousands of euros. And guess what? They didn't sell because no one wanted to pay that because it's ridiculous. You might learn other reasons. He used to make his money by like outfitting full homes and like very like

wealthy people he'd go to their home and he would custom style their entire house um some castles he did in europe like royal families cool shit but um yeah no it's not it didn't in the modern age it's harder to run a business like that, I would say. Especially when you tell people to just get out and go to Lowe's, you know? Okay. He suggested then that we should just go to Bauhaus because he has been selling lamps in this store for 51 years, and we look like we wouldn't buy anything there. He also said pretty cheekily that we probably already have an idea of what lamp we want because we went on the internet and our opinion was already established. When my girlfriend then replied that she didn't want a

lamp from the hardware store and that she didn't find anything on the internet either, he said that lots of people from the Netherlands would be arriving soon and he therefore didn't have any more bathroom lamps to sell locally. Finally, he told us that we have no business in his store and should leave. My girlfriend and I have never been treated so rudely and kicked out of a shop. We really felt insulted and cannot recommend the shop at all. Please buy your lamps elsewhere. So hopefully the store will eventually go broke. P.S.

I wish I could give zero stars. End of review. Yeah. And kicked out like half the people that came in every day. That's wild to me. that's wild to me that's wild to me and and i will if he didn't get the right vibe and not not that they were doing anything wrong they would just walk in and he'd be like no they're not going to spend money he'd act like he's like yeah no they're not they're not worth my time and then he'd tell them to their

face that's the worst part they're not worth my time hey by the way i'm just gonna repeat what i said to so there was a a different user who reviewed and said wow that's so wild that situation that that other reviewer wrote about happened almost verbatim to me and then said but just so you know he's not a salesman he owns the company so uh just fun fact fun fact about us yeah but the other guy standing there is a salesman i assume i know who that is they also have kind of like sort of security at the front i think no no they just stand at the front they have a ding dong like a really obnoxious ding sound that happens so if i ever hear that sound a sound very triggering and i like make a if i flinch that's why i yeah anyway interesting yeah i was at one point pretty for like customer facing like he tried to keep me

down there and then realized well one first thing he said when he saw me when i got off the plane and met with him uh i hadn't seen him in years and he said first he said he thought i'd be taller and then the second thing he said like immediately after was he thought my german would be better and then he said we're only speaking english because your german isn't good enough when like the point of me going there was to try to learn german and be better at germany because i knew some but wasn't very good with it yet so then yeah so then instead he put me up in the uh on like the fourth floor where fourth and fifth floor i think were storage and he'd keep me up there and there was no heat so i would just have to bundle up for work and then go up there and i'd move lamps all day just on

different shelves dear lord anyway oh and i didn't have like a smartphone with like internet or anything so that sucks it's not like you could listen to. Yeah. And at his house before I came, he ripped out the internet because he didn't want me on the internet. So I had to go to McDonald's to work and then he called me like a fat American for going to McDonald's all the time. But no, it was the only place that was open 24 hours that had internet I could use so I could apply to colleges. Hugs and air. Anyway.

Don't you love that I brought this? This is when I legitimately thought maybe this is a bad idea. Like maybe I should. And now you're like, well, I'm really regretting it. No, I don't think it's bad. No, I don't want to put you in a bad headspace. Anyway. Don't worry.

My headspace is never good. We got stories for days. I've got a good one. This one's a positive for both of us, actually. Excellent. Which is kind of fun. This is a five-star review of The Walgreens in Saratoga Springs, Utah. The Walgreens?

We don't... You've never been there. Don't think too hard. And I'm going to use this person's name. So this is a five-star review by hayley here's what you do go to the mcdonald's next door first get yourself an oreo mcflurry or some fries and a coke then put on your favorite podcast i suggest beach too sandy water too wet and be prepared for a wait like a long wait the drive-through line moves slower than ketchup leaving the bottle

but remember be nice they are short-staffed burnt out and overworked kindness and patience goes a long way so take a break enjoy a snack and be glad your only job is to hang out in your car while these employees scramble to do their very best end of review i'm going to cry. This is the most poignantly perfect review. The fact that they mention our show and then say such kind things to try and really bolster the employees there. I mean, wow. Why don't more people put us in

their Yelp reviews? I know, right? I checked. Don't worry, I checked. I can't believe we're... Was this Yelp or Google? This was Yelp. I can't believe we're... Was this Yelp or Google? This was Yelp. I can't believe we're in any Yelp review. Shocked. I know.

I was shocked, too. I just checked on a whim. Sure enough. Just shocked. Just totally shocked. And also honored. Yes, very. Wow.

Wow. Well, it may please you to hear that I have a redemption of Lloyd and Geyser. This is a five-star review by Anna, but don't worry, you might still agree with her, even though it's a five-star. She put a title to her review, which doesn't happen often, and the title is From Unfriendly to Spooky. I don't know. The Alexander Schieffer story. I had both of those the whole time. It wasn't a range. It was just one on top of the other.

It's like ping-ponging back and forth. The front door made of thick glass is closed. Two men are standing behind it wearing dark jackets. Oh, the uniform. He called it the uniform. Oh, I'm so sorry and he had he brought me to the store to get my uniform did you wear it um no because i didn't like i didn't like it and i was like what the heck like i don't i didn't want to wear it and so that was also part

of the reason he put me upstairs a uniform and had me work in the in the storage it was like a suit jacket it was like this just a polyester like suit that like a full suit but like my god really like navy suit that was not not like good quality or anything it was just we've got it to match and yeah and it was i forget what the store was but it was like a a discount clothing store that we went to to get it and i just i don't think it like fit and like he gave up on me he gave up on me pretty quick basically let's leave it at that two men are standing behind it wearing dark jackets they look like security guards the big shop behind it looks rather gloomy i try to touch the door a small

gap is opened by an older man. The following dialogue takes place. Me, customer, 66 years old. Hello, is the shop open or closed? Man, screaming loudly, what do you want? Me, staying in the doorway, I need a lampshade for a table lamp. Man, loudly, then you must bring the lamp with you. Me, still in the doorway, pulling my broken glass lampshade out of my purse. I brought something to compare the size of the top opening.

Man. Picks it up and lets me come in one step. Then you have to buy it where you bought this one. Me. It was in Italy, at the antique market in Arezzo 39 years ago, but I thought you had those little glass shades. Older man looks at younger man. Both mumble something unintelligible. Then I am asked, without eye contact, to follow them.

This is spot on. Really? Like, her saying that, I was like, that hit him. Like, that, he's like he's like yeah like he has memories of going to Italy to buy lamps oh right yeah right exactly that that that sentence is what what that's like a secret passcode to let you in the door like what niche flea market did you buy this in in what country and what's funny is he'd never expect anyone to like have any understanding of lamps other than him so it's like young people

he has his whole like oh they just use the internet so he's like like fuck all the young people old people they don't have good taste or something he'd like come up with a reason to not like you have to be in a very niche you have to fit all the right boxes and this this this person is i gotta say they gave it a five star in a very technical sense. Yes, they are. They really, honestly, I wish they were his grandchild, because I feel like they would have pleased him much more than you and I did. Yeah, I never went to Italy to buy lamps. I'll be honest, we went to Italy. We certainly didn't buy the lamps.

We just bought a lot of gelato. Okay. Countless lamp glasses similar to the one i needed are exhibited immediately on the first shelf i was able to look around ask the price pick up one or two pieces and look at them the two stood to my right and left in a pincer position and observed my every movement only the old man answered my questions and harshly for 79 79 euro, price wasn't advertised, I was allowed to buy what I needed. I recommend visiting this store

even if you don't need a lamp. You can experience customer unfriendliness and subject your restraint as a customer to an endurance test. End of review. Yep. That's spot on. I love it.

I had to translate a word that wasn't available to be translated, which was like customer restraint because it was translated as like customer behavior. But I was like, that's not what they mean. Like they meant good translation. It was very, yeah, a very specific word that only in German would they be able to combine a bunch of letters and make up a word like that. But yeah, I thought that was a fun redemption that wasn't entirely redeeming.

That's perfect. That sums up my experience. It was like they had some redemption. You're like, I learned a thing or two. Yeah, there are some moments of redemption, but overall. Alrighty. Now I have a Yelp thread. It's fairly short.

Okay. But it's titled Funny Podcast That Reads Reviews. Stop it. So we... I can't believe you were brave. Honestly, I will say something. I know, I know, I know. I will say something, though.

A lot of people suggested finding reviews of our podcast. Yeah. And we were like, no, we don't like to read reviews of our podcast because they cut to the bone. But I feel like you're kind of feeling that you're checking that box, too. Exactly. That's what I was trying to do. I didn't want to seek out anything that could be negative just because especially my mental

state right now. I can't handle that. Certainly not. The negative ones hit so much harder than any positive ones. It's true. And I'm sure we have some wonderful reviews to go through but i'm not doing it right now maybe one day um one time someone we worked with which i'm not gonna name and they were they were really trying to be like supportive and positive but they even they were like what a fun idea why don't you read some negative reviews of your own show here are a few examples and they copy and pasted uh like three examples of negative of one-star

reviews of our show and we were like oh we really intentionally try to avoid these but thank you for sending them but my favorite that i'm so glad that i read was the one of the person that well there was that one who made up the whole story about me cheating on my wife but the one of the person that, well, there was that one who made up the whole story about me cheating on my wife, but the one where the person said that my voice, they looked me up on Instagram and I'm not as attractive as my voice. Oh, no, you didn't call me about that one. Gosh. Well, this is a thread and it was started by Amy who said, has anyone listened to the

podcast Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet? It's a brother and sister was started by amy who said has anyone listened to the podcast beach too sandy water too wet it's a brother and sister who read reviews dramatically it made me laugh out loud and i just thought that since we all do reviews here others may find it entertaining and this was in august of 2019 i am shizoked it's been up there for since 2019 and we never knew that this was there uh and then jenny says lmao that sounds super fun thanks for the rec how long until they read our yelp reviews dun dun dun amy responds saying jenny i hope they don't read my reviews they would probably make fun of them i want to go back and listen and see if they reference yelp more or google or other review platforms hmm

and then rochelle says lol i'll have to check it out that sounds pretty hilarious and then chrysanthemum says one of my favorite negative reviews because it rings so true is on tripadvisor for sonoma's el molino central there are so many review platforms now and that's the end of the thread i am dead okay the one that's like uh how long till they read ours and i'm like three years and two months isn't that funny i'm half months i was curious and i did open there i didn't i read through some of their reviews these people are like reviewers so they leave really long reviews really detailed about places they go. And it's very, I don't know, it's a service, basically. I was going to say, you might be surprised to hear this, folks.

But I find that to be the Lord's work. Because I genuinely do check reviews before I go anywhere just to find out the vibe, what people like or dislike about a place. like or dislike about a place and people who really like steadfastly review places they go to in a very not in a very like off-handed like this is my one review and i'm so mad but like people who genuinely take the time to like consistently tell other people about their experience i just really am thankful for that and what i always do when i am curious about someone's reviews uh i check their rating distribution because i want to make, I like, I don't know, if someone has their rating distribution and they have mostly one star, I'm like, I don't like that. All of them, mostly five stars.

Rochelle specifically has only given one one star out of 975 reviews. Rochelle. And then there's Jenny. I'm sorry, 975 reviews. Rochelle. And then there's Jenny who's only given 975 reviews? Yeah. Holy crap. Only one star. One one star nine two stars. I think I have more one stars than that. Isn't that wild? Yeah.

It just makes me very happy. And then yeah but Jenny too only 11 one star reviews out of 759. Jeez. And then Amy only has six out of 336. So, like, very impressive, all three of them. I wonder if they still, was it Amy who posted it? Amy posted it.

Amy, are you there? Yeah, Amy. Amy, are you there? It's me. God. That's not how that works. What an honor. Yeah, and I would make fun of their reviews if there

was anything to make fun of all three of them seem very honestly i would cut it out because i'm like you know what xandy yeah true we have three lists three potential listeners let's just pretend like they did nothing wrong and then chrysanthemum bringing up at the end bringing up that i think that would be interesting what What are Yelper's favorite reviews? Because you know they've seen their fair share. And they're like, they have a very, probably very, their opinions are very just thought out. And so they have an idea of what reviews they think are good. So, yeah, I would love to know because Chrysanthemum was like, oh, this one's my favorite.

But they didn't give us enough information for me to find it. But I would love to like. Did you try to look or no? I mean, it's just I found the business on TripAdvisor. But you didn't find. There are so many reviews. Oh, OK. I didn't know if it was like a famous one or something.

No, I didn't. I didn't see. What's that word? A rubric. I feel like they probably have a rubric of like these are this is what I comment on every review. And I bet when they see certain ones, it's like,'s like yeah wow you're you're way off the mark here and chrysanthemum has written 2109 reviews whoa only 18 one stars honestly beautiful that's impressive i gotta say um okay the next place i have is uh i have a review of liches which is

where i bought you your first shot yep fireball a fireball shot with your friend Ankit and we had a great evening what did we do go to the Bengals game I don't know I think so yeah yeah we must have because I don't remember how we got there or why but I'm assuming that's yes I saw my Bengals game I saw my high school bully there oh and she shoved me oh at the bar and I was very upset. But then we took shots of Fireball. So I have a review of Lachey's, RIP by the way. It did close down. But this is a review by Evie.

It's a one star. Can't talk about the food because it was so loud from the speakers that we couldn't have a conversation two feet away and they were blasting golf really needless to say we left after informing the staff about our feelings on the volume end of review it was loud when we were there how can you blast call don't think they were playing golf, but there were several people who said, like, this is not the vibe for Over the Rhine. Like, they were trying to do a very intense... Was that the banks?

A sport... Oh, it was the banks. It was like a sports bar. Yeah. But they were kind of... Yeah, I saw several people saying, like, oh, the golf game was on, and they played it on every TV. And I was like...

Weird. Wow, that's a lot. That's a lot. But it unfortunately did not get great reviews. So it has since closed. Rip. Rip. But we had a great time.

What replaced it? Anything? I mean, I assume something. Oh, I think that's where Condado Tacos is now. There's a Condado Taco. Is that a chain? Yes. I don't know. It's really good. One of our listenersado taco. Is that a chain? Yes. I don't know it.

It's really good. One of our listeners works at one. Wait, really? Yeah. Wow. How do you know that? Because I was approached. They were also at our live show.

Cincinnati? Cincinnati, I think. Oh, God. I feel terrible that I'm bringing all this up and I'm completely blanking. Can I tell you something? What? Which I texted you and I genuinely don't know if bringing all this up and I'm completely blanking. Can I tell you something? What? I texted you and I genuinely don't know if you saw it because I have not read our texts. And by that, I mean, I have not read your texts.

Oh, yes. Someone recognized you recently. Yeah. Yesterday, I was at my neighborhood grocery store and somebody came up and said, are you Christine? And I said, yes. And they said, I'm a big fan of Beach Dew Sandy. And I will say it was a very like

kind of formative moment because usually people say like I'm a fan of In The Toy Drink and Beach Dew Sandy you know people usually at least include the In The Toy Drink so for somebody to say oh I'm a fan of like Beach Dew Sandy it was a very special moment of wow so that was like a solo you know I love that I don't know it felt very exciting. And I said, maybe I'll... And then I immediately gave her my entire address. And then Blaze was like, what are you doing? I was like, I don't know. I don't know how to behave in front of people.

But Alyssa, thank you for saying hello. And sorry I made you talk to my baby. Anyway. What? Wait, wait, wait. I was like, this is my baby. I don't know. I don't know how to react to people in public, but we had a nice little chat.

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Did you ask about rhabelsis? Actually, I'm go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that's... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca.

Order up for Rebelsis. I have no idea what's next now. I don't either. We figured out our stories of being recognized. Do you want me? I will talk about a rabbit hole because that's pretty much all I have left. Oh, excellent. He's closing his laptop, which makes me nervous. Because it was not very fruitful.

That's the problem. But you might have a story or something for our listeners about this person in our life. Do tell. I wanted to find reviews of a certain piano teacher that we once had. Ellis Anderson? Yes. So what I knew was a name and piano, and that's it. Uh-huh.

And anything that mom told us about him. Did you type in bad coffee breath? No. Oh, okay. That might have helped. I didn't know about that. I don't remember that part. Oh, okay. I remember mom talking about him going through our mail.

Oh, well, that was my experience because he did read my postcards as I was using the bathroom. And I came out and he said, Sophie wrote you a postcard. And I said, excuse me. And he was reading our mail. And then also he came up recently in conversation with family and Tim was like, he brought up how every time he'd go, oh, it smells good. What are you cooking? And then would ask for a plate and would eat dinner with us like all the time. Yeah.

He was also in our super people home video. Yes. And I told him to say super people rule. And he kept saying your mom's cake rules. Yeah. And I kept saying, I don't want you to compliment my mother's cooking. I'd really prefer you compliment. Actually, I'd prefer you just read my script, which says super people rule.

And he really struggled with that. Yeah. So if you want me to write a review, I can also do that. I don't subject these people to your review of him. Okay. That's too far. That's fair. So I found him.

I know what he last did for work. He was a singer. And he's not on the roster that I could find anymore. He's on their website, but I didn't see him in any of the current pictures. So I'm not sure what's going on. Ellis. Yeah, he's a tenor. He's a singing singer. He really taught me a lot. And I'll be honest.'s going on. Ellis. Yeah, he's a tenor. He's a singing singer.

He really taught me a lot. And I'll be honest, I love the name Ellis, but I feel like, you know, Ellis has been such a prominent part of my life that I, you know, it's off of the baby name list because of that. But Ellis, you were a great teacher. And yeah, was working at at the like notre dame singing thing uh like sacred music the

singing thing department or something like that the singing thing sure sure uh i composed a couple pieces yeah he was very talented yeah very talented i listen i actually listened i mean it's not my normal it's like choral uh in another language. So I didn't really know what was going on, but I was impressed. I gotta say, if anyone knows Alice Anderson, tell him hi, because he really taught me a lot. And I do, this is, remember how I was going to apologize? He literally insulted his breath. Do you know what though, genuinely? What?

He would drink coffee before coming over and then we'd have obviously piano lessons right next to each other and as i got older and i started drinking coffee somebody once said like your breath smells really bad and i was like oh my god i'm getting the cycle here it's like it was your turn coffee and so that's me every day no truly and i think it was just one of those moments where i went oh okay i'm seeing where this came from um but no he was a great teacher i'm sorry i insulted his brother that was very rude that's like the first thing you said i'm sorry hey you could have said worse the first things about somebody genuinely isn't anything worse and i do apologize is the strongest scent

wait scent is the strongest sense tied to memory. Tied to memory. That's what an Axe commercial told us once. So I will say that we, you know how I apologized to those St. Ursula Villa students earlier? I also have a public apology to make to Ella Sanderson. We were menaces. We weren't. A menace. A menace. A pure menace. A menace. A pure menace. And I want to apologize for all of my behavior, but particularly for the time that I locked him in our elevator.

Yeah, that was pretty bad. And like when I say elevator, I'm not talking about like a MTV Crib situation. It was like a dying priest. An old Catholic bishop. Yeah, like a bishop lived in our house. Needed an elevator to get from the first floor to the second floor yeah and so in like 1968 they installed an elevator and it hadn't been you know checked until we moved in or or even when we moved in no ever since then and so it was like a very old rickety wooden elevator in our house and so i thought it would

be a hilarious, fun game if Ellis came over to our new house. And I said, Why don't you come in the elevator? And then I hit the emergency stop. And all I remember is him yelling, I'm claustrophobic. And that was one of those moments where I went, cool. So this is an adult in my home, and i'm really not making them feel okay or safe and so you're like what power i have what power and i i do you know it was funny for a minute and then it immediately was not funny and i do apologize that i i feel like i really put him in a bad spot so uh this is my i should have known this episode would just become like public apologies to various groups of people but i do apologize to ellis for that and then just wait for all the

tweets and emails saying you didn't apologize to blah blah blah oh the list goes on the list is endless never-ending list of apologies for you to give out okay wait sorry so you legitimately found him yep i found a recent picture and everything and it was definitely him like i saw him and i was serious i thought i would never recognize oh nope there he is no way yeah yeah that is so trippy it was weird i genuinely it was from like 2021 it wasn't it was i think was the last time that, or when he joined that, a certain choir or something. It's so funny because you've like, I feel like you just have these people that are so

temporarily in your life and then you. But you talk about them still. You think about them. And like, they might never think about you or talk about you. Is that just us? But like for us, he's such a big part of our life. Or is that like other people? Do other people do this?

I'm sure they do. It is that like other people? Do other people do this? I'm sure they do. It has to be, right? Yeah. Because I would be really, really upset if only our family like weirdly clung on to people. Obsessed over very specific people. And never stopped letting their like memory die. Yeah, genuinely.

And so, you know, we always remember Ellis and the beautiful lessons he taught us. So anyway, anyway okay let's move on this is a review of the trans catalina hiking trail on catalina island and this is a four-star review so alexander i think you might appreciate this because this is a redemption okay of the trail it was It was a beautiful place. Simon, Liz, and I had a great time. We saw... Was it just you three?

Yeah, we saw a bison. Wow. It was very fantastic. It was beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I saw wonderful things. And this is where you experienced heat exhaustion. Yeah. And how did you...

Like, I genuinely don't remember. I'm not just trying to make you retell the story but how did you end up at the hospital was it like you had to call somebody or you saw somebody story we had so it was our second day of hiking so we just camped overnight so we hiked camped and then we're gonna hike um camp and then hike and then be done so it's like we were we didn't do the full trail we were gonna do just three days worth of hiking the first day was like so many miles i don't know 15 miles something crazy very like hilly to up and down uh it was a lot uh and i was exhausted by the end um maybe it wasn't 50 i have no idea how long it was uh but by the end we we camped. We got to our campground. We were sunburned, miserable, but alive. We slept.

The next day felt great. I was ready to go. We were all ready to go. We felt really good. And then we're hiking, and Simon had not to throw him under the bus, but he had checked the weather ahead of time. The problem was, I think, that the weather report that he got wasn't specific to the area we were hiking on our second day, what they called like the bowl or something. And it was so hot, so exposed. There wasn't like any there was no shade.

And we were eating like I wasn't vegan. So we were eating like it's just like beef jerky, beef jerky, Oreos, peanut butter and tortillas. And that's it. And water. I had had a Gatorade the night before, and we had plenty of water. So I was drinking water constantly. But then I started getting really cold. Oh, no. And it was not cold out.

It was very hot. The sun was beating down. And I had the chills. And I thought, you know, something might be wrong. So I said something. And I said, y'all, I don't feel good. I feel very cold. I I thought, you know, something might be wrong. So I said something. And I said, y'all, I don't feel good. I feel very cold. Hey, are you guys freezing?

Why am I shivering right now? So they were both also not 100%. Like, it was really miserable out there. So we kept going until we found a service road. Because there was, like, some sort like waste plant or sewage thing. I don't know what it was or a water plant. And there was no one there, but there was a road to it. So we were like, oh, good.

Let's follow this. We followed it to a main road. And thankfully, we were able to wave someone down. And it was someone in like a like a work van or something. Yeah. And he let me sit in his car but he said he radioed down to his boss down like in town and the boss said no you can't bring him like bring them down like it's a uh like a liability liability issue so he like phoned the

sheriff sheriff phoned the fire department oh my god he brought an ambulance they brought a fire truck they brought everything up and i because i was i was not well he could tell i was not well so he was like let's be safe and let's sound the alarm uh they came they put an iv in uh i was in the back of the ambulance uh i have no idea where simon and liz were riding if they were in the fire truck in some random car i have no memory of any of that i was just there i don't think they were with me um but they kept stopping driving down and stopping to tell hikers to turn around because it was too hot because there had been a warning that day so they were like this is not safe for anybody they were like why were you out there and we were like what do you mean? Simon said it was fun. No, no, no. Simon says the bowl is healthy and safe for me.

No, it was like Simon is the very... He's a great planner. He's the expert at things. Yeah, he's not the person I would expect to fuck that up. It wasn't like a fuck up, really. No, no, no, no. We had terrible timing being in that bowl at that time with no shade during that specific part of the hike. It was just miserable.

And I will say probably anywhere, but especially in California, at least in my experience, certain areas, like the heat, like the weather changes dramatically. And we did not have service. So there was no like overnight or anything. Right. We couldn't just check the weather. Just check it, update it. Yeah. or anything right we couldn't just check just check it updated yeah and i feel like if you're like somewhere exposed if you're somewhere um in the desert versus like 10 miles west in tree shade

like it really really does change um so then we made it to the hospital i felt great i felt by the end i was doing better than simon and liz because i had an iv it was a little more expensive for me but um you got fluids and i remember fluids. It was a little more expensive for me. You got fluids. And I remember hearing, yeah, like, I'm in the hospital. Because I was like, how's the hike going? And you were like, well, we are in the hospital. But things are great. See you tomorrow.

And we ended up coming back to LA early because there was nothing else to do there. Everyone was partying down in the town. That's where all the youths go to party. And there were all these blow-up water things that they were jumping on. And I'm just limping my way to the ferry. But yeah, Simon and Liz managed to handle it very well. Simon carried all my stuff up the trail. And I was well taken care of so

i'm glad that they were there for me but yeah it was it was a story and i don't know i'd do things a little differently next time next time i don't think there will be a next time you would just bring plant-based jerky yes exactly that's the only difference. With plenty of Oreos. Well, I have a four-star review by Hugh of Trans Catalina Hiking Trail. The title is, A Very Challenging Hike. Catalina has very scenic vistas and very satisfactory campgrounds, but lack of shade and the vertical challenges makes this a challenge to even the most experienced hikers. The experience in totality was great, but make sure you are prepared for the sun and some serious elevation variations. The buffalo tacos at the Catalina Airport are great.

End of review. The airport was the best part. Wait, what? Really? It's called the airport in the sky. It was... From the what? It's called the airport in the sky. It was... From the what? It's called the airport in the sky. Oh.

Because it looks... The way the clouds... It's elevated, so with the clouds, it looks pretty... It's pretty... Cool. But we were there the night... On our first day of hiking, we stopped there, and that was our last stop before our campground. Okay.

And we go in, and we're miserable. We get our Gatorade. We get our water. We get whatever. At the airport? Because they have campground. Okay. And we go in and we're miserable. We get our Gatorade. We get our water. We get whatever. At the airport? Because they have a store. Yeah. They have a store in there.

It's like a really tiny airport. Probably like can only do one plane at a time. Oh, I see. It's pretty small. But they had a little like shop. And we go to buy aloe because we were burnt to hell. And a woman at the cash register said put that back um you can just go out back and their aloe plants just cut off some fresh aloe oh there

you go and it's the best feeling in the world cutting off those giant i love aloe plant just a full field of aloe and we just cut giant ones off and just spread it all over us straight from the leaf her supplier her manager is probably like why don't you sell any of this? Like people in this town, I know they get sunburned. She's like, I don't know. It's the weirdest thing. Nobody needs it. Well, I don't know if you had the buffalo tacos, but apparently they're great.

But yeah, I felt like this was a good redemption. Yes. You know, this person who clearly... Very validating. Yes. And I'll tell you what, Zandy. I had to pick out of probably 25 reviews on TripAdvisor, out of like 30, just about how tough the hike was. Yeah.

We weren't planning to do the full thing anyway. Yeah. Because a full thing takes probably at least five days or something. Yeah, it was really intense. So we did a specific three-day version of it that we tried got halfway through but yeah that was that was one of the hardest things i've ever done wow and like i couldn't imagine doing that right now which is why i'm kind of impressed that past me was able to no sure i hope i can improve my health enough where i can no genuinely because the people who posted like positive reviews were like i really struggled and i'm a seasoned hiker like people clearly do this um for the experience so yeah i i wanted that to be a redemption and not a quote embarrassing moment you know no shame no shame at all and this is my last one this is a review of jillions

which is more of a memory uh i was gonna say i bet we have embarrassing times i'm sure talk about rat scrounging for tokens absolutely jillions entertainment which was a sort of arcade uh dave and busters yeah yeah exactly but a standalone like a stand no actually it wasn't a chain it's a chain do they still exist so i'll get to it okay okay because well first of all maybe i'll bring this up first uh there as i was researching jillian's because we used to just beg our mom to take us to jillian's with uh our neighbors our friends um and as i was googling it uh a an old auction page came up for the historic jillian's site sign oh do you know where jillian's was yeah northern kentucky i had no idea i passed by the place all the time i'm so stupid this was like in covington it was five minutes from my

freaking house like when you're on the highway it's right there i had no idea and so a bunch of office buildings i'm so dumb so in 2011 they they sold the sign to the highest bidder. I mean, I'm talking like the sign that was 50 feet in the air. And it sold, do you want to guess how much the final bid was? $800? $365. That's it? That's it.

I would pay that for that. I don't quite know who bought it. I don't know what I'd do with it. I genuinely. I'd give it to you as a gift. So you'd have to find something to do with it. I'm not kidding it to you as a gift so you'd have to find something to do with it i'm not kidding you couldn't reject it because you'd be like yeah this is no i'm dead serious i was like if that were still for sale i'd probably buy it for alexander and say i know you don't even have an apartment right now but you need to put this in

mom's house and just just make her keep it because it's it's just such a memory it's insane um but yeah so we would just go every now and then, but it was so special because we just, again, we clearly had an issue where we just wanted to play like a skeeball all the time or whatever. This is actually, it's not quite a review so much as it is a post on a forum announcing Jillian's imminent closure. Oh, no. And Jillian's closed in 2006. Wow. Yeah. Before Blockbuster?

Yeah, like many years before. I know. It's a great point. I hadn't even put those together. But yes, well before blockbuster and uh somebody had posted in a forum saying you know this it's closing they just announced and apparently it was so sudden that employees found out through the news so no jobs were done so oh no and apparently lunch was like like they had set the tables for lunch. Apparently supplies were being delivered and at the door they were turned away because they were closing so abruptly.

Holy shit. Yeah. And so that was a very sudden move. And so this is a comment from an administrator on this forum named Mayday. on this forum named mayday july 27 2006 for future reference please be sure to indicate the location that your post refers to i just about threw up in my mouth a little bit because from the original title it looked like jillian's as a chain was history not just one location and dear god if they close the jillian's in youngstown ohio i will have nowhere to get great lakes brewing's christmas sale on tap during the holidays end of review that's so specific and then of course i immediately googled if it was open like a week later youngstown jillian's and i found a headline fortunately for this guy for mayday it

was in 2011 so it lasted five more years yeah five more years and the headline was jillian's in youngstown closes unexpectedly so very abrupt ending for them oh my gosh what is this business practice he had five more years of his but i will say as somebody who also appreciates the great lakes christmas ale you you can get it in a lot of places i assume so yeah so i'm hoping it was it was not the issue anymore that he couldn't access i would never think that jillian's is a kind of place that is the only place to get anything no no no no no it doesn't feel like a very original place maybe like a ladies night dirty shirley for 75 off because i i did see they had some great ladies night specials on cocktails so so maybe that is the only place for that but uh so unfortunately it is closed but apparently

they had a great saturday night ladies night uh good times and i will say Mayday also had 11,000 comments that's what happens when you're an admin on the forums yeah yeah yeah yeah so you know what I hope you had five years of bliss of all comments that Mayday expected

to get on a podcast one day I don't think the one about the Youngstown Chileans is the one i'm gonna throw up in my mouth oh god uh so that was my last one but i i do have a little bit of a list of things oh yeah please that i just was gonna bring up so some of the ones i looked for reviews of uh include the clifton Area Neighborhood School. And that is where your scooter hit a crack in the pavement and you flew headfirst into the wall. It's now the German school.

No. That's the same place. No, I think it's down the road. No, no. That's school at the top. I'm serious. I looked it up on Google Maps. As if you have the memory of this

no christina this traumatic event that i went through i it was not at the one at the top of the street you had a head injury oh it was not at the one no it wasn't that one is still standing you're telling me it was at fairview it was where fairview is now yes oh okay they had a big brick building and i smashed my fucking forehead right into it. It was the size and color of a plum. Then I maybe got to go look at reviews of that for next week. That's my mental health. I blame it all on that day.

Michael was like, you can go as fast as you can. You'll be fine. Shake it off. Shake it off. So the next place I looked up was kite theater why you have their reviews from that no and that was why i was so disappointed isn't that where you performed our town i i literally wrote sight of our many a plus performances i was a narrator for our town where I will say

people seem to get a kick. You were in the newspaper. I was in the newspaper. Thank you. And I will say many people seem to get a kick out of the story and I always say it in a way that's not supposed to be a fun anecdote. I say it in a way that's like this is part of my bad experience in life and people always

laugh. But my the director of the play who i don't think ever worked there again it was like a one-time thing i don't even remember her name but she brought in some clothes for me to wear and they like smelled funny and they were like these really frilly blouses it was just a very strange outfit she brought and i put it on and i was like it doesn't fit very well and i was like well where did you get these and she was like oh they're my mother's and I was like didn't you just say you went to her funeral

and she's like oh yeah she's dead but these are all her clothes and so I had to wear the director's mother's clothes and everybody else like the part that I wanted was the part that Caroline got in the play of like kissing my crush.

Thank you. Oh, I know. I see the picture of you staring them both down. Staring them down. In the newspaper. In a dead woman's clothes. Like the blouse I was wearing. I mean, it's lunacy.

Like the way that I look in that photo, it's absolute. Yeah. Was it part of the play when you said, if I died right now, I'm haunting the two of you forever? Is that part of the play when you said if i died right now i'm haunting the two of you forever is that part of the play or is that just you ad-libbing you know the fun part is that it was not that is fun and then i and then i made it part of the play and in future adaptations

they did amend the script you changed they said it's so powerful that our town, honestly, our town will never be the same. And I do feel like I made a difference in the world that day. You did. Yeah. And so I tried to find reviews of our town. No, I definitely didn't. I tried to find a review of Kite Theater, where we also saw many other people do weird things and show up because any sort of performance, you know, they put there any sort of speakers. Cultural events.

Cultural events that were quote unquote cultural. Just, you know, I tried and nothing I found really, really came up. I found really really came up so the next place I looked up was the mountain in Vale where you sprained your vertebrae oh yeah good times so a lot of my searches

were for places where you injured yourself makes sense yeah and you know I was talking to Blaze earlier and Leona is in I want to say it's a phase but I think it's just her personality where she is so chaotic she climbs on everything she's constantly bonking her head on things like she's she's got a big head she's got a big old head like you do yeah and she climbed like she will see an elevated surface and be like i will not rest until i get my body up there. No matter how high, no matter how dangerous.

And I just, I do worry that she's going. I told Blaze, I was like, he even said, like, we're going to need a punch card for the ER. Like, we're going to go so often, I feel like, when she's on the jungle gym and, like, flipping off and dropping and, I don't know, hitting her head. I bet mom said that about me. And look at me now, rolling out of bed at 3 p.m., barely moving. Like, hey, it works out. Maybe she'll be very mentally ill like we are. So that'll be great for her.

It'll be okay. Yeah, it's all good. But so that was the one place I looked up. The Mountain Invale where you sprained your vertebrae. That's good. And then Tim decided to get really involved and say, well, I don't necessarily have places you can look up, but I have a memory, which is the time we got a Christmas tree. And we had, you mentioned it earlier, actually, Mom's Volkswagen Cabrio. Cabrio.

Yeah, the convertible. and to put the Christmas tree in this tiny car. We had to put the roof down and strap the tree into this tiny convertible in the middle of winter. And then on the way home, we were so probably slap happy with like frostbite that we put on Tiesto. Of course. And played Tiesto and brought the tree home. So that's one of the memories. Now, this is why you received a text of the governor's mansion in Hawaii.

Okay. Do you remember this? That we met the, yes. Oh my God. Okay. So the way that- Because Tim's always talking to strangers. Talking to strangers. So apparently we were looking everywhere.

We were trying to find Hawaii's Capitol building. And we were sitting, I literally wrote this down as mom was, mom and Tim were explaining this to me on the phone. And we were sitting on the steps of this building and we were like, damn, we don't know how to find the Capitol building. And this woman was walking out and said, hey, can I help you guys?

And we said, oh, we're looking for the Capitol building. And I'd like to remind you that this was the same trip where we spent every evening at the arcade, the jungle fun, whatever. I was like, Oh,

we went, we went to Pearl Harbor. Let's go to the arcade. Every night. Fill up on pastries. Go to the USS Alabama or whatever. And honestly, Alexander's toenail was probably still missing and we were probably still wearing flip flops.

And we were on these steps and so I was like, can I help you? And they said, we're looking for the Capitol building. And she was like, you're sitting on the steps of the Capitol building. You're literally in front of the front door. And we were like, oh, thank you so much. Anyway, turns out that woman who tried to direct us was the literal front of the front door and we were like oh thank you so much anyway turns out that woman who tried to direct us was the literal governor of the entire state yeah or she was later or something it was something like she was a politician that maybe she was governor

at the time she was governor because i looked her up that's pretty cool linda lingle 2004 the governor of hawaii and she was like can i help you and we were like we're lost uh we're trying to find the arcade and she was like oh dear uh this is what our country has come to anyway and so that was one of our fun little memories um then Tim brought up ice fishing yes good times he went to Minnesota uh and then mom said what was that thing um where you slept in cardboard boxes for the night? God, that was terrible. I didn't do that one.

You didn't even do that one. That was all me. That's terrible. And I was wondering if you'd bring this up. I don't know what you would have found reviews of, but this was really just them bringing up all of the things I regret about my life. But apparently, okay, it was at our high school. It was called Shantytown folks i'm just gonna tell you right now and like in some cases i know people would probably hide this information

but i feel like yeah let's let's talk about it because it was an event called shantytown and essentially the idea was that you would sleep in a cardboard box outside of our school for the night to experience what it was like to be unhoused, essentially. Like that was the idea. And mom was explaining it to me the way that she had seen it. And she was like, yeah, you told me you had to sleep outside in a box. But you didn't want to be cold or uncomfortable. So we took the box from our new refrigerator. We strapped it to the back of our SUV on the trailer and brought it to your private Catholic school and then set it up outside. And you and your friends ordered pizza that night and, you know, found an extension cord and plugged in a boom box and had a great time.

And basically like partied on a box outside. And the idea was to learn about what it was like to be houseless. And the thought of it really does turn my stomach genuinely no it's and i really hope they don't do that anymore i don't think they do oh well maybe they do i just think they did when i was a senior so i like to think that in 20 years when i tell my daughter she'll be shocked because it really is like a wild concept do you know one of the wildest parts is we had to go stand outside the Reds stadium and panhandle. Alexander and I, we kept the money. Alexander, we were.

What? We kept the money and we bought pizza with it. Like what the fuck kind of program is this? We kept the money and the idea was learn how hard it is to pan handle so fuck and i'm like we were a bunch of white kids in uniform school uniforms this is thankfully not a skeleton that's in my closet i'm glad it's only yours it's 80 skeletons in my closet this one was a choice like you had to sign up for this it genuinely was and i thought oh what a cool concept and then i went and up for this. It genuinely was. And I thought, oh, what a cool concept.

And then I went and went and went. This is way more fun than I thought. You know? This isn't so bad. No, yeah. And I'm not saying, wow, I went to it and thought, this is so upsetting. Like genuinely, it took me several years to go, uh-oh, that wasn't good. But mom was like, yeah, we took this massive refrigerator box.

We cut windows into it it was like basically like a fun crafting project like a fun craft and so that was one of the things that they of course immediately brought up and i remember going that was not alexander that was me and they were like we know but we just wanted to call you out to remind you. And then mom said another one was moving to Ludlow and doing homework at the windows, stealing our neighbor's Wi-Fi. And then she said, but they later broke into our house. So they got back at us. So that's a fun hashtag embarrassing memory.

And then, you know, I asked Blaze, like like what are any embarrassing things you can think of of xander and he said what about the cincinnati art museum at his failed date oh dear god i went that's your only suggestion i mean so i did not end up looking up reviews of that but um i wanted to tell you what blaze thought of immediately when i embarrassing things. Have I told that story recently or something? You told us. Yeah. I think you told on the podcast. Oh, yeah.

I thought so, too. And then, of course, I wrote Nancy France, which both of us have terrible experiences with. And then mom texted me well after our conversation and just wrote summit country day which was our school our entire school for 15 years i couldn't bring myself to read reviews no absolutely not i did look up oak hills high school though you did i didn't find anything good my prom night yeah uh and then i wrote vegas trip great american insurance those were the last two on my list where you interned um and then I wrote one to embarrass myself, which I didn't even look for a review. But I wrote CVG value park.

Do you remember why? Wait, wait, wait. You're so glad they're advertising? I didn't think you'd remember. I make fun of her so much. I genuinely didn't think you'd remember. She freaking one day, we're just watching this commercial for CVG Value Park, and she's quiet and just goes, I'm so glad they're advertising.

In full sincerity. I still don't understand why. I guess we used it with our dad or something. Like, he would park there when we travel. But it was just an airport parking lot, and she was so glad that they're advertising. So then I would say that all the time, no matter what ad was going. I'd be like, oh, I'm so glad they're advertising. It's so stupid.

I don't get it. Why did I say that? I'm glad neither of us will ever forget. Why did I say that? I think I was genuinely touched. I mean, I know. Yeah, you were being totally sincere. I was genuinely touched. I mean, I know. You were being totally sincere. I was genuinely touched.

That's why I made so much fun of you. Genuinely touched by the advertisement of CBG Valley Park. I was so touched. And it was just a generic local ad. It wasn't even anything special. It wasn't even the Kroger one with the girl in the football helmet. It makes me cry every time. It was just genuinely a CBG value park ad.

They were like, come pay 10 bucks. You can park and take a shuttle. And I felt so touched by that. So touched. Anyway, so that's all I've got. I know this was a relatively long episode. Well, you know when people say that you do fan service? This is like host service. This was say that you do like fan service this

is like host service this is where this was about us what's fan service oh that's kind of like a general thing of like doing what the fans want kind of thing oh this is absolutely this is host service absolutely you hated this that's okay it wasn't for you it was for us honestly if you hated this why are you still here because we're an hour and 48 minutes in. We haven't read a review in hours. No. We're self-aware. You don't have to tell us if you hated it. You don't have to tell us. Just move on to the next one.

It should be good. I'm legitimately bringing this laptop on these tour dates that I leave on tomorrow because I have to edit. So trust me, I'll be entrenched in this for the next few hours. Godspeed. Oh, Lord. Anyway, thank you for listening to our 200th episode. Thank you for 200 episodes, y'all. This has been wonderful.

And thank you to Kara for suggesting this theme. It was so random and fun. And also, going to be very quick. I should have done this at the beginning. We have merch that we haven't even talked about. Our dad hats are available. Oh, our dad hats. How have we not talked about that?

Dee was like, have you mentioned the dad hats? And I was like, shit, those are up. Shit, why don't we put a promo in the front of the episode? Oh, yeah, maybe. Okay, let's do it right now. And we'll put it at the end, too. Okay. We'll bookend it.

Hi. Do you like hats? Hey, yes. Are you a dad no do you like the hats that dads wear i do good you can stay and listen to this announcement that you have that i have yeah you give it dad hats are available go to bit.ly slash beach to sandy merch and you can buy a dad hat and we also have um porch pegging pins yeah all sorts of fun stuff go check it out and you'll also hear this at the end of the episode because we are bookending it uh yeah okay end of end of promo um also vague this doesn't go in the

beginning but a vague statement of exciting things are coming y'all we're making some changes they are oh we are did maggie call you yes oh i'm so excited so we've got exciting stuff coming uh just gonna be vague about it for now but it's called a horizon and guess what the news is on it whoa you just blew my mind okay let that let that sink in, y'all. And we'll talk to you next week. All right, mahalo. Bye.